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88,800
Now before we go any further, I would first ask: He can’t be this stupid, can he?
Now before we go any further, I would first ask
: He can’t be this stupid, can he?
88,801
Priapus was a protector of gardens and orchards, and is typically portrayed as a homely old man with a raging erection.
Priapus was a protector of gardens and orchards, and is
typically portrayed as a homely old man with a raging erection.
88,802
The victim said he was about to wash his hands at the sink when the suspect came up to him "with his pants undone and with his genitals in his hand masturbating."
The victim said he was about to wash his hands at the sink when the suspect came
up to him "with his pants undone and with his genitals in his hand masturbating."
88,803
To parody an old Fast Show sketch, this week I har’ mostly been answering stupid questions.
To parody an old Fast Show sketch, this
week I har’ mostly been answering stupid questions.
88,804
THANKS FOR HELPING THE HOUSTON BOY FINISH HIS ALBUM. FUCK. IM ABOUT TO BLACK OUT SEPT 4 CANT COME FAST ENOUGH . @therealmikedean A photo posted by flame (@travisscott) on Aug 9, 2015 at 1:12pm PDT
THANKS FOR HELPING THE HOUSTON BOY FINISH HIS ALBUM. FUCK. IM ABOUT TO BLACK OUT SEPT 4 CANT
COME FAST ENOUGH . @therealmikedean A photo posted by flame (@travisscott) on Aug 9, 2015 at 1:12pm PDT
88,805
Another shoutout to imaginegreendragons for basically telling me what to add to this chapter because I had no fucking idea.
Another shoutout to imaginegreendragons for basically telling me what to
add to this chapter because I had no fucking idea.
88,806
Australia has the reputation of a country full of animals that want you dead.
Australia has the reputation of a country
full of animals that want you dead.
88,807
Right from the start, in keeping with the telenovela theme, Petra Solano (Yael Grobglas) was the quintessential bitch.
Right from the start, in keeping with the telenovela theme
, Petra Solano (Yael Grobglas) was the quintessential bitch.
88,808
"[There's] normal young girl, and then this weird hybrid of - dare I say it - quite porno sort of luscious kind of pouty lips, sort of pushing boobs out."
"[There's] normal young girl, and then this weird hybrid of - dare I say
it - quite porno sort of luscious kind of pouty lips, sort of pushing boobs out."
88,809
Eric Adams considers himself a “man of science,” but doesn’t want to be a dick about it to astrology believers.
Eric Adams considers himself a “man of science,” but
doesn’t want to be a dick about it to astrology believers.
88,810
I would have turned bright red and cursed that woman under my breath.
I would have turned bright red and
cursed that woman under my breath.
88,811
“Yesterday we wanted to get wasted and play strip poker but he just wouldn’t agree to play so we fired him, screw him anyway – we’re Krewella and we do what we want,” she added before swallowing enough tequila to kill a small donkey.
“Yesterday we wanted to get wasted and play strip poker but he just wouldn’t agree to play so we fired him, screw
him anyway – we’re Krewella and we do what we want,” she added before swallowing enough tequila to kill a small donkey.
88,812
You remember, he was on the cover of Rolling Stone, Al Gore and it was kind of the thing that he had a big bulge in his pants that was his cock."
You remember, he was on the cover of Rolling Stone, Al Gore and it was kind
of the thing that he had a big bulge in his pants that was his cock."
88,813
The [Big Apple] exterior is wonderfully dreary, covered in graffiti and pigeon shit.
The [Big Apple] exterior is wonderfully
dreary, covered in graffiti and pigeon shit.
88,814
Mary Bauer got a Comcast bill addressed to “Super Bitch” after a series of billing and service problems.
Mary Bauer got a Comcast bill addressed to “Super
Bitch” after a series of billing and service problems.
88,815
But it was always a bare-bones report, whereas if the races were switched they would go in depth to look at the guy's Facebook and internet history to see if there's any signs of White Supremacist shit.
But it was always a bare-bones report, whereas if the races were switched they would go in depth
to look at the guy's Facebook and internet history to see if there's any signs of White Supremacist shit.
88,816
DaLuise waxed Nicki's eyebrows, and Nicki went crazy, saying, "Look what you did to my damn face! You think this s*** is worth $170?!"As for the arrest ... DaLuise's rep had no comment.
DaLuise waxed Nicki's eyebrows, and Nicki went crazy, saying, "Look what you did to my damn face
! You think this s*** is worth $170?!"As for the arrest ... DaLuise's rep had no comment.
88,817
The conference teaches that ‘all white people are racist and all students of color live in a white supremacist culture.’
The conference teaches that ‘all white people are racist and
all students of color live in a white supremacist culture.’
88,818
Come on, single guys don't use coasters.By the way, name the Mosin crate coffee table"The Panty Dropper", 'cause that is what is going to happen when chicks see your kick ass style.
Come on, single guys don't use coasters.By the way, name the Mosin crate coffee table"The
Panty Dropper", 'cause that is what is going to happen when chicks see your kick ass style.
88,819
I watched the GOP Primaries and was sickened by the venality, stupidity and dishonesty of the candidates.
I watched the GOP Primaries and was sickened by
the venality, stupidity and dishonesty of the candidates.
88,820
The 20 billion dollar Japanese porn industry, by far the largest in the world, literally does not have enough men that want to get paid for fucking beautiful Japanese women.
The 20 billion dollar Japanese porn industry, by far the largest in the world,
literally does not have enough men that want to get paid for fucking beautiful Japanese women.
88,821
Some wire-tapping, nation-building, preemptive-striking Republican ass!
Some wire-tapping, nation-
building, preemptive-striking Republican ass!
88,822
A woman who alleges a famous actor sexually assaulted her says the man encouraged her to kiss his penis during an acting class.
A woman who alleges a famous actor sexually assaulted her says the
man encouraged her to kiss his penis during an acting class.
88,823
Bush's stupid, blank face staring out across the deck of the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln under a giant banner emblazoned with the words "Mission accomplished."
Bush's stupid, blank face staring out across the deck of the aircraft carrier
USS Abraham Lincoln under a giant banner emblazoned with the words "Mission accomplished."
88,824
What I want to know is what in all holy fuck made Hitler think that killing 6 million people was a good idea and trust me, if I ever got the chance to break bread with him, somewhere between the main course and dessert, the small talk would cease and the hard questions would commence.
What I want to know is what in all holy fuck made Hitler think that killing 6 million people was a good idea and trust me, if I
ever got the chance to break bread with him, somewhere between the main course and dessert, the small talk would cease and the hard questions would commence.
88,825
It said women should stay in their homes for modesty reasons, warned it would cut off the hands of thieves, and told residents to attend daily prayers.
It said women should stay in their homes for modesty reasons, warned it would
cut off the hands of thieves, and told residents to attend daily prayers.
88,826
“Sadly it’s just a load of short video clips of people having minor accidents, and horny little bastards threatening to beat each other up.
“Sadly it’s just a load of short video clips of people having
minor accidents, and horny little bastards threatening to beat each other up.
88,827
But for those of you who want to try and understand what the hell happened last night, then we present to you this weeks edition of What worked, what didn’t, what sucked.
But for those of you who want to try and understand what the hell happened last night,
then we present to you this weeks edition of What worked, what didn’t, what sucked.
88,828
I actually hate that little n*gga" Seconds before flipping over the dinner table while shouting "I hope you get a picture of this sh*t."
I actually hate that little n*gga" Seconds before flipping over the dinner table
while shouting "I hope you get a picture of this sh*t."
88,829
I took comfort in the fact that soon this would all lead to me having boobs.
I took comfort in the fact that soon
this would all lead to me having boobs.
88,830
She was stacked...big beautiful DD's, thin, great ass, fun to hang out with, liked to party...perfect.
She was stacked...big beautiful DD's, thin, great ass
, fun to hang out with, liked to party...perfect.
88,831
"Nobody knows who the f*ck you are," Ortiz told Lawal on Thursday.
"Nobody knows who the f*ck you are
," Ortiz told Lawal on Thursday.
88,832
I have not pivoted towards ‘well this season is trash so let’s become draft nerds’ just yet, mostly because it’s merely friggin’ August.
I have not pivoted towards ‘well this season is trash so let’s become
draft nerds’ just yet, mostly because it’s merely friggin’ August.
88,833
In fact, if you give your child an explanation as to why you said "no," it makes you look like a moron.
In fact, if you give your child an explanation as to why
you said "no," it makes you look like a moron.
88,834
“The punchline of the show is to get really simple answers on stupid questions, such as, ‘Can you shave with ketchup’ or ‘Can you drive blind?'”
“The punchline of the show is to get really simple answers on stupid questions, such
as, ‘Can you shave with ketchup’ or ‘Can you drive blind?'”
88,835
To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
To say that black people have made progress would be
to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
88,836
Rick Wilson is (in)famous for his description of Trump supporters as “single white males who masturbate to anime”.
Rick Wilson is (in)famous for his description of Trump supporters
as “single white males who masturbate to anime”.
88,837
“I asked Anthony if he’d seen my Bible lying around, and he just yelled, ‘Ugh, Mom, you’re such a Pharisee.’
“I asked Anthony if he’d seen my Bible lying around, and he
just yelled, ‘Ugh, Mom, you’re such a Pharisee.’
88,838
Founders Dirty Bastard is available in 12 ounce cans, in 12 packs. ERP $17.99. Style: Scotch Ale Availability: 12oz Bottles, Draft (Current). 12oz Cans (Potential) Release: November, 2015 8.5% ABV
Founders Dirty Bastard is available in 12 ounce cans, in 12 packs. ERP $17.99. Style: Scotch Ale Availability
: 12oz Bottles, Draft (Current). 12oz Cans (Potential) Release: November, 2015 8.5% ABV
88,839
"If you time-travel to the time of your grandfather and kill him before he has any children, then your father would not have been born, and then you would not have been born.
"If you time-travel to the time of your grandfather and kill him before he has any
children, then your father would not have been born, and then you would not have been born.
88,840
“It says they’re a bunch of juvenile idiots is what it says,” he added.
“It says they’re a bunch of juvenile
idiots is what it says,” he added.
88,841
And clearly the best way to do that, according to this lovely lady, is to call her sisters “retarded” — as in “are you people fucking retarded?”
And clearly the best way to do that, according to this lovely lady, is to
call her sisters “retarded” — as in “are you people fucking retarded?”
88,842
Trump continues to have public differences of opinion with Tillerson, but he has not criticized him in the way Donald Trump might normally be expected to respond to someone who called him a moron.
Trump continues to have public differences of opinion with Tillerson, but he has not criticized him in
the way Donald Trump might normally be expected to respond to someone who called him a moron.
88,843
If this answer sounds like you, your corporate dreams are killing you.
If this answer sounds like you,
your corporate dreams are killing you.
88,844
How often have you heard feminists bitch and moan about the responsibility that women must bear for using birth control?
How often have you heard feminists bitch and moan about
the responsibility that women must bear for using birth control?
88,845
He's arrogant, his hair sucks and he's unwilling to fully accept the fact that the best years of his career are in the past.
He's arrogant, his hair sucks and he's unwilling to fully accept
the fact that the best years of his career are in the past.
88,846
It hurt some Australians so much that they needed a deflection, and, lo, did the mint-chewing, butt-kicking Faf du Plessis give you one.
It hurt some Australians so much that they needed a deflection, and, lo,
did the mint-chewing, butt-kicking Faf du Plessis give you one.
88,847
From Mitt Romney's robotic pandering to Newt's condescending paternalism to Rick Santorum's thinly veiled references to black women as out of control unmarried sex machines, there's a lot of Shit being said.
From Mitt Romney's robotic pandering to Newt's condescending paternalism to Rick Santorum's thinly veiled references to
black women as out of control unmarried sex machines, there's a lot of Shit being said.
88,848
You stuck my flash drive in your vagina - m4w - 25 (philadelphia)
You stuck my flash drive in your
vagina - m4w - 25 (philadelphia)
88,849
More importantly is that she is a grade fucking A fame whore and will do anything for attention, just ask James Deen.
More importantly is that she is a grade fucking A fame whore
and will do anything for attention, just ask James Deen.
88,850
He then committed a lewd act by fondling himself and asking women to look at his genitals through his sweatpants, Hoffman said.
He then committed a lewd act by fondling himself and asking women
to look at his genitals through his sweatpants, Hoffman said.
88,851
Music president said earlier this year that West's production would be found on every track "top to bottom," which is—to put it mildly—great fucking news.
Music president said earlier this year that West's production would be found on every track "
top to bottom," which is—to put it mildly—great fucking news.
88,852
Once upon a time in this country, there were ugly, racist, tyrannical rules dictating where a black person could sit on a bus.
Once upon a time in this country, there were ugly, racist
, tyrannical rules dictating where a black person could sit on a bus.
88,853
This statement is proudly tossed about by atheists who want to reinforce their claims that religion is for the poor, ignorant, and unintelligent.
This statement is proudly tossed about by atheists who want to reinforce their
claims that religion is for the poor, ignorant, and unintelligent.
88,854
Sunday Night Football host Cris Collinsworth called for President Trump to apologize for calling NFL players who kneel during the national anthem “sons of bitches.”
Sunday Night Football host Cris Collinsworth called for President Trump to apologize for calling
NFL players who kneel during the national anthem “sons of bitches.”
88,855
At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true.
At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because
I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true.
88,856
Oh, I can hear the Doctor Who office with their head in their hands now going, ‘shut up, Davies, shut up.’
Oh, I can hear the Doctor Who office with their head in their
hands now going, ‘shut up, Davies, shut up.’
88,857
We're the Special Forces, Son! Paradox can suck it. Hooah!The original painting by Emanuel Leutze, 1875: [link] Preliminary sketch and my contributions for 2011 and 2013.
We're the Special Forces, Son! Paradox can suck it. Hooah!The original painting by
Emanuel Leutze, 1875: [link] Preliminary sketch and my contributions for 2011 and 2013.
88,858
Feel free to invade Georgia message boards and have Bulldogs fans lose their shit.
Feel free to invade Georgia message boards
and have Bulldogs fans lose their shit.
88,859
That’s always the beginning and the end of great illicit sex, but something you can’t possibly contain at sixteen when you’ve got your English teacher on your cock making out with your young Math teacher who’s grinding her trigonometry into your face.
That’s always the beginning and the end of great illicit sex, but something you can’t possibly contain at sixteen when you
’ve got your English teacher on your cock making out with your young Math teacher who’s grinding her trigonometry into your face.
88,860
If they kill Muslims along with Westerners in their mass murders, it doesn’t matter.
If they kill Muslims along with Westerners in
their mass murders, it doesn’t matter.
88,861
I never truly believed a word of that, but I always knew Mother as the sort of cheery, but foolish, old woman who would.
I never truly believed a word of that, but I always knew Mother
as the sort of cheery, but foolish, old woman who would.
88,862
Republicans screamed unendingly about how Rice was a liar, a trickster and about two steps short of being Darth Vader.
Republicans screamed unendingly about how Rice was a liar, a
trickster and about two steps short of being Darth Vader.
88,863
You see, two decades of relentless mistakes have earned him multiple Emmys, Tony and Oscar nominations, and a much-anticipated gig cohosting the Academy Awards with Steve Martin — a lifetime of stutter-stop achievement Baldwin calls "all this other bullshit."
You see, two decades of relentless mistakes have earned him multiple Emmys, Tony and Oscar nominations, and a much-anticipated
gig cohosting the Academy Awards with Steve Martin — a lifetime of stutter-stop achievement Baldwin calls "all this other bullshit."
88,864
I'm going to knock his ass out and he's going to wake up and not know what hit him."
I'm going to knock his ass out and he's
going to wake up and not know what hit him."
88,865
A fund to support cancer research could be named "Fucking Cancer, How Does It Work?"
A fund to support cancer research could be named
"Fucking Cancer, How Does It Work?"
88,866
He looked me directly in the eye and drunkenly said, “I’m gonna shake your hand, now go get the money you have so I can get the fuck out of here.”
He looked me directly in the eye and drunkenly said, “I’m gonna shake your hand
, now go get the money you have so I can get the fuck out of here.”
88,867
Were we as a nation always such suckers for the 3 Ps of our current economy, Propaganda, Pandering and Posturing?
Were we as a nation always such suckers for the 3
Ps of our current economy, Propaganda, Pandering and Posturing?
88,868
A whole nation cueing up their ‘eat shit lyle’ tweets — Liam Hogan (@liamvhogan) December 7, 2017
A whole nation cueing up their ‘eat shit lyle’
tweets — Liam Hogan (@liamvhogan) December 7, 2017
88,869
My Secret Santa is a BAD ASS. So fuck yeah. Will add photos when I'm done hyperventilating from the awesome.
My Secret Santa is a BAD ASS. So fuck yeah.
Will add photos when I'm done hyperventilating from the awesome.
88,870
‘This sucks,’ I think an hour in, as bosses are near impossible and protagonist Frank West a slow, lumbering fool.
‘This sucks,’ I think an hour in, as bosses
are near impossible and protagonist Frank West a slow, lumbering fool.
88,871
If Donald Trump fires Robert Mueller and is allowed to do so, pick up a goddamn brick.
If Donald Trump fires Robert Mueller and is allowed
to do so, pick up a goddamn brick.
88,872
Media members are just now getting their hands on Nintendo’s convoluted voice chat method and I am not being hyperbolic when I say: It’s a fucking nightmare.
Media members are just now getting their hands on Nintendo’s convoluted voice chat method
and I am not being hyperbolic when I say: It’s a fucking nightmare.
88,873
This was especially the case after each of my viral articles 5 Reasons to Date a Woman With an Eating Disorder, 24 Signs She’s a Slut, and Girls With Short Hair Are Damaged.
This was especially the case after each of my viral articles 5 Reasons to Date a Woman With
an Eating Disorder, 24 Signs She’s a Slut, and Girls With Short Hair Are Damaged.
88,874
All of you black pastors, black politicians, and black celebs who have joined Sharpton and the MSM's lynch mob to "get Zimmerman" should be ashamed of yourselves.
All of you black pastors, black politicians, and black celebs who have joined Sharpton
and the MSM's lynch mob to "get Zimmerman" should be ashamed of yourselves.
88,875
I knew Scott was a rocker so I asked him if he’d ever consider doing American Idiot, “you know, the one by Green Day.”
I knew Scott was a rocker so I asked him if he’d ever consider
doing American Idiot, “you know, the one by Green Day.”
88,876
First things first: noir is a rarity in games (we’ve got schlocky stuff like Max Payne, uneven experiences like LA Noire, ugly failures like Murdered: Soul Suspect, and a handful of indies), and Blues and Bullets tries to be noir as fuck.
First things first: noir is a rarity in games (we’ve got schlocky stuff like Max Payne, uneven experiences like LA Noire,
ugly failures like Murdered: Soul Suspect, and a handful of indies), and Blues and Bullets tries to be noir as fuck.
88,877
See also: Phish at Dicks, Labor Day Weekend 2013: The third and final show
See also: Phish at Dicks, Labor
Day Weekend 2013: The third and final show
88,878
ODB’s Son, Young Dirt Bastard to Release ‘Food Stamp Celebrity’ Mixtape?
ODB’s Son, Young Dirt Bastard to
Release ‘Food Stamp Celebrity’ Mixtape?
88,879
"This foolish guy Josh Earnest, I don't know if he's talking to President Obama.
"This foolish guy Josh Earnest, I do
n't know if he's talking to President Obama.
88,880
The Head Ball Coach has his less charming and more tyrannical moments, but it all more or less comes out in the wash due to how relentlessly and exuberantly he refuses to give a shit about acting the way college football coaches generally act.
The Head Ball Coach has his less charming and more tyrannical moments, but it all more or less comes out in the
wash due to how relentlessly and exuberantly he refuses to give a shit about acting the way college football coaches generally act.
88,881
And don't tell me to STFU ever again when I am speaking when I could break your head Lohpally.
And don't tell me to STFU ever again when
I am speaking when I could break your head Lohpally.
88,882
Please support Cypress Hill, dog. I'm a twittering fool too: JohnAmato
Please support Cypress Hill, dog.
I'm a twittering fool too: JohnAmato
88,883
The cursed Lib-Leftist, anti-Southern, anti-White, anti-Christian media is now on a false morality jihad against all things Southern and Confederate, even claiming that some conservative, neo-Confederate blogs are to blame for turning the young suspect into an evil racist killer!
The cursed Lib-Leftist, anti-Southern, anti-White, anti-Christian media is now on a false morality jihad against all things
Southern and Confederate, even claiming that some conservative, neo-Confederate blogs are to blame for turning the young suspect into an evil racist killer!
88,884
And then Robert Kraft goes and gets a fucking handy from a slave and dammit now it’s pushed out another 2 days well here you go.
And then Robert Kraft goes and gets a fucking handy from a slave and
dammit now it’s pushed out another 2 days well here you go.
88,885
The typical human male ejaculate contains 150 million sperm cells, but you were the one that made it.
The typical human male ejaculate contains 150 million sperm cells
, but you were the one that made it.
88,886
(Hint: It was an opportunity to overdose on boobs and violence.)
(Hint: It was an opportunity
to overdose on boobs and violence.)
88,887
There’s no point having a sprawling landscape if you can't fill it with tons of shit to do in between the regular missions.
There’s no point having a sprawling landscape if you can't fill
it with tons of shit to do in between the regular missions.
88,888
It sucks even more if you’re a backward snail—unless you happen to have some very dedicated friends.
It sucks even more if you’re a backward snail
—unless you happen to have some very dedicated friends.
88,889
A British woman dubbed the Barbie bandit after being arrested over raids on luxury homes claims police officers in Argentina called her a “filthy English whore”.
A British woman dubbed the Barbie bandit after being arrested over raids on luxury
homes claims police officers in Argentina called her a “filthy English whore”.
88,890
We just don't think that uninvited penises up our anus, or our vagina is a laugh riot.
We just don't think that uninvited penises up our
anus, or our vagina is a laugh riot.
88,891
I launched CHICpeaJC as a hobby, a fun side project where I could write about fashion and random shit about Jersey City.
I launched CHICpeaJC as a hobby, a fun side project where
I could write about fashion and random shit about Jersey City.
88,892
My father buried his head in his hands and cried “Would that I could kill him and save our family from suffering!
My father buried his head in his hands and cried “Would
that I could kill him and save our family from suffering!
88,893
Heads who aren’t freaking out the Big Apple—due to kids, job, mortgage, and other poor adult excuses—can broadcast it live and watch that shit like the Olympics.
Heads who aren’t freaking out the Big Apple—due to kids, job, mortgage,
and other poor adult excuses—can broadcast it live and watch that shit like the Olympics.
88,894
JaVale McGee may be best known for his ridiculous Shaqtin' a Fool moments, but nothing can take away from his amazing performance in 2011 dunk contest.
JaVale McGee may be best known for his ridiculous Shaqtin' a Fool moments
, but nothing can take away from his amazing performance in 2011 dunk contest.
88,895
A few weeks ago I did something which, in retrospect, was probably rather stupid.
A few weeks ago I did something which
, in retrospect, was probably rather stupid.
88,896
Cleveland Kidnapper Rapist Ariel Castro Found Dead Hanging In Cell
Cleveland Kidnapper Rapist Ariel Castro
Found Dead Hanging In Cell
88,897
4 profit SolRo - 2010-01-01free and fast way to kill yourself;1 find a gun store, or outdoors store that carries guns, which has ammo boxes in front of the counter.2 snag a bullet with your name on it3 ask to see a gun4 profit
4 profit SolRo - 2010-01-01free and fast way to kill yourself;1 find a gun store, or outdoors store that carries
guns, which has ammo boxes in front of the counter.2 snag a bullet with your name on it3 ask to see a gun4 profit
88,898
That being said, if you throw a Muay Thai low kick without proper technique or without setting it up, it can easily be checked/blocked and end up hurting like a bitch… which I assume you don’t want to happen.
That being said, if you throw a Muay Thai low kick without proper technique or without setting it up, it can
easily be checked/blocked and end up hurting like a bitch… which I assume you don’t want to happen.
88,899
In fact, you should kill yourself right now because whining will occur anywhere and everywhere you go.
In fact, you should kill yourself right now
because whining will occur anywhere and everywhere you go.