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That's opinion, not news! | That guy's hilarious. I especially like his white shirt and blue pants. Wait a second... Angry Dad is me! |
Which makes you ten trillionth over-all. | What kind of a monster would humiliate me like this? |
You heard the freak! | Leave me alone! |
Homer, what are you doing? | Uh, uh... we're just rehearsing for "Angry Dad: The Motion Picture". |
How'd you like to be played by John Goodman? | That's just so obvious! |
Dad, I'm no fan of Bart's cartoon, but you have a real problem with anger. | I'm just passionate -- like all us Greeks. |
No, you're angry. Look, you're punching the cat right now. | Oh, I am... |
No, you're angry. Look, you're punching the cat right now. | Oh my gosh, you're right. I'm a rage-aholic. I just can't live without rage-ahol! |
Congratulations, Dad. The first step is admitting it. | Is it also the last step? |
No. The last step is quitting. | Very well. I'm not gonna be Angry Dad for one day longer. I'm giving up anger forever! |
If you ask me, you should give up fatty foods. | I said anger. |
Homer? What's going on? | I gave up anger forever. From now on, I'm into candles, soft music and horse tranquilizers. |
Piano lady! | Must suppress rage. |
Come on, Angry Dad. Get angry! Don't make me do a clip show! | Hello there, Flan-didly-danders. |
Okay. | Well son, I wanna show you how grateful I am. Let's go fishing. |
You're not welcome. | I love you, boy. |
Ha, ha, you love a boy. | Stop it now. |
Welcome, steady customer. I see you are ready for the Civil War reenactment. | I need some supplies: a keg of beer, and a six-pack to hold me till I tap the keg. |
Here you go. | Thanks. Are you sure you don't want to come? In a Civil War reenactment we need lots of Indians to shoot. |
I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first. But I cannot come. I work 22 hours a day, and then I go home to a wife who will not touch me. The Indian rope trick has become the Indian "nope" trick. | Hi-Yo! |
The Squishee Lady! | Oh my God! I know you must get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavor? |
Go ahead. | Grape. |
Hey, she called me handsome! | She likes you! Put in a good word for grape. |
Come on, guys. We're gonna be late. | Okay, okay, don't go Mary Todd on us. |
Yeah, but I'm a recovering alcoholic, so... | One drink won't hurt. |
Hey, you're right. I was afraid it would start me drinking again, but it didn't. | Mm-hmm! |
The south will boogie again! | This was supposed to be a mock battle! Mock! |
The south will boogie again! | Don't worry. I'm just gonna drain the area around your wound. So cold... so cold... |
Oh the ny-lon has been released. | Now, you just take the kids home. I've got to return this keg. |
Are you sure you can get your deposit back? It's in pretty bad shape. | Why do you always take the side of local merchants? |
Homie, what's wrong? | Nothing, nothing. There's nothing eating me up inside. |
Apu is having an affair?! | Let's go. |
Apu is having an affair?! | I know, can you believe it? Oh, Manjula's just gonna die! |
How did you find out? | In my role as customer, I saw the whole thing. |
No, no, no, let's just keep playing. What's the score? | Dirty love. I mean, thirty love. I mean, anyone for penis? I'll just get the shuttlecock. |
We have to do something to save that marriage. Maybe I should just tell Manjula. Or you could talk to Apu... | He already knows. Let's tell Krusty. |
What would that accomplish? | That guy's hilarious. His reaction would be priceless. |
That's sad. All those kids. | I think he's building to something. |
I know, I know, there will be forty-seven bottles of beer on the wall. Yes. Homer, you did not bring me here for this. What is it that you want to tell me? | Okay, this isn't easy, so I'm just gonna come out and say it. |
Here-here-here you go, mister. | Let's say this pepper got married to this salt shaker, and along comes sexy Mrs. Dash... |
Is there something you want to tell me? | I saw you and that Squishee Lady -- canoodling like junkyard rabbits! |
It's true. It only happened once, but I am so ashamed. I am scum. | Yes. You are scum. |
Oh, I always thought karma was baloney, but not anymore. | Mmm, caramel baloney. |
Kids, we want to talk to you about something. | You might hear from your friends or co-workers that Apu isn't living at home anymore. |
I just wish there was something we could do... Oh. Oh, Homer, are you thinking what I'm thinking? | You bet I am! |
You can run, but you can't glide! | U.S.A.! U.S.A.! |
Tonight, we invite both Manjula and Apu for dinner, but we don't tell them the other one's coming. | And Krusty. We gotta invite Krusty. |
I keep telling you. Off camera, he's a desperately unhappy man. But if we remind Apu and Manjula of why they fell in love, maybe they can work out their problems. | Yeah! 'Cause if they don't... |
Even better. | This is going great. |
Hey pally, uh... where do you want the Fudge Mahal? | Uh, we didn't order that. |
Hey pally, uh... where do you want the Fudge Mahal? | Can I lick your fingers? Meet me at the mail slot. |
I know a great nametag place. They do fabulous work. | It's where I got this! |
Well, we had fun. | Hey, Apu, I think she likes you. |
Ooh, a challenge! | Whee! Whee! |
Wait a minute. This isn't on the list! | It's been on my list for a long time. |
Not bad, eh? | I bought the issue for Richard Avedon's pictures of Lenny. |
Eliza, where the devil are my slippers? | Woo! |
"My Fair Lady," performed with all-octuplet cast... done. | It was magic. He took a Cockney flower girl and turned her into my fair lady. |
Who wants to put on a leotard and get screamed at? | Well, hookers and Spiderman. |
My little munchkin bumped her pumpkin. | Are you okay, Lisa? |
Ich bin ein... gymnast! | Aww, she must have dreamt about Hitler again. |
Whoa! Party house. | Hey, where's my keg? |
Duh. | I TAKE A WHISKEY DRINK / I TAKE A CHOCOLATE DRINK / AND WHEN I HAVE TO PEE / I USE THE KITCHEN SINK / I SING THE SONG THAT REMINDS ME I'M A URINATING GUY! |
Duh. | FLEX! FLEX! FLEX! FLEX! FLEX! FLEX! FLEX! |
My bubble, my rules. | That's it, boy! It's time for your bath! |
My bubble, my rules. | Now go to bed! |
My bubble, my rules. | That is called parenting. I'm going to Moe's. |
Doogie Howser went to college when he was my age. | Against my wishes! |
I put those "Cathys" on the fridge for you. I don't even like them. They've gotten so smutty. | Oh sure, when a man does it, it's smutty. But if a woman did it-- |
Homer, Cathy is a woman. | Oh, come on-- |
Homer, Cathy is a woman. | You're right. |
What are you doing? | I was trying to throw Bart over the roof, and he got stuck in this tree. |
What are you doing? | Marge, where's my pellet gun? |
In the tree. | Right. |
In the tree. | Oh no, not the good cheek! |
In the tree. | Oh. |
Oh, I cannot listen to this again. | Guys, I just ordered my wife the greatest anniversary present -- a koi pond. |
Yeah, you must be some kind of marriage super-genius. How 'bout a few tips? | Certainly, Lenford. Make every day a celebration of your love. Surprise her with a pasta salad! Put a mini-beret on your wang! |
Oh, I can't wait to see my surprise! | Hey, hey, hey, no peeking. |
Oh, I can't wait to see my surprise! | Happy anniversary, Marge! |
That caterpillar is screaming. | Aw, the poor thing's in pain. What he needs is a visit from kindly old Dr. Foot. |
...which has chosen your yard as its home. | Fine, I won't kill it. |
...which has chosen your yard as its home. | Finish the job. |
"Screamapillar Care Tips." Wow, look at all this stuff. "Without constant reassurance, it will die. It's sexually attracted to fire..." | Are you sure God doesn't want it to be dead? |
What does he want now? | If he wants to sleep with us, forget it. |
Put him down, boy! Put him down! | "Once upon a time there were three bears. The end." |
Put him down, boy! Put him down! | Oh fine, I'll go back to the beginning. |
Put him down, boy! Put him down! | Oh no, I crushed that horrible bug. What should I do? |
Why don't I hear any screaming? | Uh, he's sleeping. |
Then why don't I hear any sleep-screams? | Well, uh, the thing about that is, uh... |
Then why don't I hear any sleep-screams? | Woo hoo! He's alive. Now you can't punish me. |
Didn't these meals used to have a cobbler? | Uh, they discontinued the cobbler. |
You smell like cobbler. | Now let's not get into who smells like what. |
Oh, don't be such a nervous Purvis. That's not a real skeleton, it's a Halloween costume. | But what about the axe? |
Oh, I couldn't possibly eat all this. Please join me. | Eh, you're the shut-in. |
Oh Homer, I feel like I'm talking to Bennett Cerf. | Yeah, I've gotten a lot of compliments about my talking. |
Before you go, would you mind opening this jar of butter pickles? | My pleasure. |
Oh my, you're as strong as you are handsome. | And I can ride my bike real fast. |
Can I call you the next time I need a muscular he-man? | Hey, I'm not running an employment service, you old ba-- Oh-ho-ho, you mean me? I'd be delighted. |
Freshen your drinks, ladies? | Laxative? |
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