section stringclasses 14
values | filename stringlengths 3 100 | text stringlengths 77 235k |
|---|---|---|
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_senior_php_developer | Backward compatibility is overrated.
Do you know how many jobs were created because of that PHP 7 thing? Alright, let's start Let's maybe avoid all the PHP jokes. I told my friends I'm a PHP dev.
Now you have no friends.
PHP is not dead, is it? Split, split, split, explode WordPress, Joomla, RuPaul, Tupac, and a mil... |
cracked | the_invention_of_homelessness_stuff_that_must_have_happened | Stoves? Yeah, I could see that fire in a box. Sure. Yeah. Yeah something to heat up our food.
Oh indoors All right, like that's where we're at, you know My tribe I bring tidings just erk it's erk everyone Man I did not recognize you How long have you been hunting and gathering buddy, uh Not sure what what time did you... |
TheOnion | Late_Night_Host_Eviscerates_Journalism_Industry_For_Existing_Even_Though_His_Show_Already_Does | Folks, you know what these stacks of paper mean. It's time to inform. Over the last month, we've dug deeper than we ever have before to expose a shocking truth festering right under our noses. And no, I'm not talking about President Chumpernickel. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about the journalism industry. Right n... |
dropout | the_mattress_industry_is_one_big_rip_off_adam_ruins_everything | It's Kathy more Chioli single mother very busy always even as we speak, I'm sending an email back action steps energy sent. Now you may be busy, but I hate getting ripped off so I'm getting scammed I want to know. Oh wow you are the first person to ever openly accept my presence and I'm going to do squats while you tal... |
cracked | how_swiss_army_man_and_the_neon_demon_broke_our_brains_cracked_responds | How's it going?
A lot of movies are out right now in theaters that seem insane. So we went and saw them Yeah, so I saw Swiss Army Man, which is a film where Paul Danno Uses a dead Harry Potter to survive the wilderness is like the logline I was given It's way weirder They're working on survival for like the first five... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_failing_marriages_of_megachurch_pastors_g_is_for_jesus | Believe it or not, I met Christy at camp. She was my camp counselor at my special camp for straight young boys.
Wow. Welcome to Jesus for Jesus, and thank you for purchasing tape one of Holy Matrimony, our 20-part sermon series on love and the keys to a healthy, horny, holy marriage. I'm Pastor Titus Diamondhook. I'm ... |
SaturdayNightLive | behind_the_sketch_battle_of_the_sexes_snl | You giant moron! No! oh! oh! no!
Hi, I'm Jake Nordwin. and I'm Sarah Sherman. I said to Jake, Jake, Jake. what if I'm an old-timey boxer? and your head gets, like, knocked off. And my head gets knocked off.
I had had an idea for a while where Sarah was, like, a Billie Jean King type and we kind of merged those ideas.... |
cracked | f_ck_floss_3_thankfully_debunked_health_myths | Hey, cracked writer-performer at Katie Stoll here.
I know that I may not seem a day over age 18 to 25, but the truth is, now I'm getting up there. As I enter what can only be described as my golden years, I find myself taking stock of things, paying better attention to what I put in my body. And this may only come as ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Winter_Well_And_Truly_Here_79_Year_Old_Doctor_In_Asbestos_Fucked_Bush_Hospital_Sorry_Don_t_Ha_ | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Petuta Advocate weekly Petuta Advocate weekly bulletin Comes out weekly My name's Clancey Overall I'm joined by Errol Parker and Wendell Hussey and yeah we've just finished our media run I don't think we actually... |
SaturdayNightLive | retirement_party_snl | Jerry, you shared your knowledge, your warmth, your passion for accounting, But most importantly, you shared your corn nuts. and I will never forget that. Happy retirement, Jerry. All right, thank you, Colleen. Okay, it's been a great night with so many well-wishers, but it's time to wrap things up and, oh! sorry, yes,... |
cracked | stop_with_the_friggin_blue_beams_of_light_yboc | There are an infinite number of ways for aliens to kill us. They can drop asteroids on us, they could grow replacements of us in pods, or they could just carefully wait for us to get tired of not using all these cool nukes we've got lying around just collecting dust waiting to be fired.
But somewhere along the way, al... |
cracked | the_most_groundbreaking_ventriloquist_ever_cracked_classic | Who was Jack Torres? To us. He was a friend. He's the best in the North, South, East, and West. I've never seen him in person, but I'm esteemed tonight. Man is phenomenal. But to the triliquism? He was a god. Tell me over and over and over again, my friend, I don't believe. We had been in the game for years and then al... |
cracked | jason_alexander_mock_threatening_patton_oswalt_on_seinfeld_may_have_been_the_best_thing_for_him | Stand-up comic Patton Oswalt found a second career in acting, landing popular roles on King of Queens and the Goldbergs while becoming a kid's favorite when he voiced the culinary rodent Ratatouille. But his first-ever part, the one that earned Oswalt his SAG aftercard, was a small role in a little sitcom called Seinfe... |
TheOnion | Nation_Successfully_Completes_Mother_s_Day_By_9_18_A_M_ | Americans everywhere are enjoying their Sundays after successfully completing Mother's Day in less than 20 minutes this morning. Dads were able to wrap up breakfast in bed by 9.18 a.m., giving them plenty of time to mill about the garage for the rest of the afternoon, while children who spent a minute and a half this m... |
TheOnion | Ambassador_Stages_UN_Coup_Issues_Long_List_of_Non_Binding_Resolutions | We have breaking news that's sending shockwaves through the international community. Ugandan ambassador, Kakimi Mutambi, has seized control of the United Nations and has declared himself Secretary General for life. Brett Altman is live on the scene. Brett, what is the situation like there? It's extremely tense, Brandon... |
dropout | hardly_working_trading_lunches | What is that? Mrs. Gerwich's world famous sandwich. Three slices of reconstituted deli ham, one craft single, imitation mayonnaise, and the secret ingredient. Jesus Christ Superstar gave anything for that sandwich. Me too. What do you got? How about my sandwich?
I will give you that Rice Krispie treat I ate yesterday.... |
SaturdayNightLive | moulin_rouge_snl | You're watching Pbs, librarian-looking ass. Welcome back to movie musical masterpieces. I'm your host, Ken Burnt. Well, it's Oscar weekend, and tonight we're looking back at one of the few movie musicals ever nominated for best picture. it's the 2001 Baz Luhrmann film, Moulin Rouge. the film's crown jewel is the Elepha... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_dj_hero | Today on BleepBleep, we're looking at a new type of music game for a new type of music. This is DJ Hero, I'm DJ MC Digital Pizza. You guys know me from the club scene in France. Over here we have DJ Le Chef, he DJs with Fisher Spooner and his own band Avon Lava, and DJ Pat Castles.
So this part, pretty standard. I thi... |
ClickHole | devastating_this_guy_realizes_he_s_the_hamburger_dipshit_that_his_coworkers_are_talking_about | Christ, man. What? The hamburger dipshit. This morning in the meeting? Not much about those hamburgers.
It was unbelievable. I couldn't believe it.
The hamburger sauce all over his finger? Yeah, that sauce. What is that sauce? He gets it on everything.
Are you talking the hamburger dipshit? Yup. How loud was his bre... |
dropout | back_to_school_store | Attention incoming freshmen, the back-to-school store is having its grand opening from 4 p.m. until 4.30 before permanently closing forever, so come on down. Faster! School starts tomorrow, so bring your mother or stepfather for all your back-to-school need. Dirty disheveled hoodies, perfect for any weather and occasio... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_213_Polish_Club | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, you're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, editor of the Batooter Advocate and of course Errol Parker, editor at large, how are you Errol?
Good to be here mate. ... |
dropout | hardly_working_goth_dave_matthews_fan | I guess I first fell in love with Dave Matthews. Not the man, but kind of the idea of what the band was. I was in sixth grade, I think it was not the mid, you know, right after Ant's Marching, really. ["He Wakes Up in the Morning"] ["He Wakes Up in the Morning"] ["Brush his teeth by two feet and he's rollin'"] ["Never ... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_is_arrested_development_worth_watching | I really liked the first few episodes. Then I read an article online called 314 jokes you missed in the first few episodes. So, now I don't think I deserve to like them. I missed all those jokes. What did I think I liked? I'm a piece of shit.
I love Arrested Development because of how complex it is. You really have to... |
cracked | everything_you_know_about_the_confederate_flag_is_wrong | America. None of it has been the Confederacy for the last few 150 years, yet some Americans insist on flying, wearing, and otherwise celebrating...that. They insist they're using that flag to celebrate Confederate heritage and history because that flag is the Confederate flag. But there's a problem with that. The probl... |
cracked | comedians_in_cars_kinda_coasting_new_guy_weekly | This is a 2011 Honda Fit best known as the car my mom gave me I'm taking it to pick up Adam Todd Brown cracked columnist and editor damn fine podcast host and an even better stand-up comedian Hi YouTube, this is Alex and this is comedians and cars kind of coasting. Hey, hey, do you want to do you want to get coffee rig... |
dropout | learning_piano_to_get_laid_with_bo_burnham | Hey, welcome to Learning How to Play Piano. Good enough to get you laid, volume one. Simply owning a piano is impressive enough, so let's start to play some notes.
Hey, Beau. Hey.
How'd you get this piano into your dorm room? How'd you get anything anywhere? I don't know. How'd it paint the whole thing purple?
Lesso... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Scotty_s_Fresh_Cut_A_Dance_Floor_Rescue_Millennial_s_Take_On_The_Housing_Market_More_April_8 | You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall. Errol Parker, Editor-at-Large, how are you Errol?
Good mate, I think the people of Emerald might take umbrage to that, I think because they've got, their namesake is a jewel or a gemstone. They take umbrage to everything really. They do. Well they're a bit high and mighty up th... |
dropout | practice_kissing_hand_fail | Okay, but what if he wants to make out after the dance? I've never kissed a boy before.
Duh. Use your hand? That's all I learned.
Hey. That was really nice.
Really? I don't really know what I'm doing.
Yeah, you were great. Hey, I gotta meet my friends. Maybe I'll see you after 3rd period. Oh. I'm sorry. You were gr... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Earthquakes_Negotiator_Dan_An_Overwhelmed_Melbourne_Vinnies_Store_More_September_24 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah bulletin you're joined by myself Clancy Overell editor of the Batutah Advocate and of course Errol Park editor at large he's vaxed waxed and ready to climax unlike some of those people we saw down in Mel... |
SaturdayNightLive | sally_o_malley_saturday_night_live | Okay, listen up, you guys. I want to talk about the Miami job. Hey, T, do you ever watch that show Lost? Zip it, Paulie. I don't want to talk about some stupid show. I want to talk about business.
I'm just saying, I don't get that show. the fact that I only eat coconuts and doesn't lose any weight. And what the hell i... |
dropout | the_second_best_of_everything | Okay, I'm out of dolls, do you have any? Still no. Alright, good stuff today guys, what are we getting into tonight? I'm pretty beat, I feel like I'll just like grab a drink and watch a movie or something, you know? Ooh, yeah, is there a place where we can rent a movie? Mmm, you're in luck. I'm a shareholder in a Holly... |
cracked | 4_movie_apocalypses_that_would_be_more_fun_than_reality_after_hours | If my car had broken down, there would have been plenty of emergency food and water for everyone. If my car had broken down, it wouldn't have broken down. Well, if my car had broken down, the booby trap would have gone off, so we'd all be dead instead of sitting in this desert nightmare sweatbox bullshit.
Toe chuck wi... |
cracked | the_cracked_office_is_empty_new_guy_weekly_youtube_exclusive | Hi YouTube, I'm Alex and right now the whole crack team is in Nashville, Tennessee Nobody's told me why or anything, but I figured with the office so empty. Why not give you guys a minute behind the scenes Snacks on snacks on snacks on snacks on snacks on snacks more like soda fun It is not every day you get to sit at ... |
TheOnion | Roger_Goodell_Insists_He_Still_Hasn_t_Seen_Ray_Rice_Video | The NFL announces a new zero-tolerance policy on videotaped domestic violence. A puzzled nation can remember the name Ferguson but is not sure from where, and a man wearing an M&M jacket is apparently made in God's image. Sifting through the rancid muck of traditional journalism to bring you only the finest web-based n... |
cracked | 7_questions_thor_ragnarok_needs_to_answer_cracked_responds | Hey guys We all saw Thor 3 Ragnarok Fraggle Rock. Fraggle Rock. We saw Thor 3 Fraggle Rock and I have seven questions that you have not seen The first one as usual is not a question Sum up Thor 3 Fraggle Rock in a sentence. Thor's evil sister takes over Asgard as Thor hangs out at the dump So much happens in this movie... |
SaturdayNightLive | hot_ones_with_beyonce_2_snl | Hot Ones. for our first sweet feast, I'm Shawn Evans and this is Hot Ones, the show with hot questions and even hotter wings. we have a very special guest today, artist, Icon, mogul, and Queen, Beyonce Knowles Carter. Howdy Shawn Evans, it's a pleasure for you to have me. absolutely, definitely. So you appeared on the ... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_the_royal_tenenbaums | The Royal Tenenbaums, Wes Anderson's film about a family that knows a cowboy. Here's some trivia that's sure to change the way you watch The Royal Tenenbaums forever. Anderson loosely based the movie on one time when he was a kid and Gene Hackman talked to him through a fence. Ben Stiller was cast to play Chas Tenenbau... |
SaturdayNightLive | get_that_boy_back_ft_chris_stapleton_snl | Do you know that feeling when a man you love betrays you? Yep. I know that's right. been through it a million times, but we don't get mad. we get even. he's playing with my heart, baby. he's no good, so I took my lipstick, wrote my name on his hood. mess with me, I'm a mess you up, So I took my keys to his Chevy pickup... |
TheOnion | Middle_Aged_Woman_Angrily_Demanding_Price_Check_Was_Once_Carefree_Youth_Onlookers_Speculate | Shoppers at a local Hannaford supermarket could only imagine that the 42-year-old woman angrily demanding a price check on a package of rice pudding was more than likely once a buoyant and carefree youth too easygoing to berate a cashier over a 4-ounce snack cup. Shoppers speculated that the vicious tantrum would have ... |
SaturdayNightLive | rodger_brush_saturday_night_live | You're watching Sex After 50 with Dr. Lanay Burrows-fashunta. Dr. Lanay specializes in providing expert counseling for people over 50 and their changing sexual needs. just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there needs to be snow in the bedroom. And now, please welcome Dr. Lanay Burrows-fashunta. Dr. Lanay... |
dropout | my_dinosaur_is_a_service_animal_with_chris_pratt_and_bryce_dallas_howard_ch_shorts | Next. Checking in. You know it. Go ahead and place any bags or pets on the scale, please.
No problem. I can not allow that animal to board the plane. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay.
She's a surface animal. She's a dinosaur.
I mean, he needs her for emotional support. No. Yes, please. We're not just one of thos... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_earthquake_and_eclipse_on_the_4_8_magnitude_earthquake_and_the_solar_eclipse_snl | New York City was rattled yesterday morning as a rare 4.8 magnitude earthquake shook the city and much of the Northeast around 10 a.m. Here with more is the earthquake. you didn't expect to film me yesterday, did you? the city was thrown into pure chaos.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about chaos.
I mean, people we... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_jumper_snl | Gotta do this once. Nice taking walks, especially. I'm writing Nike.
Oh my god, dude. look look sir, what are you doing? can't take it anymore. I don't have anything worth living for. Come on, man. there must be someone or something you care about.
You know, I I guess it's my music. Your your music. Yeah, I make musi... |
CrackerMilk | confronting_a_racist_old_white_man | Can't you see we're festive as fuck today? Yeah, I'm wearing my festive cracker book shirt Look at Elias' Santa hat. Don't you love his Santa hat?
It looks unwashed. Yeah, it looks unwashed it smells a bit like salmon for some reason Elias' head has a yeast infection.
Yeah, it's a beautiful Christmas It's a beautiful... |
SaturdayNightLive | nightclub_line_snl | Oh, my God, come on in. What?
Man, I love working at the club, Man. everybody loves us. we got the power. But remember, Ruby, when you got the power, you got the responsibility.
Well, that's Spider-man. Yeah, Ruby, that's right. like a Spider-man, Ruby, Yeah.
But remember, when you say no to the people, you got to b... |
dropout | the_truth_about_football | It's been called the greatest rivalry in all of sports, two of the most legendary teams in college football, Ohio State and Michigan, known simply as The Game. Welcome to College Game Day, I'm Dandy Dib with me as always as Chuck Puber.
Chuck, what can we expect to see this afternoon? Dandy, I'll be honest with you, I... |
ClickHole | these_people_were_at_woodstock_in_1969_and_their_stories_are_incredible | One second I'm in my mother's uterus, the next I'm on stage and John Fogerty is snipping my umbilical cord with a guitar pick while strumming the opening bit from Bad Moon Rising. Woodstock was a wild time. I was just 18 when I went to Woodstock in 1969 and it was the best three days of my life.
There were at least 20... |
cracked | psas_that_taught_more_than_they_ever_intended_does_not_compute | Hey everybody, and welcome to episode stooge of does not compute where we like to think of the internet as our own personal playground Insofar as most things adults do there are creepy or illegal I'm your host master shake and my guest this week is YouTube conspiracy theorist gorilla 199 Thanks for being here gorilla. ... |
cracked | 4_star_trek_storylines_way_nastier_than_you_remember_canonball | Isaac Asimov's original Star Trek series opens with a narration about how the port of the show is to explore strange new worlds and to boldly go where no man has gone before. That being said, Star Trek also occasionally liked to remind audiences that there were strange new worlds that man had never before ventured into... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_whiners_on_an_airplane_saturday_night_live | Thank you. there's probably no more good magazines left. there are seat numbers. 32, B and C. Oh, here they are, honey.
Oh, I wanted to sit in the no smoking section. excuse me. we're Doug and Wendy Winers. Well, how are you? we're allergic. Oh, I'm sorry. to smoke! we're allergic to smoke. All right, I won't smoke.
... |
dropout | i_wore_makeup_for_a_week_and_here_s_what_happened | Okay, so here's the deal. The other day Emily was complaining about how annoying it is to wear makeup, and I was saying I didn't think it was that big a deal. One thing led to another, and basically I agreed to wear makeup for a whole work week. So here we go. This is day one. It was just a little bit of makeup, but I ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_25_11_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate News Bulletin. The day is Monday the 25th of November. We're recording live from Baxter Boots Studios. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, editor of the Batutah Advocate and of course Errol Parke... |
dropout | baristas_are_the_ultimate_male_fantasy | Oh, Mark, as your best man, it is my duty to make sure that this bachelor party is crazy. Which is why I got you... What can I get for you?
You think I should go talk to her? Hi, how's it going? Can I have a coffee, please? Coffee?
Come on, you wouldn't ask Picasso to paint your shingles.
Give me something to work w... |
dropout | street_fighter_the_later_years_part_6 | Last time, on Street Fighter the Later Years... Sir? Sir, you cannot come in here! The tournament is in three days, so we can't afford the lolligat! Baby, let's go! Is that Blanca? It's my boyfriend. Sonic, fuck it! Yoga Nuggie!
All right!
Gentlemen, save it for the ring! Cannon Zangief, you're next! Ready? Fight? Bi... |
cracked | romance_explained_by_the_horrors_of_space | Glad you came out tonight Well, you don't seem great It's true. It's true. You did say fine. I said great.
You didn't say great you did You know that there's a planet up there Yes, the planet I'm talking about is made entirely of diamond started out as this Enormous ball of carbon and a pulsar the pressure from it nex... |
SaturdayNightLive | jeopardy_saturday_night_live | Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy! And let's take a look at the scores. John Travolta has negative 2,000. in a close second with negative 1,900 is Michael Keaton. And in first place with Zero is our returning champion, Burt Reynolds, who, of course, has yet to ring in. It's time now for Double Jeopardy!
And once agai... |
TheOnion | Manatees_I_Saw_Manatees_Gang_Rape_A_Crippled_Manatee_Once_Really_Horrifying_Planet_Ep_10 | Manatees, the sea cow. They spend their lives grazing on sea grass in the clear waters off the shores of Florida. They are large, slow, and, no joke, I saw three big ones gang rape a crippled one at Sea World one night when I was working there. The manatee is a solitary creature, drifting along in the warm, peaceful sh... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_obama_vs_romney_saturday_night_live | So this November, we, the people of Ohio, are going to go to the polls and we're going to move this country forward, and now it is my distinct honor to introduce the President of the United States. I wouldn't want his job, right? Ladies and gentlemen, President Barack Obama. thank you. thank you. thank you. it's so gre... |
SaturdayNightLive | wktvn_news_snl | Good evening and welcome to Wktvn News. And later tonight, Baklava or Balaklava. a new study shows there's a big difference between the two delicious treats. I love studies like that. But first, we go to Trumbull County where a fire has spread, forcing several families out of their homes. let's check in with our brand ... |
SaturdayNightLive | raheem_saturday_night_live | Time now for focus on film. here is your host, film critic Raheem Abdul-mohammed. One good thing about being a film critic is you get to see a lot of movies for free. but it's usually something boring, like Chariots of Fire or on Goldie Pond. Which by the way, Goldie Pond wasn't even in, right?
But then again, the oth... |
dropout | The_Person_Who_Takes_Their_Halloween_Costume_Too_Seriously | My name is Vladimira, and I want to suck your blood! That is awesome, Katie. Grab a drink, have some fun. I will. I sure hope you have blood, or else I might have to suck your blood.
I just haven't seen the film, so I'm going to go ahead and take a look at it. I just haven't seen the third movie, so I don't know if I ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_04_11_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate News, Borden recording live from Baxter Boots Studio. Today is Monday the 4th of November, my name is Clancy Overall, I'm just back from my brief little holiday in the South Pacific and I can tell you ... |
cracked | why_cutting_to_the_news_is_a_sure_sign_of_a_bad_movie | Look, I understand that movies are shitting the bed right now. I get that you have to make more and more franchise films and remakes and cater to the global market at the expense of story coherence, trot out 4D theaters and 3D IMAX bullsh** to compete with HBO, Netflix, and cheap plasma TVs, and charge me $20 for garba... |
dropout | goldeneye_stand_off | Is that the best you've got, Trevelyan? You'll never get out of this facility alive, Bond.
Sorry, Alec. I've got other plans.
Tables turn rather quickly, don't they? Have you completely lost your mind?
We both agreed you couldn't use our job.
He's too short. He's impossible to shoot.
Is it really so hard to look d... |
TheOnion | Southwest_Airlines_Rolls_Out_New_Loyalty_Goes_Both_Ways_Campaign | For years, Southwest Airlines has boasted having the most loyal customers in the industry. Now the low-cost carrier is calling on its most frequent customers to finally do something in return for the airline after years of selflessly offering inexpensive flights. The company rolled out their new loyalty goes both ways ... |
cracked | 7_adorable_animals_with_secretly_horrifying_dark_sides | Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, who's the one who bowed out? Five little speckled frogs sat on a great big log, Eating the most delicious bugs, yum-yum! One jumped into the pool, where it was nice and cold, Now there are four speckled frogs, glug, glug! I'm a kangaroo and I don't live in the zoo. I'm a ... |
cracked | the_one_thing_you_never_realized_about_titanic | So tell us Rose tell us about Titanic It was 84 years ago. It's okay. Just try to remember Do you want to hear this or not? Mr. Lovett? It's been 84 years And I can still smell the fresh paint the china had never been used The sheets had never been slipped in Titanic was called the ship of dreams and it was It really w... |
cracked | why_we_think_aliens_are_grey_with_big_heads_greys | Oh hello, I didn't see you there.
Welcome to Unsolved Mysteries Solved by Science, where I take the world's deepest, darkest unsolved mysteries and solve them with science. This is my research library, where I work around the clock to fix the world's most intricate complexities, and sometimes invite a gentleman caller... |
TheOnion | Update_Obama_Yet_Again_Refrains_From_Obliterating_Human_Race | John Edwards pays $30 to register the domain name edwards2016.com quote just in case Americans are being urged not to say anything to Samantha Howard about her new haircut and a local couple will try once again to die peacefully together in their sleep tonight and now a video recap of the week's news for the quasi lite... |
dropout | game_of_thrones_wish_fulfillment | The White Walkers involved a shortcut there! Tell the Rangers to stop wandering around in the snow We're going to be fighting White Walkers like all the time now So awesome BABABABABABABABABABABA Where did you say you were from? King's Landing, my lord Auria Stark! escaped Not today!
I had help from a clever imp and h... |
dropout | remember_when_nostalgia_was_good | Guys, did you see this? What? There was a Caroline in the City reunion. No way! The old cast of Caroline in the City got together for a minute at this level. Whoa. All of them.
I know I'm supposed to love this, but I feel like this nostalgia stuff just doesn't do it for me anymore. Yeah, I know what you mean. God, rem... |
dropout | if_robin_hood_met_republicans | People of Nottingham, for too long you have lived under the tyranny and taxation of the evil Prince John. But fear not, for I, Robin Hood, have brought you gold and food to ease your hardships.
Hang on a second. Where'd you get that stuff from? Why, I stole it from the rich. Well, then you can take it right back where... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_133_Cameron_James_Alexei_Toliopoulos | Welcome back to The Petuta Advocate radio show recording live here in the Budgie Smuggler studios in downtown Petuta, we've obviously just finished up the biggest weekend of sport in the calendar year for 2020 at the AFL Grand Final over in Brisbane actually, in the Gabba as I'm sure you all know, it's the first time i... |
dropout | if_action_heroes_had_your_resume | Before you say anything, the other guy started it. I don't want to hear it. What the hell is wrong with you, Max? Another bar fight? You're better than this.
God, in all my years of sector command, I've never met a prospect like you. This is one hell of an impressive resume. Bachelor's degree in English with a minor i... |
dropout | fupa_music_video | so I put poison in his fucking toothpaste yeah that's what I'm talking about Bill you pollute the co-game poison right in the motherfucking crest yo that's what I'm talking about man good morning yo get a load of that what hey homeboys she's like not really my style bill that is a no no no that's more like a what two a... |
dropout | how_the_internet_is_ruining_comedy | Hey guys, Sam here. I'm going to talk to you about College Humor, the YouTube channel and comedy empire that's really just the people you see here. This is TJ. He does VFX. I started running College Humor's video team ten years ago when I looked like this.
Gross. Those were the weirder, humbler days of the internet. R... |
cracked | the_secret_horrors_of_being_a_character_on_star_trek | Hello, Captain. Yes, you're the captain of the Enterprise now. Go ahead, Captain.
You've got a whole universe of captioning ahead of you. And according to 1960s TV pitch document science, the universe is 400 billion galaxies wide.
You will never be out of work. And it's easy work, right?
Those dumb redshirts die whi... |
dropout | the_weirdest_conversation_you_ll_overhear_all_nighter_2014 | College Humors All Nighter! Look I'm telling you people eat an average of 12 spiders a day not like while they sleep just like throughout the day I just can't possibly be true.
It is. Yes. See? Trap believes me. No. What? Checking.
Oh, he's in one of those automated phone menu things. So annoying.
3 3 4 1 Chattanoog... |
cracked | the_most_underappreciated_weapon_in_video_games | Greetings, Hail Traveler. This is high fortune indeed! I'm not expected to find an item shop in this inhospitable crag. Well, we're always expanding. Have ye an appointment? There's no one else here.
Ah, I see. You're not familiar with our system. I have much gold! I'm sure you do.
What can I help you find today? I n... |
SaturdayNightLive | extreme_wedding_snl | All right, let's hear it, Extreme Wedding Status Report. I can stack the groom's guests hot, tender and raw with a chance of curling them back if things get tight. Solid bra, I'll ride up the bride's side, ride up the middle with spillage, kickin' our folding chair style on the back end. gnarly work. Now Bras,: this is... |
dropout | the_ultimate_internet_love_song | When it came to you and me, I asked if we'd be bland And like David at the dentist, I didn't know what was happenin' But like Leo, strollin' through my mind like you do And I knew all my love all belonged to you Boom goes my heart, it'll never stop Like Appalachian State, girl, you hot, hot, hot Are you from Heaven, ba... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Dan_Andrews_Suffering_From_Event_Cancellation_Withdrawals_A_Groundbreaking_Report_Local_Teach_ | Hello and welcome to the Betuda Advocates Weekly Bulletin my name is Wendell Hussey I'm in the booth here at Desert Rock FM with Effie Bateman, Euphemia Bateman is her full name Clancy Overell, Errol Parker are off doing whatever it is they're doing, I think Clancy's on Mike Cannonbrook's boat at this point I believe h... |
cracked | dear_mark_zuckerberg_please_don_t_run_for_president | Hey you, it's that time again another American presidential election cycle I'll wait while you celebrate seems to happen earlier and earlier every time I know the 2016 election technically started in November 2014 when world-famous Jim Webb formed an exploratory committee followed by Jeb Bush forming a pack in December... |
dropout | balloon_animal_challenge_pregnant_direwolf | Hi, I'm Mike Trapp, here with our friend Dan Siegel, a very confident man who believes that he can make anything out of balloons. We asked our writers to come up with something that would really stump Dan. I have those suggestions here, so I'm gonna choose one at random and see what it is that Dan is going to make.
Da... |
SaturdayNightLive | paulie_herman_at_the_diner_saturday_night_live | Wow, this door is a nice place here. yes, sorry, I've got all the baking done right on the premises. Oh, boy, I love to eat out.
Hey, buddy, we don't have much room here, so you're gonna have to share a booth. Okay. lady, you mind sharing a booth with this guy? All right, have a safe. thank you very much. my name's Pa... |
SaturdayNightLive | clinton_kosovo_cold_open_saturday_night_live | And now a message from the President of the United States. Good evening. For the past two weeks, our nation, along with our Nato allies, have been involved in an effort to halt Serbian aggression in the former Yugoslav providence of Kosovo.
Very early on, I was honest and forthright in saying that we would not use gro... |
cracked | mystery_men_review_aka_the_boys_but_90s | I didn't watch those as a kid. You know what? We're live now, and I was supposed to hit the intro or whatever, but I forgot. No intro?
We're live. We gotta do it, acapella. Yeah. We'll do it live.
I honestly don't even know where it is.
Great. Ali. Fantastic restraint. Okay.
Now we all go for the 22 people watching... |
dropout | the_guy_who_finishes_your_sentences | Hey, I heard you were having trouble. Oh no. You're that guy who won't stop saying yeah. Ronathan. Yeah, I was, but I heard people hate that, so I am committed to being a better listener.
Okay, that's great. Yeah. Okay, well, I think there's something wrong with you. With your computer. No, my phone, actually. Oh.
I ... |
dropout | hardly_working_most_retro_video_game_system_ever | There's no T-vagging a balloon fight.
Hey, what you guys doing? We're playing some retro games. This is retro to you? I guess I'm a little bit older than you guys. Check this out.
Oh, I got like an Atari 2600 back there. Nope. We're going way old school. This is my original Scaris One Bit. I picked it up from my pare... |
cracked | 5_twisted_sonic_the_hedgehog_adventures_sega_doesn_t_want_you_to_see_canonball | Sonic the Hedgehog has been with a lot of us since we were little kids, but in all those years, have you ever stopped to ask why? Sonic gotta go fast.
I posit that he's been constantly running away from various debacles and embarrassments. He was body-shamed on Twitter so mercilessly. They spent 35 million dollars red... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_a_vim_enthusiast | I actually wrote a VIM versus IDE comparison. Do you know how much faster VIM was? 4.3 seconds, 4.3.
I save every day. All those months learning were totally worth it. GQ5 up. Oh, that's actually the model of my watch.
VIM or VI, whatever. You either take the VIM pill or I won't talk to you. VIM is just the best edit... |
dropout | let_s_play_overcooked_with_celebrity_chefs | Welcome to Expert Mode, where real-world experts help us navigate your favorite video games. Today, we're playing the cooperative cooking simulation game Overcooked, and to help us overcome the challenges of a busy kitchen, we are joined by cooking experts Michael and Brian Vultagio. The Vultagio brothers are chefs, re... |
TheOnion | Will_Monday_Night_Football_Cut_Jason_Witten_After_The_Analyst_Went_0_For_65_While_Talking | Puddle up sweatheads, we're talking Monday Night Football. ESPN decided to shake things up this offseason with a new broadcast crew in the booth, but it's already looking like they made a mistake handing over the keys to rookie commentator Jason Witten. Rumors are already swirling in Bristol, and you have to wonder if ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_most_cursed_magic_items_on_the_market_ | So if you're just now joining us, we still have a variety of wonderful magic items for purchase. Take, for example, this witch's butthole holds up to six spells. When activated, it releases a pleasant aroma. Go ahead and give that a smell for me. It's good, right? I haven't even activated the gem hole yet. This is $6.9... |
cracked | film_tv_cameos_you_might_have_missed | If you're a big enough Grey's Anatomy fan, you may already know this one, but Demi Lovato stabbed herself in the chest with a hypodermic needle. Did you ever notice Elijah Wood in Back to the Future Part II? Okay, I feel like this is gonna be one that people are like, I already knew that, but I don't know, if you're no... |
cracked | disney_s_first_openly_gay_character_isn_t_gay_beauty_and_the_beast | Beauty and the Beast and Power Rangers both have had headlines talking about how they have the first openly gay Disney character and superhero that has ever existed. Amazing if true.
You brought me down the rabbit hole in this that we start with headline openly gay character read the article and it's questioning and t... |
cracked | the_14_stupidest_lies_from_the_first_presidential_debate | Democratic nominee for President of the United States, Hillary Clinton, and Republican nominee for President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.
Thousands of jobs, leaving Michigan, leaving Ohio. They're all leaving.
Donald thinks that climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. I think it's real.
I did ... |
cracked | 5_biggest_mistakes_in_the_super_mario_bros_movie_2023_cinemistakes | What's up everybody, this is your boy Steven Spielberg and the host of Cinema Stakes, the show where we take some of Hollywood's hottest films and we absolutely skewer them. Skewer them. I mean skewer them. We burn them to the ground. We take them and we spray them with a flamethrower and we put them on the skewer stic... |
TheOnion | Nation_Just_Wants_To_Be_Safe_Happy_Rich_Comfortable_Entertained_At_All_Times | According to a new report from the Pew Research Center released today, the vast majority of Americans simply want to be safe, happy, rich, comfortable, entertained, thin, and romantically fulfilled. The Onion spoke to a few of the survey's respondents, who also claimed they want to be healthy, fulfilled, and successful... |
SaturdayNightLive | fox_news_end_of_an_era_snl | You're watching Fox News, continuous coverage of the 2009 election, end of an era, and now Greta Van Susteren. good evening. I'm Greta Van Susteren. Well, it's hard to believe that only one year ago, Barack Obama entered the White House promising a new era of government, And yet on Tuesday, it seems that era came to a ... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.