text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
stressed about boyfriend cheating even though I don't have any real reason to be [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
At the Cemetery I feel like my feet are sinking into the ground
The demons on my back are pushing me down
Tired of fighting them, hoping for the end
You hope for life, I beg for death
|
self.depression
|
My sisters getting married today and my gf dumped me last night. I'm back to feeling nothing. I'm not even happy for my sister. Back to the beginning. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I Don't Even Know Where to Start For years things haven't turned out in my favor. As soon as something good gets going, *boom*, your mom dies, *boom*, your brother is sick, *boom*, your family hates you.
Days have been getting longer and longer for as long as I can remember. I haven't even been able to put the effort into crying for about a month. I've gotten used to being sad. I tried listening to a favorite band of mine that would always make me sad (Daughter, if anyone is interested), and I couldn't feel a damn thing.
If I were to kill myself only two people that I know of would care. And if I tried I'm sure I could make them hate me. Nothing in this world seems worth suffering reality. For years I've been on this long track to nowhere, why shouldn't I pull the breaks?
The two people that would care already have each other. It would probably suck for them but they could get over it pretty easily. I know that they are a bigger part of my life than I am of theirs. I can no longer justify my existence.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Did shit in my first semester of college, now debating whether or not I should end it all. I recently got very shit grades in my first semester of college as a freshman. Normally I would just brush them off if they were D's but this time I know I already gotten two F's and I'm pretty damn sure I'm gonna get one more in my Bio class. My depression has been growing more and more recently due to being so lonely in college and this was just the breaking point. So I spent all day planning out what I was going to do before I shot myself with my step-father's rifle. I watched my favorite movies, TV shows, and even made some of my favorite food. After I took a nap today due to lack of sleep I woke up and immediately texted my mom that I love her always and forever as it was something she always says to me, but she called me and asked if I was ok and that she loves me. I just wanted to tell her about how much of a shitty son i've been but I pussied out and just told her yes to all her questions of if I'm okay. I just can't deal with all the disappointment my parents and family members about this, and I just want to get my stepdads hunting rifle and shoot my self in the chest. I thought today would be the day and I was gonna also call 911 so that they would know where my body was when I shot myself, but now I'm just in a state where I don't know what to do. Please help me I don't know what to do. After posting this I'm probably gonna take a walk to the supermarket and buy my favorite food. Sorry for rambling.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I want to die I had to quit the only good job I've ever had mid 2015. I have PTSD from emotional abuse, and I was bullied by coworkers at the place I worked. I was having anxiety attacks and flashbacks constantly while I was there. I haven't been able to hold down a job since.
The most recent job was the longest streak I've had, at 7 months. My boss was a huge narcissist though, and constantly triggered my PTSD. He never gave me any work to do, or any new training (I have asked a few times without success), and so I started to help other departments when I had nothing to do. He fired me within a few days of me doing that. Claiming that I wasn't able to work unsupervised. He literally played video games all day on the days he worked. I think he just didn't want it revealed that our department had almost noting to do most days. No warnings for this, no nothing. I just came into work one morning and got pulled into HR and fired.
I thought with this last job that maybe I was ok enough to finally be able to hold down a job. I was alone in an office most of the time, so I guess it was easier to ignore any irrational emotions, and to avoid situations that might cause an emotional reaction.
It's been only 2 weeks, and I'm falling apart. At first I was relieved to be away from my boss, but now I'm thinking about all the debt I've been trying to take care of. I had just gotten out of foreclosure with my mortgage company 4 days before I was fired. It took 6 months to get out of foreclosure. I had just worked out a deal with the HOA company, paying the $400/month to catch up, to avoid having them try to foreclose on me. I have enough money for one month of bills, and maybe one more HOA payment. by mid December I'll be fucked.
This just keeps happening again and again and again. I don't know how much longer I can take it. My mind is broken. I'm incapable of living life like a normal person. I ruin relationships because people around me don't understand that I can't control when I have a flashback or anxiety attack, and eventually they just get tired of dealing with it.
I've been to therapy, but not for several months. My therapist only takes medicaid, and I couldn't afford the out of pocket costs once I added that extra HOA payment to my bills. I'm not sure it even helped. We tried out EMDR, but I had such a severe reaction that we decided to put it on hold.
I just can't see how my life is going to ever get any better. It's been years of one bad thing after another. I'm always losing a job, or a car, or my cat of 11 years passing away not long ago. I have no friends, and my family are all busy with their own lives. My sister tries, but she's really busy, and there's only so much time she can give me.
I feel like a child. I can't seem to take care of myself. I've only been able to make myself shower once in the last two weeks. I'm disgusting. I've just been living in bed or on the couch. I don't have any friends I can go hang out with to distract myself, and I wouldn't want to be around anyone anyway. I feel like a disgusting person. I used to care about my appearance. I used to exercise even when I was really depressed before. Now it's the last thing I think about. I'm sure I look like trash most of the time.
I just want to walk away from everything and start life as a new person. Or die. Whatever. I won't kill myself, because no one I know would take care of my dog. I can't ruin his life just because I hate mine. I'm afraid if I get any worse though, that I just won't even think about him if I want to do something stupid. My paranoia and depression are through the roof. I haven't been able to get out of this hole for years, even with therapy. I feel like I'm just too far gone already. I'm too apathetic to convince myself to try caring about anything.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Medicines and side effects So I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder very young. This was back in the day where it was largely frowned upon to medicate your children. But my parents diagnosed me early because my grandfather had it WAY back when, so they recognized the symptoms.
Anyway, in the "beautiful amalgam of trial and error" that we call treating psychiatric disorders, I was at one point on Ritalin, and immediately taken off. This was so long ago that neither I nor my parents remember why I was taken off of it. I'm hoping it was because I stopped making conversation and wasn't as hyperactive. I've been reading testimonials, and it seems that the case is often the opposite; by and large the most common experience is euphoria and increased activity.
Not looking for advice, but interested in if anyone has been through side effects with psychiatric drugs that have made them kind of distant and removed.
Mood control is great and all, but ideally I'd also like a drug with a side effect of making me shut the hell up.
|
self.bipolar
|
That dumb kiss A few months ago when I kissed you it felt like I could do anything. As we kept kissing each other that night part of me knew I just caused a giant problem because I knew I would inevitably fall harder for you than you would for me. Part of me regretted it but it just felt so right because I knew I've always loved you so much. Fast forward to the past week, I feel like I've ruined our long friendship. I understand your feelings about the situation are valid and understand that to you it was just sex. I can't help the way I feel, though I hope that I can get over this. You have been my best friend for six years now and all I want is for you to be a part of my life. I hope that you can forgive my actions over the past week, I never meant to cause you any stress and I especially didn't mean to push all my feelings onto you. I'm so sorry and I hop you still care about me because you truly are my everything. I feel so fortunate that you aren't upset with me, but I hope that you'll be willing to speak to me after I spend some time alone to gather my feelings. I don't want to lose you because I can't keep my emotions in check. I love you so much and I will call you in a few months.
|
self.offmychest
|
Almost 23 y/o and very depressed with my life [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How long do people usually disappear/isolate for? First off, let me say that if this is the wrong subreddit/there's a more appropriate one please tell me so I can move this post there.
So my partner has severe depression. He recently got out of the psych ward and has been improving for about a month although last friday he had some sort of attack or episode (Learned from a third party so idk what happened in detail, just that he was missing for hours and then slept through our planned date which is fine to miss if he's feeling too bad, I digress). I haven't heard from him since. For some more detail, we're both in our 20s. He lives at home and I live at college.
I've been doing research and found that a lot of times when people get too overwhelmed by their depression that they isolate themselves and they can't un-isolate themselves. Like, the depression stops them from speaking to others. Does anyone know how long things like these last for? Usually for him they're only ~3days but we're on day 6 now of no contact (if we count today). I know that this is something that would be different for each individual but I'm trying to get some sense of how long I should expect to wait for and when i should start to get worried. Does anyone know what I should do in the meantime to help him? I've been sending me good morning and night texts along with meds reminders (which he asked of me previously) but I don't know if I should put *more* effort into contact him or if that would make things worse or I should less or what.
|
self.depression
|
I never pull out I don't know, maybe I'm just a pig.
But I never pull out.
In the moment I just don't care. I just dig all deep and just let it rip. Wearing condoms isn't even an option, I'm not having gay butt sex and those things feel like shit anyways.
I don't even care if she says not to, that just makes wanna do it even more!
Damn, I love that shit!
|
self.offmychest
|
Each day getting closer to suicide I carry on everyday like nothing is wrong. I go to work i cook the dinner etc but inside i am thinking about my suicide. I am hurting physically and mentally. I have practised a few times. I cant live with the massive mistake i have made and how it has affected not only me but the people i love most in this world. Cant watch their suffering. When people talk about things that are happening in the future i think to myself oh, i wont be around then !
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to die, but don't want to hurt those I love I'm not doing great in school, I thinks it's best if I go
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't go on like this anymore I’m not ok right now. I’m just not. I’m on the point of breaking, the only thing holding me back is my own laziness. Kinda funny isn’t it? here I have been fantasizing about killing myself for a few hours (as I have done before) and feeling like I was on the brink of doing it, when the thought of me having to clean up some of the shit I have in my room stops me. I’ve have done this a few times before. My own disgusting laziness stopping me from the final act. Who knows, maybe ill still do it, maybe ill gather enough energy to clean up and do it. cause I’m tired, tired of it all. Usually when I get this far into the suicidal thoughts, its based on pure emotion from events in my life, but this time its different. This time I’ve actually just thought about it rationally as a good decision for me. I guess that could kinda be described as when you tell yourself that “I will stay up for 24 hours” and try to hold to it. But then hour 20 comes around, and hey, that pledge isn’t that big of a deal, its fine, just go to sleep, and you rationalize that breaking what you said isn’t that big of a deal. Well, my brain is rationalizing killing myself, because I’m so tired of life, and want the relief of death. I’m tired of so much. I’m tired of the constant migraines I get everyday (including the one I have while writing this currently), I’m tired of trying so hard to be a good friend, only to be treated like trash, I’m tired the amount of work I’m always constantly piled under, and even though I try my best, it never is enough. I’m tired of my parents not understanding what I’m going through even though I have tried to explain for years, and them taking away the only thing that keeps me sane (the internet, YouTube mostly) as a punishment for my attitude of my grades. I’m tired of the fights, I’m tired of the panic attacks I get, but also a bit thankful of them because they are the only other thing that I feel except the depression, I’m tired of having to constantly put up a mask around everyone, as to not upset them because I’m depressed.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've put off my dissertation for so long that I can't possibly catch up, I've thrown away years of my life and I'll have nothing to show for it. I feel like I can't possibly do enough work to catch up and I'm gonna fail university, these past few years have been for nothing and it's pretty much all I had going for me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Literally cannot eat For the past week (it was still there before but milder) I’ve barely been able to eat. I haven’t had an appetite for anything besides ramen sometimes although I constantly feel physical hunger. Today I haven’t eaten anything and I need to because I’m planning on getting drunk on wine tonight.
I’m starting to feel physically weak, especially when I try to work out but for somehow I CANT eat much even when I feel lightheaded. It’s like the thought of food sickens me.
Why can’t I eat? Is this serious?
|
self.depression
|
I just confessed to my crush Well, I did yesterday night.
I did it over message which some people(including myself) May think is not very sincere but.... it kinda worked out.
She didn’t exactly give me a reply, I just told her I liked her and asked whether she liked me(and some other mumbo jumbo in between) and she gave me a reply that goes like this:( keep in mind I’m singaporean so.... Singlish. Ye.) “hahaha I think got. But still not sure”
I just feel so elated YET at the same time so anxious... I messaged her a good morning this morning and she did too, and she talked about washing terrapins and catching cockroaches and I talked about moving homes, and it just feels like we’re closer, yet I’m not sure what we are because I never got any closure.
Should I just stay elated that I at least confessed? Or should I ask her for closure? And when? Maybe tomorrow?
I’m just really happy and excited :D
|
self.offmychest
|
Dying so family can be debt free and make a new start Hello,
I recently lost my job. Before doing so, I had stopped trying so hard to pay off the debt that I had, to save up some money for a side business, because I didn't make enough to cover expenses for my family — even with my highest paying job ever, which was still underpaid according to salary estimates. The supplier for that business never came through, so I still have the money that I saved. I didn't take vacation, so my employer paid the PTO that I was owed as a lump sum.
I have the most money that I've ever had in my bank account, but it still wouldn't pay off the debt that I had accrued from being underpaid and taking care of my family for years.
Rather than squander it on payments, I'm thinking of transferring it to my husband and then killing myself so that the debt goes away. I've spent several weeks looking for another job that pays something close to what I was making (again, being underpaid even according to my co-workers), with no luck. It was years of searching for me to even find that job, while working around minimum wage on jobs that made me sick. I don't hope to find another.
I think that it's time to give up and let my family go on without me, with one less sick person to take care of, and perhaps my spouse can find someone who is a better earner. I've never done very well, even trying to be frugal and work hard. I see that all the hard work and faith in others that I put in was pointless, because rewards aren't merit-based in our economy. It's just luck.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m in Melb Australia what’s the easiest/painless way I’m a sook [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Agony There’s so much emotional and mental pain it’s almost unbearable. My head is hurting. Writing it out like this doesn’t really describe it either. It’s been over 10 years and it’s not getting better. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I might be broken :(
At the beginning of the year, my partner’s friend screamed at me to “go kill (my)self”. It takes so much restraint not to do that. I think I’m going to snap.
Edit: collapsed from absolute exhaustion at around 4am and got 4 hours of sleep. Feeling a bit better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
A cliche title. Well I have ended up in a hard spot in my life. I am blessed I still have a roof over my head and food... But nothing seems right to me..
I have issues my entire life stemming from emotional abuse from my mother. I have had issues dealing with trust low self esteem and many other things... Ive always kept to myself and never really had many friends.. most came and go except one I still talk to but can't really talk about my issues...
Well I started to date a lady 6 years. I ended up getting very close and opening up to her more than i have to anyone else. She was the one that got me on track to get help. I lived with her since 2014 but kept having issues keeping a job because of my depression. She payed for everything the majority of the time becuase she loved me.. she also has depression.
Well as of January 1st I lost her.. she decided she needed to concentrate on herself and we are done. She has not texted me since. I'm dying thinking of her. Loosing my best friend.
I just went on her Facebook page. And noticed she's friends with a new dude that's been liking her pics.. she's very shy and when we were together she never had other dudes liking pics or even being friends with them.
Seems like she has already moved on from me with some new guy on 18 days after we break up from a 6 year relationship. I'm devastated
I was forced to move back home with my mom and her bf. I can not talk to my own family because they are all the same. Only about themselves. My mom drinks every night. I have no one I can talk to.
Ive been trying to do everything to get a therapist but no one returns my calls.
I have nothing going for me so I don't blame her for moving on already. I'm a mess and I can not even imagine going another day.
I wish I could go back before I met her so I don't have this pain. This was absolutely the last straw that I can deal with in my constantly failing life. I already know how I will do it as I have 2 different choices and both are effective.
I guess I'm doing this because I do know who else to tell and I wanted to leave something to the world to know what happened.. I can't anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm a socially inept lump of a person and I don't know how to fix it. I've come to realize that I might be depressed(I don't want to advocate self diagnoses in any way so I don't want to say I am), but I really just do nothing but sleep and then while I'm awake I look forward to sleeping. The rest of my time is spent trying to escape reality through videogames or books, and it's been that way for so long (probably close to 9/10 years at this point) that I've honestly lost touch with how to interact with people normally.
I've got a few friends but it's only because my personality molds itself to whoever I'm talking to just to make sure they are having a good time even if I'm not, I've been thinking of myself less as a person and more of a catalyst for other people's happiness. I guess that isn't the worst thing in the world but I miss having my own happiness.
I'm terrified of relationships because I know I'll never have enough energy/time to make them want to be around me so why bother trying, and the only relationship I ever had was because the girl was super into me and she did literally 100% of the work in the relationship, as soon as she stopped doing that we split up. I have literally 0 social skills (to the point that I question if I'm on the spectrum some days) and I don't know how to go about improving it to the point that I could even consider finding a significant other before I die.
I'm just lonely and sad and I wish I had someone to talk to about it or someone to hold me and say it would get better but I don't even know how to say "hi" to someone knew so the chances of that happening are damn near 0. I just wish I could start life over again and try to focus on myself rather than everyone around me. Maybe that way I'd know how to start join a conversation at a party, rather than standing at the wall and awkwardly checking my phone waiting to leave. Maybe then I'd know how to start trying to have a romantic relationship with someone without awkwardly hanging around them for weeks at a time until I figure out how to mold my personality so that they'd enjoy being around me.
Like fuck I can't even talk to girls over tinder because every match I get I just stare at it until eventually I hit unmatch without sending a message because there's no way in hell I could get the courage to meet up with them in person.
Idk what I meant the point of this post to be, it ended up turning into a sad pity ramble. I guess I just needed to get shit off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
Please smother me I feel so down, lonely, unwanted, and just not worth it. I just want to be annoyed of how many people are messaging me so I don't feel this way. I'm sorry to be selfish. I just hate me and how I feel. I just want to be distracted.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I gave up the Christmas gift I most wanted this year to help my little brother and I’m more upset about it than I thought I would be. [removed]
|
self.offmychest
|
I messed up It's been a month and a half since I reconnected with this person, she has manipulated me into giving her lots of money, money that I needed to pay my car and my studies for this month, if she doesn't give me it back I don't know what I will do.
She told me that she inherited some money but needed to pay for the documents in order to get it. I helped, then she asked for more because they were asking more from her, I helped... it's been a month of this, I am an idiot because I trusted her, because how would someone do something like this?
I was happy for her, to help her but after almost months... this can't be anything more than an scam.
She says that she loves me, we are a "couple" and well I have fallen for her idk if I felt because it was scary to lose contact with her meaning that I would lose the money but now... I don't know what to do...
Yes, I'm an idiot, who in their sane mind would have trusted in someone like that? but I felt like I mattered that helping someone was something good. I felt loved... now she tells me that she is trying to get her money in order to pay me, but when I ask for proof she says that I don't trust her that she isn't some scammer.
I have seen her cry in front of me, after I told her my preoccupations, that she cares for me, that we can have a future together... but the last couple days have been the worst... every time I talk we end up fighting...
She knows about my depression, she knows that I have tried to kill myself, she says that I'm just playing the victim card... I told her that on Tuesday I'm going to kill myself... I'm afraid that I will do it.
I'm not in the US so I don't thing the law here can help me, in the end it has been all my fault. I deserve this, I don't have anything left, my car isn't mine, I'm afraid that by not paying my debts I may end up in jail... Idk... I don't have much energy left, I don't know how to get help.
I feel that this is what God has for me, the last push to the wrong side, the last string... this is the worse I have ever felt... I'm really scared...
Sorry for being a failure, but I won't ever get better, lo siento pero tengan por seguro que los amo, los amo con toda mi alma y espero continúen con sus vidas que este dolor que les voy a provocar no sea uno que no puedan superar. No pude pedir por una mejor familia y lamento no pedirles ayuda pero no quiero que se preocupen... por más estúpido que eso se escuche.
Los amo, y lo siento
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Always hiding behind a happy face. I cant stand it, its making me crazy. My "friends" would just laugh at me if i told them i was depressed. They are not close enough to me that i can trust them not telling anyone else im depressed. I always seem like the happy guy, but behind that smile i am crying for help.
|
self.depression
|
I keep having ideas of killing myself and it's scaring me. I'm in a bad situation and I need to get out. I want to go to the mental ward but have no insurance. I'm just really trapped, I need help and no way to get it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I did this all for what? To feel like my life is not worth living? Fuck everything. Got rejected by another medical school. What did I spend all those years studying and getting a good GPA for? Spending thousands of dollars on applications? Countless hours dedicated to extra curriculars? It has all amounted to failure. What's the fucking point. Turn me into top soil so I can be of some use to this world.
I have an unemployable skill set. Me and my mom are doing horribly financially and were forced to move into social housing. I can't handle all of this change and failure. I am letting those around me down too. What is the point. WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just ruined Christmas for my family. Guilt is unprecedented My agoraphobia has taken over my entire life. Just had to tell my family I can’t be there because I can’t function enough to do so. I was told that I have ruined Christmas and they’re completely shocked that they are even having this conversation with me. I’m a total failure. I don’t feel any form of happiness right now and just feel like an entire sack of shit. I hope no one else is going through this, but I’m sure there are people with the same problem. I hope everyone’s making it through the holidays alright.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I can’t even get depression right [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I want to maintain friendships, but I'm always the bad friend that won't contact you unless you contact me first Growing up, friendships weren't hard to keep. School and free time kept you in daily contact with your friends. Even in college, you ran into your friends in at least one class, allowing you to maintain a relationship with them. But now that I'm older, now that I'm working and spending most of my free time gaming with my fiance, I don't maintain friendships like I used to. If I don't see someone daily, if I don't play any video games with them, I don't feel inclined to contact them to hang out. I prefer for them to contact me instead. It makes me uncomfortable to initiate conversation or a meet up with a friend I don't regularly see. Is it laziness? Selfishness? Shyness? A combination? But I'm sorry, old friends. I love being asked to hang out, but I'm terrible at offering the same.
|
self.offmychest
|
It’s too late to check in on you You lived 20 feet away from me for two school years. After two weeks of knowing me, you offered to drive me to the store when I needed to buy a phone and didn’t have a car. You texted me at 1am on a Tuesday night instead of knocking on the wall to see if I had a cup of milk you could borrow to make cookies. You said hi to me every time we saw each other on campus after we no longer lived in campus housing. You were in so many of my classes; we worked on programming assignments together and ranted about frustrating professors. You knew whenever I was feeling down - but who am I kidding, it’s not hard to tell. You turned every situation into a lighthearted joke and it was a joy to be around you. You made the room you were in a happier place in a quirky, slightly awkward way.
A cryptic email from the university told me about your death this morning. An entire life, reduced to a few short sentences. I didn’t know your family, I couldn’t tell anyone your middle name if I tried, and I have no idea what your favorite color is. By many standards, I barely knew you, and yet I’ve spent today grieving the way I would for my best friend.
I saw you yesterday and everything was okay. I think it scares me that while I went on living, you didn’t. I don’t know what happened to you and that bothers me so much. Were you okay? Did I ever ask? You always made sure I was okay. I kept checking obituaries and traffic reports today to see if I could learn what had happened to you, and I found nothing. I’m sitting in bed, crying my eyes out for you, and whatever may have happened, I hope you’re okay now. Rest easy, M. I miss you.
|
self.offmychest
|
Why I want to end this shitty life I honestly don't know how to even start this, I dont even know why I'm posting it on reddit, but I guess you do stupid things when you don't know what's right or wrong. Before I talk about my life, I just want to make sure you're alright, and if you're sensitive about life how hard life can be, then please don't read this, it'll only make your feel worse. Alright so, I just feel like I'm that one person in the world, who supports everyone through whatever I can, but when I'm the one who needs support, I never get it, I dont even get offered, and when I ask for help, I dont get it. Reason 1: I'm a failure. I dont think there's ever been one part in my life that I have impressed the people who I care for, and I dont think that there has ever been a moment where anyone even had any hope for me in the first place. I'm not only a failure at life, but also at school, I dont think that I've ever gotten good marks that my parents or anyone was proud of me for. Failure is a really just like an exam at school, or like the SAT. You either pass and continue, or you fail and try to pass, but for me, this process is just infinite of always failing. Reason 2: I'm really stupid. Not only am I just "stupid" but you can say any of the curse words at me and I probably won't even argue as everything you say about me is probably true. I'm just really stupid, not only at school where I always get demoralized from, and get some of my stress from, but also because I can't make proper, simple, life decisions. Oh it's really rainy? I won't take an umblrella, unless I am told to do so by another invidiaul, but my retardedness levels are just really high for me to even think about what's right and my duties. I fail most of my classes, but I still try to have fun in school and with friends as I really want to pass away really soon, hoping to kill myself, and hope no one trys to stop me from me cutting too deep, or jumping off a really tall building. Not sure why everyone thinks that suicide is NOT AN OPTION, like I mean I've thought of suicide as a catalyst to life. Everyone will die one day or another, and whether you kill yourself or not, you'll end up dead one day, so suicide is just a catalyst to what we all call "life". Like honestly ask yourself this: "Is it worth living a life where you'll probably just end up in a really cheap, shady appartment, with a McDonalds jobs with an income of around $10 per hour, working 8 hours a day, 7 days a week?" Reason 3: I've always been a dissapointment. I don't think ever in my life has anyone showed any hope whatsoever in me, That's probably because they don't have any hope for me, but I mean still, life is life and if you're a dissapointment, you should really think about it, and what your mistakes were. I already know my mistake, and my mistake was not killing myself when I had the chance to do so, when I could've gotten a gun, and just shot myself. I could've also attempted to drink bleach, I was crying a lot that day as I thought to myself, "Why kill myself right now, what will the others think?" so I didn't drink bleach, but if I knew that my life would get this bad, then obviously I would've done it back then, like that's not even an option, I would've killed myself no doubt back then. I still don't know why I'm still living, I just hope that I kill myself really soon, and I hope that everyone that I know just completely forgets that I ever even existed. That's honestly all I curently want in life, is for everyone to completely forget that I was even born. Talking about me being born, I think that this was the worst day of my life, I'm not the only one who thinks this, there's millions and millions of others who feel like their birthday is the worst day of their life, and honeslty I dont blame them. Like I mean why even have a day to celebrate that you were born? I would've preferered to not even be born as life gets much complicated every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Reason 4: The world would be a much better place without me. I mean just imagine "that one kid" killed himself, like this isn't gonna be no news and I hope that my suicide isn't news either. I just want to die. I guess there are a couple people in this world who want to see me alive and see me healthy, but as much as I hate being a dissapointment, I always let everyone down on this as I can't really keep my mental, and physical health healthy. First of all thank you if you even read until all of this, and it means a lot, now my life has gotten to the point where even the smallest things mean a lot to me. I'm deciding to kill myself before 2018, and that's my goal. Everyone says "Chase your goals", well then sure, I'll chase my dreams of my suicide, and hopefully I actually die this time. I have no idea why I'm still alive, but I guess I am because of the people in my life, who soon I am going to cut them ALL out of my life, I just don't need anyone stopping me from this. I know that I have already ruined my life, and that there's no frorming anymore and that no matter how hard I try, I'll always be a dissapointment. So I'm ready to suicide. Every night, or most of the nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about suicide, but I guess I just have no emotions and so I'm sorry for anything that I have done in life to you, or anyone that you know. I'm done with life, and I hope that my attempt in december actually works, and that I'm permanently gone from the world, hoping that no one stops me and hoping that I don't somehow magically come back to life. In no way am I trying to promote suicide, but I am just stating my point of view on this topic.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
SO has anxiety, could use some help My SO has anxiety and depression, I try to help as much as I can, recently she’s been feeling extremely fatigued. I have ADHD and being on medication has helped me with a lot of who I used to be. I’m encouraging her to do the same; we’re gonna start looking for her. How can I help with this fatigued feeling? Not sure if anyone else feels this way
|
self.Anxiety
|
Generic vs. Brand Name Lexapro? Has anyone noticed a difference? I went with generic lexapro due to not having insurance currently, but is it the same thing?
|
self.depression
|
18 M I don't know what to do with my life no friends wasting my life inside my room help me Let me walk you through what i have been doing in my life so far i play video games watch stuff online watch movies tv shows i dont leave my room i dont have any friends never had any even online never had an actual conversation with a girl stopped going to school i just went to school to attend it didnt have any friends i didnt talk to anybody also the majority of the students were girls and i just sat back at my desk and i just I waited for the school hours to be over and played video games after i dont know what to do please help me i should just end it ...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The letter to my girlfriend [Taglish] Hi babe. Sana tulog ka na. Today na realize ko na wala talaga akong magawa or kahit masabi man lang na tama. So nag decide ako na this year. Year 2018. Will be the year na mamatay ako. One way or the other. PLEASE babe nakikiusap ako... Wag mong sisisihin sarili mo sa anumang mangyayari... Wala kang kasalanan. Da best ka. Ikaw ang nagpa kapit sa akin sa buhay for much longer than I could have done alone. Pero ayaw ko na maging burden sa buhay mo. Ayaw kong maging source ng kalungkutan mo dahil sa depression ko. I want you to be genuinely happy din. Sorry babe di ako Enough. Ayaw ko na din maging burden sa parents and family ko... Kaya ayun. Babe... Sorry in advance. SOBRANG SORRY. Siguro it will take something na life changing para extend ko ang buhay ko... I love you. I always will. Tandaan mo yun... Thank you for the 7 or 8 years na pinagsamahan natin. Sa listahan ng mga best days of my life ko ay days na kasama kita. 😊 I know someday makakahanap kang better than me. Sana maging happy kayong tunay. Sana maging masaya future family nyo. Sorry for wasting some time of your life. Thank you for being the reason I get to live mine. I love you babe. See you on the other side. 😊 I know you won't get to read this... Hope it will find its way to you somehow... 😊
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Today is the day i start pulling myself out of depression I have massive social anxiety issues, and lately it's been heavily affecting my schoolwork. I'm a brilliant student, objectively, I have the GPA to back it up. But there is this one class I need to graduate college, and it's a nightmare class for me. It's one big group project with people just as smart as me, and I'm terrified I won't be able to contribute, or maybe I don't have the experience they need. So I haven't been showing up to group meetings, I just stay home and hate myself and think that I'm a failure. I already dropped out of this same class last year for the same reasons, got to thinking I couldn't do anything and should just stop existing, because I'm a useless inconvenience to everyone around me.
Well. I'm tired of being scared and sad all the time. Today I have to meet with my project group, I have to face all my social anxiety head on, and just do my best. My best friend keeps telling me that's all I need to do, and I have to start believing him. I'm terrified, I feel like throwing up every time I think of joining in, but letting that keep me motionless isn't fair to my group members and it isn't fair to myself.
I have to think I can do this. I have to really believe that. So I'm going to. Wish me luck.
|
self.Anxiety
|
After effects of antidepressants- will I ever feel happiness again?
Hey guys.
This post is mostly for people that have successfully treated their depression.
So I used to have chronic depression, anxiety, OCD, among other things.
I started treatment in 2014, and it ended in 2016, when I was off medication, no longer depressed.
Sure I think I’ll always have bouts of depression and anxiety, but never that bad since. I haven’t been on medication in 2 years.
The thing is, before 2014, I was the happiest, most energetic, funny person. And after taking medication for those 2 years, I am now the most boring human being.
I haven’t felt true happiness since before 2014.
Will I ever get it back? Will I ever be me again? Will I ever be that happy again?
Has anyone ever had this, and was able to fix the issue?
To all of the people out there currently with depression: it make take a long time, but you’ll make it out. Keep fighting.
|
self.depression
|
So much waiting Last 3 weeks have just been waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting. Over a month till I can have an appointment so now I'm waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting. Idk if I'm waiting for help or waiting to die. But im waiting waiting waiting waiting. I know im waiting for my parents to sleep so I can steal back the alcohol they caught me with. How much alcohol does it take to OD? Hmm I'll just have to continue waiting waiting waiting waiting going insane waiting waiting waiting till I can find out
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Done. Hi, I'm Meg. My entire life has been a string of abuse, I've experienced literally every kind of abuse there is. There's no point getting into the details of that. Every single time I've gotten close to someone they've just thrown me away or hurt me in some way or another. I've struggled with severe MDD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and mild schizophrenia since early childhood. I've never had any close friends but one and even she couldn't stick around because my illness is "too much bullshit" for her to deal with as an adult with a career. Right now I'm homeless, sleeping In my car (it's gonna get about 15 degrees below freezing In a couple nights), the more I ask for more hours at work the less I get, boss makes it impossible to find a second job or even just a new job, I can't afford to eat much (lost 35 lbs since september), my mother reminds me I was a mistake any chance she gets, I'm in serious debt and I don't even have a credit card just a regular old checking account, my health is rapidly declining, and I'm in therapy and on medication and have a whole team of mental health as well as regular doctors working with me on the regular. I'm doing everything I can to feel better but it's just been a steady decline. I've been trying to apply for colleges for a chance at bettering my life but can't even pay the application fees. I don't qualify for assistance because my ex makes too much money (I have nowhere else to use as a legal address). In July though, I met someone that actually cared about me and wanted to help me get away from this life and into a new city where I could get a new start. So I've been spending the past 6 months planning a move across the country, desperate for a change and with full support. Things have been looking up. But today, they threw me away too. Finally got to see him after being apart for 4 months, he assured me how much he cared and wanted so badly to be with me, that he loved me, he couldn't wait for me to be closer. I trusted him. It was my hope, my drive. So we fool around, I missed his touch so badly, I go to drop him off to spend "early christmas" with his family and he informs me that he's been seeing someone else and it's getting serious and that the distance is too much so I should leave him alone. Completely contradictory to what he said just half an hour before. But hey, that's certainly not the first thing to happen to me like that and definitely not the worst. I know that's what people do with me. I know I'll never truly be loved. I will always be a last choice, second best, whatever you wanna call it. I don't know why I'm so disposable or what it is about me that inspires violence and head games in people. It's all I've ever known and all I will ever know. I know my family would have a hard time with my passing, but why the fuck should I have to live a life of nothing but pain and fighting an uphill battle just so they don't have to grieve? And yeah, i know most of this stuff is "temporary problems" and things will get better, but for how long? And it's gonna be even worse when things fall apart again. I wasn't meant for happiness. People say suicide is selfish when really it's fucking selfish to prefer someone's suffering to your grief. You can move on from grief, it lessens over time, what i deal with though? Its progressive, theres no getting beter, its just cope until you run out of effective coping methods. Fuck that and fuck all of you. I'm leaving.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depression and anxiety Hey everyone. I'm struggling right now and just wanted to get my story out in hope that someone has gone through what I am going through. I have been anxious and depressed for about 8 months now. The first four months there was actually a handful of times I could see the light but usually it wouldn't last long. It was bad then. But four months ago I smoked weed to try and calm myself down cuz I couldn't take the anxiety. I regret doing that. I had the worst panic attack ever while I was high and I swear I was going to die. I thought this would only last for a night, but ever since I smoked and had a bad high it's like all my true feelings have come out. I am SO deep in anxiety and depression. I was having such bad panic attacks that I ended up in a mental hospital. I am back home now and with an extremely good therapist that is the best around my area. I'm on so many medications and am changing them up so much but nothing gives me the slight boost. I've been down this hole for 4 months and it's felt like 40 years. I don't remember anything, I feel like I'm not real, and I have not had one glimpse of happiness or anything. Just anger and sadness. I am so scared I'm always gonna be like this and really need some uplifting things right now or someone who's been in this situation. It has ruined my school work, my relationships with friends and god, my jobs, everything. It's so hard to go and exercise and do things that are healthy for me because I have no energy at all and even when I do it it does not help. I'm super scared and always wake up in the morning wishing I hadn't because it's always the same. Thank you guys for listening and please message me back. God bless you all and I will pray for everyone on this thread!
|
self.depression
|
Mind messing anxiety dreams. Okay, so do any of us apart from myself experience "anxiety" dreams which upon waking up from the dream half way through the night to feel real like they actually happened, then you click and realise they aren't and go back to sleep.
Once you wake up though you panic because you can't remember what the dream was only that you woke up thinking it was real...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m tired of living. I want to die, but I promised my mom I wouldn’t kill myself. Life isn’t worth living, and I’d kill myself right now if my mom weren’t alive.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I gave my best friend away. 7 years ago, I came across a Craigslist ad. "Cockatiels for sale $90". I drove all the way to a sketchy trailer park later in the evening looking for your breeder.
Walked in and you soared to my shoulder and wouldn't move.
"I guess I'll take this one!" I said.
They put him in a box--that unknowingly had spiders in it.. The place wasn't very clean.
Since then things have been a blast. We whistled Indiana Jones theme together. Some starwars themes and even learned how to beat box. Your first recognizable sentence was "I love you". I taught you that and it was very true.
Fast forward to near present I hit my low in life. One of many it seems. Constantly fighting and losing my battle with chronic depression I found myself out another job. I didn't have the energy to give you. The behavior issues from me not giving you was starting to affect my sanity.
So, in a fit of anger and depression, I took you to the humane society. Started to lose my shit when I signed the papers and I was embarrassed. So I left quickly, without even saying goodbye as you called out to me. I made the biggest mistake doing that.
It's been almost 2 months. I've thought about you every day. Had dreams about you. Last night was no different. I dreamed that I came back to the humane society and there you were! I felt as if I could have been a better parent to you this time around, enough so to re-adopt you.
At least that's how I would have liked it to flesh out. As I got the overwhelming urge to go see you, I discovered that you weren't there anymore. No white tiel with your swoopy yellow Crest and Rosie red cheeks. You were gone.
"He was adopted 4 days after he arrived" the clerk told me.
My heart sank as I thanked her and walked away with tears welling up. I miss you Otto-bird. I'm so sorry I failed you, and I hope that you are happy and healthy wherever you may be.
|
self.offmychest
|
I have a great life, am successful, and feel like I'm not good enough. I have a great life Reddit, I really do.
I transferred to my dream college in my dream major and got great grades this past semester after a not great freshman year and decent sophomore year. I show horses and took a horse I'd ridden since he was 3 to a world level show this summer and did extremely well. I've been best friends with two girls for 14 years. I have a fantastic family, supportive parents who are still together, an awesome dog and a cool parrot. Money is not an issue for my family (we aren't rich but are comfortable). I have a good job working with kids. I work out, eat healthy, and physically look and feel fantastic. I have an amazing boyfriend and next year will be out five years. I am miserable.
I used to be really bad about communicating and keeping my emotions bottled up until the bottle exploded. I thought I was getting better. This weekend proved I am not. For the last several weeks I have been constantly fighting with my parents, boyfriend, and being snarky to my friends. Not snarky TO them I suppose, but just pissy about everything in my life when I have a lot to appreciate. My sleep schedule has been cruddy for weeks, before I would get 8 hours of sleep but wake up 2-3 times a night and this week I haven't been able to fall asleep until 2 am, whereas even with college I was asleep by 10:30. I've been snippy and this weekend I finally had an emotional breakdown when my boyfriend and I got into a small argument and I blew it out of proportion. It really was insignificant to argue about and I feel that all of it was me. After we reconciled I just started bawling. He just held me until I stopped crying at around 1:30 and fell asleep at around 2:30. I feel like absolute shit and out of control.
I used to be really confident and while I am still outwardly confident, I feel like if I mess up I will disappoint my parents (who are kind enough to pay my tuition and got me a new used car for my good grades) and I feel like I'm an inconvenience to my parents and boyfriend with my money and time consuming horse hobby and life in general. I've started to feel more crummy two years ago, usually feel great during the summer, and school on and off, and then have emotional breakdowns and feel out of control in the winter/spring.
Is this anxiety? I just want to know what's wrong with me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
No pets. Just me, my room, and my little ice cube I'm feeling really down. Every event we go to, they just seem to mention the importance of work and jobs.
After a movie:"Y'know you gotta work, right?"
After a delicious feast:"Hey, when are you going to grow up?"
I know this and they keep saying it. Its driving me crazy and I just keep on replying that I know this but that doesn't stop them. I went into my room and my mind has just been thinking about my stressful future that I know will come eventually, I will work and get a job but the thought of it being jammed into my head makes it so stressful than it actually is. I decided to bash my head onto my mirror or a wooden cabinet. I realized that doesn't work and it just makes my head a bit worse. I then take an ice cube and just grip it in the palm of my hand as hard as I can no matter how cold it is. It's not as painful as hitting your head which is okay but it takes away the painful thoughts somehow. I hate repetitiveness especially with words.
|
self.depression
|
People treat me unfairly in dating, no one wants to be around me [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Can anxieties occur due to the fear of hurting a loved one? I'm a fussy eater, however, a very close friend who I love (also had a crush on, previously) had motivated me to try new foods but only when she is there. My friend has emetophobia (vomiting) and when I don't like food I haven't tried before I'll sometimes gag or spit it out. I also don't like eating in the morning as it makes me vomit sometimes.
My friend and I have been in situations where we have to eat early (hotels, excursions, etc) and the thought of throwing up and triggering her has gifted me intense anxiety to the stage where I will throw up for no reason in private due to stress and therefore I avoid eating at all when around her, which isn't viable.
Is this a valid reason for anxiety? - fear of hurting someone you love dearly?
Or maybe it's just a red herring for something else, possibly fear of rejection? (One time I went to try new food with her but changed my mind last second and she stormed off, almost abandoning me in a foreign city). This was when I started feeling more anxious about eating around her.
I had taken a break from her and my anxiety towards eating has gone away, however I fear it will come back if we meet up again.
Are there clinical terms for both the fears I have described? I would like to try and explain it to her but don't know how to.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I refuse to believe that my symptoms and debilitation are not my fault [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Plan for if I start getting manic What can I do if I feel mania coming on despite meds? Can I express my worry and get some emergency meds that will blunt it to keep in check? Do I have to go to a hospital if I can't see the psychiatrist on time? Just any advice in general. I'd really like to avoid hospitals.
What got me started on this is that my SO said I need a plan on what I need to do if I start to get manic again, along with the fact that I'm starting to feel kinda hypo right now. If it starts getting bad I really really need a way to deal. An action plan.
|
self.bipolar
|
You know in A Bug's Life where the main guy is like 'Please Stand on my Head' Like... I'm so sick of life and I suck at literally everything, I've never lived up to my potential, I'm a hulking great sack of shit. I don't deserve anything I have because anyone with a shred more determination or discipline would have made it so much further, yet here I am, being a totally useless sack of garbage. Just, stand on my head. That's what I fucking deserve. Smoosh and gone. Nobody really likes me, I'm manipulative and i just mimic surface emotions that boring people have. Deep down there isn't anything but selfishness, except now my whole personality is designed to be the opposite of that so I'm officially nothing.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else get irregular heart beats / palpitations on Lithium? I started Lithium recently, and right now my dose is 600mg with a plan to increase it to 900-1200mg as needed. It's starting to stabilize my mood and so far very little side effects. I haven't done the blood test yet so I don't know what my current levels are, but I'm going to do them Wednesday or next week.
After working my way up to 600mg I've noticed that I get irregular heart beats and palpitations within 20 minutes of taking my dose, and it lasts for 1-3 hours. I always get the feeling like someone is pressing on my breast bone, and sometimes these are accompanied by muffled hearing.
I went for an ECG last week and the results were sent to my GP after being viewed by a cardiologist. I'm assuming she'd have called if anything abnormal showed up. I'm seeing her on Wednesday anyway.
I haven't found palpitations in the list of side effects so I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this.
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone even care? Nevermind don’t answer that, it doesn’t matter. It’s about time I jump goodbye everyone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My parents are the cause of all negativity in life [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Alone for Christmas, while my family is in the neighboring house celebrating. That's pretty pathetic. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Horrible side effects I've been taking a low dose of seroquel (quetiapine) for about 7 months, and today I feel absolutely atrocious. Sitting in the restroom at work with fuzzy vision, drowsiness, bodily fatigue and soreness, and massive brain fog. It's never been this bad. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, coincidentally, but I am mainly posting here to ask for suggestions. What should I say to my doctor? I'm scared to try a new medication, since this usually works for my bipolar symptoms, but the physical side effects have grown progressively worse. It's at the point where I have been skipping doses to avoid feeling like a stupid starving zombie. I honestly can't believe I am able to type this coherently right now.
|
self.bipolar
|
If I had no obligations, I would sleep all day. I am not liking life. Help All my feelings about life:
I dont enjoy having friends,talking with people, having people/family take care of me and make conversation,eating good food,having sex,driving fast cars,going shopping,buying jewelry I dont laugh at anything, i am not interested in any hobby Previously my goal in life was money but now I see that what will money bring me if i cant enjoy anything or not interested in anything whatsoever? My daily life is made up of studying for a business degree(or desperately trying to, very unproductive and retaining and understanding information is extremely hard) and nothing else. I sleep when I am tired of studying because I find nothing else to do to be interesting. Studying is a requirement so I force myself to do it (very hard, I am sleeping more than actually studying). I would sleep all day if I wasnt at university. My parents are paying for my expenses and university(do not think it is me who want to be there).
LIFE HAS BECOME EXTREMELY BORING THAT I HAVE NO PURPOSE OF LIVING. I HAVE NOT CHOSEN SUICIDE BECAUSE I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING TO LIVING THAT I AM NOT SEEING NOW. Could you help me?
Tl;dr: I find life and all that surround it extremely boring and I cannot live like that anymore (feeling extremly down to the point where I favor sleeping to being awake). Help
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't really like Christmas, or gift giving/receiving. I'm sick of Christmas.
I don't mind the time off, or even the family gatherings. I'm happy to do a dinner party any time of year, or a cook out, or whatever. I don't need an excuse to co-sign with friends or family. Christmas, however, has baggage.
I'm sick of the superfluous work. Fuck decorating for a month. I don't want to have to drag up boxes and totes from the basement (or down from the attic), or to a bunch of temporary crap, and have to stow all containers again, just to have to do the reverse process in a month. I don't understand what people get out of this. Stringing up hundreds of feet of lights and garlands, and putting up tree, does nothing for me.
I'm sick of the gift giving ritual. Having to spend money I don't have, to give things to people in reciprocity for gifts I don't want. I hate the expectations. Why do I have to guess the best thing to get somebody? Some people get bent out of shape of you don't find them something meaningful and special, without any promoting. I also don't really like getting gifts. Most of the time it comes with expectation that I'll give a gift back. I also don't like surprises. If you decide to get me a random gift, don't be mad if I don't jump up and down with excitement when i open it. It's not that I don't appreciate the gesture, but if you randomly get me something I don't need, and didn't really want, then I'm probably not going to be elated about it. I would much rather pick my gifts, and/or just buy them myself. If that makes you unhappy (I'm looking at you Mom), then the gift wasn't really about me.
I hate the holiday cheer, and the idea that if I'm not a Christmas groupie I'm running the experience for everyone else. I'm not going to bite anyone elses head off about it, but when people press me to have holiday cheer, it makes me irritable. You can have all the holiday cheer you want, but don't expect me to get hot and bothered about it. Further more, just because I'm not St Nicholas devotee, doesn't mean I'm running Christmas for my kids. I play along enough, and I don't spoil the magic for them, but I don't care about filling the house with Christmas music, or films, or anything else like that. If it isn't good enough in June, it isn't good enough in December.
I don't want to go to church with you. I don't believe in any of it, and the fact that it's a Christmas service doesn't change anything for me. I don't want to be pressured to to be nice about it, or compliment the church/priest. I don't want to be guilted for not going either. You can do church, but don't make it about me.
I just want my break to be relaxing, and Christmas doesn't do that at all.
|
self.offmychest
|
Just a friendly reminder to please go see a doctor [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Birth Control and Mania? Hello! I'm curious to find out if anyone here has experienced heightened manic/hypomanic reactions to birth control pills? My former psychiatrist (*former* for MANY reasons) took me off BC because she was afraid that it was triggering my manic episode at the time (despite me desperately needing BC due to hormone deficiency). I've just recently started to take BC again after talking with my OBGYN who said he's never heard of that happening before, but I'm rightfully concerned now. So who's right?
|
self.bipolar
|
Diagnosed Today So a little info about me, I’m a 24/M that’s works as a police dispatcher. Well, after having serious anxiety about it, I went to my pdoc today and described my symptoms, and he told me it sounded like Bipolar II. I’m having a lot of different emotions about the whole thing though and wanted to ask some questions.
I’ve been lurking here for a while and learned a lot about BPD and there’s this little nagging part of my brain that just thinks I’m making everything up and manipulating the situation to get the outcome I wanted.. Did anyone else feel this way after their diagnosis? How did you get past it?
Also I was prescribed Lithium Carbonate 300 in addition to the Wellbutrin and Lexapro I usually take and I know that’s a fairly low dose but I’m still a little freaked out. Lithium just sounds like a scary drug and I’m really trying to gear myself up for my first dose, but I’m being a wimp about it. Is it rough for a while until you get acclimated? I work long 12 hour shifts at work so if things go wrong I’m kind of stuck there, should I wait until I have a couple days off to start taking it?
Also I’ve been doing a bunch of stuff trying to get ready to go back to college next semester, but now I think maybe I should hold off until I’m stable. I would appreciate any advice!
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm Cutting Off the Person I Love Over the past few years, I've been on NoFap. I've finally started to beat PMO, but now I'm scared. I've now fallen in love with a girl that I've been friends with for a while. She has been into me for the longest time, but I held back. I knew I should've tried, but I didn't want to fall for her. She deserves better. We exchanged Christmas presents recently. I gave her something she loved, and she gave me something I loved. We knew each other. After that day, I haven't talked to her the same. She doesn't talk to me as often. I used to get jealous whenever my friend would obviously hit on her, but not now. I decide to fight my jealousy, fight my love to her, and fight everything that has to do with her. I just recently got into an argument with someone I know well, which wasn't even about anything in this post. I went home and cried. It felt so good to finally cry for the first time in years, yet it wasn't against that person. I wasn't crying because of the argument I just had. I was crying because of myself. I saw the bag that contained the gift she gave me and I balled. I'm starting to fall into a hole I'm digging. I need help. Please someone, leave any advice you can. It's greatly appreciated.
|
self.offmychest
|
Maybe I just need to let loose, but my younger brother might be bipolar. My family isn't new to this. My mom and I have bipolar type 1. My dad is type 2 (though technically undiagnosed but his mom had it and his brother has it and my dad displays every freaking symptom). We thought my brother would... basically, win the bipolar limbo game that we all lost. He didn't have any symptoms until about a year or two ago (he just turned 20).
My brother is first off profoundly depressed. Very low self esteem (which is just hilarious, because when I was a kid even though he's my younger brother I always aspired to be like him in so many ways, but of course I understand it). When he's depressed he'll stay in bed for weeks at a time and lose 20 lbs (he's already a skinny kid--he's currently like 6' and 150 lbs). Terrible social anxiety. Yet, he's been telling my mom that some days he'll feel so "up" randomly that it's "uncomfortable". He won't stop talking (loudly at that). He has huge self esteem those days. And then after a few days he drops and is really depressed again. He also doesn't sleep and tells us he has an addictive personality, mainly to drugs (he drinks and smokes weed, tobacco, does a lot of coke).
I'm just worried and want to rant. He doesn't want to be on meds (despite both my mom and I being medicated and fine). He doesn't want to see a therapist. He just considers himself lazy and a pussy for being depressed, but I don't want him to get so bad he has a psychotic break or tries to kill himself before he gets help. :/
|
self.bipolar
|
Possible Misdiagnoses? During the winter of 2016 I was diagnosed with bipolar I, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, and a few years earlier ADHD. At first I felt that my diagnoses made sense and I was willing to take my meds. While there were times where I accidentally or deliberately didn't take them, I was mostly consistent. I did in fact feel better in time, though there were many ups and downs. The summer of 2017 I felt that my medications were working amazingly. I was productive, holding a job, writing a book, and overall happy. Beginning my first year of college even started off well. Towards the winter I became very overwhelmed but everyone was due to finals. I expected when our winter break came I would calm down. Throughout the break I had very low energy and a few major mood swings. I convinced my boyfriend to go on a road trip to California with me in the span of a few hours. I felt very excited and couldn't stop talking and laughing. Once we got there I was back to feeling depressed and unhappy, even more so because I thought going on a trip would help me feel better. I thought maybe the cold weather was what had me down, but the change to warm weather made no difference. When we got back in early January I took it upon myself to go off my meds cold turkey (which I know is not the best thing to do and I don't want to suggest that to anyone else). I expected my symptoms to worsen from withdrawals but nothing really happened. I was slightly more emotional and less zombie like, but nothing major. Since then I've only been taking Mydayis for ADHD and I've felt a lot better than I have in the past five months. I've had relatively normal moods, getting sad when something saddening happens or vice versa. This leaves me extremely confused. Is it possible that I don't have the things I was diagnosed with? Or could my symptoms just be taking a break? I had extreme mood swings at the time of my diagnoses and even in the summer briefly. I really just want to know if anyone else has experienced this or has any thoughts.
|
self.bipolar
|
When you are fortunate to have a wife... ...because you would be dead if you didn't, because your friends and family ain't got no time for that.
|
self.bipolar
|
Seeking help for loved one with anxiety/depression So my boyfriend whom I love very much has always struggled with anxiety and some depression. But this is kinda the first time I've really seen him get so bad being we've only been dating for about a year. And I just really need help and advice from anyone who has struggled with it or has loved one who has it. It's deeply effecting him to where he cannot even sleep at night and other things in his life. He's hardly ever happy anymore and has become very distant. I just feel like he is a totally different person. He talks about how he has voices in his head telling him he's not happy and he explained it to me like hearing a song on repeat constantly and it really aggravates him. I have become very frustrated because I don't know how I can best support him. I've been trying very hard but it's very emotional for me to see him in this state and it's definitely effecting our relationship. Ultimately I just want to know what I can do for him and how to cope myself because it's very hard seeing him like this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m impatient with the universe. I just want HER. In high school one of my closest friends told me “one day you’re going to make some girl very happy”. It was a pretty general line in hindsight, the kind of thing someone says to compliment you momentarily but probably forgets as soon as they said. But I could tell she meant it.
I always hoped the same thing. I knew I’d make a damn good boyfriend with the right girl, but as my university degree kicked into high gear I realised I just wasn’t into casual dating. There were opportunities, flings, moments I could’ve taken that would lead me to be in some random relationship.
None of them would lead me to *her*. And because of that I knew I couldn’t pursue it.
Now I’m on the fast track to my mid-twenties, without so much as one relationship under my belt. A lot of that is by choice. I could see none of it was going anywhere.
I guess this is just my open plea to the universe. Yes, I’m rusty in the dating world. Hell, if you don’t count that quick peck at my tenth grade formal, I still haven’t had a proper first kiss yet.
But I just want you to send me *her*. Send me the girl that’s gonna love me, and me her. I never wanted the girl who was larger than life, or the prettiest in the room. I wanted the girl who would be large in my life and the prettiest in my eyes. The girl who prefers to cuddle and watch movies at home, then go out and party. The girl who embraces her hobbies and shares them with me.
After all this time, and I know I’ve still got my future ahead of me, I just want to meet you. Are you even real? Or are you just some idealistic vision in my mind? Is anyone close to your description even possible, flaws and all?
Or am I spending my life running away from people who care about me, chasing a ghost of my own making?
Anyway...that’s my rant...don’t really know what the point of it was, but I just needed it off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
My dog... I have an older male dog of whom I love dearly, but he has some really bad health issues. One of them is paraphimosis. Forgive me on the spelling of that one. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, it means that his penis gets stuck outside his body. If left untreated, it can cause lack of blood circulation and ultimately it could cause death.
I love my old man, but I'm getting tired of lubing his tiny little dog penis so that he doesn't die from this. He has many other health issues and at this point we are just keeping him going until after Christmas. We will then have him put down because his quality of life is just not there anymore. I want you to know that I'm not making this decision lightly and my husband agrees with me on this.
I'm only putting this here because this is not really conversation to have with people. How do you tell them you have to keep vaseline on hand because you have to lube up your dog on a daily basis?
Please don't state about how it is inhumane to put a dog down or anything like that, it is something that must be done. I love my old man, but I am just ready for him to go.
|
self.offmychest
|
In a pretty low place as of late, anyone have advice or encouragement? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Just started a new job and every morning before work I forcefully vomit for like 20 minuets. Does anyone know why this would be happening or have any advice on how to handle it? It's making me resent my new job and miss some days of work when i can't handle it.
|
self.depression
|
I think it’s my time I think I’m at peace now, if not a little tearful. I have decided to kill myself on the first and I’m preparing a will and testament. I never thought i would post on one of these but like a good soldier I seek the input on those around me.
I can’t keep going, after iraq and Afghanistan I have degenerated into slow state of degeneration. I sleepwalk every night and drink myself to sleep every day. I focus on on people I see as a threat to the extent I am going to trial for stalking a former boss at John morrells.
I have failed my squad, unit, , family and friends. I have just decided that those people deserve a lot better than I can provide and I can’t imagine disgracing them with having a jail bird as an associate.
Solomon
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm dreading the holidays because of the political climate. Part of my family are liberal. Part of my family are conservative; and I'm stuck in the middle. UGH My family is somewhat politically divided. My parents and my paternal grandparents are (Very) Conservative. We're not Evangelicals; I've been to Sunday School as a kid and as a family, we've been to church maybe less than a handful of times. My paternal grandparents are divorced, my Dad's Dad probably secretly has a tattoo of Donald Trump's face on his chest. My grandmother is pretty Moderate but can show her dogmatic craziness whenever the air is just right.
My maternal grandparents vote Dem simply because of my grandfather, who's vocal about politics. My maternal grandmother votes the way my grandfather tells her to vote, and is not vocal about politics.
I've spent time with both sets of grandparents over the course of my life and I've kind of made up my own mind about this issue or that issue and I can honestly say I'm stuck resoundingly in the middle. It's given me a unique experience because I can look into an issue and see both arguments being made. I could easily exist in either party and be perfectly content OR exist as an Independent and again, be perfectly happy.
My issue is the political climate has gotten so fucked up, that I can't even dissent toward either party without having my shit jumped. I know there's a lot of you that might say "well, just don't talk about it". That's literally impossible. If we were all at the dinner table, my grandmother would straight up ask me "What do you think of President Trump?". In my mind, with the mountain of evidence against him, President Trump is a disgrace and should be tried for a wide variety of infractions. If I said that, it would rain unholy, ungodly fire blood down from the ceiling.
If I said something negative about President Obama that I didn't think was just or fair, then my grandfather would start down the "whataboutism road" about Bush-this, Bush-that. So there's literally no escaping politics in my family. You could be talking about baseball, and somehow it'd be weaved into some kind of political debate. It's crazy.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else find it difficult to cry? I used to cry constantly, but nowadays I can't even manage a tear no matter how bad things get. Does anyone else experience this, or know why it happens?
|
self.depression
|
You are offered the chance to die instantly and painlessly [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I think i'm gonna hang myself today I can't take it anymore. I just can't. No one really cares about me unconditionally, no one cares enough to check up on me everyday, no one loves me enough to listen to me.... and the one person who did - my best friend in the entire fucking world, the best thing to ever happen to me in my life - gave up on me. He's moved on, he's blocked me on everything, refuses to answer my calls/messages/emails, has a new boyfriend who has replaced me, and just doesn't care about me. I've had seven suicide attempts in the past two months. Each time, I failed. And each time i felt like I wouldn't do it again, that I wanted to keep living, that things would get better. But they don't. I just end up feeling the pain again and I relapse on my guilt and sadness.
I ruined the single greatest thing of my life, my relationship with my best friend. We were once boyfriends but even after we officially broke up, we were still the best of friends, we were roomates and had sex and stuff all the time. But last semester of school, he met a new guy and started distancing me as a friend, as roomate, and as a fuck buddy. I felt it coming. And it made me sad - along with so many other aspects of my life that I was discontent with. My parents are financially siphoning me, i'm thousands of dollars in debt because my mom took credit cards out in my name to pay for her move to a new state, my dad took my summer research stipend last summer to pay for his rent, i'm so stressed out about school and i don't know what i'm gonna do when i graduate, i wanted to be a film major at a different school but i chose my school because they gave me money and since they didnt have film, i chose english which i regret because i have no passion for english, sure i have good grades im in the honors program and i don't *dislike* writing expository works or poetry but i dont love english, all my friends are applying for grad school and law schools and i have nothing lined up, i feel like a failure because i dont want to do any of that, and i also dont think ill be graduating on time because my school asked me to leave to go home and get help because I had a suicide attempt at school, im suppose to graduate this may, so now ive been home supposed to be doing work online so that i can graduate on time but i cant even do the work because i feel like a failure and my sadness hinders me from being focused enough to do my work, i cry every fucking day, i scream to the heavens for god to take my life or make things better, and nothing happens, and this environment is one that i was trying to escape with school in the first place, we live in a terrible, crime-riddled neighborhood, i hear gunshots on the daily, and my mom is verbally abusive to my little brother and it hurts that i cant help the situation, shes a loving person but she isn't perfect and she resents my little brother because his dad was an abusive and manipulative and despicable human being, and i dont even have that great a relationship with my brother... or my sister who both live in this house, i hate being here and i hate that im not at school with the only friends i do kind of have, but even those friends dont care or love me the same way my best friend did... they dont check up on me often... they seem burnt out after all these suicide attempts ive done and i get paranoid thinking they just pity me and thats why they sometimes reply to my text messages, and the fucked up thing is that these friends i have are also close friends with my best friend, and they are unapologetically still his friend so it makes me feel like they are disloyal even though i understand that its not their drama so they shouldnt hate him, especially since i dont hate him, i love him so much, i cant hate him, it hurts what he did to me but i understand why... i blamed my first suicide attempt on him and i wasnt always the best of a friend i could be to him, im a peice of shit and an asshole, i became dependent on him and used him as my only support system which took a toll on him... i regret everything wrong that i did to him. i love him so much. he was a light in my world of darkness, and i fucked it up. even when everything else in my life went to shit, he was there and he made me feel like i could bear it, but now ive gone and fucked it up and hes not there anymore. i cant take it anymore. i cant live without him. i dont want to live without him. i dont want to live knowing all the wrongs ive made. i dont want to live knowing that ill never be his friend again. i dont want to live knowing that i drove him from care to complete apathy. he doesn't even seem to care that ive attempted suicide seven times. and i dont blame him. its my fucking fault.
i hate my life so much. i hate myself. all i do everyday is play video games, cry, masturbate, and go here on reddit. my life is a fucking joke. its a joke to god and its a joke to everyone else.
normallly i would post this on my throwaway account where i have suicidal rants but at this point, i dont care. i really think im gonna kill myself today. i hate my life so much. i hate feeling so alone. im not a good person. im a piece of shit. im impatient. im a failure. im a sex addict. im a sinful homosexual. im an attention seeker. im a dependent person. im selfish. im an emotional maschochist. i deserve to feel this bad. i deserve to die. the world would be such a better place without me. im not talented. im not ambitious. im nothing. and even when people tell me the contrary, i cant believe it.
i just want to die. im scared that if i try to hang myself it wont work, and ill end up with brain damage but is that really so bad? at least if im mentally impaired, i wont have to feel this way, right? its a win-win. the people who care about me dont have to see me dead and i dont have to be in pain
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t get sad when my family members die and I don’t know why [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Can't get an good education because im stupid. I think im retarted. Or atleast i am too stupid to get a good education. That means i will always be poor. What do you think. Is this a good reason to kill myself? Because i have no perspectives. I will be poor or worse homeless.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling flat The past..2 weeks I've been feeling so flat and depressed. There's been days where I'm almost back to normal and then it's this instant swing where I'm flat, spaced out and sad to the point of being on the verge of tears or actually crying... I'm afraid if this keeps happening I'm going to push a lot of people away, even though I have explained to a couple of friends I've been feeling withdrawn and they get it..but I kind of want to push people away?
Just need to let it out somewhere without close ones getting too concerned- I don't want to worry them when I know I can just ride this out and it will get better eventually..
|
self.depression
|
I used to use depression as a coping mechanism. And was content with being depressed. But now my life is so shit it’s just constant pain and annoyance. As I said, I used to take comfort in the fact that I was depressed. I used to believe all of my problems came from my depression and it was easy this way, all my problems were in one place, and I actually found peace with that. I felt like one day I would solve them, and it would be relatively easy to do so.
But now I feel like my problems are way to hard to even have a chance of overcoming. There’s so many of them. And even if I do solve most of them, I feel like the pain I feel right now will never go away, because it is so strong. I feel like this pain will scar me for life.
Everything about me and about my life is total shit. Literally everything. I don’t have anyone I can open up to. I have no meaningful connections. Never had any friends. Too self conscious to consider dating. I’m an absolute mess.
Man I just want to cry for the rest of my life. The amount of pain and stress I am under right now is overwhelming and I don’t feel like I can cope with it. I just want to be alone, but my family make that impossible.
I don’t even want to die. That’s the sad part. all I want is to find a single bit of happiness in this world. That’s all I’m asking for. Just one good thing. Please.
Every slightly good thing in my life is always out of reach. There’s always a reason why I can’t do something that I want to do.
I’m full of anger for my life. Little things annoy me.
I don’t even know why I’m making this post. I doubt many people will even respond.
I’m pathetic.
|
self.depression
|
I'm suffering Always been someone who keeps to himself
accidently get too attached to someone who is already in a relationship and it hurts
I spent years without going to school or work, finally got a job 2 and a half years ago
I was so happy, my happiness radiated from me and it made others happy
Now I'm becoming the everyday person who has been through a lot of shit and it takes a lot more to crack a smile
I almost want to go back to not having to work and just playing games all day
I'm not a very social person, I like people but I like to be by myself most of the time
But then I feel bad cause I have no strong bonds, no love life
I get invited by co workers to go out with them, but I turn it down
Being with people makes me feel pressured to be entertaining, to be joyful even if I don't feel like it
I can't stand this world. I exercised, I'm proud of how I look, but my mind can not be easily changed. I'm still someone who is cautious, tries not to be too friendly for fear of rejection
Fear of rejection is my curse.
|
self.depression
|
I’m done I’ve been suicidal for most of my life. I started going on drugs for depression and OCD recently and those helped for about a year, but the effects soon wore off. Recently I’ve become worried that I’m bi polar.
I quit my stable job to pursue a creative career and have failed. I am behind on rent, owe multiple other creatives money for different services, and I don’t know how I can make enough money in time. I’m also almost 30, I thought I’d be so much further along in my life by now.
I’ve always worked hard and have kept my head down. As a result, it seems many people want to see me fail. I got cocky, I worked harder, made more money, I didn’t rely on anyone for anything, and here I am. Alone and strapped for cash in an expensive city.
I’m ordering a suicide kit today with some of my leftover funds. Though I’m happy to talk if anyone wants to. Much love. - J
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am going to hang myself on my 21st Birthday Hello all those who do not care,
I am going to hang myself on my 21st birthday. That day will be 3 weeks after the love my life and only true friend left me forever. I have nothing else to live for. I am a complete and utter failure of a human being. I have nothing and I have no one. I am truely alone. I still love her, and none of this is her fault, but a world without her hurts too much. I’ve been suicidal since I was 14, and after 21 miserable years, I am deciding to end it all. I thought she would be the one to save my life. I was wrong.
Goodbye Everyone,
R.I.P. Nov 18, 2017
1996 - 2017
Update: Still planning on doing it. After my ex burned everything I ever gave to her, and all the pictures of us, and everything, and then posted it for the the whole world to see. She hates me and I can’t live in a world where she hates me. This just reaffirmed my hatred for myself for not doing things differently.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i'm going to be alone on my birthday my 21st birthday is soon and i'm going to be alone, i have no friends and nobody will reach out to me. i'm suicidal....it feels like i will never have friends again and i never imagined ending up like this
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I enjoy thinking about suicide Don't really know why I'm posting this, but I just wanna see if others feel the same.
I'm pretty depressed, and am probably gonna end it soon. But Ive always adored the idea and everything that has to do with suicide. Honestly when I'm having a shitty day, looking at 2meirl4meirl or self deprecating jokes just cheer me up. It seems counter intuitive, but I feel like it helps me to a degree. I genuinely feel better and get pumped sometimes when I really think about it . Whether it be to distract me from my shitty life or to concrete my goal to commit suicide.
Not sure if it's a good thing or not
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I will be gone in an hour or less Thank you Milo, Alex, Abdullah, Abby and especially Jonathan.
If you guys are wondering where ive gone, this post probably explains it. Jo, you were one of the best friends ive had so far, even though we dont live near each other. Goodbye everyone :)
Edit: I didn't die. Im so sorry for scaring everyone. This was probably my closest suicide attempt yet. I ended up calling a suicide hotline like 10 times ( the first 9 or so times they were occupied) and by the time they finally picked up i could barely speak. The guy on the phone called an ambulance for me. I dont really remember what happened after that. I remember my mom holding me and almost not being able to breathe, and somebody waking me up in an ambulance. I was in the hospital for treatment, and now im in a psychiatric hospital. Im doing fine now.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do I tell my parents? Do I tell them at all? Hi, I’ve posted here before but I’m on a new account for this sub.
I’m 17 and have been dealing with extreme self esteem issues my entire life. Only recently have suicidal thoughts came to my mind, and since then the only thing I can do after school is lay down in bed without eating.
My parents (divorced) are fully aware that I have depression and I’m getting a therapist soon. What I haven’t told them is I really feel about myself and about them and how little I want to leave most of the time. My friend was extremely supportive of me and said that I really should tell my parents ASAP.
I know my dad had/has depression and attempted when he was younger than me, but I’m still so afraid to tell them the truth. I don’t want to die, I want to be successful, but I feel like I’m holding everyone down. Should I tell them how I feel? If so, how?
Thanks
Edit: did to Dad
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Don't want to continue living. Each day I get closer and closer [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Need a pal to chill with Am 20 years old and a ex drug addict have gone through hell last few years but got better with depression/anxiety and actually feel decent about life. I’m from Essex UK and literally just want a pal to meet up and chill with I’m geeky, social fairly decent looking and just need a homie haha feel myself sinking again and just want to get back to being a positive bastard about life.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im getting the rope ready. Its just about that time. My aunt is a 911 dispatcher working right now for the county and she is going to get my call.
We'll see if they can get to me in time. Will miss you guys.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I really need to say this Long story short, Today I found out my girlfriend is pregnant I am 19 and she is 19 , I'm so fucked up by this I am not ready for a kid and she is thinking about keeping it , or just giving birth and giving it away for adoption. I know abortion isn't right , but I'm not ready mentally or mature enough for this to happen and i feel so stressed upset and depressed i have no clue what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
Taking a mental health day A contrast to my last post, I decided to take a mental health day. I started stress eating yesterday and generally couldn't face going to work an 8 hour shift and also a training session on top of that, I called in this morning and told them I couldn't come in. So is anyone here willing to admit that they called into work saying you need to take a day off for mental health? I think it helps to talk about these things.
|
self.depression
|
Some thoughts I wrote down, can anyone here relate?
So I don't know if anybody out there can relate,
But have you ever been going about your day,
and someone passes by you and they say,
"Hi how are you?" And you say "I'm doing great!"
Except nowadays that's a lie almost every single time,
But I don't want you to see past my happy facade,
And how recently I've spent a lot of time questioning god,
Like, how can he be good, but let people feel this way?
They say it'll all be okay but my future's looking grey,
But hey,
Maybe it will get better in due time,
But, I'd say that's wishful thinking of mine,
Depression is insane, it makes you just not care,
Combined with anxiety makes life almost too much to bear,
Sometimes I think maybe the answer is suicide,
I constantly ask myself "Why do you even try?"
But deep down, I know that's not the answer,
But these bad thoughts are spreading so fast like a cancer,
I doubt you'd know this from looking at me on the surface,
That I struggle to find meaning and to find a purpose,
It's like, life is this party but I'm on the outside looking in,
Staring through the window wondering when my life will truly begin..
And this is something many people struggle with on the daily,
But no one likes to talk about it for fear of sounding crazy,
And lately,
I've been often thinking about my past,
and all of the regrets in my life that I've amassed,
So many opportunities that I've missed,
Makes me feel like I wish I just didn't exist,
It's hard not to look back and wonder what if,
you could change the things that made you go adrift,
But for now that's it,
Sorry, I'm not usually one to complain,
I just had to write this out before I went fucking insane,
And writing really helps me to deal with the pain,
But that's it for now I've got nothing else left to explain.
|
self.depression
|
My Ex wants to get back together. There are somethings I did when we were together that I've not told her and am not proud of. The anxiety and stress of worrying about telling her is consuming me. What I did while we were dating and what she doesn't know about: Craigslist casual encounter emails, dating app stuff, etc. I did these things in a "sexual-thrill" way. I never emailed/downloaded the apps with intentions of meeting people, just the act of doing so and sending random messages was a big fetish/turn on for me. I never met anyone or had any serious conversation that lasted more than the night.
We since mutually broke up. She doesn't know about those things I did while in our relationship. It's been a while since we've been together and she's told me she really wants to try things again. I'd like to as well, but the anxiety of these things surfacing is consuming me. At this moment I don't have a lot of courage to come out and tell her, but I know it'd be the best thing to do.
Since breaking up I've changed a lot, and have spent the entire time after our relationship working on myself. I've grown to really respect and admire her and I feel terrible for ever disrespecting her.
She's initiated the recent contact and told me she wants to try again. I personally don't feel like I deserve her.
Truth be told I'm a huge ball of anxiety, guilt and stress, and it would just be really nice to talk to someone about all of this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't want to turn 20 I turn 20 in May and I have done nothing with my life. I wish I could go back a couple years or end it before I turn 20. Anyone else in the same boat?
|
self.depression
|
3 days ago I tried to OD and posted here i made a post about 3 days ago about to shoot 3 grams of dope and OD on purpose you can find it in my history.
update: i just got out of the hospital with permanent damage. I somehow survived ~3 grams of heroin/fentanyl. I have little movement in my right arm and leg, and find it very difficult to form complete thoughts, and then speak those thoughts. Im in a worse position than I was before. Thanks for the support, I regret my decision and wish I either would of used more or none at all.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I went out to see Star Wars. It let me forget about my life for a while. It's all coming back to me, though. The pressure of the holiday season, the fact that I've done nothing with my life, the fact that I have no plans for the future, that I'm just sorta drifting onward....
Movies and video games are my escape from my pitiful and worthless life. They let me visit a world where my problems no longer exist. I wish I could be in those worlds forever.
|
self.depression
|
Just a little note about mine today.. Sometimes it feels like every muscle in my body is flexing all at once. Like every fiber of my being is being stretched so thin the threads will tear and I'll spontaneously combust. Other times I can't feel my limbs. My brain is so focused on my rapid heartbeat and every fucked up thought in my head that the rest of me just doesn't exist. My arms lay motionless and heavy against my pillow, but they aren't cold or itchy, there's no pain because it's all in my head and my chest where my heart raps it's unsteady beat against my ribcage begging for my head to just stop thinking about why he wore that with her but not with me, or why people that barely know me seem to hate me. They probably don't, but in my head they're always talking about how horrible I am for just existing. Then my stomach chimes in with a heavy drop and my fingers tap out these words on a screen that seems so foreign to me. "I didn't mean that thing I said," but I did, at least, anxious me did. I spewed those words pointedly, hoping to evoke a response..and it worked. For a moment in time anxiety won her little battle while I wept inside for the girl that knows better than to let her win.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My girlfriend is acting strange and alluding to suicide. How can I help or get her help? Lately there's been a little bit of a strange air about my girlfriend- she suffers from depression, and lately she's been even more under the weather and just generally scaring me.
Some concerning comments (made today) revolve around Christmas and that being a final time. This makes me even more scared and...well quite frankly beyond terrified.
I've spoken to another friend of mine who's worried for her as well, and we both agree she needs help, but I don't know where to begin. We're not exactly well off in the money department, so I wouldn't know where to begin
I have a vague idea of what it's about but she hasn't told me anything and refuses to, just passing it off as " fine" and the like. And despite the typical " meme" of a girl response always being fine, she knows she can always come to me with anything.
This is coming off as disjointed, and I apologise, but maybe someone out there can help me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Long term sexual abuse coupled with a kink lifestyle [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.