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89,300
Two, how about VH1 choose a less manly lookin bitch to play the beautiful Lisa Lopez.
Two, how about VH1 choose a less manly
lookin bitch to play the beautiful Lisa Lopez.
89,301
Also, whoever wagered his life savings to see a video of a shitty self-checkout machine not working, send me an email at maddox@xmission.com because I'm going to take you to the cleaners.
Also, whoever wagered his life savings to see a video of a shitty self-checkout machine not
working, send me an email at maddox@xmission.com because I'm going to take you to the cleaners.
89,302
It’s not your fault, of course, that damn road uses up a lot of animals.
It’s not your fault, of course,
that damn road uses up a lot of animals.
89,303
Instead of watching heavyweight presenters dispense news from on high, the couple switch to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, known for delivering stories with lacerating humour and an inbuilt bullshit detector.
Instead of watching heavyweight presenters dispense news from on high, the couple switch to The Daily
Show with Jon Stewart, known for delivering stories with lacerating humour and an inbuilt bullshit detector.
89,304
Chubby Checker, whose real name is Ernest Evans in case you’re playing bar trivia tonight, isn’t happy that his musical persona is being tied to guessing penis size.
Chubby Checker, whose real name is Ernest Evans in case you’re playing bar trivia
tonight, isn’t happy that his musical persona is being tied to guessing penis size.
89,305
Masturbate for a good cause with a new porn website, where every orgasm does good for the world.
Masturbate for a good cause with a new porn website
, where every orgasm does good for the world.
89,306
Described as everything from ‘total craziness’ to ‘pathetically stupid’ to ‘a joke and embarrassment’, Tony Abbott’s knightmare keeps on getting darker
Described as everything from ‘total craziness’ to ‘pathetically stupid’ to
‘a joke and embarrassment’, Tony Abbott’s knightmare keeps on getting darker
89,307
I was “husky” as my mom would say, and after while, some of the boys would flick my nipples and laugh at my oversized mammaries.
I was “husky” as my mom would say, and after while,
some of the boys would flick my nipples and laugh at my oversized mammaries.
89,308
But when he transforms into the muscular, heroic, could literally pound you into dust (with his dick) Superman, his part moves to the left.
But when he transforms into the muscular, heroic, could literally pound you into
dust (with his dick) Superman, his part moves to the left.
89,309
This was taken from a conversation about the the reality show, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here in which one of the contestants ate a kangaroo penis.
This was taken from a conversation about the the reality show, I'm a Celebrity
Get Me Out of Here in which one of the contestants ate a kangaroo penis.
89,310
While radical Islamist Terrorists are determined to see all of Western civilization destroyed, the president continues to bind our hands, shut our mouths, disarm the citizenry
While radical Islamist Terrorists are determined to see all of Western civilization destroyed,
the president continues to bind our hands, shut our mouths, disarm the citizenry
89,311
I’ve been a longtime superfan of her blog, Stupid Easy Paleo, ’cause her recipes are fantastic and her photos are drool-worthy.
I’ve been a longtime superfan of her blog, Stupid Easy Paleo
, ’cause her recipes are fantastic and her photos are drool-worthy.
89,312
There’s a longstanding theory amongst humorless, fun-hating IMNs who only like Genghis Tron because Pitchfork told them to that the members of Iwrestledabearonce are all homosexuals.
There’s a longstanding theory amongst humorless, fun-hating IMNs who only like
Genghis Tron because Pitchfork told them to that the members of Iwrestledabearonce are all homosexuals.
89,313
Mischief glinted in Ruby's eyes and a shit-eating-grin greeted Pyrrha as she looked up.
Mischief glinted in Ruby's eyes and a shit-
eating-grin greeted Pyrrha as she looked up.
89,314
Article that says that men are living longer than ever despite the fact that more and more men are choosing to live alone than with some bitchy, nasty, ever widening skank.
Article that says that men are living longer than ever despite the fact that more and more
men are choosing to live alone than with some bitchy, nasty, ever widening skank.
89,315
Letters, K-Font, the disgusting state of US beaches, stasis motherfucker, 1986 Playboy, Jonathan's first phone sex experience, Seth Clips Vol.
Letters, K-Font, the disgusting state of US beaches, stasis motherfucker
, 1986 Playboy, Jonathan's first phone sex experience, Seth Clips Vol.
89,316
Michael Dougherty would not listen to Fiorino’s explanation of his own policy and ordered Fiorino to get on his knees or else “I am gonna shoot ya.”
Michael Dougherty would not listen to Fiorino’s explanation of his own policy and ordered Fiorino
to get on his knees or else “I am gonna shoot ya.”
89,317
(also, an example on how the official content can fuck up the canon.
(also, an example on how the
official content can fuck up the canon.
89,318
There are lies, damned lies and then there are feminist troll-hunters wielding statistics.
There are lies, damned lies and then
there are feminist troll-hunters wielding statistics.
89,319
He couldn’t keep his dick up so I started watching porn, and the only thing that entertained me was butt sex.
He couldn’t keep his dick up so I started watching porn
, and the only thing that entertained me was butt sex.
89,320
We start off with some good quality Tortilla Chips (NO DORITOS FOR FK SAKE), top it off with my homemade Pizza Sauce, scatter with Olives, Chopped Tomato, Yellow Bell Pepper and finally we scatter this bitch with some Daiya Mozzarella Shreds.
We start off with some good quality Tortilla Chips (NO DORITOS FOR FK SAKE), top it off with my homemade Pizza
Sauce, scatter with Olives, Chopped Tomato, Yellow Bell Pepper and finally we scatter this bitch with some Daiya Mozzarella Shreds.
89,321
On one hand, stupid opinions and/or good opinions articulated stupidly can be stupid enough to result in tangible employment consequences.
On one hand, stupid opinions and/or good opinions articulated stupidly
can be stupid enough to result in tangible employment consequences.
89,322
Simply claim you’re an expert meteorologist, make up a bunch of scary shit about the weather, and then hit the post button!
Simply claim you’re an expert meteorologist, make up a bunch of
scary shit about the weather, and then hit the post button!
89,323
See, I can understand why a newspaper wouldn’t want to print “shit” or “sh!
See, I can understand why a newspaper wouldn’t
want to print “shit” or “sh!
89,324
The problem has gotten so out of hand that there is now an organization, Sense About Science, that seeks to combat such -driven idiocy.
The problem has gotten so out of hand that there is now an
organization, Sense About Science, that seeks to combat such -driven idiocy.
89,325
Most games contain both wholesome interactions and graphic sex scenes.
Most games contain both wholesome
interactions and graphic sex scenes.
89,326
Using his mobile phone, sales executive Teo had secretly captured videos and photos of men - some of them engaging in sexual acts and others defecating.
Using his mobile phone, sales executive Teo had secretly captured videos and photos
of men - some of them engaging in sexual acts and others defecating.
89,327
To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
To say that black people have made progress would be
to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
89,328
What birther crap is to lifting the lid off ugly right-wing Twitter, that communism piece was to lifting the lid off ugly left-wing Twitter. — Charles C.
What birther crap is to lifting the lid off ugly right-wing Twitter, that
communism piece was to lifting the lid off ugly left-wing Twitter. — Charles C.
89,329
It's been shared over 6,000 times on Twitter, but the levels upon levels upon levels of bullshit being expressed in the caption must be addressed.
It's been shared over 6,000 times on Twitter, but the levels upon
levels upon levels of bullshit being expressed in the caption must be addressed.
89,330
The 6 god's wise MF DOOM fandom was previously confirmed way back in 2013, but that hasn't stopped fans from freaking the fuck out.
The 6 god's wise MF DOOM fandom was previously confirmed way back in
2013, but that hasn't stopped fans from freaking the fuck out.
89,331
Al Qaeda fanatic should soon be handed over to authorities in Jordan
Al Qaeda fanatic should soon be
handed over to authorities in Jordan
89,332
If his preferred candidate didn't win, then fuck everything and Bern it all to the ground!
If his preferred candidate didn't win, then
fuck everything and Bern it all to the ground!
89,333
A man has admitted spraying a lavender-infused herbal remedy into a woman's face in the hope it would make her want to have sex with him.
A man has admitted spraying a lavender-infused herbal remedy into a woman's
face in the hope it would make her want to have sex with him.
89,334
It s a joke about the right-wing idiots who think that Hillary goes around offing people like some pastel-pantsuited Tony Soprano.
It s a joke about the right-wing idiots who think that
Hillary goes around offing people like some pastel-pantsuited Tony Soprano.
89,335
You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.”
You’ve called women you don’t like fat
pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.”
89,336
∙ Anyone who insults the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) should be executed.
∙ Anyone who insults the Prophet Muhammad
(PBUH) should be executed.
89,337
All you fucking kickballers are going to be on different teams so wipe that smirk off of you face right now!
All you fucking kickballers are going to be on different teams
so wipe that smirk off of you face right now!
89,338
"They think if you suck pussy you'll suck anything," says Junior.
"They think if you suck pussy you
'll suck anything," says Junior.
89,339
For their initial project, the group decided to stage The Vagina Monologues, a play where women speak about their vaginas.
For their initial project, the group decided to stage The
Vagina Monologues, a play where women speak about their vaginas.
89,340
We are left with the possibility that Adam got some bad weed and went on camera and said some stupid shit that he's going to be taking back, I hope.
We are left with the possibility that Adam got some bad weed and went on camera
and said some stupid shit that he's going to be taking back, I hope.
89,341
The post read: “I’m sick of these big mouth c**** down here they think I’m one on my own should we run a muck or what I’m over the bullsh**.”
The post read: “I’m sick of these big mouth c**** down here they think
I’m one on my own should we run a muck or what I’m over the bullsh**.”
89,342
Esmatullah Sharifi, an Afghan refugee, offered an Australian woman a ride home and then put his right hand around her neck and his left hand over her mouth and raped her.
Esmatullah Sharifi, an Afghan refugee, offered an Australian woman a ride home and then put
his right hand around her neck and his left hand over her mouth and raped her.
89,343
But if that were true, the vagina would have to absorb compounds in semen that affected the women's pheromones.
But if that were true, the vagina would have to
absorb compounds in semen that affected the women's pheromones.
89,344
Pizzagate is the notion that Hillary Clinton and her minions are running a satanic child sex ring in the restaurant's basement.
Pizzagate is the notion that Hillary Clinton and her minions are
running a satanic child sex ring in the restaurant's basement.
89,345
It means I acknowledge your sovereign right to pursue happiness as you see fit, and I treat you with equal dignity all incarnate spirits deserve, even when you are acting like a loathsome jerk.
It means I acknowledge your sovereign right to pursue happiness as you see fit, and I treat
you with equal dignity all incarnate spirits deserve, even when you are acting like a loathsome jerk.
89,346
Messing took to Twitter this week to admonish an Instagram user for sending her a photo of his penis on Instagram.
Messing took to Twitter this week to admonish an Instagram user
for sending her a photo of his penis on Instagram.
89,347
This week, a new interview in Billboard has Rap Twitter calling bullshit on Miley Cyrus, and for good reason.
This week, a new interview in Billboard has Rap Twitter
calling bullshit on Miley Cyrus, and for good reason.
89,348
Crazy Joe Scarborough and dumb as a rock Mika are not bad people, but their low rated show is dominated by their NBC bosses.
Crazy Joe Scarborough and dumb as a rock Mika are not bad people
, but their low rated show is dominated by their NBC bosses.
89,349
On the other hand, that was a pretty huge Fuck You to the Diamondbacks.
On the other hand, that was a
pretty huge Fuck You to the Diamondbacks.
89,350
"I like to just be who I am. I’m pale; fuck it. But a little bit of a spray tan—like the lightest shade they even make—made me feel like I was wearing clothing." Dress up your nothing with some heels. "You gotta wear high heels! It just makes everything look better." Related:
"I like to just be who I am. I’m pale; fuck it. But a little bit of a spray tan—like the lightest shade they even make—made me
feel like I was wearing clothing." Dress up your nothing with some heels. "You gotta wear high heels! It just makes everything look better." Related:
89,351
Ben Affleck fuck off — rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2017
Ben Affleck fuck off — rose mcgowan
(@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2017
89,352
A shy girl doesn't usually act on her slutty emotions or on the whims of her slutty friends.
A shy girl doesn't usually act on her slutty
emotions or on the whims of her slutty friends.
89,353
For the last few weeks, we've been posting excerpts from the essays Frank Jacobs wrote for our 60th Anniversary book, Totally Mad: 60 Years of Humor, Satire, Stupidity and Stupidity.
For the last few weeks, we've been posting excerpts from the essays Frank Jacobs wrote for
our 60th Anniversary book, Totally Mad: 60 Years of Humor, Satire, Stupidity and Stupidity.
89,354
You ****ing Hindu, you camel riding mother******, White power mother******!"
You ****ing Hindu, you camel riding mother***
***, White power mother******!"
89,355
After much deliberation, Geherty has concluded that the piece of the body of Christ he received must have come from the butt or butt area, possibly colon, possibly anus itself.
After much deliberation, Geherty has concluded that the piece of the body of Christ he received
must have come from the butt or butt area, possibly colon, possibly anus itself.
89,356
“His penis had grown to that of a man’s size and we knew something was wrong.”
“His penis had grown to that of a man
’s size and we knew something was wrong.”
89,357
The Romney character begins: “I got a horse in the Olympics girl but I don’t even watch ’em / In and out of tax loopholes cause I’m so fuckin’ awesome / Bitch it’s Friday night you know we benefit hoppin’.”
The Romney character begins: “I got a horse in the Olympics girl but I don’t even watch ’em / In and
out of tax loopholes cause I’m so fuckin’ awesome / Bitch it’s Friday night you know we benefit hoppin’.”
89,358
The man is so rich he never has to wipe his own ass if he doesn’t want.
The man is so rich he never has to
wipe his own ass if he doesn’t want.
89,359
But unfortunately, if you’re going to Canada to get away from all those icky gay weddings, you’re going to have to find another locale.
But unfortunately, if you’re going to Canada to get away from all
those icky gay weddings, you’re going to have to find another locale.
89,360
3) Fuck Buddy (FB) – Yes, this was the term used in the research paper to describe a regular sexual relationship with someone who becomes a friend.
3) Fuck Buddy (FB) – Yes, this was the term used in
the research paper to describe a regular sexual relationship with someone who becomes a friend.
89,361
But it is kind of amusing to see a grown ass man still this bitter about the girls who wouldn’t date him in high school.
But it is kind of amusing to see a grown ass man still
this bitter about the girls who wouldn’t date him in high school.
89,362
Cruz began by mocking Trump’s reputation for insults: “I’m a ‘maniac’ and everyone on this stage is ‘stupid,’ ‘fat’ and ‘ugly.’
Cruz began by mocking Trump’s reputation for insults: “I’m a ‘maniac’
and everyone on this stage is ‘stupid,’ ‘fat’ and ‘ugly.’
89,363
A cop aggressively grabs Williams toward the beginning of the video, at one point shouting at the others, "You want to go with him, you stupid fuck?"
A cop aggressively grabs Williams toward the beginning of the video, at one point shouting
at the others, "You want to go with him, you stupid fuck?"
89,364
In this edition, provocateur blogger and self-proclaimed "professional asshole" Tucker Max tells us about his love affair with the paleo diet.
In this edition, provocateur blogger and self-proclaimed "professional asshole
" Tucker Max tells us about his love affair with the paleo diet.
89,365
In exchange for the chance that Locke might be saved, the Bondsmagi expect the two Gentlemen Bastards to rig an election in their home city of Karthain.
In exchange for the chance that Locke might be saved, the Bondsmagi expect
the two Gentlemen Bastards to rig an election in their home city of Karthain.
89,366
Instead, Jindal has chosen to run in 2016 as the stupid party’s standard-bearer.
Instead, Jindal has chosen to run in 2016
as the stupid party’s standard-bearer.
89,367
Others aren’t going to knock you on your ass, but pack huge autumnal flavors.
Others aren’t going to knock you on
your ass, but pack huge autumnal flavors.
89,368
This week, Kaplan wasn’t profoundly psyched about Matt Forte’s lack of carries, analogizing Trestman to a sunk cost, like if CSN Chicago had shitty cameras.
This week, Kaplan wasn’t profoundly psyched about Matt Forte’s lack of carries
, analogizing Trestman to a sunk cost, like if CSN Chicago had shitty cameras.
89,369
A deep-rooted taboo feeds into the risible myth-making around menstruation: women are impure, filthy, sick and even cursed during their period.
A deep-rooted taboo feeds into the risible myth-making around menstruation
: women are impure, filthy, sick and even cursed during their period.
89,370
“Unlike the very stupid, highly incompetent people running our country into the ground, Mr.
“Unlike the very stupid, highly incompetent
people running our country into the ground, Mr.
89,371
All I have ever wanted and strived to be is, a grubby little hacker.
All I have ever wanted and strived to
be is, a grubby little hacker.
89,372
“He yelled at me to not ignore him, called me a b*tch and c*nt again, and punched me in the face and banged my head against the wall.”
“He yelled at me to not ignore him, called me a b*tch and c*nt
again, and punched me in the face and banged my head against the wall.”
89,373
They aren't: it's toothless blowjobs and Werther's-flavoured cunnilingus.
They aren't: it's toothless
blowjobs and Werther's-flavoured cunnilingus.
89,374
It's already been established that he's shrouded in a cloak of no fucks; his fuck-drained cape flapping in the wind as he breezes past for one final lap.
It's already been established that he's shrouded in a cloak of no fucks; his
fuck-drained cape flapping in the wind as he breezes past for one final lap.
89,375
Detective facing the sack for farting on duty and repeatedly saying 'c**t'
Detective facing the sack for farting on
duty and repeatedly saying 'c**t'
89,376
Not all their stuff is bad — for example, there's nothing wrong with being All About Glitter — but when you start marketing garbage to little girls that's all DIAMONDS RULE, MATH DROOLS, you're officially a shitty company.
Not all their stuff is bad — for example, there's nothing wrong with being All About Glitter — but when
you start marketing garbage to little girls that's all DIAMONDS RULE, MATH DROOLS, you're officially a shitty company.
89,377
FBI agents made an astonishing discovery this morning while executing a search warrant at the residence of a Houston mortician: 3,178 embalmed human penises.
FBI agents made an astonishing discovery this morning while executing a search warrant
at the residence of a Houston mortician: 3,178 embalmed human penises.
89,378
Robert Downey Jr.'s chocolate complexion, kinky short hair, and "hot damn!"
Robert Downey Jr.'s chocolate complexion, kinky
short hair, and "hot damn!"
89,379
This is believed to be more pleasurable for the person with the penis, but for the women involved, it's incredibly painful.
This is believed to be more pleasurable for the person with the
penis, but for the women involved, it's incredibly painful.
89,380
Okay, so it’s been a month into the year and I’m marinading ideas like a big poop just stewing in your guts.
Okay, so it’s been a month into the year and I
’m marinading ideas like a big poop just stewing in your guts.
89,381
See, when I go out of town for something like a race, I return to a shit-ton of work and do not have time to write recreationally.
See, when I go out of town for something like a race, I return
to a shit-ton of work and do not have time to write recreationally.
89,382
The woman, whose name was not released, said that during one sexting session she sent the former New York congressman a video of her masturbating.
The woman, whose name was not released, said that during one sexting
session she sent the former New York congressman a video of her masturbating.
89,383
M.U.F.F is set in the offices of a morally bankrupt, hugely successful company making 'some of the most generic, hack, borderline offensive, shit TV shows that are obviously lapped up by the adoring public'.
M.U.F.F is set in the offices of a morally bankrupt, hugely successful company making 'some of the most
generic, hack, borderline offensive, shit TV shows that are obviously lapped up by the adoring public'.
89,384
Further proof that just because you went to an Ivy League school doesn’t mean you can’t be an idiot (Mark Zuckerberg went to Harvard).
Further proof that just because you went to an Ivy League school doesn’t
mean you can’t be an idiot (Mark Zuckerberg went to Harvard).
89,385
He was accused of telling 21-year-old Mauro Demetrio: "The problem with you is you will always be a nigger, yeah?"
He was accused of telling 21-year-old Mauro Demetrio: "The
problem with you is you will always be a nigger, yeah?"
89,386
One, from a Mark Dougall, said “Ruth Davidson is a big fat dirty lesbo” while another, from a Kevin Clarke, said: “Sit doon Ruth Davidson ya lesbo.”
One, from a Mark Dougall, said “Ruth Davidson is a big fat dirty lesbo”
while another, from a Kevin Clarke, said: “Sit doon Ruth Davidson ya lesbo.”
89,387
The protest, which was attended by anarchists sporting pig heads and torches, was advertised online as the third “F*ck Parade.”
The protest, which was attended by anarchists sporting pig heads and
torches, was advertised online as the third “F*ck Parade.”
89,388
i said i wasnt going to spoil any new playable characters after Eden… but as some of you know i accidentally unlocked Lazarus during a lets play last week.. so fuck it.
i said i wasnt going to spoil any new playable characters after Eden… but as some
of you know i accidentally unlocked Lazarus during a lets play last week.. so fuck it.
89,389
So, go ahead and knock yourselves out, and then maybe go drool over a square or a big red fucking fire truck after you’re done.”
So, go ahead and knock yourselves out, and then maybe go drool over
a square or a big red fucking fire truck after you’re done.”
89,390
Flash is not its future, it’s a pain in the ass. ➤ Alex Stamos [Twitter] Read next: Adobe Flash is terrible and it’s time to kill it Image credit: Based on an original image from Shutterstock Read next: Offline over the weekend? Read all the tech news you missed right here
Flash is not its future, it’s a pain in the ass. ➤ Alex Stamos [Twitter] Read next: Adobe Flash is terrible and it’s
time to kill it Image credit: Based on an original image from Shutterstock Read next: Offline over the weekend? Read all the tech news you missed right here
89,391
Earlier this year, he announced his desire to run for governor of Texas, “‘cause fuck this.”
Earlier this year, he announced his desire to run for
governor of Texas, “‘cause fuck this.”
89,392
Well one of the lead climate change fighting Senators wonderfully disproved every bull shit lie about this pipeline.
Well one of the lead climate change fighting Senators
wonderfully disproved every bull shit lie about this pipeline.
89,393
Guys, remember the first time you got a blowjob and how it lasted for ten seconds?
Guys, remember the first time you got a
blowjob and how it lasted for ten seconds?
89,394
"This guy was standing on the sidewalk with his penis in his hand, shouting lewd comments at us."
"This guy was standing on the sidewalk with his penis
in his hand, shouting lewd comments at us."
89,395
A Twitter user wrote that the punch thrower “was walking around all the bars and outside smoking areas starting shit.”
A Twitter user wrote that the punch thrower “was walking
around all the bars and outside smoking areas starting shit.”
89,396
MOST READ IN TECH AND SCIENCE WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE How to see Google's creepy map showing EVERYWHERE you've ever been Revealed THIS SUCKS!
MOST READ IN TECH AND SCIENCE WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE How to see
Google's creepy map showing EVERYWHERE you've ever been Revealed THIS SUCKS!
89,397
lesbianqunari64: Greg fucked that We need more quality content like this on tumblr dot com.
lesbianqunari64: Greg fucked that We need more
quality content like this on tumblr dot com.
89,398
Halloween may be over, but this shit-show of an electoral haunted-hay-ride just got a little spookier.
Halloween may be over, but this shit-show of an
electoral haunted-hay-ride just got a little spookier.
89,399
“Once you have flicked through the shitty little magazine, and aimlessly studied the safety card seven times, you will have plenty of time to reflect on your actions.
“Once you have flicked through the shitty little magazine, and aimlessly studied the safety
card seven times, you will have plenty of time to reflect on your actions.