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Wish me luck, super sick I'm like a grade S hypochondriac, and I just got really sick. Got diagnosed with appendigitis (yes a G) by the hospital.
And now anywhere I'm not supposed to have pain I suddenly have ghost pains.
Wish me luck, I hate being sick. But I know this will pass, I just gotta ignore any fears.
EDIT: I realised ghost pains meant pains from a long that is no longer there. I have all my limbs. It's like I'm having pains where I shouldn't, but only when I know I shouldn't have pains there
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self.Anxiety
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Med switch, zyprexa and zopiclone interaction? Just switched to zyprexa/olanzapine now zopiclone doesn't work. Is this a thing that happens?
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self.bipolar
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Can't even get myself to talk in a kid group chat [deleted]
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self.depression
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Overwhelming rollercoaster sensation that something is wrong. At night laying down is the worst time for my anxiety I feel very disoriented, tonight I feel like this overwhelming sensation like I just am free falling dropping, and losing control. I'm always afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or that this is an "aura" for a seizure (I've never had one but I'm a late night web MDer) any advice? Or just letting me know that I'm not the only one would help a lot. haha. Thanks guys!!
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self.Anxiety
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I keep trying but it never gets better. I just don't understand why I have to struggle to be happy while it comes so easy for others.
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self.depression
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I’m suffering through the worst depression I’ve felt in over 20 years, and I’m leaving my family and the country for 14 days... I don’t know what to do, I’m at the airport and I’m a mess. I can’t stop crying, I don’t want to leave my family, I feel completely alone and vulnerable, I’m scared of everything, and I haven’t even left my home city yet.
I’ll be 5,000+ miles away on a company ticket, so I’m stuck.
What do I do, how do I survive this? I’m so scared right now...
I’ve never posted in this sub before, if any of this post is inappropriate, please delete.
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self.depression
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Anyone else find themselves getting more and more codependent as a relationship progresses? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I tried talking to childline etc but I can't say what is wrong with me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Falling apart In the middle of a breakdown. Have no one to turn to and have pushed away everyone who could support me. Wish I had the courage to die. If only there was a single pill to take it all away painlessly. I hate my existence
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self.SuicideWatch
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Attempted suicide again today I tried to kill myself today by hanging in the closet, but my little sister walked into me so I yanked my head out of the belt just so she wouldn't see me pass on like this. Life is pretty unbearable now, this isn't the first time I attempted. My entire family thinks my depression is a joke and my friends are too busy to care. I'm a college student taking up medical technology and I absolutely loathe my course and want the easy way out. I lack funds to do anything productive and subjectively fulfilling in my life, and I no longer have anyone to turn to. Any others who are struggling in the same sense?
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self.depression
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Friend attempted to sexually assault me I’m done with life and I want to die I’m not gonna kill myself, don’t want to put the people in my life through that kind of pain, but I want to die so fucking bad. I just want to be hit by a car or shot or something. I hate my stupid alcoholic drug addict loser self and life is just becoming more unmanageable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Empty inside My life is getting so hard and confusing , I don't know where my future is going , I'm finding it harder and harder to enjoy things , I keep trying to recapture my childhood but I cant quite seem to , I find I just feel more emptier as the days go by , I wish I could just pause life and enjoy being 17 for once .
I'm sorry for rambling .
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self.depression
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I'm reallly panicked and I can't learn or remember anything. What do I do? I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to ask, It just seemed to me that this place would have the most amount of people who won't brush off my worry as 'you're over thinking get some rest and everything will be rainbows and unicorns tomorrow!'. I am overthinking though. I'm always feeling paranoid that there's something I don't know and if I miss one thing in a lecture, I'm fucked. I can't remember stuff from lectures and I can't learn anything. I keep getting tension headaches and I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't fucking stand anything. I don't know what to do. I'm going to fail and I'm afraid I'm going to fail so even if I wasn't going to fail, my fear of failure is going to make me fail. I realize that but I can't stop and my head really fucking hurts. I would talk to a professor or whatever but I'd never get them alone. Theres always other people around and I'm sure even if I met with them alone I'd start bawling like a baby. I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I drop out? It's killing me that I don't know where I stand and every fucking thing takes forever and then the assignments take forever and some TA gives me a 0 for messing up one little thing. Sorry for the rant. I need help before my head explodes. A counselor would be a good idea except it will take months before I get an actual appointment.
Thanks if you read this.
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self.Anxiety
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Experiences w not medicating bipolar type 2? Hi gang! I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 last summer at age 20, and was offered medication at diagnosis. I turned it down, not being too sure about the accuracy of the diagnose (I've always read others stories about how it took such a long time and quite thorough evaluation and for me it took two appointments with my new dr for him to diagnose me) Granted, I've been in contact with the phsychiatric care since 2014 so he had some background in my journal and I was sat down with him for what I believe was a formal evaluation going through my entire background describing my depressive and hypomanic episodes.
I've always suspected it being the case, but when it all happened so fast I was afraid that it was some sort of misdiagnosis. I still to this day choose not to medicate, but I feel like im the only one ever not medicating. What are your experiences with/without meds? It feels like such a typical thing to look at my hypomanic eps. like something that makes me happy or generally just feels good. Of course, when the depression hits its not as nice - as we all know. It would be nice getting some other perspectives since no one in my life has gone through these issues. Im just not wanting the stabilizers to affect my overall mood when I "dont need it" (I probably sound like such a naive idiot, and if so - tell me. When it comes to bipolar I'm starting at square 1, just trying to figure all this out)
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self.bipolar
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Planning on ending this once in for all \nd in peace with it – Because being alive is a curse First time posting here...
I will be turning 26 in about half a year and I feel like I’ve wasted my youth running after a career in the artistic/editorial field that simply left me broke and alone. The other half, I expected to find a partner in life, but all of the men I met used me for sex only and then wanted to remain “friends”. They even ask me out for a beer with the guys after dumping me which is so humiliating.
My Family abandoned me because I spent too much money on drugs (not THEIR money though), but I just need to make feelings fuck off for a bit every other day... I prefer to feel nothing and spare them from a messy suicide (I would just jump off a building – confirmed death but really messy. I overdosed twice on cocaine/alcohol and then benzos/opiates/alcohol but dying from an OD is a LOT harder than it seems).
I am numb. Not sad. Not upset. just completely void of feeling and that is the scariest place to be. I had reached a point where I feel nothing other than repulse for the fact that I have to wait any longer to die.
One of the very feel things that keeps be hanging around for is that I considere myself to be a bit above average when it comes to looks. Like it’s easier to go through this horrible ride when you’re pretty. But turns out I’m not. I did that stupid r/rateme in a desperate attempt for attetion and regret it so much now. I’m too insecure for that shit. I’m just VERY average at best from most of the scores I’ve got...
People who know me have NO idea I’m a suicidal junkie with many horrible things to hide. They just know me as this friendly and positive person who is always around to make everyone feel good about themselves, the joker, the “talented”, anything BUT the harsh reality. They wouldn’t get me. I’ve been diagnosted with boderline/depression/generalised anxiety but I don’t care for what a doctor tries to fit me into.
Anyone planning on taking their lifes in the near future for simular reasons? I think I’ll only find it bearable if I keep popping pills and drinking until passing out. I’m deleting my IG account that only has some of my work before going for good (julia_flohr if you’re interested in seeing some of my silly drawings. This is the first time I actually share this with ANYONE, not even in real life other than with editors because I’m so insecure about my work). I figured most people’s work is more appreciated after they’re dead so I’m still not sure about deleting it. But there’s your chance if it catches your interest.
The best days of my life are the ones I feel nothing. The ones I can escape this world that has turned its back on me. The other days are miserable, just miserable. I’m just almost in a serene state, hoping a bus will run over me anytime. I tried hiring someone to kill me in a fake robbery but it didn’t work out, too expensive and complicated. I don’t want my family to think I killed myself but faking a murde or an accident is so so hard...
Any advices on how to deal with those feelings while I’m still breathing?
Greatly appreciated.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm surprised I haven't killed myself yet In highschool I told myself that I would kill myself after I graduated, but I'm honestly surprised that I didn't. In highschool I had little to no friends, and the ones I had were long gone. Everyday I barely scraped by, not studying or doing anything outside school. I had no friends or a life at all. Many people use an escape such as video games, but I don't use escapes. I came home, slept, went on the internet, ate, and repeat. I was basically waiting for college to start so I could meet new people and get away from the asswipes that were in highschool. So college starts, and there's various events where you can meet new people. Me being the socially inept anxious fuck, I busted my ass trying to get out of my comfort zone and actually talk to mans. So after all that, I made a few aquantences that I hung out with like once or twice, and that was it. I never made any friends at all. No one kept in contact with me, and I had to do a lot of the initiation. I guess I just don't know how to form relationships since I spent my entire life being alone and miserable. I have no experiences with girls, I don't know how to make and maintain friendships, and it's not like I have other things like academics going for me since I'm dumb af. Now first semester is over and I know I need to get out there and meet people, but I know for a fact that it'll all be fruitless and I'll never have any friends let alone a girlfriend. I put in all that effort putting a fake face and killing myself internally by trying to overcome my social anxiety, but now my experiences has made my anxiety at an all time high. I literally don't leave my dorm except for food or washroom now. I know this is unsustainable because literally everyday I think about kms. Nobody likes or has ever liked me. I guess it's because of either 1) I'm ugly af 2) I'm not white 3) the way I sound, or 4) the way I act
I'm tired of living this way, and having nothing to look forward to. In mid grade 12, I started off with $2k that I used to trade stocks so I at least have something to look forward to every weekday at 9:30. I lost a lot of that money, but the occasional day where I wake up seeing the numbers lit in green made me feel a bit better. It was one of the only things that kept me looking forward to the morning, many days I would stay up until 4am when the premarket opens just to see the first few ticks.
I don't know what to do about my non existent social life. What do I do? Do I keep trying? Isn't it insanity to do the same thing over and over expecting something different? My college is very dead; everyone commutes and goes home right after class, and all the clubs are dead. Everyone has a fucking job so they have literally no time. If I get a job I know I'm going to screw up my mental health really bad because the job I had in the summer had co-workers so bad that I quit after two weeks. This one piece of shit yelled at me for being 10 mins late after my break when he did the EXACT same shit, and when I confronted him about it, he laughed. On my last day, the supervisor was finding me someone to work with and many of the workers said they didn't want to work with me even though they needed extra help. I immediately quit that day. I can't stand this life, man I just want to die and forget about all this bullshit. People are like why see you whining and bitching wait until you get in the real world, YEAH WELL THERE WILL BE NO REAL WORLD TO DEAL WITH ONCE IM DEAD MOTHERFUCKER
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bipolar Pregnancy mood Stabilization Hello. After reading through all of the pregnancy posts in this sub, I'm surprised at how many people felt more stable during pregnancy. (I understand for some this is not the case!) It makes me wonder to what degree bipolar is affected by hormones. I'd love to hear any new experiences regarding this phenomena, and any studies that show a link between BPD and hormonal changes. I've always been particularly curious about estrogen dominance in women and the role of estrogen in men and how that can affect mood. Perhaps there's something to it? Personally, PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) has exacerbated mania and psychosis.
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self.bipolar
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My experience with cannabis, and the down side I don't feel like I get to talk about on here. So first off, before you read, know that these are MY opinions. Not those of /u/ssnakeggirl or /u/Darcimay or the mod team or the subreddit or whatever. I'm just a guy who talks a lot (probably why I'm in this position in the first place) and has never really felt like I was able to discuss this on here. But today I was responding to a post and I got to talk a bit...
I don't have psychosis. But I can't say I've never had it. What I will say is I've never had it while smoking weed. To me weed was one of those things that kinda saved my life (though not as much as Wellbutrin). I've had nothing but positive experiences with it.
What I HAVE had a problem with is how lazy it makes me. It gives me great ideas... but I'm lazy right now, it's not going to give me the energy to actually DO anything. But I go through brief periods where I smoke a little weed just to adjust my mind... and well, this is one of those times.
So I sometimes feel left out when I'm talking about the "down sides" of weed... as someone who "likes" it, but don't like the way my life is leading with it. Like for example, I want to talk about this, but I'm too lazy to finish writing this post. I'm talking to a homie on Skype and can't pay as much attention to him. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. Goddammit.
It's so demotivating, which is why I don't like to do it for too long. And while I do wish I could go back to before, where I would smoke most of the time and take breaks from it (but at the same time not be on benzos) I have to go through a lot of effort to get it - either getting it through the rare times I see a friend who has it, or trying to go for my medical card, which I think I can do. And if I don't think I even have the motivation to do THAT, then I think I have a problem...
So I don't know. I'm hoping the past few days or so will cause me to redirect my mind in a more positive direction. But after that, it's gotta be business. I've got a house to sell, and a whole bunch of other shit I have to do. I need to take responsibility for a situation where I'd normally expect my dad to do it, but if it's not getting done... that's a problem. And fuck, I've been unemployed and out of school for almost two years now. I can't keep sitting around doing something that slows down the little motivation I have.
So yeah. I'm just wondering if anyone else (whether or not you've dealt with psychosis at all) finds this the more problematic part of cannabis use? I know one person who deals with both, and he can smoke weed and likes it. He's learned how to deal with psychosis because he knows it's coming. But I think he would still say the lack of motivation is the bigger problem.
Does anyone else, preferably someone who's dealt with both, feel this way?
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self.bipolar
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I need I need to find a job
I need to find a place to live
I need friends
I don't care. I've given up. Why am I still here.
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self.depression
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I cried when I put on my gift, I look like shit. [removed]
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self.depression
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I don't know if I can go on anymore I feel like I have nothing to live for. I'm struggling through college at the age of 26 and will most likely, if I make it, be 30 by the time I graduate and get my degree. My grandmother tells me morbidly that, "I'll probably be dead by the time you graduate". All I ever seem to do is disappoint everyone. No one seems to care about me anymore. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to even acknowledge me anymore. I've lost that connection with family. I don't have many friends and the ones I do I either keep pushing them away or we get into a big argument jeopardizing our friendship. This year I finally got my funding back to continue college and it keeps looking grim with how my progress is going with constant failing grades, though some aren't so bad. I have so much on the line and it's a 50/50 on if I pass or fail. I'm an only child and my grandmother lets me stay at her house while she travels back and forth between her other house in another state. I'm here by myself with just my thoughts and my cat. I still can never understand why I haven't been lucky to find the right person and find true love. I have so much hate in my heart and all I ever feel like doing is dying. And when I'm not depressed about dying, I'm afraid of how I WOULD die. My friends tell me to take meds to get over this, but I've dealt with manic depression/ADHD/ADD since I was 5. I watched my parents fight and was right there with them through their horrible divorce. I have been there through my moms antics of having abusive boyfriends who would beat her and threaten to kill us. I've been through so much shit in my fucking life and what the fuck is my purpose in this shit world? I don't give a FUCK who I'm contributing to and their happiness. To hell with their happiness. That's all that everyone or anyone ever thinks about is themselves, and when I ever say "WHAT ABOUT ME" everyone calls me selfish. I'm the red headed step child in my family. I'm the child that desecrates the family name and brings dishonor to anyone and everyone I come in contact with. I am but a shell of a man and the only thing that would TRULY bring me happiness, is death.
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self.depression
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So bad my Dad couldn't stick around Within the past 2 months 2 of my best friends stopped talking to me my older brother won't even talk to me and on top of that my girlfriend of 8 months just left me today and I'm going threw that same feeling I had sitting at the front door waiting for my dad to show as a little kid this feeling is absolutely horrible when I am under the influence of this feeling I just want to hang from every tree I see and jump into every big rig that drives by I don't give a fuck about anything anymore we are all gonna die anyone what's wrong with wanting it at a certain place and time we plan out every other aspects of life so why is planning your death so bad such a "SIN"
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish it was illegal so that I could call the police on him and never see him again. [long] [may trigger] I am not the Mary J police, and even if I was, that’s besides the point. My older brother has crossed the line for so long now and I have had it. I get panic attacks every time I smell it or accidentally ingest it. I live in a small house, two brothers. One seven and one nineteen. The nineteen year old, going on twenty is addicted to marijuana... and I don’t care what anyone says- if you think that weed is not addictive, it is. Maybe not chemically but he has grown dependent on weed. Dependency is addiction. My parents and I have tried so hard to get him help to the point that we all have given up. My mom still is soft for him but in my opinion, he should be kicked out. He’s a grown adult now. He can survive on his own. For him to smoke in the house and outside the house is absolutely unacceptable. Weed gives me extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I have fits, tantrums because I can’t take it. I shake and I get migraines. I can’t stand it. Asking with STILL smoking, he is on Zoloft, like I am. Zoloft works wonders for me but for him, it seems just as effective as drinking water. Who knows, he’s probably just selling his medication on the side.
Not only is he hurting me, it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing for my friends to come over and think that my family is a bunch of bums that just smoke weed all day... embarrassing for my dear little brother who has his friends come over and their parents pick them up with disgust in their eyes.
It’s harmful for me and my little brother. My little brother shouldn’t have to smell and ingest pot for his early years as a kid, it’s just not right. Neither of us are voluntarily asking for it... so what gives my older brother the right to assume it’s okay? Or to belligerently ignore the rules of the house.
It’s also embarrassing because the smell sticks on all of the furniture and all of our clothes. It makes me crazy because I seem like such a bumbling idiot with the stench all over me.
It’s disrespectful to my parents who ask him, beg him to stop.
It’s wasting our lower-class family’s money. We are in debt, we don’t know if we can even keep our house at this point. My older brother STEALS money from my parents. He uses their money for marijuana while I can’t even borrow money to buy a new coat.
All of this scares me.
I was talking to my therapist about this and she says that it’s a control thing, much like my eating disorder. I get all of these panic attacks because I have no control over the situation and it feel like things are constantly spiraling and nothing is getting done. I get the sense of control when I decide to stop eating, and that’s just about the only thing I can control for now. I am too young, seventeen. I have no escape. I need help and I just- I just want to run away and take control of my own life.
I’m broken down. I have been tortured enough my whole life with my older brother but this has really pushed me off the edge. Three years, this has been happening for two years. I’m sick of it.
Help.
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self.Anxiety
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The cycle of knowing you're broken perpetuating your brokenness. When what's bringing you down is the fact that you're down but otherwise ok but then you need to do stuff and you can't because you're hyper aware of how poorly you regard yourself even though you haven't done anything to justify your self opinion... and then that moment further bums you out.
Rambling and I know that's a grammatical mess... call it stream of consciousness so I don't have to be hyper aware of how dumb it sounds.
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self.depression
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What’s the saddest thing in life??? Curious to see what you all think??
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self.depression
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Slowed drinking dramatically. Now anxiety and feelings of depression are really bad. Need to tough it out. [deleted]
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self.depression
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feeling like time is moving too fast Anyone else feel like they have no control over how fast their lives are moving forward? It happens to me every day, I can't recall how many days I wake up with no energy to do anything, and the whole day passes. It's not until past midnight that I'm calm enough and can focus on anything.
It's half way through november and october felt like yesterday. It still feels like 2016 was this year for me, yet a whole new year has passed and I don't want to get any older than this. It's like I'm stuck in a strong current constantly missing chances yet unable to go back, then with my back turned focusing on the past I end up missing the new chances.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to die so so badly I am here mainly to vent. So basically, about 2ish years ago My mom died and caused me to go into a depression. It got harder and harder until I snapped and tried hanging myself a few months back. I tried again a week later. I then told my dad about my depression a few months ago. I got thrown into an immanuel twice and am on a good amount of meds atm and am seeing a therapist, but nothing is working. Every day I feel as if I lose more and more interest of my life. There just isnt a point to life for me. May try hanging myself again soon, but got this far because of the overwhelming amount of love and support my family has given me. I just really want to get better, but I feel as if nothing will. All i do is go to school play video games smoke weed and go to work. Life is so fucking repetitive, and I have no motivation at all to continue. I mean, I really dont want to hurt my family, but Im getting really close to my snapping point again
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self.SuicideWatch
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Life answer to all of this suffering? What would be life's or even Gods answer for all this suffering in life, we experience?
I wonder to this day.
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self.depression
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I can't eat when I'm hypomanic Anyone else? Maybe it's because I'm usually anxious too but I never want to eat anything
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self.bipolar
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Didn't get the support I was looking for and not sure how to react When I was younger I was severely depressed. I was in physical pain and wanted to die every day. I was scared to open up as "crazy" to my family and felt like I had no one to turn to for years. The only thing that kept me from being really suicidal was the fear of what my death would do to my family. I just kind of grew out of it (to a degree, my anxiety is always there) and then had many happy years where I was really glad I pushed through.
Now I'm in my 30s and it's taken some time to admit to myself that I'm depressed again. It's different this time. Less intense. More like a blue cloud hovering over me instead of a crushing pain. I don't feel at all suicidal, just sad. And I am able to feel happy, the sadness comes in waves. It's so different it took me some time to recognize that feeling sad for no reason on a regular basis isn't normal.
Another difference is that this time I am not alone. I brought it up with my husband a couple of times. At first he was really supportive at the time, but then the next day he continues on as if the conversation never happened. Now he seems to be avoiding it all together. Last time I brought it up was in an argument related to how I was feeling and he basically just said sorry and then went for a run.
I'm not expecting him to be my therapist, I guess I was just expecting him to act a little more caring. Now I'm not really sure how to proceed. Instinct tells me to bottle it up and not bring it up again but I know that's a bad idea. I'd like to go to a therapist but I can't at the moment (actually can't, not making excuses). Now I feel sad and lonely. I just don't know what to do.
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self.depression
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How do you guys do relationships? I'm amazed how many people on this sub are in relationships. How do you do it? Any time I come reasonably close to one I start to panic and have to break away from it.
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self.Anxiety
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i know im gonna kill myself eventually and i cant find any motivation to live a normal life until then basically im waiting for my grandma to die before i kill myself because i dont want to hurt her feelings. in the meantime im going to college and i have a part time job - im trying to pose as a mentally stable person. yet i keep failing my college exams because i have absolutely 0 motivation to study or do assigments simply because they will not matter in the long run and i feel i'm just wasting my time (but not money because college is free where i live). also i barely have the energy to get up in the morning, much less to study and remember anything. i know alot of you have similair problems - how do you deal with them?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Where do I go to talk about suicide without people trying to talk me out of it? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I accepted a job I don't want. Information Technology Consulting. My first real job ever. If it's anything like my internship I'll hate it and it sounds exactly like it except harder, longer hours, and in a high pressure hospital enviroment. I hate IT, but it's the only thing I'm good at.
I'm supposed to be happy. This is where it begins to pay off. All those years getting paid dick as an intern, taking classes to get my part of a degree, suffering through public speaking extracurricular activities to which I owe my ability to fake a winning personality. (Comes in handy when you're dead inside.) Now I'll make enough to move out on my own like I'm supposed to do at this stage of my life.
I don't care though. It's just more work. I'd much rather just die, so I didn't have to deal with any of it. Life sucks and surviving is difficult. I don't want to do it anymore. I haven't had a real friend in the past 4 years. I've never been anything besides single. I'm just an awkward, insecure piece of shit once you get past the happy face I wear in public, so none of that is suprising.
I'm done swallowing pills that make me numb at best. I'm done listening to therapists tell me about coping. I'm tired of fucking coping with everything! For once I wish I could just be happy. That's clearly never going to happen though. I've spent my whole life hoping that eventually after this or that I would magically stop being an antisocial loser and I'd be happy, but I'm all out of hope.
I'll wait until after New Years so my family can have a merry Christmas, but after that I'm done.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
One of my early life stories. I'm Bipolar 29 year old male. Recently threaten to kill myself and have broke up with my boyfriend while I was manic. Been having troubles with my depression so I figured I come here and rant about the injustices that I feel cause me a bunch of stress in my life with hope it makes me feel better.
Here I go...
When I was as young as five or six I remember writing in notebooks over and over "I hate my life" in all caps really angry. It got the attention of teachers at school. This prompt them to get my parents to put me in therapy. The doctors in Texas diagnosed me with ADD and put me on an extremely high dose of Ritalin. This caused me to get into a bunch of trouble. I'd have panic attacks and react negatively according to teachers. This got me put in a separated class called T.U. in fifth grade. In this class there was a room where if I kid was acting up the teachers could put the student in there. There was no door handle out. I still have nightmares of that room. I was on 60mg of Ritalin locked in that room. There was a tiny window on the door and I remember unscrewing the screws with my fingers till they bled. It hurts me thinking about it now. I ripped out the window in the door and almost climbed out. This was in fifth grade...
My life didn't get any better. Far from it. They actually made my parents pay for that door and it got me put in a whole separate class even worse than T.U. called S.A.C. which I'd prefer to just say it was a public school system insane asylum.
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self.depression
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I need to vent. So I’m making this post because I just want to take all the shit in my head and put it out in the open for once. This post is going to be excruciatingly embarrassing for me but fuck it. I’m a 19 year old in college and I really don’t think I want to live anymore. I have had Irritable bowel syndrome since the end of elementary school and the symptoms are a constant uneasy stomache and excessive gas. Every morning I wake up and I can’t stand the thought of going through another day of embarrassment. I have constant anxiety because of my stomache and avoid people because of it. The only way I made it through my first semester of college was by constantly smoking weed. I can’t do simple things like sit in a room or stand in a line without wanting to kill myself out of embarrassment. I have no self confidence and I’m so lonely, my two only friends are back home and not at college where I’m at. And even when I come home I’m thankful I have them but things they do still annoy me. Like once I told one of them my issues like I’m telling you guys and he laughed at me. I understand that this is such a stupid problem to have but that only makes things a thousand times worse and I feel like such a loser. I don’t think I’ll ever feel what love feels like. All my roommates have girlfriends but I don’t see how I could ever have one with my stomache and crushing insecurity. Most nights I sleep on the couch in the living room of our dorm so I don’t have to worry about my stomache bothering my roomate and his girlfriend who usually sleeps over. I’m tired of people talking behind my back and I’m tired of living the way I do. I look at the future and it just looks like a chore. I want to end it but I know my parents would be devistated. My mom spent like thousands of dollars to buy me like 20 different pills and medicines which I take everyday but if anything they only make me feel worse. So that’s my fucking life, I would say please don’t make fun of me but at this point I don’t really care I just feel numb.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feeling like a piece of worthless shit. Im not depressive generally, Im highly anxious, which has led me to places darker than I could ever imagine but thats another story. Things are swell generally, ive been developing an increasingly mindful relationship with my thoughts and feelings but for some reason today has gone somewhat south.
I visit my family overseas once a year, I dont drink much alcohol at all bar when i'm out with friends which is at most once a week. Whenever im visiting my family its a holiday context for me; if I feel like a beer at 11am or 5pm I fucking drink it. Sometimes I felt a hint of "oh youre having another", judgemental inquisition (because for them the context was regular) but typically whatever, you k ow? Im on holidays and I see no issue with having a few beera or rum and cokes during the day. And today my cousin pulled me aside and asked me how I was, what the deal was with the alcohol; I divulged my anxiety issues but remained stupefied about the alcohol; they think Im a pote tial alcoholic! Hell they drink more than me but just because I dont have the normalised wine at specific meal times I now have an alcohol problem? Ive been feeling horrible since, judged, frowned upon, as if **i've done serious wrong**, confused. This isnt a connotation I want to have with my extended family, nor is this an issue that even exists in my perspective.
To top it all off there was an absolutely beautiful girl I got along with a bit at our christmas lunch, merely observing her demeanour and mannerisms gave me butterflies and all I wanted to do was tell her how beautiful she is. Yet I cant. Because who the fuck would want anything to do with me. Im not deserving or good enough a person.
Ive been great. And these seemingly small things have somehow demonstrated a strong underlying self-detrimentalism that feels oh so real. I had to go to the toilet briefly, cry a bit, extreme cold shivers, some very transient suicidal thoughts, punched myself laterally in the knee harder than I typically hit the boxing bag, then walked back out stoically.
Idk.
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self.depression
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I am concerned and I don't know what to to !! [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I don't have anyone I'm going to be lonely forever I guess
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self.depression
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Killing Hope I cast you down o’ thorny crown
Who’s liquor sweet I drunk too deep
From that great breast that I took rest
For once I knew the good and true
But your demands turn glass to sand
As what begun is now undone
So with flesh tearing, I stop caring
As clanging lead quiets the dread
In my ploy to seek some joy
I stand only silent at being defiant
In leaving behind part of my mind
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self.depression
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Hypersexuality is ruining me... Hypersexuality is ruining me. I go through manic episodes where I feel like I am ready to embrace who I am and take over the world, and other times I just want to have sex with everyone.
I’m man, and in a relationship, and I feel my bi polar and hypersexuality is slowly chipping away at this relationship.
I can’t seem to keep this in check. I value my creativity and impulsivity in the type of work I do, so I refuse to medicate. Also, no one in my real life knows this, not even my partner, but she is beginning to suspect with the constant ups and downs, and I feel like she’s getting to a point of indifference and frustration...which fuels my hypersexuality further.
I’m lost.
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self.bipolar
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I don't think I can hold on much longer. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I keep pushing away help, how do I get better? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How often do you scare people away? When I'm manic, I talk too much, do stupid things, say the weirdest shit, etc.
That scares people I guess, or probably just annoys them.
When I'm depressed, all I talk about is death, I show no emotions, barely say much, etc.
And that definitely scares people.
So do you scare people away often?
I've realized that I lost FIVE friends since September. It's just upsetting that no one sticks around.
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self.bipolar
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How do I deal with people from the past saying that I've become a distant, blank person? They tell me I'm a shell of the boy I used to be. I don't want them to know that I have depression.
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self.depression
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Been thinking a lot So I've been thinking about suicide again a lot, lately. But with 6 failed attempts already under my belt, I'm not sure what I could do to make sure I for sure don't wake up alive again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Memoirs of a Lentil Bean It's been a little bit over a week since you broke up with me. It still feels like yesterday. Will you not take me back anymore? I hope you do.
I'll try contacting you on the 26th because I'm sentimental like that. But if you don't want me anymore then I guess that's another chapter in my life that I will just have to close and move on.
Really, thank you. You taught me a lot of things. You made me feel a lot of things that I didn't know was possible. And you supported me in my endeavors. I fucked up big time to make someone like you end things with me. I'm sorry for that. You're right. I still need to learn. I still need to fix myself. But where will you be after that?
The pain is now here. The things we used to do and the things we were supposed to do now torment me of memories of you. How I will probably never have those times with you anymore. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I will not kill myself because I have the duty to fix myself before I die. It's the least I can do for you.
But still, I wish you would take me back. I don't know how to even talk to you on the 26th. I ghosted you and our friends. And I'd be doing the same mistake if I just sit here and hope you make the first move. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I will be brave and try initiating contact with you. And hopefully I will be ready for your answer. But then again, you don't deserve to date someone like me. You are better off without me. I want you to be happy, but what do I do if that involves me out of your life? I can't claim that I've changed over 8 days. That's bullshit. But I wish I could. I wish I wasn't emotionally manipulative. I wish I was still talking to you. But no. You made the right decision to leave me. I just wished it didn't hurt this much. But I deserve this.
I want to say I'm sorry. But those words are hallow to you coming from me. I even titled this post to make it obvious who I am. Because I'm a coward. I'm manipulating you to talk to me. But that is why you broke up with me. I don't know what to do anymore.
Please talk to me. I'm sad. I'm pathetic. I'm desperate. But you don't need that. I'm a horrible person.
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self.offmychest
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who else faking sick today? second day in a row, im tired of everything
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self.depression
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I’m lost. I think. I do not want pity. Nor do I want people to feel sorry for me. If anything I’m writing this to validate what I’m feeling or to see if they’re just fleeting thoughts. I’ve recently started to think about suicide and how it’s a better choice for me to choose my own ending.
I’m a 21 year old male (just turned this October). I have an associates degree (criminal justice) , and I’m currently a triple major (political science, sociology and criminal justice) where I go to school. So you could say academically I’m doing well. I also happen to be in the army reserves 31B (military police) and I love it. It’s always been one of my dreams to deploy and earn a combat patch. I own my own house, I have my own car. And I have the worlds greatest parents. But I have extreme bouts of sadness now, and some days all I do is think. It takes forever for me to get up from bed. I used to workout 6 days a week, now I barely like to get up from bed. I’ve just never felt this way before, I had a near perfect life and I fucked it up by making some horrible mistakes on people that don’t matter now.
I should give a quick rundown on why I feel this way. Just recently I’ve been charged with a felony (i may post it later on or I’ll pm if anyone wants to truly know), and everyone says I’ll get through it because of my record (I don’t have a rap sheet, this is my first time ever going to court. I don’t even have a speeding ticket) My mom, my dad, my sister, say I’ll get through this and that it will all be a bad nightmare in the end. My lawyer says I’m in very good standing, and that this matter will clear up, that I just need to give it time. But that’s the thing part of me has hope that yeah I’ll be able to walk away from this and I’ll go on enjoying the rest of my life. But the other part of me that constantly battles my mind, that makes me stare off into space. I just want to give in. I know that if I ever decide to attempt it. I’ll be successful. I won’t go for bleach, or pills, or a bridge or anything like that. I have a gun. Actually multiple guns. I like to shoot, and hunt. But if I do attempt it, I know the caliber, and the type that would be most effective. I’ll use a 9mm bonded jacketed hollow point. 157 grains. There’s no escaping that. Not at that range, and not that type.
What I have decided so far is to keep living, and to keep fighting. My platoon sgt reminded me I was still a soldier, that in my creed it says i will never accept defeat. That I will never quit. And I shall.
However, if the day comes that my worst nightmare comes true. That i get convicted. I believe I’m going to end it. It’s not so much the fact, I don’t love life. I love it, I love my parents and everything they do for me. My friends that are there for me. I love looking at my dog. I love looking at old pictures of where I’ve been and what I’ve done. But it’s just hard somedays, trying to cope with the fact that I may never see the sun again. Or that I’ll never feel the wind on my face. I don’t want to loose that. ( I did have to sit in jail for two weeks, and I got through them because of my cellmate who had suffered being institutionalized. He kept me busy reading books, and would challenge me by giving me arbitrary math). I also don’t want to face the fact that if I do go to prison, I may never see my parents alive again (they’re older in age. My dad is 72 now). That’s quite honestly my biggest fear, that if I get locked up they’ll be dead, before I get to enjoy them more. I also cry at the weirdest times, or get tears in my eyes. My heart will begin to accelerate. I’ll get shakes. I become a mess, honestly but I hold it in. I don’t want to do it. But I will if I notice things don’t start going my way. I’m not going back to the hole. Where they can just throw away the key. I refuse to live like that. All the other choices where taken from me. It wouldn’t be for attention, nor would it be for benefit, not retribution to someone, or so that people can say I was a troubled man. It would simply be my choice. My last choice that no one can take from me, and it’s comforting to know that. As I write this, I know no one can take it from me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bipolar relationships are hard (infidelity) I am diagnosed bp2 11 years. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years. I was still learning my bipolar disorder, and I had some cases of infidelity. I got help, and I have now been stable over a year. Well, turns out that while I made tons of progress, my boyfriend was feeling worse and worse. He ended up hooking up with someone while he was out of town. He told me, and we have scheduled with our couples therapist every week a month out, and I am waiting to hear back from my solo therapist to schedule. He is also going to find a solo therapist. My question is, can we come back from this? I cheated cuz I was sick. He cheated because he was selfish. Are we too broken? I love him, and the optimist in me thinks we can fix this, but is that realistic?
Tl;dr: is it possible to come back from infidelity?
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self.bipolar
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My dog got run over And it was all my idiot dad's fault. He let her out on purpose and a few minutes later, a car hit her.
I don't know what to do. I just feel really angry that I am stuck with such a stupid father.
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self.depression
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My bfs dad is an alcoholic jerk It’s taken me 3 years of bullshit to finally put my foot down and say I’m done going to visit his dad. I can’t take it anymore. And I really wish my bf would put his foot down too. The way his dad treats him is complete bullshit. We come over to help him around the house (most of the shit isn’t even necessary, just stupid projects he made for himself that he now sees as insanely important). We spend hours on end on our only day off together helping this jerk who does nothing but insult the way my bf does things and never is appreciative. He’s drunk by 9am on his days off and the later in the day, the drunker he gets, the meaner he gets. He never listens to a word anyone has to say, interrupts us to yell about something stupid. Like, we just got yelled at because my bf used his bathroom when we got here. He says he’s giving us a hard time but it sure doesn’t seem that way.
My favorite is how every time I come here, he has to tell me about him killing the local rabbits and squirrels even though he knows it upsets me. I say “can you please not? You know how it upset me” and he ignores me and only gets more graphic. (It’s nothing psychotic or anything) He also enjoys making inappropriate comments to me about sex, or trying to grab my ass, etc.
He is a horrible horrible person and I can’t take it anymore. I tell my bf he needs to stop going over because all it does is hurt his self esteem because he can’t even get love and acceptance from his own father but he won’t listen to me. Nothing is ever good enough for this man.
- we don’t get to his house early enough
- we don’t stay long enough (I think 4-5 hours every weekend is fucking more than enough)
- my bf is raking the wrong way
- he’s using a certain tool “wrong”
- etc etc etc
My bf knows I hate coming here and will lie to me about how long we are staying. “We are only dropping something off” but as we pull up “well I do need to help him with a few things” cause he knows I’m gonna be pissed. But today I told him I’m done, I said, if you want to spend our only day off together at your dads being abused then that’s on you but I’m staying home. I’m done.
I’d be more understanding if he was some old decrepit man and we were coming over to help him with shit that he actually needed help with. But he’s a perfectly capable person and it’s always some shit he gets started with and realizes he’s in too deep and needs help finishing it. Like, laying new brick that didn’t need to be laid, or putting up some outside tent thing that didn’t need to be put up. It’s always something different every damn week. And I never complain when it’s something that he ACTUALLY needs help with. In fact, I’ll happily even help with those things.
Oh and the other best part is that he also has a daughter but doesn’t expect ANYTHING from her. She’s his fucking princess. She comes over and sits around and if he asks her to do something she whines and cries about it and never does it. He listens to everything she has to say and he CLEARLY prefers her. Which amuses me because she’s definitely the loser between the two of them. Jobless, morbidly obese, a total c u next Tuesday, acts like she’s 12 when she’s really 30. Meanwhile my bf is an amazing person with a good job and kind heart. Ugh! It makes me so fucking mad.
Thanks for reading my vent Reddit. If you have any tips to help me get my bf to see the light, I would really appreciate it.
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self.offmychest
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I'm back on meds and I feel happy and normal for the first time in months. So, I was diagnosed bipolar a few years ago when I got hospitalized the first time. My therapist at the time was not happy once I got out because he didn't think a teenager should get such a final diagnosis because it's genetic and incurable so if they're wrong, then they're a wrong in the worst way. It leaves a black mark on your medical history for things like military and the like. I did actually want to go into the military so I decided to get medically cleared by my psychiatrist and stopped my medication. I ended up not going military but stayed off my meds regardless.
I had thought about going back on over the years. I can't help but feel like I should have never stopped taking them in the first place. There are some many times I should have definitely gone to a psychiatrist. When I had a minor breakdown and withdrew from college. When my roommate left for a place of his own and I didn't have anyone close to me to keep my depression at bay. When I fell apart after losing my car and started missing work. So many chances to go and I didn't thinking I could get over it. I thought I would eventually just not be depressed.
Well I had a sudden downshift again. I had been suicidal for the past 2 months with no real reason why. Not actively planning or anything but getting that random impulse in the back of my mind to end it. I missed shortly after explaining my situation to my lead and, to a lesser extent, my sup. I applied for FMLA at their suggestion and ended up forcing myself into a deadline to see a psychiatrist this time. I went in telling them my previous diagnosis and the meds they had me on. I expressed the doubts I had with my diagnosis just to be sure they wouldn't just go with what they said 6 years ago. She still agreed with their diagnosis and put me on similar but safer versions of my previous meds. I have to say the decision to go in may have saved my life. I feel normal again. It's easy to be happy instead constantly searching for something to fill the void. I'm sleeping better than I have in years. I still have those passing thoughts but that's just a habit at this point I think. They're far easier to ignore than they were before. When she said I will probably need the pills for the rest of my life I was a little disappointed that I got further confirmation that I'm broken. I don't feel that way so much anymore because if I hold on to the fact that I don't have to be constantly assaulted by random downshifts of my emotions, taking a few pills everyday isn't so bad.
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self.depression
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Do any of you have jobs with colleagues you just can't relate to? No common sense of humor, interests, values etc. and just a general miscommunication?
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self.depression
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Does anyone else hate the sound of people outside their homes? or even in? I hate the sound of people in my neighborhood especially in the morning when my anxiety is at it's worst, but also at night. To me people are never good news, especially in my neighborhood. If I hear people outside my place my brain automatically assumes that they want something from me and it's bad, even though I know that's not the case. And god forbid someone ring my doorbell. Scares the shit out of me. I remember being a kid and being excited when someone knocked at the door. Now it only signifies doom. Unless I'm expecting a package or a pizza.
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self.Anxiety
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I Don't Even Know What I Want Anymore No matter what I do, I feel like I'm stuck in the same place. I don't know what I even want out of life. Money is cool and all but after that what would I want? The only things I could think of are all impossible, like having my family be immortal or something. I don't even know what I want.
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self.depression
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Raise your hand if you're just going through the motions of life because you're too afraid to kill yourself! Lol day after day, I wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, take my meds and vitamins, and try to tell myself that today is the day my life turns around.
Then of course, it doesn't because why would it? A positive attitude doesn't negate mental illness holy shit. But who knows what's on the other side, grass might not be so much greener, so I rinse and repeat day after day hoping, begging, for someone to hit me with their car.
Plz if you or someone you love is a raging psychopath who feels the need to murder someone but can't decide on a victim, I am here 2 help. God bless
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self.bipolar
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Clonidine! Stumbled across this today!
I have immense trouble with physical symptoms of anxiety. I.e shaking and trembling
I take propranolol 30mg
But wanna give clondine a go anyone had it?
My bp is 170/70
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self.Anxiety
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Laid off only after 3 months from first job This was my first job straight out of school. Everything was fine. Two days ago, my boss calls me in and tells me that the company lost a major contract with a customer. As a result, they no longer had the money to keep me on.
Its a small company and I was the junior most engineer. I feel terrible. I hate myself even though I know it wasn't my fault. And this happened just before the holidays. I don't know how to face my friends. The only people I've told are my parents and they've been really supportive.
However, I can't help but feel like a failure. My boss emphasized it wasn't my performance, but that I was the one with the least experience. I'm already looking at other jobs. But being an international student in the US gives me only 2 and 1/2 months to stay unemployed.
I know if I try hard, I'll probably find something worthwhile, but at the same time, I'm having a really bad time managing my confidence and morale. :(
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self.offmychest
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My Girlfriend Makes Me Unbelievably Happy I have tons of pictures of us and seeing her smile and the way she looks at me in videos, it’s amazing. I’ve been told by family members (who have put themselves in shitty situations and have no responsibility) that i shouldn’t fall too in love with her but after a year i can tell i have a great future with this woman. We’re both capable of the effort and responsibility, it’s just getting there.
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self.offmychest
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Not suicidal but I don't want to exist anymore [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trying to better myself but I can’t let go of the negativity [deleted]
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self.depression
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How am I suppose to learn the subject if I am all alone in the class? I am an irregular student that is still taking this specific subject called "differential equation" four times in a row and is still failing to pass; I am about to enroll this again in its fifth time this incoming semester. I am already losing motivation because of that. **I can't send help because I feel that I am only bothering them.** I used to love math in general but I hate it now. I suck at differentiation.
*My classmates have already graduated and passed the board exam and I am still stuck at my school.*
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self.depression
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Wife is depressed and I'm getting drug down with her. It's been 12 years. We have 4 kids. First 9 years were utter hell struggling financially. She always was supportive and encouraged me to keep at it.
Now I finally have a great job and we don't live in a dump. 2 months after moving into our new big home she has a breakdown. By her request we abstain for several months. She spends her whole days agonizing about how it should have been. she finally comes up with a proposed solution to her conundrum. We do that (an awesome honeymoon getaway) and afterwards intimacy resumes but the wounds are still there. She practically refuses to heal.
As her spouse I've been... Exceptionally tolerant. I'm not going to list them, but there's been many reasons to just quit. I've chosen not to quit.
So here I am, she is in another funk of regretting everything that ever was. She has said, "I lied when I married you," "I wish I hadn't married you," "I will never be the person I was meant to be because of our relationship," "I am dead inside," "I wish we could annul the marriage," "I don't wear my ring because it's false," "I married you for money and security," "I can't use your last name anymore."
How much more of this can I actually stand? It almost seems like she is burning everything about us and is waiting for me to be the one to actually push her away.
But then she comes and apologizes a few days later. She refuses to actually leave me and our kids.
How in the hell can I deal with this shit anymore? I have never threatened her with divorce and i doubt that will do any good anyways. She'd still be a part of my life as the mother to my kids and I'd have to deal with her antics plus the bullshit that is alimony/child support. I'd basically be committing financial suicide.
Lost.
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self.depression
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12 years ago today I overdosed It was New Year’s Day 2006 and I had made my plan to overdose on a cocktail of different pills, mostly sleeping pills. I couldn’t stand the thought of going through another year with this depression and in a way, it was my news years resolution to end it all. I had everything in order, started swallowing them a few at a time, then sent my final goodbye messages to some close friends (tried to keep them vague).
I was living in an apartment at the time and apparently one of my friends called my parents to come check on me after getting the text message and then me not answering my phone. My mom knocked on the door and I broke down. The pills were already taking effect and I felt really loopy and had felt some pain in my stomach. She took me to the hospital where I had my stomach pumped and was interviewed by a couple doctors and was eventually released to my family.
I always consider this as my lowest point. I was able to find my way out of that depression with a year or so of counseling and making some big life changes.
That was until about 2 years ago when the pain started to return. I’ve been experiencing an unbearable depression that seems to be getting worse. It’s almost like the depression learned how to build up a tolerance and has come back to finish me off. I can’t stop thinking about that moment 12 years ago, how it seemed like the best way out, and how I could finally go through with it since I know the mistakes I made before.
Today is going to be a hard day.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sleep Could the fact that I've been sleeping so much be the result of me not eating. I feel like I could sleep for days
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self.depression
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Being an introvert Hi Guys, I was wondering if you see any advantages in being an extremely introvert person? As I’m going through a tough period right now with questions I cant answer I Just wanted to know if people Here have Made the step towards happiness while feeling alone And useless?
Stay strong :)
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self.depression
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Attitudes towards meds and feeling like I might actually be getting better So I've been on 100mg Setraline (Zoloft) and recently I've just started feeling so much better. I've been dealing with this stuff for around 4/5 years and this is the first time I've been feeling like I can see my way out of this.
A few people that I opened up too about this stuff when I first noticed it had some really strong opinions about taking medication. Not just saying "it doesn't work for me" but just saying it's a waste, or than you should avoid trusting what the doctor gives you.
My dad was the latter. He's a nice person, but he was raised in a different time. Because a lot of developments have been recent, he sees it more as 'we never needed it before' its hard, because I've never been able to be really emotional honest about my illnesses to my parents, and attitudes like that don't help. They make it so much worse.
There's a part of me that's upset at these people for convincing me that it wouldn't make a difference. 3 years ago when I was in my final year of uni, I got prescribed the same meds I'm on now and only managed a week before giving up. A month ago I make my first trip to the doctors since I got prescribed meds last time, and felt upset that I got put on meds again. Now I just feel like I've spent 3 years feeling sad that could have been much better. You can't change the past though, and I know now that it doesn't matter :) I'm able to feel some slight emotion again. I hope you people can get the help you need 💕
If any of you are struggling with this I'll do my best to reply to every comment. Pm me if you don't want to make it public. I can only offer my own experiences, and I'm still a little bit sick myself, but if I can help anybody experience this feeling of overcoming it would be amazing. All of you deserve to get better, regardless of what your stupid thoughts might convince you of. I love you all.
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self.depression
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Friend & friend conflict/complicated stuff Two of my friends who were dating for around a year broke up because of their long distance relationship as the boyfriend went to Canada for study while the girlfriend stayed in China. The thing about it is that the way the boyfriend broke up with the girl was that he cut of any way of contact with the girl, which has no local friends, and her only support being the boyfriend. She is now thinking about committing suicide, I am also studying abroad so I am not with her right now, what advice should i give? what should i do?.....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone had success taking meds short term? I am trying a new therapist and one of the things she said sometimes helps people is to go on meds for 6 months or so while they work on other skills and coping mechanisms so they are better able to devote the needed energy to it. Then they go off it and are fine.
Has anyone had success with something like that? Going on meds for a few months then stopping or slowly tapering off? Did you notice changes in mood? Did you end up having to go back on the meds? Did you feel confident with what you learned in the process so you didn't need meds anymore?
I don't want to get on meds only to have more problems trying to get off them. Part of my hesitation is my husband and I wanting to start trying to conceive early summer. So I would have to get on them soon, make progress and get off before we start ttc.
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self.depression
|
I have horrible nightmares every night Hey everyone,
Title pretty much sums it up but yeah I have nightmares every single night. Most nights it'll be around 3 different nightmares, sometimes they aren't too bad but others I wake up really freaking out, drenched in sweat, too scared to move etc.
Is this a common issue with anxiety? If so, how do you deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
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What a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. I am miserable lately. I am 21 wth not a clue of what I'm doing with my life. And i feel actually pathetic for taking to reddit but what other better forum? I'm so sensitive and very tough. I'm miserable but my feelings for the world and life are so profound that sometimes I feel even blessed to experience such emotion. I feel sooo deeply its almost destructive. Everything's so beautiful and idk how to explain the way I feel honestly. But yeah hi
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self.depression
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I lost my virginity to a man 10 years older than me because I was lonely [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Hereditary likelihood? So my dad has bipolar and I've always been a bit curious about how likely it might be that I could have it. The thought scares the absolute shit out of me.
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self.bipolar
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My dad died on Friday, and ever since I’ve been listening to the last voicemail he left me over and over again. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Why is it so hard to kill myself? I know that’s what I want, I want to die. I don’t want to deal with this world anymore but for some reason I can’t fucking end it.
There’s nothing here for me, nothing that I want that’s achievable. There’s no reason for me to be here yet here I am.
Is it my family? I’m afraid of how they would be without me but I know eventually they’d move on and live out the rest of their lives or whatever.
I don’t know, it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I have to be here, I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and people think I should be grateful for my life well I’m sorry, I hate it, I hate life, I hate existing.
I spend all of my time thinking of ways I could end my life, I think of ways that I wouldn’t have to be the one to do it but that’s not up to me, I wish I’d just get really sick, or some psychopath would shoot me in the head. I wish somehow I could just die without it being my fault.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want this to stop, but I also don't. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Today is my birthday... I turned 25 today. It was a lot of pressure because everyone excepted me to be happy and to celebrate, and I really wanted to be just for a day, but I really wasn’t feeling it. The last few days have been really hard, but I decided to try. I don’t really have many friends here (only lived in the city for ~6 months), but I invited some people out for a birthday dinner after work. The only one of the five I invited that actually showed up was my ex. I rushed through the meal, and took my free dessert to-go in an effort to get out as soon as possible. Now I’m in bed eating a Walmart coconut cream pie and rewatching Netflix shows. It just really sucks when things turn out so bad on a day where I actually overcame my depression enough to at least try.
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self.depression
|
Lifelong Struggle forming relationships. I'm 32, male, INFJ.
I seem to have always had trouble forming organic / natural relationships with people and my environment in general. Most of my life seems to exist within an inner world. The thoughts and feelings I have in that space, the person I find there, are all things I consider to be 'me'. But when I open my mouth or interact with life outside of that space, I feel disconnected, or like a tiny, boring, repressed version of myself. And I think most people pick up on that and respond in a mostly negative way. Which makes me want to withdraw even more, and I usually do for quite awhile. I'm getting to the point that I'm realizing how much of life and potential happiness I'm missing out on because of that.
Adding to this (and it's a strange dynamic most will probably not be sympathetic to but), people generally find me attractive, and I end up drawing attention that I feel completely unequipped to handle. I mostly feel isolated so it's not that I dont WANT the attention, I DO, but when I actually try to respond to that attention, it fades within minutes. And it's heartbreaking to witness that over and over and over.
I feel like I'm teetering on some invisible line between isolation and the idea of a more social / communal life. I've had a couple rare moments that allowed me to feel the happiness that exists when you're connecting with someone, and it is, by far, better than any isolated inner world but, I can't seem to establish any kind of foothold in that space. I genuinely feel like life is pushing me into a different kind of experience where I'm mostly alone and happiness isn't the priority. I know that sounds strange; I'm not sure how else to describe the feeling.
Lately, when I go to sleep, I feel a really intense sadness that hits me out of nowhere. Almost like I've been ignoring something all day and it finally comes out when there are no more distractions. To me, that seems like a red flag and something I should pay attention to.
Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm reaching out here. But I thought it might be worth a try. Maybe some of you have experienced something similar and have advice or perspective?
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self.Anxiety
|
What is this state of mind called? Hi peeps of Reddit!
So here's the low-down on my brain sickness- I'm just another bipolar II chap, but not gonna get into that now, guessing most of you know the symptoms etc.
I usually vary from extreme lows which last a few days-month/s with spurts of highs. But sometimes my head is in this weird buzz. Like now.
So I haven't been sleeping lately. Constant flashbacks and racing thoughts. I keep hearing the same songs over and over in my head and it is making me extremely frustrated- I have to read this out loud while typing to distract myself from the generic pop music that won't stfu in my head. (has been going on for more than 6 hours) I am very restless and aware of my surroundings. I actually just want to make the music stop.
(I am on meds btw)
So, what is going on? Not on a high nor masisve low. (just a normal amount of depro-ness)
Just need someone's opinion... 💚
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self.depression
|
Friend suffering massive anxiety after getting really high off weed, even while sober. Any idea what’s going on? Hey guys,
A good friend of mine is having a bit of a problem, and I was hoping you could help. Long story short, he is feeling minor to massive anxiety over thoughts where he didn’t have it before, leading most recently to a panic attack. The feeling he got in the panic attack was similar to a feeling he got after smoking a massive amount of weed. He has had similar feeling before as he has claustrophobia, but it was only with physically small spaces, never spontaneously from thoughts while not in a small space.
Here is the timeline and details:
Three weeks ago he got really high, and ‘felt like his brain wasn’t his own, and felt like what it felt like to die and enter the universe as energy.’ Which caused a lot of anxiety and a feeling of loss of control. His body ‘latched to the past trying to figure out what was happening.’
Four days ago, he got really high again, and had a similar experience. The next day, someone was talking about meditation in breath, and he felt out of control again, except with his breath, and felt like he would suffocate, even though he was breathing fine. He mentioned having a nagging thought that he was very thinly connected to life, and he had the thought that his jugular was so fragile and that if punctured could lead to death. He felt a very tenuous connection to life.
The next day, he had another thought that triggered anxiety, and such anxiety that he had a panic attack (he could finish driving to the gym he was going to, where he called 911, he described it as feeling like he was gonna die). At the emergency room, they prescribed him one sedative, which he took and slept for 12 hours.
Today, he feels minor anxiety over some thoughts, like how ‘every previous moment is thrown in the dustbin and you really only have the present.’
He specifically mentioned that the anxiety triggering thoughts are about lack of control over his life and how easy it could be to die, and though he had those thoughts before, he never had the accompanying anxiety before that first time three weeks ago when he got really high. As a side note, he is definitely not getting high again until he has figured this out.
Questions are: is this anxiety EVEN WHILE SOBER a heard of phenomenon from getting really high? How long does this post high anxiety usually last? Is there anything he can do to mitigate the anxiety? Is there more research I can do on this? Google searches have led to webmd level of paranoia.
**I will give Reddit Gold to anyone who can satisfyingly answer 3 or more of the questions above, or provide personal detailed testimony of their own experience and how long the post high anxiety lasted**
Thank you all so much for any information you can give.
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self.Anxiety
|
I miss having something to look forward to You probably know what I mean. Yesterday I went to a friend's birthday party. That had me occupied for a part of the week. It was fun. I guess. More fun than staying at home anyway. But now I don't have anything else coming up. It's just deadlines, exams and stuff that's more stressful than anything else. Nothing exciting in the foreseeable future. Not even moderately like the party last night. Sure there's Christmas and I'm not expecting it to suck but I'm not really looking forward to it either. Also gifts. Not great at that.
I dunno really, I'm just sitting here drifting forward in time and hoping something will change. Which I'm not really expecting to happen. When college started I tried calling a therapist and setting up a meeting but what do you know, the number didn't exist. Really uplifting, am I right? I didn't pursue it further because things seemed to be going better for the past two months. But maybe I should. It's been a couple of years since I started thinking about doing that. Probably should've went through with it long ago.
I guess life doesn't suck all that much. I got into a pretty nice school with minimal effort. But so what? I'm mostly doing this because I can still keep being told what to do for a few more years. I sometimes wonder if I would already have a career if I didn't feel down most of the time. Not that unlikely.
Now this one actually stings a little. I wish I could say it's something I miss. I never had anyone close enough to just hang out with on a regular basis. At least not recently enough for me to remember. It's hard when there are things that I can tell nobody about. It would be nice to be able to pick up a phone and call somebody to do something together. Or have someone call and not feel terribly anxious because of that. Other than that one guy who lives in the other end of the city and likes to spend time drinking a little too much.
Make what you will out of this, I just wanted to see if writing it out would help. I guess it does just a little.
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self.depression
|
There is nothing in the world worth being alive for. All the nonsense about suicide removing all chance of things getting better is a crock. That chance doesn't exist even when you're alive.
I have as good a life as a person can reasonably hope to achieve and the very idea of there being something worth continuing this drudgery for is laughable.
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self.depression
|
I think tonight is the night, I have nothing and I'll never be anything. Thanks for taking the time to read. **Content Warning ahead**
I'm feeling probably the lowest I ever have in my life and am considering the end. I came here because I'm kind of hoping someone can stop me.
Life for me right now is extremely mediocre. Until we move at the end of this month, I'm stuck without school and a job. Still living with my parents, mainly treated like a servant around here than a family member. I pay $300 a month in groceries as my rent. My parents are nearing 70 and don't really try to be there for me or help me out anymore, they never have. I posted on raised by narcissists about this.
I'm unhappy, honestly all I want... is a mediocre job, average school and a tiny place to call my own. That's it, for now. I don't have extremely grandiose dreams but that's all I want. but I feel like I'll never get there.
I also have lingering guilt over something that happened when I was a kid. Most people tell me to get over it and let it go because it was sort of minor, I'm trying but it's hard.
I got sexually assaulted at like 11-12. The 16 year old girl led me and two other boys into the woods, she told us to fight each other and the winner would get to fondle her chest. I refused, she responded by going up to me and making me grab them. I never told my family about this, they wouldn't have cared. But I didn't like it and I hated breasts until last year.
But also when I was 13 my cousin and I got a little too close. She would sit on my lap all the time in a weird way, stick her private parts into my face and we cuddled all the time. In a moment of weakness, I don't know why I thought it was okay but I placed her hand on my privates for a few moments. I never did this again.
Later on she was staring at my parts while I slept, and even later forced herself into my pants even after I stopped her, eventually forcing me to get up.
I'm trying to move past this. I'm trying to be a normal adult but I'm stuck with this family who uses me, I have nothing and I'm so alone.
It would be so easy to go in that cabinet and grab one and end it all, or take a pill. I want to so bad.
I want a life more than that, but I don't think someone like me can ever have one...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Suffering from ptsd and depression, as I left Israel a bedouin stabbed me in the hip outside the airport. Despite getting shanked right before I left, I managed to secure a job back in the U.S.
No matter how we suffer, never give up on yourself. Life has setbacks, violence. But never let it get in the way.
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self.depression
|
i'm the source of all trouble to my parents [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder in 2015 and even now, while I’m on antidepressants to calm me down, I’m still terrified of everything Let me start by saying that I have always been one of the “weird” kids. I’ve always been too scared to do what the other kids did at school. I couldn’t participate in P.E. properly without crying because performing physical activity while other people could see me was horrifying. It felt like there was a wall in front of me, stopping me from doing all these activities that I actually really wanted to do but was too scared to. I couldn’t do presentations in front of the class either, but I got better as I got older and by 15 I was able to stand up at the front with the other kids.
Flash forward to now, at the age of 18. My anxiety has improved. I can do a lot of things that other adult women do: I managed to hold down a four-year relationship, I have a pretty good sex life, I eat well, and even though I can’t go out alone I’m not unhappy. I’m on 40mg of fluoxetine per day which has really helped me, but even now I am so scared, of pretty much everything. Even now, at home, I’m terrified that somebody will stick a gun through the mailbox and shoot me through the side of the head. Every night when I’m in bed I keep putting on the torch on my phone to be sure there’s nobody in my room. When I’m in the house alone or trying to nap in the living room I’m constantly looking in the kitchen to be sure nobody has broken in even though I’d hear them if they did. What I’m asking is, what can I do? It’s going to be a good while until I can see my therapist again, and even though I don’t think she’ll be able to help, I am constantly living in fear for no good reason. How can I convince myself than I’m not going to be murdered, and that my fears are irrational? It’s ruining my life.
Edit: I need to add that this isn’t the only thing. When I walk over a bridge I’m scared it will collapse beneath me. Wherever I am, I’m worried that the worst will happen, that I’ll be severely injured or die. It’s just distressing.
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self.Anxiety
|
My life really is not worth living Wish I could max out my credit card and kill myself but its too bad I have parents that love me. I wish I could get into some kind of horrible accident or die in a mass shooting. I wish I could inject myself with something that kills me instantly. I hate university,id rather rot in hellfire forever , oh wait I'm already in hell. School = hell. I'd seriously rather die. Its seriously amazing to me how there are people out there that actually want to live in this world. So if I dont go to college then what happens? Is my only choice then to blow my brains out?
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self.depression
|
I went Black Friday shopping for the first time in 5 years last night!! My anxiety has been too severe with the Panic disorder and Agoraphobia in the past. So braving that madness made me so happy!! I bought some cute stuff too which of course helps. Finally I’m on the way to full recovery!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Almost all my emotions are fake, I react to what I think is the appropriate way to react. i dont know what real emotions feel like anymore, today i got a low grade on my exam along with other people and almost all of them they were confused, sad, angry but me i didnt feel anything, so i tried to act the same so i wouldnt be looked different, same with when im hanging out with people, i see someone make a joke and everyone laughs i laugh aswell and its fucking exhausting also when being bullied i try to feel sad and act angry when in reality i dont feel anything
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self.depression
|
looking for a place to drop my suicide note; may it be here not like all the other sons of bitches around the corner; i'm straight-forward, real and to the point. Now that I know my fate, I'm can finally do it. Now this world will have a burden lifted off its shoulders, and some other form, possible reincarnation will better it instead I.
after my leave, refer to quote: 'facing fate, evil mist rebirth' during the investigation. study model: derrick, it explains it all for me.
forum referred to as 'trf' may shine some light too.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I get anxious walking by people on the street It's weird. Sometimes it's no big deal. Then sometimes, I look up and see someone coming toward me and my body tenses up, my walk becomes awkward and I have trouble just trying not to care and also trying to remember how to use my eyes fucking normally.
I don't know where to even look. Down? No, it'll seem like I'm trying too hard not to look at someone, that'll look weird... straight ahead? Almost impossible, when I'm looking in one direction and I notice someone looking at me, I immediately react weird and look away.
I'm not even that socially awkward and have gotten way better handling that but when I'm alone and out in the world I tend to have little delusions that people are watching me or trying to kill me. Fuck you anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
|
i feel horrible this is going to be a garbled mess but i dont really care. i just need to get all this shit off my chest in some way. i dont have anyone i can go to for any of this.
i honestly dont know how ive bared it for this long, because it hurts so much. thats sounds dumb, but sometimes i get so overwhelmed by everything it feels physically painful. like something is twisting around in my stomach. i dont think theres a single moment i dont want to die. i cant stand being myself, and it hurts. i hate myself so much and i feel so lonely. i have a few close friends, but theyre all extroverted, and im always left at home while they hang with funnier, better people. it seems like no matter how hard i try, nobody cares. ive tried to reach out to said friends, and they just dont understand. im all alone and i seriously cant stand it much longer. i was gonna try and hold out until christmas but i really dont see the point in it. itd just be another day of me waiting to finally go home and sleep because thats the only time i dont feel anything.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Weight Loss Dealing with yet another bout of major depression and the thing that has kind of shocked me is how much weight I have lost. I needed to drop about 30-40 anyway, but after two months I’ve lost 22. This past week alone I lost 4 (and geez, alone for Thanksgiving, I ate a whole pumpkin pie in 3 days).
I can’t eat meals. If it’s solid food, I can only stomach half of it. And then, well, my digestive system isn’t having it. I feel like expending the effort and money on food is becoming a waste. Shakes and soup and mushy stuff are all I can tolerate.
Anyone have ideas on how bad is bad when it comes to weight loss? I figure reaching a “healthy” weight under normal circumstances is okay, but when it just keeps falling off, I worry other problems might take hold (like, what happens if I’ve messed up my digestive track so bad, when I’m not depressed, am I going to have further problems)?
Hang in there, guys.
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self.depression
|
How do you not get overwhelmed by a task that needs to get done? Why do I do this to myself? I get myself into disasters by procrastinating and then letting situations get 1000x worse than they ever needed to be. I can't even count how many times I've screwed myself over simply bc I didn't mobilize myself to do something simple. My head it's not simple-- that's the problem.
So I've started thinking several things when a task becomes a mountain in my head:
-just do it anyway
-stress is normal
-the mountain in your head is not real
-you can sleep when you're dead (in a joking way but this actually kinda helps)
What do you do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
A difficult test of patience and understanding For once in my life I had found someone I truly loved. After failed, depressing long distance relationships, I finally found feelings in one of my closest friends.
Perhaps we could have approached it differently. You found out quickly that dishonesty and infidelity to your current partner is something that weighs heavy on the soul, and eventually will catch up to you.
Which it did. I watched that glimmer of hope fade away. The hope that I could have finally explored my feelings with you. I hope he doesn't mistreat you again.
You're going through a lot of shit. You've told me it has weighed heavily on you. You told me you've felt suicidal. After everything that's happened, and losing your home, I don't blame you.
I always try to be supportive of my friends. I want to be supportive of you. I'm really, really trying to be. I don't want to demonize you. I don't want to think negatively of you.
But it's hard.
I find myself demonizing you for what you've done. I find myself feeling emotional over you. I remind myself often that you need support during these shitty times. I try to be understanding and supportive of you.
You tell me not to wait for you, but how can I not. I'm still clinging onto that glimmer of hope, that things could change, could get better.
We all make mistakes. We're always learning and growing. It just hurts that I had to be your error in judgement. That's what it seems like, at least.
To the best of my ability and emotional sanity, I will try to be there for you and support you. But i'm attached, and it hurts.
I wish I could see you again.
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self.offmychest
|
I dont think i can do this anymore (stroke?) [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Again deleting my social media because everyone is out to get me Hello,
so this is happening again, it's 4 time im deleting the accounts in F site, preceded with deletion of all images and change of name to be not trackable.
I have a constant feeling of being followed by everyone and everyone want to destroy my life, kill my family, cut my car brakes etc.
But the worst is something else: I also fear that once I delete the media, someone would take some old pictures of me, and make a fake facebook account, role play me for some time inviting real friends and then start some rampage like writing trash to my employer or similar. Even maybe some hate speech so I could ger arrested.
I'm now torn apart, I dont know how to react to these 2 fears, any recommendations that don't involve killing myself?
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self.Anxiety
|
Guess im done Well I've tried to look for a better way to do this but I guess there isn't one. (Don't know if my method will work effectively) I'm going to fuck with this today and really have noone to tell so wish me luck reddit hopefully I don't come back here
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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