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What's the point in living if I'm bipolar? I'm bipolar and I don't see a reason to live. Cause of bipolar I wont live a full life. Wont be able to have the same relationships that normal people do, wont be able to experience the same things normal people do. I just can't find a reason to live. I can't even hold a fucking basic job. I'm about to drop out of college because its clear I'm not capable of passing a class. The only reason I have a roof over my head is because mommy and daddy let me live there still but there about to show me the door. I can't survive in the real world. I'm going to be a homeless guy in about 6 months with bipolar. What's the point in living for that?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't feel happy about myself No matter what, I can't think of positive things of myself. People have said good things about me but I just laugh it off as a joke thinking I'm a worthless piece of carp.
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self.depression
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Arrested by a bad cop So flash back to April of this year and I’m in my first manic episode. No one has diagnosed me yet, I just snapped and went to the hospital. Well while I was there things went wrong. I snapped again and ripped open the curtain of someone pushing out a baby and then was TACKLED by the cop there. Idk what happened completely. I don’t remember a lot of what happened during my manic episode. In the ambulance I received a gnarly bruise either because I seized as the medic put the iv in, or what I suspect, he just did a crappy job hitting my vein and scrambled around in my arm to search for a vein.
But I digress. This is about the cop. He threw me in jail. And for what? Throwing a clip board? Being bipolar?Literally everyone I talked to about the situation says he was out of his mind to do so. My husband said it was the worst thing he ever saw. All I remember is trying to get by him and then opening the curtain and being thrown to the ground. Somewhere in there is me throwing a clipboard.
My mind goes back there time and time again. I have HORRENDOUS memories from jail, but it’s hard to make out what was mania/psychosis and what is reality. I am a regular person who doesn’t cause trouble. Believe me when I say, I never deserved to go to jail. I may have been out of control, but the hospital had a literal room for patients who become a threat to others. They just didn’t follow protocol AT ALL. And they did NOT step in and help. Nothing. Nada but bills.
I just wanted to vent. I lurk here all the time, and I’ve posted too. I was remembering all of this, and feeling a little bummed about it. It’s in my life. Forever. I’ve moved past it a lot, but it still kinda resides in the back of my mind and creeps back up every so often. I just wish that policemen could’ve gotten in trouble. I wanna forgive. I don’t want to become bitter-I wanna be BETTER! But it’s a process. Some days that bell just rings a little louder.
✌🏻 & ❤️
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self.bipolar
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Trigger Warning I’m really struggling at the moment and I can’t turn to anyone and I’m worried laying it all on my boyfriend will push him into hating me. I want to harm myself so badly and I want to hurt my arms like I used to but I can’t because I work in a school now so I just keep ruining my legs all the time instead but I can feel the ache in my arms and the itching need. I have so many swirling thoughts and I can’t focus straight on the things that I’m doing or saying and I feel so in the edge; it’s like nothing matters but everything just matters too much at the same time and it’s all just too much noise. I want it all to be quiet. I want to make it quiet. I want to check myself in somewhere or something but I have this placement starting in September that I can’t lose but at the same time I’m not sure I really want but I do, but I know I don’t want to be where I am at the moment- the only bright thing is my boyfriend who endures everything but I’m so scared I’m just burdening him with my existence because he deserves someone so much healthier and I’m just spiralling. I just can’t, I need someone or something, and this is just me shouting into the void of anonymity because I don’t know what else to do
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self.bipolar
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Past My Prime I'm only 18, but I already feel like my glory days have come and gone. Back I highschool, I was pretty much the "King of The Nerds", as it were. I was one of the only upper classmen who was really into stuff like anime and video games, so all the younger nerds sort of looked up to me? I guess? I was the drum major in my schools band, and I had all this other stuff going on. My senior year of highschool was the year I grabbed life by the balls and made it my bitch. But now look at me, I can't even muster the energy to get out of bed. I can't hold a job, I can't drive, my girlfriend left me, etc. I'm not half the person I was just a year ago. I feel like an old man past his prime, just sort of struggling and failing to keep up with the kids these days. I'm certainly out of touch at least. I don't have a clue what's going on in the nerd circles these days, let alone what's happening in the real world. I really just want to give up on life and call it quits, since I can't see myself getting out of this hole anytime soon, and when I do, I'll be so far behind everyone else that it'll just be pathetic. I'll be an old man stuck where all the kids are, and everyone will be outpacing me.
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self.depression
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Was given a work phone, it's causing me anxiety. I recently got a work phone given to me during my shift last week, we initially had radios that we would use so that when operations had issues we could go to the area to help fix/diagnose what's going on. They decided to give us phones so that we could be more reachable and so we could escalate things easier.
The problem now is that it's making me anxious having the phone outside of work, I get text messages asking questions or sometimes phone calls from my boss. I missed a couple this morning on my day off and I tried calling them back but I haven't got a response yet( which increases my anxiety) It's hard not to ovethink on this phone, I can turn it off which will ease my anxiety but I'm worried I will miss something important. If I leave it on I keep trying to check emails or notifications. Not sure what would be best to do in this situation.
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling suicidal Just lost everything due to one bad night of a bad decision
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self.bipolar
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Am I depressed? Alright I will do my best to explain my situation here, I am 16 years old, from what I remember I have been depressed basically my entire childhood up until around 14,15. My current problem is that I do not know if I am depressed or what is going on with me, 99.9% of the time I do not really have any feelings, I can not feel love and it is a hell, I do not really care about anything really, nothing, I can feel somewhat stressed ish? sometimes well very rarely.
I have thought about if I have ADHD or being a sociopath or something like that, because I can be good at manipulating people or quickly planning a way to get what I want solely by just talking, sometimes I can be good at being a "psychiatrist", well not really but I can be good at helping people with problems mainly because I have been going through them myself.
Another problem I have is that I sometimes feel like I am overly observant and like too "smart" or something, not saying I am a genius or whatever but like I would consider myself like clever I guess??, I feel like normal people are less smart and that they can relax because they are not observing everything that is happening around them and they are just following the norm kinda? like a machine, but myself feel like I am too conscious and overly observant.
* I can get easily irritated at small things
* I feel alot better when I am with friends away from my home and I do not feel comfortable with any of my parents because I can not feel free
* Some times I can be very happy without reason
* Some times I can suddenly be sad without any reason, not thinking about anything at all actually, but happens very rarely but it has happened.
* I can get very energized when I listen to music and become very social
* I can be very dull and irritated and not really want to talk to anyone
* Generally feel quite dull and bored
* I do not really "think", not sure how to explain, but maybe everyone feels that way..
* I have no problems with self esteem at all
* Don't really remember much of childhood at all
-I have had feelings for a girl but that died out long time ago.
I also read something about interpersonal intelligence and I have thought that that might be something I have?
I am very bad at explaining my situation and I could possibly add alot more, but does anyone have any idea what is going on with me?
answers greatly appreciated.
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self.depression
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I need someone to talk to, I'm losing it! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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when you realise people who you thought were friends actually hate you :( [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing I used to enjoy, isn't enjoyable anymore... I've always struggled with anxiety and depression, due to the absolutely awful childhood i had. For a while there I thought I had everything under control..until July of this year. my whole world was flipped upside down again..and i'm at rock bottom. I have to force myself out of bed everyday, i ignore my phone, I used to be the guy the made sure everyone was happy and had a smile on their face regardless of how i felt..now it's the complete opposite. I could give 2 shits less about what everyone else is doing, or feeling. like I said i've always been a caring person..but this time around everything is different...and i'm not who I used to be...I simply don't care about anything anymore...and it really scares me. I don't really know what i'm going to do.
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self.depression
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I feel depressed and that I also have no one to talk because it's 'just some petty crush'. It means a lot for me to get some closure and advice right now. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Maybe if I run away, then everyone will miss me [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don’t like it I don’t like it when people say I’m not alone. There are almost 8 billion people in this planet. And even if there were 100 billion, nobody would be like me. Not even an alien would be even remotely similar to me. It feels like everything except me is real and I’m not supposed to exist. Why do I like the things literally everyone wants extinct? Why do I not like the things literally everyone loves?
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self.depression
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I don't know how much longer I can deal with my problems. There is no reason for me to be alive, and there is never going to be. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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It’s the little victories Currently I work full time, take classes, deal with depression & anxiety as well as have a husband that is bipolar and has been rapid cycling since July. I struggled all semester with my coursework. I dropped two 3 credit classes (originally was taking 14 because I have no concept of sanity) because I couldn’t keep up. I somehow managed to get most of the work done in those two.
I figured in one I might get a D. It was a rough class for more. The other, probably a high C or low B. Yes, I could have checked my grade throughout the semester, but my anxiety prefers I don’t. I have a tendency to listen to my anxiety.
Well, I passed both with a B+ and an A respectively!
That’s all. I am so glad that the stress about that is gone for now.
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self.offmychest
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Got dumped. I wanna cut and I want to end it. My now ex girlfriend couldn't even tell me over a text that it was over and got her friend to tell me. I want to cut myself to oblivion to make myself feel numb. I want to die more now, I didn't think it was possible.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know what I would do without my mother. I'd probably have to be taken to the psych ward if my mom ever dies suddenly. I don't know what I'd do without her. I'd rather die than stay with my Dad, and I don't want to piggyback on my sister. Maybe I'd just go homeless and starve in a corner somewhere in silence.
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self.depression
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Nothing I do will be good enough. I am a stay-at-home mother. I cook the food from scratch. I clean the house do the laundry watch our son. Even when my boyfriend is off work I'm watching the kid. If I had a real job I'd be working 16 hour shifts. I'm exhausted. But if I try to talk about it I get told about I would have to do these things anyway if I were on my own. That it isn't a real job. I'm lazy because many mother's have a real job and take care of thier children. I wish I never started to date. There is nothing worth it for me. I have plenty of friends and if I was horny there is always tinder. I have schizoaffective disorder and some days it's everything just to take care of the house stuff. I have no money that's my own. I have to ask for every dollar my boyfriend gives me. So I'm looking for a job. Before I was diagnosed with my mental illness I was working two jobs, going to school and still doing all the house stuff. Then I had a mental break. I don't know if I can work and take care of my son good enough. I know I will be looked down on for having a a job. I don't know if our relationship will last if I do manage to do all this buy myself. I feel like whatever I do is the wrong choice. I will always be lazy and ungrateful. I'm terrified of what to do and honestly wish I would just die, even a funeral would be to expensive and I don't want to tramatise anyone. I thought about just jumping in the rockriver. I'd die quickly and there would be no body found. I just love my son so much I want to see him grow up. I can't even get drunk to kill these feelings because I have to be able to take care of my child. I am just trash in so many ways. I just wish I could prove that I wasn't a worthless drain on society.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else feels like everything and everyone just annoys you? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I want to end my life because my life as I know it is over. Two weeks and I’ll be 18. I’ve posted tons and tons of times about this. I’m so scared, and I can’t take it. I’ve lived as a kid, and I want to die as one... I’m sorry, I really need help, and many people say 18 is still a kid, and 21 is the point where you grow up... but I just want it all to end. I don’t want to do it. It’s selfish, I know... I can’t help it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry... I’m not saying I’m ending it tonight, I just hope I have the strength to before my birthday.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What does your anxiety feel like? How do you know when it hits you? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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thinking that I might have bipolar disorder I originally thought I might have depression but I've been thinking differently recently. I'll have 2-4 periods in a year of being depressive and another of what I perceive as normal, but then within each period I'll have smaller swings between a strange state of being restless and unexplicably euphoric and kinda bored of life in a way and super depressed and irritable, in which i'll self harm or contemplate suicide, lasting 2 hours-2 days. Often these swings will overlap and i'll just be a complete mess of polar opposites. Its difficult keeping track of my mood because I have really bad emotional permanence but this is the kind of pattern I've noticed. I'll be very lucky to just feel normal and decently happy or stable and everything seems very black and white to me.
I think bipolar disorder might be the answer to my problems and I've looked into it a bit and think it is probable but don't want to mistake it for hormonal changes or just how depression manifests itself in me. I also have a history with psychosis and trauma if that affects it somehow. Can anyone give me advice in reaching clarity?
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self.bipolar
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This world makes me want to die. The people in this world are terrifying and so evil. There is so much hate and violence out there and I find myself often thinking about killing myself partially to avoid letting anyone hurt me. I am so afraid of being attacked and raped that I want to kill myself before it happens. I am scared to be white. I am scared to have kids that may look white. I see so much hate online for white people for all people from all ends and it sucks.
I just found out that my husband has maybe thousands of dollars in debt but he never told me. I want to save up and move to a secluded house away from people with bars on all my windows and a fence encircling my property. I just want to be safe but I don't even own a car and am living pay check to pay check at 27. I have done nothing but try to work my way up and it took me the first 8 years of my adult life to get a full time job. I have depression, anxiety, add, and because I didn't start talking until I was almost 3 and other things my mother believes that I am on the spectrum. I should never have children. I can't take care of myself financially. I am not nature enough to even keep track of my own doctors visits. I can't see my life getting any better. I don't want to live in my husband's family's house with all his family. I have wanted to and have been trying to be independent since I was 16. And I have no friends. I feel so alone.
At least I have my husband but I don't have any family to turn to if he were to get hit by a bus tomorrow. I know that it is unfair to him and honestly I think that I am too chicken shit to actually kill myself but my life is going good and I still fear living and I hate myself so much. I can't do it. I can't succeed in life. I was in special ed classes by whole life. I am so dumb. My 18 year old cousin was just hospitalised because she was raped. I feel so awful for her and I think that I am pregnant.
I am sorry that my post is all over the place and has no structure I just needed to vent.
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self.depression
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Dropped acid a few months ago and been depressed ever since [deleted]
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self.depression
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Failed my final exam now I failed the class. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Thanksgiving should be a time for love But in my case, it's not.
I came out as a trans individual in March, and found myself excommunicated from my family beyond my parents. I'm on rocky ground with them as well for "threatening us to get your way," referencing my blunt statement of "if I don't transition while I have the chance, I'm going to be dead before I graduate college."
I wish that I had only been threatening them. But it's the truth. Being percieved as someone that I'm not sends me down the proverbial rabbit hole faster than anything else. And with my mother always asking about my weight and insisting I "looked better as a girl" (I'm female-to-male), I don't feel able to visit them anymore. She always asks when I'll come home next, too, no matter how many times I tell her that her comments are hurtful and keep me away from home. She always says "I'm just telling the truth" and won't listen to me after we get to that statement.
I'm going elsewhere for thanksgiving this year because I'm unwelcome amongst the people who swore up and down that they love me and will always be there for me. They insisted all my friends would someday abandon me and they would be the only ones left. What a twist that they were the first to abandon when I dared to seek out happiness for myself.
Seeing many of my friends go back to their loving families for the holidays feels like a stab to the heart, you know? A few invited me to their celebrations, but I'm scared that being a visitor in a largely familial setting will be the thing that pushes me over the edge. And I don't want to go back to the mental hospital on Thanksgiving. I'd rather just die. I'm going to be dead either way, and maybe if I died my family would finally realize how awful they have been.
Right now the only things keeping me alive are my significant other and work. But work is work, a place where personal issues have to be put aside, and my boyfriend is also having problems with depression and I don't want to bother him with this more than I already have.
I just want this hell to end.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[GAD] social media Anyone else here (w/ or w/o GAD) get scared/anxious about posting to social media? I don't get scared about posting to Reddit, but I often severely hesitate and have to talk myself into posting on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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self.Anxiety
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I relapsed after months of not self harming My depression came as a wave. Like a fucking huge wave. My body was burning, I felt like I was drowning. I hadn't felt like this in a long time, and I had to cut to feel relief. I am really tired of life. I'm tired of being hardworking, resilient, calm and always happy. I'm saying all this because I know someone else on this sub has felt the same way. I'm on meds, therapy, and still feel this. Please help.
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self.bipolar
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I understand why people cut now. Not that I've ever looked down, criticized, or hated them for cutting, I just couldn't empathize.
But right now I am in so much, so much emotional pain right now that I want some physical outlet to let it out, and I can't see any way other than cutting.
I understand now.
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self.depression
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Serving time for a crime I didn't commit has left me contemplating suicide. [deleted]
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self.depression
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All that anger,depression,hatred,pain someday is going to burst out. I dont know about you guys but im feeling like im close to absolutely break and loose my mind.I either kill myself,somebody or both and go full homicider.Do you have this feeling too?
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self.depression
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I had an invention that you let China continue to mass-produce although mine was a bit different. I just wanted to let you know that Dog Moccasins made from plush nylon that slip on and lock around the ankle of the dog's paw to keep their feet nice and dry and glass-free is much different from the stuff with the velcro that you said "were already being made". I have not seen one person using doggie shoes on their dog when they're going for a walk in the big, nasty, glass-shattered sidewalk cities. And you apologize for my satisfactory attempt because you know I'm too much of a good girl for just about ANY sort of an attempt at a good career, huh? Sad, sad girl here. I just want to find someone who sees me for the genius ideas that I actually do have and is capable of laying out a framework for a business with me in actually making them happen. The problem is I'm too intense for Bullshit society. No offense bulls...but honestly, I know there are a lot more of you than any other types of men and all, but it would benefit you more to hire women who are harder than you are at top-ranking positions rather than thinking about how you won't be able to satisfy them in the bedroom. Sorry I'm not HOT ENOUGH to fit your mold of what a MIDDLING, professional woman with a competitive edge is supposed to work like.
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self.offmychest
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Why are people so selfish? I'm still here, but I no longer want to be. Ive decided I will do it before my birthday in June, so I have a deadline.
I tried to talk to my dad, and he just made it worse, telling me how much everyone will hurt if I do it. I asked him if he knew how much I hurt and told him the trade off wouldnt be as much. I dont want to be here way more than they want me here. No one calls me, asks me to see them, they dont care.
My ex wife keeps telling me that I'm worthless, a shitty deadbeat dad. I dont believe her, but it hurts knowing that she believes it.
I have no reason to live, my kids will be rich after insurance, I checked, suicide is covered in my policy, I lasted the five years it needs to cover it.
I just gotta grow the pair to do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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In July last year I planned to kill myself at the end of January if life didn't improve. (It hasn't). I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was 10. I have been on and off medications and in and out of therapy.
July last year I was admitted to hospital due to mental health problems, I received a lot help whilst I was there and thought; "This could be the turning point I will commit myself to getting better as hard as I can.
Well I have, I have tried medication, therapy and self discipline. My life is by no means bad compared to most people but I still want to die.
I was bullied quite a lot at school, always the subject of everyone's joke's or banter. The biggest bully I had in my life ended up becoming a professional footballer (no joke).
My parents were not supportive growing up because my sister got all of the attention by making their lives hell. Faked being raped,got pregnant at 16, drug convictions, other criminal charges, violent threats, stole from the family, assaulted my grandma I could write a novel about all she has done.
Even though I was a well behaved hard working kid I was still yelled at for the slightest thing I did wrong. I remember a time when I got a letter home from my high school saying that my effort grades had gone down (bare in mind this was before I had my learning difficulties diagnosis).
I came home to the letter and a note from my mum basically threatening me to improve my grades and she also left an application to become an apprentice plumber with the end of the note saying "make your choice".
I don't know why this memory sticks out, probably because I considered a plumber to be a good job and thought it was bang out of order to label plumbers like that.
Maybe it was the fact that my sister was out there pumping god knows what into her veins and getting knocked up repeatedly with no job but is regularly given money and support. She is 37 now and not worked a single day in her life yet she is treated like a queen.
My dad is an alcoholic, to be honest I cant blame him with what he has had to put up with but it turned him in to a real bastard at points. He was violent, selfish and emotionally abusive.
I have worked very hard my whole life at everything, school, career, myself, hobbies etc and I have nothing to show for it. I wanted to prove I could be better than my family, bullies and other arse holes. I know that might sound self absorbed but there we go.
Despite my learning difficulties I managed to graduate university, it was gruelling work I also had a low paying job whilst I was there, I even had my own Youtube channel which I dedicated myself to.
I graduated, then shorty after where I worked was shut down from lack of business which I was expecting anyway as it was pretty obvious business was going bad.
Since then I have applied for numerous jobs only to be rejected by all of them. I feel like I am cursed, no matter how hard I work I am kicked straight in the balls! To make it worse I see friends and people I despise glide through life getting everything they want with 0 effort.
I am just sick of trying now, fighting this hard is bad enough without depression and anxiety joining in. I suppose I want a reason to carry on or just anyone who is in the same boat to chime in.
Sorry if this a bit of a ramble I just wanted to get this stuff off my chest and out there.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Rapid cycling? Anyone deal with rapid cycling? I feel like my whole life is turned upside down after every shift. Any advice or even someone who’s experienced this would be awesome :)
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self.bipolar
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Hangover anxiety Does anyone else suffer from extreme anxiety/panic attack after a night of heavy and even sometimes light drinking? I am slightly ok the next day if I stay in my house but god forbid I have to go into public...the numbness in my chest, and extremities is so intense and the feeling of a heart attack just takes over. It's literally the worst feeling in the world and sometimes lasts for up to 2 days after. Has anyone ever gotten tested for maybe an allergy of some sort that may cause this? Just trying to find some answers and a little support on this situation. On a side note, hope everyone is doing ok today.
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self.Anxiety
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If I had a gun I wouldn’t be writing this
...
I don’t have the guts to hang myself
Shooting my self seems so much easier
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self.SuicideWatch
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My daughter is so excited for a kindergarten program they are putting on for the families at school. Can’t throw it away—I have to attend. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I woke up at 4 am with stomach ache and nausea and now I'm scared Since I never had a health check there I just looked up how a gastroscopy works and I started crying because it's so terrifying. I'm terribly afraid of...
* going to the doctor in the first place
* not managing to not eat for 12 hours due to stomach pain and having to cancel the appointment
* vomitting during the beginning on the process and embarassing myself
* coughing and suffocating during the process
* suffocating after the appointment due to the after-effects of the throat anaesthetics
* having this camera rope pushed in my guts and ripping out tissue
* damaging something inside by eating something hours after the appointment due to damaged tissue
* having an anxiety attack while having a rope ripping tissue from my intestines and damaging my intestines and vomitting stomach acid
* having to get an injection to prevent said anxiety attack
* being allergic to the sedative medication and ending up in the hospital
* being run over by a car because I'm too slow and sedated
* having my parents worry after I was hit by a car after the appointment and put in a hospital
* having people think I take drugs
I should probably stop. I had various gastrointestinal problems for quite a while. In my imagination everything inside me is damaged and I have at least three types of cancer. It could also be caused psychologically. I don't know which one is worse.
I don't think I will tell a doctor about these problems and I'll just keep taking anti-emetics. But I'm afraid if it's really a physical thing that becomes worse I won't be able to avoid it. Also I freak out so much about every little thing that I would have to constantly see doctors and get checked...
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self.Anxiety
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Question about medication - NOT diagnosis related, rather about acquisition I've been medicated properly for about a year, and while I still plan on seeing my doctors, it occurs to me that I should have some kind of contingency plan ready in the event that health care goes away. Are there legal sites where I can obtain the medication I take once I know what my stable and regular dosage is? (I won't name it since I don't know if that matters.) What about if I can't afford to get a prescription, or for some reason am unable to? I'm not talking about emergency dosage or samples, but could I take care of myself without this insurance and coverage?
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self.bipolar
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How do you get past anxiety long enough to admit fault. I work at a restaurant and yesterday I took home $60 without realizing it. A guest called today saying her final credit card receipt hadn't reflected the cash she put in. I honestly never saw it. I told my boss there was no cash. I even said they could look at the surveillance camera. Well, I always double check everything, so I looked in my apron (at home, different than I was wearing today) and sure enough, there was $60 in it. Now all I have to do is call and tell them the honest mistake.
The problem is, I am so scared of being thought of as dishonest or a thief that I can't bring myself to call. I want to cry and hide and quit immediately. I have just been hired elsewhere and was going to put my two weeks in tomorrow, but now the two things look related. I hate thieves and I don't want to be thought as one. I also do not want to keep the money. How do I fess up to my stupidity without having an anxiety attack at work tomorrow?
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self.Anxiety
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Being robbed and losing all the money for my family Christmas presents [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Looking for a long term friend male or female I’m 20 and I’m a dude so pm me I’m chill af [removed]
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self.depression
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First bf, abortion, abuse. Past creeping in on me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My boyfriend broke up with me because of my anxiety [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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How strong are my antidepressants? Hey,
So after months of feeling like my world wasn't worth living in, I've finally plucked up the courage to see the doc's. Just curious, how strong are my tablets?
I've been prescribed venlafaxine and Venzip XL both once a day.
Thanks for any heplp
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self.depression
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I think latuda stopped working I started 40 mg latuda on top of my other meds like a month ago and it was great but eventually I could tell I needed something stronger so we went to 60 mg. Yesterday it's like a switch flipped and I went from fine, personable, normal to depressed and hopeless. What the hell. I've been on the 60 for a little over a week and taken it with food.
Idk maybe I'm just not used to having to raise the dose of drugs because they usually make me sick at starting doses.
I love latuda, hate that it was $930 this month, but it's worth it. Sooner or later I'll hit my out of pocket max and it'll be free. God I hope it'll keep working and doesn't keep fizzling off a week after each dose increase.
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self.bipolar
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Freefalling in a void again - Not a f'ing poem [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My life is miserable and I can't understand why [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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too depressed to go to practice, but if I miss any more I might get kicked off the team [deleted]
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self.depression
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Question for my fellow Bipolar Survivors I was wondering if others have this feeling deep inside that you are not like everyone else? I have had this feeling from childhood, and it feels like it's originating from my gut. I used to observe people having fun or interacting with others and wonder why am I not like this? Is this a bipolar thing or Is this just me?
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self.bipolar
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Getting real sick of the cashiers at work getting preferential treatment while us busboys get treated like shit. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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i still don't understand why things ended up like this. below is a bunch of stream of consciousness venting so i apologize if it doesn't really make sense. everything sucks right now and i need this shit out of my head before it gets to be too much to think about.
it's really fucking funny that no matter how hard i try i get disregarded and shit on the end. i can't do anything right. it's an endless feedback loop of getting hurt.
i'm not even the backup friend. i managed to end up a whole tier below that. i might as well be nonexistent in everyone's eyes. i'm not even convenient to talk to when no one else is around anymore. there's newer (and i guess more interesting) people in my place now.
i didn't talk about my problems much because i didn't want to be a burden but even that didn't make a difference. we had five years of being a big happy group and then i started college and everyone continues to be in that big happy group except for me. i'm going on three and a half years of being an outcast in a group i had one point considered my second family. any attempts to catch up and ask how everyone's doing are ignored. i don't know why i still do it because every time i just end up hurt and wondering why i still try. it's a tangible burning kind of hurt that makes me feel absolutely rotten to the core
i don't know how it got this bad when everything seemed like it was ok until i woke up and realized none of them wanted me around anymore for seemingly no reason. i guess it doesn't really matter in the end because the signals i get are telling me that no matter how hard i try to present myself i'm annoying in ways i can't see and the universe wants me dead so i don't annoy more people in the future.
i don't want to be in a friend group ever again. i don't want to be alone either but i probably deserve to be.
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self.depression
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[Venting] Having a hard time coming to terms with having different needs than most. I'm having a really hard time today. I woke up on the wrong side of the world it seems; obviously this caused tension with the SO this morning. Now I'm at work, trying not to let the overwhelming feelings of self doubt flood in and cause a chain reaction.
Lately I've felt very discouraged. Despite being in therapy and working hard towards my goals I still haven't come to terms with the fact that this isn't going to change, and that I'm just going to get better at coping. It's a tough pill to swallow once labeled; I could've gone my entire life feeling like there was nothing really "wrong" with me, just that I felt a little more intensely.
The biggest issue I think I'm having is the doubt that others have. Before my S.O I didn't feel guilty about taking a mental health day, or missing a little bit of work, I felt like it was seriously needed. I'm taking a half day today, and this is where this all started. I guess i'm worried i'm going to be seen as lazy, useless, or just straight up irresponsible for not being able to just STAY at work for the day. I feel like any neurotypical person would think "hey, today is really shitty but tomorrow will be better"and then just compartmentalize their feelings and carry on. I wonder when and where that piece of me left. I think it's the having felt that way mentally before and now having it so different that makes me hurt the most.
I just feel overwhelmed with how hard I am on myself to just "be better". It's hard to admit needing a day to regroup or needing to take extra time to get into a head space that allows me to function. Being a perfectionist, this embarrasses me to no end. It's a bit of a big pride mixed with overwhelming shame from being different. So many of us are the same, why do I force myself to feel so different, isolated, and misunderstood. Why do I feel like such a burden when other people wouldn't even bat an eye at the way I'm acting. Why do I allow myself to suffer silently, why am I made to feel like I have to? A mixture of "nobody understand me" and "I wouldn't even want them to try to" because it all just seems like so much more work than it's supposed to be.
My therapist says I'm way to hard on myself, but the reality is, is I don't want to use my illness as a "crutch". I don't feel like I have but even just the thought of someone thinking of me that way is enough to put me in a tail spin of doubt. The anxiety that comes from having to say "I need this because of my mental illness" is insurmountable. The thought that asking for something out of a pure need would be taken as an excuse to be "lazy" or "unreliable" is heart wrenching. Being particularly self aware and full of anxiety seems to make it a lot worse because I tend to just perpetuate the self doubt.
I really needed to address how I was feeling in this moment, to some people I hope will understand too. Insight is welcome, thank you for listening.
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self.bipolar
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Depression and suicidal thoughts making me sick I've never experienced depression like this in the past so I cant tell if this is normal or something else but can someone else please tell me if they've experienced it too. I feel like Im losing my mind more and more. My head feels like its going to explode, I cant eat properly (try to force myself cause I know I should), barely sleep even with pills that are supposed to help, my meds have done nothing for me Im still just as hopeless and now Im getting migraines which has never happened before and had to run for the toilet as soon as I got out of my car to throw up. I feel like I've lost all control
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self.SuicideWatch
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anyone? I don't have any reason to have anxiety, I live in a pretty privileged family, ive had a couple ups and downs, a few bumps that might of caused it, but its only just developed over the last 2-ish years. I really dont have anything to worry about, my lifes pretty good, yet anxiety still lingers. It's gotten severe enough to start causing depression, trust issues, and i think i might be a little bit bi-polar. I'm only just a teenager, I don't really think I "deserve" what I have. Does anyone else have to deal with this shit for no reason?
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self.Anxiety
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i dont know how to meaningfully cope with these feelings. I'm getting overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I maybe racist So I was watching this movie 47 Ronin and I swear every male with a similar haircut looked the same to me. Even the women looked similar I couldn't tell some of the characters apart.
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self.offmychest
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Valerian iteraction with kava I tried to take valerian for my anxiety and didnt work as much as expected from an axiety releiving natural medicine, plus it couldn't make me feel a high. So i found kava and managed to get some from internet. I tried it and really like it. I found that trying both together destroy the kava high and head spin effect. Thanks for reading m8
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self.Anxiety
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A goodbye video? So I've ordered my choice of drugs to OD on from the dark web and and am now just waiting. Will be a benzo and alcohol overdose, up on a quiet hill that overlooks some nice fields, around 7am just as the sun's coming up. Hopefully it should be nice.
I wanted to ask, has anyone decided to leave a video instead of a note? I feel like a video has more substance and I think it'll convey emotions a bit better than some words on paper. I have some things I need to say to a few people and I think a video would do the job better.
Is anyone else thinking of doing the same thing?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else ever wonder if it is actually worth fighting anymore? I hate that even with meds and therapy I still have relapses severe enough to land me in the hospital. When I am stable, I still struggle with suicidal ideation and self harm on a daily basis. I have a "meaningful" career that is my default excuse for staying alive (at least until summer), but lately I can't even convince myself that my absence would matter. I'm replaceable, and if I planned it right no one there would even know I was dead. I'm so used to fighting it, but when I stop to think about my reasons, they feel forced and superficial. Sorry for my rant.
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self.bipolar
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I discovered I’m bipolar and have been my whole life, and I’m completely panicking. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I know I shouldn't care I'm in a relationship and I love my girlfriend very much. However I still love my ex whom was a few years ago and my feelings havent changed.
Sometimes I feel like I made a huge mistake by trying to move on. She said she was wasnt ready for a full commitment so it was "dating" as opposed to officially together, I always felt it was. We speak and are on good terms but sometimes I feel like I made a mistake giving up on her. I love my girlfriend, but I still love my ex
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self.offmychest
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Does Gabapentin Help you with your Bipolar? I have been considering stop taking gabapentin because it gives me heart palpitations and due to the possibility of weight gain. I just got of seroquel and gained a lot of weight. I dont want to take another weight gaining drug again. Does it even help with mania or anxiety?
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self.bipolar
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Seeking help today I've been struggling with lots of issues for a very long time and always thought people who sought help were weak... today I had enough and my own thoughts scared me. I usually have an attitude of "whatever" never taking anything seriously cuz life is a huge joke. But my dad and i argues this morning and he blatantly told me that I had no self esteem and no dignity along with no self love. For some reason I took it personally, at that moment I was thinking about ending it so I got in my car and went to get my tires changed to winters. I decided to get help, I'm tired of feeling hopeless and wanting to end it all. Tired of always feeling like a lifeless sack of meat just roaming around through life. However if therapy doesn't work, I think there's only one other option left... here's to hopping I guess
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self.SuicideWatch
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I found something to help my anxiety, I think, and I wanted to share. Good morning, friends! Last night was a huge struggle for me. I climbed into bed when I suddenly just started fucking bawling. I decided to try and meditate and preform some deep breathing exercises and they worked enough to allow me to fall asleep. Anyways, during this time I was looking up apps for these things specifically and found one named Pacifica. Basically, it gives you the tools for deep breathing, meditation, positive visualizations etc. it also helps you set goals, some as simple as “going to the store”, or “smiling at a stranger”; silly things like that but it makes a difference. Anyways, I know it’s only been a day but it’s got me looking forward to completing the goals I have set for myself, finding the positives out of my day, and stray away from the negative feelings that come up!
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self.Anxiety
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I feel like a failure because I still haven't gotten "over it"... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I can't catch a break from myself Longtime lurker here. Im sorry for the lengthy post, Ive been needing an outlet and thought this sub would be the best place to vent.
Im 23/m and ive been dealing with depression and low self esteem my whole life. I used a lot of drugs through my early teens and into my early 20s, though I stopped taking uppers and phsychadelics around 18 I continued to smoke weed daily up until the start of this year. I now have intense social anxiety, zero confidence in myself and a whole cocktail of complexes wreaking havoc on my life.
The lack of self esteem that started in early life I believe has come from being gay and struggling with that internally. but right now it seems this is besides the point. I am fortunate to have grown up free from bullying and discrimination (mostly) from both peers and family and though ive had major ups and downs with those demons in the past I know this isnt the problem and wont be a problem for me in the future, I just think my mental health issues have stemmed from that if you get what I mean?
Anyways... I recently left a job that I had been at for a number of years. Being there was great for the most part, I was super comfortable, made friends and gained loads of experience and confidence. Around October last year I started to get really depressed and my anxiety was creeping back in. I felt I was slipping back into my old self, the mess of a person I was before I got this job and I ended up handing my notice in due to a series of very stressful incidents which wernt even that bad but my mind told me otherwise. When I left it was a huge relief and I had genuine hope for my future and was actually looking forward to a new chapter with new people in a new place. Oh boy was I wrong.
I quickly landed a job in a similar role and was super proud of myself for doing well in the interview. I went in for my first day with high hopes feeling confident as ever and this is when things went terribly wrong. I was faced with a training group of 17 other people, way more than I had expected, I got incredibly nervous and then came the ice breakers. I thought I was ready for this shit but I could not have been more wrong. My anxiety took over worse than I had experienced for years and I ended up quitting the next day and hitting rock bottom.
Fast forward a month and Ive just started another job in something tottally new to me. Im on my fourth shift and Like the title says I feel like I cant catch a break from my own self destructive mind. Its a constant case of battling my issues with hope and reassurance, only to be kicked in the teeth by it again. I can feel my confidence crumbling, my anxiety worsening and the depressive dread creeping in... Im tired of telling myself I can do it only to be let down by myself later on. Its seems so much easier to just give in to the bad thoughts when youve been battling them for so long and the bad always seems to out way the good. Im regretting leaving the comfort of my other job and feeling stupid for believing I was confident enough to move on. The depression started again Today and I just feel utterly burnt out and hopeless, I cant fight this anymore. People keep telling me it will get easier with time but its hard to see it that way when everyday takes such a toll on my mental health. I just want to be happy and at peace but my mind won't let me.
Can anyone relate to this?
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self.Anxiety
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DAE will be fucking lonely on new year's eve? My coworker asked me today about my plans for that day. I told him Im at work, but it's fine with me since I dont have any special plans anyway. "You have no friends, so you've got no plans, HEHEHE"
just fuck this guy.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why do I have to constantly poke people for their attention? Jesus H Christ. A relationship is a 2 way street is it not? It's freaking exhausting trying to maintain relationships while working full time. I feel so lost. Is this sort of loneliness inevitable?
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self.depression
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I wish I had a friend to talk to. There’s been a couple times me and my SO have fought, and it’s been so bad where she didn’t want to talk to me for days, sometimes even a full week. And she’s the only person I can really talk to about my feelings whether it’s depression or loneliness or anxiety. And all those all only really happen when we fight and she doesn’t want to talk to me.
I don’t have any friends I can talk to just to get through a hard time. I have people I can hang out with and drink with and joke with, but nobody that I feel could “handle” my dark side. I can’t even handle my dark side how can I expect somebody to help me. I just feel like sometimes the anxiety and the separation from my SO get too overwhelming and if I feel like I’m the cause of the fight I’ll get depressed and put myself down.
She is my best friend especially when it comes to talking about my feelings, but I never really have to anyway because she really brightens up my day just knowing I’m going to see her, but if I can’t have her around to brighten my day, what can I do. I just can’t handle all of it on my own. I feel like my mental illness is just an annoyance to everybody around me so I try to bury it till I get home and just have it all come out when I’m all alone.
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self.depression
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Opinions on Weed? I smoked weed daily in my teens but when my anxiety really began to manifest in my late teens, weed completely changed for me and made me super anxious and made me feel like I was going crazy.
I gave up for a while and now I’m back smoking daily , I’m 24 btw. I still get super anxious when I smoke it sometimes, but I’ve realized that once I let the anxiety wash over me, I enter a really nice introspective space where I’m outside the anxiety, a place where I can see the silliness of my worries and how meaningless they are in the grander scheme of things.
So in a way weed is helping me with my anxiety, something I’d have never thought possible a while ago because it used to turn me into a nervous wreck with scattered thoughts.
Anyone else had a similar experience?
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self.Anxiety
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I annoyed this person but did she hate me at the end? I had a last appointment to get travel expenses for my new job with my job advisor who I'd been going to for 6 months. I'd never really got on with her in recent times as I used to just keep my head down rather than saying hello to her and I always felt she hated me because im quiet and ugly (the type no advisor wants to bother with) I got a new job and I told my new job that id been in a temporary work placement the last 6 months rather than being with that advisor the last 6 months as I said (because they didn't want to see too many gaps in unemployment, I lied) and my advisor (who didn't know tbh) contacted my new job to confirm my employment, and then my new manager questioned me about where I actually was the last 6 months ( I nearly got sacked) I emailed my advisor angry about it, but I quickly apologised as I realised she didn't know I lied. Then the next day I emailed her and asked her could I get a bus pass for the first week of work as I worked a week in hand and apologised also. I went in to my advisor and she asked me about getting to work and how much it usually costs me and she was looking at meeting furrowed eyebrows. I felt bad and there was an awkward silence as she was writing the paper form out for the bus pass, so I apologised again she then said 'it's alrigggghht' (but sounded annoyed) I then explained my manager questioned me about it and she seemed surprised like wtf and said 'did he?' And then she said 'just we have to contact them to confirm your employment' Then I said 'Its ok I understand' and she went quiet as she written the paper form out for me. A moment later she passed me the form and I stood up to go and said thanks, then she leaned forward slightly sitting down with her hand out and said 'awwwwwwwwwww, awwwww (more like rrrrrrrr) (it was prolonged than what I typed like an gap filler tongue tied I think) and said a few things then I said ok and slowly walked away (out of nervousness) she then said 'let me know if you need anything else' I just said ok and slowly walked away and then she said ' oh..and I'll stay in contact to see how your getting on, I'll contact you by email if that makes things easier for you' and smiled (she said it all really nicely) I said 'oh ok thanks, great' (I'm really shy)she said 'awww ok' then she turned back around sitting on her chair and said 'oh and...(I turned around) well done' and smiled.she said well done a lot since I got that job.
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self.offmychest
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:) i just went to my first concert im quite happy.. elated.. well i dont even know the songs of these bands but i moved my body still (so fun.. ) front crowds are wild (they are hard fans and im nothing) . its fun to move along with the music - concerts are a totally different thing than just earbuds - the sounds n real life performers and crowds these can just grab u in!
ive always wanted to go to a concert (of course the kind of music i can enjoy) and im just glad today i had my first one.. even though i couldnt stay at the start or end
maybe someday i can be in a concert where im as hard as that front crowds i saw - they moved quite hard, being strong fans - its lovely to see! and some that danced together..
ah.. these are just what life needs, u know..
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self.offmychest
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Deep, dark emptiness I have been in a very long relationship . We have had our ups and downs , but he's broken my trust many times ; I believe partially because we were so young whe we met. I didn't have depression or anxiety when I met him but now I do. Anyway, when he's away (like he is right now) I become extremely lonely . I feel lonely everyday but this is emptiness. The mixture of my trust issues , depression, and anxiety are lethal. The person who has hurt me so much is the only person I can turn to ; have you ever felt this ? I just feel as though I would not like to feel this anymore . I don't want to feel the sheer darkness I feel anymore . While he's having fun I sit here and wish my life was just over, I hope I get the courage to end it. This is such a hard thing to feel .
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self.depression
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One of my best friends is a child sex offender. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Low self-esteem, high functioning depression or just need some self-validation? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I crashed. The thing I was so scared of has finally happened. I have officially crashed and the burning will commence real soon. I should’ve known better than to expect any different this year. It’s always the same. I do so well in the summer then around this time of year all my hard work just goes to shit.
I got one of the worst grades on my paper that I’ve had since... I don’t even know when. So fucking stupid. It’s my fault for being an idiot and getting complacent. Instead of figuring out how to build my grade up, how to pick myself back up, I’m instead thinking of ways out.
I could drop the class I guess.
Or I could just “drop” living. It’s just as easy to kill myself as it is to withdraw from a class.
I have all the necessary tools. I could do it. I want to do it. I’m not going to. But I really really want to.
I try so hard to break the pattern. I thought this was gonna be my year. I’m just so sick of this cycle. Of building my confidence up then being reminded how much of a failure I am. God I’m such a fucking failure. 24, can’t keep a steady job, haven’t been able to finish a semester in years, still living at home.
Useless. I am so. Fucking. Useless.
I thought I was smart. I thought that I had it in me to do well in school. Fuck, I think I actually do. I just can’t get to it because of my own limitations. Of my self fulfilling prophecy. I try, you guys. I really try. And I thought that was what was always lacking within me, that I’ve never tried hard enough. That I had just become complacent.
I trashed my room. Had “un berrinche” and acted like a child threw all type of shit around my room. Now I have to deal with that. I keep making messes for myself. I am the only source of all my problems.
Well I tried. And nope, it wasn’t lack of trying that was keeping me back. It was just the fact I am a loser. A failure. An embarrassment. A burden. Worthless.
I know these are irrational thoughts. I *know* that. But I still feel them. Trying to keep up with those good ol’ CBT tools that I learned in the many years of therapy I’ve received. God so much money wasted on me. Trying to fix something that will always be broken. The more I learn about my disorder, the more I try to understand it and control it, the smarter it gets. My disorder is always one step ahead of me. It learns from my success and then figures out how to tear me down.
I’m so tired. Of fighting. Of trying. Still contemplating on the whole dying before thirty thing. It’s like when people say to each other “if we’re not married by 30, we should get married!” Except for killing my self. I’ll try not to, but I’ll make sure I have a good plan by 30 to effectively kill myself just in case. It’s comforting. Six years to get my life in order or to come up with a foolproof suicide.
Alright suicide. It’s a pact. If I’m still a complete failure by 30, we’re gonna finally do it.
I’m not going to check myself into a psychiatric facility. I’m not going to call my pdoc. I’m not gonna tell anyone about these thoughts except for you guys. I’m not gonna be more of a burden. Telling anyone any of these thoughts will just cause more drama than they’re worth.
I’m gonna take a bunch of my clonazepam (not OD amount) and sleep for the rest of the day. Today is done. Fuck today. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow. Kinda hoping I won’t so I can just get on with killing myself faster.
I know. I’m thinking irrationally. Cognitive distortions and blah blah blah. At least I haven’t started drinking again.
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self.bipolar
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Finally accepting my diagnosis I am 31 and was diagnosed bipolar NOS about 6 years ago and today I am finally accepting my diagnosis. The last 10 years of my life have been a mess and today was the final straw that broke my denial-camel’s back. My wonderful, fantastic, accepting boyfriend of 1 year did something totally innocuous earlier today and I went into a flying rage and said some horrible things to him. Then I freaked out at work, went into full blown panic attack and ran off with my store full of people. Now my boyfriend is working my shift for me while I hide in our hotel room crying uncontrollably. I realized I forgot to take my mood stabilizer and my antidepressant both today and yesterday. I’m so upset with myself. I hate that I’m like this. But at least I finally see and accept that I am.
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self.bipolar
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Is Depersonalisation Permanent, I hope not, and how do i deal with it OK I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, i would like an answer from people who have had this, IS depersonalisation permanent, Can you promise me it isnt permanent, And Can i get some tips on how to beat This Horrible thing.
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self.Anxiety
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Books make me realize I was the one who was wrong. :/ So I've always had issues with social skills. I'm a naturally kind person but over the years I got cold and callous. Ended up burning more bridges than needing to do so. Until a friend recommended me to read a book that helped him reconnect with an old flame. Dale Carniges book How to win Friends and Influence people. He's another redditor at my school and holy shit. This book was worth reading to. This coupled with another has seriously made me want to change myself for the better. It pointed out a lot of my flaws.
But now I feel a shit ton of regret. People I used to dismiss as just a "b533h" or "self centered pric" now have reasons for there actions. I was the one who was wrong. And this book helped me see that.
I was the dick. And some of them were girls I REALLY REALLY liked. Fuck. After reading the third chapter I wanted to go across state to make up with one of my many blunders.
I promise to change. But I also don't know if I can ever forgive myself. :/
But now that I know what to change I've already fixed relationships with two people. Now 30 more to go. Yeah I was a massive dick.
It's never to late to say I fucked up. It's not attractive, but it's the right thing to do.
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self.offmychest
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This is the message my friend sent me earlier She's been semi-supportive in that she offered me to come stay at her house for a week to get a change of scenery in January, but she was working at the time so I still felt quite lonely when I was there and she didn't really offer any words of support.
I didn't tell her that she was upsetting me because the truth is I was actually trying to sleep with her and I didn't wanna ruin my chances. But anyway this is what she said today after I told her I'm self-harming.
''im sorry nath but im going to be harsh ... u have 2 options kill yourself or live killing yourself is very selfish and totally not fair on friends and family i feel you owe it to the to just man up and sort your shit .. last thing u need is to be around anyone emotionally you need to sort your head out and change your outlook on life and move on .. get real man up move on ... or u will kill yourself next time i get a message it better be positive xx''
Makes me feel a hundred times worse.
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self.SuicideWatch
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'What's your problem?' asked my SO half an hour ago after I had a little meltdown. I don't know how to answer. I don't know what is my problem...
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self.bipolar
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Experience with Citalopram? I was prescribed 10mg Citalopram today. Was wondering what are your experiences with it and how bad were your side effects?
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self.Anxiety
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No validation. I lost a resentful but precious friendship that had caused me many nights of crying and sadness. I experience these feelings of sadness less now, but they still come sometimes, without my control, and I don't know how to resolve this.
I don't trust myself, so I'm asking you guys.
I feel that there's a chance I don't want to get better from this depression and anxiety (not medically diagnosed, idk if it's even real but the symptoms fit) because the pain I've gone through the last 1.5 years has never been validated by anyone. If i actually do get better now, what's the point of helping me right? Wtf were the last 18 months of suffering for? It would be like they didn't exist.
I feel I just want someone to say I have a problem, because I really don't believe my lack of concentration, motivation, spontaneous uncontrollable sadness and occasional lack of empathy / emotion is normal. I need medical evidence, the word of a professional, even a friend to tell me that I actually did suffer, and this isn't normal.
I've had no help during the worst of this, and the only support I have right now is one friend who has his own problems. Every one of my friends has problems that are objectively more serious and immediate than mine, so I spend my time helping them, and it ends up belittling my problems and making me say to myself "I'm fine. Look at what others go though, I'm complaining about onlu feeling down all the time?"
I'm desparate for validation. :/
P.S. These views only apply to me, I only doubt the significance of my own problems, never others. I don't think feeling down all the time is insignificant (except in my case :/)
TLDR: Idk if my problems are really problems, or if it's normal to feel dull and depressed this much.
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self.depression
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I dream of the day I complete my journey to happiness [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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PSA: Although you might think reading the news in a mixed episode is a good idea ;), shockingly it's not! [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I’m a crappy boyfriend who doesn’t deserve who I’m with [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I seriously need some sort of help or advice [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else not fit the stereotype of “depressed person that wants to make everyone else happy”? [deleted]
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self.depression
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no one in this world will EVER TRULY be able to understand my pain, and I need to accept that or I'll just hate every single human being forever [deleted]
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self.depression
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Best friend in college told me she no longer wants to be friends after learning about my bipolar, and now tells people I have multiple personality disorder. Ever since I was diagnosed I decided to never tell anyone who I went to college with, especially since I had a manic episode when I was a freshman and unaware of my stresses that ended up getting a rumor spread about me that I pulled a knife on some people (I actually stole it) and this made me very sensitive to rumors.
Three years later after taking a year off to gain my bearings I graduated with some of I thought the best friends in my life. I went through another series of episodes after leaving my boyfriend for a coworker who dumped me right away (mania is dumb), and was really struggling to find a support structure, so I opened up to my best friend about my experiences being in the psyche ward, and being bipolar. This was while I was very episodic though and I don’t remember much of her reaction, but she seemed very cool about it though, she was always very cool about everything and that’s why we got along so well.
I jumped around family on the west coast and eventually decide to get back with my boyfriend and move east for a new job, and where my friend lives/ we went to school.
Upon returning to the area she starts to not return my texts. I ran into her boyfriend at the grocery store and he pretended like he did see me/ didn’t know me.
She texts me a few days later telling me she no longer wants to be my friend. It wasn’t until last week that I also learned that she told my boyfriend that I have multiple personality disorder.
After I was diagnosed I decided not to get very close to people, because I believed that if they ever learned the truth about me they would treat me very differently and look at me differently. My friend was a bigger exception to this and I believed her to be one of my truest friends. We took almost all our classes together and finished each other’s assignments for nearly three years. It makes me so sad that three years of friendship can be thrown away because of stigmas about my mental illness, and that my good friend is falsely spreading around that I have a different mental illness than I actually do!
I hope in the future all of the people who spread rumors and shame mental illness will be educated with basic behavioral psychology and maybe even feel bad for the people they have caused pain to. Or maybe this shaming is sort of an institutionalized bullying that keeps people down....
I have worked hard for all I have, and I even have an interview with Google in California this month (woo!), but when it comes to picturing all of the ways I am misinterpreted because of my mental illness or past mistakes, and having it be fueled by those who I have been close to, is very hard and it does not get easier to deal with. I’m considering that if I am going to have another bff type friend in the future, I should just tell them outright, but am I then missing out on a more ‘normal’ friendship?
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self.bipolar
|
Work and stress has been making me self-harm more and more Just recently, I've been banging my head against the walls at work in private out of stress. These 8+ hour shifts have really been taking a toll on me.
I even impulsively banged my head against a flat surface when a manager was nearby after fucking up something on the register. I don't know if she bought my excuse that I tripped, but I'm guessing she's suspicious.
I've only ever discussed it in detail with my boyfriend, and he's very concerned.
I've attempted to resolve this by requesting for less hours starting next year, but I really don't know how much that will help till it actually happens.
I have told my therapist about my self-harm tendencies, but her suggestions haven't been much help, given than I can't just leave a register at work when I get too stressed (I'm a cashier).
I'm also afraid to go into more detail with my therapist since I want to avoid another involuntary hospitalization and 800$ medical bill that will leave me more stressed than before.
I'm gonna start my shift soon. We'll see how it goes.
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self.offmychest
|
I cant live like this... Going to work everyday, constantly being made to feel insignificant, wearing down my mind and body, giving out my personal information, being exposes to all kind of people. Just so you can have money in the bank to buy over priced things back from similar institutions that gave you the money in the first place.
Why? We are just drones, we have all these ideas ingrained in us like if you dont have a good job and you cant buy over priced things you are somehow less of a person. If you find pleasure and satisfaction in small things, you are not "contributing" to society.
Why do i need to contribute to? the rich getting richer and the poor staying poor.
No one feels the same way as me, all i hear is people being excited for is stuff like concerts and 100$ T shirts, thats somehow worth hours of work for.
Its all because of the boost of self worth people get from wearing the "expensive" brands, or seeing a concert and buying a 150$ hoodie just so they can say they went to this thing, and you did not.
What other reason is there to do something like that? you could buy a plain hoodie probably the same/better quality for 20$. They will say its to remember it or because its the only place/time to get that specific clothing.
Its just bullshit, they do it because its ingrained into their minds that Monumentous occasions require purchases to be properly enjoyed and remembered.
You can break down so many common behaviors as things we just do to keep spending and making money. Aka being brain washed drones and we dont even realize it.
I want to be rid of all these thoughts in my head, whenever im in the shower i have a overwhelming urge to cut my wrists or neck, i bet if i leave a knife in there i will do it.
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self.depression
|
I would do a lot of things just to have a girlfriend cuddling right next to me and slowly dozing off as I run my fingers in her hair. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Cringing and a little worried Hey, guys. I smoked some pot this weekend and kind of had a breakdown. I'm not sure what I did or who I talked to. I'm worried.
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self.bipolar
|
PSA: New Content Warning/Trigger Warning System Hey everyone. There has been some demand for a content warning or trigger warning system. As such, I'm asking everyone to please make sure the title of their posts reflects any content in the post that might be disturbing. You can do this in a few ways:
Example 1: "I cut myself last night"
Example 2: "[Self Harm] I had a bad night"
If you forget to describe or tag your post a moderator can use link flair to do this for you. Please message the moderators with a link to your post if you forget or message the moderators if you see a post that you think should be tagged.
The topics that are most important to tag are posts relating to active suicidal thoughts or self harm. Please feel free to describe or tag anything else that you think is important or potentially triggering such as drug abuse, sexual assault, etc.
I hope that no one will feel offended if a moderator uses link flair to tag their post with a content warning. This is not meant as a personal judgement in any way.
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self.bipolar
|
Helps me to write this down, but having a hard time now. Would like a reason. I used to be someone... So I'm still having deep battles with depression, it's at a landslide victory.
Summarized
Battle depression all my life, but last 2 years heavy decline. Last 5 months been solitary lifestyle.
Literally handing out with no one just playing video games and watching movies house hermit style. Joy sucked from what I used to love. Sex 4 months ago and it was just fucking, no enjoyment. That's when declined to not caring bout moving on.
Suicidal thoughts everyday, if I'm not sleep, playin games, or sleeping. I'm watching death vids online. (Haven't came up with real reason why. Trying to get familiar with death?)
I know all the copping skills and ways to get out of it. , but my Mind says, " why bother? You have no friends, you're not good enough for a girlfriend, and your just going to push people away again because you have no sense of real humor anymore. You serious fuck!"
Anyway thanks for reading. If you need help getting out reply I have answers literally for 90% situations/issues but I'm with my mind.
Why should I care if I have no one. I got family but they are there because that's what family does. Different.
|
self.depression
|
So embarrassing 🤦🏽♂️ Rode a high yesterday. Passed driving test. Someone I superliked on tinder right swiped on me.
Then I started messaging random people (acquaintances) but those people that I haven’t spoken to for a while. Especially those who knew about the “mad” behaviour in the summer.
I really hate when I’m excited/exalted.
Now feel like cleaning the house...
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self.bipolar
|
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