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I’m failing an exam and a class tomorrow and I just want to hide in my house and never leave again It’s a computer programming exam that’s not that hard but because the midterm was on paper I couldn’t write programming fast enough and failed the midterm. Because I failed the midterm I got so anxious I didn’t want to even go to class instead I ended up having anxiety attacks in my car. Because I missed the last three weeks of class i missed the newer stuff and because I missed the newer stuff I’m going to fail the exam tomorrow. And I feel like garbage I feel like an idiot and I can’t seem to breath or think and I just feel so bad.
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self.Anxiety
|
I thought being sleep made me super sick but I was just going through withdrawal Anytime I skipped my seroquel to study or do an overnight shift i’d throw up, sweat, feel like I was gonna pass out, shit my brains out, and otherwise just feel absolutely awful. I thought that was just part of not sleeping for over a day but apparently that’s seroquel withdrawal
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self.bipolar
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Radio stations consider themselves “new” for far too long. It really gets under my skin. You’ve been a station for two years, you’re not new. Also, that song that came out months ago that you’ve played a thousand times isn’t new either. Cut that shit out.
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self.offmychest
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Tired of being tired. Ive hit a point in my life where I dont know what to do. Im almost 23 and despite my efforts I have never been able to find work, somehow my brother has but i haven't. My family is about to be homeless, we have maybe a months time before we are, could be less really. My dad doesnt seem to give a fuck, my disabled mom needs me and so do my younger brothers but I cant help but just want to kill myself. Ive dealt with depression for pretty much all my life but now, i feel sick even thinking continuing. Maybe Im just weak, too weak, i dont know but I do know that Im tired of being tired, ive been trying to off myself since i was 16, everyone managed to pull me back and convince me things would get better then my youngest brother died of cancer in 2013 and still i kept going, i took care of my mom for 5 years every single day, she cant move much so i did pretty much everything for her. I just want this to end, I dont want to abandon her and my brothers like my shithead father but i want it to stop, its always in my head fucking with me and it wont go away, distracting myself can only work for so long and it's showing its weak points now. I dont know what to do anymore, I dont know how I come back from this. I dont want pity, im a shit person, i was never good enough for this to work out anyway, I just had to say this, even if Im not really saying it, before i go. Thanks for listening, Reddit.
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self.offmychest
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Stressed about Grades This Fall was my first semester attending college. I am 27 and never attended and was a high school drop out that completed my GED. I received only C's and C+'s this semester, I work full time as a manager of a retail store so it was pretty stressful and difficult but I still know I could have done better had I either prioritized my time better or pushed myself harder but I did not.
I guess I'm just beating myself up about it? Or maybe just looking for comfort and support? Thoughts?
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self.Anxiety
|
What is the point of living if you arent enjoying it? About me: Im 17, got depression with 9 and was planning to kill myself several times in the last 8 years (with 9 the first time). I got depressive because i got bullied really badly by everyone i known ecept my parents (class mates, teachers, family...). Now im living in a great family, have lots of friends, im pretty clever, some call me genious, im healthy and i already have offers to study at universities. I have everything that i could want but im still depressed. Some years ago I used to code computer games to feel alive but that doesnt help anymore. I started to get introverted and am not getting up to school. Since 3 months ive been 6 days at school. I dont hate me or something. I dont know why i am depressed. In the last months i seriously thought about killing myself. I mean whats the point of living if u dont enjoy it? The life is all about solving problems. Many people enjoy solving this problems, i dont. If i would suicide the problems were be gone - i wouldnt have solved them but they wouldnt exist for me anymore wich is basically the same outcome (in case you dont enjoy solving them). At the end my life wont matter. If im dead and all the persobs ive known my life will be forgotten and it killing myself wouldnt change anything. So, why should i live? Whats the point in living? I guess everyone has to give themselfs a sense to their life but I dont find any. The only reasom im not already dead is that i dont want to hurt my parents. But i dont want to exist anymore, i hate existing and it gets every day worse. Im sure i will kill me one time in the future. Maybe one of you reading this can tell me how i finally get happy even tho i already have everything. Money isnt the way to be happy. Friendships neither. What is it? I tried to change my atittude and that works fine for 3 days until my depression comes back worse than before. Every time i get up and do something it gets worse. If im just laying in my bed doing nothing for some days my world starts to get... better. I start to feel peace. Im still depressed but im somehow happy at the same time. So now im laying here doing nothing. Just laying. And thinking. I would have really no problem to kill me right now. I feel like im finally ready to end this horror. So why shouldnt i end it right now? If someone felt the same and feels better now tell me how you have done it because how im living now is not living, its more waiting to be ready to die.
(Sorry for the chaos in the text and my english, hope u could make sense of it (from germany))
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self.SuicideWatch
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Has anyone who has recovered from depression, had that brain fog lifted? I’m always worried that even if I can beat depression, I’ll never be as smart or sharp as I was before it.
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self.depression
|
I can't handle it Feeling like things are ok one minute and then wanting for it all to be over the next. I feel like an unimportant waste of space. I haven't specialised in anything, i don't have any hobbies, i don't know what i'm doing here. I'm 27 and feel like a complete waste of space. How do people just "do" things for the sake of it. Why haven't I ever gotten into to or become interested in anything useful or impressive? Why haven't I developed any skills? If this is just what i'm like as a person then I say fuck this, i've drawn a seriously short straw.
I don't know If I can do this for the rest of my life.
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self.depression
|
Panic attack while eating? I started having bad stomach pain as I was eating, as if someone was punching me in the stomach, I started burping a lot and started feeling adrenaline rising, started sweating profusely. I forced myself to finish my meal, and went to sit on my bed, where I started shaking (even my jaw was shaking), hands and feet completely wet. I never had that while eating before. It was freaky. I'm still feeling light headed, sweaty and my stomach feels empty even though I ate.
Do you guys think it was a vasovagal response? Or a panic attack (maybe brought on by stomach pain)?
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self.Anxiety
|
Cymbalta (duloxetine) depression I've been taking this, along with the quetiapine I was already on, for nearly 2 weeks now. How long does it normally take to help with depression?
I slept all day today, can't seem to focus on anything. I'm really hoping it's going to help.
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self.bipolar
|
3 months of termination period have finally broke me Hi all of You!
I have received like a tons of long-lasting stress in past half year, like 3 months ago my division in work has been transfered to India, I've lost the job and right now I'm on ending 3 months long termination period. What I have to say to you is that I feel like I regret that I have stayed to the end since extreme amounts of stress and bad relations with other employees take the good sleep away from me. Please just give me some interesting wikipedia page so I will read it trying to not think about the past.
Thank you, have a good day/evening.
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self.offmychest
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t i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i can't take it ia i can ttake it i really can't its too much fuck its too ikuch i cant i cant i cant i cant ahfs[rni[ikernioaerwerk
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self.depression
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Things i do cause my hypomania to cease,how can i stop this from driving me crazy? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Car parking frustration So this is a vent post. So I've been in my apt for 4 years. Its got 4 apts (2 floors 1 apt on each side) there's a driveway on the right side of the house and a side street on the left.
It's always been the accepted understanding that the right side apts get the driveway and the left the side of the house parks on the side (we technically park on the yard part.. Like a plow could go buy us no ticket cause we're not in the street...I digress).
Well this past year a new guy moved into the apt next to us...right side. This guy constantly has a guest over however his guests frequently park in my spot. I work 3rd shift so I get home in the morning and there's a car there and I end up having to park in the neighbors yard. I have slight ocd when it comes to parking so this does bother me but I've been grating my teeth on it the past few months.
However last week it snowed.. Not much.. I drive a jeep so we were able to just drive through it... But I come home in the morning and again neighbors guest is in my spot and I've reached my limit. The snow was basically the trigger for me since I realized had I had to shovel myself out then come home to have this guy in my spot and have to shovel myself another spot out I'd be pissed... So I left a note on the car...a polite note. Just asking if they could park in the driveway (figured this wouldn't be a big deal since the other tenant on the right side doesn't drive nor own a car so there's always an extra space).
The guy caught my husband in the hall a few days later and was very friendly, apologized about his guests, informed him that they had been parking in the driveway but the other tenant complained too the landlord (doesn't make sense to me since the old guy doesnt have a car but whatever) so that's why they were parking on the side and that he would let his guests kmow to park further up. My husband thanked him and so on.
So I get home from work this morning, and the same car is parked in the middle of our spots (lady downstairs visits family on holidays so her car wasn't there)... So now I'm even more pissed since this issue I thought had been addressed and solved.
We have a potentially snow storm coming this week and I've already told my husband that if we have to shovel out and then come home from work in the morning and they're in that spot I'm going up pound on the door and tell them to move.
I'm usually non confrontational but this just irks me. We've never had this issue before with any other tenant.
So yea.. I mainly just needed to vent this... Idk if I'm being crazy or not but I needed to vent XD
Sorry for the long rant
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self.offmychest
|
Trying my best to be okay Hi guys, I saw someone with a similar post and can I ask you too to please write "You can do it!!"?
I'm just so tired of trying to do my best to overcome all of the difficulties in my life and seeing no improvement/acknowledgment...
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self.depression
|
Crippling anxiety/quarter life crisis/dunno what to do/think about this situation. need advice! Hi all, so I don't know where to start...hmm ok:
27, compsci engineer, working for 1 year, moved to live alone in my flat.
So, it's some time that I am recurringly falling into a spiral loop of thoughts that fear the sh*t out of me. All started one year ago, on august, ~4 month prior to my master degree. My entire world crushed on myself when I've understood that I would have skipped my graduation for another 4 month streak. What made me anxious was an endless loop of thoughts regarding life, its purpose, why we struggle to do things when, logically speaking, the purpose of life does not exist, all the thing we do are pointless if we think about them rationally. Sometimes I felt myself trapped into a dream, later found out that 90% were DP/DR symptoms deriving from my crippling anxiety, and for the first time in life I thought about suicide. Not about the act of actually harming myself, but just suicide as a possible way to go among all the other infinite ways. And this made me freak out.
I have to admit that during last 2 university years I've started smoking pot regularly, daily basis, and all was good, until the breakout described. Oh yeah, and a badtrip with shrooms(no good, no no). So I abstained for 6 months from weed, started to feel "ok", and then relapsed into a quasi-daily smoking. In the mean time I gave up smoking cigarettes, made a conscious shift to a more healthy way to live(improved sports and healthy diet, limiting my booze only on some parties). In general I have to admit that besides weed, I am currently on a healthy way of living.
After all the above, these last days I fell again into a fuc*ing scary loop of thoughts about life, pointlessness of it, sense of derealization, loss of willpower to do things and in general i feel detatched from reality. I had a stressful month with my work, I do not like it anymore and in fact I am doing lot of interviews that actually are stressing. I've had also issues with my flat, so more stress in the bag. Then a joint one da made me fall into paranoia-like state: racing thoughts, was convinced that I was earing voices and sound, bad shit.
Also, this last "crisis" regarded also a lot of fear to harm me and others(in other words the fear of going mad and do bad things), a lot of thoughts about cannot be a good person in life and moreover cannot succeed as a human being and as a possible father(Yes, I've always wanted to become father and grew a family in a remote future) and this is leading me to be like paralized in this limbo. I don't know where I am, where I want to be, and what the fuck I am thinking. I've never been this type of person, also when there were real problems in my life. I think I've developed some form of obsessive thinking, and I want to return to my old self but I fear that I'll remain trapped in this situation for the rest of my days and this SCARES ME. A LOT. i cannot enjoy things anymore.
Speaking about my past self, I've never been the "depressed/paranoid/antisocial/bored" guy, instead I was the opposite. very curious about life, discovering things, the one that animates parties, etc etc. In general a positive guy with a lot of curiosity about everything. I've had a good family, no divorces, no problems regarding money, so much love from my parents etc etc.
The point of this long venting is that other than overthinking, I think that this situation can be described with quarter life crisis: I feel myself stuck here, without no certainties of the future, with regrets of the past(mostly for my 2/3 years of drug usage, coming from a family with totally different approach in life) and the fear that doing stupid things harmed my brain and led to this situation, with the fear that I can die at any time(yes, mortality is one thing that I am trying to cope with, also) and also that one day I'll be alone(when my parents will die), without nothing but me, with lot of insecurities, spanning in the end existential anxiety. The idea that I have to work 8hrs a day for almost my entire life, no matter the job, is like robbing my free time and freedom, and I think that all these things are wasting my soul and my life. I want to return to my happy living.
Anyone have already been in my shoes? if yes, how do you guys returned to normality?
Thanks in advance for taking time to read this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Suicidal but not depressed? Hey so um,
I don't know if this sounds strange or not,
But I tried to kill my self last about 2 months ago, and it didn't work but still I don't feel like I did anything. Nobody knows about it, I lived alone at that period and just like, swallowed around more than 100 pills a mix of parkódín, voltaren, paratabs, some sleeping pills (less than 5) and then just a mix of something I had in my pill stach. And I was very drunk, the only reason I called an ambulance was because I got Parasetamól poisoning and believe me. It. Was. Hell. If I ever attempt to take my own life again it will never ever be attempted that way. So just basically woke up 8 hours after the attempt, was throwing up yellow gall, and woke up every half an hour just throwing up for around another 8 hours before deciding so wasn't just sick from it. From then on I had to have 3 blood tests( believe me I hate needles.) Worst 24 hours of my life.
At the same time now, after being over that I tried it, I didn't feel depressed, and I don't feel depressed now. But still somehow I feel so insensitive to death and myself dying. If I was standing at a high enough building I would just go for it. I'm actually pretty okay with my life, I manage to travel, not being in debt and yeah, I travel a lot. I'm from Iceland and actually in Germany at the moment just chilling in Berlin before so go to Istanbul and then Egypt-Jordan-Israel (have a lot of friends in Israel from spending 2 months there earlier this year).
I know. I feel like I'm ungrateful. Although I don't come from a rich family I work for all of the things I do for myself. And I have the opportunity to do anything I want.
Does anyone else just feel the same?
I have a lot of history of depression, and this last year after being dumped by my ex I have never been better, just me focusing on my self, working a lot and traveling A LOT.
But still somehow feel myself so useless I want to stop existing. I do as much as I can, i feel like I'm a good person and that I'm happy with my self in what I do for homeless people with all extra money I have.
Blegh just babbling on right now, just having one of these existential crisis, sitting alone at a bar thinking about this, like a switch flipped into just stop wanting to exist without being sad about it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dentist anxiety...I desperately need to go, but I sure don’t want to. I’ve hated the dentist as long as I can remember going there. I have awful teeth due to a hereditary medical condition I have. I brush three times a day, use mouthwash, floss, and do everything I can, but I get cavities and abscesses like crazy. Almost all of my teeth have fillings or crowns on them. I currently have all of my wisdom teeth in and every one of them is sideways. They need to come out. And I have a molar with a huge cavity in it right now. I need to go as soon as possible but I’m keeping myself awake and having panic attacks about it. I know they’re going to give me the speech about brushing and flossing, and then speak to me condescendingly and treat me like a liar after I tell them that I already brush and floss a lot. Someone please help :(
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self.Anxiety
|
i made a C in a class because my professor has different “values” than me So I’m in this creative writing class, it just wrapped up. I’ve been making a B most of the semester. My professor was a notorious nit picker when it comes to the genre of fiction. i wasn’t always expecting to be handed a perfect grade- after all I’m in the class to develop and learn as a writer.
But for our final project, my professor starts changing his mind every day about what it entails. It went from being a chapter of a novel, to a short story less than 2,000 words. Okay. Could do that. We have workshops before the final project is due. And our professor starts ripping into us every time, condemning us for every little cuss word or even mild sexual reference in a story.
Last day of workshop, the professor goes as red as a tomato and launches into a rant about how he’s a very conservative man. As a reader with his “values” he wanted to encourage us to keep in mind not to write explicit, inappropriate material. Mind you, we’re at a public university. You’d think as a professor he would be more... accepting of reading more than PG stories?
Everyone in the class just gawked at him as he continued to “warn” us to edit our material and he straight up would not be “kind” when grading inappropriate stories. I still turned in my final revisions. I may have had one or two curse words, my story revolves around an unhappy woman in a marriage. So sorry it had to mention SEX. And i kinda expected him to not be happy about my subject material, but seriously? We’re in a creative writing class. i felt like our creativity was being stifled all because this older gentleman was getting bothered by things that weren’t even borderline inappropriate. The cursing or sexual scenes in any stories were never excessive.
Anyway, got my final grade in today. Dude took off soooo many points of my story. Said my syntax was great, grammar perfect, blah blah blah. Guess what he took fault with? You guessed it. “Subject material goes against what is stated appropriate on the syllabus.” I dropped enough grade points to make a C. Why? There was official one use of “damn.” And a couple of mentions of sex. for such a “progressive-liberal arts” college, i literally had a letter grade drop because my professor apparently only wants to read Disney channel stories. I’m so pissed..
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self.offmychest
|
Zoloft has completely reduced my anxiety. I have been taking Zoloft for 6 weeks. Before I started the course, I had been avoiding medication for 2 years. But I knew I needed it. I was scared I would suffer its "vicious" side effects, but my psychiatrist assured me that it was safe.
My anxiety has completely diminished. I have never felt so bold. Now, I am talking to strangers without fear of rejection. I am secure in my body image. I am so glad I started taking it.
Zoloft hasn't totally gotten rid of my depressive mood, but I do feel much better since I've been taking it. I have a lot more positivity. I might increase the dosage from 50 mg to 75 mg or 100 mg, just to see what happens. I have my psychiatrist's consent.
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self.depression
|
I will stop taking antidepressants on my own. that's it. If I want to be authentic, I must quit that. I don't want to be part of the cattle. end of story.
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self.depression
|
Fat or insane Dichotomy I feel like I'm in a pickle, given a choice to either swell up like a balloon or lose my mind. I've gained a grand total of 17 pounds since I was put on Zyprexa and Lithobid to treat my mania. Just before I was put on these meds, I was thin (5'5, 128 lbs, 17% body fat) but I was unable to think rationally. I thought I was born with psychic powers that I inherited from my father and grandmother. I thought I was able to control the highway when I was driving a car I recently bought, which was very close to failing DMV inspection. I almost got myself killed in a car whose necessary repairs cost much more than I could afford.
I've had the concepts of weight, BMI, and clothing sizes circle around my head for ages. I embraced 18.5 BMI and size zero jeans as good goals for me for years, even though I was never anywhere close to being there. I still was able to maintain 22 BMI and size 4 jeans for much of my life. My biggest fear of all is being judged by my parents and doctors for having a BMI over 25, needing bigger jeans, and having a larger waistline.
I was previously put on Abilify and gained 15 pounds (I then later lost 10 pounds after being off it). I feared that Abilify was making me fat, so I threw up after eating large amounts of food. My mom caught me throwing up, and then told me to enter my weight into a BMI calculator. She told me, "You can go all the way up to 150. Don't let your weight go below 111."
But what if my weight crosses 150? And who the hell has permission to police my body anyways? I can only imagine my mother berating me for eating junk, not exercising, and being gluttonous. She actually did when I was 13 and in a depressive state. I remember her ridiculing me for being "fat" millions of times throughout my childhood, and am scared to death of being overweight. My mom also doesn't believe I have a mental illness, belittling my problems as something "everybody goes through in high school." Don't you know that I have a legit mental disorder less than 3% of the population has?
To be overweight or have my bipolar disorder worsen into psychosis, I have to pick one. If anyone lectures me about my weight, all I want to do is yell.
Edit: I must also add that my family has financial problems and can't pay for treatment or medications not fully covered by insurance. When I was growing up, my mother watched my weight like a hawk and I still have unconscious fears about weight that I can't just "get rid of" (paranoia is also part of my delusions that are just beginning to fade when I'm on an antipsychotic). I am a 19 year old college student who has her hands full all the time.
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self.bipolar
|
Failing everything and disappointing everyone at the same time [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I give up. I'm done trying. I can't do anything right, it seems. My father always yells at me, and his excuse is "work is too stressful". My friend is getting on my nerves by what they're doing with their life - basically, they want to quit drugs but keep hanging out with the people who do them.
I feel worthless. I was taught in high school that anything I could do, anybody else would do better and more efficiently. The group of friends I hung out with always picked on me, and one of them whom I finally cut ties with even said they were surprised by how I still considered them a friend after bullying me. But I couldn't go anywhere else. I had nowhere else to go. As much as it hurt me to stay with them, I had nowhere else to go, and they gave me the company I needed that nobody else would even care about giving me.
My father also tried to convince me to not study astronomy because it costs a lot, and instead tried to convince me to do computer science. Which, again, ties into the whole "anything I could do, they could do better", especially considering two of my friends are already doing computer science.
My father wants me to be like him, to have the childhood he didn't have. Which is fine, both he and my mother grew up very poor. I'm extremely grateful for what I have. However, I don't exactly agree with yelling at your son(s) because one had a bad day at work or whatever.
The friend I was talking about earlier, the one who keeps hanging out with the people who do drugs. Yeah, we're best friends. The only person I talk to on a regular basis. But now I'm even scared to talk to them, or to tell them how I feel. I told them what I'm writing in this post, and they told my mother on me. I don't know if anybody has ever told their parents if they're suicidal, but let me tell you that it is not a fun conversation to have. Especially if you've been lying to them for a long time about how you've been feeling.
I get that's what friends do, and I should get professional help and all that jazz, but frankly, I don't want help. I don't need help. I know I'm not going to make it far in life. I'm 18, I have a job at a fish market, one *good* friend and a family that's not considered normal. But it's enough to make me scared to tell the friend my feelings anymore.
If people want me to be happy, let me kill myself. I do nothing but drag others down; I know for a fact I won't make it very far in life, so why should I even try?
But the thing is, I'm way too scared to hurt myself via cutting or what have you. I can't swallow pills, so even if I wanted to OD, I couldn't do it, or at least it'll be very difficult and noticeable. I always tell myself that when I'm home alone, I'll cut or OD or do something to end my miserable life, yet I never do. I'm too much of a baby to do anything. And that's killing me too. Now, I just hope I don't wake up every morning, so I could just die in my sleep and not worry anybody.
I can't do anything right. What's the point in living?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wrote my note today I didn’t think I was close to acting on my thoughts, or that I even had that many suicidal thoughts. But today, something inside me broke and I ended up writing my final goodbye note. I don’t feel like I’ll act on it; I just don’t know how I can keep living. So here’s the note:
“Yeah, so, this is it. Final goodbye. Exit stage left. No enormous traumatic event that’s pushed it to this; my justification is that I simply cannot endure any more of the continuous pain my life brings me. I see no way to change this. Something inside me is broken, or more accurately, it never existed at all. It’s that part which allows you to connect to people, to love and be loved, to build real close friendships. Everyone I’ve ever became close to leaves me eventually and my lack of an interesting personality, or conversational skills, ensures the continuance of this pattern. I don’t really deserve to have people care about me, as all I do is create problems for me, so I hold no resentment to anyone. Fact is, I simply don’t know how to make meaningful connections or let people in. Not that anyone would be interested in me, anyway. I would rather not live at all than live a life without anyone to share it with. Most people don’t understand loneliness, real loneliness. Nothing you do means anything because your entire life is just a great echo chamber of your own thoughts. It makes you feel so unworthy. I’d have loved for just one person to want me in their life, not out of a sense of politeness or obligation, but to have genuinely spent time with me and not felt I was inadequate in some way. But I no longer have that, and I know I won’t be able to let anyone get that close now. I would just be anticipating the day they choose to leave, like everyone always does. So I’ve chosen to take my leave now. I don’t expect this will make much difference anyway, which is the only note of joy in this whole situation. Don’t even bother with a funeral. I’ve done nothing worthy of remembrance.”
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"Get a grip...it will be over." In desperation I just thought to myself,
"Get a grip. It's ok
It's just another episode.
You'll survive.
You'll be sad, you'll cry
You won't eat, you will cut,
You'll take some pills,
You'll attempt suicide,
You'll live.
It will be over."
Please, this is a horrible thought. I'm stuck in a bad spot in life AND I'm in an episode. Help. I have no friend here, I just moved.
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self.bipolar
|
Any else have a low IQ and feel dumb It sure if I’m dumb or the depression and anxiety is making me feel dumb. I feel like my thinking is limited.
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self.depression
|
I'm so tired of finding abusive partners. The past month or so I've been battling self hating thoughts in regards to me in relationships.
My first two committed relationships were abusive. The first being sexually and emotionally abusive, the second just being emotionally manipulative and isolating.
The latter still affects me more than the former, granted that the former had happened almost 10 years ago. However, it's been 5 years and I've been trying to find that special someone again to share my life and happiness with, to grow and have something mutually beneficial and enriching. Something symbiotic instead of the same old bullshit where I've been used, and then left with very little parts of myself left, and given absolutely nothing in return.
For the past year, I've been trying to cultivate a relationship with someone that I met through a friend. Just only a month ago we talked about having a relationship together, that night we had sex and it was like something changed.
We had one disagreement, a misunderstanding that he took and just absolutely ran with. He refused to see that I wasn't the only guilty party and was so sure that he didn't misunderstand a thing. He was absolutely belligerent, saying that I had issues with opposing views, that I was a contrarian, just a lot of stupid, hurtful shit over a silly disagreement that's inconsequential. All the sudden, he had me figured out.
This disagreement had triggered feelings from past trauma, so I took screenshots of the conversation to show my therapist later in the month. Fucker asked to borrow my phone a week later. I trusted him with it. I shouldn't have. He went through my phone and saw the screenshots and went absolutely nuts. I told him that I didn't show anyone else because not only would that be juvenile, but that would be pointless because it's *no one elses business*.
He then said that I had to prove it to him by letting him see my conversations. I said not only no, but hell no, and that was the last of whatever prospective relationship that could have happened.
I'm so frustrated. All I attract are these people who have either unrealistically high expectations of me, or use me for some means to an end or as a novelty. All I attract are these narcissists who throw everything on top of me.
I was raised in this type of chaos with a narcissistic, emotionally manipulative father. You would think that I would see the warning signs and run the other way. But I don't. It always sneaks up on me and these people show their true colors. Usually not this early in the game, but usually when it's too late and I've fallen for them so hard that I would do anything for them and I have no idea what it is they're doing to me. It took so long to establish boundaries for myself when it came to giving, and when it came to taking narcissistic bullshit.
I feel like I'll never find someone who is healthy for me, who will appreciate and understand what romantic love means to me, who will love me for who I am vs what I will and am willing to provide for them, who will understand that relationships are a two way street and I can only bleed so much.
I hate that I yearn for that kind of relationship when it seems so far out of my reach and all I find are abusive assholes.
It's better to be alone rather than to experience this heartache over and over and over and over again ad nauseum. I feel so hopeless, discouraged, unloved, undeserving of the love and kindness that I want since I seem to be the common denominator in all of this. I must do something to deserve it. I can't seem to ever learn.
But then again, that's the abuse talking. But it's so hard to think otherwise when there's no evidence to the contrary.
[In case you're dying to know, my committed relationships have been with males and females. Not that it matters]
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self.offmychest
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TMW you realize you need help...and so does everyone else. Fuck the bus. Very seriously fuck the individual or team who invented the Greyhound line. Fuck the guy who thought "Let's get 25 regular people who can't afford a plane ticket and group them with literally fresh out felons, and then send them all down the road for 17 hours together." When you pack so many poor, dirty, sketchy, and strange people together, you are automatically on your toes, and if you aren't, you're about to get robbed. Simple fact. Don't believe me? Put your Macbook, watch and nice clothes in a bag, buy a ticket to the next largest town, and then wait. Wait for some 2 person team of assholes to sit across the aisle and talk about snagging your bag. But maybe you're wrong, maybe they're just poor like you and happy to talk to each other? But what about that guy with the all grey tracksuit, neck tats, tinted glasses and green beanie, he's packed real light and he was talking about some boots and a blue bag, WHAT IF THAT IS YOUR BOOTS AND BLUE BAG??? AND THOSE GUYS YOU PISSED OFF, THEY WERE GOOD AT THE BLACK MARKET, AND IF YOU WERE A HITMAN THAT'S EXACTLY HOW YOU WOULD DRESS!!! So now you have some thieves and a hitman after you. So what do you do? Keep your head low and stay up all night that's what.What else? Act stabby, get a face twitch and hold your pen the whole time. Is that all? No, take some pictures of that hitman and build a profile, send it to your family and set it as your lock screen, that way if you do get murdered maybe they'll catch his fat ass. Are you done? For now you are. But don't let your guard down, he could strike at anytime, so literally turn your head around every thirty seconds to make sure he's not coming. Good. Your safe until the transfer. But it's coming up, so get ready, GRAB YOUR BAG AND SPRINT OFF, GET TO THE SAFETY OF AN EMPTY DINER. Ok, the thieves are switching buses, one problem down, one to go. But what next? Get some coffee, not some sleep, the moment you put your head down he is going to strike, N O S L E E P. New bus is here, let him, no make him, get on before you. You have to control the situation, your almost home just 11 hours more. Keep your head down, but on a swivel. Look alert but not too alert. S T A Y A W A K E. 5 hours to go. He's still on the bus, been there since the start, but why wouldn't he, he's here to finish a job and the crypto he's being paid with is exploding, of course there is incentive. 1 hour to go. Alright final stop is coming up, but your ride is still 3 hours out. Shit. Final stop is here, what now? Hang out at the terminal, maybe your wrong, maybe hes just passi-HE'S LOITERING AND WE LOCKED EYES!!!! IF IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IT'S HAPPENING NOW. CALL 911 AND REPORT HIM! Ok, it's done. Where are they? Why haven't they come yet? It's been 2 hours and he's still here! Here they come!!! Finally, this man can be arrested and taken to jail for all the deep-web killing he's apart of!!!! Alright officers that's him, can you suggest a safe spot to be while you take him down? Ok the Starbucks it is, thanks again officers and you're welcome for the tip. Finally your safe, in a Starbucks. No hitmen here. Or maybe that gay looking Lil Pump look-alike is with them too? Maybe it's the kindly looking German couple and their funny little daughter?? Or is it the two black guys who just walked in??? WHO IS NEXT???? Better move, to many people, Subway it is. Perfect, not to many people want cold cuts on a cold night. But keep an eye out, there is a lot of vantage points. How far out is the ride? 15 minutes. Thank god, safety at last. But what if i'm being followed and maybe that autistic computer genius hacked your phone? Better reset it once they ride gets here and have the ride make a couple loops around before heading out. Rides here. Now tell them everything, they need to know what kind of danger your in.
And then for a moment step back, and look in their eyes, the only people you can trust, and see the disbelief. Feel the disbelief. Then feel the crushing, soul ending guilt. It was you the whole time. You're the thief out to get you. You're the fat assassin in grey shoes. You're the unhealthy one. Now what?
I'd love to know.
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self.depression
|
Drinking and popping pills daily now. Im in my early 20s. Drinking liquor and popping xanax daily now. Hoping i dont wake up. Im an organ donor so i hope to God they find me in time to use them for others. Only posting here because i dont want to scare fam/friends with my thoughts. Been accused of a horrible crime that i didnt commit, rape specifically, although the sex was consencual, the girl said it wasnt. Theres dna evidence obviously and.i know the court will take her word. Im not going to live my life as an SO and accused rapist. I love my family. I'd rather die a good person in their eyes than a monster. Im too much of a pussy to go to prison either. I hope reincarnation exists, or heaven, but i have high doubts if im being truthful. Ive always tried to live the life of Jesus and Buddha, as this is the one true way to be happy in life. But i havent been able to. I pray to God for forgiveness of all my sins daily now. I hope for forgiveness for every sin ive committed, but i feel as though if i commit suicide that will be a sin as well, and so im asking for fogiveness for that too. I know im rambling, but im fucked up. Would like someone to talk to before i off myself. Ive commited sins in the past and although i didnt think they were hurting anyone at the time of my committing them, they did greatly. I hope i can be forgiven them. Ive never had bad intentions for anyone, but have hurt people in the process because of my naivity. Can i please talk to someone? Im so scared and sad.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My best friend is suicidal, I have no idea what to do She's been suicidal almost all her life and now she feels like she's just done and can't do it anymore and she wants to kill herself next month. Guys please help me help her, she's everything to me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Awful depression post hypomania: am I just going to have to wait it out? Almost a year ago I was really depressed and I got put on Modafinil as an addition to Abilify (I was only on those two). The Modafinil took me out of my depression and threw me into the most wonderful, euphoric hypomania I've ever experienced. In retrospect, it seems painfully obvious that I was hypomanic, but I tried to justify it as really great happiness at the time. Anyways, I've had terrible depression (with pretty rough physical flu-like manifestations) for a few months, and recently it got so bad I had to withdraw from my classes. I feel awful for not trying to prevent this from happening. When I was hypomanic, I thought it wouldn't matter if I crashed, but I was super wrong about that.
I'm meeting with my psychiatrist, and I was just wondering if it's going to be possible to get me out of this depression. My hypomanic episode lasted so long, I'm scared I'm going to be depressed for over a year. But I'm worried that if I take an anti-depressant, I'll get swung back into another batch of hypomania, and the come-down will be even worse than this.
Based on your experience, can you get out of a depressive episode if you've already paid the price with mania/hypomania?
This is so horrible and unbearable, I haven't been this depressed since before I was on medication. My mind is so slow and forgetful, I feel like I have permanently damaged my brain.
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self.bipolar
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I want to but I'm scared. The feeling is devastating. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Medication working TOO well? Just as the title reads, I'm concerned that my medication might be "working" too well. I'm currently taking 600mg of neurontin coupled with 10mg abilify. It's the first combo of medication I've tried that's made me come down from my hypo/manic states. I was "high" from November 2016 thru July 2017 (thru various medications and periods of being unmedicated), and I only came down once I started this course of drugs.
Now I'm too far down. I'm finding myself crying more often, lingering on thoughts of death, no longer enjoying anything I used to enjoy, finding no motivation to do anything ever, and throwing myself completely into work as a distraction from the fact that I just don't want to do anything anymore. I'm not happy anymore.
This isn't me. I do not like feeling like this. I'm considering asking my psychiatrist to wean me off medication entirely just so I can feel bubbly again - but I'm worried that that's just another thing bipolar people do. I'm exhausted and all I want to do is sleep. All of the above sounds like depression to me, so I think maybe I really have swung too far in the opposite direction. My mind is still clear enough for introspection, and I've been good about tracking my moods on a daily basis.
Does this sounds like "normal" to you guys? Or does it sounds like maybe I have gone too far in the other direction? Please advise.
Thank you.
EDIT: Question about a new side-effect as well... does anyone else here constantly get something stuck in their head? Whether it's a word or a song, I can't seem to shake it and I just keep repeating a lyric or a tune or a single word for every waking hour.
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self.bipolar
|
Why did you show us this in biology class I'm not a good writer. Fuck it, who cares.
In biology class we're learning about chromosomes. Because our teacher had to be gone for two days at a workshop she left a documentary about downs syndrome for us to watch. Okay, cool. This might be interesting.
It turns out, two minutes tops of this documentary was about the actual science behind downs syndrome (you know, the whole biological thing). Ten minutes tops (and that's a stretch) was spent discussing how downs syndrome affects the individual person who has it. The entire rest of the one hour long video was the lady in charge of the documentary talking about her political agenda.
Biology class, let me remind you.
I had to sit through this hour long video of this woman not only very actively speaking against a woman's right to choose what she wants to do with her own body, but she also went as for as to say downs syndrome screening shouldn't be a thing as it may end up in abortion.
You can have your own opinions on things and if your pro life that's completely fine with me, but don't label your documentary as downs syndrome when it's actually about your anti-abortion stance. And teacher, we're in BIOLOGY class, I'm confused????
She even went as far as to say that the pamphlets given out to women who test positive for a downs syndrome baby shouldn't list all the health affects that come with the disorder (heart problems, vision problems, etc.) So you're telling me, that we should withold information from women about their child's own health risks because they may realize they'd never be able to financially handle it and terminate the pregnancy? It should 100% be illegal to do that. Doctors should not be allowed to withold medical risks from the parents of a child.
You're telling me we shouldn't screen for downs syndrome so that all the women who end up having a baby with it will be incredibly ill prepared??? This isn't the right way to fight the epidemic of aborted downs syndrome babies. Maybe instead of witholding information from their parents try to educate them about it instead so they aren't so scared?
It was so incredibly biased and wasn't even about science. Why did our teacher show us this???? This has literally not helped me at all with what we're learning in class. And just to clarify I do believe it is in most cases not the right thing to abort a downs syndrome baby, but my god the shit that came out of that lady's mouth.
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self.offmychest
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Didn't get a chance to fix something, but that's okay! I was working on building some software, and one of the libraries I was using wasn't letting me do something the docs clearly stated I should be able to do. I examined the traceback and went and looked at the code in the library and discovered a limitation and set out to fix it. I had to clone the repo for the library and build it myself, but when I cloned into the repo and examined the source for the library, it turned out the limitation had been addressed since the last time I had updated the library, and exactly in the way I would have addressed it.
It was a very boutique problem and a pretty simple fix, but it felt good to have the confidence and knowledge to examine a project/library built by someone else, uncover it limitation, and come up with a fix even though ultimately it turned out to be fixed already in a later revision.
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self.offmychest
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I don’t know what to do with my life Sorry for the format I’m on mobile. Pretty much my whole life I haven’t known what I want to do, but I felt pressured to go into science. I’ve changed my mind my whole life (pilot, veterinarian, marine biologist, archaeologist, neurosurgeon, pediatrician, plastic surgeon, artist, engineer, fashion designer, astrophysicist, etc. are just some of the careers I thought I would do throughout my life). Last year was my senior year of high school and I knew I had to choose something. I knew that I wanted to make money when I was older so I settled on physics. I tried to make myself believe that that’s what I wanted to be. The first semester of college went very well. I didn’t take classes relating to physics (my major right now is physics and french), and I ended up with a 4.0 gpa. Everyone is so proud of me and sees so much in me, but all along I’ve known my uncertainty, I just pushed it back. Fast forward to last Saturday, two days before the second semester. My anxiety goes out of control and I start a downward spiral into a severe depression. I went to the hospital on Saturday night due to a suicide attempt by taking too much adderall. I haven’t been the same since. My thoughts have been plagued with trying to figure what to do with my life. I have made myself so sick by this that I can’t eat at all. On Monday I didn’t go to the first day of class because I was so dizzy, and when I was walking upstairs in my house I fainted and fell backwards, headfirst down 12 or 13 stairs. On Monday I felt the worst depression I have ever felt. Just hopeless and like I couldn’t ever feel happy again. I went back to the er and thankfully nothing serious happened to my head but my blood sugar was 45. I still cannot eat to this day. I didn’t go to school the next day which made my anxiety worse. I am currently at school and my first class was stressful but short. In a little while I have to go to a physics lecture but I’m not sure if I can handle it. I feel as though there’s nothing I love enough to pursue. I do like art but I just don’t have what it takes to be an artist. My sister lives and breathes English so she’s an English major. My boyfriend is obsessed with music so he’s pursuing that. I feel so trapped and hopeless. I can’t be stuck in a 9-5 job where I feel trapped and unhappy all the time. I can’t imagine having such an inflexible schedule and a stressful work environment. I have a therapist and my parents are very supportive but nothing is working. This is literally killing me. I know College is a time to explore what you like, but I don’t like anything enough to spend 40 years doing. My parents are suggesting I switch to art, but I wanted success in my future. Not excess money, but enough to have a nice house and to be comfortable. You may think I need to suck it up but I just can’t this is tearing me apart.
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self.depression
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My wife works, once home she doesn't help parent. I am a stay at home dad. I have 3 kids 2, 7, 8. When my wife comes home from work its like I have a another kid. Once inside she heads to the couch and doesn't help me parent. I bring her food and drink to where she is because she won't come to the table, and collect her plate and etc afterword.
Basically, once she is off work she is off for the day. The only real parenting help I get is she does help get my two oldest ready for school by approving outfits and doing their hair. I understand she is tired and worked but I am drowning. She is being treated for depression and adult ADHD.
I love my wife with my whole heart and would never leave, but how do I talk to her about how I feel I've tried but all I get is "I work all day what do you do all day?" Which really hurt as if parenting isn't work? I don't really know what I am looking for by posting here but it feels like a relief just getting it out.
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self.offmychest
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I really hope I wake up dead I've been drinking all night and haven't fallen asleep yet. West coast here. Hoping my alcohol will make my body shut down. I am 99% sure it won't happen but I've been trying every night lol. Hopefully I overdo it one of these nights and walk into traffic!
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm sorry I'm a burden (A message for my 1 friend) You saw I was down and asked me what was up
A normal occurrence for you at this point
I said I was tired like normal
You caught me by surprise with your response
Don't lie to me
And I didn't know how to respond I just froze after the 2 years you have put up with my bullshit for the first time I didn't have a response the rest of my shift was hard and I'm sure it was for you
Everyday at work I see you look at my arms and today you saw 2 cuts granted there 3 days old but I relapsed
If only you could see the 8 cuts I was hiding on my shoulder
You said you were not happy about it but for the rest of day you tried to cheer me up
And I faked that smile you saw when you said 2 cuts was better than 30
But I know we're not true freinds
I appreciate your there for me but thats it your there when I need and not when I don't
You say you will take me shopping but I don't believe it
Just another excuse to stop me killing myself
I'm sorry you feel like you always need to glance at my arms and I'm sorry I make your work day harder
I'm sorry I'm a burden
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self.depression
|
I wish I wanted to die I wish I didn’t have the will to live anymore.I wish I didn’t desperately want to love,myself and others.I wish I didn’t have any hope left in me.I wish I didn’t want to go experience things and actually be alive.I wish that happiness and life meant as little to me as I like to pretend they do.
Because then I could just end it all without the feeling that I’m just giving up on what could potentially be something great.
Instead I’m just stuck feeling pain that I want to go away,but don’t know how
I wish I could just get this over with,but there’s a voice inside telling me that life is worth living,and all it does is keeping me in this state of nothingness where nothing changes,ever
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self.depression
|
feeling overwhelmed i'm in a full time job as a baker, it's very demanding and busy all day, on top of that i just recently started studying because someone in my life suggested i should get a degree so i can choose what i want to study and what i want to be in the future.. i'm 25 and been working most of my life ,dropped out of high school,didn't pay any attention in middle school because there was too much drama at home and just with people , i was focused on other things ..
i don't even know what i want to do anymore , to me it all just has it downsides and it's all demanding and draining .. i'm not excited about anything anymore
which makes me think even trying to study is just a waste of time and energy, it's stressing me out because they put a lot of homework on us at once and i never seem to keep up.
i'm just in an identity crisis, as a kid my dream was to be a baker but i'm just an assistant baker, i'm working for someone elses dream , i don't decide anything there,just take orders.
either way i don't even know if that's what i want to be .. i mean there are plenty of things i would like to do but i feel the depression gets in the way for me to do any of those things .. it destroys my belief in myself and of course the will power and i don't feel any passion or drive anymore
i feel like i just loose myself more and more by the year and the depression gets heavier and heavier
i gave a therapist a shot the other day .. i didn't like her because she didn't seem to care much about hearing what i had to say or my story .. she was just dominating the conversation with questions that will lead her to labeling me with all kinds of things .. she gave me a question list for aspergers, for adhd, for all kinds of labels and then the session was done
the identity crisis, not knowing how to put into words how i feel, not knowing what i really want, not knowing what to do is bringing me constant panic attacks and anxiety
i thought i'd be happy once i'd a girlfriend, but i don't feel any less alone with her and in fact she iniciates a lot of unneccessary arguments and drama out of nothingm she's very passive aggressive and she stresses me out sometimes because she demands a lot of things out of me and is constantly low key expressing how she wants me to be better than i am and someone i'm not.
that's another story though, bottom line is i feel overwhelmed and that life is too demanding and the people around me are demanding , it's too much at once and i never really feel truly at ease.. but i can't give up , i can't just quit the job because i have to make a ''living'' somehow.. i'm not making a living i feel, i'm just making money .. and that's just a tiny little aspect of living in my perspective.
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self.depression
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17 years in the making I turned 25 this week and I have been depressed since I was 9 - maybe even earlier but I don’t remember. Tonight i’m finally broken. I can’t carry on anymore. I just want to overdose and be gone. I’m fed up of hurting and I just want to die now. I really don’t see any way out of this overwhelming depression.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have wanted to die for almost 10 years [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Probably the most pathetic thing I will ever ask random people... How the hell do you grow up? I mean it. I don't know what to do, I decided to take a very deserved gap-year after graduation to figure my life out and I don't know how to take that step up. I don't have a license, a job, or hell even a start of what I want to do with my life.
I know I'm young but I'm in that period where I need to get my (mind the vulgarity) shit together, and I'm honestly terrified that I'm stuck in this cycle...
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self.Anxiety
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AFTER 8 DAMN YEARS!!!!! After 8 Long, Sad, Lonely Years. I finally have a girlfriend. And she’s Pretty, and sweet, and smart, and a fun loving person. She’s mine. Finally mine. And I can’t wait to spend countless hours with her. It was love at first sight. FINALLY
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety and low self confidence I've known for a while that I have low self confidence, but I've discovered last year that I have Generalised Anxiety disorder... Fun fact, I studied 2d-3d animation and then car body repair before figuring out... Such great fields for anxiety! Hehe but the experiences were still good and I only regret the lost time.
I've switched to a pretty much stress-free job (I classify papers in employees' folders, basically a librarian for employees folders), and I saw a psychologist for a while, but recent events make me think I still need help.
But a recent event at my job (caused by a new boss) insulted me and made me feel worthless, and basically made me want to throw everything away and quit the job and leave everything behind. During those times, I pile up and spiral down, and I probably even had a depression episode...
So I was wondering if anyone would have any idea to help... I'll be going to see my psychologist again starting now. But I really need help with how I feel vs life... I often feel like I don't belong, like I wanna make a difference with things I don't like, but how useless and worthless I am... And the fear of, if I lose this job, if I'm not good enough to classify papers at a government, then I'm not good enough for no job... And I can't see nothing in front of me, no future, no purpose...
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self.Anxiety
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What are some good anxiety coping mechanisms? I've had anxiety for years. It subsided for about a year and a half but lately it's been getting much worse. Lately, I find myself freaking out about not feeling like I have enough time and other people not being fast enough around me. I know it doesn't make sense to feel that way in that moment but I can't help but feel that way.
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self.Anxiety
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Constantly convincing myself I'm not bipolar. I'm constantly convincing myself I'm not bipolar and I don't need medication. Then a little bit of rational thinking kicks in, and reminds me of all the crazy things that happen in my head, and the crazy things I do that I don't seem to have any control of. (Almost lost my job twice)
But the voice telling me I'm not bipolar, and I don't need medication, is getting way more convincing and hard to argue with. Does anyone else have this issue, or just issues with knowing what's real and not real in general? I really don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Now, I did go to 3 different doctors to see what their diagnosis would be, all said bipolar ll. And still my brain is telling me, very convincingly, that I'm not bipolar, and I don't need medication.
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self.bipolar
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SSRI Symptoms Hi everyone,
I've been lurking for a few weeks and I'm finally able to get up the courage to ask a question.
My anxiety started in June when my brother passed away. I stuffed all of my grief into a box and went right back to work. Almost predictably, my work performance suffered behaviorally. After getting a terrible (the worst in my career) review, I started having panic/anxiety attacks. I sought out therapy right away, but I wasn't getting better quickly enough for my boss.
This gets to my question: I went to my GP and got on Zoloft and Xanax. The Zoloft did pretty well to even me out once I found the right dosage, but the side effects were extreme. After taking the Zoloft, I would immediately dry heave, followed by tremors down my sides, then I would get really "weepy". Google said to stop taking and call my Doctor, which I did.
My Doc told me to stop taking the Zoloft (after only being on it for a week) and call him back if I still needed an anti-depressant. I was pretty even for a little bit until I got an email from my boss while on vacation. So - here we go again, back on an SSRI, but it's Lexipro this time. I'm only on 5 mg, but after a little over a week, I see some of the same symptoms coming back (tremors and weepy-ness).
Does anyone else have these symptoms? Is this normal? After speaking with a couple of other friends, none of them report any side effects at all.
TL:DR I get weepy and tremors when taking SSRI's, is that normal?
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self.Anxiety
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If life is terrible what is the point of living? Can anybody answer this question??
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self.offmychest
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It’s not a good day I did post yesterday about my major victory with my daughter yesterday. My mood has since shifted, and I’m experiencing an onset of depression. I think part of it has to do with my daughter due to a diagnosis of the flu. I’m away from her today for church, my mom in law is watching her for my husband and I.
I’ve also been informed that a certain family we go to church with has been complaining about my dress behind my back. I hate how it’s affecting my mood but seriously I’m not doing good today.
I want to withdraw and be left alone. I literally am avoiding people today trying to ignore and just barely be friendly. I was stable until I found that out-it has set me into a tailspin sadly.
I don’t see my therapist til the end of next month-and I’m hoping I can make it through until then. I just hate feeling this way, but I’d rather withdraw than expose how angry I am inside. It’s easier to go back into my cocoon and hide. They will not listen to reason this family, they have strange ideas on how they raise their family and I don’t like associating with them.
I’m not suicidal, just depressed and withdrawn right now. Just think of me please....
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self.bipolar
|
Sense of impending mortality before sleep I've had this problem for about six years; as I'm falling asleep I sort of remember that I am really going to die, and instead of being a "someday" problem, it becomes so real and horrifying that I cry out and weep a bit. It only happens when I'm alone, and it's extremely fleeting, usually the yelling snaps me out of it and it's gone. I'm beginning to think about talking to a professional about it, but I'm in the military and the suggestion of mental instability will be taken very seriously. Does this sound like anxiety, or something else I should seek help for?
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self.Anxiety
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What do I do I've had high functioning depression for years and it's getting worse to the point where I just break down at the thought of anything that makes me anxious but parents won't take me to a therapist/psychologist.
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self.depression
|
I really wish I wasn’t gay... I hate myself, I hate the fact I am gay and I really wish I could change it. I don’t know who I am or who I want to be. I feel like a stereotypical straight guy, I like sports, video games and straight guy stuff, I have mostly straight male friends except I’m gay. I know I can still be gay and like all those things and be friends with my friends but I don’t know how people will accept me. I know people say, if they don’t accept you, they aren’t really your friends but I don’t want to loose my friends. I don’t want to loose the love of my family. I don’t want anything to change. I want to play football with my friends and get changed with them afterwards without any tension. I want to fit in. I don’t want to be different. I don’t want to give people a reason to hate me, to attack me, to call me names. I really wish I was proud of who I am, I really wish I didn’t feel incredible shame every time I get turned on by a man, I really wish I wasn’t gay.
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self.offmychest
|
What do you try to live for when you have nothing? I think my 5 year relationship is coming to an end because I haven't been able to break out of my depression and my SO is sick of it. I don't blame him. But I have no family, and I have very few friends; most of them spread out across the country, far from where I am. I don't have much money, I'm still in student debt, so splitting with my SO is going to be difficult on many levels. I'm almost 30 and trying to start my life over at this point seems impossibly difficult.
I'm trying to think of a reason to keep living, but coming up with nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know how to act around boys I'm still a young person(17f) but I can't figure out boys. I don't know how to react or reply when they start talking to them and I know they like me. I don't know how I'm suppose to respond to their texts or act on dates. I'm fine if they are just friends, but I've never been in a relationship and I don't know how to. Getting asked out on a date is so weird. Maybe I've only met weird guys, or maybe I'm the weird one.
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self.offmychest
|
i told my sister about my self esteem issues and she just made fun of me. I am mad and been kinda depressed lately. I deleted my facebook and twitter bc people annoy me. I just wanted my sister to listen and tell me that i'm okay. Is that too much???????? or am i too sensitive. I really have no friends and my parents hate me because i'm rude and emotional.
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self.offmychest
|
My anxiety is partly caused by not being able to be myself round people. How does one overcome this? Growing up my parents never took me seriously, they lied often, and my opinions were dismissed. I try not to hold onto that past crap but I just can't be myself around anyone. Can't argue for myself or express myself. I'm extremely self conscious and embarrassed about everything.
Short of taking the Fight Club route, I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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The Offer is still Up You get money. I get peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Catharsis: I don’t need for everyone to like me I made a choice that led a friend to dislike me. I feel bad because what I did hurt her, but I did not go in with that intention. I was a little selfish, maybe, but was fully in my rights with what I did.
I felt sick all day. I’ve barely eaten, I always ruined a day I’ve been looking forward to for months, I was so sick with guilt and sadness that I had accidentally ruined this friendship.
And then...all of a sudden...I didn’t care. I don’t know exactly what brought me to that point. But my 25 years of non confrontational nonsense and needing to be liked by everyone took a backseat to anger at my friend for the audacity that she had. But what happened there is not the point. The point is that for the first time in my entire life, the idea that someone may not like me doesn’t bother me. (At least...not that much)
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self.offmychest
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What kinds of "heart" things do you feel due to anxiety? I kind of have a constant chest pressure/feelings and ive had a few EKGs and 2 echocardiagrams and my doctor has never told me i have heart issues other than a murmur thats kind of always there and sometimes more there if im sick or recently been stressed.
What kinds of things do you guys feel due to anxiety, mainly feeling like its your heart?
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm really hoping my professional life goes well, otherwise I will have nothing to live for. I'm a senior in high school, and so I'm constantly bombarded with questions about what I'm going to do with my life. Well, I have a plan that's pretty long and complicated but it's something to work towards, and for the most part I can think about it as giving me hope for one day being in a happier place than I am now.
One of the steps of my plan is to move out of the country to completely avoid the emotionally and mentally voiding institution known as American politics. I really think it will make a big difference for me because I'll finally be able to be content and happy with where I live and not afraid of it. But I can't help but think this will also lead to me having a life of loneliness.
I'm getting less and less social as time goes on because of how terribly people have treated me. I feel like I will move to this new country and get a job, be successful in that regard, but then not have anyone to date because I'm basically just a useless shut-in. That is, if I even end up able to do my job, because, who knows, I might be shit at that too...
If any of you can give any helpful or kind words, I would really appreciate it.
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self.depression
|
Realising that my depression is caused by being around other people. Anyone else feel this way? Just knowing that they're lying to themselves, going through the motions, pretending. Even my closest friends pretend. I feel like I'm the only person aware.
I used to take breaks from talking to friends for months, even a year and this was when I was happiest. I was working out, I was focusing on myself and my ideas. The more and more I socialise with the world around me and interact with it, the more depressed I get.
But it's impossible now, I have to interact with people every day at work. Hear peoples meaningless conversations on the train. Have my friends tell me about their dating life and ideals for the perfect human they want to be with. I wish I could just live in the middle of nowhere and just... live. No worries of paying bills, rent or buying food. I hate the mundanity of our society, the same constant 9-5, the illusion of success and all these arbitrary rules that mean nothing.
There's a great quote in the movie Fight Club:
*"We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like."*
I just want to be alone. But I can't.
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self.depression
|
The agonizing time between waking up and realizing you have to get up I'm pretty depressed but I still have to maintain my fairly mediocre existence. So to that end I still force myself to get up, get dressed and go to work. The very small but vivid time between waking up and the horrifying realiztion I actually have to leave fills me with the worst kind of dread I can imagine. I just want get back under the covers and cry for a bit if I didn't know I would just fall back asleep again and hate myself when I woke up later. But alas if there was ever a ripe time for either the sweet release of death or sleep that would be it.
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self.depression
|
i hate feeling so insignificant i will never be enough
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self.depression
|
do you ever want to talk to someone but don't bother because you don't know where to start because you feel like they'll never understand and you can never properly convey how you feel in a short conversation.. or hours or weeks or months or years even, of conversation?
and even if you do reach out you get generic responses and it all seems so fake and non applicable to your situation. just canned responses from people trained to give canned responses to certain phrases or words
my current situation is the result of years of living through this.. how do I convey years of life in mere minutes, if ever?
even when I see my doctor I can tell he just looks at me from a distant objective whole: do I seem happy today? how are things going, how do I respond to his questions? what is my body language like? there is no true care, nor do I expect him/her to have the time to invest to truly understand my entire life and my current plight. It just doesn't seem worthwhile to even try anymore.
So I just bottle.. because there is no relief even if I scream at the top of my lungs.
I just want to cry.
sigh.
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self.depression
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Short story ..and with the opportunity to get her back, “You’ll be better off without me”, then said the idiot. Not thinking how he would be.
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self.offmychest
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Things have been going well for me since 2014 or 2015, but I can't help but wonder if it's going to fall apart again.
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self.depression
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When I was 14, everybody here stopped me from ending my life/potentially preventing brain damage. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like I'm losing myself I wish I had some sort of guidance when I was younger. I ended up wasting a year failing at a major that I never even liked.
the only positive thing from the time there is that I discovered what I truly do enjoy learning about. Now I'm failing my classes in community college. Everything just seems so mundane to me like I'm wasting my time here. I started thinking that I should just reset everything and move to NYC and take classes there like I wanted to in high school. Meanwhile I've been lying to both my parents and girlfriend about my classes. I love my girlfriend a lot and I've made her worry about me and school before as well. This isnt the first time I've lied about my grades to her. The first time created such a huge mess and I never want to cause that again. But I ended up slipping back into old habits anyway. And I worry when I eventually have to tell her she'll end up leaving me for good. I've talked to people about their own experiences it always makes me hopeful but I can't get this sensation that nothing will be the same after i make that first step and it scares me.
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self.offmychest
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I always think the women I have feelings for never like me back. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
How do I go about making friends? I've never thought I was very good at making friend. I find myself currently not having really any friends at all, or anyone to talk to. I'm very, very lonely. I have no idea what I should try to maybe find people who would be interested in being friends with me. I have a lot of free time, and I can't take just sitting around at my house anymore. I just have this fear that no one would find me interesting or likable. Idk. I also can't seem to make myself go out and do things either.
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self.Anxiety
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I just started therapy and I'm so lost at where to begin I've been going two months now and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere just because I have so much to talk about. It's been over 5 years since I last went to therapy, and at that time I was really having issues with are isolation. Now I have an issue mixture of friends, parents, finances, and just general self worth and it's so hard to organize my thoughts because they all somehow interlink. She asked me what my top 3 things I want to focus are, but even in those things it's just too broad for me to come up with something specific and the time goes by so fast that we don't have time to reflect.
Yesterday she asked "what are you going to do differently" and I cried because I honestly don't know what or how to change anything. It's stressing me out
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self.depression
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I am 24, unemployed, have little job experience, about to graduate. I don't know where to start a career. I feel worthless. Background: Used to suffer from panic attacks regularly as a kid. Had to change schools several times because of it. Had visits to a psychologist and I've yet to have one in almost 10 years. However, I've been suffering from depression, more so recently.
Fast forward: I'm 24. Unemployed. 2 year job experience as part time A/V on my college campus. About to graduate this spring. I am working towards a BBA Business Analyst degree.
Everyday that passes I feel stress piling up on my shoulders. I see other people my age with a home of their own, nice cars, and starting families. That is the life I want, but I feel unemployable and have very low self worth. My family has high expectations of me, my SO has high expectations of me (but she is okay with whatever I chose) but I feel that I will eventually be stuck in a dead end crap job.
I am so disappointed in myself I don't even know where to begin. I purposefully avoid meeting with old friends and family members because I am ashamed at how the years have passed me and I have nothing to show for it. I quite working about a year ago to focus on school and I have finally been able to get through classes and finally will graduate in the spring. However, my social skills have tanked. I get nervous with the simplest social interaction. Now I am looking for internships. Very unlikely to get one as I live in a very competitive area. I just wish I knew what I had to do in life. I wish I knew what my purpose was. At the very least I'd like a job that I enjoy even if the pay is low. But that is very unlikely. Reality is starting to set in that the happiest I've been was in the past, and only a rough road lies ahead. You would think my degree would be enough to get me a nice office job but I highly doubt it. With my lack of experience at my age I look like a lazy slob on my resume. Also, starting a business analyst career requires good IT expertise or knowing the right people. Both of which I don't have. Knowing these things makes me stress out about finding a good job after graduation so much that it makes it hard to do anything on my off time except think about it.
I write this in hopes of finding someone who has advice on where to get my career started, any industry, any position, for a guy with social anxiety like me. It doesn't have to be related to my degree, although I wish it could be put to good use. Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
|
My therapist is probably going to drop me I haven't been doing well the last couple weeks & I'm unraveling now. I emailed my therapist last night drunk & depressed saying I cut & have been over-drinking & I've been off & I need a med change (he prescribes my meds too) & blah blah blah.
& then I emailed him today to *apologize* for emailing him while drunk & unstable last night & asking him to please not even answer either email because I'm so embarrassed & I'm just wasting his time.
I'm afraid he's going to drop me. I have abandonment issues. This is going to torture me all week. Fuck fuck fuck fuck *fuck*.
I really do need a med change.
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self.bipolar
|
Why do people at my school want me to exist for them, but yet they don’t even try that much to help?? Someone please answer, that would be much appreciated. :)) [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Anxiety and Dissociation Help Hello (19/M), I have been experiencing spikes in my anxiety today and have noticed a Dissociation sensation today for no particular reason. I am a sophomore in college and haven't been under unusually high stress. In fact I've been optimistic about the upcoming holiday breaks. I was wondering if anyone other Reddit users could provide insight or remedies to these issues. Particularly guidance regarding the Dissociation sensation my anxiety has caused, as it has only come on about 3 or 4 times in my lifetime. I have never tried any medication for my anxiety, but I do have a subscription to adderall. I also have had OCD for the majority of my lifetime. Thanks for any responses I really appreciate it!
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self.Anxiety
|
People who get mad at you for having depression "Why are you so miserable? Just drink some water and do some exercise, this is really bothering me" Oh, sorry for being depressing and suicidal, it's all my fault, I should have thought about you before I stuck my head into this hole, my apologies.
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self.depression
|
Bending over backwards to be liked I'm currently on medication for depression and anxiety. I switched to a start up from a corporate job a few months ago. I've had a lot of trouble fitting in because of social anxiety and everyone being way younger than me at the start up. My corporate job required much lesser social interaction and everyone was way more professional. Here, a lot of getting your work done is dependent on how much people like you and professionalism is almost non existent.
In a bid to be liked I have bent over backwards and I think it has made people lose respect for me. I'm in a managerial position and this is not good. I get mocked a lot and most of it is not good natured. I don't really blame myself - I find this place immature an d a lot of the conversation is silly as hell. But I still need to reclaim some respect and get work done. Daily life has become very anxiety ridden for me because of getting hurt constantly. Please help me.
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self.Anxiety
|
Have you seen my will to live? I've lost it. I lost the fight, the battle, the will to live. Lately I've just been surviving, but it's always on my mind. Over the last three years I have slowly lost everything. I'm running out of reasons to survive. Life is dull and it kicks me when I'm down. I just don't see the point in it anymore. It would be better to just drift off and never resurface.
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self.SuicideWatch
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17th birthday Tomorrow i'll be 17 which sucks because i came to the realisation i've been hating my life for 4 or 5 years now. I don't get bullied or anything but people just hate having me around. Outside of school i have my 2 true friends but they don't go to the same school as i so can only hang out with them during the weekend which makes me verry depressed at school because my school friends have started distancing themselves form me. If you read this thanks for reading i needed to get this of my chest
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self.depression
|
Thought I found a great way to just relax and put ny mind at ease. Just something mindless to focus on. Turns out.... coloring the adult coloring books is only good for about 3 days. Then it takes me 4 days to finish the picture from the 3rd day. Then trying to find a new picture is impossible as I go through 4 pictures of coloring barely two lines because my brain wont stop telling me how horrible my first color choice was. Or that this picture sucks. Or that I love the complexity of it but, after I start I dont want to do it anymore.
Whelp... back to mindlessly staring at the tv.... or crying to the movie Elf... wtf was up with that?
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self.bipolar
|
Building up the courage to ask for real help Hi everyone. I'm 17, and I've recently realized that I need real help. To talk to someone. A doctor maybe. How did you build up the courage to do this? I feel so scared of disappointing my parents or just that it's so difficult to do. But these past couple of months have been the worst I've ever gotten. My sister has depression, she doesn't know I know, but I've considered talking to her about it first since I can trust her. Any advice helps. Thank you all very much. The love and support of this subreddit has truly helped me through some dark times. You're all wonderful❤️
Edit: typo
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self.depression
|
Feel isolated from everyone I know Recently have been feeling very isolated from people around me, whether it be at work, home or just people I socialise with. I don't know what prompted this but I feel like I need to write it somewhere so I can understand my own mind.
I don't have particularly strong ties with anyone anymore. My family feels so different to me that I share nothing in common with any of them and therefore don't see them often. I want to have a good relationship with them but it feels so empty and meaningless because apart from family there is no real connection.
My usual social circle seems to have disintegrated over the period of this year, with some moving away and others generally tied up with life in general, which means that the people I have spoken to almost daily for 5+ years are suddenly not around anymore and no longer share the same interests.
My partner is the most amazing person in the world to me, but I can't help but always feel like im living in their shadow, and that they seem to be such a successful and driven person and I feel the complete opposite. I can't even bring myself to have these types of conversations because I feel that they are sick of hearing it and i'm like a broken record on repeat. It makes me hate myself because I want to be a perfect partner and make them happy all the time and it feels like i'm just making everything worse for them.
From a young age gaming and eSports were generally what interested me, along with military history, and I used to share these interests with my partner and social circle but now it seems no-one is interested at all, and I can't share my enthusiasm or discuss things I enjoy with anyone meaningful around me because they just don't care.
So I spend most of my time socialising with people I only know through the internet, because it feels like they are the only people who actually genuinely care about things I have to say, as sad as that sounds. No-one close to me seems to give a fuck otherwise, trying to talk to people about things that interest me is like talking to a wall, the other person doesn't really show any interest and merely nods.
Around a few years ago I started smoking weed and it easily became a way to help get through the days, and some days it feels like the only way to get through. I don't want to rely on anything to get through a day, or feel "normal" but it feels like it's been that way and gone far past it and I don't know what the answer is. I expect it's likely making some scenarios worse but who knows for sure anymore.
It's like a bad headache that won't go away. The constant dread of meaningless things, the fighting inside my own head, the constant strive to feel something, just something that doesn't feel like sadness. All to get through just one more day, is that really living? It doesn't feel like it is.
I've read through so many stories here and cannot understand how some of you get through it. I'd like to believe there is a happy ending for everyone but it's definitely not the case. Everyone just seems to be trying to get through today. "Just today" i tell myself, every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. "Just today.."
I just don't know. I just seem to get lower and lower and sometimes it gets to the point I tell myself it's just not worth it and if I was gone it wouldn't make a matter of difference.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else have no stories? That sounds a bit odd I know, people with Anxiety are bound to have the stories of awkwardness that encompass the disorder quite often, but does anyone else not have any?
I do socialize with people but I don’t have those stories of my anxiety acting up because I might not interact with enough people for them to formulate. I don’t have stories about even mundane things. I don’t have anecdotes...my experiences are minimal and I’m just not able to formulate a story because I just want to forget every interaction I have...
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self.Anxiety
|
I am scared about everything in the future from automation to climate change and it is making me suicidal. I feel like I am out of place in this time period. For instance, robots and automation scare me, "I really love working with my hands and enjoy taking my time on things. I really hate how everyone is expected to have social media, use virtual assistants and not want to work because robots are doing everything. I love learning things and building things and if I lived in the 60s or 70s I could have easily gotten a job. It also bothers me how everyone is glued to their screens, instead of actually enjoying life. On the news there is also all this talk about how our national park and monuments in the US and going to be shrunk and sold off. Climate Change is also ruining the environment and is going to make life hell. I keep fantasizing about living in the past and seeing humanity actually improve and having hopes about space travel and a good future.
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self.offmychest
|
Why the hell would anyone date me? I'm a shit tier 21 year old guy. My male best friend is better than me in every way; tall, good-looking, academic excellence, sports excellence, genuinely kind, can talk to anyone, and has women chasing him constantly. He's a genuinely nice guy who deserves all the women's attention. He always says that I should try more, and I always respond that I will, but the truth is that there's no reason a woman would date me. It's just a joke to me, I've been single for over 2 years and only got into a relationship just out of high school. Now that I'm in university, it's like I compare far less to everyone else. If a girl ever was interested, I would consider it a red flag because there has to be something wrong with them for them to think that. I'm shorter than average, look like a 16 year old, have somewhat good academics, am shit at sports, and can only talk to people as acquaintances. I haven't made any true friendships in the 4 years I've been in university. I guess that's all I wanted to get off my chest since I'll never tell my best friend this.
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self.offmychest
|
My life is good but I still want to die because of this fucking depression and anxiety. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I don't want to die, but I feel like I have no other choice. I don't know how to help myself. I don't know how to get better or be better. I don't know how to accept who I am even when others don't. I don't know how to accept the person I see in the mirror. I don't know how to look at myself without having a negative thought. I don't know how to deal with mental illness. I don't know how to not feel like I'm fucking crazy and insane. I don't know how to end it. And I don't know how I got here.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It's only going to get worse I can't do what's necessary in life. One day I'll be wandering the street without a person to call friend or a penny to my name, and when that day comes I'll just end it. Life isn't worth the suffering.
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self.depression
|
Do u ever just cry bc of how lonely you are
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't know anymore So maybe posted in the wrong place but I don't know where else to post;
Over the last few years I've bemore more reclusive which has just gotten worse over the last few months I know i should be happy as I got a new higher paying job, a new flat but I always find myself focausing on the fact that I have no social life with moving 60 miles away from everyone I know, all mixed with why I needed to get out of a finacial hole which forced me to get the new job
i just don't know what to do anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just feel like giving up If you want my history, go lurk my last post.
Just feel like life is unfair, constantly overwhelmed and don’t know what do to. I don’t want to die but it seems like the easiest option. Have been googling drug overdoses for the last hour. I have access to xanax, valium, dexies, propranolol, Prozac and alcohol. I’ve lost 5kg in the last month because I’ve had no appetite from anxiety. I didn’t really have 5kg to lose (currently 5’10 54kg). Wondering if I just continue the lack of eating if that’ll just let me go. I just don’t want to deal with anything anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel so down I feel like there is nothing left for me to do. Everything I do doesn't work. I am acting again, trying to be clean, cooking and playing my piano but I still feel myself losing. This one girl I have been head over heels in love with recently said I was someone she would regret not being with. What?!?!?! That kills me. I feel so close to the edge. I feel cold inside. I'm not doing well.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I could just become ill of something that will kill me at least it won't be considered suicide, so it won\t hurt people as much
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bipolar depression and fatigue help Hi there, im a long time lurker and I have to say I'm so happy to find other people who are going through the same struggles, it makes me feel like I'm not alone.
I was wondering if anyone else suffers from a depression phase where you are so fatigued to the point where it disrupts obligations. For the past two weeks it feels like I can barely get to work and when i get home i am done. Any advice on how to counter this would be a great help!
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self.bipolar
|
All I can think about is how much I wouldn’t miss the pain [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just another night fighting the urge to kill myself why is my brain out to get me Anyone else feeling extra suicidal tonight? I'm really starting to wonder how long I can keep lasting like this.
|
self.depression
|
What to do? I'm on an upswing, and I think I'm way too high into the swing now. I got pretty much zero sleep yesterday and I've just been gogogo since yesterday morning. Like super intense in everybody else's faces passive aggressive get the f*ck outta my way on a freakin' mission. I feel like I'm going to explode at the first person who opposes me but I'm also super excited and happy about everything and I just have so many great awesome ideas on how to improve my business and diversify my market to I really am going to change my industry if I could only grasp and hold on to some of these ideas for more than a god damned second. But man they're going way too fast I cant even write them down but I can feel that they're great ideas! Everything is just speaking to me so clearly and everything makes sense now and everyone knows I have these great ideas and wants to hear them.
But I know I'm manic and I know some of this is exaggerated but I don't know where that line is. I don't know if I want to know where that line is. Why should I stop? Why should I filter myself or slow myself down just for the rest of them? But I can hear it in my hubby's voice that I need to dial it back a bit at least. I don't know if I can though. I don't even remember what I was going to ask anymore so I don't know if anyone could make sense of this and figure it out and read between the lines but I feel like I have a deep connection with all of you so I think you guys know what I'm saying. I totally love you guys, like love love. Like I'm pretty sure I would be jumping all of you guys LOL. Cool beans, good talk. Have fun tip your waitress
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self.bipolar
|
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