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I'm done with this shit I want to thank my 4 best friends for actually listening. This sounds selfish but 4 friends can't help me through this. My life is shit. My mother threatens me and hits me and (litteraly) left me in scars when I try to make her go away she keeps following me and wont leave me alone. I have been depressed for 5 years and it got better before when I was at the stage of killing myself but it got worse recently than that before. I actully do not want to live anymore. I don't see a point for life, I see no future ahead or any success I am unlucky in anything and my dad left me before I was 2. If i could I would end it now. The only reason I don't is because I don't want my friends so see a fucking suicide report of me in the fucking news... I have no idea where to go in life and If there is a reason to stay alive.
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self.SuicideWatch
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suicide notes i continuously re-write my suicide notes, it has gotten to the point where i have a pile of them at the corner of my desk and i have several text versions, yet i have never went through with it? strange.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide Note, either for the present or future me. 1/20/18. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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everyone hates me now when i first told people i was depressed they were so understanding and supportive and constantly gave me reassurance that they wouldn’t leave me because of my mental illness, now if i have a really bad day where i want to relapse or have zero motivation everyone leaves me on opened or don’t even try to help me out in anyway. i’ve become such an annoyance even my best friend stopped talking to me. this literally just makes me feel so much worse and i feel like such a bother. i try to ignore it and focus on the friends who are there for me but it’s so hard knowing the people i was close with don’t want anything to do with me anymore, i don’t know what to do anymore...
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self.depression
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anxiety meds? I have been on lexapro for about 15 months now, changing from 10mg to 20mg halfway through. It has always numbed me out a bit with the 20mg, which I thought was a benefit since it lessened anxiety, but now i realise how its affecting my relationship (and also my non existent sex drive).
I dont really know what my other options are. I was worried about being numbed out when the dosage got increased, but my doctor said there wasn't really any other SSRIs good for generalised anxiety besides lexapro. And I was worried about going on benzos since they are addictive (and idk probably not the most effectove for my issues).
TL;DR What SSRIs work for anxiety? How are they compared to lexapro?
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self.Anxiety
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I’m there for others but nobody’s there for me [deleted]
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self.depression
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New Years eve Two more days. Two more days till I kill myself. My wife is divorcing me. She won’t even return my calls. She won’t respond to my messages. I have court on the 9th of January. I will not make that court appearance. Till death do us part. If this is what she wants. To be free of me and all my mental problems. Then this is what she gets. It’s not her fault. It’s mine. She deserves better. She will get better. I’m a loser. I’m nothing. I will leave her everything I have. It’s not much because I have nothing. I will miss my kids. I will say how sorry I am to them in my letter. They won’t understand it. They won’t understand how I feel. Not even they can save me. Which makes me a shitty father. So they will be better off without me. Everyone will be better off without me. I’m sorry
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self.SuicideWatch
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I cried at midnight in New York I live in California. I watched the New York Times Square celebration online. At midnight their time, 9pm my time, I watched the ball drop and saw everyone so excited, and I started bawling my eyes out.
I'm not excited for the new year. Last year I struggled so hard and I feel like this new year is going to be more struggling and more feeling like I'm never good enough.
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self.bipolar
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Some treat depressed people as a disease in a limb that has to be cut of to avoid spreading That’s how I feel sometimes
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self.depression
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You are offered the chance to die instantly and without pain [deleted]
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self.depression
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i asked for a girls number at the school bookstore. so... about four months ago I went to my college orientation to get a feel for the campus and all that. some time in the middle of it I notice this girl, brown hair, really nice smile, really nice everything. As the day goes on the orientation groups break off to attend optional meetings. I go to one of them, and then they give us the option to skip the next and go to the bookstore. Since I wasn't really too interested in the meeting topics I chose to go to the bookstore and kill some time. while Im there looking through racks of tacky college t-shirts I can't help but notice some eyes on me. As I look up to see who it is, of course, it is no one else but the girl. I swear to you, when I looked in her face the first time it was like the the sun was shoved in my face... so bright. I was baffled, honestly. She's beautiful, and I feel like I have known her forever.
I told myself that if I did not get her number, I would be kicking myself the whole way home, and probably a little bit longer after that.
long story short: I did. I was intimidated, but I did it.
even better: a few weeks after hanging out when college started, we took off on a whim to NYC and spent 36 hours exploring the city before scrambling back home. also, I have gotten so used to sleeping with her that sleeping alone now feels foreign. this is so crazy. i am so happy.
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self.offmychest
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Just really need some help..im starting to feel I won't be able to take it much longer don't really know where to vent so I ended up here. I have fel hopeless as of lately I can't get my mind off the past I'm sure some of this is due too thr face that I've bottle things up inside for as long as I can remember. I'm having trouble getting over the feeling of hopeless and many other things. Most of it deals with growing up I had one parent who was always a drunk he abused my two brothers and me physically and emotionally and other who was siznophernic. My mom has amental illness and she would have episodes on and off she spent a lot of time in the hospital. She tried to kill herself many times and so has my father. Recently too my brother tried so i have no one to talk to because i have no friends.I don't really know were I'm going with this but maybe someone else has experienced some of the same I have no one else to talk to about these feelings and it's being to be to much to handle. I have already attempted suicide one in the past but haven't had the will to try again since but i feel like I'm getting there again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Being so ruthlessly bullied has made me want to end it all. I'm an adult. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Should I get help? I’d rather die... My life is just so fucking pathetic. I’m not considering killing myself yet, but I just can’t keep on living.
-I rarely leave the house.
-I starve myself for days and then binge on everything.
-Im not active AT ALL. Im lazy.
-I’m pansexual and the guy I like may never like me back
(He actually might though).
-I struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, and antisocial personality dissorder.
-I’m too afraid to tell my friend that I love him. He too struggles from depression, but im too cowardly.
-I have barely any friends. Even some the ones I do have are terrible to me.
-Nobody showed up to my birthday party (first year i gave it a chance).
-Im skinny, ugly, and disgusting.
-I struggle to care for myslef, and do things like drink water of brush my teeth.
-I get 2-4 hours of sleep a night usually. But i always want to sleep in in the morning. I have insomnia and somniphobia.
-My parents have unreasonable expectations for me.
-My fellow classmates hate me.
-I now cut all over my arms.
-I’m trying to make it obvious im suffering but nobody cares!
-I’m considering ruining my life more with alcahol and/or drugs. I need the pain, and a release.
-Im dying.
-My former friend told me to kill myself. Maybe I should.
Im so lost.... what can I do. Nothing.
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self.depression
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Listen and Be Heard A friend called me today to talk having received some bad news. There is nothing I can do to help her situation. All I can do is listen, empathize, and share her burden. A favor she has done for me in the past.
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self.Anxiety
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Tips on dealing with Restlessness? Switched from Lithium to Abilify. Seems to work better, except I'm slightly restless/agitated/manic?? Any experience dealing with these symptoms? Thanks
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self.bipolar
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Why even try to get better? I've been going to a therapist/ drug abuse counselor for about a week. I've been feeling somewhat better recently. I've been sober for 9 days off of weed and alcohol. But I don't even see why I'm trying. I've been depressed for 4 years now, I've tried 7 different medications, 3 doctors, and a bunch of other shit. I feel like I should just accept that I'll be a drug addict my whole life. I already want to be dead, so I might as well drink and get high because it just gets me there faster. I've tried hard enough already, the doctors dont know how to help me. NOTHING will cure me except for death.
Sorry for my worthless rant. Just needed to type it out.
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self.depression
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The cops found me dead and I've had a spiritual awakening [deleted]
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self.depression
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Has anyone here played Doki Doki Literature Club? The title might sound stupid, but it's actually a psychological horror game with the best depiction of depression I've seen in any game. Please do let me know your thoughts on it.
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self.depression
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I’m starting to turn my school life around I just got perfect scores on two tests today that I was certain I was going to fail. I would have been proud of myself for passing the test, but acing it was not something I ever expected.I’m crying tears of joy right now
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self.depression
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Does anyone else suffe from adult separation anxiety? Hey everyone, I'm 24 years old and I suffer from Adult Separation Anxiety. Most adults have this with their SO or a friend, but I am attached to my family, my mom in particular. I was diagnosed when I moved in with my then-boyfriend (only 2 hrs away from home via public transportation) and anxiety attacks became a daily thing. I stuck it out for less than six months, and ended up moving back home.
While I have plans to move out again within the next few months and significantly further away than 2 hours from home, the very idea of it is absolutely crippling to me. It's completely monopolized my mind, causing me to be affected emotionally and making me lose sleep. I worry that my mom will be lonely without me home or something horrible will happen to her while I'm not here; just the thought of it makes me get a lump in my throat. It concerns me that the longer I wait to move out, the worse this will get. I want to be able to overcome this. There doesn't seem to be much insight or research on ASA so I was wondering if anyone else suffers as well, or is close to someone who suffers.
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self.Anxiety
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People living with Bipolar for a Decade or more (and are unmedicated), how has Your Condition changed over the years? How has your life/ you adjusted to the condition? Just wondering how folks out there are managing their condition/ living their lives.
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self.bipolar
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Just want to drink, but can't! Feeling like shit! [deleted]
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self.depression
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What to live for? I'm sorry if I'm somehow out of compliance with this post. I read the sidebar, but I'm sure I'll pull some faux-pas.
I'm 21 and I've struggled with noticeable undiagnosed depression and anxiety for around 5 years now. At first it felt deep and sincere as far as sadness goes, but now I barely feel much of anything besides constant apprehension and apathy. I managed to make it through my undergraduate okay. I came to cope partly by believing I could make actually make a difference and bring meaning to my life and other's. More recently I withdrew/was academically dismissed from law school. There's a myriad of reasons why it didn't work out(light substance abuse, self inflicted eating disorder), but I only really have myself to blame.
But it's no longer that I just don't believe in myself anymore. I don't believe in the world either. Having faith and optimism the world can positively change has revealed itself to be an illusion. The future ahead for the world is grim and I don't know how to make my place in it. Monumentally terrible things are going to happen as a result of my own and greater societies' aggregated actions and I don't think a thing could possibly change it at this point. I'm a pathetic being for not wanting to live simply to live, but I don't know if I'll ever really feel free or alive ever again. The only comfort from the constantly drilling anxiety in my head is when I remember that I could just die and it wouldn't make any difference. If anything I'd be one less human parasite on this ravaged Earth. I don't want to hurt those around me, but I feel more apt to die than become a burden on their lives and the world around me. I don't think I deserve to live.
Thank you for reading.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anybody else feel like their head is constantly cluttered? I feel like I can never have mental clarity because there is just so much on my mind all day every day, and I don’t know if it’s because of my anxiety or what. Anyone else know the feeling?
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self.Anxiety
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I want some advice. All my life i've been going through shit (only 17 years old) and when things started to get better i crashed. I can't get myself to get out of bed no matter how much i try, my family understands but do still not approve since my grades dropped from all A's to E-C. It has been like this for 1-2 years now and none of my friends understands how It's like, I can't really blame them either since I don't like talking about it and i've always been taught to be a man and keep this stuff to myself. They just see a lazy fuck who is too irresponsible to go too school, same with my teachers.
Idk if typing here is going to help at all but if anyone has some tips/advice on how to get motivated again i would be super happy.
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self.depression
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New sub created for depressed fellows to make friends :) Hi everyone! We understand how tough it is to go through depression alone, and how important emotional support can be. Thus, we have created a platform catered specifically for depressed redditors to share their social experiences and make friends with one another!. This new sub is called /r/FriendsForDepressed/, and we gladly invite you to join our subreddit! Thank you for reading and we hope you have a nice day ahead :)
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self.bipolar
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The prospect of spending New Years alone again scares me. 5 out of the last 6 years I've spent New Year's eve alone at home in bed watching everyone else enjoy themselves on social media. I have no friends nor social life and it hurts :(. I don't want to be alone agin.
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self.depression
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Have any of you ever been prescribed Wellbutrin? If so, what was your experience?
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self.depression
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Depression beat me I have been having rough few weeks, depression finally beat me, So bad I quit my job with no back up. My wife now wants to seperate and not even talk it out. Even with mutiple non sesional job interviews already lined up. So I have no income , she wants me out of the house, (my mom will at least let me back in).
im just extremly sad right now, everything is falling apart around me. Yes , i made a mistake quit a job, this one mistake is destroying everything I hold dear especialy contact with my step daughters which I view as my own
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self.depression
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The Worst I’ve Ever Felt This is long. But I need to let it out. I’m a 29 year old guy. I’m married (1 1/2 years married, 7 years together) and we have a 3 year old girl and a 4 year old boy.
I’ve suffered from depression since I was a child. I was very sensitive, slept little and had a hard time being social. All of these things are still true of my adult self. When I was 18, I entered the darkest period of my life up til that point. I was cheated on for the 1st time. Due to my sensitivity, I took this very very hard and it only made my already growing depression that much worse. I began having anxiety attacks, which I had experience with in my preteen years. After being put on Xanax, things didn’t seem to improve. I wasn’t vocal about my depression and my parents didn’t seem to want to acknowledge it. Or possibly even accept it as a reality.
One day while on break at school, I sat in the car and downed whatever was left in the bottle of Xanax. I’m not sure how much it was. I woke up at 5pm (2+ hours after school ended) strewn across the couch in my guidance counselors office. He was on the phone with a local mental health provider and asked if I would like to speak to them. I consented and set up an appointment with a professional counselor. The sessions were tedious and never seemed to help. It all seemed silly to me. My dad set up an appointment for me with a respected psychiatrist at my request. I met the psychiatrist once. He put me on seroquel and remron. I took them a few times and didn’t like the way it made me feel. I stopped taking it and never saw him again. I didn’t understand how important the medications were until later. I was a misguided, stupid teen.
5 years later, my mental health had improved some. I still battled depression, but it was much more dull. I met a beautiful, smart, fiery girl and she made me feel amazing. And then the major depression hit. I locked myself in my room, never spoke to my roommates. Only left the house for work. I texted my girlfriend less and less and came up with excuses not to see her so she wouldn’t have to witness the pathetic mess I saw myself as. We stayed together but we were distant. After a breakdown and difficult conversation during which she made me realize how badly I’d hurt her, it became clear to me I needed to get myself together or I would lose her. I moved in with her immediately after. Shortly after moving in, I discovered she was cheating on me. After insisting it was nothing and was over, she continued the affair for months.
We got a new place together, swearing on a fresh start. After moving in, I came home early to find the guy in my apartment. They weren’t having sex, but that was enough for me. I broke down. She apologized and after some back and forth we decided to try and make it work.
The next 4 years were amazing. I proposed. We moved into a house. I started my degree. My son was born. Then, my daughter. Then, we were married. And things were going well. But I began growing distant again. Not like the first time. I talked to my wife every day. But I began to build a wall. I refused to be vulnerable. Signs my depression was returning. My wife had begun to drink at home every night. She quit her job. Her behavior became erratic and her mood began to swing. She was quickly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She’s in her early-mid 20’s when these things can start to really manifest. She was medicated but they couldn’t seem to get them right. This was earlier this year.
In November, I took a trip to Japan for work. I was gone 4 days. A couple hours after I returned home, I found out my wife had cheated on me. She made out with a guy we know and had been messaging back and forth with him planning on when they would meet up to have sex. When I’m at work and our kids are napping, for example. I woke her up and told her I was leaving her. She said nothing. She didn’t even react. As I put on my jacket to leave for a place to sleep for the night, she silently stood up, walked to the kitchen, took a knife from the cupboard and began trying to slit her wrists. I stopped her, took the knife and hid the rest. I called her parents who came over quickly. Then I called 911. I then discovered that she had run out of her medications and never got them filled. When they took her she was disoriented and wailing nonsense. She had a mental break and doesn’t remember any of this.
She was hospitalized for 5 days. We talked on the phone. I visited once. She agreed to quit drinking. We decided to go to counseling together. But I was noncommittal about our future. She needed to prove to me she would change. When she first got home it was hard. But things got better. Much better. Quickly. She seemed to be making a lot of progress. But I was reeling from the infidelity.
Within 2 weeks I found that she had been sending nudes and PMing guys on Reddit. I confronted her about it and my spiral continued. I was inconsolable. She was remorseful and deleted her account. A couple days ago I discovered she had another account and had just begun to talk to guys again. And now, I fear she’s still talking to guys on Snapchat.
I’m not looking for relationship advice, to be honest. But this is the lowest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted from feeling hurt. Constantly. I’m paranoid. Whenever her phone goes off or I see her typing I get insane amounts of anxiety. We’ve talked about everything but this. She doesn’t know how scared I am.
I’ve accepted that I’ll never leave her. No part of starting over without her is appealing to me. I won’t consider it. And I know how weak or destructive that makes me sound. I love her so much. And I do know she loves me. But she struggles with her own mental illness.
All I want to do is die. I think about suicide nonstop. But I could never do it. The thought of my children being left without me breaks my heart. It’s unimaginable. They’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself in the last 6 weeks. But I’m in such an indescribable amount of pain. I feel lost. I feel like I’m not myself. Like I’ve disconnected. From everything.
I’ve felt often in the past year or so that there’s something else wrong with me besides my depression because of my social issues and tendency to disconnect and withdraw. But I don’t know what it could be.
I’m seeing a counselor tomorrow. Maybe a psychiatrist soon. My wife is doing the same. But right now, I feel like a shell of a man and I’m fighting for my life. Because I fear for the day where my depression is so severe and clouds my brain to the point that my kids future without me stops carrying the same weight. It terrifies me.
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self.depression
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Figured I’d post my story here. Looking for help I guess. https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/7cq69o/i_dont_know_where_to_go_from_here/?st=JB5ZL0L8&sh=6016e912
I’d add on that I’m now seeing a different therapist and still on the 100mg zoloft. Trying to get to a new psychiatrist to get my medication changed on suggestion from the therapist but my transgender worries are at an all time high. I can’t tell what I really want anymore. Anxiety is pretty constant. And I just feel hopeless so.
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self.Anxiety
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I just want the pain to stop. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of people telling me things will get better when I always end up in the same position at the end of the day: crying to the point of being numb and feeling trapped in a life I can't escape.
I'm sitting in the dark at 6 AM, periodically bursting into tears and feeling like a terrible person for not being happy on New Years while also being jealous of those who are.....
I know I'm only 17 and I have so many years ahead of me to make things better but the prospect of living through another year of turmoil is terrifying. I don't want to participate in my own life and I wish I could just disappear. No one needs me around and everyone would be better off without me in their lives, whining about stupid shit. I don't have talents, I don't have dreams or aspirations, and I don't have the drive to do anything. I'm useless and unproductive and a waste of space.
I'm so sick of everything.
I just want it all to stop.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tell me your stories about weaning off Wellbutrin XL Because I feel so fucking depressed and suicidal. I'm currently on 150mg, down from 300mg (name brand). I've been on it 2.5years. I cannot go back up to 300mg.
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self.bipolar
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Cross post to r/bipolar "Bam relapse" *edited* should have used a throw away and don't know how to delete... Relapse sucked... Gotta try hard not to let that happen again....
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self.bipolar
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ready to give up Sorry if this is annoying and if my situation has far less gravity than others, but I still want to die nonetheless. Maybe this is not the right place to post to but its the only thing I could think of. Not just that, but I want to want to die. I don't want to feel better. There's nothing to feel better about, there's nothing to look forward to. I'm an immense failure. I'm just, very bad at so much. I don't want to go into detail.There's no hope for me to become better at anything. I'm so fucking lonely and I bother everyone. I'm tired of playing the part that I do in other's lives; tired of being the fuckup. Tired of being clueless about everything. Tired of not being good enough at any of the things I want to be good at. I'm tired of not being enough for myself. I don't want to work at it,i always try to work at it and i always fail. I want to end it. I'm not good at improving, I'm a human whose constant tendency is failure, and since that is a truth, I should just end it all. I fucking hate the idea that I'll hurt the people in my life by killing myself, but I know that even if I were to die a natural death, they'd be hurt then as well. why is it worse if I just get it over with now. why do we even value life to the degree that we do.
I don't know how I'll do it yet. I just know I want it to be official. I guess thats why Im writing this. To affirm to myself that its going to happen.
the one thing I cant fucking fail at
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self.SuicideWatch
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i took 1500mg (1.5 g) of acetaminophen in one dose I took 1500mg of acetaminophen earlier. What will happen after that (assuming after an hour or so) are there any noticable symptoms?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anybody else monitor their reddit activity obsessively and constantly delete their own comments/submissions out of fear?
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self.Anxiety
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I dont know what to do anymore not really sure how to start this... just wanted somewhere to rant i guess. Everything is really shitty and it has been for a long time, i have nobody to talk about it with except my boyfriend, but i feel that puts too much pressure on him. Any friends ive had suddenly want nothing to do with me anymore and i feel i have so much love to give but nobody wants it. ive struggled with depression for about 10 years and have attempted suicide about 20+ times in the past. im currently in college and nothing seems to be going right. i cant help but feel as if things would be better for the people around me if i wasn't here. my "friends" probably wouldn't even notice, nor would many of them care. my parents already have enough on their plates with my 2 siblings and my dying grandmother, i feel they would benefit from me being gone. i dont know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have an extremely cynical view on relationships and I desperately want to be wrong [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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After 2 years of steady progress, called 911 due to panic attack this morning. Not sure how to move forward [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Difference in benzos Currently on .5 mg 2x daily I don’t feel much effect how does it compare to the others?
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self.bipolar
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I don't know who to talk to about this, so I'll put it on reddit There was one night where I felt particularly discouraged about my mental illness. The positive effects from my treatment have stagnated and I feel like I am trapped. I’m trapped in a place below happy but above completely miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel miserable plenty of the time but my resting mood is gray. Nothing satisfies or satiates.
It was that night that I was reflecting on all of this when I came upon a thought.
“How long?”
How long will I suffer?
How long will my feelings of emptiness be broken up by feelings of intense grief?
That is when I looked up the average age of suicide victims. I thought that this number would give me an age where I can reasonably expect to suffer until. The idea being that if I could make it past that age where people gave up completely, maybe the point afterwards would be an upward slope.
That is when all hope abandoned me. That is when I learned that the average age of a suicide victim is between 45 and 64 years old.
It will never leave me. I will never feel ok. I’m going to die like this.
Why then subject myself to life?
What would be the point of enduring on into a life that will never manifest itself as meaningful?
Could I ever be a husband, a father, a whole person?
I do not want to live my life subjecting those who are close to me with my condition. I do not want to disappoint anyone with my substandard ability to live. I would rather father no one instead of being a bad father. I would rather marry no one instead of being an unfulfilling partner.
If I were an atheist, this is the point in my life where I would become a news headline. However, I do not live for myself. I live as commanded by God. If my earthly body is sick and if I must be miserable then that is his will and his will must be done.
If this is my fate, to live as this gray ghost, then I will do so.
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self.depression
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help overdosing help today morining i took 4 mg of clonazepam and i just took 4 more and 5 mg of clotiazepam. I'm depressed, I'm scared, I chased it with booze. i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic.
edit: i have 4,5 more clonazepam and i don't want to take them but also i really do want to get knocked the fucked out.
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self.Anxiety
|
anxiety And Relationships Question Is it wrong to need/expect/ask for reassurance from a partner when you have relationship anxiety? I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (very relationship focused), ADHD (which means Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria of course), and probably depression, though it is undiagnosed. My girlfriend has bipolar disorder, OCD (focused on contamination), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (and my therapist suspects she has Borderline traits).
We've had a bumpy but overall great relationship. We both brings kids from priors to the table and the family coheres really, really well. Some of the bumps were hard, but we work through them.
From time to time, I really need reassurances and affection. This past week has been a hard one. I've been dealing with strong, strong feelings of not being worth a number of things to her: playing music together (we're both musicians), listening to each others' music, reaching out to me when I'm sending up flares of my mental state online (or even directly saying how I am feeling to her), not sexually attractive to her (her BPD meds mute her sex drive; last week it suddenly came back the day after I came home from a weekend there and then vanished the day I came back in the middle of the week), and so on. She was hesitant to kiss me before I left her place last night (we do not live together). She didn't say "I love you" back to me this morning when we first spoke.
I do have a tendency to read too into things and make patterns from the noise. Being very aware of this, I try to question myself when I have intrusive thoughts or fears on the issue.
So, all that being said...
Is it wrong to expect or ask for reassurance from a partner when you have what I have going on? It seems like such a simple and easy thing to do and she has often asked the same of me regarding her OCD anxieties (and of course I did whatever I could to reassure her she was safe).
I'm losing my mind here.
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self.Anxiety
|
I am having trouble describing my mixed state to my new partner I have started a new relationship and I have been very open and honest about my Bipolar. And he has been very understanding and wanting to learn more about it.
However, I am at a lot for words on how to describe my current state of mind; it being a mixed state.
I know that it is different for everyone as no ones bipolar is the exact same.
To be fair it is a hard thing to explain but how did you explain it to a partner current or past that made sense?
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self.bipolar
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Can I have some advice?Please? I decided to write a full clean confession here. Recently I wrote a short story, and I wrote the main characters in my image
(https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7hgbo7/the_king_that_never_was/)
I'm not sure how long I've been feeling like this, but its definitely been more than 2 years. I always got amazing grades, near-perfect, but never perfect.
I was good at things apart from studies. I was a high level dota player, overwatch players. My rank by statistics was within the top 1%. My family is stable, hardly any arguments. Not rich, but living comfortably. I was envied by people in school. I had a wide social circle, I was smart, I was bright. On the surface at least.
Deep down there was this feeling of emptiness. I felt alone even when i knew I had friends. I felt stupid, even though I know I'm beyond my peers in academics. I've been into trading and learning a fourth language, but I never ever completed them.
This feeling of loneliness and emptiness, it feels as though its controlling me. Have I self-harmed? Yes I have, though not the conventional way.
I'm currently injured on both wrists and doctos are trying to diagnose what it was. But I never told them that I've been baging and trying to dislocate my wrists.
I feel so dead. I want to cry so much, but tears never seem to come out.
When I tell my parents and friends about this, they told me to stop worrying. I was just meddling with things beyond my age and hence causing myself to worry to much. I never understood their logic, and why they just couldn't sense that somethings wrong with me.
Suicide? No, I won't suicide. But death... Death seems like a way to end it all. When I walk by the kitchen, I see the knife and ways I could die from it. When I go out to get lunch, I see ways in which I could be roadkill. Unusually, that thought seems to liberate me...
Yesterday I mustered the courage to express myself to my friends again, this time via a story.
60% of them read it as a childrens book, with the moral of the story being killing=grief. The other 40% fully understood the story, which made me feel better.
However, all of them took it as my spark of creativity, after-all they have the image that I'm a smart young student.
I tried many ways and many means to fill this emptiness. But it just keeps coming back. I don;t know what to do anymore. Next time when I go out for a meal, I may as well make it my last trip down the road.
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self.depression
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A woman running for congress is asking for feedback on mental health outcomes [here's a link](https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/15/1698842/-It-s-Time-We-Had-a-Frank-Talk-About-Mental-Illness?_=2017-09-15T10:11:21.738-07:00)
Edit: I mean policy to improve outcomes.
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self.bipolar
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loving someone with depression when you're not sure they love you i am pregnant with my fiancé of about a year. in the beginning of the pregnancy he was very excited to have his own child. i already had a one year old which he has taken over the father role completely. he was very excited to start our life together, be a father, and be married. over the last few months it's felt like he is pushing me away. at first i thought it was him neglecting me, that he didn't love me, and he didn't care. i was mean to him because i felt let down on these promises and i am also very excited about the new baby and the life i thought we were going to have together. now i think he is very depressed but because i was blind to it and was the one being neglectful, i feel like it's too late. it started with him not seeming like he wanted to spend time with me, he would play video games all night and not be interested in anything i had to say, then sleep all next morning until he had to work. he would stay nights at his friends house and drink leaving me pregnant at home with a toddler. we started fighting a lot about him never wanting to spend time with me so i moved back in with my mom. now that i stay here he is very distant and i hardly see him unless im needing to go to the hospital (ive been in and out because of preterm labor). he doesnt like to talk on the phone to me (he says he is like that in general but when we lived together he would be on the phone for hours with his friends while he was gaming). anytime i try to talk to him about stuff, as simple as asking him when he was going to clean his car, he gets very defensive. he doesn't ever spend more than 30 minutes with me unless we are at the hospital or he takes me to eat which he is in a hurry the entire time to take me home. he shuts me down with contact all the time. today when we were at the hospital, he had a breakdown and told me he is acting this way because he is scared he isnt going to be a good father. he wanted to be a really awesome dad. i try to tell him nothing is set in stone and if he starts to take care of himself and put his needs first he can be there for the children and he will be awesome. he says "the damage is already done, now i am dealing with the repercussions of my actions" and i have no idea what he means by that. he wont get help and he never sleeps. he is pushing me away. i dont know at this point what choice to make, i can't leave someone i love so much because they are going through a hard time. but im still not quite sure if it is his depression or if he truly just doesn't want the life we started together. sometimes his words make me feel like he doesn't want it anymore at all. i just feel like its all my fault and that i ruined our relationship because of how mean i was when all of this started. i tell him im sorry all of the time. i try to talk to him as gently as i can all of the time now. he still just doesn't spend time with me or hardly talk to me about much of anything.
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self.depression
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What was your biggest accomplishment today, this week, or even this month?
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self.Anxiety
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Something I find that helps... Hello there. I was diagnosed with BP2 about six weeks ago, and have been dealing with it undiagnosed since I was 15. I'm trying to go as long as I can without adding any more medications (already taking 50mg Zoloft for depression/anxiety) and so I've been trying to be proactive. Present in my moods, started counseling, forcing myself to eat even when I don't want to, etc.
BUT, the thing that has made everything clearer are mood tracking apps. I have one called iMood journal, but I know there are a bunch. I clock in like once or twice a day and just choose how I'm feeling, and then write a little blurb explaining what's going on. It's helped me understand when I'm starting to ramp up into mania, or swing low into depression so I can try and catch it before I start making rash decisions. (Cough cough deciding on a whim to drive 15 hours to Oregon to visit my friend while I should be moving out of my house, because my sister in law was busy cough).
It's hilarious to me to see the chart being a visual representation of how bipolar affects me. But what is the most helpful part is that instead of getting into thoughts of "what am I doing to make me feel like I'm a piece of shit" instead I can go on the app and see on this has been going down for a few days that makes sense. It's not my actions causing this, it's just my brain misfiring. Let's just ride it out. That thought alone has really helped balance myself when I'm spiraling into depression. With mania, not so much, because I secretly like feeling high and chaotic and I always think "meh let's just see how this plays out and deal with the effects later." Still working on that part.
Anyway, just thought I'd share.
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self.bipolar
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I’ve deleted every social app and now I’m just getting ready for the end I told my friends i just needed to clear my head for a while, which is true. My depressive episode has been pretty severe this time. I’m having hallucinations as well. And I can’t take it anymore. My mind is so busy. And I’m in University so I’m forced to keep going to classes as well. No one will miss me. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Before i stopped talking to my friends all i did was rant about my depression or just bug them. This is for the best. Goodnight
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self.SuicideWatch
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My anxiety gets in the way of my dreams... First a little background:
I have always loved film and acting. I loved making films as a kid, writing them, performing in them, editing them. I never did theater or anything because I was too shy (anxiety). I only goofed around with my friends and cameras. When I got to high school I for some reason stopped. I didn’t film anything. Didn’t act in anything. Senior year rolls around and my high school introduces a film production class. I joined in an instant. The class brought back so many amazing memories. I made videos for the class. When acting in them and editing them my happiness was at an all time high. It reminded me of how much I love doing this stuff. As I go into college I still have no idea what I want to major in. When people ask “so what do you want to do” I immediately think of the film industry. I would love to work in the film industry. When I watch Netflix or a movie I imagine all the work people do and how awesome it must be (and how hard). And I always thought it would be cool to be an actor.
I realize that the acting industry is pretty unforgiving but if it’s what I want I might as well give it a try right? I have never acted in an actual serious production. I took a theater class freshman year of college. Now I’m a sophomore, still no idea what I want to major in (my school offers no film stuff/theater stuff). I always thought about chasing my dream of acting. In my head I think, okay, First I’ll take some classes to introduce me, blah blah, see if I like it then I’d try to do this then that and It’ll equal X and Y. I still haven’t done a thing about it. I think my anxiety is getting in the way.
As a sophomore in college I feel like I need to do something to start this path. Instead all I do is think about it rather than doing it. I’m afraid I’ll think about this dream and never do anything about it, just keep living my life thinking I’ll someday be an actor and before I know it I’m 50 years old. And this applies to other stuff too not just my acting dream. I show so much optimism and excitement for these ideas of mine but I never do anything to achieve them because I’m so nervous about shit. It scares me. Like I can’t even sign up for an acting class. Pathetic.
Any advice or thoughts would be lovely!
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling suicidal I keep getting really intense feelings about killing myself, and I am feeling it REALLY bad today. But part of me is scared to go through it, and part of me is scared that I WILL go through with it. I just can't thinking of any reasons to push forward and keep living. Things just never seem to get better.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've been lying to my parents for months I still live with my parents, I'm 19 and in community college. I made 7500 dollars or so making videos on youtube and didn't tell them because I figured they wouldn't understand it and would think I was selling drugs or something. If I could go back in time, I would've told them when I started making the money and explained it to them, but by now it's too late to tell them. I've been lying to them for months. The only real problem I face is when I have to file taxes. They currently think I don't have any income, and they'll certainly catch on when I file taxes. I don't know if there's any way they can find out other than me telling them, but I don't want them to know.
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self.offmychest
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I got a job offer in a new state today. I can't stop crying. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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In a weird place - Suicide trigger I don't know what state I am in. I'm like... nothing and angry, and depressed. But not depressed like usual, milder. I don't usually get anger, and the blank nothing is the most prevalent "feeling".
I think I'm a ghost... or my soul is cursed. Life is empty. I'm just waiting for the next horrible trauma or tragedy, but I've stopped feeling sad about it. I don't actually understand anymore why everyone doesn't want to kill themselves. I made a joke that my family should do a suicide pact. My mom laughed and jokingly agreed.
A couple days ago I researched hanging myself, spent a long time thinking about the mechanics of it and how I would, if I was going to. I was going to practice making the rope, but kinda fell asleep. Tonight, with all the gun talk because of the shooting, I wondered how easy it would be for me to get a gun, which ones would be best to use. They are surprisingly cheap.
But then, after, I watched TV and found it funny still. So, I can still laugh at funny TV... It's such a weird place. I feel so nonchalant about it all. I'm sleeping around 15 hours a day because I don't want to be awake. There is nothing I want out here. I guess I should call my pdoc tomorrow. I'm afraid she will want me to go into the hospital, and I don't want to. Maybe she won't though...
I'm angry because I don't want help anymore. Anytime I reach out I hear the same old crap... motivational stuff or just an "aww, I'm sorry".. I don't even know what I want, but I can say that shit to myself. I spend a lot of time staring off blankly. What's the point.
What mood state is this? It's so weird.
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self.bipolar
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Intervention of Myself with Myself So,yeah... My best friend is now sympathizing more seriously with my depression.
She said that I should help myself by removing the things in life that contribute to my depression.
Little does she know that one of it is her.
I'm in love with her,and I don't know if I should let go of her because she is my happiness,as the same time one of the factors for my sadness.
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self.depression
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I joined just to make this post... I plan on killing myself on Wednesday, which is two days from now. I'm on break from college, and I made three separate dates during this holiday period that I wanted to do it. This is the last date I can do it without having to interfere with any other responsibilities.
I have bipolar disorder, and right now I'm riding a dangerous mixed episode, which is perfect ... maybe this time I will actually go through with it.
I don't know what I am trying to even get from posting on here. I can't tell my family and the friends I have told are tired of hearing me. I also don't want to hurt them by letting them know. I just want to go out in peace, you know?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety causing social isolation This past week I have been experiencing this feeling of needing to be alone and preference for just being alone in my basement or room. I️t even happens when with my parents who I feel I’ve never had this type of feeling with before. I just get this feeling of anxiety when around people that I’m close with for some reason and the feeling of needing to be alone. I don’t understand this because I’ve always liked to be with my friends and family, but for some reason this week I’ve just wanted to be alone for a lot of the time. I️t is also seeming to interfere with my school work because I just don’t want to do it and just want to go be alone in my room and listen to music or watch YouTube or something.
I have not gotten a formal diagnosis or evaluation from a mental health professional but this past year I think I have been experiencing OCD like symptoms. I have also been experiencing what I think is depression for the past few months.
I have googled if anxiety can cause social isolation but have gotten no answers besides that social isolation is a symptom of schizoid, schizotypal, and antisocial personality disorder and this makes me very worried. I am scared I’m going to lose my mind some day and be sent to a mental hospital.
So, can anxiety cause a person to become socially isolated? Can anyone give me some advice on this?
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone get real bad bloating with their anxiety? Or anxiety with their bloating? For about a year now I've been dealing with a weird problem. It's ebbed and flowed over the course of the year - sometimes I've had it every day for three weeks straight, and other times I've gone a whole month without encountering it.
Sometimes I get very bloated. I feel heavy. My abdomen feels very hard to the touch. My heart beats louder and faster. Breathing becomes uncomfortable. My anxiety spikes, sometimes high enough to turn into a panic attack. If I'm in a real quiet room my stomach will gurgle a LOT. Little gurgles, one after the other, for upwards of an hour or two. Sqwrt. Shkwrm.
Sometimes it starts suddenly and at full intensity, while other times it builds over the course of a couple of hours. Taking something like pepto-bismol or alka-seltzer really helps. Chamomile tea helps a little too. I often feel a strong urge to go to the bathroom to relieve some of the pressure. Sometimes I'm able to go right away, other times I sit in there for a long time to no avail.
The discomfort ranges from annoying to alarming. The worst it ever got was five months ago, and I ended up calling 911 thinking there might be something wrong with my heart. The EMTs came to check me out, found that my pulse was elevated (tachycardia), but saw nothing and left. Since then I've had bad days and good days.
I went to see my doctor and he put me on omeprazole and dicyclomine, in case I had IBS. It didn't really help - in fact, I felt more consistently bad while I was on the meds. Once I ran out, I stopped taking them and ended up having about a solid month with no major issues. But in the past week they've started up again, and last night I had an episode like the one in which I called 911, though this time I just toughed it out and the real painful part was over within half an hour.
I can handle one of these bad episodes every once in a while but when I start getting them on an almost daily basis, the worry and anxiety and fear builds up inside me until it consumes my thoughts and I can't focus on anything else.
So far Pepto is pretty effective at bringing down the bloating but I just feel kind of not great about having to take it like seven or eight days in a row - sometimes twice a day - when things get bad.
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with bloating like this and can offer me some insight on how anxiety and bloating can interact, and what I can do to prevent it and/or relieve it. I try my best to eat smaller/more frequent meals and avoid heartburn triggers, but it seems to happen regardless of what I've eaten and how much of it.
Thanks for reading. <3
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self.Anxiety
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Depression makes me care too little and anxiety makes me care too much about everything. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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My birthday/very depressed So I’ve been in a real bad place lately, I️m not very okay and my best friends know that. Tomorrow’s a big birthday year for me and literally none of my friends are around everyone’s too busy. They all have legitimately things they’re busy with but it’s just making have this thought loop being mad then feeling like shit about being mad and then guilting myself because I think i have the right to be a bit upset no one can take even an hour out of their day to hangout with me. And I can’t tell if I’m being u reasonable or if it’s the depression but it’s festering and it’s going to be a hard one waking up tomorrow because I feel left out and un thought about
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self.depression
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can you have a manic episode if you arent bipolar??? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Not a single damn person knows who I really am When people are around me, I seem happy. I laugh a lot, and seem like an open honest person. But really nobody knows who I actually am. When I'm alone, all I do is wallow. I want to cry, but for some reason I never can. I contemplate how painful it would be to just take a bullet. All I look forward to is getting high or drunk. Often, I just feel nothing at all. Nobody would think I'm so depressed. I've never had anyone care about me except my parents and even they dont know. I'm also deep in the closet, and I know most of you probably dont care but it really sucks. I cant figure out who I'm in love with and who I'm not, fuck I don't even know what I am. I failed in high school, and I'm doing the same in college. I just lost all my financial aid and fucked my parents over. They don't deserve the burden. Everyone else is out working and living and I'm here day after day drunk begging to cry questioning if I'm gay or bi, depressed or just lazy, sick or just stupid. On top of all this, I've suddenly seriously started thinking I might be transgender as well. I cant take another secret. Literally everything that could go wrong in my head did, how does someone question things like this?? Everything that most people just know has been a question for me. But if you asked my friends, I'd just be the most average person they knew. They'd probably describe me as the happiest most open of all of us, but really I'm on the verge of just ending my life. If I messed things up this bad in 19 years, I can't imagine how bad I'll have runied things for everone around me by 38...
Sorry if I don't make sense, I'm drunk and just need to vent. Even if I didn't keep my life such a secret, it's not like anyone would accept or understand it...
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self.depression
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People, she said she took some pills quite a while ago and she hasn't posted on her account in while. What do we do? [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hey all, i need some help understanding my SO [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Depression & Relationships Hi everyone, Happy Holidays.
Just looking for some insight from anyone with a SO and is dealing with this horrible cloud.. My gf isn’t very supportive. We had an argument this morning and she always uses “you need to take more pills you’re crazy” or “you need help bla bla” it’s so unfair that she uses that against me because I just freeze I never know what to say. I just get upset and then sometimes she call me a “baby”. I’m an emotional guy I can’t help that. I’m not perfect but I just think that’s uncool. I’ve been creeping reddit since 2014, I have 3 accounts..
This is my first post ever so excuse and reddit grammar
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self.depression
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The thoughts don't stop Some context: Last Saturday I went a local redditors' meetup. I thought everyone went away having a good time until the organizer DMs me over discord, coming down hard with a "XXX was unacceptable behavior and if you do it again I will boot you from all future meetups."
All I did was show the girl sitting next to me my tinder profile. I had no idea this was awkward behavior, and yet the organizer is coming down on me like I just threatened to shoot up a school.
And now I keep having revenge fantasies every waking moment. He's added himself to the list of people who've wronged me and the thoughts of committing murder don't stop. I can't go to college anymore as the drive is 40 minutes and with nothing to do, my mind wanders back to these violent, intrusive thoughts and it just angers me to no end. By the time the trip is over I'm thoroughly worn out and in no shape to listen or study.
Prazocin helps calm the thoughts down but it kills my endurance. The parking lot I have a permit for is a grueling 10 minute walk up several slopes; I get shin splints simply by walking to class. I dropped my last class because of this conundrum.
Please don't think I'm psychotic. I don't act on these thoughts and I don't have access to a deadly weapon. The thoughts themselves just wear me out and occupy the rest of my attention and keep reviving themselves in a vicious cycle.
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self.depression
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I feel so isolated and terrible about myself. I feel like I need a hug but at the same time like I don't deserve affection from anyone. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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ALWAYS LONELY I have a sweating disorder of the face. It is called hyperhydrosis. I also get asthma. I cannot swim. I am overweight. I have always been plump. Women have never found me attractive. I changed school a lot when I was young so I have no roots, and I have never had any friends. I have never had a girl or lady friend. Never been intimate with a girl or lady. People find me repulsive because I sweat even if I am not ugly in my face. As years went by being an only child I ended up as a carer for my mum and dad in their 90s with many disabilities. This means at the age of 50 I am completely alone except for my parents. I think I shall not bother once they are gone. My life is a pointless, friendless, loveless existence. In a way I am glad no one will shed a tear at my passing. No one will suffer grief. That has to be a positive thing.
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self.depression
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Mixed Episode??? Help Hi guys, the past few days I’ve felt so odd. I’m in a really good mood, I’ve been sleeping less (but still around 8 hours) and I’m less tired but at the same time I’m having urges to self harm again which usually only comes with my depressive episodes. Now I’ve got the voice in the back of my head suggesting a suicide attempt. Is this a mixed episode? Has anyone experienced something like this
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self.bipolar
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lonely and depressed lol i have one friend in school. the other is a 25 year old communist. i'm a 17 year old high school senior and i'm lonely as fuck, i rarely go out (and if i do it's to go to work), my boyfriend broke up w me and i'm sadder than i should be, i don't know how to socialize and i've had depression my entire life. it's all pointless and dumb lolololol
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self.depression
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My anxiety ruined a relationship and now I don't know what to do. I started dating this girl back in August and things were perfect up until the first week of October. We got along amazing she was beautiful and funny and nice and was absolutely in love with me and was just everything I could've wanted in a girl. At the end of October about a week before my 20th birthday we went to the shore and had sex for the first time, with each other and in general. It was amazing and we did it several times that day and the day after. A few days later I woke up with this horrible aching feeling in my upper stomach. My breath was short my arms and legs felt weak I just felt completely exhausted. Me and her hung out that day and the whole day I just felt off and the clenching, tight feeling in my gut wouldnt go away. We talked about it and I decided I needes to think abouy ehat was going on cause it was worse when I was with her or thinking about her. I ended up dumping her and she was heartbroken but I just couldnt get past that gut feeling. For a while it was coming and going when I thought about her. I saw a therapist for a few sessions and thought I had figured that she just wasnt right for me. On sunday I reconnected with a girl I was friends with for years you came to visit. We always felt attracted to each other but when I went out with her I had that horrible feeling again and ever since that night its been constant. All I want to do is sleep and Ive started having thoughts of suicide. Since Monday Ive also had the thought that maybe Im gay or something which only adds to the anxiety. Im still attracted to girls but now my brain is stuck on the possibility of me being gay because of that feeling I had around those girls and now I dont know what to do. Sorry for the novel I just am so lost.
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self.Anxiety
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Considering Suicide I'm fourteen. I see no meaning in life. I really have an awesome life (I have everything I need.) but, it's monotone, boring, and even if I am successful in life, what's the fucking point! What do I do? In three years, I'll move out. I'll probably go to work, come home, and sleep. I will be forgotten in 30 years, no matter what I do. Literally the only thing that keeps me going is that I'll die anyway, so why not live? But, then again, why go through all the bullshit? I'll die anyway. There is no point. Anyone I talk to doesn't understand, they think I'm sad about something, yet I'm unsatisfied, and tired of society. I live to eat, fuck, sleep, repeat, die, we all do. What in the fucking hell should I fucking do?
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self.depression
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Saying No I have such extreme anxiety/ guilt over saying no at my job. I work myself ragged to make sure nothing is left undone and that others don't have to do more than their share, but in the process overwork myself.
I just said no, and cannot calm down. I deserved to say no and it is more than fair to say no in this situation. But at this rate, I'd rather overwork myself than feel this soul crushing anxiety. Does anyone else feel this way? If so, how do you overcome it?
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self.Anxiety
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There's no point to life How can one be happy if humanity is too selfish to care about the betterment of itself
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self.depression
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I love you, keep going Once upon a time I fell in love with a kind, quarky, obnoxious (I mean that in a good way) soul. He felt like home and it was one of the best experiences I had, but also the toughest.
Underneath that bright colored personality was pain, anxiety, sadness... I had sensed that but was unable to help... he let me go.
Even though he let me go, each day I say "I love you, keep going." I hope that my happy vibes reach him and hope he's doing the best.
I write this to let you all know that it may sound crazy, but I love you (yes you) all of you. As we go through our suffering and pain you are not alone and you will find people along your journey who want nothing more but to be by your side through it all, let them. Do not close the door on them, let them love you - you deserve love, light, and happiness just as much as anyone else.
Keep going, I know you are doing your best and even on days you feel you have fallen or are struggling you will make it.
Much Love
- C
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self.Anxiety
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my family is so fucking insensitive and dont care about my uncle assaulting me i was raped by my piece of shit pedophile uncle when i was 15. barely anything was done about it. i thought we had a restraining order against him but they dont tell me shit.
they always invite him over. they let him around my young nieces, nephews and cousins. they dont fucking care because he’s family and he’s struggling to make ends meet or whatever. they actually pay him to do work around the house.
i fucking tell my parents and my sister that he makes me uncomfortable. my sister doesn’t care because “its not her problem” which i dont get because that piece of shit used to touch her as a kid too. and i get such bad anxiety just looking at him. it fucking triggers me to no end having to come home to my own house and not knowing if im going to run into my rapist that day or not.
i dont know what the fuck to do anymore. no one will listen to me. they make me feel like im the crazy one for not wanting him to come over. they make me feel like shit for suggesting that they ask him to leave.
my parents only solution was for me to stay out of the house until he leaves but i have no where to go for hours on end unless im at work. i shouldn’t have to leave anyways.
i dont know what the fuck to do i have so much anxiety rn i just want to fucking cut. i hate everything i feel so sick
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everything is falling Apart I don't handle change well. (Do any of us with anxiety?)
All in one day, I got into a fight with a close friend because they were being hurtful, my sister (who lives in another state far from me) left her live-in boyfriend and moved in with a man nearly 15 years older than her who she only just met a few months ago (and we're all terrified for her safety but can't do a thing about it), and we found out that my boss is leaving his practice and the state of my employment as of February is completely unknown.
On top of that, I'm like 3 weeks into what I think is a really great relationship. And I'm terrified of losing that. (Read: I'm terrified of ruining it because I'm an anxious mess.)
I don't know what to do. I can barely breathe. I'm sitting at my desk almost in tears. I feel like my life has been flipped upside down and I don't have any stable ground to stand on.
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self.Anxiety
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does anyone else get "anxiety strokes?" I'm going to try to describe this the best that I can.
My anxiety is very physical.. the wind blowing on my scalp makes me squirm.. I feel the need to touch and rub my hair a lot.. I often feel uncomfortable pressure inside my head, which makes me convinced that my brain is going to cave in, which makes me grab my head and steady myself, and of course all this kicks in the hyperventilation..
Anyway, something awful happens to me every now and then. It happened tonight at dinner.
I was sitting, talking to a friend, and became "overly aware" of myself. This made me start thinking in overdrive, and I felt a surge of anxiety begin to rise. Then, I felt a pressure in my head, and suddenly, I was forced to look down at my feet and clutch my head until the feeling passed. In the moment, this always feels like I'm about to have a stroke, or that my skull is going to collapse / cave in.
Does this sound like the ravings of a lunatic, or has anyone else experienced this? Head pressure? The feeling of your brain sitting in your skull? Anyone else have very physical anxiety and "anxiety strokes" like this?
Please let me hear your thoughts and stories
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is not having a cute gf a good reason to be depressed over? It’s my only desire in life. I already have everything else i want.
|
self.depression
|
Warning for triggering content - self harm and suicidal thoughts I feel so much like I’m floundering- like I’m struggling to breathe and I’m drowning but everyone around me seems to be striding in the water and paddling above the surface. I can’t think straight or get my head clear and my veins feel like they itch again, and all my scars feel like they’re flaring at the scent of my fear. And I can’t quite word this to my partner or network. How I want to claw my skin off from the flesh and tear down to the bone. I feel like I can’t just be or just feel and my neurone feel like they’re firing constantly at great speeds and my head feels too full but at the same time my body feels empty as I float away from the floor. I don’t even know.
I’m describing badly.
I can’t think.
I’m lost and I just need help because I can’t be me anymore
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self.bipolar
|
I’m feeling extra bad today For the past few weeks, I’ve felt bad on and off. I can trace it back to some family drama that happened. I haven’t been the same since and I don’t know how to shake it. Right now I’m at work and I’m miserable. I feel like I could break down crying. I’d go home, but I already missed Friday for the same reason.
I went to counseling on Friday but I’m still feeling like this. I take SSRIs. I want to just get over this and get back to my life, but I don’t know how.
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self.depression
|
I tried to make a major life decision and it has turned into a disaster. To quickly provide some history to my situation, I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for likely the past 7 years, actually getting diagnosed about 3 years ago. However getting help has been another issue with the doctor being quite glib and not really offering any help. So I've been trying to battle this thing on my own, not telling anyone and had generally very little success. I am approaching 30, never had a proper relationship, alienated myself from all my friends and never holding down a job for too long let alone get on a proper career track. After getting fed up of constantly being alone, still living with my parents and not progressing with my life I made the leap of finding a job in a new city and finding a place to live. I was hoping that taking a big step for me would provide me with a boost and lead me on to get even better however it hasn't worked out like that at all.
I've been drowning since I've moved. First it was tiredness which I figured was just adjusting to the grind but then this was paired with a poor diet as I have no energy to cook when I get home so just bung something in the oven. If it stopped here then perhaps I could handle it but the fatigue didn't stop on my days off and my job is sat down all day so it's not like it's the most exertive job. The poor diet is then replaced by a complete lack of appetite that when I do try to eat I throw it back up. Now I'm hit with the sense of dread that I can't survive on my own, that I can't cope in the real world by myself. At times it feels like i'm choking, I've lost a lot of weight which makes things worse when you are already self-conscious about the way you look. This then peaked a few days ago when I had a breakdown or a panic attack(I don't know what it is called as I've never experienced anything like it before). I started hyperventilating, my body seized up and I just burst into tears. It was like a wave of sadness washed over me and it was the worst I've ever felt. It felt like I fell off of a cliff edge into an abyss and I wanted to do anything to make that feeling end. The next time I had to go to work I just sat there on the edge of my bed afraid to go in for fear something triggers another one of these moments. Eventually I do go in but all day I'm paranoid that I'm going to breakdown in front of everyone and even worse experience that feeling again. Today I didn't even make it in and just called off sick but that still didn't stop it happening again. I'm now scared what I will do in those moments to make them go away.
I want to go back home. I want to quit my job and move back into my old bedroom where though I didn't feel great I at least felt safe and better than I do now. I don't feel ready to face the real world, at least not at this rate. I suppose my reason for making this post is not even to ask for advice but more reassurance that going back home is indeed the smart move and I'm not just quitter who can't hack it.
|
self.depression
|
Meds, help, and what to do now I don't know why I'm even writing this except I can aknowledge that I'm admitst a bad cycle. I think my meds are failing to help, and I feel like I'm about to call it quits. No friends or family will answer the phone, and I'm asking for help. How do you guys get through when you feel like there's nothing left..cause I could use help right now.
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self.bipolar
|
How can I get help? How can I get help and reach out? I am so tired of being tired. I do not know how I can ask my mother for therapy, or deal with depression aside from my coping quietly. I can't deal with this longer, so I wanna try.
I lost any sort of interest for the future.
|
self.depression
|
So. I want to overdose on my sleeping tablets [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm 22 and I had a tooth removed 2 years ago and I can't stop thinking about how I could let this happen [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I just need someone to talk to Idk if this is allowed on this board but I really need someone to talk/vent to. For the last few months shit has just been going crazy and with all this shit plus my anxiety I'm having a hard time. I need to get this all off my chest. I can't really post it on here because of the details of the story so if anyone has the time for a long fucked up story and maybe if you are good at giving advice I would love a message.
|
self.Anxiety
|
One Year Later Trigger Warning: Abusive Relationships
One year later and I'm doing a lot better. I'm also not doing a lot better. I recently celebrated a year of happiness with my current S.O. but I'm an idiot sometimes. Tonight was one of the moments of idiocy. I was idly scrolling on facebook and I saw her, I saw my ex. I'm terrified of my ex. One year later I'm still terrified of her and what she might do or already have done.
My ex is like Amy from Gone Girl. She's unsuspectingly manipulative and scarily good at it. After the initial break up she came up with schemes to get me back and once she realized that I was through she tried schemes to get me to talk to her that culminated in threatening false allegations. It was always about her and she needed to have a story that made her the victim and kept her coddled. I never budged, my therapist, my friends, and my S.O. kept me safe. I never have given into my anxious terrors but I still feel them.
Now I'm up late worrying if she's done more than I ever knew about, if she ever told anyone in my immediate life these lies and that people think I'm some sort of monster. I'm scared of the world some days because I think the world hates me. I know that my mind is lying to me right now but, I can't stop thinking about it. I even have moments in my immediate future that prove the contrary to these thoughts but nothing changes, I am still sitting up late writing this.
One year later and the world around me is happier, I'm happier, and my life is easier. I'm starting to feel however, that maybe there's just a little part of me that will never heal. Maybe there's just something in me that broke over two years ago when I got into a relationship with an unstable and unpredictable person. I think this might be something I just have to sit with.
Is this as good as it gets? I really hope not. I hate feeling broken.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I dont want to feel like this anymore I'm going to make this as short as possible. Was abused by a parent since I was ~6, the abuse didn't stop till I was 17 and that's bc I left. Had best friend of 5 years completely/permanently ignore me for literally no reason. As a result I have crippling anxiety and I'm emotionally unstable (mainly due to the abuse but the loss of my friend was the icing on the cake.) I constantly feel sad and empty inside, then I'll feel rage and an urge to lash out at others and myself. About 70% of the time I end up internalizing most of it. The times I don't are very bad. It's just built up over time. My fiance tries to help in the only way he knows how. He's the only person Im able to feel a connection to, in fact he's the only reason why I'm still alive, besides my mom who's been through a lot of shit and doesn't need any more. I feel so weak, messed up, damaged, terrified and alone. I can't put my fiance or mom through the pain of losing me. I'm just so done. Constant panic attacks, sharp mood swings, destructive urges etc. I'm so sick of all of it.
Tl;Dr : put up with a lot of abuse as a kid, have emotional issues as a result, want to off myself but my mom and fiance would be devastated.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do the feelings go away So this post isn't really about me, but someone that I'm very close with and is important to me. He's my best friend/roommate, and I need to know how a situation might affect him based on if people have previously experienced or what I should do. He just recently broke up with his gf on Saturday and I held him Sunday while he cried about it. Last night I was babysitting till about midnight and he had not been texting me for about 2 hours which was scaring me. I come home and he's not there either. By now it's almost 1 am and I'm having a panic attack at not knowing where he is. Around 3am today I get a call from the psych hospital that he is there. They are an absolute pain to deal with and they don't care about the feelings of people who have loved ones in there. After about an hour and a half I get the patient code where they are finally able to tell me what happened. He got pulled over by a cop on his way to come visit me at Babysitting, and earlier in the night he decided to chat and help feed the homeless people. He has always been religious and thinks that god works special in everyone. The cop thought that he was hyper religious and immediately handcuffed him and brought him to the hospital for an evaluation. I called him a little while ago and he's miserable. Will he be able to recover from the internal feelings when he is released either today or tomorrow. And what should I know or do for him?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My roommate just told me that “ I’ve noticed differences in you since taking this new medication. I’ve never heard you laugh like that. You are so much better than before. It’s like you are a new person..”. I feel so rotten to think of his perception of me in the past. Anyone relate? This is mostly in reference to me starting Wellbutrin and Lyrica. I’ve been on Lithium for a year now.
|
self.bipolar
|
I can't handle confrontation I've always been one to avoid any confrontation but the past couple of years it seems to be worse when I do encounter it. Whenever I have a disagreement or even a discussion with my SO about something that upsets me it feels like my adrenaline starts to pump. I get red in the face, I feel weak, I can't think, my face muscles even seem to spasm. Is this a kind of anxiety?
I don't know what to do about it but I think it's starting to hurt my relationship and it can put me in a bad mood for days afterwards.
|
self.Anxiety
|
first therapy I just had my first ever therapy today and im not really shure if i liked it or not. I tried to be really open and talked about everything but she kinda just went over the fact that i mentioned that i sometimes have suicidle thoughts(which is like the only reason i made myselve go in the first place). Dunno why i write this here, maybe i just wanted to tell someone.
|
self.depression
|
I'd like to stop existing. I don't know, I guess it's that weird phenomenon where I don't necessarily want to die, but I want to just stop existing. I think I'd like to die if I knew that it would be painless and no one would have to find my body, but no one could tell you that, and I'm scared. So I guess it'd be nice if everything just... Stopped. Full stop.
I'm pretty much just venting at this point. I'll probably never actually commit suicide, but I hate that I think about it so much. It's so awful. I'm in a toxic environment that I can't really leave yet, so at this point I'm just living from deadline to deadline. I keep on telling myself that it'll be better in a week, or two weeks, or a year, but then I keep on blowing past those dates and nothing really gets better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
At this point, I make everything a joke. I avoid sharing with people that I am depressed, even though I am on medication that helps significantly. Although it helps, I still don't have the motivation to get out of bed recently. So when my fellow college students ask why I wasn't in class, I just make a joke about how I'm just too lazy to make it. Them laughing at me and continuing the joke seems so much better than seeing the fake sympathy in their eyes.
|
self.depression
|
I didn't break up with sociopath girlfriend until it was too late. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Medical Bill I was hospitalized end of Sep and I got huge amount of medical bill. Actually, I refused to go hospital but the police call paramedic and told me I’m on hold.
Now, I can’t pay this bill. But I have already told everyone I can’t pay so I don’t want to go hospital. I didn’t sign any agreement there as well.
What should I do?
|
self.bipolar
|
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