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"Other people have it worse" is the only thing keeping me alive So I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was 9. My family had split up, and my mom was always fanatic around my father. Once, when we were coming to get our stuff from my dad's house, she was yelling at my dad for 30 minutes while me and my siblings stayed upstairs listening. I've been in the middle of arguments, and used to justify conversations. (Was 10 - 11)
I dated someone who was in a verbal abuse family (not towards her). She always told me, whenever I talked about my feelings, "I have it worse! So shut up about your feelings!" I am a sensitive person, so I went with it. She has it worse, so I should shut up.
When I was 10, my mother and brother got into an argument and he tried to leave. My mom blocked the door, and he decided to go out the balcony (apartment, ladder type thing to climb down). She stopped him, and my brother accidentally hit my mom in the throat, putting her to the ground. I tried CPR, which I didn't know, and she just pushed me aside. A few months later, me and my brother had a long conversation about the condition in the apartment, and he had said "A few days later I saw the bruise on her throat wipe off." Implying it had been makeup.
When I was 12, I was getting bullied. I was in the apartment lobby, waiting for the bus. I jokingly put my hands into the washer there, and said "I'm going in!" and the kids who were there, pushed me inside, and said "Anyone got any quarters??" I cried for them to open it, and they eventually did. I went out, hidden, and cut myself. The bus was coming around that time, so I left the blade there, and went on the bus. Again, my "girlfriend" said "People have it worse, so don't cry over it!"
I'm blabbering, so I'll just end it here. I'm now 13, and have been told multiple times (by myself) "People have it worse." and "You're too young to process suicide." If anyone has anything to say, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to care, but can't. I'm close to failing school. I'm close to having a heart attack. I'm close to getting disowned by my parents. And yet, I can't find a care in the world. I almost want to feel the weight of my suitcase as I'm thrown out the door, want to watch my parents cry when I don't have a grad cap to toss, and feel my blood pressure slowly rise as my eating habits become more and more dangerous. Self-sabotage is my only goal anymore, and my only enemy is myself. That bitch deserves to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Waiting..,, Idk if I can wait till my birthday.... I love someone who doesn’t love me. I’m a father of three kids, who more likely doesn’t matter if they see me. I carry a huge amount of guilt that im ready to let it all go...I read some of the bullshit on here. You’re young. And you have finals... boo hoo....too much pressure., let me tell you about real pressure. Pressure is providing for your kids. When your not too sure you’ll have a job. You complain about love... love... love is something you hold close to to you. Love is something greater then yourself.i had love. But I was dumb.... I threw it away like nothing. I’ve pushed so many people away. I’ve pushed so many great people away. I’ve pushed my kids. I’ve pushed women away that I love. Regret... don’t we all have regret... boy I don’t think there’s enough text to talk about regret.....Which is why I must do what I have to do. I don’t think I can hold on to Jan 13 8pm on the Pasadena bridge. If it happens before that, then it happens before that. My goal is for that day. People want to text or call ? Here’s a real number.... 6262426814... let’s here your real response till then. More likely. I’ll never hear from anyone,
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self.SuicideWatch
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my favourite streamer got banned I'm about too rope it & let it all go..
i lived my life through him for two years.. and now his channel got striked for 3 months .
Help me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Considering Hello.
There's so much to write here, but I don't want to make anyone read all that. Instead, picture this: a sophomore college student at a highly rigorous college, with a 3.9 GPA. She's tackling 18 credit hours, but in her free time she works as a writing tutor and runs the website for the school's annual creative publication. Her professors praise her work, especially her writing, which is great because she's an English major. She also works for an up-and-coming web design company that has a bright future--she's a mere 19-years-old and will soon be getting a retirement plan, which is more than most people her age can even dream of. She will be turning 20 next week. She has wonderful friends and incredibly supportive and loving parents. Everything is perfect.
She enjoys school and work. It keeps her busy. It keeps the negative thoughts away. But they creep in. Triggers are everywhere.
She owns two wonderful pet rats who she could talk about all day. They are the center of her life. They are the best thing that ever happened to her. And the worst. They were feeder rats meant for snakes, but she rescued them from a tiny bin full of thirty other rats.
Her rats taught her secrets of the universe. It sounds huge, but watching them, she saw how one could live so peacefully with another, take such joy in napping and eating blueberries and taking care of one's companions. Rats live so close to death, shining brightly for a couple of years before moving on. She's okay with this--death is a part of life, and she has owned animals all her life.
But she learned terrible truths. She saw the conditions the feeder rats were kept in. She saw the truth behind the cute rats at the pet store. She learned you can make a homemade euthanization contraption with a Tupperware and SodaStream. Breeders cull their litters for undesirable traits. Laboratories are the worst. Pick your murder method: anesthesia, CO2 suffocation, exsanguination, decapitation, cervical dislocation, or simply dying of stress, depression, or experimental symptoms. Among the scientific jargon in research papers, they will state they "sacrificed" these animals. As though they care. As though their research is truly significant. As though they are saving lives as they take others.
She tried talk-therapy, which has worked for anxiety for years and her first encounter with depression several years ago. She is on two medications for depression/anxiety. She works very hard to take care of herself, making an effort to talk to people and take walks and not isolate herself. She smiles during the day, but she cries herself to sleep at night. She looks at her two rats, her two little boys, and sees such potential for pain. She looks at a Biology student just down the hall, who already is dissecting mice in her research--a new generation learning to kill. She sees a college alumni from her own school, his first job skill on LinkedIn proclaiming he can take live mouse brain slice samples. She tries to avoid the internet and social media. She plays Sudoku. Below the Sudoku board, an ad for mouse traps "guaranteed to kill" appears. She cannot get away from it.
She could do something to try to combat this cruelty, but this pain is unbearable, and to willingly face it is unthinkable. But she can't ignore it without guilt. She feels insane from all she knows. She understands why animal activists are often brushed off as crazy: the things we do to animals are crazy, and there is no way to gently say that you can buy a rodent guillotine online, or just use a Tupperware and SodaStream if your budget is low.
She cannot take it. She cannot take it. This is a problem she cannot solve. The creatures she cares about most will never be free. She cannot fight it, or ignore it. This is not one bad event; this is an ongoing, never-ending situation that she has no control over.
And she wants the pain to stop. She might have done it already, but such a pragmatic and perfectionist person can't just throw away something as valuable as life. She wants to write an incredible final letter, explaining all the pain she has seen. She hopes it will be somehow published or released to the public, and perhaps something will change. But more than likely she will just be another statistic, and her pain will be marked as "stress and depression." They keep telling her there must be an underlying issue. But the only issue is a heart that is too caring.
Without going into detail, she wants to go out as the rats do. She wants to feel their pain. She wants people to see the horror when it is applied to a human.
Her parents would be devastated. It is they who have kept her trying to stay alive. But the pain hurts. She wants more than anything for someone to tell her, "It's okay. If you need to leave, then leave." But no one will. She feels so alone in her pain.
Her rats would not know what has become of her. But they will join her soon enough. She doesn't know what it will be like after--nothingness, or paradise, or a world where justice is served and those who were tormentors are now the tormented.
She has so much to live for. But she doesn't care. She cannot accept that suffering exists. Happiness, relaxation, and love feel fake, a thin facade over the darkness below.
She doesn't know what to do. It hurts more than anything she has ever felt, and has for months. There is no solution, except to leave. I have searched and searched for any relief, any answer. But I can't do this anymore. What do I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Third day... maybe not depressed? [TL;DR VITAMIN D3] Hey everyone,
**edit: spoiler alert/tl;dr because this is important, I'm on day 3 of 10,000 IU of Vitamin D3, and I feel pretty great. Not a doctor, don't hurt yourselves, talk to your doctor/pharmacist.**
I have been deeply depressed for... mmm, hard to say now, maybe three years? For a long time, I was manic happy in the summer, and then in the winter I would get sad, and then I'd just bloom again in the spring, with the sun and warm weather.
Well, three summers ago, when the snow went away, everything seemed to stay the same, and every season thereafter was just a grey, tasteless waste. In fact, I left my job of 10 years, and my first year off, 2017, was basically me waiting for the day to end.
It had/has got to the point where I will wake to the feeling of... why do I have to be here right now? Like, I can't even go to bed, I have to wait until sundown before I can feel comfortable with sleeping the day away.
Anyway, the important bit.
I'm not a doctor, and perhaps I am hurting myself, and perhaps I could be achieving these perceived results with a lesser dose, who knows, but what I do believe... to think, haha, ahh, is that I am on the third day of a 10,000 IU Vitamin D3 regimen (I've also cut out sugar for my next wave of ketosis, and I'm intermittent fasting again, but I've been doing that with my sad, no-motivation body for a long time), and I honestly feel amazing.
My baseline sense of well being is... it might be manic happy? My inside feels like a sunny day outside.
I feel so focused, and content, and strong willed.
I hope you don't delete this.
You don't have to take giant doses of Vitamin D3, but, according to (again, not a doctor) the good mental health practice of the day is for adults to be taking ~2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 per day.
If you are taking no Vitamin D3, as was my case, then please, go see your doctor, or your pharmacist, or your parents about taking Vitamin D3.
I've heard 4-5,000 IU can be beneficial.
Anyway, this seems to be helping me tremendously. If this can help you, too, then, that's great.
Seems silly... that my body would be able to so quickly turn Vitamin D3 into this bubbling good mood, my focus, my newfound interest in things. I'm also kinda interested in going on a date, because, I normally only have enough emotional reserves for half a date, and that has to last me the entire winter.
Anyway, this is what manic happy me is like.
Or, less... depressed.
Depressed makes sense, because it's like I was standing tall before, but the baseline surface on which I stood was sunken down; its depression, in effect, an involuntary lowering of myself.
ahhh
gosh, I hope this lasts, even if it's the placebo effect, but I truly don't think it is. I'm sitting here, by myself, and I feel so at peace with everything.
On that note, I'm going to put on Tame Impala, drink my coffee (MCT oil in it), and edit through photos... an activity which is normally boring, I am excited to finish photos for the friends I love.
And I love all of you, too, because everyone needs love, and love feels nice, and, yeah, **internet hugs**, all around.
TL;DR talk to your doctor about taking 2,000+ IU of Vitamin D3, I (not a doctor, talk to your doctor before you do anything brash, and talk to your nearest competent pharmacist before you bother your poor doctor) recommend a hard cap at 10,000 IU of Vitamin D3. I have been depressed for a number of years, and I'm now on day three of taking an inordinate amount of vitamin d3, and, subsequently, I feel like I can just be, and enjoy that, and I just feel really good.
I can finally feel my own hug, again.
Vitamin D3, get it in you.
p.s. You can't just pee out Vitamin D3, so, toxicity can become a problem. This isn't a fix-all. Nevertheless, Vitamin D is obviously important. So is feeling good about yourself.
Goodluck, everyone.
*turns bag upside down*
*shakes it*
^^yup, ^^that's ^^all ^^the ^^words
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self.depression
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Is something strange about this psychiatrist? I met him 2 months ago and he's very different compared to my other psychiatrist. He's an older man. There are good and bad. He's not sure if I have bipolar with psychosis or schizoaffective right now, he wants to get to know me better. My therapist and family seem to think it's schizoaffective because I've been hearing voices and have some paranoia, on medication, everyday, for 5 years now. I also had two psychotic episodes (not mood related) that were bad enough to make me hospital worthy or one actually put me in the hospital. He also told me bipolar people can have psychotic episodes without having a mood episode, which I thought wasn't possible. But whatever. I want my symptoms treated. I've been dealing with a psychotic episode for maybe 4 months now. This is just background info.
The good is I like he talks to you about things and doesn't hide behind a computer and he writes notes in a file. He put me on buspair instead of shoving benzos down my throat for anxiety. He also put me on loxipine for my psychosis which has changed my life, with nearly no side effects. It took the edge off in a week, and by the end of two weeks I only experience psychotic symptoms related to stress. I call them 'flairs' because I'll only be psychotic for the rest of the day or for a few days after the stressful day or experience. But it's serious enough to me that I feel concerned because I act on my delusion or paranoia during that time. I also hear voices more often during this time which is hard for me to tell it's just a hallucination and nothing. Still despite the medicine I hear voices every day but the voices aren't strong enough to compel me when I'm at my baseline.
So given that info here's what I'm concerned about. First, he's not happy I'm on an anti depressant (trintellix, so not an ssri) for depression. I'm at the highest dose of it and have been taking this medicine for a year, it's never made me feel the least bit manic. He wants me to come off it because it's not good for bipolar people, but he didn't say why. But it's controlling my depression so well, I don't want to come off of it. I haven't had a depressive episode for a long time or even a manic one for that manner.
Is it, brain wise, unhealthy for a bipolar person to be on an anti depressant even if it doesn't make them manic and doesn't have side effects. Is that what I'm missing here?
I told him, Thursday, about my current problem with psychosis but I felt like he didn't take me seriously because he didn't adjust the medication. Instead he told me I should learn to cope with it, and cope with stress so that I won't experience stress therefore won't experience psychosis. But everyone has stress, that seems like an unrealistic goal, especially given that I'm a grad student, I work as sub teacher and my grandmother just died. I've also been in therapy on and off for the last 5 years so it's not like I don't already cope. It's also kind of hard to cope with these psychotic flairs because I don't have insight into them during this time. I think everything is real or happening. I told him that but he still didn't make a change. Then, he told me my goal for psychosis treatment should be to stop taking my anti psychotic regularly and only on days I feel bad. But that scares the shit out of me. (it takes a week for this medicine to have an affect on me even though he says it only takes a few days) I've tried very hard to get off anti psychotics in the past and it's never worked, it's always been really bad. My family agrees that I probably need a higher dose of the loxipine now instead of only taking it as needed. They're the ones who have to be the voice of reason when I have these flairs. I also want to be functional all the time. I don't want to have to take a day off because I'm having one of these 'flairs' and I hate it when I'm working with children and I'm psychotic and don't know it. Then when I do know it, I have to take days off. Right now I'm taking my anti psychotic everyday and will do so because I am still hearing voice. I actually woke up at 2 then couldn't fall back asleep because of the voices talking.
This psychiatrist told me he takes a conservative approach to medication. I'm afraid he's going to take away the stability I have now, if you can call that stability. I really don't want to lower medicine, I don't feel safe doing that. (unless there is some side effect to this stuff he's not telling me). I really don't want to go into a depression either. I feel like sometimes psychiatrist treat me like I'm stupid when really, I want to know everything about the medicine I'm taking and this disorder. This has made such an impact in my life.
So my question is, is this something off about him? He is older, been in the field for a long time, so he probably knows what he's doing. He does a lot of work, he even teaches students. So should I trust his conservative approach? Or should I just bail and find a new psychiatrist?
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self.bipolar
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To those struggling with being single: This seems to be a recurring theme on this sub. Here's what I've learned from years of being in relationships, and years of being single.
First, grow as a person. You definitely think you know yourself, but you can always get to know more about You. Having nobody to distract you allows you to develop your individuality and maturity. If you develop with another person (as a couple), you have both made compromises, and have wasted the opportunity to become the best version of yourselves. Just chill with the desperation. It's unattractive.
Second, ask yourself why a relationship is a high priority. I've found that our western society's norms pressure people into finding a partner to an extent that makes it an unhealthy obsession. Fuck off, media! Shove your brainwashing up your ass.
People, your brain continues to develop into your early to mid 20s. Focus on yourself, and you'll have an advantage over everyone else for the next 60-80 years. Sure, being in a relationship is fun, and it floods the brain with natural drugs, but the most important person in your life will always be you. Untill you have kids, apparently. In which case, they need a rad role model a.k.a. the best version of you.
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self.depression
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Math makes me feel dumb Hey, back on my venting account. I've been told I'm smart all my life. Non stop. Everyone thinks it. When I was younger I took it as a badge of honor. But now I take it as a burden and I think I always did without realizing it. When I go my first bachelor's I went for the things I enjoyed and just filled in the necessary parts with whatever I could that wasn't too hard. I wanted to enjoy my youth a bit. 10 years later I'm back for a more lucrative degree. I work full time so I'm taking online classes. Just 1 per semester. I took intermediate algebra over the summer to refresh myself and get my brain back into math. I got a 94 in that class. So I went to the next math course. I wanted to push through them while I was still getting my feet under me and I wanted to make sure I didn't lose any of it from class to class. So precalc algebra it is. And I'm doing middle of the road at best. I'm working harder at it than i ever did on basically anything in college. I'm pretty sure I took it easier in college because I'm afraid of not loving up to the intellect people expect of me. And now for the first time I'm really trying. And I'm passing. But it just doesn't feel good enough. It hurts to face your inadequacies. It hurts to not be able to live up to the thought that I'm an intelligent person. I haven't thought of myself as that for some years now. I have interests in things people think of as "high-minded" and that's all. So they see the way I approach things and think to themselves "that's how a smart person does it". But I'm not. But knowing that doesn't make it hurt less.
I'll be fine and I'll keep pushing forward. I just took an exam and while I think I did passable, I'm beating myself up for some of the parts I was unsure of. I'm doing my best. Just wish that was better.
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self.offmychest
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I'm experiencing some new found performance anxiety with a new girlfriend and it's effecting my daily life. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It prevents me from spending time with my parents I am visiting my parents this weekend as I am studying 300km away from home. So I only get to see them about once in a month. Right now they are sitting in the living room, and I just cannot join them. I just want to enjoy the time I got with them, but somehow I can't. But I can't even get out of my bed, like what the fuck is this shit? I can't get up, I can't move except for my fingers. I don't wanna cry, I don't want to be happy. I just want this emptiness to go away. I just ask for a bit vitality in my life..
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self.depression
|
I turned 20 yesterday Stepped out of my teenage years. It would have been perfect, if only dad was here. He unexpectedly passed away a little while back. I feel shattered. Been trying to stay strong but I just can't. I really miss him. I thought when someone dies, you get over it. I was wrong. You live with it. You carry it with you every second. You deal with the pain. I just wish he was here to see his little girl's big day. Miss you dad.
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self.offmychest
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Why do We Always Make it so hard? My first psych appointment here is Wednesday. I made the appointment back in July I think and I was already a fucking mess then I just didn't have a choice. I told myself I could make it this long if I just tried, and that well I didn't have a choice. I just got worse and worse, and now that the appointment is almost here I keep having panic attacks and I don't want to go. My anxiety has taken a terrible dive. I keep imagining and partially planning how to end it all. Suicidal thoughts aren't an issue, they are always around but I usually do a better job at allowing the thought and letting it pass. Now I seriously consider it in ways that I shouldn't. The philosophy, ethics, morals of it. I realized that honestly it's not so much an "If" for me but a "when" If I'm honest with myself I have zero plans to live to an old age with this and I don't want to. This has been my whole fucking life and I just want off. Now I'm worried because we don't have a lot of extra funds and the cost of this appointment and meds and I'll eat all of that up too and then have to ask for help with my girls again because apparently I'm just a piece of shit. Now I don't want to go, I just want to leave and run away and be done with it all. I hate everything. I hate myself, I hate this life. I just keep slicing up my arm hoping for relief and it's not helping me at all anymore, but at least it's something. I know I have to go, but my panic attacks make that seem impossible, and I feel like a piece of shit that is taking everything away from everyone and I'm tired of being this fucked up.
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self.bipolar
|
How do I "help"? (x-post for r/depression) this is a xpost from r/depression. I'm sorry if it's not the right subreddit.
Backstory: In a relationship with an amazing 20 year old girl for almost 5 months now but known each other for the better half of a year. She's told me about the hard things from her past and home life but was ALWAYS a good sport about it and would say "but it's fine". I'm naturally a "fixer" because that's how I've learned to deal with myself, selfishly putting myself and what I need to fix my problem first. She's opened up to me more than anyone in her life and feels "comfortable and safe" and makes it known she appreciates me.
I can't help but want to help though. I don't want her to continue to think she can't have the same happiness others have. She is literally unable to grasp the idea that people are content with life. She's never had any kind of genuine support from the beginning of middle school to now. I would do anything for this person but I really would like to just know how to help. My attempts at "fixing" immediate problems that caused her distress went well but now it's much bigger issues that aren't so straight forward. I feel helpless because I know when something is bothering her because she'll pull away from everyone and everything. She has tried to commit suicide before. She also has told me that she does have casual thoughts about not "doing life" anymore. Like while driving or sitting at home.
As far as what I've already tried to do to help. Talking to her and questioning her makes her mad if I keep doing it too long so I've learned to just listen now and fight that urge to reach a solution. I've no idea what depression is/how it feels so I've been combing google and reddit for the past couple months since I've started suspecting that she might be a little more than sad. I've seen our universities therapy center and talked for two sessions about how I can help. That was a dead end because they really can't help too much if the actual individual isn't there themselves. She did appreciate that I was willing to go though, almost like it made it more casual and not as daunting or stigmatized. I've learned to be more patient and less vocal when she talks about anything. She's a thinker type where it'll be silent but she's really calculating her next words. She hasn't admitted that anything might be a mental illness though, yet when I propose theoretical situations that me or her loved ones would feel/say the things she does she'd want them to feel better and that it isn't normal. I feel bad posting about it here because she trust me more than anyone else in the world about how she feels. I just don't know what else I could do or if I'm doing something wrong. But I figured anonymously asking some people who are familiar about the topic rather than actual people in my life is a good step towards understanding. Any insight, personal or general, about how you can "help" someone dealing with these thoughts/feelings is VERY helpful to me. I appreciate everyones comments.
TL;DR: Gf struggles with certain thoughts/feelings of selfworth and hopelessness. Doesn't know anything else because it's all she's ever known. Want to know how to help or what helps someone like this. She deserves to be happy too.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A story about two people So in my last post on here I had said I would be dead on the 21 st Which is tomorrow for me but last night I hit a very dark spot and decided to head for the railway. I brought a small tent like I all ways do just in case I talk my self out of it. But last night was different (I have seen people kill them selfs before where I walk the tracks at night I have seen 3 out of the 7 suicides had happened on this corner of the track most use the old willow tree to reach out and touch the 2 high voltage power line cables that run over head for the trains. but still the tree stands and there are still no cameras put up in place to try and stop people) I come across a girl last night she is 21 years old will I was walking the tracks she had fallen asleep when I walked up to her and waking her and having a hr or so talking I had convinced her to get of the track (10 minutes later a coal train come) I felt kinder happy because that night no one died and at the same time I had saved a life I think so after a few hrs talking we explained our life story’s to one and other and after that things started to get weird between us at this point she started to undress and I won’t go on but we had sex (I personal don’t know if it was because we felt pity for one and other or if it was true feels for one and other I just don’t know i never had the talent of being able to tell people’s feelings that’s why I only had one girlfriend in my life) a few hrs had passed and we heard police sirens coming through the bush at this time it was close to 4 am when the cops showed up both of us where taken away and sent to hospital I passed my mental illness test like I all ways do I have had a thing for lying to doctors and other people of that nature so I was let out in 5 hrs of being put in hospital. Her on the other head just got out it’s now 7:30 pm I don’t know what will happen once she gets here we might head back to the tracks and die together or we might just leave and head as far away from this part of Australia as possible. Other wise I don’t mind I have nothing here for me and family is a joke in my opinion well my family is anyways. Thanks for letting me share this for some unknown reason I felt like I had to get this of my chest and my mind.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fear of death/having a dream come true Earlier tonight I had a very vivid dream just as I dozed off that I had been in an accident and was dying, and that I passed away. I have a huge fear of death and issues with things like this (worrying that fiction or dreams will end up actually happening) and this in particular really shook me and immediately scared me. How can I deal with this? It's been hours and I haven't been able to calm down or stop worrying about the next time I have to be in that area (tomorrow)
|
self.Anxiety
|
Finally time to end it I am 20 years old and for the past 4-5 years i have been depressed. In 2016 i met a girl who i fell in love with, in 2017 we started seeing eachother and we talked together 24/7. I was finally happy again, i never felt this way about anyone before. But the 9th of december she left me. Now im so broken and more depressed than ever. We go to school together and it kills me to see her. I feel so alone, even though my friends are trying to help me. I am finally done, been thinking about killing myself everyday since she left me. Now the time has come, i cant go another day crying
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't really understand. Wake up in the morning, get ready, go to work, work 6-10 hours, ignore stupid coworkers I have nothing in common with, fake being sociable to avoid getting fired, come home, brush teeth, go to bed.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
It's the weekend: do chores which I have no energy to do during the week. Laundry. Groceries. Cleaning.
Then start the whole cycle over.
Why?
Who the f am I doing this for? Because it can't be me, it's mind-numbingly boring. Why am I here?
Would I be happier living in a cave, repeatedly hunting for meat and gathering berries every damn day, then freezing in the winter?
Nope.
Why the hell am I here at all for.
Life is boring, and nobody interests me, and my pastimes are starting to feel useless. I feel like I don't have much longer to go before I make this whole thing be over.
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self.depression
|
I’ve been battling depression since I was 15 I’m (24F) now and a mom, [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Staring into the void dead in the eye a million miles a way, and my escape is just on the other side of the door. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Too scared to ex myself, still wanna ex myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Stop treating me like I'm stupid. Like, I'm really glad that you're in a STEM major but ALSO like theatre, have read a few David Hume essays, and like Neil Gaiman books. Maybe stop treating me like I'm 5 because you know more about thermodynamics than me? Maybe stop delegitimizing everything I try and acknowledge as part of my academic work? Maybe stop pretending that you "just know" so MUCH about literary theory and poetry when your half-assed musings make it abundantly clear that you don't. (SIDENOTE: knowing that Lord Byron wrote "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage" iS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAVING READ IT so don't delegitimize my fucking thesis because you've heard of the fucking poem!!) Maybe stop treating the humanities (and what I've chosen to dedicate my life to) like a side-project for people that just "aren't as smart." Maybe treat me like a human being for once. Just for once.
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone feel like talking doesn’t do shit? Whenever anyone asks how I’m doing either
1)I just say I’m fine (something I’m trying to break out of the habit of)
2)I say nah I’m feeling shit
The friend/therapist/family member etc then says oh do you want to talk about it?
Recently I’m finding it doesn’t help me to vent. I just seem to be reminding myself of the reasons I feel depressed and then the conversation has been worthless. The person I’m talking to will of course try and help but nothing they say makes me feel better.
‘Try going for a run tomorrow’
‘you’re coping really well lately!’
‘Id miss you so much if you killed yourself’
‘don’t let ___ get to you’
‘don’t worry about that you’ll work it out’
‘things get better believe me’
Nothing that is meant to help is helping me so...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Guess I’ll die
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Moving has me anxious Hi all,
I've had general anxiety for a while and generally I feel like I am able to tamp it down pretty well. But this week has been kicking my ass. I'm moving out of my parents' place on Saturday and despite basically having everything planned out with no obvious outstanding problems I've been experiencing a lot of uncontrollable anxiety all week. It's manifested as an a difficulty to concentrate at work, stomach pains, etc. It's really bumming the crap out of me. I honestly just can't wait for it to be all over so maybe I can calm down a little.
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self.Anxiety
|
Kicked out of college. Have been lying to my parents. I feel like I have dug myself into an ever deepening hole. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I hate myself. And I feel sorry for the people I come in contact with.
|
self.depression
|
just moved to a new country, overwhelmed with stress and anxiety with little to no support system here. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Tried to talk to a cousin about my problems I was told that I’m being selfish and should try to think about others. Oh yeah and he also recommended exercise as an alternative to cutting. :/
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self.depression
|
My Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month ago and i can see no way of getting over this. Title, also suffereing with depression and this has knocked me into a bit of a downer too, i just am really struggling to come to terms with this. So many things planned now gone in the blink of an eye, so many memories and fun things now tainted, a best friend of over 7 years lost... and the one person i could be open to fully to talk about all my feelings is now shut off to me. Came out of nowhere too, makes me feel like i barely knew her if this was what she had been thinking about... to anyone reading this, thansk for giving me a place to vent.
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self.offmychest
|
Depression, Bipolar 2,Crohns, ADHD, half deaf and autism i dont know.... Iknow that you are not supposed to ”be” your diagnoses and that they are part of you in some way. I have gotten all of these diagnoses one after another , i barely made it in to university and after 2 years with only 3 years left of my teachers edc i got worse and i cant work But i have to otherwise i will starve and freeze to death. I have No Idea How to get help... i have been to the hospital and all of that but the other thing triggers the other and i really dont know.... the doctors says that i dont seem to sick and that i have a very broad understanding of my situation But i feel like giving up. Im so lonley you guys and Im happy that we are ”lonley ” togheter ... i should feel more greatful about the free healthcare here tho so i dont know... so many thoughts and energy But Im hungry But i had to puke and my stomache hurts.. feels like that my body gave up and that my sane/insane side is having the worst fight in my head aswell ....
|
self.bipolar
|
Side effects/medicine advice. First I want to be honest, as far as I know I am not bipolar. BUT, I am epileptic and we take a lot of the same medicine. So I am asking you guys, because I can’t seem to get any useful advice elsewhere.
I take, Divalproex 500mg, and I feel like complete crap while on it, and weak and and tired, and depressed most of the time, mood swings, I don’t hardly eat. I also have still have seizure while on this medicine. I won’t have health Insurance through work for another 2 months. I don’t know whether I should keep taking it or wait till I talk to a neurologist. They can’t seem to figure out what the source of my episodes are, I’ve don’t many test. This is my second medicine. The first one ( Levetiracetam 500mg) it didn’t seem to help either, I was very depressed and suicidal on that one. I’m just terrified I’m going to keep having episodes. Any advice would help. Stop taking my current medicine, and wait, or continue and tuff it out. Thanks in advance, I really appreciate it
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self.bipolar
|
uk, desperate. i was 17, and i kissed a 14 year old girl more than once, this happened at our school.
it was a long time ago. we only ever hung out at school, and we were only "together" for a week.
im paranoid that one day, il get a nock on my door I will be prosecuted and my entire life will be ruined forever. i had no idea kissing could even slightly be considered a sexual act.
I don't want to live if thats the case. I'd rather be dead, and im thinking about killing myself right now. I honestly think that maybe I don't deserve life anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
First time in my life I liked someone, and second later royally fucked it up [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone feels like depression is a gift and teacher Although depression is annoying and troublesome,but meanwhile it taught me lots of things
|
self.depression
|
Is laying in bed for days isolating from everyone and everything a bipolar thing or just a me thing? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
You are a Rude and inconsiderate human Working with you has been the worst professional experience of my career. You operate with no kindness, consideration or tact. When I try to be kind in response to your rudeness, you brush me off and ignore me.
You act like you know more than you actually do, and you think that because YOU haven't heard of a field-specific term (a field you are not in) you should attack me (someone in the field) and say it doesn't exist because you don't know it.
You're horrible at interacting with other humans, and you're incredible selfish and conceited.
I've considered giving up my DREAM project in order to not work with you ever again.
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self.offmychest
|
No matter how much I exercise, meditate and eat healthy, I still feel depressed on a daily basis and I don’t know why. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Helped an extremely manic woman today and now I miss my mania?! This morning I was smoking outside of my office which is in an alleyway when a young woman walked through the alleyway carrying a stick and a dart board and started talking to me about how wonderful all the dumpsters are. It was 20 degrees outside and she didn’t have a coat on. As soon as she got close to me I realized what was up. You could tell it was mania as soon as she started speaking to me. She “loved” me instantly. Her pupils were nearly invisible, so I thought it could also be drugs (from what info I could get from her, both). She began talking about her bipolar disorder and I let her know I have the same.
She was so incoherent. She rambled endlessly about nothing that made sense, drawing connections to things that wouldn’t normally be related. I’ve been manic before, so I recognized it, but never like this.
Luckily I’m the boss so I was able to bring her into my work with me, warm her up, and give her a cup of coffee. I managed to get her to type her mother’s number into my phone (other than hers, it was the only one she knew) and spoke to her mother who then agreed to come get her.
My employees wanted to call the police but I thought the best would be to get her with someone who could make that choice, especially because there may be people worried about her and they wouldn’t know where she is if the police picked her up.
She called her phone as well and I was able to text with a friend of hers through it to figure out that she had been acting weird at a party and left suddenly leaving everything there including her vehicle.
For two hours I entertained this girl, calmed her in fits of sobbing and screaming, sang with her, etc.. And I was so worried for her.
All I could think was how grateful I was it was me she found. She kept talking about sex, wanting to have sex with me, with my employees, with strangers. The wrong person could have hurt this girl so badly. She walked miles alone in the cold seeming to not even know where she was. She found me though, a young woman of the same age and with the same diagnosis who wanted to help her.
Her mom came and I had to convince her to get in the car. Her mom had no idea how to handle it and she was screaming.
Here’s the really messed up thing, though. Why does this make me miss my mania?! Like, this girl was in such a vulnerable position. She was in real danger. Why do I envy that?! Why do I miss my mania when this is such a clear example of how life damaging it can be? I guess my life just feels so boring without it? I used to be so exciting and full of life. I feel really messed up for envying her.
P.S. I spoke to her mother and she’s safe and sound at a hospital.
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self.bipolar
|
Gum smackers. I don’t know about you, but I find loud gum chewers to be quite annoying. If you’re going to chew gum, can you just chew it peacefully without all the sound effects please? It drives me crazy when I hear gum smackers when in class in school when I’m trying to take a test or quiz.
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone want to talk? I️ feel so alone. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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[HELP] really urgent, any1 who can write (essays), any1 who has an understanding of depression or who can retrieve information from sources. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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idk Maybe some people were just born to be not happy. I am not professionally diagnosed depressed or anything, I'm just not happy. I don't mean like I can't feel any happiness, it's just, I only feel it for a little while and then I'm back to my usual sad self.
I don't have friends, well I do have people that I hang out with, but that's it. No one ever asked me about how I feel today or just care about my being. Idk, I'm pretty sure I'm just blabbering. I don't cut anymore but I want to. Idk why I cut. Idk why I'm sad and crying anymore. Everyone loves me when they need something from me, and even when they told me that they're being sincere, and even when I want to believe what they're saying, I can't. I'm nothing. Idk. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just trying to get attention. Idk. I'm sorry.
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self.offmychest
|
I got everything done today I feel proud :) A few days ago I posted on here worried because I had to confront someone about not wanting their phone number. I was so nervous and on that day I had to go infront of the class and have a conversation with them in Spanish. I'm so happy I nailed them both. We knocked the project out of the park and he understood I wasn't being a dick and respectfully said thats fine and he would delete me contact as well. And as a side note my celebrity childhood crush liked my comment on Instagram. lmao today was good.
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self.Anxiety
|
Everything that I say and think is the truth and a lie at the same time. I don't know what I like, But at the same time I do know what I like.
I don't know how I feel, But at the same time I do know how I feel like.
I don't know what I want to do, But at the same time i do know what to do.
I don't know what I have to do, but at the same time I know what I have to do.
I want to die, But at the same time I don't.
Question after question after question.
Lies against the truth that go on and on.
I'm confused beyond comprehension.
Nothing is certain to me anymore.
Help me.
|
self.depression
|
anyone wanna talk on discord? (i'll leave my id below) shambrolne#4939
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self.depression
|
Has anyone else experienced this ? So usualy I'm pretty self conscious and very aware of how I move and what I do with my face and how I come across to people. After a night of drinking however, even though suffering from a hangover, I feel way more free regarding how I carry myself, that annoying habit of controlling and wondering what other people might think of me that usualy holds me back to a degree is way toned down and I also feel a certain calmness. I don't know if it is due to the body focusing on detox and subsequently simply not having the resources for always being concentrated on the things mentioned above or if there is another reason for it. It would be great if I could achieve that non chalance every day, without the hangover
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self.depression
|
Can't help but feel like everything is going to go wrong. What's the point of living if everything is just going to go to shit. Why the fuck do I even try to go to school, advance my career or meet with anyone. Fucking no one I know cares about me, I never get invited out to do anything I've always gotta reach out and I just feel like I'm annoying people by doing that. Odds are I'm not gonna stay with any significant other for the rest of my life, I'm just gonna get dumped like every other fucking time in my life. I've got no clue what I want to do with my life, fucked up first year at uni twice now. Working a minimum wage job in an industry I love but I know I can't have a future with that. I just feel like I'm broken, like something wrong with me and I can't do anything right. There's little bits of my life where I feel happy but it just feels so pointless to push through all the numbness to have some small glimpses of happiness.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Im done! Im done with everything!!! Im tired!!!! I hate this feeling! !!!!
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self.depression
|
People on Lamictal / Lamotrigine Have you been losing your hair? If so, does it ever **STOP** falling out?
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self.bipolar
|
Stuck Hey guys, this is really just my last thoughts. I dont expect many people read and/or care. I met my girlfriend when i was 12. It really was love at first sight. To this day were still together. I was a smart, devious kid. I went to college and dropped out 3 times. I have no money, no qualifications, no job. My gf always says shell always love me no matter what. But if u guys knew her you would no what she deserves. And thats someone far better than me. My mum. Shes the littlest sweetest thing on this horrible planet. As much as I love them, and they love me, i am a disappointment to them both and i have already made my mind up to go to my local train station tomorrow and well, i dont gotts explain the rest.. i just hope they stumble upon this while searching my history and know how much I love yous both so much it fucking kills me. Goodnight everyone. God take care of my loved ones. Do what i couldnt..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
You Guys Are The Best I've been a member of this subreddit for a year or so and I've seen so many people helping each other and encouraging each other. We don't call each other crazy or judge each other. This is a free and open place and I love all of you for it. Earlier today I was on the verge of killing myself and I cried out to you guys and like three people came instantly. Do you know how special that is??? No one in my life could hardly help, but you all did. So proud to be a member and interact with you guys. Guess I just felt all warm and fuzzy and needed to say thanks. HUGS ALL AROUND. :D (I'm also manic which could be why I'm so overly happy and lovey right now lol)
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self.bipolar
|
Has /u/chubbylittlemonkey responded to anybody? It's been 4 days since they said anything. I hope they didn't do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What the fresh hell is wrong with you? Dude, I know you don't want to lose your job. I'm sympathetic and I don't think anyone *should* be fired for what is in the grand scheme a minor traffic accident, at least not if it's a first strike or a rarity. But don't run into the back end of my car, try to flee the scene, and then lie about it. I didn't maneuver around you. I wasn't speeding, nor did I speed up. When I saw that you were coming toward me, I honked and tried to move away.
But your irredeemable ass just *had* to lie. Fifteen people heard this happen, and heard/saw you take off "like a bat out of hell," to quote one of the ladies from the nail salon. I'm pretty sure you only came back because they all came outside and you were worried about someone getting your plate for a hit-and-run. If you hadn't been a belligerent lying shit, well, I wouldn't be *happy,* but I'd be confident in the knowledge that insurance would sort it and it'd all be fine. I'd have asked for your employee number so I could call your employer and tell them that you hadn't been driving erratically and that I would not recommend a termination (which might be useless, but I really don't believe anyone, not even a bellend, should lose a job over this kind of thing). But you decided to lie and try to be a bully and now I'm anxious as hell about what you're gonna lie about next. What should be simple paperwork is now this, because you chose to be a jerk.
Unfortunately for you, at least one lady saw you fuck up, and gave me and the police her card. I hope the report comes out well. I hope you learn something about telling the truth. I still don't want you to lose your job, but I do want you to learn to own your mistakes instead of being a shitty bully and a liar. This could have been nothing, it could have been okay, but you made it a mess and for that, fuck you.
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self.offmychest
|
Every time Reddit asks me if I enjoy the app, I say no. Not because I don’t enjoy it, but because I’m too goddamn lazy to go and rate it. Sorry Reddit, I’m a bad friend.
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self.offmychest
|
Skin Hunger Sorry if this is an ignorant question, I'm just new here. Long story short, a break up I feel reaponsible for has been making me feel worse than usual the past few days. The only thing we ever did was snuggle, but it made me feel truly alive and happy. I forgot the exact post, but I read a comment a bit back here mentioning "Skin Starvation". I looked it up and read a bit, and skin hunger sounds a lot like what I've been dealing with for a while. Articles say I should arrange time everyday to share skin contact with someone, but all my IRL friends are guys that call me gay whenever I try to get close to them. I just feel so disattached to everything, but I don't know how to fix it. Anyone have suggestions? Any response would be wonderful.
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self.depression
|
Because of /u/carlosaro: What is your story of hope? /u/carlosaro is absolutely right. We're negative as all hell on here. I know why I am: I come here when it gets bad looking for comfort from others like me. Hell, a ton of us don't even upvote on here. It's like the anxiety is so bad we can't bother to click the up arrow.
Here's my story of hope though:
I was a "worried" child. I had a "sensitive stomach". I frequently got "carsick". I would get "traveler's diarrhea". In high school, it was a little better when I got the freedom of my own car and independence. I gained control over my life. My boyfriends would always call me a worrywart. I went to college. I was afraid of failure and pushed myself to do well. I did very well and excelled in my studies. Turns out I was naturally pretty bright when I tried. I went to graduate school. I jumped through all the hoops. I was still a worrywart. I still got carsick on long trips.
It wasn't until I was a 32 year old professor that it became so bad I couldn't leave my bed. Nobody knew what was wrong. I just felt so sick to my stomach all the time. I was in bed for 5 weeks, lost over 10 pounds, when I finally, after ER visits and urgent care visits, got an appointment to a GI doctor.
He scoped my stomach. He took samples. I just KNEW I had advanced stomach cancer or something else.
I didn't.
He told me after I woke up, "There's nothing wrong with your stomach. I think you have a bit of anxiety. Here's some medicine."
He gave me an old tricylic antidepressant in a really low dose: amitryptyline. I came home, and the next day, looking at the pictures from inside my stomach, knowing if there was something wrong the doctor would have seen it... I called my insurance to get a psychologist. I went 2 days later on a Friday night. After 2 appointments he agreed: I have panic disorder. I have specific phobic disorder. I have mental illnesses.
All those sensitive stomach issues my entire life? Anxiety.
All the carsickness and diarrhea when I travelled? Anxiety.
The freakish drive to succeed to avoid any sense of failure? Anxiety.
I found a PCP that worked as an Army doctor for a long time. I knew he would know about anxiety conditions, and he does.
I went to therapy every week for years, then down to twice a month, then once every 3 weeks. Now I'm on an "as needed" policy. Sometimes I need it. Sometimes I don't.
But I'm not in bed anymore. I'm not afraid of everything. I know how to handle travelling so I don't get sick as much. Looking at my life through the lens of knowledge that I have panic disorder makes everything make sense. And it helps keep me healthy and functional.
Over the years I had to change things around with my doctors. A small dose of amitryptyline and celexa nightly. Talk therapy as needed. Klonapin and zofran when I need it. An anxiety-induced IBS diagnosis. I'm better now most of the time.
I hate when I have bad days but they are infrequent now. I'm no longer paralyzed by what happens when I have one. I consider it a success story, as much as a mental illness can have success.
|
self.Anxiety
|
loneliness sucks I feel massively lonely. I'm lucky to have one friend that I occasionally hang out with outside of work. I try to front like there's nothing wrong, but damn falling out my 6th floor window seems pretty attractive.
On occasions when I'm feeling particularly frustrated or maybe a little hopeful, I'll try dating apps. The only problem is that I'm way too afraid to actually talk to anyone. In the rare case that I actually send a message and get a response, I usually let the conversation just die fairly quickly. I certainly don't know how to actually maintain a conversation without being awkward as fuck, and at that point it just becomes a shitty experience. And then I look over at the window. I really just want to go splat on the street.
In middle school, I typically had a good amount of friends, but I used to get very frustrated with dating prospects. I was pretty much never successful at nabbing a significant other. I remember a conversation with my mom over breakfast where I was discussing my frustrations. She told that I should just remain patient, and things would come more naturally as I got older. Time has proved that this is objectively false. To be fair to my mom, I had a few worthwhile relationships in high school, but college was pretty barren. At this point, I've gotten significantly worse at merely talking to people.
It is a bit frustrating to always be the person who doesn't have a significant other. I'm the only single person in my family, and I'm the only single person of all of my friends. My mom is long past telling me to be patient, and she along with the rest of my family are definitely irritated with me and my relationship status. Sometimes I'm not sure if I ever want to be in a relationship, which my family doesn't take too well.
I think this latest bout of loneliness stems from violin lessons. I want to meet some new people and I like learning new musical instruments, so I decided to try violin lessons. The problem is that my violin instructor is super attractive. Someone that I could definitely see myself taking on a few dates. Except that I'm totally inept at talking to people. So instead of actually trying to setup a date, I'll just go back to dating apps because they are easier. But I'm also too uncomfortable to actually talk to people on dating apps. Then I feel trapped and frustrated. It's particularly frustrating in this situation, because I genuinely do enjoy violin lessons and I have a good instructor. Suppose I do actually muster up the courage for a date, if things go south, violin lessons would just be awkward.
When I was in college, I had to walk across a bridge to get to my classes. It wasn't high enough that a fall would kill me, but I always felt tempted to just jump off and mangle myself. Occasionally, I would stand at the bridge and wonder how dramatically my life would change if I just lean over a little more... But, I never actually did tumble off. At my last apartment, I lived on the 3rd floor. Still not high enough to kill, but certainly high enough to hurt. But now, I've got enough space between me and the road to do some real damage. It's scary that I want to make use of that space.
I'm afraid to make a long form post like this because I don't really know what I am trying to get out of it. I do like knowing that this is available for someone to read even if no one actually reads it. It's just the idea that my thoughts could be heard. I typically just make really aggressive self hate/loathing posts to briefly snapshot how much I want to kill myself and how I feel like no one would notice. I haven't really written anything this fleshed out in a while. It feels good to do some introspection, even if it doesn't really solve my problems. I've still got this window, and I'm still lonely. It's frustrating that loneliness has such an affect on me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't do complicated, I like orderly, predictable, and no drama. Understanding humans and how and why they work is very difficult for me. Does that mean I'm broken? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
not sleeping makes my anxiety so much worse slept 1 hour this night and i'm currently at work. it feels so terrible
|
self.Anxiety
|
Car broke down right before I'm supposed to move Me and my wife are currently trying to move out of our apartment and into my mom's house so we can save money. We have to be out of here by mid January, but yesterday my car broke down. I haven't had this much anxiety in a long time. I am trying really hard to keep myself composed and not let everything get to me. I was already having anxiety about moving but then this happens.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Update I asked her out! Although I said I'd do it yesterday I stalled and did it today but ohh well she said Yes!!! Although she's pretty busy this week. I think we'll go out next Monday. Anyone have tips for scheduling dates?
|
self.Anxiety
|
∑x = 0 contrived situations of splendor
often bring about a happiness
which leaves you in the same spot without.
we have our memories
but those seem to pull the strings
that much tighter.
what is worth anything if the shambles we start from are the ones we return to.
|
self.offmychest
|
I need advice on what to do and how to help whenever a friend is in a depressive episode. hello,
as the title says I really need advice on how to help a friend whenever they have a depressive episode because it happens sometimes whenever we're hanging out. it usually happens whenever she laughs really hard for a long time, it's like we're laughing so hard at something funny and it catches up to her and she's told me that it's because laughing really hard makes her realise that she's actually really depressed inside and this is where the 'episode' starts. she then cries really hard and I freeze. I don't know what to say, what to do. I know she doesn't like to be touched when it hits so I keep a certain distance. I think that talking and saying the right things or just anything to distract her or make her think about something else would help but it's like whenever it happens I just freeze and my mind blanks out. I'm really tired of just blanking out because I want to help her, she means the world to me. please please please if there's any advice you can give me, that would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.depression
|
It's a beautiful day! And no one is taking that from me!
It's a been a rough three weeks but now I'm on the up. It's raining outside but I don't care, I'm riding this good feeling until it burns no more. It may come today or in two weeks but until then, Weee!
|
self.bipolar
|
Changing time of dosage? (Wellbutrin) Hey all
I started a pretty small dosage (100 mg) of the 12 hour release Wellbutrin a few days ago. I've been taking it in the evening like 7 with supper because I take other meds for stomach stuff at that the but it's led me to wake up and stay up for multiple hours each night.
Can I go from taking it 7pm one day to like 8 am the next I just wanna sleep man. And idk if it's relevant I'm 18 y.o 94 pound female.
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self.depression
|
best friend ditched me and I can't get over it It's been 4 months since the guy I was literally joined at the hip with for four years sent me messages telling me how much he hated me and how glad he was to be rid of me (prompting a suicide attempt), and I haven't gotten over it whatsoever. I have no other friends, can't afford therapy, and am thousands of miles away from family. It feels like not having him is just dragging me down, and seeing how he's still close to every one of our friends is killing me. I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this, but everything I've tried to meet people has failed, so I'm just hiding in my room 20-24 hours a day trying not to think about him. Help.
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self.depression
|
I've got some money saved up, I want to leave my life behind Self explanatory. How to cope with this feeling. I'm stressed at work and don't like where I live. I've lost all motivation for my career. I have a severe case of social anxiety, to the point where I choke up at work and it affects my performance. I am stuck in this fantasy of leaving everything behind and living on the road. No more internet. No more bills. Most importantly, no people.
Tell me I'm not thinking rationally. Tell me I'm insane for even thinking about this. I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
happy new year. at least i can talk to you guys. honestly dreading the new year. another year of my shitty life that i have to live. i hope we can all improve ourselves some way or the other, but i'm not optimistic. i don't feel like shit's gonna happen.
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self.depression
|
Slept with a guy for the first time and I feel stupid and dysfunctional [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My best friend’s husband shot himself friday night. I’m angry. He was a manly man. All of us. All of his friends encouraged him to get help but he grew up in a world, in a house, that thought mental health professionals were quacks. He thought that taking medicine for something going on in your head was weak. This was an entirely medical problem that could have been prevented. So I’m mad. At him for leaving my best friend a 26 year old widow, at the people who raised him, at society, for telling him it’s weak to take medicine, at whatever the fuck higher power may be responsible for this stupid, senseless waste. I’m guilty for not trying to do more. I’m heartbroken that I’ll never talk to him again or hear him play his guitar or see him turn a piece of wood into something beautiful. I’m confused by the events leading up to it.
I just need help. I don’t know what to do. I’m spending most of my time with my best friend and trying to be strong and give comfort where I can. I don’t know what the point of this post is. Any words of wisdom, advice, thoughts, stories would be very welcome. Thanks for reading.
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self.depression
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How do you get your mind off suicide? I’m having a rough time with it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm finding it hard to deal with the breakup [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Getting huge anxiety from a science project in class I found out that today in science, we are, quite funnily, making a baby. How we do this is we pair up with a member of the opposite gender and role a dice to decide various characteristics of the baby. It's essentially just a lesson in genetics, but it making me very anxious. Girls in general cause me a lot of anxiety, which I can usually avoid by not talking to them. I can't avoid that here, and it's even worse than most projects because I'll be "making a baby" with them. I'm not sure what to do, this is making my anxiety worse in the already stressful week I'm having because of how busy I am.
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self.Anxiety
|
Back and forth about my travels... could someone help me think straight? So I'm 20, in college, and going to [Country] in about a week. On the whole I'm pretty excited! I'll be doing this super cool program for a week, meeting people, seeing cool stuff.
I have this eyes bigger than my stomach thing where like I love the idea of chilling in whatever country I'm going to for as long as possible, but then I realize that after a couple days of taking in the sights I'll be exhausted and lonely and this will just make me anxious and sad. My first ever trip abroad was last year for a week, and I bumped up my flight a couple days because I was just getting anxious and lonely going on adventures by myself. I did the same thing when I went on my second trip, for a couple weeks, in the summer. When this happens I feel like such a stupid flake, and I should have just toughed it out, and I'm sacrificing awesome experiences because I'm being a weenie.
So when I first got in to this event next week I decided to be ambitious. I found an awesome deal on a flight and booked it immediately, giving myself a full extra week to travel the country sightseeing. In principle that sounds awesome, but now that I have time to actually think about what I'm going to do there I feel more and more like I don't want to be alone running around [Country] for that long.
I could cough up another $200 to bump my flight up a few days, taking the extra time off my hands and putting me back home where I have my friends and my space and can get over the jetlag and ready for school. If I'm being honest this is what I want to do. I just feel so STUPID. I'm doing it AGAIN! I guess this time I'm anticipating it ahead of time... and I will *definitely* be learning a lesson from this, because after several times I finally understand that I get so anxious because it's just too lonely and overwhelming to do for too long. It'll still be overall cheaper than expected. I'm just beating myself up. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I feel like I must be doing something very wrong to be throwing away time in an exciting new place... Does anyone have some advice or input? Thank you so much in advance. <3
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self.Anxiety
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Is anyone available to talk? Having a rough night, got some hard news. Been feeling suicidal all day so this is kind of the icing on the cake, I guess.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m so fucking emotionless I can’t fucking get attached or have emotions it seems.
There’s the obvious, I’m apathetic, I don’t really care or worry or feel much of anything towards anything. It’s all numb or misery or both.
I don’t love or care for anyone, and not as much as I should it seems. My best friend, my family, I can’t find myself caring for them enough. Sure I place my best friend over everyone else, but... I can’t explain it, I don’t care as much as I should. Same for my family.
Tho what’s really pointed this issue out is partners. I just broke up with a partner. I was sad for 30 mins and then I just wasn’t. For a while all it’s been is just a string of girls I have something with, and then it ends and I couldn’t care less about that or them, I can’t get attached.
It feels like there’s an actual barrier stopping me from feeling emotions. I try, I really do try to get attached but I can’t. It’s so numb, so awful.
Like many people here, I used to think that a close loving partner would fix my problems. I sort of still think that I guess. But getting girls isn’t an issue, it’s caring for them, it’s being attached, it’s making it last. I don’t have it.
I’m so numb
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self.depression
|
Had fast hard panic attack just now I just had my first panic attack while someone was talking. I mean I've had a crap ton, but this is the first time that one hit me hard, in the middle of listening to coworker, and I had to come back to her to make sure I didn't forget anything else.
It was wam bam then over. I am still reeling from it, neck is sore and body tired. I thought I was ok since I had fun after the anniv. of Mom's death last night. I got a little sad and times, but watched my daughter trick or treat with her friends. I even called my Dad to tell him about her fun, because it was something I would have talked to Mom about.
I felt good this morning, so I didn't take the higher dose of Buspirone (anti anxiety), I took my normal daily dose. Silly me, why would I think I was ok, I felt like I was back to "normal".
UGH!!!!
Edit: and now my soon-to-be Step-Mom (Jan wedding) just asked me to take charge for scheduling manicures the day before wedding. I usually love this stuff, but I totally don't feel in the mood, and have had panic attacks when she asked me to help with previous wedding stuff. I'm just getting fucking bombarded right now.
It is the day after the year Mom died, and you're marrying my Dad and how can I get in the right mindset??!!
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self.Anxiety
|
I need someone to talk to I know that this is the wrong place but please, anyone, slide me a message if you can. I'll listen to your problems too, I just need a friend...
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self.depression
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always tired :( Anyone else always tired? I am so fatigued, my head always feels like it is drained of blood. How to we find the energy to keep our frail frames going.
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self.depression
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I'm so broken right now *TW* TW: suicidal thoughts
I'm stuck and scared guys. You know that first question they always ask you, *any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?* well I always answer no with the addendum of "thoughts, however I would never want my family to find me like that or deal with the pain."
But recently the thoughts are getting worse, my mind won't stop racing, heart pounding, I'm crying one minute then angry, I'm getting little to no sleep, my paranoia of being watched by my neighbor and others is getting worse (ya, stupid I know can't help it). My psych doc I saw just last week and told him I'm really really struggling and don't think the meds have been working I'm so depressed and anxious and I've been waiting for them to "kick in fully" for almost six months.
He did not address my anxiety, I brought up my meds not working three goddamn times and finally he said let's wait another month and see if it gets better. I can't wait another month, I'm in pain so bad mentally and physically. I'm tired of this, I cut my hair super short again so I would stop pulling it now but now my skin picking has doubled and that gives me anxiety about getting help because I'm worried they will think I'm on drugs cause the picking.
I went to a inpatient facility in July last year and it didn't help at all I have been so scared of them doing nothing while I sit in a strange place for another ten days not getting better. Last time the psych doc took me off my anxiety meds as soon as I got checked in because he didn't like them and despite many freak out the clinic left me to cry hidden in the corner of my room for hours multiple days.
Psych doc kept trying to put me back on seroquel even though I told him it makes me freak out he wanted me to try it anyways I did it did nothing but make me panic cry and my heart felt like it would burst (my BPM was 168 thought I was dying). I want to go hide for the rest of my life I want this misery to end. But I'm kinda stuck right now and it's making me panic more out of indecision.
My mother is very ill, can't walk well and I help her, my brother is also mentally sick and I keep him together when he gets nuts. My mom is struggling right now, goes to court regarding disability soon so she's nuts and we were talking and I'm saying it's getting very hard for me daily to even live.
She said she knows and is very sorry and shed suggest more but she's crazy right now and can't deal with the added stress and I told her OK. But I don't know if I can. I'm so tired of fixing everything else besides myself, I feel guilty about needing help, feeling suicidal, feel like a failure. I want help but I'm scared they won't do anything or flat out ignore me again. I'm very scared and unstable but I feel so fucking guilty if I leave to get help because my family needs me to take care of things they are like little children if I am not around (I am in my mid 20s now) they can't do shit it seems.
Sorry I'm frustrated and rambling but at my wits end and could really use some advice. Thanks.
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self.bipolar
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What's the point, really, as a guy? The more men that sexually assault people, the more men in general are just lumped in with these fucking monsters that abuse people. I don't even mean to get on a soapbox of "not all men" or anything like that. Like, what can we do as guys to not be guilty by association? It's probably the reason I never really talk to people anymore anyway. Why shouldn't I rid the world of one less man?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everything feels wrong I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off for probably six years now, since before I even entered high school. I don’t remember what I felt like before then. I’m at a point now where I can’t even imagine feeling at least content with myself, because I have no idea what that feeling is like.
I’m in way over my head. I haven’t spoken a word about how I feel to anyone, so here I am applying to universities and rehearsing for the school play and studying for exams and I hate all of it. I can’t stand it. I had my career path picked out for me and if I don’t go with it then I have no idea what the fuck else I’m supposed to do. I’m a lead in the play and I used to enjoy acting but that was before people were expecting me to be good at it. It all comes down to expectations, I think. I’m expected to ace my way through school because my older siblings flunked. I’m expected to get a nice degree because I’d be the first kid in this generation to do so. I’m supposed to be committed to theatre. I’m supposed to set a model for my grad class. I’m supposed to do all this stuff that I don’t care about, but if I say I want to do anything different then I’m letting such a giant group of people down. I’m all these things that I know I never wanted to be, but I’m so far in now that I don’t even know what it was that I wanted in the first place. I can’t think for myself. Whatever I’m told to do, I just do it. I feel like I’m just fulfilling everyone else’s plans.
I feel like there’s a switch or something in my head, and all it needs is to be turned on, but I’m just too stupid to see exactly where it is so until I find it I’m just stumbling around with no real idea what the hell I’m actually looking for. I know it sounds like I’m just rambling because I don’t know what I want from life, but that’s just it: I don’t want anything. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to keep being here, I don’t want to do things and I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m jumping through hoop after hoop hoping that I’ll find something to keep me going. I’ve got all these things in my life that I just can’t connect with, and I don’t understand how other people seem to make it click so easily. Nothing clicks for me, and I don’t know how to fix that.
I think the only thing that I really, genuinely like in my life is my cat. I just got back from crying with him in the basement, and no one else in my household will pay attention to him if I’m not here, so I think he’s the one thing I’m holding out for.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety after drinking So I had a big night of drinking last night. Drank a lot of beer, then some jaegerbombs and some bourbon. Today was pretty sick. Throwing up, stomach ache, diareah, felt like passing out a few times. I'm now terrified I've some some permanent damage like cirrhosis. I'm pannicing bad about it. Does anyone know if it's possible to get something like this from one drinking session?
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self.Anxiety
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Taking responsibility for my parents' happiness is starting to take it's toll on me. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I want to end my suffering. I've been dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts since I was in 5th grade. I don't know what I'm expecting out of this maybe I just need to vent , I just know I feel like this is my last cry for help. I've done everything I can to get better and none of it has worked. I was doing good for a while.. I was starting to get better and all of a sudden the suicidal thoughts came back the depression came back and I couldn't care if I died. I want to die, I want to end my suffering but the only reason I find myself not going through with it is because I don't want to put my family or friends through that.. if I could somehow kill myself without causing any pain to anybody I would do it in a heartbeat. My whole life seems to have been nothing but pain. I am not good at anything I am just worthless and that is all I will ever be. I will never be good enough for anything or anyone. I wish I was good enough... I think I need help.. but I don't even know what would help.. I don't know what to do. I wake up wanting to die. From seeing dead bodies , going to way too many funerals , losing friends to suicide, a broken home with a broken family, being bullied and being jumped, to being cheated on by every girlfriend Ive had and having my heart played with constantly , to be just being worthless. I have no worth. Everybody leaves me so why cant I leave everybody else? why do I have to go through all this pain? why can't I be happy, why can't I be good enough for anyone or anything. I don't know what I need.. I just know I need help maybe venting will help I don't know I just don't know. I just know I am tired of this pain I'm tired of feeling this way.. I just want to give up.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Im stable! ...please... kill me. so two years ago my ex and I start having some issues. These stemmed from the fact that I was in and out of clinical depression constantly.. Mania/Hypo-mania in-check the whole time though. come to find out.. the same pdoc that forgot to request blood tests for lithium levels.. forgot to continue my ssri.. i vaguely recall her saying the lithium would act as my anti-depressent.. or something insane..
My ex hits financial troubles on her own and asks me to move us all into the house im in now. 3/1 with a huge yard, 10 minutes from the beach in south florida. So.. I do.. not reading into the thought that, "Hey, why didnt she apologize or talk about how to put the relationship back on track?"
March 2017. She takes our 4 year old and leaves for gramma's under the guise of a vacation im not allowed to be on. Said she'd be gone a week. at least 30 days went by. I get a text, "Did you kill yourself yet?"
Today , we have a 50/50 custody agreement. And child support. also the guy she cheated on me with in 2016 is living with her..
It was through her love and support that I pulled myself and our family from homelessness to upper middle class.. despite having bp2..adhd. and the wrong fucking meds. She literally saved my life and I can't help but love the mother of my daughter.
I dont know what I did to her to make her think she had to break it off so maliciously. Our daughter brings up pictures on her little tablet and says in her tiny 4yo voice. "I wish mommy would come stay. And you stay and we all stay here."
she tells me she doesnt like mommy's "friend" jason....
I dont know how to handle this emotionally. I went from the strong reponse, "I dont know why mommy did this but both of us still love you. Nothing to worry about." To "Me too kiddo.. We both still love you.. maybe mommy will come home one day."
I dont think its healthy for me to even entertain letting her come back.. if she ever even wanted to.
When she left i came unhinged a bit.. lost my executive position but not the pay or benefits at least...
I was almost evicted.. so now my boss pays my bills for me. manages my money.
The court tells me when I am allowed to be with my kid.... wtf happened to my life!
so I started seeing another doc for a second opinion. They fixed up my meds. Clarity came upon me and i dont feel depression anymore... but I see the ruins of my dreams.. my family is everything to me and now I look toward an even bleaker future.. Provide for them and watch her live our life with another person. A person that will be part of raising our daughter whether I like it or she admits it. I want me ex to be happy. I want to be sure my kid is taken care of. Im stable now but for how long? I feel as though i kept my job but they are working me out of the loop as quickly as possible. So logically.. even without depression.. I feel like suicide is my best bet to escape this misery and provide for my daughter through life insurance...
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self.bipolar
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Minor looking for a gun in California advice needed. where to look? i realize you cant be explicit about methods but this is less about how to do it. failure or not, i am desperate. stubborn as well. wont change my mind.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Weird topic but... Dating with Anxiety I know this'll sound weird but I've always wondered whether, one day, I'll be able to hold up a relationship. I've never been in one before, but, maybe after I start getting better, maybe I'll be able to start talking to people and putting my life together. Maybe I'll finally be able to love someone.
I dunno. I always imagined myself in a relationship, five, ten years down the road, living in a small apartment. I go to work, they go to work, I make dinner, we cuddle on the couch and watch netflix and play with our asshole cats. It sounds nice. It sounds pretty. But the entire time, I'm scared, my anxiety will just be... There. Looming. "What if he leaves?" "What if she screws me over and cheats on me?" "What if he finds someone better at work?"
What if they find the pill bottles or the doctor's notes or the word "therapy" written once a week in my day planner and they decide... This isn't for them. They can't handle this. What if that's just what everyone sees when they see that? What if they just see the messed up little girl who's still scared to introduce herself to people, too scared to have any real friends, too scared of making the first move or asking for a raise or the girl who lost her job because she was so scared of screwing it up she ended up screwing it up? I wouldn't date me either if I knew that about me.
I just... I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
|
how do you take care of a dog with depression? i have cats and i don’t really have problems taking care of them because they’re fairly easy, but my parents are out of town for about a week and i’m watching my moms dog and i just don’t have the energy for getting up and walking him and such it feels so hard
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self.depression
|
I'm pretending to be human Sometimes I feel like i'm just pretending to be human. Feel might be the wrong word; imagine might be more appropriate. As long as I could remember, I haven't been bothered by things in the same way other people have, and if I don't fake normal reactions, people look at me oddly. I don't really care about that, but their concerns might cause some inconvenience to me.
I've seen people get hurt and walk the other way because it would be inconvenient for me to have to spend time helping them. I'm never angry. I understand that sometimes to get people to check their bounds that they will only respond if you're angry, so I have to act like I am. I've had close family members (ones who were part of raising me) die and I couldn't be bothered to grieve, let alone go to the funeral (they're dead anyways, funerals are for those mourning). My relationships are calculated, I know how to make people love me.
I'm not completely devoid of emotion, I can get anxious (typically only in situations I can't cognitively reason myself out of immediately), I can get frustrated (not angry though), and I can find things amusing.
I'm content with who I am, but at the same time think there is something broken about me too.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like the time for trying is over [deleted]
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self.depression
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Cheating Baby's dad So I'm 28yrs old. I've been with my baby's father since I was 20 years old. This is my first baby. He goes to all my appointments and things like that. We were living together and we kept fighting so he decided to move back to his moms. He's cheated on me several times in the past. And he continues to cheat with different women. He even had a hickey on his neck one time (while I am pregnant) He admitted to being drunk and having sex with another girl. He meets them on the interenet. We fight a lot. He blames my constant nagging. He says that's why he cheats. I guess I started to believe him and I forgive him everytime he cheats. idk why but I do. I always go back. Especially now that Im pregnant. I'm really scared to have to do this on my own.
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self.offmychest
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Stop putting yourself in the friendzone. The friendzone is something that you put yourself into. You do this by not being upfront with your attraction towards someone before you decide to become good friends. Don't become good friends with people you are really attracted to because you're guaranteed to catch feelings. Find out if they're attracted to you too by being upfront about it and ask to them lunch/dinner or something. Nothing too serious but just something to gauge the chemistry. If the attraction is mutual then sure, now it's worth your time getting close to them because otherwise, you're only setting yourself up for unrequited feelings and heartbreak.
The friendzone is when you give someone power and control over your life and they don't even know it. If they message you, or talk to you etc, it makes your day. If they don't, you feel like shit. Don't ever, ever, ever give someone that power over you unless it's mutual and it's worth it. Remember that you deserve better than this and because so, don't allow yourself to be put in that situation.
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self.offmychest
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I wonder Why is there mostly no information on the internet about actually beating depression? To me it just looks like there is no real cure, atleast not found yet..
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self.depression
|
I accidentally let my parents see just how much pain I'm in right now while I'm dying and I feel horrible about it. [removed]
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self.offmychest
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Advice on mirtazapine Hi,
yesterday I took my first Mirtazapine (15mg) just before bedtime. I woke up this morning feeling sort of dizzy and have felt like that since. I just left work due to a panic that I would faint (this is my main worry).
Saying this, I've been feeling dizzy a lot recently due to anxiety and I read that dizziness could be a side effect so it's possible this is not a side effect but something I'm convinced I have.
My question is: if it is a side effect, does it go away and how long does it take for your body to adjust?
Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
|
Today I have school and the only person, I can talk to, is at home, because she's feeling sick. Hi!
I don't like school. My classmates are so different than me. And the only person I like, isn't there today. Nobody I can talk to. Bad day..
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self.depression
|
Is self harm (cutting) bad? If so, why? I just started cutting the other day, do you guys think it is bad?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I have it too good to commit myself to a hospital Since I don't know what it's like to be dead, I don't have any major desire to kill myself, but I don't necessarily like being alive either.
I am a sophomore at a good college (19 F). I have friends and a social life. I am involved in clubs and have decent grades. I have a good relationship with my family and they care about me deeply. Finances are hardly an issue. Mental health issues are well understand among my family and friends and I've gotten an incredible amount of support from everyone around me.
For some reason that neither me or any of my therapists know, I became cripplingly depressed in my Spring semester of last year. Going home for the summer was of no help, and I still feel miserable to this day. I've tried 8 different antidepressants and none of them have worked. I feel absolutely hopeless and have an desperately want to turn to drugs or alcohol to escape this pain.
I absolutely dread waking up every morning to face another miserable day. I feel like the only thing that can help me at this point is spending some time in a hospital where I'm completely safe and have everything I need. I'm afraid to tell my family that I'm feeling this low. I just want a solution. If nothing has worked up to this point, what else will.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
B I hate you and I hope you move very far away. You don’t know me but I know you and what you’ve done. Leave
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self.offmychest
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