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Prickly numb shaky feeling in arms, hands, other parts of body My bf says it’s all in my head. Is this anxiety or could it be physical?
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self.Anxiety
|
Please please I just need to die There's nothing for me here. No more family, no one that really cares or loves me. I really feel so alone and desperate for someone to talk to, to hug and to go have fun with.
I'm stuck in a cycle of work and sleep, and I don't do much else.
I'm so so tired all the time.
I want someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have pets. They are adorable and helpful (I'll spare you the photo). I still feel like shit right now. Fuck. Navigating this life is fucking IMPOSSIBLE because the rules are constantly changing.
I love my partner, but fuck him for not playing fair. I'm not looking for 'oh, just leave him' advice; I genuinely want this to work, and I believe that it will.
At the same time, something has to change. I'm tired and frustrated with being the only one in this relationship to compromise. And I'm the crazy one! He's neurotypical, but totally illogical at times. The burdan is on me regardless, cuz I'm diagnosed crazy.
It seems unfair that I'm ALWAYS wrong, or out of line, even when I make more sense than he does. Because I'm the crazy one.
Ah. Fuck bipolar. And fuck the people who use your diagnosis against you to get exactly what they want.
Sigh. Today will not be pleasant. But fuck it, cuz I'm tired of rolling over and giving in.
I've gotta fight this time.
Fuck me. Wish me luck?
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self.bipolar
|
Should I just end it all? I am a married man (35) with 2 kids. My wife (40) had an affair with a man who is in his 20s. She found a better man, I’m a failure. I did everything and tried my hardest to keep her happily fufilled but I wasn’t hood enough. I bought a house so of I just leave they will have a roof over their heads, their mother, and a new father to raise them who is better than me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
the only thing i enjoy in life is spending time with naked girls Having sex, cuddling, talking to eachother, finding things in common, learning from eachother, watching movies with my head rested on her breasts. It's the only thing I enjoy in life. Without escorts my life is empty.
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self.depression
|
I don't think I'll ever be free/New year's resolution Throwaway because people know my main acc.
Last week I started a new job. I thought working as a ski instructor would be different. I would be outside, doing something I like, with other people in a positive environment. Its not different at all though because I still don't care.
I really don't hate it and I do appreciate that Ive been given such a great opportunity. I dont have to worry about food or rent, since I live with my parents, and I get to ski all day. It's a pretty great life, but I don't want it at all.
I've decided this is going to be my last job. Working all day to be tired, unfulfilled, and poor is not a life worth living. The fact that I can't last 3 days doing a fucking fairytale job without slipping back into depression is proof enough to me that Im not cut out for society. It's almost 20 years that I've been a loser. 20 years I've let people take advantage of me. 20 years I've thrown away opportunities and potential. 20 years of being a fucking worthless faggot and I'm done. I don't care about my life. I don't care about anybody around me. All I want to do is paint and cover my body in tattoos and starting in April that's what I'm doing until I die, and starting now that what I'm going to do in all of my free time. Hopefully I'll find a way to survive off of it but if not then I guess I lost.
I still remember the first time I thought about killing myself, over four years ago. I sat in my room and cried because I didn't know why I felt the way I did. Today I'm not that same person though. Those times when I couldn't find the gun, or my knife was too dull to slit my wrists, they didn't just give me time. They showed me the absolute worst of myself and they forced me to look all my problems dead in the eye. Today I dont have a knife in my hand and I didn't even think of shooting myself. I'm not afraid anymore. I still want to die most days, but I'll be damned if I don't die trying.
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self.depression
|
I can see my mind go through a series of thoughts that leads to me feeling depressed, but I still allow it to happen and take over completely. There's a part of me that wants all of the dark and negative horrible thoughts to continue. I assume it's because I've gotten so used to them that they're kind of comforting? There's moments during these little thought holes I go down where I can literally feel myself actually having the ability to just stop indulging in those thoughts and move on to something that will help me move forward in my life or even something that will just distract me and help me relax. But instead, I choose to continue with the negativity and depression and start saying to myself that I don't expect to ever achieve and acquire all the things I want to in my life. What's even more strange is that I know a lot of things that I can do to help me out of those habits (exercise, meditation, studying, reading), but still I choose to do nothing. I continue to do the same things and then I feel bad that my life overall hasn't changed. I can't get myself out of this stupid little pattern.
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self.depression
|
Parents divorced. Dad continuously asks me for info on my mom's life and her boyfriend It's driving me crazy. I'm too anxious to hang up on my dad or anything like that. I told him it bothers me when he does this but he continues it anyway.
Edit:
I told him on the phone I am not comfortable with anymore questions about my mom's personal life. If he continues to ask me, I won't answer. He asked me if I spoke to her about it, and he hung up on me.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why do I beg all the time? It's crazy but my only friend is my ex. Let me type the story, I need to let it out too. After we broke up he kind of deserted me but he came back after a month. He was still in love with me and but to get over him I got into a relationship with another guy but I was already in too much love with him so I broke up with the second one. We again started talking I was in love with him too, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with me so we decided that we would stay friends. I think it was love that held us together but sometimes he wouldn't admit that he still loved me and sometimes he would. It continued for few months until August, when he told me that he was really waiting for me to be mature and we would get back together then, then I used to dream about how great it would be if we get back together but we stayed friends, not just friends, best friends. I guess his love was fading, he told me one day that he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't have any intention of getting back together, ever. I was quite used to this shit now so even I decided that we wouldn't bother talking about it but we would just stay the way we are. I've been depressed for a long time but my mental health started deteriorating very badly last year when I found my mom cheating on my dad and it broke my heart so much even though they don't like me and have been really open about not liking me, but it was bound to have an impact on me because they're my parents, and I was never close with my family and so my ex was my only friend and I had to keep him close because I am comfortable sharing stuff with him. I'm always like please don't leave me, I really need you, even though he is always here whenever I need him. I'm always begging for him to not leave me but it's obvious that he will again fall in love with someone else and sooner or later he will have other best friends when he won't be able to handle me much longer. I can't trust other people and others don't really understand me (if we ignore the fact that the other students literally hate me.) I don't want to lose my friend. I'm afraid our past that was the foundation of this friendship will be the one which ends it. I feel he is really fed up of my shit but doesn't show me because I'm always begging. I really love him too.
Thank you so much if you read till the end. I know this whole wall sounds off beat, and I'm sorry for that.
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self.depression
|
Lost my personality years ago I have got bipolar but not so much the depression thing. It's just a mystery how I lost my personality from years ago. I was a bit of a ladies man and I could hold decent conversations and I was funnier and had more success in interviews. I feel completely different now. I would be known as a loser amongst most women and the only women I talk to are low quality (that's the best way for me to put it) I never make people laugh when I think I'm being funny and I don't talk as much. I get nervous in social situations, avoid parties and dates public speaking and I have an intense fear of heights and I'm fat now. It's incredible how much I changed. I think I was depressed when I lost my personality at age 20 when I broke up with a really hot girl (that wouldn't look at me twice now) and I became mute for a good few months. I also dropped out of uni because I was too busy partying than doing my lectures. I just generally feel like a loser now. When I worked at McDonald's I was made fun of and basically treated like a loser but I'm not used to it because in school I was on top of the social hierarchy. I don't usually get bullied and that was probably the only time but I am very quiet and I have such low self esteem that I don't even want to date anyone anymore. Has anyone else gone through a change of personality? Like I said I'm not depressed anymore but it seems my personality has shifted permanently and I know after 8 years it's too late now to return to normal
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone else think most people have a better lives than your own? I could listen my reasons but honestly, I have so many.
Jealousy and being unable to satisfy my needs while watching others do so is a big reason for my depression.
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self.depression
|
My depression is creeping back. I guess it was stupid of me to ever think it'd be completely gone. [deleted]
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self.depression
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(2nd attempt at reposting because life hates me) My boss abuses us and I think I may finally quit. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
How To Overcome Paranoid Delusions? Hey Reddit! Thought I'd reach out to some members of our community to see what coping strategies people use to overcome paranoid delusions. I have type 1 bipolar disorder, and really struggle with this. It's drastically affecting my performance at work, and it's disrupting my personal life as well. I am not currently taking any antipsychotics, and will not be taking any in the near future (horrible past experiences with them). Anyways, any tips, suggestions, and coping strategies are welcome and appreciated!
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self.bipolar
|
I am going to kill myself tonight. I am going to kill myself tonight. I have been making a plan for the past 3 years, and I have had enough.
I am telling you this because I am sorry. I am sorry for never seeing you, never talking to you, never touching you, never loving you. For unseen reasons, the world has never allowed us to collide. This is my final attempt to make that collision. Who ever you are, know that I was here. No names (for obvious reasons), but what is the value in a name, anyway?
I want my final words to be those of my favorite book.
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fukkit I'm not actually suicidal. I'm just a parasite for someone to acknowledge that I exist. Please just tell me that living is worth it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sad day, good reminders Today I sang at a funeral for a girl who died by suicide. She was only two years older than me. Her family did not release her manner of death in the obituary. When I was made aware, I was deeply saddened and also upset by the amount of theories about why she’d died.
My mum and husband both attended. Later today, I asked them both to promise that if I lose the battle that they call it what it is. I want it to be lay it all out that I fought hard and didn’t win. I am not suicidal and I don’t want to end up in that place. If it does though, I want to be open about it even after I die.
Stigma sucks and it doesn’t leave. I want to break it down. I am not ashamed of this illness. I’m going to keep on being vulnerable and open.
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self.bipolar
|
I'd rather be asleep Being asleep, even with only the slight chance there is of actually remembering my dreams, is the best part of my life. I don't have dreams about my everyday life, they are usually fantastic and wild adventures. Even the ones that could be considered nightmares are great. I just don't get that sense of wonder and danger and adventure in my life, it feels like there is purpose and I'm the main character. It feels like it is the way life should have been, everything that i hoped for growing up, but lost when you discover life isn't a grand adventure from a book. I wish I was asleep
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self.offmychest
|
Am I experiencing hypomania? Idk where else to go. Sorry not sure where to post and I don't know who else to ask.
I started taking 75mg of Effexor almost six months ago. When I first started it, I didn't feel much as far as emotions go. It was like I was shell. Steadily my mood improved and I became confident, motivated- for a couple of weeks there I only got a few hours sleep each night and still managed to pull 13-14 hour days no problem.
Over the past couple of months I have done things I want to say seem crazy but I feel justified in them. Regardless it caused half of my family including mg father to disown me (he is my only parent, mom is deceased).
I started sleeping with a man I certainly should not be sleeping with and it bothers me on some level, but I don't want to stop because I want sex so much.
I spend money on the lottery and clothes- got a rasie and somehow managed to spend 1,000 in just a week. That's a lot for me.
My mood however is nuts. I am at times insanely happy and talkative. I can't sit still at my desk and doing work seems boring and I don't want to do it so I don't. It is the same way with my school work and that isn't like me.
Most days I am blissful and then something happens and I either get really mad or sad. The suicidal thoughts have started again about two weeks ago (they had been completely gone for months).
I feel like I am going crazy and I can't stop. Like a car going 100mph with no brakes.
I got into trouble today for making a sexual innuendo at work that I normally would have never made as we are a professional organization. A part of me cares, a part of me doesn't.
I am seeing my doctor next week. Am I having a problem on this medicine or is being happy and excited all the time normal while my bad decisions are just bad decisions? Am I over thinking this?
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self.bipolar
|
What "helps"? Backstory: In a relationship with an amazing 20 year old girl for almost 5 months now but known each other for the better half of a year. She's told me about the hard things from her past and home life but was ALWAYS a good sport about it and would say "but it's fine". I'm naturally a "fixer" because that's how I've learned to deal with myself, selfishly putting myself and what I need to fix my problem first. She's opened up to me more than anyone in her life and feels
"comfortable and safe" and makes it known she appreciates me.
I can't help but want to help though. I don't want her to continue to think she can't have the same happiness others have. She is literally unable to grasp the idea that people are content with life. She's never had any kind of genuine support from the beginning of middle school to now. I would do anything for this person but I really would like to just know how to help. My attempts at "fixing" immediate problems that caused her distress went well but now it's much bigger issues that aren't so straight forward. I feel helpless because I know when something is bothering her because she'll pull away from everyone and everything.
As far as what I've already tried to do to help. Talking to her and questioning her makes her mad if I keep doing it too long so I've learned to just listen now and fight that urge to reach a solution. I've no idea what depression is/how it feels so I've been combing google and reddit for the past couple months since I've started suspecting that she might be a little more than sad. I've seen our universities therapy center and talked for two sessions about how I can help. That was a dead end because they really can't help too much if the actual individual isn't there themselves. She did appreciate that I was willing to go though, almost like it made it more casual and not as daunting or stigmatized. I've learned to be more patient and less vocal when she talks about anything. She's a thinker type where it'll be silent but she's really calculating her next words. She hasn't admitted that anything might be a mental illness though, yet when I propose theoretical situations that me or her loved ones would feel/say the things she does she'd want them to feel better and that it isn't normal. I feel bad posting about it here because she trust me more than anyone else in the world about how she feels. I just don't know what else I could do or if I'm doing something wrong. But I figured anonymously asking some people who are familiar about the topic rather than actual people in my life is a good step towards understanding. Any insight, personal or general, about how you can "help" someone dealing with these thoughts/feelings is VERY helpful to me. I appreciate everyones comments.
TL;DR: Gf struggles with certain thoughts/feelings of selfworth and hopelessness. Doesn't know anything else because it's all she's ever known. Want to know how to help or what helps someone like this. She deserves to be happy too.
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self.depression
|
I thought knowing that I was in an abusive relationship would make me feel better but now I just feel worse than I did before. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Communication with uni professor? Hey guys, i'm posting here tonight bc i am in a very dire situation (here i'll explain a bit of this situation but i'm mostly venting so please skip to the tldr if you wish): i have some sort of oral examination tomorrow morning (and its 8 for me here) and i have absolutely nothing prepared. Cause: anxiety. I have tried for weeks to works on this thing but i really couldn't. Moreover, i have missed a certain number of classes over the last weeks (about 3 i guess). Oh and a final exam last week too. So yeah i'm in deep shit.
I'm in the first semester of my master's degree. I got my bachelor, but it was very difficult (and only got worse over the years) and i was also in a terrible place last spring just before graduating, but i still managed. I still decided to continue studying bc i didn't know what else to do, and bc i chose a field of study that interests me more (but now i have so much anxiety that i'm almost disgusted by this subject). So since it's only first semester, i'm seriously considering dropping out.
Regarding my situation earlier, obviously i did the responsible thing and did not check my mail for some time. Tonight i looked and i got a mail from the professor responsible for the oral exam tomorrow and the final exam last week. They were asking about me being missing, wondering if something major had happened to me (anxiety spiked! I don't want to worry anyone), and an offer to talk about whatever was happening. So i'd like to answer of course, but i'm worried that my excuses are shit. Am i gonna be taken seriously? I really do not want to bother them since it's totally my fault, and furthermore i'm not even trying to save my year since i'd like to give up uni. So, anyone with experience on communicating with a professor bc of anxiety (and depression) ?
(thx for reading of you did i guess)
Tl;dr: i missed some courses and even a final exam at uni. Prof offers to "talk about it"(by email). Can i talk about anxiety and depression and be taken seriously? And also not anger nor make prof lose their time? I'm asking if anyone has had a similar experience at uni
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self.Anxiety
|
Anxious about work 1 week in Hey guys, long time lurker, first time poster.
I've been dealing with anxiety for years now and have recently been doing better. I went back to studying and got a qualification. I got a full time job. These are things that a year or two ago I would have thought were impossible. I had a bit of anxiety before starting my new job, but that's normal.
Now, a week later, I'm a mess. I'm convinced by boss hates me. She is constantly giving me negative feedback. Not in a productive, constructive criticism way, but insultingly. Even the way she looks at me makes me think she hates me. I think this is part of who she is, the other people I work with haven't exactly said that this is normal for her but I've picked up from them that it is. I can't stand it there now. I cry in my car at lunchtime every day.
I honestly don't know what to do. Am I over reacting due to my anxiety? Before I started one of my fears was that I would make a mistake and be fired on the spot. My psychologist said that it was just my anxiety saying that and that it would pass the longer I work there. Right now though, thanks to how my boss treats me, I'm 1000x more convinced that its true. I've lost any confidence I have in myself.
The only options I can think of are either quitting or reporting her for bullying. I feel like if I quit, I'm giving up on everything I've worked towards and plus, I've only been there a week. If I report her, I feel like I'm just going to be overreacting or making waves because again, I've only been working there a week. My psychologist told me to make an appointment with her if I want to quit so she can talk it through with me but I can't see her unless I take time off, and I'm convinced taking time off will just make things worse between me and my boss. I work in a childcare centre so we have to work around ratios between staff and children, so my taking time off could make things difficult. So now I feel trapped in this job that I can't bring myself to go to in the morning.
I don't know what to do. If anyone has advice or anything, I would so appreciate it.
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self.Anxiety
|
Extremely anxious alone. I hate going anywhere alone. I hate people seeing me alone even if its in my own home or anywhere. I immediately think they think "god what a fucking loser/loner" I was raised in a very isolated cultish family so I never socialized or learned how. Growing up I was basically told no one really wants to talk to you.
If I am with someone I can consider a friend I have almost no anxiety. Its not just one person. Literally anyone I have some level of trust with will work. Idk why this is, and it doesn't make sense to me. Anyone else experience this?
I think part of it is, if there is someone else I won't look like the loser loner I am, and if I see someone look at me I can pass it off when they at least glance at the other person. If I'm alone I immediately think they are judging me.
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self.Anxiety
|
Intense anxiety of making some sort of mistake while "adulting" [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
disappointment i had promised my boyfriend and my mother and my sister and my father that I'd never self harm again, that i'd never do it.
Today I cut my legs so so so many times and they found out. I disappointed all of them, I'm a failure. I can't even control my self harming shit and I'm sitting here writing this post as I'm feeling **nothing at all**.
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self.depression
|
I’m freakin our and need to calm down So I come home after a night out with some friends and my sister has her friend over. My sister falls asleep and her friend says she wants to have sex with me. She comes to my room and then she tells me that she is drunk and high and is off her shit. Since she was under the influence I told her about 10 times that she didn’t have to do anything and could leave at any moment, I also asked about 20 times of she was alright enough to have sex.
I ended up opting for a blowjob only and after that she went to bed. I don’t know, I feel really bad and hate myself for it and keep thinking I’ll be arrested for “rape”. I’m freaking out.
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self.offmychest
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Guess I'm still just a lazy piece of crap [deleted]
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self.depression
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I hate every aspect of who I am as a person. Just all of it. It's all awful.
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self.depression
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My only motivation in life is fear. I can't bring myself to do anything. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
What Exactly constitutes "xanax addiction / Xanax abuse" ? TLDR: Basically I randomly started having episodes of panic attacks for the last couple of months and I'm really tired of them. I honestly don't feel like I live a really stressful life and so I don't know exactly what it stems from. I've tried Setraline but quite honestly, it made things worse for me and so far the only thing that really has helped me is taking Xanax when I begin to feel anxious. I am not taking it for the sedative effect and quite frankly I wished it didn't sedate me but so far it is the only drug that has helped me out. I am worried about the long term effects of Xanax and I want to do everything I can to avoid them whilst still managing to live my normal every day life. I have 1mg tablets, and I feel like even with .25 I get enough that I don't have my severe anxiety attacks for at least a day.
Question is, though, am I going to suffer the long term side effects of Xanax if I am taking a small dose like .25mg?
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self.Anxiety
|
Trileptal Heads Up In very rare cases, Trileptal can make your bone marrow stop functioning. I found that out the hard way over these last couple days. Figured I’d let everyone else know about this ridiculously dangerous side effect no one talks about before anyone else is bedridden with myelosuppression like I am right now.
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self.bipolar
|
I Don’t Want To Lie Anymore I’m a college student at a prestigious engineering school. My entire career here has just been one downhill slide. I started so strong, great grades, great friends, but things fell apart so fast. Last semester was bad, 2 Ds and I could easily have failed both classes if my professors weren’t generous. In spite of that I had an amazing summer, I went to Europe, I fell absolutely in love with my beautiful girlfriend, I felt like I could conquer the world. I started this semester with so much promise. Then everything went to shit.
I fell into the same bad habits, I made the same exact mistakes, and I hate myself every day for it. I have no motivation to get up out of my bed except to care for and support my girlfriend. I lie to everyone around me to make things look better, to manipulate them into being cheerful and happy around me so I don’t have to feel the pain, so that I can just escape. The worst part is being dishonest with my girlfriend. I’m going to tell her tonight, but it will break her heart to know I lied. That hurts worst.
I just want to stop hurting, but everything I do to stop it just pushes it off for a while before it comes back. I don’t want to lie any more, I want to stop hurting myself and the people around me, I want to be able to do the things I used to do. I want things to be back to normal. I’m seeing a therapist Wednesday, but I already know I’m not coming back to school next semester, and since i’m out of state I won’t be able to see that therapist again.
I just want to be better, I don’t want to lie anymore. I’m writing this in part to admit it to myself, to hold myself accountable. If I keep lying to myself I know i’ll always feel this way.
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self.depression
|
I'm ready to give up. Everything is coming back and I can't do this again. I've tried everything and I'm untreatable. Nothing helps at all, and since this will be my entire life I might as well just when it now. What's the fucking point anymore. Sorry for this rant.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Advice for inpatient My coworker's sister was admitted to the hospital on Friday after trying to commit suicide. It's likely she will be diagnosed bipolar as she has clear signs of mania (as well as depression) and it runs in their family.
I've been inpatient 4 times, but I was wondering what tips you guys might have for being admitted. I gave my coworker an adult coloring book for her sister and told her that going to groups really helps. What else is good advice?
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self.bipolar
|
Fireworks Don't get me wrong, if you enjoy fireworks, that's ok, but go to an organised display for goodness sake. How can anyone be so stupid that they find flashing lights in the sky so fascinating that they need to set them off in their back gardens when it's not even a holiday. Fireworks constantly, every night from the beginning of October until mid-January, it's just unnecessary. One of my rescue dogs who has been through a lot has urinated herself in fear and is close to a seizure, another is almost throwing himself through windows freaking out with the sound. I have two TVs on top volume and the washer and dryer on and nothing is drowning out the sound or helping even slightly. Despite what selfish humans might think we aren't the only things in existence or that matters. I'm tired and my head hurts from weeks of this shit and it's hard seeing my dogs in pain and I needed to get this off my chest because I'm DONE WITH PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. GO TO DISPLAYS. Take your damn fireworks and shove them so far up your ass you taste gunpowder
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self.offmychest
|
Yesterday I had my suicide attempt scars from 2004 covered with a new tattoo. I've posted recently about being in a partial program and how much of a life saver it was for me. The last time I had an actual suicide attempt, the results were pretty brutal. I required surgery to repair a tendon that was 85% severed. The scars where gnarly.
In partial I began feeling like I was ready to have them covered, and this week I finally bit the bullet.
[After and before](http://i.imgur.com/2WZwKDa.jpg)
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self.bipolar
|
Overwhelming loneliness and darkness Idk why I'm posting honestly. I guess I don't have another outlet and simply crying at work isn't a good idea. Might even get me fired. Who knows.
I've been feeling this overwhelming darkness and loneliness coming for a few days. Thought it might pass. Of course it fucking didn't. That would've been much too easy and encouraged.
I feel like a burden to the grand majority of my friends. Most of them have ducked out of my life due to this depression. It's been a little crazy over the last few months, but didn't expect to lose about 90% of the people in my life because of it.
They always say you can count on your friends when the going gets rough. But this has taught me that you can't. They tell you you can out of courtesy. But please don't burden them with your garbage and insecurities and paranoid and anxiety. Anything but that.
I've even started to doubt if my own family wants to deal with me. The family who's usually there for me. I can see it in their eyes; they don't want to listen to this. What happened to the cheery guy that used to make us laugh?
Well he died. And the recent abandonment isn't going to bring him back.
It feels like a darkness, large and overwhelming and all-enveloping, is blanketing over me. It subjugate whatever it touches. Turns it all to ash. Nothing exists but this darkness. If only a light could come clear it up..
But those are gone. Good luck now..
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self.depression
|
I’m scared my insecurities and obsessive thoughts and self loathing are going to keep me alone forever. I really like my bf and I just feel like it’s a ticking time bomb until he realizes how empty and sad I am inside. I need help.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety triggered after anti-depressants and won't stop? I want to be normal again!
Backstory:
In the beginning of October I went to my primary care to discuss my SAD, or seasonal depression. Super low surgery/lack of caring and I felt like it was getting worse the older I got. I was put on Wellbutrin. 3 weeks into the Wellbutrin I started getting really bad panic attacks and severe anxiety (felt like I was choking and was going to blackout). My primary care Dr. had me stop the Wellbutrin for 5 days then switched to Zoloft. During those 5 days the anxiety/panic attacks mellowed but I was also able to curb them because I was given valium. 5 days into the Zoloft run the anxiety/panic attacks came back hard, and at that point we agreed to stop the Zoloft...that was 3 weeks ago and I am dealing with constant anxiety and panic attacks still.
My Dr. Referred me to a behavioral counselor to get evaluated, but I didn't have any of this before these damn medications, and I have been off them for 3 weeks...it should be long gone from my system. :(
Has anyone ever had anything like this happen? It's like a wire is crossed in by brain that I can turn off.
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self.Anxiety
|
Bad decision. Afraid now there is only one way out. Due to the events [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7veqgv/had_sex_with_a_married_woman_saturday_night/) I'm thinking of ending my life. She casually contacted me on a messaging app yesterday and it drudged up my anxiety and depression a hundred fold.
This person is married and knows where I live. I called the Suicide Prevention line tonight and spoke with a man about it. He suggested trying to break contact which I'm doing right now.
Unfortunately she is kind of of playing around. One minute she says good luck, then she says "It hurt you to have sex with me?"
I want to end it guys. Any help would be so appreciated.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My father is morbidly obese, doesn't work, and watches tv all day [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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How do people cope with this planet? There are so many things in this world I have trouble accepting. Our government is owned by corporations who only want uneducated subservient workers, backed by a full on fiat monetary system that is not backed by any form of credit, and to top that all off the money in circulation is barely available to any of us because of the corporate shills who hoard more currency than they could ever feasibly use in their lifetimes. We have people with no homes, no food and even worse no dignity because most people have learned to ignore the rest of the world. And they have learned to ignore it as a survival tactic; "I don't have time to help them because I have to get to work or I will become like them." Society's current understanding of freedom is completely fucked as well. Do you have the freedom to travel? Only if you have paid the fees for licensing, tabs and insurance. If you have to pay for something, then it is not free, so in essence we do not have the freedom to travel. We have to pay for everything now though. We have to ask permission, fill out forms, have our background checked, meet with someone in person and usually pay fees for anything we want to do. I have a friend who is in chronic pain, to the point where he can't work, but the doctors can't figure out why he has this pain so he can't receive disability, because he isn't on their list of approved conditions. WHY CAN'T WE JUST HELP EACH OTHER OUT?! I'm fucking sick of this oligarchy making laws in the favor of big money instead of the people! I can't even fathom having to serve this lifestyle for an entire lifetime. I'm only 26, likely with a long life ahead of me. A long life used to sound great to me, but now it just sounds like endless years of never having enough anything to feel comfortable. My heart aches with the collective pain of the world. I've always been sensitive to energy, but a couple years ago when I got into mushrooms that amplified. And just the awareness of all the pain being endured by people all over the world is too much to bare sometimes. I want to help fix these problems so badly but have no course of action to follow. There are charities I could join but they still base how much help they offer on money. The concept of money isn't so bad, its the inequality we have because we've given those with the most money the power to control what happens to us. And we're constantly at war with someone, sending our people to kill their people over our leaders not being able to agree on things. We aren't protecting our people anymore with military action, we're carrying out the commands of corrupt politicians and CEO's. And then once our government is done with these people, they leave them to rot in the streets. The VA is a fucking joke. All of this seems like a fucking joke. But with people's lives at stake. Fuck this place.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety is taking my life away It really hit me today how serious my anxiety is. It causes me to lose track of many things during the day, and is interfering with my job. I think my bosses might just notice a slight decrease in productivity, but for me it’s a constant struggle. I often break down during times of high stress and have been beating myself up so bad that it’s ridiculous.
I remember a time when my mind wasn’t plagued by thoughts about failures from long ago. I remember when I was able to care and put myself first the way others do. Even though I had problems like everyone, I could handle them and they didn’t bring me down, making me a shell of what I was once.
A lot of it is my family and best friend moved and it shook up my social world for awhile. I don’t have many left and my work relationships are limited. I feel that I lost the ability to love and appreciate people like I once could, which is serous.
I’m seriously considering taking a medication and sticking to it to maintain some normalcy in my day to day functioning. It would hurt terribly if I continued to sever relationships over this. Even though I can be bright, funny and a good friend, no one sees this side of me much anymore because of all the anxiety and ways I hurt myself and isolate over embarrassment. I don’t know how to reach out for help. The anxiety makes it harder to explain coherently what’s really happening.
There has to be a way out of this. I’m going to keep trying, keep exercising, keep pushing forward and trying new things.
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self.Anxiety
|
Family + Holidays upcoming = anxiety and depression Long story short: I felt super comfortable and nurtured as a kid, but I've felt like I'm on my own since my parents divorced a few years ago. I was in college and was totally blindsided by it; I knew my parents weren't in love but I thought they were comfortable and stable. After they split, I didn't really talk to anyone about it (*especially* to my parents).
Fast-forward to now. I haven't dealt with this shit at all and I'm paying for it. Got diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and although I'm working through it, I feel intense despair 2 out of every ~3 days. I've pulled away from many people in my life, especially my parents. Haven't talked to my dad in 4 years, really for no reason. Guilt mostly. I talk to my mom periodically, but as of right now it's been about a month. This sort of stuff keeps happening.
I still don't know how to deal with the holidays. I live in another state from my parents and honestly I just want to stay away. I feel so much pain about how the last 5 years have gone, and I have such a hard time talking about it with either of them. My parents don't talk to each other, and are almost always at odds - they typically only bring up the other parent to tarnish their reputation in my eyes. So now, nearly all my grand illusions about my parents being superheros are destroyed. I want to bury my head in the sand but this is really a time in life where my parents need my support. I'm an only child and neither of them really have much going on in their lives. I resent the forced responsibility and have been running from it essentially since I learned my dad was leaving. I just want to quit dealing with it altogether because it hurts so much. I want to pretend I have no family.
**TLDR**: Having intense anxiety and avoidance about going home to my parents for the holidays but I need to figure out whether I'm going to deal with it or avoid it. I've always sucked it up and gone home, but I feel like I will be emotionally torn to shreds by my own mind if I go back this time. Looking for anyone to commiserate.
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self.depression
|
Being in love is both great and terrible. I’m in love and I feel like shit. He’s perfect and I’m not. I love him so much. I want to be perfect for him and gosh I don’t know.
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self.depression
|
Two years out of college, working a job I hate, and it's time to think seriously about what direction to take my life. And yet, I'm scared to make decisions because I always make them alone, in a bad state of mind. Do I go back to school and try to get an actually useful degree in STEM, even though I fucking failed calculus twice the first time around? Do I pursue teaching at the high school level? Do I consider trade school? The military?
I don't fucking know anymore. I need a way out but I feel like I'm in a corner and I'm just going to make a shitty decision.
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self.depression
|
Eating anxiety. Fear of choking Hey reddit I need help on this one. I have never shared this with anyone except for here for the first time. Obviously I suffer from extreme anxiety. It’s controlled my whole life. I am an alcoholic. I went a year and a half sober until I had my first relapse this November. Been sober since though. So that being said, I see a psychiatrist so benzodiazepines is definitely out of question. Been prescribed non habit forming anxiety meds and they just make me sleepy but don’t help with my racing thoughts or anxiety. The reason I am posting this is to get help with my fear of choking. When I was 10, I choked on a mint. It was full blockage so it immediately suffocated me and I couldn’t move a muscle because it literally paralyzed me until luckily my dad walked in the room and did the hymolich and saved me. Ever since then, I don’t eat when I’m by myself. I can’t tell you the last time I ate when nobody was around. I will seriously starve my self until my wife gets home or I will go somewhere and eat when people are around so if I choke someone will be around to save me. It’s a really dumb fear I have and I can’t get over it. And when I do eat, I’m an extremely slow eater. I chew and chew and chew until it’s mush then I’ll swallow it. That’s just half the reason I’m so skinny. I’m a 24 year old male and weigh about 145. I weighed 130 through out high school and somehow managed to gain 15 pounds over the course of 3 years. Metabolism probably slowed cus I didn’t change my diet or how much I eat. I am just desperate for help. The reason I’m just now posting this is cus my wife will be out of town for a business trip and will be gone for about 3 or 4 days. And I don’t want to go somewhere and eat every time I get hungry. It’s just so fucking embarrassing. I am so jealous of people who can just eat normally whenever they want and choking doesn’t even cross their minds. Another thing that doesn’t help is I read a statistic that said the 5th ranking cause of accidental deaths is from choking. PLEASE HELP
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self.Anxiety
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Today just isn't my day My anxiety has been horrendous this past week. I keep worrying that the guy I'm seeing is talking to and/or seeing his ex that he told me about. Our "thing" is relatively new and its freaking me out because they've been liking each others fb and Instagram posts and he's barely texting me. Which I know is COMPLETELY stupid. On top of that I had a so called good friend who really rude to me via text this weekend because I was too tired to hang out and told me I was a horrible friend and that she can't wait until new guy ditches me. And the cherry on the top is the fact that my doctors office screwed up and didn't inform me of the time span I can get my birth control shot and now I can't get it for another week. I literally broke down in tears in the bathroom at work. I just can't handle this week and just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And feeling like this just makes me want to talk to my best friend who died from an overdose back in May. I just need a hug or some words of encouragement since I still feel like I'm going to cry. I hate feeling this way....
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self.offmychest
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Light greenish color around my cut. I have a light greenish color around one of my cuts. I put rubbing alcohol on it but it's still there. I use a blade but sanitized It before. Probably gonna do it again. Please tell me what this is.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Creating a crisis plan, wondering about disability benefits in Canada Since I'm in college and living with my boyfriend, I thought I should make some sort of guide for what to do if Depression/hypomania.... "take the wheel". So I've been on Pinterest, Google etc looking for tips and things to add. I came across a few things saying how I could qualify for these benefits with a diagnosis and if it was rendering me incapable of functioning normally/negatively impacting my life on a large scale. Has anyone heard of this before ??
Also any tips on a crisis plan for loved ones is appreciated .
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self.bipolar
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Good night Sleep well everyone, hopefully your tomorrow is better than your today. You are strong and resilient, everyday you live is another day of bravery and strength. It may seem like its unappreciated but it's not. Someone out there cares, regardless if they don't even know you exist or not. Maybe they will finally meet you some day, maybe not, but there are many who think about all of the people who are struggling to survive another day and wish for them to get better. I know wishing and praying won't do anything, but it helps to know that there are people who at least attempt to sympathize(:
Good night
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self.depression
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I don’t even know if I’m considered depressed anymore. Having been on this sub for a long time, it always seem like others have it worse. Depression actually affects their daily life. It makes me feel like I’m just using depression as an excuse. I’ve never been diagnosed either so it makes me feel like I made it up myself.
Sure I do get sad. But does it qualify as depression? Or is it just me being over sensitive to things or because I think too much? The thing is depression doesn’t actually cripple me. I can still go to work, interact with people normally. To me it isn’t that hard to put on a smile, joke around or have a casual chat with people. I might be sad but I don’t look that way.
I’m also not sad all the time. It’s like I can be sad now then I’ll be fine in awhile. It comes quickly and goes as quickly. Is that me being emotional or is that depression? I’m really beginning to wonder. The only thing that’s real for me is the constant thought of death though. But apparently suicide ideation is pretty common as well? I’m really confused.
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self.depression
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I am a 26 year old man and I have never kissed anyone, gone on a date, or ever had sex. I'm pretty good at talking to women, I was voted biggest flirt my senior year lol, but I rarely attempt to make it past flirting. And when I decide to act on a crush they are never interested. Probably because I have been obese most of my life and now I'm morbidly obese and the weight is not going down.
I am mentally ill with quite a few disorders and have a small to moderate amount of physical ailments too.
I have given up hope. No one wants a boyfriend that weighs almost a quarter of a ton who is mentally ill. I have never been able to lose the weight and have heard all the advice in the world and have tried every last bit of it. I understand it's just calories in and calories out but it doesn't work for me. I know that sounds ridiculous but my body just doesn't want to lose any weight.
My father is very physically ill with a couple of autoimmune diseases. He hasn't been doing well for quite some time. It has been going down hill recently too. I have a mom, brother, sister, and extended family that I all love and that love me, but I am extremely close to my dad, closer to him than anyone else.
When he dies I will probably kill myself. I am 95% sure I will. I am not saying this for shock value or anything. My mind is destroyed as is my body and you only get one of each. The weird thing is is that I'm not manic or depressed right now. Maybe slightly hypo but I truly mean this. I made this post an it was only supposed to be about the Virgin thing but I just wanted to share all of this other stuff after describing what a loser I am.
Thanks for reading.
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self.bipolar
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Due to recent events, I seem to have given up on school because what's the point? My life is REALLY fucked right now and I've started to notice that it's affecting my work ethic hardcore. I haven't done any important work at all the last couple days because I think I've lowkey decided there's no point in life anymore. I can just kill myself easily and everything will be okay. Even though I know this is false, I still can't seem to shake the feeling of "nothing matters anymore".
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish everything was different I wish my parents hadn't gotten divorced when I was 7
I wish my mom hadn't moved me across the country when I was 8
I wish my dad had come to visit me (or even called) after that
I wish I had gotten braces as an adolescent
I wish the US had universal healthcare, including dental, so that braces would have been available to me at the time
I wish I had had a therapist in those years, or just someone who was paying attention to what was happening to me
I wish I had done more activities in high school
I wish I hadn't done marching band in high school
I wish I had given a shit about grades in high school
I wish I hadn't gotten my admission to UCSC revoked because I got a D in AP Biology
I wish I hadn't gotten stuck in community college and missed out entirely on the first half of "the college experience"
I wish that after finally making it to UCSC, I hadn't drunk so much that I missed out entirely on the second half of "the college experience"
I wish that I had asked out that one girl who always sat near me in that one lecture-hall class
I wish I had asked out about ten thousand other girls
I wish I had been a better boyfriend to the few wonderful women who have loved me over the years
I wish I hadn't dropped out to go to rehab
I wish I hadn't spent the bulk of my 20's in and out of treatment, battling depression, alcohol abuse, and anxiety
I wish I made enough money to save some of it
I wish I didn't live in such an expensive, materialistic area
I wish my job wasn't mind-numbingly boring and completely unfulfilling
I wish the government wasn't run by greedy, heartless douchebags
I just wish everything was different.
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self.depression
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Confused about life So, my question is, if you were not suppose to be born, does that mean you're doomed for life?
My mother had me at 28, against her Dr wishes because she had heart disease. Well, she wanted a child, and thus had me! At 3yrs old, I lost my mother to her battle of heart disease and have lived a shitty life since!!!
I had an abusive stepmother, with a jealous streak! My father was no better and at age 12 I went to live with my grandmother. Every decision I've made since has caused me sadness, loneliness, anger, and grief. The only good thing out of my life are my 3 children. And to this day, I don't know what to do. I'm 44yrs old, and wish I could grab my mother by her shoulders and shake her!! And ask her why she would do this to me!! Leave me in this place called a world to suffer!!! Why couldn't she have listened to the Dr and not had children!! Then she would be alive, and I, non existant. I'm so confused, angry and upset!!! Also, helpless, because I don't know how to change things!!! And I'm to much of coward to commit suicide!!! Idk, I just don't know.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Something I need to get off my chest. Been years but I sometimes think about the girl who I lost my virginity with. She wasn’t but I was. She was my first kiss and everything. I was 22 and she was 23. I was shy and scared and nervous and she took it slow and made it into a special moment. She i later found out only wanted FWB which I wanted more but kinda accepted. She then started dating other people about 6 months later which hurt and we drifted away before one final thing she said. Which is
“ she used me for cheAp stuff and I’d pay for everything and she said she said she knew she was using me but knew I would pay and she didn’t want to use me as I was too nice”
So years later I thought about her and as much as I should not like her, I still feel weak thinking of her and hoping she is ok.
She is also the one girl who I would always have to chase. Before I lost it to her she chased me then after I had to do the chasing and to this day she is the only girl who I had to chase and still felt below her.
So to this girl I will say , I hope life is treating you well and thanks for the fun times.
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self.offmychest
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Its Late Its late as hell yet I just cant bring myself to put my computer down. Like dang I should really just fuckin sleep but I am just stuck in an endless loop of using this computer. Its one of the only things that gives me motivation because im so fucking lame that I shove texts posts up my ass to try to find some joy in my soul.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone know a quick and painless way to kill yourself? [Serious] I'm failing Algebra 2, I can't learn it for shit. I don't have any tutors and I'm a useless cripple who'll likely never amount to anything. I just learned from my mom that I'm a whiney brat who avoids problems so does anyone who a quick and painless way to die so I can stop disappointing people?
I plan on doing this at least tomorrow so let's get as many in here as possible. Don't give me pity, just help me euthanize myself. I don't have a car and my mom won't let me drive so I can't just buy pills. I need something you can use from scratch.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can some one just please listen to me?.. I don't know if this is even the right place for this. I'm 20, I live with my father and step mother. I pay 200-150 a month to live here. I'm so depressed. A boy I loved died 5 months ago. And I'm sick and tired of my dad screaming in my face every single day. At first when my friend died he screamed at me saying he didn't matter and that I don't have any right to grieve. Not that the screaming and fighting hadn't been happening years before that but this situation stands out the most because I was lying in bed crying my friend had died not even 24 hours before. I'm so depressed. He screams at me every day saying my attitude is nasty and I'm disgusting and I could text any one and tell them he's screaming at me but they don't care because they all know how nasty I am. He screams at me to get out and that he doesn't care if I'm homeless. I can't afford to move. I work a full time job. I don't make enough to move though. Between car payments, insurance, and my medical bills I can't afford to leave. I'm fighting lupus and depression all at the same time and my body just feels so run down all the time I just want to die...please some one tell me I'm not crazy
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self.offmychest
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Is poverty really no reason for suicide? I think i will be dirt poor in the future, i have zero education, i am disabled, i will be poor in the future. And welfare isn't really that much in my country of course, and a low paying job isnt a future either. Maybe i will even be so poor that i can't even afford internet. And of course no real hobbies, or entertainment or luxuries like that. So my life would be very very boring. And if i dont even have internet it would be even more boring. The only reason i have internet now is because i live by my parents. But if they kick me out im fucked. Dont want to livel ike an animal, dont want that my life will be only consist out of sleeping eating, maybe working, but nothing more. Jsut like an Animal. Of course internet and hobbies are not necessarie to survive but without that it would be a boring life. But i am unable due to my disability to get a decent job.
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self.SuicideWatch
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nothing interests me the last year or so I have been struggling with depression. I thought I had found the love of my life, but she kept using me to feel better about herself and left me devastated. it happened multiple times. it got so bad that I didn't even want to be alive anymore. everything has been so hard since then. before her, i used to make music and dj every single day, but now I can't even bring myself to open my producing software. I will be starting college in the fall for audio production, but I just don't have the heart to tell my parents that I don't want to go to school anymore because of all this.
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self.depression
|
My wife's boyfriend told me to kill myself My wife left me in September after 8 years of marriage. This last Saturday, I received a phone call from my wife's number. When I picked up, there was a man's voice on the other end. The first question he asked was why I hadn't already killed myself. I was taken aback at first, then he kept convincing me to do it, with my wife laughing in the background. He kept saying it would be the best thing for everyone if I did so. He told me my sons wanted me to do it as well. I haven't seen them since September. They are only 7 and 6. He said they were his kids now, which made me angry and extremely upset because I am over 200 miles away from them. On Sunday, November 12th, I attempted suicide by overdosing on my heart medication. Before I was fully unconscious, my sister stopped by because she hadn't heard from me in over a day. When I came to, I was in the trauma unit upside down with tubes in my nose and neck, one pumping the contents of my stomach out, while the other was desperately pumping dopamine into my bloodstream. After spending 48 hours in the ICU, I'm home. I have an appointment on the 22nd of November with a therapist and a doctor, but I don't think that's soon enough. I'm scared. And ashamed. And I feel even more alone. I miss my wife and my children dearly. Which makes this so difficult to comprehend. I still can't believe that someone could say that to another human being. It cut deeper than any wound I could possibly imagine.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont know what happened I woke up today at 3 am. I had a strange dream about taking all kinds of medication against my amxiety (even though i am heavily against using it myself) the dream was so vivid it woke me up.
As i woke up i felt really nervous and it was like the dream continued even though i was awake, thoughts about the dream raced through my mind. I fell asleep at 3:45 am, had another very vivid dream, woke up around 10 still feeling very nervous and panicky. What is it what im experiencing? Is this the start of insomnia..
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self.Anxiety
|
How to tell my employer/should I I work for a big store chain. Lately, I've found it hard to even get up in the morning. One day I had to call in because my self harm got so bad the previous night that I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't go into work with these obvious scars (I might be able to wear long sleeves under my shirt, but I don't have any plain long sleeve tees). It's not necessarily affecting my performance; if it is, I'm actually doing better because I'll do anything to take my mind off the emptiness and self harm and wanting to die all the time. I'm bipolar and I have coexisting severe seasonal depression (living in Vermont, I already don't get much sun as it is). I'm part time, I've only been there a couple months. I'm afraid to say anything, I don't want to be let go. What should I do?
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self.depression
|
i wish someone could tell me that everything will be alright i'm so scared and i'm scared to tell anyone. once i open up they all just run away. it's hard to be awake while i'm in such big pain. i'm so scared i wish i could go back in time. 2018 already fucking sucks but it doesn't really even matter because time is a made up concept and my suffering won't stop :)
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self.depression
|
Having a hard time getting out of bed lately My depression is kicking my ass. I can barely get out of bed. I don't even want to leave the house. I can't find any motivation to pursue any of the hobbies I used to love. I just want to stay in bed, watch TV, and pretend the universe doesn't exist. Going to work and school is honestly such a chore.
BUT yesterday I woke up and was determined to get out of bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, and make more of an effort to take care of myself. Small steps I think?
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self.depression
|
I have never felt so suicidal before I often threatened suicide as a way to manipulate people. I've also threatened suicide with some intention to kill myself but up until the last month I always told people who were worried, that I don't think I would actually really kill myself and my threats were barely an impulse. I honestly sometimes threatened suicide without actually wanting someone to worry, it was just an overrreaction to something and I wanted people to know that I am working on that.
The last month there were at least 3 incidents where I really though about suicide. I didn't even want to tell anyone, because I couldn't honestly tell them that this is just the usual threatening.
I started some small things as preparation. I cry a lot. Really a lot.
I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I am a attention whore (obviously, as I threatened suicide), I am manipulative, I am egocentric (just look how many sentences start with goddamn fucking I). I just can't live with myself anymore. I just can't.
I am in therapy, and I am already medicated for depression. I used to be anorexic / bulimic but at the moment I am not underweight anymore (went from 42kg to 68kg in the last 4 months). Everybody said that when I stop purging and establish a regular eating pattern, the anxiety and depression will easen up. They don't.
I am afraid to die in some way. If reincarnation exists I am 100% someone who will end up in some IS torture chamber; if there's a hell, I will go there. I hate myself for this self-pity. But yet I don't stop. I hate that I tell people that I hate... Argh. There is simply no escape.
I am afraid that my attempt will fail. I would like to overdose. If I would still weigh 42kg I am sure an overdose would kill me, and if it's because I fall asleep for several days and therefore die from my underweight. But now? I guess there is enough fat on my body that I could easily live for 3 days in a coma without medical care.
I hate myself so much. I mean I should be grateful . I have a stable life, I am not alone I have friends. I don't have a boyfriend anymore and that is was is killing me most. I love him so much, but he just doesn't love me anymore. It's okay, I wouldn't love myself either. Nobody would ever love an ungrateful, fat, egocentric bitch.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Best friend dating girl of dreams making me slip back into that mindset [deleted]
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self.depression
|
i m scared some while back i took 5htp and cbd as an attempt to contain my anxiety.i dont what happened but i seriously fcked my stomach. i m now getting treated for gastritis. in addition to this though. i m getting huge spikes of anxiety in mornings and during the day. i dont know wtf is going on. i m scared and my health anxiety isnt helping
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self.Anxiety
|
What do you do to relax by yourself? I spend most of my time either working or failing at working, and it's only recently that I've learned to start scheduling time to relax properly without feeling guilty about it.
The problem is that I get to my relaxation time I don't know what to do next. Unless I have a friend or my partner with me to help decide the activity, it's like, "Now what?" I just find myself checking my emails, my to do list, or scrolling through social media mindlessly, or eating unhealthy food. That or I just end up doing housework. I used to enjoy being by myself and reading, playing video games, going for walks, and drawing, but I don't really feel like doing any of those things anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
Everyone hates me All my freinds hate me because i anyoing and creepy.they all don’t want me to talk to me i fell lonley every one in school thinks i am creepy. I have no positve perosality trats and i want to die
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self.depression
|
So not only am I Bipolar, I guess I had been diagnosed as borderline too. I went to the doctor and I brought a notebook with the symptoms I have been experiencing last month and she said my borderline traits were surfacing. And I was like do you mean the Personality Disorder? And she was like yes, and then I asked does that mean I’m still Bipolar? And she said yes to that too and wants to get my rapid cycling under control. I guess she diagnosed me with this when I met her at first. Now I don’t know what the fuck a borderline mood is and a bipolar mood. I definitely have some borderline behaviors I can pin point and I believe I definitely had them all in my early 20s. Now I’m just sitting here contemplating if I’m bipolar because I have been feeling pretty stable except for some irritability and anger but not a mood episode so I just want to throw my meds in the trash. So if there are any dual diagnosed bipolar and borderline people, can you please help me understand this???
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self.bipolar
|
Hypo or hyper glycerin that presents without increased blood sugar? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I cant stop thinking i’m a horrible friend and that i’m weird and everyone thinks i’m stuck up :( how do I navigate these thoughts they are haunting me! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Lamictal and Stomach Issues I've been taking 25Mg Lamictal and have been experiencing some Stomach pain in the upper part, I Wonder if it's the Lamictal or the fact that I'm also starting a diet(I used to eat very trashy food almost everyday) same day as Lamictal.
Just wondering if any of you had any related symptom and if so, did it fade away?
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self.bipolar
|
This might be the last thing anyone ever sees from me. Where to begin, I'm some 20 something Hispanic guy that lives in the New York New Jersey area.
I grew up rather poor.
I grew up somewhat alone. I mean I had friends but I never had much of a family to speak of. My mom is a very cold and damaged woman. She was a bit warmer at one point but only when it was easy. My dad was even worse off emotionally speaking, due to scars from his childhood.
Emotionally speaking I've mostly been alone I've never been very good about broaching these topics.
I'm a failure.
This would be easier to stomach if I could say I were stupid. But I can't because I got accepted and went to some smart highschool(less than 10 from my student body got in). I got an 1800 back when max was 2400 on the SAT having never studied for it or for much of anything. Mine is a story of disappointing people, my teachers, myself. Academically all I've ever done was coast by. In the sense that I've always done the minimum.
Maybe I could make the excuse I were poor. That one is somewhat flimsy in some ways. Sure it is true I grew poor. But that highschool was a real opportunity. I essentially get paid to go community college.
I have a therapist who tried their best. Can any therapist really replace the people who should've been there as I grew. The people who are supposed to guide and nurture. If you heard some of the stuff they told me as I grew HAH.
My point is I harbor a deep resentment for what my existence was compared to what I feel it could've been. Maybe I'm just weak I've seen some do more with comparatively similar financial and possibly familial situations.
My mantra after all this is "no one cares". If you had a chance to save someone what would you do? What would you give? The answer to me is nothing. Everyone has their own lives, their own problems.
How can anyone afford to care in this world? Why would they stick their neck out like that? Most would rightly call them foolish.
My current existence is that of a leech and I can't bear it any longer. I had a job once worked at it for nearly a year but I didn't like trying to trick people to get stuff they didn't need.
I actually intended to end it yesterday but turns out the place I needed closes at night. So I went to some hotel to think for a bit and try again tomorrow.
Anyway I don't know what I hope to gain from this post. Maybe an opportunity, maybe some words as empty as they are, maybe a hand. I guess I just tire of the struggle. What am I fighting for? Myself?
My phone is getting somewhat low and I have no charger since this was kind of spur of the moment. So I'll check on this in some hours.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE drink too much alcohol on a regular basis? Let me preface this by saying I know it's bad to abuse alcohol ever, let alone abuse it with bipolar and while taking meds for bipolar.
With that out of the way, here's what I mean by "abusing alcohol":
I drink anywhere from 0 to 5 beers + sipping a tequila neat on any given night. I haven't drank for the past two nights, and I won't drink heavily if I have to get up in the morning. But mostly, my life is just...eh...atm and I use alcohol to get through evenings.
I don't know why I wrote this, maybe just to feel not so alone in my vices.
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self.bipolar
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It’s never a fix. We just choose to look away and pretend it’s okay. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I (M19) don’t know how to get over my ex (F18) My ex of nearly 3 years broke up with me about 2 months ago because she said I had become her crutch, and that she needed to grow on her own. While it hurt a lot, I was initially pretty stoic about it and saw the validity in her decision. We said that maybe somewhere down the road we could try again when we were in a better place. The problem is I’m not sure how much stock to put in that last statement. Sometimes I have a hard time processing that it’s over, and I’m not sure if that shred of hope is making it easier or harder to recover. Seeing her post on social media she seems like she’s already recovered a lot more than I have, and that makes it hurt more. I’m afraid to block her because it might ruin the chances of us reconciling, but I also don’t know if I should hold out for that. At this point I’m afraid to take any action, including reaching out to her, for fear of ruining what’s left, even though I’m not sure if there is anything left.
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self.offmychest
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Any reason to get up this morning? Oh and if it's afternoon or anything in a far-away country, I'm in Australia so... yeah
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self.SuicideWatch
|
‘Permanent solution to a momentary problem’ But no. It isn’t. It’s not momentary. This is life. I’m going to be like this my entire life. Il feel this way when I’m 30 and being an adult. Il feel this way when I’m 60 and starting to retire. Il feel like this when I’m 80 and on my deathbed. This is my life; an endless stream of constant ‘momentary problems’.
Imagine a lifetimes worth of pain and misery, ended in just a single pill, trigger pull or cut. Yet, I can’t bring myself to do it. Yet I ask others not to.
I don’t condone suicide. I don’t want to die. But, sometimes, I do wonder; what’s so great about living this Groundhog Day of ‘momentary problems’ over and over again.
The only ‘momentary problem’ here is me. Me, myself, I, my brain, my mind. And sometimes, sometimes I’m glad this ‘problem’(me) is only momentary.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Didn't even get to stepping outside before it started to get dark Woke up at 12. Bath. Coffee. Fallout until I work up the energy to by some beer or weed. I think I'm starting to develope heart issues but I'm irresponsible and can't afford to go to see a doctor even at the cheapest available pricings. I just try not to think about it. I'm pretty thankful my parents don't degrade me for not doing anything productive with my time; I already do that enough to myself in my own head. Most parents would have just booted their kid out at my age. I'm trash.
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self.depression
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I don't know what to do and it's killing me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Apparently a B is a failing grade According to someone I know I waste my life on so much and I should do more with school. I'm sorry that my lowest grade is a B while not trying, is that not good enough, last time I checked it was. I'm just so done with life in general. Especially the people in life.
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self.depression
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I don't think I can deal with this anymore [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Verbal diarrhea I feel like I’m going to explode from a need to talk. Do you guys ever feel like that? I’m starting to feel a lot of my eccentricities are tied to my illness. I used to just think I’m different from other people in that manner. I’m currently sitting in a waiting room to see my G.P. and I’m just dying to open my mouth and talk.
Only thing is I often feel now that the only things I have to talk about are mental health related because that’s all I’ve done over the last 2 years is go doctor to doctor and nothing else.
I used to have so much more to talk about like medicine and the human body (my profession), I used to talk about cars and computers because that was my passion. I used to talk about my pets. I loved talking about my family and my life in general. And I’d talk for hours. People would tell me I needed to shut the fuck up but I couldn’t stop talking. It was kinda embarrassing. Actually very embarrassing. But there it was. Thought it was just a part of who I am. Verbal diarrhea.
I’ve come to realize this is a point in progression from hypomania to mania for me. It’s always like this. Maybe a manifestation of racing thoughts? I think I’ve been hypomanic for a few days now. I’ve been religiously taking my pills. Why aren’t my pills working? What are they supposed to do that they aren’t doing? My psychiatrist has decided to discharge me telling me that he hasn’t been able to make a very big difference to my health. Who on earth do I talk to? I don’t even know if it’s okay to come here with all my little little problems. I feel like I’m bringing my minor cuts and scrapes to the Trauma Center.
Ever since I started taking the meds and got diagnosed that’s the only thing ringing in my head. I feel blank when it comes to all other topics. My interest lies only in mental health. It’s like I’m entirely obsessed. I’m compelled to talk about it. And I have so many questions. But I’m in a fog when it comes to talking about other things. Like bipolar is who I am. Like it’s all I need to know. I’ve forgotten the person I was before. And I’m unable to summon up the interest in that person.
Now I need to talk but all I can think about is mental health. I hate this. The lights are bright, my ears are ringing I’m surrounded by crying children and noisy parents. Why aren’t my pills working? Am I just supposed to live through this? Every time? It feels like a continuous high energy panic attack but no panic. I feel like I’m creaking trying not to burst and talk to people. Staying quiet feels so impossible.
I have no clue what I’m saying. It probably makes no sense. I have so many important things to do today. And I’m afraid I’ll have all the wrong things to say because of how I’m feeling. I hope I don’t say anything inappropriate. What’s the alternative? Call a friend and try to get it all out with them? Go to the hospital? I won’t be able to do the things I need to do then. I’ll end up in worse situations if I don’t do what I need to do.
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone have panic attacks from working out too hard? I hear exercise treats anxiety by a very large amount so in the past month I have been trying to go to the gym maybe 5 to 6 days a week and doing hard cardio (I have a bad neck injury and haven't done upper body lifting for a year). In the past I never worked out, ate whatever I want, smoked pot all day, played video games, no sun...
Right now I am doing 15 minutes speed-walk on tread mill, 5 minutes stairmaster, 10 minutes speed-walk on tread mill, 5 minutes stairmaster, and then finish off with another 10 minute speed walk.
In the past I guess I was pushing too hard but I would do much more stairmaster. That think made my heart go crazy and I guess I was pushing myself too hard but I guess the point of this thread is has any one ever had a panic attack from going too hard? As soon as I would get off and be heaving for breathe I would get hit by some sort of invisible force and I would instantly get a great amount of paranoia like some one was following me. Is this normal, have yall had it and if so does it dissapear over time as your body is able to handle more?
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self.Anxiety
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I told my best friend I had feelings for him and now I’m anxious to know his final decision. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
General melancholy/not right/guilty feeling. I’ve had bouts of anxiety and depression in and off since 2011, with a particularly serious incident in 2013. But I was able to deal with each at the time and had never considered in an ongoing disorder. However, for the past 10 months I’ve been going through a bout that just won’t lift. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and was recently diagnosed with OCD. I honestly feel like I am making progress on that front, and while I’m proud of myself, the general melancholy feeling of something being not right or me having done something wrong just won’t go away. I certainly have better weeks and days than others, but for the last year, it has always been present in at least some small form. I just want it to go away.
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self.depression
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My body is resilient I've been in the shadows for the last two months. I make sure to review posts and discuss issues with the other moderators. But I have not been fully present. On this sub, at work, or with life.
At the end of March I was hospitalized for four days. I was severely iron deficient anemic, which required two blood transfusions and three iron transfusions. By the time I got to the hospital my body/organs were starting to shut down and my resting heart rate was 120. I won't bore everyone with all of the procedures and medical jargon. I was diagnosed with Celiac autoimmune disease. I'm still in the process of being tested for a few other conditions that they suspect have been going on.
Several doctors have said that if I remain 100% gluten free diet and start treatment for these other possible medical conditions, most of my psychiatric symptoms could go away. "Just have hope".
Honestly I'm scared. I want to have hope, but hope is such a fickle thing. If I allow myself to hope that I will get better, that I won't have physical pain (from all over my body), chronic severe insomnia, and mental pain, I could come crashing down hard if it doesn't get better. I yearn for a symptom free future. But I can't let myself hope, not yet. If I do hope for it and I don't feel better, what will I do then? I've been sick my entire life. As I'm writing this right now I am having bone pain in my arm and a headache. Can I live another 50 years in both physical and emotional/mental pain?
I would like to believe that my body and mind are resilient. That I will bounce back from all the adversities I have faced or have yet to face.
There's a long, hard journey ahead of me. I am thankful for my families: my parents and siblings, my coworkers, and of course my BPR family.
"In three words I can sum up what I've learned about life; it goes on." - Robert Frost
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self.bipolar
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ive lost everything. im leaving soon. thank you to everyone and goodbye hey all its me the obnoxious depressed loser again. bad shit keeps happening to me. im finally done. excersisng is the last thing i have left that makes me happy. oh wait, ive lost that now too. now i cant physically force my brain to release the feel good chemicals (i forget what theyre called lol) the only way i had left. i fucking blew out my knee a few days ago. docs were no help. im in excruciating pain physically and mentally. today is also my exs birthday. i promised mysef if she didnt respond to the happy birthday message i sent her, then id finally end it. and its been 5 hours. no response. i cant even have a shred of fucking happiness. i did the math. assuming i live to about 80 (low considering my moms side of the family, but high considering my dads side) ive already lived 25% of my life. one whole fourth. wanna know how much of that has actually been enjoyable? 10 months. statistically not everyone gets a happy life, and i guess that im one of them. so im taking myself out of this equation since all i get from life is shit, shit, and more shit. thank you all for being so kind and caring. but within the next few days ill be ending it. for some levity id rate life a 2/10, definitely want a refund and wouldnt play again.
also sorry if this all comes off as mean or angry. im just tired. i feel like ive lived a thousand lives, and not one of them happy. well, maybe one. i guess im frustrated and scared for the end. hopefully ill go out with some dignity. right now thats looking doubtful.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I deal with toxic parents better? I'm a nutjob, and I get it from my parents. I had issues with bipolar to the point that I had to withdraw from classes. My parents said I was a failure and told me I was getting kicked out the house. Well yesterday I'm able to bring my first girlfriend to thanksgiving dinner, and suddenly their tune has changed. From booting me out of the house, they're now hoping I start a family. I can't blame them for my problems, I know getting away from them wont fix my problems. However they are toxic enough that they definitely don't help. My dad has a temper and if he gets mad he wont hesitate to strike me. They both consistently call me a failure and never support anything I try to do. They're really not understanding of my bipolar. But the thing is I'm not ready to move out yet and not capable of living on my own at this moment. So how can I better put up with them until I can deal with them?
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self.bipolar
|
Goodbye If you're reading this, I'm gone. Gone from this world more specifically. I'm posting this online because no-one in the real world really cares about me. I know this now. I've been abused both physically and emotionally practically my whole life as well as neglected. Ignored by everyone around me, it's as if I'm invisible. Like I'm already dead. Which I guess, if you're reading this, I am. I've never really had any friends. No one I can go to when I'm feeling lonely. There were a couple people that talked to me at each school I went to, but as soon as I moved or transferred to a new school, it's as if they forgot about me. They treated me like an imaginary friend. Even my best friend from childhood, the one I'd known since before I could walk and who lived across the street from me, stopped talking to me when I moved away. I thought things would get better, but recent events proved they never will.
I don't know what else to add here. As soon as I hit submit I'm going to go hang myself. To everyone who made me feel this way, if you stumble upon this at all, fuck you. And please don't stand over my grave and tell me how much you cared about me. If you really did care, you would have told me while I was alive. Maybe I still would be.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone have such bad brainfog that it feels like you can't think? I feel like an absolute shell of a person. I can't seem to focus at all on any of my university work, nor care about it. As we speak, I'm very behind on an essay that's due tomorrow but I just can't focus at all. It takes me forever to get even a little bit of work done.
I don't get it, I really don't. It's at the point where I feel I don't have a personality. When I was younger, even just a few years ago, I considered myself such an introspective person, but now it feels I can't even think. It's just hot air. Maybe in a way it would be nicer if I knew I wasn't just deluding myself into thinking this, when in reality I'm just dumb.
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self.depression
|
How do you deal with a terrible sleep schedule? What do you do? I woke up at 9pm after falling asleep after 12pm. I’m exhausted a lot and can’t get my life back on track because I have no energy to do anything by the time things are open. I have already:
* Stopped drinking alcohol
* Limited my caffeine intake
* Started drinking “Sleepytime Tea”
* Started to eat healthier(ish...this one is slow-going)
* Tried melatonin to no avail
* Upped my gabapentin, per doctor’s orders
* Read in bed with lights turned low before trying to sleep
And my schedule is still terrible. I keep having to cancel my pdoc appts because I can’t drive that far on such terrible sleep (and I don’t like him, so I’m honestly looking for any excuse not to see him every again).
Does anyone have any ideas?
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self.bipolar
|
I just want the suicidal feelings to be over! Totally unwanted, torturing mind! I cant do this anymore, my mind is so unbelievably destructive and I am severely depressed. Everything is as it used to be except for my mind. It is so worn out because the 6 months of DP were too much I guess. It is so worn out that I could convince myself that I died when DP hit me in February. There is nothing worse than no symptoms but still irrational thinking. It recently hit me with massive bouts of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. It feels like I shouldnt be here anymore. 4 months ago I thought suicide was an absurd thing (for me) and even during DP suicide didnt even cross my mind one single time. But it is just pure mental pain. Everything about future is triggering the hell out of me, I cant picture myself in the future anymore, it is so difficult to even hold the place at university, but Ive already decided that I'd drop out. It all changed in July where I had ups and downs but in the beginning of August these intrusive bouts of suicidal thoughts hit me out of the blue and I suddenly became paranoid of time and future... It is not that I dont want to live anymore but my mind doesnt. It is strange...:( Most strange thing: IT FEELS LIKE I SHOULD HAVE DIED, SOME DARK FEELING WHICH EATS ME AND THAT I'D BE DESTINED TO SUICIDE! I have a really bad urge to feed in to these feelings even though I know Id made it worse...
Any suggestions?
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self.SuicideWatch
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To anyone who gets huffy about babies crying on airplanes: please check yourself. I don't even know where to post this, but I'm still mad about it so here it goes.
My partner and I were recently on a 6 hour flight home from NY, and we found ourself seated behind an infant, and in front of a second, unrelated baby. The infant predictably caterwauled for the entire first half hour of the flight, then had a few meltdowns in transit. All I could think about was that poor mother, shushing and bouncing that little thing, feeling hated.
Think about having a baby, and that baby being disoriented by the sudden change in noise and surroundings, and in pain because their tiny ears haven't adjusted to the change in air pressure. Imagine that mother, desperate to soothe their miserable child, while feeling guilty and judged.
Some petty, self-satisfied, wannabe hero is just waiting to be the one to say "shut that kid up," as if they're performing a public service. Real talk: does anyone honestly think that a parent isn't trying everything in their earthly power to calm their screaming child? What incentive does that person have to ignore the cries of their offspring while aggravating 150 people stuck in the same room as them? Does anyone believe she decided to board that aircraft without any concerns?
I'll never understand a stranger who takes the time to try and make a parent feel shitty for traveling with their small kids. They have a right to travel and their reasons for doing so are none of your fucking business. Call your parents and ask if you were ever young and annoying or embarrassing to them. Then inform them you've decided to make a stranger feel like shit. Let me know how it goes; my money's on you being informed that you should be ashamed of yourself, and advised to mind your own business.
After we landed, I stood up and looked at that kid buckled into her little seat, facing me. I said, "You made it! You're home! You did great!" And she smiled. And her mom smiled, and then said she was sorry.
"Don't be sorry. If anyone wants a guarantee of silent travel, they can get their own private plane and gtfo. You did great. She didn't bother us at all."
It makes me so angry. Be nice to these people, it's not that hard. Traveling with a small child is exhausting. You're not a champion of the people by announcing that crying babies are annoying. It's not breaking news.
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you don't get to pick your passengers. If happenstance lands you on a baby flight, deal with it like an adult. And if you see anyone being mean to a distressed child or trying to shame a traveling parent, kindly request that they pipe the fuck down. Then ask for their parents' phone number.

Edit: I do not have children.
ITT: more babies than airplanes
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone with schizoaffective Disorder / Bipolar with schizoaffective features? Kinda feeling a bit lost at the moment, and could use some insight into what it's like after being diagnosed, medications, therapy, etc. I know what living with voices is like, but apart from that - not much. I've not formally had my diagnosis changed, but I'm being tested for schizoaffective disoder / bipolar with schizoaffective features and according to my pdoc, that's where we're headed unless they find something somatic that explains my voices and hallucinations. Oh, and must not forget, also being tested for Asperger syndrome..
*sigh*
it's definitely been one of those days where the world is just too much to handle.
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self.bipolar
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