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Just found out my boyfriend lied to me but I don't know if I have the right to be angry. So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. He told me very early on that he was adopted when he was very young. He told me that his family had died in a car accident when he was about two years old. There was an entire backstory about his family that he gave me too but I won't go into all of that as it's pretty complicated. Today I happened to see some messages on his facebook from a few years ago in which he was searching for his birth mother. In the message I looked at he mentioned that he had been abandoned at birth. This means he has lied to me on countless occasions not just referencing his biological parents but probably his current job as well as it relates to the family backstory he has told me many times. I really don't know what to do at this point. I feel pretty angry that he lied to me about his biological parents. I don't really know that my anger is justified though because I have no idea what his past was like and I feel that he may just be protecting himself from talking about a sensitive and painful topic. At the same time, this could mean that he is lying about a lot of other things. I don't know how I would talk to him about this and even if I have the right to bring this up with him. I just thought everything was out in the open and I'm pretty hurt that he has been hiding something from me, especially since he made a big deal about how much trusted me for being able to tell me all about his past.
I'm sorry if this sounds jumbled but my thoughts are all over the place right now.
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self.offmychest
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My birthday is coming up in a few days... But I feel that's more of a social burden to myself and to people involved with me rather than a momentous positive occasion. I've made a series of bad decisions leading up to today including but not limited to pushing away my significant other, quitting stable work, and cutting through my savings like a hot knife on butter. I feel continually worthless, a drain on my family, and a burdensome emotional responsibility for my girlfriend and circle of friends. I can't talk to any of them about this for fear of increasing their own anxieties and worsening their own lives; after all, a lot of them have issues of their own. I've lied to all of them about different things in the effort to keep them from worrying about me, but I think this time I've messed up so bad it's just better for them to all move on rather than keep carrying me about.
I've been thinking of ending my supposed struggle on my birthday itself, without telling anyone I know, since the beginning of February. I don't know how I can pick myself up, and I'm afraid of when the day comes, I will still be afraid whether or not I choose to live or die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Well, here I am (tw: suicide) Today I turn 30. I’m buying a house with my husband, the light of my life, the person who has kept me alive. I’m reasonably stable. I have a healthy savings account. I’m writing again. Tomorrow I think I’ll play my violin in celebration of 30 years of being alive.
Six months ago I was plotting my own death. I had a whole plan laid out. I wrote a note exonerating my husband (they always suspect the husband!).
In the last year I got my PhD, lost my cat who was like a child to me, gained 20 lbs, lost 10, cried so so much, and laughed not enough. I am scared. I have been scared forever.
But I’m 30 now. Still alive. Buying a house. Doing my laundry. Writing my truth. Smiling. I’m here.
Thanks to all of you. You helped keep me here.
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self.bipolar
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Was stable and then, out of nowhere, I can't get out of bed, drinking a lot and using drugs I was on 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine. It's a miracle combo, trust me, with no side effects. For one month I had peace of mind and no bad impulses. AND THEN...all of a sudden...I started to have anxiety attacks, horrible thoughts and that's then the severe depression took over. Can't get out of bed except for drinking, sex and drugs. Mom and dad are terrified. I want to stop this cycle but it's like I'm a prisoner of my own brain. I was so happy a month ago....do you know what it's like to experience TRUE peace of mind and then it gets taken away from you?
My brain is truly defective.
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self.depression
|
I have a dumb crush on a girl. This is so cringe for me to write, but it's been on my mind for a while.
I'm in my senior year in high school, and I have a crush on a girl. Usually I don't mind and I can brush it off, but this one keeps lingering.
It started by us awkwardly making eye contact in class, but we'd smile in the halls. I know, just a friendly gesture. What's weird is, I don't usually smile at other people, even my friends when I see them, but when I see her smile, the way her whole face lights up, I just can't help but smile, but I'll give a small one so I don't look so happy, that's after she walks past. It's something that can really make my morning, or day.
I've spoken to her and got her number, but I couldn't tell if she was interested, so I asked her out, and she said she couldn't hangout on the day I asked her, and that's fine. I just took that as rejection, because she's so shy, but also really sweet, so I figured she didn't have the heart to say no. It was awkward in the halls at first, but we're basically back to the beginning, just small hellos in the halls or talks after class, not text though.
Another thing about her that caught my eye is she wanted to go into Psych to help others. We'll also likely be in the same program/school.
While the rejection does irk me, I'm leaving halfway through the school year once I get my university acceptance, and maybe this is a dumb idea, but I'd like to tell her that she's beautiful and try one more chance at getting to know her.
Anyways, that's my awkward rant I had to get off my mind, as it's been bugging me for a few weeks now.
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self.offmychest
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The idea of sending nude photos freaks me out When i was either 13 or 14, I can’t exactly remember, I was in a situation where I felt forced to send nude photos to an older man. I was afraid that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to me. I don’t want to dive into it really.
Yes, I chose to send them. It is my fault he had/has possession of those. but I was scared. I was afraid I’d get hurt, or he’d hurt those I love.
I haven’t told anyone I know, not even my parents. I don’t want legal action to be taken. I don’t want it affecting me my entire life. I just want to move past it without dealing with any legal things that people would say should be done. it brings a lot of pain back.
I’m in a great relationship right now. I don’t mind whatever we’ll do together, but if he ever asked for promiscuous photos of me I wouldn’t want to disappoint him, but it’s just something that scares me, I don’t know.
This may seem silly, but I just feel so messed up by it sometimes, even though I decided to send those pictures.
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone else get sick of getting people upset with you for things you can’t control? How anxiety seems to make you a different person and you’re sick of explaining yourself?
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self.Anxiety
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Don't know what to do for the few weeks following to my suicide [deleted]
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self.depression
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Severe anxiety is making me Suicidal Please help, please help me.
I do not want to take away my own life, I really dont want to. But when I'm being hit with such severe anxiety right now, my heart is in so much pain. I tried to calm down, every possible way I can. I tried to be calm, but its eating me inside. I can feel my heart and chest in so much pain, and I cant help but tearing up. My head hurts, my heart hurts, my chest hurts.
I really want this pain to end. I feel so alone and i dont know what to do . The pain is getting more intense every second, and I feel inside my cells are dying one by one.
I really dont know what to do. Help me please
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self.Anxiety
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I feel so paranoid I feel like my friends are out to kill me. I feel like my girlfriend is watching me everywhere I go. I haven't gotten any good sleep. I sleep in public to feel safe. I don't know where else to post this.
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self.depression
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Please help. I have tried citalopram fluoxetine venlafaxine sertraline and now mirtazipine with olanzapine and nothing is curing my severe anhedonia. Please recommend prescription medication only.
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self.depression
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Life feels like Star Wars...but except it’s like the good guys are always losing (vent) [deleted]
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self.depression
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It's so devastating to spend time with my father [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Feel like I'm [23F] falling into a deep depression and it's desperate for advice. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm so tired of being alone I recently discovered a personality disorder called Avoidant Personality disorder. If you don't know what that is please look it up because I can't really describe it. But for those of you who may have it or do, I have too. Which I self diagnosed, but it's pretty spot on. Being alone or feeling alone is a huge part of it so I thought if anyone of you all were in the same boat as me, we could try to talk (I say try since it's something we "avoid"). Message me or comment, I'd love to hear from anyone.
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self.depression
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Tis The Season- Anxiety over spending Money that I shouldn't Black Friday just came up and I gave my wife $500.00 for spending that I shouldn't have.
Realistically we should spend the minimum for Christmas but Wifey is putting on the pressure. Demanding $700 to $1000.00
I am anxious because I'm going to be forced to borrow money to give to my wife for presents and know that I shouldn't.
I really hate that I'm not strong enough to say no.
Anybody else feel that way?
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self.Anxiety
|
Just had a realization that my rapid cycling is actually ultra rapid cycling. I was diagnosed bipolar NOS a few years back. I was put on lamictal and am currently taking 400mg. It was working out pretty well. I also was diagnosed with depression and after a lot of back and forth with myself I ended up seeking medication and have been on Wellbutrin for 9 or so months.
Things were pretty rough for the past several months on a personal level and I believe that stress added to my symptoms. If that makes sense...
I've been paying more attention to myself. The way I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've noticed that my moods switch incredibly fast. I mean hour to hour too. For example, yesterday I was fine at 3pm, by 6pm I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying and just felt like shit overall. I still felt this way when I woke up a few hours ago. But as we speak I'm starting to notice my mood go up. I don't mean to be such a negative person about this but I'm pretty sure I'll be back down in a few hours. It's exhausting!
I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor soon. I'm fearful that he'll want to put me on another medication, but I guess some sacrifices must be made. It's moreso the side effects of the medication that I'm concerned about. I've already come to terms with taking medication for bipolar/depression.
Anyway, I'm just wondering how many of you deal with this? What are some of your coping mechanisms? Did your doctor switch your medications or increase the dosage (I imagine so). I'm just feeling a little nutty and want to center myself as much as possible until I can see my doctor.
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self.bipolar
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I just keep procrastinating life I am a senior in high school and I need to start applying for colleges months ago and have no motivation. My parents are forcing me to get a job which is fine but I have no drive to do anything. I took a nap today for 4 hours but my sleep schedule is already fucked up because I sleep early just to get the day over faster.
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self.depression
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Anxiety skyrockets leading up to flights - considering going to the doc for xanax or a natural alternative... looking for advice I've had an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, and am prone to panic attacks. Over the past ten years, I've grown terrified of flying. Two hour flights I can handle, but I've got a long 6 hour flight to California in May (for a wedding, another anxiety-inducing event) and am considering talking to the doctor about Xanax. I have read a lot about the drug, but don't know anybody who has used it to treat anxiety/panic attacks, and could use some insight on using the drug to fly. Alternately, has anybody tried L-Theanine to treat anxiety? I heard it's a decent alternative. I might consider picking some up to see how it goes. Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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Turns out zoloft withdrawal is real I’ve slept 30 out the past 36 hours. I can’t see well or think straight. I’ve been lightheaded and out of it. I thought I was just hungry or tired. Turns out it’s a symptom of stopping zoloft. However, I have been happy for 4 days straight I haven’t been happy for longer than 4 hours in the past 6 months, so this is wild
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self.depression
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I’m thinking about suicide again. How pathetic am I? Am I going to die a fucking virgin??? So much more that I haven’t experienced, it’s sad😞
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self.depression
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“I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.” -Joyce Meyer Thankful for progress on this Thanksgiving of my hardest year
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self.bipolar
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If love is it enough. And if love is all we need. What the fuck is love and why would I want to keep living? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hoping to switch to natural medications. The gist of it:
I'm currently on Venlafaxine, have been for four or five years now. While it does the job on keeping me out of the extreme darkness of my mind, it has been packing on the weight - which isn't uncommon for most anti-depressants. I've also been suffering from extremely low to almost non-existent sex drive, which has been frustrating for both myself as well as my wife (yes, she knows it has nothing to do with me, but the medication that I am on.) If I miss a day of my medication, the withdraw effects are horrible and sickening.
I was hoping that I could get my doctor to set up a routine to start weening off the medication and to try something more natural like St. Johns Wort again. I tried it once several years ago, but it didn't quite do the job. However, a lot of factors have changed since then, and I'm fairly hopeful that it will be able to do the job. Maybe even try some medicinal marijuana (and get a card, even though it is legalized country wide soon, medicinal and recreational), CBD mostly, to help with anxiety when needed.
What do you think? What have been your main issues when trying to talk to your doctor about alternative care methods? (Mine tried to up my dose, to which I denied.) I want to get away from all these chemical-based medications and get more into natural-care. Something about swallowing hydro-chloride just doesn't sit well with me.
Thanks.
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self.depression
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I'm 15, and my life has no joy or excitement. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting Motivated? A month ago I flipped out, was super depressed, and had suicidal thoughts every day. I had financial difficulties (still do) and am on the verge of losing my home. I have a family with kids and every day I worry about not having enough money to send them to school and not enough to retire. I have taken anti depressants, but they make me feel worse. My depression is purely financial. If a bag of money showed up and paid off all my worries, then I would have none of these feelings. This makes me wonder if I am even depressed, more like pissed at myself for not saving/spending correctly. I still have a job and I still need to work, but I sleep in late every day and have no motivation to wake up. Has anyone who has gotten past a low point in depression found a way to get motivated that can help me?
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self.depression
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i can’t wait any longer from my other posts things have gotten worse for me if anyone has followed them and this morning I woke up at 6am, was fine for about two minutes, and started freaking out and thought I was going to throw up all over myself because of my panic and I tried so hard to go back to sleep and only was able to for 20 minutes before my alarm went off
I can’t get to a psychiatrist until December 22nd and I’ve tried rescheduling it sooner but they won’t let me and I don’t have insurance or money to go anywhere else because this is a free community based thing and I was supposed to start therapy but the lady won’t call me back no matter how much I call her and it’s driving me fucking crazy I finally found the courage to get help and now they don’t want me
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self.Anxiety
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since 2018 is right around the corner, ive been reflecting [deleted]
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self.depression
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Bipolar or just an asshole? Yep. Basically my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one ask this question. Anyone wanna give an amen?!?!
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self.bipolar
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Not sure what to say... I've gone my whole life being a "happy" "normal" kid. I had a wonderful childhood (at least I think I did) and I was given all the opportunity in the world. What to complain about right? Born with a silver fucking spoon in my mouth and still not happy.
My mind cannot stay focused anymore - I worked as a paramedic for 4 years and determined the hard way that it was not the career for me. I would take things home and found it hard to deal with both the hostile workplace and the traumatic events. I resigned in March 2016 and began to pursue a career in Accounting.
I am currently in my last year of accounting but I don't think I can take this anymore...
My mother in law lives with us and I cant stand it.
I began this post trying to explain myself but I lost interest....
So tired of this. I hate her and I hate my wifes family.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I m drunk and i fucking hate my life gunna die [deleted]
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self.depression
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Totally replaceable Anyone else lose friends because they meet new and better people and then just stop talking to you?
That happens to me all the time.
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self.depression
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Feeling extra down today I just feel so tired and fatigued. I'm at work but I wish I could go home. Unfortunately I have bills to pay so I need this money.
I consider myself high functioning, but there's some days I really just want to stay in bed.
I'm trying to go out more, be more social. It doesn't help. If anything I feel more isolated because I feel like I can't relate to anyone.
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self.depression
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Starting my first day at my new highschool today. Im terrified of course. The school does not look anywhere near as good as my old school. My old school looked much better and much more welcoming but it be fair, it is basically a new school. (Made in 2007)
Anyways wish me luck for today. It’s only today and tommorow because there is no school Friday atleast.
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self.Anxiety
|
So frustrated & feeling inadequate. My brother in law 'has depression' and I say this because he hasn't been formally diagnosed. We live together and are quite close, but he never talks about his feelings. He went to the emergency department the other day for a panic attack and they gave him anti depressants and now he needs to see a doctor to find out what's wrong. Fair enough right, he most likely has depression/anxiety combo.
Meanwhile he has splashed it all over facebook and messaged all of his friends. Told everyone he works with. And posted pictures of his anti depressants on facebook.
He will not stop talking about it but yet will not talk about his feelings thoughts or anything deeper than 'i went to the doctor for depression'.
I get it if he doesn't wanna talk but everything he does makes me angry because here I am suffering in silence for the past 12 years. I finally opened up to his mum a few months ago (we're very close) about it and she's urged me to see a doctor and my boss holds me to seeing a doctor soon so I can get better and stop self harming.
And then he turns around and pulls this shit. I finally felt like I was getting the support I needed to go and get help and he makes everything all about him. So I opened up to him about my self harm and how I've been struggling for a long long time, and he basically told me my cuts were nothing to worry about and I was clearly fine.
Sorry for the rant I just finally felt like I was making the last few steps towards getting help and now I want nothing to do with it because here he is glamorizing the whole thing and sucking everyone in and away from me.
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self.depression
|
Alone on NYE for the first time in 4 years I feel really anxious because I know old friends are having parties without me, current friends are occupied by friends and their boyfriends, and I even overheard that a coworker is holding a party and I wasn’t even invited. In years past I’d always have plans, whether it be to shoot fireworks in a random field or roller skating or just random shenanigans. This year I lost a lot of friends due to some misunderstandings and immaturity on both sides, and I overall feel very alone. I have no boyfriend, all my friends are either busy or far away, and there is nothing I want to do. I feel like no one likes me and that I’m not cool enough and that I don’t have enough friends. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm realising that I'm partially just a shitty person with a shitty way of dealing with things My best friend kept some of my old sketchbooks from when I was 10, which was pretty crazy to read. I'd written her into my kill list and said I didn't like her, and some other mean stuff.
I was also saying stuff like "I'm going to commit suicide tomorrow" and drew really emo pictures all throughout, I'd completely forgotten about it.
Anyways, we burned it. I guess I've just always been a very emo person.
I feel bad I've written all that stuff about her, it came out of jealously honestly because she's only ever been nice to me but she's beautiful, and I could see even then when everybody pretended she wasn't.
I'm also really self-obsessed and ungrateful, I'm realising. I don't message back people that are very good to me, I'm only ever looking out for myself, I don't make an effort to see my lifelong friend too much.
Well I have a lot of work to do. I might feel like shit a lot but I don't want to make other people feel the same way.
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self.depression
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I'm sad and I have no idea what I should be doing right now [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like things aren't going to be okay I'm at a time in my life where I can't help but dread what's to come. I've made so many stupid mistakes over and over and they come back to bite me.
I run away and stay depressed most of the time. But when my fears come to face me (not me face my fears) everything feels bad.
People say that things will be okay, but I don't feel it. I don't see it.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm obese, and one day I WILL say "I use to be obese." I'm 23, I can't do anything without losing my breath. Walk to the kitchen? Heart racing a million miles an hour.
But listen I will do this. I WILL win. I'm not going to let this define who I am.
I am a winner, and obesity is my new enemy.
Fuck obesity, you almost took my life 3 times since I was 17, the constant heart problems, kidney problems from the soda, and the bad thoughts you've introduced to me to lower my self esteem are gone.
Fuck you obesity, you've already lost.
Edit: Your responses have been awesome. But I'm not the only one going to win, I know some of you want to lose weight to. You're not alone in this battle, and I'll do whatever I can to help you, the comments below show that it's going to be hard. But it will be worth it.
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self.offmychest
|
Probably a friend gifted me a 8900€ worth graphic card and i feel like i'm dying It all started yesterday when i was talking with this friend and telling him that i nerd to upgrade my PC, and joking i told him "24th of January is my birthday, gift me a new GPU!" and then he sent me a screenshot of the Amazon's order confirm...
I told him that first of all, it's a waste of money and second that i'm going to sell the GPU for 8800€.
Anyway i think this is so wrong, i will never give him a similar gift, i don't have money to waste.
I don't know this makes me really anxiuos and i can't breathe properly.
I know it's sound stupid that i'm so paranoid about something that is gaining money in the end.
Hope that's a really well made joke, tomorrow i should recive the pack.
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self.Anxiety
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Worked up the courage to go to the hospital... experience so far has been anything but pleasant [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else feel like a lifeless, emotionless drone? I have exams that decide my academic fate and I'm busy being depressed, life is a constant cycle of following my programming. I study all day and I still get average grades so I don't see the point anymore.
I'm into girls but the past 2 years, I don't care about them anymore. Why would i spend my energy thinking about something i'll never be a part of and as a result my sexual desire is gone. I never been with a girl but I wanted a girlfriend so I can hug someone.
Haven't been to college for 5 months now, I was going to join clubs at college this year but I was diagnosed with PV (blood cancer) just a few days before the first semester. My hair is falling out, My parent's are tired of me complaining about my health issues. I made plans with the only friend I had and he didn't show up. I've been in college for 4 years and i'm mostly likely going to get kicked out.
I've tried studying but nothing goes into my head now, my memory is full. I seen all these horrific things on the news or on TV and I used to feel empathetic about it where I could feel their pain, now I don't feel anything and sometimes it even makes me happy when someone out there is suffering.
Been a drone for 22 years, I think if i unplugged from being one. I'd have a hard time relating with the real world. this depressive state gives me a robotic energy when I can do a repetitive physical task and not feel bored or feel any emotions.
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self.depression
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I’m so in my head that I can’t personally have my own personality Idk how to be not self conscious all the damn time. And right now, I’m drunk and high w friends
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self.Anxiety
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Does talking about my depression often make it worse? Want to meet my friends but at the same time don’t want to meet them because they’re doing better than me and I feel out of place. I have this sad look everywhere I go. People ask me how I am and I say I’m lost, scared. Sometimes they get sick of me telling them. Been trying to push myself to do small tasks everyday.
Also I’ve been signing up for a lot of things to make myself feel better? Signed up as a volunteer at my resident community centre (because instead of wasting my life away might as well use it to do something for people), am a member of various interest groups, but when they have events I don’t join. Kept asking my friends out but I don’t wanna meet them because we have no common topics to talk about (?)
Does talking it out help? Or talking myself out of feeling this? I really want to stop feeling this uneasiness everyday. I really wanna stop thinking I have depression.
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self.depression
|
“Can’t be bipolar without being hospitalised” I’m currently in hospital after some events occurring recently, that after some insight and discussion with my partner, may be due to a manic/psychotic episode last year. Today was a meeting with the consultant psychiatrist to speak about discharge and a care plan etc. One of the diagnoses that keeps being brought up with my assigned community team, nurse, previous doctors and psychiatrist is a bipolar diagnosis, to which I was being trialled with certain medications over a period of time and having regular visits from my nurse to monitor my mood.
Note: I’ve been out of the mental heath system for some years, and now settling my partner has convinced me to become involved with services again due to his witnessing of my moods, incidents etc.
The consultant psychiatrist said in the meeting that, “you cannot have bipolar without ever being admitted for a manic episode... it just doesn’t happen”. He continued to explain how bipolar 2 and hypomania is very Americanised and that it’s basically a crock of shit, in other words. There is no possibility of this being a diagnosis and if we wanted to gain a second diagnosis/opinion then we should do so. I’m sorry but I do know people that have and haven’t been hospitalised with bipolar so I’m finding these statements hard to believe.
Now I’m not asking for a form of diagnosis here, but as you can understand I’m at a stage where my mental health is taking a huge toll on my life - yes I’m aware that the responsibility is my own and I’m looking for some reasoning not to be told to suck it up and get over it anymore - I just would like an opinion from anybody with similar experiences or even any advice would be appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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I am pretty sure I'm going to die soon [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm so ashamed I've had to have a friend spent the night till I fell asleep because I don't trust that I'm not going to kill myself if given the chance. I'm torn and heated down and I just need help
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm sorry, to everyone I've let down. I'm a 19 year old kid living on his own, attending college 3 hours away from home. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to my upbringing under an alcoholic father and complacent mother. I'm so desperately trying everything to survive being an adult on my own, but whether it be money, or school or even friendships I'm a fuck up. I'm trying to land a fulltime job in this new city, I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight, I'm trying to attend all of my classes and get the grades I need all the while keeping in touch with my family and friends. My folks are always on my case about when I'm seeing them next, but I cant just up and drive three hours when I work two part time jobs and have school. They say I'm inconsiderate, and try to guilt me into going home when that atmosphere is toxic for me. My father, who is playing the loving act after so many years just wont leave me alone. After abusing me and my mother up until I moved out, he calls me all the time letting me know he misses me. But that is mute at this point. Nothing I do, whether it be going to school, working my ass or being social is ever enough. If I just ended it then I would have no more expectations to meet, it would be my choice and that would feel truly liberating. But I'm conflicted, because I want a future. I enjoy life when its good. However I keep letting everyone down, even myself. I am so alone, I feel like I'm suffocating.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"I think that the skies are clearing", she says cautiously. It has been a rough four weeks of depression triggered by the death of my gorgeous cat, and exacerbated by the stress of being a secondary school teacher (fuck marking basically). But I think the storm is beginning to calm and I feel hopeful.
I woke up this morning and realised that exactly a year ago today I was hospitalised and given my BP2 diagnosis as an inpatient. I was in the hospital for a month and learnt so much! It was an incredible experience and I became better equipped and more capable of managing my symptoms.
However life kicked in when I got back to reality and those strategies gradually got buried under new responsibilities and worries. I still remembered one important lesson though- be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself first to look after yourself.
So after months of debating and thoroughly working out logistics, my partner and I have adopted a rescue dog. He will be with us next Saturday so he can spend his third Christmas in his new forever home. We know that with my social phobias, Monty will help and be my reason to get out and about. With this then comes the exercise - he's a lurcher so needs 2 hours a day; regular exercise helps me to manage my mood significantly better than when I am sedentary. And most importantly I can't stop thinking about all of the love that this animal has coming his way, and all of the love and joy he may bring us.
Plus school is cancelled tomorrow due to snow, and our bedroom is filled with wintery scented candles. Fingers crossed that this is on the up; please let the skies remain blue for a little while, but keep the blazing sun at bay.
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self.bipolar
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Really anxious for a Funeral So it's Grandma's Funeral later this week but I was never close to her and hadn't seen her for over a year (she was lovely, but family drama with that side of the family meant I didn't see her often). I have a big family that will be going that I also haven't seen for over a year and they were all close to her.
My main concern is that I know I won't be sad by the service but everyone else around me will be, along with the fear of people commenting on me not seeing her recently. Along with the aspect of going to the wake and speaking with family I haven't seen for ages and have no idea what to say to or is going to the wake optional, or maybe a pop in and out?
I haven't been to many funerals so far only two and I would rather not go to this one but I feel like I should be going, so I am.
Appreciate any advice or suggestions, thanks :)
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self.Anxiety
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Going to Take a Bunch of Pills at School [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I Accepted Defeat I accepted defeat today. I thought I could go as long as I could without professional help. I had to discuss with my office coordinator at work what my options are regarding my job. I didn't want them concerned or worrying but I also know to be mature and seek a professional. I've been off meds since October. I was doing great until I moved 2 months ago to a new big city away from my support system ring leader (mom). Mania has lasted 3-4 weeks now. Steroids ruined my mental stability I had to take for my foot problem. Made me hyper enough to miss 3 days of sleep. I have a walk-in clinic in this area available today after several phone calls. I just do not want to be tricked in to staying 4 or more days like I did last time at a different facility in AR. I am in a new state and I know things are different. Trying to see the light.
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self.bipolar
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Losing Friends I'm losing my best friend and he says it's my fault. It's so hard to think of why I should go on. Work is incredibly drama filled and I have mental illness to deal with on top of it, voices and what not. He's getting sexual harassment accusations because he made a gay joke in front of a homophobe (my friend is gay and so am i) and now it's all my fault. I tried to console him, told him I was there for him. He told me to stop because I was the reason for all of this. I really like him, I don't want to lose him as a friend. And the thought that all his unhappiness is my fault hurts all the more. It's hard to think of reasons to stick around when all I do is hurt people.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just feel like I don’t trust people anymore [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Am I depressed? Does anyone else feel like this? I feel empty, I don't really feel anything at all although I'm pretty certain I'm sad because my eyelids are always heavy (but I don't want to sleep, I just walk around with a weight behind my eyes). I think crying would relieve the feeling, which I got better at doing, but usually I can't even cry when I want to, and I want to cry almost all the time. I also feel really tired all the time and I don't have much energy so I sometimes randomly collapse when I'm in the middle of doing something.
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self.depression
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all the warning signs are coming back lethargy, irritability, wanting to pull back from all my hobbies, imposter-syndrome led anxiety, feeling hunted, suicidal inner monologue, persistent negativity, slowness, frequent nightmares. it's all back and getting stronger every day. i've known how to prevent it from starting, but i don't know how to undo damage. i'm so tired. i want to die, but i don't want to, if you get what i mean.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I lost a sibling a few years ago and I never know how to answer the 'how many do you have' question. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone else wake up panicked? Do you wake up in a panic attack like state? Most of the time it's not a full blown panic attack, but it's not just general anxiety. Also it's not like waking up and then you get anxiety because you start think about a million things, you actually wake up due to the symptoms. I hope this makes any sort of sense to someone
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety a sort of Blessing "mindfulness makes unhealthy patterns of behaviour easier to see, and therefore, easier to break" - @mindfuleveryday
My anxiety which has led to practicing mindfulness, has helped me become a better person, more in touch with others' feelings, and cognizant of what I need to work on in every aspect of my life.
Picnic having anxiety? Absolutely not. However, there is always something good in the bad we are experiencing.
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self.Anxiety
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Any stories of encouragement for ketamine? My brother-in-law has kidney damage from long term lithium.
Hes currently depressed in hospital and has tried about 4 cocktails and I have asked my sister to suggest Ketamine rather than ECT to get his mood up after months of major bipolar1 depression.
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self.bipolar
|
Treatment is a lot more than just meds... damn it. My dad was diagnosed with diabetes a month back. We went and visited him and my mom last weekend and he "cheated" and had some cake, beer, etc. On the way back home, my husband and I talked about how Dad's looking much better (he's been working out and eating well, he's lost weight) but his weekend "bender" was gonna make him feel like shit for a while, and how it was a really bad decision to make.
So last night, I was dumb and stayed up until 5am playing video games. I'm recently on meds as of the past 2 weeks, and I knew logically that sleep is important to prioritize... I've worked consistently to get to bed at around 10 and fall asleep before 11. But last night, I thought "well whatever, doesn't matter" and guess what? Today I feel like utter shit. Plus I feel stupid for having done it at all knowing that I NEED that sleep schedule. It's fucking ironic that just a week ago I was talking about my Dad's bad decision and then I go off and do something just like it.
I really need to work on remembering that bipolar is the same as any chronic illness, and that I'm not "above" having to change my life around it. I'm not immune to the effects of shitty sleep, or lack of schedules, or ignoring my inner voice that says "hey, I need a shower/sunlight/social/alone-time" to instead do whatever I'm feeeeeling in that moment. I can't just take the meds and think that my job is done, and that I'll get healthy off of that alone. I've gotta put in the work.
I guess all of this is pretty obvious to those who have long accepted their diagnosis but it's just now finally clicking in my head that this is gonna be forever, and that getting meds was only the first step.
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self.bipolar
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I get yelled (by parents) at to come out of my room and stop being a hermit and be social but when I am they tell me to shut up and that I’m too talkative and hyper [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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They (my family) don't care for me or my happiness and I am 100% aware of this but I still love them. I really thought they would be there for me no matter what. I guess movies and shows made family to be something that is supportive and loving no matter what. I am working on letting go but I can't [deleted]
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self.depression
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Nobody would care if I killed myself. Everyone around me is pretty indifferent to the idea of me dying. I’m gonna overdose soon, I don’t care anymore. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Medication questions So I have Clonazepam Wich is great for the attacks. And sleep. But I also have OCD on top of anxiety Wich actually triggers the anxiety at times ugh. Plus I get super frustrated ,like over react. Anyways
I have tried a few different medications the Dr wanted to try. Zoloft ,welbutrin and I think Prozac
What happens is it does help my anxiety,like slows things down and actually helps me breath . But the stuff makes me depressed lol go figure. To the point I'm like a zombie just laying there ,I have kids so this can't happen.
Anyone have this happen also ?
Are there medications for anxiety ,OCD ,mood swings that aren't anti depressants?
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self.Anxiety
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How to start giving a shit I can’t seem to care about anything in my life. I truly don’t care about how my life turns out because... who cares ? My apathy is so confusing because what’s the point of living a life I don’t care about? I don’t necessarily want to stop living, I fear death far too much, I just want to learn how to enjoy living. Everything seems so pointless and empty. I don’t feel any emotions anymore and have nothing to look forward to. I want to care.
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self.depression
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Missing the person I used to be I've been struggling to finish college for the last six years. I used to do very well in school and aspired to be a writer or a teacher. Since I started expressing bipolar disorder, all my dreams died. I'm not able to perform the way I used to and I feel like my brain doesn't work the same way. I don't retain what I read as well, I don't write with the same clarity or insight.
Today I was going through some papers and I found some writing I had done a few years back. It hurt to read. It was very good, much better than what I've been able to do in the past few years.
It's painful to recognize what I had the ability to do and know that I couldn't produce something of the same caliber right now. I see potential in the person who wrote this work that I don't see in my current self.
I miss the time in my life before I went crazy and lost my chance at everything.
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self.bipolar
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What jobs are good for people like us? Sorry long post so I'll title each section:
Main question: What jobs or other means of making money are a good fit for people like me who can't handle stress, need mental health days off about once a month to "recharge my batteries", and has a low self esteem who let's people walk all over them & who has problems setting boundaries?
Background that gives reasons why I should look into alternative than working inn an office enviroment:
I've realized that I'm not a good fit for an office job. Im currently the office manager of a small office and the stress is too overwhelming for me to handle. I used to love this job and, for the most part, I still do but their expectations of me are too high. The office manager role is very obscure and changes with the needs of the office that is being managed. My company is very old school and slow to change & see the importance of technology. Out of the 10 or so people in my office, probably the whole company, I have the highest proficiency with computers and MS Office and other programs. I've had training and years of experience. I took a class for the A+ certification, passed one of the 2 tests but figured out that I didn't want to be in a tech support career. So I got my associate's degree in business management while working part time at my company then advanced to office manager. I'm capable of doing a lot of things and have unintentionally lengthened my list of responsibilities. I do a lot of IT support; both hardware and software, and since I'm the only one with more than a working knowledge of MS Office, I make a lot of spreadsheets, forms, marketing brochures, clean up old schematics, personalized cards for customers, invitations to the office party (which I also plan), edit sales quotes, etc. But now that my workload has increased and I'm asking for help in the way of a part time assistant with MS Office skills to take some of the load off, they don't see a need. They're saying that I made processes of the things I do more complicated than necessary and time consuming, basically I've caused my own problem. It may look complicated to someone without computer or MS Office knowledge because it's too complicated for them but it's not for me and it actually saves time.
Current issue: I'm really, really stressed and overworked and I'm not even asking for a raise, in asking for an assistant who's more than a just a pretty face with a perky personality who looks blankly at you if you ask them to do anything on the computer.
More Background about the personality conflicts I've had in my jobs: However, this is the only job where I get along with everyone, usually, and have a relatively understanding boss, and I actually like what I do. Every job I've had in the past has been filled with personality conflicts, typically with other women. It gets so out of hand that I have to quit because of the hostile work enviroment. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing to cause this conflict but it's hard to see from the other perspectives. I started a job once and the 3 receptionists ignored me from day 1 before they had even met me, another my manager blamed everything on me even an error that was in her handwriting, next was a girl who had started spreading rumors and negative stuff about me right when she started. I found this out when a co-worker told me a week after the girl had started then when I got promoted above our boss after 5 months on the job it only got worse, the next one was a very verbally abusive boss & a friend who both had blamed stuff on me even when I had proof that it was their fault not mine. After that I got really depressed but finally got up again, got sponsored by the state to go to college (which you might be able to do if you can prove your bipolar diagnosis). I started working part time at my mom's office while I was going to school then when she retired I was promoted to office manager which is where I am now. I've known most of my coworkers for years before I started working there. The only time I've had conflict at my current job was when my assistant was a coworker's wife who made it very clear that she wanted my job and had even asked my mom, way before she retired, that she'd love to be her replacement when she was ready to retire. After she left it's been fine. When I got really really depressed, I told my boss about my diagnosis & the suicidal state I was in and he gave me a paid week off to find help and it didn't count against my vacation or sick time. The company pays 100% of employee health, dental, vision, and life coverage. The hourly rates are lower than in the industry but the benefits & (usually) a more relaxed & understanding enviroment. I'm going to give them 6 months to realize that the office would be better off paying a higher hourly wage to hire another person who has a better proficiency in MS Office, even part time.
My current opportunity: But I don't want to go back into the office world where the old cycle will just keep repeating itself. Fortunately I have a supportive husband who makes more than enough to support us (we don't have kids) and has given me hope that there are other ways to make money & we have the means to take care of us if I try something new and fail.
Main Question with more details: Do you know of anything? I heard about buying stuff at garage and estate sales then selling them online thru Amazon. I might even start a blog about my bipolar experience. I'm very stable, knowledgeable about mental illness, and extremely self aware. I've been told I should be a therapist but I don't have the strength it takes to not make my patients' problems my own or the heart too withstand a loss of a patient if they committed suicide or died of other issues like drug overdose, etc.
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self.bipolar
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idk what this is, it just kind of happened I push
Pressing, constant pressure, down down down
Strained, stained with sweat,
Muscles shaking, twitches of regret
How much more? Eyes squeezed shut
Why? Why can't I cast it off?
When do I grow?
What am I beyond this weight?
Would I recognize me?
Acceptance.
The weight becomes me.
A familiar twitch turns to a flex.
I've been here before.
Reflection
My identity redefined
Who am I now?
A half remembered force presses upon me
And I push
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self.SuicideWatch
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High Prolactin Levels Due To Antipsychotics Hey guys, so for some odd reason I’m lactating from my right breast and I’m not pregnant however I did some research and risperidone can cause high prolactin levels which causes lactation. By the way I just self diagnosed in the last 2 hours lol, going to still made a doctors appointment. Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this? I’m a healthy 22F
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self.bipolar
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It’s my birthday today and I hate it... It’s 2:02 AM here so technically today is my birthday and I just turned 18. My parents told me to go out with my friends and do something fun...I can’t just tell them to go out and celebrate my birthday...it’s just made me feel like I’m begging them to hang out with me. I don’t even think my friends are my real friends, I called them my friends because I smoked and drank with those “friends” . I’m the guy who’s try really hard to fit in but just end up being weird... I don’t know what to feel about anything, I can say that I’m a complete piece of shit! 18 years and I’m still a virgin, no first kiss, no gf, my friend told me “just go for it” or “just go talk to her, it’s not that difficult” but I physically and mentally can not do that. I’m an ugly piece of shit, I don’t know what to say and I’ll creep a girl out before I even get to say anything...I don’t know where I’m going with this I just finished a cigar and a beer sitting outside in the cold because cold weather makes my eyes dry so that I can’t cry even if I want to.
I plan on going to my uni counselor in a week or two if I even have motivation to go. I’ve been contemplating on posting on this subreddit but I just don’t have the courage to do so.
Anyway I hope you guys are having a better day than I do.
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self.depression
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Have I hit the brink of insanity or am I just manic [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Out of the blue panic attack I’ve been struggling with anxiety since I was 12 years old. I started going to counseling when I was 13 and diagnosed with chronic anxiety.
After 4 years of counseling I was finally feeling better and I stopped going and stopped taking my anxiety medication.
I told myself I needed to learn to be able to calm myself down when I start to feel anxious and that it’s all a state of the mind.
I’m now 20 years old and although have a lot of stress going on in my life I also felt I have been on a pretty good path in life.
Tonight I was laying on the couch watching TV after a long day of work, nothing happening I was curled up relaxing.
Out of no where my heart started racing and I felt like I couldn’t breath.
I tried to tell myself I needed to calm down and went to my garage and I went into a full blown panic attack.
Has anyone else felt this happen and can give me some insight on what is happening?
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self.Anxiety
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Feels terrible that I lost the present my brother gave me. He gave me for my birthday in AUgust a pair of $200 wireless Bose earphones. It's the most outside of my parents that anyone's spent on me as a gift. One month into it, they accidentally went into the washing machine and stopped working. Emailed Bose, and they sent me a replacement(as long as I sent the broken one).
Anyways, I lost them yesterday. I had them on me after work(had them around my neck). Parked in the driveway, came home. I'm not sure if I took off my jacket. Ate and then went to the movie theater. Took off my jacket and then left. I did go back today, checked the lost and found and then checked the screening where I sat at(movie was All The Money in the World so it was not packed at all). Checked the parking lot, nope. Checked my car, nope. Retraced my step, nothing. Tore my bedroom, nothing. Since it's bluetooth, clicked on it, and I can't get a signal or a connection.
Normally, I'm not careless with these things and I would put it in my pocket. I feel terrible given how much they cost. He has never asked about them or anything. But it's just a burden I feel I'll have to carry. I'm also probably going to stick to wired headphones from now as they're harder for me to lose. I will miss those earphones, they were so cool. Bummer.
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self.offmychest
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Just so frustrated by the fact that suicide isn’t an option. I️ can’t bear the thought of what killing myself would do to my loved ones but day-to-day living is so extremely painful. I️ don’t have any motivation to get me through my days besides the obligation to my family to stay alive. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Single for all my 20's, no job for six years and I'm turning 30 tomorrow.. misery sure does love company [deleted]
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self.depression
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Do not use BetterHelp free trial, they will charge you after it ends, not refund and delete your account. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I haven’t spoken to anyone at all since Friday Besides the cashier from chipotle yesterday (and a few comments back and forth here), not a single text, phone call, message, hello from anyone I know. It’s 100% my fault because I cut myself off from everyone, but FUCK it still hurts. I ain’t gonna make it to 2018. Oh well.
And the person I talked to on Friday was me asking for my money that my ex borrowed and said he’d return the 1st, then the 15th, now the 1st again. And before that? I think Monday was the last time.
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self.depression
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Fear of eternal mental suffeing Sometimes i think about things that depresses me and making me stressed, and i become anxious that they might happen again and again
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self.Anxiety
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I hate the idea of taking meds. Convince me (please) Was diagnosed mild bipolar. I manage my depression OK, swimming laps 5 days a week for an hour gets the endorphins going, but sometimes my mood swings are still really difficult to manage. I still get depressed fairly often, and it feels like I constantly have to talk myself out of it. I go for long walks and think, or go for a jog and run until the feeling gets a little better. It doesn't go away completely, but it makes it manageable.
I like being clear-headed, and I have noticed that almost any medication seems to bother me. I nearly *always* have some kind of side effect. It seems to me that this is probably the best I can do. I used to have a lot of unhealthy habits. I smoked/vaped, was overweight, and used recreational drugs. I know I have done a great job dealing with all these issues over the last year, and I am really proud of myself. I feel physically very healthy. I really think it would be a mistake to start taking drugs and suddenly find myself gaining weight, feeling dizzy, or lethargic, or whatever. Seems like a step backward. What do you think? Are meds for everyone with a mood disorder?
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self.bipolar
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Feeling like shutter island Sometimes I do not feel like I am just having bad times, but like I am living in a scripted world that tries to keep me from being insane.
Unperiodically I am just waiting for the big plot twist in my life that tells me that I am just an actor in a movie that suits my mental state.
Do some of you recognize the feeling I do, that your depressive state puts you in a world that doesn't seem real?
I am sorry if this is the wrong place to post, but I do not have the friends or family that I can ask about things like this..
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self.depression
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Has this happened to you? Some days before I fall asleep, I just think what kind of person I could be, and my mind brings up all the depressing shit in my life on a loop, and I just lay there feeling like absolute garbage.
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self.depression
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Maybe a bad week? But I thought I was getting better So last I posted here, was over 100 days ago (according to my Reddit history)
In that time, I've been more open with the fact that something isn't entirely right with me. I've been more open with both myself and friends. Honestly, 2017 was terrible for me. But 2018 started out looking strong! I got better grades, I matched with this really cute girl on Tinder and we were supposed to grab coffee (pretty big deal for me considering I've never actually been on a date before)
And then these last two weeks things have been sorta taking a weird turn. Course work is just coming down in an avalanche and I'm slowly starting to feel that suffocating sensation you get when you're overwhelmed. Got ghosted by the girl before we could actually grab coffee. Thought the conversation was going good but who knows really.
The thing that's kinda worrying me is that I find myself craving weed or alcohol. Both of which I know are able to help me just shut my brain off and stop thinking. I don't want to rely on these things so I'm scared that I'm starting to have these tendencies pop back up
Just wanted to get that off my chest and ramble for a bit. Thanks to anybody who reads this
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self.depression
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Insanely depressed over my nationality/background. Been going on for 5 years now. Makes me cry uncontrollably. Any help/advice? So i’m Pakistani-American, born and raised in the U.S. and I hate my nationality so much. I’ve been laughed at and teased by whites (Greeks, Irish,) , blacks, etc. for being Pakistani.
Being Pakistani hurts so much. The nationalities of my peers/classmates have been celebrated (Italian, Greek, etc) while mine is looked down upon. Countries like Italy, Spain, etc. are known for the most iconic landmarks, world renowned food, amazing culture etc. while Pakistan is known for terrorism, cousin marriage, and being third world.
I mean what a slap in the face that Pakistan barely gets any tourism and countries like Germany literally get more tourists in a week than Pakistan does in a year. What a compliment that people all around would come to your nation for leisure/personal time whereas a country with no tourists like Pakistan merely exists and barely anyone would seek to see it. Pakistan only has 6 UNESCO World Heritage sites whereas Italy has over 50 and Greece over 30. Pakistan was ranked 3rd worst reputation of any country in the world. It just hurts so much to know I was “dealt a band hand”/had shit luck to receive such a shitty nationality when others like Italians, Portuguese, etc. get such great nationalities that they can feel proud of everyday. I mean honestly, if we could choose our nationalities/backgrounds, who the hell would pick Pakistani?
This has been going on for years and I often cry uncontrollably and don’t want to do anything, becoming severely depressed. I’ve longed to be of a different nationality/background for years now (started around 5 years ago). Any advice/help please?
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self.depression
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I need some positivity It's my last few days before I do it,just give me something positive,I keep getting verbally attacked,I just can't keep going,think I'll do it Sunday or Monday
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self.SuicideWatch
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I️ told my roommate to be quiet, he did it, and it was fine When my roommate upstairs plays guitar, he taps his foot, with his shoe on, in the part of the living room directly above where my bed is.
Usually I️ would much rather just live in the stress of it, build up some narrative about what a huge asshole he is, never say anything about it, and let it get heaped onto the pile of things that make me pace back and forth for hours when I️ panic.
This time I casually texted him to stop, he texted back “sure sorry man”, and I️t was over
Long story short, not everyone turns every slightly negative interaction into what I️ call a “negative thought spiral”
Turns out you can speak up for yourself, and I️t doesn’t make you an asshole. Anyone feel me?
EDIT: this iPhone glitch that turns certain common prepositions into question mark boxes is the worst and no level of mindfulness will stop that
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self.Anxiety
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Called the state and got my Medicaid back. Small victories. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I am a seriously troubled guy, please help I was thinking of writing a huge story as it would be good background as to how deeply troubled I am, but I don't think anyone would bother to read that so I'll give summary of my situation.
I a 23 year old and graduated 2 years ago and had to move back in with my family. Ever since I have been unemployed. It was fine the first 6 months, then when I tried figuring out what I wanted to do, but I couldn't. As time went by the environment I am in has become more and more toxic, I can feel myself getting dumber and older living with such a backward family who I keep having clashes with. Due to their nasty nature I have decided to keep totally to myself and stay in my room in order to avoid them, but this has meant I have been skipping meals. I have lost a lot of weight and just feel sickly. I don't have any friends and have been completely alone.
Luckily, I now have some sort of idea about what I want to do. I also have enough money saved up from unspent student loans and benefits to move out. As it's been 2 years and I have had nothing but suffering I have considered going on holiday for a while before I move out as I don't think I'll get a chance to again and believe it will be beneficial to mental health. I have worked out that I do have the money to do this. I have been debating the pros and cons of this for over a month. I can't make a fucking decision about what I want to do. It's odd, the suffering isn't motivating me to act faster. If I don't go on holiday, I'll regret it and if I do I also feel I'll regret it. I think it's anxiety because I'm scared of the unknown. I also have a history of things not working for, so I am very sensitive to the possibility of things falling apart again. I have been trying to make a decision for over a month, and I still have not made any breakthroughs. If anything the decision has become harder. I don't want to be this way. I want to be able to make big decisions without this mental torture. Something needs to change and maybe someone here can offer some perspective to help me overcome this indecisiveness.
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self.Anxiety
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no savings, no friends, no family, no direction in life and heartbroken. literally just surviving paycheck to paycheck. I have a useless bachelors degree and I barely make enough at my job to live off of. My family doesn't want to have anything to do with me, my dad calls me an embarrassment because of my mental illness. I'm not interested in my field anymore or in graduate school for that matter. I feel like my mental illness prevents me from functioning normally and I can't even pay to take care of myself mentally and physically (health-wise). All of my friends have moved on. No one is interested in me and no one wants me. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sitting at a dunkin donuts before I go to work. I'm trying to do online surveys so that I can have money for food and gasoline this week. I have no food at home except for coffee. I had two cups of coffee today and nothing to eat and my stomach is growling. I'm so hungry and I have $6 in my checking account, but I need that for gasoline. I'm hoping I can make $1 or $2 so that I can at least get a six pack of ramen or something from dollar tree after work. I keep getting disqualified from the surveys. I'll spend an hour, think that I'll be finished with it and then it disqualifies me at the end. Each survey is 70 cents. Sometimes when I'm lucky I make up to $10 a day. My car is almost at 200,000 miles and is 11 years old. I'll be out of a job if I can't drive to work ( i work as a behavior technician and have to transport clients to and from therapy. without my car there is no job so public transport isnt an option). Work forgot to pay me last week even though I submitted my time sheet on time. I called payroll and they were unapologetic. "Well, we'll put you on again for this week. Just wait until Friday." Okay, thanks. I have to pee a lot. I keep gaining weight and I can barely afford to go to the doctor. I think there's something wrong with my thyroid. I don't feel good. I feel like crying. It's too warm in here and I am lonely.
What is this life. It sucks. It continues to suck. I don't even know what to do anymore.
Edit: thank you everyone for your kind words. I appreciate the offers of help as well as the words of encouragement and advice. I was able to scrounge up some change in the room I'm renting to buy some ramen so, I'll try to make it stretch until Friday and at the least will have a full tummy when I sleep tonight. Although I'll only have around a $20 weekly budget for food by the time I get paid I think I will be okay, just have to find a way to make it stretch. thanks again everyone. I just needed to vent today.
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self.offmychest
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Guy I’ve never dated will not leave me alone [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Zoloft and Lithium So my pdoc added Zoloft to my regime today. Reading the pamphlet that CVS gave I saw Lithium mentioned, so I did a drug interactions(which I usually do before starting something) and it came up with a major interaction, because of the risk of serotonin syndrome.
Is anyone on these drugs together?
She talked about going to a high dosage so it helps with my OCD as well. My pdoc is a 3rd year resident(we have a program where you can see them free in my area) so while there is a doctor overseeing her she is still learning.
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self.bipolar
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How do you cope with depression? I “cope” by playing videogames (for an unhealthy amount of time), getting high (mostly weed, sometimes acid), and listening to music (almost 24/7). All of these things are temporary and only serve as an escape but I do them all the time and that’s a problem. Have schoolwork to do? Oh forget it, just play videogames. Feeling down? Smoke some weed. Be in a social situation and have to interact with people? Oh fuck no, plug in them earphones and space out.
So how do you cope? I’m not asking for just healthy answers I’m just interested in hearing any way you cope with this monster of an illness.
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self.depression
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It would be stupid as fuck to spend my grocery money on a Christmas tree I can't even decorate. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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LPT You can request to be switched to a different generic at your pharmacy (US) So I seem to be having issues with unichem pharmaceuticals lamtrigine and called my pharmacy, they told me that they could switch me to another generic but it would take an extra day to get it (I live in a large city so this may vary according to locality). They also asked me which one I wanted, so you can actually *choose* the company, if you know which one works best for you you can ask for it.
YMMV depending on your pharmacy, mine is good. When I mentioned my issue they said I could switch without hesitation and asked me which one. The did it on the computer while I was on the phone. The people who work there are competent and know what they're doing and they're really awesome. I keep pinching myself.
Before this I spoke to another branch in the same chain, asking if they also had the unichem generic, and they were completely lost, was passed to three different people, on hold multiple times, and the person who could finally answer my question was able to look at a bottle and read off to me the company name, she sounded unsure of how to pronounce it, it made me nervous to hear that, even though I stumble over words a lot. It's just less reassuring when it's someone at the pharmacy seeming like all of this information is new to them.
So even branches in the same pharmacy chain can have wildly different experiences. It's nuts. I love love love my pharmacy! I'm scared that I'll lose them or the manager or pharmacists will change or something! I have seen different employees there but the quality of service is consistent. Maybe it's strange but whenever something good comes along in my life I'm terrified I'll lose it and get thrown back to the wolves again. Do people have things consistently good in their life?
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self.bipolar
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How to comfort a insecure person Hello guys, I recently stumbled over this subreddit on my search to comfort a good friend of mine.
So it's not about me but about her. She has proven social anxiety and recently started to study. She is taking pills and going to the therapy then and now. She seemed to be fine until a few hours ago she said that she isn't satisfied anymore. She often says things like "Nobody likes me","I'm so done with my insecurities"," I am so unhappy with myself".
The thing now is that I don't really know how to comfort her over chat in a situation like that. Stuff like "you know there are many out there liking you" don't seem to be really helpful. In addition she kinda only writes me when she is bad mooded or has some kind of depression phase like that.
Hope my question and thoughts are reasonable.
Thanks in advance.
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self.depression
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Dear Pooh Dear Pooh,
I am sorry. My immaturity, selfishness and inability to use communication led to me taking it out on you. I ghosted you because I am a coward and lacked compassion.
I cannot tell you that today I am trying to be better and more compassionate because the damage I have done is irrevocable. It is an awful thing that I cannot take back no matter how much I wish, I must live with the pain and confusion I caused. I do not seek forgiveness or friendship, but only that you understand that I know what I did.
I don’t think I can send this to you without reopening a wound that by now must be long healed, but selfishly I have posted it here to close my own wounds. Pooh, you deserve all the greatness in the world, I’m sorry I couldn’t see your shine.
Yours truly,
What do I do with my hands (Bee)
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self.offmychest
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Burn out sucks I'm a second year college student and I think I already burnt myself out. Last semester (second semester first year), I took 22 credit hours to keep pace with having two majors. I didn't leave campus at all. Instead I stayed for the summer (not leaving at all and having to move myself to a different room on foot) and took more classes while doing a lot of research (40 hours a week). Then I left for two weeks and then this semester began. I've been having trouble sleeping since July, I've been having trouble eating since September, and I've been having trouble studying for the last month. My grades are fine, but I'm just so irritated and tired and emotionally done. I have trouble having fun without guilt now, even if I have nothing coming up. I'm just so tired and next semester won't be easier (18 credits this semester with uncredited research and 19-20 next semester with credited research).
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self.offmychest
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Getting really close now My depression is all hereditary, so I've basically been depressed on and off since birth. Simple chemical deficiency, that's all. I've been on so many different medications/medicinal cocktails with so many different doses and seen so many counselors and have been to three different hospitals for it after two separate attempts and though when I go through treatment it does get better for a while, it still just goes right back to where it was again. It's so fucking frustrating. I don't understand why my brain's "default setting" is suicidal. I'm getting really, really tired of trying when nothing seems to really permanently work. Even when I think of living a long life it just exhausts me. Isn't it supposed to excite me? All the possibility of the future? All I feel is empty. I honestly don't think I have that much time left. And the fact that typing out that sentence doesn't stir anything in me really means I'm almost there. I'm just so tired. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore.
I don't even know why I posted this. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so fucking tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I fucked up I made my girlfriend upset, because apparently she had a night mare about me falling in love with someone else and dumping her.
I told her I had crushes before in our relationship, but I don’t act on the feelings. I truly and distinctly believe those feelings were hormone driven, and while it’s just some stupid attraction, I don’t think of it as love.
I told her love is something that’s built, that it’s a mutual respect and trust in each other, and that I wanted my future wife to be someone that I am literally best friends (because honestly I have trust issues and she’s one of the only person I’ve ever let get super close to me that isn’t family).
This freaked her out and she’s upset that I would ever even be attracted to another person. But again I explained that’s not love. She’s attracted to those Korean K-Pop boy bands, but she says that’s different in that she can’t reach them. And that the crushes I’ve had were within reach.
Just because they’re in reach, doesn’t mean I would act on the feelings. So now she’s angry, confused, and wants some time to think it through. She has every right to, but her meaning and mine just about real love seems so different.
Anyways I’ve fucked up. I feel terrible and I should, but what should be an adult conversation about something like this...devolved into something terrible...
I feel awful, I need guidance or assurance, or anything...
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self.offmychest
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