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No one remembers my birthday, even close friends. for a few years now about 4 or 5 years in a row all of my close friends don't remember my birthday. Even if they forgot facebook usually reminds people it's someone's birthday. No one wished me a happy birthday.
i remember when i was in highschool, you need to swipe in your id when you go into the cafeteria it didnt work for me but it worked for someone else who swiped in. And to add insult to injury a friend of mine who shared the same birthday and the same friends had everyone surrounding him singing happy birthday while i'm at the other table keeping it in.
and so pretty much i've stopped caring about birthdays all together as i don't really have fond memories of them.
Thanks for reading, just wanted to get this off my chest.
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self.offmychest
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Failed attempt I took 90mg of oxy and 100mg of ambien. I didn't even l over sleep
I think I got fake meds
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self.SuicideWatch
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House is being foreclosed again shortly after it first defaulted, I have little power to change the situation! Tomorrow our home is being put on for auction, all because my step dad was fired after missing 1 day for being sick from work, which his schedule was 12 hours 7 days a week. Leaving unable to pay the next month mortgage.
I'm reading a few articles right now that suicide is pretty common when someone loses their house with no where to live, I had large suicidal thoughts the first time we were foreclosed earlier this year, but now I'm sure that there's no hope for me. We spent every penny on court fees and lawyers trying to save the home. The big difference from last the last foreclosure, was that we had money to live off of, and the surprise notice that it was defaulted. This is for sure, the last home I'll live in, as I'd rather die on my own terms, than to freeze to death in this weather on the streets.
They will have dispose of my body in this room before anyone take me out of the house I grew up in.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Worst Christmas Ever Last Christmas my parents split up 3 days before & it absolutely crushed me so I said that was the worst Christmas ever, but this one totally takes the cake. After my parents split my dad started dating pretty quickly. He started dating a girl who is only 2 years older than me. That in itself made it awkward because this girl picked on me in high school so of course I didn’t like her. Well then my dad sends me a Facebook message telling me he moved in with her. I totally lost it & didn’t speak to him for a while. I still wanted a relationship with my father so I bit the bullet & went to their house for Thanksgiving & enjoyed myself but was still a little upset by the whole situation. Tonight out of the complete blue he blurts out she’s pregnant. Mind you this all has happened within 5 months or so. I don’t know how to feel other than heartbroken because my whole life my dad has been in & out of my life & has never really been there for me. I just needed to tell someone & this was the first place I thought of. After 19 years I’m no longer an only child.
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self.offmychest
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Breakup before Christmas (27F) Hey everyone, Merry Christmas. So my boyfriend (31) dumped me a week and a half ago. We were together for a year and a half. I loved him with my whole heart, and honestly thought he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The breakup was insanely messy and complicated and heartbreaking. He had lied to me the entire week before the breakup, so I had no idea it was coming. He wrote me a letter that he read aloud to me. In the letter, he described me as codependent. I agree that I am codependent, and this is a trait I only recently learned about. After he read the letter to me, he said it was over, and I got hysterical. Then he said he invited my parents, who were already there without me knowing, to take me home. My family knew he was going to break up with me a week before I did...
Oh, and the real kicker? He broke up with me 3 days before we were supposed to fly to Europe (we’re from the US) for the holidays. We were going to be in Europe for a month; bags were packed, plans were made, tickets booked a year ago. We had been planning this trip a year. Not only that, but he broke up with me on the last day of my job (a job I loved). I quit my job so I could go on this trip with him to meet his family in Europe because I could not get the time off.
He chose to go the no contact route. I’ve never gone no contact with an ex before, and as someone who is codependent, depressed, and anxious, I honestly don’t know how to do it. I have no friends close by. My ex was my only friend, my best friend. Losing that has been the hardest part of it all. He is in Europe on a trip I was supposed to be there for, that I was so incredibly excited for...and I’ve barely been able to get out of my bed for the past week and a half. I have nightmares every night, get really bad anxiety around others all of a sudden, everything reminds me of him. I’ve been drinking a lot more than usual. And I’ve also been silently dealing with a miscarriage. I’ve lost EVERYTHING. The man I loved so incredibly much, a baby, my job, and my happiness. I can’t tell you the last time I genuinely smiled or laughed. I’m broken. This breakup broke me. I told him I could not go through another breakup, since my last one ripped me apart, and my emotions just can’t handle the stress. I’m broken. I don’t know how to restart my life. I don’t know how to function. I just want to talk to him so bad, but I can’t. I want to explain things. I want to be heard. I don’t think I’m seriously suicidal, but I do not have the energy to rebuild my life for the second time.
I don’t know what kind of advice I’m looking for here. Maybe I just needed to vent. I’m lost. Any guidance would help. Merry Christmas.
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self.depression
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How do I tell my friends and family I want to die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can’t even get out of bed to go to school most days I’m in grade 11 first semester and I find that I can’t even get out of bed to go to school anymore. It doesn’t help that I have no friends nor any one to talk to in the real world.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love learning but I can’t bring myself to go to school do it. I’m scared about my grades because I feel like I’m failing which scares me a lot.. education is my everything at the moment, my only responsibility really and I still can’t manage.
I make up stupid reasons as to why I can’t go and my mum had just given up. I want my school to know that I have severe Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) meaning I have really bad depression during season change. I can’t help it. I’ve tried so hard. What should I do to let my teachers and school board know? I know I’m not “special” and a lot of kids that go to public school have depression, and I know it’s hard to keep our grades up when you do. But is there any ways you could tell your teachers that it’s hard to do simple daily tasks because of a mental illness just so they know you aren’t skipping classes because I “feel like it”?
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self.depression
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Everyone thinks I am so healthy but I am really a junk food binger and cannot stop. I am a pig. I eat so much junk food. In fact I just finished eating a white garlic cheese roll followed by a Snickers bar, then followed by grain toast. I am so full but cannot stop thinking about eating but I can't eat anything else because my family will notice how much food has gone missing. I sometimes compensate by vomiting, taking laxatives, fasting if I am feeling clear enough to recognise urges rather than thinking it's my brain, and working out. When I get caught being sick I blame the food. When I do it in public I say I have the flu or I am pregnant. But yeah I am repulsive. I eat until I am so full and just waste food and waste money. I don't eat healthy food often. I don't eat when I am with people so no one knows this. I only say I am health conscious so no one thinks I'm a pig or would guess that I could ever be so disgusting and so I can avoid eating bad foods in public or with people watching because I am terrified of anything knowing what I am really like. Currently crying with an empty bowl next to me. I truly truly hate myself. For this and also because I am a piece of shit as a person. Bad decisions, miss someone I shouldn't, am strange, talk too much, social failure. If you knew me in real life you would hate me. P.S. Kill me now P.P.S Will probably now go make some sugary oatmeal and watch netflix while crying. I am so alone right now and had to get that off my chest
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self.offmychest
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my friend is in a relationship with a pedophile recently i found out that my very close friend is in some sort of relationship with a mid 50 year old man. she is 17 but their relationship has been over 2 years only recently have they participated in sexual encounters. to make matters worse this man is one of her teachers. i showed my disdain with this situation and she started getting mad at me. she trusts that i won’t tell anymore but i really feel that i should do something. i can’t ruin our friendship but every time i try convince her it’s not right, she becomes bitter with me. this exact situation happened last school year except the teacher was much younger and i eventually convinced this other friend to notify authorities. i need someone to guide me to making the right decisions.
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self.offmychest
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My mother died today. She was 71. We had a very difficult and complicated relationship. I was already dealing with a bad episode of depression and needing a medication adjustment for it.
My parents were married over 50 years and he died a year ago. Now they are together and she is no longer in pain.
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self.offmychest
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I can't take it anymore Everytime I want to go to work or another place I'm scared off (because of PA), I'm getting a freaking panic attack.
Maybe I just need to give up, I hate this feeling and it is driving me crazy.
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self.Anxiety
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The Kindest World Creates... What is with this world? Seriously you got fucking trillions of dollars yet there are still millions without homes and with no food and water which all should be a free human resource. You got bullshit fake mainstream media which is just manipulating the world. Same people (The Elite) who control media and money plan false flag after false flag after false flag events that are mostly targeted at terrorism which then justifies war on innocent people in the Middle East. It's fucking crazy how this world is asleep, you even got AI robots who have more rights than women in Saudi Arabia, I mean seriously? We outnumber them by BILLIONS yet we won't do nothing because we are all puppets on the strings. Peoples minds have been manipulated and if you try talking sense into them they don't wanna hear it, they can't, the reason why is because they don't want to change their whole perception on life and how life really works. I have a friend who STRONGLY disagrees that 9/11 was staged and that Satan runs the world and so many other topics and my friend doesn't wanna hear it at all it's crazy. This occurs with some of my other friends aswell but some have agreed with a lot of shit that I talk about revolving around this planet. We need to help wake up the people around us that have been living in fairyland. I only write this because I believe 2018 is going to be a massive year for us all and when shit hits the fan, please be ready. God bless you all.
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self.offmychest
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Does melatonin work for anyone here? I have tried melatonin in various doses, with no real success. I would try using other sleeping medicines when I start getting manic, but I hate that they’re generally addictive and make me feel like shit in the morning. Any tips or meds that work well for you?
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self.bipolar
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I’m scared to break up but I want to [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I want to die. I dont want to apply to any more jobs. I am looking online for the cheapest gun to buy. Im just tired of applying to jobs. Im tired of hating my current job that I am on disability leave from. I dont see life getting better. I dont fit in a capatilist world.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish people were more aware of mental illness and anxiety and what it means for those who suffer. My reason being that I have suffered as long as I can remember (I'm a teenager) and I never knew something was wrong with me. I used to think I had depression because I couldn't go up to people and make friends. I would then be sad and mopey because no one came to me. I just wish people got better education about mental illnesses. Everyone knows about depression but no one cares about those who suffer from anxiety. I guess my whole point is I wish my parents knew something was wrong with me earlier. I still have yet to get any therapy sessions in because we are all so busy. Sorry for venting. I figure my opinion is probably worthless here but the idea of this post has been bouncing around in my head for a while. Also Net Neutrality. Go email someone.
Thanks for reading.
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self.Anxiety
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I love her. She lied to me after five years and I gave up. I don’t know if I should regret it, but I feel like I do. I love her man. I love her more than myself. The changes in my life have led me to believe that things won’t be as happy as they were before. I’m a man born in the wrong era [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Alprazolam? (or xanax) What about it? I have never been medicated because of anxiety but I just called a doctor due to a strange feeling in the throat. I tend to have them when I'm in a state of sadness or nervousness but it feels different now. They said that I don't have anything physical and gave me a low dose of this medicine. I don't know if I should take it, I would prefer to wait for the symptom to disappear by itself.
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self.Anxiety
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Failing last semester of college I'm 24 and this was supposed to be my last semester of college. Family and friends all thought ideas going to graduate. I went through some rash patches with relationships and procrastinated all my papers which adds up to like 40 pages. I'm just so concerned my family is going to disown me and I want to quit my job. Idk what to do my anxiety is killing me I just want to sleep all the time
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self.Anxiety
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my Neighbor has Bipolar Disorder, how do i get her to open up to me so we can have a intimate conversation about mental health? she pretty much told my mother that she is now in a mixed manic depressive state functioning on 2 hours of sleep in the past 5 days beside that there was not much conversation. i myself suffer with Obsessive compulsive disorder and occasional depressive episodes. i would honestly love to talk about my struggles as well as hear her's too. this is a big meaning because i am a hermit with zero friends and zero social interaction besides the family gatherings. this week i had my biggest relapse and i had a mini depressive episode where i had anhedonia, Suicidal thoughts, apathy. i feel getting that off my chest with someone i feel close to will help
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self.bipolar
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20mg Valium for flying tomorrow... advice on how to take it? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I fucking don’t know if I’m gonna make it through college anymore [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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You didn't apologize because "I deserved an apology". You did it for yourself. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Oversalivation and awkward speech problems So for a few months now I feel my speech hasn’t been that good . I mispronounce some words, I also stutter quite a bit and I have more saliva than usual. Though two days last week I was normal . Though I’m kinda afraid to talk and spit on people. Also I feel my voice is lower than usual. People sometimes ask me “ what did you say ?” And I’m afraid I have ALS or something I’m a hypochondriac, gad and ocd. Does anyone have the same problems with speech ?
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self.Anxiety
|
Please help - uRGENT! Okay so I just watched this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYuKS_ng7-g) video on youtube and have come to some realizations! This is the comment I just posted... Thank you, this video was extremely well done and helpful right now! The way you spoke was incredibly soothing and clear especially as I am currently experiencing extreme difficulty on concentration! I am trying very hard to be honest with myself but I am absolutely terrified and have no idea of what I am going to do next. I also want to make it known how vulnerable I feel right now. I have many of the "red flags" of perhaps having bipolar disorder, this includes a past history of mental health issues,(multiple suicide attempts and psychiatric admissions,) direct family history, personal history, drug abuse, life stressors, ect.) I am very fortunate to have a good, tight support system and have already began to express my concerns to my close family and friend. I have also spent the past few hours this evening preparing for what may follow - I realise this is also a "red flag." I am in two minds. I have the option to seek help, I see my psychologist on Tuesday. Alternatively I have the option to keep this as quiet as possible. The problem is that I have never felt so good in my entire life as I do right now. I am so contented and excited.My questions are being answered, my prayers are being answered, my problems are being solved, I have total clarity. I have become creative and focused and finally feel hopeful. This feeling is incredibly seductive! On the not so helpful side, I recognise this is quickly becoming damaging - or could prove to turn that way. For example I have had very little sleep, I swing with being physically unable to pay attention to being absolutely entranced on my latest project or life changing new idea, working at it obsessively until it is considered perfect, I have discovered I have almost unknowingly sent message after message contacting friends (including those I lost contact with,) that now appear a little disjointed and overexcited. I have noticed some strange reactions to some of my behaviours from my peers. I could go on and on. So yeah, anyway, I don't know what to do and I am simply terrified.Please Help!
Show less
REPLY
I don't know how to prove this to you but I can just promise my word that I am trying to be honest and truthful! Any advice would be extremely welcome and appreciated. From a long (long, long, LONG) time lurker on reddit!
EDIT 1: PS Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place, it's the first thing that came up when I searched for "bipolar" on youtube and reddit! Please direct me as to where I may need to go!
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self.bipolar
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My company has a holiday party and I just can't... go... I don't want to socialize and parties annoy me to no end. All the small talk, all the people... I don't want to go. At times I feel like I'm allergic to people.
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self.depression
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Rant Feels like there's cameras everywhere. College is too much. 180 pages in two weeks? Fuck off. I lost three family members in the last year. My hair is falling out. My dad wants me to get a job or he'll kick me out. Girlfriend thinks I'm depressed because she's not good enough. Not really much to live for. I wanted a book deal, once. I'll probably just be that Welsh guy that didn't achieve anything, like everyone else from Wales. I hate Wales. Katie is a shit lecturer.
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self.depression
|
Feel like I'm going to stop breathing? Does anxiety make you feel like your going to stop breathing? Sometimes I'll notice that I'm more aware of my breathing and that it seems like my breaths become more forced. I'm in pretty good cardiovascular health and In good shape so I'm ruling that out. This feeling isn't always consistent, I just seem to become more focused on my breath and then I start to fear that I'll just stop breathing and or my heart will stop working.
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self.Anxiety
|
I seriously cannot go another month like this, let alone another 60+ years... I do not want to live with this anxiety and depression Using my throwaway.
I am 26. I had an amazing life growing up. I grew up with everything that I wanted and an extremely supportive and involved family. I drive a nice car. I own a home. I have a great job. I am in great shape and I have a large social circle..
Yet, I do not want to go one more fucking day with this crippling anxiety and depression. My life turned to shambles a few years ago when my mom died and then my dad turned out to be a narcissistic cheating liar. It felt like I went from having everything in my family life to nothing. I was just left with nice material possessions which provide me no joy.
I feel completely out of control with my emotions. I cry all of the time. I am too sensitive. My boyfriend tells me that I am too emotional and that I am draining. Well, fuck, maybe I am just an emotional train wreck.
I think about ending myself daily but overdosing sounds too risky of possible failure and shooting myself in the head with my dad's gun sounds way too messy.
I would like to just disappear but I know it would hurt some of those closest to me like my cousin and brother. It would probably destroy them. But is their happiness worth more than mine? When I think about living with this depression and anxiety for another 60 years or so I feel physically ill.
I have tried everything. Therapy, working out, etc. I feel like working 40 fucking hours a week messes with any chance of solid recovery. I dream of going somewhere for a week by myself and not talking to fucking anyone so I can just focus on what is going on and try to fix it. Or maybe that would completely back fire and I would end up hating myself more.
Rant over...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feelings towards my crush She’s a very kind person who lets me talk about my passions and looks to me for emotional support. We’ve been on a date before and want to schedule another one when we can but I really don’t know if we could be considered a couple or if she even wants to be considered one. Honestly though, even if she doesn’t feel that way about me I’m so happy we’ve been able to talk and hang out with each-other more as of late, I can live with being friends.
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self.offmychest
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people pulling the "but your family!" card piss me off when you die you cease to exist. including the things that make you depressed, including any guilt youd feel for killing yourself. how hard is that to understand?
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self.depression
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im giving up.. i just wrote my suicide note and stopped in the middle, what i'm doing is wrong but i can't stop the thoughts in my head.. i don't know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
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today I personified my anxiety as a helpful coping strategy [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to get pregnant, off my meds, and falling apart. I need advice from bipolar moms please. Hi everyone. Like the title says, I'm off my meds because I'm trying to get pregnant. I thought I could handle it, but I'm cycling pretty bad right now. Luckily, I'm not suicidal, but it took everything I had to get out of bed this morning. In the past two weeks I've been delusional, anxious, depressed, energetic. All over the place. I was diagnosed in 2011 and have been on meds consistantly ever since, but my meds were deemed too risky for a pregnancy. Now that I'm in this emotional state, I'm questioning my capability to be a mother in the first place. I babysat my 2 year old nephew yesterday and it took every last drop of my energy. I came home so drained I could barely move. I'm assuming it was also compounded with my current mental fluctuations. But it'll only be more of that if I do have kids. Is it possible to find a balance with kids? Will there be time for myself and time for them? Yes, I will be getting back on my meds as soon as possible after the baby comes (if the baby comes), but will it be enough? I'm not even pregnant yet and I feel it might already be too much. I'm sorry for the word vomit, I can barely think straight right now.
I just want advice from other mothers. How did you do it? How did you survive being off your meds throughout your pregnancy?
P.S. I do have an appointment with my therapist at the end of the month (she's on vacation).
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self.bipolar
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anyone else get really bad jumps/shakes? its honestly one of the worst parts of anxiety for me because its so embarrassing.
like anytime theres a startling noise in a quiet room like in a classroom i jump and everyone looks over and stares and sometimes even giggle and it makes me wanna die inside. or when im at the doctors office and they open the door my body just like freaks out and its so embarrassing because then they know your nervous and their also thinking why are they so nervous?
especially when people comment about it is the worst. like i worked with this one lady who would try to scare me on purpose cuz she knew i would jump and it was just the worst :(
i just wanna know if anyone feels this also.
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self.Anxiety
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Moving tomorrow I've lived in the same 2 bedroom apartment since I was 9, I'm 37 now. Long story short, my mom died of a massive heart attack in her sleep 5 years ago and being alone snapped me out of housebound agoraphobia. My agoraphobia was so bad that I couldn't walk to the garbage chute, 40 feet in front of my door. Anyways, I have GAD as a reminder of that not so fun time.
Tomorrow I am moving 5 blocks away into this beautiful new place and I am on edge. And it's stupid stuff like, don't forget to eat in the am, who is gonna do this, who is gonna do that? What if I can't sleep tonight. Its a case of the what ifs.
Can it be Sunday already? Anyone have any tips to make moving with anxiety easier?
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self.Anxiety
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The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would inconvenience my parents to organize a funeral. Pretty much the title. Ive considered packing up all my belongings, organizing my own funetal, writing down all my passwords and laying down plastic tarps and shooting myself in the bathtub so when they came to clean out my apartment it'd be an easy clean-up.
Am 22M for those curious.
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self.depression
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Songs that calm you down during a panic attack? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Can a dog provide the same level of comfort and security than a person can. I frame this question to people who understand the importance of company and the pain of being alone. Has anyone found that a dog can provide the same level of stress relief that a friend can?
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self.depression
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Does anyone else get haircut anxiety? As in, you get nervous before going, hate getting it done, slightly panic at how much hair always seems to get removed no matter how little you ask for, and then usually end up hating the result and getting stressed/bummed out about it?
Literally EVERY TIME I go to the hairdressers. I KNOW hair grows back, I know it's not permanent but ffs I don't have stress about it for days every time I look in the mirror.
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self.Anxiety
|
Ok, men of online dating. I'm trying online dating.
It has been an experience. Woman, 25. Seeking man.
And yes, I do message men first.
This is about the men who message me first and only about them. I've been on some good dates, but here are what I get the most.
Also, these are my preferences. I'm speaking for myself.
1. Most common message: "Hey." I often see on reddit that women never reply on dating websites. I cannot even get into how much I hate "hey." You didn't read my profile. You saw my face. If you don't have enough time in your day to read my profile, then we're not meant to be anyway.
2. "Hey whats up." I hate that too. Just read above.
3. Don't use the word "sweetie" unless you're a 90 year old man.
4. "What's up ms how are you doing ? If you don't mind me saying you're perfect you have very beautiful unique features truly flawless. could I get some of your time beautiful and have a chance with you?" - Don't over compliment. It's so fake. I'm not the type of girl who even falls over in love with one compliment. But if you're whole message it about my looks and, let's face it, I can see if you've seen my profile or not, I'm moving on. I've got a brain.
5. "Hello. I hope I'm not bothering you..." - By saying that, you're bothering me. It's a dating website. You're supposed to message other people and expect messages in your inbox also.
6. Not a message, but PUT YOUR PROFILE PICTURE AS JUST YOU. I hate scrolling through 3-5 pictures of you in a group. JUST. YOU. And make it a decent picture. Not blurry, only half of your face, dark or super bright. Just a normal picture. And smile. I hate when all of your pictures you have this "tough" face on. You look constipated and scary. And I'm not shallow. I just like to be physically attracted to my man too.
7. Also, don't post a bunch of you surrounded by women in a club. Especially multiple pictures. Just don't. I shouldn't have to say this.
8. "Have you ever seen 50 shades of grey?"
Wrong site, sir.
I have dogs. I have an interesting job. I have a list of tv shows/music I like in that little section. Formulate SOMETHING.
That's who I answer. The guys who are already making an effort, knowing that they may not get an answer or a "no thanks."
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self.offmychest
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Has anyone else had there first manic episode while on an SSRI antidepressant? I wonder if it caused my illness.
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self.bipolar
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my best and only friend just got murdered. i am so poor i cant even go to his service. why bother sticking arond? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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constantly feeling empty and being in a dream-like state I've passed the sad and emotional part and moved on to feeling empty and hollow again. It's such a vicious cycle and I feel so out of control, I've stopped taking my antidepressants for some reason. I'm not sure why, I can't remember. I used to want to feel sad again when I enter the hollow phase, but now I'm quite alright with just staying here. Nothing feels real, everything feels like a dream. Except it's not a nice dream, everything seems normal but something's slightly out of place. It's like I'm playing an open world simulation game and all I can do is keep walking and walking and walking.
Things are going relatively well for me, I have things I could look forward to, things I should look forward to. Except I can't bring myself to feel excited about them even though they are huge. I've got a lot riding on a couple projects I need to compete, the deadlines are tight yet I can't bring myself to do them, all I want to do is sleep or stare at a wall with some stupid youtube video playing in the background to drown out the voices in my head. Why can't I snap out of it and do what I'm supposed to do. Why do I let myself waste my life away, that's exactly what I'm doing. Although I don't feel suicidal, at least I don't think I do, I can't help but think how the resources and money I waste everyday could've gone to better use. They could've fed people who actually deserve to eat, someone who might make something of themselves unlike me.
Maybe I just need to sleep. I don't know. I've lost track of time and dates. Starting to think taking time off work was a bad idea.
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self.depression
|
How do you even go from passion/playing around to professionally doing something? I'd have a huge list things to get of my chest that seem to drag me down but for now I'll mention only this "slice".
I'm 20 and second year in a computer science degree. I love programming and I feel I could easily do this for a living. I'm having a 10/12 weeks internship this summer and as I always try to aim big, I applied for Google's STEP in Ireland. I'm usually optimistic but I think its the fist time I can only keep the optimism to a low level and face the reality. It took me around two or three weeks to man the fuck up and make a resume. So I started, a little bit about myself, some goals, some education, and when I got to experience, I stopped. And I stared so long at that title, while being angry at myself. The only jobs I've ever had were as dishwasher, and I felt like losing potential there but needing money, a job is a job as long as its fair.
And here comes my dilemma. I'm somewhat confident in my abilities, and if I put something in my mind that I want to do in a program most of the time I end up doing it. But the thought of actually going professional, as in a CUSTOMER using something that I MADE scares me so bad. Doing something for myself is easy, if any errors appear along the way, I fix them, but thinking that someone else payed money and due to some little error that I didn't observe they end up having issues all because of me, makes me really uneasy.
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self.offmychest
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Stuck between a rock and a hard place So little backstory here. I'm in highschool right now and have had increasingly worse anxiety for the past year and a half. It's gotten to be a really bad part of my life that, combined with the depression, has reached the point that it now interferes with my day to day life in a very negative way. Now to combat this I've done 2 things. The first was to talk to a therapist, who I will be having my first appointment with in a week. The second thing I did was join a small business program.
The program is really simple. A few teenagers (in this case 11 of us) create a product, market it, and sell it. I feel like it's helped a lot with my anxiety. I've had to talk to new people, teach people some skills that I had expertise in that we needed (IT related skills in my case), and even go to a giant seminar with a couple hundred other people. It's also made me a couple new friends and gets me out of the house an extra 3 hours a week.
However i'm in a situation with it where I'm stuck. In about 14 hours I have to set up a booth outside a local bank and physically walk up to random people just minding their business and try to sell them our product. I've been absolutely freaking out for the past day and I've had 5 panic attacks about in the 2 days that I've known I had to do this. I could send a few texts and get someone to cover my posistion but there's always a chance that they won't let me or maybe there simply won't be anyone available to cover me. I'll also get those voices in my head again telling me everyone hates me, and that I'm so fucking stupid for having done this or even tried. But if I do go I might just breakdown in public and I just can't do that. I really don't know I have no clue what to do or what might happen. Does anyone have any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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Social Suicide - Suicide Without Killing Myself I can't say much to explain what i feel right now. Only that i was different way back. I've gone through a lot. Between my dad being in and out of jail and the struggle to juggle my salary between rent, loans, bills and bail.
But the most heartbreaking thing for me is how i lost everyone that used to surround me. Friends, family, coworkers... I almost never talk to anyone at work anymore. Nor do i talk to anyone that used to hang around. And people think it's because i'm too proud to talk to anyone. Believe me, that's far from the truth. I want nothing more than to have a best friend. It's because I'm confused. I don't understand why people stopped being close to me. I feel like if i did i could fix a lot of bad parts of my life. But it just doesn't make sense and i got noone to make it clear to me.
I'm NOT suicidal. But i feel like i have already killed myself. It's fine really. Because i was a lone wolf anyway. But i'm still human. Sometimes i cry.
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self.depression
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feel exhausted every day, it's hell... i have an undiagnosed brain condition and it makes me feel miserable every day i am too exhausted to walk, talk or complete daily tasks diagnosis for this brain disease won't come for months so i think im just going to end it all now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My coping mechanism to deal with anxiety: think about aliens! One of the down sides about having anxiety is that we constantly hypothesise worst case scenarios which have little probability of occurring.
Of course, it's good to be prepared, but there is a point when it becomes debilitating and stops us from living our lives.
Well, when these thoughts start running through my head, I like to remind myself that at any moment aliens could establish contact with us, and they might not be peaceful. Do I often worry about this? No. That would be absurd. Although it's possible, it's so unlikely to happen and beyond my control that it isn't worth worrying about, like most of the thoughts my anxiety throws about me.
Remember: if your anxiety makes you invent disastrous situations think of the alien test, sometimes in life things happen that we can't control, but it's so unlikely for them to happen that being nervous about them is pointless - it's like constantly being nervous about waiting for aliens to contact us.
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self.Anxiety
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Would you say this is anxiety...? I’m not really all that social, I’m actually a very nervous person and it’s hard for me to get close to people, but that’s a story for another time.
So I have about 2-3 best friends I’ve had since 8th grade. 8th grade we we’re all really close. 9th grade, I went to a separate school, but we all still talked and occasionally got together, but 10th grade was different. My friends talk to me occasionally, but not as much as usual. And I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or not or if this is my anxiety kicking in. Like I have constant thoughts of them not liking me, them going out without me. All of them ended their (snapchat) streaks with me. When they’re together without me I can’t help but think their talking about me or not missing me. They rarely text me anymore (one still texts me often, but she left me on read today, she claims she does it on accident but...). I feel like I’m an annoyance to them. Sometimes they keep secrets from me. Do they do this because they dislike me? I mean they act like they sometimes enjoy my company and laugh when I’m around, but, are they really enjoying my company? From time to time, they walk and talk with me at school and during classes, but I’m still not sure. I know sometimes with best friends you don’t need to talk everyday, but I just get these feelings that everyone doesn’t really like me. Is this how anxiety feels? All these constant fears and overthinking things like these constantly?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm just stalling for time until I ultimately end myself.
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self.depression
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My life is fucked This whole years been shit. But just from the start of November my mum passed away and my boyfriend left me for someone else 6weeks later. I tried to od a few times, it didn't work didn't go hospital, just don't remember anything from those days. No one to talk too.
Just needed to let it out... yeah..
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self.offmychest
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I'll be gone this weekend I'm not a good friend or sister. No one wants me here anymore. Obviously, I am a burden and nothing. I'm too tired. Goodbye
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does adderall make you go into psychosis if you don’t eat and sleep? It did me. I’m so depressed I’m thinking of trying to send myself back into psychosis just to escape reality. I imagine it’s what acid is like from the things I was experiencing. Yes this is a very bad idea. But I’m so depressed. I did something to ruin my life. I refuse to tell my doc how I feel so he can send me back to the hospital
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self.bipolar
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Stopped drinking, making progress but still feel numb. As the title says I stopped drinking back in July and on paper I’m doing better. I’ve lost weight, saved money and started other hobbies instead of just drinking.
However recently I seem to have hit a dead end, drinking gave me relief from my sad thoughts and distracted me from the main issues in my life. Without it I’m having trouble sleeping and feel like I just can’t relax and let go of my problems anymore.
I wouldn’t say I’m overly sad but just.....numb I suppose. I have an ok job which pays the bills and keeps food on my table but it’s not a career. I’ve never really been passionate about any particular career and with rent to pay and the job market (in the UK anyway) I can’t afford I take a major risk.
I just seem to be going through the motions rather then doing anything out of passion or joy. I’ve come here to seek help or advice from others in my position. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, any help would be greatly appreciated.
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self.depression
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If I don't shape up I'm no longer welcomed. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Yeezus and mania For anyone who isn't a fan of Kanye, take a listen to Yeezus the next time you're manic and tell me he isn't our lord and savior.
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self.bipolar
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How do you guys personally distinguish between hypo and full mania? For me, I think hypo involves less eating, more productivity and energy, heightened libido/more self-confidence regarding women, and waking up with lots of energy, but still pretty full sleep.
for me, i distinguish mania as not eating or rarely eating, too much of the wrong productivity, <3 hours to no sleep per night, lewd/embarrassing sexual acts or attempts, memory loss/confusion and delusions.
I'm asking this communally because I want other *personal* opinions. I know what the DSM says but I think because this is a spectrum disorder, everyone has their own unique characteristics.
Also because I have to take an SSRI for OCD and I'm watching myself like a hawk and get paranoid I'm gonna go full mania in a day (which I know is an irrational fear [hence, OCD])
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self.bipolar
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I'm in a cycle of excuses, stress and self hate and I don't know how to stop I'm 24, recently employed and I've been stuck with my drivers permit for a while due to a mix of driving anxiety, excuses and procrastination. Now it's catching up with me due to more job opportunities that have been popping up and pressure from my family. It's been making me feel like I'm a burden and that I hate myself due the mistakes that I've made. I feel like I'll never be the person I want to be if I don't accomplish this and leave home.
Any thoughts?
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self.offmychest
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Our Bipolar experience can be a way to help others who are not so experienced with their diagnosis, no matter the age discrepancy. Okay, so I will be as short as possible, and discrete as possible, too, but I am excited because I feel like all my suffering through my BP1 experience can finally be of aid to someone who *actually* wants my advice.
This guy, whom we will call John, opened up to me after study at our church on Sunday, where the man leading the discussion over **Temptation** and was making it seem all kum-bah-yah that life has struggles but we just need to *pray* about it and it will get better.
Well, you all know me, and that didn't sit well with me, so I spoke up and said how full of crap that is, because sometimes, even with prayer, we need help professionally, and I admitted my sin to the group that I had been drinking this week despite the fact that I need to be sober and how much of a temptation alcohol still is for me.
At this point, John looked at me and spoke up that he has been dealing with depression and also agreed with me, that it is more than just praying sometimes to soothe our qualms. Anyways, I spoke with John afterwards, and we agreed to get lunch for yesterday.
It was a lot of fun, guys. I had a man who is nearly a decade older than come and open up to me about his struggles because he could how "far" I have come in my learning about myself. I mean, it was like as soon as we sat to eat, he told me what he has been dealing with, which I cannot diagnose anyone, but it could be BP2 based on his story to me. We both love music, and we are both Pisces, literally one day apart in our birthdays, so it's almost like we are made of the same fabric, but not.
Anyways, my point is, we need to be loving to others whose lives we don't know, cause I don't know about y'all but I can be a hateful, judgmental asshole when I go hypomanic, or am just having a bad day. Our pain and suffering on a day-to-day basis shows its benefits when we can pass on our empathy to another fellow human going through the shit we do.
By the way, I had never known or liked John too much the 4 years I had seen him around the campus before that cause I thought he was snobby. Turns out, he was just going through dark times like I was. Ironic, huh?
-Logan
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self.bipolar
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I'm on medication, but due to being alone; And without anymore motivation, I've been unable to find reason to keep going.
I'll feel horrible if I stop taking classes at my community college. But I'm just not making friends. I work 40 hours a week as a laundry attendant. I'm happy with my new job and for something so basic it pays well. At 26 I thought I'd be well off and thriving.
Three years ago now I made huge life changes. I had goals. I had a guy supporting me. But he was all I had. Unfortunately, he's gone. I no longer want to pursue a career in art or with animals and this guy convinced me I was smart and worth something.
Even though I'm medicated (I have Bipolar One and you bet bad depression comes with it) I'm now miserable again. Just sleeping and working. My family is going to be sad after I've worked so hard to see me give up. My feelings of wanting to kill myself ebb and flow. I seriously saw myself overcoming trauma and abuse and finally being free. But as much as I talk myself up, accepting that it's not getting better is destroying me.
You have no idea how much I want to be this happy person who gets along with people. I hate the negative in my life. I hate so many things I can't control because of trauma. How do you keep going?
I don't want to push through an other episode like this ...I seriously have been discouraged from a lifestyle I wanted and my parents just aren't very good people. On top of that I find it impossible to relax and let anyone love me since I broke up with my ex.
It's like I'm toxic and make people sad and frustrated. And I'm miserable. And it's been like this so long. So what if I OD on prescription pills? I hate my life. I wanted to have a good well paying prestigious job. It's hard to accept that maybe being basic is all I can ever do, when I've been trying so hard to make that anything but the case.
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self.SuicideWatch
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In a bit of a pickle, could use some advice Basically I think i'm developing feelings for my friend's younger sister, and Idrk how to approach the situation. I've been getting mixed responses from my friends and I want to just leave it, but idk if I can :/
I could really use some advice on this one
(Side note: his sister is only a year younger than me so i'm not a pedo or anything)
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self.offmychest
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I made a choice that I will have to live with but living with it is so hard. I got an abortion a little over a week ago and I think about it non stop now. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel empty, lost, broken. Like I'm drowning all day. It's exhausting pretending to be happy at work when I just want to be alone. I hate myself for what I did. Truth is, I wanted this baby, but my husband didn't, so I convinced myself that I didn't really want it. I want to disappear. My son, I killed my unborn son. I don't know if I'm depressed, but I've never felt this disconnected before. Sorry it's so rambling.
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self.depression
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Why do people see me as easy bait? They always fuck with me. They don't bother anybody else. What am I doing wrong to attract this treatment from people. I go to work and people will get away with so much but the minute I do something they go behind my back and tell. They're so concerned on how I do shit yet they don't mess with anyone else.
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self.offmychest
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I've ruined every realationship Mostly because I want to be the center of whoever I'm with world. I'm trying to get over this. Any advice?
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self.bipolar
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16, depressed, feeling suicidal. I'd like to start by giving a bit of background as to why I'm in the situation I am in now. I grew up with my mum, step dad and younger sister. My step dad was emotionally abusive although he did sometimes get physically abusive. He was an angry, controlling person and he snapped a lot. I always felt like I was walking around on eggshells around him. My mum and him would argue a lot, he would swear at her and constantly bring her down. He favourited my sister and made it obvious (everything was always my fault and never hers, I can't remember her ever getting into trouble by him.)
When I was 3 my mum left me alone with him while she went out to the shops. He made me follow him into the bathroom where he held me upside down and put my head in the toilet, afterwards he attempted to try and dry my hair off with a towel. When my mum got back from the shops she questioned my wet hair and I told her what happened. She left him after that but as he denied it, she ended up convincing herself that I had just imagined it and got back with him a while afterwards.
Things just got worse. Growing up I got into the habit of spending all my time in my bedroom, doing everything I could to avoid being around him. I started begging my mum to let me just eat my dinner in my room as I couldn't bare sitting at the same table as him. I was miserable. I used to lock myself in the bathroom and strangle myself, only stopping once I was choking for air. I must have been about 10. I don't know why I done this. I feel stupid admitting it, even to a bunch of strangers on the internet. I remember once he got so mad at my mum that he ended up pulling her into a headlock in public, my mum panicked and was completely humiliated but she just laughed it off to stop other people interfering. He used to roll up newspapers and hit our dog. He turned him into a complete nervous wreck.
My mum eventually decided to leave him just a few days after Christmas, I was 11 at that point. I thought things were finally going to be better but my mum went into depression and would go on about how much she missed him. He came up nearly everyday for dinner and this continued for a few years. He met another woman and my mums depression got even worse. She seemed to develop an obsession with him. She had a spare set of keys to his house so she went out and bought a voice recorder and hid it underneath his bed, she didn't seem to care that she looked completely crazy. She once cried that he didn't want her and that she felt lonely. I felt like she relied on me a lot and put a lot of her problems on me.
When I was 13 I started struggling really badly with social anxiety and depression. I lost all my friends and no longer had anyone to talk to. The only person I had in school was my cousin but she liked to bring me down a lot. Everything became too much for me to cope with and I stopped going to school. I isolated myself from everyone and my depression got worse. I hated getting out of bed in the morning. I would wear the same clothes for months without washing them (disgusting, I know.) I stopped leaving the house completely. I needed my mum to be there for me but she was too occupied with my step dad. When I attempted to return to school 6 months later my step dad came over and literally tried to drag me out the door, pulling on my arms and hair while shouting about how I was a waste of space. I went in to school that day in tears. I only managed a couple of weeks before I stopped going again.
I'm 16 now and things aren't much better. I tried contacting some old friends last year but they just ignored me. I've tried counselling a couple of times but never found it helpful. I'm currently working with someone who basically comes and takes me out once a week and I've also been taking part in group work (only with 2 other people) for my anxiety. Despite the fact that I am doing something to try and help myself I still just feel so incredibly unhappy. My step dad is going to be coming up on Christmas Day and I'm dreading it. Whenever I'm around him I start shaking uncontrollably and feel like I'm taking panic attacks. I can't bare it. My life is a complete mess. I feel suicidal and don't know how I can go on any longer, it's not like I haven't tried. I've been this situation for years now and i just feel so hopeless.
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self.SuicideWatch
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moving out with no money & no place to go [deleted]
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self.depression
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SSRI vs SNRI? What have your experiences been like with either or both types of antidepressant?
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self.depression
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Why do certain not good thoughts get stuck in our heads? My husband told me the thought of suicide is stuck in his head when he knows he doesn't want to do it. He said he wants to see a therapist to see why he is having that thought and I completely support him. I have asked to make sure he's happy and told him i much rather he leave instead of take his own life (we are pretty young and have one child and are expecting another) so I know he is very stressed out. He said he knows he loves me and our children which is why he doesn't know why he has the thought ? He also said he feels like he is not the best he can be for me and our children which I always tell him he is because he has done so much and given up a lot for us.
being anxious myself ive been so worried for him and sad that he has the thought. Is this something I should be more alarmed by? Is this a normal thing for someone under as much stress as him? I am trying very hard to just be supportive and listen to him and help as best as I can. Any input or advice is helpful I love him very much and want to make sure I'm not under reacting to this.
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self.Anxiety
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Have you had a problem with alcohol abuse? I've been going through a hard time lately with real life. Lately, I've been finding myself with this constant craving to drink early in the morning and all throughout the day. I've never done such a thing and I don't plan on opening that door.
I know bipolar and drinking can almost go hand in hand. How did your problem start out? Was it just a little every night or full on? Why did you start drinking?
How could you avoid developing a drinking problem?
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self.bipolar
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Everyday. Everyday I wake up, and I'm happy. It's a new day, a new beginning, but I trained myself to be that way, because waking up and realizing that my dreams weren't reality hurt too much. I always have found them far more interesting than reality. But it's okay, because I'm happy. . . . until there's a momentary pause where I can't breathe from the weight of that dark sea in my mind, but it's only for a moment, it's okay. But you see, those momentary pauses keep getting longer, and it keeps getting harder for me to breathe. But it's okay, I know what to do, let that dark sea crush me, take me over, control me, and after some time, a few days, maybe a few weeks, I'll become so numb to it again that I won't be able to feel it crush me under it's weight. So it's okay, because everyday I wake up and I'm happy.
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self.depression
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I took over 20 klonopins and have been drinking I can't take it anymore. Goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
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This'll get buried and that's okay. I've never posted here before. I don't know why I'm posting here now.
I'm still beating myself up over my self-harm relapse. Which is fueled by the nights I'm sitting here alone with nobody to talk to, nobody wanting to talk to me, stuck in my thoughts while I try to drown out my head with twitch.
I just hate myself. I hate who I am, how little I've changed, how little I've accomplished. I wish I had the courage to end it but the only thing that keeps me from it is the fact nobody would take care of my cat.
I hate living like this, and I've tried everything to help it; therapy, medication, etc. I'm just at the point where I'm sick of fighting it.
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self.depression
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Feel like I’m falling behind Lately I feel like I’m just falling behind. They say it’s bad to compare yourself to peers, but it’s difficult not to do so when you graduated amongst the top of your class back in high school. Back when I graduated high school as a salutatorian I thought I would be on my way to getting a good job. Unfortunately, I had to start working to make ends meet at home and opted to skip a year of college. I then continued working in retail and attended college. To date I have yet to finish, (started in 2014).
Then I attended an apprenticeship program where I performed well yet again amongst the top academically, but received a job paying $18/hr, whereas other students who didn’t work as hard received higher hourly/salary wages. Then, my friends were flipped to salary while I subsequently lost mine due to a project being put on hold. I recently got a job making $16/hr, but I still feel I’m lagging as I have no certificates, degree, or anything.
Do I have a right to feels bit bitter about how things have played out, or am I just acting entitled? I just don’t get why I can perform well academically, but still end up receiving the short end of the stick and it’s really killing my self-esteem.
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self.offmychest
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should i tell someone that i almost killed myself? I had the belt around my neck on NYE, ready to kill myself because I was done. Obviously, I didn't do it. Now, I know what rock bottom feels like I don't want to go there again. I have a somewhat new view of the world, I'm still depressed, but I want to actually get better now instead of wallow in my misery.
So my question is if I should tell someone? I'm close with my roommate, she knows my struggles with life and depression and anxiety. I feel comfortable telling her most things about my life, since I feel like she's one of the few people who truly care about my well being and won't judge me.
She asked me how my NYE went, and I told her most of the story, I just left out the part where I was ready to kill myself. But, I feel compelled to tell her or someone that I was ready to die, that if I had a gun I would be dead, but now I don't feel like that. I want to let her know that simply her friendship with me has helped me, but I don't know if that's too much of a heavy subject to bring up.
Would you bring it up? Is it worth it to bring it up?
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self.depression
|
It's all lining up (not in a good way) When I was 13 I made a promise to myself that I'd kill myself on 22 December 2017. (I later contemplated changing it to 6 April 2018 but that's not relevant) It's 6 December 2017 right now (for those of u who don't have calendars) and I'm sitting in my living room crying and trying to finish my geometry homework.
My medicine (currently on 150mg of Sertraline) has suddenly stopped wokring. My mental health is deteriorating. I haven't been this bad in a good year. My parents ~~who don't talk to me ever~~ haven't scheduled an appointment for me yet. Said parents have also been *extra* homo/transphobic recently because ~~again, they don't talk to me, this is what I've figured out~~ they found my Quora where I was open about being trans and bi.
I'm losing friends. They don't care about me as much as I care about them. I'm reclusive and pissy and now that my parents have restored exactly 0.27% of their trust in me, I have access to things I could hurt myself with. I've been clean for 183 days and it! is! not! easy!!!!
Anyway it just seems like a lot of things are lining up to have my suicide happen the way I planned. And I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Redditors with depression who have self-harmed in the past: how do you deal with the scars? King of a dark topic and I didn't know where to ask about this and just found this subreddit. I have depression (although it's totally controlled and fine with medication, which I don't need to take anymore), and in the past when I was younger I self-harmed really bad ONE time, and still have pretty deep scars from it on my left arm. My issue is that recently my scars have been itching when wearing long-sleeved shirts or a coat. I don't recall this happening in the past, and it's so bothersome (not really hurting but more uncomfortable) that I had to go to a doctor and get recommended to a dermatologist. The problem is he told me there's not much you can do and even plastic surgery can't really fix it (he said injections and such won't work because they are not deep or severe enough). The only thing he could recommend was an exema cream or something like that with red pepper in it that kinda numbs the scars and is supposed to kill the nerves in them to stop the itch/pain. So far it's about a 50/50. Some days I can ignore the discomfort pretty well and some it itches pretty often, even with the cream on. It's been about 2 months since i started putting it on every day and letting it dry before putting my sweater or whatever on. With certain materials on certain dress shirt I couldn't take the itch, I had to run home straight after class to take it off. I'm hoping someone else has experienced this and can tell me what helped with them. Is there a cream that can n numb the area? Is there a way to stop the itch? And my clothes are mostly full cotton, some have some silk but mostly I don't wear anything with polyester or chemicals.
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self.depression
|
The shittiest part about living at home for the holidays You HAVE to go see your family on Christmas. You HAVE to talk to them the whole day. You HAVE to take part in "family time" watching movies and playing games. You HAVE to sit there and pretend to be interested in watching others open their gifts. You HAVE to talk to everyone and show interest or else you're an asshole and everyone hates you. You HAVE to explain yourself if you don't seem happy to be there. You HAVE to explain yourself if you want to leave early.
You HAVE to do all of this because you are under your parent's thumb because they are giving you a place to stay. Can I please just die? Because I can't fucking handle all the social bullshit and the guilt that comes with complaining about all this yet not actively trying to make it on my own because I have no brainpower or willpower. Fuck the holidays.
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self.depression
|
GF is illogically hostile Last year I didn't really understand depression and she ended up in a hospital. This year I'm bending over backwards, and I'm trying to educate myself, but things are getting worse, it seems. She's basically acting like an asshole or neutral at best and doesn't realize it, so after hearing a few passive-aggressive comments I'm becoming a little upset and she sees it as me freaking out without a reason or something. Her behavior is very rebellious, I'll ask her not to smoke in the house, and she'll smoke in the toilet hoping I won't smell it. Sometimes it feels like dealing with an angsty teenager. She used to be a sweet loving person even when depressed. Now it feels like she's forcing herself to like me. After fights I usually manage to talk some sense into her, but it only makes her feel guilty then.
What do I do? Do I avoid difficult topics? Should I learn to control my come-backs and just take it all? I love her very much and I want her to be her past self again, but I don't know if I have the guts to be together with someone who is openly hostile to me. She's been on meds for the past 2 weeks after months without them.
I'm always trying to reassure her that I love her and that I'm there for her. Just in case anyone wonders. Not telling her to cheer up or none of that jazz.
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self.depression
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I may set a date. I need to vent / rant. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ever since I [24] realised I'm an adult now, I get homesick and depressed and basically cry for mommy. I feel pathetic.. ..but it really hurts :(
I've been living on my own and working for 4 years now. I moved into a very large town for that, after having grown up in a small village. And it was fine at first! I wasn't afraid or anything, I loved my freedom, I loved my first job. It was a really fun and relaxed job with great young coworkers, we were like a little family. In this time I rarely missed my old home. I can think of maybe 2 or 3 times and it wasn't serious. I thought I had gotten used to 'adulthood'.
I had to change my job and also moved into a new flat, and for various reasons that triggered a, pretty much, mental breakdown for me. I was very stressed and depressed for a few months and got a therapist. Now I've been having the new job, flat AND my first therapist for over a year. In that time, much has gotten objectively better. I've worked on issues from my past, my social anxiety is pretty much gone, I feel much more independent, I improved my body to the point that I finally feel comfortable in it etc.
And yet I don't seem to get happier. For a few months now whenever my therapist asked me how I'm feeling I said 'neutral' because that's what I felt. Not bad really, but not good either. Kinda meh. The job is alright - nothing really wrong with it - but I find that I kinda don't give a shit about it. The new flat (not even really new anymore, but still feels like it) is alright, but for some reason I don't feel at home there. I feel like although I have not been hating everything anymore, life was just kinda.. passing me by. Although, I was temporarily happy whenever I was with friends or distracted by doing something fun. However there was always the feeling that something was.. missing. I have friends too, and regularly do social stuff and other hobbies. So it's not like my life is empty, but it does feel like it.
And now I visited home and my mom for christmas. It was good to see the old place and some relatives again. I've been back for about four days now, which I spent mostly on my own, chilling. And today I started feeling restless for no obvious reason. I felt really tense and annoyed for a couple hours. It got better in the evening. And then as I tried to sleep I just started crying. For some reason I felt terribly homesick. I realized that although I've been feeling 'fine' in the last months, I completely lack any goals for the future (other than 'traveling') and I cannot really see myself as an adult making her own life. I don't at all know what to do with my life and I just see no point in anything right now. I feel so homesick like if I just went back home all would be better, but of course it wouldn't.
The last time I felt like this I was about 19 and studying abroad. It was horrible, I cried almost all the time and wanted to go home but somehow pulled through. But feeling like this at 24? That's kinda pathetic, right? I have to build my own life but that seems terrifying right now.
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self.offmychest
|
Currently doing a project of 85 questions based off a 200 paged book at the last minute [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I am so fucking sick of making dumb mistakes on test Senior high school. I fucking hate myself. I study so much before tests, I know the material inside and out, I can do every question in the textbook without assistance yet when it's test day I make the most stupid mistake anyone can make.
I study like an A+ student, yet I get A- or Bs. We had a momentum test today in physics and the very first thing I do is draw the vector diagram wrong. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that is essentially the step 1 of problem solving and the most basic part of the problem. Last physics test, I got confused because I became unsure about something and it contradicted what teacher taught us. Two of these tests were really really easy and the whole class got it right except me. When I ask the teacher about it for advice he gives me a dirty look like I'm just a lazy fuck trying to squeeze out extra grades from him.
All of these fuckin asians get perfect scores without even thinking. I pay attention, I take notes, I know everything and can do every question you throw at me, yet tests always seem to double fuck me in the ass. The highest mark I have ever gotten in a science class is 92%. I don't get nervous during tests and I double check answers multiple times. I feel like all of this studying I do is useless and I'll never get anything higher than +90%. The funny thing is, such thing rarely happens in math. Probably because math is purely quantitative unlike other sciences.
Every time we have a test it destroys my self esteem so bad. I feel like no universities are going to accept me like this. I am slowly losing my motivation to even attempt any of the questions from newer units. Fuck. Me.
|
self.offmychest
|
I put my self out there for the first time in a while, and she crushed me. I met this girl the first day of the new quarter at my university. She talked to me about the new quarter and said she wanted to set up a study group or something. So we started studying and I caught feelings so I asked her if she was free on a sunday and said "I'd like to take you out on a date!" She said she'd like that. We ended up going to the OC Japan Fair and she took photos and posted me on snapchat. We went on a couple more dates and then I took her to the movies and held her hand. At the end of the night i tried to kiss her and she leaned back saying she wasnt ready for that. In hindsight i probably should have stopped pursuing her right there. I said thats okay and told her goodnight. The weekend after she texts me saying she wants to take me out. We got to LA and walk around chinatown and little tokyo and they have a street festival there. I had a great night. Through this whole time I've been the happiest I've been in a while. Our first midterm was coming up next, and she asked me to stay over study. I came over and she said she didnt feel like studying, so she put on netflix and said she wanted to cuddle. We ended sleeping in the same bed and she made me breakfast before we went to go take our midterm. Next she invited me to knotts berry farm to meet her family. So I get the idea she wants to get serious with me. At this point I want her to be my girlfriend. Later in the week she says she wants to come workout with me, and of course I say yes. We get some dinner afterwards and im just chilling with her, holding her hands, hand on her thigh, like usual. Then she sends me a text after I drop her off saying she doesnt know what this is, but Im a real close friend and she doesnt want to lose me. I go back and talk to her in person and she fed me these lines saying she doesnt get this close to people she dates, and we are just friends that got too close. This broke my heart so I said I had to cut her out of my life because of how I felt about her. She cried and I left. The next day she texted me saying she wants to talk, so I meet up with her later in the evening. She opens with saying that Im probably angry and sad but if she can salvage a friendship, she wants it. I say I made my intentions known and that I feel led on. I say I cant be her friend or I'll never get over her. She starts crying and said that I never really cared about her if I can't just be her friend and then she left. So I think that's that. Then she texts a couple days after saying I hope you had a good day, and she starts texting me good morning and pretty much blowing up my phone. We start studying again and vibing, making each other laugh and such. I realize all my feelings are still there, and decide to try and cut her off. After we were done studying one night, I end up confessing in detail how I feel about her, tell her I want her, and I want to be with her. She tells me she wants to test the waters. After this point I thought we would go back to how we were, but i didn't. She stopped putting effort into her appearance when she would meet up with me. She would still like play with my hair and cuddle, and that kept me hooked I guess. But this whole time I'm still unsure of what we are so I bring it up to her. She says she doesnt want to deal with her emotions right now and its like I'm backing her up into an emotional corner. I felt bad for wanting more, and she says i expect too much from her. So I decide to talk to her roommate for any advice, and after talking she drops this bomb on me. She is in a relationship with another guy. This just happened yesterday, and I feel crushed. I'm going to cut things off today, because she was out with another guy last night. I couldnt sleep. I just don't know what to do, thanks for reading if you did...
sorry for my bad writing skills I am not a strong writer but I really wanted to get this out
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self.offmychest
|
Help me be a better boyfriend with girlfriend cutting. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Nobody wants to be around the sad girl.. But I can't pretend anymore to be happy. I can't keep bottling this. I just want it to be okay and allowed to feel what I feel. But people don't want to be around the sad girl, it's draining or depressing. Everyone just leaves an open invitation but nobody actually says they want me there. It's like there too afraid to reject me. I don't know how much longer I can take the social isolation.
|
self.depression
|
Identifying triggers This is something I really struggle with. I've never had any real success in identifying what my triggers are for causing a mood shift. I recently went hypomanic for some reason or another and I'd like to find out if there was a certain trigger that set me off.
I know a lack of sleep rarely causes any problems for me. Same with skipping meds. It seems like there's nothing specific that triggers drastic mood changes; they just happen on their own. For example, sometimes I just wake up one morning feeling amazing for no particular reason and it lasts for several days or weeks before I come back down. Maybe med changes did it? I don't know.
Anyway, is there any kind of trick to finding triggers?
|
self.bipolar
|
Am I accepting the situation too lightly? First of all, sorry if you might not understand me, im writing this from my phone and english isn't my first language.
I read some posts in this sub reddit already, and i feel like i want to share here too
Ok, i don't really know what to say, im just feeling like getting things out.
Im almost 22, i never had a girlfriend, i live in Israel, serving in the IDF, I visited a psychologic once, i just started it. I mostly think of how i should die and when.
My mom had Skin cancer (Melanoma) , she's fine now, but doctors say that i might have too.
Few years ago i actually had a knife and thought deeply that i want to kill myself. I was too scared, as usual.
Something like 2 years ago i was super depressed over something and i seriously thought on ordering these medicine that can kill you..
Lately i feel empty again, i work slow and people always tell me that i should stop being so apathetic..
Im tired of being called apathetic, of feeling nothing, thinking of death, of being shy, of watching others enjoy while im looking from the side and envy of that while not fully understand how they can be so happy, im tired of being tired, not being able to sleep well, im tired of that everything is bored. And im tired of thinking of every action im going to do 100 times before doing it, analyzing all of the possibilities and after all that, either something i didnt thought about happens, and sometimes i dont even do it at all.
As i already said, i started going to a psychologic last week, but i feel that i cant really tell him these things.. Something is blocking me from telling him all of this.
And i have so much to say, yet i cant say all of it.
The worst part, is that something inside me tells me that i take the state im in too lightly. Like its something i should really do something about it, but i dont do it.
Its like i dont really care about it like i think i am.
And im afraid that some things that i think and do are now normal for me. It became part of my life and im used to it now.
So thats all i wanted to write and even a little more thann i intended.
I dont even know if someone will read it or care about it, its pretty long, so thanks if someone read it.
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self.depression
|
Aside from Prescribed medicine, what do you guys do when you're really excited and want to do something but nothing holds your attention for more than a minute? Do you exercise? Play with your dog? Make an offering to Yomagn’tho, the Feaster from the Stars?
Just curious.
|
self.bipolar
|
How bad is my anxiety? And do you guys think i have any others mental diseases? First of all i would like to sorry about my English, since it is not my Native.
I'm usually a hyper-active person when i talk and interact with families and friends, i found myself a normal human being when i am in a familiar environment but when it comes to a newly, unknown surroundings, my anxiety kicks in.
So, i get really nervous when i talk to strangers, it is awkwardly uncomfortable. I always overthink about numerous scenarios which leads me doing nothing about it eventually; e.g. I was on a train this morning and there was a woman with her baby. I felt like i need to give her my seat, and i really wanted to do it. But i didn't, i overthought, sat still and got really anxious about that one particular act 'till eventually someone got off the train and left a seat available. My state of mind then turned from anxious to self-loathing after that moment. Another incident happened this noon, too. Where i was arriving back to my house by a public bus. I got to my stop, and from where i live (Melbourne) you have to touch a transport card on a monitor as a fare before you get on and off the bus. So, i touched my card, prepared to leave, and then the monitor displayed: "Please touch your card again". After reading that line, i fell into an anxious state, again. And my mind at that moment was like: "Get off the fucking bus, you're gonna make these passengers wait for you?" I felt a force urging me to get off the bus immediately, and so i did without touching on the monitor again. After i got off the bus, i looked back and saw the door is not closed and the driver got off his seat. So i thought: "Oh fuck, is this because of me? Am i causing this". There i found myself at that self-loathing state, again.
I could really use some advice on what to do in situations like those said above and similar ones as well. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks for your attention and PEACE.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I had a nice thought for once laying in the dark waiting for sleep Unfortunately it was cheesy but guess im that kind of guy. I imagined myself laying in a huge pit of mud slowly sinking in waiting to die. Then i forced myself to get up and try to climb out. It wasnt easy but i felt like i had to keep going because the other people stuck in the mud were watching and i had to set an example. After i climbed out i crawled and layed in some grass enjoying the feeling of it and the sun dried the mud on my body making it crack and fall out. What was left i wiped off and put around a flower hoping it would help it grow into something beautiful somehow. Guess i'm developing a habit of daydreaming since whenever i try to help myself my body still refuses to do what i want. Sorry for this nonsense post but i felt like maybe sharing it would do something
|
self.depression
|
Trying to move out of state for a job. Super anxious and feel sick. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Invega: I just got started on it with good results so far. What are your experiences with it?
|
self.bipolar
|
Goodbye You took my love and tore it apart. You took and never gave, talked but never listened. Was I nothing more then a simple tool to you someone to use, just to disregard in the end? I loved you with all of my heart. You took everything I had. Will I hope your happy. I hope it brings you joy knowing how you destroyed me. But what I hate the most is the fact I can't bring myself to hating you. No matter what I will always love you, but I will never take you back. I will pray for you and wish you all the best. With this I say goodbye my love.
|
self.offmychest
|
Is it starting? I'm graduating from college this year, and I'm not ready. I study character technical direction at an art school, and my portfolio is not where it needs to be for job opportunities. I've already taken all the classes on that subject, so now I'll be spread too thin to work on side projects for my demo reel.
My goal was to spend this break working on projects, improving, and learning. I spent plenty of time working on it, but I haven't been improving much. My sleep schedule started pretty healthy, but now the sun is rising when I finally fall asleep. I love watching movies (that's usually how I pass my time) but now it just seems unappealing. It's starting to take me hours to get out of bed, and my motivation is slipping away.
Is this just me feeling bummed about my circumstances? Or does it sound like I'm developing depression
|
self.depression
|
Fuck this I haven't felt this shitty in months at least, maybe over a year. My heads killing me, I'm exhausted, I've been crying all day. I'm this close to saying 'fuck it' and relapsing bc self sabotage is my specialty. I ate, hoping I would feel better but now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. And I still have to make myself be productive, clean and do homework. It's been a long time since I thought 'wow it really sucks that I can't actually try and kill myself' and I fucking hate that that's where I'm at.
|
self.depression
|
Stoppage from normal work can cause anxiety? During the holiday break I had experienced (in my own opinion) severe anxiety attacks. I feel on the edge and almost everything comes to mind. During the holiday break, I’m just at home lying down, not having much fun and started googling and googling different symptoms which in my opinion became a health anxiety?
Could this be because of stoppage of normal work for 2 years? How can I cope up with this. Kinda losing my mind now. Help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I wanna kill myself because I can’t find someone to be with. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does reddit make anyone else paranoid? I've been thinking about deleting my account because I'm so goddamn paranoid.
I'm scared of getting doxxed and I think I have a downvote troll. I know I shouldnt care but it makes me scared it's someone from my real life.
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't want to go. so i have a friend’s birthday today but i’m feeling a little bit anxious about having to meet like 20 new people that will be there and i’m a little bit scared and i don’t wanna go and i don’t know how to tell her although she has struggled with depression and anxiety before and i’m so uhhhhhhhh i hate myself.
Also I feel like she won’t be my friend anymore if I don’t go and i feel like everything would be my fault heLP (I guess this stems from my BPD?). I was thinking on telling her I'm sorry I just got told that I have to take care of my baby brother for a couple of hours! But I'm too scared but I don't want to go help me please
edit: i'm 20, i feel so pathetic.
|
self.Anxiety
|
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