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dropout | every_tech_commercial | When I'm watching a commercial for a new tech device. I'm looking for an ad that's fun. That's cool That's edited way too fast fast fast with a lot of lines repeated a bunch Just like that like that and starring young professionals with creative jobs jobs. You're not even sure exist I'm a wicker weaver. I'm looking for... |
dropout | The_Most_Tragic_Dimension_20_Character_Ever | You hear a noise of someone traipsing and just tumbling down a side. And you see that a very put upon squire who you recognize as an attendant to the two princesses and also a squire studying under Sir Theobald shows up. This miserable looking sort of like lemon cough drop squire shows up and he goes, tumbled down this... |
dropout | hardly_working_kovert_krampus | Almost time for the holiday party, you know what that means? Stick with Santa! No, you can't have beans, it means... Covert Krampus! Yes, Covert Krampus. Just as St. Nicholas gives gifts to all the good little boys and girls, Alpine folklore tells us of the Krampus, a holly jolly goat beast who travels alongside Santa,... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_robert_peston | What's the most political thing that's ever happened in Britain?
Erm, I'm not sure thing... I mean, I think... Erm...
Gosh, that's a tricky question in the sense that there are definitely... degrees of, er, gosh, what's the most political... So, I... There are lots of things that are straightforwardly political and t... |
SaturdayNightLive | george_w_bush_and_jenna_snl | I'm the President of the United States and I need a straight answer. Am I going to get the spy plane back? ask again later. you always do this to me, dammit. I'm the President. Yeah, what is it, Janice? Mr. President, your daughter Jenna is here. Okay, send her in. Hi, daddy. how you doing? I was just attending to some... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_16_12_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate radio news bulletin. The day is Monday the 16th of December, recording live from Baxter Boots Studios as always. If you're joined by myself Clancy Overall editor of the Batutah Advocate and of course... |
cracked | 5_biggest_mistakes_in_super_mario_bros_cinemistakes | Film an art form appreciated by so many but yet understood by so few An art form that takes you honestly from your highest valleys to your lowest peaks and yet So few can understand how truly deep it actually is I'm one of those people that can see that the deep how deep it is, which is why we're gonna put these films ... |
wearethesundayblues | 1_000_fans_sing_nickelback_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | Look at this photograph, it's a photo of a hit on trash We drive a lost control of the wheel, where the deacon said that you were turning in And that was when I grew up, and then the dog came and dreamed it up Here we stop, here's for all to hear, Nickelback to South Africa Ever since our show, the country's going down... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_middle_east_crisis_trump_calls_hezbollah_very_smart_snl | Well, this was a terrible week for the world, but a great week for random idiots who like to share completely unhinged thoughts wherever they can. And weirdly, it's not even on social media anymore. I saw a thousand-word essay called how I'd Fix Palestine, and it was posted in a Yelp review of a Buffalo Wild Wings. eve... |
SaturdayNightLive | three_daughters_snl | Once upon a time, a prince journeyed to a faraway kingdom, and after bravely slaying the local dragon, won the chance to choose a princess for his bride. Ah, Prince Edmund, welcome to our big, cold castle in Europe. it is an honor, your highness. good job killing our dragon. no one asked you to, but thank you. you may ... |
CrackerMilk | survivor_s_worst_player_of_all_time | Survivors, welcome to elimination. How are we feeling this week, Nick? Look, Jeff, I think that our whole team has come to the conclusion that we have to get rid of Connor.
He is dead weight, he doesn't do anything around camp. He's just really hard to live with. Yeah, man, he's gotta go. He's like a cancer in this tr... |
dropout | wait_start_that_story_again_hardly_working | So I swallowed a bunch of water. How far out were you? Oh, I was out of waves.
My feet couldn't touch the ground. Anyway, something touches my leg and I'm just sure it's a shark.
No! Yes.
So I start yelling and the lifeguard clears the beach. Now it turned out it was just some seaweed, but here's the thing. What hap... |
TheOnion | In_The_Know_Panel_Analyzes_Obama_s_Furious_Profanity_Filled_Rant_At_Nation | continue to tank. All right? Wow. President Obama just finishing a furious address to the American people. Okay, let's go now to a special live in the know for some post-speech analysis. Whoa. Heaven. What just happened? Was he completely late? I have never seen anything like it.
The President certainly strayed from h... |
cracked | 5_biggest_mistakes_in_xxx_2002_cinemistakes | Sorry, everybody.
I was a little bit busy doing a lot of Various kind of X Games tricks with my close friends These are all things that only professionals can do or underground professionals like myself A lot of people think it's a joke, but it's not which is why today on the craptearian collection We are doing 3x on ... |
dropout | hardly_working_douchebag_office | Y'all don't know about my flow like a river I'ma give you one more verse to burst the curse y'all is the worst and I'm coming in first holy shit guys I just came from the south side of the office and it is crazy they look just like us but they're total douche bags let's check it out yeah totally now you guys go I'm gon... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_hotel_room | Hey everybody, I'm Jeff here with Pat and Dan. We are on the Mountain Dew Democracy Road Trip. We're in Indianapolis. We're in our hotel room and we realized they rent video games, so we thought, hey, let's shoot a bleep-bloop. And I wish the hotel staff could join us, because they gave us some very weird looks as we w... |
SaturdayNightLive | getting_off_the_phone_saturday_night_live | Really? what did you say? no kidding. do you need help getting. you on the phone again, bitch! f***ing up before I bash your head in! My God, Paul, what are you doing? Oh, you didn't want to get off the phone? Yes, I did, but why would you say a thing like that?
Gee, I'm sorry, Honey. I guess I blanked. that's all I c... |
TheOnion | female_scientists_say_domestic_abuse_not_problem | Domestic abuse has long been thought to affect some three million women in the U.S. each year. But a new study from the National Research Center for Women and Families indicates that rates of domestic abuse have now dropped to zero. We appreciate everyone's concern, but domestic abuse just isn't the problem we once tho... |
SaturdayNightLive | crazy_edelman_saturday_night_live | I think you're too good that I must be out of my mind.
Hi, I'm Crazy Edelman, the discount psychiatrist, and my prices are absolutely insane. Schizophrenia, split personality, I can cure your complete for $500. that's right, $500 complete. tell a friend or tell yourself. suicidal, don't kill yourself over skyrocketing... |
cracked | why_movies_get_alien_first_contact_wrong_we_re_not_alone_episode_5 | Can't believe there's gonna be aliens can't believe we get to meet the alien I can't believe you two doorstops decided to get drunk right now. We're not drunk Certainly not just drunk what we're like maybe a little drunk Only because we did not know we were gonna be part of any future alien contact Stuff today.
Yeah.
... |
cracked | a_cover_of_as_long_as_were_partyin_one_of_my_fav_black_eyed_peas_songs_and_one_of_my_fav_songs | Welcome to Undercover, where I play you covers of my favorite songs. Today's song is As Long as We're Partying by the Black Eyed Peas. And it's not my favorite song. What is my favorite Black Eyed Peas song? They're my favorite band. So this is one of my favorite songs. This is a big episode of Undercover where I play ... |
dropout | pro_pillow_fighting_with_the_miz | Oh, what is going on now? Oh, dear, you know what that sound means.
It's time for a tag-team pillow fight. Let's bring in my partner. Who's my partner? Me. Meghan!
Austin's capital of Old Eagle Sound! Please welcome America Joe!
Is he my partner? He's your partner!
Okay, this is really weird, all right? I'm in my u... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_wizards_chronicle_year_one_blooper_reel | And to you, Michael, take Ham-Uel as your lawfully wedded husband. I do. By the power vested in me by God, I now pronounce you Ham and Wife.
We did it! The perfect video! Now all we have to do is upload.
Hopefully it does well. Not if I have anything to say about it!
That doesn't serve my YouTube overlords! I shall ... |
dropout | We_ve_Actually_Met_Before_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm T... |
dropout | hardly_working_final_destination_part_1 | Poggin' the toaster! Sorry, it's really jammed in there. Oh, that bagel was too thick. Too close to the sun. Hey guys, why's the floor all wet? Sorry, that was me. I spilled my big water jug.
Don't worry, though. I laid down some nice copper wire to keep her shoes dry. Good idea. Oh, that's fine. Got it.
Ooh, look, a... |
cracked | the_fatal_logical_flaw_in_the_harry_potter_universe_episode_3_of_3 | You all know the story of this special boy with the lightning bolt-shaped scar and the evil that he was destined to destroy But you don't know this story about a rad alternate timeline where he and his bud ran away to Mugglelands instead One bright wizard girl tried to fetch the boys back. Only they weren't boys anymor... |
TheOnion | How_To_Tell_Your_Mom_You_re_Not_Coming_Home_For_The_Holidays_reddit_askreddit_question_viral | What's the best way to tell your mom you're not coming home for the holidays? Just tell her, Mom, I'm gay and also there were no affordable flights out of Boston. She'll understand. Tell her that your pig is sick. No good mother would ever try to wedge even a smidgen of guilt between a person and their poor sickly hog.... |
SaturdayNightLive | winston_graff_recording_session_saturday_night_live | Okay, now, Winston, the levels look good. we're going to record a few, all right? I'll tell you, I'm a huge fan.
Oh, he's the best. did you see him in Newport with Sandy Rollins? Oh, he was amazing, amazing.
I mean, they burned for an hour. at least, at least.
Winston, what song are you going to start with? Yeah, we... |
cracked | you_say_potato_digo_estas_muerto | Come on! Prank war!
Daniel. Pretty sneaky, sis. I feel like I missed the beginning of this conversation. When I got to work today, you know what I thought?
Everything's regular. This is gonna be a regular day.
Are you doing me? These are my thoughts. And then I saw how you tweaked my scribbler. I'm sorry, I'm just n... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Demanding_Dutton_A_Clear_Message_A_Growing_Trend_More_January_20 | You're listening to the Betuda Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Hello and welcome to the Betuda Weekly News Bulletin, it is Friday the 20th of January. My name is Wendell Hussey, I've got Effie, Euphemia, Bateman in the booth with me today and I am leading in because Clancy and Errol are doing stuff, I... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | cunk_s_best_one_interview_experts_part_1 | So, is this the actual doomsday book? This is the actual doomsday book, yes.
And it's usually under glass, isn't it, this book? Well, usually, it's not accessible at all, so it's very rarely on display. So this is really quite a special occasion that we've got it out for you to be able to see it today. So, you're not ... |
dropout | Your_Comedy_Ideas_Are_Terrible_Kingpin_Katie | Thank God you're here. The funniest thing just happened to me and you've got to put it in one of your skids. Wait, is that why you call this emergency meeting? Yes. Your family's totally fine.
So yesterday, I was doing my thing, writing parking tickets, and I had just had the greatest bagel of my life. So I'm writing ... |
TheOnion | Donald_Sterling_Just_Glad_Tape_Recorder_Batteries_Died_Before_He_Got_To_The_Real_Shit | A new census report reveals the US has over 316 million nobodies, Carlos Santana surprises his wife with a coupon for a free 45 minute guitar solo, and Picasso's Guernica triples in value after being autographed by the 1994 New York Rangers, definitively proving that candor, forthrightness and journalistic integrity ca... |
SaturdayNightLive | italian_stereotypes_saturday_night_live | Hello, hello, hello. Yeah, we can hear. Okay. all you have to do is get him. talk about the De Bruccio hit. All right, then this guy's going down. But you got to watch yourself. this is a dangerous man. For the last two years I've been studying these guys another way. they move another way. they walk and the way they t... |
TheOnion | Get_On_That_Pole_Sex_House_Ep_3 | Six sexty Americans alone in a house with nothing to do but get nasty, this sex house. Welcome to sex house. Tara and I tried to bang last night, but there was a rotten smell coming through the floorboards like a dead animal or something. We're the Jim and Pam of the sex house because everyone wants to know when we're ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Controversial_Bill_Enters_Tasmanian_Parliament_To_Finally_Legalise_Marriage_Betw_ | Right now we're in the, I guess, the second award season of the year. First one started the year with the Logies and all the real estate awards, which we also attend diligently every year. But yeah, we've got the awards and then silly season is going to keep building momentum throughout that.
So everyone's kind of, yo... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | David_Dastmalchian_star_of_LATE_NIGHT_WITH_THE_DEVIL_Directors_Cameron_Colin_Cairnes | This is the last video store, a nostalgic chamber to take you back in time to when you could pick a movie off the shelves Borrow it from a strange guy behind the counter and take home for a certain amount of days Then you have to bring it back to that strange guy and have a conversation with him I am the other side of ... |
CrackerMilk | kramercast_crackermilk_podcast_episode_4_18_ | Boys, boys, boys, thanks so much for coming down to Kappa Chi for the first night of your initiation. Your very first thing I need you all to do to get into this frat is to chug your drinks.
Chug!
This is what we're gonna do today. We're all gonna count to three and we're gonna pick one of you three to chug their dri... |
dropout | wings_of_a_dragon_with_megan_mullally_and_nick_offerman | Baby I'm back, here to win your hand Tonight I got an ocean to get kissed I love my Bible, so why won't you have this paleontologist?
Look, you're an easy rat and cowboy And I love your horse Just quit your evil job and I'll commit Cause your fossils and your fats and your carbon dating Well, according to the Bible, d... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_honey_boo_boo_and_mama_on_the_2012_political_conventions_snl | Recently, both the Republican Democratic National Conventions aired to lower ratings than reality shows such as Tlc's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Here now with their thoughts on the election are Alana, Honey Boo Boo Child, and Mama. So, are you guys surprised that your show got higher ratings than the conventions?
No. w... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_kanye_west_praises_hitler_biden_averts_rail_strike_snl | It's weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. Hey, good evening everyone. welcome to Weekend Update, I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost. your guys are not going to believe this, but Alex Jones and Kanye West got together this week and it didn't go great. Kanye West made anti-semitic jokes and said, i like Hitler, w... |
Wizards_with_Guns | every_cooking_show_without_gordon_ramsey | First you're going to need an almond. I guess we're starting right away, huh? Who's on top? Next we're going to need three quarter cup sugar, which I've already measured out. Next we'll need just a dog poo whipped cream, which I have also already prepared. Now we are making a pie, which I also, uh, I made it already.
... |
SaturdayNightLive | rita_and_her_sons_saturday_night_live | I'm going on the porch for five minutes a piece. the first one who calls me gets my slipper. Ooh! Okay, you kids got the whole street to play ball on, but you got to play in front of my house. that's okay, because I keep it now, Okay? I keep it. it's mine now, all right? have your mother come get it. I hear you, smarta... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_always_and_forever_snl | Kids asleep, honey, sound asleep. Oh Jim. I Need you to take Tommy to practice tomorrow, Okay, okay? Don't forget my mother, she's coming over to dinner Friday, right? Did You get the car fixed. Yes, it was a lot less than what I thought Oh good Got it. These Will be ready in about two weeks. What's the matter? Nothing... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Spider_Man_Homecoming | After an ATM robbery was thwarted by Queen's own colorful local crime stopper, the Spider-Man. You spot something like that happening, you turn and you run the other way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion.
Today I'll be discussing Spider-Man Homecoming, the second reboot o... |
cracked | join_or_die_then_die_anyway_life_in_the_revolutionary_war | Ben Franklin was a liar, a cartoony liar, because when he inspired America to unite against Britain with his snake doodle, the task wasn't join or die, it was join and die. Die a lot, like just, you're all gonna die, you. Because despite what your teachers told you, everybody in the American Revolution spent most of th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Joy_McKean_OAM | Today we are joined by a pioneer of Australian recording music, country music in particular, but music in general. One of the hardest workers. We've actually had the opportunity to meet and interview someone who's probably toured the most out of any Australian musician that we've definitely come across, but anyone who'... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_explore_page_snl | So, next weekend, we're actually going to Sioux Falls. Yeah. ooh. that'll be great. Why is Sioux Falls?
I don't know. I just kind of always wanted to go. that's so fun. by the way, Chelsea, I've been meaning to say, I love your shirt. where's it from? Oh, an Instagram ad. it just totally popped up in my feed. the algo... |
SaturdayNightLive | chantix_saturday_night_live | Chantix. real people. real stories. I wanted to quit smoking. I had to quit smoking. for my son. for my husband. Chantix is not a nicotine product. it helps reduce the urge to smoke. Because smoking wasn't a habit. it was an addiction. that's why I asked my doctor about Chantix. talk to your doctor about any history of... |
cracked | 5_household_items_you_didn_t_know_had_super_powers_the_spit_take | Hello, the internet, and welcome to another episode of The Spit Take. My name is Jack O'Brien. I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked, and no, you look stupid in those glasses. This week, we're looking at things inside your very house with superpowers they don't advertise.
For instance, soy sauce advertises itself basical... |
cracked | the_5_most_inappropriate_movie_kisses_ever | Hollywood, it's time to chill out with the kissing. I get that there's nothing more fun than sticking your tongue right in someone's mouth and tasting their gums and squeezing their bum and wiggling your face all about, but you need to understand that it's not always appropriate. Let's give an example. A good place for... |
cracked | martin_short_lowkey_hated_being_on_snl | Martin Short enjoys hosting those SNL gigs. He even kissed Lorne Michaels on the mouth. During his single season as a cast member, Short was borderline miserable. Three shows in, he was writing his resignation letter, even though he managed to stick it out for the full season. In his memoir, Short lays out his list of ... |
dropout | dinosaur_office_sick_day | DINOSAUR OFFICE! ROAR!
I'm not who you think I am, Maria. I'm... my brother.
Don't listen to him, Maria. He'll only break your heart.
Hey, Craig! Heard you were sick. Do you have a 24-hour stomach bug? There's one going around! Can't talk. Fake sick to see Dinosaur Hospital Finale.
Getting steamy. Gotta go. I shoul... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_216_Shari_Sebbens_Meyne_Wyatt | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overill, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show. My name is Clancy Overill, editor of the Batooter Advocate, and I'm joined by Errol Parker, editor at large.
Are you excited to get all that tax fraud over with, Er... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_New_Netflix_Doco_Tells_Story_Of_A_48_Year_Old_Englishman_Unable_To_Convey_Emotio_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah bulletin. It is the day of the indigenous voice referendum. You may not know that's happening due to the rather concerning media desert that exists in this country as people tune out of commercial news f... |
cracked | slutty_girls_in_slutty_halloween_costumes_2010_a_tribute | You'll see an Edward from Twilight, the monster of cookies, the old Spike Sky Han Solas and the Wookiees, Daniel Faraday or John Locke, Dancer Cares Away as Fraggle Rock, TMN Turtles, TMN Turtles, TMN Turtles are one thing you'll definitely see, other things you'll definitely see. A Slutty Kurt, a Slutty Spock, a Slutt... |
cracked | the_truth_behind_every_internet_conspiracy_theory | If you've spent any amount of time on the internet beyond casual Amazon browsing and looking up trivia for the Mummy Returns on the internet movie database, you've probably run across at least one of the seemingly endless swarm of crackpot conspiracy theories being terrifyingly shrieked across the web like burning dolp... |
dropout | antiques_roadshow_2550 | What do you already know about this magnificent piece? My wife and I can't seem to find anything about it. We've prayed to Google, but so far, nothing.
Well, Blake, this is a very crude musical instrument. We know that it was made somewhere between 1900 and 2120. Let's see if it's still in tune. You push the button an... |
dropout | venmo_ceo_we_re_fun_ch_shorts | Hi America, my name is Rob Schelf and I'm the CEO of Venmo, the simple, fun money app that enables quick and easy payments between friends while providing the full experience of a social media platform. Venmo started out as the dream of two engineering students.
What if you could like a financial transaction? What if ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_day_santa_claus_died_ | T'was the morning of Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even- Ah!
Ah! Hm? Hm. That's good. Magus! Ah! Why are you- Oh!
No!
Magus, don't even try it. Who's Magus?
If I was just some wizard, could I do this? Yeah.
That's not even Christmas themed. Please leave. What about this?
W... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_112_Jamie_Soward | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, live from quarantine. In fact we're so quarantined here in the channel country that Errol Parker couldn't make it in today. He's got visitors from overseas, his... |
SaturdayNightLive | 42nd_street_saturday_night_live | Come on, get back after it, you guys. get out there. come on, there's hot dogs in the back. hand those tutus in. hey, don't worry about that, inspector. that's just temporary, huh? excuse me, are you the producer of the Star World Theatre? Uh, no, I'm the fire Marshal. that's the, uh, producer. Gosh, I just can't belie... |
cracked | you_re_using_pull_yourself_up_by_your_bootstraps_wrong | If you've ever said that poor people just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, then hey, you're kind of a jerk, a grumpy jerk, and you're also kind of right, but in a wrong way. Anyone who's ever worn boots with actual straps knows that the whole idea is nonsense, unless you get really creative with your boo... |
dropout | troopers_mind_trick | Throw up the deflector shields!
And I'm like, what? Because it's really loud when they're attacking us. Yeah, yeah, we're on our spaceship. You've been reading that thing for the last hour, Larry. What is it? Well, uh, let me see. Mine tricks? Who gave you this? Alright, remember that galactic magi we released last we... |
SaturdayNightLive | celebrity_jeopardy_french_stewart_burt_reynolds_sean_connery_snl | Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy! Before we begin the Double Jeopardy! round, I'd like to ask our contestants once again, please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new Jeopardy! record with negative $230,000. you think you're pretty smart, don't you, Tr... |
ClickHole | progress_this_video_game_stars_a_vietnam_war_veteran_with_severe_ptsd | Hey everyone, welcome back to Next Gen. Today we're going to be exploring a game that confronts some of the darker issues that the men and women of our armed forces encounter. It's called Crash Bandicoot, and it features a protagonist who is battling post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of fighting in the Vietnam... |
dropout | honest_4th_of_july_bbq | Hey, fuck! I'm the first one here, even though I waited in my car for 15 minutes. Hey, guess I'm not gonna have time to poop now. That's gonna screw me up for days.
Speaking of which, I brought a quart of pre-made macaroni salad. You know, the kind nobody likes. Gross. Ooh, it's got a minuscule pieces of carrot in it.... |
SaturdayNightLive | post_covid_game_show_snl | And now, it's time for your favorite post-covid game show. it's my train for me! with your host, Lisa Sumpkin. Welcome to the game All of us play every day. is my brain okay? Whether it was the year in isolation, the two years without any semblance of society, or the virus itself physically shrinking our brains, one th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_18_04_19_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | Hello, you're listening to the Weekly Petuda News Bulletin, coming to you live from Desert Rock FM Studios in the heart of the Channel Country. My name's Bruce Hitchcock and joining me to bring you all of the biggest stories from the week that was, is Wendell Hussey. Yes, hello and thanks for tuning in today as we wrap... |
cracked | the_predator_was_almost_a_spin_kicking_zoidberg_played_by_jean_claude_van_damme_movie_what_ifs | Because of my big legs and karate, I can do the splits. No problem. Ugly motherf- 1987's The Predator was such a massive hit, it launched the career of Jean-Claude Van Damme, even though he wasn't in the movie. More on that later.
But this entire beloved franchise was almost dead on arrival, mainly because its ultra-s... |
dropout | rapping_with_a_split_personality_music_video | And now back to Didn't Make the Cut.
Coming in at number 9 in our countdown is this Nicki Minaj wannabe with a little too much character.
Keep it real, be true to you, just be yourself, do what you do, inner confidence is key.
Do what you do, be true to you, I keep it real, just be yourself now, there's no one else ... |
dropout | I_m_Trains | Welcome, travelers, to Tales from the Closet. I'm your host, help. I'm your host, Ally Beardsley.
This show is, I'm really struggling with the candles. Yet again, some more bullshit at the top for people listening to it just on Spotify. I'm currently dropping candles.
Welcome. If you're in the closet, this podcast is... |
cracked | the_10_most_secretly_ridiculous_moments_in_classic_movies_after_hours | So Captain Von Tramp, this strict friggin' hard as nails military guy, marries Maria, who just a few months earlier was a nun, so all I'm saying is that there must have been a honeymoon scene cut from the sound of music where this stoic sea captain just straight gives it to this naive, grin-faced nun lady. What is the ... |
dropout | hardly_working_emergency_flirt | You guys ever feel like you just accomplished everything you were meant to do on Earth? You guys, a tiger got loose in the office somehow. What? Does it make any sense?
AHHH! He's eating me! My God! He's eating me!
Do it!
Okay, the strongest two of us should hold the door. Pat, you call for help. Uh, yeah, you're ri... |
TheOnion | Romney_Courts_Hispanic_Vote_With_Animated_Sombrero_Wearing_Parrot | Mitt Romney began actively courting the nation's 50 million Hispanic voters this week when he introduced his new sidekick, an animated parrot named Paco. And today Paco made his first appearance in a Romney campaign commercial which has begun running in Florida and Texas.
Mitt Romney cares about the issues that matter... |
cracked | the_week_in_douchebaggery_robin_williams_kfc_and_god | It's Friday, March 28th, 2008, and this is the news on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and oh, how I've missed you. Herb Peterson, the inventor of the Egg McMuffin, died earlier this week at age 89. His funeral will end promptly at 10.30 a.m. Sweet sassy molassie, it's Friday! And you know what that means. It's the week in ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_20_01_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate News Bullet and the date is Monday the 20th of January live from the budgie smuggler studios in downtown Batutah. You're joined by myself Clancy Overall editor at large Errol Parker and the Peter Stefa... |
ClickHole | heartbreaking_butchers_tell_stories_about_the_time_their_salami_rolled_away | School had just gotten out and a bunch of kids came pouring into my shop to pick up their family's orders. Suddenly one of these kids accidentally knocked the salami off the counter and it rolled right out the door.
I gave chase for miles, running as fast as I could. Eventually I tumbled down this slope they were usin... |
SaturdayNightLive | ramy_youssef_monologue_snl | This is an incredibly spiritual weekend. we're in the holy month of Ramadan. tomorrow is Easter and yesterday Beyonce released a new album. there's just so many religions celebrating all at once. I'm doing the Ramadan one. I love Ramadan because I love hanging out with Muslims. we're so loving and I feel like people do... |
dropout | instant_gratification_game_show | Hi everyone, I'm Brian Murphy life the glorious adventure of existence and yet despite its many twists and turns Sometimes it can be a bit dull But not today because today we will be approaching people on the street and asking them a question that will rock Their world that will make them question their very existence ... |
SaturdayNightLive | five_timers_club_snl | All right, Candace and Paul, how do we think this show is going so far and don't be afraid to be brutal? Well, not to be a total bitch, but my five-timer show in December was going to be a lot better. that is until the whole cast decided to call out sick. they all had Covid. So what? I have Covid right now. I got it fr... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_stefon_on_holiday_travel_saturday_night_live | It's Christmas time in New York, which means millions will be heading to the city to celebrate. here are some tips on what New York can offer as our City Correspondent, Stefan.: Whoo! Hi. Stefan, how have you been? The same. Okay. so, Stefan, lots of people are heading here for a great New York Christmas. do you have a... |
cracked | the_awful_truth_about_movies_based_on_a_true_story_today_s_topic | Now I'm going back to my side. You said you'd give it a chance. Yeah, I did.
Ah man, that's not even a shot yet. That's not even footage.
I hate true story movies. They always end with the same bullshit synopsis.
So and so stayed married to her forever, but he never went back to jerk off springs again. So what, man?... |
dropout | what_if_rookies_had_a_sleepover | Hey guys, your favorite agent has to head out before rookie's gonna be okay here on your own. Yeah, it's true. I'm not a rookie. Yeah, sure. Anyway, Rooks, have a great time. Feel free to keep playing the video games, board games in the corner, a turntable. Drew, we got it. Maybe a little twister if you're feeling it. ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Raph_Dixon_J_R_Hennessy_Down_Round_Podcast | You're listening to a DM podcast. You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate podcast. You've got Clancy and Errol in here today interviewing two interesting blokes, one who has been on before in many different capacities... |
SaturdayNightLive | lake_beach_snl | Getting a little cold up, you know, the furthest south? Still like 90 degrees. now. In these parts we may not have the biggest cities, but we found something even better to do. Just met me on the dawn you sneak in the sea up late. Is that seven percent? For the pretty girls, I've got the same haircut down on the lake b... |
cracked | why_you_never_want_a_gotham_city_criminal_on_your_crew | All right boys We started in just a minute waiting on Frankie's cousin Carla. Sorry boss. You know, he's new in town. He probably got lost I didn't even know you had a cousin Frankie. Oh, yeah. He's from Gotham City.
Oh God I'm so sorry. I got my suit pinstripe and all the stores were closed I'll do anything to make i... |
dropout | dire_consequences_tiny_clothes | I'm Brian Murphy. I'm Kevin Corrigan. This episode of Dire Consequences is brought to you by Speedstick. We're about to do a stupid competition with an extreme consequence. Don't sweat it. Handle it! Let's do this! I'm Brian Murphy. I'm Kevin Corrigan.
We're about to have a thumb war. Loser has to put on tinier clothe... |
cracked | the_most_poorly_planned_heist_ever | The East Quarter has been compromised and I am out of SWAT Team lingo that I know we- Dan? Thank you! How are you doing here? You're lucky talkies! Michael? We have lucky talkies?! Dan!
We're almost through the firewall. Just give us 20 more minutes, okay? Get it! Michael, I'm pulling out! Do you read me, Michael?
Ba... |
dropout | full_benefits_ditching_dan | Good morning. Oh my god. What's wrong? Your breath smells like hot garbage. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh Jesus, would you have her dinner as sh**, burrito? No I had hot pasta.
Psst, David. Everyone's gone.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I'm not gonna have sex with you in the office. Dammit. Hey, but now that you brought i... |
cracked | why_donald_trump_made_the_worst_snl_episode_ever_cracked_responds | Guys, you watch Donald Trump host SNL? Here's his monologue. You have everything going. The world is waiting for you to be president. So why are you hosting Saturday Night Live?
Why? And the answer is, I have really nothing better to do. Yeah, it's just dog shit. It's there.
I mean, monologues aren't always great, bu... |
cracked | if_the_cracked_office_was_succession | Hey, if you could just sign up, I'm fucking budget. Guys, we want comedy. We want entertainment. We want something in the site, guys.
You're giving me some e-card swill from 2012. You want to put it on a bumper sticker? You want to put it on a calendar?
Grow up! So you take a boss when he pegs you in the a**? fuck yo... |
cracked | the_impact_of_ice_cream_on_world_war_ii_cracked_fiend | I'm ready yet, so what do you want me to do till I can lead you in? No, no, no, I think I'll just start. Okay, number one.
Kind of cold open stuff. Okay, what makes sense is about ice cream Carl favorite ice cream flavor go What's the Ben and Jerry's one that's awesome fish food that one don't don't kick that Wrong, i... |
dropout | hardly_working_house_of_cards | Oh my god, Pony is so cute! Yeah, he's usually more playful, but he has the sniffles. What guy?
Suffering. I have no tolerance for suffering. I'm gonna snap his neck.
No! Stop! He said he's sick!
Sam Reich, as I live and breathe. Sam Reich calls the shots around here. Lucky for me, we're about as close as conjoined ... |
cracked | the_4_ways_we_travel_in_the_modern_world_are_about_to_suck | Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away, I can do the fly a plane. I don't know any of the other lyrics to that song, because that song is an artifact from when flying was cool and planes were jazz bars. Today, flying has got another bummer of a transportation system that you have to sit through.
Staring at your p... |
dropout | and_you_thought_fyre_island_was_bad | It's 1822. My name is Gregor MacGregor, welcome to Poie, a small country near Honduras. This place has everything, fertile land, fish and game, democratic government, a bear burgeoning business district. Even gold delivers. The only thing we don't have is you. We need investors and settlers. Buy now and I guarantee you... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bernard_Fanning_Tells_the_Truth_About_That_Plane | Did you go from the tour, you know, touring around in the van to Toowoomba and the like to two planes? I mean, you ended up getting your own plane, but you didn't go from van to plane. When was it that you noticed how things are different on the road as a member of Powderfinger?
Okay, just let me clear something up ab... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_senior_java_developer | Yeah, I can write you a hello world right now. Let's start with the test suite. Portability.
I have worked for this company for 30 years and it was Java for 30.5. The advantages of Java, the idea behind Java, the reason for Java. It's the JVM. Yeah, I work in a corporate, but a lot of startups use Java.
Not that I've... |
dropout | I_m_Horny_For_Every_Fictional_Car_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening. And welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.... |
cracked | 7_movies_that_don_t_realize_they_re_horror_movies_after_hours | You guys think Leatherface knows he's a bad guy or was cutting up hippies Just like working for his dad's law firm for him like part of the family business I'm just happy to be putting food on the table. See I always assume the monsters know that they're jerks I mean you can't put on a costume and go around terrorizing... |
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