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cracked | 4_anime_movies_hollywood_keeps_stealing_from_staff_picks | This is like if a movie, if a guy made a movie about everything that I was terrified of when I was high. Plus. Plus, yeah, just drunks of giant boobs. Welcome back to StackPix, where today we are going to be picking movies to go into what is going to be the best video rental store on the planet. I am Danielle Radford t... |
wearethesundayblues | hipsters_hashtags_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | Hipsters and hashtags, blackwhites and op eds Clown shirts, pep shapes, bikes with no brake pads Hipsters and hashtags, blackwhites and op eds Clown shirts, pep shapes, bikes with no brake pads No night on the town with my hashtag bestie No stress about them roadblocks when you're riding on a fixie Kick down with, with... |
cracked | how_to_ruin_your_favorite_sitcoms_with_simple_math_after_hours | My meal was $14 20% of 14 is okay. Well 20% of a dollar is two cents So two times 14 is 28 cents. Okay, no, no $20 is 20% of 14 if you know $208 this is painful really happy you guys stuck around to see this can't believe I've never seen it before How long does he go on about 15 minutes?
He'll get frustrated and just ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_265_Tex_Perkins | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate radio show recording live from the Diamond Tina Shire. Today's guest, I guess we're going to claim him as a proud Queenslander.
He spent a lot of time in the southeast corner. He spent a lot of time r... |
dropout | don_t_jinx_anything_by_celebrating_hardly_working | It tickles. Ow. That tickles? Yeah.
Hey, how'd it go? Well, I just got cast in my first big movie. Oh my gosh!
We're gonna be a movie star. We gotta celebrate. Well, you know, not yet. I don't want to jinx anything. Okay, yeah, but once you sign the paperwork, we are partying with Hollywood's newest movie star.
I al... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_231_Russell_Manser | You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and Errol Parker. How you going, Errol? I'm good, mate.
It's finally a fine Friday up here in the Diamantina. We've had a lot of wet weather up here. There's a lot of the rivers up here at capacity, so it's good that it's all about to flow down to New South Wales and get out of ... |
SaturdayNightLive | dion_and_blair_snl_hairdressers_snl | Oh, you're all set to go in the air, you two miniature thespians, You. you both so cute! Look at y'all, you're so cute. they got the cutest little buds. I wonder how big y'all.
Oh, yeah. you know, Blair, I simply cannot believe we are here. we are official Saturday Night Live hairdressers. Look out, world, here I come... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_lana_del_rey_snl | A new study shows that tree frogs could live with a- ahhhhhh! hey, what is that noise? What's that? Oh, look. it's Lana Del Rey. Ah! hello, Seth. hi, Lana, it's so nice to see you again. would you like to have a seat? Thank you. So, Lana, I didn't expect you were coming, but as long as you're here, I wanted to ask you ... |
TheOnion | Hostages_Trapped_Inside_Walmart_Insisting_They_Never_Shop_At_Walmart | For those just joining us, a tense standoff continues at a Walmart in Dearborn, Michigan, where a gunman has taken at least 20 people hostage. The police received this 911 call from inside the store one hour ago. We're joined now by Brian Scott, who's standing by outside the Walmart parking lot. Brian, what do we know ... |
cracked | we_remade_the_dark_knight_for_20 | Don't move! Where's the detonator?
You made it. I'm so thrilled. I'm a big fan of that man!
You're pathetic. You're not built for this.
You're not gonna do it?
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill! Pussy. I was expecting a bigger climax. That's okay, I came prepared. Oh, gross. Didn't you want to kn... |
dropout | these_sketch_pitches_are_too_personal | Oh, and I wanted to re-pitch Fifty Shades of Dildos. They come out the sequel, so it's going to be topical. Cynthia, you pitch this every week. We will never make this video.
We'll see. Whatever. Katie, what do you have? Yeah, I have some pitches. Let's see. This one is called Am I Depressed or Do I Just Hate My Boyfr... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_266_Mitch_Wallis | I'm not bad mate, it's good to get a return to a bit of the dry weather that this region is famous for, I mean in the past few weeks we've had flooding rains, we've had every grey haired person in the Land Cruiser Prado and caravan coming through here on the way to the Big Red Bash, it's been a busy few months here in ... |
CrackerMilk | how_siblings_fight | Connor! Did you drink my chocolate milk? I don't know. Oh yeah? Then what's that on your mouth? Um, none of your business, actually. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm not afraid of you. I know what makes you tick. You're fueled by two things. Tampons and boys. Guess what?
Dad's actually never liked you and he pretends t... |
SaturdayNightLive | almost_pizza_snl | Mmm, pizza. I didn't hear the delivery guy pull up. that's because it's not delivery. really? And it's not exactly pizza, either. it's almost pizza. Come on, that's pizza. Nope, it's very nearly pizza, but not quite. it's almost pizza. See? come on, let's eat. So it's tofu pizza, or something like that? No, you could p... |
cracked | my_employer_fired_me_because_of_my_smell_w_kyle_kinane | Um, Kyle, I've, we don't usually tell the guests this before we start, but we're going to play a theme song and we're going to dance a little bit. Oh, really? I just want you to be mentally prepared for that. What I mean, I don't, I don't think I'm going to be, but all right. Okay. Fair enough. Are we going?
Bryn made... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE_TRAILER | Battuta Advocate presents the last video store It's a chat show about the films you love Hosted by me, Alexi Toliopulos, the ultimate video store clerk And that's a job I take very seriously And here I am, in the last video store itself Located in the outback town of Battuta And here it is, a hub of culture, memories A... |
SaturdayNightLive | shrimp_tower_snl | Kenzke, Old boy, you've outdone yourself this time. Yes, this is truly quite the affair. Oh, gentlemen, you flatter me. the Arch-duchess will be here shortly. may I remind you that a marriage would not only increase your rank, but stabilize the family for years to come. yes, but I hear she's a difficult woman to impres... |
cracked | irl_stories_that_became_it_s_always_sunny_in_philadelphia_plotlines | Not all the plot lines from these all-time great sitcom episodes are from real-life experiences, but many of them are, like Glenn in the Serial. After a minor fender bender in which the interior of his car was ruined on the way to work when his breakfast flew into the windshield, the gang knew they had an episode on th... |
cracked | why_peter_pan_is_propaganda_for_perverts_after_hours | So just the idea of you aging no no no anyone just that it exists at this inevitable reality Waiting for us the white cross the corner of your mouth your muscles turning into those deflated stretch arm strong So it's not like a real phobia, right right like are you are you horror scared? Are you just grossed out like i... |
SaturdayNightLive | roberta_s_thanksgiving_snl | My, my, honey, you've really outdone yourself this year. Well, I just want to begin by saying that I am extremely thankful to be spending this Thanksgiving day with my wonderful family. Aw, thank you. and me. Oh, yes, and Roberta, too. we're so happy to have you, Roberta. you can take your coat off, if you like. it's f... |
TheOnion | Marianne_Williamson_Successfully_Primaries_Biden_In_All_63_Counties_Of_Astral_Plane | Author and politician Marianne Williamson has successfully primaried President Joe Biden in all 63 counties of the astral plane.
In a surprisingly dominant electoral showing that stretched across the unified field of consciousness, Williamson received nearly 99 percent of the moons and stars from an amorphous populati... |
TheOnion | Today_On_Morning_Sweat_Should_Tim_Tebow_Quit_Christianity | Alright, you're back in old Hank's warm, sweaty arms.
I want to talk about Tim Tebow today because, I gotta say, I think it's time for him to finally quit Christianity. We all know he was a great Christian when he was in high school and college. Looking back, most of us have never seen a Christian like that before, bu... |
dropout | the_minute_maid_morning_musical | Good morning, Dale. Isn't this the perfect way to start your day? You look great, you feel great, and everything revolves around you. The sun is shining in the sky above. The grass beneath you is freshly cut. It's all because you're feeling great, so go ahead and enjoy the day.
Hey, Dale, is it a bell to yourself? Hey... |
dropout | hardly_working_the_scene | Well, well what well, what were you Pat? I'm gonna hang out last night You're gonna come experience the scene the scene. Yeah the scene. I'm sorry streeter I'm just not into the scene the way you are figures. Okay, someone like you very narrow mind a little too buttoned down I'm not buttoned down All right. Listen, I j... |
cracked | how_internet_oversharing_could_save_the_future_today_s_topic | SON OF A BITCH! You alright? Some asshole tagged a picture of me doing a keg stand with my pants down in a church. If you were in the middle of a keg stand, your pants would be up, technically. Glad to see you're focusing on the important parts.
Need to get rid of this before my grandmother sees it. Untag it.
What ha... |
ClickHole | watch_what_happens_when_we_drop_wallets_in_front_of_homeless_people | Hey guys, Jesse and Matt here again doing what we do best, helping the homeless. Now most people think that all homeless people are depraved thieves who steal money to buy drugs or worse. While that's true, sometimes there are some that are good too. We're here to show you that some homeless people are just as honest a... |
CrackerMilk | when_she_s_in_it_for_the_life_insurance | Hey babe. Hey, how did it go? Good, yeah, I got all my life insurance sorted out which is nice.
Amazing! Yeah, nice sweet 20k payout. 20k?
What? Why do you have a gun? I didn't know they had insurance policies that low. Are you joking? I understand the payout's a little lower, that's fair. I can always go and chat to... |
TheOnion | escort_reveals_affair_with_that_actor_from_that_thing_season_1_ep_4_on_ifc | This is the Onion News Network controlling what you see and when you see it Right now let's go to Los Angeles where a female escort contacted major media outlets claiming actor Ben Affleck Paid her for sex dozens of times over the past year that escort Jasmine James joins us now in an Onion News Network exclusive inter... |
dropout | hardly_working_too_many_seinfelds | Well, I thought the date went great. We were laughing, we shook hands goodnight.
Tom? Of course.
But now she's not returning my calls. Well, what do you think you did wrong? You know, I don't know, but I don't like to obsess over my new details. Oh, yeah, me neither.
You know, we had a great dinner. I should just le... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Julie_Bishop_From_The_Archive | Well, welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Radio Show. We hope you're enjoying 2020. It's been the first couple calendar weeks of the year. A lot of you will be back at work by now. And a lot's been going on in the news cycle. Of course, we've had the cricket wrapping up. And one day has started in India.
And of cours... |
dropout | bill_nye_in_breaking_bad | How is that possible? Well, have you been around any harmful chemicals? Involved in any kooky demonstrations? I have lung cancer. What? Cancer.
Try to imagine that this red balloon is my lung, and that the water of my cells, now they've begun to divide and mutate uncontrollably. Right now, these harmful cells are isol... |
TheOnion | Users_Explain_What_They_Love_About_Onion_Social | Why do I use Onion Social?
I love being able to connect with my classmates. Plus, Onion Social's open, accessible platform won't censor me for speaking my mind about how those dweeby little shits I have to fuck with at school should go kill themselves. As a single parent, it's hard for me to keep up with anyone who's ... |
SaturdayNightLive | deer_snl | My goodness, my goodness. I can't believe my daughter lives in this beautiful house. it really is so cozy. Thanks, everybody. I know it's remote, but we love it. And the schools are great, you know, if we decide to have kids one day. one day? you need them now.
Dad, stop. Well, I will not stop. I will never stop on th... |
dropout | pandora_s_unboxing | What's up, guys? It's Pandora. Y'all stole fire, and now I'm the first woman on Earth. Uh, yay boobies! Okay. Alright, so right in front of me here, I got this super limited edition box from Zeus. Zeus, if you're watching, what's up, buddy?
Sick thunderstorm last night. You smited that sheep.
Good job. So, uh, yeah, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_snagglepuss_on_gay_marriage_snl | Last week, the state of California passed Proposition 8, effectively banning gay marriage here to come. Okay, votes over, But thank you.
Here to comment: is Snaggle Puss evening, sir, Or should I say bad evening? Despicable even? Yes, a lot of people view this as a big setback for the gay community. Yes, an enormous s... |
dropout | if_furious_7_s_stunts_were_realistic | Say goodnight, Hulbs. Mom! Elena, got you! My legs are broken! The fire spreads in the car, I can't- Let's ride, family. Woo! Yeah, baby! Oh, shit! We're at the mercy of the wind! Not like this, not like this, not like this! Release, release! Fuck off! I missed the route!
Where you at, family?
Okay, we gotta reboot, ... |
dropout | kim_jong_un_is_a_pokemon_master | Today's episode out from within weekends are solved for the true story of minister stupid hat-wrecking face Kim Jong Un stop playing Pokemon You must be doing boring leader things with no discernible purpose But minister ugly teeth feces breath top scientists say electro sports sharpen glorious leaders brilliant strate... |
cracked | all_the_people_you_meet_on_every_block | Okay, so there's a random block in a city like the one you live in and a couple girls are people watching and one of Them never smiles, but she's always happy and the other one keeps having the reoccurring dream where you're back in University There's a class you forgot to go to and now you have to write the final Ther... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_2024_Oscars_Analysis_Featuring_Betoota_s_Greek_Freak_of_Cinema | Welcome back to Batutah Talks with myself Clancy Overill editor of The Batutah Advocate and Errol Parker editor at large and a lot going on in the news cycle most recently the 2024 Oscar Awards which are always a bit of fun yes it was a great distraction from all the other news that's been going on around the world at ... |
dropout | no_you_weren_t_born_in_the_wrong_decade | Okay, cool. So now you have to pretend that you unironically love the Smurfs on Twitter for a week. Hey guys, great dress. Thanks, I thrifted it.
You guys ever get the feeling like maybe you were born into the wrong decade? No. I do. I really feel like it would have killed it in the 1960s.
Just was a pure time. Yeah,... |
dropout | all_nighter_09_philip_seymour_hoffman | Hello? Hey, hello? Is this Sarah? Yeah, who's this?
It's Phil. Phil Hoffman?
I'm gonna fuck you. What? I wanna fuck you. I wanna fuck you so hard. I'm gonna take photos and put it in an album. I'm gonna fuck you so hard. You're gonna feel it forever. Oh my god.
Hello? Hi.
Yeah, I just got a phone call from a really... |
dropout | this_thumbnail_is_a_butt | I'm above them and they don't know that I'm there because I'm in the machine and then I drop it. What are you talking about? Where are you? What are you dropping?
The balloons. I have water balloons and I'm dropping them. I'm sorry, your pitch is you're dropping water balloons on people while you're flying somehow?
I... |
TheOnion | New_Fad_Diet_Requires_You_To_Stop_Eating_For_A_Full_5_Minutes_Per_Day | It's being touted as the new diet program that'll boost your energy and metabolism by challenging you to pause from eating for a full five minutes a day. But is it safe? And more importantly, does it work? This is the whole body.
The five-minute detox is simple in theory. You just go about your day as normal, eating c... |
cracked | the_return_of_dune_we_made_dune_part_one_for_20 | There's something happening to me there's something awakening in my mind.
I can't control it Do you often dream a wet dream and wake up wet in your dream?
Yes My needs are simple you put your hand in my box Or you die what's in the box pain You inherit too much power You're proven you can rule yourself Mine is to lea... |
TheOnion | Fatal_Staples_Center_Collapse_Brings_Merciful_Early_End_To_Clippers_Game | The sports world is breathing a sigh of relief tonight following the collapse of the Staples Center, which brought a merciful early end to a potentially tragic Clippers game. Investigators are still sifting through the rubble, but early reports indicate that everyone in attendance was saved from watching a full 48 minu... |
SaturdayNightLive | tracy_confronts_jamie_saturday_night_live | Hey, yo, Jamie! what's up? Troy, what's up, man? how you feeling, man? man, I just want to say, man, I am glad you are here, kid. you know what I'm saying? hey, man, it's great to be here, man. I'm having a great time, partner. because usually it's just me, you know? I mean, these people are nice and everything, man, b... |
cracked | worst_first_day_ever | Oh, Jeff. I can't believe you're really gone, man.
You're like a little angel with your little boy pecs. Well, you can wear as many tiny diapers as you want now, partner.
You give them hell, Jeff. What the f***? I'm mourning, f***hole.
Michael, you can't keep dropping bottles off the building, buddy. No, I'm sorry.
... |
cracked | is_the_room_actually_a_good_movie_staff_picks_movie_debate | There's a woman, she works at a strip club, she's trying to get more clients, so she gets butt implants. She gets her butt inflated, she goes, she's on stage, she's performing.
There's a man in the audience with a hook hand. I didn't expect, I knew what was gonna happen.
Hello and welcome back to Staff Picks, the sho... |
dropout | hardly_working_baby_photo | Hey guys, guys, check it out. My sister just sent me a picture of her baby. Her name is Eliza Wilkins, and she is adorable. Oh, wow. Um, yeah, congratulations, David. Yeah, your niece is very photogenic. I know, right? I mean, she is so cute. Look at those little cheeks.
You just want to squeeze them, right? Yeah. Lik... |
SaturdayNightLive | walters_lewinsky_cold_opening_saturday_night_live | A lot of people don't know what phone sex is. it's a way of being intimate over the phone when you can't be intimate in person. physically intimate. way of being intimate over the phone when you can't be intimate in person. physically intimate. I think I get it. Good. it's fun. it's fun. it's fun.
Yes, may I speak to ... |
TheOnion | Onion_Explains_Global_Nuclear_Proliferation | To help reduce you to a state of constant panic about a hypothetical doomsday scenario you have no ability to control, we now present The Onion Explains, Nuclear Proliferation. At present, there are an estimated 16,000 nuclear weapons in the world, each with enormous destructive potential. However, the vast majority of... |
SaturdayNightLive | jewish_elvis_snl | Okay, these are very good seats, ladies. I mean very good seats.
Wow, Grandma, I didn't realize your retirement home had its very own theater. I mean, this is fantastic. Oh, no, the Oasis has it all. a nightclub. a sauna. carpeted bathrooms. carpeted locker rooms. and a steakhouse where everything is well done. except... |
cracked | chip_n_dale_rescue_rangers_review_aka_who_rebooted_roger_rabbit | I wish there was like another button there has to be another well it did because it was like I'm not going live and I was like well that's dumb to be halfway through the intro video so then I switched it over but then I'm an artist I don't know how to work computers I understand sometimes when I'm like like they're lik... |
SaturdayNightLive | dateline_the_truth_saturday_night_live | Tonight at 10 on Dateline Nbc, a Keith Morrison Special Investigation, real-life crimes and stories of real people in bad situations. Ronnie Taylor was just a fun loving guy on a Saturday night until he pulled into the wrong place at the wrong time. when I walked into the convenience store, I saw it was being held up.
... |
TheOnion | Failed_Musician_Comes_Crawling_Back_To_Hometown | Well, folks, look who came crawling back to Pennington. That's right, Jeff Statsky. Just four years after leaving town to make it as a songwriter and musician on the East Coast, Mr. Hot Shit himself, Jeff Statsky, has returned.
Locals are simply stunned that Mr. Ambition himself would deign to move back to Pennington,... |
cracked | why_star_wars_a_new_hope_will_be_studied_for_millennia_earthling_cinema | Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week's artifact is Star Wars, a documentary about life in our galaxy, just with all the names and dates screwed up. For instance, it should start a long time from now, and we don't have the Force, we have big eyebrows that link us to a s... |
dropout | i_love_fall_more_than_you | I'm so glad Autumn is here. I know. There's just something about Autumn that resonates with me as a person. Right, you like it, but for me, it's something more. Not more than me. See, I embrace the feeling of a frosty morning chill fading in the afternoon sun. Right, a comfortable temperature. But see, I love the fall ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_stefon_on_the_holidays_hottest_tips_snl | It's Christmas time in New York, which means millions of tourists will be coming to see what holiday magic the Big Apple has to offer. here. With some tips on where you and your children should go, is our city correspondent, Stefan.
Hi. Hi hi, Stefan. it's an exciting time, isn't it? I know, right?
So many Republican... |
dropout | our_ideal_president_drawfee_show | Welcome to the Drawfee Show where we take your dumb suggestions and make even dumber drawings.
I'm Caldwell. I'm Nathan. Guys today we got a great one from, do you remember who? Yeah.
It's Jonathan Hargrove. Jonathan Hargrove.
Great name. Great suggestion. All around. Great guy.
Today we're drawing ideal presidents... |
TheOnion | Wes_Welker_Preparing_For_Week_8_By_Running_Head_First_Into_Parked_Cars | When someone else has paid to crack the pistachios for you, you know you've entered the owner's box. I'm Perry Bigwell with a special Thursday Night Perry Preview. Wes Welker owners should feel confident starting the wide receiver against the Chargers tonight, after he spent all week running head first into parked cars... |
SaturdayNightLive | drugs_on_campus_snl | A new grad school is gonna be tough, but no one said it was gonna be painful. God, my backpack's so heavy. I don't know what you mean, as my back, like, falls off from the pain. it was so nice of Professor Collins to assign double reading this weekend.
Remember having a life? No, what's this life you speak of?
Hilari... |
cracked | 3_cursed_christmas_toys_from_your_childhood_with_fascinating_origins_wait_a_minute_what | Missed out under the microscope ah the holidays are here again although it's felt like 600 years since the last holiday season I'm feeling particularly cheery this year or at least I'm forcing myself to feel it because so as I'm pondering up my own Christmas list this year of all the things that my family and friends c... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Clancy_Overell_The_Betoota_Advocate_Editor_THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE | You've stepped into the last video store, a beautiful mythical place with every single film aligning its many, many shelves. I am the clerk of the last video store and my name is Alexi Toliopoulos and it is my honor to serve the people of this fine town, Batutah, with their cultural and filmic and cinematic needs. Join... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_145_Australianarama | This week we've got finally, for a bit of representation, we've got a couple of Queenslanders on the podcast because we have been underrepresented, I mean aside from Errol and myself, most of the guests, I think we got lucky with Bernard Fanning a few months back but for the most part it's usually been arrogant souther... |
dropout | planet_earth_is_reading_too_far_into_these_animals_ch_shorts | Planet Earth 2. It's been 10 years since we explored the wonders of Planet Earth in the first series, and we certainly haven't run out of things to talk about. No, we are always finding new stuff, and it's really easy to come up with new things to say about animals.
The pygmy three-toed sloth. Only a few hundred exist... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_parnell_raps_about_kirsten_dunst_saturday_night_live | Here now with some celebrity gossip is our own. Chris Parnell, everybody. Well, the it girl of the moment, the person everybody's talking about, is our host tonight, Ms. Kirsten Dunst. very deserving. people want to know, who is she dating? is there a special man in her life? Well, Kirsten, don't hate me for this. But ... |
dropout | when_sure_actually_means_no | Cynthia, would you like to sign up for my niece's lollipop drive?
Um, sure. Are you sure? Sure. No, no, sure. Okay, you said no twice that time, so... What? No, sure, totally.
Okay. Alright, well, I'm just gonna give this to you then. Sure. And if you could just pass it on to the next person when you're done, that'd ... |
dropout | Honestly_You_Liking_It_Made_Me_Like_It_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm J... |
ClickHole | a_barrel_maker_is_confronted_by_people_whose_lives_were_ruined_by_his_poorly_crafted_barrels | Your barrel was bad. I filled it up with pickles and all the pickle juice leaked out. I slipped on the pickle juice and broke both my legs. Because of your barrels, I was stuck on the floor of my living room for two weeks before someone came to check on me. I only survived by drinking pickle juice.
Your barrels are ve... |
TheOnion | Traveler_Entrances_Town_With_Vision_Of_Future | A strange traveler appeared in the small town of Hastings, New York today, bestowing on its residents a grand vision for a utopian future. But to reach that tomorrow, we need a leader who will fight for the big change. He said that tomorrow would be better, but only if we select him as our leader.
The mysterious man a... |
cracked | 7_simple_ways_to_fix_congress_elections_gerrymandering_term_limits | Hey, I'm Zorbikangaga, and I'm gonna state the most obvious thing that I'm pretty positive everyone agrees with the United States Congress is the worst We all know this and we can talk about how dysfunctional they are until the cows come home Back to their districts. Yeah, no, South Carolina representative Joe Wilson y... |
ClickHole | throwback_review_goldeneye_sucks_because_you_don_t_get_to_collect_any_gems | Hey guys, today we're doing a throwback review of Goldeneye for Nintendo 64. It's remembered as being one of the most groundbreaking first-person shooters of its time, but does it still hold up?
Zach, what do you think? I gotta say no. I played the entire game and there were no gems to collect at all. Yeah. I hate to ... |
cracked | why_harry_potter_and_hermione_should_have_ended_up_together | My name is Zora Bikangaga, and I am a loud and proud Harry Potter fan. I'm also here to finally settle the argument on whether Hermione should have ended up with Ron or Harry, and the answer is... She should have ended up with neither, but instead spent her late teens and early 20s traveling the world and studying more... |
dropout | Smartypants_Trailer_Dropout_Exclusive | Haha, hello old friend, we're going to make magic today. Ahhh!
We're known as the Smarty Pants Society. Nobody in the world is as smart as us. Intellectuals who gather in the dead of night.
Listen, I'm so nervous my butt cheeks are shaking. Are you okay? The hesitation is the big problem. It really is. Every second i... |
SaturdayNightLive | republican_debate_cold_open_snl | You're watching Nbc. from the Adrian Arsht Center for the Performing Arts in Florida, It's the third Republican Debate. good evening. I'm Lester Holt. and welcome to the Republican Kids' Table Debate. let's meet the candidates. Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. my wife said I could try this one more time. Form... |
ClickHole | behind_the_scenes_at_clickhole_how_we_create_viral_content | Hello, I'm Samuel Rage and I'm Chief Digital Officer of ClickHole.com. You know, a lot of people always want to know how ClickHole creates its world-famous viral content. Well, I will tell you. Every day at noon, our Senior Secretary of Junior Viral Solutions, Jeremy Grandy, calls us on our pagers to let us know that i... |
cracked | 11_brilliant_clues_hidden_in_famous_movies_and_tv_shows | Oh, that's very nice. I'll still count down! Come on, PG! Oh, my God! Einhorn is a man!
There's no unauthorized breeding in Jurassic Park, because all the animals in Jurassic Park are female. We're saying that life, uh, finds a way.
Who's inside for me or the skull? Gotcha! You thought I didn't see your knife, did yo... |
cracked | nope_review_aka_ufnope | Welcome to Cracked Movie Club, the show where we do a book club and for movies which I like books a bit better. I'm your host, Jordan Breeding, and I'm joined by my co-host, Jessica Nalley.
Say hello. Wow. Hello.
That was our best one ever. Our internet being awful at the office. Yeah, Jordan and I picked up a commun... |
TheOnion | Son_Of_A_Bitch_Mouse_Solves_Maze_Researchers_Spent_Months_Building_The_Topical_Ep_31 | MUSIC Scientists are calling it perhaps the biggest setback ever in the field of neuroscience. Hear why researchers believe one son-of-a-bitch mouse is to blame. And later, an alarming new study from the Department of Transportation says the majority of freeway accidents could have easily been filmed.
From the Onion a... |
dropout | killer_s_mask_is_inconvenient | You heading out? Yep. Oh, actually I'll come in. Mmm. You got any plans for the weekend? Huh. What was that? Hi. Hello? Creepy. Oh, you know what?
I have a flashlight on my phone. Hold on. Yeah, everyone does. Don't be a dick. My phone makes calls. Does yours? Yeah, okay. Just shut up. Aah!
Ugh. This dumb mask. I can... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_50_rusty_young | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate, on Desert Rock FM. Hello listeners, and thank you for tuning in to The Batooter Advocate radio show, wherever you may be in the Diamond Tina Shire, or in the world. As always, my name is Errol Parker, and sitting alongside me in the ... |
SaturdayNightLive | hickory_farms_saturday_night_live | Hey, Tom, is it rolling? is the light flashing? All right, cool. Yo, yo, yo, this is Pat Sullivan and Mr. Nichols' fourth period audiovisual class. for my video project, I'm filming a trip to Burlington Mall with my girl Denise.
I swear to God, Sully, if you don't get that Burger King breath out of my face, I'm gonna ... |
dropout | precious_plum_a_gator_fight | My name is Plum, I'm six years old, and I'm a purely quiet mama driving me around a patch. Plum, you look at me while I'm talking to you. She's my precious Plum. Today, Plum's competing to be Little Miss, Miss and Pubes in an empty stable where a bunch of horses just got the bullet.
But first, we gonna visit Boof. Boo... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Chief_Smuggler_of_Budgy_Smuggler | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, it's been a big December for us so far, you're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, editor and editor-at-large Errol Parker, we've just wrapped up a mini tour of t... |
dropout | phantom_s_liaison | Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Erotic Book Club podcast, the College Humor podcast where we read erotic books and then discuss them. I'm here. I am Jessica. I'm here with my co-host. Hello, I'm Rekha. And we have some wonderful people joining our book club today. Hi, I'm Malin.
Welcome so much, sexy lady. Welcome so ... |
cracked | why_the_nfl_deserves_this_superbowl_matchup | It's super NFL championship season everyone of course We're legally obligated not to say the actual name of the event We all know is happening like some kind of weird capitalist Voldemort more on that pure evil in a second the big game is upon Us and you know what that means three hours of unabashed consumer worship in... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_saturday_night_sports_interviews_muhammad_ali_snl | Well, once again, it's been a big week in sports, and here to tell us all about it is our own Joe Piscopo. Joe! And hello again, Everybody! Joe Piscopo Live! Saturday Night Sports. The Big Story, Muhammad Ali. last night, fight, drama, Bahama, Lost. it's been a long road for Ali. I remember when I was a young sportscas... |
SaturdayNightLive | wing_pit_snl | Is right around the corner, and Wing Pit has your party covered. Wings are here! Yes! We've got game day specials that will keep the whole party happy, like our touchdown tray. two dozen wings and two sauces delivered piping hot to your door in time for kickoff for only $24.99. Now, that's something we can both agree o... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | LIVE_Sydney_Book_Launch_Hosted_By_Brooke_Boney | Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Radio Show recording live here from Budgie Smuggler Studios in downtown Batutah. Now this week's a bit different we're actually going to be playing you a live recording from one of our book launches that took place around the country in December. We did a couple we did Brisbane, Mel... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_is_summer_the_worst_season | Sun's out, guns out. Seriously, the murder rate skyrockets in the summer. A lot of people are gonna die. This sun, the beach, family barbecues, I hate everything about the summer. The only good part is that Pacific Rim is coming out. Yeah, the summer's the worst.
It is so hot outside, the guy across the streets balls ... |
cracked | trying_to_explain_bioshock_infinite_isn_t_worth_it_escort_mission | So which one is it infinite? Bioshock infinite now, so what's like the millionth one the fifth or third or first depending on how you count it reboot wise Uh-huh. So what's the next one gonna be called bioshock still Probs not Oh Did you just broke a police officer's neck with a rotating meat hook that also burns him a... |
TheOnion | A_V_Club_Stand_Down_Patton_Oswalt_s_Magical_Black_Man_Ep_1 | I got to this hotel with a huge grand staircase huge lobby I'm checking in I asked the check-in person what where's the comedy club sir laughs a lot and then the guy checked me and said the club's not here yet and what I found out was the club was the the grand staircase going down on underneath that angle they would p... |
TheOnion | Splintered_Wood_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Would you like to tell us about it?
Yeah, I was dredging the Sandy Patch on the west end of the lake and this board got sucked up. Okay, well, it's hard to make a precise judgment because of the lake absorption factor, but I would say this was part of a dock at one time. Probably Roland's dock.
Let's see, by the way,... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Kevin_Rudd_Melbourne_s_African_Gangs_Local_News_More_October_30 | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Wrap, on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Bulletin, you're joined today as usual by Wendell Hussey, reading the news from the corner of the room. How are you Wendell? Oh very well thank you, champion of the bit for this election t... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_holiday_train_snl | Final boarding for whatever the stop is before you get to Buffalo. I have heard so much about Buffalo. I can hardly wait to get there. Wow! A real Christmas in Buffalo. it's finally happening.
Just like dear old people and Moo Moo used to talk about. They'd be so proud of us. Yeah, minus some of the stuff we've done w... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_united_airlines_leaky_toilet_kanye_west_compares_himself_to_hitler_snl | It was reported that the man who married a conjoined twin is facing a paternity lawsuit from his ex-wife. Great. the last thing that guy needs is another mouth to feed. a United Airlines flight from Germany was forced to return to the airport after the toilet broke and leaked into the cabin. though it's the perfect pun... |
SaturdayNightLive | brian_fellow_3_saturday_night_live | He loves animals and they love him back. Interspecies, friends, we ain't kiddin' Mac. Brian Fellow, Safari Planet. Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. he is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding lov... |
cracked | baj_and_gunn_the_best_buddy_cop_team_that_never_was | What is badge?
And what is gun?
They don't have jobs in congruous To the types of jobs that you'd expect with names like badge and gun One's a doctor, one's a lawyer, one'll probably fix your shoulder One'll always try to bore you with the stories of the law Badge and gun weren't having fun Cause one's name was badge... |
dropout | where_the_weirdest_internet_links_come_from | But stop reading at the end of the article. Don't scroll any farther. What? Well, what happens if I keep scrolling? Greetings, friends! Oh, I see. You're reading an article on the geopolitics of the Far East. Might I then recommend something else that might tickle your fancy?
No! Well, if you like politics, and I can ... |
cracked | is_30_seconds_to_mars_an_actual_cult | Has Jared Leto's band 30 Seconds to Mars created an actual cult? 30 Seconds to Mars is the pop rock band fronted by Jared Leto since 1998, and they've been pushing out music with lyrics that sound like if you asked an AI to write a song about heaven ever since. What you may not know about the band, however, is that the... |
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