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Are there any good men left? My mind has been racing since hanging up the phone with my father. I’m glad I found this sub because I hate bothering my friends with my problems. I know, that’s what they’re there for but I’m just not that person. I’d rather listen than be the talker. Anyway, here goes....
STBXH
My STBXH (we will call him B) works part time for my father. My father built his business from the ground up and has always had a problem with trusting people with running his shop. B started working part time for him about two years ago and recently my dad has had some complaints about him. Several people who are regular customers have told my dad recently that when my ex is running the shop the prices are higher. At first I didn’t understand what B could be doing wrong....maybe he forgot the pricing, maybe the customer was mistaken. But then my dad called me a few hours later with two more customers telling him a similar story. These complete strangers to B and my dad have no reason to lie. They were just simply asking why the prices were different on different days. From the sounds of it, B is skimming money off the top. So, he’s not necessarily stealing from my father but rather customers. In the long run though everything that my dad has worked for could be sunk if people start to question the ethics of his business and the price changes.
I’m sick over this. Yes, he’s my soon to be ex-husband but he is the father of my children and so far we have had a wonderfully amicable split. We never fight and I think highly of him as a person and as the father of my children...I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. Why would he be doing this??? He’s not a drug user, doesn’t drink, doesn’t gamble, but he is terrible with money.
The other issue is that he is a compulsive liar and tomorrow when my dad confronts him I guarantee he will lie. We may never know the truth behind what’s happening.
Oh, and there’s a girl. B doesn’t realize that we are still on the same phone plan (that is in my name) and I have access to all the phone records. I know for the last few months he’s been talking to a girl. Which, cool by me more power to him. I’ve moved on and I’m glad he is too. But, what if she’s the bad influence? What if she is manipulating him in some way to get him to do this stuff? I’ve scoped her out on Facebook and I just get a bad vibe about her. Ugh, my mind is racing. He’s going to potentially lose his second job and stick me with more of the shared expenses and I’m as close to living on the edge of paycheck to paycheck as it gets. (I pay the bulk of everything and get no child support.)
It just seems like every man in my life has just completely disappointed me. It’s sad. It makes me feel like I will be eternally single because nobody is honest anymore. I’m just feeling defeated by this. Oh and the string of guys who have ghosted me to go back to their wives after telling me they were divorced. Cool. That’s for another rant.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I’m so frustrated and haven’t stopped shaking all night and have just been sick to my stomach over this. I want to confront him so badly but I know that won’t end well. So, he faces the wrath of my dad tomorrow.
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self.offmychest
|
I’m staying home alone for Thanksgiving and I’m happy about it Every year I dread thanksgiving. It’s tradition that my family and I go to my aunt’s house for the day, however the past two years I have not gone. I hate how crowded my aunt’s house gets with people, the small talk I have to make with my extended family, and just all the food. I have an eating disorder and OCD and bein around all the food makes me panic.
I am happy I decided to stay home today with my dog. I know it’s a day meant to be shared with your family and that many people don’t have family to spend it with, and that I should be grateful I have the opportunity to do so. But I don’t care. I have the day off work, the house to myself, and my dog to play with. I would rather be here and anxiety free than with my family packed in a house with a panic attack!
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self.offmychest
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Is it common to constantly have negative dreams when diagnosed with clinical depression? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don’t know what to do anymore... It seems that everything has gone to shit for me in this couple months now. I’ve recently had doubts about my career choice, nothing out of normal but, not I just been feeling empty about it, I’ve been recently working on school just for the sake of work, almost no activities make me feel good about myself. I was keep going, even though all of this I kept going, I wanted to be better to make myself be better.
Now here is the problem, I wasn’t doing it for myself, I was doing it to somehow impress someone, a girl I met at the beginning of the year. We lived really far away from each other, so I knew the moment I met her that any kind of relationship would be pointless. Yet I still wanted to talk with her, I never met someone who made me feel so good, I felt like I knew her all my life. At first we only talked when we had time, but then it was every day. There where days that the only thing I did was wake up to talk with her, even if most of it was just chat. I knew this was the most stupid thing I’ve done in my life, but it was something I loved doing it. With time I started to develop a crush for her, i knew it was pointless, a stupid thing to do i knew it, but i still fell for her. Suddenly I tried to be always for her if she needed it, every time she had a problem i tried my best to give her an advice, I even helped her to fix some. When times where bead I was for her. Now, this wasn’t just a one way thing, she was there for me too, when I felt bad she was with me, we talked about problems, or she just listened to me. It was like this for 8 months, and we talked everyday for 7.
Fast forward to now, we have been talking less, she said that it was due to her studies, which I knew they were hard. But then suddenly, out of nowhere she tells me “I now have a boyfriend”. The world has been broken for me, I don’t know what else to do. She was the only reason I had left to keep doing stuff and now, I can’t find anything to do now, I don’t know what to do. I feel lonely, lost, hopeless. And everything because I was stupid, is all on me, and I know it, I just don’t know what to do now
Edit: sorry if is hard to understand the post, it just happened now, and I share it here because I had to share it with someone. I’m young 19, i know I have the life ahead of me. This seems something really stupid to be sad for but... i just don’t know anymore
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self.depression
|
Confused Hey. I am just so anxious and tired right now. I seem to always have this problem of thinking i am blasphemous. When people try to encourage me or comfort me, i feel as though they dont understand enough to help me. Like they are being nice when they shouldn't. To be honest im not so pure hearted. I really would just love to think "oh so im forgiven? Great im not gonna think about this anymore, i can pretty much do whatever i want and i can repent later." I just have this fear of hell. I get very angry with God. Cursing at God sometimes etc. I talked to my youth pastor two years ago. He said getting angry at God is normal sometimes, and that i should only ve concerned when im starting to not be a christian. Ive been to therapy. I was too scared of telling my therapist everything, out of fear of being decieved. I told my psychiatrist though. I tried getting a hold of drugs. Long story short i didnt get a chance to try them. Well now im scared because i dont really want to be a christian anymore somedays recently. I am tired. And i go back and forth about how the Bible even makes any sense. I wish i had met God at a later time in my life. I feel like now im not innocent, and i have no excuse. I feel like if I was atheist I would be happier. I am scared. Please any advice would help. Also, i always feel like i can't totally explain the reasoning behind why I am scared. I know why. Its because i think i am not being as good as God has instructed me to be because of all the preachings i have heard. But my thoughts are so fast its hard to explain the memories i have of the preachings. And what exactly i feel in my heart. Is it conviction? Condemnation brought upon by my own self? My teenage brain not understanding because it is incapable? I just even now feel like nobody can truley answer my questions correctly...
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self.Anxiety
|
Is it possible to have Zoloft withdrawals after 2 days of low doses? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Shall I go back on meds
I’ve recently moved into my own place and have stop taking my antidepressants and I’m also feeling the pressure from work
I’ve been told I’m under review but I don’t know what the reasons are
I can feel everything getting on top of me and I’d leave my job if I knew it was easy to get a new one and every time I go home I just want to forgot about it
Financially I’m ok but I’m obviously scared what position I will be left in if all goes south. I don’t feel secure
I have meds at my house that I think I should take because I know they will take off the strain from my own thoughts but every time i go to take them I think about the withdrawals I went through and how long it took to get off them
I keep waiting for it to get worse and hope things will pass but I think I’m where I was before when I was depressed and I’m in denial.
Anyone else gone back on meds and how long were you on them for?
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self.depression
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My parents have split up, my friends are ditching me and video games are my only happiness. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Just a little Sunday night vent...I hate Sunday nights. How many people
Are there like me
That show up to work
On a Monday
With puffy eyes
From the crying they did
On a Sunday
And how many people
Are there like me
That hope no one notices
How empty they are inside
When they say
That their weekend was good
That it flew by
That they barely remember
All of the fun that they had
On a Monday
How many people
Like me
Only want to stay in bed
And hide
And every day
Is hard to start
When you feel so broken
So wrong
And so different
For feeling so terrified
So angry
So depressed
So hopeless
On every fucking Sunday
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self.Anxiety
|
who else is suicidal kind of out of spite [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Free hugs for everyone :( Gather around guys and girls. I need to give my love out to you all. Ask for a free hug if you want to. Probaly wont be able to read anything because onions but still. *hug* :'(
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self.depression
|
Can i over dose on hydroxyzine an oxycodone mixed with alcohol? [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got stood up tonight. What the hell is the point of doing that? Today I got a free coffee from Starbucks because of a promotional deal so I asked this girl I met on Tinder if she wanted it and she said she’d meet me after her class. She seemed really excited. I waited for an hour and my messages stopped saying “delivered.” She never showed up.
I don’t know what the hell happened. I didn’t say anything wrong to my knowledge. I literally offered her a coffee just to be nice?
Either she blocked my number for no reason, or she literally dropped off the face of the earth, and I’m willing to bet on the former.
Seriously, what the fuck?????? I’m so confused. Mostly upset and angry. But confused. What is the point of doing that to someone???
Edit: I know this seems super entitled of me to say. I’m a girl and I’m new to dating girls. I was just looking forward to meeting her. I know literally anything could have happened and I truly do understand. I don’t think it’s terrible of me to feel this way.
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self.offmychest
|
Is it possible to lose weight while on bipolar meds? I went from 150 lbs to 250 lbs in two years. It's gotta be possible right? Anyone have any motivating experience with bipolar weight loss?
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self.bipolar
|
I really fucked up last night... Got my car stuck in a ditch. Cops came. Said he saw smoke inside my car. I consented to a search like an idiot. Got a possession marijuana charge and a paraphernalia charge as well as an $80 tow. I feel like a fucking moron. I just keep thinking of ways I could have gotten out of it. I can't eat or drink anything. I'm terrified of what's gonna happen. I feel like the world is falling down around me. We're getting a good lawyer and everything but it still makes me feel like a burden on my family. Sorry if this isn't going anywhere I just feel like it would be easier just to end it all rn.
Edit: forgot to mention it was a marijuana charge
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tired of it all I'm so tired of it all my life is a mess, I was always a happy kid but i don't know at the same time also since I was young I have terrible thoughts of committing violent acts on strangers or people who I love and most of all myself, but I would never in the world want to do any of these things or harm anyone, I was in love with video games maybe playing violent ones had something to do with it idk, fast forward a bit in life as I reached middle school I was a very innocent child we didn't live in the best neighborhood so I got to my school it was like a whole new world. Drugs violence sex you name it all of this was happening in my middle school. I quickly realized I had to change or I would not survive here. I was what you would call a "vidoe game nerd"
Now here is where it all starts, I didn't want to be the nerd I wanted to be with the "cool kids" so what I did was begin to live a double life at home I had my childish fun and still played my favorite games watched my favorite anime shows stuff like that, but now at school I pretended I was a different person and it worked. I acted tougher then I was, I made up stories, I started hanging with the "cool" kids. I started smoking weed at 13 and stopped caring about a lot of things I used to. I let go of my "childish" past and told myself I need to grow up. I ended up joining a gang doing a bunch of crazy stuff and by the age of 16 I had been arrested 3 different times been in multiple fights one that actually left me rushed to the hospital by helicopter after being stabbed.
I had become what I pretended to be I had all the friends I wanted people looked up to me some were even scared of me, as I got older I got heavier in the street and started selling drugs, I've seen friends come and go you with them one day then then next day they at gone. To cope with everything I went through in life I was a heavy smoker. I have probably smoked weed every single day of my life since I was 13.
I feel this has left me mentally damaged. I feel like cannot deal with my emotions I have gone through a lot of things and I am depressed and I self medicate my depression and it works. I have had thoughts of suicide since me teen years but I have never acted on them but I am now 27 years old. My glory days in the streets are over all my money I made is gone half my friends are dead or in jail. Now these suicidal thoughts are stronger then theve everybeen i often find my self staring at my gun contemplating on doing it, the sad thing is the only thing stopping me from killing my self is fear, fear of the unknown. Not because there's something here for me to live for but just because I'm scared of what happens next? The only thing that stops me from being depressed is weed but I hate how I feel when I'm not high. Since smoking so long I have not idea how to deal with emotions like sadness and anger since I just numb myself. When I'm not high and I'm depressed I feel like I can't breathe like I was want to explode from the inside. Like I want to hurt myself or just scream at the top of my lungs and destroy something. Idk I feel like I'm rambling because I just hold all this shit inside I just need to let it out but the one time I told someone I wanted to kill myself they said I was stupid and weak. this is why I will never ever tell another soul and I just will tell the internet
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Suddenly Depressed Again I used to be really depressed over a year ago, and I was fine around the beginning of 2017 up until yesterday. I don't know why, I just woke up feeling alone, sad, and hopeless. I even had suicidal thoughts. I don't know what's wrong with me, but everything feels as though there's no hope left for me. I hate this feeling.
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self.depression
|
Dreams Suck but.. I had a dream last night where me and my crush were getting kidnapped and i ended up saving her but Dreams man...
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self.offmychest
|
Looking for Informative BP books I'm relatively new to the sub, but my mother has been diagnosed with Bipolar I for quite a while now. I've scheduled an appointment to figure out whether it's a concern for me, I am almost positive that I have the symptoms of bipolar but it's hard to reflect and be sure without consulting professional help. In addition, I would like to read more about the condition and figure out how I can work with it. I figure that if I'm not personally diagnosed it will at least help me with my mom. I've been reading an older book, "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess and it seems to have some good insight but it's over ten years old, so I can't really be sure that it's up-to-date. The Q&A setup is a little frustrating to read from beginning to end, but I take it a few pages at a time. Thanks in advance for suggestions and general conversation!
|
self.bipolar
|
Depressed/Anxious One Day, Normal The Next For the past couple of months now, I've been having this on-again off again bout with depression and anxiety that would one day have me so overwhelmed that I would just wrap myself in my blankets all day and lay there waiting for it to go away. Then the next day, I would feel totally fine. Not happy per say, but normal. Like nothing happened.
These episodes have severely affected my college grades to the point where I'm gonna have to take a break from school for awhile to get my shit together.
This past weekend, I opened up to all my friends and family on Facebook about my issues and it's been a positive experience. From talking with them, I've decided that I should travel more and I want to go to Japan. I can go to school there on a student visa, which is amazing, but I'm worried that these episodes will creep back and I'll be back to where I was before.
What should I do in the meantime?
|
self.depression
|
I don't like the way I live my life I'm a freshmen in college and I hate the way I live my life.
I like college, and I think I like my major. I'm doing mechanical engineering, because I want to build boats. My grades suck though but thats a matter of putting the work in, which I can do
What I'm really depressed about is the way I communicate with people. No one seems to like me.
The biggest thing is when I listen to the way people talk and how fast they think of replies. Then when I talk it takes me a while just to come up with something to say. I never have conversation topics that people want to talk about, I can never remember funny stories when it makes sense to tell them, and when I do I fumble words and orders of events. Its like I have to rack my brain to get words out and I don't like it. I'm not like antisocial either. I go out but its like I get railroaded from conversation to conversation, I'm always listening to people but I never have anything meaningful to say to them
I have a few friends I've known for a while who talking to is easy and this girl I'm seeing over break who I've also known for a while. She's the easiest to talk to, I think we just get along right, so the next few weeks are gonna be good, I'm just thinking over my last semester and how I made no friends, and everyone on my floor just overlooks me like in high school.
It's not even like I'm just making it up. People have called me dumb, and I always used to laugh along, but its really starting to get to me now. I used to be able to take the joke, and even admit "yeah I'm a little dumb" but I'm getting sick of hearing it.
I don't know it seems like a stupid thing to care about. I just don't feel happy and I think thats why. I mean I do miss my friends too, all fuckin two of them. And that girl too, it actually really sucks being far from her all the fucking time. I guess it just boils down to loneliness cause I'm to stupid to make friends.
Anyway, the only reason I typed this up is cause I can't sleep. I picked up drinking like a motherfucker my first semester I guess cause it helped me forget about all this. Plus being drunks great. Bt it really ruined my grades, and theres no fucking way I'm being healthy with it. I can't sleep cause I'm thinking of breaking into my flask of rum right now and I only haven't because I know its a bad idea. But at the same time I feel like it will be he easiest way to get to sleep already.
So I guess I'm just looking for advice, encouragement or something, Idk. I just don't like the way I live all lonely and unable to make friends cause of the way I talk.
**TLDR; Started college, talk dumb, been lonely, drinking like a fuck**
|
self.depression
|
I am very confused. Was my psychiatric treatment more damaging than helpful? I was diagnosed bipolar 1 a year ago. Was prescribed mood stabilizer, antidepressant, antipsychotic and benzo. Thoroughly followed recommendations, while heavily drugged with prescribed pills I had more than 2 major depressive episodes, and the same number of hypomanic/manic episodes. Had to change drugs few times and regulate doses, had many side effects.
By the end of last year I decided to stop medicating as I wasn't getting better if not worse.
For a few months I am clean. Hadn't felt better in years. No foggy mind, no paranoidal desperate adherence to meds, no throwing up everyday etc.
Lately I started questioning my diagnosis. I am not sure: did my meds help me at all? Or made me feel worse? I used to think about bipolar constantly, it was like a soundtrack to whatever I did. And also antipsychotics changed my personality a lot, it is hard to recognize myself. I am confused and scared I have done something irreversible to myself.
What would have happened if I did not tell at my first appointment: "I think I am bipolar"?
There are two explanations to my current thoughts:
1) I am bipolar, and meds helped me, so I felt well and decided to drop them as I thought they can't help me more than did.
2) I have energetic and extrovert personality, but had a long and severe episode of depression, convinced pdoc I am bipolar, so meds were not my fit and made things worse and I had the worst year of my life, literally lost last year - hard to remember what happened. After depressive episodes, loss of hope, some beliefs I am emotionally and mentally exhausted and it changed my way of thinking and behaving.
|
self.bipolar
|
My life is perfect and that’s why I hate it So I’m a teenager and I have a “great” life I have friends, parents that care, good grades, interesting hobbies, and I'm well off. So everything should be great, well it's not I don't feel any true struggles in my life. I don't ever feel truly content or happy. I don't know how to talk to a person about this. This is not an over exaggeration. I have daily panic attacks and have attempted suicide twice. I see a therapist but I don't know how to articulate this to a person in front of me who knows everything about my situation. I just don't know if this is everyone dealing with the same shit because I have no reason to complain I just hate myself and very rarely feel happiness.
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self.offmychest
|
Feeling like shit and I don't know if I'm to blame Don't usually post stuff like this on reddit but here goes. Just want to get it out since I feel like I can't tell anyone anything.
A few months ago I asked one of my friends if she wanted to try sex because we were both virgins. Like something you see in fiction, it worked and eventually we started fucking every week/every other week as **friends**. I made this as clear as possible from the get go so there were no misconceptions. Anyway, after 2 months of this while keeping it top secret from everyone we know (still in education), I started feeling guilty as I actually had strong feelings for another girl. This other girl is also best friends with the girl I was fucking. It got to the point where I liked this girl too much, and was honest with the girl I was fucking and told her that I had feelings for her friend. She started crying, told me that she caught feelings for me and sort of said "well I don't know about you, but when you're having sex with someone you develop feeling for them" however for me, this was not the case and I always thought of us are friends, nothing more. She also went on to say she felt guilty fucking me, but when I asked why she sort of just said "idk". After that I cheered her up a bit, we walked around and hung out for a couple hours laughing and joking like friends, then I walked her home and that was it. I'd got it off my chest after months of liking this other girl.
Fast forward to now, about 2 weeks later. We haven't spoken to each other. I've been talking to the girl I'm into like I have for months, just friends. I'm scared to tell her how I feel, and honestly I don't think I want to because I feel trapped. If she doesn't like me back, our friendship will be ruined and if she does, the girl I was seeing will be devastated, and will end up hating the girl I like, despite them being best friends. The most annoying part is I'm pretty sure the girl I'm into likes me too. I catch her glancing at me, and we often look at each other in class and smile. She's always laughing around me (she does this with other people too, however), always teasing me about stuff and the other day we hung out as friends out of class and she was more than comfortable with coming back to mine to hang out. We text nearly every day, often her starting the conversations more than I do. I feel there is something "there" when we're together but i can't tell. It feels extra shit because the girl I was seeing is talking to the girl I'm into like nothing happened, she plays a bigger facade than I do, but secretly we were fucking each other until this whole shit storm happened.
I feel like shit. I can't tell anyone about the girl I was seeing as we agreed we wouldn't, but now I feel like she hates me and I'm wondering if i'm in the wrong. I sent her a message asking her something the other day and she left me on read. Should I have kept quiet and continued to have sex with her despite liking her friend? I only wanted to be honest with her because it was secretly crushing me inside.
Honestly I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't trust/tell anyone anything and if I do, it'll back fire tremendously.
|
self.offmychest
|
I want to sue my parents for having me without my consent. Yeah...
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self.depression
|
I dont feel like living. Im just existing Hi my name is javen im 14 from singapore and im autistic recently i have have few problems and its made me think. Why? Why me? Why am i always wrong? Why cant i be like others? I dont really feel....alive anymore i... just feel like a ant when someones sees me i just get smacked and its all over..i dong feel like im living life like the way most of the people live i feel like im just... existing if i cant go back on track and not feel like im alive again i might just.. be a bitch and end it all. Im like an canvas that is empty im a canvas with out any contents no life just a plain old canvas waiting to rot i have no life no colors no friends. Im really depressed every night i cry thinking why? Why am i born? Why tourture me? My parents dont seem to care about me anymore they just ignore me i havent went school in 4 months already and i feel that no one... no one loves me anymore i am in a mess i just sleep at 3am play games till 9pm and repeat it everyday for the 365days of my life. I feel like no one will ever love me not a girl or even my parents i just want someone to love someone to talk to someone i can trust someone that loves me. Well thanks for passing by probally planning to leave home or something cya have a nice day!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone has a tower that they built with your own sweat and blood and it just collapses right in front of you one day? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel like my life is a film and I’m watching it unfold and there’s nothing I can do to change it. My life has been moving so fast recently and I have no control at all. One minute I’m awake on Monday morning, the next I’m on the train home on Friday and the days in between are a complete blur. I’m in my final year of uni and I have soooo much work to do but I don’t even have to motivation to get out of bed in morning and I hate it. I hate being so unproductive and I hate that I’m always thinking about how sorry I feel for myself all the time. I wish I could just take control again, I wish I could just enjoy something for once.
I have good days and bad days but recently they just seem to blur into each other and I can’t really tell them apart. I don’t even know what’s going on in my friends lives anymore because I’m so wrapped up in my own bullshit. Honestly I don’t even know why I’m writing this here, I guess I just need to vent.
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self.depression
|
I think I've arrived at my station Im so sure im going to commit suicide and I feel powerless to stop it. Theres a spot I like to go to when shit is hitting the fan with me. Its secluded and peaceful. Ive bawled my eyes out there, ive just sat and stared like I did today. But today when I got up and turned around to look again before I left I just thought, wow, thats where im going to die. Thats where they will find my body. Its never been this bad, for the first time since encountering depression I feel I truly have absolutely zero control over what is going to happen. Inevitable.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I was thinking of killing my self yesterday I was thinking of ending it all to relieve the mental pain but I have so many people that I would just spred the pain to that I can get myself to end it. I don't want to be made a example I just want to die. I wish I could just disappear for long enough people forget about me so they won't miss me
|
self.offmychest
|
Disability in the US, only mental issues? I am trying to find out how the process works and what to expect. Any experiences would be most appreciated!
|
self.bipolar
|
Girlfriends boss forced himself on her I need to vent this somewhere...
So just a little backstory, my girlfriend has dealt with sexual harrassment and assault in her past before. It's given her ptsd that comes out every once and while. Earlier today she text me saying to pick her up or show up at her work because she's scared. Naturally I drove right there. She goes on to tell me that one of her bosses forced himself on her as they were walking the property and they went into a room. She told me he got on top of her and started telling her a few sexual things and forcing her face to face his all while telling him no and to get off. He kept persisting and started kissing the side of her face as she started to push him off until she eventually was able to get him off and ran out the room. She tells me he didn't get anywhere under her clothes but her old situation and memories are really fucking her up. She's blaming herself and has no idea what to do. I'm livid as fuck and all I want to do is beat this guy down but she insists on not doing anything because "the company can't afford this right now" at first I was over that answer, I told her she needed to speak up and to not think about the company but her well being and mental. She was just in my car crying and now she's back at work. There's so much I want to do and say but I'll feel like I can't because she keeps saying that I don't understand / get it. It pains me so much, I feel useless. For now I've told her I'm going to be there to support her through it, this isn't like the last time this happened to her. Apparently someone from the first time has planted that it's her fault if something like this happens I kept reassuring her that it isn't like the first time this time. This time she has someone who cares about her so much, then she brought up the skirt(which goes well below her knees) she was wearing. I kept reassuring her it wasn't her fault and that I'm here for her but I'm just frustrated with the whole thing because I feel helpless right now. There's so much I want to do but she just kept saying I don't understand the situation and to not do anything and how I'm just reacting like everyone else did the first time, so I'm at a loss. As of right now I'm leaving how she wants to handle it in her hands and just standing back as support but god this is killing me, I just want to fuck this guy up.
She says he's transferring locations in a bout a month and she's thinking about holding out until he leaves but she still has to see him as they share offices with two others plus she believes if she says something he'll just turn it around on her. She's extremely emotional and has a strong personality that butts heads with a lot of people but I know she won't be able to see him without having a breakdown.
I'm at a loss, any advice I can get on this would greatly help.
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self.offmychest
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.. I want to take a knife and drive it through my heart
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self.SuicideWatch
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It's been exactly one year since you left, and these are the things I'll never say to you. [removed]
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self.offmychest
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I just want to die I don't have a good reason. I should be happy. I have a great wife and a wonderful daughter. I fucking hate myself and I don't understand why I try any more. I just feel like a fuck up and want to not exist.
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self.depression
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Another Update on Crush Didn't get to meet her yesterday, felt bad. But today, she worked all day beside me. We took a long break together grabbing ice-cream, talking, and randomly walking in a building and around. I feel so happy, this day is so pleasant! have a broad smile on my face, all because of her. She is just that amazing!
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self.offmychest
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2017 2017 was such a traumatizing and hard year for me that I can rest assured that 2018 won't be as bad (I hope).
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self.depression
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So, anyone else that kid that "ruined it at the park" because of their anxiety? Curious to see if this was just me being a weirdo.
But basically I refused to let anyone push me on any swings.
At my local pool they have this large circular thing that all the kids would jump on and run (what you're supposed to do) well I was that kid who refused to run on it because I was convinced I was gonna fall off and hurt myself.
Those ufo things that you laid down on and swang (the circular ones that hold multiple people) I could only do a certain height. Most of the time I'd just watch others and pretend I loved pushing
Yep...I was definitely the kid that ruined it all.
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self.Anxiety
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Help Calming Myself In Panic Attack About Death and Existence I'm not too sure how this actually started but I used to fear death as I was becoming an adult - but it was something that would be pushed off to the back of my mind as I had school, work, and other things to focus on.
However, it seems a short period of time after that had ended and I began my actual career it came back full throttle to the point where I lie in bed shaking and pleading for it to never happen - that I don't want to lose everything and experience (or not experience) nothingness.
I want to be able to feel and experience life. I can't imagine not being here. I don't want to go. I'm scared and don't know how to calm down. It's gotten to the point where I've almost screamed and pleaded to whoever is listening to let me live forever. I'll kick and toss and turn and can't get it out of my head, like I belong in a loony bin!
I can't handle it. It always happens at night. It's a thought during the day more frequently than I'd like but I don't make a scene, but when it's closer to night time, that's when everything amplifies.
This is ruining my life, everything I do makes me think about that it's not going to matter in the end. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want this to stop. Does anyone have any ideas on how to calm down and get this demon out of my head.
TLDR: Afraid of nothingness after life, turns into full-fledged panic attacks, need ways to calm down and attempt to prevent them and become more accepting of it.
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self.Anxiety
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Has anyone ever caught someone at school zooming in on your face on Snapchat at and sending pics/videos to people? Why do people do this? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I cleaned my room and did my laundry! 😃 I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but my room has been squalid lately. I was terrorized by a huge cockroach last night. I heard it scurrying around, but alas I could not find it because my floor was covered in clothes, empty wine bottles, bills I can't pay and random pills strewn about. The stank of shame hung heavy in the air, or maybe it was just my dirty laundry. I don't know.
Anyway, I think I'm doing better today. I don't feel as abjectly miserable as I normally do. I honestly feel like Sisyphus most days. Maybe the Wellbutrin is finally kicking in? 🤔
Friday would have been my two year anniversary with my fiance, but he left just like everyone else. My faith in humanity has been annihilated, my trust destroyed. I don't think I could ever be with a man again. I don't feel sad though. Quite the opposite. I feel unfettered. No longer will I have to put up with any fuckshit, except for my own, of course. Other people are more trouble than they're worth. Good riddance. Misery loves company, but hell is others.
Of course I am frightened by the idea of a good day. Am I becoming manic? It's really fucked up when I'm scared of getting better because I worry that mania and its' friend psychosis is lurking... I'm still haunted by the worst manic episode I ever had, which was 2ish years ago. I was deeply psychotic and had to be hospitalized for over a month. Unfortunately, I was assigned to a doctor who hated me and lied about me in court. The judge believed him, of course. Doctor versus crazy bitch, who would win? For the second time, I was committed to a state hospital. Thankfully, they were able to see through the bullshit and rejected me because I had substance abuse problems. Thank God and fuck you Dr. Hahn. 🖕
Anyway. Things are looking up for me. I have been in deep despair since September of last year. I've never been consistently... depressed? For that long. I hesitate to call it a depression, because my typical depressive symptoms aren't present. I don't really know what exactly is the matter with me. ECT fried my brain, that's all I know. So that happened. Maybe it was a positive thing since I haven't tried to off myelf since the procedure, yet everything feels so foreign to me. I can no longer identify what sort of episode I'm in. I just feel... numb. If unseasoned chicken breast was a feeling, that's how I'd describe it.
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self.bipolar
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Depressed while drowning in toxicity I have to survive like 5 more days of living with my parents but all I wanna do is die and be free.
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self.depression
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At 18 I️ lost my virginity. I’m 24 and I️ can’t stop thinking about this now. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can’t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn’t a friend or family member but it’s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don’t trust them.
When I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I’ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn’t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn’t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.
I convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn’t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I “stopped listening to all that” (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.
Earlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I’ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.
Now I’m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can’t to my parents because they’ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won’t be any different, and I don’t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they’re gonna just disregard me.
I’m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken.
I really don’t know how long I can continue pretending that I don’t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life.
I honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.
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self.offmychest
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She ruined everything including my life, the thing is I don’t even hate her, I hate myself.
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self.depression
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I wish I had the courage to stop being like I am I am afraid of death (an by extension, suicide) but I can't overcome my intense self-hatred. I just want to have some confirmation about who I am. Idk.
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self.offmychest
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I hate it in comic book movies when they always have the main character take off their mask Was rewatching Xmen Days of Future Past and I was surprised at how many times Mystique was just looking like Jennifer Lawrence. I understand the studio's preference to want to give their leads screen time to market the movie but I want to see the assassin mystique in blue and shit. In Suicide Squad, why does Deadshot have his mask off when doing kills? Isn't the whole point of the mask to prevent his identity from being known? When he's killing the guy even though he's on some rooftop, why take that risk? The Amazing Spider man movies with Andrew Garfield were the worst. Why is spidey ripping off this mask every time bro. Idk, when I'm watching the movies, I want to be immersed in the character, I don't want to see the actor.
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self.offmychest
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Don’t know how to deal with these feelings After a failed suicide attempt I’m starting to find myself really down every day, constantly crying and dragging myself around and can’t see any future. I love my family and my friends and I’d feel so selfish doing this to them but I can’t find it in me to carry on anymore
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self.depression
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Very bad mania HELP How do u guys manage to CALM THE FUCK DOWN? I’m all over the place rn, I feel great but I also feel I’m gonna explode, how to feel more calm? I’ve tried some herbal meds, 4 pills and it didn’t work, I’ve also tried to breathe in through my nose and breathe out through my mouth but my anxiety is also fucked up and that just made me worse, I can’t sleep, I’m shivering, my stomach feels sick and I have a headache. I want to calm down before I start hallucinating again.
EDIT: I went to my psychiatrist and she prescribed Chlorpromazine, she also gave me a herbal med to make me more calm, the other one I was taking was supposed to make me sleep only, let’s see what happens now.
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self.bipolar
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Another Thanksgiving alone. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but being alone with my thoughts and no food doesn't seem like the best combination.
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self.depression
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Actually depressed or just sad? I feel like people just naturally dont really like me. I can make surface level friends, but I never get invited to anything, nobody ever texts me first, etc. I finally talked to this one girl I know, super attractive and popular, and she invited me to go to prom with her because the guy who she's a thing with didnt want to go. I know she has asked 2 or 3 other people before me who all turned her down for various reasons. For some reason I took this as "she is interested in me", we hung out a lot before prom, then actually went to prom and it was ok. partied afterward and got drunk and she avoided me at the party all night. when she turns me down to hang out, leaves me on read, stuff like that, i get real sad.
over the past few months my other friends have gotten distant. i'll never get invited to anything, birthday parties, just hanging out, none of that. People just dont thinj about me. The only time I ever do anything is if I ask a hundred times and plan everything out. whenever i'm home I just sit around and watch YouTube videos or play multiplayer games by myself. Recently the games haven't even made me happy. I just try to do things that used to cheer me up and they never do, it's just a hollow feeling when I try to play Overwatch or other games I liked.
i have a hard time discerning if this is actual depression or just me having the blues. I have felt like this for a couple years, that people kind of avoid me or get to know me then get fed up with me and stop. but i've talked to this girl for months and that's when these strong feelings of sadness developed. i'm moving away from tennessee to Pittsburgh for college and i'm just really afraid that I wont make any real friends up there. All my high school friends were just middle school friends I kept.
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self.depression
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Is suicide genetic Suicide is the cause of death for around 800,000 people in the world each year, according to the World Health Organization. This works out at one death by suicide every 40 seconds somewhere in the world and more than the number of deaths due to homicide and war combined.
The Samaritans suicide statistics report 2017 revealed some startling data about suicide in the UK. There were 6,188 suicides in the UK – an increase of 3.8% on the previous year, with an additional 451 registered suicides in the Republic of Ireland. Among people aged 15 to 29-years-old, it is the second leading cause of death. And in 2017, the rate of suicide amongst women reached its highest in ten years.
All this data is more than enough to make suicide a major public health problem, needing governmental measures and lots of research to understand the problem and prevent new victims.
Behavioural
Society often relates suicide to issues like mental health problems, social problems, family issues, problematic childhoods and unemployment. But could suicide also be a genetic condition?
Geneticists are making more and more discoveries about our genetic predisposition to illness, enabling us to potentially avoid the pain of illnesses and even death. It can be a terrifying prospect to be told that you carry the BRCA1 gene or the CA124 protein, factors that make the probability of developing cancer close to 87%. This is an 87% chance of developing the same illness that you watched kill your grandmother, your aunt and your own mother at the early age of 56. This is exactly what happened to Angelina Jolie in 2013, and after these factors were detected early, she opted to undergo a double mastectomy and remove her ovaries rather than face the illness that had taken so many of her family members.
As for mental illness, according to the National Institute of Health: “Scientists have long recognised that many psychiatric disorders tend to run in families, suggesting potential genetic roots. In fact, recent studies have turned up limited evidence of shared genetic risk factors, such as for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, autism and schizophrenia, and depression and bipolar disorder.”
Divorce
Surprisingly, genetic studies are also showing that what we previously believed to be behavioural choices, can indeed be genetically determined. For example, a study from Virginia Commonwealth University found that genetic factors can be an explanation for divorce. Part of the study discovered that adopted children are more likely to follow the marital behaviour of their biological parents over their adopted parent. Researcher Dr Jessica Salvatore, says: “Across a series of designs using Swedish national registry data, we found consistent evidence that genetic factors primarily explained the intergenerational transmission of divorce”.
Despite the significant social impact of divorce, the discovery of gene-related or even gene-determined divorces hasn’t had much of an impact on the general public. But in the case of suicide, where lives are lost, and the immediate impact on friends and family are more distinctly identifiable, this study might help us to reflect on how much of our lives are a choice and how much is determined.
Suicide can seemingly come out of nowhere and even the people closest to a suicidal individual can easily miss the warning signs, missing the opportunity to prevent a tragedy. The discovery of a “suicide gene” could be a double-edged sword. On one hand, individuals could more easily identify the need to seek out much need psychological and psychiatric treatment. Likewise, it can also make it easier for loved ones to provide help and develop a support network. On the other hand, it could also label the individual as a “genetic suicidal”. Not only changing how the outside world sees this person, but also as they see themselves, potentially affecting their sense of sense, their self-confidence and making them a lifelong prisoner to this label.
Family
The number of suicides in a family may support the idea of gene-determined suicide and there are a number of historical examples. Take the astonishing and sad case of writer Ernest Hemingway. His father killed himself in 1928. In 1961, Hemingway died by suicide at 62 years old. His brother, sister, and granddaughter Margaux would also take their own lives. Another one of Hemingway’s granddaughters, Mariel, has fought her entire life against both suicidal associations of her surname and her own mental health issues and continues to do so,working with mental health organisations to provide help to those in danger.
The Hemingways are just the tip of the iceberg. The singer Kurt Cobain killed himself at the infamous musical age of 27 years old, following in the steps of two suicidal uncles. The Pulitzer Prize-winning J. Anthony Lukas killed himself in 1997. His mother did the same when the author was just eight years old. Another Pulitzer-winner, the poet Sylvia Plath, died by suicide at only 30 years old in 1963. Her son, who was only one-year-old at the time of her death, killed himself 46 years after, in 2009.
Studies into genetic heritability have “revealed a variant of a gene called RGS2 that appeared more often in those who tried to kill themselves”. On top of which, a study conducted by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, found evidence that the gene for what is called “brain-derived neurotrophic factor” is related to suicidal behaviour.
Choice
If you discover that you have the gene or protein, the same genes and proteins that give you 87% of chance of developing breast and ovarian cancer, you can make the brave and difficult decisions to have the affected organs removed. But if you discover that you have the suicide gene, what can you do?
If chemotherapy and similar treatments are not even guaranteed to save you from cancer, would you put your faith in therapy and drugs – that are less researched and less understood – to save you from suicide? Would your family and friends share your faith?
Each day science finds new ways for us to live better and longer lives. But it can also throw doubt on how much freedom we have to design our life considering how much we are influenced by our genes. These discoveries are changing the boundaries between behaviour and illness, and how we deal with them forever. If getting a divorce is genetic, if suicide is genetic, can it be considered an illness in the same way cancer is? How much do you want to know about your genetic composition? How much do you want the world to know about your genetic composition? And what’s more: how can you deal with this information in a healthy and beneficial way?
Additional reporting by Richard Worth
Samantha Rebelo 3rd December 2017
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting help. You never know when you have depression since it's not just a switch that, when turned on, tells you that you're depressed. I was suffering from this for 5 whole years without ever realizing it, and it got to this point where my life has fallen apart. I wish I had realized this when I was young, so I could have gotten help and support and prevent all of this from happening. I always had issues with asking others for help, even for small things. I was scared, or felt like I would just make people angry with my problems, no matter what they were. It's currently 7 am, and I stayed up all night crying in bed. Though today I'm going to visit a psychologist for the first time in my life, and I hope it'll be my turning point.
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self.depression
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Depression and Relationships
Coping with depression is hard. Period. Trying to be in a relationship while depressed is fucking terrifying.
I've been suffering with manic depression on and off for years. I was finally in a pretty decent mental space for the first time in a while. I weened myself off anti depressants and anti anxiety medications, as well as my sleeping medication. I started dating an awesome guy who I adore. It was great. Then... life went to shit. Lost my job and the year anniversary of my mother's death came and went. I also think the effects of quitting all medication kicked in. My mental stability spiraled.
This guy is great. I adore him. I'm certain the depression is going to push him away. As much as I try communicating how/why I feel the way I do, he seems to feel responsible. I also shut down often and my anxiety is through the roof. I know I am not my best self and I'm trying to get there on my own. I love his company and appreciate his kindness and support, but I don't want him to bear the weight of my mental imbalance. It's something I need to get through on my own.
Does anyone have any suggestions on finding a healthy balance? Tips on communicating when you just want to cry and run away or curl up in a ball and sleep for 80 hours straight? I don't want to ruin a good thing because I'm in a rough patch, or create a self fulfilling prophecy because I'm stuck in my head.
How do other people manage?
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self.depression
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I want to kill myself. :27f I am completely terrified of messing it up, and surviving with a poor quality of life. I don’t want to hurt my mom, but I can’t talk to her about it. I tried to tell my boyfriend, but he doesn’t take me seriously. No one is taking me seriously. I have tried asking for help. I tried explicitly telling my boyfriend how down I feel, and “it’s always about me- always about how I feel”. I guess he’s sick of it.
The only way anyone will finally realize how bad I feel is if I try it- but I’m afraid. I’m a nurse, I know how badly it can turn out.
Please someone listen.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I confessed I was raped as a child. Nobody believes me. And I want to die.
EDIT: Thank you all for the support. Let me explain a little further: The fact that anybody believes me in my family is because my abuser was my chilhood bestfriend's father, who was also my family's doctor. He was a really close friend to my family and I often went to his place to play and sleep with my friend, because I was in a verbally and physically abusive family and needed a break. But I do have a boyfriend who understands me and support me and my therapist helped me a lot too.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like a waste of space. All I ever do in my free time is play games and watch movies. I did terrible in school and now I have to take extra classes just to get enough credits to graduate. I've got no friends and have only done one social activity in the past few months, most of my time is spent gaming. I don't want to go to college because I know I'm just going to fail anyways and put myself in debt.
I've been feeling like I'm just a waste of space for the past few years now. I know that I'm never going to amount to anything in life so I just go along with whatever happens to me. Some days I just wish I'd drop dead so this shit can all be over.
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self.offmychest
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My issues with showering have gotten worse recently. Looking for any tips/advice that might help. To start off I’ll say I’ve always had a weird showering schedule. When I was little I loved showering, not just to be clean or feel the warm water and relax. It was a sort of escape where I could pretend I was somewhere else, put myself up on a watery stage, sing loud and proud when no one else was around. This escape however meant my showers took way longer than they needed to be so I was often scolded, rightfully so, to not take so long or waste water. Eventually I would plan to take my shower when no one else was around so I couldn’t be monitored for how long my stay in the bathroom was. Oftentimes this was easy - both my parents worked till the early evening and my brother would often go out with friends straight after school whereas I came directly home off the bus. As time went on and I got older my depression began to solidify though this was years before I even knew what depression really was. Showering became less frequent - both due to a simple lack of caring or want to do other things with my time that would require less energy and the fact that my mother’s work schedule changed to her working from home 3 days a week. At least then, whilst living at home, I had my parents to urge me to take a shower. My father even suggested I take our birds into the bathroom to sit on the curtain rod with me so I wouldn’t feel so alone. This worked for a time until I got into high school and my budding depression acquired a new friend: my eating disorder. I struggled with the symptoms of my anorexia for years before admitting I had a problem and sought help but for all those years leading up to treatment the simple act of taking a shower went from a somewhat enjoyable chore to a terrifying task. Back then we had our old clunky water heater and you’d have to let the water run for about 5 minutes to allow it to warm up. I took this as an opportunity to step on the scale and stare endlessly into our wall sized mirror, checking each and every flaw from every angle, taking pictures of things I “liked” to document progress alongside things I hated to remind myself what still needed work. Obviously this process took more than 5 minutes and eventually my dad noticed and once again I’d have to wait until no one was around to have my obsessive “me time”. Sometimes it took so long by the time I actually got in the shower the water would run cold by the time I was on my conditioner and I’d get out with soap still in my hair and on my body. I didn’t care, as long and I’d taken the necessary pictures and had weighed myself at least 5 times; before and after showering.
Around 3 years into college I moved in with my boyfriend. By this time my eating disorder had manifested deeply and I had taken on new behaviors that required I be even more sneaky than usual. I won’t go into detail to avoid triggers but needless to say I often relied heavily on the noise of the shower and fan running as well as the knowledge that I could get in and get clean after doing certain things to feel at ease. Showering had now taken on yet another new niche in my life but was still far from just a normal ritual to get clean.
It’s been 4 years since moving out, I received treatment for my ed for around 3 months and have been somewhat consistently in therapy and on medication since but my issues with showering have always remained a treacherous mountain to overcome. I got better for a while. Showering once a week and taking body showers if I had gotten to dirty at work or from working out, etc. . Sometimes I’d just put it off and not shower for two weeks but it was never really longer than that. However, recently I’ve fallen back into a cycle of what I can only describe as not caring. I mean I know I’ll feel gross and dirty, I’ll want so badly to wash my hair and just soak knowing I’ll come out feeling refreshed and renewed but I just can’t seem to bring my physical body to comply. As with other aspects of my life there seems to be this disconnect between what I suppose is the “real me” in my head and whoever pulls the strings to cause action in the real world. It’s gotten so bad that, as I sit here writing this I can tell you I haven’t showered in 3 weeks other than a few short body showers and some desperate baby wipe “showers” in between. I want to overcome this. I feel gross and embarrassed when I’m in public and even when I’m alone. I’m afraid to have sex with my boyfriend because I feel so nasty. But still nothing compels me to just get in that damn shower. A part of me worries I’m subconsciously trying to make my exterior seem as unappealing as I believe my interior is, somewhat like wanting to be extremely thin was in part, for me, to look as sick as I felt.
Please, any tips or advice would be very much welcome. I don’t want this to go on any longer. I’m 26 years old, an adult. I should be able to be responsible for my own hygiene at least.
TL;DR Have a history of aversion to showering that evolved over the years. Recently have gotten worse and believe it’s primarily a result of me just not caring enough. Advice?
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self.depression
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Death looks so peaceful, so comfortable... My heart breaks for myself. I've been posting here for over a week now, I've tried to reach to others, my heart breaks for myself and for all of you, none of us deserve this.
At this moment I would prefer for anything, any fucking in my body to hurt, just not to feel this, just to get rid of depression.. this is the (one of the) most fucking horrible things someone can suffer of, it's taken over my life, I can't enjoy anything anymore..
I get so much support, I have people who love me, whereas others have no one and nothing, but I'm still hurting so much, they ask me every day if I'm better, and I want them to stop worrying and not to suffer, so I tell them that yes, it's a bit better today..
but it never is, and that's why I'm trying to be patient with the meds my doctor put on almost 2 weeks ago, but death now looks more comfortable than ever.
The problem is that I don't want anyone to suffer, to be in my pain because of me, specially my parents, I would rather be sent go through hell that cause them any pain, but guys... it's getting so fucking hard, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
I fear that one of these days I might kill myself against my will, if that makes any sense.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont talk sense when manic I literally come up with the most random shit when manic. Its just random sentences that don't fit the context. I would rapidly write statuses with no meaning in them. Or message random people saying random things. People I wouldn't even normally message. This has caused me to be unfriended by a lot of people including family. I just don't understand if this doesn't fit bipolar criteria then what is actually wrong with me? I don't actually talk with subliminal messages or hidden meaning. I just write frantically on Facebook all kinds of crap. I can't really give an example but it does sound like a word salad if anything but problem is I don't mean to convey any messagr. In person I'm not so bad in terms of talking gibberish but still kind of bad
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self.bipolar
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Eleven months out of work, clinical depression and anxiety, recoving alcoholic stuck in the biggest rut ever. I see no way out. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sometimes I become painfully aware of just how much anxiety has shaped my life. Sometimes when I'm very nearly anxiety free (usually drug induced in some way) I realize how much better my life could be or still could go if it were the case all of the time. My thoughts feel clean and flow naturally, I can speak well, and articulate exactly what I want to perfectly, I can be comfortable in the presence of others and not be so fucking hard on myself. People like being around me as well, just like they did before this mess started about ten years ago. Now all's I do is isolate to feel as comfortable as possible. It makes me not even want to be alive, I don't feel like I'm really living. I'm just hyperventilating my way though each day of racing thoughts until I die of old age in my shitty one bedroom apartment when I'm 70 or whatever. It's just not fair at all.
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self.Anxiety
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Is this an illness or just too much creative interpretation? [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do I tell my professor that I am unmotivated, depressed and have yet to write my 3000 word paper that is due tomorrow. Hi guys, I need some help. I am so angry at myself, I am a senior in college. The past month, my depression has gotten terrible. I have been unable to find an opening to meet with my therapist for medications, and I have been sleeping in too late to make it to my professor's office hours. I am pretty ashamed of myself. I have had no motivation to do work as well, and have been stressed with finding a full time job and my response has been to just not do anything and lay around.
I thought I would be able to crack the paper down the past week, and I told myself I wanted to go to his office hours, but I did not. I went to the writing center for help with brainstorming, but that failed.
I am writing this because, it is 12:49 am, and I have writer's block on a paper that is 3000 words and is due at 11:30 am tomorrow. I am mentally exhausted and need to sleep, and I am freaking out. Nothing is coming to my head.
I have been sick a few times in class because I did not want to go and my professor let me make up the readings, but how can I tell my professor what is up, and why I can't make office hours and that I need help, I am still confused and I need an extension. I did really badly on the last paper and I can't afford to do terrible again.
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self.depression
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What (if anything) are you looking forward to next year? I can’t think of one thing to be excited about or one thing I want to do. There’s no place I want to go. I wish I had one thing to look forward to. Does anyone have anything?
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self.depression
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I swore i would die first, it's time I can't fucking believe I hit my son. After all the shit I dealt it growing up, I swore to die before I ever hit my children. I'm a piece of shit. A worthless piece of shit, just like was always beat into me. It was fucking true. They will be better off without me if I can't even control myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Social anxiety & awkwardness Hi. So. i guess i’ve sort of developed social anxiety in result to bullying, and things like that in my life. But, sometimes i do believe it’s something beyond that. I’ve always been really bad at picking up on things socially.
Things like knowing what to say and finding an appropriate physical response to something is very difficult. Am I making too much eye contact? Should I cry? Smile? Laugh? I never really know. i’ve been told i laugh inappropriately at things a lot. Also the worst thing ever is having an ‘intellectual’ conversation. i never seem to be able to memorize, concentrate, or retain information much, even if I enjoyed something. Which always makes me feel like a ‘fake fan’ or something.
It’s been like this my whole life - me doing the wrong things and never rly knowing. It’s why I was labeled as ‘slow’ and ‘lacking common sense’.
Anyway. yeah. normal day to day interactions can be tough. i’m wondering if this is even anxiety related, actually.
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self.Anxiety
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If I'd Just Let Him Kill Himself, Maybe Everything Would've Been Okay. My brother is an asshole, there is no other way about it. Ever since I can remember, I've avoided him. Even when I was a little kid, I'd go out of my way not to talk to him because whenever I'd try he'd beat me up, make fun of me, and if that didn't work he would manipulate my parents into punishing me for no reason. So, for most of my life, he's just been nothing more than a flatmate I see every now and then but try my best to avoid bumping into.
So, at 14 when he began selling drugs out of our house at midnight... I didn't care. At 16, when he started to steal money from my parents... I didn't care. At 17, when he smashed up the bathroom due to his 'roid rage'... I didn't care. At 18, after he'd gambled his way into debt and threatened my Mom to take out a second mortgage... I tried my best not to care. But as I reflect on my life with him, I can see, quite clearly, he's terrorizing the house. It's uncomfortable for any of us to exist in peace whilst he's around. I mean, hell, we can hardly sleep because most nights he stumbles in at 4am, off his face on cocaine, and makes as much noise as he possibly can in order to wake my Mom up in order for her to make him something to eat because "she might as well because she's up anyway". Seriously, I cannot describe how much I loathe this freak. I've fantasized so many times of him getting hit by a car and not making it home, or crashing into a lamppost whilst on the way to a club. He's a real piece of shit and everyday I want to shoot myself in the head whenever he opens his ignorant little mouth to spit whatever bile he has on his mind today.
Anyway, last year, whilst walking past his room, I saw him taping a gas mask to his face which was connected to a can CO2 -- I walk in, and it turns out he wants to commit suicide. To the day, I don't know why I talked him out of it. It bothers me continuously. Because I know, I know that if he'd did this... the family would've been happier.
For one, my Mom would have money she could spend on herself again, I won't get a black eye every other week, my Dad won't need to secretly cry in the shed because of how much he hates his life now. I'd even wager my dog would've have been put down -- this year, he was diagnosed with cancer too late and needed to be put down. But that vet visit was AT LEAST, AT LEAST 4/5 months later than it should've been. Why? Because none of us had the money to pay for it since my asshole brother had already put my Mom on debt, and the petty cash me and my Dad put aside for things like this had been stolen... later we'd find out it was him who stole it to by some MDMA.
He treats us all like commodities and just uses my Mom/her sister like they mean nothing to him. He pits them against each other in "caring competitions"; basically, the one that gives in the fastest to his monetary demands is the better person... and they fall for it everytime, why? Because he knows that they still see him as just a little kid... but he's not a "LITTLE" kid, he's fucking 22! 22! He has a job, we all have jobs! But he's so fucking entitled he thinks that he can blow all his money and then beg for more from my Mom!
This is just scratching the surface... I've yet to mention his fucked up obsession with bringing girls back with his door open so we all have to hear and then interact with these strangers after he's kicked them out. He's made my Dad give them rides home, beaten me up to take money to hire taxi's, and god knows what he's done to my Mother for a couple of bucks. He's such a fucked up little narcissist, that spends all his time lifting weights (not that there anything wrong with wanting to keep fit), flexing in the hallway mirror; blocking everybody from getting back because "the hallway has much better lightning". Fuck, that reminds me of another time he forced a friend of mine (who studies cinematography) to shoot video of him flexing for "Instagram", he promised to pay him a fee once the video was edited... of course, he didn't. And I ended up footing the bill since I didn't want to loose a friend over this shit.
There's clearly something mentally wrong with him but I don't give a fuck. I just want him gone. Or I want to be gone. I hate him with so much passion, I'm starting to forget what it's like to be happy.
I've never liked him, I've never been close with him. Everytime I see his face I just want to spit in it. I'm disgusted by him.
I honestly think that his suicide may have been the best thing that ever happened to this family but I talked him out of it. I don't even know why.... FUCK!
Tl;dr: Brother has always been a huge asshole, one day tried to kill himself, I stopped him... regret it a lot.
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self.offmychest
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Everyone else I know with depression is doing better than me I'm not the only person I know who's depressed. Pretty much all of my online friends have it. One of them I know for a fact is leagues worse off than I am, both in mental health and situation life forced them into. And they're all doing better than me.
They're running sites. Getting jobs. Having social lives. I can't even post on a bloody roleplay site on a regular basis when roleplay is *something I like to do.* I can't even blame it on the depression because *they're* all depressed and they're *fine.* If they do struggle with it, they don't show it.
Depression sucks because it tells you that you're a lazy worthless piece of shit who should kill yourself, and it's impossible to tell depression-laziness and inability from regular incompetence. I don't know what's my fault anymore.
Not that it even matters. None of them talk to me anymore. I'm depressing. I'm boring. I don't do anything with my life. And I complain. I have no right to complain when none of them complain to me, either. I used to be a sounding board. I used to be someone to confide in, to listen, to empathize. Now I'm not even that. No one even vents to me anymore, so every single time my control slips and I talk about my various "problems", it's selfish and unwarranted. Fucking worthless.
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self.depression
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Do you find great difficulty focusing on work when you have anxiety? I feel like it is always lowering my work effort and general energy level.
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self.Anxiety
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Can't remember if I took my med Should I take it and potentially double dose or not take it and potentially skip a day.
I'm take cipralex( lexpro) if it matters.
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self.Anxiety
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So I ended up going to a club tonight and it was a success (long possible triggers) [deleted]
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self.depression
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What are the best careers/jobs for people with anxiety? There’s obvious bad jobs for people prone to anxiety and panic attacks, but what about jobs that are lax, have shorter hours, etc? Have any of you had any luck finding a good fit?
Personally, I’m at university so I would like to do something academically focused but most careers coming out of university are extremely demanding and unforgiving of a slower-paced lifestyle.
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self.Anxiety
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Suicide attempt I've just been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar. I'm in the uk and it's incredibly difficult to get a diagnosis.
After repeatedly trying to contact the hospital I was basically told to go away.
I called them back and told them that I felt very unsafe, that I had the medication and planned to OD.
After being told to just call Samaritans or accident and emergency I took the pills, this was on top of a bottle of tequila, half a bottle of rum and half a gram of coke. Miraculously I've come out of this unscathed physically but the damage I've done to my friends and family is so huge I can't even bare to think about it.
I'm just so desperate to feel better, getting wasted is all I have that makes me feel... anything.
My doctor has now told me to go cold turkey until they can figure out what medication to put me on.
Does anyone have any experience going cold turkey?
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self.bipolar
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As an incel. I don't feel bad for people that have financial issues due to kids. Given how difficult it is to actually have kids in the first place. It just doens't make sense that it could be done "accidentally". Nope I'm sorry. there were a bunch of decisions involved. And you messed up. You'll get no sympathy for me.
Honestly though. I'm just salty since sex is something that isn't available to me. If I can't have it then at least I can reap the benefits of not having as much as a burden in my life. I will drive my tesla roadster with a very strong right hand.
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self.offmychest
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Devoured by guilt. So kind of a long post but I needed to get this off my chest somehow.
It's as it says in the title, I'm suffering from tremendous guilt for something I did earlier this year, I've recently started having panic attacks and I want to kill myself over it (I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time but this is making them a lot worse).
Basically, last year I went to Ireland as part of the Erasmus program and as an experience it had its ups and downs, but I went through a particularly rough patch at the beginning of my second semester there. I lost touch with most of the few friends I had made there, got rejected by a girl I fancied, had to move in a new place and couldn't get in touch with my therapist back home. I felt lonely and isolated, envied all those people that have the time of their lives on Erasmus, always partying and getting laid (especially a friend of mine who had gone the year before me. I had feeling for her and we had had a pretty bad falling out right before I left), so I decided to do the absolute worst thing I could have done: call an escort. Found her through a big website that seemed respectable , she was nice to me but the experience was honestly pretty bad and left me feeling even worse. I got a bit of STD paranoia right afterwards (even though the sex was obviously protected) so I got tested but thankfully it all turned out fine. I really didn't think about it much for the rest of the semester as things started to pick up for me, made new friends, started traveling and going out more. I can honestly say the whole thing ended on a high note.
Problems started when I came home and finished sorting out all the stuff for my uni. I found myself going back more and more to that experience, feeling shittier and shittier about it, I thought I was pathetic, a failure and weak and I couldn't forgive myself. To make matters even worse, I recently found out sex workers in Ireland are often victims of human trafficking, which I (naively) thought was only the case for street prostitutes and not independent ones like the one I went to (the apartment was kind of bad, but it was near the center of town and she didn't look or act like she was being mistreated or anything. I don't know, I just have the feeling there was something sketchy behind it). Now I feel like a monster, guilt has become unbearable and I want to end my life to make it stop. I can't sleep, have panic attacks and have resumed my self-harming behaviors.
Either tomorrow or the day after my parents and my sister are going away to spend new year's eve at my father's hometown, I plan to hold out until then call the psychiatry ward of my local hospital and tell them my situation, I've looked through my options and this seems like my best bet to get some help at this time. My therapist works there, I haven't seen him in months and never told him about this thing (only a few close friends know) but even if it isn't him I just need to talk to a professional, I feel things might end badly if I don't.
Thanks in advance for the patience and have a nice Christmas.
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self.SuicideWatch
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And ... Now ... Latuda. So I gained 12 pounds in two weeks on Depakote and it didn't control my mood at all, in fact I started getting kind of paranoid, and my pdoc took off the Depakote and put me on Latuda.
I'm not against taking it, but I'm terrified to take the scrip to the pharmacy because I don't want to know how much it is going to cost.
EDIT: Fuck. Copay is SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. I filled the prescription by putting it on my credit card and then called my pdoc and left him a message telling him that was not going to be sustainable.
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self.bipolar
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Baited into humiliation, mental ward, ridiculed and shamed for it [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Being at in that state of depression that your not screwed enough to deserve pity but not well enough to function. My story. Share insigth. So here i am pouring my heart out in a last atempt to get well.
Be me born with a cancer that you only get when youre a todler.
3 years old and in the hospital because of it. One year in the hospital and all seems fine.
Go back to pre school, spend two years there, make friends. Cancer strikes again at 6 years right at the end of pre school.
Go back to the hospital, 2 years this time around.
Come back to second year of basic school none of my friends even remember me because i was away so long and i cant make new friends and i cant make new ones because i cant go and play outside because im still recovering.
Parents organize play dates at home and i actually manage to make friends again by playing videogames at home.
Manage to hold this way untill basic school is over. During higschool friends start skateboarding and such things and i cant join because im still doing check ups and operations to make sure the cancer doesnt come back again. They still come around to play SEGA now then but not as often, start to to feel like the weak link in the group.
Staying at home most of the time playing by myself and start to realize how things really were when i was in the hospital. My grandparents on my dad side blamed my mother for my cancer. And my dad being a mommas boy didnt say nothing. Wich was leading my mother in to depression. Try to defend her every chance i see this happen.
Eventually my friends start rebelling like any teenager and i choose not go with them. I cant do that to my mother after what she went trough for me. Become even more distancieted from my friends.
Be 15 and got my first girlfriend, we dated for a weekend until i found out se only was with me to be able to talk to my best friend at the time. He told me, i confronted her, she admited and we broke up.
My father cheats on my mother (who already had trauma with because my grandfather cheated on my grandmother and left her and my uncles more broken than theyll ever admit) shortly after that. I try to manage the situation because i know my mother would have a nervous breakdown if left alone. The husband or boyfriend (i dont even know), of the woman my father cheated with comes around and my father just hides, he catches me and treathens me since he couldnt get to my father. I end up at the police station pressing charges alone at 15.
My friends all went in to drugs and party heavily ending up failing grades. Since we had our seats asigned by numbers back then i was able to make friends with the girl i was seated next to because i was good at math at the time. I was 16 at the time.
It was a good friendship at a time, but she was a girl and i was a boy. I got feellings for her and i confessed only to be rejected. Normal thing to happen but at the time i was weak from the regular treatments and was very skinny and ended up being bullied. She started to keep her distance, she was still nice to me but the friendship was gone. Ended up failing that year because i felt it was just to much. I was used and reject with my two experiences with woman and the relation i was suposed to look foward having , parents, was a wreck, i had no faith in love anymore.
Go back to school anyway, being bullied. Manage to make friends in class but just school friends, not those you invite to your house.
Spend most of the days at home, now with a sister. Since i was mostly at home i start saving my lunch money, for months, in order to save 380 euros to buy a ps3. Got to 300, mom comes and says money is running short and if i can help with any of my savings. I hand her all the money, these things happens after all, the country was starting to get in a economic crisis at the time.
I start saving again but when i got to around 200 euros i had to hand over the money again.
Manage to hold on like this untill my eigthent birthday. This girl from my class doesnt leave my side the whole afternoon at a school fundraiser where the student manage a class stall to get money from our higschool graduation trip. I was still getiing over the last rejection. I was friends with this girl, but i didnt like her that way. Start thinking "Oh what the hell youre young, so what you dont love her. Youll treat her right. Its not like anyones meets the love of their life at the first try". Kissed her that day, ended up dating. One week after we have sex, im feeling pretty good since i lost my virginity bur she starts crying. "im sorry im such a pig,im not a virgin because i was raped when i was a kid, you probably want to leave me now." I feel like shit, and imeaditilly swear to myself to never have sex with a girl im not in love with. I calmed her down and reassured her.
We dated for a couple months but with me handling things at home. My father was depressed because he lost his job due to the economic crisis and my mother being paranoid about everything my father did, because he cheated on her. With all that and me not loving the girl, i had to let her go. But i did in such a way so it seemed that was her decision. I owed her that.
Back to being alone. Hold friends still call but only when they need help with something or need someone to talk to (girlfriend problems and such, always been a good advisor at that). Managing the situation at home so it doesnt get out of bounds and trying to give my sister the impression that nothing is wrong.
End up failing the final year of higschool because i had no motivation to study. Around this time my mother lost her job too.
So now my parents are both unemployed and depressed. I take on a job, help in my grandparents field (it helped shorten the food bill) and help my sister with school stuff during the day. At night i take classes to finish higschool.
A year goes by like this, both my parents manage to get a job. I finish higschool and got decent grades in my college entrance exams. But feel a litle hesitant going to college and leaving my parents without me to keep thing together and leaving my sister to face reality.
End up going to college. At this point i push people away because i dont want to get hurt anymore. End up making small talk about a little of everything and managing to socialize with eveyone. Also being in a dark spot like i have i take it upon myself to help every misfit i come along. Even having some of them admiting they had tried suicide because they couldnt fit in.
Then this girl comes around. First time i had a friendship like that. We would finish each other senteces, we never ran out of conversation. And she kept pushing at that barrier i had to not get people get close and i ended opening up with her. Then the same thing happened i fell in love with her. I freaked out for a month, i didnt want the friendship to be ruined. I kept the feelings to myself and even tried to get her to be together with her crush.
Her crush rejected her and eventually i couldnt hold on anymore and told her how i felt, but said that i just wanted her to know, if she didnt feel the same i would never try anything.
She panicked a little, and was awkward for a time. I got the hint and started giving her some distance. Bur she kept calling me to hang out and i went even if it felt awkward. Then she suddenly stoped talking to me. I found her at a party and asked her to talk to me, to explain what had happened. She said she would the next day but never showed. I texted her and she didnt reply. Next thing i know im being called stalker around campus.
Ended up failing most of my classes from my second semester of college because of that.
Situation at home still the same. No will to live.
Now in the second year of college and im failling most of my classes because i cant think straight. But i dont know if what life i can make if i drop out because i dont know why, people dont want to be my friends. I just dont connect and when i do stuff like that happens.
If you read it all thank you. I have been to various therapists and they all endeded up saying "focus on school" wich is something i cant do right now. Im studying Psichology right now.
22 years old. Im in a dark spot, but not one thats common enough to generate pity and support. I also left some details out on the college story that hurt and would only drag it more.
If you have anything to say feel free.
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self.depression
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I feel so vindicated seeing all the negative Yelp and Google reviews former patients gave a doctor I recently visited. I'm dealing with something happening to my body and I'm not sure what it is. I went to an urgent care doctor because I've broken out in a rash all over my body in under 24 hours. The doctor was abrasive, rude, yelled in my ear, and was patronizing. The doctor also made fun of me getting a steroid shot in my butt. I could hear her and the staff laughing about how funny it was, but it was really rude to do it while I was 3ft away. When she came back in the room she said, "You're probably real sore from getting your butt thingy" and smirked. I just nodded and she trailed off and continued to speak to me in an abrasive manner.
I left the office knowing I'd never go back there, but I thought, "Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe she was just bad at jokes". Once I thought about how scared, vulnerable, humiliated and I felt I cried a little. I don't know why my skin looks like this and to be made fun of by professionals about it sucked.
So I checked Yelp and Google to see what reviews were made about the office and doctor. Everyone who saw the doctor I visited left scathing and negative reviews about her. Some were so bad they cried during the visit and ran out the room because of her unprofessionalism.
And I feel vindicated. I was worried I was making it up or being too sensitive, but I wasn't. I don't like that they also had bad experiences, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
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self.offmychest
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How Do coffee (or other stimulants) affect you? Hey all. I only recently (two weeks ago) got a provisional diagnosis of BP2 with rapid cycling, and from what I've observed, I definitely think that's accurate. To a point. I'm meeting with a psychiatrist for a second opinion in January, because that's the fucking soonest they could get me in, for formal diagnosis and possible medication. :( My feelings are so torn on that.
Anyway, since I'm now starting to track my moods (thanks, eMoods!), I've started tracking the numbers of cups of coffee I drink in the morning. If I'm not hypomanic, it just perks me up and makes me alert, but I suspect that being in a particularly hypomanic state right now is changing my reaction the caffeine and possibly exacerbating my symptoms.
Like, for me, my symptoms show in very intense very focused "spurts" of energy and emotion. Earlier today I was just so fucking happy to look at the park and to be going on a walk, and earlier tonight I was just so fucking pissed at myself for something or other...it comes and then it's gone, but the underlying high-energy state is still there.
How does coffee affect you?
Bonus question: It's very early in my diagnosis, but with one of the symptoms being so-called "psychomotor agitation", I want to ask how this manifests in yourself if it does? For me I think that constantly bouncing my leg, twitching my hand, or when I'm feeling particularly energized wanting to jump or suddenly sprinting are signs that this is happening, but I haven't seen much else on this particular symptom on the net.
I'm sorry if this is out of place. I'm just trying to get all the information I can to help me identify what the hell may be going on in myself so I have this information to talk to the therapist with, and the experiences of other people with bipolar is a major resource to me.
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self.bipolar
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Husband getting better & I'm getting worse I have wrestled with depression on & off for most of my life. Besides a few suicide attempts more than 15 years ago generally I am able to still function in daily life. My husband also has depression & anxiety. He was getting really bad after we recently moved from the East Coast where he grew up to the West Coast where I'm from. I encouraged him to see a psychiatrist and re-start medication & therapy. Its working great for him & he's starting to get better. I, on the other hand, am getting worse. I don't enjoy anything right now. I am highly irritable and have a hair trigger to my anger. I am isolating myself at work. I see it all happening but I am not interested in medication or therapy. I was in therapy for many years in the past & it was helpful to get over my mom's death when I was 19. I have been on meds off & on & I never really felt them to be helpful. The last time I was in a funk like this exercise & a goal helped, but right now I barely have the energy. I feel stuck. He's expressed his concern lately, but there's nothing he can do about it. Just needed to vent....
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self.depression
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We need to address the "Bipolar vs. BPD" issue. I've been seeing a lot of posts here lately that really concern me... not just as a moderator, but as someone who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in addition to Bipolar. And now that I'm getting PMs and modmail about this exact issue, I feel like we need to talk about it.
**I do not think people with BPD, or other personality disorders, should be made to feel uncomfortable here.** And when someone posts here claiming their diagnosis is "super-duper-rapid-cycling bipolar" and their medication isn't working, I would not tell them they probably have BPD.
Because... what does that mean? The saying I like to say about myself is that I'm "the kind of crazy a pill can't fix."
Anyway. I saw a couple of people make comments saying that BPD is untreatable, that even DBT doesn't do that much. As a guy who has tried to employ DBT techniques himself (too poor for an actual program) I can say that not only has this helped me more than any form of CBT, but it's helped me "tone down" my BPD tendencies altogether. Given that I was destroying nearly every relationship I had, I can't help but be grateful for that.
But the facts remain: One, bipolar disorder can manifest in many ways, and none of us here are professionals capable of providing diagnostic advice. Two, even within a community of people with mental illness, the stigma of other, less treatable disorders still remains. I don't want that on here, and I'm pretty sure the other mods don't either.
There's a ton more I want to say about this issue, but I want to put this up first so I can get you all to chime in and see what direction this goes in. I'm really looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say about this subject, since it's about time it needs to be addressed.
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self.bipolar
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I need some reassurance Usually I can dismiss some outlandish thoughts but lately they have been getting too hard to control and dismiss. Tonight I can't get the idea that the United States is about to be bombed and many people are going to be killed and that I need to go north to be safe. But part of me knows this isn't true and I just need to calm down and let these feelings subside but it's causing me to be really on edge and scared and I can't sit still because I want to leave but know I'm overreacting. Could any of you guys give me some reassurance that everything is okay and also tell me if you guys feel like this sometimes and that I'm not alone with this. It's scary as fuck and I don't wanna tell anyone and you guys are always super nice and understanding
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self.bipolar
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Xanax. Benzos. Whatever--why can't I get them anymore? I'm on disability for GAD and Bipolar I. I'm on Buspar, gabapentin, depakote, propranolol, and Effexor. I still fucking deal with anxiety attacks here and there, and I've asked my doctor to prescribe something for these bouts on an AS-NEEDED basis he demurred, stating that in New Jersey I would have to
> forfeit my license to drive
?!?!
If I got a prescription for Xanax.
Also, I have never had an issue with addiction to Xanax. I've always only taken it on an as-needed basis.
What the fuck is going on? Is my doc just covering his ass?! How do I get heard?!?
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self.Anxiety
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How to deal with rejection How do you handle rejection when you know that will be the outcome? Is it best to just avoid the situation anyway then or??
Telling someone you have feelings for them but being 99.99999% sure they will reject you is my topic. I am just unsure if I should bother saying anything anyway and if so, what do I do when I get rejected so I don't feel awful about myself etc
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self.Anxiety
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I hate 50% of people Random males spit on me, hit me, push me down the stairs, give me the stink eye, my father said my face was a "natural disaster". I have difficulty interacting with my female friends because they can't understand me and the males they've set me up with in the past have either left me waiting or let me pay for the club ticket only for them to slink off to flirt with girls that have acceptable faces.
And he's right, I'm the result of genes that should never be put together. And 50% of the world's population deeply hates me.
But I can't kill myself because I feel I need to take care of someone that relies on me. Like, I'm trapped and nobody has even an ounce of understanding of what I go through.
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self.offmychest
|
Paroxetine (Paxil) Been taking paxil for 3.5 months. Was on 20mg for the first 3 months but realized it wasn't making my ocd as controllable as I was hoping. I decided to go to 40mg to try and see if that would help more. As of the last few days, I've been feeling "gray" for emotions. Normally I'm a rollercoaster when it comes to emotions but now I don't feel them as I used to and am concerned. Will this gray period pass or should I drop back down to 20mg?
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm not dead. I'm trying my best now to get a full recovery First off sorry to anyone in this sub who messaged me or was worried about what I posted before. I haven't even come on here besides to see the front page. I didn't hang myself although I was really close too. It would've been my third attempt and even though shit sucks right now I'm trying my best not to. Thank you for whoever attempted to talk me out of it, I read them all. Here's to all of us getting better and living our lives to the fullest
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self.depression
|
Anyone else feel like solitude is daunting yet comforting? I constantly hear people saying things like, "If you see someone sitting alone, go talk to them!" or, "They look so lonely, they need a friend!" but that is the opposite of what I want. When i sit alone, I want to be unbothered, and when someone I've never seen before comes up to me and says, "You look lonely" or just tries to have small talk, its so uncomfortable and I find it almost offensive that they see me as the weird kid who sits alone, sad, with no friends. Don't get me wrong, having people who genuinely care and make me happy is great, but its sad how people go out of their way to try and be nice to me, and it only fuels anxiety and causes me to feel so exhausted. I wish I could never leave my house ever to avoid any negative social situations. Can anyone else relate?
|
self.depression
|
FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
|
no one's gonna touch me. i'm a foreveralone with suicidal depression. i need to be held, by fucking anyone at this point. i don't have the money for a prostitute otherwise thats what i'd do. i posted a craigslist ad but im a random 32 year old man and no one's gonna be sympathetic probably. i need to be touched. i don't know what to do.
i cannot leave the house, i cannot and do not care anymore to develop social skills to find a woman, nor would any woman want to date an unemployed balding 5'6" suicidal depression sufferer on disability. i am at a breaking point to be completely honest. what do i do. i want to be held and stroked and comforted physically. i swear to god i am not looking for sex. i don't have my dog with me anymore. my family won't let me live with them.
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self.depression
|
How do you help anxiety about terminal illnesses I.e ALS, Cancer, Alzheimer’s How do you help anxiety about terminal illnesses and full body or even partial paralysis?
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self.Anxiety
|
Why do people joke about depression Today morning I decided that I'd go play some hockey since my classmates invited me to. One of them said that I was looking depressed and started making fun of me and asking me "Haha why are you so depressed just cheer up". I was so fucking close to breaking down. One of them told him to stop and that going into personal things isn't ok and I thanked him and left. I don't know if it's the fact that he thought that he was being funny or something but fuck. I can accept the memes but getting told that I'm just a piece of depressed shit straight to the face hurts.
|
self.depression
|
Friends giving you solutions rather than listening (rant) I find it really hard to express myself and have lately been opening up about how I'm feeling sad - to do with a history of sexual abuse, a dysfunctional family, and more present-day stressors of romantic rejection, work, not being able to visit family over Xmas etc. I guess in a nutshell it just feels like everything is crap - friends, relationships, family, job. It's all accompanied by a dead feeling.
Having said that, what I'm really struggling with is expressing my emotions, and I find it really disappointing when a friend's response is to immediately tell you what to do - eat well, exercise, see a therapist, set this boundary with this person etc etc. I know all of that already. I just want to be listened to, really listened to, by my friends. It feels like I'm being ignored or disclosed, or like someone is judging my life.
Rant over. Thought it'd be good to hear of anyone relates to this.
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self.depression
|
Work harder No i don't want that. i don't want to work 50hr a week, or even more. Because apparently the 40 hr work week is out. But the pay will be the same. I don't want that. I don't want to live to work. Working 50 or more hours a week just to be able to survive. But nothing more. Am i not normal?
|
self.depression
|
Generalized Anxiety Disorder and being at home I'm a victim of GAD, but I don't mean to say that in any form of pity as it doesn't really effect my life to the point of inhibiting. However, for some reason, I feel the need to leave the house at some point every single day. This seems like a normal thing for a busy-body to say, but I'm honestly very lazy and when I leave the house for even as little as 30 minutes, I'm completely content with being home the rest of the day. Anyone else experience this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I cant deal with being ugly so im killing myself Jesus christ im 17 and I saw the ugliest fucking picture of me I look like a 40 year old lady what the fuck I'm literally killing myself this weekend I'm DONE fuck this fuck my genes I'm fucking disgusting why did my parents fucking choose to breed such a piece of shit Jesus im so tired i dont wanna do this anymore i cant live like this i cant look like this I cant im so done please
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self.offmychest
|
I don't know how much more I can take I used to believe human beings are resilient, but the more I observe in my own experience, I realize how fragile life is. For whatever cruel reason, I've witnessed my mother, ex,and countless loved ones lose their ever-loving minds to paranoia or psychosis or drugs. I feel myself also losing grip on reality. I'm constantly traumatized by existential or nihilist thoughts, despite how fucking naive and sensitive I am. I'm just shy of 20 and I'm engaged. Never thought I'd be the type but I found solace in another troubled soul. We've both been working on ourselves and our mental health but some nights I feel so close to just throwing my hands up in the air. I let him down, I let everyone down all the time. I can't get out of my head, I can't see what's clearly in front of me. It's taking a toll on me physically. I can't eat or enjoy food, as sexual as I am, I have a hard time having sex anymore. I am underwhelmed and disappointed in everything. My hair is falling out. I am terrorized by nightmares that don't make any sense and I'm miserable and lost, with no direction really and I'm low on will to keep fighting.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just So Sexually Frustrated I'm just so sexually charged, yet frustrated lately. the past 3-4 months, actually.
Me and my girlfriend are both virgins and have been dating for a few years. She doesn't want to have intercourse. she only wants foreplay stuff. I don't fault her for her preferences and for her being cautious about pregnancy. But I'm just so ready to have actual intercourse.
I don't tell her about my frustration because I don't want to make her feel guilty or bad about something that really isn't her fault. I want to figure something out and communicate, but I don't know how. I'm feeling like a self-centered pervert and I hate it, but I'm just feeling so unsatisfied.
|
self.offmychest
|
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