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My OCD accuses me of things that I did not do. Like, one intrusive thought I had recently had me stating that I was a child molester who molested my 6 years younger sister, and was a pedophile in the making.
I've never touched my sister or had sexual thoughts about her, but it's like my OCD is nonsensical and immune to logic.
**How do you KNOW for SURE you never groped her? Is that the reason she always wears pants? You were a kid, maybe you just forgot touching her? Is that the reason she doesn't speak to you anymore? (It was because I was doing drugs, not that I ever molested her.)**
And then I'll have sort of a back and forth conversation with myself, one side saying: **You're not attracted to her or any other child. Your parents would have found out.**
Then the next thought will be: **You liked telling her stories in the dark while tucking her into bed. Are you SURE your motives were pure? It's so convenient for you not to remember!**
I feel insane, like actually insane. I'm talking to myself sobbing over something I never did, but it's like my OCD is gaslighting me!
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OCD
|
I have what from the outside seems like a blessed, apparently-NT life. Married, dog, job with a great company who values me and where I've worked and progressed for nearly 10 years, above-average salary. I am very detail-orientated, which I am valued for, but the culture is always having a lot on our plates, different projects going on at the same time and at different stages, and needing broad knowledge across different subject areas to do the job well. I work best when I am focussed 100% on something, as I'm sure many of us are, so this is something I struggle with.
Occasionally, I make mistakes. We all do. But it freaks me out completely that sometimes these mistakes are very costly, and I feel powerless to prevent them from happening. I know people say "check your work" but I can't possibly check everything - the volume of work that I do, I'd never do anything else and it would never stop - so I try to take a sensible approach to making sure boxes are ticked. But very occasionally I don't catch them all. I lie awake at night worrying about what will happen when this happens, because very occasionally it does.
I'm very black-and-white. To me, my intrinsic value is in getting stuff right. Being right. Getting the answer right. Ticking all the boxes. My therapist has tried to get me out of that cycle of thinking because it's impossible to be right all the time, but that's at complete odds with the reality that sometimes these mistakes are quite costly, and we are held accountable and sometimes punished for them, so really it'd be better if we didn't make mistakes at all.
Don't get me wrong, these mistakes won't cost lives. I know I could never work in an industry like that! But the impact can be financial, or mean others have to do more work to repair it, and this is a constant anxiety for me. I can either be perfect, or I will f\*\*k up occasionally. There is no in between.
I am having a meltdown today because I've messed something up that wasn't really my job to get right, but if I'd double-checked (and I really should have double-checked), I would have caught early enough to do something about it. Now it's too late.
How do you come to terms with that reality? The duality of going easy on yourself, just do your best, but also anything else than perfect is just not acceptable.
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aspergers
|
I am on pretty steady medication at the moment and while anxiousness no longer feels like a constant vibration throughout my whole body, I still have the same trouble I have always had sitting down and doing things with any regularity, despite being fond of art, music and all things like that I seem to either never clear the first threshold, or I suddenly start doubting myself to such an extent that picking something up again feels daunting for months, so I never get anything done.
Is there any good way to get past this? I have had these issues both with and without my medication, and I'd think they have to do with my depression but I don't feel particularly depressed compared to what I used to, any ideas would be welcome.
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depression
|
So. I'm cooking dinner. I have things in the oven and on the stove. I'm also running the air fryer for french fries. I'm done with a dish. I go to wash it really fast. After washing, I dry my hands and go to throw out the cloth and now I need to quickly take the trash out because it's getting full. But before that I notice our dogs are out of water. Good time to fill it up when I'm near the sink. I go to pick up the bowl, turn around and..... many cabinets open. Fridge open. Water running. Microwave beeping. Trash can is out and tied off. Water boiling. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Adhd.
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ADHD
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I'm not really depressed like I was, but I still feel annoyed, because Asperger's has felt like nothing but a disadvantage to me in my life. I honestly envy the people with it that have some sort of immense talent in some section or another, because I honestly feel like I don't have anything worth to show. I can remember a lot about the things I like, but... so what? Knowing things about music and movies isn't exactly a gateway to success. I really wish I had the focus and the ability to be a true genius at something worthwhile, but so far in life that has proved incredibly difficult.
Anyway, rant over. It would be interesting to see if any of you feel this way, so feel free to share anything in the comments.
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aspergers
|
Ok so I have sensory issues. One problem that I’ve come across is gloves are just so uncomfortable, but I’ve only tried regular inexpensive ones. I’m on a tight budget and don’t want to buy some I might not use. I’d like some I can use day-to-day as I have poor blood circulation in my hands and they get cold very easily. Soft textures and lightweight material would be preferred, I think. Any recommendations?
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ADHD
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The above ^
Has anyone ever been able to revisit memories and been like “wow I was so stupid to even panic over it” or “yeah that was a shitty thing I did, but it was long ago and I’ve come to terms with it” and then peacefully moved onto thinking about something else?
OR has anyone ever come to the realisation that their false memory is indeed false and how did they eventually come to terms with it? Or does this shit just mess with your brain and it will be hard to differentiate forever?
I am battling day to day but struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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OCD
|
so for the very first time, after 7 yesrs of it happening, i admitted to being sexually abused last march. i honestly didn't know what i was expecting to happen, but i was scared
my boyfriend (we weren't together at the time) reacted differently, in a way I didn't expect.
he thought i was lying, that you can't trust people despite us being close friends at the time. this destroyed me. i told him how much it upset me and I thought he trusted me. this resulted to him disappearing for a day, which made me feel worse
i know how it sounds, he's probably horrible right? well, actually no. he's the sweetest and i love him to bits. he started believing me. he supports me, helps me get over the trauma, makes sure i'm safe. he's amazing for that.
but here's the thing, all the things he said in march stuck with me, i still cry about it, i still bring it up. i call him an asshole, a piece of shit, say that i hate him when i get reminded of it. what am i doing? it happened 7 months ago. i should be over it by now, but i'm not. whenever i realize what i've done to him, i feel horrible. he's helped me out so much but i still go insane after what hebsaid for the first time.
am i okay? what do i do to fix this? it's obviously not relevant anymore but i still bring it up
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ptsd
|
When alone, I very often have an urge, or a comfort state of just saying stuff out loud. Like when I'm thinking or just when I'm alone and nobody will hear I will say stuff like one-liners from Dota, or things from tv shows, just because I want to. Like I can just sit and scroll internet and at the same time I just say stuff out loud, for example today I was just really keen on repeating phrase "Phantom Lancer" in character's accent, just repeating until it's similiar enough, not in a obsessive manner people often describe OCD, but just for... enjoyment or something. And as a kid I just used to imitate Pokemon' phrases, like "Wobbuffett" or "Pikachu", just repeating and repeating for the sake of it.
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aspergers
|
Like, I am someone who likes to know I am doing well and be told i’m loved and appreciated and I think thats healthy and normal. I just don’t know with my OCD compulsions of confessing and reassurance seeking where that line gets blurry. My ocd is so sinister that if i seek approval or question anything to others its like reverse uno that tells me thats just my OCD even if its just like a normal situation of asking if i’m doing well at my job. I can tell with more intense OCD situations but sometimes I question my own reality and if i’m asking for reassurance as a person who wants to be recognized or as a compulsion feeding into my disorder
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OCD
|
Ok so a little background, I was in the army for 10 1/2 got out in 2016 and went to therapy for about a year and gave up because it was painful. My girl at the time left shortly there after. Fast forward to 2019 and I started seeing someone. About a year ago people started telling me I need to go back, I'm not myself and becoming miserable to be around. Two days ago my girl said she needed a month to take a break and I need to reflect on myself and the relationship. That was the moment my world collapsed. I've set up appointments with the VA and am willing to start listening and working on myself. I can't afford to lose this woman. I've been a toxic boyfriend for about the last 6 months,. I'm scared and worried that I won't start therapy in time to at least start making some progress on myself. I know it takes more than a month, it takes a lifetime to learn how to confront and cope with the problems. The thing is, she has never given any guys a break during a relationship so I am the first. So I am asking for two things.
1- are there any free resources/therapists I can at least talk to in the mean time while waiting for my appointments?
2- I know you don't know this girl, but I am curious as to what your thoughts are on why I'm being given a break and she isn't walking away.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been struggling with starting tasks at work lately, particularly if the content or form of the necessary output is ambiguous, effort-intensive, or important.
I would assume that successfully completing one of these tasks would produce some dopamine and serotonin, making a positive cascade of completing tasks, but I find the opposite is true.
After completing a task, I feel *more* anxious and have more trouble starting the next task.
Why does this happen?
Any suggestions on how to overcome or mitigate this?
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OCD
|
Last year I was at a trip with my father and I left my cats at home, my mom was taking care of them. I remember before going on this trip that I saw one of my cats with a black spot on its nose. I got worried but carried on with my trip.
While there, I couldn’t get any rest, so I looked up dark spots on cats and came across skin cancer. I had a full on panic attack and begged my father to take me back home and take my cat to the vet otherwise she would die. He thought I was being dramatic and ruining the trip and even started yelling at me.
The next few days I couldn’t sleep well and would call my mom every time to check on my cat because she refused to take her to the vet for me. When I got home I finally managed to talk to the vet and it turned out that the black spot was dirt. At the time I wasn’t officially diagnosed with OCD yet so my dad told me that I ruined the trip over nothing, even though it felt very real to me.
But even now after the diagnosis my family still thinks that I’m being “dramatic” when I can’t sleep sometimes because I think one of my cats will die while I’m sleeping, or when I go out and ask my dad to check if I left my hair dryer unplugged even though I had already checked after leaving.
It’s something so meaningless to them but it’s so serious to me.
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OCD
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So I'm freaking out a little bit right now because I have moral OCD and my nice bf has shared with me a lot of class material that I might see next semester in university. So far just PowerPoints, practice problems and test reviews with no answers but he might share some of the work he's done and notes.
Obviously this gives me an unfair advantage, although it might all be different for me because I'm getting different professors, but still I only planned on using it to study ahead and get familiar considering my recently diagnosed ocd, depression , ptsd and gad might greatly affect my studies so I need all the help I can get. I don't even want to cheat on any test because of ocd so at least I need to study hard.
Of course I don't wanna use mental illness as an excuse but I'm struggling and won't be able to see a psychiatrist til the end of January so very worried about how I'm gonna pass and now I'm feeling awful and am considering not using any of it but I know I really am gonna need to study with this if I want to pass somehow because it is accounting and first class is a weed out class.
Please help idk what I should do any advice is appreciated, I don't wanna be a bad person first idk if it's even legal to share powerpoints and class material and if it could have repercussions in the future for either of us ):
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OCD
|
My doctor and I are thinking about putting me on Straterra. Most of the experiences I've read about it have either been totally negative, or neutral. Can anyone tell me about the actual benefits they've gained from this med?
I've been unmedicated basically since childhood but recently I've been thinking about trying some medications. But due to a lengthy history of drug addiction, I don't trust myself to take a stimulant and prescribed. I'm pretty fearful to take anything though, because in the past few years, my depression, amxiety and suicidal ideations have finally gone away and I worry that by trying to mess with my brain chemistry some more, they'll come back.
So, does anyone have anything good to say about this med? I see it takes weeks or more to feel the benefit, but not much about what the benefits actually are.
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ADHD
|
Hi there,
I’m newly diagnosed (just this week) and have not started medication or treatment yet. I’ve noticed that one of my symptoms is that I get VERY INTO an exercise plan (either my own or a prescribed, like… random Peloton classes versus a Peloton program of classes) and fall off the wagon quite quickly, beat myself up about it, and then try it again. Do you do this, too? And do you find it better to have a prescribed plan (e.g. an app that tracks a 4x a week goal) or just do it nearly every day, picking what you do based on your mood? I’ve heard that exercise is wonderful for ADHD, so I’m trying to be more consistent to help manage my symptoms. Thanks for any advice!
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ADHD
|
I’m usually a fairly social person but haven’t had contact with friends in over a year for obvious reasons.
However one of my friends is having birthday drinks tonight and I was like ‘awesome an opportunity to go see friends again’ but when she messaged me saying her table at the pub was quite full but there’s likely be people I knew dotted around I immediately started trying to talk myself out of going.
Does anyone else do stuff like this?
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aspergers
|
***Reposting because my post was understandably removed when I added direct references to herbs/foods/supplements that have caused me problems with my meds. With this post, I’m not seeking to spread any alt. info but rather to help educate so that more people may be aware of substances which can negatively impact their meds. None of this is alt./homeopathic but all sourced from current legitimate scientific awareness (i.e. most of what I’ve learned has been from PubMed sources).
tl;dr (of the post itself): I’ve had lots of experiences of benign-seeming foods/spices/teas/herbal supplements causing problems with my stimulant medications’ functioning, and I wish I hadn’t had to figure all that out myself. I would like to air this frustration, hope it may help others, and hope to hear from others too.
I’m (25F) writing this after about 3 months of ADHD treatment, during which I’ve had some significant ups and downs as the result of my stimulant medication often not working (for anywhere from 2-6 days at a time). I’ll explain why.
I had always carefully used a variety of herbal supplements/teas/adaptogens, etc., for day-to-day wellness (not for ADHD cause I didn’t know I even had it till 3 months ago), and I didn’t realize any of those things would give me any trouble with stimulant medication use — until I experienced every med I tried (3 different kinds) at times getting deactivated after kicking in/sometimes just never kicking in. they would always bounce back, but only after a few days.
I learned about these things through my own research as I was desperately (and with my ADHD-typical hyperfocus) combing the internet trying to learn about what was happening. in doing so, I learned about the CYP450 hepatic enzyme system and the important enzyme pathways for the different stimulants.
I made myself a personal blacklist of substances which inhibit key enzymes to differing degrees — one by one, as I experienced each screwing me over, I would research it using studies/scholarly sources/layperson forum discussions (for confirmation of similar experiences), and I would confirm each culprit.
this has all been so frustratingly “learn as you go”, and the med difficulties in and of themselves are majorly distracting/distressing from my work/personal life priorities.
now, I’m aware that all this is why medical wisdom tells us to share everything we take with our doctors… well, I just didn’t think to include infrequent herbal tea-drinking (and such), but I’m here to say that with the knowledge you now have from this post, please do so. and if you’re having trouble with your medicine, dig deeper and ask all the questions.
so……
I’m hoping for responses letting me know things like: if anyone can relate to this struggle, if you too became aware of any such metabolic issues, if you successfully cope, and if there are any consequences to all this that I may not have clarity on. I’m open to DMs about this if you’ve figured out any particular substances that cause problems for you (so I can be wary).
let me know guys and thanks 💓
(disclaimer: I do hope it’s already obvious I’m not seeking to discuss homeopathic remedies FOR the treatment of ADHD, per community rules.)
***because my post was removed when I added my list of herbs/foods/supplements I will not take due to conflict with my meds, I won’t share my list here anymore, but I encourage all to research this further!
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ADHD
|
I don't even know how to start. First I'm not a native speaker and I just write down what comes to my mind. So it might be hard to understand and it may contain a lot of grammar mistakes. I'm a 16 year old boy with ADHD, and I'm here for support.(I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty shure I have ADHD)
When I got into high school I felt alone in a new place. I lost connection with my friends from elementary school and the whole thing was uncomfortable. I tought I'll be over it, but things only got worse. I got more schoolwork and I got overwhelmed by it. I failed to make new friends, (I have a few classmates that I know from elementary school and one of them is my teammate too and he is my best friend rn) but I don't have a deep relationship with nobody so I can't talk about this. My parents know about my ADHD and we will get a diagnosis but I don't talk about my problems with them. Everyone made friends and they do a lot of things together and I didn't. My friend tried to invite me to drink with his friends but I'm too anxious to go out with people and I especially don't want to drink
with them. I also have moodswings. Sometimes I feel really bad, sometimes I feel kinda alright. I can't focus on nothing because I just end up daydreaming no matter what I try to do against it. And if I plan to do homework or anything my day goes away with doing everything else but not the thing I wanted to do. Since I started high-school I'm depressed, isolated and I also have social anxiety. I often get into embarassing situations because I missed a necessary information. Maybe that's the reason I have social anxiety. And everything becomes less fun over time, and positive feelings get less intense then they were before. I don't even know when was I actually really happy. And I hate think about my future. I have no idea how will I be able to work or even find a job, and deal with other responsibilities.
I would like to know how can I overcome this situation, and some tips to weaken the symptoms.
Thanks in advance!
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ADHD
|
auuugh. i was trying to read earlier bc i wanted to finish this book that i got a while back but my brain decided it would be a good idea to give me incredibly annoying and bad intrusive thoughts. i put the book down to do other stuff, but i realized that i stopped reading books bc i would get intrusive thoughts when i read them. i really wanna read but the thoughts are so annoying.
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OCD
|
Hello everyone :) I have been struggling with severe hand washing urges for a long time until 6 months ago. For a few months now, I have been washing my hands 10-12 times a day which is a lot less than before. My mother still is very angry at me for this amount of washing and the fact that my hands are still pretty dry. Unfortunately I am unable to reduce the amount of hand washing so far because I have completely lost my sense of judging when hand washing is really necessary. I am washing my hands with soap in the following situations: when I pooed, before and after cooking/eating, before and after cleaning/moisturising my face, after coming home, after throwing clothes into the washing machine. Can anyone help me better understand whether I am still washing my hands way too much? I would be very thankful!
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OCD
|
My psychologist told me that I am not depressed because I scored 11/13. I told him that I wish to die every day and then he was like "I don't know why you want to kill yourself but your score tells me that you are normal and not depressed so you can go home now". Instead of sitting there counting my score how about you actually listen to what I am saying TT.
It took me 5 years to pluck up the courage and go see a psychologist and this is what I got.
​
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depression
|
I started taking Ritalin when I was diagnosed about three years ago. At first, it went pretty well. I became accustomed to it, and knew it was a tool not a miracle drug.
Over time though, some bad habits and expectations have crept in like
- using Ritalin to procrastinate by saying to myself that it takes an hour to kick in so I’ll start work/study/cleaning in an hour
- expecting to always feel that butterfly in stomach/ hit of adrenaline feeling when it kicks in, so when it doesn’t, saying to myself that it hasn’t kicked in yet or it’s not working
- Relying on it for things I know I don’t need it for. For example, it’s late and I need to wash a couple of dishes. Either not doing it, or talking a Ritalin and staying up.
- using it to stay up late to catch up on things I didn’t do while I was using it during the day.
Basically I’m just lying to myself over and over.
**Has anyone else gotten into bad habits with their medication? What was it like and did you manage to fix it?**
Edit: just to clarify, I’m not abusing my medication. Just not using it in a way that is helpful for me - in the same way that you might develop bad habits around using your phone instead of using it as a tool to help.
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ADHD
|
for many years I’ve always been a super sentimental person so I found the holidays to be really special and sacred despite the fact that I don’t celebrate Christmas in the Christian sense of the word. I just always loved the novelty of it, the warmth. I’ve always had a soft spot for decorating and putting a lot of effort into gift giving. but now I’m alone. I’ve had maybe one or two people reach out to me to do something on Christmas but I don’t even want to. I haven’t been able to buy Christmas gifts at all except for my boyfriend that I don’t even think wants to see me. I can barely afford to feed myself and I’ve told a couple people I’ve felt quite sad to not be able to gift to loved ones and I’ve heard “oh try making something handmade”. I can’t even afford to eat or maintain anything consistent in my life and can hardly muster up energy to care for myself never mind making handmade gifts right now as much as I’d want to. quite frankly I don’t give a fuck about the holidays this year, have terrible seasonal depression in particular, don’t want to celebrate and just wish for it to pass so life can get back to being the regular amount of hellish instead of painted in red and green with fucking sparkles.
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depression
|
I wish I am not so emotional(aggression and paranoia for example) and that I shouldn't worry so much about everything. But being stoic and not being obsessive about everything as aspie is hard.
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aspergers
|
Went to a psychiatrist for the first time after putting it off for many, many years. I expected to talk mostly about depression, but walked away with a diagnosis of ADD. (ADHD inattentive type, I guess?) In the doc's words "it's probably pretty severe." Anxiety and depression symptoms are present as well, but she's fairly sure that they're caused by the lifetime of untreated ADD. She prescribed me Vyvanse 30mg to start, as well as Lexapro. I'll be starting talk therapy as well.
What should I expect from these medications? I honestly don't even know how to imagine a brain that works differently? Or better? I don't know.
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ADHD
|
Hello, I am sorry if this type of post is not allowed but I need some help and advice for my younger brother. He is currently going through the process of getting a diagnosis for ADD/ADHD but it is incredibly slow and has already been dragging for years at this point. The waiting list for our local CAMHS (UK based) is 3 years, or so we’ve been told.
He is 12, turning 13 in a few months and has recently began struggling in school.
He forgets his school bag, books, homework, and really struggles with his working memory and remembering things. I (21F) care for him most the day, both parents work. We’ve talked about it and forgetting these things is really stressing him out, because he worries he’s going to forget something important.
I want to know what tools you use to help remember the little tasks throughout the day, what worked best when you were a kid…I don’t have adhd so I am trying my best to research and understand but I’m at the end of my rope when both the school and doctors are saying “we can’t help” or provide resources to help until he get the silly little piece of paper confirming what we already know.
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ADHD
|
Hey guys, routine is very important to me and I know it's my Asperger's syndrome but currently I'm asking my self: Is this the reason why I'm watching the same movies and series again and again? Are you experiencing the same or is it just my love for coziness?
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aspergers
|
I have a hard time thinking about my trauma without turning my brain off. This time was no exception. Right before work no less.
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ptsd
|
I'm not sure I do but I worked there for about 3 years and had no problems doing what I did.
Basically I worked at a whole-body donation facility and I basically cut up dead people; legs, hands, heads, whatever a client wanted we would cut it.
I saw all kinds of traumatic deaths and injuries from gunshots to the face to dying from severe liver failure but it was always an interesting day and I loved it. Too bad my management sucked ass and I quit and then they closed that location 2 weeks later lol.
But lately I've been getting these really messed up dreams, with people missing limbs and heads and whatever, like... like my dreams are like silent hill.
I liked what I did, I know it helped advance medical science
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ptsd
|
I keep getting yelled at for not understanding instructions. I get weird looks for stimming. I cant get my voice to stay a constant tone anymore. And I just feel like everyone hates me all the time. Not even my parents like me
Every social interaction I have with someone just degrades their opinion of me. How the hell do people survive if they can't find a single person that they can communicate properly with??
I literally just want one friend, one person who will tolerate my miscommunication enough to hang out with me.
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aspergers
|
Hi, everyone. I'm just looking for some perspective here.
I'm not a clean freak by any stretch. My car is a mess, my office is a mess, and general disarray in my life doesn't really bother me that much. But, there are things that do... a lot. Specifically, books.
I enjoy reading. I have a small library and comic collection. If, during the course of being read, a book gets a coffee stain, greasy fingerprint, or (heaven forbid) a page/corner gets bent, I will agonize over this small defect until I inevitably cave and just buy another copy.
Even if I'll never read the book again, and it's just sitting on a shelf, knowing that the defect is there gnaws away at me. Spilling coffee on a book feels like a personal slight against me by a malicious universe. It feels intentional. I seethe quietly and then feel a victorious sense of revenge when I buy a replacement.
Once, a cover began to peel apart and it drove me to just cut the corner off. Of course, then I had to get rid of it.
I know that this is irrational. And I know that buying a completely new immaculate book to replace one that has only a minor defect is also irrational. However, this is the only instance of potential OCD in my life.
Being that it's so isolated, *is* this OCD?
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OCD
|
I'm really looking for some support. This is probably the worst day that I had. Bad work day, feeling utter defeat, being told that this probably isn't best field for me to work in, almost got hit by a car.
Was doing great at my internship. Was always on time, did the paperwork, schedules clients, the works. And then for the first time, I saw a client on my own. The info my client gave me was soul-crushing; I felt so many emotions (sadness, anger, hatred, vengeance), probably more intense than her. For a while, I ruminating about how badly they had it. And the cherry on top was a session I did with a co-worker with a story that wasn’t made up. I didn’t know what to do with this information, I felt I had to approach her differently. I felt awkward. Obviously, I’m not going to disclose it due to confidentiality.
I talked to my supervisors about this, and they said it was important to bring up. We talked, and we found out that the problem was that I felt that I needed to befriend them (which is a conflict in the session). Even though my client cried and told their life story, they went on with their day. I, however, replayed that scenario for a week. I was so caught up about it that I neglected to take care of myself (lack of sleep, bad eating habits, stressed out 24/7).
I told my therapist about it, and he was kinda concerned about how the role play was handled. For him, it seemed that this large amount of intimate information was too much to handle, especially with someone I work with. It's like the principal venting to a middle-schooler about how bad middle-schoolers are. Like, what am I supposed to do with this information?
That's where my ADHD/triggers play in.
TL;DR: Terrible at making friends for years due to a large history of rejection. Met my closest best friend/mentor, who encouraged me to go to counseling (and is the reason why I pursued this field). First person to actually wanted to engage with me. Had lots of fun, but he'd disregard me a lot. Ghosted me (and used multiple apps to contact me), canceled plans at the last minute, and wanted to see me on short notice. Told me he was having these "moments" with his demons. Wanted to return the favor since he helped me. He told me "we should hang out more". Ghosted me until he told me that he was never a "go-outer" or "texter". And never spoke to me again.
That was 2 years ago, and it still haunts me today. I'll admit I was needy, and texted him a lot for affirmations. I was new to adulting at the naive age of 18, too absorbed in schoolwork, and still didn't have a lot of friends in college. He'd often give excuses, but I brushed it off not to offend someone I looked up to. And I tolerated that for a long time. And then, I get ditched as if I was nothing, as if nothing we did matter. You don't know what "rejection" means until you've been tossed away by the person you trusted the most. Not to mention, this was during COVID, and I lost all but 1 of my relationships due to falling-outs, them moving to different states/countries, or just not meeting everyday from Mon - Fri.
Because of this, I've been so jaded and hostile towards people. I have major trust issues. I get angry easily. I honestly, wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (and I'm an extremely vengeful person). I know I have other problems besides this, but that relationship was the most impactful. I've worked with my therapist (he's amazing) and I've learned a lot of coping skills, more about my personality, and ultimately that it's not my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. I took blame for others just so I could be included. I treated people's problems as my own, cause I was sad when my friends were sad. I'm EXTREMELY indignant when someone has been wronged for being good, and for their perpetrators (bullies, abusers, etc.) to get away it. And this carried over to my sessions (real and fake). I would take my clients' problems as my own. I thought this would be a normal thing, to connect with them, validate their feelings get to the nitty-gritty, and make these breakthroughs one step at a time.
I was so fucking wrong. They told me I'm eventually going crash and burn the way I'm approaching things. Divorce, violence, and all that mumbo-jumbo are factors that I currently can't handle. And if a client were to do something bad to themselves, (which is a huge possibility in this field) I'd probably never forgive myself. I eventually told them how I felt at the moment, with all that was done. I was asked if I would like to see a counselor with personal issues if I had personal issues myself. I said no. It's because they wouldn't be able to handle other people's problems and counter-transferring their emotions for coping. That was practically the route I was on. The biggest problem, alongside "befriending" was my demeanor of always being anxious, which in turn, made the other people did sessions with anxious.
And with a long pause, she told me that I wasn't ready for the LPC field, this major, this career field at all. I started crying the second she said that. I felt devastated, defeated, worthless, weak, scared, and angry. All because of things I thought I got over with. I mean I knew I wasn't ready with my lack of experiences. I just never thought it would come to this. They said they're not kicking me out, they're just viewing the situation the way it is. They recommended me to look at a different field of study, additional majors, jobs where you don't need to see clients or have licensure, etc. Maybe take a semester off, graduate later, maybe take a loan. My parents pay for my college, and would be pissed off to the nth degree if I did these things. They recommended I talk with my program advisor (who never answers my fucking emails) for the next plan. In the meantime, I dropped 2 clients and trying to find more ways to get hours. I need 300 by December, 600 by May. I only have 89 hours. I'm so behind, it's pathetic.
That this point, I'm so lost. I do want to be in this field. I do want to graduate on time with my cohorts. I want to be licensed. I don't want to take another semester. I don't want to take loans. I don't want to change majors or career paths. And I don't want to quit. I feel that this is my calling (something that I chose MYSELF). I mean, I improved so, so much by doing counseling. And I want to return the favor for other college students and help with their lives too. But I'm so emotionally wrecked with everything, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm starting over from scratch. I'm ruminating about failing. I stay up until 3 AM just because how pissed I am at myself and the circumstances I put myself in.
And every time this happens, I remember my former best friend, who always appears at the back of my mind, and just stares. I hate all of the flashbacks of the good and the bad times we had together. It's so painful. I can't get it out of my head, it's like a broken record. And I keep talking about it, and I'm just muttering the same garbage as before. Everyone tells me "You'll get over it" and "Life happens" and "It will pass" and "Life goes on." It's like I'm a bad luck magnet, and everything crashing down on me. And no one seems to understand (especially friends who knew both of us) how hurt I am. I don't want to sound like a victim. I just can't control these emotions and symptoms and I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel alone. I just want to go away far from here and never come back. And I honestly don't think a lot of people are going to miss me. And that sucks.
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ADHD
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My self esteem...isnt the best. I feel ugly a lot, i feel inferior to others all the time, ive almost gotten used to it at this point. My social skills arent the best either. People in ny College say such condescending and hurtful things, normally about my appearance. I didnt choose to be ugly ok? Theres probably not a single attractive quality about my appearance, im short(5'5), skinny, my hair always automatically messes itself up so i look even uglier than i do normally. When I left school, every single girl I knew cut off communication with me except one. Some even say nasty things about me behind my back. Others look at me with a look of disgust, sort of like they're wondering how they ever got to know me in the first place. I have friends who are attractive, it hurts. People love them. Why dont people love me?
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depression
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Had my annual exam and broke down in the middle of it. The doctor gave me a script for 5 xanax tablets to take in the future before exams with her. I don't even think they were able to get the exam fully finished. I feel sore and exhausted. Kinda numb after it all. Anyone else have issues with vaginal exams?
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ptsd
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I really don't want superficial friends. If anyone's into spirituality or religion and talking about ways to better your self let's chat. These have been my special interests for a while. Let's talk about trauma and shtuff. That's how we're gonna better ourselves right? By talking about the difficult things
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aspergers
|
Have you ever known that feeling? Thousands of bombs exploding inside, a tsunami, an earthquake, an unhappy birthday, a piñata, drought; translated into no facial expression. I can no longer question if I feel too much or if I don't really feel anything. I can't think anymore. I don't want to think anymore.
​
''I don't want to think anymore'' I tell myself every day and crawl into the nights wishing it would all end when I close my eyes, but with the certainty that I will wake up and the infinite loop I am trapped in will never let me escape.
​
How do I escape?
​
After many years of not being able to stop thinking, it occurred to me that the best way to escape was to express what I feel. It didn't work with family, it didn't work in friendship, it didn't work in love, it didn't work with myself in front of the mirror. Nothing ever did me any good... and without wanting it, 26 years passed.
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depression
|
I’ve set several alarms, put my phone across the room, etc. I keep sleeping through classes and it’s a bad habit to get into. The executive dysfunction takes over and I just stay in bed for way longer than I should. I then end up falling asleep without realizing it, and wake up just late enough to miss classes. It’s hard to go to sleep early bc I’m wide awake for so long, after getting up late, and I usually stay up late to do work. Even if I’m tired I have trouble falling asleep because Im so aware of everything. I’ve tried melatonin, and it usually makes me stay asleep, which isn’t really a problem lol. A vicious cycle. Any tips would be amazing!
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ADHD
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My Psychiatrist recommended I tried it and I was just reading the intro and it sounded promising. She told me to just jump around to whatever chapters covered things I wanted to work on but ALL the chapters are things I wanna work on!
I actually have a PDF of this book that I can share if anyone's interested but I'd love to hear anyone's past experience with it.
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ADHD
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My son is an aspie he's 23 and his handwriting is really bad, in your opinion could it get better with practice or is this just part of the aspergers. Can anyone relate? Have you at one point had bad handwriting and fixed it?
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aspergers
|
I had my first appointment with my new therapist (havent been to therapy in 3 years) about 2 weeks ago and i told him about my issues and he said i most likely have ocd. Its difficult for me to explain but i have alot of obsessions that involve avoiding the number one. For example , if im leaving/entering a room or getting up/sitting down and the time on the clock ends in one (ex, 4:51, 9:31,7:21,etc), i have to wait until the time changes to a different number (4:53, 9:32,7:28,etc) to be able to do whatever i was gonna do. It applys to alot of things, eating,drinking,leaving/entering a room/car/bus/etc,brushing my teeth, getting into the shower,etc. There are many more and there are other ones that dont involve the time like if i see a number that is 1 or ends in 1(51,91,631,etc) i have to look at another number that doesnt end in one . And also everytime the time on the clock ends in one i have to wait until the number changes to swallow my own damn saliva or anything in my mouth (not proud of this, i know its not normal) and when i swallow i have to do it two times and while i do it i have to do this movement with my neck/head 2 times. There is so much more but it would take me forever to explain. I told some of this to my therapist since its been one of the biggest sources of stress for me in the past few months, ive had the issue for 3 years and it was getting increasingly worse but its gotten really bad in the past few months. He said it sounded like ocd and i wasnt surprised at all. Ive been struggling alot and its gotten to the point where it affects my focus and social life(can go out with friends on certain days (1st,11th,21st,31st)) out of fear that something negative will happen to me or to them. I honestly feel kind of weird telling people all of this, i feel like it sounds like im exaggerating but im really not in fact i dont even talk about how bad it really is most of the time. Ive kind of accepted that i need to atleast tell my therapist even if i feel like people arent going to take me seriously. I told my dad and some of my friends about the situation but they dont really get it, thats not their fault though. Sorry for ranting its just that i dont really have anywhere else to talk about this.
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OCD
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I have horribly bad trust issues. As a result, I literally cannot bring myself to open up to my therapist. I find the communication deeply frightening.
Before every visit, I start having anxiety attacks. There have been times where I’ve had to have a drink before a visit (I do therapy remotely through video chat) bc I was so distressed and needed to calm down (I know this isn’t healthy but idk what else to do sometimes).
During the visits, I find myself dissociating and becoming completely numb. All of my problems are forgotten and I find myself lying to my therapist. I know I shouldn’t do this, but I literally cannot help it. I go into autopilot and lying about myself and my feelings is my automatic reaction. I cannot bring myself to tell her how I’ve been. I just lie so I can get the visit over and done with as quickly as possible.
Then after the visit is over with, I just sob and sob and sob. I just feel like a pathetic piece of shit failure. Bc I am like this, I know I will never get better. I am wasting so much money on something that I feel like is making me feel so much worse.
What do I do? I have an appointment in the morning and I cannot stop thinking about it. I’m already deeply distressed and crying over it. I cannot handle this anymore. Please at least tell me I’m not alone.
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ptsd
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Can anyone recommend any proper active noise cancelling headphones for sleeping with, ideally on the side please?
I don't want to listen to music or white noise (as that makes it even harder to sleep) just block out my neighbours voices like I can with my Bose QC 35ii... so proper active noise cancelling technology. Unfortunately the Bose ones are too bulky! I don't like any ear plugs.
Many thanks!
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aspergers
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Since [there's a genetic component to ADHD](https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/is-adhd-hereditary/), I'm sure a fair number of you have kids diagnosed with ADHD as well. At about what age did you pursue (or stumble, not everyone knows about the genetics of this stuff) on an ADHD diagnosis for one or more of your children?
My husband was DX as a kid, we have three kids ages 4, 2.5, and 1. Since our oldest was quite ping (1.5?) we've seen what we believe are signs, but haven't pursued anything yet. Our 1 year old seems to be cut out of the same cloth, with a lot of similarities.
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ADHD
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My old psych transferred and I stopped going for a few months
They gave me an appointment for a new psych, this guy tried to tell me my ADHD didn't exist, because I'm an adult... Then later points out he didn't know anything about ADHD symptoms to begin with, after I tried explaining my symptoms. I asked myself, why is this guy my psych?
After like 10 minutes into the appointment I had enough. I absolutely ripped him to shreds. Demanded he step down as my psych, and told him I would report him. He didn't want to step down, so I pressed on until he had enough and hung up.
I called the place and spoke to his supervisor, told him what happened. He schedules me an appointment with another psych same day, who ends up giving me my prescription after about 10 minutes of routine questions.
Oh yeah. He called himself an "old school" psych. Don't let these goofballs do that to you, their knowledge is decades behind.
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ADHD
|
Whenever I see a big block of text my mind just totally blanks. Because of this I just cannot read novels at all. I actually can read comics pretty much fine for the most part because the art helps break up the text and keeps my attention. But for books where its just page after page of text from top to bottom my mind feels as if someones trying to push two negative magnets against each other (does that make sense? Idk).
Even with books I’m interested in I can never get past a few pages. Rereading the same sentence for the 20th time because I immediately forgot what it said/didn’t take it in gets really tedious and kills any enjoyment I could have had from the book.
Anyone else have this problem?
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ADHD
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What kind of meds have any of you used or are using against the intrusive thoughts from ocd, so particularly that part and not the fysical compulsions but the mental thoughts and mental compulsions?
i hear about SSRI, SNRI, memantine, gabapentin, and a couple other ones i forgot.
what are the effects and side effects and in % can you tell me how much they reduce your thoughts daily.
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OCD
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After maaaanny years of misplacing my keys everyday, forgetting the reason why I walked into a room, interrupting people and spending my monthly’s wage in a day - I have finally been put on meds.
My psychiatrist has started me on ritilin 10.. I had to start with 10mg a day and work up to 30.. it’s been two weeks now and I don’t feel much different other than the crash. I can still feel myself spacing out etc how long does this drug usually take until you notice changes (i know it’s more of a hindsight thing) feedback and or experiences please ! :)
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ADHD
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I keep going back on forth on if I am autistic or not.... But I'm not sure where to turn so this will be my first post like this. I just need to reach out and find others with similar experiences you know? And talking people directly by chat and pm is just not working out very well.
What the fuck is with people and names? I'll be only 6 or less messages in and people will want to know my name? Holy shit, why. I mean if we hit it off and want to meet irl, of course you can know my name. But it just doesn't matter. Sure if we were meeting naturally irl then fine, but I'm here online to get to know people, so I don't need to know people's names??? I want to know your interests, how your day was, what do you want to eat. Is this really all that difficult??
I also have weird issues around my name. Look if we meet irl, like if you're a receptionist, of course I'll give you my name. I am here to get what I want after all. But I don't actually WANT to be called by name. It's so much easier to just not be called anything. This is a chat or private message! Just talk to me??? You don't NEED to know my name. I don't need to know YOUR name. As far as I'm concerned, your name is your username because that's what you chose to call yourself! If that's not your name then why did you want to call yourself that? I think this is pretty simple. Part of this is that I consider my name to be secret since if I tell people what I want to be called people's typical knee-jerk reaction is to tell me how much they don't like it and how much they think it is silly so I tend to only tell people what I want to be called once I trust them. Most people can't handle it, so I have to be the emotionally mature one and deal with them not understanding me.
I also have an INCREDIBLY hard time answering questions. When people ask what I want out of the interaction it's like..... Holy shit can you just chill out please? Idk. God. I feel like other people are constantly not bothered by the same things that bother me. I'm constantly needing to explain myself. A bit more on this, I tend to think very deeply about how to answer a question so I tend to need more time to think on how to answer a question. I tend to get stressed out on answering questions if I feel like somebody wants an answer immediately so sometimes I respond with difficulty rather than giving my actual answer since I feel like the other person will be upset that I'm not answering them immediately. But it's not because I'm trying to be rude or that I'm upset to be talking to them, I just have a really hard time answering since I want to give the best answer and the most accurate answer.
Also, I'm 26 and I haven't much life experience, so I get super stressed out when people ask what my job is. It's just great when people get so shocked I don't have a career or that I find it likely I won't ever do what I want with my life, because who does, really? Just makes me feel bad.
What are some things that you constantly need to explain to people that seems simple to you? (@_@)
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aspergers
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I've been doing well with not ruminating on the thoughts that come into my mind but the urge to is so strong that I've got to distract myself with other thoughts or an activity to get rid of it, it's even worse when I wake up, I get bombarded with these thoughts again.
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OCD
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Guys, I just graduated from my college, I am from India currently in Canada - came as a student. I don’t have any such friends, or anything and It’s been 2 years like this. In the beginning it was okay, but it’s taking such a toll on me now, I don’t know what to do.
I can hardly eat one time a day one the better days , and thus I have lost so much weight. I was already skinny to begin with, but due to recent times even I have lost so much weight that I can see the difference in the mirror myself, and because of that I feel more and more depressed. I can’t talk to anyone I know about this because I have always been the strongest link in my family.
The most they will do is send money, which will make me more in guilt that I had to ask them for money, I don’t know what to do.
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depression
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Hi. So I’m a person who’s had to deal with many things (father rejecting me for being a defective child, mother who can’t understand the true scope of my problems, and being unable to simply move out due to rising living costs+inability to maintain employment).
About a few weeks ago, I was able to get a job that’s actually in my specialty (music). Unfortunately, because of my inherent lack of social filter, and the fact that I was suffering under extreme pressure to be “engaging” enough (I was given a probationary review sheet), I said something that was inappropriate (win one of the me. So after only 3 weeks, I’ve been fired.
I have always consistently struggled with employment. Whether it’s failing to get past an interview because I can’t do the social dance others can, or whether it’s having inappropriate social interactions that make it impossible. What hurts especially is the fact that it was relatively well paid in my specialty, so I felt that my torturous life was finally getting better. Nope! The Universe truly is the master of cruel jokes.
Why did I have to be born? Why do people feel so compelled to have children not knowing that inevitable suffering is all that awaits? (Yes, I’m an antinatalist). What is the point of continuing to live?
There are a lot of trains and bridges where I live. It might not be a bad idea to become acquainted with should I choose to finally end this horrible existence.
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aspergers
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I am NT, seeing a guy who is on the spectrum for several months now. He stopped initiating contact but is responding. He went on holidays with family and told me he would reach out when he is back. I try not to contact him too often, give him space, especially since he is away. As far as I remember he should be back now but still no message.
What should I do? I dont want to annoy him, his last text was „I will text you when I am back”. However I know how forgetful he can be. On the other hand he never reached out to me when he was away and this means several weeks now.
My question is: I know ASD people are like „out of sight, out of mind” but how long does it last? Should I just assume he is gone forever or just keep on texting him once a week ignoring his last message?
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aspergers
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Some time ago I go out with my friend, she was walking by my side and talking to me, so I was looking to her but don't making eye contact (you should know I'm man and she's shorter than me, so I was looking down) when she stop the conversation and said "my eyes are up here"
I realized she think I was looking her boobs but I don't, and I tried to explain we are best friends and I know she understood I was not doing intentionally so it's ok but I feel uncomfortable in the moment.
Does you had a similar experience?
Where do you see when you talk to a girl?
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aspergers
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It’s a hard thing to just feel void of emotions. Sure I cry sometimes but most of the times, it’s fake smiles and brief laughs that string together a coherent storyline for the day.
I’ve also recently come to the realization that no matter what mistakes I correct and no matter how many accomplishments I may have I’ll never be taken seriously by anyone in my life.
I remember someone once commented on a post I removed, they said that if I was commenting in these sort of forums for 2 years maybe I have to consider professional help. My response then was that I was seeking but couldn’t find anyone, I was also a minor and my parents didn’t want to get me to a therapist. My response now would be, why bother? Sure it’s nice to be listened to, which is in part why I make so many posts, but at the end of the day they won’t take me seriously either. They just want to get their paycheck and it’s understandable, why would they care for a stranger with issues?
I’m not mad at anyone, I’m just tired of them pretending they care more about me than money. I don’t blame them for that, it’s normal, I wouldn’t care for someone like me either. It just would be nice to be listened to and loved, and taken seriously.
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depression
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Quick question for anyone who doesn’t mind answering. I strongly suspect I have OCD and after a particularly turbulent period I decided enough was enough and I reached out for professional help. I have my first appointment tomorrow and I am very new to this so I am both nervous of what to expect but also thankful that I am getting help. I am just wondering, are there any specific things that I should bring up during my first visit or questions I should be asking?
Thanks!
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OCD
|
Have you ever had a specific gross image be your obsession, but only when certain people are around? Am I alone on this?
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OCD
|
(25F) Today is day 14 on Adderall for the first time. She took me off of my depression medication when she started it (wellbutrin) and I've been taking Adderall XR 20mg and a 20mg IR booster. It's been good, I've been productive and felt like a function human for the first time that I remember. Even sleeping at night better than I ever have before. Today though, I just can't get through the day. I can't seem to bring myself to do anything. I am just irritated and pissed off at anything and everything Today. I start something and then get irritated with it or with my husband and then go back to the couch. She did restart my wellbutrin because I could feel my depression start creeping up a few days ago, but I haven't started it yet. I have to go get it from the pharmacy. So idk if this is maybe just me needing to be back on my depression meds. Or has anyone else experienced a sudden day like this with their Adderall? This is the first day it's been like this. Does anyone have any experiences similar they could share with me?
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ADHD
|
Hi
I've been struggling for ages with anxiety but I think it has OCD mixed in with it as well. Started with what I thought was an allergy or sensitivity to something, each time I used anything perfumed like fabric softener or anything my skin burns for days like the worst sunburn that just won't go away.
No rash or anything. This went on for months and months last year, it happens if family members switch up shampoos stuff like that. It only stopped when I quit the fabric conditioner and family switched shampoo randomly.
Now of course, this has OCD traits because I'm very stressed about the washing machine having anything at all perfumed in it and it gets on my clothes. I'm just so so scared of that skin burning thing. I keep getting repeatedly told it is anxiety.
Can this sort of thing cause pain? Honestly I couldn't sleep wasnt comfortable at all it was so so awful. So I'm scared of it. I was constantly rinsing everything I washed. We got a new machine as ours broke. This seemed to break the cycle, I have just washed stuff like a normal person no rinsing or anything. Until my mum randomly washed something with highly fragranced fabric softener on it. Now I'm scared stiff in case this awful skin burning thing comes again. It might as well be radioactive.
Can this sort of anxiety OCD thing cause pain like this? Also on sertraline/ Zoloft which I think helps sometimes but maybe could be better. I see someone mental health wise on Friday and am unsure what to say to them. It just feels like no one understands the skin thing at all and I feel like a crazy person.
Thanks so much :)
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OCD
|
Could somebody please explain what an intrusive thoughts are? Are was told they were bad thoughts triggered by something nearby, for example if you see a knife it could be a thought of you stabbing somebody.
But can an intrusive thought just be something you constantly think about against your will? If so could this be thinking about literally nothing? Like mind blank, zoned out, kind of nothing?
Also these thoughts. Do you “see” them in your head or is it just kinda there?
The reason I ask this is because I am having experiences that link with mental disorders. I am unsure what they are and spoke to a teacher about this. They said to get checked out and I do plan on doing that however can’t at the moment. I don’t want to self diagnose myself so I am just trying to educate myself as much as possible.
Any help on this would be much appreciated!
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OCD
|
My 10yo daughter is going through the hoops of finding a medication that works for her. Now we're on Vyvanse as the methylphenidate class did not work.
Her psych prescribed 30mg and my daughter is getting a little too amped from it. I also have ADHD and know plenty about meds, like Vyvanse being a pro-drug, so becomes active when metabolized. But I'm wondering if I were to open the capsule and recap it into 20mg doses, will it affect the rate of absorption? Or does metabolism take care of that?
Her next prescription we can change it to 20mg caps, but can't get it for a bit b/c of insurance. In the meantime I have a very accurate scale and spare capsules for my own meds, so not hard to do, but I don't want it to hit her harder than it already has been.
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ADHD
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I'll be honest with you guys, I didn't know where to post this and just googled the premise, and this sub came up. I'm pretty definitely sure I was severely depressed the past few years, though undiagnosed. I've been working on myself and feel a lot better than I used to, but it's still lurking and I'm wondering if this is self-sabotage? Reinventing myself and my values to avoid accountability? That's a heavy question best suited for a therapist, but all I've got right now is you- and on that note, do you think I should get a therapist? Probably a dumb question. And funny enough, I did contact one a long while back and then ghosted her- more avoidance. Anyway, if you wouldn't mind the read, I'd love to hear your take. Comfort me internet people, I'm writing this at 3am and breaking down again, feeling like I'm undoing all the work on myself I put in over the past few months. Thanks.
\~\~
I have enough faith in myself to believe I’m in the right, but I think there’s always value in an outside take.
Essentially, I’m “giving up" on nearly everything I try, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me fee a bit guilty and lazy.
I was let go from my last “real” job at a golf course in early 2020. As a college student, and with the pandemic, I decided not to look for work. Mid-year I took up an online customer service job, but I was in bad shape mentally and not the most outgoing person, so I gave it up pretty fast. By the end of the year I needed cash, so I took up gigging (DoorDash, Grubhub, etc.) and did that until the snow came. By then I just wanted to relax, school was stressful and against my better judgment, I took unemployment. I lived on that until it ran out mid-year this year, and I didn’t extend it. A LOT of guilt came with that, but I can't change the past. I somehow managed to spend all of that money, because I just compulsory buy shit and that's another huge source of guilt. Anyway...
​
I started gigging again but work was much more scarce than the previous year. At the same time, I was working on myself (in retrospect, performing CBT on myself) and came to the conclusion that I needed to drop out of college my senior year (I’d been contemplating it since Sophomore year). Yes, I could have finished it out, but I came to realize that my major was just a hobby and nothing more, and I didn’t want to waste another year of my life/take on more stress. I’d rather keep my credits and apply them to another major down the line, instead of going through with a major I didn’t want (film, btw).
As I searched myself, I found that carpentry interested me, so after a month or so I found a guy willing to hire me with no experience. Now here’s when I really began to feel like I was giving up too easy. It was just some guy and his partner, not much of a company and I was their first employee. I was told we’d be doing mostly carpentry and trim work, but when I arrived it turns out that demo still needed to be done. On the 4th floor of an apartment building. As expected, I took on all the grunt work of sweeping and collecting the trash, doing some light demo where they trusted me to. I must’ve emptied 50 of those 32 gallon trash cans full of sheetrock. It sucked. By the end of the day, my hair was white and I was coughing up dust all night (even with a mask on). At one point the boss had me pulling nails from the wall, and by the end I was pulling up staples from the floor for about an hour. Mid-way through the day, I’m sweeping by wire and using it to collect a pile (not wanting to mess with their power tools). The boss sees me doing this and belittles me by saying (\[name\], you gotta lift the wire, buddy” in such a condescending tone it brought me right back to high school. I hadn’t felt so small in years. We worked 9 hours that day. I was beyond exhausted (and dirty).
The next morning, I texted him saying that it was too much and I wasn’t coming back. I never got paid for that day. That showed me enough of his character. Throughout the day he had made small remarks like the earlier one, but that one in particular got to me for some reason. It really was the way he said it, like he genuinely believed I was a damn fool. I felt it in my gut right after that I wasn't coming back. I was hired as an apprentice, not a slave. I didn’t learn anything but instead carried out the work they didn’t want to do. I was prepared for hard work, not to be completely used. But I always find myself taken advantage of.
I decided carpentry wasn’t for me, and moved on. I did bits of gigging here and there the next few months. Mostly I was trying to find peace within myself. I’ve been incredibly insecure and people-pleasing my whole life, and needed to just take some time to work on myself. I really didn’t know who I was- just some kid who pushed himself way too hard in school to impress people he didn’t like. I got tired of being weak and all that.
Last month I decided to look for work again, something simple to get me by while I continue to take time for myself. I decided on the UPS Personal Vehicle Driver position, a seasonal job that has you delivering packages from your own car. At $21 an hour and temporary, I was ecstatic. To put a few grand away in only a short months time would be fantastic. Well, I thought so, anyway.
After a week or so they scheduled me for a phone interview. They never called. So I rescheduled as I had seen a few posts online about this issue, and rescheduling worked for others. Still no call. I finally reached out myself and was interviewed on the spot (by a support technician?) and they told me I got the job and to expect an email with details.
Well, I never got that email (or even asked if I accepted the job, actually), and suddenly my location had changed on my profile. There was no building address, but I was due to start that Friday. The city was decently far from me (45 mins) and I was really hoping to work in my hometown as the ad stated. Not to mention, nobody had informed me of this change. On the Wednesday before, I checked the site and had some paperwork to fill out, but still no email. On Thursday I called again and the support person told me not to go in the next day as my background check had not passed. It had been about a week and a half, but what else could I do?
The following Wednesday I get a call from the same number- asking why I missed my orientation. I told them I had no address and someone from their line told me not to go. They asked for the person's name (as if I would remember?) and told me that my new first day was the next Monday, and I’d get an email with details (here we go again).
Luckily, I actually did. The location was unfortunately the same, but I was ready for my first day. When I arrived, there was someone else in the same boat- and we were promptly told that there was a disconnect between the support HR and local HR- we were actually supposed to be in a town another 45 minutes away. For some reason, I accepted this and went there. It was the correct location, though the front door was locked and I had to go in through a truck terminal to find an office. Once inside, I was greeted by two rude employees who demanded to know why I was bothering them. They set me up with paperwork (about union dues and all that, despite being a contractor and not in the union) and checked out my car- all good. They said I’d be getting a call and email from someone else (seriously?)- and again, I thankfully did. This time it was for training, which consisted of 2.5 hours worth of anything but that- simple safety and policy videos, not how to do the job. I got a call the next morning at 7am about coming in for my first day (???). When I called back, I was met with loud chatter, a loud “what???”, and then put on hold 4 times before the guy who initially called me answered- and then told me to expect a call tomorrow as he was busy. Groan.
Tomorrow morning came and I got a text- not a call- asking if I wanted to take a route almost 2 hours from my house. I ignored the text as it didn’t seem like it was for me (I had no training or anything). Hours later, another text comes from what I thought was an automated line asking me to come in to the branch I was at the first day- I agreed. The man from the phone the day before came out, shoved some papers in my face, asked me to sign one (my soul?) and told me to meet some guy at a location 45 minutes away. By this time I was ready to walk, but decided to hold out until I at least tried the job- maybe it wasn’t bad once I got going. I met the driver and told him I had no training or anything- he told me the basics, gave me a phone with the system, and sent me on my way.
Well, the actual job was the easiest fucking part of the process. I almost enjoyed it, except for how far and unfamiliar the route was. The driver assured me that I would likely get a route in my hometown, though, and was only covering for an absence today. It was pretty self-explanatory, so I didn't NEED training- but it would've been nice. And I got lucky that all went smoothly- had their been an issue, I would've been fucked. The roads were shit, windy, and confusing, half of the houses were missing numbers, but I got it done and I can’t complain about the job itself- like I said, I almost enjoyed it. I had one undeliverable package since the address was mis-labeled on UPS’s end, and one other task undone as it was a pick-up, and the driver told me that he’d take care of it.
I head back to the hub (as the driver told me to do, not my actual fucking bosses) and am met with an empty office. I call the number and am told to go to an OMV office- I see no such labeled place. I find a room with people in it, go in and ask- it’s the right place. A woman suddenly gets flustered asking why I have a package and where my phone is- I hand over the phone and the package, and before I can explain, start getting grilled. Why didn’t you deliver this? Why didn’t you finish all your tasks? Keep in mind, I don’t know these people and they don’t know me. They don’t know it’s my first day or anything. In fact I have no clue what department this is or what these people are doing here- half are dressed like drivers. Once they calm down, I explain and they take care of it- without showing me how to. By the end, some guy pulls me aside and lectures me on the importance of letting UPS know when I can’t deliver a package as it’s just as important as the ones that do get delivered- as if I tried to hide the non-delivery or something. Once they had their fun with me, I ask for a vest- that’s right, I never even got a vest or a badge, so I was this suspicious kid driving around an unfamiliar neighborhood slowly and delivering packages. The guy comes back with a generic yellow vest, not a UPS one, and I go home. Again, I felt so small, almost violated. Maybe mentally violated. Whatever that feeling is, I despise it with every fiber of my being. I’m beginning to love myself and I don’t need that shit, not anymore.
The next day I get the same text- asking me to come in for the same route. I decline and go back to sleep. The day passes.
This morning I receive no text- until about 10am, from some guy named “John” in a group chat asking 10 or so people if we want to work today. I don’t answer, but many do and ask where and when- the response is, verbatim, “Here at building at 10:30.” ?????? What building? Who the fuck are you? What route? It’s already like 10am? Am I expected to wait on a text each morning to let me know if I have work or not?
I ignore the text and carry on with my day.
Soon after, I get a text from the bot number (which periodically texts me things about safety and shit) using my name and asking if I want to come in today- it’s already maybe noon. I ignore it again- fuck this.
Then maybe an hour later, I receive this text:
“All, you're expected in on Monday and working every day, unless there are reasons that you are unavailable from now until Christmas unless there are circumstances we are aware of. Please confirm that you're working on Monday.”
I block the number, shut my phone, and enjoy the rest of my day. I’m done.
And that’s another job I gave up on, day 1. Well, day 45 at that point. I just feel like I have more respect for myself than to be treated and tossed around like that. I’m not bending over for these people. I don’t expect to be bowed to, but where’s basic human decency? Can I get some basic courtesy from any of these jobs or people? Or am I asking too much?
I worked in a sort-of retail job for a little over a year, and a warehouse job for half a year. Also the golf job for about a quarter of a year, but I had no intention of quitting when I was let go (damn you COVID)- but even there, they never let me know I was let go- I just never heard back. What’s with the lack of human decency? But anyway, having those jobs means at the least I know I can put in the work at shit jobs. I don’t expect a fantastic, perfect job at my age. But I do expect to not be demeaned and belittled. To be treated as incredibly expendable, to not be treated as a human. And I would expect anyone else to have the same respect for themselves. How can you take on this work? I’m so fortunate that I don’t need need it, I’m not desperate enough to accept this bullshit.
I should also mention that I got my first job at 17, working as an office assistant. It was a small lawn and garden place that, again, didn’t train me, and didn’t have much work for me. I was always asking what to do, and usually would get met with “clean” or “just be quiet for a bit.” Not long into it, I’m fired for “not doing enough”- which is bullshit when there isn’t work to do. They were hesitant to hire me since they had just hired someone else right before me, and I think they just didn’t need me and didn’t want to tell me. Whatever.
This turned into a real shitshow, but so do all of my posts. Look, the bottom line is this- after reading my of-course biased story, is it me? Am I giving up too easy, or am I just constantly pulling the short straws on jobs? Even at the warehouse job, the other employees (again, much older than me) were pretty unfriendly towards me, and I kept to myself. Not so much demeaning as these other jobs, but I did also feel small there. The only “decent” job I had was the customer service/retail one, which honestly wouldn’t have been so bad if the work wasn’t. It was the only job I had employees my age and felt kinda welcome. It has its moments of disrespect, but nothing compared to the rest. While I'm at it, I may as well mention that I don't have any friends and miss working with people my age. I really took that job for granted, but I think I was also only 17.
I don’t want to be that guy who puts in 5% and gets back nothing, wondering why. But at the same time, I feel justified in my decisions. Of course I didn’t handle them all the best. I could call UPS right now and probably straighten it out. But it’s really a principle thing for my since I don’t need the money. And I don’t really think I’m that uptight or picky- I just really think I was majorly disrespected and don’t need to take it.
But is this just how the world is? Will I ever be respected at this age? It doesn’t help that I look quite young, too (I’m 21 btw). But it seems that no matter where I go, I get backed into a corner and take the easy way out. I have no issue quitting things- I trust my gut instinct. But when I find it going off for nearly everything I do and try, well, I can’t help but question it. Again, I do trust myself and genuinely believe I’ve always been in the right on these decisions. I’m just as deserving as anyone else, why take shit?
I acknowledge that I could have done more and stood up for myself. But should I have to? Is the default for employers to just walk all over their employees?
I plan on starting my own business next year- I’m beyond frustrated with the job market. And seriously, I get it. I’m not opposed to hard work. I hate coming on here and essentially just making excuses. Like I said, the carpentry job and UPS job BY THEMSELVES were fine- I let the people around me ruin it, because, let’s face it, who you work with determines how the job is. I enjoy an honest days work. That’s why I want to start my own cleaning company- work on my terms, choosing who, where, when, etc. Fuck being pushed around and belittled, I have value as a fucking human being, and I’m tired of pretending my whole god-damn life like I don’t. I’m ranting now, but even my grandparents and such make me feel small. What is it about me? Is it because I don’t respect and value myself, because honestly I never got a chance to and am just learning how to now.
But I’d really like to hear from you now. How rude of an awakening am I in for out there in the world? The retail general-public experience I have was a spa day compared to how employers have treated me. So, put simply- is it me?
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depression
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I’m 23, a high school graduate with some college experience. I learn quickly and am relatively intelligent with good social skills. I’m about to make a big move and I’m wondering what is the best way to find a job that pays a living wage and is sustainable in that it doesn’t suck the life out of me?
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ADHD
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Hello OCD warriors. Does anyone know if there are any OCD group meetings online? I recently uncovered that my OCD and sex addiction go hand and hand along with intrusive thoughts. Thank you all and I’m proud of all of you for being so brave.
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OCD
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I work in an emergency room (not clinical staff, I just work in close proximity to them). I see a lot of crazy shit. It starts to drag on you after a while. I get home from work and my family wants to know how I'm doing. When I tell them I feel like shit because I saw someone die today they tell me "you just have to separate your work life from your home life."
Like really? That's the best you've got? You tell me you understand and then you throw that bs in my face? Yeah, I'll just leave all this trauma at the door the moment I clock out, yeah that'll totally help me sleep tonight.
I also got told today that I need to "be grateful" that I have a job where all I do is apparently "sit around and get paid to do nothing all shift". Yeah, sure, I'll be grateful for the job where I see horrible things fresh out of highschool, and my bosses who dont support me and threaten me with punishments if I try to call in when it gets to be too much.
So no. They have no idea what we go through and they dont understand.
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ptsd
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I was going through a really bad episode and decided to trust a group of friends who promised they’d be there for me only to have them call the cops twice on me and utterly humiliate and destroy all my trust. Now when I’m trying to gather the pieces and process everything, but they all want nothing to do with me and pretend not to see my messages or flat out tell me they won’t help me. when they’re clearly active and not doing anything. This is why I never talk to anyone about my issues and just don’t want to live anymore.
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depression
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I'm done with therapy at the moment. I've been to several sessions each having its pros and cons but after just a couple of sessions it really just started feeling like a repeating cycle of talking, time and money with no progress on my end. If I get desperate enough I'll go to another session but I'm not in a poor mental state so I'm just holding it off since therapy feel pointless. What do ya'll think? And if you go to, or have ever been to therapy, what was your experience like?
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depression
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Late diagnosed ADHD mainly inattentive can't seem to pull my mask down around loved ones but as soon as I'm alone in the car or my room the mask is gone. I never knew what I was doing was masking so I was unsure how to not do it, basically be myself. Any tips or suggestions for this. I can't not do it at this time. It just happens, I'm aware of it but can't break out of it. I do have a therapist and will be seeing her Thursday for this as well but it's tearing me up inside. So if anyone has suggestions it ways to help with this I would greatly appreciate it. Anything at all...
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ADHD
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My experience don't measure up to the posts here, for I was never raped. Harassed, and compelled to do things that no girl should do.
You see, I was going through a bipolar phase where I just snapped and turned into somebody completely different.
I didn't initiate the sexual contact, he was the one who iniated it, forcibly crashing his lips onto mine, forcibly touching my privates even though I didn't ask for it.
He was a colleague, who saw an opportunity. I was bullied, and he fed sweet words to me.
The trigger, a bully said to me that I wasn't good enough in the company and that said man would not approve of my performance or even scold/reprimand/rein down criticisms on me.
That triggered in me something so.. despicable?
I thought I wanted to prove to the bully that he wouldn't do such a thing, but what I got in the end were tears, for I have fooled myself into thinking that if I gained his favour, the bully would have been wrong in her assumptions.
I'm still sceptical whether it was me acting out on my own accord or was it the bipolar mania snap?
Because when I finally crashed from the mania months later and by then I wasn't working there anymore ( he got fired for his misconduct and I too got fired for my purported misbehaviour) , I started remembering the events in another light that shed trauma inducing pain in me.
When I brokedown, then only I asked myself, why didn't I say no? Why didn't I push him away? Why wasn't I strong enough to put an end to that scenario by quitting that nonsensical job with poor employee rapport?
Why did the bipolar beast put euphoria in me at that time and acquiesce to him violating my body?
Why did I capitulate to his words?
For you see, I come from a super, super orthodox religion that prohibits bodily contact between a man and a woman before marriage.
I am a Muslim.
People have been raped before, and that is heinously, utterly, horrifyingly, a vile and condemned crime. I was at least spared from the final act of penetration, but if you could understand, for a Muslim girl, things like this, it's too traumatising for me. I can't believe what I did or was it the bipolar beast?
The man who perpetrated me, was a non-Muslim. Out of respect, I shall not name his religion.
I have lost my will to ever love, or to ever want a Muslim man for a husband, and to ever want to be in a normal blessed marriage filled with wisdom and happiness.
My body reacts most painfully whenever I have flashbacks of what he did to me.
When I was young, I was always on the awkward side and never had a boyfriend (it is permissible for a bf as long as he respects boundaries), but now, after what happened, that man never respected my boundaries.
I get headaches everyday just trying to repress the memories.
Why did God arrange for such a vile man and a catalytic bully to be there?
I was a good worshipper that I prayed and never left a single prayer. What wisdom can I get out of this except that I believe myself to also have sinned.
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ptsd
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Hi! I have a number of conditions, including ADHD (which was self-discovered about a year ago and officially diagnosed 3 days ago) and epilepsy (which was diagnosed I believe about a year ago) so I’m on lacosamide for seizures and I think it’s only since then that I’ve noticed it enough to have pursued a diagnosis. Does anyone else with ADHD and epilepsy take lacosamide and do you find that your symptoms have gotten more noticeable since being put on it? Please let me know! Thank you!
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ADHD
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I still think about it - but it isn't every day like it was for almost two years. It's not a main focus anymore. My fear of it reoccurring is going away. I don't feel as distressed when reminded of it.
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ptsd
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The other day I was searching on Google about schizo symptoms I don't know why lol I was just scared and I was looking on Google and I started to think about one specifically is the paranoid. The thing is that I got obsessed with this symptom cause of the fear. And now everything I do I start to think hmm am I being paranoid? For example I saw that paranoids can be that everybody is lying and the other day I was talking and thinking about this and my brain was like "hmm what if all this he is saying is a lie" but in myself I was like "damn no wtf, why he would be lying he is an amazing person, this is just that I got obsessed with this sympom and I'm overthinking it".
I perfectly know is just fear and obsession about this symptom, but I would like to know if someone else having it and how can I forget about and if I'm okay
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OCD
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hi everyone. i just wanted someone else’s opinion on if this is just anxiety or could it be something more. growing up, as a young child i did have anxiety around cleanliness. ik it was just anxiety, i would refuse to sit down at dirty tables, and would have breakdowns when asked to clean other peoples dishes, even if i needed to use them for myself (i would find alternatives). i only liked using plastic or paper utensils/plates/cups because i saw them as clean in comparison to actual dishes (something i still do).
eventually i started to avoid restaurants because i got a stomach ache one time, and my thoughts circulated around getting sick if i go to a restaurant. i would be extremely anxious to go out to eat, and often asked to just eat at home. i eventually exposed myself to more restaurants and was fine, but this obsession came and gone for years.
in high school, i had really bad intrusive thoughts about harming myself and my family, and it would take up my entire day, to the point i had to be picked up from school because i was so distressed. i also kept having urges to tell my parents i miss them, which soothed my head temporarily. i self reassured a lot and did research a lot, and avoided my parents because if i was Around them i would cry. it did eventually die down, and my month depression also relaxed.
now, diagnosed with bpd, my obsession is mostly about cleanliness, food, and fear of being attracted to younger people. i eat in my room, avoid looking at younger ppl, and i avoid eating certain things like boxed pastries?? and i try to avoid trying new food unless they have a certain rating. and i sometimes restrict how much i eat. i also look to see if anyone complained about food poisoning. pls help.
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OCD
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I have a deep desire to change Mexico, giving more personal and economic freedoms, also making people participate and getting interested in politics. I know this kind of aspiration are not common, but I'd like to get information (if there's any)
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aspergers
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I don't know why but this week has realy been ruining me. I was feeling better recently and then this week hit me and it's just terrible you know.
It's like I'm feeling so much at one time and I'm not sure how to handle it all. I keep thinking about it and having flashbacks over small things. It's feels childish, and I don't know how to reel it all back.
Sometimes I think someone's behind me, I have to keep turning around and checking things. I keep feeling it all over my skin, and quite honestly I don't think I've ever fully gotten to cry over it but yesterday I just started straight up crying while I was having a panic attack.
whenever I think about it, it's all feels like my fault. It sucks because I know I don't hate him. I hate myself but I can't hate him for some reason.
He ruined my connection with my body and sexuality before I got to understand what sex truly ment. He made me sexual before I knew what I was doing, made me feel sexual before I knew the weight of it.
I thought i was fine, I thought it was normal to feel so sexual at 8. I thought my thoughts, idealization of older men and pornographic habits were normal. Everyone does this right? Everyone makes out with another kid and tries to give them a blowjob right?
I still in a way do have the same thoughts, I just know more. Now somehow I'm supposed to figure out my sexuality and the regular things that come with being 16. But I can't, I won't get to feel it the way I'm supposed to.
He ruined me. All I feel is his hands everywhere. My arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, and in between my legs.
He took my childhood that was already bad and ruined it.The way he makes me feel makes me wanna get black out drunk, convinently I love the taste of hard liquor. I had the first my drink and smoke in elementary too, lovely right.
Yet somehow, the only person I hate is myself and I'll forgive him over and over again until the words don't sound real. I wish I could hate.
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ptsd
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yeah thats basically it. it would mean a lot if you can answer
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depression
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I’m under stimulated and in a place where all of my socializing comes solely from my phone. I’m in a tiny village in a rural area full of elderly people, with a different culture from my own country. I plan on moving back but I don’t want to continue wasting my time here sat around feeling bored and under-stimulated. So, I’m asking for some ideas! What gets your ADHD brain going?
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ADHD
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Hello everyone.
I hate this life. I hate this life very much. My job sucks and distributing. I hate pharmaceutical career at all and if I got back in time I won't work on it. Last night I broke up with a person who argued me on phone, he said I wouldn't make friends and die alone, he insulted me said "You mother**ker" so I cut on him and cried. I feel so lonely and sad. I tried to masterbute but I got back and stopped myself because I have nofap challenge. I really don't know what I should do. I pray everyday for THE GOD to help me... Thanks for listening.
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depression
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Hey all! Recently diagnosed (26M) I’ve always struggled with impulse control and especially when it comes to my emotions.
Today I’ve honestly had a good day I’ve recently started meds and it’s been super helpful in terms of making me more focused and less anxious (big surprised that it’s helped with that) but then tonight, my partner came home and we were talking and they pulled me up on something minor which any normal person would react with hey sorry my bad.
But for some reason I just lashed out saying things I know I don’t mean at all, I wasn’t even angry I wasn’t upset at all but still this came out of me and it’s happened a lot lately? It’s like I just have zero control of what comes out of my mouth as soon as I lose control of my emotions. I try blame it on my ADHD but I know that’s not fair and I also see how much it is affecting my partner.
I don’t know what to do?
TLDR: I lash out even when I’m not angry and say things I don’t mean, but I feel like that person and me are two different people.
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ADHD
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Yall ever feel like the world's most capable genius of all time one instance, then the next feel like an absolute (insert r-word)?
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aspergers
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I just feel like I want to just shout it out to everyone I feel even slightly safe with, nobody beloved me for so long that I just want anyone to agree that I went through something. I feel bad about this, it makes people uncomfortable.
I don't even remember what happened, I don't recall about a year and a half, and I still feel like I'm lying to myself and others.
TL;DR
I feel like I'm invalid because I don't fit the average PTSD stereotype, I'm worried that I'm faking.
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ptsd
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Does anybody else struggle while arguing with their partner? I cant think at all when we fight. Its like my mind is paralyzed. Its horrible. I feel beaten down because i can't get a word out correctly. I wish i was able to say what i feel but its so difficult figuring out what im feeling and putting it into words. Can anyone relate to this? Or knows how to work with it? Im having a hard time when we get into really argumentative fights.
EDIT: thank you so much for commenting, it means a lot knowing that others are going through similar experiences. And thank you to all who posted advice!! I will be using these to continue to learn and grow. :)
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ADHD
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Sorry for the long disorganized post. So I always felt like I had attention issues and dealing with being under stimulated. I never like to be in the house and would often feel anxiety if I was not out and about. Diagnosed a few months ago at 34 and taking 40mg (it has been upped from 30mg after the first month). I would be sitting there knowing I had things to do and not able to get the focus or the motivation to do anything all the while my brain is screaming at me “PLEASE DO SOMETHING…YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO”. Since taking the medication my mind had quieted down so much which has been beautiful but I still can’t get myself to focus...I think it might actually be worse since I started the medication. I’ll start doing work and then 5 minutes later I’m like ok need to do something else. Then I get into panic mode because I have all this shit for work to do. Working from home has probably exacerbated this, because I have a lot of freedom as long as I get my work done. Always needing stimulation has me constantly wanting to do things - travel, go to concerts, go out with friends etc, and it tends to put a strain on my fiancé who is a homebody and feels that I don’t want to be with him because I never want to be at home. That’s not the case…I love him but I’m just BORED at home. I’ve also been spending more on like clothes and shit. And I just feel like I can’t get enough happy chemicals in my brain lately. I tend to hyperfixate on people and it’s like if I’m talking to them it’s great and when I’m not, I’m miserable and I hate that feeling so much. Then I will hyperfixate on a scenario in my head and it’s just all I can think about until I give myself anxiety. I don’t know what to do here. I just want peace. Sorry for the rambling.
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ADHD
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ADHD-PI here. I get lost in my thoughts more than countless times everyday. I havent been medicated for almost 10 years now but ive been thinking about getting back on because of whats been happening lately.
Ive been aware of this happening to me for a while, but ive just started to notice it happening more often and on a more extreme level. Like today at work, we werent busy so i was just leaning on the counter and starring into the void. I think a lot of people can relate when i say it always feels like time both completely stops and flies by. Like it feels like both 1000 eternities, and only milliseconds have gone by.
I was in this state for who knows how long at work, until i feel my boss shake my shoulder telling me that hes been calling me for a couple minutes. I got a stern talking to until i reminded him about my untreated adhd (super happy when he believed me when i first told him since most of my previous bosses either didnt believe me or didnt care).
But episodes like this have been happening a lot more often for me especially at school and work. Should i be concerned? I want to get back on some sort of medication, but im still a little afraid because my mother sort of forced it on my as a kid and wouldnt listen when i would tell her how shitty it would make me feel. The doctor kept upping my dose until i hit the max (concerta 128mg i think? Or 64mg) and started losing a ton of weight. They lowered my dose finally, but things happened and i was surrendered to my dad and dropped the medication completely.
Has anyone else experienced this speed up in dissociation?
Also if i do end up talking to a doctor, im not taking concerta ever again. The insomnia (still dealing with it to this day), harsh mood swings, zero appetite, and dangerous weight loss and had messed up my head and body way too much. Thats where 99% of my apprehension comes from. The 1% is having to deal with actually getting rediagnosed. Sounds like a big headache to me
|
ADHD
|
After being numb for so long and physically unable to cry, I’ve finally cried, even though it was for less than 20 seconds.
I have finals in a week which my mentally abusive mom wants to go on vacation during, missing assignments that are out of my control from the start, and undiagnosed ADD and I finally laid down and let it all overwhelm me and I finally cried and it feels good. It’s sort of relieving crying, like punching myself in the head when I realize I’m fucked but I know this is probably the only time it’ll happen possibly forever. I wish I could cry all the time
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depression
|
This has taken a big toll on me and I feel like I’m starting to gain pounds by my lack of motivation to do anything and I just feel like a lazy ass and all I can do is cry and my stomach is killing me but I don’t want to eat anything. Looks are everything for me and it’s not for other people but for myself cause i feel so confident and more open to more things and I’m just starting to hate my appearance and the guy who I am.
|
depression
|
I’ve seen so many posts debating what OCD is. It’s not an anxiety disorder. It’s not a schizoaffective related disorder. Obsessive-compulsive related disorders are their own category in the DSM, because it has many facets that distinguish them from other psychopathology. With that being said, OCD and anxiety do often co-occur and overlap with certain symptoms. Hope this
helps, thanks.
Source: i’m literally looking at the dsm right now
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OCD
|
that house being one of my parent’s. i guess i have “trauma” from some shitty things they did during the divorce but that was AGES ago and tbh i’m just not bothered by it anymore.
it just seems like a depressed aura hits some days when i walk in to their house. i don’t know how to explain it.
help?
|
depression
|
DAE have a gut feeling that they can’t shake after having a nightmare? This feeling that you may like but it’s not your normal nausea, and you can’t stop thinking about the dream because it was so intense. You even break down crying because you can’t handle it. I haven’t had a dream like this in a long time and I don’t know what to do. I’m at work right now and I want to leave so bad.
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ptsd
|
Whenever I try to say how I am feeling some people are like "I can understand what you are going through". No you don't. Stop saying that please. I myself can't understand what I am going through how can you?
Does anyone feel the same
|
depression
|
I just wanna say you are all loved and that you are so brave for living with this shit illness every day
|
OCD
|
When I drive or am doing menial tasks I'll just say or sing something over and over again. Sometimes a random quote or a joke or song lyric.
I had a 45 minute drive and realized the entire time I sang "day man... Ooooaaahh.. Fighter of the night man... Oooooaaahh... Champion of the sun..... Ooooaaahh.... Master of karate and friendship for everyone one ...." (This is from an episode of it's always sunny in philadelphia). Over and over and over for 45 minutes. Totally content not even realizing it.
|
aspergers
|
Does anyone else have constant worries of developing illnesses such as e.g. Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Alzheimers, Tourette Syndrome, etc. I tend to search up symptoms to many mental illnesses and sicknesses and based on the symptoms I self-diagnose myself.
|
OCD
|
I was stuck in denial about getting raped by my sociopath ex friend hook up thing for two years. There was alot of phycological abuse and physical abuse within that relationship too.
After I met the guy of my dreams and never wanted to look back at that time but I started getting sleep paralysis and other PTSD symptoms. My ex Sociopath worked in my industry but after he hit another girl and someone called the cops he disappeared. Recently he started showing back up at networking events. Mine and my SO mutual friends that also new the sociopath told me that "everyone has bad breakups" and I should be nice around the sociopath and just move on. Two different people used the same wording at different times. This made me feel unsafe and I wanted to stop talking to those two friends (I told my SO he could still talk to them but they can't know where we live and I want him to limit the conversations about me). My SO and I got in fights about it and I ended up telling him about that blurry night that I had no conclusion about.
After that, my SO pressured me to go to therapy. The first few months I wasn't really trusting so it took a while for me to get to talk about the sociopath relationship. She had me make a timeline of my life. when I was writing in the timeline about the sociopath relationship. My SO that was looking for a house with me, took me ring shopping, even that week mentioned he knew he was going to buy me a ring soon broke up with me. He said it was for work-life balance issues but he let it slip a few times that relationships shouldn't be this hard and other people don't need to deal with my sociopath issue in their relationships. He went back and forth for a few weeks. while I just gave my therapist the part of my timeline about the sociopath (and my SO new where I was at in my timeline). Started coming to the conclusion I was raped my SO came back that week. he was back in just to break up with me two days later. (really right now! he could have done it months earlier he new before me and I liked my denial I wish I was still there, and it was his idea to go to therapy)
I Lost 30 Pounds in less than a month had to take short term disability to stop working (i used to be so passionate about my job). my family has always been difficult but they loved me. I always thought my family, as difficult as, they are, would be there for me if I had a life crisis. they only wanted to help by giving me money, I told them my triggers and they refuse to stop doing them. Said I was being controlling by making them change their actions. refused to read the books I gave them, refused to go to a caretaker therapist or a support group. after I had a very bad week where I came very close to committing suicide but talked my self out of it. I begged my parents or sister to stay with me a couple of weeks. I was scared if it happened again idk if I could talk myself out of it. I knew if someone was here I wouldn't because I wouldn't want them to find me like that. I Even told them this and They refused said they couldn't possibly. Even though my place is closer to my sister's job and both my parents work from home. This is what started the rage (I am not an angry person but I am a bitter angry person now). My parents anytime that I got mad about the situation would tell me they were helping me pay for Food and transportation.... I could care less about the money I wanted physical and emotional support from my loved ones. One day on the phone I raged at them and my mom called the cops on me. since then I have so much hate, anger, bitterness, and want for revenge. I used to be so empathetic for others and forgiveness but now it's gone and that scares me.
\- I do not want your sympathy or validation. it's nice but I want it from my family and my ex SO. I want it from the people I love. Friends also act like they don't know what to do around me. but even when I do get support from strangers or a friend that has been through trauma. I still just really really want it from the people I love the most.
\- I want to know why it's so hard for them to help or put me first for once when it matters. this is my life. I was actively trying to get a support system, tell them how to help me. even when I was raging I just wanted them to understand how serious it was. but I don't even understand why it got to that point. how do you see your little girl at 75 pounds and not get on board right at that moment? This has been months since that and they still have done little effort. my sister got on board eventually but I have a hard time forgiving how long it took her to get there. She has been a big help and I am so grateful and so bitter all at the same time.
\- I came to the conclusion that society sucks. that's why no one ever helped me at the time. even when I was in a crowded bar and he tried to light my hair on fire and threaten he was going to hit me no one moved. No one I was with that night and no one at any of the other tables. that's why when I went to the police 3 times with the physical and emotional abuse they weren't helpful. but I came to that conclusion by reading a lot of articles about how its human nature to preserve one's self first. But these are people that love me or loved me and I just don't understand
\- I think I can get over this rage and hate if people tell me why helping someone with my situation is hard for them? please don't sugar coat and be honest. I need to find a way to see it from there shoes so I can just accept it. and even if it is selfish reasons. if enough people tell me that's why then it must be human nature and that is why I feel so unloved.
\- Last it makes me sad this still hunts me but I just don't understand My SO, why make me go to therapy and blow up my brain if you were going to bail when you knew it was about to get hard? he could have made me go to therapy and broke up with me, in the beginning, there were about two months before we got to the hard stuff. Why not leave me as soon as I told him about that blurry night? Why did he wait I was having a mental break down to bail and was incapable of making future goals for myself ( I am such a planner and goal-oriented person. why wait till I was already in the middle and my life was turned upside down). and if you ever loved me couldn't you wait a few months till I wasn't in the middle of processing this. he took my safety, security, stability, my future goals and annoyingly my financial stability (because he promised to help me pay for treatment when my HSA ran out. when he was convincing me to go to therapy. So now I have 3 sessions left on my HSA and I should have never opened a door that I financially wouldn't be able to close. I am going to choose therapy over my financial health but I am angry about it because I don't want to rack up credit card debt) when I needed it the most. He ripped it away and so cold. I just need to know why? and I know I shouldn't care blah blah blah blah..... but trying not to care about my feelings is what developed my PTSD right? I want to hear from men that couldn't handle it and left there SO in this situation and why you decided to do that to the person you loved?
Please help! Be honest! and help me accept that I have a shitty support system! I just can't carry this anger and hate anymore! I know if I hear why it's hard for caretakers I will find empathy for there feelings. (PS. I can't ask them about there feelings about my situation because I know if I ever get suicidal again I will hear their feelings as me being a burden. I am the only one keeping me safe and fighting for me. if I hear it from others I won't feel or hear their pain and I can look at it objectively)
|
ptsd
|
I never used medication growing up (parents did not want to medicate). started using some in college to help me focus and get work done. I only filled my prescription a couple times with different doses and different types but hated how I felt on all of them. Long story short, I Opted for many natural coping mechanisms. I am happy with how things turned out and can manage my symptoms well enough. I can’t help but wonder what I missed with consistent medication and curious if there is a dosage/product that would have made me feel better while taking it. Ps I also have auditory processing disorder so I am not sure if that impacted anything.
|
ADHD
|
Hi y’all, I’m fairly new to this platform and this is my first post on Reddit (I’m going to go ahead and apologize for the length of this post in advance). I’m a 21-year-old male college student who’s taking classes online currently due to the global situation, and I’ve been diagnosed with ASD for about a month now. I’ve been living at home with my mom and sister for the last year, as has my NT girlfriend of 3 years.
But the reason for this post is due to today being Easter and the horrible cycle I find myself in when various holidays roll around. See, this Easter I had planned the entire day out meticulously to attempt to avoid being overwhelmed by the major social aspect of socializing with everyone on Easter. But as it turns out, my attempts at preventing this were futile.
Troubles started when trying to fall asleep the night prior. I have a very hard time with sleep and often have to resort to taking melatonin supplements at night to even get a decent amount of sleep, otherwise I find myself just not sleeping at all on bad nights. I don’t prefer taking these melatonin supplements, as I’m not a big fan of being reliant on a certain medicine or drug to function properly. So, although I tried to fall asleep naturally last night, I couldn’t get to sleep until I finally decided to take melatonin supplements around 2AM. This resulted in me sleeping way past my morning alarms and starting my day off in a panic. I ended up missing Easter service with my family and girlfriend, and spent the morning very upset.
Things didn’t get much better as my other Easter plans unfolded either. Next planned for the day was an Easter lunch with my extended family, which my girlfriend and I had talked about not going to because of the major level of anxiety it gave me to even think about. But, despite my worries about going and my better judgement, I didn’t want to disappoint my family and seem rude on Easter (a very important holiday to them), so we went anyways. Immediately things went south, as we got there and were surprised to be immediately introduced to a couple I was not expecting to be there. This threw me off for a couple reasons: firstly I don’t like unexpected things when I’m stressed or upset, and just generally. Secondly, I have a major fear of meeting or socializing with new and strange people. And even after this, the problems at lunch only worsened. There ended up being about a dozen of us in a very small space at once, and I’m not very good at handling multiple people talking or socializing with me at once. Now, this would usually not have been that bad of a venture for me had I had a place to sneak away to and get a bit of space or just alone time. But unfortunately, my family had not gotten all together like this in the last year, and they were all very sociable and extremely loud people who had been deprived of these kinds of social occasions for way too long, so I never got a chance to get away from the chaos and loudness of the party at all in the 2 and a half hours we were there. But finally, after making up a dumb excuse that everyone could tell was just that, I was able to get away from the craziness of the party.
As soon as we got back home I was so emotionally taxed and socially drained that I passed out the second my head hit my pillow. Though only a couple hours after we had gotten back from that horrible lunch party, it was already time to go to the next social event for the day; my girlfriend’s family’s Easter celebratory dinner. But I found that I couldn’t imagine staying sane through another social event similar to lunch, and so my girlfriend ended up attending the dinner alone.
Anyways, this whole story is all to ask if it is normal for anyone else on the spectrum to be so emotionally drained and feel like their brain is fried after only a couple hours of intense socializing, like I experienced today? I hate this cycle of socializing and burnout that often occurs during holidays, and I was also wondering if anyone had any good suggestions or ways to prepare for things like this?
Thank you for reading! And happy Easter!
|
aspergers
|
Anybody know which Antidepressant has had the best success rate with OCD? Also has anybody taken Prozac for OCD that stop working and then tried it again with success?
|
OCD
|
Hello my friends, I just recently got diagnosed with ADHD. I've been having sleeping problems for most of this year and I think this has definitely worsened my symptoms. I'm in the process of getting a prescription for a stimulant and I hope that taking it will somehow lead me to organize my sleep schedule (assuming the meds will help me be a little more focused and structured during the day.) The thing is, I don't know when I'll be able to get the prescription so for now I'll just have to try out things on my own. I guess this is something that many of you can relate to: I'm really good at knowing things intellectually but then I consistently fail to follow through. I **KNOW** what a good sleep hygiene routine looks like, but I'm never able to stick to it. It's sooo frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I'm a slave to the workings of my mind, like it's my mind always determining what I can or cannot do instead of it being the other way round (hope this makes sense). Many nights, I feel very tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my mind just won't leave me alone. I think I should mention that I'm sober from alcohol, I don't do caffeine **but** I do still consume lots of nicotine through vaping. I know this is not good for me and that nicotine is probably making my nervous system even more out of whack. But I don't feel capable of quitting smoking right now cause I'm going through so much at the moment.
I guess I'm ISO of advice/tips from people who actually understand what it's like to live with an ADHD brain. What has worked for you to sleep better? How do I get myself to sleep for, at least, 8 hrs a night? How do you guys calm down your nervous system?
I would really appreciate some guidance.
Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
So I’m having a fight with my other half and I’m sleeping in my office outside. My kid said that it’s better that daddy is at home and that I should move to a different house. That doesn’t help as I am only breathing because of them.
My argument has always been, that I am a fuck up to my kids and they would lead better lives if wasn’t here ruining them (I kind of would rather do the deed while they are young so they don’t have any strong memories of me)
I guess this kind of confirms what I’ve been thinking.
|
depression
|
CW: Drugs
Hey all, so I (22F) know I’m probably overreacting right now but I could use some advice.
So I’m currently visiting home for my birthday, and because I usually use them, I brought my cannabis edible gummies with me. They help me sleep better usually (I have OCD obviously and GAD) and so I figured I should bring them along.
We have two small children (4 and 6, my siblings) in the house, so I made sure to keep them in my room, in their childproof cap, and in a cabinet far out of reach-can’t be too careful. I took one gummy around 9, but then realized I usually only took 3/4 servings so I spit a tiny bit out. We’re talking maybe .5 mg tops (very very small amount for those who don’t know weed doses, amount 1/10 of what it would take a regular person to get mildly high). I put the tiny piece down the sink in the upstairs bathroom. I didn’t want to put it in the trash, who knows if the kids ever go rooting around in there. For good measure I even poked around in the sink to make sure it went down and cleaned inside the sink.
Now I’m sitting on my bed, worried as shit that the kids will still somehow get high. Maybe there was residue on my hands when I turned off the sink, if they touch it and then put their hands in their mouth there could still be a single particle left, etc. I’m almost certain I’m overreacting, if there even was residue it would be about 1/10000000000 of an edible which I doubt would do anything to any mammal, I still can’t stop thinking about it and picturing worst case scenarios. All I want to do is go in there with paper towels and scrub the entire bathroom/doorknobs/etc.
Any advice on how to calm down? Am I overreacting?
|
OCD
|
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