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I think I overcame my depression. I think. Until very recently, I was suffering from chronic depression that I could not remember when it began. All seemed hopeless and I just loved each day with apathy and indifference. I think I have managed to climb out of it, but I’m not so sure.
Things started getting better for me, and it all started when I decided to see a psychiatrist I had not seen in many months. Before that time, I was dealing with a minimum wage job that I hate (I’m still working there, but I hope to be able to land a better job, very soon), the stress of college, a lack of purpose, and an overbearing mom and stepdad.
We live in the suburbs, and I still don’t have a license (although I’m now working on seriously getting one), so there was nowhere I could go to within walking distance except for maybe a couple of churches and a gas station. I was stuck at home, and rarely left my room because I be little privacy as it is, and I want to escape the Dems and the constant shouting fears between my mom, stepdad, and sisters. I also find them to be trivial and just not enjoyable to be around.
Anyway, the psychiatrist had prescribed me medicine for my anxiety, but after this visit, he thought I didn’t need it anymore and that I seem to have gotten control over anxiety, and took me off the medication. I found him to be right. He recommended I go to vocational rehab to find out what kind of job I should pursue and make myself more employable.
Around the same time, my stepdad was seriously considering kicking me out because I wasn’t helping out around the house and I didn’t clean the kitchen like he had asked. I started seriously looking for other jobs so I could support myself. I came really close to getting a job at warehouse that pays a decent hourly wage, but I failed a personality test, and will have to wait six months to try again. I also have a friend who works there and that is how I heard about it, and I figured he could just give me a ride home.
Even though I didn’t get it, I started feeling a lot more confident about interviews (I’m socially awkward and a stutterer, but I somehow make it work)
After I tried vocational rehab, I decided to try another warehouse job that the counselor suggested, and so I gave it a shot. I ended up impressing the interviewer and it seems like I may actually end up getting the job. I also passed another interview for another job as something to fallback on if this one doesn’t work out, either.
Now, while I don’t feel down anymore, I still do feel indifferent about a lot of things. I still have not found my path, nor can I name anything f that I would truly consider hobbies or passions, but I plan on reading more and taking up a sport when I finally get my license.
I guess what is helping me is overcoming anxiety first, and then take baby steps, and try to develop confidence.
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self.depression
|
Do you think things will even out? Like, are we bound to just "live" a life like this or will it even out somewhere down the line? Some people have it made, got a better hand and I can't help but be jealous sometimes. It makes me wonder if life ever balances out at some point. IDK.
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self.depression
|
I hate spending time with more than 2 people I just realized that I despise it and if I have no way of escaping the group I just fake it like I'm okay until people will finally leave. Afterwards Im extremely exhausted and have to rest for a day at least. What does that make me? I feel like I shouldn't be that way. I'm at this point where I can't avoid people and I feel stressed all the time. Although at work, I'm okay.
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self.depression
|
Dark humor as a coping mechanism Does anyone else use dark humor as a coping mechanism? For me, joking about death and suicide helps me remind myself that (for the moment, at least) I’ve beaten my depression. I think that if I keep holding on to my negative thoughts and never put a positive, humorous spin on them, my depression will come back.
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self.depression
|
I just had a date.... And I am beaming. He is funny, attractivr, smart and sweet. We talked and walked for hours.
He makes me laugh so much with his deadpan, perfect delivery of jokes. And he's smart, so very smart.
He thinks I'm cute even though I looked very frumpy for the date. And he really likes my jokes and said he thinks I'm smart and likes when I talk about what I study. It's so nice to be liked in that way.
We kissed in my car and I told him how I really want to go on more dates with him. He said he agreed and wants to see me again this week. We kissed a lot. It was just so funny because we were also joking and being goofy.
I am so thrilled. I am on cloud 9. This was one of the best first dates I've ever been on. I can't wait to see him again. Sorry for the cheesiness reddit!! Just wanted to share.
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self.offmychest
|
Sister's results back After a weekend looking after my sick sister, she's been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, potentially second stage depending on whether the 5cm tumour spread before they cut it out.
I'm already emotionally unstable thanks to what some might call 'anxiety', but what I call my own weakness of character. This has thrown me off completely and now I just feel numb.
What's worse though is how guilty I feel for thinking this way. Who am I, with my baby problems? I don't have the right to take the afternoon off; I don't have the right to cry; I don't have the right to a time out.
I'm there for her - I have an ability to hide my feelings in front of everyone except my partner - and I'm supportive, but all I want to do is curl up in bed and not get up again. I want to quit my job. I want to take my sister and her son, my partner, my family, and leave this godforsaken fucking planet. I've had enough.
I'm bored with life and all its little fuck-ups.
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self.offmychest
|
Gratitude and perspective. Things that went wrong today:
* dentist tried to sell me a $700 mouth guard I don't need.
* lost $10 from a part time gig that was shortened
* thought A/C was busted, had to drive in a hot car
* got lost in a garage for *an actual hour* because all spaces were labeled "faculty/staff only." Turns out they changed their policies and never repainted the signs.
* Professor found out he's teaching the class only 2 weeks ago, might be a shit show.
* Sat next to a girl who either didn't see me or rejected me on tinder, awkward...
* GPS malfunctioned, got lost
* road was being repaved, had to drive slowly for miles, traffic
* New boots arrived but don't fit
Obviously I've been in a pretty bad mood form all of that. But I also realized that my bad mood was warping my *perception of reality.* I'll show you why.
Things that went right today:
* No cavities or other dental problems
* Did the gig, didn't get bit when giving the cat his medicine
* A/C isn't super broken. The fan makes noise, but it produces cold air.
* Was able to park, ample parking in garage, was not late to class (gave myself a long time to get there and park), able to find car quickly after class
* Professor is at least an interesting speaker
* Sitting next to a hot girl is still fun even if she doesn't want to go on a date.
* Did eventually make it home
* No accident on the way home, GPS eventually worked
* Boots can be exchanged
When I think of it that way, today's been okay. I feel better about my day when I challenge the negative events and thoughts with positive events and thoughts, especially when it relates to stuff I didn't even notice at first. I challenge you to do the same! What's something good that happened today?
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self.bipolar
|
I'm at my breaking point My moods are crazy. One minute I'm happy the next I want to kill myself. I told this to my psychologist, but it hasn't lead to a bipolar diagnosis or anything else. Which maybe I'm not necessarily bipolar, but why do I switch moods like a light switch so many times in one day? I can't stop overeating. I'm gaining so much weight. I can't focus on my assignments. Finals are coming up and I'm really really behind. I don't know what to do. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm so done. Every time I get like this, I call it "rock bottom", but it keeps getting worse. I don't know what to do.
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self.depression
|
Cleand my room today It feels good to walk freely. Cans and bottles recycled. Though I can't drive now my car is clean so some progress.
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self.depression
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I was invited to a new years party, but I can't decide if I want to go. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety about getting my drivers license? Idk if this is the right place to post this in but my parents have been urging me to get my drivers license for quite some time now (I’m 20 years old), but the thing is I never really have a need to drive since I don’t take a car with me to college, and rarely have the need when I come back to my parents’ house. I know I’ll need it in the long run and that it’s good to get it over with but I also get a lot of anxiety driving. I used to think driving seemed fun and that it’d be cool, like Tokyo drift and all those racing games without the racing (lol), but once I actually started practicing with my dad on the road, I got so much anxiety.
My hands would hurt from being tense and one time I had been driving for probably >1 hr and I was just so tired of driving and being on edge that a sudden wave of anxiety and panic washed over me and I wanted to go home asap. I feel like driving with my brother is less anxiety-inducing than driving with my dad because of their different teaching styles, but my brother’s usually busy, and I don’t want to ask him to go out of his way to help me learn how to drive.
Am I at an age where I definitely should have my drivers license? I have met some others my age who also do not yet have theirs but there aren’t many out there.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m curious to see how many people relate to how I feel and what I’m going through. I have suffered mental illness off and on since I was 15. I’m now 22 and this year has been really bad for me. Last year I went through an emotionally abusive relationship in which I was made to feel bad about my mental illness. I started seeing a psychiatrist because I started studying my symptoms and I had a good feeling I had bipolar. So I started seeing this psych to get a diagnosis and treatment because I wasn’t coping very well. I was constantly up and down and angry.
The psychiatrist said it wasn’t bipolar but she wanted to keep seeing me to just talk about how I feel, plus she prescribed me Lexapro for the low moods. I stared taking the medication and I was confident it would help. Until I took a DNA test (having worked in pharmacy, I knew a bit about the possibility of finding out which drugs affect me differently). Turned out that lexapro wasn’t effective for me, my body basically just absorbed it really quickly. Which explained my low moods at night when the meds wore off.
I went back to the psych and asked to be prescribed a new medication. I suggested Lovan as it came up as a good option in my DNA test. So I’ve been on Lovan since.
I started coping better and everything was fine, until July this year. I felt like the meds stopped working and all of a sudden, I felt the need to kill my self. Partially what triggered this, was the fact that I had to move and start a whole new job. But I think I had a lot of emotional trauma from childhood that had laid dormant in me and it’s now affecting me really badly.
One day I was at work, and I knew I had been a bit down, more than usual for the last week or so. But this day, I sat in my car on my lunch break, just sobbing. I couldn’t cope any longer. I told my friends I was really bad and that I wanted to end it.
The next morning, I went to the hospital to be admitted to the psychiatric ward, I felt unsafe at home and I had severe urges. I wasn’t let in because after an assessment, they figured I was better dealt with by a psychologist. They didn’t think I would benefit from a stay in the hospital. Once they sent me home, I started planning and I later attempted suicide. I took a cocktail of pain killers and sleeping tablets. I was rushed to the hospital once I told my partner what I’d done. That night was horrible. I spent it spewing my guts up in hospital. I spoke to a nurse who asked me what I wanted to do and eventually the decision was made to go home.
I won’t go into too much detail, but I had another attempt after that one. And I also had two seperate hospital admissions into the psychiatric ward.
It wasn’t until I started seeing a new psychiatrist, that I was told I had cluster b personality traits. He told me I had traits that aligned with Borderline Personality Disorder. This shed a whole new light on my life. I started researching it and it started to make a lot more sense than bipolar. I could really relate to the symptoms and it explained how I felt better than any other illness.
What I want to know, is what do people who feel suicidal and those who have attempted, what went through your mind at the time, what did it feel like?
I’ve been working on trying to explain it in words exactly how it feels when I get suicidal. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been able to start fighting the urges. When I start getting suicidal, I stop and think and remember that this is what I go through and that it is only temporary. I tell myself to ride it out. Most of the time, I can sleep it off and feel better the next day.
How I’ve managed to explain in words what happens to me when I get that way, is like this;
I get angry first, sometimes it’s triggered by something, mostly it’s not. The anger is really intense and hard to control. Then I start feeling sad, the anger makes me tired and I start feeling this heartbreak sensation. Once the sadness hits, it’s a downhill slope. My mind gets really loud with thoughts, I basically have an argument with my mind. The world goes a weird shade of grey, things start seeking really bleak. There’s a huge part inside me that wants to live. And this is what I try to explain to those who will listen. I do want to live. But there’s a sort of energy or entity inside me that wants to tear me apart, it’s pushing me to the edge and it wants me to kill myself. It wants me to push away everyone I love and it wants me to spread hate. It’s a vicious voice in my head. It overwhelms and overpowers me sometimes. I get a sort of restless feeling in my body. I’m restless but when I’m like that, I can’t move. I just sit and stare and feel frozen in place. It’s like the entity inside me wants me to sit and feel the negative and encourage me to do something to hurt myself. I lose all motivation to do anything but just sit there and just feel it.
I want to know if anyone feels anything similar to this? Does anyone actually want to live but are constantly pushed by their mind to end it all?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Because two depressed friends just don't go well together I met my best friend in freshmen year of college. I had been suffering at my worst from my depression prior to that year in high school. Fall semester of freshmen year was the first time in about 5 years that I almost felt "normal." That friend was my dorm mate. We were completely randomized but hit it off really well since the beginning. We spent so much time together all of our mutual acquaintances would ask where the other was if absent. Then came spring semester and the depression was back full blown. We both have depression the kind right now where you don't feel anything, and nothing excites you anymore. It started to get noticeably worse for the both of us as school progressed. We're both involved in creative majors and so the anxiety of wether or not to chase a creative path is worth it or not is a main form of anxiety for the both of us. For me it's a bit better because art has been something I've been wanting to do all my life and can't see myself doing anything else. Slowly our relationship just began to deteriorate. We'd go to the same hangouts, do the same things, become bored of it, started becoming more irritable with each other, have less and less to talk about, and eventually have nothing at all to say to each other. It was devastating, meeting up for a hangout and seeing that they obviously didn't want to. They have another friend they're close to but unlike me is someone quite extroverted and humorous with a vibrant personality. I'm more shy and my depressive episodes involve a lot of me just wanting to be left alone.
They're a bit of the passive aggressive type but I can always see what they're feeling wether they say it or not. We had been close for such a long time and then all of a sudden this other friend had become their #1. I've had trauma in the past where friends have left me in the dust so it doesn't hurt as much as it did during those times but it does sting a little. My attitude towards it is that I just give up. I don't care anymore. I see when they third wheel me and I just don't have the energy to give a shit anymore. I want to slowly fade away. I feel like I've tried my best to rekindle what we had, but it becomes a little tiring when it's all one-sided. It sucks that I feel this way on New Years, so honestly I just want to let it go. I have another really good friend which I'm fortunate to have and I will continue to put effort into the relationships that deserve it. I came to rant about this, but I feel a lot better now getting it off of my chest. I'll be looking into seeing a doctor for the first time ever about my depression and I'm feeling hopeful. Happy New Years everyone.
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self.depression
|
What can I do about my anxiety issues? UK resident [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel myself miserable, my daily life is just fucked up Now I'm looking back some days I've spent, I'm in my graduate year so I took some classes which give me feelings like total disaster, and hell man they are really sucks.
My classes are not for any job careers, so I feel a lot of worries about my future...I've got a part time job for living but it gave me just minimum wage which I can barely stand with continuing expenditures.
Without time in college, I spend my days like just lying in bed with listening some music or radio, that's exactly what I'm doing now I'm listening BBC radio and it is the only thing that makes me feel about connection with world at least.
Now I've just heard about news about Malcolm Young who's in AC/DC that he died, and it makes me more depressed. All things around me are going crazy or becoming total catastrophe, and I have no idea about how I can get over these kind of depression.
Any help or just an advice of this? I feel like I'm drowning.
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self.depression
|
Regarding social anxiety, do you ever feel like you’re on autopilot? I’ve had crippling social anxiety as far back as I can remember, but In the past 4 years or so, I’ve only worked retail jobs. I’ll be optimistic and say it really has helped in comparison to where I was before. I’ve even done small acoustic shows here and there because I love playing music, but hate the talking bit that I have to do between songs.
Now, although I’m able to force myself into these situations, I don’t feel any better about them. Hence the term “autopilot”. I’m simply not in the moment conversing with whoever it may be, and all responses are almost mechanical and monotonous. I’m in my head while talking to them and my words never flow naturally.
Anybody else feel like this? Like a drone unable to portray any genuine emotion? I don’t want “faking it” to be the answer. A lot of other people seem to have this light about them that makes them distinguishable from the next, but I’ve never felt that ease in being myself.
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self.Anxiety
|
Did he have a point? I was talking to my friend over text and i was kinda venting and saying life has been really shitty for me lately, and also I have no motivation. Like, to the point where even eating is too much of a stretch for me sometimes. And he said “not trying to be a dick, but you just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and it’ll get better”
does he have a point with this? Was I feeling sorry myself?
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self.depression
|
Clue has updated their privacy policy and introduced a new tos They've taken venture capital and are growing their biz for profit, so you may want to review these and see if you feel comfortable continuing to use their services, or wish to make changes to your settings.
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self.bipolar
|
I’m drunk, gave my last Christmas present tonight, and i have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life (my calendar is blank forever). Not waking up seems okay. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bipolar stay-at-home parents? I decided to have my first child at age 19 after going through a really bad mixed episode that left me suicidal. She ended up being the thing that saved my life. Her childhood was amazing for me - I loved staying home with her while her dad worked to support us. I had a few hypomanic and depressive episodes during that time but nothing too horrible. 3 ½ years later I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with her sister. This sent me into a bad depressive episode during the entirety of my pregnancy which was exacerbated by her birth, leading me to the hospital twice during the first few months of her life and to my bipolar diagnosis. Now I'm on lithium, lexapro, rexulti, and modafinil to help with the tiredness. I feel like I manage pretty well most days but there are some days when the extreme boredom and unrelenting monotony really tend to drag me down, sometimes triggering episodes. (Not severe ones that require hospitalization, but nonetheless uncomfortable ones that leave me sobbing, questioning my decisions to have children at all, and having suicidal ideations)
I guess what I'm asking is if there are any other stay-at-home parents on here with bipolar? How do you cope with some of the more difficult parts of being around your kids constantly?
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self.bipolar
|
Advice for sleep anxiety? I've been struggling with sleep for many years now and it wasn't until recently that I finally had the strength to admit to myself that it was more than just "I don't fall asleep right away." Happened about the same time I admitted to myself I've been struggling with depression. Was just wondering if anyone out there had any advice for helping get to sleep, cause right now the only thing that seems to numb the pain and fear is a strong drink and I'm painfully aware of how slippery a slope that is.
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self.Anxiety
|
Trying break out my bubble I have really bad anxiety. i always feeling so worthless and try to avoid akward social interaction. Im so worried that im too awkward to social with anyone and people judge me how i act. Then i felt like i feel down in myself due my anxiety l. I tried so hard ti get my life together. Its hard cycle to break i think i wont go away
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self.Anxiety
|
How can I ask for support when everyone else needs it too? I used to cry and vent to my partner every time I felt suicidal, but I have seen that it has slowly gotten to him. He's worn out and, quite frankly, he isn't the only one who has told me that. The people that have tried to be here for me try their very best, but I realize that no one else should be responsible for me so, I do feel pretty guilty for putting any baggage on them. They've asked me for help too (though not as often as I have asked), and I notice that after a while I sometimes got worn out as well...it's like none of us are properly equipped to deal with one another's problems.
The thing is, they're all suffering from depression. All of my closest friends, who I've known forever, are suicidal now. My partner still suffers from depression and has gotten suicidal in the past. I feel like he might fall back into it. Just about *every* friend I have has a mental illness and shares posts related to it on Facebook.
Is this just life? I'm really wondering if this is just a normal part of growing up. Either way, I realize that I cannot ask for help if everyone else needs help too.
I just have these silly fantasies that one day, I will actually have the courage to accomplish my big goals and bring all my depressed friends up with me, while we live happy lives doing amazing things together like a family. But until then, this is my reality. I'm getting therapy again soon anyway, but I don't know if I should hold on until then.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
giving up i decide that im never going to get better so its pointless now i tried for so long and every day is so empty and lonely and i just dont know anymore but i know that ill never get better thats the only thing i know for sure i just want to sleep forever and i dont want to go back to any hospital i just want to be happy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just having a bad day (warning: quite a negative post) I hate always having to be strong. I hate being responsible for everything. I hate when I'm just such a mess like right now. I hate always being there for everyone around me, but then ending up on my own when I'm down. Hate feeling like a burden. Keep thinking about killing myself, but I know I don't want to die, I just want to not exist for 5 minutes, for someone to come and deal with everything for me for once. I even wish I could be a kid again and hug my mom and just cry into her lap - which is ridiculous, because me and my mom don't even get along that well, as in I'd never talk to her about my feelings. But I just feel so tired and alone. I've just finished therapy for anxiety with great results and I'm not letting that go. But sometimes I just have a really bad day and I just wanted to vent in a space that does understand. It's strange how at the end of the day a website will be your best friend. Thanks for being out there, guys :( and sorry about all the negativity.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anybody else forgetful or lose track of time? Not sure if this is normal to BP1, but I'm bad at remembering stuff lately and lose track of time easily. Dementia is a trait in my family but I am scared it's just gonna get worse with age. I'm almost 25 and I have to write stuff down or put on my phone stuff all the time or I forget. My bf remembers details from our early dates that I have to be reminded of. It's not cute and I'm worried.
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self.bipolar
|
Been let down by my friend hey up, the flow of this is gonna be terrible as ive had a drink and will just put stuff down as i think of it.
this girl was supposed to be my best friend since we were teenagers. we got matching tattoos, i was named god dad to her first kid. we used to talk all day every day about everything. then my little brother, who has since passed away, got diagnosed with cancer (desmo plastic small round cell tumour) her response? "oh". nothing more than "oh". ive spent ten years of my life being the best friend i could to this person just for a fucking "oh" to the worst news of my life? things ive done for her - helped her and her then bf with car payments so they didnt lose it. bought her a breast pump cos it was the only way to feed her infant child. when i heard she had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, i dropped everything, traveled for two hours to be by her side so she wouldnt be alone. although, this may be somewhat my fault. despite never meeting him, i made me dislike for her new boyfriend quite clear. he had just had a baby with his wife and was already trying to impregnate my friend. she sent a picture of a positive pregnancy test and said "this is bad isnt it?". my response - "yes".
i told her the date of the funeral and she didnt turn up. her reason was she didnt know him. you know who came but didnt know him? the two scaffolders that work with me and my dad. she said that scaffolders are the worst of the worst but they showed support me when my best friend didnt. i asked her to come visit me around 6 months ago, she said sure. i havent seen or heard anything since then. oh and another thing thats stuck with me is she said im not depressed, im feeling sorry for myself. years of therapy, tablets and a problem with alcohol later, guess what? im still fucking depressed
thanks for reading this nonsense
edit - just remembered something. i sent her an email, while pissed up, saying basically this. her response? an xmas card from her and her new fiancee (who shes known for less than a year) saying "i hope everything is going okay =)". that made me suicidal
double edit - she would also get mad at me for hanging out with my friends down the pub or going to gigs (one of the few pleasures in my life). she said it was her worried about my health but it was so id stay in and talk to her over fb. you know how i know it wasnt health concerns? as soon as she got a regular wage, she was drinking all the time
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self.offmychest
|
I feel anxious almost every minute of the day. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
It is INSANE how different everything feels when you aren't depressed. I didn't think this would be as true as it is. Hang in there, people.
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self.bipolar
|
Do you think people can see that you're messed up when they speak to you? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Work anxiety I've spent all morning feeling light-headed, like I can't breathe very well, and am on the verge of gagging if I try to clear my throat/lungs. I know this is because I'm anxious about work. I spend so much of my time feeling this way.
How do you guys cope with this kind of thing? I feel like all I'm doing is waiting for work to be over so I can have a glass of wine at home.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm ready to do this. I'm 28 years old and still stocking shelves at a grocery store. I'm too [special needs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-functioning_autism) to graduate high school. I have no friends because I'm too fucking awkward and weird. I'm stuck in this tiny, isolated town because I probably can't find work in the big city. I don't see anything getting better. I don't see a way out of this. I've had problems with depression for over a decade, but I've never thought of seriously killing myself until now. I've always been repulsed by the thought of suicide, but lately it sounds kind of nice. Just cease to exist and all of your stress and problems will go away.
I just got distracted for an hour and a half watching you tube videos. Did I mention I have a short attention span? This post seems fucking stupid now. Maybe I just needed to calm down after work. I don't know. Am I a whiny little bitch?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
anxiety making me scared of love interest? Hi all... Thanks in advance for reading this. I'm really not sure if i'm thinking crazy or if my intuition is right.
I 29F met a guy 30M at a bar. He was fun, friendly, he came with a friend who seemed very nice and sweet.
We have been hanging out ever since, for about 2-3 weeks. Going to dinner, movies, dancing, etc. It's clear he really likes me, he's told me and he wants to see me a lot. He asked me to hang out every few days. He's been really nice with planning things... like planning outings since I'm not super familiar with the city, making sure I'm going to have fun, inviting me to places I've said I liked, etc. He's gentlemanly, like opening doors and making sure I get home safe, and stuff like that. He'll buy me drinks but hasn't insisted on paying for dinner when I've offered to split. He texts me every day, like good morning and asks me how my day is going.
I do like him, he seems nice and somewhat successful, like he has a steady job. But I'm starting to get this feeling in my stomach that's hard to describe. Kind of like this sinking feeling that something is wrong. Like I'm getting paranoid that something is wrong with him, like maybe he isn't as nice as he seems, or he's going to try to harm me in some way. But, the thing is, he hasn't done anything that I can think of that would justify me feeling this way. There was one time, where we were kissing and he started kissing me kind of aggressively and I didn't really like it because it was too intense for me for having just met someone. So I pulled back, and he apologized. And he didn't really do it again.
I met a couple of his friends one night too. And they seemed like normal people. He seems to have a good amount of friends.
But, he seems to like me a lot. It seems like too much for having just met me. And I'm just starting to feel this paranoia that I can't explain. I don't know if it's my anxiety acting up bc I'm afraid to get into another relationship, or if my intuition is trying to tell me something.
Has anyone else felt like this? I would love to have an outside opinion because I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't want to abandon something that might be good, but then again I don't want to get involved with someone that might end up being bad for me. I know I should probably get him to meet some of my friends but the thing is... I don't really have that many friends and opportunities haven't really come up.
update: after i posted this i asked him to hangout with some of my friends later today and he said he would. but he also said he "wished it was just me and him". is that weird? am i being crazy?
tl;dr i met a new guy that really likes me and is really nice but i'm paranoid he's a bad person but i don't know if its justified or if its just my anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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17-year-old; high school/career anxiety I don’t really know where to begin.
I don’t really know whether I have depression. Maybe I don’t have any mental health issues at all. Maybe I’m just a privileged, lazy ass motherfucker making excuses for himself. I feel as if my problems don’t seem acute or real enough for me to gain any sort of understanding or sympathy from anyone. My parents are upper middle class, white-collar professionals in Hong Kong. I’m a high school senior at a boarding school in the U.S. that costs $58k a year. There’s been roughly half a dozen attempted suicides and one successful one in the last three years at my school. It feels like a prison. Part of me feels guilty for complaining about the way I feel because I’m not starving or homeless or being shot at, which contributes to my depression.
I’m an alcoholic. I drink almost every week — whatever I can get my hands on. I showed up hungover to an interview at Oxford a few weeks back. It’s a long story. Basically, I applied to their Philosophy, Politics, and Economics (PPE) program. I never thought I would make the interview shortlist, but I did. When I landed at Heathrow I became really depressed for absolutely no reason, so I got plastered at an airport hotel. They didn’t card me, which was the only awesome thing that happened to me in the past month.
I hear back from Oxford on Jan 10th, but my parents and relatives won’t shut up about it. My Asian dad exploded when I told him I wasn’t applying to Harvard or Yale. My entire school knows about my application to Oxford as well, because I missed a whole week of classes during the interview process. Two weeks ago I showed up to a school exam without a tie (boarding school has really uptight dress codes), and my teacher yelled, “Quit acting like a moron...applying to Oxford when you don’t know how to put a tie on..." I got these blinding flashes of anger. So I sabotaged my exam. Answered a C for every multiple-choice question. My teacher ran out of the classroom after me, and I threatened to kill myself. After spending three hours with a counselor, I went back to my room and chugged two cans of some crappy margarita. I don’t think anyone else really understands the pressure that I’m under, the shame that I’ll feel when I open the thin envelope. It’s not that I really want to attend Oxford — it’s that I’m really fucking scared about what everyone else will think of me when I get rejected.
For the past couple years I’ve been looking at salaries on Glassdoor. It’s an unhealthy addiction. I obsess over whether I would earn more as a future associate or partner at WLRK or Cravath or whatnot. Or whether I should go into banking or management consulting or whatnot. I’ve always been impressed by the reports that I read on the websites of Goldman Sachs, McKinsey & Co, the Harvard Business Review — but reading them makes me feel like I don’t know shit about the planet I live on — about our economy and our society. Like I’m utterly unqualified to do anything significant and meaningful on this planet.
I've been reading newspapers and magazines (mainly NYT, the Economist, Foreign Affairs) since I was in 3rd grade, and I can't help but think that this world is a crappy place. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I worry a lot. Some of it has to do with political and economic trends — trade and globalization, automation and AI, whether the rise in right-wing populism will negatively affect political decision-making in Western democracies. I hate being a powerless teenager. Wish I could change that.
But another reason why I have this career anxiety is for selfish reasons. Money. Part of me feels as if I'm not going to get laid without a 7-figure investment portfolio and a corner office because I'm a loser. I look like a loser. Or maybe it's the fact that all the other kids around me seem so much wealthier, and I want to outdo them. My parents are pretty parsimonious with my allowance, whereas half the kids at my school have their wardrobes stuffed full of Gucci/LV/Burberry. I live in constant fear that I'll be 40 and a virgin and stuck in a fucking cubicle drinking crappy whiskey because I won't be able to afford Macallan on $30k a year. And then I'll go on Instagram and see Brad (not a real person at my school) at his summer home, in a Porsche downing Dom Perignon with his blonde trophy wife.
My depression is affecting my high school grades. That’s why I’m not applying to Harvard or Yale. Because I have a 3.4 GPA — like, it’s a guaranteed rejection. I had great grades my first couple years, but things took a turn for the worse junior year. Now I’m barely passing my classes. Sometimes I’m too drunk to work. Sometimes I just sit on my bed and wallow in my despair. I just got an email today saying that I’ve failed my first semester of English, because I haven’t turned in half my essays. I’m not going to graduate if my grades don’t pick up the second half of senior year. It’s not the first time I failed something. I used to really enjoy math. I used to be pretty good at math — I took the AP Calculus BC exam when I was 13 years old and scored a 5. Last year I took an online course on differential equations and number theory, and I failed. I hate math now. It just doesn’t excite me the way it used to. I know it's ironic that I'm so ambitious and my career is already in tatters.
My teachers won’t stop yelling at me. They don’t think I’m depressed. They say I’m just a lazy ass motherfucker who could easily get straight As. My college counselor made a snide joke about me being the only high school dropout in the country with a 36 ACT. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not depressed. Maybe they’re right. But I feel depressed. I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut everyday. I constantly feel deflated, disappointed. I can’t get out of bed in the morning without half an hour of crying. No one understands me. They feel as if I should be happy because I’m fortunate enough to attend such a “great school”, telling me to “get over it”.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Especially when I get rejected from Oxford, or when I fail to graduate. Maybe I’m going to hang myself with a tie. The most colorful way of suicide that I’ve devised is to get an Uber to the closest city and snort enough coke off a Russian hooker’s ass to overdose. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. What’s the point. Thanks for reading.
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self.depression
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I just want to get out I just want to get out of this. I just want life to stop. I just want to stop having people who'd be upset if I died. I just want an atomic bomb or something to come crashing down and wipe out everything so there was nobody left.
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE AND I'M NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO. I just want all of this to stop. All of this stupid pain and nonsense. I don't want any of this. I don't want to have a mom and a sister and people who'd be upset. I don't want to be alive I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to at least be allowed to DIE.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help, I'm stuck inside my head I havn't left the house since the 19th and I can't belive its only been a week.
I'm sorry if this is a load but I have to get it out there somewhere...
I'm starting to hear an invasive voice telling me to suicide and its so voilent... Why must I be a mess!? I just want to be normal and have a good holiday!
The days are starting to blurr togeather as my sleep goes hay wire. I don't know how this happened. I am alone in my basement away from the sun... I might as well be in space lightyears away from anyone...
I've tried to hang out with my only RL friend but she is for her own reasons reluctant to hang out with anyone... How do I tell someone who also has depression that I kinda need them to help you and also want to help them if they want it... Stupid question I know because "you can't make people change" but also "people are reluctant to change." Maybe I'll listen to the voice in my head. I just want to stop suffering so pointlessly.
Who am I anyway? I've built this avat... No I've articulated a pronouncement of who I am. I'm not someone else I am me. A lost individual who is afraid to burden a friend with my un answerable problem... When they have problems of their own that I am unable to help or to solve.
Another corner in labrinthia...
3:44... again... I discovered why I can't sleep, all too late... Too. Much. Sugar... Why must I have a sweet tooth.
I've been working this one out in my head for a while, and I think I finnaly got it.
We are the person we will always be from birth. We form a set of behaviours from the start and each and everthing that happens to us in life is but another step on the road. It is only how we respond toeach grain of sand and every boulder on the road that makes us who we are. It is my belife that each and every person is bound to who they are even if we claim other wise this is just another form of expression from the soul upon the mold that becomes the "avatar" or the "persona". Sometimes there are those who try to pretend to be other people but I belive this is just the break down of the pronouncination of the avatar compaired to the soul. This is because the rock or perhaps the boulder that lands in our path has perplexed us and so we seek to emulate a hero that is capable of overcoming this obstacle.
Another few turns in the maze... This time the thought escaped... 4:10...
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self.depression
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Trying to find a psychiatrist and the next available appointment would be in March. I would have killed myself by then I am desperately trying to find a psychiatrist but all of the available appointments are so far out. I know there is a shortage of psychiatrists but jfc. I barely have enough energy to search for help and this is discouraging. Meanwhile, I'm getting worse by the day. This doesn't look good for me.
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self.Anxiety
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Fuck off Christmas, and you Don't want to be your friend anymore, you just make me uncomfortable now.
Told a friend I had some last minute Christmas shopping to do, and he invited himself along with me. "Same! Let's go together, we can have some nice lunch afterward" or something like that.
Fine, but I said I didn't want to spend a lot of time since I was only buying for my Mum, which he agreed, since he only had his and his sister.
He would stop and go into almost every store we passed by and browse. Sure he was only there for a minute, but Jesus.
When the (Pandora) shop assistant came over and he chatted (flirted) with her, he pointed out one of the pieces they had on display and said "this is it, exactly." She let him know how much it would cost and he said it didn't matter, since it was perfect for her
Ugh, kill me. He dropped more than £650 on the bracelet and then more charms for her other bracelets she already had! Don't care how much you love your mum, or how lovely she is, fuck off spending that cash, you don't have to spend that much.
No I don't want to eat at the sushi bar, can't we eat in the spoons? Why does lunch have to be expensive????
Today was poor, logged on to facebook and there's his sister thanking him for all his presents to her. Fuck spending £1,000+ on a handbag man. I know he makes more money than me, but still, calm down
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self.offmychest
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I think I hate my mom I’ve been off from work for about two months now, I live at home but with my savings I’ve been fulfilling my financial duties. I was diagnosed with BP2 in November and my current job is a trigger for me, and I’m currently job hunting. She just burst in my room and told me that I shouldn’t listen to my doctor and that my diagnosis isn’t real. She then told me that my real problem is that I’m possessed by demons (because I’m an atheist) because of my sins and refusing to believe in Christ who can be my savior.
I have a REALLY bad temper so I didn’t say anything to her, I started to count in my head and tried to tune her out, I just let her keep yelling for about 20 minutes about how only Jesus can save me, and I’m just lazy and nothing is wrong with me (mind you I’ve been working since I was of legal age to do so, and worked to put myself through university since she spent every penny that was saved up for me to pay for school and never saved any child support from my asshole dad for me) I wanted to choke her, and didn’t want to escalate anything and rile myself up, so I asked her to leave my room and she wouldn’t. I put my headphones on and she came and snatched them and broke them. I fucking hate this woman. I’ve had years and years of resentment toward her but I buried it because she was a single mother and she did her best to make sure I had a good childhood but her fucking obsession with Jesus and the Bible the point that she just totally dismissed what’s been going on with me and saying my diagnosis is basically hogwash just really fucking pissed me off.
Now my anxiety is up and I’m having really bad chest pains from trying to control myself for the last hour from doing or saying something I’d regret. I finally came out of my depressive state and I feel it creeping back again. I hate her so much right now. I need to look for another place and let her handle the bills on her fucking own. Fuck this shit.
/endrant
TL;DR- my mom says I’m not bipolar, I’m just demon possessed and I hate her for it.
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self.bipolar
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How do I stop anxiety attacks that happen when I think about death? Lately, all I can think about is death and it's inevitability. Every thing I do, the next thought is how I will eventually run out of times to do that and how I'm eventually going to die. It terrifies me to the point of me punching walls and trying to claw my skin off because I get so anxious during my attacks. It's gotten so bad that I have dropped my religion, stopped searching for jobs (college senior), can't even focus on my classes, and can't sleep for fear of death. I'm getting really tired of seeing nothing but black ahead of me and realizing that eventually this all becomes pointless.
I know I get this from studying Astrophysics as I do every day, but I don't know how to stop it. I just want to enjoy senior year. Do you guys have any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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Life changing for the better scares me for the trauma to come At sixteen, the only thing that seems to matter to teenagers is either their pressing singledom or the lack of excitement or good grades.
Unlike me.
At sixteen, I am forced to imagine the countless possibilities and ways in which I could end my life, or think up ways to escape the hurt that has plagued me for years. What is your earliest memory? Is it the way your mother’s or your father’s eyes crinkling when they look at you, or a flaming red butterfly fluttering through the garden landscape. Mine are neither.
Mine consists of my father repeatedly hitting my mother as I stand in one corner, a child of two, my face aghast but unable to save anyone. That is when the self-hatred started. In transcended a line or two when my father cheated on my mother to begin another family, as my mother had always deviated her time towards my upbringing, and because I was the only child. A girl. He wanted a boy. Who wants a girl, anyways?
It turned to self destruction when I was slut-shamed, bullied and harassed at school, and accepted all the words that were spoken for me. Rather, I began self-harm. I would carve the words on my skin to tell me that yes, you are a slut. You are a whore. You are everything they tell you.
3rd June, 2017 was my first suicide attempt. My ‘best friend’. When I contacted her to tell her that I was thinking of doing so she told me she was ‘busy’. And hung up. That is when it clicked. WHY was I killing myself for these people? I stepped back. I mustered up enough courage to tell my mother, three months later. She had a minor heart attack. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
It’s been better. Half a year has gone by. But at times, I still think of it. Do I really deserve to live? Is not all that has happened to me a sign? A punishment? Shouldn’t I stop being a fucking coward and kill myself, do everyone a favour, for once?
But I can’t.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't stop crying, and I feel like I'm losing it. I've been crying on and off for the better part of the last few days. I'm crying now. I've cried more in the past few days than I have in the past couple years. I don't even know why.
I'm so stressed and anxious all the time. I get hives because I'm so anxious.
I don't know what the point of this post was. I just needed to tell someone and I don't have anyone else to tell.
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self.Anxiety
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One day at a time I can't even compose the words to describe my situation without getting into specifics but I really fucked up my life, with a single small mistake that had devastating consequences on my current employment (now fired), my career and future finances, and the plans I had with my wife, daughter and son.
All my plans were laid out and in an instant they have vanished before me. I should have dealt with the grief of my father's early death a year back sooner instead of ignoring it and letting it bottle up at work. I was way in over my head with the responsibility required of me but I needed the money to support my mom, sister, wife and 2 kids after my dad's death.
The past week I have been lurking here every day because it sometimes helps to read other people on the brink to know that we are not alone. As much as I entertain the idea of just letting everything go, it would completely destroy everything around me. My wife, my two children would be fatherless, my sister is already suicidal and it may trigger her to jump ship too and my mom is still a mess after my father's death.
It's so alluring to just let it all go. It may just be my severe anxiety that is pushing my fight or flight response to run from my situation but I'm honestly paralyzed daily by the potential repercussions of my actions.
I've tried to talk to my mom and wife about how guilty and sorry I am for what I did, but I don't think they know the extent of my despair. There's little they can do regarding how this will play out, they can only try and remain strong for me and assure me it's not as bad as I am making it out to be.
One day at a time. But anytime I sleep or find some calm, it just takes waking up or re-remembering what I did to drop me back into complete paralysis.
It feels impossible to get through this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thank God for exercise. All-natural pick-me-up Yesterday I spent 18 hours in bed. I don't have a job and I'm probably fucking depressed. Its been going on like that for a long time.
But I still try force myself to do stuff. I'm auditing a class. I play hockey once or twice a week. And today I had my first game of a weekend soccer league. AND FUCK IT WAS FUN!!!!
I felt more alive than I have in weeks. And its now afternoon and I haven't and have no plans to fall into a bed. For today at least, maybe I get to feel normal. What a fucking blessing.
And I almost didn't make it. I remember still laying in bed after both my alarms went off this morning conjuring excuses in my head, trying to coax myself back to sleep. But I didn't. I got up, went out there, and had a really good fucking time.
To me its a good reminder what the right type of exercise can do for you. If you are feeling down: make it a priority. And if it can involve other people and even some outdoor sunshine EVEN BETTER.
Wishing you all the best. And hoping I can keep this going as long as possible
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self.bipolar
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Try chamomile tea. Im a hypochondriac and have physical symptoms for a week or two when I’m
having a period of high anxiety (I characterize this as a time where I am highly stressed, and have daily anxiety, panic attacks, or intrusive thoughts, typically around the time i’m having my menstrual cycle). I can’t sleep because of a racing heart, wake up fine then slowly regress into headaches or a racing heart.
My headaches are basically scalp and neck tension which causes dizziness, then usually a standard pulsing headache. It causes the appearance of dizziness
and head twitches and some
brain fog. I thought I had a neuro disorder (again, hypochondriac) but my docs ran a few tests and asked a ton of questions and chalked it up to anxiety (and it makes a lot of sense given the times it happens).
Anyways, I recently discovered Chamomile tea after being a Black tea, then green tea addict.
Chamomile tea pretty much eases or destroys my brain fog and tension headaches. I’m weird about taking medications now so advil isn’t an option for me. But chamomile tea has helped tremendously and I believe it’s caffeine free. It really mostly has immediate, short term effects, but feeling better for even an hour or two reminds me that there’s a baseline “normal” and the feeling is temporary and if it was serious it probably wouldn’t have as easy a fix as a cup of tea.
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self.Anxiety
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FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
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I was crazy about you... Granted we only dated for about 6 months, but I enjoyed the time we had. Everything was great until the end, when I grew suspicious of you. When I made a dating profile in hopes of finding yours. But you found mine first. You wouldn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t dating other guys. I was embarrassed when I told you the truth, that I was snooping, but you still wouldn’t believe me. You told me how I hurt you so bad and that we shouldn’t see each other anymore. You were mad at me for making a throw away profile, but you never found it wrong that you had a real profile AND used it often enough that you found my profile in less than 2 days. I knew it was a bullshit argument. Then I found some girl’s instagram with pictures of you on it and “2-2-14” as her bio, 9 days prior to the last time I saw you spent the night. I was crushed. I was jealous and I was insecure. I felt this way for at least the year following. I stalked her account waiting for your relationship to fail that first year. Finally I got over you. I realized how much of a piece of shit you were. I started dating other guys and you stopped crossing my mind. I stopped checking her instagram.
Then you struck again. You reached out to me looking to hookup. I decline and asked about your new girlfriend. You complained that she was saving herself for marriage and you’re too horny for that kind of life. You continued to reach out to me every few months for the next 3 years. You would tell how lovely I am and how you missed me and how you were unhappy with her, but you never left her. I continued to decline your “offers” but you never stopped trying. Then on Thanksgiving you had the audacity to snapchat message me and tell me that you are getting engaged and now would be the last chance I had to hook up with you. I laughed in your face and told you no. I wished you the best in your marriage, which seemed to be off to a great start. But despite the fact that I’m no longer interested in being with you, you were able to bring back all of those terrible emotions I felt when you ended it between us four years ago. I hate that you can do that. I hate that I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you. I’m not jealous of your soon to be fiancé, but goddamn am I angry. I wish I would have saved the message. I wish I would have shown her. Not because I want to protect her, I could have told her you that have been trying to hook up with me for ages. Quite honestly, I don’t think she’s stupid enough not to realize that you’re a snake. I think she’s ignoring it. I wanted to show her the message you sent because I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to make you feel as empty and shellshocked as I did when you pulled the rug from under me on February 11, 2014.
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self.offmychest
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I don’t want to die feeling like I was never loved 47M married to 41F. We have no intimate life. I feel like this is the life I was given.
I don’t want to die having forever thoughts of not feeling wanted
I have never experienced affection, adoration or intimacy.
Yes we have made love (3 times in 2017) But it’s all me.
I have never had manual play (handjob)
I have never had oral on me (blowjob)
I have never been lustfully fucked, only starfish.
I do everything and anything to make her feel wanted.
One time, before I die, want to feel this.
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self.depression
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My housemate is having loud sex in his bedroom right next to mine and it sucks. [deleted]
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self.depression
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At this point I either shut down or kill myself. That's all that's left. Not much to say. Just tired. And sick of everything.
I want to try killing myself, but live. And I don't know why. I keep thinking about walking into traffic or just collapsing randomly at school. But make it. I don't know why.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can I make an appointment with my GP without my parents finding out? Dammit, I've wanted to talk to someone about this for a while now but every single time I get the chance, I fuck it up and just lie about how I'm feeling. If there's one person I could possibly talk to, it would be my GP (but I haven't seen them in a while).
I live in the UK and I'm 16 if it helps.
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self.depression
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Looking for an anxiety oriented podcast. Hello everyone, I was wondering if anyone has come across a podcast where the main focus is anxiety. I have been looking for one but all I find is a bunch of miscellaneous podcasts where they dabble in it for a session and then move on.
I have been trying to look for on since I came across the [iProcrastinate](http://iprocrastinate.libsyn.com) podcast which is hosted by Timothy Pychyl, who is a Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Carleton University with his main academic focus being procrastination, but again all I have found is random one offs.
I bring him up for a frame of reference, but maybe its a one-in-a-million type of deal that someone with such credentials would host a podcast. Can anyone help me out here?
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self.Anxiety
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Is it fair to date someone while depressed? If so, how do you tell them about it and at what stage?
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self.depression
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26 years old never had college, no career path or dreams, no idea what the fuck to do. Desperate for help, for kindness. Please Turned 26 this year. I've held myself back for a long ass time. Live with my parents with my girlfriend, we're paying rent trying to make ends meet so we can get out of here and do our thing.
Because of trauma and abuse I never got interested in college, instead like an alcoholic I buried myself in video games and fantasy hoping the promises my family made me to help me get started would come true. I've been working jobs since 19, so I can't say I've done nothing totally but I feel like my life is worthless.
They helped my sister drive, they supported her, she had a car, so she got work early. They never helped me drive, never helped me do anything, I just turned 18 and they expected miracles I guess.
I'm so old now and I'll probably never do anything with my life. I'm too old for college, I have no direction and I'm a complete screw up.
My girlfriend doesn't love me anymore and how the fuck can I rekindle a relationship with someone when I can't even drive. I loved her so much and I can't even treat her to the world and show her what a queen she is to me.
Why couldn't you just help your kid out in life? Why did you expect me to do everything at 16-18 by myself! Shit you never even talked to me to gauge how I was emotionally. I was the problem child you created that you wanted to forget about and throw away the key.
You had a kid sis? you were proud of her, now she's 15 and you're going to help her get a car and license, huh sis? I was your little sibling. Where were you when dad was abusive and mom had two diseases and couldn't speak (literally) for 10 years.
My grandma just died, we're moving for the first time in 20 years. I've been depressed and stuck in bed for 2 weeks. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I'm physically and mentally sick and tired. Eating is hard, showering is hard...
My mind is such a mess. I need a friend, a word of encouragement. I don't want to die, I want to live, I really do but I feel like I'll never be happy.
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self.offmychest
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RIP good old TV Rest in peace. Without any good friends, good relationship with my parents or family in general, things breaking by accident are a way bigger deal than they should be. I hope this will become more and more insignificant as i get older.
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self.offmychest
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The two reasons why I still haven't offed myself or will never do it. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I love you guys but... Dear family,
I love you. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't have moved to another country if I didn't. I left behind everything because I probably wouldn't have survived on my own because my anxiety and ongoing depression. That being said, Please stop fighting. It's hard enough that I have to live with a narcissist, and make sure she stops manipulating both you and my grandfather.
Mom, I love you. But I don't know if I can take care of you anymore. I have caretaker burn out because I'm taking care of you and my grandfather. I've been taking care of your mental health since I was a child. Which I learned only a few short years ago wasn't my job, nor something I should have dreaded. Not to mention the fact, I brushed off my own abuse by your hands because you were ill. You stopped the physical part so many years ago, but I hate that you still occasionally lash out at me. I take it because I don't know what else to do than accept. Then you apologize and say it won't happen again. At this point, I'm used to it which is terrible.
Grandpa, I love you. You're very stubborn when it comes to your health and want things done your way. Which is bad because it makes things a bit more difficult. Honestly though, you are the least problematic of the bunch.
Grandmother aka grandmonster. Fuck you. You are the catalyst for so many of the terrible things in my life and my mother's. I hate that there is a small part of me that wants a grandmother that would love me unconditionally. I accept that you are horrible and let every insult and backhanded compliment bounce off me. I hate the fact you annoy and bother my grandfather that he occasionally takes his annoyance on us. ( Which isn't bad. He is just grumpy)
Still, I hope that I'll be able to find a psychiatrist in this country to help with my issues. I'm tired, anxious and depressed. Essentially, I'm physically alone here but I have friends to turn to online which is something that keeps me going. I have my stick and I'm going to keep fighting for them and me. So I'll be able to see them again. So that I can stop pretending to be happy and put together. Instead, I will be happy and put together. So I'll be able to survive on my own.
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self.offmychest
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I should have seen it coming. **This is gonna be all over the place because this whole thing is all types of messy**
My mom has a history of jumping into relationships that aren't healthy. It happened with both of her marriages and all of her boyfriends afterwards. My mom's first boyfriend after her second divorce was completely fake. He photo-shopped pictures of himself on boats, and lied about owning an orphanage in Italy and supposedly burned down. He and my mother sent emails back and forth quite frequently and talked on the phone a bunch. He was always away on work. My mother has a weakness to romantic words, so any man that could type up a paragraph or two from a cheesy romance novel, my mom would be ready to marry him. After I told my mother multiple times that this (first) guy was a total fruad, she didn't believe me. Only when she started showing her friends the photo-shopped pictures and them telling her that those were fake did she believe that. She then cut it off with him.
The next guy my mom used to live next to when my mom and dad were still married. He was an older, more traditional type of man. He wanted my mom always to look nice, always to cook for him and clean; the same way his mother treated him, because he was a momma's boy. I kept telling my mom, "Maybe he should cook for you?" "Why doesn't he come over here and have dinner with all of us." "Why are you always cleaning up after him?" She blew it off, and said I was just a jealous child now that my mother was giving her attention else where. Weeks later, my mother came to me crying and upset about how she had told him to stop calling her and to never contact her because she wanted a man to treat her right and spoil her. I comforted her and thought about how she didn't listen to me again.
This final guy's name is Tom. They met on a dating site, and at first I didn't have a problem with him. Then I found out he smoked, and held terrible politics that went against me, and my family. He's supremely racist, but idolizes mexican culture. All he can eat because of his "stomach issue" is tacos. He has a shopping addiction; all he does when my mother and he are sitting on the couch is browsing on one of his many shopping apps to buy cheap, shit quality items. My mom, on the other hand, has weak lungs, a herniated stomach, and a heart murmur. When she first started seeing him and I found out that he smoked, I tried to discuss with her calmly that he needs to stop smoking around her because it will bring nothing but complications to her health; she laughed in my face and disregarded me. That's a common thing that she does. Then, we found out about her herniated stomach. My grandma and I tried talking to her about how she needs to stop eating tacos, and just shit food in general, with Tom because it is going to be terrible for her health. She doesn't need shit food like tacos. She needs vitamin and nutrient rich food. When my grandma and I tried bringing it up to her, it turned into an argument. She ran out of the house and left for hours; leaving her phone, keys and purse. No one knew where she was. Hours later, she showed up and didn't talk to me for days.
My mom has this thing in her head that she needs a man to validate her. She needs a man to give her guidance. That would be fine and all, if she didn't raise and teach my sister and I to be strong independent people; to not rely on others. But immediately when a man walks into her life, she forgets that *strong, independent* lifestyle for a one of passiveness.
I haven't been able to have a normal conversation with my mom about anything for months. Any time her health or her relationship is brought up in conversation, she immediately gets defensive and irritated. Me having to live there, I've only been trying to avoid her at all costs, but sometimes she just likes to try to pick a fight over stupid shit like constantly asking who left the door open, or did you do the dishes.
I had to move in with my mom temporarily because I moved out of my x-roommates place because she was treating me like shit, and because I had to fix up my old home. My mom said it was fine that I was going to stay in the basement with my partner while we fixed up our home and moved in. My mom and my grandma always told me my whole life if I ever needed a place to go, I could always go to them for how ever long I needed.
**So getting into why I should seen this coming...**
My mom's boyfriend has no regard for anyone else but himself. He's extremely selfish. He recently had to put his dog Sherman down and he and mom swore up and down about not getting another dog. Yesterday, he came home with a 2 1/2 year old dog, just like his last dog. He bought him on facebook for $170. The dog was being abused and neglected and I was kind of happy that Tom had saved the dog from that bad situation. Tom quickly showed that he didn't know how to train a dog, or even let a dog get used to his surroundings, *especially a dog that had been left in a garage for 7 months and is only just now getting social interaction*. When I was petting the dog and giving him attention, I had told him the command "sit" a few times but he didn't listen. So I was being patient with him and still just enjoying the dogs affections. I had said "sit" in front of my mom to the dog, and he didn't react to it so my mom's first thought was "Oh let me come from behind him and force his lower half down into a sitting position." I snapped at my mom, telling her that you don't force a dogs butt down from behind, especially if they aren't paying attention to the random person behind them. That's just not okay. I went back down to the basement and relaxed before work.
Apparently that night, instead of letting this new and abused dog get used to his surroundings, Mom and Tom took him upstairs to bed with them. Tom had told the dog to go to bed and the dog, not knowing this command, did not. Tom said it again and grabbed the dog by the neck to force him down, and in turn **the dog bit him** as a defensive action to a strange man grabbing him by the neck.
Like, lets reiterate that you don't grab a dog by the neck who is getting used to their new surroundings.
You don't grab a dog by the neck in general.
You don't grab an abused dog in a new place by the neck to assert your dominance on the first day in a new home.
My mom took Tom's side no matter what. It turned into a huge argument because Tom went and put the dog out in the garage, the same place that the poor animal was being abused in 7 months prior. I kept repeating that it wasn't the dogs fault. Tom shouldn't have grabbed him. Tom wanted to return the dog the next day, *like he was some sort of defective item*. When my partner got off work, he worked his amazing and super friendly magic, getting the dog into the house. He was nervous and didn't want to leave the garage. We got him inside and he was such a friendly and sweet dog. At no point did he growl, snarl or anything at us. He just was so happy to have social interaction.
Tom got home and was pissed that the dog was inside the house. "Why is the dog inside?" He asked.
"It's freezing outside and that is no place for a dog. I was not going to leave him out there."
"Yeah, well I wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna bite anyone else!"
"If he bites anyone else, it's on me! But he's been nothing but sweet and friendly. I'm not gonna continue the abuse on this dog!"
Tom walked away and soon after, my mom walked in. She already looked pissed.
Grandma asked her why she was pissed, and I responded with "She's always pissed. She doesn't need a reason anymore."
It turned into a huge argument. In turn, she kicked me out, telling me that her life was none of my business and all I do is disrespect her.
It wasn't the case. She just didn't want to pay attention to what I had to say as she had done my whole life. She never took what I had to say seriously. So, without the approval to move into my new place that wasn't ready, my partner and I moved out our stuff in a little over two hours and now I won't be in contact with my mother anymore, because she fins her relationships to be more important than her relationship with her daughter.
There's way more too it but my brain is so frazzled and in such shock from the days events that not all the details got added in. I'm just in disbelief at this point. I'm in my new place, and its a mess but at least its home, I guess. Typing this has really helped.
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self.offmychest
|
wellbutrin+ mirtazapine + abilify combo has anyone been on a similar combo? My doc wants me to start this combo and I was wondering if anyone been on a similar one and how it worked out. Im taking them for depression, bipolar and anxiety.
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self.bipolar
|
i can't stop crying. I feel like my heart is being ripped out. why can't he just feel for me like I feel for him...
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self.offmychest
|
I can't face the consequences of my actions I have always had a problem with throwing tantrums and screaming at people whenever I feel upset or angry. Now, I had one and got into really serious trouble for it because I insulted someone based on his race directly and explicitly. He was innocent and I had absolutely no reason to say that.
My chances of having any type of career now are pretty much zero. Everyone will just think I'm a dirtbag human being. I can't accept what I did and I can't deal with the consequences. I will probably end up homeless. Killing myself gives me an escape. People are so angry that it doesn't make sense to try to fix my anger and abusive thinking problems because they won't care. I knew I was being cruel.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just realized I had depression for way too long [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Best bipolar videos I've found (youtube) Since I was diagnosed, I've been nigh-obsessively looking for all the videos on Bipolar I could find. I thought the community would like a compilation of what I've found:
Stephen Fry's "The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" parts [1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yT_F0dMZRU), [2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7tLn57pf-8), and [10 years later](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NJEA9t4vs0) -- Stephen Fry's intimate expose into his own bipolar, how it's affected his life, and the research being done at the time of filming.
[Of Two Minds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-SpgW2V4zs): A documentary that follows multiple individuals with bipolar disorder as they try to manage their condition and learn about it.
[Dr. Patrick McKeon: What Bipolar Disorder is and what to do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHGf82yy33Q) : A lecture given on bipolar disorder discussing the features and traits of the illness, what aggravates it, and how to avoid the condition. Features of how it can present.
[Ride the Tiger: A Guide Through the Bipolar Brain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxnbAFQINoM) : A documentary looking at the neuroscience behind bipolar disorder, and the technologies being used to explore the illness and possible treatments.
[Mindscape: Richard Dreyfuss on Living with Bipolar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsE6c4XkiAc) : A 20-minute long interview with Richard Dreyfuss on his struggle with bipolar and treatment.
[Coping with Bipolar Disorder: Eight Practical Strategies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly5zmx3ZORc) : Lecture broken up into three parts given by David Miklowitz, author of the HUGELY helpful [Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide](https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Second/dp/1606235427), including practical tips to help manage and prevent episodes, as well as what leads up to them.
[Bipolar Disorder: Preventing Relapse, by Dr. Patrick McKeon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mdopKvBqNA) : Lecture given on how to prevent relapse in bipolar disorder.
[What's New in Bipolar Disorder?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xwjbm6qICI) A lecture by Paul Erickson, MD on the then-most current developments in bipolar disorder.
[DOCS: Being Bipolar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMFLeNDKwxY) : A mental health documentary looking at bipolar disorder, multiple people that have been affected by it, by a psychologist seeking to understand the disorder better.
[Mood Disorders and Creativity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MOHA-_O4EI) : Lecture given by Kay Redfield Jamison on famous historical figures that may have suffered mood disorders, and how their possible disorders may have impacted their work. Spoilers: Bepeeps like poetry. LOL
[Kay Redfield Jamison: Understanding Suicide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVV6vlaSfVQ) : A lecture on suicide, the scope of the problem, given by Kay Jamison, bipolar patient and researcher.
[Why do people die by suicide?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Arywx88jMXw) : A lecture given on suicide including warning signs, how to talk to someone that's suicidal, and why people commit suicide. *Note: The techniques presented in this video helped me talk a fellow redditor through a depression that they couldn't see a way through. Definitely recommend this video.
[Inside the Darkness of Depression](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vBEF1ctM6Q) : One of four lectures given by Michael Di Paolo, PHD on depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. I thoroughly recommend all of them, [which can be found on the NAMI SGV channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXbZii1J_SIJ79AP5SU_OIQ)
There's a metric shitton of videos out there. Here are some of the best I've found. Hope you can find some use out of them! <3
EDIT: Updated with more videos!
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self.bipolar
|
Your Mentality Determines Your Reality Never let outside circumstances or individuals determine the way you are as a person, your hustle nor your attitude. Everyone has to deal with frustrating situations with things that are out of control but each of these is a test where we can use the situation as an opportunity for growth. Feeling like the driver in front of you is being a jerk? Practice patience. Dealing with a terrible client? Practice emotional stability and professionalism. Life is a test, don’t let externals be the determinant of who you are and continue to maintain a positive disposition, for it is worth more than all the money in the world.
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self.depression
|
I feel alone I'm a teen. I live with my mother. Last year I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum with depression and anxiety.
Anyways, my mother started dating about three months ago. I strongly dislike this guy - he just seems really off to me. I've been too anxious with him around to leave my room now. Just one month ago she said she wouldn't be moving him in anytime soon. Now? Every night he's here, he makes dinner, gets up early to work, comes back each night, spends every weekend here. He's always here. I feel trapped in my room because I just hate him. Also, to add on to this issue, my room shares a wall with her room. Our beds share a wall. I have expressed my discomfort to her about how I hear everything that goes on in her room. She doesn't care. I don't have anywhere else to sleep - my room is too crowded to move anything. Even moving my bed the issue wouldn't stop. I understand she's an adult and she deserves a relationship, but honestly this isn't my only issue with her. It's just one of many.
I finally tried to have a discussion with her by writing her a long letter last month. Last week she screamed at me and sent me to my father. I love my father, but being in his house makes me uncomfortable because of my step mother and her family. They're so very loud, nosey, and I just feel too uncomfortable to do anything. I won't ask for anything, I try to pack as much as I can to avoid her mother doing my laundry, and I spend most time sitting quietly. But she sent me there because of that letter. Because I tried to talk. I told her I want her to evaluate her relationship. I told her I want to talk about the things I like. I told her I felt scared to talk to her. Then she insulted me, said I was a burden on her relationship, and that I'm too young to understand love. She then said I was a spoiled brat and proceed to put me down by attacking my biggest insecurities. It hurt so much. I cried for hours that night wondering how long she's hated me so much.
I just don't understand. I want her to listen. I want her to ask about my stupid little games that I never get to discuss. I want to talk about my feelings. I want to feel like I matter. Not that I'm second to her relationship. I think I always have been, though. After she left my dad, she married an abusive man she left and returned to many times, then a toothless red neck who was a mechanic, and now a red neck with half of his teeth. This current one smokes, drinks, smokes weed, drives rather recklessly, and is ten years younger. May not seem like any of those factors are too bad, but I just don't like it. My mother hates smokers, she hated country music, and never drank. After her last relationship ended she started drinking, but she hasn't stopped. She's reached a point where I'm convinced she's an alcoholic - she's getting drunk whenever she can. I feel like every time I try to talk to her now, she's either drunk or high. The other night I broke down and tried to talk to her. She passed out before I got anywhere. Sure made me feel loved and like she was listening.
She takes everything I say and makes it about her. I'm uncomfortable with her boyfriend being in the only place I'm comfortable? Guess I want my mother to die alone crying and drinking. I feel like I'm anxious? No, I'm just making up excuses. She twists everything around. Sure, I'm a depressed and anxious kid, but she has to deal with me! Why can't I every consider her! I just hate her so damn much ya know /s
Despite my mental issues at the moment, I'm increasingly concerned about her mental state. Her last relationship ended after she drove him off due to her clinginess. She knew all of his passwords to every account of any kind. He couldn't watch videos with women, movies with women, or so much as look at another woman. It resulted in her blowing up at him and threatening to kill herself. She isn't like that now, but I still think it's there. She claims she's in a healthy relationship, but when you actively have to remind yourself to not go through all of his things, it seems more like you're still worried.
Call me crazy, but I think she went for the weakest man she could find. Before him she talked to various other men of different backgrounds, yet she went for this one. A stoner red neck from butt fuck nowhere who cuts trees for a living and acts incredibly immature. I think she purposefully picked him because she can control him. She has talked to me about HER finding him a new job, about HER finding him a new house, about convincing him to buy a new truck.
You want to know more about the last relationship? She told him to quit his job. Then the next one, and the next one. She told him to start his own business, so he did. Why bring this up? Second marriage. Convinced him to quit his job and make his own business. Too bad he was an abusive fraud.
But I think she's the one trying to control everything. She guilts me for everything, and threatens me. A clear memory of this is an example from when I was in middle school. I was at a high school foot ball game with her. She asked me to go to the concessions stand to buy her a drink. I told her I was too anxious. She blew up and began telling me she was gonna sell my dog, my best friend at the time. She was going to sell my dog because I was too scared to go buy a Coke. I wish this was an exaggeration on my part, but it's not.
I just feel so fucking hated. If my own mother can't love me, who can? I certainly can't. I guess I'm just some dumb teenager who hates my mom, though. Maybe everything's in my head.
This whole thing is a big mess and I feel stupid posting such personal shit on Reddit of all places, but I'm at my breaking point. I'm fucking tired of her and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't care what happens to this post, I just want to feel like I've told someone my issues. Thanks if you actually read all of this, sorry it's so messy.
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self.offmychest
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So, is everyone stoked for NYE? The one time of year that I feel even more out of place than Xmas [deleted]
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self.depression
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Give me one reason to not OD tonight my loved family keeps shitting at me telling me that im always blaming everybody and that im not trying to get better, that im always in the wrong now and i feel like im nothing. My boyfriend got mad at me and im scared that he'll abandon me. I don't want to live. I was not supposed to live.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The unexamined life is not worth living. I feel like there is so many that dislike each other so much it is ruining the world.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else plagued by permanent tiredness? What's the link between lethargy and depression? I'm on antidepressants which are supposed to energise you. However, I just feel so sleepy all the time. All tasks seem too difficult and I just want to constantly crawl back into bed, because that's where nothing goes wrong - no one bothers me, I'm alone and at peace when I'm in bed.
Sometimes friends ask me to go out with them but I decline because I know by 10pm I will want to be alone again and just peacefully snooze off forgetting the world.
I'm also having awful vivid nightmares every night - does anyone else get this as well? They seem to reflect my real life anxieties.
Maybe I should start a coffee addiction so I can energise myself more!
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self.depression
|
A deteriorating Relationship My brother and I were always close as kids, in fact, sometimes people thought we were twins. We're two years apart. It was great to have someone to hang out with when we were at home.
Fast forward to his middle school days when everything changed. I don't exactly know why we started to drift apart. Maybe because he got new friends or because he started dabbling in drugs (and possibly alcohol).
High school was even worse. We had nothing in common and rarely spoke to eachother. I moved away for college and that was really the end of any relationship we had.
As adults we never really speak unless we're in the same room for holidays. I could text him right now and he would not respond. If he did, it'd be a week later or more. I feel like I shouldn't let it bother me as much as it does, since it's been a long time coming. But it really hurts that I don't have him in my life anymore.
I've tried reaching out and nothing has come of it. I'm tired of being the only one trying to salvage the relationship.
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self.offmychest
|
Tired of school I'm in the last year of the IB Diploma programme. And I'm about to lose it. I have become an angry person and I have thought about suicide many times. But this is serious, it's getting to the point where I'm actually considering it. I have talked with my family but no one takes it seriously, I have gone to counselling but it feels so fake. Because I know they're just after the money. I have no one to talk to. I'm scared of not doing a good job, I'm trying to get over with these last months as school approaches it's end. And I'm studying but at night I think "What if i dont get a good degree? Will I be homeless for the rest of my life? Holy shit I'm fucked!" This is the fear that haunts me very night and I just can't get over it. Has anyone been in the same situation?
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self.depression
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Family has no care for my current state of sadness [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Depression Reflection-Rant Depression leaves a scar, no matter how far you are from the worst of it. Been thinking a lot about depression today, rather than actually being depressed which is a win. My thoughts are with you guys who are fucked up right now, and I want you to know(these are things I got very wrong):
-Don’t take advice from people who have never experienced a crippling depression like you have. There’s no point and no way they can ever understand, and therefore support you. Someone who has been, will understand, not judge and be able to actually support you.
-Routine can be great, but don’t over do it too quickly. You are where you are (hell). make it brushing your teeth at the same time everyday if need be. Try to swim against the current too quickly can leave you worse.
-Worried about anti-depressants/side effects & other implications of medication when proposed by a Dr? Think about this one: What’s worse? Dying or some side effects and uncomfortable reality - facing you might need medication, long or short term?
-People can shut the fuck up who say “you just need some sunshine and go for a walk” ; “things aren’t that bad, there are lots of people worse off than you”. If you’re depressed, and you’re not doing others or yourself harm - Be depressed. It’s ok. Don’t swim against it- again, can make it worse. If you feel anxious about all your social events because of depression, ditch them. Want to sleep 20 fucking hours, because bed feels the only place to be, do it. The advice “force yourself back out there” is fucking terrible. You can’t over isolate, but we have to listen to ourselves sometimes too and give ourselves a break from feeling the height of shitness. Then take the small steps. If you don’t have a good support network, talk to someone impartial like a counsellor / shrink. In fact if you do have a good network, then go to someone impartial anyways. I fucking love you all. #rantover
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self.depression
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29F. I would appreciate having someone to talk to right now. (preferably same age or older) I'll try to sum up what's going on. Basically, I've been dealing with depression for 17 years now. Anxiety for almost 10. I've thought of killing myself almost every single day since I hit puberty. Right now, suicide seems like the best option.
I'm so tired of being alive. I work a dead end call center job, which isn't actually that bad (it pays $15/hour, which is fine for the midwest), but I have mental health issues that prevent me from going back to college and getting something better. Along with PTSD, I was also diagnosed with insomnia last year. None of the medications I'm on help the PTSD but I do have ambien for the insomnia, so that's a plus.
My best friend is currently dying from cancer. My brother, who I share an apartment with, is a manipulative shit, even though I love him. We've been working on our communication since deciding to live together (we also work and currently commute together) but apparently he's been "saving" lots of things up to use against me during our next disagreement. He deals with similar anxiety and depression issues and is also medicated but neither of us feel that our depression is seriously impacted by SSRIs. Any time I try to increase dosage, I start dissociating and my anxiety goes out of control.
I've almost totally given up. Tonight he and I had a fight and it helped put some things into perspective. I've been keeping myself alive for his sake, but I realized that living with me probably isn't good for him if he really dislikes me so much. Even though he claims to hate and resent our mom, the two of them seem to naturally cooperate much better than he and I do. I think he would feel less stressed and obligated to "grow up too fast" if he lived with her.
Right now I'm planning to commit suicide at a gun range. If possible, I'd like to talk to someone who understands and isn't going to try to come up with a hundred reasons why I shouldn't. We don't really know each other that well. But I would still appreciate having someone to talk to so I feel less alone right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't understand bipolar disorder, need explanation. How can it be both genetic and environmental? Do I even have it? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Calorie Counting isn't working for me and I've been fat for over 2 years in my youth Zyprexa and mania and college were factors in me gaining weight and I now need to lose 50 pounds to be at a normal weight. I don't look that obese but according to BMI I am obese.
I would post in loseit, but every time I have posted there (different account) they just give me the same useless advice which is to calorie count and be perfect at calorie counting all the time. Needless to say, calorie counting isn't working for me; it just isn't. I've been calorie counting but I can't count perfectly and I'm not losing any weight this past month.
FML I'm just venting
Edit: it really sucks because my mom constantly and everyday brings up my weight negatively.
Edit: Please don't patronize me saying I have unrealistic expectations on weight loss. I already know about CICO, that you need to eat less calories than you burn. It's simple and obvious and I know it already. I'm frustrated because something about calorie counting is blocking me from successfully losing weight on it. I know I'm not calorie counting perfectly, but instead of saying try harder like try harder at losing weight which is so general and not meaningful.
There are different methods to calorie counting. Some people find is really easy to weigh and measure the food as they eat. While others would fail at that but would succeed if you pre logged all the items of food they'll eat for the day. Some people make meals for the whole week all on sunday and prelog it all. While others can't do that and have to measure meal by meal. Some eyeball measurements while others weigh on a scale all the time. Some eat all junk food and then fast for the rest of the day while others eat a healthy diet full of filling foods. Some exercise to allow extra eating while others don't exercise or allow exercise to only be not part of extra food calories. Some need a day of calorie counting off or maybe a meal or give exceptions to vegetables.
Also some people lose weight without calorie counting by having certain dietary restrictions or additions. Like one has to eat a cup of carrots before being able to indulge. Or cutting out carbohydrates, sugar, and processed foods.
Some people have lost weight having IRL support groups and online support groups. Some have a partner or friend who they lose weight with and have to encourage them. Although I lamented my mom, she does walk with me to encourage me to exercise such that the exercise isn't so monotonous. (although I have wonderfully found the world of free audiobook rentals from overdrive so I can walk myself without being bored now too).
TLDR: This is a venting post please don't say insulting or patronizing things.
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self.bipolar
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Afraid of a relationship Hey guys,
Anytime I've Met someone Potential and Could be intimate with I always start To Switch between badly wanting a relationship or wanting To end it. I'm also jealous of former relationships and am not emotionally able to overcome that fear but I know that this way of thinking is unfair. I cant stand that behaviour and didn't realise it until Somebody told me. I'm glad for any advice:)
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety and Hormonal Birth Control I’ve experienced anxiety and depression all of my life, but really only have been trying to do something about it the last three years. Ever since I started taking hormonal birth control my symptoms have been especially horrible. I switched to the non-hormonal IUD and felt much better, but it ended up falling out. So I’m back on the pill. I just recently started my second pack and I’ve been really struggling. I’m planning on getting the IUD put back in at the end of the month, but does anyone have any suggestions to get me through the next few weeks? I do yoga, I meditate, I journal every morning... Nothing really helps. I’ve been really not wanting to go on any more medication, but is it something I should pursue? I’ve also been looking into medical marijuana, but I don’t know much about strains or the best options... SOS
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self.Anxiety
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Anxious for decision to improve life Hi All,
I'm finally making a decision to make my life better. I am trying to move out of my parents house as I feel the need to leave and start my own life. I fear change is the problem, I alwas think of the worst case scenario and also criticism from my always critical parents on my decisions. I live outside Boston but I want to move to Worcester to get away from my family and also move to a more rural area. Does anyone have any tips so that I can stick with the actions I so yearn to do even though as I write this I feel fear and terror but I know once i make the decision i will feel so stupid for waiting so long. I just feel that I wont be resilient and be able to survive on my own. I know this is my fear talking but I just hate being in a stagnant life with no motivation to do anything. Anyone know of a place for rent in the Worcester area for $600 a month? Anything would help me out so much. I aspire to go to nursing school but I have been holding it off for the past few years and I should have just gone and I'd be an Associate RN by now whereas I am just screwing my life up by being fearful.
Regards
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self.Anxiety
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Duality Whenever I listen to my favorite music, play the instrument, or dream of creating my own band and performing, I'm happy and feel alive. Whenever I do something else and deal with my everyday life, I feel like shit and want to f*cking die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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2017 can fuck off, I'm going into 2018 badass style [deleted]
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self.depression
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I️ have what I️ wanted a year ago, yet I’ve become infinitely worse? Help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Seeing a psych on Monday, But I'm still Confused Hi there. This is my first time posting here, so forgive me if I make any mistakes. I will come back and fix them if there are any.
So, I've been anxious pretty much all my life, but it didn't get worse until I graduated from high school. Even though it started to affect my life, it wasn't so bad that I got any physical symptoms and thought I could deal with it myself, until now.
So in January I started having chest pains and tightness. This worried me so I went to see the doctor. I got x-rays, ECG test and blood tests done to rule out any serious conditions. They all came up clean so my doc thought it was acid reflux. He prescribed me some meds and that was that.
Except, it wasn't. The chest tightness didn't go away. I put up with it and thought it would go away on it's own, of course it didn't. So in the last few weeks I got some more tests done. Again, nothing. My doctor brings up that maybe it's to do with anxiety. So he prescribes me Diazepam 2mg once every night to ease it. At first it seemed to be doing something, but after a while the tightness came back. I got stressed out again and saw a different doctor today. I told her everything I went through in the past few months, and started crying because of the frustration of not knowing what was wrong with me. Weirdly enough she didn't agree with the prescription, but believed that I needed therapy as nothing was physically wrong with me to cause these symptoms and it was probably related to anxiety.
So, I'm going on Monday. But I'm still confused about this. Why would therapy help me if the anti-anxiety meds did nothing? And why was the second doctor so against that prescription? It was a really low dose too. I guess I'm worried that therapy will do nothing to help me and the tightness will just keep happening regardless of what I do.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. It's kind of a vent/hope that someone else has gone through something like this and can offer advice. Does therapy help so much as to eliminate physical effects of anxiety? Or is it possible that this actually is a serious medical condition not related to my anxiety? (which I still think it could be)
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self.Anxiety
|
Finally managed to win a battle with anhedonia and depression! Now I can feel at least a little bit happy.
Let's wait and see if I'm going to win the whole war against them, though.
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self.depression
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Anybody else suddenly get anxiety spikes? I've been getting a ton of anxiety spikes suddenly, and I've also felt as if I were going to die, and feelings of something-bad-is-going-to-happen.
Anyone have tips on what to do? They are really, really bad right now and I've been feeling very tired and sorta out of it sometimes.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else feel like going on Facebook is like playing Russian Roulette? Every time I go on Facebook I feel like I'm playing a dangerous game where it's only a matter of time before I see something that will trigger my depression and sends me on a spiral. Even scarier to me I think I'm addicted to it because feeling depressed feels so normal I actively seek it out sometimes...I really need to quit Facebook...
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self.depression
|
Why does it take some 6 months to recover, some 6 years, and some never? I know it's because we all have different brains, mental illness affects us all differently. I know some illnesses have no cure.
But I recently saw in a youtube comment section one person said "I've been living with depression & PTSD for 25 years, it gets easier every day blah blah blah blah..." and someone else responded "I recovered from depression & PTSD in about 2 years... lmao"
Do those who recover quickly look down on those who recover slowly or can't recover at all? Also is there any more information on why we all recover at different rates other than what I mentioned above?
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self.depression
|
Any of you feel bad about some people just by looking at them? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I think I was sexually assaulted Not really sure why I'm writing this...maybe it's because we just talked about abuse in my psyc class. Either way, I need to get this off my chest.
I think I may have been sexually assaulted. I'm not really sure if it qualifies as such, but it feels like it does. I was pressured into a sexual act that I didn't really want to do. I was verbally coerced. He asked...and asked...and asked again. He assumed I was into it. I guess it was consensual because I never really said no, but I never said no because I was scared to. I was scared he would think I was lame or stupid and stop talking to me. So I didn't what he wanted me to do.
I left shortly after and cried the entire way home. I felt used, mistreated, taken advantage of. But I don't know what to think of this whole situation because...I never said no. How can it be assault if I never said no? Why do I feel so....abused? Can someone help me make sense of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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self.offmychest
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Nature is so cruel to the hypochondriac Seriously how are the symptoms of actual heart problems (the number one killer of americans) and anxiety the exact same? How come the symptom for a panic attack cant be something super obvious like my tongue turns green or something
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self.Anxiety
|
Just got through an attack & im exhausted! So after 2 months of not going to the barbers i finally went.
I have been there multiple times but for some reason my anxiety has been stopping me going. So i just want to share my experience of today.
As i got there i seen there was 3 people infront of the queue and i just turnt round and sat outside. At this point my stomach was turning and i thought, nah im going home. I didn't leave because i have a job interview tomorrow that i really want to get & i look a mess.
So i sat down in there and my stomach was getting worse, i was looking around starting to feel faint and was again, so close to leaving. Then more people came in and joined the queue and i really thought there was no way i could get through this.
Anyway, my turn comes after 10 minutes (which felt like 2 hours) and im battling myself to stay calm, especially now as the shop was full and everyone would see me lose control. Luckily, it was my favourite hairdresser who i used to enjoy speaking to. She hadn't seen me in months and i could tell she could clearly see how i have decreased in appearance and health.
So i tell her that i feel ill and shouldn't of came and she made light banter about not wanting to catch an illness. A couple mins in i start panicking, my stomach is twisted to a knot and my throat feels blocked like im going to be sick. I start zoneing out and my palms start sweating and i feel like i need to just leave. Im sure im about to pass out. Im willing to leave mid hair cut, not caring how rubbish it looks, i just needed my safe zone.
I bit the bullet and just unloaded on her how i'm feeling, how my anxiety and depression is eating me away and out of no-where she all of a sudden shows so much compassion and supportiveness that it actually took me by surprise!
She told me about how her sister is in the same boat and shes going very bad with it all so she has sent her to the countryside to have a break etc and i instantly had a huge wave of relief hit me. This is the first time i have spoken out to someone who isnt in my family and she reassured me and relaxed me as if she knew exactly what to say to calm me down.
If i didnt speak out to her, i dont think i would of made it through that situation. She basically saved me in that shop without even knowing it. After i payed and got in my car i just felt so exhausted, my heart rate was high but i also felt like i have finally accomplished something.
This was by far the worst attack i have been though but i learnt that i dont have to keep it all inside. I can share my feelings with others and not always be dismissed with negativity.
Just wanted to share. Thank you!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Ever feel like you should probably hospitalize yourself but can't because of school/work/etc related anxiety? University student, dropped from hypomania to severe depression in a matter of seconds last week and have been having bad ideations since (so far no plan or anything, which is usually how this goes for me)
I have a 12 page research paper due in 2 days, which I haven’t started yet. Spent my entire freshman year hypomanic, finished with a 3.96 gpa. Had a full blown manic episode last semester (when I finally got diagnosed) and gpa dropped a ton. Depression this semester has set me to make my gpa fall a lot more.
I have such high expectations for myself based based on how well I used to do in school, and I feel like I owe it to my parents to also do well. They aren’t super strict or anything, but my brother was also BP and had a paranoid, violent manic episode which ended in suicide. Sister too, although she’s relatively stable now but without a job. It feels like I have an obligation to be the one who turned out really well and to have grades continue dropping is putting me under way too much stress
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self.bipolar
|
Do you like your job? Do you hate your job? Are you unemployed? Are you in school right now? If you could pick a dream job only based on your interests and not about money, what would it be? I want to see what else is out there that can hopefully be healthy for me and my disorder.
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self.bipolar
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Do I have an anxiety disorder or am I just 'spoilt'? So I first saw a psychiatrist when I was 15 and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. However, in the past, whenever I didn't want to go out of my comfort zone to do certain things because I overthought them and felt scared of what could possibly happen if I were to take the plunge, my parents would say that I was just really pampered. Now I'm just wondering if this is true, am I just spoilt like what they say?
|
self.Anxiety
|
The only thing we have to look forward to is death. As sad as it sound I don't belong on this planet. And can't wait until I leave this shithole.
|
self.depression
|
To My Physics teacher who punished the whole class because 1 student who ruined my grade for the entire semester. The Story:
It was a early tuesday morning , first hour was physics . there was that one kid at the back constantly talking and the teacher ,like all physics teachers who are for some reason crazy , punished the entire class for 1 kid . And no it wasnt taking away recess or shit like that. It was giving us a 5 minute test and it was 1 question per minute. And due to me being a straight A student where every single grade i get matters. And i would get punished by my parents and makes me want to commit suicide even more now.
To say the least : It ruined my entire GRADE for THE ENTIRE SEMESTER , ALL THE HARD WORK DONE for nothing ...
to the physics teacher a nice big fuck you and hopefully get some bad karma in return
Peace.
|
self.offmychest
|
Just something I need to get off my chest. I never had much friends throughout my life. Never really hang out or play tag when I was a kid. I was a obscure kid with your self-esteem. Occasionally got bullied, cried a little, didn’t tell anyone and lived on with it. I have make some pretty good friends after I grew up, they were friends I could talk with. We’re now working adults now and well, we drifted apart.
I’m at my work, have no problem with social interaction and self-esteem anymore. I feel like my life have been a performance. I fake a smile to my colleagues, to my parents but I know that I’m still that kid, wanting something more from life. I questioned myself have I ever been happy and no I have not. I feel like a failure in everything I do. Every step I take forward just spiral me deeper. I thought I could outgrow depression, but living into my late 20s, I don’t think thats possible. Maybe I just hate myself, maybe I hate society for making me this way.
The only thing that is make my life worth living is entertainment that keep my mind from thinking about my depression, pushing me onwards till I finally die.
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self.depression
|
I think about her too much, it’s tormenting me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like people just use me sometimes. I’m not making this post to brag or to say that I’m better than everyone. I’m just a bit frustrated with my family right now.
A few weeks ago I loaned my sibling $60 for groceries. I did it fully expecting not to be paid back. She said she was going to pay me back though and never did. If you’re not going to pay me back then don’t get my hopes up by saying that you will. I hate that so much. It’s just one example of people using me.
Now recently the place I work at (fast food) was short-staffed for a few days so I volunteered to come in on my days off to help. I did so because I knew nobody else would come in and I’ve been in their position too and it sucks. When I came in to work they got mad at me for not changing in my uniform half an hour before I was supposed to start because I wanted to eat lunch first. When I clocked in, I was immediately put on the grill station even though I’ve been asking them not to put me there because of some burns I got on my hands. There were four other people that could’ve done this station but I was put there because they couldn’t be fucked to do it.
Now they expect me to come in on my days off whenever they need me and have even said that I’m required to be on-call (Which I’m not) whenever they need me. I often have to avoid their phone calls and stay off social media just to get more than one day off a week. Yet another example of being exploited for personal gain.
One more thing that’s really been bugging me is that I’m buying Christmas cards with $30 each in them for two co-workers that are nice to me and don’t use me for their own personal gain and because I’ve heard that they could really use the money right now. I brought this up with my family while we were talking and they immediately got mad at me because I never get any big gifts for them. This is really pissing me off since my family members hardly ever get me anything either, usually something small like a bag of candy or cheap merchandise. They also know that I’m struggling with money right now and can’t afford to feed myself AND buy every single one of them an expensive gift.
I’m not here to brag or to say that I’m better than anyone. I just need to vent. I try to go out of my way to do nice things but it seems like almost everyone I know ends up seeing this and immediately tries to exploit and manipulate me to get as much stuff as they can out of me. Why do people have to be so damn selfish? I just want to be able to do one nice thing for someone without them trying to take advantage of me.
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self.offmychest
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I am completely clueless. what is a good gift idea to help someone with really bad anxiety? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
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