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I had to quit my job Rant incoming. I just need to get this out and share.
I'm medicated and pretty well stable for the last 5 years.
My job was so incredibly stressful the last few months. I was coming home every day, with no energy to cook dinner or clean, and mostly just spending my evenings watching tv and or crying. I didn't know what to do. There's an extra element of stress to a stressful job when you're bipolar, as I don't know if the job is really the problem, or if I'm going into an episode.
My 1-up manager was away on a Friday, so I spoke to my 2-up manager and said I wasn't coping with the stress and would like to hand in my resignation. I didn't ask for any special treatment, just offered my resignation. He asked me to just think about it for the weekend and we'd discuss it again on the Monday.
On the Monday, he brought my 1-up into the discussion. They offered me some leniencies, and said they'd figured the job might actually be a 2 person job back when they hired me, and they'd reassess the business plan and asked if I'd be happy to stay if the job was cut in half. I said I couldn't offer a commitment, but I'd be willing to try.
At the end of that week, I heard from one of my colleagues that my 1 up had told him that I "spat the dummy" and "didn't want to do the hard work anymore". I was furious. I was humiliated. Not only was my supposedly confidential conversation with management not confidential, but it was totally changed to make me look like a whiner.
I spoke to my partner and he agreed this was not on and that I need to get out of that place. So I took a week of stress leave (sick leave officially). During my week off sick, I received 47 (not a typo!) calls from work from people expecting me to do things and make decisions. While I was sick!
I realised the only time I was badly stressed during that week was when I woke up and had that instant dread of thinking I had to go to work, and when I received a call. Otherwise I felt ok. I called up on the last day and resigned.
Today is my 5th day of unemployment and I am so, so happy. I feel almost back to normal again. I still get stressed if I think about having to apply for jobs, but that's ok, because I've decided to give myself at least 6 weeks off to decompress from that stressful job before I start looking again.
*The point of this message*: no job is worth more than your mental health. Save money! Be prepared to be unemployed for a while if you need to, because shitty jobs will come along, and you need to be able to get out. I've never in my life been so happy to have some savings, and I don't mind if I blow through it all over the next 6 months. I'm just happy to be out.
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self.bipolar
|
Guilt-ridden I don't understand why I feel so guilty all the time. Right now I feel guilty for even posting. I feel as if everything is my fault. My family is falling apart and I feel as if I caused is. I feel like if all the bad shit that happened to the people that are close is my fault like I'm a bad luck charm. This overwhelming feeling of guilt is taking its toll on me. I know this sounds really dumb, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
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self.depression
|
15 years old Hello, I am a 15-year-old male with moderate depression. I'm not really in need of a relationship but I tend to masturbate to porn almost every day once, twice (commonly) or even three times rarely.
Like most people, a relationship with a girl would be cool but I just can't see myself ever going out with a girl at all, since my self-esteem is so low. It seems like it is almost impossible to see myself in a positive light, except for the fact that I am considered an attractive guy, with most girls rating me an 8/10 or 7.5/10 in looks. I have even been told my parents of family friends that I look like a a handsome actor, etc. I have seen girls take glances at me, but I usually just turn away or ignore them. I have very low confidence around people in my school and most social situations, which I believe is due to the fact I was bullied when I was 13, 14 and still to the current day for various reasons (I get picked on by teachers a lot since when I was happier I used to be a class clown, and it usually ends in the whole class laughing at me and calling me dumb). I am called dumb and stupid plus other things three times a day at least if not more and face public humiliation in school several days in two weeks. Despite my depression, I have goals in life, but no motivation to work to achieve them (I want to become a great investor like Warren Buffett). I am also considered a smart guy, despite the fact that I am bullied for being "dumb", since I used to get good marks in tests, and I have the potential to score very good in my GCSEs. However that is not going well now, since I have not been doing any homework lately or listening in class for 6 months, my marks have drastically fallen and I am now in the bottom of all my classes but I am in a grammar school, so still I could be able to achieve good enough grades to get an average paying job, but the problem with that is I could be getting better. Despite this fact, I still have no motivation to work. I have lots of friends, almost everyone in my year, but again only 3 to 4 friends are loyal to me and whom want to see me succeed in life and urge me to improve, etc.; instead of bullying me and then being friendly again. I am not suicidal, but I am slowly losing my will to live and it seems as if there is no hope anymore. I want to get involved into clubs like boxing etc, but I am too nervous and scared that people will humiliate me there like I get at school so much.
Please help,
BronzeSpartan
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self.depression
|
Would getting drunk make it easier to kill myself? I need to escape so bad.
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self.depression
|
For the past few months I have been really wanting to cry For the past few months I have been really wanting to cry. I feel helpless and lonely and angry to myself. I have the lowest opinion of myself and despite what others say, it definitely has some truth in it.
For my whole life I have lived a lonely miserable life. Thanks to the all hard work I have put in in school, I have a job that pays well. But for what? Parents are in India, and I am here alone in USA going to office and coming back home to an empty house every day. What is the point of earning money when you and your family is miserable?
Am I that ugly or uninteresting? I never asked a girl or never asked by a one. Actually forget about dating, I have hardly talked to 4-5 girls over 27 years of my life on a personal level. With conservative school, conservative family and lowest of confidence, I didn’t have much exposure. But I have seen people with similar background, and they have changed a lot. Not me though. For some reason even almost none of my friends have gfs. I have noticed that none of them whine as much as I do though. I have made a joke of myself among my freinds. Self deprecating humor is fine at certain level, but my low esteem and constant complain about being single is known to everyone now, and I don’t get invited anymore.
Spent most of my teen life getting good grades, never played ay sports. Till last 1 year I looked like a skeleton. But even after improving my physique, nothing has changed. I have seen how girls notice some guys, never to me though. Tired of swiping though all apps, hardly getting any matches. And even if I do get matches, they would not reply for another day, 2 - 3 times this goes and then they stop replying.
Parents never cared about my love life, it was always about marks, and mom judging other young couples. Now they are suddenly interested in getting me married. It makes me angry when I talk to them, I say stupid things and hurt them, then I regret saying that and cannot sleep at night. Next day they call again and we repeat this cycle. I have wondered why I get angry at them and why I don’t want to marry, even though I long for a partner. I think, I regret how I have miserably failed at talking to girls and now suddenly I have to live with one selected by my parents. And the bigger issue is that I have to commit to a girl by meeting her two times. For 2 hours. They say you can always break the engagement if it doesn’t work out. How many times though? I also hate the idea that I have never made my own life decision. College is decided by parents, major is decided by parents. Now even life partner will be decided by parents. They even want the girl to belong to same cast and then complain about not having many options. I really feel bad for them, as they are baffled why I behave like an asshole overtime they talk about marriage and all. My mom cries after the call, as my dad says.
Sometimes I think, if I should go back to India. Would that make me happy? But then I think I will still be unhappy because it is not about my environment. It is myself who is the problem. I think about the day when I will get a call that one of my parents have died and I will regret not spending time with that. But I regret going to home every time after few days as parents start nagging and interfering in my daily routine. I pity my parents. They worked hard, took loan, built a house for a family and now their decision to send me to study in usa, has changed his life forever. Now they will live in the house alone all life and their son is doing the same 10000 miles away.
Don’t worry, I will never take any stupid step. However, I do feel helpless. It is not worth talking about my issues with freinds, all they offer is ‘just go out there, be your self’ and besides, they have their own issues to take care off. Cannot talk to parents as they keep worrying more. I don’t know how a therapy helps. I just go and talk to an unknown person? I literally have no idea. So here I am, ranting about it on internet.
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self.offmychest
|
I want to die but i’m too scared to kill myself I am 17 years old and i don’t want to live anymore. I’ve felt like this for the last 2 years and i feel trapped. The only times when i don’t beat up on my self and feel worthless is when i drink alcohol or smoke weed. I feel like an outcast but i don’t understand why, and not understanding myself just makes me so angry. Everytime i am doing something with friends and family and everybody is enjoying themselves, i feel so lonely because i just feel so sad and i hate myself for it. I hate my life and i hate the fact that i’m too scared to take my own life. I just can’t see a way forward and i hope god takes my life for me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I lost my phone 3 times in one year and got it back each time thanks to android find my phone and helpful people who called my home number. I'm a lucky piece of shit.
|
self.offmychest
|
Antipsychotics Hello all, just wondering if there are other antipsychotic that don’t make you tired? I am taking seroquel and I wake up late for work every morning so I want to stop taking it especially on days that my husband works late simply because I have a 8 month baby who wakes up periodically
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self.bipolar
|
Do I have anxiety? Hi y’all!
Okay so to cut to the chase I just need y’all’s opinions to decide if I should talk to my parents about what’s been going on for the past few years. It’s getting to the point where I think it’s starting to take over my life? I don’t have many people to talk to without thinking I’m some weirdo. I wrote down the things I constantly deal with on a daily basis and would really appreciate it if I could hear back from some of you guys:)
Background: 22 year old female in college. Good home life. Great family and friends.
—————
Hands and feet always cold to the touch
Hands and feet always sweating badly
Armpits sweat
Heart feels like it’s going to beat out of chest
Short breath almost to the point where it feels like I’m going to hyperventilate
Pain in chest-heart attack
I am jumpy/get scared VERY easily
Won’t shoot guns bc I know what they do, but I don’t mind watching people shoot them.
Hyper aware of everything I do in front of people (hand placement, how I stand, where to look, do I cross arms?)
Have trouble with eye contact because it’s like every person I look at can see right through me, but I make myself so people don’t think I’m some weirdo
Blurt out talking- sometimes I don’t let other people finish their sentences before I try to finish them or talk.
Get told all the time to stop overthinking and to relax because I automatically assume the worst
When I get sad it’s like the world is going to end
I am very sensitive and emotional despite my looks
I can have VERY low self esteem/confidence
like there is no point anymore. I can be harsh on myself over the smallest things
Can’t sit still.
Can’t relax/don’t know how to
Can’t sit through a movie or a tv show bc I’m constantly bored or wanting to check my phone or fidget. I become disinterested.
I bite the inside of my cheeks sometimes until I taste blood, I don’t realize I do this in public
I still bite my nails - when I’m at home or in the car by myself
Mind going in 100 different directions like I can’t sit still and focus on one thing
Go in the apartment to grab something and forget what I’m grabbing when I walk into a room
I hear what someone tells me but I end up forgetting sometimes
Start drinking alcohol to help relax me at night
When strangers look at me I freak out inside like there’s something wrong with me
I can do routine activities (work, getting gas, hanging with best friend, family) things I do pretty much daily.
I make myself go out and try to be social to hopefully get over it.
If anyone has any advice about how I should talk to my parents about it, how to deal with it, or anything else I’d really love to hear back. Thanks so much!
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self.Anxiety
|
Wave of euphoria at night time? I'll be depressed and contemplating suicide all day but then when it's about night time I'll get this sudden wave of euphoria like it's everything going to be okay. Is this a symptom of a condition or something?
|
self.depression
|
I just don't know what to do with myself I stay up all night and sleep all day so I can be alone. When I sleep, I only have nightmares. All I do is lay in bed. I barely eat anything, I'm so hungry all the time. I'm probably going to fail this semester of college, I never turn anything in or go to class. Its hard for me not to self harm. I go to work, but they're probably going to fire me because I suck at everything they tell me to do. I make and have almost no money. My bf yells and hurts me sometimes. He makes me cry. My parents have been abusive and fucked me up mentally. As a kid I was around a lot of pedophiles, I think maybe I'm repressing something. Every guy I've known has abused me. Maybe I deserve it then, if so many have been abusive. At least I have the motivation to feed my cat. I don't know if I would be alive with out her. Everything else seems pointless. I feel so ugly. I feel so worthless.
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self.depression
|
I miss my bunny Excuse the username. Grief doesn't affect my love for office references.
She was 3mo. old when I got her for my 22nd birthday and I named her Lolita but I called her "my little lady." Exactly 42 days later I held her in my arms and listened to her struggle to breathe for two hours while she died.
I feel so stupid because she was "just a rabbit" and I only had her for 42 days but idk... I just bonded with her from the start. She was young and a little nervous and even in her last moments she literally leaned on me for comfort. It sounds dramatic but she brought an element of peace to my life. She was my little lady and it was my responsibility to reign in all that pent up anger that I'd been storing for years and be calm and patient and quiet. I stopped yelling, I stopped slamming doors, I wore slippers so my footsteps were lighter, I kept my home clean so she could explore freely. She affected me so much that even coworkers commented on my warmer personality.
I hate it. I can't stand that she's really gone and it's been months but there's not a day I don't miss her.
I've got a 7yr. old grouch of a rabbit that I love dearly but I've always had that belief that, while you love all your pets wholeheartedly, there's always going to be that *one*. She was it. I expected her to be there for my 30th.
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self.offmychest
|
Only a matter of time I'm 19 years old with a great job, but all I can do is live day to day thinking about one day building up the courage to finally kill myself. I've been on several antidepressants since I was 16 and recently stopped taking them because I was no better off. I've tried therapy to no avail. I have a condition that means I'm slowly going blind and this means I'm going to have to give up driving, I won't be able to keep my job and I'm already having to give up everything I love doing. I don't need sympathy, I don't want anyone to talk me out of suicide, I need an honest opinion: is it worth living a life that I know I'm not going to enjoy?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just swallowed a bottle of pills If I don't reply back to this post then I am dead.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
diagnosed at 32 No Support System...just need to vent Hey guys, I'm hoping to just air out some things and maybe get some feedback.
I'm a 32F single mom of 2 who had a dysfunctional upbringing (physical, emotional, sexual abuse etc). I always felt like something was wrong with me growing up but my problems were always second to every one else's in my home (my father was abusive and abandoned us after my parents divorced, sister ran away from home as a teenager in and out of foster homes, my brother got locked up at a young age and has spent his whole life in and out of jail).
By comparison, I'm the "good" child because I graduated with honors and eventually went to college and got my Bachelor's degree. But I always struggled with depression and feeling empty like my life had no purpose. I made up for this by holding onto my religious faith (dad's a pastor mom is an evangelist go frickin figure).
It started when I was 18 and started feeling like being the good child got me nowhere so I started drinking and being promiscuous. By this time I'd already been molested so it was easy to not feel anything about what I was doing. Looking back on it now, I guess this was the first signs of my mania because I would do dangerous things and put myself in bad situations, which eventually led up to me getting pregnant with my first son. Me and his father did not get along during the pregnancy and I put my whole sense of self worth and purpose into raising my child. But after I had him, I changed myself again, became more popular started partying and went back to a self destructive way of living. After I randomly quit my job and fell on hard times, I packed up and moved out of state to start over. Take a guess how that went. Then came baby number 2 and I at least stopped having babies lol.
These cycles persisted, like every 3 years I get the itch, quit my job and make an impulsive decision and rationalize it only to end up having to rebuild my life over again. Because I've always had a strained relationship with my family I never felt like I was leaving anything behind. Over the years I started losing contact with friends and started seeing that the relationship with my family wasn't healthy. The last straw was in 2017. All 2016 I had warned the people in my life that I felt like I was always alone and wasn't getting what I needed in these relationships. I confronted my mom about how she constantly bashes me to people when she doesn't agree with me, then turns around and brags about how great I am when I'm in her good graces. It was very embarrassing knowing that if my mom and I argue she will call my son's father, coworkers from my job, or even childhood friends to badmouth me and make me out to be a bad mom. I won't even get on my sister, and my dad kicked me out of his house at 11 told me not to come to his funeral and then refused to see me for 17 years. When he finally came back he asked to be the man I hadn't had in my life...then ghosted me again and does not understand why I no longer want a relationship with him.
I feel like my relationship with my family has tainted my view of others and I have a really hard time socializing or opening up because I'm so embarrassed about my upbringing and poor choices. So by 2017 I was really isolated.
I had finally worked up to a really good job but we got a new guy and he put something on my phone and laptop with a download link he texted me (I had my suspicions then found on my laptop where cortana the speech recognition software was sending out instructions to email another coworker that I was not close to at all. This was not a work laptop, but my work computer was connected to my house wifi so I guess that's how it happened). In hindsight I guess he thought it was funny but it made me SEVERELY paranoid to the point that I quit my job (I didnt file charges on him which I should have, I just felt really alone and wanted it all to go away)started an online business and officially went No Contact with family members. I changed my phone number and said I would move on with my life and I focused on self improvement. What ended up happening was I had a severe manic episode where I felt like someone was after me, packed up my kids and drove to a far away city where I filed a police report that my family and coworkers were conspiring against me.
It took me a few days to calm down and realize I wasn't thinking straight. I reached out for help and when I told the doctor I went 3 days without sleeping I was diagnosed as Bipolar.
When I first got on meds it was okay, I needed the mellow because I ended up homeless in a shelter trying to find another job and mad at myself for how I handled things. So it was nice to finally not be reacting to every little thing happening in my life. Then I gained 30 lbs (I was obese in highschool and was proud of having maintained 50lb weight loss after 2 kids, so this was a huge blow to me) and at first the new obsession was on working out and getting rid of the weight. But I actually gained weight the more I dieted and worked out, so I just gave up. Now I don't feel motivated by anything. I distance myself from people, I ignore texts and calls to just lay in bed. I don't have the energy anymore to maintain my online business. Now that I don't have the mania anymore its making the lows feel like forever. It's hard for me to have the optimism I used to have about my future and its making me a lot less productive. Now I'm asking myself how much of me is actually me and what is just this chemical imbalance ive been dealing with for years. And I know I should be happy to get off this roller coaster ride but I just keep thinking about all the mistakes I made when I couldn't think straight. Anyway, I turn 33 in 9 days. I found another job, though it doesn't pay as well as the job I left. I have a home for me and my kids, although financially I'm going through it again. I haven't been consistent with my meds because of the weight gain and I'm back to crying at my desk at work again :(
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self.bipolar
|
Sexual and romantic success. I've noticed that a lot of posts here mention the lack of sexual and/or romantic success as one of the main reasons contributing to their suicide.
Sure, those problems are usually not the cause, but just symptoms of some deeper underlying issues, but nevertheless, symptoms can sometimes be so painful, that they directly contribute to the worsening of situation (in this case, suicide).
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Poem The Lighthouse
The lighthouse quietly stands its ground,
guiding ships into the sound.
Though the stonework begins to fray,
the light at the top shows no dismay.
The ships reach harbour day after day,
because of the lighthouses' glorious display.
But little by little on its' rocky mound,
there are fewer and fewer people around.
The shining tower continues its grand crusade,
to light the path, to refuse to fade.
But slowly, so slowly the sea and the storms,
take their toll on the lighthouses' resilient form.
As the lighthouse begins to crack and to molder,
the light at the top can now barely smolder.
The ships passing by then notice one day,
that the lighthouse is gone, its fallen away.
|
self.depression
|
Intrusive thoughts! Hey guys,
Could do with hearing some experiences of other people in regard to my issue.
My current anxiety is in relation to obsessive distressing thoughts about harming myself... the main focus that I have is imagining slitting my own throat. I don’t believe I have any desire to do such a thing, but I can’t stop imagining it, worrying about why I would be thinking about it, worrying whether I could do it, even though I don’t want to do it, have never self harmed and the thought of death scares me. It’s really distressing and I’m getting fed up.
Does anybody else suffer with this or have any advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't think I'm going to make it to the end of the year [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
just cut off all my fake friends, now i’m fucked up [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Help me get my life in order Sorry for bad english since it isn't my first language.
I'm a 18 year old male and I feel like I'm fading away.
For the last one and a half years I have been struggling with depression and it has now come to a point where it really is affecting every aspect of my life. I used to be a very active kid who studied alot and cared for his social relations but now I never exercise, skip school almost every day and rarely hang out with my friends anymore. Due to me not being in school I fell behind in every subject and had to drop down a year and it really sucks because now I barely have any friends I can hang out with in school and I won't be able to graduate with my friends. I just feel so helpless. I have no energy nor motivation and I have no idea what to do. I am terrified of taking antidepressants and am too proud to seek help and it is a reason why it has come this far. I have lost 6kgs in the last 5 weeks due to the fact that I only eat one or two meals a day (I used to eat 5 meals a day when I was exercising)
Growing up I was always a happy kid who loved building and learning stuff and it really makes me sad looking back because I miss the feeling of learning and exploring new things but now everything just feels 'meh'. I barely find any joy in doing the things I used to love doing and my thinking patterns have drastically changed. I only see the bad in things and I have missed a few opportunities that could have changed my life for the better but instead I ignored them due to me being arrogant and ignorant and it really breaks my heart because my life could have been 100 times better now.
My life just feels worthless right now and I feel like giving up.
Basically I'm just asking for advice on what I could do
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else feel so empty they've become emotionless For a while now I've become so worn down by my problems and feelings where its reached the point that i feel so numb that the tears just won't come anymore and was wondering if others felt the same way?
|
self.depression
|
I think I came to the conclusion I hate the word alone [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How to make someone not feel embarrassed about their anxiety? I just spent the last 5 hours talking to someone about their life, confidence issues and mostly their anxiety. Long story short the chat was great, but they said they're probably going to feel bad and embarrassed about opening up and telling me about it in the morning.
Of course I told them not too, but that's obviously not enough. Anything I can say or do to stop or prevent this?
Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks.
|
self.Anxiety
|
how do i regain my emotions? better feel pain than nothing.
|
self.depression
|
Great Christmas Eve Currently listening to my dad yelling at my brother about how much of an incompetent son I am because I refuse to help rake the leaves because it's **fucking Christmas Eve**.
Keep in mind he's undiagnosed but bleeding with mixed symptoms. Hence raking the leaves on ***goddamn Christmas Eve***.
Oh to add to that my pdoc just now lowered my tegretol to 200 from 400, and raised my lithium to 600 from 450.
It's gonna be a great fucking holiday.
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self.bipolar
|
Is it possible to change? I’ve been lost most of my adult life. Is it possible to change your moral fiber? To be a better person and let go of the past. I just don’t know how to do it
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self.bipolar
|
Found out he has a girlfriend. Do I warn her? So I am in college, and I just got out of a serious relationship so I wasn't looking for anything too serious. I became friends with this guy who I really got along with and he said he wasn't looking for a serious relationship either, so we started hooking up and hanging out a lot. He then told me that he had feelings for me and cared about me and couldn't imagine his life without me. I then found out that he has a girlfriend back in his hometown who had no idea about his infidelity. In fact, she's planning on uprooting her life to move in with him. Now I'm torn. I really feel bad not warning her that her boyfriend has been cheating on her for 6 months and lying about it. I confronted him, and he asked me if we could keep going on just hooking up and not tell her, to which I said no. Should I stay out of it since it's not my relationship? Or should I warn her before she uproots her life to be with this guy?
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self.offmychest
|
Does Sertraline affect your periods? I was wondering if anyone could provide me on their experiences with sertraline if they too have had it affect their periods.
I started taking it at the end of November/start of December time. A few days later I came on my period, it was nowhere near as heavy - just very spotty, and it remained spotty for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. I told my doctor and he made a note of it in the follow up review.
I've become really bloated being on it, gone up from a size 10 to a 12, and I've not come on still. My paranoia is kicking in saying I'm pregnant but I know that pretty much isn't possible, so I put it down to the sertraline side effects. I just wanted to know if it messes with anyone else's cycle too.
(I have the coil and my boyfriend always pulls out in time, so the chances of my getting pregnant are, hopefully, very slim! But the coil has caused my periods to be weaker and a bit all over the place)
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anybody else in high school have shitty friends? Everytime I tell my friends about my depression they immediately jump on "you're not depressed. You're happy and smiling all the time. You want attention. All depression is crying all the time in person with people and being sad on the outside". Oh yeah I'm 14
|
self.depression
|
Males on SSRIs, how has it effected your sex life? my doctor suggested that i go on a medication called paroxetine because i've developed pretty bad anxiety over the past few months. i hear that one of the side effects is that it's hard to ejaculate or reach that climax during sex. this scares me a little bit and has made me hesitant to start this medication.
so is it as bad as it sounds? or is it just a light side effect that sometimes doesn't occur. my girlfriend is on SSRIs for depression and it makes her less wet but she still orgasms. just wondering how it is for guys.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Self esteem and body issues I've been facing some body issues after I had an acne outbreak and lost my baby face when I turned 16. I kept it to myself because I was thinking my depression would just be a phase. But this morning I woke up and found myself with tears all over my face, sweating, pissed myself and did something called a wet burp(just found out this term existed). Luckily my sister was still asleep next to me.
I used to be considered "pretty" and my sister was just average. Now we've switched roles. I noticed this but it was fine since she was outgoing and could have so much more potential with being attractive. I've always had social anxiety and was more studious and artistic. But then people started becoming hostile towards me. For eg
-a guy took a glance and said ugh
-my mum called me ugly for the first time and yelled at me I should wash myself even if I already did
- brother said I was an ugly duckling
- someone asked why don't you ever comb your hair
-this " " is as stupid as your face
But the ones that hurt me most were from my sister. We've always been close but now she's harsh, she says thing like
- I have a moustache but it's not as bad as yours
- doesn't matter if you change in front of me there's nothing impressive to see
- your pimples severity are a 6/10
- this girl also has eye bags but she's better looking than you
I told her about the treatment I get now but she ended up using my insecurities against me. She seems to see me as competition and something to compare to. What should I do? :(
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self.depression
|
Get really bad anxiety around people my own age. I just realized this about myself. I don't know why, but I don't really get anxious (relatively speaking) when I'm around mature adults (40+ years). But whenever I'm around people my own age (I'm 22), or if im anticipating being surrounded by people my own age, my anxiety goes through the roof. High school and college were miserable for me. Even now, I have awful anxiety thinking about going to a Christmas party with my peers (even though I really enjoyed a party I went to last week with older adults)
Anyone else experience this or know why it happens?
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self.Anxiety
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I just got dressed up to seduce my SO and I feel fat and disgusting. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Fuck this Every day feels more or less the fucking same.
I sleep for about 2 hours before I wake up and can't go back to bed. I spend my time doing stupid shit to distract myself from all the unsolved problems in my life during the day, but all of it comes back to haunt me at night.
Should I still care? Why? There's nothing left that feels real anymore. Feels like I'm disconnected from everything going on around me. Looking at friends and places I recognize them, but it's hard to recall memories about them.
I walk around feeling like I'm fucking dead. I'm brain dead and I want my body to fucking join. So tired of all this shit. This feels like a dream, except I can never wake up...
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self.depression
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Counselling starts again properly on Tuesday. I feel so disappointed and frustrated in myself that I have to go back. Even though it’s a good thing. Just hate keeping this private but I have to. 💔 😢
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self.depression
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I have depression from my job and a glass ceiling. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Morning anxiety is ruining my life Every morning I'm up early sweating and panicking. I throw up bile if I don't eat and it's just making me want to curl into a ball and die. Every morning begins with multiple panic attacks and they leave me exhausted before my day even begins. Does anyone have any suggestions or just kind words because I'm on the verge of breaking down.
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self.Anxiety
|
I was rejected & I feel great Last night I asked a close friend of mine on a date and was rejected, but strangely enough I don't feel dejected but rather proud and accomplished.
To provide some background, I'll be turning 20 on the 15th, and last year, just 4 days after my 19th birthday, I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder. This disorder is characterized by long lasting, essentially uninterrupted periods of depression lasting AT LEAST 2 years, and in many cases, such as with myself, far longer. To provide a rough estimate, I have been depressed somewhere around a total of 13 years of my life.
The depression has had a serious negative affect on my love life, at times making me cold and even cruel. The most egregious example of this was when, after having dated this girl for a few months, I stopped talking to her almost entirely and started flirting with other girls. Eventually she had to get her friend to break up with me on her behalf because I was refusing to talk to her. At the time, because of the depression, I thought little of myself, seeing myself as a worthless scumbag, and so I started acting like one. I was also afraid to open up to some else, so instead I became emotionally cold and avoidant. I hated this behavior in myself, and held a deep guilt for how I had treated women I had been with, so about 5 years ago I stopped dating entirely.
Despite being rejected, having finally had the confidence and self respect to ask out a woman and accept the no graciously is a major growth in my self esteem and wellbeing, so having done so I feel a great sense of accomplishment. This has really helped boost my self esteem and confidence, even though I was rejected.
There's no real point to this story, but I just wanted to get this out there, because I'm really proud of the progress I've made so far.
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self.depression
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Inner Struggle Rant [advice welcome] I'm really struggling with desires to sexually explore the people around me. Been in a monogamous relationship for a few years and the draw of other faces is calling me. I'm really doing my best by staying fit and eating well but how can I ask you to show more effort when you endlessly to make ends meet with me. We do have lovely times together.
So many things I have you to thank for my life now. So many opportunities I look forward to sharing with you.
But you are so rigid and unwilling to try new things that scare you. To defy your fears and be the whole person I know is there. You are strong and able. You are the love of my life. I desire promiscuous acts you do not offer me. My trust in you knows you will cast judgement. I'm terrified to be truthful where I know you may be hurt.
We fight well together. Always a reason, always a way to get past it. But this I fear may tear us apart. Lusting after others may never bode well for me, but it continues. You were someone then, and now you are still them, but different. More in so many ways, and still stuck in others. I wish I could tell you things out of love and want for your success. I cannot change you as you are, a rock.
My rock...
a;f[aouefhn23[084wnifedc emotions are dumb.
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self.offmychest
|
My girlfriend broke up with me. I dont want to live without her. Cliche I know... but I really dont.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I'm bad at my job It's a sales job and it's not the hardest thing to sell but I've never had a sales job before. I'm mostly bummed because I got a degree in something kind of useless which is fine but now I feel totally lost and don't know what the hell to do.
I was so excited when I got this job, it sounded great. I really just want to be good at something and start making money. I'm 23. I wasn't good at teaching and I'm not good at this either. I feel like a failure.
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self.Anxiety
|
The odds of finding someone who loves me are ridiculously low. Like 5.135 ×10^(-6±2). It's actually painfully funny.
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self.depression
|
My feet hurt and I'm the least depressed I've ever been. I'm currently laying on a couch, nursing my feet back to health. I had a long day at work yesterday, and I'm going to have a long day at work today as well. I'm not a fan of it, to be honest, but I've justified it as putting more money in my pocket.
Whenever I'm at work and my feet are hurting more than I'd like, I remember the words on my hoodie: "TIRED BUT STRONG." I pat my chest a few times and smile. Life is better than it was.
Months ago, I was practically living in squalor. Before I was evicted from my former house, we were fighting a bed bug infestation. We had it contained for the most part, except for my room. Tried as I might, I just couldn't get rid of them. I let them overrun me. It was a manifestation of guilt for not being able to get a foothold on my life. My depression was the worst it had ever been. I never left my room, except for the rare occasion when I'd empty the bottles I pissed in and maybe to get some food. I looked disheveled all the time, shuffling around in a robe and pajamas that I'd wear for months on end. I rarely took showers ever. Things were bad.
When we were evicted, it was a sign. After four days of moving an entire house worth of furniture without help from one area to the next, I decided that I wouldn't go with my family. I decided that I would move out, but I had nowhere to go. I was essentially homeless, a fate that I'd resigned myself to because it was better than my former situation.
A few days later, I was able to get in touch with a friend, who directed me to a friend of his. Long story short, I was able to move in with them and their roommate. All I had to my name was two, maybe three bags. Everything else, I threw away.
Fast-forward about four months.
I have a job now, my first one in nearly six years. It's hell, make no mistake, but it's money in my pocket. I can buy things now. Things have gotten better. My hoodie, the one with the words? I bought that, and I bought it to remind myself that I'm tired; so very tired, but also strong.
Sometimes, all it takes is a change of scenery, a little kick in the ass to turn things around. That eviction was my ass-kicking, and I'm grateful for it. I still get hit with depression ever so often (that's just how it is), but I'm able to manage it much better than I ever have before.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm not even subbed here; I just wanted an outlet. In any case, thanks for reading, and stay strong.
Tired, but strong.
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self.depression
|
Im so fucking sick of this shit I think I'm gonna sound selfish just about everytime I rant on this subreddit. Its the only place I can express my thoughts. We've got bills, one low income for four people, Christmas for a two year old, one person in the house has cancer and is disabled(my mom), my son obviously can't work, I cant work because someone has to take care of him, foodstamps got shut off today, and im down to my last pack of cigarettes. Im reasu to give the fuck up. I had a gofundme and not a damn person helped. I got $40 and its been up for two weeks. Posted it on my hometown Facebook group. Not a damn person. They say they are a community willing to help each other, a bunch of liars is what they are. None of my "friends" pick up the phone anymore. They are tired of me asking for a ride or just to talk. They usually just want to talk about themselves. Im so done with this life. I feel like everyday just gets a little worse. I had a breakdown this morning because our foodstamps didn't come in, then I had four more breakdowns at Wal-Mart... In front of people. I HATE crying in front of people. I think I went through a small psychosis episode today even. I was extremely convinced everyone we passed was staring at us and giving us dirty looks. EVERYONE. I still think they were. God what do I do anymore.
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self.depression
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The 50 reasons why(for me) life is worth it [deleted]
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self.depression
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thank you for being kind This is to the random people that I encounter every day, the ones who are kind. Thank you for putting a smile on your face, asking me how my day is going and being courteous. It's the most simple things that can turn someone's day around.
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self.offmychest
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Why can't I meet people like the people on this subreddit in real life [deleted]
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self.depression
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So I just got conned recently... So recently I was at work alone, and a man came in saying he lost his wallet, felt bad for him and we struck up a bit of a conversation. He said he left it on top of his truck and that he was a contractor for the new restaurant opening up a couple stores down. He left but came back a couple min later asking if he could have some money for a tow truck, an for the life of me I don't know why, but I gave him some money from the safe. He said he'd be back pretty soon but hey guess what he never did. He did give me his cell to call to make it legit but I'm sure he blocked my number. I have no idea what to do now other than im scared to let my boss know and I'm going to use my own money to cover the stupid thing I did asap.
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self.offmychest
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Day 4 of drink myself to death I have work tommorow I hope I die so I don't have to leave the house again
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self.depression
|
Anxiety is down to what you eat Let me get this out of the way before I speak, NEVER SAY THAT IT IS DOWN TO AN INDIVIDUAL TO OVERCOME THEIR PROBLEMS!
The mental illness industry is making tons of money off your anxiety, and off all kinds of things that our food industry is doing to us. Certain chemicals that are used in harvest and pesticides can cause us to feel mentally unwell, but going on to use drugs that are other un-natural chemicals can cause an anxious person to experience depression, and vice versa.
Don't get sucked into a vicious cycle of eating the wrong kinds of things and blame yourself for feeling the effects of it. And don't listen to the people who want you to get over it, and please, go to therapy in the short term and work on your diet for the long term.
EDIT: Nutrition is a big wide world that has been covered for too long. Consistently look into what you are eating over the years and I'm sure you will be able to find what it causing your problems.
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self.Anxiety
|
I am tired of people who don't understand addiction, and think it's not a disease...or worse yet, they think it's funny. My first husband had alcoholism, just like his dad and all his siblings. And like his dad and 1 other sibling, he developed cirrhosis and died. He was 42. I think I will kick the next person in the face who uses the phrase "he chose to drink". He did not choose it anymore than someone "chooses" schizophrenia. People who say this are basically telling me they are heartless morons who don't care what scientific evidence shows. And to them I say "Fuck off". Yes, as a widow, there is a subsection of humanity who thinks it's okay to tell me the love of my life "chose" this. I honestly, and to the middle of my soul, detest these people and hope they have lives as miserable and black as their souls.
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self.offmychest
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I recently experienced this weird feeling I haven’t felt before. I’ve finally gotten over my ex. I’m in a new relationship and everything is better in every way than the last relationship. However, I’m still friends with this ex. I still talk with him on occasion. When we broke up, I was crushed. I was still in love. He was the opposite way. He dove into the single life, not looking back for a second. Now that I’ve moved on, I thought our friendship would improve. Nope. He tells me he loves me everyday now, and he talks about how much he regrets leaving me.
The weirdest feeling in the world is the feeling you have when someone says they love you just a little too late, and you don’t love them anymore. It feels kind of like you’re guilty of something, but you haven’t done anything at all. It feels like you’ve held your breath as long as you can, and you need air. It feels like the taste you get when you drink milk after using toothpaste. Even with all this bad, you’re still smiling, because he knows what it feels like now. However, despite everything, you value him as a friend. Since you know the feeling, you know it’s terrible, and part of you wants to help. There isn’t anyway to help though, so you’re just there.
TL;DR: The weirdest feeling is when someone loves you, but you don’t love them back anymore.
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self.offmychest
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noticing myself Experience signs of anxiety makes me anxious [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Im on day 7 of my new antipsychotic and i have not gained weight [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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3am i just need to vent cuz i can’t sleep [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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This is to all the people who are jobless, skipping classes, or completely hopeless in life because of anxiety disorders My life is far, very far from perfect. But I want to share something.
I graduated high school in 2014. I was a terrible student. I skipped classes like nobody else did. Not because I am “lazy”, but because my anxiety was so high that it totally hindered my ability to stay in class.
After I graduated, I spent 2015 and 2016 housebound. Agoraphobic, depressed and fucked up, with no perspective in life. I never imagined I could even enter the room where an university entrance exam would be applied. And I mean it. I couldn’t imagine myself there. I couldn’t even go to the supermarket that is literally in front of my house.
A miracle happened by the end of 2016. I decided to take an exam, just to TRAIN. To see if I could stay locked in a room with other people for hours. I never expected to pass the exam. I never expected be able to get into the *best university of the continent I’m from*. I still don’t believe in it... kind of. 2017 was like a dream or something to me. I still can’t believe I made it.
I still have problems. Many problems. I am still anxious, and my anxiety is still an obstacle in my daily routine. However...
I am not hopeless anymore. I can look to the horizon and see a brighter future. I can see myself graduating, I can see myself in a job, and I can see myself slowly getting more socially confident. I feel I can make it.
Please, never, never give up on yourself. Even if you are housebound or jobless, skipping all of your classes, even if nobody else around you believe in you, keep going. You are much stronger than you think you are, I guarantee it. I experienced it. Just put yourself in a situation where you have the possibility of improving and making some kind of progress.
EDIT: I’m so glad this message somehow helped and inspired some people. I wish the best for all of you. You can and *will* dominate anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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parents shouldn't get to say they care if they never prove it [deleted]
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self.depression
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After 4 months without cutting. I now want to die and have started again. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Nightmares ? Ok, so first I'm sorry I ask a lot of questions these days, all of this is pretty neo to me ard I try to understand what cpmis from the bipolarity or not (honestly I'm asking this one now trying to come back to reality and stop hearing these noises my brain want to hear),
But here's my questions : I don't have any meds for now (never had since the AD who "revealed" my bipolarity), but for some time (I could say while/just after the hypomania but I'm not certain) when I try to sleep without taking a good dose of anxiolytic before, I end up having horrifie nighmare who scar my brain for at least months (of course I just had one of those). I always had some nightmare sometimes like everybody, but since my first hypomaniac episode, it seems my brain have cranked up the weirdness and traumatising
Maybe it has nothing to do with being bipolar and I'm sorry to annoy everyone, but does anyone have similar experiences when not under meds ? How do you deal with that ?
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self.bipolar
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I’m a 29 year old female living in Perth Australia. In the last 6 months the love of my life ended it and I’ve found out I have lymphoma. I’ve had to move back into my parents house after 7 years of living independently. I don’t know how to be happy again. Im so so sad.
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self.depression
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One of my friends makes me feel bad unknowingly [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Nootropic Roller-Coasters and Quacks. I know it's technically Tuesday, but I'm going to pretend like I didn't notice the time... I start a new med tonight... Prazosine. We're going to try and see if it helps with my insomnia... so far, no luck, but from what I've read this is one of the fun drugs with "first dose syndrome", so I might be in for a fun night!
I have a question for the room, which requires some context: I was originally diagnosed Bipolar in the summer of 2009, and the upcoming pharmaceutical roller-coaster that would last over a decade was kicked off with a healthy dose of Wellbutrin, prescribed by the campus headshrinker. Since then, I have developed an appreciation for the fog of uncertainty and conflicting information that encompasses psychiatric pharmacology, and by extension I have a strong respect for doctors who must balance the mystery against their patient's well-being.
And if you accept that the "skill" of modern pyschiatrists can be coarsely quantified with some as-yet-undiscovered metric, then I would argue that there must be a distribution of sorts, Gaussian or otherwise. I know this because I have met the tail-end of the curve, the outlier, so to speak...
This **quack** (a term I don't take lightly) seemed legitimate at first, carefully reading questions from the DTSM in our weekly meetings... However, 5 weeks in I was unable to tolerate the side effects any further, and I asked to try something different...
In retrospect, I should have done my own research. However, when she explained to me that (paraphrased): "Wellbutrin is an SSRI, and so is Drug X, so we can skip the titration periods and assess the new side effects right away...", it sounded reasonable. I was wrong.
Fast forward three years, and as you can imagine, I was a wreck. I'd lost 30 pounds, my thesis had come to a grinding halt, and I was getting 5, maybe 6 hours of sleep in a week. *A week*. Luckily, my memory of that period is extremely scattered, but the stories told to me later leave me both mortified and astonished. Everything in my life was falling apart, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse... the tremors started.
It was my just my knee at first, until I realized I couldn't stop it. Even when my hips were sore and my office-mates were all wearing headphones to drown out the neverending chatter of keys, coins, chair components, whatever, I could suppress it, but it was always there. Over the coming months, the tremors worked towards my core, leaving me with that butterflies-feeling in my stomach. I had to lock my hand-muscles to perform any shopping whatsoever.
At this point, my doctor was desperately playing with dosages and introducing new drugs trying to eliminate the tremor, and if I had any wits about me, that's when I should have asked for help from someone else. But I didn't. Instead, I had to sell my car because I couldn't operate the manual transmission without extreme leg fatigue. I bought a mechanical keyboard to help reduce the strain on my arms, and the noise drove my last officemate away, leaving me alone in a basement office.
Eventually, my tremors worsened to the point that in a moment of uncharacteristic wisdom, my psychiatrist referred me to a neurologist to assess my tremors, which she attributed to "early-onset Parkinsons".
In stark contrast to what I was used to, the neurologist refused to make an appointment until he was provided with a list of any medications I had been prescribed in the previous five years. Thankfully, I had been faithfully filling my prescriptions at a local Shoppers Drug Mart, which I favored for their universally-cheerful staff and pharmacists who answered any question I could come up with, without making me feel a) crazy or b) dumb for asking. When I asked for a print-out of my history, the tech asked if I wanted a list of all the pick-ups, or only a list of the varying cocktails I'd been prescribed, with a single entry any time a change was made. I opted for the latter, hoping to save paper. I clearly remember noticing the genuine smile on her face as she said "I'll go grab that off the printer!"... as I watched her grab the few pages that had come out, a look of concern crossed her face when she realized that the printer wasn't done yet... and the look of horror that grew with every page further. When she returned, her face was white, and she asked me if I would mind if she put the papers in a manila envelope, because their stapler couldn't get through the stack. I never did actually count the pages, but there were at least twelve.
The appointment with the neurologist didn't last any more than ten minutes, and after a cursory physical exam he said "I see no cogwheeling, nor any delayed reflexive response. This is a reaction to medication, likely the EpiVal you're taking." Later, I would discover that in the United States, valproic acid is sold with a black-box warning: this drug may cause tremors. If tremors appear, discontinue use immediately and consult your doctor". In Canada, there is no such warning.
Many of you reading this will dismiss this warning, thinking "there's no way in hell that a nootropic drug like that would carry instructions to discontinue *immediately*." Well, the instructions are appropriate, because the tremors are symptomatic of damage to the nervous system, which becomes permanent if left unaddressed. I don't know if this realization was part of it, but it wasn't more than a week before my psychiatrist vanished from the health center, without any support offered to her patients.
I am happy to say that her replacement has become one of my most inner circle, for a few reasons: First, he doesn't even have a copy of the DTSM in his office, he instead opts to assess your mood and recent history through conversation, and he wasn't afraid to ask for references from my friends and family. Most importantly, every time my prescription chaged, it was only after extensive discussion between the two of us, and mutual agreement that the change was the best course of action at the time.
However, as much as I have come to trust him, I have grown concerned over the outcomes of our cooperative decision-making. Through careful and diligent tritration between medications, my regiment has exploded to a concerning array of drugs:
* 300mg Lamictal once at bedtime (<--- maximum dose)
* 800mg Seroquel once at bedtime (<--- also max dose)
* 3mg Mirapex once at bedtime (<--- 75% of max dose)
and
* 80mg of Biphentin at breakfast (<--- max dose)
And the latest addition,
* 1mg Prazosin at bedtime. (<--- the newcomer)
I guess my questions are thus: **how do you rationalize adding more drugs to your cocktail, when your current regmin is uncomfortably large? At what point does it become *too many* drugs?**
Also, if you've had a bad experience with Epi-Val, I welcome you to share your story below. For the rest of you, it's 4am Atlantic time! Wooo! I'm going to bed and about to start count pores in the ceiling tiles.
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self.bipolar
|
I am a horrible human being. I am a horrible human being. No, really, I am. I have done some terrible things, I have no friends, and I hurt everyone around me, but I don't think about other people. I dwell on my self-loathing and forget that other people have feelings too. So I am a horrible human being. I have turned into a monster, physically and mentally. I need to be alone. If I could have someone fix me, I would. That would be perfect. That would work out. But no one can fix me. I am damaged goods. I am a waste of space. I am having a panic attack along with a depressive episode. I am lost, I have no hope, and I don't know what to do.
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self.depression
|
Zoloft Taking my first dosage of Zoloft tmrw starting at 25 mg. I’m really afraid of the sucide thoughts. I feel like i have them right now. I don’t want to act on them it just causes so much distressed bc i don’t want to do that and i want those thoughts go away
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self.Anxiety
|
Lamictal Did anyone experience any mental clarity or boost of energy from Lamictal ?
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self.bipolar
|
Ever have that moment where your depression teases you at the worst times, then tricks you into making you think you're "fine". Not sure how to explain it. Like, you really start to feel like shit at certain points during the day, but once you are near an item or person to communicate with (e.g. A journal or counsellor) you feel "fine" (not the good fine but the nullity type of fine). I don't know how to explain this and I don't like it because I want to be able to express this shit to the few trusted sources I have left.
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self.depression
|
I can't stand hearing about all the cool things my friends have done in the past. I have a hard time feeling happy for other people. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I found out how my current relationship really started About 2 years ago I was working at the front desk of a hotel and met a guy who was part of a small group staying there long-term for work in the area. It wasn't instant attraction, but he was nice to talk to and funny. One night I decided to give him my number and he asked me to dinner the next day. It turned out he was pretty inexperienced about dating in part from being from a different culture, but things progressed pretty fast from there and we became an item. We're currently in a long distance relationship and talk regularly in video calls.
That's the back story. Fast forward to the other night. We were talking nonsense and somehow those initial dates came up. Our second "date" in my mind was to hang out. He thought I was going to sleep with him. He made a move and I put the kibosh on it. We still joke about it. Well the other night I found out that his 2 older and more experienced coworkers were helping him text me because he was clueless. They were essentially being hidden wingmen trying to help him get a piece and then told him to cut it off (basically ghost me) before it got serious.
I tried to laugh it off, but I'm quite mortified, especially since I knew these guys. I keep trying to tell myself that this was 2 years ago and obviously it didn't matter, but I feel shitty. I keep thinking I must have given off a way different vibe than I thought I was.
TL;DR: Recently found out a couple of my bf's former coworkers were coaching him on how to get me into bed and then ditch me when we first met
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self.offmychest
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I really need help and I don't consider anything worth it anymore. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[TRIGGER WARNING] Diagnosed Last week - Just out of a tailspin... looking to vent I have been battling anxiety & depression desperately for the past two years. I have seen a multitude of psychiatrists and specialists who have diagnosed me with a multitude of disorders (some of which I agree with; others not so much but including GAD, SAD, MDD, ADHD, OCD, Cluster B Traits) & have had a myriad of medications prescribed most of which have been ineffective.
Most recently I had been seeing a horrible psychiatrist who really messed me up and had me extremely depressed - I had a very bad falling out with him and was left without help. Honestly I attempted to take my own life multiple times (all of which I regret) and thankfully my family doctor started to takeover my treatment who was much more understanding/caring. Under her advisement/referral I saw a psychopharmacologist last week. I was as honest to him about myself as I have been to any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, person, etc.
After I had answered all his questions he told me he thought I suffered from Bipolar (II) Disorder. I voraciously denied this. I was adamant I was not bipolar. He explained to me the differences between being hypomanic & manic and while inside I knew he was right I was just so upset I continued to deny it & provide reasons I was not bipolar - to which he countered - and in retrospect I do agree with his diagnosis, just the initial shock was too overwhelming and sent me into a deep, deep depression.
I have recently lost a lot of social contact in an effort to better my life and there are not many people who care about me. Now I really mean no offence to anyone (says everyone before saying something offensive) but I have always held a stigma against Bipolar disorder - I have family who are afflicted with it as well who I've watched suffer, and recently had a friend commit suicide who also suffered from it. To me it is (was) a death sentence and I really felt like I had recently been bestowed one.... lol.
Anyways my normal anxious feeling in my torso disappeared for the first time in about 5 years ....... but it was replaced with a sheer numbness, just a feeling of dread & death. Two days later after being unable to shake the feeling despite being reassured from friends, family & my doctor I decided to take my life again. I could not live my life bipolar. I refused. I won't go into extreme detail on my attempt as this is not the purpose of the subreddit but at the moment I felt myself unable to breathe I was rethinking my entire life and decided I wanted to live haha. So I willed myself to throw up the drugs and the alcohol I had taken & slept for a loooong time. When I woke up I started to rethink my life a lot.
So I decided to commit to life but I have still really struggled with this label. I know it is just that - a label - but I cannot shake the feeling. I have spent all of my days crying, sleeping & smoking weed/drinking since until yesterday. Finally I was able to stop but I don't know what to do. I am trying to make positive strides in my life now but I am still really struggling with the diagnosis & I was wondering if anyone experienced a similar situation or could provide some advice on how to not fall back into the tailspin that the diagnosis set me on.
I just really wanted to get these thoughts out - I hope I have not offended or triggered anyone it's just I am having a really hard time coping and could use some support :(
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety & Outsiders I wanted to use a "fancy" title to draw people's attention. Anywho, hey, everybody! So, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for 8 years now (even though the year just started), and, for some reason, people still pretend like I don't have anxiety and depression, and like there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm completely fine. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I've told family and friends multiple times to look up the symptoms, but they're either not listening or they don't care. But let me snap on them, though, and then, all of a sudden, I'm public enemy #1. It's all MY fault for being aggressive, and berating them. Of course, all that does it worsen my anxiety and depression because they fail to realize that people with this condition take everything to heart. So, when everything is said and done, I walk away from the whole ordeal feeling like I'm a villain or worst (like wanting to commit suicide). I just want to know if anybody experiences stuff like this with their own family and/or friends?
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self.Anxiety
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I miss my childhood Everything was so simpler back then. I could just play video games, go to school and not worry about anything except grades.
Now I have to take a responsibility for myself, eventually see my parents die in some decades or so, probably study in some stupid college to have some chance at a stupid job I will not be interested in.
I wish I could just curl up in my room and stay like this forever. I'm too tired to do anything except going to work.
I don't know what I want anymore and I'm too tired to start looking. All that keeps me here is that suicide is painful and I don't want to end up completely fucked up but alive.
I wish Nembutal was widely available. If I had a bottle of one, I'd be much more calmer about life and could just end it on my own terms.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone feel like a functioning suicidal? I feel like I could end it all at any second and get some relief. But I also go through the motions of life like I'm planning to live for so much longer. I go to class for the most part, eat food, try to look groomed on the outside. In a way, I feel like people can't take me seriously. All my so called friends just look at me like there's nothing wrong with me. Even though I tell them things, it's like the end of the day I look okay on paper, so I must be okay. My parents know I feel like this but they already have my life planned out and I feel trapped. It's been a constant trend in my life where even if I tell people I'm struggling, no one believes me. I think that's part of what has driven me to this point because no one wants to help. I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way
Edit: I'm honestly surprised at how much attention this has gotten. I just want you all to know that your feelings and thoughts are valid no matter what and should be treated as such. There's still a lot of stigma about mental health in general but I fully believe everyone is entitled to treatment and a therapist who will sympathetically listen to their problems no matter what. None of you deserve anything less than that. I've tried my best to respond to all the people who responded but my inbox is always open to messages if anyone wants to say anything. Thank you guys so much for making me feel like this isn't so abnormal
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self.SuicideWatch
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Deathly afraid of losing my memory. (OCD, Hypochondria) I have a terrifying fear of getting dementia, prion disease, or even other neurodegenerative disorders, like ALS. I obsess over these disease and I'm always memory "checking", going through my memory to make sure I don't forget the layout of places or the names and faces of people.
I work at a grocery store. Today, I was asked to return a six-pack of soda. I actually blanked out for a second and forgot where it was. It wasn't the bread and wine aisle, but one down. This, of course, got me obsessive and made me overthink the layout of the store and if I was forgetting.
This was compounded by the fact that we got an overwhelming number of customers come in with large, large orders. As a bagger, I had no time to think or breathe. I was on the verge of a panic attack, doing my absolute best to stifle it.
I'm 29. I've read up on cases of young-onset dementia and I've heard of cases - from people close to me - about family members dying of CJD or mad cow disease.
Recently, I'm catching myself every time I stutter on my words or make typo errors. I feel like I never used to make such mistakes as often as I do now, and I'm worried my brain is shorting out.
I don't know how to deal with it. I'm on 20mg of Lexapro daily, and I take deep breaths as much as I can. It honestly comes and goes as it pleases, but it always finds a way to get worse. :(
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self.Anxiety
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Agonizing remorse I got a job a few months back that has treated me very well. I love it there, My co workers are great and they are like my family. All they've ever really been is hospitable and nice to me. Yesterday I had a closing shift. I called out because I had a bad headache, I was tired, but mostly because I got invited to dinner by this girl I like. When I called the excuse was I had a fever. I didn't feel too bad until this morning. Upon awakening I thought I had today off. I went running, took a shower and got dressed. At 10:30 I looked at my schedule and noticed I was in at 9:30. My heart sank. I called up and made some shit up about being really really sick when I woke up. My manager took it and told me to feel better, but I could hear the disappointment in her voice. Now I'm just home.
Later today my friends invited me out. I'm going with them, and I know I'll feel guilty the whole time. Tomorrow I actually DO have off, and Monday was an off day as well.... So that's 4 days out of work for me.
Now to clarify, it's the middle of the week, it is never busy especially because it's close to the holidays and it does not get crazy until after thanksgiving. And to be fair calling out two shifts in a row is very very tame compared to some of the other stuff workers there have done, but I still feel like absolute shit. In the grand scheme of things, one employee calling out for two days doesn't mean anything I understand, but should I still feel bad?
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self.offmychest
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Coping with Depression: I Really Need Advice. Can I Get Advice From You? Please? hey everyone, i don't post and in fact this is my first time posting anything anywhere.
i have depression and there are a bunch of shit things that come with it, as most, maybe even all of you guys would know.
but something that i personally find the worst thing about this is that sometimes i would just feel down for no reason (...like now) and i don't know what to do. talk to a friend? what good would that do? it's not their problem and there's little to nothing they can do to help me. it's pretty much pointless to tell a friend if i'm feeling down because there's nothing they can do about it.
i take my medication daily (as prescribed), and it works, but sometimes i just can't help it and i don't know what to do. i mean i can write whatever i feel like down but...it won't do much good. it would be great if times like this didn't happen because i simply have no idea what to do.
i guess that's really why i'm turning to you guys..hopefully it'll help?
**i just wanna know if any of you guys feel like this because i know i do and it's just something i would like to get rid of, or at least mitigate. i *cannot* just let my depression eat away my nights. i have work to do, tasks to complete and a life to live. if this keeps happening, it can lead me into a spiral of a shitshow. i wanna know how to help myself.**
thanks for reading it's a bit lengthy, but please do write a comment regarding this post, i just need someone who can understand and can try and give me some advice. i don't wanna throw away time by having no motivation to do anything :/
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self.depression
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Anyone else suddenly starts feeling strange/sad when you realize you are actually happy? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need help battling this. (Long post) I've been depressed since my freshman eat of high school and I'm four years out now, so a while. I've never talked to a doctor about it because I was always too shy to ask about it or ask for help. Based off every symptom and how I act I'm sure I'm depressed in somewhat.
I've been using marijuana to escape the low feelings I've always had but know I have to get healthy. So I stopped smoking weed and cigs to try and get healthy and want to exercise more( have a membership already).
The problem is I work night shift so have all day to do nothing. What I do instead of being productive and feeling accomplished, I play video games all day as another way to escape my reality.
Maybe you guys can help me come up with things to do (for free) that can maybe help me get out of he house and feel a little better. Thanks for reading
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self.depression
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Before xmas ? Theres never a good time to kill yourself but im now getting anxious about the timing. Ive been planning and researching it all for months but now.xmas is coming. Everyone is starting to talk about their plans but all i can think about is my plan and hoping it will work first time.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can medication cause you to cycle faster? My doctor had me on Wellbutrin awhile ago, and then took me off when my depression lifted. She left me with some and said that if I feel depression coming back to start them again, and then to stop again once it goes away.
So about a month ago I started taking it again because I felt like I was sinking into depression, which honestly terrifies me. I've been taking it ever since because it seems my mood has been bouncing up and down so quickly I never have enough time to come off it. Gradually in that month I've noticed my episodes are getting way more frequent and way shorter, I've had two week long manic episodes this month already interspaced with really short couple day depressions.
I feel like I'm losing my mind, I keep trying to adjust my schedule to my mood to keep my life going but it's changing so frequently. Two days ago I was depressed and now I'm bouncing off the walls again with no sleep. Which is bad because I have two important meetings today and I don't want to make a fool of myself.... But the more the morning goes on the more up I feel! And if any of you guys saw my last manic ramblings on the bipolar subs here on Reddit you'll understand why that's bad (sorry again for that).
Is this the Wellbutrin causing this? I'm also on Depakote for a stabilizer. I can't ask my prescribing doctor because she skipped town and I'm between doctors now.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling worse after I go out. I have been told I have depression but I think it is just a normal response to the crappy stuff that keeps happening every time I go out. No sane person would be unaffected by this, unless they were a buddhist monk or something.
I've been informed that going out is therapeutic. Yet I feel absolutely terrible like it's the walk of shame. Just when I thought I couldn't FEEL any worse, any more worthless about myself, someone manages to send me even further past rock bottom.
Basically my issue is that every time I have to leave the house, a stranger or group of strangers will randomly say the most horrible things to me and it hurts me so much that I don't even know the meaning of "It Gets Better" anymore. I'm 26 and thought this stuff would be over after high school, but people still seem to have it in for me even though I don't do anything to provoke people other than being alive and breathing the same air as them. I am not dirty, I do not dress like a nazi, I do not act in a way that would draw this sort of hatred.
Recent examples: Went shopping with my sister yesterday and some young guy (probably much younger than me, definitely a teenager) hissed that I was gay as he walked past me, just loud enough so only I could hear. Today I went out for dinner with my family to the local pub/restaurant and a large group of guys sitting behind us were swearing a lot and it seemed like any time my family and I weren't talking these guys would shout STFU! Or something like that.
My neighbours also have it in for me, they say they hate me and call me an effing weirdo or ask wtf I'm doing every day several times a day because I never leave the house and I'm quiet so I guess that bothers them. I don't feel great about staying in, but I feel worse when I go out because people treat me like absolute shit and it's like I never left high school. I know I am not being mature by being bothered by this but if I knew how not to be hurt and depressed by this constant barrage of insults from people everyday of my life, then I wouldn't be here.
Does anyone have this problem? I feel like such a loser and I don't want to feel this way. I have a college education, I have skill sets, I have good qualities, I have a soul. I am not defective. Yet my brain and the world is screaming the opposite and telling me to end it everyday. I'm not going to but when I don't have anyone left in my life who actually cares about me/loves me then I will probably.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ever list down what's bothering you and try to find ways to remedy it? [deleted]
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self.depression
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A new analogy (x posted from r/bipolar2) I was trying to describe to my dad what bipolar feels like, and I said that it’s not the curvy line with hills and valleys to describe mania, normalcy, and depression. I said that it’s really just a straight line, but during depression the line is fuzzy and blurry, and during mania (or at least hypomania in my case) the line shards and fractures in every which way.
Can anyone else relate?
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self.bipolar
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Almost never manic First manic episode at 16, next at 20, next at 22, then 25, 27 then a big old FUCK YOU episode at 29. In between I'm rapid cycling between severely depressed and mildly depressed. Nothing has touched my depression yet. Wtf. People talk about liking parts of being bipolar but all I have is depressed suffering or full on BP I manic destruction. Got misdiagnosed as MDD, GAD, OCD (?!), and BP II until a specialist straightened things out. Like, my ratio of depression:mania is more consistent with BP II but my manic episodes are not even remotely cute. They're life destroying. Didn't get spotted as BP because I was always depressed and then I didn't go when I was manic because I was usually working at remote field sites or playing hooky from the shrink. Can anyone else relate to this or am I a weirdo even by bipolar standards?
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self.bipolar
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Finally diagnosed [31m]. On Mood Stabilisers for first time. Yay! It’s really weird being on them. Is it normal to feel more grown up and less childish? I feel really steady and calm? It’s an odd feeling...
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self.bipolar
|
Why do I always feel awful. I know he’s not ignoring me, but why do I feel like he is. Why and I getting sad and upset over nothing. Why am I always like this.
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self.depression
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I want to cry but I can't Tears will fall, and my nose will run, but I'm silent. I just want to feel something again.
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self.depression
|
I feel like ditching the whole thing I’m nearly qualified as a psychiatric nurse. But 2 weeks ago I had to restrain a patient trying to kill herself. Now they are saying she has bruises that are not consistent with restraining techniques. I didn’t do anything wrong and I know that it’s protocols to get statements when this happens but I feel like I don’t want to put myself in that position ever again. I feel like giving it all up. Academically I’m in for a first class degree and I only joined this profession to help people but now I feel it’s not worth this stress. I feel sick.
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self.offmychest
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I want to die! Honestly, i just want to die, especially because believe i have no future. I just need to wait for the right moment. Is suicide always wrong? Even if it saves you from being homeless? Or just poor? I don't mean less money than the average poor. I mean really poor. I don't want to end up in poverty. But i know my future looks bleak. Anyone want to kill themselves because of poverty?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help i’m bored and new😂💀 Soooo im super bored don’t know what to do and also veryyy new to reddit i don’t get it that much really also just hmu cause i wanna talk to people that’s how bored i am😂💀
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self.offmychest
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Terrible chest pain at the gym I was at the gym working out like I usually do when I started getting this terrible chest pain while at the gym, when I checked my heart rate it was at 200. I was running on the treadmill so I know an elevated heart rate is expected but is this normal? I couldn’t tell if that gave me anxiety but every exercise after that I was getting the chest pain and I started to shut down. Like I couldn’t think clearly all I could think about was the chest pain.
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self.Anxiety
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Loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhea, and stomach pain on latuda? Does it go away? Please tell me I'm not the only one 😩 I'm on week two and just upped my dosage.
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self.bipolar
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I dont know where else to rant so here I am. I'm 14, turning 15 next month.
I woke up today in a great mood, and this weekend was great too.
Some reason though, as the day went on, I went into a more depressed state of mind, and I'm not really sure how. I've tried doing things today that I don't really regret, but do at the same time. I've tried to kill myself on 4 separate occasions for various reasons but today was different. Everything I ever dreamed of doing, from having a significant other, to having a job and a family, suddenly all vanished from my mind. I dont even know why the fuck I'm even ranting because I dont think my reason of wanting to die is even that of a good one, if there is a good reason to do such a thing.
I know the consequences of suicide, and how my family will be affected. I've tried therapy and other professional help and nothing worked. I'm starting to think if I will even be worth loving or having any form of emotion towards me. This whole day has been dogshit and I just don't know what to do.
What's the point of even living if I know it will be shit. How is it that having good days lead to this fucking shit when there is no reason for it. I haven't felt happy since the 7th grade and I dont even think that I want to feel that emotion anymore. I have to be fake at school so I don't look like a loner and someone that you shouldn't hang out with. But I think that me being alive will always lead to that lonely idea. The girl that I like doesn't talk to me, and all of my friends think I am weird at points. I can't express myself at all and I don't want to live due to that. All I long for is that sensation that other people experience; living.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I constantly feel a physical pain in my chest It seems like as I get more and more depressed, I feel the physical pain in the chest like when you get your heart broken and it sucks.. I wish I could help myself more
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self.depression
|
Tell me your worst neighbor/roommate situations that caused you bad anxiety I've been going through hell with neighbors the past few months and I've developed this crazy irrational fear of them and the smallest noise they make. I own my condo and the man who owned the place above me died suddenly and his slumlord son inherited the place and has been renting to reprobates ever since. If I rented I'd break my lease and move, but as the owner I'm a little trapped. The police now know the place above me as "the domestic abuse place." They were gone for a while, and my anxiety got so much better! But now I'm afraid they might be back. Nothing seems to help, no matter the fines the HOA hits that owner with nor how many times the police have to come and my stomach is literally turning like a boiling pot of chili with anxiety. Anyhow, I find it helps to hear other's stories, and to hear how it was resolved. It helps me to know that the situation isn't permanent, and that people go through this stuff and I'm in no danger, it's just a rough patch. I worked hard to own my place, it's an investment and a project, and I work full time and go to graduate school to better my life, all with severe GAD so I just hate it all to death right now. So, what are your stories?? How did you feel when it was all over with??
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self.Anxiety
|
Everyone talks about mindfulness as if it's somehow enlightening. It isn't I don't see how it's supposed to help me feel or think any better. I already know that the way I think about things causes me to be depressed, but somehow I'm okay with it. It's difficult to explain. I AM my thoughts, and my thoughts aren't irrational. I'm not depressed because my "brain is lying to me". Why do I sit around not doing anything? Because at my core, I don't feel an intrinsic desire to actually do something that doesn't bring me immediate physical pleasure. I don't reap the intangible rewards of completing goals or learning new things. I just don't care for it. That's a fact. I guess you could chalk me up to a whining child since I clearly don't want to push myself out of the mental rut, and with that I would agree. My values don't exist anymore. I'm a shell of a person and I don't care enough to change that. That's the thing everyone who wants to help just doesn't understand. They can't help me due to philosophical reasons. There's not a thing anyone could tell me that would make me feel as if anything mattered. There's not a thing I could tell myself to change that either. I could mechanically flip the switch on that thought so to speak, but I wouldn't FEEL it. Going with it trying to fake it till I DO feel it doesn't work because it's not GENUINE. That's the thing about major depression. It is a rational reaction and it is a genuine reaction. When someone comes out of it, they don't become "themselves" again; they were always themselves. They were able to flip the switch and FEEL it. This, I cannot do, and not because I think I can't.
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self.depression
|
Do you think there are people who should kill themselves? Because I'm the perfect candidate. Don't wanna go too much into why, just suffice it to say that you'd all hate me if you knew a little bit about me, and for good reason. I hate me too, I've been doing it for years. I've tried changing, I've tried doing good (like volunteering, being positive around people, helping others etc.), and while I legitimately enjoy doing all that, at the end of the day I'm still me, and I suck. Nothing helps in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure I'll hate myself for the rest of what's probably gonna be my short life. No one knows they should hate me, so I'm pretty sure no one does, I really doubt anyone outside of my immediate family ever even thinks about me when I'm not around. I'm not really close to that many people. The only person I'm legitimately bummed I'll leave behind when I'm gone is my brother, but he'd hate the shit out of me too if he knew better. It's actually such a gut-wrenching feeling knowing that he loves me, while also knowing that I do not deserve his love in the slightest. But I know even if he'll miss me for a while, the world will still be a better place when I'm not around anymore, and ultimately he'll be better off without me.
Just wanted to point out that this isn't just depression speaking. I'm well aware that I'm not being perfectly rational, but I've thought of every possible way out of this, and none will work. I know this isn't going away, the only question is whether I wanna live with it until I die of old age or until I off myself. I can't imagine doing the former.
Not really sure what this post is for to be honest. I know I'm not gonna kill myself today, but I'm not far off either, and I already have it all planned out and got my affairs in order. I did a couple of goodbye videos, written my will and all that fun stuff. I've got everything I need in my home, when I make the decision I'll be out of here in a matter of minutes. Anyways, I'm just curious: did anyone you know or heard of that killed themselves deserve it in your opinion? I guess I just wanna know I'm not alone when the time comes.
This reads like a madman's ramblings, I know. I can't think of a better way to put all this though, sorry.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i️ have a constant image in my head of cutting my wrists straight down the middle and watching the blood run down my arms
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Wellbutrin SR Hey all. I've been on 100 mg for a couple weeks and 200 mg for a couple weeks making it my 23rd day today of being on this medicine. Anyone else had to wait this long while on this medicine in order for it to kick in and help? I feel like giving up on it.
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self.depression
|
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