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ClickHole | these_people_were_there_when_dylan_went_electric_and_their_stories_are_incredible | When Bob hit that first ear-shattering chord, it was chaos. Everybody thought it was a real train, and I shouted, he's done it. Oh God, he's finally done it. Bob Dylan has summoned a wonderful train, and it's coming to run me over.
Music would never be the same again. In the early 60s, Bob Dylan was it. All the boys w... |
cracked | selfie_news_what_aubrey_plaza_wants_in_a_man_the_news_on_cracked | Hey dummies, Michael here. No, I'm not really leaving Cracked. The only way we could afford to do a news show is to have me phone it in for free. To make up for the f***ing production values, Cracked agreed to fly me to an exotic location and put me in five-star lodging for each and every episode. Total series budget? ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_42_will_ferrell_lauren_lapkus_john_c_reilly_rebecca_hall_ | Greetings listeners from the home of the brave and the land of the free. My name is Errol Parker and sitting alongside me today As is the custom is my friend and colleague Clancy Overrell. Yes Hello If you're listening on Desert Rock FM inside the diamond Tina Shire or if you are a podcast Listener who has downloaded t... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_06_03_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're joined today by editor, myself, Clancy Overill, editor-at-large Errol Parker. How are you Errol?
Very good. Very good as always.
And of course the young fella, Wendell Hussey.
How are you, mate? Doing well, alive and healthy. It's great to hear, considering everything.
Anyway, this week's show is brought to ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Daily_News_Bulletin_Wednesday_8th_April | Starting off with some national news and the Prime Minister has refuted the claims that he's turning into a bit of a lefty by saying it's called Scocialism. Yes, Morrison fronted the media this morning to shut down any allegations suggesting that he might be drifting away from his usual Howard Thatcher, Reagan-esque st... |
dropout | hardly_working_earpiece | Let me ask you, what do you look for in a girl? Wow, great question. What do I look for in a girl? What do I look for?
Wow, that's a tough one, Jeff. Uh, okay, sit tight. Don't panic. Okay, we got a code lightening here.
She asked what he looks for in a girl. What do you got? What does he look for in a girl? Got it. ... |
cracked | 4_disturbing_coming_of_age_movie_tropes_yboc_season_2_finale | If American entertainment is to be believed, the one thing I'll use one more than anything is probably the hot new Fall Out Boy album, entitled something like Teenagers Going Down on American Sugar or something, but they also really, really want to get conscripted into some sort of glorious magical war. I mean, think a... |
cracked | 4_horrifyingly_sexy_mangas_starring_american_politicians_canonball | Being elected President of the United States has a number of inconvenient side effects. They don't warn you about it. Illuminati President School. Like how you legally can't take a leak without at least five Secret Service guys present. Or the fact that all your farts have to be recorded and logged into the Library of ... |
dropout | catan_with_john_lutz | Welcome to Bleep Loop, I'm Jeff here with Pat and John Lutz from 30 Rock. Today we are playing Settlers of Catan on the Microsoft Surface. This is a popular German board game, it's big in America now, and now it was ported over to the Microsoft Surface Tabletop Computing Platform by Vectr4.
So take this as mine if I'm... |
SaturdayNightLive | mona_lisa_falls_for_museum_guard_saturday_night_live | Hello, darling. where were you last night? Oh, come on, Mona. let's not talk about it, Ok? can we try it again? it's not going to work. just one more time. Ok, for you, anything. Oh, it's no use. you'll never get me out of this picture. Cheer me up, Eduardo. I can't. I'm just so exhausted. All right. Mona Lisa, Mona Li... |
TheOnion | Sex_Climax_Sex_House_Ep_9 | Previously on Sex House What's the situation with Sex House? Our sponsors dropped. The cast are all duds. They won't cooperate, won't respond to threats. I refuse to think about this anymore. Shut down Sex House.
Fine. Salvage something and put it up on the web. We can always make people watch re-roll from terrible gu... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_25_the_grade_cricketer | Hello there I'm Clancy Overall and thank you for joining us today for our chat with some very humorous individuals. Yes Clancy they are very very funny. We're welcoming the great cricketer podcast onto the show. They're arguably the greatest thing to happen to cricket writing since Wisden in my opinion. They're just th... |
TheOnion | Immigrant_Explains_Difficulty_Assimilating_To_Culture_That_Constantly_Reboots_Film_Franchises | It can be difficult to assimilate into American culture. There are so many unspoken customs and references that I don't even know that I don't know. And all of this is further complicated by the fact that the United States is a nation that constantly reboots its film franchises. Just when I got used to Tobey Maguire so... |
dropout | troopers_forcefield | How long is that, um, is that light been on?
Ahhh! I don't know! Ha! Thank God! Ah, you're still here! Yeah, you have me trapped behind this force field, duh. Yes! That's right!
The force field is still up. Nothing's gone wrong, so stay right there. Wait, is the force field down?
What?! No! That is crazy! Definitely... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_artsy_fartsy_games | Welcome to Bleepbloop. You know, a lot of people think all video games are about explosions and killing hookers, but there's actually a lot of arty games for complete pussies too. Joining me this week to explore some of those artsy fartsy games are Dan Klein from The Onion Sports, John Gabris from the new MoCap LLC at ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_the_cologne_wars | Welcome to Bleep Loop. I'm Jeff Rubin here with Sarah Schneider and Pat Cassels.
Today we are going to be testing nerdy colognes. We have a Batman fragrance, a fragrance based on Superman. We have Worthy, a cologne based on Thor. Smash, a cologne based on Hulk, a Pokemon cologne, and Calvin Klein's Encounter, which is... |
TheOnion | Human_Rights_Group_Campaigns_To_End_Use_Of_Child_Politicians_In_Africa | For years now, we've all heard the tragic stories of the child soldiers in Africa, but now children there are being exploited in a much more heartbreaking way. That's right. According to several human rights organizations, young boys as young as seven years old are being kidnapped and forced into life as child politici... |
dropout | reading_buzzfeed_is_like_being_interrogated | I'm Detective Stevens. This is Detective Kelly. We're from the Investigative Division of Buzzfeed. Am I in some kind of trouble?
We just have some questions that we'd like to ask. What do you remember from the morning of January 1, 1990 through the night of December 31, 1999? What? What do you remember about the 90s? ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_cecily_strong_and_kenan_thompson_snl | It's weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. Thank you. good evening, everyone. welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.
Intelligence officials are saying that Vladimir Putin is being misinformed by his advisers about how badly the Russian military is performing in Ukraine, which is kind of ... |
cracked | why_hollywood_thinks_americans_are_stupid_cracked_responds | Guys, I want to thank you all for meeting me here today to show you this trailer for this fun, new kind of horror comedy, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It's kind of like this funny little satire book that came out a few years ago and it was, you know, kind of like a little bit of a phenomenon. Well, they finally mad... |
dropout | good_cop_bad_cop | Oi, Jacob! That was good. I have all the interns in the commentary. You get in there and work on some of the Spring Break articles. Sure. Good ones, please, this year. Jakey, Jakey, question. Let's play some good cop bad cops with these guys.
I don't think you're involved in this. I don't think you understand what I m... |
SaturdayNightLive | team_captain_snl | And that's halftime with Valley High leading Hillside by 30 points. All right, y'all see the score.
We're playing like some pumps out there now as your coach. I've given you speech after speech, but clearly something isn't getting through, so maybe you need to hear from one of your own captain. Yeah, Coach Guys, we sh... |
dropout | stop_hating_my_favorite_things | How can you hate a sign seating at the movie theater? Because sometimes one of the rows is full of teens, and I don't know just looking at the screen. But you can see where the groups are when you look at the screen. Right, and sometimes I have to sit next to a group anyway. I don't like a sign seating in a movie theat... |
TheOnion | Inspiring_Woman_Becomes_Professional_Surfer_Despite_Shark_Biting_Head_Off | A new study has found that LSD can be highly effective at ruining your nephew's baptism. New research published by Yale University has found that using just one tab of LSD helped subjects begin completely destroying their nephew's baptism ceremony and making everyone uncomfortable. Study participants claimed that after... |
cracked | swaim_gets_fired_agents_of_cracked_episode_13 | Hello, welcome. Thanks for checking in to the agents of Cracked Craterion Collection in HD Stick around and watch the whole episode and then afterwards we'll share anecdotes behind the scenes things there will be giveaways They will not there will not be a single giveaway There will be one there'll be one giveaway Well... |
dropout | awesome_truck_commercial | Okay, chances are if you own a pickup truck, you're not using it to drive to the grocer's mark to pick up granny snacks for the senior's home. You work for a living, and you need a truck that wants to do an honest day's work. Ta-da! The Fert Fteen Thousand. The only truck on the market would chest hair upholstery and a... |
dropout | billy_crystal_and_john_goodman_meet_their_monsters | Good to see you. It's good to see you too.
It's 12 years. No kidding. It's 12 years. The first one came out in 2001.
Thanks for having us, Bob. Yeah. Monsters U, big movie, very exciting. When I heard it was going to be a prequel. Yeah. What did we look like back then? Yes. That's really fun. We are very excited to s... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_californians_stuart_has_cancer_dress_rehearsal_snl | Next on, the Californians. I'm glad you came over, Java. yeah, I'm glad, too. maybe you should get going before stericuts ham. probably right. I was thinking I'd take Canyon View Driver to San Vicente and then make a left and get on the 405 north from there, and then I could just get off on Mulholland. I totally like t... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_roger_hailes | The name is Roger Hale, and please give him a warm welcome. Happy to be here. Are you guys excited about this new president we have? I think I am. I'm very excited also, I'll be honest, that George Bush is gone. That's equally as exciting.
I don't know if any of you guys saw his last press conference, but it was hilar... |
dropout | a_car_that_won_t_play_the_first_song_in_your_phone | Hello, and welcome to the College Humor podcast. This is a podcast where the cast of College Humor, we're just going to kind of hang out, fuck around, play some games, talk about some sketches.
You know, just sort of hang with you a little bit. If you are listening to this and not seeing any video, not seeing the cool... |
ClickHole | girls_answer_the_most_common_questions_guys_google_about_girls | Ugh, no. Oh god, they should definitely know that. Oh my god. Buckle up, boys, because we have all the answers.
OK, I don't want to speak for everyone, but when a man can pick me up and throw me into the arms of a sexier man, I love that. It's always hot when a little testosterone comes out of a guy's ears. Like just ... |
dropout | the_story_of_the_first_friendsgiving | Thank you everyone, let's all take a seat because the show is about to begin. And now, the story of the first Friendsgiving, long, long ago, in 2005, in the land of Brooklyn. A pioneer named Aspen came to live by his belief that he should be a singer-songwriter. I am an artist. What's up, dogs?
Aspen could not go home... |
dropout | nazi_zombies | I can't believe it.
Nazi zombies. As if zombies weren't enough.
Uh-huh. Ah! I don't know.
Is there being Nazis really any worse? Sure it is. They're Nazis. Nazi zombies. Uh, but that's a question. Are they Nazis, I mean? Or are they just Nazis that died and became zombies? Because that's pretty much just the same as... |
SaturdayNightLive | reelz_presents_the_roosevelts_snl | This week, Reel's Channel debuted the acclaimed eight-part movie event, The Kennedys. a series critics called, rife with historical inaccuracy, complete fiction, and sucking. And next week, we take down another Democratic dynasty with. the Rosamots. learn all of Fdr's dirty secrets. Eleanor, What Is this? it's a wheelc... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Parliament_Passes_New_Greens_Bill_That_Allows_Workers_To_Tell_Boss_To_Go_And_Get_ | I'm Clancy Overall, I'm joined by Wendell Hussey and Errol Parker and there's not much going on in the news this week apart from the right to disconnect. Which you'd be pulling your dick over, wouldn't you Wendell? Oh mate, not me.
It's fucking unbelievable. This country wasn't built on just clocking off at 5pm on Fri... |
dropout | ancient_guardian_doesn_t_want_to_wake_up | The time of prophecy has arrived. We have no choice. We must summon our guardian from his ancient slumber! Arise, Great One! Arise from the sleep of Aeons! Rise up and save your people from destruction!
Please, oh ancient one! Um... Uh... Ancient one? Uh...
Please, Snorbo! A meteor is headed right for our village. If... |
TheOnion | Dow_Rallies_After_Learning_Trader_Who_Jumped_Out_Window_Had_Marital_Problems_The_Topical_Ep_29 | The stock market is rallying today after a big scare on Wall Street, but is your money safe? And later, could you be eating too much fish? If you are a fish, then the answer is probably yes, you filthy fucking cannibal.
From the Onion and Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. We've got all the... |
SaturdayNightLive | minky_snl | To How To Treat Your Man With Me, Minky Carmichael. The Show: We give advice to all the fine females that they're looking to land a man and keep his ass! as long as I'm joined by my sidekick, the beautiful Jen Fong-gravang. I love foolish women. I started drinking early.
Ha ha! Yes, you did. Now, would you look at all... |
cracked | 4_superhero_mangas_too_kinky_for_american_audiences_canonball_batman_superman_punisher | Superheroes are everywhere. Our cinemas, our underwear, our public transportation, and not even our mangas are safe. Yeah, not content with taking over Western pop culture, superheroes have been spreading into the East via officially sanctioned Japanese-style comics. And we stress the word officially, because what you'... |
cracked | seinfeld_easter_eggs_hidden_in_other_tv_shows | Let's get into the Seinfeld Easter eggs you may not have noticed. There's a Newman shout-out in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In the 2003 TMNT cartoon, a couple of bad guys are having a conversation about a loathsome coworker named Newman. One of them even gives their best Jerry-saying Newman impression during the inte... |
dropout | hardly_working_darts | All right, another three bull's-eyes, so that's 16-2. I feel like I can't see the board. Hey, hey, Amir. What's that?
Some guy submitted a video to call a tumor. He put his hand on a dartboard, and some guy just threw a dart red into his palm. Oh, God, no way.
Let's do it for real. No, I'll do it. Yeah, I mean, I don... |
dropout | You_Can_t_Catch_a_Cold_in_Summer | Why do people call it that then? I don't know, but I don't think scotch tape is made out of Scottish people. They sound so similar.
I know. Bless you. Hey guys, what are we doing? Are you okay?
Oh I feel awful. My nose is runny, my throat itches, I can't stop sneezing. I don't know what it could be though. Do you thi... |
dropout | i_can_t_believe_you_tried_to_purge_me_ch_does_the_purge | Hey girl, I'm purging to the very last second. Me too.
No! What the fuck, Katie? Oh! God, no! Fuck! Crazy bitch!
And this concludes the annual purge. Have a wonderful day.
Um, Katie? Yeah, what's up? What was that? What was what?
You're trying to kill me! It was the purge. That's what you're supposed to do. When yo... |
cracked | 10_easter_eggs_you_never_noticed_in_your_favorite_shows | I don't want to hear it, McBain! You're outta here!
And as soon as we nail Mendoza, my old lady and I gonna sail around the world like we always wanted. We just christened a boat.
I can't avenge my partner's death with this pea shooter. I don't want to hear it, McBain. That penalty of yours is against regulations. Ha... |
cracked | 14_super_powers_that_every_movie_character_apparently_has_after_hours | And he says it's a pineapple! Get it? Pineapple!
No, no. There was a punch line. I heard it. And if I don't get the setup, my OCD is going to get pent up and I'll land your eyes. It wasn't even a real half of a joke.
He was just talking about a simple plan. Fonda, Paxton, Thornton, Ramey, 98, Snow, plans, simplicity.... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_41_the_12th_man_billy_birmingham_classic_episode | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooner Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Hello and good afternoon if you're listening from inside the channel country and a very good afternoon, good evening, good morning, slummoed puggies, slummoed mollum, whatever whatever if you're listening around the... |
dropout | Your_Friend_Who_Thinks_Going_to_the_Gym_Fixes_Everything | I'm definitely the Kramer of the group. No way. I'm Kramer. No, I'm Kramer. Tao, who's Kramer? Ra for me. Michael Richards is Kramer.
Oh, yep. Yes, you're right. Yep, yep, yep. Whoa.
Somebody's hungry. Yeah, I got a chicken chorizo carne asada burrito with a side of chili cheese fries. That's a lot of food, Tao.
Yea... |
SaturdayNightLive | three_wise_men_snl | And a star appeared in the East over Bethlehem. three wise men traveled on camels for many days, always following the bright star. the star shines bright in the East. it appears to be over the town of Bethlehem, near that stable. that must be where the King is to be born. our long trip from the Orient is nearing an end... |
dropout | google_is_full_of_crap | Hello, I am Pavel, an engineer at Google Xlabs. Today we will be previewing some of the exciting new technologies that Google will be bringing to life in the near future. Ever since we released our concept video for Google Glass, the whole world has been buzzing about our augmented reality glasses. As you can see, very... |
dropout | True_Confessions_of_Real_Newscasters_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Breaking News, the show where we have no idea what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile o... |
SaturdayNightLive | jake_gyllenhaal_monologue_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, take Gyllenhaal! thank you so much. it's great, great to be hosting the finale of Season 49. I mean, when you think of historic television seasons, the first number that pops into your head is 49. I mean, sure, you know, one more episode, and I would have been hosting the premiere of the 50th seas... |
wearethesundayblues | stop_the_knot_official_apology_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | Hello Internet, we're Derek Watts and the Sunday Blues. I'm sure most of you have seen our stop the knot video We just want to say that We're sorry. I'd like to start by apologizing to victim number one Meet Ricky Ricky's a nice guy As a matter of fact, we we like Ricky so much that we've been playing in a band with hi... |
dropout | if_adult_cereals_had_mascots | It's so fucking good.
What do you got there? Oh, just some plain steel cut oatmeal with water instead of milk. It's high in fiber, but not too many calories.
Uh oh. What? Hey! Hey, whoa! Whoa unto me. This fortune has withheld my precious oats yet again. Good day to you. What the fuck was that?
Oh, that's the adult ... |
SaturdayNightLive | monologue_liam_neeson_on_stereotypes_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, Maria Nissen! it's great to be hosting Saturday Night Live. everyone has been so fantastic. you know, when I showed up here at the beginning of the week, people had all these ideas where I played all sorts of things. most of them Irish and drunk. And even though some of them were really funny, I w... |
TheOnion | America_s_Best_Huqin_Player_America_s_Best_Ep_9 | 350 million competitors, but only one will be called America's Best. It's the final day of our search for America's Best, and it's sure to be a great one.
No, that's not the sound of the wind blowing through the bonsai tree you're hearing. It's the traditional Chinese Huqin.
Hi there, sweet baby. What's your name?
O... |
dropout | bring_your_f_ck_up_sibling_to_work_day | Okay, everyone, as you know, today is our annual bring your fuck up sibling to work day. Yeah, Kirk just texted he's gonna be a little late. And Keith wouldn't get out of bed. I would have been late if I waited. And Kylie said she got a flat tire, so... Okay, guys, it's fine. You don't need to make excuses that sound r... |
dropout | there_s_something_weird_about_these_silhouettes_chome_alone_4_5 | See? What did I tell you?
Everybody's at that Christmas party in Paris. All the office supplies are ours for the table. I thought you said everybody was gone. Here they are having some kind of party behind strategically placed silk screens.
Wait a minute. Does that woman look kind of weird to you? Yeah. Nobody moves ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bob_katter_on_country_footy | We were in the office earlier and we saw the proud photo, you know, behind Mr. Katter's desk we have a team photo of the Cloncurry Tigers, an institution of rugby league in western Queensland. But we've also got a couple Aussie flags, but we want to talk about the footy sky. It almost holds a place in your heart as muc... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_love_actually | Ah, hello. Is, uh, Natalie here? Where the fuck is my fucking coat?
Ah, love actually. This holiday movie for grown-ups has that special combination of romance, comedy, and totally awesome British people that makes us want to watch it again, and again, and again. The film is based on a series of short stories original... |
TheOnion | a_v_club_inventory_morally_dubious_holiday_entertainments | Today we're talking about morally dubious holiday entertainments. Now that can be films, TV shows, songs, anything with a questionable Christmas message.
In the 20 years that have passed since its release in November of 1990, Home Alone has become a sort of holiday classic. And on the surface, it says all the right th... |
TheOnion | This_Week_In_History_First_McDonald_s_Opens_With_A_Young_Grimace_Just_Starting_Out_As_A_Cashier | From Bette Davis's first role as a piece of chocolate cake in the 1931 film Palmy Days, to the discovery of Niagara Falls in 1996, The Onion looks back at this week in history. On May 16th, 1929, the first Academy Awards were handed out in categories such as greatest achievement in blackface, best Catholic whipping sce... |
dropout | Allegations_Are_Making_It_Impossible_to_Watch_ANYTHING | Raph, what is this? Oh, my Matt Lauer memorabilia.
Oh, yeah, I heard all the allegations against him. Yeah, I'm glad he got called out, though. I'll never support that guy again. Damn, James Franco, too. Good riddance.
What are you watching? A dog's journey to the center of the earth. Oh, man, it's crazy all those al... |
TheOnion | Excited_Man_Only_Two_Therapy_Sessions_Away_From_Resolving_Issues | After years of weekly meetings with his psychologist, local man Chris Fon told reporters today he was excited to only have two sessions left before completely resolving all of his emotional issues and never having the need to return to another therapy session again. When I started therapy, I knew if I could make it thr... |
TheOnion | How_To_Spice_Up_The_Romantic_Wedding_Moments_Every_Bride_Shares_With_Her_Father | Hey, you know, a lot of brides-to-be out there are dreaming of the perfect wedding. And wedding planner extraordinaire Jill Emerly is here to share some tips on how to make the most of all the romantic moments between a bride and her father.
Good morning, Jill. Good morning, guys.
Jill, the father-daughter traditions... |
cracked | internet_party_when_google_s_parents_leave_town_ | Thank you so much for the e-vite. No problem.
Let me introduce you around. I know everyone.
Really? Because I was actually supposed to find somebody. Uh, Craig? Oh, say no more. I'll go find him for you. Wait, I didn't even tell you what he looks like.
I'm feeling lucky. Oh my god, you have to meet my friend Cassidy... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_rogue_one_a_star_wars_story | Congratulations, you are being rescued." Rogue One A Star Wars Story Gareth Edwards' thrilling sci-fi blockbuster about a bunch of sinners who never accept Jesus Christ into their hearts is full of trivia and behind-the-scenes stories. Here are some facts that will change the way you watch Rogue One forever. Rogue One ... |
CrackerMilk | your_trashy_ex | Fuck, it's my ex. Oh yeah, good joke Keith. Here we fucking go. Is that Keith Davies I hear?
I've been waiting seven months for you to pay child support. Oh, I've been quite busy actually. Busy down at the fucking pokies again? Oh fuck off Cassandra. You know I haven't been earning anything since I accidentally drove ... |
TheOnion | A_Shocking_Scene_of_Rebellion_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_8 | ... Shock and awe. That's how onlookers described the scene in Michigan today when they saw something unbelievable.
I'll tell you what it was after you listened to a commercial. And later, news out of the post office that is substantially less important than the other news. From the Onion and Onion Public Radio, I'm L... |
dropout | sexy_furniture_morning_drawfee_new_series | Hello and welcome to Morning Drawfee. I am Caldwell. I'm Nathan.
And we are the illustrators at CollegeHumor.com. And for a while on Facebook we've been doing this little drawing show called Morning Drawfee and we're moving over to YouTube. So our first suggestion is coming from Facebook from now on out though. They w... |
TheOnion | cheadle_planned_darfur_genocide_to_create_role | Our top story at this hour, the investigation into actor Don Cheadle continues today, looking into charges that the genocide in Darfur is entirely his doing. UN investigators believe Cheadle orchestrated the Darfur genocide so that he could star in an uplifting movie based on the tragedy. There are over 400,000 deaths ... |
cracked | 7_bizarrely_specific_ways_movies_get_normal_jobs_wrong | Say that it's weird things, movies, the leading bad jobs. You silent motherf***er! Yeah! Excuse us, please. I hate mimes. I'll kill you! Yeah! Oh my god! Are you aiming for these people? No.
Maybe that's mine. I'll turn this damn bus around. That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh? Who would... |
cracked | the_15_stupidest_lies_from_the_last_republican_debate | Well, let me be clear, if Donald engages in insults or anybody else, I don't intend to reciprocate. I have not insulted Donald personally, and I don't intend to. I am, let me say, I'm a maniac, and everyone on this stage is stupid, fat, and ugly. And Ben, you're a terrible surgeon. Now that we've gotten the Donald Trum... |
cracked | romcom_behind_the_scenes | Pictures of white all around? What happened, take two? Ash. Horrible.
I got a hundred messages in an hour. Hi, I'm Adam Ginsler. I'm the director and co-creator of ROM.com.
And I thought it was a lot of fun, and it gave us an opportunity to put some people we don't see in Cracked projects. We cast and see Ashley Cald... |
cracked | 6_easy_questions_that_science_has_a_hard_time_answering | The field of science is capable of some amazing things, mostly because it's filled with all the Albert Einstein's and Doogie Howser's the world has produced over the centuries. But it may shock you that some of the most mundane, everyday concepts are as big a mystery to scientists as they are to the average toddler. Th... |
TheOnion | Californians_Celebrate_Annual_Wildfire_Tradition | And in Orange County this week, California residents are, once again, participating in the annual tradition of being shocked as wildfires burn their mansions to the ground. Every year, the ritual takes place here in the dry brushlands of Orange County where strong Santa Ana winds and warm weather combine to make a perf... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Cameron_James_comedian_and_former_Captain_Jack_Sparrow_impersonator_THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE_PODCAST | My name is Alexei Toliopoulos and it is my pleasure and my honor and my duty to welcome you to my brand new show. This is it and this is the last video store. Every week on this show I'll be joined by wonderful guests and they're going to be coming into the store and what are we going to do? We're going to chat, we're ... |
dropout | hardly_working_hands_down_pants | And as this graph clearly shows, tango is a vertical representation of a horizontal desire.
Now, if you can open your taupe binders, well, what are you doing? What? Listening to you. Why do you guys always sit like that with your hands in your pants? Ugh, are you secretly trying out your stand-up again?
Ever think ab... |
SaturdayNightLive | angry_ronald_mcdonald_saturday_night_live | Okay, he's going to be here any minute. you got everything? this guy's a Gen Tequila. Yeah, yeah, I think I got it all. Boy, he must be the hell of a man. man's a genius, kid, a genius. I've been his agent in what, 20 years? He still amazes me. Well, I just can't wait to meet him. Yeah, when you meet him, stay out of h... |
TheOnion | just_give_me_the_damn_sepak_takraw_ball | Right now news from the International CPAC-TACRAW League bad boy Nguyen Thi Butch Thuy is grabbing headlines once again The Chonburi Tigers have announced that they have suspended Thuy a record fifth time this season Citing his public criticism of coach Ha Tung Lap for not running the offense through him more once agai... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_will_ferrell_and_britney_spears_on_giving_up_show_business_snl | Now a good friend of ours here at Snl. You all right? Yeah, a good friend of ours here at Snl left the show last year and none of us has seen him since. There has been an air of mystery about what he's been up to. Here to talk about. it is our own beloved Will Ferrell. Hi, Gina, hi Hi Jimmy, sorry having kept in touch.... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_tammy_the_trucker_on_gas_prices_and_definitely_not_abortion_snl | With so many midterm raises tightening, it's hard to predict what will drive people more to the polls, social issues, or economic concerns. here to comment is Tammy the Trucker, who promises she's here to talk about gas prices and definitely not abortion. What? Me, Tammy the Trucker, Breaker Breaker, Big Mama, over. Wo... |
cracked | after_hours_how_9_11_changed_90s_sitcoms_forever_friends_seinfeld | I want to talk about 9-11. No!
I thought we were friends. So, I was re-watching some of my friends recently. It's just called Friends, Daniel. No, I mean I was re-watching my friends. Chandler, Joey, Will, Grace, Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, George, Caroline, The City. Ah, you were watching Friends and then the rest of the ... |
dropout | if_a_swat_team_member_was_also_apartment_hunting | clear clear all right today's mission is simple get in get the suspect get home safe to mama remember you either swat or you're not Wow there's a lot of space in here outside of this manhunt I'm also on an apartment hunt and let me tell you you do not find a place like this every day of the week oh my team I need not r... |
TheOnion | Cocky_Giants_D_Reveals_Game_Plan_That_They_Will_Try_And_Tackle_Tom_Brady | Make life saliva and get out of my face. I'm Kenny Kennedy, don't ask where Doc is, it just makes him feel good. I'm Reggie Greengrass.
Ah, shut up and stop saying words that have nothing to do with the Super Bowl. It's time for the Face Off. Well, the cocky Giants defense tipped their hand on media day, telling the w... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Daily_News_Bulletin_Monday_23rd_March | Hello, my name's Wendell Hussey and you're listening to the Batutah Advocates Daily News Rap. Now as I'm sure you're aware, things seem to be getting closer and closer to a total lockdown. Desert Rock FM and the Batutah Advocate newsroom in the Old City district are shut for the next little while as the Advocates team ... |
TheOnion | Australian_Officials_Touting_Bushfire_As_Huge_Success_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_16 | The Australian bushfires continue to burn today, and parliament officials are celebrating. Have they finally wiped out Australia's pestering koala population for good?
From The Onion and Onion Public Radio, this is The Topical. I'm Leslie Price, and this ain't your mommy's little news podcast anymore. It's mine.
Stay... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_homeland_security_saturday_night_live | Good afternoon. Before we begin today's briefing, I wish to announce that on the basis of a change in the nature of Al Qaeda chatter, we are changing the current threat level to Magenta. let me repeat, the threat level is now magenta. What is magenta? it's a darker maroon. it's not quite an oxblood. it's more plum colo... |
dropout | Gold_Star | Hey, everybody, welcome to Tales from the Closet. This is a podcast about being in the closet and being out of it, getting out of there. If you're currently in the closet, we're here to keep you company. Put in those headphones, take a walk, and journal, read, plan your escape from wherever you currently are. From wher... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_24_01_19_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 G'day my name's Bruce Hitchcock and you're listening to the Weekly Petuta News Bulletin coming to you live from Koala Mattress Studios in the Old City District. Joining me to wrap up the biggest stories from around the town and the country... |
cracked | 12_17_07_news_on_cracked_more_steroids_bikinis_and_more | It's Monday, December 17th, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and you're not Chevy Chase. Fallout continues from Senator George Mitchell's report on steroid use in Major League Baseball. 42 players were certified as steroid users, much to the shock of the rest of the players in the MLB, all of whom are... |
TheOnion | Suspicious_Hat_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Okay, now Hiram, you dredged this item out of the lake, yes? Yep, dredged it out just this morning. That's fine. Now, I've had a chance to look at this and what you have here is a hat box. Hat box, okay. The slime patterns along here suggest that this has been at the bottom of the lake for some time, but there's a lot ... |
dropout | the_crucial_man_car_maintenance | This is the Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco. Hey there, I'm John Gabers, here to give you all the crucial information you need to become a man, because it's time to stop babying around. Today, we're talking about cars. Welcome to Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco.
Hey, Gabers. What's up, Lexi? Hey.
... |
TheOnion | New_Premium_Uber_Service_Lets_Users_Commandeer_Any_Car | It's the ride-sharing app everyone's talking about. Now Uber is rolling out a brand new, high-end option that lets users rest control of any car they like and drive it to their destination. The elite option is called UberSeas, and it locates nearby vehicles for riders to stop so they can throw out the current driver an... |
dropout | the_crucial_man_new_year_s_eve | This is The Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco. Hi, I'm John Gabris, here to give you the crucial information on how to become a man. Today is a very special episode of Crucial Man, because I'm throwing a New Year's Eve party. We're going to take a trip down memory lane, revisit some old friends, some old skills... |
TheOnion | Groupon_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Anyone who does not have a Groupon, if you do not have a Groupon, stand on this side. Hello, why don't you tell us where you got this?
Me and my son, we used a net and we caught this China bowl. Okay, it's a porcelain bowl, crate and barrel, circa 2000, and I'm afraid it's broken. The dried mud is holding it together ... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_best_of_t_t_and_mario_snl | Well, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you, baby. I love you too.
Mmm. I can't think of anything that would make this night more romantic. Well, I sure can. Are you looking for that perfect Cd to get your lady in the mood this Valentine's Day? Well, how about this? The greatest compilation of love songs ever on one compa... |
cracked | the_one_where_michael_flynn_gets_fired_after_the_trump_3 | What an exciting game changer of an episode. We had our first departure from the administration. Just to recap, last season the Obama character imposed a bunch of sanctions on Russia during the Crimea subplot and then again at the end of the season when we found out that Russia was hacking the election. Now episode one... |
cracked | the_most_terrifying_sea_creature_cracked_fact_from_the_de_textbook | Hi, I'm Sorin Bui. You may not be able to tell because of the robes. I'm taking a little break from set here to tell you an interesting fact from our book.
You may not know this, but the chameleon can't actually match its environment. It cannot camouflage itself to the environment. Its camouflage, or what we think of ... |
CrackerMilk | our_first_vlog | You live out in these parts, do you? Yeah, I love getting in touch with my ice real slow. Save some for me.
The Australian wilderness is a beautifully unique landscape that truly has to be experienced to be believed. Which is why we drove four hours west to Girraween. That and Alliance's recent lawsuit we're trying to... |
dropout | Gunnie_and_Barry_Need_a_Big_Win_Dimension_20_A_Starstruck_Odyssey | We're gonna cut from there to Barry and Gunny, all right. We move to the awning of the Emerald Comet, level seven of the veil of tears. Oh, baby, a house of fortune, where a man's luck can change.
Incredible. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I hit it, yeah!
You see people smoking at slot machines, people pla... |
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