body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I’ve tried a bunch of meds to help combat my depression and anxiety and got no relief from any of them. They were all SSRIs or SNRIs and I was on them as long as the GP said. Now I’ve been referred to a psychiatrist, she wants me to go back on Paxil which I have already previously been on and I noticed no significant changes in my mood and anxiety. All I know is that trying to get off it was soo hard that I don’t want to take it again and have to go through the withdrawals again. She wants to go to the max dosage which is 60mg and I don’t feel comfortable taking a dosage that high because it’s gonna be even harder to come off it. I haven’t told her that I have been practically stockpiling meds because I never take them. I have a bunch of Paxil tablets that I haven’t taken because I don’t want to be on it, but I don’t know how to tell her because I feel like she doesn’t listen to a word I say. I don’t feel comfortable speaking to her about how I feel so I just keep accepting the meds but I’m not taking them...any advice as to how to go about this?
|
depression
|
I have contamination ocd with emetophobia (specifically about Norovirus). It developed years ago from a bout with a stomach condition I had. Anything I ate or drank gave me severe nausea to the point that I felt like I was going to vomit, but never did. The panic that accompanies the moments before vomiting was constantly there. A whole year of this led to me developing emetophobia. I was constantly researching what could make me vomit, and found out about the norovirus. In the last three years it has gotten extreme. I wash my hands 5-6 times a day for five minutes at a time, and the panic and anxiety I feel in between these times is extreme. I can tell my coworkers notice, which makes me feel shame and embarrassment. It’s caused my work to decline. I’ve been on antidepressants since just after my stomach condition settled down, and my count now is up to 13 (currently on two different ones). Who has experienced emetophobia, and how have you been managing?
|
OCD
|
Ok so as the question says, whenever I feel the rage, anxiety etc I just go to the part of the house where it's dark , let it all out and feel at peace.. atleast better .
So does this happens to someone else or I'm just the weird 🥔?
|
ptsd
|
I seem to have real trouble listening and sometimes miss completely what was said, like it doesn't go in my head at all.
And my boyfriend gets angry at me over it quite a lot and yells at me for not listening.
Not sure how to deal with it. I told him I can't help it but that doesn't seem to improve the issue
|
ADHD
|
I’m a 32 black female and important here to mention race as it has played a crucial role in my mental health journey. My mom in particular didn’t understand how or why I could be depression and feeling so many emotions out my control. It’s very taboo in the black community to not seek out help and to pray about it.
Over the past 4 years with me being in therapy, she finally gets it. Or so I think and hope.
Now to the last couple of days, where something happened and I lost my shit mentally, I decided if I don’t take the plunge and get on meds, the worst was finally going to happen. Suicide.
I never want to hurt my parents obviously but in all reality, they’re opinion was contributing to me hurting.
Help me decide on Prozac or Zoloft. Pros, cons, side effects, etc and if you have similar experiences with race and mental health. Thanks!
|
depression
|
After getting diagnosed with ADHD a couple months back, I was finally given the all clear to start medication.
I took my first dose 18mg of concerta on Thursday.
I went out with my friend and didn't notice any effects or difference at all until I came home and noticed my brain wasn't as noisy as it usually was, I could see more clearly & hear more clearly? Like everything was less foggy. I wasn't as anxious, I felt motivated to do housework. It seemed like it was doing everything it was supposed to do! It didn't suppress my appetite and later I had the best sleep I'd had I'm ages.
Day 2, I went to work. I noticed I slight difference, I didn't feel as overwhelmed or burnt out when I got home. But overall, I didn't feel much different to a day where I didn't take my meds.
Saturday, again I noticed a tiny difference.
Today I took my meds and didn't feel any difference at all. I felt super overwhelmed and restless. I struggled to get stuff done. Is it normal for your body to build a tolerance to the meds so quickly?
I know its only the starting dose, they are upping it in two weeks.
How do your meds effect you? I'd like to hear your experiences.
|
ADHD
|
Just a precursor: I am on meds, have been for the past year. I was diagnosed when I was 8 or 9 after I got out of foster care, went off meds at 18, got back on over a decade later. Off meds my life was hell, I couldn't keep a job, at one point homeless, I was **super** impulsive, really reckless, without really knowing why, I would do stupid shit out of character and nearly destroyed my life.
Fast forward a bit: Even on meds, I start 900 things and only finish 1 or 2. I'm still impulsive with money and other things sometimes. I don't really work out anymore and being 30-something you feel it more than when you're in your 20's. I have to talk myself into showing up to work at least once a week, I would rather trade stocks, watch random Youtube videos or play video games. It's like I have a small bit of calmness when on meds, but the raging sea around me still crashes down from time to time. It's truly overwhelming at times.
Anyone else feel this way? Has anything helped you?
P.S. I'm really terrible at trading stocks, I tried it lol
|
ADHD
|
Hey, I‘m 23, female and since about 2 months I‘m worried that I could be pedophile. My journey of feeling shit started with panic attacks after I smoked a lot of weed for about 1,5 years and after that I thought about 3 weeks that I had some kind deadly disease because I had a lot of anxiety symptoms like heartracing, not being able to breath properly etc. At the same time I started worrying the first time about the pedophilia thing, I thought „omg, what if I have a child some day and it‘s a boy and I find him sexually attractive?“ So I said to myself pray that it will be a girl. Then I had a dream about making out with a very young looking boy which terrified me. Still dealing with the thought that I‘m going to die of a disease, the thoughts about pedophilia just faded away again. As the body symptoms were gone and my anxiety about that got better, I filled out a questionnaire from a therapist and there was one question: Do you feel bad about your sexual preferences?
Idk why, but instantly I thought of being pedophile because I worried about that once, and so it all started. After that day, which was two months ago, I didn‘t have one day questioning myself: Am I pedophile?
I‘ve never been attracted to kids in my life, I developed my sexuality when I was 12 or something and I‘ve always been attracted to men, mostly they were older than me. I’ve always been a very sexual person and I enjoyed having sex very much. I never questioned my sexuality, but now I do. I‘ve googled my problem and I found out that there are other people dealing with it and that it‘s probably OCD. But I can never be sure about that, I just constantly ask myself if its really OCD or if I got a real problem. I always check myself and when I walk down the street and I see children, sometimes I think they‘re pretty. The next moment I feel so bad and think omg what if that means that I am sexually attracted to them? I also see more boys around 16-18 that I find pretty, and I think it‘s because my focus has shifted. I still see many adult men who I find really attractive, but then it‘s the same, I ask myself: Do you really find men attractive or do you just want to because you‘re in denial of being pedophile?
I‘ve also been checking myself various times, trying to think of sexual scenes with kids even though I don‘t want to imagine this, and I‘m at the point where I really can‘t distinguish between real and not real, on some days I just can‘t tell if I want this or not because it‘s practically the only thing I been thinking of since two months straight. Often I think: If you can imagine that, it‘s bad enough and then I take that as a proof. I always try to say to myself that I would‘ve noticed earlier if I really was a pedophile, but then I think hmm, there are people who noticed it when they were 30, so why shouldn‘t I be one of them?
I‘m looking for a therapist and I‘m getting medication soon (SSRI) but I have to wait about 3 months til the therapy can start, I‘m on the waiting list right now. I feel terrible since this started and I think it‘ll never be better again. On very bad days I just wanna kill myself because this would be the only thing that could stop my mind from that constant thinking and checking and having arguments whether I have a problem or not.
I‘m happy for everyone that‘s going through this or has gone through it and can give me some advice how I can break out of this circle.
|
OCD
|
NSFW: MULTIPLE TRIGGER WARNING
So I had surgery for an anal fissure three times over summer, and had multiple traumatic experiences; a couple of times I took so much paracetomol/cocodamol that I thought I was going to die as I drifted off to sleep (wasn't trying to kill myself, more that I took dangerous amounts out of desperation because the pain was not being treated properly), aswell as the image of the sheer amount of blood that was pouring out post-first operation (not to mention the sheer amount of sleep-curbing pain I was in for about a month) burned into my mind.
I'm not sure if I have PTSD, but I feel like I may well do - I've been experiencing really bad mood swings, losing my temper and finding myself in totally uncontrollable rages at times, finding myself hardboring violent impulses (particularly toward women, which I personally find incredibly disturbing), and generally feeling overcome by emotion at least once a day. I've also been feeling incredibly anxious about socialising due to the fact that I don't want people talking to me about my illness as I'm shook to discuss it, aswell as general anxiety/panic attacks which have often come at random.
I guess I just need some reaasurance here because I'm not sure if I do have PTSD and I don't want to make anyone feel less valid here because obvs, my experience has been incredibly trivial compared to some of the stuff some ppl have seen. I feel like I'm fucking losing it, and every time I drink now I begin to feel suicidally depressed. I don't know what to do.
|
ptsd
|
i’m prescribed with vyvanse 70mg and i take it daily, but my tolerance is building up and it’s becoming less and less effective each day. i need to have a tolerance break but in order for me to work i need medication. my adhd is extremely debilitating to the point where i struggle to even get out of bed. what do i do!!!!
|
ADHD
|
You know that feeling... When you reassure your self on something, and you feel a huge amount of pleasure that feels like you got rid of that problem! Thing is, I can't seem to feel it anymore, even with mental compulsions that used to to it for me.
It's weird, because I don't get super anxious, but it's like I need that feeling and, if not, I will get very uncertain.
|
OCD
|
There is all this data and info about people with ptsd and why we have the problems we have but no understanding and empathy to go along with it. It’s like ok great you understand why I am the way I am but you also hold it against me?!?! I realize we are responsible for our behavior ultimately but …we’re not responsible for how it got there??? I’m having a really hard time with all I’ve lost as a result of what I went through.
|
ptsd
|
Background: I’ve been sexually assaulted and abused in general from my last relationship.
My current boyfriend has been pretty understanding in my lack of sexual desire.. but lately he hasn’t. We have been together for almost two years and we just aren’t being intimate hardly ever.. because of me.
Today he told me that he’s so sexually frustrated that he thought of having sex with other people. ... I just don’t know what to do at this point. I love him and I’m so attracted to him, but I just don’t think about sec hardly ever.
Anyone have any advice.. please? I feel bad because I know his feelings are hurt. But I’m also wishing he wouldn’t have said that.. I don’t know..
|
ptsd
|
How do you break ocd thought loops, I’ve been stuck with the thought loop of being in hell for the past 12 months and I have no idea how to break free from it
|
OCD
|
I tried hard but I just cant thrive in classrooms, they make me very anxious, schools and classrooms are triggering for me, since they are environments that I have been traumatized in. I have a problem of focusing on what's around me, I have a wide and overactive peripheral vision therefore people around me especially the one I sit next to think I am staring at them and get uncomfortable around me. I had to struggle with this nightmare for two years at community college, so I had to wear hoodies and wear my hair down to hide my peripheral vision a bit, it seems impossible to focus straight on the board without keeping and focusing on people close by me, I don't want to go another few years struggling like that, so unbearable.
I had enough and just finished my associates which was a NIGHTMARE for me to complete. I struggled a lot socially people didn't like me, I always looked visibly scared, I think I retraumatized myself throughout the process, it was like I was re-living high school again. I want to continue my bachelors online , at least that way I can learn on my own pace and plus I don't have to be around immature/ people and take a step back every time I get overwhelmed. I am getting a lot of backlash especially from my mom and people I tell about when they say I want to get my bachelor degree online, but they aren't my shoes and don't have to struggle what I go through and I have to do whatever it best for my mental health and right for me.
I visited a four year college a few weeks ago when I was considering and the classrooms were even smaller and more cramped than the ones I had in community college, it was very hot and the buildings had narrow and small hallways, I felt trapped. I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable or see myself there and that convinced me to just continue online and find more resources to heal myself along the way
anyone else struggled like this too?
|
ptsd
|
I have made a close friend who has ADHD. I don't have ADHD. We relate on some things and not on others. Sometimes it feels like we are the complete opposite in our thought process. This had me thinking what is the opposite of ADHD - tunnel vision? Like I like to hyper focus on stuff, it is hard for me to be split between too many things or I get over whelmed and shut down.
|
ADHD
|
Anime, films, any sort of media really when a certain music note hits, whether it’s happy or sad I feel a swell of emotion like I want to cry. Especially films that have anything to do with romance or friends it makes me feel physically sick, like a tightness in my chest. Especially when it reminds me of times in my life where I’d have similar feelings. I don’t know whether this is an Asperger’s thing, but I find it especially strange when compared to real life scenarios where I’d be completely emotional detached or dissociated. Anyone else have this?
|
aspergers
|
Quarantine caused my mental health has really spiral, as it did most people. I had already been struggling a lot but quarantine is when it really showed. I would go to sleep at 11 am and wake up at 8 pm. I was in an emotionally draining relationship. I stopped talking to my close friends. My relationship with my family was also heavily effected. When the new school year came around, a lot of those things started improving. As I got deeper into online school, my depression started to reflect on my grades. I feel like the future I had always planned for myself is out the window. All the potential I could have lived up to is now wasted. I feel like I've failed myself and there's nothing I can do.
|
depression
|
Has anyone got a fear of contracting HIV through absolutely anything and gets repeated tests or have even gone on pep unnecessarily but in your mind it's real and have not have sex.ots ruining my life .😭😭😭😭
|
OCD
|
Worth a watch. Not affiliated to the channel in any way. Just posting coz I thought it's relevant.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqFtWwQCzFI&ab\_channel=It%27sOkayToBeSmart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqFtWwQCzFI&ab_channel=It%27sOkayToBeSmart)
|
OCD
|
i suffer from sexual orientation ocd mostly but lately my health ocd has been going haywire. intrusive thoughts about the slightest pain, constant stumination on how this, that or the other thing could kill me, etc. an example is i have a swollen gum for a few days since i had an intense dental scaling and didn’t swish with salt water enough and it stings like hell. i’m having horrible thoughts that the inside of my mouth is going to rot and im gonna die because i can’t take care of myself. my cat gave me a nasty scratch in my finger and i had horrible thoughts i would have to get my finger taken off since it hurt a lot.
its exhausting. i’ve had this for years; i’ve convinced myself i had an STD, cancer, diabetes, a detached retina, etc. the worst part is it feels all rational since it’s important to keep checking on your health ans every google search says just go see a doctor. but i don’t since i’m too scared for it to be real. most of this stuff also goes away on its own.
i’m sorry for the rant, i just need tips on how to manage this. it’s so stressful because the saying it’s better to be safe than sorry because doctor visits can turn into compulsions.
|
OCD
|
I was at work today and my coworker noticed one of my OCD habits. I’ve been working her two years and a lot of my shifts with her but she just today noticed how often I sanitize my hands. I sanitize after any interaction with anyone. Even if I don’t touch anything. Just speaking to me is enough to trigger my need to sanitize. She notices me using hand sanitizer right after handling someone’s debit card and makes a joke about me being a “germaphobe” and I say “actually, I have OCD and sanitizing after interactions is just something I have to do” so now she knows about it she notices every time I do it. After a couple times she says ALRIGHT IM GONNA TAKE THAT SANITIZER AWAY FROM YOU and it made me panic a bit. She didn’t seriously try to take it but I feel like it was one of those jokes where she’s really kinda serious. If she does just try to take away the tools of my compulsion is that a positive intervention or just antagonizing me? I don’t know how to react when she brings it up again. I don’t think I could handle having my sanitizer taken away. What would you do?
|
OCD
|
About 9 months ago I moved in with a friend and co-worker. We were both looking for a place at the same time and we have similar interests so we figured we could move in together.
We live in London so living with someone else is pretty much a given when you’re single. All my previous flat shares were with random people I didn’t know, so we shared an accommodation but we didn’t live together which felt really awkward to me. So I was looking forward to moving in with my friend, to having movie nights or video game evenings, cooking and eating together, etc.
It was all great until about a month in he met his now girlfriend. He is now gone most nights, he never tells me when he will or won’t be here and for how long (not that he has to but it would just be cool to know) so I can’t plan food / grocery shopping etc. I also never know how long I’ll be on my own.
Having ADHD I suck at taking care of myself, I’d never cook a whole meal just for myself if there is nobody else. I’m also not someone who does well on my own for too long as I tend to overthink and lose myself in negative thoughts. That isn’t his problem of course, which is why I haven’t said anything.
But I really miss having him here most days and having our film or game nights. I feel extremely lonely most of the time now. I like being on my own, but not for too long. I miss him. And I feel like he doesn’t even like being around me. Maybe I’m annoying. Probably.
I don’t want to say anything because I’m happy he’s doing well in his relationship and I don't want to be a selfish asshole, but I just feel super lonely. I have nobody else I could ask to hang out all the time, I have no close friends. I find myself selfishly thinking, “I didn’t move in with you to constantly be alone”.
What’s more, we live above a very loud restaurant which gives me massive sensory overload, especially if I’m alone. They're usually loud until well after midnight (we moved in during lockdown so we had no idea how loud they would be, insulation is a joke).
I just got back from a 5 week vacation yesterday, having to isolate at home until I get a negative test result (3-4 days from now). He initially said he’d be home at lunch today but then he just didn’t turn up and upon asking at around 3pm he said he won’t be here until after dinner. I was waiting this entire time because I’d asked him to bring some food because there is nothing.
Now I’m sitting here crying cause I’m so frustrated, lonely, sad and just entirely done with myself. I hate that I feel like this, I hate that I always end up alone, no matter how hard I try to be social, or be someone people would like. Nobody ever wants to spend time with me. I'm never anyone's first choice.
I feel pretty worthless. On top of all this, I’m also struggling with attendance at work because it gives me anxiety, I'd rather just quit on the spot and never go back but I have to pay rent. :(
I just… ugh. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I'm so done.
|
ADHD
|
(f17) when i become fixated on smt, i become so submerged into it that i forget to do things like sleep. I conveniently hyper fixated on school over summer cux i was taking 4 classes and did a good amount of hours babysitting so sleep was nonexistent. (still got all As in the college classes tho) Now when the fall semester started i was completely burnt out and all i did was sleep and stress about failing (literally) all my classes bc i’m going thru one of those ‘i just cannot, don’t have willpower, am unable to do anything unless it’s smt that gives me instant happiness’ phase. but then during november i started losing sleep again (like 5 hours ?) even tho i’ve been working out and kinda fixed my eating??
i either sleep too much or too little and i have no idea how to fix it
|
ADHD
|
And it's not that because our social skills have gotten worse, it's because NTs have gotten more sensitive and closed-minded.
The addition of PC and cancel culture in recent years has especially provided as a catalyst to this issue.
A simple difference in psychology and everyone just assumes the worst out of you and shut you out.
Even a difference in TONE is enough to piss others off. I ought to know. It happened to me a few times. Matter of fact that's how I got kicked out of a gaming club.
It's so scary how easy it is to get in trouble these days. And most of the time it's not even your fault, but nobody cares about that. You're supposed to get in trouble for being an obvious asshole. Instead, you get in trouble simply because your psychology is different.
Maybe we Aspies aren't socially inept (not that much anyway). Maybe it's you NTs who are misconstruing OUR behavior; OUR differences as some form of perceived hostility. Did you ever once consider that?
|
aspergers
|
I'm going through a rough time right now and I've booked an appointment with a therapist. it will be my first time talking to a mental health professional. On top of my being at a low point, I've been suspecting I have ADHD for a while now and it would be such a relief to get a proper diagnosis so I can accept it to move on instead of constantly blaming myself for all my adequacies. Should I directly ask to be tested for ADHD? what approach should I go about it?
TIA!
|
ADHD
|
I know the simple answer to this question (bc life is all we have) but it's been eating me alive lately. Why does any of this shit matter? Everyone around me just does their daily routine just to go to bed and do the same shit all over again. I'm aware that I'm depressed and that's the only excuse I've ever been given when I ask this question but it seems like there's something bigger to it other than "you're in a slump and that's why you're thinking like that". And I get life is what you make of it but everything seems so fucking pointless man. No matter how hard I try to believe otherwise, my brain reverts back to this question. I don't think I'm crazy for asking it but other people seem so content with doing the same exact shit everyday until their dead. I'm sure I didn't word this well but I'm hoping someone can relate I guess. Idk
|
depression
|
I was diagnosed with adhd when i was 10 due to the whole try's hard at school but can do better, needs to stop talking to people, needs to focus more blah blah blah all they really needed to know was that what they were teaching me did not interest me one bit, as soon as i had a class i enjoyed the grades showed that.
At the age of 16 i took myself of the meds (ritalin) i just didnt enjoy who i was while i was on it, the zombie effect i called it.
i never even thought about not being on meds anymore nor did i see it effecting me. I still medicated but it was self medication ie sport! any sport i could play i played even excelled at most of them.
20 years passes and i had a trade that i worked in for 8 years through a couple of companies, then moved abroad the pursue a different life.
two years ago i took on an adult apprenticeship training to be n auto sparky. Geez did that tke some getting use to, having to focus the whole time, back to class work, tying to take in what was being taught and keep it in. 2 months ago after talking with a mate who has adhd as well he convinced me to go see a doc and have a chat.
took in all the old paperwork from my doc during the younger days, had a chat, got prescribed vyvanse and holy shit what a difference it made within the space of a few days, remembering where i left something and not having to ask the wife, actually listening to people while they are talking not just floating off because im not interested, not interrupting people half way through what they are saying because i thought id figured out where the story was going, being able to focus on one job at a time and not thinking about the next or one that id left to start something else.
Anyway 3 weeks on and i feel like its wearing off and im going back to my old ways. doc prescribed 40mg to start and upped to 50mgs then 60 next month if needed.
is this common that you get used to it?
he talks about finding the "sweet spot" but im worried that he can bump it to 70mg but the body and mind will get used to it, is there a "sweet spot" is there a point where it will carry on working or is it a conclusion that i end up back where i was?
If you are having thoughts about going to see someone because you think you might be or were diagnosed as adhd then i implore you to do it!! life has taken another turn for the better in daily life and confidence. I really dont want to go back to what i was like before...again
Why did it take me so long...
|
ADHD
|
[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/mrfd1h/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_165/)
Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.
**So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)
|
aspergers
|
How often do your thoughts change? Mine seem to be more often than normal?
|
OCD
|
So recently I watched the movie Pleasantville, which is about these two teenagers who go into a 50’s tv show. While watching it, I started convincing myself that my life is also a tv show, and that everyone around me is an actor, including my therapist. I know this is often deemed a psychotic delusion, but I feel like I have insight and realistically know it’s not true, but I can’t shake the feeling. I also feel like it may be OCD related rather than psychosis related because it was triggered by watching the movie, and I’ve had similar feelings before after watching the truman show. Has anyone else had this? Does it mean I’m going to develop psychosis (which is my main OCD obsession/fear)? Any responses would be so helpful!
|
OCD
|
I feel like im wasting my time thinking about it but i cant let it go , because i dont want it to happen again
|
ptsd
|
It's so tiring, I hate myself and I don't want to anymore but I can't name a single thing about myself I like, I feel disgusting inside and out. I wish I wasn't so abused as a child so that I could've been raised normally. I'm only 14 yet I feel like I've never been a child. My childhood was robbed away from me in trade of this never ending hatred towards myself
|
depression
|
I am afraid of getting help and doing ERP because i feel its not just in my head.Like what i mean is i have an obsession about making and deleting accounts i have to delete them or bad things will happen.So i have used this reddit and gmail account for 11 days.I ussualy give up on day 2 but this time i went on a little longer.And every day since then has been a pain of anxiety.And im afraid that even if i get rid of my ocd il still have to delete this account because its contaminated in a way and il have to format my pc again but i really have no will to do that anymore.
|
OCD
|
Alright I’ll just get it over with I knocked my Vyvanse in the toilet this morning because I’m a clumsy oaf but I don’t know what I should do. Two of them stayed in the bottle but I’m literally in the middle of law school finals and my next exam is on Monday. I had about 15 left before I knocked the bottle over. Has this happened to anybody else? Can I get an emergency script? Am I going to fail my next two finals because I don’t have my meds?
|
ADHD
|
I'm really curious as to how it can effect someone thanks in advance!!
|
depression
|
well, i yesterday made a decision to not care about ocd anymore. Today, i obsessed a little, and its not too much compared to my usual literally all day long obsessing and ruminating. I think i am learning it, slowly. I am learning that i dont need to share everything with everyone, that most of my thoughts dont mean a shit, that i need to stop trying to be perfect and all that. I am learning to ignore ocd thoughts, slowly. It was much more better than my last 20 days fr. Today was much more fun, i was living and actually doing things other than obsessing and all that. I will be posting some updates because i seriously feel like sharing this with someone, yall pray for me!
|
OCD
|
Does anyone relate to this? Can you tell me your experience/knowledge on this? Is this a thing?
I always (and more likely when I have strong emotional stimulation) get what I like to call mental loops.
Currently, for the last 24 hours, my brain hasn’t stopped saying 🎶CEO entrepreneur, born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos🎶
I don’t know how to make it stop for good, I only know how to “pause it” by playing the actual song out loud from a speaker, but I can’t control how long it lasts on my brain or anything really. I also have the great urge to say it out loud over and over again.
This happens almost daily with different loops.
I don’t know what triggers them to stay in my mind in this way nor what makes them go. Sometimes substitution with other loops work but yet again I can’t substitute them voluntarily, and if I try I can’t end up with 2 or 3 loops playing at the same time.
|
aspergers
|
Just got done with my intake for yet another place I'm trying and the screen was frozen for most of it, plus I had to keep repeating myself and I'm sitting here wondering if she actually understood at least 85% of what I fucking said.
Does anyone have any advice for this kinda thing? I'm using a Pixel 3 phone and I was connected to my apartment wifi, it's Verizon. I need to figure some shit out if this place is gonna be telehealth-only because I can't have effective meetings like this.
|
OCD
|
As the title says I cant control my anxiety when I think about learning, and sitting before writing a test/exam. I have a history failing courses growing up to univeristy. I have no self confidence when it comes to learning lecture material because I know I cant focus and my mind will wander everywhere. How do I have more confidence in myself to study? I feel I can do so much better if I just have faith in myself. But given my history of failing, it's near impossible. That's why I dislike learning and keeping up with my classes.
|
aspergers
|
I have no motivation to do any of my college assignment, can’t clean my room, can’t even get out of my bed. I have lost my appetite and haven’t eat anything for a whole day. Depression really sucks.
|
depression
|
Sorry if this is a large stories ,since I was like 12 I stared to believe in god(I alrady stop believing)but I notice that when I was believing I was really obsesive whit it like I would constantly see videos and things about god and if I skip it I would feel guilty I also was so scared of literally doing anything because I thought it was a sin and if I do something a little wrong I was crying begin for forgiveness I also remember thighs I say in my head (i don't believe in god,god it's not real, insults to the holy spirit ect)and this thought stared repeating constantly in my head over and over again I couldn't stop it i literally pass a hole year with this obsession even my mom noticed but I didn't really care about when the thoughts stop.
This time I stared dating this boy I was happy I was excited to be whit him but then one night they came again they dure like 3 days more or less the thoughts were something like(what if I don't love him or like a little me inside saying you don't love him) I was scared I didn't know what to do but I didn't want to break up with him so I was confused.
Other one of this one time I read something I don't remember where whit the title"cute Japanese girl f*cks her step father" I was paranoid I was scared to see my dad when he came back from home I was scared to find that I have desires to f*ck whit my only thoughts were about this(what if I actually f*ck my dad,what if I stared to have s*xu*al desires for him) this think continues for a hole moth.
This is the last and more recent becouse it's happening right so one time someone call me lesbian I didn't mind but then I stared to have this thoughts(I don't like girls but what if I do like them)this we're the first thoughts so I stared considering bisexuality and then more thoughts came ,so I see this pretty girl and my mind is like(she is so pretty, then that mean your a lesbian) and it was constantly there when I see a girl but the problem is that they stared to combine (like they were constantly in my head together) this really make me question a lot of stuff so I decided to declare myself as bisexual just to see what happens it was fine the thought disappeared until this week but this were new ones I stared thinking (what if im not actually into men, I'm I just in denial, what if it's comphet, what if the boy who called me a lesbian was right) and it's happening the same thing that happened when I declare myself bi it feels good and calm for know not intrusive though but for how long.
Sorry if it's to long but I need help
|
OCD
|
Firs time poster, long time lurker on this sub.
Well, like the title suggests I think I may be obsessed with this girl I met in high school.
I’m a (33 M), I was diagnosed with OCD and depression a few years back, I’ve been under Antidepressants for almost 7 years, things have improved and I feel like I’m beginning to enjoy life once again.
Well, last night I had a dream, again, about this girl I met in high school, and I woke up depressed, Idk if that makes sense?
I keep thinking about her, about her smile, hair, name, everything
I even remember the exact day I met her.
I was in love with her in high school, however, I never made a move, I was afraid, I was a very insecure guy tbh, and she kind of intimidated me, even though we had a great friendship.
Some times I think she had feelings for me too, but we never got to anything.
Time moves on and people do too, she’s now married and has a child, and I’m really happy for her.
I just want to stop thinking about someone that doesn’t exists anymore.
Also I don’t want to come off as creepy or anything like that, I haven’t talked to her in like 15 years, neither I plan to do it, because I know this is quite weird
Just want some piece of mind.
English, is my second language so, sorry for any mistakes.
Any advice would be helpful, thanks.
|
OCD
|
I have 2 children. I always wonder how my issues will in long term effect them. Looking for inside from people who were raised by parents who had PTSD
|
ptsd
|
The question is pretty self-explanatory. Within the past few weeks, I (18M) have finally come to the conclusion that I most likely have OCD after about a year of research and right now I'm in the process of looking for a psychiatrist to diagnose me (I was unsure due to the fact that my themes weren't based on the stereotypes and the fact that I've already been diagnosed with autism. I know, I was ignorant).
Now here's the problem; after I sort of came to the conclusion, I had just started with a new theme (ZOCD). The problem is that when I'm not dealing with intrusive thoughts or my compulsive behaviors and all of the anxiety, My mind isn't completely shrouded in doubt like it was in the past, which makes me question whether or not I've been faking my intrusive thoughts. Now, logically, I know that it's unlikely that I'm faking, but I can't really shake the thought. Especially since today was a relatively good day, making me even more concerned that I'm just faking it all for attention.
Is this normal?
|
OCD
|
So there’s a really important task I need to do, like urgently. It’s already overdue. But it’s full of triggers and every time I sit down to start it I get too anxious to continue. Any advice? Thank you!
|
OCD
|
I’m not sure what the point of anything is. I’m not especially talented in any area, I can’t speak eloquently, I can’t hold intellectual conversations.
I’m only capable of working minimum-wage jobs, but you can’t afford to live off that salary. I’m not attractive, I have nothing going for me, no close friends.
So, I ask again, what’s the point?
|
depression
|
A couple things before I start this post. Yes I think this post has to do with Aspergers, even though it may not immediately be obvious. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, around 14 years ago. During that time, I was trying to figure out what is different about me then other people. One thing I notice, is a tendency to think that a lot of the "norms" of the human race is dumb. I think this may be a trait of autistic people, because part of autism, is your brain works a bit different, you may think more like an equation, or a computer algorithm, you may be more logical, etc.
So I decided to make it into an amusing discussion.
I will post one of my feelings, and then others can chime in:
I think if there was a Superior Intelligence, it would not keep changing things. Once something works, it would not make changes, unless the original design was flawed. And since they are a Superior Intelligence, they wouldn't mess up the original design. So I think a Superior Intelligence would design something once, make something that works, and never ever change it. And as an autistic that is something that bugs me about humanity, the changing stuff that works into something that doesn't work, just for the hell of it. The need to make things different, when there is no logical or intelligent reason to change it.
So what are other people's thoughts, and I am trying to make this a fun discussion: If there was a Superior Intelligence somewhere in the universe how would it act different then human beings?
Edit: By Superior Intellect, I meant if there were aliens who were far advance to humans in terms of intelligence. This is suppose to be just an amusing conversation, and sort of what if aliens existed who were much smarter then us. And also a chance to discuss things you think non-humans would do differently, being an autistic. Please just keep the discussion to the supposed aliens. Trying to make this an amusing conversation, and fun one. Please don't turn this into about religion (it could result in arguments). I added this edit, after seeing the first kind of response.
|
aspergers
|
To anyone who DOESNT have ADHD...
If you KNOW someone has ADHD please do not interrupt them when they are doing things.
We forget where we were, and have to start over everytime. From the beginning. We work beginning to end. Not in little chunks. We have bad short term memory. We have bad LONG term memory. We have a lot of trouble LISTENING. And when you interrupt us something that isn't a big deal, doesn't need attention right away etc, it's like a wall CRASHES...the huge wall of the unsurmountable task before us that's as intimidating as Mount Everest.
All work completed has to begin again. And again, and again, with every single disruption and you know what? Eventually we say, "eff it! I'm not climbing this mountain now." Now, of course that doesn't make sense but that is 100000000% how I work.
Do I manage it well, sure.... but after a full 10 hour day, yes I will most definitely blow, at the defeat that stands before me - of not finishing my task.
This isn't a choice. This is how my brain works. This is why we are poor in studies. This is why most of us haven't read a book.... ever. Yes ever.
And if you try to tell me, "make your brain work a different way, I challenge you to do the same and also, what the hell do you even know about brains and how they work?"
Now I'm not asking for, "special treatment"... I am asking that you love me enough to realize this is something I deal with and respect that, by not contributing to disruption when I am clearly actively engaged in a task. If I am in a groove and flying through the day, DO NOT BOTHER ME. It can WAIT.
Now, I am going to bed a complete failure at the huge task I had today. I am in tears that I can't function like the rest of you. Everyone has challenges but, God how I would love to just be able to read a BOOK. How many books have you read in your life? Me? Not one. Tell me some stories of all the great books you've read! I'd love to know what Mice and Men or 1984 was about.
This is why I can't play cards, which everytime I play people seem to think that's funny? Since when is being slow, "funny." Do I need to start disclosing to everyone, "hey sorry if I'm slow... I have adhd?" I don't feel this is something I need to apologize for, or made fun of.
No thanks. I'll pass on cards. ITS NOT FUN FOR ME.
Today, I went from completely motivated to feeling like an incompetent loser, even though I know I am smart and capable.
We aren't crazy. We're distractable. We're slower than most. The crazy part follows when we are so pissed off, that we shut the hell down.
If you did read to the end of this and want to know anything about ADHD, ask me. I've tolerated living in a world, in which I've never asked for special treatment or wanted it. I've never explained myself because, why... a LOT of people have ADHD. Aren't yall used to, "slow people that are fun to make fun of?"
Again, I don't want your pity or special treatment. I seriously just want you to listen when I say, "I'm busy."
Why isn't that enough? Seriously why can't you take, "I am busy" for a GD answer.
|
ADHD
|
I will have surgery with sedation and I'm terrified of this happening since my trauma comes from a terror acid trip 5 years ago and still causes me anxiety every day. Has anyone had their trauma or anxiety triggered by this?
|
ptsd
|
Tw suicidal thoughts
Why is suicide deaths attempt and thoughts increased by around 10x with ocd and do people commit suicide as a way out like I can't live with these intrusive thoughts anymore or is it something that they can't control
|
OCD
|
Just want to know how I can hide the fact that I cry every day and just want to look happier. My eyes tend to look super puffy, area around my eyes look super dark and my skin just looks really bad compared to before.
Everyone keeps asking about it and I hate looking at myself in the mirror
Maybe if I also look less depressed, I might feel less depressed?
|
depression
|
I'm 23 years old and I've had what I'm hoping is POCD since I was 11 years old. I've been on medication and
my mental health was doing better recently but I got triggered a few days ago, and well, here we are. I've had POCD since I was 11 years old. After 8 years of fighting it I did something terrible: I read 2 fanfiction willingly in a 24 hour period about explicit sexual situations between a 16 yr old and 12 yr old I found "hot." I was 19. I realized after that what I did was horrible and wrong and have regretted it the past 4 years but there's nothing I can do to undo that. And because I actually did something, I know I am different to the vast majority of POCD sufferers, because I've never heard of another sufferer doing anything like that. Of course, I've also never heard of another POCD sufferer who has dealt with this from as young an age or for as long as I have. All I can do is hope this really is a facet of my OCD (diagnosed at age 7) and that I'm not really a pedophile. But there's no way to tell. I'm spiraling because of this once again...And the details of the fandiction keep coming back into my head, to my horror. I'm so tired. I just want this to end.
|
OCD
|
Hello everyone, just wanted to share my experience and see what y’all think. I’m 26 years old and I went in to Kaiser to get tested for ADHD and they said I don’t have it.
I’m not one to usually disagree with doctors, but their test felt all wrong. They had me fill out a questionnaire with typical questions about I attention and hyperactivity and all that jazz. Then they had me take the CPT-3 test and that was it. No one asked me about why I think I might have ADHD. I didn’t even get to talk to anyone.
Naturally I was skeptical so I went online and it seems like the CPT-3 test is pretty hit-or-miss.
Anyways a week later I get a call that I don’t have ADHD and that actually I might have anxiety and depression and that they want to treat me for that. While it’s true I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD in the past, I’ve since gotten treatment for both and I am on lexapro and I’m doing better than ever, yet I feel like I’m still having ADHD like symptoms. I told them all of this and they still said all they can do for me is treat my anxiety, to which I just said no thanks to.
Is this really the process of diagnosis? Is it typical for the patient to not speak to anybody before the diagnosis? Just fill out a paper questionnaire and take the CPT-3 test? If so then I’ll concede that I don’t have ADHD, but I must say I’m highly skeptical./r/
|
ADHD
|
Hello everyone, I am reaching out because my OCD has a reached a point that life as a whole is a daily battle. I (24M) have been dealing with Contamination OCD for the past couple of years or so. At this point I can’t say what exactly started all of this but I know all my life prior to it I have always been considered the “clean and organized” type. My parents always brag that out of me and all my siblings I was the only one that kept my room clean, if that gives any background.
My current situation is, without sugar coating it, really fucking bad.
As you can guess from the title I am constantly worried about being contaminated in some way. My biggest triggers are bodily fluids/waste: urine, feces, vomit, blood, saliva, mucus, sperm, etc. Simple mundane tasks such as using the bathroom, taking a shower, cleaning up cat puke, are always long and arduous processes that take exponential amounts of time. My entire getting ready process from going to the bathroom, taking a shower, and getting dressed is on average about 4 hours. I try to avoid using the bathroom as much as possible because simply going pee can take up to 30 minutes.
A lot of this time is spent washing. I wash my hands to oblivion. I go through ridiculous amounts of hand soap and body wash. The amount of money we spend on such items is considerably more than the average household. My hands are constantly cracked and bleeding from all the washing.
Aside from those triggers, I also get bothered by eating food with my hands, greasy or oily substances, anything generally dirty or unsanitary like doorknobs or the floor, even touching other peoples hands.
I was recently fired from my job because I was constantly late due to my OCD making it so difficult to leave without fulfilling the urge to be clean. Me and my wife are also expecting a baby this month and we are both worried that I won’t be able to handle it.
Any help is appreciated. I currently see a psychiatrist and I take 100 mg of fluoxetine (Prozac) daily. I used to see a therapist but felt they weren’t helpful.
Also worth pointing out, I am fearful of contamination. Not necessarily germs or bacteria or getting sick, just the fact of being contaminated.
Thank you all.
|
OCD
|
Guys I really need help. I haven't seen a therapist or anything but I really think I have ADHD. Is there any cheap way to get diagnosed? There are times when I literally can't do anything. I couldn't concentrate for more than 20-30 minutes. We have very poor heath care in my country but now I'm finally in the UK for studies and I really find solution to escape from this. Please bear my poor English. Thanks
|
ADHD
|
Last year i changed schools and started in a media course, it's a combined class with the art course and i've never met and had such accepting and incredible friends.
Before this i was very self conscious about myself, my ADHD made me seem like a "weird" and sometimes "creepy" person to many people, i didn't have many friends cause of that.
I masked my ADHD, keeping myself from stimming, melting down, getting overly excited etc. and i was generally very sad and lonely whenever i didn't have my best friend with me.
In the class i'm in currently i feel so much more comfortable and happy, i can be myself without the fear of being judged. It's also a place i can talk about my ADHD too since there are a good amount of people who both have or/and show heavy symptoms of ADHD so we can talk and share our experiences with eachother :)
Even those who don't have ADHD are very interested in hearing what it's like and are generally very good listeners imo.
I'm so incredibly lucky to have these people around me, and it makes me sad to know that it sadly isn't a common thing to have everywhere. I just hope that everyone else here with ADHD or a different kind of mental disorder who struggles and feel like they can't be themselves can one day find a place where they feel accepted and safe.
|
ADHD
|
So I recently started a new job (literally like 2 days ago) It's been quite interesting so far with some new things to learn. Yesterday however, after being home for a few hours I felt some anxiety creeping up on me, luckily I managed to fight it off. It came back tonight and now I feel like shit.
No clue why, the only reason I can think of is the fact that I'm eating lunch all alone which reminds me of how bad school used to be. But I also kinda feel out of place at work, everybody seems so socially capable whereas I'm unable to get a conversation going for longer than 5 minutes. My co-workers are all right, they're not mean or anything we barely talk. I'm just paranoid because I haven't been around this many people for ages.
I've already thought about quitting because I feel like I'm not made for being around people, but I can't afford to be jobless again. Ideally I'd like to get into streaming or YouTube, but then again I have zero personality so nobody would watch me. I've also been thinking about becoming a game tester because I Love games but I'm afraid to start studying for it, cause' "what if I lose interest in the middle of it?"
I don't really want to quit this job either, as i mentioned, office is great and there's nothing wrong with co-workers I'm probably just a bit overwhelmed with everything.
Idk where I'm going with this, so I'm just gonna stop here. Thank you for coming to my incoherent Ted Talk, and please feel free to reassure me that I'm not a complete drama queen cause I sure do feel like one..
|
ADHD
|
I’ve been having a really hard time at work lately with a coworker who is a complete pain in the ass. Anyway, I feel like I have not been treating my emotions as valid. I feel like I’m beating myself for getting so angry with this guy at work and I keep telling myself it’s my fault I need to stop being so sensitive. I keep obsessing wondering if I’m just too sensitive or maybe this guy really is an asshole and I do have a valid reason to be pissed off. Idk what’s going on with me but I know it’s something to ocd and low emotional intelligence
|
OCD
|
Sorry for being long.
In the past 5 years, since I got out of prison, I've gone from a hotel room to a boarding house to renting a house. I had a job landscaping, and at this time, although the paperwork isn't final, it looks extremely likely that I'll be buying said company. It kinda came out of the blue, but the owners asked me to purchase it. That's very humbling.
However. I've always had my social...limitations. I've never been able to wear a mask. That's not true. When I was young I would wear a mask around adults. When I got a present, hated or loved, I would put on the mask to make them happy. I don't know when that faded away. But now I'm torn on the mask. Because I see the mask others wear. And worse of all for me is seeing there's more they want to say but don't. It kills me. How tf can I better myself when we play these shadow games?
I have been(rarely confronted on it) called a cold ass hole by others at work. I don't do well socially at work. I am far past my days of holding resentments, I don't hate anyone. I am grateful. But I believe I lack the ability to express it.
Anyone else take any of the online screenings and say "how tf would I know that?" Like the not knowing if people were bored in conversation. how would I know if I did know? I guess that loops back to things unsaid. Sorry. Off topic.
I took a few tests online. I didn't do great. Or I did do great, got a decently high score. Above average.
I've known for a while my social skills were lacking. I never knew what to do with that information. But now, I have a direction 6o go in to better myself.
Bit there's a burden with that information. I pretty much obsess about topics of interest. Not kidding, I can't buy a coffee grinder without spending at least 6 hours researching and learning about them. But thats not the burden. I really do enjoy spending an entire day from 5am to 9pm researching and absorbing a topic.
The burden comes in now I'm getting obsessed about learning about aspbergers. Now I'm afraid that what I'm learning could affect when I do go to get screened by a professional. It could take weeks to actually see someone and get screened. By then I fear I could taint my own results.
I've known there's something wrong for a few years now. But with this whole company thing, this has to be a priority over the winter. One of the guys told another that he will be leaving because he knows we will butt heads. He has a temper, and I, obsess over work, the details, the trying to find that smooth harmonious flow of operations.
Very long story short:
1) has anyone ever found a way to express how they feel without faking it? Like, instead of wearing a mask, they amplify their emotions? I can't stand hypocrisy, so I say what I need to say, because of the ones that left things unsaid.
2) does anyone think it's possible to turn off that attention to detail, that desire for smooth workflow? Even just for the sake of everyone else's sanity? Is there a coping mechanism that helps peopel let go go of that?
Thanks for reading my...more of a vent than anything else. These thing stick in my mind as the possible difference between success and failure in owning a small business.
|
aspergers
|
I hate not being able to trust my own opinions on media. It seems whenever I hear someone criticize something I like, even if it’s clearly in bad faith, I can’t help but worry they’re actually right and that I’ve been wasting my time liking it, mostly because whenever I ask myself exactly why I like it in the first place, I’m unable to come up with anything better than “because I like it”.
Even worse, whenever I revisit that piece of media I like, I now can only think about that other person’s criticisms which prevents me from enjoying as much as I want to, not because I agree with them, but because I feel like my own reasons for liking it are too shallow and simplistic and that I have no right to be enjoying it.
Anyone else have his problem...?
|
aspergers
|
I don’t know if y’all remember but years ago there were chain mail trends. People would send each other like “if you don’t send this to 10 people in the next hour you will have bad luck for 3 months” and I don’t know about y’all but that really fucked with me. And they’re still around today, not as much but still some. Whenever I get those I feel inclined to do them but I hate sending them to people because I know they’re really annoying and stupid.
|
OCD
|
I keep experiencing familiar situations and I can never remember where or when. I just know that I have experienced a situation before. Is this an autistic trait
|
aspergers
|
Whenever I’m stuck in a situation that feels understimulating (like at school during a lecture or on a therapy call) I always suddenly get the urge and motivation to work on stuff that I couldn’t get over my executive dysfunction to work on before. **But I need to act on it *Right Then* or else it goes away after.**
Like when I’m put in such a forced situation my mind immediately goes to “I could be doing this instead right now” and I suddenly gain the motivation to work on something that’s been looming over me that I couldn’t find the motivation or get into the mental zone for for days or even months, which I can only assume is because my brain finds it more stimulating than being “trapped” in something that is understimulating/undesireable??
This doesn’t happen when I have nothing to do at home, because I’m not really trapped in boredom against my will. I can find fun stuff to do. But when I’m in a setting or situation where I’m trapped and reminded of those things I have to do (biggest culprit is school) I suddenly get the motivation to work on them at the expense of being “present” in the underwhelming situation itself.
So
1.) Does anyone else experience this (and why have I never seen it talked about before? Are there any studies/research on it?), and
2.) Is there a name for this specific experience because I need an easy way to refer to it
|
ADHD
|
I don’t necessarily want to be dead but I also don’t want to be alive. Battling with depression, anxiety and OCD as well as just being a bit of a fucking loser. Wondering what the point is anymore.
|
depression
|
Yes I KNOW it's pathetic but I was raped 2 or 3 times in my life. First when I wss 14, second when I've had anemia after losing 50kg, when i was 19/20. I was actually HAPPY that someone was even attracted to me. That's how low I think of myself.
|
aspergers
|
My empathy feels wierd, like i can understand something is wrong but i cant understand why its wrong. I can't understand why pedophilia is wrong, but i know not to do it. I don't know why its wrong to not pay taxes, but i know its wrong. because of this I have strong inhibition. I may overthink something as little as saying "hello" to someone as not only being unwanted, but predatory in the wrong circumstance. meanwhile people do these things im scared to do without second thought
|
aspergers
|
Like seriously, like 90% of articles, videos, other resources and discourse on ADHD revolves children.
KIDS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN HAVE ADHD GODDAMMIT
What about the fucking adults who went through their childhood suffering, and not knowing what the fuck was wrong with them? Only to be diagnosed later on in adulthood, when the demands of work and being an adult are too much for their puny executive functions to handle?
We've spent our childhoods going through years of rejection, failure, disappointment, bullying, and isolation because we were "weird, lazy, or unmotivated" not knowing what the fuck was going on with us.
What about us who's parents were too ignorant or indifferent to know what was going on and seek help and intervention for us when we WERE kids?
As adults, society is less forgiving and we have more responsibilities and things at stake. We've already missed a better childhood because we were diagnosed late, and probably got some trauma and anxiety along the way.
WE MISSED THE FUCKING BOAT.
AND YET here goes society focusing mostly on children with ADHD. Kids with ADHD this, kids with ADHD that. I don't wanna start hating kids, but fuck this. Fuck kids man
|
ADHD
|
[deleted]
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/ojtx96)
|
OCD
|
So recently my OCD has really latched onto the idea that I’m “wasting my time” and being unproductive. I can’t stop obsessing that I’m wasting every weekend that I’m off work. For example, I was off on Thursday and Friday and then Saturday and Sunday and today, and I have spent the whole time obsessing that I’ve “wasted it and done nothing”. I really am unhappy at work atm so maybe that’s why...I love my job but I can’t stand my manager and she makes my life miserable there. I’m dreading going in tomorrow and this weird and obsessive anxiety that I have “wasted my days off” won’t go away and is making me feel extreme guilt. Idk if this makes any sense
|
OCD
|
I realized I have a lot of trouble realizing people’s negative emotions aren’t always directed at me. Like when my mom’s angry at something, it makes me very anxious and on-edge and I feel like it’s my responsibility to defuse it even if she’s not upset with me. I also freeze the way I would as a trauma response which is weird because I don’t think my mom or anyone was abusive towards me in that way. Anybody else experience this?
|
ptsd
|
I started therapy with my therapist now about a year and a half ago. I did not really have a connection with her and still don’t feel I do. I feel like she makes no effort to converse with me on any level other than working on trauma. If I don’t talk she sits in here and stares at me and never says anything. She has canceled an hour before my appointment more than once and some of the things she has said just don’t sit right with me. When I have tried talking about it instead of working with me she just says find a new therapist. Like god forbid she work with my needs and boundaries and approach things differently in a way that works for me. Idk…but I’ve also opened up to her and don’t want to open up to another person about my past trauma and abuse I’ve experienced Just to have it not work out. I don’t feel like I’m getting better at least not with her help. Are they these red flags?
|
ptsd
|
Problem solved it is indeed cptsd and asperger / autism level 1.
my emotional responses are not pathological.
|
aspergers
|
**THIS CONTAINS CHRISTIAN STUFF**
Edit - I strongly believe yesterday at church, during worship, God removed my depression. I feel so much better now. Thanks for all the support guys!
So my adhd has been terrible. (I forget if I was even diagnosed with adhd), but I can't seem to focus on God. I been depressed for four days like drawing doesn't appeal to me much and I am so tired of living.
I miss God and I feel like my adhd and depression is getting in the way, big time. I feel so far from Him. My heart aches. I'm a mess still. I'm gonnabsdd a therapist tomorrow, hopefully.
On a brighter note, I did shower last night.
|
ADHD
|
My dad is....a person. He sees saying something like "ADHD can cause memory issues" as an excuse and a 'diagnosis ticket' for attention.
Which sucks for me, with diagnosed ADHD, clinical depression, and crippling anxiety. Things that constantly affect my daily life. He literally HAS the diagnosis reports.
He still accuses me of "looking on the Internet and pretending to have symptoms"
I know its some form of manipulation or mental abuse, a mental hospital therapist told me what it was but I don't remember.(how ironic.)
Honestly its starting to wear me down, and my ability to hold back on losing my sh!t on him is wearing thin. I had a string break yesterday morning, and he hit me with that "you're manipulating me" bullshit. Sir, your ex wife manipulated me into staying silent about abuse. I know what real manipulation is.
What makes it worse is he's literally the type of person I hate most on this planet(he might have played into that) cis, het, entitled white man who served military and has a god complex[DISCLAIMER!! Almost only with all of these combined, nothing against good people]. Like no, you are NOT the smartest man in the state. Stop saying you are.
I'm 18 and work minimum wage, nowhere else will hire me because of my "disabilities" (so I need to collapse and cry sometimes, sue me) and low experience, so moving out isn't looking possible for a few years or until I get a livable wage job.
I'm just,,,AAAAHHHHHGH im so TIRED of all this SHIT someone just fold me like a metal chair and throw me into the ocean 🙄😤
|
ADHD
|
**PS: I don't mean to offend anyone, I am only asking since you guys have insightful answers.**
When I was growing up, I would listen to a music album and hear it. But I wasn't really aware that someone had written it. Even if I would listen to I still never felt that it was someone I could really talk to or that they could have their own view of the world.
Only as an young adult, I am listening to interviews by the creators.
|
aspergers
|
today has been alright so far. on the drive home i was dissociating bad. not really much emotion, and my brother kept getting on my case about it. and now i have to go to my grandparents house.
wish me luck.
|
ptsd
|
I was just recently diagnosed and am wondering what are some good resources to learn about how ADHD affects daily life and how to fix it. I have always thought that the way I acted was normal because I am the only context I have when it comes to brain function. However, after talking to my therapist and being hospitalized for a suicidal stint, I am quickly learning that I have *not* been acting normal. Does anyone have any good books or websites or anything to learn more about ADHD?
Or, feel free to share your ADHD testimony below. I would love to understand the experience of others with ADHD to see the different ways it can manifest.
|
ADHD
|
WOW where to begin? i guess at birth? yeah, i'm 21 and as far as i can remember, i've had pureOCD. I was pretty recently able to identify the name of the cause of the damage i have sustained during my stressful life. OCD and Bullying.
before and during kindergarten: My best friend and his older brother and their cousins would always betray me. My best friend and his brother would act normally but when their cousins were around would be complete cunts and verbally and physically bully me. I was maybe 2-4 years of age and they were between 2-6 years of age at the time. Kindergarten was pretty fun and i have fond memories of that period. I didn't think of it much at the time but my best friend's betrayals were the beginning of me standing alone against bullies in large groups who were always bigger and stronger. fucking cowards.
Elementary school: this would be the pattern: I would be minding my own business playing with classmates during recess. A big group of older students would come to us and pick me out. my friends were of course pussies and would never help me. the bullies would verbally assault me talking shit about my family and the moment i said anything in retaliation they would make their move. chase me until i was exhausted and the biggest of them would try his best to beat me up. I'd do my best too but remember that i had to face maybe six or seven bullies at a time. going to the teachers was useless and they would lie and say that i started it. this was how it went down every few weeks in the first four years in elementary. Add to the fact that my two younger brothers were in the same school. You can already imagine that them being bullied as well would stack on top of me when i'd be forced to come to their rescue and being beat up. so the bullying trippled. every month or so i'd be in three or two fights(beatings are more accurate) or so because bullies were targeting me and my brothers.
add to that the enormous paranoia during recess and in the hallways and anxiety and alienation of never having a single friend who stood with me and the fact that i watched them never being bullied and their aloof demeanor. my grades were shit. Every fight would play in my head over and over. I never had peace of mind. I was stressed out because my parents were pressuring me to get good grades. I was really ambitious but i had difficulty concentrating because i was scared all the time. scared mostly for my siblings. fast forward 7 years and about two police involvements in fights that i had with people who switched from my school but were attacking me vi social media and decided to visit my school to fight. this was insane. One dude who had this Tough guy mentality really fucked me up and embarrassed me in front of my coward classmates. The paranoia and anxiety grew tenfold during puberty and the last three years of elementary. my grades were right on the threshhold of never landing me a solid high school and trying to fix them while also being so depressed during class and recess because the constant rumination about my grades, beatings and my changing body. Stigma about masturbation started becoming a real issue among students my age and older. I Masturbated a lot and since i was maybe 6 or 9. A face full of zits didn't help with the whole social satus-thing.
here is a funny anecdote: when i was about 8 I was really scared of stepping on cracks in the asphalt on the streets because i thought it would bring bad luck. (how else was i supposed to understand why i was being fucked up so bad by other people at age 8 once it was stuck in my head that cracks lead to bad luck). After months and months of abuse It all lead to me breaking down in front of my English teacher. she called my mother and i said "i can't take it anymore, I keep stepping on cracks that i can't avoid and because of that i get so unlucky and in so much trouble". that might be the first indication (in retrospect) that i had OCD. distressing Thoughts would simply stick like hot glue and would simply break my will to exist.
Being anxious all the time really hindered my social, lingual, mathematical and memorization skills. I appeared to be stupid. I was unable to divide 12 with 3 at the age of 8. But Jealousy was a huge driver for me. I'd hate every single person around me by the time i was 15 because they were all better than me. I could never draw for shit. yet my friends were really good artists. How good your lingual abilities would determine if you needed special attention or not. I was put in a sepparate group that was filled with all the immigrants that didn't speak the native language at home. this continued all the way till the last year. yeah all the cunts were in there too and would lash unpredictably sometimes. math was tough. it required a state of flow that never had the luxury of entering. basically, i was behind in every aspect of education which would alienate me further from peers.
so when i finally made it through elementary school: i had pure OCD, trust issues, i was filled with hate, my only drive was jealousy which ultimately saved me from becoming a bum on the streets since i wanted to prove that i was better than the other at least in school. I think i had PTSD but i wasn't sure if it was part of the OCD constanly flashing the memories of me being beat up every month. i had low self esteem, i dreaded rejection. Bad grades would put me in a state of complete self-loathing for weeks and i felt like i had no friends even though i was surrounded by people who really enjoyed my company. I would pray that everybody would fare worse than me especially when it came to grades. Yeah, grades would basically determine how i felt:good grades = I felt normal (note: not happy but normal or "relieved")bad grades = I felt like a disgusting piece of shit and i would hate my own reflection in the mirror.
High school: So yeah, i would basically walk around and hate everybody including myself most of the time. I laughed and joked around a lot so it would have come as a surprise to a lot f people around me. the bullying had stopped. But i wasn't mentally unhealthy . I would react negatively to every slight, lost micro-argument, social interaction that didn't go as well as i'd wanted, bad grades would keep instilling a sense of complete and utter disgust toward myself. Fearing rejection and the self-loathing lead me to pussy out on talking to so many girls (that's the part that is bothering me the most as of today, the rest is slowly fading away). it was The same drudgery of elementary school minus the bullying. But the social aspect became heavier. It became awkward. especially with girls. My fear of becoming a bum kicked in again and my fucked up grades from first year of high school (caused by stress and a rejection from a girl in my class) lead me to become very focused. The focus in of itself was fueled by Hate, i didn't want to be like the people i hated so i put in the effort.
luckily i was able to perform better in high school due to not having to fight for survival which i used to do in primary school. I found out that all the jealousy of the talented kids from primary who made me hate them enough for me to put in the effort really paid off. I drew a lot, i had become so good that i started thinking i had a shot at becoming a painter. My language was sophisticated too and especially my affinity for mathematics.
The most troubling thing is that in high school is that the grades from the first day matter. a fuck from day one up is a fuck up that you could not exclude in your final grades (like in primary). So my OCD had mostly to do with the huge amount of stress that came with having a single shot at doing something great with my life. My grades were really good but i had developed suicidal thoughts from the ungodly amount of sleepless nights, ruminations and elevated stress level.
University: the biggest issues were the dreams of grandeur. I was pushing myself too hard. I read about isaac newton and albert einstein and thought that they established themselves as geniuses before the age of 25. So as i applied to a theoretical physics program in a really good university (Lunds universitet, sweden). Believing that i had to establish myself before i was 25 like the greats. it made me neglect my studies. I was failing school. I was working on general relativity and i tried to derive something that took einstein 10 years to develop with help of professionals, all that in one semester. I was delusional. The OCD kicked in high gear. I was having intrusive thoughts about suicide and images of pedophilia flooded my brain. i was afraid to get near children because i was scared to death that i might do something that could hurt somebody. crowded busses ad trains were hell. needles to say, i failed to derive general relativity because i had to stop. I eventually dropped out because i liked the mathematical aspect of physics and it was too late to fix my grades.
I omitted the things that happen at home. I have a really disfunctional family. remember my younger brothers? well one of them sells drugs now and the other was dragged down with him but luckily moved away from it, but since he doesn't even know basic algebra that you learn in primary, his chances as a 19 year old to amount to anything beyond being an average employee at some warehouse is slim.
My dad has ocd and has PTSD from his time in prison for eleven years (19 to 30) for opposing a dictator in his home country. my mom is basically a petty 10 year old kid stuck in a 40 year old woman's body. the mental abuse from my unaware mom who doesn't know better affected me too. Its weird.I'm not trying to create a sobstory but holy fuck. What hell is even happening. 19 years of this shit is bound to fuck me up right? am i being a pussy? could something like, hit the gym, or get a hobby really fix this but what could a therapist do if it came to it? meds wont help i'm sure.
the biggest issues i face now are a lot milder but are somewhat more poignant : I recently (a few months back) became obsessed with my appearance. I can't shake the thought that my face is deformed and unattractive. that i'm ugly. It might be related to my difficulty of loving myself and having trouble with finding a romantic relationship. second issue: i masturbate a lot. like A LOT. sometimes spending 9 hours on pornhub. i try to do it in moderation but i always relapse. i try my best.
yep. addiction to masturbation and problems with finding a gf. I used to have anger issues too because reoccuring thoughts about fighting people from my past used major problem. i would play these memories over and over and over ad nausea. but it resolved itself after i took a deep look at it and my friend helped me come to terms with it. but i easily form grudges. I had a grudge against my non-drug selling brother for almost his whole life (the other one is dead to me). but we are on good terms now.
I could get into detail as to why i'm having trouble finding a girlfriend. It may be because i lack the social skills, or that i'm ugly or that my OCD throws all those really shallow insecurities at me: to short, face too unmasculine, weird hands and so on. i bite/cut off the skin and the nails of my fingers. and my fingers are not pleasant to look at as a result. i scratch the skin constantly and it takes huge efforts not to attack every little detail of the remnants of all the zits i had on my face. every imperfection just screams in my head to be fixed, which is a trap that would only cause further deformation.
All this kind of holds me back. It might be that i'm comparing myself a lot with others which brings my mood down. (the grades of others being better than mine would harbor the same feelings). I worry and overthink things. I get a tsunami wave of anxiety whenever i attempt to talk to a girl.
My biggest fear used to be that i'll die without accomplishing anything. i'm passed that. But my biggest fear now is dying as god damn virgin or to never be loved by a woman.
I'm a deeply distrbed person. I Used to cry myself to sleep almost every day during last two years of primary and high school. somewhat less during university and even less now. but luckily attacks like these would almost never happen in public. this makes me feel ashamed actually so i'll stop writing about that. but i used to laugha about it with my friends, that i'd cry like a bitch and we'd all laugh because i would exagerate it to a comedic degree and most of my friends in high school were good people that didn't judge and laughed with me.
i'm not a complete trainwreck though. i love music and art. I have very solid circle of friends. good people. i love them to death. As far as i'm concerned, the good things about me are: that i am a really sweet and empathetic person. I'm really good at mathematics. I write (i'm in a middle of writing a sci-fi novel and i used to write rap lyrics), i do Muay thai and i'm kind of athletic. (i can be really hyper focused on things i enjoy which usually makes me excel). My humor is really nonsensical but is luckily reciprocated by my closest friend, (i literally roll on the floor laughing if you simply resist my command to you of repeating some gibberish i said moments ago).
should i go to therapy? 'm really sceptical if it even works.
Sorry for the long post and not using capital letters after periods. have a nice day :)
|
OCD
|
How does it bothers you that I get food stamps ?I’m literally poor I’m 19 and in college with no money . When I was younger I watched my mom struggle to get us food we were eating Crappy food . I even hated her and told her why bring me in this world if she know that she is poor. From getting laughed at because I never had my hair done . Being poor is depressing . “Get a job “ isn’t easy when you have no car and people don’t want to take you there . Some of you grew up with everything you need to succeed that’s why you feel like it’s easier . I have to do the extra to get to where I want to to be .
|
depression
|
I just heard bad news bout a family member. I could feel the sadness from my mom and started crying too. Just recently stopped and started wondering was i crying because there my emotions or because I was feeling empathetic and feeling what she did.
|
aspergers
|
I often find myself doing things in my head like coming up with drum riffs (I do occasionally "body drum" on myself,) fantasizing scenarios in my head like having super powers or playing out made-up social interactions where I'm cool as shit, like a scene from a movie or doing things to make myself laugh thinking about what I'd rather be doing at the time, etc. In other words, I have a very active mind and it usually isn't just "normal" things, like thinking about errands I need to do or other responsibilities that need tending to. Is any of this considered stimming or is this something else entirely.
For context, I am not officially diagnosed, but I have taken the AQ and Ritvo tests numerous times, changing my answers from more strict to more lenient and I land in the spectrum everytime.
|
aspergers
|
I finally came off my anti-depressants after 4 years.
I've noticed that since I came off my meds, my mood has gotten better overall. I had a problem where I couldn't feel happiness. I was sort of either in neutral or very irritable and now I don't feel that way. The downside is that I occasionally feel a deep sense of dread and sadness.
​
Does anyone have this issue and how do you cope?
|
depression
|
I'm finding it incredibly difficult with waiting for meds for my ADHD. I have a diagnosis of autism and I'm 100% sure I have inattentive ADHD and my therapists agree.
The hardest part is the waiting, not only do I find it incredibly frustrating that I could have been on something that could have helped me massively years ago. But also the fact that I want to do so much and have so many ideas but cannot do anything without being bored. I want to be able to enjoy life and figure out what my likes/interests are solidly without them changing every second.
It's also affected my personality as I just come across disinterested where as I'm interested just not enough to overcome the dual executive functioning nightmare. Not to mention my natural reward system being royally fucked.
So my question is how did you guys cope with the interim between getting your meds and how much of a difference did it make once you got them? Idk I don't think theirs an ideal way but even coping badly is better then giving up.
But it's hard when everyone else is living their life and your struggling to live.
|
ADHD
|
I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder with rapid cycling in 2016. I get a lot of bad mood swings and sometimes, my mood swings a lot in a day.
I've been put on antipsychotics (which led to a lot of weight gain and in turn, severe self hatred at my body), mood stabilisers etc. But somehow, someway, I feel like nothing has improved. Infact, I can honestly say I am much worse than I was in 2016.
Recently, I've been learning about PTSD. I've not been through war. But I've been sexually abused many times as a 11 year old. And for the past 5 years, I've gone through enormous emotional pain due to heartbreaks and bad (sometimes even abusive) friendships all through my Undergrad. So, I think do have some level of trauma in my life... I even took the PTSD checklist civilian version (PCL-C) and I scored 57 out of 85 which I guess, is slightly high.
Thus, I feel like I may have been misdiagnosed. Because PTSD seems to explain everything I've been suffering..more than the diagnosis of Bipolar with rapid cycling.
I just want to know if anyone was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder as well. Can you share your experiences and describe your mood swings so that I understood this better? It would really help me when I talk to my Doctor about this.
|
ptsd
|
I am wondering if this is an OCD symptom or anxiety symptom. I have been diagnosed with both but I’m just trying to understand myself better.
Sometimes I find that I get caught up on ruminating about the same topic or same situation. Just pacing back and forth and working through it in my head. I will eventually reach a conclusion but then start over again and examine it further, maybe adding more details this time, almost as if I’m preparing to tell someone this and want to be as thorough as possible. Then I’ll reach the end/conclusion/solution and then start over again. I swear I can go for hours lol. Always wondered if it was just anxiety or maybe OCD. Thanks.
|
OCD
|
Since quite some time has passed, she looks normal on the outside, she laughs, have fun, but at the same time she tells me that she still has some anxiety attacks here n there. I asked if they've reduced in number to what she said that she keeps herself busy most of the time nowadays so a little bit of these attacks have reduced.
She also faces insomnia, she told me that she doesn't sleep for 2-3 days and that's when she has to take a sleeping pill.
I looked up on the internet to find out that this turns out to be something called "High-Functioning PTSD".
Since the incident, some friends of her and I have insisted on taking some kind of therapy sessions to overcome this, but she refuses and tells that she doesn't want to share things with some random person.
This is the msg she sent me a month after the incident - *__Even if I start therapy, in the starting I'll have to talk about it. That'll legit break me. I'm only able to get going right now bcoz of not talking about it, talking about it will legit break me down and idk if I'll be able to handle it__*
What can I do in this case? Please suggest something
Edit: She had nightmares sometimes about her dad and she used to freak out and wakes up crying... Don't know if she still has those nightmares.
|
ptsd
|
I had my first session scheduled and checked in fifteen minutes early. I waited patiently until 15 minutes after my appointment time. I wasn’t trying to rush anyone, but I was feeling very anxious. I asked the woman at the front desk if I had the appointment time right and she apologetically told me she would “call her and see what the deal was.” My therapist wasn’t even there. Five minutes later she informed me that she had a family emergency they weren’t aware of and could reschedule to tomorrow or next week. I got flustered and thanked her and told her I would call later and just left.
This triggered me in a way. I cried for a good bit before I could get myself together. It had taken me a great deal to get the courage to realize I needed to go to therapy and then again to actually show up. Am I overreacting in drawing the conclusion that I don’t want to go back to this place? My appointment was in the afternoon and that seemed like plenty of time to reach out if it needed to be rescheduled. I feel a bit apprehensive in reaching out to another clinic at this point.
|
ptsd
|
I LIVE for my first-thing cup of coffee.
I’m 1 week into 20mg of Adderall IR 10mg (one in am, another 5ish hours later). I have been having my regular morning cup of coffee with my first dose. I don’t feel any different than I did before medication.
I have not noticed any bad effects such as a racing heart or overstimulation, so I’m less concerned about the caffeine and more worried that the acid is ruining any good the meds might potentially offer.
I will obviously have a talk with my Dr.; I already sent him a message about not feeling any better, but that’s before I connected the dots re: acidity.
Please tell me there’s hope that I won’t have to give up my one joy!
|
ADHD
|
I have a good life. A solid marriage, a daughter who makes me proud, a solid career, comfortable with money. I even own my home.
But I just feel sadness. I know I need to talk to a doc. But my wife has anxiety and depression.(diagnosed by a doc due to a shitty childhood) I know she wont be able to handle knowing I have depression and will shut down.
I don't want my little girl aware. Dad's always need to be strong for the little one and I don't want her to stress.
It's hard being the man keeping everything running.
I am not suicidal. That is not an option.
|
depression
|
So you get a nagging pain that you can't do anything about. It's just something that needs time, but here in the now it's constantly reminding you that it's painful. What do you do? You do what your parents told you to do all those many years ago. You stop thinking about it. In reality what you do is you stop paying attention to it. You write it out of your loop of thoughts and go about your day. It's a basic skill that everyone learns.
Now, imagine being in so much pain that the normal sort of program your brain has for such events simply can't handle it. You can't help but pay attention to the pain. So your brain does the only thing it can. It just stops paying attention to everything. It disconnects you from that pain in the only way it knows how. Completely. It has to. Your brain is literally suffering along with you, hence the new chemical cocktail that resides up there that you now enjoy.
How does this play out for you on a day to day basis now though? The whole reason you get into ruts of just bad choices in life is because you stopped paying attention. You miss the obvious flags. And I do mean obvious flags. Why do you fall for the same people? Why do you keep eating the unhealthy foods? Why aren't you taking better care of yourself? Because you aren't paying attention. So we miss the patterns that we can easily see in others. We know what pain is. We know what it does to you. We can easily see the patterns in others, but ourselves? We taught ourselves not to look. We had to. It was the only way we could survive. Those of us who stare too long into the abyss tend not to make it back out again.
It's not an easy fix, either. You can't just suddenly notice you aren't paying attention and just start. It doesn't work that way. Whatever way the world has decided is the "normal" way to pay attention does not work for us. It just doesn't. It's not even apples and oranges. It's like apples and brain surgery. We have to teach ourselves how to pay attention to things that directly involve ourselves after perhaps decades of not doing so. That? Pardon my french, but it's fucking hard. The only analogy I have for it is it would be like having a giant lake whose waters have receded and finding a boat several hundred yards from shore just stuck in the dried mud. And now you have to drag that boat from its entombment and then towards the water. By yourself.
So what do I mean by all of that? I've talked about there not really being much of a difference to your brain before when it comes to physical or emotional pain. Pain is pain. What I've begun to notice is there are a lot of times that I'm in a lot of physical pain where I'll seek to disconnect from that pain as quickly as possible. Without ever even considering doing something about the pain. I don't ice it. I don't take a hot shower with the massaging head and a near endless supply of very hot water. I don't take anything extra for it. I don't even smoke pot for it. I'll pull up a game I know by heart and zone out into it. Just a repetitive task that helps me not think about the pain. Something that mimics what I did as a kid just endlessly throwing a football straight up as I lay in bed trying to get a perfect spiral. For hours.
If you think about it, this really explains a lot of things. Why does your mother stay with the abuser? Why is your memory shot? Why do you keep doing the same dumb stuff over and over again? Because, even though you may have a brief moment of clarity now and again where you can see that you're doing something wrong, you don't have the presence of mind to notice when you start to go down the wrong path again. You just follow the rut in the road you've made for yourself because that's the path of least resistance. It's the devil you know. And when you are in pain for decades? You eventually just accept that this is what life is. You forget whatever clarity you had when you were younger because that too begins to cause you pain. You just disconnect until there is nothing left to connect back to.
Oh yeah, it's also why friendship is hard on us. It's why you are constantly questioning if your friend is really your friend. You aren't paying attention enough to be able to make rational decisions. That extends to human interaction. You'll even try to be extra vigilant when it comes to friends. You might see everything from an interaction and be able to play it over and over again in your head. But noticing the important parts like how they were looking at you, or the tone in their voice, or remembering all the things you and that friend have done? That won't be there. So of course friendship is rough.
Relearning pattern recognition is hard. Figuring out what you should be doing is hard. Everyone else seems to be floating along without a care in the world. As I've pointed out before, though... the T in PTSD stands for traumatic. As in, you've had a traumatic injury. You have to rehab that. Relearning how to understand patterns in your life is the work you have to put in. It's frustratingly slow, tedious work. At least, at first. I'm still at the beginning of this. I'm dragging a ship that, I think, was carrying cement as its cargo. But I can see the shore and the ship is at least no longer stuck. I imagine that as I get rid of more and more of the bad habits and trust in my ability to see patterns that it will get easier. The more I use these muscles that I've let atrophy, the easier life will become for me. And that goes for not only my actual muscles, but those in my brain. Staying rooted here in the now as opposed to being caught between a state of disconnect from my past and fear for not being able to figure out my future. Do that, and you'll notice more. You'll notice the kindness in your friend's voice. You'll notice the menace in the person you're dating. You'll trust your feelings more and more. That's the work. That's the rehab. That's PTSD.
\*endnote\* Sorry about the length. When I started I wanted this to be two paragraphs. Sometimes this stuff just sort of pours out of me, though.
|
ptsd
|
So, I've had OCD since I was young. It started out as superstitions and extreme separation anxiety that eventually became very deliberate compulsions, disturbing intrusive thoughts, hyperawareness and depersonalization/derealization. Through the years it's ebbed and flowed in severity, recently physical tics started, and it feels more like "mental Tourettes" at times, which I know is a bad way to put it. Death has always been a common theme for me, mostly about the health of my family, etc.
I became severely depressed in the past few years, so my OCD became somewhat numbed and focused on dread and death with no hope or satisfaction from my compulsions. Extreme brain fog, couldn't focus. It was absolute torture. Then, I started Adderall for the depression and my life changed immediately. No more brain fog, much more confidence like I used to have despite my intrusive thoughts.
Now, my problem comes with the fact that my depression is near gone, my OCD is heightened, especially in the form of "Just Right" OCD. I'm hyperaware of how I feel, what I do and how I do it. But there's so much less focus on dread and death, like I have compulsions without the terrible intrusive thoughts and... it's kind of enjoyable? I feel productive and aware and sensitive rather than terrified and helpless. I feel satisfied when I tic and sometimes it even feels like stimming. Everything goes through what I believe is the OCD filter of my brain, but it's not terrible. I just feel particular in what I want, with my senses, my emotions and how I express them.
Nothing at all in my past pointed towards ADHD or Autism, especially nothing in the stereotypical ways, and in my years of therapy and psychiatrist appointments, or during a formal mental assessment did anyone bring either of those up. But I know those two often are comorbid with OCD. I don't know if I should bring this up with my therapist, who already kind of invalidates my OCD by telling me I'm just "looking for problems" when I do my compulsions because I'm afraid to be happy or something. But that's the thing, in this point I'm my life I'm very happy and satisfied, but I'm trying to figure out what exactly is making me feel and act the way I do. I've always thought my OCD was just a part of who I am and how I think and process, and that when I have this level of control *I really don't mind it.* Whatever it is makes me passionate, empathetic, thorough. But is it the OCD or something else?
tl;dr I don't mind some things that I believe to be stemming from my OCD. I wouldn't want to change whatever this is. But I know most people would want their OCD gone forever, so maybe it's not entirely OCD like I thought was all that was going on with me.
|
OCD
|
I managed to act good enough to get myself into the Army. I did well due to the structure (loved it), but wanted to rip my hair out at the complete and stupidity and callousness of those in power/above me that would cause shit just to cause shit and treat me like shit (I only got that in the states though, not over seas)
Funny enough I was in Korea, and it was absolutely amazing and I loved it. The people were really nice and welcoming there, I never felt out of place (like I always did growing up).
After I got back to the states I was shit on by those above me, I was piss tested every month cause I was somehow "on drugs" (even though I have never tried any in my life), etc. I finished my term and got the hell out (I signed up for a short term on purpose in case I didn't like, cause if I liked I could have stayed)
Is there anyone else here that is a veteran? What was your experience like?
|
aspergers
|
Today for about half an hour I felt like I was on auto pilot, I was zoned out kinda, dunno how to describe it. It was weird, kinda relaxing but also alarming since I’ve never felt that, was wondering if anyone else has experienced that.
|
depression
|
I cannot stand how my thoughts rule me and the constant need for reassurance im not an evil monster, i have urges from hurting people from adults to children and sexualising and i end up in a panic, i have urges from literally wanting to say mean things to wanting to just type in Child Porn into googlefor not even wanting to see anything just to get the urge over, i hate my mind and how self destructive im becoming, i wish i could stop doing these compulsions just so i could feel better for the short moment, i hate my brain so much, im hoping soon i can soon see a therapist who can help me calm down ad not be a nervous wreck for most the day
|
OCD
|
I know there's enough time in the day, I just waste SO MUCH of it on my phone and YouTube. I feel like just going to lectures and doing the bare minimum saps me and I just have to engage in creature comforts to recover. But I also want to work on personal projects and learn stuff and possibly get a job on the side. How is it possible to do everything I want to do so I'm not feeling like I'm wasting my life?
|
ADHD
|
heyy all, so I wanted to see if anyone in the community here has any helpful suggestions.
so im going to Africa for my dissertation research, (withholding country info rn for anonymity), yayy! ill be there for 9 months, and of course the max amount of my Adderall XR my psychiatrist is able to give me is, well, only 30 days.
Ive looked around online and have learned that 1) its extremely illegal to ship Adderall, so my partner picking it up for me and shipping it is not an option; 2) it seems as if very few pharmacies, if any, will ship Adderall or any controlled substance internationally (I do have a safe place it could be sent to).
It seems like my only option is finding a doctor where ill be living. I guess im just kinda nervous because Im well aware of how many people out there dont think ADHD is real, and this will only be my second psychiatrist since getting diagnosed. im worried about availability of meds, too. i know adderall wont be available, but hope that other stimulant meds will be available. i do have a printout from my psychiatrist outlining my care and my medications.
anybody here have advice having ADHD abroad? finding a doctor abroad, or other options that I didnt think of?
|
ADHD
|
I'm trying to study for an important test this Wednesdays. I managed to finish half of the material this weekend after struggling with adhd paralysis the entire week. I wrote flashcards for everything. Now I still have full 13 pages of text left. I can't even shorten it bcs all the information is important. I realized that the fact that i have to write so much material on flashcards was overwhelming me extremely so I decided to stop right then to take a break.
Any other ways I can memorize the material? I don't know if only reading it will help? I'm to scared to highlight anything since it always gets out of hand and I just highlight way to much. I really need some advice!
|
ADHD
|
Was finally professionally diagnosed with autism and ADHD after months of waiting then 7 hours of interview, questionnaires, and observations. ADOS-2 and other tests were administered. I recognize many autistic and ADHD traits in me and would honestly feel surprised and lost if my results came back otherwise.
But… what if… what if I exaggerated my struggles and somehow tricked the psychologist… I’m probably just lazy, stupid, and want attention, right?
|
aspergers
|
So long story short about a year ago the first guy I ever loved ended things with me and definitely left me with trust issues. So that on top of my pure o is a recipe for disaster.
I met this other guy a month or two ago and immediately hit it off. We hungout a week ago for the a second time and it went well, we said we will hangout again soon. Basically this guy is in his residency at the local hospital so I know he’s busy but he hasn’t texted me back in two days. I have literally had the same scenario go through my head 50 times yesterday and today hearing in my head “he’s going to text you and end it with you just like the other guy did” or “he’s going to ghost you and never text you again” I don’t know what to do as to with myself I mean I’m keeping myself busy but these thoughts are TERRIFYING and will not leave my head. It’s making me feel sick. And it’s not like this is a guy I’m even serious with so I’m scared just in general I’m going to be like this with every guy moving forward and my ocd is going to take over all of my relationships. Advice needed please :(
|
OCD
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.