text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Can’t do anything So I can’t stop sleeping and cutting but that’s not what I’m here for over the past 7 years I’ve been getting worse with my depression and after I started self harming that has escalated also my thoughts have become almost attempts which then have become attempts. I’m scared my life has boiled down to the bare minimum of life and the extreme of my disorders. I don’t go to school right now I don’t work and I can’t drive so I can’t just go be out of the house. Actually I’d say I’m only up about 8 hours in a day half of which are spent in bed. I’m going to therapy but I feel like she’s focusing a lot on what I need to do and not how I’m feeling and why I have no motivation to do anything. I really want to give up like a lot. I recently got out of the hospital for the 3 rd time in 2 years and I’m cutting a lot and idk I’m a mess. Sorry rant.
|
self.depression
|
I just lost my soulmate because of my bipolar disorder and don't know what to do. The panic attacks leave me gasping for air, I can't even breathe. He was everything to me and he left because of how horribly I abused him and I don't know what to do. He keeps promising to talk to me and help me through this then leaving and ignoring me and I can't take it. He keeps saying he's just "too busy" to talk to me, but he's not too busy to hang out with his friends, and talk to girls on OkCupid? He's not too busy to come pick up a package that was sent here, and talk to me for almost 2 hours? But he's too busy to just text me a quick "Are you ok?" Every night I have dreams he's holding me and that we're still together. I don't understand though, how he could say we were soulmates then keep promising to help me and that he still cares about me as a human being but keeps disappearing. For 3 years he begged me to change, begged me to stop being a piece of shit and I didn't. Now that I've finally changed it seems he hates me even more. I'm so confused, I don't know how to feel. He cheated on me while I was in the behavioral hospital, is that something I should be upset about or did I deserve it? He said he was going to go stay at his friends house because he thought it would help the relationship then he just never came back. He didn't even tell me he was done with the relationship. I just need someone to hold me so badly, I need to be comforted but he was literally the only person I had. I can't stop messaging him begging for an explanation or to talk or for help because I'm suicidal and scared. He was literally the only person in the entire world that loved me, I'm completely alone in this apartment now and the only person that's bothered to check on me is my mother who is the same person that abused and raped me. How can you say you still care about me as a human being but a rapist cares more about me and has checked on me more than you? How can you say I was your soulmate but you care less about checking on me than she does? I don't know what to do. Please god I want it to stop. I just want someone to hold me. I need him to hold me so badly, I just need someone to comfort me. Please someone help.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm having cynical and compulsive thoughts over my friend. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
The world is just an awful place full of horrible people. I don't know if I want to be a part of it anymore. Every day is so painful. This will never get better. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel Better But Why Must Life Be A Constant Battle Let go of this girl
Been more open with friends and family
Started thinking it out rationally
but life still a constant battle to do good.
Spend money when im sad, but im in between jobs
Got fired from UPS for trying to be a college student, have a interview tomorrow with another company but I just don't feel good about things going my way.
They don't have to go my way all the time, but if I could feel like Im not a burden to every one i'd be fine
|
self.depression
|
I cant take it anymore I just fucking hate this life. Because of having to live by myself and sometimes with grandmas whos "supposed to take care of me" I cant fucking study because im taking care of her. I already feel like failing and I'm just so fucking stressed and I have no one to talk to because everyone else is busy
I have never felt more suicidal than ever before but I have reasons to keep on going, but apparently theyre not strong enough and they dont even seem reachable, it fucking sucks, I want to kill myself...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just started Citalopram 10mg for depression, feeling weird? My doctor prescribed me [25F] Citalopram Hydrobromide 10mg to help with my depression, suicidal thoughts, and lack of energy/motivation. I don't really have anxiety, except when I'm forced to present in front of my university lecture class, or something to that effect.
I took the first one last night at 6pm, with my birth control pill and some yogurt. I started feeling really weird, where my stomach felt like butterflies, my heart was racing, my head was pounding, and I felt very nauseous. I sat in the bedroom with the lights off sipping water, but the headache didn't go away until the next morning. My boyfriend came home from hockey at 11pm and made a late night snack, so I had some of it, but I felt very sick then too. I thought maybe food would help, but it didn't.
I kept waking up throughout the night too. This morning, I had to leave to go to my friend's house before our classes began, and I felt strange driving and like I wasn't paying attention to the road/controlling myself properly. It was almost like I was driving a little drunk, but I knew that I wasn't. I had to force myself to pay attention to the road.
Are these just normal side effects? I've read that some people cut their 10mg pill down to 5mg to avoid these side effects but I don't want to do anything that might not be "good", you know?
I've read about side effects of Citalopram, but they've been mostly nausea, dry mouth, etc.
|
self.depression
|
Trying to prevent a depressive episode before it happens. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I'm too smart for my own good, my depression is even smarter.. explaining my internal war in depth I understand social human interaction very well and I know with given time I can convince anyone to do anything. I'm able to learn about people and understand their emotions and intentions even beyond what they can understand for themselves. I know that many of us struggle to find a purpose and meaning for our lives and I will confidently say, especially us here on this thread. With all that said, If my heart was dark enough and I had the intention, I could convince many people of suicide by exploiting psychological weaknesses because many of us suffer with something in this world. I could paint strong enough of negative picture of their life and their reality that it would be enough to convince them to end their life's. Now imagine I split into two people, one version of me would be the dark part(depression) that choose to do this exploit and the other version would be the good me getting exploited. I remember a lot of things that happened in my life and unfortunately, I remember ALOT more negative things than I do good things. The dark me(depression) knows this and he is able to logically find ways to tell the good me how meaningless my life is based on these events. I can't escape the dark me because he is smart enough to pick every lock and go thru any wall in my brain, he is always able to find me no matter what I'm doing, why? Because he also IS me. Every time I get help or try out a new medication, The dark me is able to fight it. I once attempted to OD with lots of alcohol and 15 Lorazepam's and even during this dose, I never blacked out and I remember crying to my friends and begging to die. Overall things in my life are going currently very well, but I have a hard time forgiving my mistakes, biggest weight being accidentally impregnating a girl who constantly tells me how much I ruined her life. It's not so much my reality that scares me, its how my mind perceives and learns about the reality that I live in and how its able to convince me Negatively that does. You can twist words around to win many arguments and So can your brain with the reality and experiences of your life.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else get exhausted after an anxiety day? Yesterday I felt general anxiety all day and then at night on the train, my friend and I (both females) sat next to a man (because I had anxiety I was already picking up on some bad vibes from him) on a busy train and he started "playing with himself" and I got up and walked quickly to the next train carriage and he laughed and followed us. So we kept moving from one carriage to the next until we got to the last one. When we got to our stop I told the guard and they said the police would be at the next station to get him.
After all that I'm exhausted today. Does anyone else get the same sort of exhaustion after a long day of anxiety? I'm fine, mentally, but thought the after effects were really interesting. As if I had ran a marathon yesterday.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know where else to post this Not even a throwaway. I'm a horrible shitty and awful person. I have a boyfriend who I have cheated on again and again and again. We've been together 2 years and he just found out I did it again. I've done awful things. I've stolen from my closest friends I've taken advantage of my position at work to do horrible stuff and put the reputation of the people around me at risk. I just see myself as a horrible waste of a person. I feel like killing myself is the only way anymore. My boyfriend was my only friend left since I've fucked over everyone else. And really the more I think about it why do I even want to live? I accept I've done horrible things I've hurt the people who love me more than anything and I feel like if I keep living I'll just be throwing life away and hurting more people. I just can't think of anything else. Why would I stay alive? Isn't it the right thing to do to die when I keep being bad and don't change (I've been like this for many many years, always a liar and cheater and bad person) obviously I must want to be horrible but I can't live with myself knowing I'm such a bad for person. I just want to die and don't see a reason not to do it anymore
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do you cope with severe anxiety in a new relationship Hello! I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months, and everything has been great-- except my severe anxiety (I suffer from severe anxiety and PTSD from sexual assault when younger). He's such a good guy and honestly nothing is wrong. During the last four months, I had to go away for work for two weeks to another country and had some other personal travel. However, I am convinced he is starting to not be interested in me. I try to reassure myself that yes, things are still going fine, he is still 100% in this relationship. I have medication for anxiety but it clouds my head and other green methods of treating it I am taking a break from in my efforts to secure a government clearance. I should also share my last relationship was very emotionally abusive. My ex isolated me from all my friends and was very controlling, but also would get mad at me all the time for liking him too much and for touching him affectionately (this was a few years ago; I was working full time and in graduate school so I was too overwhelmed and unsure of anything to end it until 14 months in). So my question is how do you manage your anxiety in a relationship? Is there any other way besides asking him all the time if we are okay?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Congratulations, guys I don't know if this has been said before, I guess yes because people in this community are just awesome and uplifting, but congratulations to you all, because you made it through another year and another shitty christmas. And I say congratulations because it really is an achievement: as someone who is about to give up I know how hard it is to keep on fighting, and not everybody has the strenght to do it. So once again, I won't ever get bored of saying it, CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. And I really hope your lifes get better at some point. Love you all.
|
self.depression
|
Has anyone taken lamotrigine? I saw my psychiatrist Monday to review the mood charting I had been doing since the last time I'd seen him. We decided I should see a psychiatrist who specializes in sleep disorders since we noticed I sleep 12 to 15 hours a night frequently. He also prescribed lamotrigine to take along with my current dose of Effexor since there was a lot of variation in my moods. Normally I wouldn't be anxious about starting a new medication, but this one has a lot of concerning potential complications so I was wondering if anyone else has taken it and how they liked it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Animal for depression? Do you have an animal to help you with anxiety and depression?
I have been finding myself gravitate towards wanting to get an animal to help myself with anxiety and depression. I have two boys ages 6 and 11 and I think an animal would do them well too, my youngest is the biggest animal lover ever and my oldest has always wanted one.
Do you find them to help with your depression and anxiety? How do? And what do you own?
Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
I'm so nervous for my appointment I got here an hour early. That's one thing I've always been good at, being way too early. Lol, I'm seeing someone at a women's specialty group, idk if it'll make a huge difference but I've found female doctors listen to women better than male doctors do.
I'm hoping she gives me topamax. I've never taken it, but I can't battle more weight gain and I could use some help with weight loss. We'll see, so long as it's not seroquel I'll be A-OK with it. That made me homicidal when I took it.
I hope everyone is having a great day!
|
self.bipolar
|
My dad didn't die of a heart attack. When I was 7 my dad died in his sleep on a business trip. Well tonight, my mom finally revealed to me that he didn't die of a heart attack, he commited suicide. I'm devestated. I feel like I'm starting a whole new grieving process. I'm torn between being angry at him and being sad knowing how bad he was feeling. His doctor prescribed him paxil and told my mom it felt like ants were crawling under his skin so not knowing any better, he stopped taking the pills abruptly. I guess it got the best of him. Anyway this was just something I needed to put out there, thank you
|
self.depression
|
I love him I honestly love him. My stomach flips when I see him, I miss him, I want him around. I love him, I love him, I love him.
|
self.offmychest
|
What book/movie title best describes your mood the last 2 weeks?
|
self.bipolar
|
This may seem immature, but fuck it. I'm sick and tired. If you don't want to read some kid's rant about generic social problems that everyone has to deal with, I would suggest not reading this.
I'm a freshman in high school right now. It's cool for the most part but there's still many holes. Last year was my very first year of education in a public setting after being taught at home for a large majority of my life. This year also saw my first relationship, which lasted for a weekend and ended in complete flames, ruining plenty of social skills of mine and making it hard to find other friends afterward.
This year however, despite being much of an improvement, is still total shit. I spent months preparing to ask a girl out that I actually liked and was into. It took every ounce of courage for me to actually get up there and ask her out. Not only that, but several days of empty promises to myself, such as "I'm gonna do it! I'm finally gonna ask her!" entailed. But eventually I just pulled myself together and asked her. But would you like to know what resulted? She had literally just started dating someone else not even a day before. It was cool for me initially, I was expecting rejection for the most part and I was mostly proud of myself for even putting myself out there in the first place. However, as much as I cringe to myself typing this out, it destroyed me when I saw them together. I still have to see them together every day when we both walk out of theater class. It just sucks. Even if it's not true it always brings up that feeling that I'll never find anyone to be happy with.
But it's not her fault. It's not his either. They make each other happy, and I don't expect them to go out of their way to make me happy.
It's not just her I'm still upset over, though. It's everybody. There's this other girl in the same class, and as nice and fun of a person as she is, I'm upset about her as well. I talked to a friend of mine about her, and the casual "would you date so and so" conversation came up. She came up a few times. This ended up to her eventually finding out that I was going to ask her out, even when I wasn't. It led to not only her telling a bunch of her friends as well as even some of my closest friends how uncomfortable she was, but it led to me getting shot the fuck down without even initiating anything.
Same thing happened with another girl who thought I liked her in the slightest. She avoided me and became very distant towards me, and we barely even talk anymore.
As with all this, even though other people's actions most likely weren't meant to happen the way I interpreted them, I keep centralizing all of these feelings of anger toward myself. As much as I want to believe that this is just typical teenager hormone bullshit that goes away eventually, these feelings of loneliness and frustration have always persisted. It's very, very often that simply going onto social media and seeing other people have fun with one another is enough to make me want to bawl up and cry myself to sleep. It just sucks, man. Even when I make commitments to "improve" myself, whether it be to take a new approach to life, or to act differently, or to dress differently, I always end up falling back into that pit of wondering what I do so wrongly to let things like this happen to me.
You know, maybe I just think of relationships and dating differently than other people. Not to be some person who's all "wow I'm so intelligent and I think and act uniquely, look how smart and cool I am," but I'm sure that I definitely might just interpret what relatonships are and how they work much differently than everyone else. I think I might be more emotionally geared towards relationships than other people are, which is why other people freak out.
A quick little tangent, possibly related: Plenty of people I know keep searching for people to talk to and attention from people in the worst ways. People I know will put on social media that they're really lonely and need someone to talk to, but the moment I try to speak to them they instantly become dismissive and shallow towards me. It seems like some people, despite saying it, don't actually need someone to talk to, but are just publicly aiming to grab the attention of someone specific.
Anyways it's three in the morning so I'm sorry if this is poorly written or too tangent-y but I've been upset about this for a while and typing it out will definitely help me sleep better tonight. If anyone would like to give their $0.02, go for it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anxiety and going to work... Once again I've woken up and called out of work because of my anxiety/ specifically my OCD. I feel an overwhelming sense of dread, my mind can't stop the slew on intrusive thoughts pounding my brain. I'm a massage therapist, I've cancelled on clients so many times it's embarrassing. I had to lie to my manager because I'm not in therapy anymore. Although I did manage to muster up enough courage to call a new therapist and leave a message about getting an appointment. Idk why I'm writing here really, I guess I'm looking for people who understand the personal hell that is anxiety/intrusive thoughts and physical manifestations of it. I've been having a lot of good weeks, I haven't called out expect for when I had the flu. I'm just at a loss sitting here balling my eyes out because that's the only thing that seems to work. I'm sick of this illness controlling me and how I live my life. Therapy is in the works, but right now I'm just looking for some solidarity.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm going to hang myself in my shed tonight. I can't go on anymore. I'm sick of this world. My hatred for myself is so deep, it permeates every part of my existence. I'm a worthless failure. I've failed at attempts to end my life before. I've been hospitalized, medicated, and I've seen doctors and therapists. Nothing will ever stop the desire I have to end my life. I've wanted to for so long. For at least twenty years I've seen no hope for the future. I've had fleeting moments of happiness within the overwhelming shadow of depression and self doubt. They never last. Everything always crumbles apart eventually leaving me broken. When I think about fading into darkness and oblivion, I feel relief. I even feel hope that I know I have control over something in my life. I'm done. I know I don't belong here. Nothing is right. I know it. I feel it. Everything is wrong. I can't even breathe anymore without feeling my chest tighten as if my body is telling me I shouldn't be breathing. My mind is a wasteland, and my heart struggles to beat anymore. I can't go on. No one understands me, and I have no hope of understanding other people. I don't expect anyone to read any of this. I just want to get my thoughts out while I still can. If you have read any of this, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm done. I'm fucking sick. I'm fucking tired. Nobody understand me. Nobody listens to me. Nobody relates to me. Nobody hears me though. I'm stuck in a cycle. Nothing will change. I will always be blamed for my problems. I am the victim of this cruel world. Nothing is alright and won't change. "this is why you're single"
I hate this phrase and I've seen it a TON recently -- mainly not directed at me, although that too...but I've seen it directed at other people multiple times a day.
Here is why I think you should never use that phrase here:
1. It gets things in the wrong order. I was not born angry and frustrated and socially awkward, I was molded into who I am by decades of bullying, rejection, ostracization, and abuse. I did not choose to feel angry--in fact, i can only remember being angry once in my first 16 years. No, i used to be an incredibly easy going person. But with people just as with dogs there's a certain amount of behavior they learn from others. Im mad, im awkward, im depressed -- whichever trait you want to pin my being FA on you can be damn sure it wasnt always there. Tl;dr loneliness precedes anger, bitterness, resentment.
2. It assumes my online anonymous account is in any way a reflection of reality. I mean...hahaha are you serious? Of course its not. Are you a child? You're acting like a child who hasn't stepped outside the world. Maybe because children don't keep their thoughts entirely to themselves. They don't have a filter.
3. Cheap way of "winning arguments." So you provoke me, and then you say "well this response is why you're single." GREAT JOB YOU SCORE A POINT WHOOHOO. Thats literally the only outcome. Or do you expect me to say "gosh, you're right, the fact that I don't enjoy strangers lying, telling stories, and making shit up about me -- that's why im single!"
4. You might be wrong. Who the fuck are you? Relationshipus, the god of getting into relationships?
5. We all know you're wrong. I know absolutely psychotic people who got married and have casual sexual encounters. People sometimes get so angry they kill their spouses with kitchen knives. Spouses. Meaning they got married. Hitler was married. Its all bullshit: anger, bitterness, and resentment are in fact considered ATTRACTIVE by many women if the guy in question is hot. After all, attitude doesn't matter when you're having a fuck! You fuck attractiveness. Not "attitudes" and "personalities."
6. It has been brought to my attention that it is NOT in fact true that many women have put a positive spin on their abusive partners bad traits. This is true speaking from a scientific/psychological/sociological standpoint, BUT it implies that not every woman is perfect, so I sincerely apologize. I invite any one of you who felt personally victimized or hurt by my post to come to my house and kick my in the balls, while I repeat over and over a mantra like "I now know that women never make mistakes."
I hope this apology does its part to end sexist, minimize the wage gap, and erase rape from the United States. Yours truly, changeIsTheWay.
I would come to peace if we taught children from a young age that "its ok to be ugly. Its ok to be a male virgin." But society acts like good looking men and women have achieved things to make them successful in that part of life. I always feel like I'm a loser even though deep down its not my fault. I didn't choose to be ugly and short. But people act like everything is under my control. As if I've done it all myself.
Nobody understands me. Nobody hears me though. They keep telling me that "you don't need to be wanted to be happy." Who are they? If they were in my shoes, they wouldn't last a day. Who are they to tell me what can and can not make me happy?
They make dumb assumptions like "you don't shower" or "you're probably obese" or "get out of the house." Do they realize how pretentious and insulting this is? I'm doing everything I can to try to be physically appealing to women. I'm nobody's choice though.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Today was a "good" day I've been awake for more than 24 hours and WOW I can't even think straight. I've went to school but not to all my course... Which mean that I'll need to see my teachers with a lie but nvm. The more important is that I CAN FINALLY SLEEP !!! I did have negatives thoughts the whole day BUT I DIDN'T CUT and I'm proud of it :D
|
self.depression
|
Small Victory Saturday 12.9.17 Let's share our victories of the week and celebrate our efforts together. Sometimes showering is a big victory that you can't really share to friends, but can be appreciated here. What did you do this week?
|
self.bipolar
|
finals are coming up and im gonna fail im failing two classes (physics with a 27 and american lit with a 67) and i have no motivation to do anything and i have been thinking about cutting again.
|
self.depression
|
I’m so sad right now Everything feels hopeless. How could I ever be happy again? If I relapsed once, who’s to say I won’t again? I don’t even know if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
|
self.depression
|
It’s nearly 1:30am at the time of writing this. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Even finding a well-paying job depends so much on luck... From what I've seen online, it seems like a lot of people believe that if you work hard, you can find a well-paying job. However, I think it depends a lot on luck (at least more than most people would want to admit).
Sure, you can work your way up the hierachy of a company, but even that is hard. Most people would want a job which pays more so you are competing with all these people for that promotion. Of course hard work helps, but the competition is very large so luck plays a role. What is considered a good is also subjective.
The same applies to picking a lucrative major. You'll never know what the job market will be like in the future. It's possible for a field to go from very lucrative to oversaturated within a year. Of course, it is possible to stand out from the competition by getting good grades and doing internships, but sometimes you're not the best no matter how hard you try and each company has their own idea of what "good" entails.
I'm not even talking about ending up in the 1%, bit yeah that obviously depends even more on luck. But even finding a well-paying job these days seem very tough due to the competition where your best is not good enough.
|
self.offmychest
|
Making music to relief my anxiety Hi guys! I'm a musician from Brazil (sorry for the english) and for the last 2 years I've been suffering anxiety attacks.
I made an ep with the intention of helping me to control my attacks and be able to sleep.
Maybe it can help other persons too, so I'm leaving here a link where you can listen and download for free the ep.
2354.bandcamp.com
|
self.Anxiety
|
Curious about other people's experiences So my memory is pretty shot and what type of bipolar i'm considered escapes me atm.
I was curious about other's experiences when it comes to enviornemental immersion. For context, as a "hobby" I am a Magic the gathering judge. While my moods often shift with relative frequency, interacting at events (small or large) tends to create a stable space.
Basically when i'm judging or even at my local card shop, I kind of melt into the enviornment and become the room's energy (as odd as that sounds in words). I don't deal with shifts at all in this setting where i would usually shift to one side or another within a few hours of being anywhere.
Hope that all makes sense, and mostly just wanted to see if other's run into this or not. It obviouisly isn't a problem but it has definitely created a dependancy, like it's my weekly scheduled therapy.
|
self.bipolar
|
Need help For racing thoughts Im under heaps of stress this month and my mind wont stop racing since about 2 weeks after a traumatic event that left me hyper-ventilating.
Ive tried going for a walk twice, going for a drive at night, meditating, chanting, counting backwards from 1000.
I read that I should write down the thoughts or imagine them on a blackboard until my mind tires.
The thing is if my mind tires all that happens is I get a headache that I either need to sleep off or need a blood sugar spike to deal with. Wouldnt entertaining these thoughts just reenforce my brain to keep doing it like strengthening the connections?
Im guessing something Ive listed above is good but I dunno which ine.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm trapped. And not even suicide is an option anymore. (TRIGGER WARNING) I'm posting here because I want to commit suicide. However, I can't do that without hurting others. Let me explain why first.
At first, the main issue was that I don't have friends that I see in person. Everyone who cares about me and texts me is just a bunch of words on a phone screen. People don't talk to me at school. I just go there, do schoolwork, and leave. I was just lifeless. And I thought I was depressed before...
Then, things got much worse. If you think what I'm about to say will trigger any PTSD, leave now. I was walking my nine-month-old puppy named Zach, and he slipped out of his leash. I was panicking, trying to call him and get him under control but he was running everywhere. He finally started to calm down after about two minutes and I was about to hook the leash back on him when a car came. He ran out into the street and got hit. The people in the car stepped out and watched the dog as I ran and got my mom. Mom left with them and took him to an ER.
The vets reported that he had suffered severe damage to one of his legs and that it would have to be amputated. I was just relieved that he was alive. My mom agreed, and they amputated the leg. Things were going to be ok, he would have three legs but he would still be able to run etc.
Then they discovered that another one of his legs was injured. Me and my dad went into the vet to see him, and he looked miserable. His emotions were just gone. He didn't even look up at us when we came in to see him. He wouldn't eat or drink. Half of his body was shaved, and there was lots of bandages and tubes attached to his body. He was suffering and we knew he wouldn't recover from this. So, through many tears, we decided to put him down and end his suffering.
Everything about my life sucks, I always make terrible decisions and I don't really have any potential. I would end my life without a second thought if it meant that I wouldn't be hurting anyone else. But I can't do that to my family. We get in a lot of arguments and they've been on my case a lot lately, and they can't seem to just leave me the fuck alone. But if I committed suicide, it would devastate them and my older sisters, both of which are in college (I'm 16M). It would also affect the people at my school... even if they don't care about me, knowing someone that committed suicide dampens things for everyone.
I have literally no options, and I'm forever stuck in a shitty situation.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So I just seen a Star Wars spoiler in a post and in a subreddit that has nothing to do with Star Wars... Seriously, I legit hate people that do these kind of stuff.. I'm not too mad about it anymore but good lord are people this apathetic and immature when it comes to spoilers? I was planning on avoiding any info involving Star Wars until after I see the movie myself since I want to be shocked by whatever happens in it. The movie had not even officially came out yet and I'm already spoiled. Seriously, go screw yourself if you're the type of person that do this stuff without considering people's emotions.
|
self.offmychest
|
struggling with heartbreak I've been really heartbroken after getting rejected by a good friend who i had fallen deeply in love with. He was the first person who ive ever felt real affectionate emotion towards. I'm pretty outwardly cold and distrustful of people in general, so me falling in love only to get my heartbroken really pushed me deeper into my shell. I already struggle with sever depression, and feeling like i will never love again isnt helping things.
|
self.depression
|
Thank you guys so much I'm still fairly new to this sub, though I am on it daily and learning more and more about everyone brave enough to share their struggles and stories.
I want to say thank you to all of you for creating a safe place to get away for anyone struggling. Life has been the pits for me lately but I am still here, still pushing and fighting. I know a lot of you are doing the same thing day in and day out and I'd like you to know you're not alone. Just because nothing significant "happened" doesn't mean your suffering and feelings aren't valid. I hope you all find the strength to push through another day.
PS - I'm a great listener so if anyone needs to vent or just get things off their chest, I'm happy to help any way I can.
|
self.bipolar
|
My dream job has made my life a mess, and I don’t know what to do about it So, as of October, I (m, 21) have been working at a community mental health center as a peer specialist. Basically, I talk to other people with mental illnesses, share my story, and help them with coping/life skills. My passion is mental health, and it means everything to me. Aside from being an actual therapist, this is probably my dream job— and, unfortunately, it’s had a lot of adverse effects on my quality of life.
As a bit of background, I haven’t struggled with much anxiety since middle school— I have Bipolar I, which is where most of my problems stem from. One of the things about this is that I have to keep the amount of hours I work relatively low— somewhere in the ballpark of 30 is my limit, lest I fall into mania.
This was fine when I was a server at a restaurant; at my core, I’m extremely friendly and good with people, so I always made great tips and didn’t have to work much. However, the pay here is relatively low compared to what I was making, which is my first issue: with a lack of money, I struggle a lot more financially, and can’t get out with friends or do things that used to help with my anxiety (taking myself out to movies or coffee shops, road trips, etc). Every time I’ve tried to work a second job, it’s turned out poorly for my mental health.
Because I don’t get out as much, I’ve begun to cling to my fiancé (21m) something fierce, which has never been the style of our relationship, and it’s been causing us stress, which in turn causes me stress, which makes me get paranoid that he doesn’t love me, which makes me needier... you see where I’m going with this.
Another thing that complicates matters is that my job requires a lot of emotional labor, like, a LOT. I sit with people for hours listening to them talk about really heavy stuff, and the whole point of my job is that I dig up the things I’ve been through to try look for solutions, which... is rough.
Doing all of this emotional labor has left me bereft of social energy, which makes interactions with people WAY harder unless it’s someone I’m very close to, like my parents or my fiancé... which makes me cling to my fiancé harder, as we live together, and has shaken a lot of my sense of self as an extrovert.
So, my anxiety has been sort of an ouroboros of awful lately. Beyond that, my physical health has suffered a lot BECAUSE of this, and I’ve been sick more often in the past 6 months than I have been in my entire life; nausea, headaches, GI problems... I even got pleurisy and was sent to the ER because they thought I was having a heart attack.
I’m going to see my psychiatrist on Wednesday in the hopes of maybe trying a medicine for anxiety, but if that doesn’t work... I don’t know what I’m going to do. This is mostly venting because I’m really worried that something that really makes me feel like I have a purpose in life is too much for me to handle, and that’s a really heavy thing to realize. I’m not sure where to go from here.
TL;DR: My job as a mental health professional has caused anxiety to dominate my financial situation, romantic relationship, social life, and mental and physical health. I’m seeking medication, but am worried I might have to quit.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel trapped at school I really hate it. It feels like an endless eternity of useless information being stuffed in my head that I don’t want. I don’t want to make up at early hours to get ready and stay up into the night to finish the homework that I have no chance of finishing in time. The worst part is the cycle. It’s over and over again, and every day feels like the same thing. I don’t want it. I’m trying my very best to get good grades, but the haunting fear of failure breathing down my neck makes it hard to do anything. Don’t misunderstand please! I love to learn, I just really, really hate school,. I’m really sorry if this is pointless or boring, I just want to get this out of my head.
|
self.offmychest
|
Suicidal looking for a suicidal friend conditions: -u must be depressed/suicidal -belief in an idealistic friendship/soulmate -feeling like a failure, unssuccessful in life
What you get: -best friend -we will work together -full with motivation and happiness
pm me if u fit to the description, if not PLEASE DON'T COMMENT OR CONTACT ME!
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Waste That's all I really am.
Just a waste of money, time, space, etc.
I'm really starting to think there's no benefit to my existence... I have no reason to live.
|
self.depression
|
I have a rather serious question. When you go to people who are there to help how can I bring myself to tell this complete stranger face to face I think about suicide everyday.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm going to start counseling again, with a detective. I used to see a counselor from my church for free, but he's often out of state due to his job. So, I've been looking for a new counselor - and a detective who goes to my church just so happens to be one. He's even offered to take me shooting, because I love shooting. My first meeting with him is on Saturday.
|
self.depression
|
I just don’t care anymore. If I die, nobody will miss me. Bang!! You are dead! Thanks for leaving! You have always been a burden and nothing else.
Nobody cares and nobody ever will care. Sorry for being in life and on earth. I have already taken too much from everyone...
|
self.depression
|
honestly im tired of not knowing the wae fuck this life got damn i just want ot know da wae,,,
|
self.depression
|
New diagnosis and lithium (rant and Qs) I just got out of an 11 day inpatient stay. I went in with manic suicidal ideations ( much different than the SIs when depressed) and paranoia. It was voluntary since I know that at any moment I could dissociated or just react impulsively.
Previous doctors have either diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 or just never specified 1 or 2. When I looked at my discharge plan, the hospital's pdoc had me down as having Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. So that's new. I believe it makes me sense because my manic cycles are definitely on the extreme end.
I was also started on lithium since my TSH levels were lower than before and my body is functioning all properly. The day I was leaving, ~9 days after starting lithium, zyprexa, and doubling my seroquel dose, I started to have tremors. We had checked my lithium levels prior to leaving and they were just within therapeutic range on the low end. I have to wait until next week to get a follow up appointment because of Hurricane Harvey, so I can't ask him about it. Dr. Goggle (which I take with a grain of salt) says that it is a common and not severe side effect when in the therapeutic range. Another patient told me she was the same for the first few months. Any thoughts on the tremors?
|
self.bipolar
|
Dae hate being asked “how is your day?” Like every day is a shit storm, thanks for asking
|
self.depression
|
How to tell when it is time to call it quits, and also when it is time to try again I've got a lot going on in my life, having just gotten out of my second psychotic episode/hospitalization of the new year, moving to a new apartment, transitioning from school to Real Adult TM 9-5 and other adult stuff, etc.
I am about to start a full time internship/temp job at an engineering firm, but I am concerned about my ability to perform given that I've only recently come out of an intense episode (and am not even sure if I'm out of the woods fully yet) and am unable to even read a novel atm. So when do I know if it's time to work something out with HR? Do I start and wait for a disaster?
On the flip side I'm applying to full time jobs following the internship. I've put the applications on hold because I'm an engineer and because of the aforementioned problems I'm really not up to technical interviews right now.
So for the former when do I bail out, and for the latter when do I start trying again?
I guess this question is more general than the precise scenarios I listed, I'll of course listen to my supporters irl but I just wanted to get the internet's perspective.
|
self.bipolar
|
Spiritual Healing on the bipolar express? Is it possible to deal with episodes, by focusing and or cleansing mental state? I'm a traditional healer, just never dealt with bipolar... Is it possible to be long term solution. Asking in regards to partner as she isn't on medication and I can't force it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Just got these messages and idk what to do [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I almost drove my best friend to suicide twice. I am constantly crying myself to sleep due to guilt. I feel like I should feel much worse than I do. I want to forgive myself but I feel like I shouldn't. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My friends keep making fun of the things I enjoy [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I finally said it I don't know who I am anymore because I started acting like a zero that I am. I'm to scared to end it and I feel like things that I enjoy started to fade away. I created this cage and it's my fault and it's my fault that I am lower then a zero.
|
self.depression
|
help? Hi, so i want to die, and/or kill myself and i have for a year or more now. But my girlfriend and best friend are the only reasons im still here. very recently my best friend (since 4 years old) commited suicide. And now im in an even worse spot then before. I would turn to family, but my mother hates/dosent care about me, and my father passed away a year ago when i was 16. Along with all of this my grades started to plumit about a year and a half ago, and no matter how hard i try in school and do my best. It finds some way to fuck me over. So im a failure as well, and my life is headed nowhere. All i have left in this world is my perfect girlfriend who i love very much. My best, and only friend is now dead, my family hates me, becase im a failure no matter how hard i try, and i want to kill myself.
however i dont want to hurt my girlfriend, and i know if i die, she would as well. And i dont want that, so how can i make myself happy again and/or make life a little more bareable? for her at least, untill she dosent want me anymore (note: she is my only will to live and if she wasnt here i would already be dead- also anti depressents dont work for me even strong ones)
And sorry for the grammar, i failed english (like i said im a failure) thank you for your time and help
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My dog had to be put down today. I miss him so much and can't stop crying. I knew it would come one day, but I never thought it would hurt this much.
|
self.offmychest
|
What helps your anxiety? What helps with your anxiety, meditation, medication, CBD?
|
self.Anxiety
|
please help me, please. I'm so close to ending my life. she was all I had and she doesn't love me anymore, she doesn't care about me I came here to try to get some advice on my predicament. I'm feeling really low mentally right now so I hope you can go a little easy on me as I don't know if I can handle harsh or cold.
Basically my previous girlfriend is done with me, she doesn't love me anymore, wants to be friends. We're going to do that as best we can.
She just... I don't know what happened. She's been flipping out at me for every tiny little thing. I asked her to go skating once, she wasn't sure, so I tried to reassure her and she went off about I'm not respecting her and pressuring her and I was literally just trying to reassure her it would be alright.
I really feel like now that she's got it into her mind "I'm free" she thinks anything I say is oppressive.
I feel so constrained and alone. I can't bring up the subject of our breakup without her refusing to discuss it. I actually feel like I can't discuss anything.
To be honest I'm really doing bad. My depression and anxiety are through the roof because of this situation and moving. Until we move I'm unemployed, I'm stuck in this house almost 24/7, meanwhile she's at work almost 60 hours a week.
-
She cried the other night about how she never wants to leave me side and so I'm so fucking confused.
I just can't vent, or talk to anyone about this, my parents don't even know yet.
I came here instead of suicide watch because they never respond, but I'm at that point. I just want to die, I'm so tired of living this life. It's so dark, cold and lonely 24/7.
I had one good thing and I fucked it up.
---
She goes back to work in 2 days, back to me being alone, and miserable. Back to only being able to text her.
She was so much of my life that I have nothing now, everything is empty. I have no hobbies or interests left, and no hope for any future. I honestly think I may try to end it all.
I'm out in the car crying my head off wanting to figure out how to just end this and she's inside and isn't thinking about me at all.....
|
self.depression
|
Roommate's GF was rude as hell to me within 2 seconds of meeting me [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else write fake goodbye notes to the people in their life to cope with suicidal thoughts? Life has been really hard lately. I don't think I've felt this miserable in quite a few years.
Maybe it's really strange, but a couple of times now, I've started writing out suicide notes to everyone in my life when I feel like ending it all. Something about addressing each individual person in my life and thinking about what I would want my last words to be for them kind of takes me out of what I'm feeling and reminds me of what I do have, as well as the unfinished business I have. I guess. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever actually write all of them out and then use them for real. I don't think I want to. But life is so fucking hard.
Has anyone else ever done this? I can't imagine it's a perfectly healthy thing to do but it has kinda helped me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Don't you ever just worry about someone? I'll be looking at an old video of someone looking happy and shit, and I'll think to myself, "What do you think they're going through?"
It just stresses me out. I need to stop worrying so much.
|
self.depression
|
Just got diagnosed with rapid cycling and I am trying to rediscover and understand my emotions, I found a self help book I really like but it's aimed more towards the depression than the mania. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on books or articles to read to help me understand myself
|
self.bipolar
|
Who do I even talk to about this? Does what happened justify the way I feel? [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah help In English class (American Lit), I had a B+. We wrote poetry. I wrote a poem I didn’t want to share. I was put into a group with three other people who hate me, and they thought it would be funny to choose my poem to represent our group. When our teacher called on our group, I said I didn’t believe my poem was the best and someone else should go. I said I didn’t want to read my poem, and she threatened to “see me after class”. So I read my poem. A week later, I check my grade in the class and it’s a D, despite me getting an A on the biggest assignment in the class. There’s one “missing assignment” and it’s called “civil disobedience”. I’ve never gotten a D before and now I want to die. What do I do?
|
self.depression
|
Having a Really Down Day Woke up about 30 minutes ago and am feeling completely deflated. I need to get up to go to work but I seriously can't pull myself up. My stomach feels like it's compressed inside my body and I can't take deep breaths. I'm so anxious and I can't stop my mind from going to all of these negative situations about my relationships. I just want to talk to someone but my friends and boyfriend have had to deal with me through this so many times and I can tell that they don't really understand and are probably getting tired of it. I don't know, just needed to put the words "I'm not okay" out into the world.
|
self.depression
|
I wish there was an app on my phone that was just a button which pressed would instantly kill me. like an 'exit game' button or something. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How do you get past the major mental wall that comes up when you try to look for help? I don't know how to describe it or how many people have had this issue, but I just can't seem to bring myself to get help. I've been suffering with depression for a while now and I seriously can't seem to get out of this hole. I'm just having a major issue with getting help. It seems like so many more people are aware of the importance of mental health and that there are so many options and resources out there but I just can't bring myself to do anything about my depression. About 3 months ago I managed to get myself to email a conselor and try to set up an appointment, but sending that email took me months... and actually writing the email and gathering the balls to send it took a month in itself, which is so stupid, because it was only a couple sentences. But I just couldn't, I don't know what it was, but it was one of the hardest things I've done. In the end, that didn't even pan out because the counselor had no openings and now I've been on a wait list for the past 3 months. I literally have a business card from another counselor that my friend recommended me, but I can't, I seriously can't get myself to email, call, or do anything. I'm really worried that this depression is going to ruin important relationships I have in my life, being that the only person I really feel comfortable disclosing anything with is my girlfriend, and I feel like not wanting to ruin our relationship because I'm constantly unloading all of my problems onto her should be motivation enough. But it's not, I think about getting help more. But I can never bring myself to do anything about it.
I'm sorry, that turned out to be much longer than I was anticipating. All I'm really asking is if anyone out there can relate, and if you can how did you get past this block? Because honestly right now I just can't get past this, and I'm at the point where I realize I need help and want help, but I'm just stuck. Really really stuck.
|
self.depression
|
Moderate anxiety, slipping further down So here's what's happening. My mom knows I've got anxiety. I'm on pills, which helps for as long as they're in effect, but if I take them when I wake up at 7:00-7:30, they wear off around 3:30, the time that school ends for me. My mom tends to do things that trigger my anxiety without thinking, including just talking (she's got the tone-of-voice equivalent of a resting bitch face). I've told her on multiple occasions that this happens, but she keeps doing it. It's making it worse. What do I do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need help. I had no idea that simply asking for help would be this difficult... here goes nothing!
Hi. My name is Kris and I'm a 20 y.o. guy from Brazil.
About 6 years ago, I had a pretty active life. I used to go out with my friends just about every day, got in a few relationships, attended to school (even tho I've always hated it, I could still bring myself to go.) So I basically had a "normal" life. In the year of 2012, though, things started to change.
For some reason, I started distancing myself from my friends. I picked up games, animes, or just about anything that could make so that I didn't have to go out of my house, then dropped out of high school.
Thinking back now, I wonder why my family didn't do anything about it... Well, it's too late now to cry for the spilled milk hahaha
I wouldn't say that I regret everything about the last 5 years. By spending so much time on games and YouTube, I ended up learning English and a lot of other stuff, and made some good online friends (even an amazing girl that became my girlfriend, and has been with me for a year.) So it wasn't all bad. That's mainly why I didn't seek help up till now, even tho I had multiple depressive episodes, which were getting worse and worse.
In January 2017, I had a major depressive episode and my family decided to step in. My grandparents drove me to another state, to live with them and look for treatment. I've been through Prozac and about 5 other medications over the last year, all with pretty bad results. Prozac did improve my mood, and I even got two jobs! But it also made me sleep for only 2 hours a day and made me basically asexual.
Eventually I quit both my jobs, stopped taking medication and isolated myself once again, which brings me to today.
My life now is quite different than it used to be. I have no friends, no job, and get no pleasure doing things that I used to like doing. I sleep anywhere between 6 and 22 hours a day, which varies randomly, I have no drive to do anything. Can't get myself to eat, can't get myself to talk to people, can't get myself to work.
I've tried all the YouTube tips: drinking water, getting sun exposure, stretching, exercise. But I can't even get myself to get up and go pee (which I learned has pretty bad consequences), it's no surprise I couldn't stick to anything. My family is giving up on me and everything is only getting worse. I'm really scared where it might take me.
All I want is to have some energy, to wake up in the morning and get something done.
So I guess this post is a cry for help.
I'm lost. Please, someone help.
|
self.depression
|
Thanks Tinder! I'm 31 and haven't really dated anyone in a few years, there's been some isolated one night stands or brief flings but nothing to write home about. Got on Tinder a couple weeks ago went on a couple dates. They were nice and all but there was never really any sparks. Suddenly me and this one girl start talking. Both somewhat introverted and nerdy. Like all the same music, and I do mean all the same music its just uncanny. She's got a way cooler job than me (she's a scientist). Just everything seemed to click. Finally met up the other night at a bar and had a few drinks laughed a lot and after a few hours we just kind of started holding hands quietly watching people do karaoke. Then I kind of caught her looking at me out of the corner of my eye and all of a sudden we were the gross couple making out in the corner booth. 15 minutes late we were the gross couple making out in her car in the parking lot. 15 minutes later we were on google maps trying to find the nearest hotel. Then at 5am we were finally falling asleep. It was exquisite. We live about an hour away from one another and work a lot so we've been texting non stop (2200 messages back and forth in a week, I checked it's more than I've talked to any other contact in two years) and can't seem to get enough of each other. Counting down the days til the weekend when I can get back there. I've never connected with someone like this before and I'm so goddamn happy I can barely stand it. So, thanks Tinder.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm taking a semester off and I'm sad as all heck For financial reasons, I decided to take a semester off at my private college and take some community college classes. It's a really responsible decision and it'll all work out but I'm so sad. Mostly because I'll be living at home, 6 hours away from my best friend and my boyfriend at college. I'm trying not to be a big baby about it, because I'm so lucky to be able to have options like this, and I'll be debt free when I graduate. It's just hard to go back to my small town, far away from my friends, taking classes from shitty professors, and no longer be considered a student of the college I've come to love.
Also now ill have to obey my parents' house rules when I'm really used to just living however I please and just...being an adult. And they can be real hard to get along with. It took a toll on my mental health over vacations and I'm a little scared for what this extended contact will do.
I just wanted to whine a little bit, but I'm done now.
|
self.offmychest
|
Angry at deceased mom Mom died of cancer last year. I was having a conversation with a friend, I am trying to accept Dad's wedding coming up in January. My friend asked if Mom was planning for Kim to marry Dad, since they were so close then. I hate that thought, I hate that she was planning all these things and didn't tell me.
She didn't tell me she was dying. I had to listen to mom and dad lie to me that she was fine. I had to hear it from her best friend. I had to bully my way to MD Anderson when she went to the hospital 2 times in the same week.
I am pissed and sad, I hate feeling like this and I hate being mad at mom.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is anyone else happy for this year to be over soon? What are your plans for next year? God I am. i need to make big changes. Im mainly stable for awhile now like close to a year. Im just grasping at straws trying to figure out how to have a real life. I'm on SSDI. That I mean is good and bad. I'm not thrilled about it. I'd like to be like a real person that does stuff. Im not.
Anyway, I want to do a New Year goal thread, but Im thinking about it today. What were your biggest struggles and achievements this year?
|
self.bipolar
|
Being surrounded by people who are happy makes me unhappy [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Can I take anti depressants? Currently I am not in a position to visit a doctor. Situation is getting worse everyday. Is it advisable to take anti depressants without consultation from doctor.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I need to run far away from my family and my life. I need to somebody! I have very bad mental health and further physical disability. I hate my life and my partner isn't understanding. I desperately want to leave and start a new life and concentrate on myself. But I have children and I worry about the effect on them. (I will still see them). But.......what if this is just my depression making me feel this way?
|
self.depression
|
User seems to be planning to commit suicide within the hour. https://www.reddit.com/r/occult/comments/7y1boh/killing_myself_in_an_hour_ill_be_dead/?st=JDQCT987&sh=4ac5b9f9
Dealing with this isn’t my strong point, but I wasn’t just going to do nothing.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can this year finish already, i don’t even know why i try sometimes. Anxiety sucks and im really getting tired of everything [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Health Paranoia & How To Dismiss/Cope I'm stuck in a trapped-feeling point in time and I feel like it's getting the best of me. As far as history goes I have had "situational" anxiety/depression at two other points in my life but it is not a constant, so I have never opted to use medication. This time included.
What is eating away at my mind is this; I am currently in Canada waiting on Sponsorship/Permanent Residency to go through. I am an American citizen moving to Canada via immigration to live with my husband, and with that I am only considered a "Visitor" here. I cannot legally work, get any further education, etc. And that also means I'm not covered medically here. See where this is going? If he gets severely hurt, sick, etc he goes to the hospital and bam comes out a new guy. If I get severely hurt or sick I have to either a) suck it up at home, b) google self-remedy and pray, c) go to a hospital here and have a medical bill hanging over my head for a long time, or worst of all d) leave and go 1100 miles all the way back to Ohio where I can be seen under my previous insurance (it expires in March though, also there is such a thing as traveler's insurance and they do recommend getting it before going through this process, but it was very expensive in my area and not something remotely affordable prior to moving). The problem with leaving is that my "Visitor" status will be cleared once I leave the country and since we chose to do inland Sponsorship I have to stay here through the duration. Part of the inland paperwork was me proving I have ties to my sponsor and this address and keeping my status in Canada valid throughout. I have also covered other milestones like converting my license to a Canadian one, MOVING EVERYTHING I OWN, forfeiting my own vehicle when moving because she was too old to make this trip for the 12th+ time, etc etc. I literally cannot leave this country right now unless my husband takes a requested and approved leave from work to drive me there in his car and doing so before whatever I might be suffering from kills me. So if something DOES happen to me I am at the mercy of the hospitals here with zero government coverage. This terrifies me inside.
At night when I wake up for whatever reason (to roll over, to pee, etc) my panic immediately sets in with the "I'm dying" bit. Until the front of my mind kicks in and says "oh no I'm not it's just that weird tingly feeling again", the subconscious is a strongly-felt paranoid little shit. I absolutely hate this feeling. I have specifically left my Gameboy on beside my bed recently so that if I do roll over or get up to pee and I have that massive wave of "holy crap he's going to be burying me here" and watching my life flash before my eyes in 5 seconds I have something I can flip open and immediately see, hear, touch, etc ground with that will "wake me up" so that feeling goes away.
As far as the tingly feeling goes, the most I can say about it is a weird little tang or pressure feeling I get in my chest, behind my breastplate and slightly more on my left side than right. I do not want to use the word "pain" to describe it because it's not a pain per se, it's more like a dull roar or echo of pain most of the time. Only once have I felt this be "painful" and that was back when I felt it for the first time. The most I can understand of it is that it occasionally tangs when I am hungry, occasionally does it in my sleep (because of course sleeping is like the longest period of time you go without food) and is most frequent upon waking up. It then vanishes as soon as I start eating breakfast. My appetite is unchanged by this, it doesn't make me more or less hungry. It does not cause any other side effects and it doesn't accompany any either. And of course when I am actively thinking about it or hoping it doesn't happen I will notice it more often, and when I'm preoccupied with say shopping, playing a game online with friends, etc, I can go a whole day and not feel it. After googling it I found it's something related to stressed back muscles that cause your stomach to get distended, and then your stomach acid is going farther up than it should and causing that feeling. This makes complete sense considering a) how food will immediately relieve it and b) how much more often I've been going to the gym with him and then waking up sore/stiff the next day. I'm going to give the stretches a try I found in relation to it, and perhaps ask for a massage for my birthday.
Here is what I know. I am physically healthier now than I have been in a very long time. I know I have made very good strides in my stamina, I have made better food choices, and am overall stronger than I was at any other point in my weight loss/health journey. I KNOW I am running at the best I have been in YEARS thanks to my husband's knowledge on training and overall body health coupled with his undying encouragement. I really couldn't do this without him, and when I tried prior to moving it was filled with shoddy attempts and lackluster results. Two years prior to moving I had bloodwork, an EKG, etc done because I was feeling palpitations (anxiety's favorite weapon for me) and they all proved I was PERFECTLY HEALTHY outside my weight. No sign or hint of disease, infection, imbalance, nothing except a little short on Vitamin D, and I mean like 1 or 2 points under passing so very minute overall. A year ago for a new job I got caught up on a couple shots, had more bloodwork done that came back perfectly fine (Vitamin D was on point that time), and again all was good. Knowing this has been a partial mental lifesaver for me this whole time, but recently I feel like it's not enough.
Maybe I needed to get it off my chest, maybe there's someone out there with an idea on how to help cut down on the paranoia, maybe what I looked up on this odd pain really is the solution to fixing it and I don't know it yet. When none of these issues are fogging my mind I feel like there's not a care in the world and I can truly enjoy myself and the time I spend with the hubby. When they are affecting me it's the only thing I can think about. I'm quieter, I feel withdrawn, and even sometimes on the opposite side of the same coin it will make me want to go clean the whole house out of fear of being too stationary. I've noticed recently hubbs will ask "Are you okay?" shortly after one of these instances because of how quickly I get quiet or after he notices the blank stare on my face as I'm internally mid panic over it. I've talked to him about feeling paranoid before but let's be real, there's only so many times you can have that talk with one person before you start to worry about them looking at you differently. I'm aware that being active and exercising is greatly beneficial to being healthy, but I still cannot shake that feeling looming in the back of my mind saying that what I'm doing is pointless because I'm still going to die. I also have the whole "if an emergency happens I have nowhere to go" feeling sprinkled on top of it all as well and I'll admit that maybe I'm not exerting as much of myself at the gym as I could be solely based on that fear alone. A fine "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation if I do say so myself.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I've been titrating Seroquel, but I'm still binge eating I was on about 150 mg Seroquel for a couple years with no weight-gain issues. But this summer, I went up to 300mg, and then I started binge eating every other day. I've titrated down to 200mg, but I'm still getting the nighttime munchies. I'm wondering when this is going to go away. It feels like when I hit 300mg, something snapped in my brain and it started telling me to keep eating constantly. It's like I can't push the undo button on this one.
Anyone with experience with this? I'm wondering if I need to completely come off the med, or once I get back down to 150mg, I'll be fine again.
Also, titrating this med has not been a fun ride. It's been like a slow moving rapid cycle for every 25 mg decrease.
|
self.bipolar
|
Checking in So, things have been going really well for a while. I feel pretty leveled out. But I’m just waiting for the bottom to drop out. When is it going to hit?
I’m trying not to think about it and to just enjoy the high. But the thought still lingers.
|
self.depression
|
I have nothing to lose. I don't care about my fears. I woke up early. Today I am going to throw myself into the situations I normally shy away from because I have nothing to lose. What's the worst that can happen?
F@#$& anxiety.
I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is it normal to feel insane and in desperate need of help at one moment and completely fine the next? hi everyone i just got back home from a barbecue and for a little bit of background im a student in singapore who is 15.
anyways a little bit more of background info. for the whole of 2017 i've been dealing with this asshole of a teacher who has been forcing me to get hair cuts non stop. to the point where my hair strands stand on their own. he is so fucking disgusting he drives me crazy, i honestly wish he watches his whole family die infront of him because he has made school and absolute nightmare for me.
school is a nightmare. unless i feel good about myself, you see, i always have the feeling that everyone is looking at me and judging me. however when my hair is looking good and i feel great about myself I LOVE COMING TO SCHOOL, its almost as if everyone whos looking at me is admiring me and i love it.. i sound a little crazy and ill admit it i probably am.. anyways im dealing with an issue which i think is social appearance anxiety and it began when i started to care about my appearance (shown below) but i never thought it wouldve reached this state.
[June 2016](https://imgur.com/KbrCfSf)
[June 2017](https://imgur.com/KruPCul)
anyways theres this girl at the barbecue whom i am very close with and we hang out a lot and her family knows me and my family knows her and we were talking alright at first and she has an issue of her own where she doesn't like the fact that people in school think she's a huge flirt because of how she hangs out with me and stuff.
anyways we were buying barbecue supplies and talking when suddenly the other guys start laughing at us making fun of how were pretty much a couple and the girl kind of stopped talking to me and that kind of made me feel really ugly and it made me feel like she didnt want to associate with me because i wasnt very good looking in comparison.
anyways it made me really upset and i was having somewhat of a minor anxiety attack and i was very breathless and my face was pale and i felt like throwing up and i didnt really know why.
anyways i got home later and i was talking to her bestfriend about why i was so upset the whole day and i mentioned to her that i felt really ugly in comparison to the girl who i am close with and that she didnt want to associate her with me. of course i spoke to the girl whom i am very close with and she assured me that its not because im ugly at all. but then whilist i was talking to her bestfriend i realised that the feeling i had when i felt ugly is the same feeling i get when my hair is short and i walk past a crowd. absolute dread. its a feeling i wish i would never have to endure again my whole life. it was then i realised that i was upset the entire day because i felt too ugly for my close female friend. after that i felt like i was a little crazy, and i burst into tears i couldnt control but i didnt want to wake my parents home and i cried silently for around 5 minutes, then i went to the park in the middle of the night to calm down.
in the midst of talking to her best friend i was absolutely certain i needed professional help very badly as my mental state is getting worse and worse and completely irrelevant actions of others make me feel very ugly.
but after i calmed down at the park i dont think i can have another episode similar to the one ive just had in my bedroom when talking to a therapist. so im afraid maybe he wont help me. i guess for a start maybe my therapist can help me by reasoning with my school to let me keep my hair atleast for the final year in my school. that will honestly help me alot.
anyways i want to know what you guys think, do i sound like i need help? i'm planning to talk to my parents about this when i wake up tomorrow however therapy is really expensive so i hope it does help my mental state.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to sleep and never wake up again I’ve been depressed for quite some time and right now i just want to cry and die.
|
self.depression
|
When you come close to killing yourself and realize you're too scared of dying [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is there a sure way to tell when you're going up? I can feel that energy coming on again. It's only been a month since my last episode, though. I can't tell if I'm just having a good day, but my good days normally don't feel like this.
I'm pretty heavily medicated, so it wouldn't make sense.
Are there any sure warning signs I should be looking out for?
|
self.bipolar
|
“Just do it” is a slogan, not a treatment for bipolar Every time I look for help they either tell me I am too sick to use their services or just sick enough that I have to wait a few months to see anyone! Then when I finally see someone they all tell me to stop making excuses and just do it.
Do what? Why? Are they excuses or the problem I came to you for help to deal with??
Thankful for warm beds and cats today. I should just do it and take care of myself but *insert excuse.
Just kidding, sometimes warm beds and kitty snuggles are taking care of yourself. Im going to enjoy it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why can't I just accept that someone cares about me? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
two and a half more weeks and i’ll be done with this goddamn nightmare of a semester. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
This might be my last shot. If I don't make something happen with this, my career, my relationship with my girlfriend, and a good chunk of my life are in trouble.
I moved to a new city earlier this year to be with her. I left a solid job in an industry I absolutely love (craft beer) and took a job that I thought had some growth potential. That job lasted exactly five months. I was let go, and I'd be fine with it since I hated the job. Total bait-and-switch. But now I can't find a job in the industry here. Shit, I couldn't find a job for three months. Now, I'm temping at a place I just don't like, making not enough. It was that or stay unemployed and let my mental health and my relationship get worse. This last year has put such a strain on my relationship, and I hope we can come back from it.
So I'm going for it. I'm trying to get into grad school to get a Master's. I've been working in labs for 10 years, it's time I ran one. But no place will look at you with just experience, no, they want that paper. So fuck it, I'm getting the paper. Or at least I'm going to try and get it. I've wanted to do more schooling for years, and now I finally have a reason to WANT to get more. But there's plenty of pressure here, because the fact is, I NEED it to happen. Like the title says, this might be my last shot. I'm 36 years old, and my career is dead, or at best, dying. In less than a year, I've gone from being an experienced beer chemist, to unemployed, to a fucking temp. Jim Koch said in one of his commercials that when you know you're not doing what you love, you don't want to spend another day where you are. I don't give a shit about the job or the company...can't even stand the products, and not just because it's not beer. I want to go back to doing what I love in the industry I fell in love with. And if I can't do that with the credentials I have, then I'll get better. But if this doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. I'm here for her, and I love her, but with a dead-end job and not much work in beer in this city, I don't think I have much of a future in this town anymore, not the way things are. I need to make changes.
|
self.offmychest
|
Whenever I open up to someone I feel even worse In the last 2 months I talked about the way I feel and how I've been suicidal for like the last decade with 2 different people, the latest one being a few hours ago. It's not like I try to talk about it or anything, it either just pops up or the other person literally asks me about it. This last one was a girl who I kind of was interested in and after talking to her about it I feel like shit, feeling like I blew it talking about how I'm a little bitch and I felt like I was crying for attention. She said she doesn't mind and she actually enjoys talking to people about this kind of stuff but I don't know, I feel like I fucked up again, as always. So many times people say to talk about it and open up to other people and you'll feel better, I feel like it was better before when I just kept everything in and didn't say shit to anyone
|
self.depression
|
There's No Reason for me to Continue to Exist There's no reason I should be alive or continue to live.
I have no dreams.
No aspirations.
No passions.
No interests.
No friends.
I'm nothing but a burden on my family and the world.
I make a mess.
I leave things to rot.
I cause contention with my loved ones.
I contribute nothing
.
I use up resources.
All I do is spread my misery to others.
I'm nothing valuable to this world.
I don't go to school.
I don't work.
I don't volunteer.
I have no desire, drive, aspirations or passion.
I only leave my house to go to doctors appointments.
I live in constant pain.
I don't know how to deal with anxiety, so I tear open my skin till I am covered in painful wounds, lesions and sometimes infections, so I may litterally rot.
I take over 15 pills a day.
I spend all day on my phone and computer, looking at reddit and YouTube, chasing the feeling of grasping at distant happiness.
No future.
No future.
No nothing.
I'm worthless.
The one person who truly understood me and was always there for me, more than a best friend, more like a platonic soulmate, broke her promise to always keep trying to live as long as I did; to talk to me if she wanted to die. Our most sacred contract and promise.
She broke it, and killed herself.
And all I want to do now is go be with her.
The trauma that has contributed to the wreckage of my life I can't even describe truly. My brain has locked it away as a foggy distant concept spectre to haunt and torture me, but to never access or understand.
I simply go on so I don't break my family's hearts. But in the end theyd truly be better off without me.
I don't know how to keep going. I'm losing my grip and no longer see a reason to hold on.
Let go
Drop into the void
Embrace the end
The only logical action is to die, as I was meant to.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
interview!!!! I have an interview tomorrow for a new job I really want. I have social anxiety and I forgot about how much stress they cause!! having two or more people staring at you judging you asking all these questions. fair to say I am shitting myself. my heart rate increases and I can become out of breath easy.
doing plenty of preparation today. not exactly asking for advice but just wanted to see how other people cope and how they find interviews
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone have success stories of coming out of severe anxiety and about how you feel now? What is it like and is it doable?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else get depressed after a good night or a nice day that they’ve had? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
I feel like an asshole but I'm not sure I cant tell if i am actually depressed, I have friends that are supportive but I can't stop feeling sad. I do one tiny thing wrong and I feel like a bad friend or a bad person. I know I have it good I guess but that doesn't stop me from feeling like im just lost in life
|
self.depression
|
idk what this really is just thought id share bc im pretty down rn i thought that i would be ok
all alone and in the dark
cant share my feelings out loud
in too deep
cant hear a sound
until i met you
love of my life
yet still broke my heart
now back to the start
|
self.depression
|
Friend said he can't help me. I told him about my problems but he just left it at that. I know that only professional help is going to work but hell it's so lonely.
|
self.depression
|
abilify? I'm having a major depressive episode and doc prescribed abilify to add to my current Zoloft/ klonopin cocktail. Anyone have experience with this? Or this mix? Looking to see what to expect, is it helpful? side effects?
|
self.depression
|
Geodon for agitation? Hey all.... Was wondering if anyone had their agitation relieved by geodon. Did it ease mental distress?
I'm convinced seroquel xr is causing agitation.
Thx for any input.
|
self.bipolar
|
How I cope with my anxiety I've had anxiety as long as I can remember. When I was a little kid I didn't know what anxiety was and I thought that was how life was supposed to be. I thought everyone else felt the same way and dealt with the same problems I did. Most of my anxiety had to deal with a fear of death as well as social anxiety. My fear of death made me unable to sleep at night because the thought of losing conciousness and not being aware terrified me.
I would have panic attacks thinking about the fact that someday I would have to die and I couldn't do anything about it. I'd lie in my bed at night with every muscle in my body tensed up, my legs trembling uncontrollably and the far too familiar feeling of fear induced adrenaline pumping through my body. Sometimes I would have panic attacks for no reason, they just came and attacked me whenever they wanted to no matter the situation.
Again, I had no idea what was happening. I had no concept of what a panic attack was. I just endured it every night and day on my own with no help. It wasn't until I was about 9-10 that I began to realize something wasn't right. I saw my friends walking fearlessly into situations that I couldn't even imagine putting myself in. Still, I didn't know it was a mental disorder.
This is when a lot of my self hatred started. I felt like such a little bitch all the time and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to feel brave like the people I saw in movies; the soldiers who went to battle and would die for a cause fearlessly. With this self hatred came depression which made my anxiety worse. Not only was I scared of death, but I was scared of life. Everything was losing meaning and the conciousness I was determined to hold onto so tightly was starting to feel like it didn't matter. No matter what I did I'd never be happy.
I would always be afraid and numb and sad and
weak.
At some point, I got sick of it. I decided I was going to put myself in as many dangerous and scary situations I could until nothing scared me anymore. I had been smoking weed at this point for a while, but I started experimenting with other drugs. Every time I tried a new one I was scared out of my mind, but I still pushed myself to do it.
The ones that scared me most were psychedelics. This was mostly because of me still holding on tightly to my conciousness and I was scared to alter it in that way. Not only was I holding on to my conciousness, but I was scared to lose control. I didn't want to lose control of my thoughts or anything else in life.
But, every time I tried these new things, I realized that my fear was out of place. I was scared for no reason. I was okay. Nothing bad happened. I was still me. Psychedelics taught me to let go. I learned that I could never be fully in control of life. Life was happening around me, doing as it pleased. and I could do nothing to stop it or alter it. So there was no reason to be so stressed about it. Whether I stress or not, life is still gonna go on. I was just a particle floating in the stream.
This stream is going to take me where it's going to take me, and I just need to roll with whatever comes when I get there. My panic attacks started becoming less and less frequent. Even when they did come, I handled them better. I couldn't fight it. It was going to happen whether I liked it or not, so I might as well just take a deep breath and deal with it.
The most amazing thing is now that I let go of trying to control my thoughts and my life, I actually gained control of my thoughts and my life. Now that I'm typing that it probably sounds weird, but that's the only way I can think of to put it.
Of course, I don't recommend taking drugs to handle mental health issues. It came with its own problems, such as addictions to other drugs and unnecessary drama, but I preferred that over crippling anxiety and depression. Eventually I got over my addictions when I realized what was really important in life, and now I'm sober for the most part except for a crazy weekend every now and then.
This turned out to be a lot longer than I meant it to be, but typing it all out helped me comprehend things even better than I did in the first place.
TL;DR: tripped a bunch of balls and learned to let go
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why does Anxiety Cause a wide variety of symptoms ? Like seriously Anxiety makes you feel like you have serious health problems.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.