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What's the point? I need a reason to go through this struggle every day. Right now I feel like I'm doing it just because that's the done thing (living), not because I have an actual reason to. And that sucks. Takes all the meaningfulness out of joyful things.
I've got a job got a house got a partner and friends. But what's it all for?
Why is staying alive such a task?
Why do I continue to do it?
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self.depression
|
Is depression solely a mental disorder or am I just sad? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I should have came here a lot sooner Where do I begin?
I am a 24 year old male living with depression. I have been on medications for the last three or so years. I've done therapy before, and I have an appointment to begin therapy again at the end of the month.
I used to be in school. I dropped my classes this semester because my depression became overwhelming and I couldn't handle the course load. I have a semester left until I can graduate with a degree I'm no longer planning on using. I don't even think I could use it if I tried. Instead, I'm changing careers and I've spent the last few months learning programming and web development.
Which leads me to my first big problem: I don't think I'll be able to find a job as a self-taught web developer. I've looked for jobs online and everyone wants a degree (in computer science!) and a couple years experience. My time at college has left me in what feels like a lot of debt (30k). I know this amount is not the end of the world, but I can't pay anything without a job.
The place that I'm in right now is severely overwhelming. I feel lost, I feel like I'm wasting my time, and I feel like I've got nowhere to turn.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Random random off my chest thing Basically I (21f) met a guy (34m) and he asked me out. I politely declined saying I wasn’t interested in dating but we could friends if he agreed. He did and we hung out once with a lot of friends and once just us for one meal. I work three jobs and go to school so I really don’t have time for anyone. He constantly asks me to go out to date-like places “as friends” which I politely decline. After a while he sent me a text saying, “I can’t wait around for you forever”. Which I responded to with, “I don’t want you to wait around for me forever. We agreed to be friends and that’s that.”
After he saw the text I sent he started getting angry saying I knew exactly what I was doing and that even though everyone else is wrapped around my finger, he wouldn’t be. I was like ??? Ok lmao. And so I did the bigger person thing and apologized for any confusion he might of misinterpreted and then blocked him.
I didn’t want to be the bigger person. I wanted to scream lol. He was also talking to my mutual friend and she showed me his texts asking her out. When I brought that up he claimed he never talked to her since the first time we hung out as a group so whatever. :-)
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self.offmychest
|
What triggers your (Hypo)mania? I'm trying to figure out what triggers my hypomania. I think I know what triggers my depression (higher than average stress, failures, too much work to do, etc.). I can't pin down what triggers my hypomania.
What triggers your (hypo)mania? Do you have triggers or is it just random?
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self.bipolar
|
I feel sad today, I was attacked on social media, could someone cheer me up? Didn't help my depression having at least 20 grown adults have a go at me because they didn't like my hobby of painting patterns on stones. I find it stress relieving and now I just feel cringe whenever I see or think about stone paintings
I self harmed because of it too, and I've been secluded to my room all day. It's such a shame because the group I'm in on my account have similar hobbies
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self.depression
|
Goal Setting Sunday 11.26.2017 What goals do you want to set for the week? Let's work towards progress together =)
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self.bipolar
|
I need help coping with being super anxious, I just got a new job and I already want to quit because of how anxious/scared I get. Any suggestions would be appreciated. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
What would you say is the difference between depression and someone that is having a hard time? You know I have had this state for 5 years now, and my family doesn't believe I have depression, they can't never accept it, maybe because I am still kind of outgoing, and because of my past.
If I ever go and say what I feel, my father will come and tell me all the hard times he had, and he went through, which I do admire, and it just makes me feel even worse because he always make my problems look like something really small(Which they may be?). What in your opinion is what differences between someone that is depressed with someone that is going through a hard time?
|
self.depression
|
Wheres the light? Theres no light at the end of this fucking tunnel for me.
I’ve just about decided I can’t anymore.
I wanted to vent somewhere, somewhere no one knows me and no one can ever find out who I am.
So, you want to tag along on my shit storm of a fucked up exaistance? I invite you to treck on this depression treck through shit valley, in what is probably going to be my first and last post on this site.
My thoughts are disorganized, forgive me for that.
My mother is a toxic, drunken, absuive, and controlling human being. She lied her way to get me back to move in with her after the loss of my previous residence. Promising things like college and a car etc.
I should've never believed her.
I have a plethora of mental and physcial alliments, which most of my family/close friends are aware of. Along with three beautiful bouncing babies.
Between my children and these disabilities my life is already a struggle. Adding my mother into this mix is lethal. Everyone knew it, no one thought to warn me.
I desperstly just wanted to go back home, where I lived before all of this.
I wanted to go back to my boyfriend, I felt safe there. Yeah things were rocky, yeah the kids exsistance split us farther apart but I still loved him. And i loved being there. I still do. I still wanted things to work. The conditions I had set for me to move back to him were hard, but I accomplished most of them.
I desperatly just wanted to be out, my kids deserved better than this. My kids deserved better rather then seeing grandma drunk off her ass cussing and bantering on about everyone before she picked up her keys and stormed down the stairs.
I really did try hun, I really did!
But my desperation lead to my demise. I was too egar to get out (but to be honest who wouldnt be?) And I pushed everyone away.
Maybe its for the better? If I died at least all my ties were cut?
Everything that was going for me has been ripped away for this or that reason.
And left and right being told to give up my kids.
That I’m hurting them more by keeping them here.
But my babies...my little babies are my life. They are the reason that I fight..
But the fight is gone. I feel absolutely nothing.
All I do is cry.
I really have nothing going for me. I’m too depressed to get help, Im in too much pain to move. I aspired to be a wonderful artist but alas the kids take too much out of me, and with being an otherwise single parent...Its hard for me..
I have mo help and I am told..it was my choice to have them..so deal with it.
I dont deserve help.
I dont deserve to get out.
Everyone wants to place the blame on me.
I should have a house, a job, a car, etc, with little to no money and no way to fund these said things.
Maybe it is all my fault?
Maybe I should've forgo my beliefes and had aboritions? Or given all the kids up at birth?
Would they be happier? Truley?
Would I have been?
Would you?
I just wish you understood that I understand. Instead of saying those awful things about me.
Im so sorry that in my past it was hard to see love. I do now, or did. Idk. I tried so hard to help you. You say I dont understand how you feel about the kids, but I did. I was willing to compromise but that wasnt good enough.
It all doesnt matter now
Youre gone, and I fucked up.
The kids dont love me.
I have nothing left to fight for.
I dont have anything.
I dont even have friends.
I could go more into details, I could elebrorate more about things but whats the point?
I have said my peace.
I know my kids will be okay.
I know you will find happiness, somewhere.
Im so sorry I coulnt be strong enough.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Avoiding my only friend because his life is getting better I feel like an asshole but I can't help it.
He's my only real friend and I've known him for years. We were both moneyless losers with no girlfriends and overall shitty lives. We understood each other. We could talk about anything.
However recently his life got so much better. He's actually earning some money now and he found a loving caring girlfriend. He's becoming a stable almost happy person.
And since then.. I just can't talk to him anymore. I just can't. I try to avoid him because it hurts. I'm such an asshole. I should be happy for him but his successes merely remind me of my own failures.
I'm still the same hopeless loser and it feels like it will never change. Being with him hurts. He's my best and only friend but I'd rather be totally lonely than hang or talk with him anymore. I'd prefer that he stays unhappy rather than happy because his happiness actually hurts. I'm an asshole. It sucks...
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self.depression
|
I still can't believe that September/October I was in love with someone that I know I would never contact again Basically I don't know if people remember that I had a crush on a teacher and told her my feelings for her but looking back at that i think what I said was the dumbest thing ever I had done in my life because I knew that I would never get in contact with her again because she left the office she was at when teaching me to go somewhere else
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self.offmychest
|
i keep asking why im here and cant figure out the answer heya reddit. sorry if this is choppy and weird but im going to start out by explaining kind of my background and who i am.
my names carly. im 16 (i know im young and angsty and hormonal, i really dont need to hear that from anyone please), i have GAD, depression, adhd, and ive been told bipolar ii though idk if i trust that psych too much. right now, i feel like im drowning.
my current therapist has spent weeks with me talking through some of my issues, the main one being the root of my attention-seeking behavior. and, no, i dont mean your typical teen things. i mean talking about suicide whenever i feel like someone's leaving me or spilling all my deepest issues on a whim. it has a lot to do with abandonment and my need to control people as a coping mechanism, but im not getting into that. (also, no, this post doesnt really fit in those parameters, since its people i know and am scared of losing. im just really scared and confused right now)
my home life isnt great. my mother was widowed when i was 4, and she's kind of a psychopathic bitch now. i mean that in the most honest way possible. she's filmed me in the middle of an anxiety attack so she could show her friends what she has to deal with. she berates me for crying and yells nonstop. she told my step-dad to physically confront me a week ago during a fight, and i ended up getting punched twice in the stomach. this spilled out in my most recent psych appointment, though ive never told anyone in authority about this before, and the psych reported it to DCS. theyve yet to get involved, as far as i know, but im not exactly a golden child, so im scared of what will happen. i sneak out so i can hopefully escape from my thouvghts for a few hours with alcohol and friends and fake laughter. ive gotten caught. i have a high iq but im failing every class because i dont do my homework. and i know i should i just...dont? i dont know. im lazy i guess. thats what everyone keeps telling me, and i kinda guess its true, but i wouldnt be this disappointed in myself if that were the case, right?
all i ever want to do is film. i want to go to scad and major in it, hopefully direct or at least make a living doing what i love. i have so many scripts written but theyre all half-finished because i always give up or get too depressed to finish. for the past two weeks, i havent thought about film once. i guess just a depression swing.
tonight i relapsed and self-harmed. and while i was sitting here, i started to think, not for the first time, about whether or not i was meant tobe alive. ive been told i was an accident, and i know that if if natural selection were still around for humans, id be dead. im mentally shit, im fat, and im a controlling bitch who cant do anything right. all i can do is fuck up my own life. and overpopulation is such a major issue, and i know one life wont make a difference, but me being here isn't helping anyone either. i just don't see the point anymore. why should i keep trying when i obviously wasnt meant to be alive? i shouldve died long ago, so why dont i just get it over with? ill save everyone so much pain.
anyway, now im sitting here listening to 21p and thinking about jumping in the middle of traffic. i dont know. bounce some ideas about this mess of a life at me? sorry. thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want to die but I want to be dead It's weird. I would never kill myself, I think about it, but I would never actually do it because I am too afraid and I don't want to hurt anyone... But being dead or just never existing would be the best thing ever. I mean, non-existence is clearly better because it would mean that nobody was ever hurt or cared.
I am not textbook-depressed in the sense that I don't function, but I feel worthless and that life is meaningless. Sure, one can argue "you have to construct your meaning because your existence comes before your essence blabla" which is true I guess, but maybe I don't want to do that. If I could choose I would like to be a great physicist with impact on our understanding of the universe... but like, I am never going to do that. I don't have to, because in the end it actually doesn't matter what I do, everything will still be the same.
I can laugh and I can have good days and I do enjoy some parts of living but it isn't enough to make me happy at all. Behind it all I still feel empty.
Worst thing is, my family doesn't know and I am so afraid of going to the doctor and being told I am not actually depressed but rather a lazy whiny person who overthinks...
|
self.depression
|
Everything is anything good luck to you all with your gaming. but also fuck everyone. even though I hope you will find good things. not that those "exist"
MAKE SURE TO CUT YOUR HAIR WITH YOU TOENAIL CLIPPERS
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self.depression
|
I do graphic design work for free People don't think I should be paid for my work because it's too easy for me, because I am good at it. The Vancouver Sun laid me off at 9 years because "I am good at my job, I will find other work" My current boss at the mall kiosk thinks "it's nothing to me to design something" Yes truth is, it is very easy.. so what? does it mean I shouldn't be paid?
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self.offmychest
|
Don't know what to do: work or study?! I failed the licensure exam and now I do not know what to do, work or study?
I really just want to get on with my life. I just want to work. But my sister (whom I idolize and love very much) is pushing me to study again to take the exam again. She will pay for everything. Sound good right?
But here's the thing, *I am tired of studying* the same thing again. And it gives me guilt because many people will jump at the chance to study while being financially supported by someone else. Still, just imagining myself sitting in a classroom, listening to the same lecture again, practicing to solve problems, trying to memorize a million things over again... i feel miserable. I can't promise that I will/can put in the required effort.
And so I told my sister, "what if i don't want to study again?" She adamantly said "no." And then I couldn't speak while she went on and told me that I won't be able to get the job I wanted or sign anything, I didn't really want to listen while she enumerates the things I can't do without a license. By the end she just said, " if you really don't want to study, just say it so that i won't waste money."
And now I don't know what to do. I want to work already (I got 2 job interviews waiting), but it feels like I'm doing the wrong thing. I wish my sister would just support me.
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self.offmychest
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Losing interest in job prospects, and now it feels like my whole world is going down the drain. Hey folks. Really felt the need to get this out of my head and into some written medium, so here goes.
I'm a young guy, early 20's, living in western Canada. I'm just trying to make my mark in life, and it doesn't seem to be working out for me. It should be noted that I've had chronic depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) since I was about 12 or 13, and that it unfortunately has been playing a greater role in my life in the past 6-8 months. It's kinda hard to write that out, but I feel I've come to terms with it and the extra weight it puts on my every day struggles.
My basic problem is this; I've had a very hard time finding something I want to do in life. A career. I tried to go to school for my passion in high school, psychology, but I ended up realizing (quickly, thank god) that I was only taking it so I could find answers for myself. After that I thought that I might want to go to school to become a writer, specifically for video games or movies/TV, but I was heavily discouraged from doing so by friends, family, and the therapist I see. This left me with nothing to look forward to, nothing to strive for, and since losing those prospects I have floated from one full-time job to the next. I haven't ever really held own a job longer than a year, not because I'm a bad employee as far as I am aware, but because none of them have held my interest for any length of time greater than that.
My latest job prospect is probably the thing that will expose me to any friends that read this, and that is being a private investigator. My father, an absolutely amazing and supportive guy, set me up to meet a friend of his girlfriend's. She talked me through the process, told me about her experiences in this field, and overall tried to encourage me to take the necessary online course to do it. I don't know what it was, but my dad seemed so happy that I may have an admittedly cool new job prospect with high earning potential and an easy way to get in. I should mention that my dad is the only person I see on a regular basis, and he worries about my mental health a lot. He's the only person other than my therapist I talk to about my issues, as I don't have many friends who I feel I can talk to.
So I took the course. I learned all about being a private investigator, a course my dad insisted upon paying for due to my recent seasonal layoff from my last job as a painter. After taking the course, I took the practice exam I thought would be necessary, 50 questions which required getting 35 right to pass. I got a final score of 16 in spite of studying about an hour a day for the last two weeks. I was crushed, and I think it was this that made me realize that I'm not interested in doing this job. I only did it because my dad looked so happy.
Now my life seems to be falling apart. I have no interest in doing anything I used to enjoy, I can't shake my depression coming back, and I know that if I tell my dad that I don't want to do this he's not going to be happy or excited anymore. I don't want to do that to him after all the things he's done for me, all the nights he stayed up when I was having an episode, all the money he's spent helping me pay for therapy and this damn course.
Maybe it all sounds stupid. I have a habit of not thinking clearly when I'm depressed, so maybe none of it makes sense. If anybody has any kind of advice, tough love or not, I'll take it.
Thanks folks.
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self.offmychest
|
Attempted suicide I attempted suicide by hanging, my mom found me and saved my life.
I stayed in the psychiatric unit of a hospital for a week.
I'm on new meds,
I still don't feel any different,
I really don't know what to do.
Does this ever change? I'm in my early 20's. Anyone here turn things around after an attempted suicide?
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self.depression
|
I BOUGHT A HOUSE I still have to close the sale and everything, but I’m so happy my offer was accepted and really needed to tell someone.
Merry Christmas everyone :)))
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self.offmychest
|
Motivation below zero Heeey guys. I'm just wondering what to do with my life or rather how to help myself now. I've been dealing with depression for ~3 years and it just got to a really weird stage. As neither therapy nor meds did much to help me I just kind of gave up. Now I've become completely detached from reality/myself/world. Friends say that I look way better than before because I talk random stuff non stop, joke around, always up to hang out etc. In reality it's really bad. I don't see meaning in anything anymore, I spend all my money on alcohol, I am completely ignoring university even though it's my last year and I think they will expel me. I think this could result in huge debts. I still don't do anything about it. I'm becoming absolutely selfish, I just really have no motivation to do anything except following people around so as not to feel alone. I don't know, I think I'm losing myself, like there's really no reason for me to live because I'm only causing problems but I also can't bring myself to commit suicide. I feel weird doing whatever I do, even when walking I kind of feel like it's not even my body. I don't know how to explain this.
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self.depression
|
Hello darkness my old friend I have been anxiety free for about 7 months now, started meds after having a huge breakdown and suicide attempts (to stop the anxiety) I've been doing well, felt so free and liberated from anxiety after living with it for so long.. All my life I think.
Got an amazing boyfriend, job, my own business in photography..
That is until my boyfriend started to act distant and cold, tonight is the first night since starting my meds that I'm up late, awake, unable to sleep because of anxiety. Welcome back you son of a bitch.
I have tried talking to him, get him to open up but nothing, it's driving me crazy and I'm here having a fucking attack, typing shit out on reddit hoping to take my mind away from things.
It's like I have a demon latched on to me, whispering dark, haunting thoughts in the hopes of breaking me.
I'm so close to being completely broken again.
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self.Anxiety
|
I don’t want to be trans. I just want to be a girl. This isn’t fair. I’m 22, and I feel like I can probably have a happy, normal life but I’m in a constant state of discomfort and disgust with myself. I can’t even walk across my own university’s campus without an intense feeling of anxiety and self-consciousness. After outing myself last year to my now-ex, who then outed me to some of her friends, and destroying our relationship, I’m still terrified to pursue transition. I have complete respect for everyone who does, but I’m not strong enough to do this. I have support from some family and friends, but I don’t want being trans to be all I’m about. I want to be seen and treated as a woman, for better or worse. I wanted to cry at the table yesterday, because last thanksgiving I hoped I would at least be somewhere by now but I still get overwhelmed at thought of leaving my room in women’s clothing.
I just want to know what my childhood would’ve been like. I want to know what being a girlfriend, wife, sister, and daughter feels. But this giant asterisk will follow me until I die, and I’m scared that it’ll be soon. I think about dying at least a couple times a week. I don’t want to all the time. I feel like I’m doing an ok job at keeping busy with school and work, but when depression or dysphoria hits, it hits like a train. I hate this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tried to breakup with my SO last night, now more confused than ever. Are these my real feelings or depression?? I've been a mess for quite a while now, and it's been affecting my relationship of 9 years. I've been absolutely depressed and have not been doing anything with my life for years now, and I pretty much loathe the person that I am. I feel totally numb a lot of the time, including how I feel towards my boyfriend.
But I do love him a lot and he is seriously the best guy anyone could ask for. He's been more patient and supportive of me through these years than any person should be. Yet I recently started freaking out about my life and whether I'm truly meant to be with him. I'm turning 30 soon so maybe that on top of everything else is just compounding.
So anyway, I convinced myself lately that what I needed was to be single and be on my own to figure my shit out. There is a lot more to it but that's more or less what I told my boyfriend last night. I poured out all of my feelings and he broke down and begged me not to go. It was fucking heart wrenching but I held my ground. He said to me that a person can still be in a relationship and work to better themselves, and as I thought more about it I realized maybe I shouldn't be making such a rash decision while obviously so depressed and unhappy with myself. I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else who loves me as much as he does. But maybe it's not possible to truly find yourself when you're not on your own. Maybe I only feel so confused in this relationship because I'm depressed. I wonder if I ever will get better and then everything else will fall into place with what I'm feeling in this relationship.
So, I decided it's maybe better for me to see a therapist first, and start doing me. With the support of my boyfriend. I have no idea if it's the right decision - I don't know what to do either way. Maybe I'll regret it. Is it worth throwing away a good relationship because you can't figure your own shit out? I dont know how I feel anymore. Ugh.
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self.depression
|
is it possible to turn my life around at 24? I feel like I made a bunch of bad life choices and I've been trying to make better ones the last 6months.. My social life sucks ass , I barely hang out with anyone anymore..All my ex gfs/ pretty much ghosted me.. I feel lonely asf.. I dropped out of college a couple times even though I made it to my Junior year in one major im just starting back over again in CS ... I live with my dad it sucks ass its depressing esp w how shitty he lives his life with drugs and its never clean.. I live in a crappy neighborhood..
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self.depression
|
DAE have sleep problems associated with bipolar? Stories and tips appreciated here!
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self.bipolar
|
How do i cope with the fact that im a fucking loser? I am scum,if i were to ever have a kid id wish him to be the polar opposite of me,I am constantly depressed,tired,and think about killing myself all the time but never have the guts to go through with it a while back i started burning myself with lighters again to cope recently it stopped working, i cant help but think that there is something wrong with me i mean the fundamental thing that makes a human i dont have a redeeming quality,i just done havent had luck with any girls,im an after thought to most my "friends" i use the term loosely im pretty convinced that theyre all better off without me im pretty convinced the world is better off without my,why cant i just die already.
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self.depression
|
Well damn, missed a dose So thanks to procrastination and thinking that my script would go through I thought all would be taken care of and I could get my script. Nope. Increased dose needs preauth.
So Monday I didn't have my latuda. Well it shows. Tuesday I could feel myself poking through. I skipped gym bc I got angry at a friend/coworker. Some jealous thoughts started to resurface. I started getting emotional and wanted to cry on the way home. Feeling of what a waste my life has been. Remembering the hurt I've caused to others and wishing I could take it back. But I cant. I fucked it up bc that's all I do.
So last night I got my meds. I did kind of feel instantly relieved. But this morning I'm combative. I'm angry and feeling confrontational. GF picked up on it and is now frustrated and annoyed. I'd say good thing I have pdoc visit today but I'm losing faith there as well.
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self.bipolar
|
I can't find my anti-depressants. Now I feel horrible, because I snapped at my mother who was just trying to help. I can't clean my floor, because it's horrible. I have a thing planned tomorrow, and I don't know if I'll even be alive for it.
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self.depression
|
Attitude Change I don't know how it can relate to how much I've been feeling down in the past few weeks, but as I was, my ways and mannerisms seems to have come to a drastic change. I was aware of what I was doing before because I was afraid of how people would think of me. Thoughts of me doing something that could change a lot makes me weak that I can't even speak or think straight. For a while now, I've been so reckless and blunt that I seem to have lost how I became while in this depressed state. The shit I do when I think about it afterwards makes me want to stop and kill myself but the cycle continues. It's like my change is a dependent drug that I already can't live without. A change that had to happen so I can still live, and I don't want anyone around me to make them feel annoyed or unconfortable, I want them to be there, just as they are now. It's selfish of me but I've always wanted someone to know my pain.
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self.depression
|
Strange thoughts about how others would react if I died. [removed]
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self.depression
|
I am writting a light novel but, I can't think of anywhere to post it. I became interested in writting novels and various other things but, I don't know where I should be posting them, Does anyone can suggest me one place?
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self.offmychest
|
Diagnosed while in Psyche ward, afraid of everything now. I went into psychosis and had to be placed in a psyche ward. I lost my job which pushed me over the edge and I did a lot of stupid stuff that landed me in the hospital. Now I am afraid of going to work again. I am afraid to fail and not pick up what they teach me. Am I the only one who feels this way?
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self.bipolar
|
Failing the last year of high school I’m pretty depressed not sure how anyone can fail their last year of highschool.
Anyone with tips on what I should try to do?
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self.depression
|
A year after my episode, my pants finally fit again! After my episode last year I gained 50+ lbs due to the insatiable appetite and extra hours of sleep induced by the antipsychotic medication. I was no longer able to fit into my clothes. On top of not feeling like I could trust my own mind any longer, this was particularly devastating to me as I had struggled with my weight as a kid before eventually getting to a point where I was comfortable, proud even, of my body. Well today I finally fit into my favorite pair of pants again, and even though it’s a tight fit and I’ve got some pounds to go, I’m excited about the progress I’ve made and wanted to share.
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self.bipolar
|
Sometimes I'm afraid that my feelings are of the same intensity as everyone else, but I'm terrible at controlling them All of us have been told, "Well, everyone feels that way sometimes," and I always think, "But not like I do," but I'm not sure that's true sometimes. I'm worried that normal people feel the same level of sadness, albeit not as frequently, and they just manage to keep it together better. Like I'm weak because it makes me want to die.
This argument falls apart with my hypomania, though, because I'm so hyper motivated and energized whereas most people are obviously not. When I talk about my mania nobody says, "Everyone feels like that sometimes."
Anyway I know that my depressive episodes feel worse than the average person's sadness, but I just feel pathetic for letting it inhibit my ability to function sometimes.
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self.bipolar
|
Is anyone else bothered by lack of support from loved ones? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My life is beyond fucked I've never had an actual job and I'm 27
I've avoided and closed myself to all my friends and family for the last 3 years b/c of embarrassment.
I'm fat as fuck and play video games and master are all day.
I'm gay and I've never had any connection with another person.
I can't complete important assignments or go to any engagements without panic, procrastination and destructive habits.
I love at home and wasted by time in school and have nothing to show for it.
My life is completely fucked and I want to kill myself.
I'm so far gone I don't have the knowledge to figure out how to fix one thing when I'm hurling towards another disaster in the next second.
Distractions is all I have and inside I'm dead anyway.
|
self.depression
|
DAE go into superman mode when a friend/SO is also having mental illness struggles? Been washing my bf's dishes for like 45m. I was asleep and he woke he up with food and started getting so overwhelmed because everything was a mess and he has this huge job tomorrow and so on... his SAD kicked in early this year so it looks like we'll have a longer than usual period of overlapping consistent shittiness but somehow like 80% of the time I can power through almost anything if I feel like he needs me. Maybe closer to like 60%, I've been watching that pile of dishes grow for three weeks and been too exhausted to care, even though I knew he was starting to feel really really shitty about them, and life in general.
What about you guys? Anything make you hulk out?
|
self.bipolar
|
Goal Setting Sunday 11.5.17 What goals do you want to work towards this week? Let's share our aims and work towards progress together!
|
self.bipolar
|
Self medicating with masturbation I came out of a relationship pretty recently wasn't great but wasn't terrible. We broke up because rather then working on thing we would rather give up on it all together. So I let a few weeks pass and was feeling a little better so I decided to talk to her and see what was up. She still wasn't over it. So I tried asking her if she would want to work out our issues but she completely brushed it off and said she was a lot better now by herself. I tried not to let that hurt me but it did. Now I think about it. When I do I usually try to get my mind off of it. How do I do that? Porn and jerking off.
I understand it isn't healthy but its what I got. Does anyone else use that to self medicate?
|
self.depression
|
What do you do when everything feels hopeless? I've been in treatment for five years, and nothing has gotten better. Nothing seems to work.
I'm trying to finish incomplete work for some classes, but I'm too depressed to get anything done. Even if I were in a better state of mind, it would be difficult to get this work done. I want to get it all done so I can graduate this term and just be done with school.
I keep trying to get myself in a good state of mind, but nothing is working. I end up not working, and feel more depressed and it keeps getting worse. I try to work in a not good state of mind and the work is just terrible.
I feel like it doesn't even matter, that even if I get the work done, my life is still miserable. If I get my degree, it won't lead to a good job anyway. I'll be working some job I hate to pay off the loans for an education that didn't offer me anything.
I take care of my mom who has health issues. She had a stroke this weekend and I've realized that she will continue to deteriorate and need more care and my life is on hold or dependent on her condition--I don't have other family that can help and can't afford a facility or home care. This makes me unable to move somewhere else or spend much time away from home, even for work--I might end up working from home, which I really don't want to do.
I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to. I miserable in all aspects of my life and don't see anything improving. I won't ever have the things I want or do the things I aspire to do. I want to just break that part of me that still hopes for better so I stop being disappointed, but it won't fucking die.
I feel that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter. I have an incurable mental illness that's resistant to treatment and all these adverse life circumstances that are difficult to overcome without a mental illness.
I don't know how to make myself do this work or move forward in my life when it feels like I'm trapped in it. I don't know how to give up on my dreams or just completely let them go and settle into a miserable life without being constantly bitter and upset.
Please don't say "it will get better"--that bullshit is not true, it has only gotten worse for me.
|
self.bipolar
|
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. The fact that I'm getting euphoric rushes of zany stupid ideas ("Let's play peek a boo with a coworker on her way back to her cubicle!"). The fact that I'm coming home after almost a week away from home in a dysphoric, hypomanic rush, feeling like absolute horrible shit that wants to go straight to sleep instead of spend time with my boyfriend I haven't seen in almost a week. The fact that I can't get to sleep until past midnight. The fact that I'm reading An Unquiet Mind and finding bits of my own experience scattered throughout the book. The fact that I'm agitated, not to the point of akathisia, but to the point that I feel like I *need to move*, and I'm bouncing my leg as I write this. The fact that my brain is having conversations with other people in my head, and reacting as if they can actually hear it ("You better wash your hands! I see you. There you go.")
FUCK ME. IN THE ASS. FUCK.
This is not normal. This is not normal. This is not normal. I KNOW THIS ISN'T NORMAL. I am not making this shit up. The FACT that I know this isn't normal IS GOOD. Is a sign that I KNOW SOMETHING'S WRONG. And that is also good. It's not good that things are fucking whacked right now, BUT I KNOW THEY'RE WHACKED.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK
I am so fucking worked up and tired and anxious and scared. I'm fucking scared. I am fucking scared. I don't want this to get worse than it already has. I don't have any meds. I'm meeting my pdoc after two months of waiting in two weeks. I am terrified of what she'll say: that she'll confirm my provisional diagnosis and give me medication, which frankly I know I need, add more shit on to it...how much can really be done in an hour?
This is not normal. And I know that. That's what I'm holding on to right now. I am not making these behaviors and thoughts up. But they're a part of me. And that's fucking HARD to reconcile.
FUCK.
|
self.bipolar
|
My life has literally been ruined by this disorder Two months ago I had my own place, was actually working (omg), actually had friends (wtf?), clean and sober (iknorite?) And engaged to be married. Now because of a super lameee mixed episode I haven't fully recovered from I live with my parents bc i fled the state of Michigan in a moment of anxiety and psychosis lol, single af, getting high everyday and relapsed on alcohol yesterday, no friends, serious health concerns, medical debt bc I lost my medicaid.
Ran out of Vraylar like a week ago, have been spiraling since. I can feel the first warning signs of ensuing psychosis, but thankfully I see my new psychiatrist on Tuesday. Hopefully she has samples of Vraylar. I'm thinking about maybeee getting back on lithium or Prolixin. I have some Haldol if things start to get too bad. Same stuff that's in the shots you get in the psych ward when you get angry and smash the phone. I am trying to stay out of the hospital now that I'm back in Florida. I was here less than a month and got Baker Acted. I was threatened with restraints just bc this male nurse had an attitude with me so I went tf off on him. I was put in restraints in Michigan, but they were leather and removed immediately when I was no longer a danger. FLORIDA USES METAL RESTRAINTS AND WILL LEAVE YOU IN THEM FOR FUCKING HOURS. At this rate, I'm going to end up in Chattahoochee fml
|
self.bipolar
|
I have feelings for my best (and only) friend, but she has a boyfriend. Throwaway, because with some information on my main account this would be pretty easy to figure out. Title pretty much sums it up. I just started college, met this great girl, we just clicked. We were great friends, immediately. She (tactfully) mentioned a boyfriend early on, she's in a long distance relationship, but that wasn't a concern for a while, because that wasn't what I was after. I started to kind of think "well ok I could see a relationship here" but shut it down pretty fast. She was my best friend and an amazing person, I wasn't gonna lose that cause she's also pretty. Unfortunately I got gradually less good at taking that outlook. I can't even pretend I'm not crushing hard.
Well, she's really the only friend I have here. I spend all my time with her. We're together constantly, doing things that from a certain point of view are kind of objectively romantic. As a result, there are definitely rumors circulating. I probably look exactly as pathetic as I am.
The thing is though, she backs me up, she shuts that sort of thing down, "no, he's not like that," and I appreciate it but she's totally wrong, and I feel kinda bad.
So it's unfortunate because there is no clear out. I mean, just like she's my only friend here, I'm pretty close to hers. She's a little better set up, but still. Getting all isolated would hurt us both pretty badly. But also, spending time with her, while really fun, is kinda painful. Not that I want to stop, I just sometimes feel guilty and think I should. I just don't even know what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
Getting tired of all these med changes... I went to see the pdoc today and yet again my meds were adjusted. I don't get why this time. I'm feeling 100% fine yet my pdoc insists I'm on some kind of dangerous upswing which is a load. He had my Vraylar increased to 6mg from 4.5. I can hardly handle the restless at my current dose. I can only imagine how bad it's going to get when I increase it. I even told him this and he increased it anyway.
Yeah I'm getting sick of these med adjustments, especially when I'm doing fine and don't need anything changed. What the hell?
|
self.bipolar
|
I can't seem to find pleasure in anything anymore I am just a teen and i don't really have that many worries but i can't find myself anywhere. Everything seems like a chore , even my hobbies. I have started spending my nights foing absolutely nothing. Everyday is the same mundane and boring cycle that doesn't seem to end. And to add salt to injury , i suck at everything. I am not good despite my efforts and this hurts me most when it comes to doing something creative. I cant draw for shit , my voice sounds like crap , i am as stiff as a trunk and i cant really express myself.
It's not that severe , i mean , i have a pretty active social life and i am pretty athletic but i feel extremely empty. It might be because of my age but this has been going for a month.
I want to feel again
|
self.depression
|
Dear depressed life, day #7337838 I am going to the gym once more but for what? How many times do I have to go to the gym before women are attracted to me?
How many glute injections do I have to do before women notice me?
Will I die trying to attract women due an early age of steroid usage or will I finally succeed?
Every day seems like a waste, a failure, because my life is focused on women yet I am unable to attract any.
|
self.depression
|
Turning 18, why can’t I be happy? It’s taken me awhile to do this but I feel I might be able to get some information on why I feel the way I feel, In my life I’ve struggled with self image mostly. I used to be overweight and I’ve since gotten into much better shape but I’m not even happy about it, nothing I do brings me any joy, I’m pretty successful at most things I do, sports , music, school. But it means nothing to me, I just feel empty sometimes, I have plenty of wonderful friends but I can’t truly get close to them so I’m always just a friend never a best friend, I become unhealthy obsessed with things as I believe success in it will make me happy, like I said above, sports, music, school, I’ll train for hours on no food until I near pass out, I’ll sit and study all day with no breaks because I have to get the best grade in a test, but none of it makes me happy. I really realised it last night, I took a girl out on a date and at the end of the night I kissed her, this girl is great and I’m really interested in her but after the kiss I just felt sad, I felt sad because I didn’t feel happy, and it’s really getting to me, please excuse the structure of this post as I’m sure it’s frustrating but I’m just typing out my thoughts. I also get very anxious at times and have had times where I’ve had to leave school and go home due to it being bad. Please help this is my first time opening up about anything like this.
|
self.depression
|
The fog has lifted, but I can't tell if it's stability or hypomania After my meds stopped working about a month ago I returned to another awful mixed episode. It was my first period of stability since I first had symptoms two years ago, and I've been so afraid of how long before it would come back. How long I would be useless and unable to function in mixed state hell. I had some med changes last week, but I thought I would never be stable again.
But this afternoon something changed. It's like my eyes opened wider, my senses were heightened, my energy levels quadrupled, and I now desire to do things. I finally took that shower I couldn't take all week. I was joking around with my family all day and having deep laughs that actually hurt. It felt oh so genuine, too.
It's not all better, my paranoia's still there, and I was a bit delusional today. Feel a little antsy. My flashbacks of my mania have continued at about the same intensity, as well.
The thing is the first time I was stable it felt a lot more subtle and not as sudden. It was great since it was the first time I had felt like a person in so long, but this is something else. I feel so disconnected to how I felt just yesterday, it's like it never happened. Like I've been feeling this good forever, and I just woke up from a bad dream.
The recent med change was increasing my lithium from 900mg@0.6 level to 1200mg@0.9 level. When I was first put on Lithium at only 300mg I had the same high I'm experiencing now, is that typical? Also added on 50mg seroquel, but can a dose that low really do anything yet?
It might seem overwhelmingly obvious that I'm hypomanic right now, but idk. For one I haven't been hypomanic in so long, recently it's either been manic or mixed manic. Also I feel more in control compared to when I was last hypomanic. More self-aware and hopefully less annoying. Then again maybe that's because I have more experience with this hell now.
Idk, I really want to just savor how good I feel but I'm kinda worried
|
self.bipolar
|
"Send me a message if you ever need to talk" is one of the biggest lies ever.
|
self.depression
|
Can someone tell me what this feeling is? Sometimes I feel weird. Like, it's so bizarre to me that I actually EXIST. It's so hard to explain. It's weird that I am who I am; that I was born. That I'm a person. It is the craziest feeling. I wish I knew how to describe it better. Is this derealization or depersonalization or what??
|
self.Anxiety
|
Heelp Whenever I post I just get downvoted
now I complained about my mom https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/79dhr0/aaah/ and people downvoted it
and I replied saying Aaah its no fair!!! and people downvoted my post to 0
I was hoping someone would reply saying yeah that isn't fair.
I keep taking a break from posting on reddit for a few days, then when I finally do, people still downvote my posts =(
and a bug keeps flying around in the light and a virus keeps bothering my computer
it keeps flying around and I really want to make online friends
I'm so lonely and it feels like no one cares about me and I wish I had friends
|
self.Anxiety
|
drinking coffee & bipolar out of curiosity, I was wondering how many of you drink caffeine regularly, and what role, if any, has it played in your hypomanic/manic states or depression? After drinking a lot of coffee before one of my manic episodes, and noticing that I am often in a much more elevated and distractible mood after drinking coffee even when not manic, I switched to drinking green tea most of the time. However, I have also noticed that coffee can really improve my mood if I'm feeling depressed, tired or unproductive, and help motivate me to work and exercise, so it's hard to imagine never drinking it. especially if you're around highly energetic people who drink a lot of caffeine, it can sometimes be hard to keep up. I imagine everyone has a different caffeine tolerance, so just looking to discuss experiences with caffeine?
|
self.bipolar
|
Almost the whole class hates me So 3 months ago, i just first started my architecture school and everything was fine. Until i have some trouble socializing (always have been since i was a kid) .. this past few days.. and now everytime i came to the class almost everyone starts to make fun of me and bullying me.. maybe if its a few people i can handle. But its almost the whole class which is 65 students.. and i don't know what to do... school doesnt seems fun like it used to.. i used to enjoy going there.. and now i hate going there...
|
self.depression
|
Does anybody else come in here, write out a long story about what's troubling, then delete it and just end up reading the nice comments on all the other threads? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I have no friends I have no reason to live. Every day is torture
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depression is coming to town! Sunday December 17th 2017
I started seeing a therapist not more than 40 days ago. We started working on my issues and i genuinely thought i was going back on track. Slowly but steady! Last night i even decided to follow some "friends" of mine to some kind of club. I was having a good time and then it hit me.. IT HIT ME ON A FREAKIN' BATHROOM BREAK! The "i will die alone" thought popped up in my head just like that. All it took was 3 minutes... On the way back, i took a taxi and while being in the cab, i started having suicidal thoughts again after a month or so. I worked so hard keeping my head clean from these thoughts and all it took was 3 drinks and a 3' bathroom break. And im back at square one. Other than that, my pc is dieing and so am i! Merry x-mas and happy holidays to everyone out there! Be strong unlike me! :)
|
self.depression
|
I really need some support right now - Panic attack Guys, I am in vacations with my bf. Last time we went, I got a bad yeast infection (vaginal thrush) and it ruined my mood for the rest of the vacations.
Today, I woke up and I took a shower and I accidentally scratched myself in my genitals. The area and the redness are similar to the yeast infection one.
Even though I know it is going to be ok tomorrow, I am having a huge panic attack cause in my mind I have the picture of what happened last time and my OCD is killing me right now.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The higher the high the lower the low. I know mind blown, major revelation. But, just wanted to say it.
|
self.depression
|
my solution to anxiety ive done shrooms a handfull of times. usually i eat some and then contemplate life. talk to other people on snap or whatever about there day. making small talk. after im done tripping, i feel less afraid of judgement and im more outgoing. what is one thing that helps you handle anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
In an end of the world scenario I'd slowly go blind and quickly go insane My glasses prescription changes every year so eventually I would just be fucked and 2ithout medication I dive quickly into full blown manic episodes so after about a month of society crumbling id have run out of pills and started talking about infinity and being a literal god.
|
self.bipolar
|
Is a planned suicide or an impulse suicide easier on a family?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Booze buzz So I've recently been diagnosed and am currently taking abilify, seroquel and lithium. I can't get any sort of buzz off alcohol, it just makes me sleepy. The plan is monotherapy with lithium so the abilify and seroquel have been reduced with a view to stop them completely. Will I ever get a buzz off alcohol again? Maybe this seems trivial to some, but I'm in my 20s and drinking was a big part of my social life. Anyone got any thoughts?
|
self.bipolar
|
I was manic last night and almost spent $3k on a gaming computer that I didn't need. What do you do when shopping calls to you? I talked to my therapist about it and I'm gonna try to maybe take deep breaths more often? And maybe put away my computer after 2AM.
The worst part is that I'm sitting here now still thinking about this computer and how it will be a great addition to my lab and I should totally buy it. I'm not going to - I am in the middle of moving and need the cash - but the pull is super strong. Even after talking about it in therapy.
I stayed up till like 530 looking up part specifications and having racing thoughts, going around in circles over use cases for this system. It's enjoyable when I am experiencing it but I know it is bad. I'm so fucking tired today.
|
self.bipolar
|
Has anyone had or know of someone who is bipolar and had kids? I'm not pregnant but I'd like to be someday. That means coming off my meds right??
|
self.bipolar
|
I can’t do my job well if I don’t see my doctors. I can’t function like this. This is a dangerous recipe. I’ve had this conversation with my boss at least twice. I requested time off for my monthly visit to the therapist and the psychiatrist. I do this every month the month before she makes the schedule. She approved the time off. The time off is on my time card but I’m scheduled 8-5:30 every day.
So I’ve had to cancel my appointments. This is the holiday season. The hardest month for most people with depression and/or anxiety. I really could have used that session with the therapist. There’s so much to do and I’m overwhelmed. The SO is on the odd shift again so I’m alone at home in the evening and the suicidal thoughts are creeping in again.
I go to work with a feeling of a rock in my gut and what feels like limbs that are weighted down by bricks. I feel like I’m locked away somehow. I just want to get out.
I don’t want to be alone tonight. I’m so afraid of myself.
|
self.depression
|
random anxiety attacks anyone? Hey y'all. So recently I discovered I have anxiety attacks that are pretty severe. I never knew what they were when I was younger. I just thought maybe my stomach would randomly tighten and I didn't really connect the dots with any of the other symptoms. As a kid I constantly told my doctor i got this strained feeling in my stomach sometimes but i didnt know why
I had a couple life changes in the last 6 months and they're freaking me out: moved in with my boyfriend and transferred to a new university from city college. Thats kinda sent me into a spiral I cannot even describe. I think I'm freaking my boyfriend out and ruining our relationship. I'm having pretty severe anxiety attacks about once a week everywhere..on the train, washing dishes, in my sleep(which has sent me to the E.R. because i was 100% sure i was dying). Also I hold my breath which only makes things worse. Does anyone know how to work on this?
What can I do to help myself?? What do you guys do?? Maybe I could work out. I'm desperate..
Lately I can barely interact without alcohol or feeling like im going to cry and it's not good.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I got out of bed long enough to run some errands and go for a walk at the park*.., before coming home and getting back in bed. That counts for something, right?
*I'm morbidly obese (I've lost 62 lbs. so far but still have a long way to go) and have an extremely hard time exercising due to pain levels (from previous injuries and osteoarthritis in both knees)...but I've walked 3 days in a row now, even though all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep or cry.
|
self.depression
|
Remembering to take meds? I suck so much at taking meds.
My mind is a frazzled mess, where I can barely tell the day/time most of the time. So it is really difficult.
One pill I have to take 4 times a day and somedays I am not remembering to take it at all.
I know it is important and if I want to get better I have to take them obviously but I suck. I have notes all over the place and set a timer on my phone but I have to turn the sound off at work and then I forget to turn it back on so I don't hear it, or the alarm goes off and I'm in the middle of stuff and don't stop and take it right then.
I have an appointment today and the doctor is so going to yell at me :( I so don't wanna go.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel fine, but when I smile or laugh my expression sometimes morphs into an ugly smirk and I feel my throat tightening up. [26yo/m] But I'm fine :)
This is not a call for help or anything, I'm just interrested in sharing observations and ideas with others.
It's funny sometimes how disconnected from my emotions I can be; I'm always weirded out that people can easily get emotional anywhere, with anyone... personally, I usually need 5-10 minutes of alone-time and self searching to know what it is I feel.
As I said to an ex once : I don't get angry, sad or happy. I'll just get pleased or serene if things are good, and depression will slowly get to me otherwise.
But even if I don't know it, the emotions are still buried deep down somewhere, and my body knows it. When things are bad, I'll notice it with a few things : Bad concentration, shaking hands, lack of appetite (which leads to a few things due to bad nutrition) and my face acting weird when I smile.
And about that face thing... I'm still not sure if I'm having it this week because of some feelings I don't know I have, or just because I'm sick and my nose is all clogged up; It might just be that hahaha.
-------
Hmm, I could keep talking about different aspects of my depression... I always did a lot of introspection, but no one ever wants to talk about the sad truths, so there's a lot in my head I just never told anyone...
So that'll be all for the subject of ** buried emotions' effect on the body**!
I'll wait your reactions to know whether or not it's the kind of talk this reddit could appreciate.
God knows there's plenty more to share and explore if you guys like to talk about it :)
|
self.depression
|
Just another day... ... let’s face it, society has brainwashed us into thinking that today & tomorrow are somehow more special than any of the other 363 days of a year.
This isn’t about religion, or commercialism per se however religious morals & obligation & commerce with their advertising/marketing does have an impact on society.
I am torn between wanting to be alone now yet not feeling lonely...
Because society has made me feel like my situation in life is not acceptable within the general consensus.
That’s it... just wanted to express that x
|
self.offmychest
|
Good alternative to caffeine I can’t do caffeine at all because it just aggravates my anxiety too much. But I’ve found that a huge glass of milk in the morning does a lot for my energy levels b/c of the protein. Drinking a lot of water also helps!
Just thought it might be helpful for some of you.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else feel this? I guess I'm at a weird point in my life where I'm feeling better, but the only thing that comforts me entirely is the fact that suicide is an option. I tell myself that if things ever got to point where I broke, I could end it, and he world would continue on like I was never here. I don't necessarily want to die anymore, I just want a new life, where I can start from scratch. I also don't put on seatbelts in cars anymore or care too much about my health or appearance. Anyone else feel like this?
|
self.depression
|
I'd rather be depressed than being anxious. Don't get me wrong, depression *sucks*. Depression can be dangerous. I don't know how to explain this. But my anxiety can be so intense, it makes it hard to breathe and it paralyzes me. Depression is different because for me it's like a heavy emptiness... a lack of *everything*. In contrast to anxiety, it's like an absence of feeling instead of intense feeling. Therefore I find it "easier" to stand depression than anxiety. Has anyone else thought of this?
|
self.depression
|
every day, suicide seems more and more like that only option. after trying everything and nothing working or helping alleviate my issue, to end my suffering, suicide seems like the path to take. I just wish I wasn't so fucking afraid to. it could all just be over. im smiling imagining life fading to black, relief washing over me...oh my god that sounds amazing ..
|
self.offmychest
|
What is happiness? Does anyone know?
Because I don't think I do.
What if what makes me happy sounds depressing to someone else?
|
self.depression
|
Even when I get what I want, I fuck it up I grew up with a strict mother who had her abusive moments. As a result, I've always been afraid of her and going against her wishes.
Recently, I finally told her (after a mini mental breakdown) that I never actually graduated from college two years ago. I realized halfway that I hated it and kept falling and failing until I just stopped going. Afterwards I was too ashamed to go back, so here I am.
I told her what I want to study and do in life. She called me insane as she always does when she's mad at me and basically invalidated my whole existence. We're currently not speaking.
So I started studying the stuff I'm interested in. Only I stopped after one day and for some reason can't continue. It feels like so much pressure and I keep thinking about disappearing and how easier that would be. I hate myself and this stupid situation I put myself into. I'll never be good enough and I'll never be content.
I just fuck up everything.
|
self.depression
|
Thank you for trying Thank you everyone for trying to help me. But Imma go cut myself into pieces like I deserve. World is a much better place without me. And I'll never have to feel miserable again. Everybody wins
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else get to work earlier than others to avoid anxiety? I get to work earlier than most of my coworkers simply because I would be constantly looking at my watch if I stayed at home longer. The sensation of running out of time would be very overbearing to me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Post dog adoption depression? I got a dog and am experiencing an unexpected issue with feeling depressed...
A quick background for perspective, ive dealt with severe depression when I was between 17 to around 22. Im 26 now living with my fiance, of whom i contribute a great deal of success in overcoming my depression. I have been prescribed various anti depressants and have seen different therapists through out those years. I haven't had any major onsets for a few years now so i thought the worst is behind me.
My fiance has wanted a dog for the few years we have been together. We recently moved to a new state for an incredible job opportunity she got. Im still trying to lock down a job myself though.
I kept saying lets wait until I get a job and while that did work for a while, she eventually began arguing it would be best to get a dog while im still searching so im home with it while it adjusts. That sounded fair so i finally caved and let it happen.
The dog is relatively young, at 5 months old but a big push for me to allow it was that it already knew basic commands and was crate trained and house broken. So we, as first time dog owners, wouldnt be so severely overwhelmed with it not knowing anything. We got him yesterday after thanksgiving...
Heres the problem, however. While he does seem to be a well-adjusted dog and very affectionate and not at all aggressive, i have been experiencing a sudden onset of depressive symptoms. I want to be away from the dog so i keep going into our room with the door shut (but then im away from my fiance and unfair to put all responsibility on her), I have had two panic attacks now (of which i virtually never, ever have... Even when my depression years ago was in full effect, I seldom had a panic attack), and have been feeling so many strong, negative feelings like regret and guilt and sadness. I feel regret in the major commitment we made and guilt in that I am having problems which is getting in the way of my fiance enjoying this experience she's been waiting for. And sadness for... Well, Idk why really. I just feel like ive made a horrible mistake and my relationship is in jeopardy. Like I can't go back now, damage is done.
I know depression can put thoughts in your head and make you believe things that aren't true so im trying like hell to fight this.
TLDR: I got a dog and am now sad, somehow. has anyone else experienced similar problems and/or have any insight to share on the matter?
|
self.depression
|
I love you fuckers. I've been drinking which I shouldn't do but I HAVE so no changing it now. This is my favorite sub, tied with /r/gallifrey (because the Doctor has helped me immeasurably) because you guys just GET it. I'm a little manic right now but it's OK because I've quarantined myself until it's over. Love u guys, merry Christmas!!
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self.bipolar
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Can't even hang myself properly Can't do it. I'm not doing it correctly. So disappointed. Just want to go out and buy more alcohol
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate being a prisoner in my own mind [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I went to the gym today. Its been 4 years since my arm injury and after all this time my doctor finally gave me the okay to start going to the gym again.
I got all dressed up, packed my bag, shovelled the drive way, started my car, and made it to the parking lot of the gym before my anxiety kicked in.
From there i proceeded to have a massive attack where i couldn’t move i was so scared.
“What were people going to think of me
What if i make a fool of myself
People are going to watch and laugh
I cant do this
Im so scared
Im going to mess up”
All these thoughts and more ran through my head. And at the same time it felt like my lungs were burning, like i was breathing in fire and their was an elephant sitting on my chest.
After 30 minuets of heavy breathing and shaky hands. I pulled enough effort to call my friend and ask for her help. And she managed to calm me down by saying simply: “
Why? Who will judge you? The 67 year old doing 5lb bicep curls? The 13 year old trying to get ‘swole’? Or the big dude who smokes crack on the side, but has the bumper sticker on his car talking about pounding iron?
The only person who will judge you is yourself if you don’t go in there”
And she was right. The only person judging me was myself. And i realized that yes this was going to be a big step for me. But i knew i could do it.
So i did.
I walked in.
Paid for a membership.
And ran my ass of for 2 hours.
I did it.
I may not have beet my anxiety for ever. But i kicked its ass for 2 hours today. And I’m proud of myself for the first time in a long time.
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self.Anxiety
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The only way how to talk about depression and other related issues with happy people is MEME Right? But I don't mind it. I laugh often about it.
Btw, I recommend fb page called BrB Feelings Feel. You will like it.
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self.depression
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I have days when I'm angry for seemingly no reason Today is one of those days.
I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels like a combination of anger, fear and sadness. Little things set me off, sometimes I shake physically from the anger.
I feel like I could break something or someone, I'll never do it, just feels like I want to punch people.
At least it's better than just pure anxiety though.
Currently taking a walk trying to get over it
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self.Anxiety
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Just got prescribed Thorazine to attempt to stop a manic episode. Experiences with this drug? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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paralyzed by finals Hey there. Finals are coming up and I simply cannot sit still, think, or complete any task at all I am paralyzed. Any tips/support because I am in a nose dive and deep breathing simply isn't cutting it.
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self.Anxiety
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I (21f) broke up with my boyfriend (21m) because I wasn’t attracted to him anymore [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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How do I manage to at least be productive? I constantly am miserable. I can at least be productive at work where I am "forced to". How can I transfer this ability to home?
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone else obsessively worry, to the point of Panic, about very specific things? I'm about to Break down and I'm Terrified. I'll try to keep this short. I've suffered from a chronically stuffy nose for over 20 years. It was mostly stuffy on the left side and affected my sleep to varying degrees.
I went to an ENT (Ear Nose Throat) doctor and he offered to do an in-office procedure to decongest my nose. He offered to do both sides of my nose, because he said both sides looked inflamed.
I declined, and said I only wanted the left side done. He said, fine, if I change my mind I can come back and do the right side.
I did the left. It is a dramatic change. It is completely open now and feels great. But now the right side feels stuffy in comparison.
I flew into an absolute panic. I thought "what have I done? Now I'll have uneven feelings in my nose for the rest of my life." Even though the doctor said I could come back and do the right side.
Last night I was panicking to the point that I was having intense suicidal thoughts. I couldn't sleep at all.
I called the doctor today and made an appointment to have the right side done in 2 days.
Now I'm obsessively worrying that I'll get to the doctor on Wednesday and he'll tell me for some reason that he can't/won't do the right side. Like, he'll notice that the left side is not healing right or something. Or, I don't know.
All I can do is sit here and think about how I can breathe fine through the left side of my nose now and the right side feels stuffy.
I don't know if I can make it to Wednesday. Obviously I have to.
I know I'm being irrational but knowing that doesn't help me. I'm sorry if I sound like a crazy person ranting.
Any help or insight would be appreciated. Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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What can one do, really? Well, I'm going to take a deep breath here and say this is probably the first time I've publicly word vomited my feelings out somewhere like this, so bear with me.
I have no friends. Aside from very close family (about two people) and my significant other, maybe one person I text halfway across the planet every so often, I have no one. Somehow over time it has began to feel deeply, painfully lonely. It hurts in my chest and it brings up thoughts of tears.
It's not as if I want the type of friendship where I tell my feelings all the time. I just want someone to laugh with, watch things with, go out for a cup of coffee, share music. Things like this.
I have social anxiety disorder and mostly stay inside. By 'mostly' I mean, a very large portion of my week or by extention - year - I am inside. Though no doubt, having not a single friend doesn't help *too* much with this. I do volunteer work which helps sometimes, but then thoughts of feeling lonely or abandoned sets in again.
I'm in therapy for multiple mental disorders and on medication. But there isn't much you can do for loneliness, is there?
"Just go out and meet people." *Hmm*. Although, maybe that seems like whining.
It's quite the amusing situation. I find regular person to person social interaction exhausting. I guess that would make me an introvert, because I need time to recharge inbetween? But at the same time, now that it's been years since I've had a friend, I've become this lonely.
Perhaps I am just rambling at this point.
I don't know, I'm just tired. Really, really tired. I'm sorry.
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self.depression
|
Vastly overwhelmed I've come to terms that I'm never going to amount to anything in life. The only major accomplishment I did was graduate high school and get my driver's license (At age 23). I'm 25, still in college basically in limbo from graduating, I have no fucking idea what my plan for life is. Anything I have even the slightest passion in doesn't make enough money or is so common that millions if not billions of people do it already.
The only thing stopping me are my family and friends and even then I'm starting to wonder if they truly see me as a friend or only befriended me out of pity or guilt. Same with family. It's me against the world and I can't take it, I'm a god damned freak of nature. I tried not to use that word but I think it's obvious God made me as proof even He can make mistakes. I'd have more success as a cum stain on someone's mattress. I'm suffocating
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self.Anxiety
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Things are looking up for me, and I feel like shit about it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have a really bad cold And to be honest it feels kinda good to have my body feel as shit as my mind does
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self.depression
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Bullied I sit in my room yet again, wasting my life... I think about the bullies who hurt me in Middle School and High School. They ruined my development. And had they never hurt me, I likely wouldn’t be in this hell right now. It makes me really upset. :(
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self.offmychest
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today i decided i will do it for sure soon , just need to think about the right Suicide method im sick of constantly getting bullied by my own family , still not being able to get Hormones ( im mtf trans) and most importantly im tired of feeling sick every day ( heartburn , headaches , nausea, etc) even the most painful suicide method wouldnt even come close to the pain i feel all the time
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do I even have another choice? I have absolutely nothing to live for, nothing to distract myself with, and no one to support me. If I don't kill myself like this, starvation or dehydration will probably do it since I don't have money and feel too much emotional pain to leave bed anyway.
I've been stuck here for a year. If there was another way out, surely I would have discovered it by now, don't you think?
I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's the only way
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self.SuicideWatch
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Reddit will you help me with my OCD, please? I feel like I have the power to drain people of the life force and use it for myself. But only from people that would be willing to give me some of their life force... I feel like I'm draining my parents of their life force and I don't want to. I feel so guilty like I can't get anything right. My grandma died in march and I feel like she got cancer because of me. I try to think these things are irrational but I continue to feel bad... Am I not replacing my thoughts enough? Do I just need to think myself to happiness? I am on 200mg of sertraline and have been for years. The only time I feel like my young care free self again is after I exercise. But I dread exercising and every time I do it I get really scared and feel like I'm battling the world, I can't describe how I feel when pushing myself through reps of exercises but it makes me want to scream and cry and bang my head against a wall. I've seen therapists but they often don't do much to solve my issues. I feel like the world is ending, and maybe it would be better off if it ended. Has anyone felt this way? Like they are deteriorating mentally and spiritually and dragging everyone they love with them?
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self.Anxiety
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