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A reminder for future me. Tonight my situation just got worse with my mouth. For all my life I've had terrible teeth and it's been the single barrier to true happiness for me. Tonight I cracked a tooth in half horizontally and it doesnt hurt right now at least but it's been getting more and more uncomfortable over the past couple hours. So, while I still feel relatively ok, I'm going to set myself a reminder here for when the real pain kicks in to not quit.
My whole entire life, I'm almost 19, I've struggled with horrible teeth. Just last year I made a post on r/dentistry looking for advice on how I can fix my teeth because I thought they were "horrible." I look back on that and I see something I fucking wish I had today. Even if my teeth then were really bad compared to a normal person, they were still infinitely better than what I have now.
Teeth is almost kind of a taboo subject. People get all embarrassed talking about bad teeth and such. But have you ever considered living with them? I've got to have nearing 10 cavities in my mouth just waiting to kill me, and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. My family is bordering lower class. We live in the bad part of town. I go to one of the worst schools in the state. Everyday I go to a school where fights happen daily and people are constantly talking crap to the teachers and passing drugs in the bathrooms. My family cant afford to fix my mouth. They think I just have normal discolored or yellow teeth but it only proves to me they have no idea what is really going on with them. I cant just go out to them and say "Hey, can we go to the dentist's and get me a new set of teeth." (I'm going to need dentures no doubt, 90% of my teeth are fucked.) We literally cant afford to do it. It costs thousands and thousands of dollars that we dont have.
I'm a bisexual male and I have a boyfriend I confessed to a month ago. We love each other past the Moon and the stars. It was one of the proudest moments in my life and everyday I go to school and I'm proud that I can call someone my significant other whom I want to spend the rest of my life with because he has helped me crawl out of the depths of depression. But what kind of boyfriend am I? Someone who can't smile because he's too fucking embarrassed my boyfriend will get harassed for dating someone with such a fucked up mouth. I put tons of work into making the outside of myself look decent at least, but every moment of every day I'm reminded how shit it all is because it's all contrasted to this curse I carry and cannot get rid of.
Which is why... it wont break me.
My entire elementary and middle school career I was teased and mocked. I had trash hurled at me every day in art class. I would have to run home, because if I was caught outside of school when school got out, some dickhead bully would chase me down and beat me up on the side of the road while the people sat and watched in their cars. I had a girlfriend who was suicidal and I would have to watch her get mocked and laughed at alongside me.
And now, the one time in my life when thing's are starting to look better and I have someone I WANT to go to school for to see everyday and to make happy and spend the rest of my life with, life throws me this. It threw me this final curse at birth. It knew I was going to overcome the obstacles it gave me, trying to crush me beneath it's lead boots.
You look into my burning eyes and say to my face, Life, that this will break me. I don't care how much pain you decide to give me over the next few years. I dont care if I wake up tomorrow and every single fucking cavity in my mouth decides it want's to act up and bring me to my knees. I'll remember what you've done and why I'll bring my knee up and stand on my feet. Because I have to go and make the only person in my life who has given me the time of day and who loves me happy. For 18 years you've tried to squash me out of this world because you've seen me as a pestilence. Well guess fucking what.
I'm going to be your rotten tooth motherfucker. I'm staying as long as I can and when I hear the bell and Death comes striding though my door, you better expect me to give him a thousand yard stare. For I will not go easy.
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self.depression
|
I’m not okay. I just need someone to talk to I’m tired of caring and no one else reciprocating
I want a friend.
I just want someone to care.
|
self.depression
|
Social Anxiety, and fear. Life has been a lot better lately, I’m dating someone, her and I get on amazingly, I’m doing well in my college classes, everything is going great. But one thing...
Socialising.
I’m 17, i’ve had a lot of issues with depression and self harming for a few years, and my social anxiety is the worst of it. I find it physically near impossible to strike a conversation with someone in person. Sometimes I move my lips and the words don’t come out. I lose breath almost instantly, I shake if someone asks me to talk to someone. Even today, my college teacher asked me if I wanted to move computers in front of a silent class, and I just froze, and nodded.
Also, parties. I hate parties, if I ever go to a party, I tend to cling to one person. I can tell they don’t want me to, but I just can’t strike up a conversation. I wish I could, but I just can’t. Another issue with parties for me, is drunk people. I absolutely hate drunken people, they terrify me. They’re so unpredictable and just scary to me...
I feel like these issues are really prohibiting me from experiencing my teens in their fullest. Instead I sit at home, on my PC, playing Rocket League. Or going out with my girlfriend. I feel more comfortable with her than anyone, but she’s so confident with people, and can easily talk to others... I don’t get it 😔 I don’t understand how people can be so relaxed and confident...
|
self.depression
|
My Life is Falling Apart. I'm 20, going to my second year of university, and I've got no friends. I can't make new friends or maintain friendships with the ones I had from high school. My social skills are non-existent, a problem which has not only affected my social life negatively, but my professional one too. I'm too anxious to go speak to my professors, too shy to join any clubs or events, too scared to try and reach out to others. This negative feedback has cycled for the past four years, and I don't think I can escape it.
I'm ugly, physically, and this fact alone is root of my social anxiety. I hate myself, everything about myself, and my external appearance is the first domino in the chain. There have been days where I would cry for hours on end, thinking of my future, and how lonely it looks to be. Making a connection with people is exceedingly difficult, and at this point, I'm about ready to throw in the towel and stop trying all together as all my efforts thus far have not resulted in anything meaningful
I have not yet had any romantic relationships with anyone. I can't love myself so I don't expect anyone else to either.
I'm slowly loosing any motivation to pursue my interests or hobbies. Life just seems so meaningless without people to share it with. That being said, I couldn't have asked for a better family. They're the reason why I haven't, and can't, kill myself. I don't want to hurt them, although I do think their lives would've been better off if another child had been born other than me.
Fuck this life. Fuck my appearance. Fuck this crippling social anxiety. Fuck these thoughts. I just want to be loved and cared about, selfish as that may sound.
|
self.depression
|
Need Advice I'm 21. I have no talents, interests, or hobbies, or personality, I literally sit around doing nothing because I'm not sure where I should begin digging out of the hole I've been in my whole life. The fact that I have none of the above renders me paralyzed and I end up doing nothing all day. I'm afraid of meeting people because I have nothing to say--the only thought running through by brain is in fact "I have nothing to say, oh my god..this silence is awkward." I'm depressed because I have no talents, interests, hobbies, personality but I'm paralyzed and not sure where I begin on suddenly gaining these things I lack. For example, I have no plans for the rest of the week, in fact I have no plan for my life at all, I just sit around all day paralyzed thinking to myself "gosh, I have nothing to say." I'm contemplating suicide because I don't know where to begin.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can't eat Does anyone else face this? When my depression is at its high (which it is right now) I just can't eat. I feel sick to my stomach after a few bites and just can't finish anything. In 3 days I've lost 6 lbs..? (I know it's probably all just water weight.) I'm starving myself unintentionally, but the empty feeling feels kind of good...I like the way it feels, but I have no idea why? Do any of you get like this too?
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self.depression
|
Jury service I’d been stressing about it for weeks, but I decided to man up and perform my civic duty. This morning, as I sat in the court and heard what was involved, I succumbed to a panic attack, was excused and sent away. But instead of relief, I just feel like an utter failure.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm one of them "nice guys" TL;DR: Met this girl, fell for her but couldn't tell her how I felt so I just got more and more smothering and she got more and more toxic and now we don't speak anymore and I wonder if I'm a terrible person. Please help me reddit!
Let's begin with some background shall we? If you don't care just skip to the next paragraph.
First off, I'm a man in my early twenties who's never had a girlfriend. I'm talking kissless virigin, the whole deal. That being said I'm also a fairly normal person: I'm outgoing, sympathetic, party fairly often, have been told plenty of times that I'm a pretty interesting dude, etc... Not saying I'm a perfect guy, I have tons of flaws like my physical appearance or my sometimes pretty extreme mood swings... What I'm trying to say is that I'm a lonely, single person with a fairly normal personality.
Back at the beginning of the year I met a girl and we immediately hit it off, like we soon started having very friendly talks very often and everything was going great. I felt strongly attracted to her because she was interesting, smart, and yeah, cute. Since I've rarely felt a strong bond with a girl before, I started getting really interested in her, beyond being friends. But she had a boyfriend, like most girls I fall for. Except this time it was different: they were going through a very rough patch and she confided several times that she was thinking of breaking up. So I started getting my hopes up, and we spent more and more time together. But during this whole time I never made my intentions clear, I just kept it to myself and didn't want to mess things up with her boyfriend, I wanted her to be happy, even if we weren't together.
Fast forward a couple months and unbeknownst to me she had figured out how I felt about her, but we didn't talk about it. Time went by, and our relationship started deteriorating, and I didn't understand why. But since then I've talked to a common friend of ours and she told me that this was because I was getting really obvious, in spite of myself. What an idiot...
Anyway, fast forward more months, we now live in totally different cities. We text pretty much daily but she's slipping away more and more, so, stupidly, I hang on harder than ever. I text more, I am as nice as I can possibly, text again before she's even answered and just don't take the hint. She gets colder and colder but still I hang on, unable to see what I was doing wrong, how smothering I was and that what I expected of her was just not what she was willing to do. Eventually, things come to a head, as they are bound to in this type of situation, and I just stop texting because I can't handle her seemingly unfounded toxic attitude.
That's when I texted our common friend, revealed that it was hard for me to stop talking to this girl because I loved her but I couldn't deal with it anymore. With this knowledge in hand, she realised that I was probably pushing this girl too hard and that she just wasn't attracted to me in that way and couldn't handle all the love I was trying to give her subconsciously (cos I kept my feelings to myself all this time) and that's probably why she was acting the way she was.
And now I'm devastated. I finally understand why she doesn't like me, but I also understand that I'm this horrible person who tries to force people to love them, and not even doing it on purpose! And I d'ont know what to think. Did I ever do that to someone else in the past? Will I do it again? Am I a terrible person? I don't have any issues with hating myself but I wonder if it's justified this time...
So yeah, I just don't know what to do or think but our friendship is pretty much dead and I feel like it's all my fault. Fuck!
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self.offmychest
|
Another piece of the puzzle (literature) It grows larger, each restless night contributing to its feeding. A devourer of all but emptiness and sorrow, leaving its host with nothing but hurt.
Yet a slight warmth prevails from within. A fighting fire waiting for fuel, flickering in the winds of despair and pain.
But here I am, hovering below the promised ecstasies of life. Peering into the little luminescence hoping for its inevitable demise.
A battle soon to be ended.
And with that, the last thought of the glowing light ceased to remain present, and the flame flickered no more.
|
self.depression
|
LPT: Change your phone ringer vibration setting to have shorter vibrations and longer pauses between them.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I've been so ANGRY lately I've never been accused of being a ray of sunshine or a positive person in any way, but lately, small, seemingly insignificant things have been sending me off the edge. My boss talks down to everyone at work, and its nothing new. Today a relatively innocuous comment about my incompetence sent me storming off, throwing things, yelling, and generally throwing a tantrum a person would expect to see from a 3 year old who had their favorite toy taken, not a 34 year old "man." Other small things have left me seething, too. My roommate leaving the bathroom light on. Dying in a video game. Having to work overtime, despite being dirt-poor and desperately needing the money. Even normal things like work duties and chores at home have left me literally trembling with rage.
This comes and goes, and usually, I'm too apathetic to care about being. It down, or busy, or being stuck in a bad situation... But for the last several weeks its been a constant 3-way tug of war between anger, sadness, and numbness. I really miss the numbness.
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self.depression
|
I'm a guy who wants breast implants I'm a guy in the military, not trans, but I want to get large female breast implants. I know it seems odd, and I can't explain it. It's just something I have wanted for as long as I can remember, call it a bad case of breast envy or something.
|
self.offmychest
|
So. Finally attempted it on Christmas Day. Got caught by a cop; reproductions not worth it. *repercussions. Damn autocorrect
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
may be bipolar II, looking for support Hey friends, I'm a college student recently started. My college offers mental healthcare services under the umbrella of the fees I paid for basic med care in the beginning, so I've been going to counseling for heavy depression for a couple months. However it's been in my mind since summer that bipolar II matches up alarmingly well with my mood patterns and basically explains every question I have about myself. I'm gonna be talking to my new counselor about my thoughts on this but I can't talk to my family about it because my parents are against me getting screened/diagnosed/whatever it is my therapist will do when I bring it up as a concern. I'm hoping for some support and was wondering, for any of you diagnosed as either bipolar I or II or even cyclothymic, what was it like? What questions did your professional ask you or was there a screening of some sort, was there a certain event that caused you to bring it up in counseling or was it your professional who brought it up? I just want to hear about your experiences at the beginnings of your journeys and any advice or support you may have for me.
|
self.bipolar
|
Very long rant A bit of a long text, have 3 days to go to my next counselling session and no friend to talk to, I feel like getting some stuff off my chest so here we go.
I am 21 and am a second year Bio student in china. I moved here from Indonesia last year after 3 gap years of desperately wanting to study. Seeing my friends move all over the world to study and live their lives honestly fucked me up a bit after 3 years of ambiguity and stagnation in life, my depression hit an all time low about 3 years ago, when I no longer found any drive nor motivation to keep fighting and felt like shit/nothing for months. I developed some friendships with some people from all over the world throught the internet, and still keep in contact with some until today.
Having those online friends quickly rejuvenated my mind for a while, I had friends to talk to about things, people I can relate to and love to a lot of extend. But that didn't last long, every now and then depression and anxiety and insecurity would settle in but at least I had my online friends to talk to regularly.
August last year I moved to china, I am (hopefully) staying here only for 2 years, and will move to Liverpool next year as part of the programme. I quickly made some friends last year that I greq fond and attached to very quickly. For about 2 months I felt happy and no longer lost and didn't feel any depression. But that didn't last long. After breaking down crying whilst skyping with one of my online friends I decided to sign up to uni counselling services, which did wonders for my insecurity, but my anxiety and depression are still here.
My friends were only in China for a year as part of their exchange programme. This year in the new semester I am once again without friends. I do not like living in China, last year wasn't so bad as I had people to make it through with. Nor did I enjoy living in Indonesia, for years and years and years I do not feel at home wherever I live in. Right now the only thing in life I'm looking forward to is moving to Liverpool and hopefully find a home somewhere in Europe.
It is hard to make friends here. I do not have anything against the Chinese, but being a Chinese born Indonesian, I am so done with Chinese culture and honestly can't take any more. I do not talk to a lot of Chinese people regardless of how pleasant a lot of them seem to be. Nor do I talk to Indonesians as I feel more and more alien to my own culture and people. The group of people I can relate to the most is my friends from last year, the ragtag group of internationals with their own beautiful personalities that somehow made it to China.
I know that I am not a person with horrendous personality, nor am I just unlikable. I have friends (most of whom are not here and live with far away with a lot of time difference) whom I love and who love me. I've had a relationship last year with a great girl (also exchange so we're not together) who told me that I am an amazing person regularly. I do know that I do not make good first impressions and I need time to solidify a friendship with someone. It is hard to find a friend for me. I try to meet new people every other weekend and I try to bond with them more outside of the predrinks I usually meet them in, but to no avail. So here I am lying in bed, very mentally exhausted at the end of the day, not wanting to give up in finding more friends to be with but also very tired being ignored by people.
|
self.depression
|
My sister just attempted suicide, what can I do to help her now? She is the most quiet person in the world. Really reclusive and it is difficult to communicate with her. She is 18 and I'm 23. I guess I always knew she was depressed but I never did anything because of how hard it is to reach her. She never opens herself.
She took a bunch of pills and alcohol but I found her probably an hour after she took them and left a note. Currently she is in the hospital.
I'm devastated. I never expected this. I want to help her in any way I can but I don't know how. Obviously looking for professional help is my priority now but I also need to know what to do at a personal level now that I've ignored for long enough all the signs.
Also I would like to know what kind of professional should I be looking for? She has never gone to any but I always suspected that she suffers from depression and social anxiety.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t understand I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve never once had any mental barriers or suffered from any illness. It’s all new to me and I can’t tell if I’m just being overdramatic or if what I’m feeling is the formerly mysterious “depression and anxiety”. I can’t shake the paranoia. The lingering feeling of dread...it’s like I’m constantly living in a calm before a storm that I don’t even know is coming. I have a good family and I’m successful in my career. I have all the amenities I need. But I’m so alone. I’m disconnected from everything, it seems. I don’t want to die, I just want to figure out this seemingly unsolvable puzzle of what I’m missing now that I had before.
|
self.depression
|
After 18 months of incredibly intense anxiety, I am feeling steady at last! For the last year and a half, I've had anxiety-induced chronic sickness and regular panic attacks. I've had months and months in and out of work (so thankful my employers have been understanding), spent hundreds if not thousands on therapy, gone through multiple medications and for the first time since 2016 I am feeling healthy and happy in myself.
I'm taking Citalopram, practising mindfulness and yoga when I can, I'm back in a routine with work and have taken a break from seeing my therapist to just enjoy this feeling for a couple of months (with her approval - I know it's not sensible to just up and leave therapy). I'm not all the way better (and I may never be, and that's OK) but I'm feeling good.
I hope this is allowed on here and it doesn't seem braggy; I am feeling really happy for the first time in a long time and wanted to share with people here.
|
self.Anxiety
|
king Of Mixed Signals? (Long post) Background: Broke up with my ex like 6+ months ago (after years of being unhappy). Have been talking to this guy for like 5.5 months online (met on an online dating site)
We would talk for an hour or more on the phone every few days to begin with. Obviously this died down some as we got to know each other more.
So I move to where he lives (I was moving anyway to be closer to family and just went online to start talking to guys who already lived there). We had an agreement that I would say when I was ready because moving is really hard on anyone, let alone me. So I message him Monday (I believe) and say I'm ready when he was. I was hoping he would bring up meeting on Valentine's day. He didn't.
The reason I didn't is because when we first started "talking" we made it clear that we were not in a relationship and that we may end up being friends. BUT, about a month before I moved down, he brought up that topic again... and I was like "didn't we already have this talk?????" And in that month he also was talking to me less.
WELL. The night before we were to meet he was talking about things that were pissing him off, one of which being that he had MADE PLANS WITH A DIFFERENT GUY to come over to his house ON VALENTINE'S DAY and he got blown off. I get that we were not together, we hadn't even met! But I still didn't want to hear about it!! WHO WOULD SAY THAT!? He said he was afraid to ask me for valentine's day and would have rather I have been there, but I don't want to HEAR that I'm an option although I definitely know that is a possibility.
Well that put a terrible taste in my mouth. And I wasn't even excited to meet him because of it. But when I got there, he ended up kissing me almost immediately! And as soon as I left he texted me "I already miss you" and a few minutes later, "I can't wait to see you again."
And I'm like. Bruh. Which the fuck is it. You were going to meet up with someone two days before we met and now you're suddenly all into me? And he is the one who told me he doesn't like to date multiple people at a time.
Well we had lunch today and ended up kissing more and snuggling in his bed. Before that he was saying we should hang out on his birthday (next week) if he can get someone to take his shift and that some other time he wanted me to meet some of his friends.
And I'm all over here like WTF!?!?!?!
Normally when you meet someone it's this awesome thing, but now I'm consciously keeping myself casually distanced from him and it's weird af. So I'm partially like "fuck this" and I'm on dating sites again.
Any thoughts on this monster of a post?
|
self.bipolar
|
I can’t seem to be happy at any job I’m at. My anxiety is sky-high right now because I made a dumb, preventable mistake at work a couple of weeks ago and I’m afraid I’m going to be fired for it. It didn’t cost us a client thankfully, but my boss hasn’t treated me the same since. I’m constantly worried about it and it’s just affecting my performance more.
I’ve always been in sales, and I’ve been at 4 companies in 4 years and I don’t want to look like a job hopper, but I feel like I need to look for something else. I left my first job because I got a great opportunity at another company across the country. I loved the new job and I made a ton of money, but the company was looking like it was going to go under so I felt like I had to leave. Because of that I took my next job without doing much research and ended up getting fired after six months for poor performance. I had a horrible territory that no one had ever succeeded in, and the whole reason I took the job was because the recruiter and VP told me that I would get a great territory in a wealthy area near my house (it was an outside sales job, so drive time to my territory was a huge factor). Instead I got one that was an hour an a half away from my house and was in a crappy area. Now, I thought I’d be happier at a smaller company, but there’s way more stress, no training (I’m in a technical recruiting role, so I have to be able to have high-level conversations with advanced tech people and engineers), and little patience from my bosses.
TL;DR: I’ve only been really happy at one of the four jobs I’ve had.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have three tests tomorrow but can't stop focusing on the fact that my friends made a group Instagram without me. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Probably gonna end up trying soon Can’t stop thinking about ending it. Self harming a lot more frequently,
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The Date I recently hit a place in my life where my part-time job (of 2 years) was interfering w/ my full-time job and I was finally able to afford quitting.
One of my coworkers was hired about 2 months after I was and we instantly hit it off and became fast friends. When he found out I was quitting he was upset yet expressed happiness for me being able to move on w/ my life. He made sure to express his desire to stay in touch and meet up for dinner/drinks.
On my last day I announced it to my social media networks and this friend left a gushy public message, telling me how much I mean to him and made work worth showing up for. Privately though, we set a dinner date for last Monday.
Monday comes and we’ve decided when and where over the course of the day. About 90 minutes before we’re to meet he sends a text saying someone is in the ER and that he might have to raincheck. I initially express my concern and wish him well. Soon later I tell him to focus on his family and we can have dinner another day.
I don’t hear anything for the rest of the night.
24 hours after my last message I send another, asking about the status of his loved one.
24 hours after THAT, he posts to Facebook about a CLASS he’s taking.
As of right now, 1:15am Friday and I have yet to hear from him and he hasn’t even bothered to look at my last text (his read receipts are on).
I’m not sure what it is about me that makes people do this but I wish I could figure it out. I’m tired of being duped into thinking people actually care and want me in their life if they really don’t. And he’s just a friend, not a love interest. I have WORSE outcomes w/those.
Yet another example of false hope being the killer of all motivation.
|
self.depression
|
starting to feel alone again. In sorry if I don't write back to any replies. my anxiety makes it kind of hard to answer people.. but ill read comments if I do get any..
I just had my second son. having to wait until the 17th to get back on my meds. I've been clean from severe self harm for the whole pregnancy. in trying hard to maintain. were all aware I will probably have post partum depression since I suffered so badly last time. its started already.
we all know how scary it is to see yourself circling the drain. knowing you can't stop the fall.
I have 3 people besides my toddler and newborn sons. my husband of 7 years, my mom, and my best friend. my best friend I don't really like to reach out to. even though she is amazing, I adore her and she's extremely understanding and supportive (because she struggles the same as me). I have an issue reaching out to her. I don't like telling her everything going on. I don't want to trigger her. and, I swear, no matter how much I adore her I just can't bring myself to reach out.
my absolute best friend ever is my mom. she is a huge reason I have struggles but I have forgiven her over the years and were extremely close. the thing is, she is flaky. as. fuck. she is there for me so often I feel terrible for being upset but she often won't answer texts... like times where im really struggling. and just recently she told me "I can't fix everything"... it hit me that im asking too much of her. the thing is... she told me she would be there for me since she is well aware of my mental issues. we all discussed my possibility of ppd plus my mental disorders acting up. but then she says that... so I feel like I can't ask for help again...my husband just went back to work and I've been doing ok but yesterday was hard. against the wishes of my depression I reached out to her... she had a new outfit for church.. she said shed come spend some time with me after church before husband got home... she didn't answer my messages. when she did she said shed be at my house "soon". it took an hour and a half to get to me with a 10 minute drive. by then mybhusband was getting off work within ten minutes anyways. she just picked up my son, her grandson, and left pretty quickly.. I even told her I didn't want to be alone...
im a burden. always have been.
I have a great drug regimen for my mental disorders. Is been hospitalized and my meds got worked out perfectly. well since my first son withdrew from my meds in NICU when he was born I wasmt allowed to stay on them for this last pregnancy. Understandable... I have a lot of guilt for making my oldest sick...
well my pregnancy psych seemed wary of giving me my meds when I asked, excitedly, if I could have them back after baby was born... she kind of gave a "well see" answer... even though im fully diagnosed and im obviously mentally ill and I've told them how well my medications work. my arms are covered in pretty bad scarring. they know I need my medications. im also not on anything scheduled. I refuse things like benzos and adderal because of addiction issues.
well after talking to my doctor last take and her seeming iffy on giving me my medications I've just been feeling more depressed that I may have to wait months tobget them. I got emotional today because im scared and depressed and he got frustrated with me.
hes my only other support person. im out of options. he tells me I can talk to him but he just gets angry or frustrated with me. hes a good person. hes a great husband. he just gets upset that he can't do anything...
but he had just told me yesterday I could talk to him about when im feeling down. then I get snapped at... I feel like I have no one again.
I want to cut. I won't.. but I want to. I want to hurt myself in some way. I won't. I just want to. I just don't want to hurt mentally anymore. I want to talk to my people... but theyre tired of me. I want so bad to reach out instead of withdraw.. but I guess my only option is to just keep it inside. im tired of feeling like an attention seeker when I keep telling people I feel alone or depressed. or that I keep saying im scared of going downhill. I feel like im begging people to help me and everyone is just tired...
I just don't want to hurt anymore.
|
self.depression
|
When you're having a rough/depressive morning before work, what helps you get thru the day? Title.
|
self.bipolar
|
Is binge eating a normal thing when depressed? I read somewhere that people tend to eat less when depressed. Well I seem to do the opposite. I'm compulsively eating anything I can find, and it happens too with drinks. I mean, I'd understand it for binge drinking alcohol, but I've gone as far as to drink 10 bottles of water every day. It's just non stop.
|
self.depression
|
Its my birthday!... ...Or in other words, my crippling annual reminder of how alone I am.
|
self.depression
|
Playing basketball while depressed im trying to treat myself as my cpn said by doing something i enjoy whis is basketball though ive tried to join a team and i intend to due to it actually making me feel slightly better but im really scared of people thinking of me diffrent due to the depression should i tell the head staff about it so they know whats going on? or should i wait i know im expecting hostility for a while as its the new guy joining the team
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self.depression
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Almost sure that I have social anxiety, not sure though, and have issues with therapy [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Im scared, depressed, and damaged, tonight i end it I don't even know where to begin. For starters I do need help I've called hotlines yet left feeling defeated and depressed. My life is a absolute mess and every minute leaves me wanting to either cut my skin until there's nothing left but flesh or give up on everything and kill myself. I've attempted to kill myself many times. I've almost jumped off a bridge near me, I've tried stabbing myself. Nothing works I either chicken out or the damage is too low.
My entire life is hell.
When I was a kid in middle School I was constantly bullied and harrased physically mentally. Shoved in lockers and kept, tortured by other kids. Shoved to floors. Lunch stolen. Etc. I met a girl who helped me out a lot, made me see the light in the our school. We ended up dating in 7th grade,, she ended up raping me and sexually using me over and over and over again. I eventually move away from it all. And now here in highschool a girl who I trusted and told her all of my past ended up leading me on and sexually using me when I was in a terrible state of mind. I'm broken and defeated I'm tired of this shit. I want to kill myself badly. I can't take it. I have no one to talk too. If I try I feel shut out unwanted in loved. I'm just a burden. I'm ending it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The weight of depression is over 9000 I'm sick & tired of depression weighing me down where ever I go and whatever I do. I've had enough of feeling like my body is a empty shell. I hate the icy cold feeling in my heart that I get when I get miserable and depressed. I'm so god damn lonely but not lonely at the same time.
Why does it feel like I'm destined to be a nobody? Someone who makes no impact on anybody else's life around him...someone who will just wither away without anyone noticing...
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self.depression
|
Is just sleeping all the time enough for me to have concerns about a depressive episode coming up? So just to put things in perspective, I'm being treated for lithium induced hypothyroidism too. And that can cause fatigue.
But I had like 3 goods days where I was perfectly middle of the road and stable. Now today I'm just crying over sad posts and sleeping. The only part of the day that I was awake, I hallucinated noises in the house and thought a murder had broken in. I was so scared that I locked myself in the bathroom and almost called the cops. Luckily I have enough sense to talk myself down. Paranoia is one of my big symptoms.
Typing this, it sounds like I'm already in a depressive episode I guess. Extreme paranoia, sadness and exhaustion. It just doesn't quite feel like I'm depressed. I associate depression with weight on my body and a desire to do things and inability to accomplish them. This is just lazy it feels like. Like I'm too damn lazy to cope with life.
The other thing that makes it hard, I remain high functioning almost no matter how bad things get. It always looks good on the outside. No one saw me losing my shit and hiding in a shower. I was still perky and smiley when my bf came home. No outward indication that I'm beginning to spiral.
I guess the question is more: has anyone experienced this? Are my experiences valid?
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self.bipolar
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I keep trying to suffocate my self I just want to die I keep putting the pillow and holding it then fucking being a dickhead and letting go when all I want is for this to not matter anymore I’m in so much pain no support I’m the bad guy when I’ve been hurt and laughed at and I’m cursed ( I know it sounds crazy but please don’t laugh but it’s real ) Ive never had any good thing happen to me I’m worthless invaluable stupid ugly and I’m so hurt I just want this to stop my mother is a toxic bxxxx and my father hates me and doesn’t care about me at all
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Today I found out dad has cancer, and I’m really really scared It’s like this feeling where you can hear static because you’re so shocked out of your body and you don’t want to be where you are.
I always prayed that my family would be healthy and happy and they wouldn’t have any diseases and I feel like that was a complete waste. In hindsight I had a feeling, but that was all I had.
I don’t really know what to say. I guess I’m just scared. He just needs surgery, it’ll be ok, but still. I really hope my dad’s gonna be ok. Thank you for reading this, and I hope your day has been positive.
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self.offmychest
|
Received very exciting job offer, but filled with dread. is it time to see a doctor? Hello everyone, long time reader, first time caller.
Well excuse the story, but I have had pretty server generalized anxiety for years and years now. I have seen psychiatrists for it years ago, and that's how I got the diagnosis.
Today I received a very exciting job offer, it's an offer that I have been anticipating for a little while, and has been something I have wanted to do for a long time. It's in my field, and doing what I really want to do. The position does involve moving to a new city, a couple of hours away from home, but the point is I have been expecting this offer, and have been very excited, and dreaming about the *idea* of it. The idea of having this job has made me very happy for a long time.
The problem is, after received the offer today instead of being excited about it as I should be, and have been literally minutes before *receiving* the offer, I am sitting here filled with extreme anxiety and dread. I'm very close to the verge of a massive panic attack while typing this.
The reality of having to move to take this job has scared the hell out of me, as there are many unknowns, coupled with the fact that my anxiety manifests itself almost as extreme claustrophobia where I am very scared to be in situations where I perceive myself as trapped, (i.e. meetings, long conversations, car rides, social meetings, etc), a lot of which I expect will be involved in getting a new job.
Complicating my problems are that the interview process for this job has been completely over the phone, and email, so I've never been to this city, or this office, which makes me more nervous.
So, I don't really know where this is going, maybe I just wanted someone to talk to about my issues. But, does anyone have any insight in to how to deal with this situation? Anyone been through this before, and how did you deal with it? Does anyone thing it would be smart to see a doctor about this, and perhaps get some medication?
Thanks for reading, if anyone has any insight that would be a big help.
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I am depressed I've been having suicidal thoughts a lot more than usual. I've been sleeping more and waking up later than I have been for the last few months. I've been a bit down for a while and I don't know what to do. I'm beyond help, I dont want to go to a therapist. I have no friends to tell this who would take this seriously. I've failed 3 of my classes. I don't know what to do. Please help. I'm so lonely. Please help me.
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self.depression
|
Question Well, I had anxiety since middle school, now I'm 19 in uni, I didn't have a clue that my state was wrong, but 2 month ago I got panic so I went to the doc and he gave me meds and I'm going to therapy as well. My main prob is that when I'm feeling good I'm aware of it and then I'm getting anxious of getting anxious and it all disappears, can someone relate to it?
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self.Anxiety
|
I stopped smoking weed and I’m finding myself going into a deep depression and I smoked to ease it but now that I can’t smoke it’s making me struggle to deal with anything through out the day. I’m more cranky and I don’t wanna do anything but smoke :(
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self.depression
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Everything going to shit
Ive been NC with my mom and most of her side of the family for a few months now. That has not changed the fact that she still contacts me several times a week. She texted relentlessly so I blocked her number, so she started making fake social media accounts to follow me, then when I blocked all of those (there were several), she started emailing me up to 3-4 times a day. She’s all over the place, each email either undermines my relationship with my girlfriend, verbally abuses my girlfriend or me (or both), guilt trips me, tries to turn me against my remaining family. They all make me feel like shit about myself and all my relationships despite knowing they shouldnt. She went so far as to contact a friend of a friend of a friend asking them to ask the mutual friend of a friend to contact my friend to “see if I was ok”. She’s sent the police to where I was staying claiming I was drinking and doing drugs mid afternoon on a weekday (I wasnt) and after some explaining the police said they couldnt make me go back and they would tell her that next time she called. Most recently she’s threatened to open up a missing persons report in not one, but three counties across two states because I haven’t been talking to her. I have no idea what to do, it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m being stalked and can’t trust anyone as she’s mentioned details of my life to me that only a handful of people know.
That’s just my mother’s side of the family. My dads side of the family is better but only because my grandparents actually care about me. My father remarried when I was young and had three other children. For the time being we all live together and although Ive never felt like a real member of that family (my mother had full custody of me and I only got to see them a few times a year since I was about 14), it’s gotten worse living with them. I see them maybe 10-30 minutes a day if at all and not my step mother, my dad, or my brothers seem to care about me or take any interest whatsoever in my life. They barely acknowledge my existence. I feel invisible in my own home with my own family sometimes and I just want to cry at the dinner table. My grandfather is old and senile but I love him dearly, he and I have always been close but due to scheduling I dont see him too much either. I see my grandmother the most, i’ve always been closest to her but she just left for a 10 day trip and ive never felt so alone. She seems to be the only one in my family on both sides who genuinely cares about whats best for me, wants to understand me, and cares about my everyday life and well being.
Outside my family I have 2 friends. My best friend is amazing, he’s like the brother I never had and we talk all day every day. We talk about everything and help each other out a lot. My other friend is my girlfriend who i love dearly. She’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me and she makes me happier than anyone.
The best part is my crippling depression and increasing anxiety/insecurity. For a while at the end of the summer there was a couple weeks where I was consumed by thoughts of suicide and was basically reduced to a brooding loner who did nothing all day but watch netflix and go to the gym. It got better for a while but lately I’ve started feeling bad again, especially with the recent spike in emails from my mom and the realization that the upcoming holiday season is going to make me more depressed than Ive probably ever been as I’ll most likely be spending it alone or with very little or no family, especially not family with whom I have a good happy healthy relationship. I just feel like no one cares anymore, communication and emotional connection has dropped off significantly with every single person in my life without exception I just feel like I’m slipping again and I can feel myself shutting down and shutting people out. I spend most of my day at work staring into space or day dreaming about some very dark and cold things. Additionally, all the things my mother has bombarded me with for months has decimated my self esteem and so in most social situations and situations regarding my relationships i get so anxious I just want to lay down and go to sleep right on the floor. Sometimes it’s so bad I just have to sit or lay down and be by myself for sometimes hours at a time being uncontrollably overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts. I think thats it. Sorry for writing a book
EDIT: my mom has BPD
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self.offmychest
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Unable to find joy in any aspect of life I’ve struggled with depression for a few years and it seems nothing I do has helped. I feel empty and it’s hard to find enjoyment in anything. I used to have a few hobbies, but none interest me anymore.
Part of what compounded my depression was losing my only sibling a few years ago. I’ve become pretty numb since it happened and I never really came to terms with it.
I’ve been able to hide my depression for quite some time, but it’s starting to become noticeable to friends and family. I’ve recently started seeing a girl and she made the comment “you seem really sad” at dinner last week. It felt like a kick in the chest. I downplayed it by saying it’s just stress, but that was the first time I’m aware of someone noticing my depression. Also, it’s starting to take a toll on my physical health. I’m not really sure how to describe it, but I ache. Kind of like when you have the flu and just hurt. I don’t sleep well either, usually only 4-5 hours a night.
For whatever reason, I feel the need to isolate myself from everyone. I don’t talk to many of my friends anymore and visit my family less frequently. I feel like I’m not good enough or wanted by them and I have no idea where the feeing comes from. The girl who I’ve recently been seeing is no exception. Even though she’s great to me and I enjoy spending time with her, I just keep pushing her away.
My coping mechanism is work. I’m a workaholic and direct all of my attention towards it to escape from my problems. The more time I focus on work, the less I have to think about myself and further worsen my depression.
At this point, I feel like I can’t be happy. It’s almost as if my brain wants me to be depressed, regardless of where I’m at in life. For all intents and purposes, I feel like I should be happy. I’m in my early 20’s, graduated debt free, have a great job, and own a fairly successful business. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
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self.depression
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Work Anxiety To establish a bit of backstory: Last month Ray, the guy who runs my shop, left the organization and the guy right below him, Mark, took over. Since then my life has been hell. Almost constantly, Mark has been coming to my supervisor, who started his new job a few weeks ago, to complain about the quality of the work myself and my guys have been doing. Yes, we have made some mistakes, but at best, they created some inconvenience for Mark and his assistant. The other stuff my supervisor has called me to his office for has been stuff out of my control. For example, I'd gone home early on Friday which was acceptable to do. After I left though, one of my guys submitted his request for Tuesday off. When I got back to work on Monday afternoon, my supervisor calls me in to talk about how our work schedule is messed up. He had received the time off request from my guy but I didn't have the schedule changed. How could I though? My week had just started.
So yeah, my last 3 weeks have been filled with things like that. Then 2 days ago I was written up for all the stuff my supervisor has talked to me about. He also told me that Mark wants to speak with me about the project I've been working on that wasn't authorized. I had been given approval by my old boss though and have been working on things for 6 months now. It's a mess, so I'll have to see how it goes.
With all that being said, I'm feeling so stressed and I am so anxious about going in to work these days. It was like that even before the wtite-up too. Even on a day where I can get to work and my boss doesn't ask me to stop by when I get there, it takes me forever to open up my email. I'm so fearful that he'll have sent a notice about something else messed up. It feels like there's never a minute of peace, of calm and I'm not sure there much anyone can do to help.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
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quetiapine users! Advice please I need to take my 50mg quetiapine. I think it’s sedative effects have worn off a little on me.
So naturally I’m on a train into the city to go out with friends.
1. Should I miss the dose?
2. If I take it, will I survive until I’m home at midnight?
3. If I take it, can I drink alcohol?
UPDATE: Already there. Drunk. And going to take it as soon as I hit the bed.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling Non-Functional every Since I started Grad School I was wondering if there is such thing as "situational" anxiety? Ever since I started Grad School, I have developed what I think is severe anxiety (as well as a couple of people in my program). My main problem is I have crying spells and cannot focus to start or initiate my homework. Have always been a good student, and now I am below par... and cannot find my way to be a better student- or even motivate myself as I have done in the past. Have seen mental health services and they say it is also anxiety, but it is literally all dependent on since i started school
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self.Anxiety
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disappointed for no good reason Some backstory from your local weatherman. My best friend is my best friend because of our shared inability to understand, interpret, and feel emotions properly.
He's good at hiding it, and he's successful with life. I'm not. But we get along well. We enjoy similar things and we make self depricating or horrible jokes together. We both have familial problems and a history of being emotionally manipulated/abused.
Over the summer we grew closer as friends. We talked a lot. I got him to watch Hannibal. He became a pseudo therapist for me.
Three months ago I opened up to, let's call him Hannibal, about my self harm. I was about six months down the rabbit hole and he was the first person I decided to tell.
He was confused. He didn't understand, moreso than your average person, because of the nature we shared. Through asking questions, he tried to be s therapist and tried to figure out exactly what was wrong with me.
No dice.
Time moves on. We joke about it (humor has always been my favorite coping mechanism). I update him when I do something really stupid.
I have a really, really hard day. It's the kind of bad where nothing tangibly terrible happens but the day drags on and every second saps your will to live.
He doesn't seem to care. Brushes me off, moves on with life. The next day, when he picks me up, he says "there wasn't a whole lot to say". I let it go. We joke in the car. I say, half jokingly, "well at least then you'd be slightly fucking concerned". His reply?
"I am concerned! Somewhat.."
The next few minutes are silent. I know him. He knows me. There is no "somewhat" for us. It's everything or nothing. And so it falls to nothing.
I should've expected this. Why wouldn't I? Just because he is my best friend does not mean I'm his. I didn't think I could feel the hurt anymore, but here it is anyways. It hurts to know the person you care about the most doesn't care. Point blank.
I know I am lucky to have people in my life. Doesn't stop me from feeling isolated.
This is the weatherman, ending that stupid ramble.
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self.depression
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Anxiety or sickness? Or both? Please help So the last 24 hours my anxiety has been majorly severe.
I feel almost empty and have been worrying that I'm slowly developing schizophrenia. I feel unreal and am confused by my purpose in existence. This lead to a hefty panic attack last night.
Now about 4 hours ago I've felt extremely nauseous and I have mega cotton mouth too. Could this just be the flu coming on?
I've read that getting the flu can really ramp up your anxiety and panic levels.
I'm freaking out tbh in a way, I'm terrified of just losing my mind any second, or going into spasms from the flu.
I also just started taking my venlafaxine 75mg extended release this morning. I know from before it has some side effects, but my first time on it I simply got brain zaps. I quit taking it because I was scared of withdrawals. But the medicine itself worked wonders for me.
I also cannot eat, I'm worried it'll just come right back up.
Tldr: severe anxiety and derealization. Not sure if it's causing flu like symptoms or if flu is causing it.
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self.Anxiety
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I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about suicide. It's like I've become obsessive about it and the only way to stop thinking about it is to do it
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have been having weird things going on in my mind lately. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain this but it is extremely weird. I seem to not be able to work through anything in my head. I have had OCD my whole life. I want to ask other people how they get through life and their mental struggles but I feel like I would be annoying or something. Please help.
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety about Work Performance is Ruining my Career - any advice would be appreciated Hi everyone! To give some context, I'm in my late twenties and have always been a high performer, with high anxiety. I never really let anxiety get in my way of doing well in school or at work, but that wasn't without some really bad days and lots of struggle. I always came out of the work related anxiety on a positive note and always considered myself to be a fighter.
Trying to advance my career, I took a promotion out of my department (I work for a fortune 50 company and figured this would be a way to develop new skills) to a Project Manager role and I am feeling extremely regretful of my choice. To say I don't like the work I do now is an understatement - I am always uncomfortable, don't know what is going on half the time, and the projects I've been assigned are way over my head. It has been 6 months now and has been getting worse, not better. I was given some projects with IT project management and I didn't think that was part of my job originally, or I would have never made the move. I don't want to do anything with IT projects and it's been very difficult piecing the moving parts together for my IT related projects. I really think some of these should have been assigned to a project manager with 10 years+ experience, not me with about one year of experience.
My boss is great but she doesn't really help me. She's very nice and understanding about work/life balance, but she's definitely away in her own work world and I think she just trusts everyone to do their work she doesn't realize that people struggle sometimes. She just assumes we know everything and that is NOT the case here. I repeatedly (professionally) express my concerns about my projects and ask for constructive criticism and it's the same thing every time - you're doing fine! But I don't believe that because I've gotten calls from other managers on my projects telling me how I can do things differently and basically questioning what I'm doing. It's very uncomfortable.
I have been stressed out before at my jobs, but this is a whole new level of stress because I really don't know what I'm doing and I don't think I'm a good fit for my job. You can't really get work done if you don't know what you're doing, you know? And I feel like such a worthless failure but I am trying not to get down on myself because I've been successful in other areas of my career prior to this so I really am thinking this just isn't the best fit.
I deeply regret leaving my last job but I can't fault myself for trying to better myself and taking a risk. Now layoffs are looming and I know I'll be the first to go. My boss was told to cut someone on her team and she said she volunteered herself because she had other opportunities within the company and externally - so now I will definitely have a new manager. I am thinking of speaking to one of my old managers from my prior department to lightly tell her my concerns - that the job isn't what I had hoped and that I am concerned for my department layoffs - to see if maybe there is a chance I can move back to my old department.
I have also updated my resume and have applied to a few jobs externally - at least this is a stepping stone in the right direction. I can't deal with this level of unhappiness and anxiety for 40 plus hours per week.
Has anyone been in a similar situation of not being a good fit for their job - how did you handle it? I don't think speaking with management would be beneficial at this time, since I have tried before. I really think my best bet now would be to find something else entirely. And obviously, I can't quit - I want to work and have a successful career, but I do not think it is with this job. I am trying to stop blaming myself and making myself feel like crap - just because I'm not a good fit for this role doesn't mean I don't deserve to be happy.
Thanks to all who read this!
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self.Anxiety
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Update. So, with some luck, some convincing, more than a few missed meals, and getting some last minute catering gigs I managed to get into the apartment on monday. Now I just need to come up with the other 2 grand to stay in it by the third. I'm still working near constantly (posting this while at job #2 "happy" thanksgiving). My health is declining further (I had a tooth fall out yesterday (though it did relieve the pressure so less pain today). I haven't seen my son in weeks. I barely see my girlfriend even though we live together. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. I love anything that involves cooking obscene amounts of food, but I haven't been able to celebrate for years now, and it just marks the beginning of the holiday depression now. All I want to do is go home and sleep until I get evicted, but I'm just going to keep plodding along until the stress or the exhaustion kills me.
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self.depression
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I think my depression went from sad to angry and it's even worse. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Xanax experiences - questions about dependency, withdrawal, and your experience with the drug. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't know what to do about my anxiety in january this year i started to feel really depressed all the time but i just brushed it off, hoping i would feel better soon. it carried on for a few months but once the summer holidays came around i started to feel way happier with my life and thought i was fine again. that holiday was great, but a few days before i had to go back to school, i had a really bad day and couldn't stop crying. my parents were there for me the whole day and asked me how long i had been feeling sad. once i told them it was since january they were shocked and said they didn't realise. once i went back to school i started to feel anxious around people and didn't want to participate in lessons but didn't really talk about it with anyone. it went on for a couple of months and then a few weeks ago (November time), i woke up one school morning and just started crying profusely. i told my mum i didn't want to go to school but she got angry at me and told me i'm a flake and copped out of everything. that made me even more upset and i had a panic attack. she then realised what was going on and i had the day off, the next day i went in but ever since that panic attack i have constantly been feeling jittery, sick, shaky and like i can't control my breathing or heart rate. so far i have had another panic attack since the first one but i'm scared it will happen again at school or something. i have only told one of my friends because i don't think the others would understand. i haven't gone to anyone for help yet but feel as if i should because i don't know what else to do. my mum is a very 'get up and carry on' person so she wants me to just try and carry on normally but i can't. she keeps saying to me that i need to get out of this myself and no one else can help me, but i just feel like it will last forever and it's not as simple as just 'feeling happy again'. i love my mum, but she doesn't understand what's happening to me and thinks that i'm happy most of the time. but the truth is, even when i might seem happy on the outside, there's still a part of me on the inside that is just dying of sadness and i feel so trapped in my body. i have no idea what to do, can someone help me?
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self.Anxiety
|
Happy birthdayyy, to meee... Didn't sleep well last night because some drunk assholes shoved on of their buddies into out tent TWICE at about 3 am. No apology. They're lucky my ex didn't get out and beat them or worse. He could have broken our only home. I had to kick him from inside to get him off before he broke anything. So if you happen to be on Reddit and see this, Stumbles the Dumbfuck, I hope I bruised you. Great start to my birthday.
Ex lashed out last night because he had no cigarettes or pot, even before Stumbles came along. I know this is a hard time for him too, this time of year, but as someone who still struggles mightily with depression and suicide, hearing him tell me how he thought about killing himself last night this morning was incredibly upsetting. I said nothing.
I still love him, he's still my friend and brother, but I'm drained. It's hard to have hope in this situation, even though I'm busting my ass to get out of it with my disabilities and environment. We have no food or money until our benefits hit next week. Panhandling last night was bad, and something kept happening that hadn't before: people kept almost tripping on me and my things. A couple of guys kicked my cane (I have osteoarthritis- at 33. And I'm a fall risk. Not fun) because they weren't paying attention. I felt so invisible.
Why are people so awful to others who are suffering? Why are they sabotaging, assaulting and even killing us? Why put so much energy towards hating someone who is just trying to live their lives and battling their demons? I'm not sure I'll ever wrap my head around it.
I'm really hoping things get better today. I might fly a sign saying it's my birthday, not sure how it'll go.
I know I'm still too enmeshed with him. I want to give him hope but after over a year of knowing him and less than a year of that dating, nothing has changed. He's horribly angry all the time. He even talked about tracking down the guy last night and killing him, saying that prison would be better than this.
I want to cry but I can't.
EDIT: The best ways to support homeless people is volunteering if you can, talking to us and pushing for better services and Housing First programs. If you're in Los Angeles the group LACAN (Los Angeles Community Action Network) could use a lot of support, they're fighting for everyone in Skid Row and beyond.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like severe loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world. How are you supposed to get better when you have no one to talk to? I'm Austin, I'm 19, and I am medically diagnosed with both autism and avoidant personality disorder. I have a few acquaintances but I have no true friends anymore, aside from my little brother and little sister. College was supposed to be my golden years, and the years in which I made my best friends. It's proven to be the most grueling and life-ruining event in my life, and I can say with certainty that I plan to end my life in January. My brain is configured in a way where I crave friendship, connections, and attention, but I cannot achieve it due to my absolute lack of social skills and my unlikeable personality. Those who have chosen to get to know me eventually feel bad for me, and they choose to pity me rather than befriend me. I wake up, go on the internet, eat, and go to sleep, and class is somewhere in the mix during the semester. It's absolutely horrendous. I do not want to live this life anymore. I do not want to immediately crush my siblings, so I plan to do it in a way where I will go "missing" for a while rather than be immediately pronounced dead due to suicide. It will still worry them, but it will be slow rather than instant betrayal. I am so tired of existing. I have been planning this for years. Life is not made for people like me. I was created with a severe disadvantage; one that makes it impossible to live happily. If reincarnation is real, I hope that I will be reborn into a likeable and sociable person. I do not want to live a life of loneliness.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wicked Video, actor is great. Bi polar example for students https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA-fqvC02oM
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self.bipolar
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Taking seroquel in the morning? Yesterday I accidentally took 200 mg seroquel in the morning (I usually take wellbutrin at this time - which really wakes me up). I panicked because it usually makes me drowsy and I had to go to work. I took the Welbutrin too and then drank some coffee and ate a bunch of food. I got a little high and then after like 30-40 minutes of feeling the effects it went away. I slept great and woke up feeling amazing this morning.
Would anyone recommend starting to take it in the morning or maybe mid afternoon?
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self.bipolar
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I stopped hanging out with a close friend over a slice of pizza [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I don't know what I'm living for. I'm sick of myself and school. I'm not as bad as I was before, and I may be able to get an Incomplete for one of my classes but I'm still concerned about finishing everything else and passing finals and my scholarship and vocational rehab. Yet I can't get myself to buckle down and do the work and I still have a few suicidal thoughts here and there and I just don't know what I'm living for. I tend to be bad in the early morning and late night and okayish in the middle of the day. My room is a mess. I kind of want to let myself try writing a suicide note, but I feel like that'd be letting myself get too close to the edge. Even though I already held a knife to my neck a few weeks ago and accidentally left a scratch. It's just two more weeks. I fly home on the 17th. Why can't I do this shit? Am I just making excuses and being pathetic?
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self.bipolar
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I feel like the internet is just a getaway from the bad things happening in real life Everyday, is hard for me, sometimes i just don’t want to do it anymore, skip a day of school again, so i can get away from reality, be myself. So i don’t have to deal with anxiety, and just thoughts that i shouldn’t have, i just want help but too scared to talk about it.
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self.depression
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Sleep-talking and Restlessness with Bipolar Disorder? I've struggled with Bipolar Disorder for years. I'm almost 20, and I notice a lot that I end up sleep talking. I've had a couple occasions where I wake up in the middle of the night and I start having a conversation with one of my friends, just like I would do at any other point in the day. I would feel like my friend is sitting in the chair in the corner of my room just having a conversation with me in the dark, and I will wake up and talk for a couple of minutes (what it seems like at least) before I seem to pull out of it and freak out a little when I realize that it wasn't real.
It gets WAY worse when my boyfriend sleeps over at my apartment. When I used to stay at my ex's house as well, I remember sleep-talking over there.
When my boyfriend slept over last week, I had at least 4 instances within the night of tossing and turning where I started having nightmares, and then talking through them. There were a couple points in the night where I "woke up" and shook my boyfriend on the shoulder and started talking to him like he was my old best friend Shelby. I began talking to "Shelby" about how our friendship had been on the rocks but we should try and be best friends again. He was mostly sound asleep and wrapped his arms around me and I remember thinking "Oh, that's not Shelby" right before I fell back into a short, but deep sleep.
It happened with another nightmare that same night, I woke up crying and saying "I don't know why you would do this, why did you have to do that? Why did you cheat on me? You know loyalty is so important to me," because in my dream I guess my boyfriend had been unfaithful or something, and I was in the in-between of asleep and awake and I started lecturing my very-faithful boyfriend on why he dream-cheated on me (lol). But after a minute of talking to him (he's a heavy sleeper, so he didn't really fully listen right away to what I was saying), I snap out of it almost every time, even just a little bit and realize that I wasn't actually having a convo with anyone.
It's a really bizarre scenario, and it's happened a few times.
Another one I can specifically think of included sleep walking and sleep talking at my ex's house. I started having a full-on conversation at 3 am after having been sound asleep, and I started talking about how I wanted to watch the movie School of Rock (idk why haha).
It's hard because it's not a full-on sleeptalking I don't think. I have a weird experience where in the moment, I am aware that I am having a conversation, even though I think my body is about 10% aware that the people I am talking to are just from my dreams. It's so strange. I'm sorry if this is confusing, but if anyone has any experience with intense & regular sleep-talking, please do share!!
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self.bipolar
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2 am and a belt around my neck Promised I would make it to 18 but I'm done. I've been awake 2 days contemplating. Life isn't worth the pain.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Treatment for inflammation caused by Depression? I'm doing pretty well handling emotional and behavioural stuff. but my joints and nerves are killing me. I know it's episode related, I NEVER get any pain except when I am depressed. and I could apply better behavioual interventions if typing and walking didn't want to make me cry. My diet is already high in Omega 3.
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self.bipolar
|
Wellbutrin gave me a seizure First time poster here, tell me if I’m in the right place.
Saturday night I was at home, as per usual, with my mom just watching tv. I went to the kitchen to wash the dogs’ water bowl and next I know I’m being stood over by my mom, and two firemen(This is not when I want firemen standing over me). I started crying, mostly because I was so confused and I saw my mom crying. I was taken to my local Kaiser hospital, where every test could not explain why I had a grand mal seizure. The ER doctor referred me to neurology, and now I need to speak to my psychiatrist, primary, and get an eeg after the neurologist explained the Wellbutrin lowers seizure threshold. This alarmed me and now I’m anxious to get off this and on another med that won’t cause seizures.
Has anyone else experienced this?
The only lasting effects I have is just sore muscles in my legs and arms(from the seizure I guess), and a lovely bruise on my back where I fell against the fridge and nearly took off the handle on the freezer.
I am absolutely terrified of doing things alone now, for fear of it happening again in a more dangerous place that I could hurt myself even more than the kitchen.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I’m missing out on life because of my medication, but it’s truly the only thing that offers me a feeling of “normalcy” or balance. A year ago at 20, I was officially diagnosed with rapid firing bipolar. I was offered medication to help and originally declined. I grew up with a mom who was absent 90% of the time and mostly because she was too drugged up to exist in reality, where her children were.
I wasn’t eating, truly couldn’t even feed myself. I couldn’t shower myself, I had to be carried to the bathroom. I would lay in silence, staring at our blank bedroom wall for HOURS on end... I knew there was absolutely zero chance of me getting my brain to produce the chemicals I needed to get out of my depressive state - I was desperate. I finally filled the prescription offered to me.
I’ve been taking seroquel for about nine months and I can honestly say I’ve never functioned this smoothly in my entire life. I’m SO thankful for modern medicine and my ability to truly see a difference in my entire life, through one daily pill. My moods are so much more consistent and stable, in a way that makes me feel free to truly EXPERIENCE life.
Although, I’m beginning to feel frustrated at my medication. Not because of the physical side effects and the way it makes me feel. I feel like I missing out on so much of the life that I’m even taking this medication for.
The medication I didn’t want in the beginning, but helps me so much now, is taking away a lot of my social life. It puts me to sleep within thirty minutes and knocks me out cold until it’s totally worn off. Due to the fact that I’m trying VERY hard to give my life a healthy structure, since bipolar is so fucking messy, I have a strict medication taking time. Which means strict bedtime and wake up time.
At now 21, I take my medication and am in bed by 8:30. This takes away any potential hanging out with my partner or any friends after 7:30. I live in a huge city and no one even goes out until I have to crawl into bed. It even means that some of the only hours I share with my partner are spent with my half asleep, drooling on myself because I’m fighting my meds in order to see them for twenty minutes before I fall asleep. It takes any potential social life off the table completely.
The prescription is helping my rapid firing bipolar, but introducing me to a new kind of lonely.
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self.bipolar
|
r/MoodDisorderNOS Hey everyone!
I know there are those diagnosed with Mood Disorder NOS that are here, and want to let you guys know that [there is now a subreddit for it!](http://www.reddit.com/r/mooddisordernos)
"Mood disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) is defined by the DSM is a more general category of mood disorders that do not fit the any other diagnosis. This diagnosis is used when it is difficult to choose between: Depressive disorder NOS and. Bipolar disorder NOS."
(from http://depression.wikia.com/wiki/Mood_disorder_NOS)
I myself have been diagnosed with that and feel iffy as to which subreddit to go as it isn't fully in one of the main categories. But now there is! There's a discord group as well for it :)
[I have gotten permission from a mod to post this :) ]
Have a good day!
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self.bipolar
|
rTMS? My doctor told me to consider rTMS - because no medications work on my depressive episodes.
Has anyone here done it? Or know anything about it?
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self.bipolar
|
Monday Monday monday So I live West Covina california. If anyone is interested. I will be have drinks all over town and finish the night off with a bottle of pills and a bottle of hard liquor. I only want company for the first part. Not the second.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don’t know what to do. I want to be a better person but my emotions get the best of me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Advice? Dating someone with depression who frequently cancels plans... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Is anyone in the Harrisburg Pa area? I'm just falling apart. I have no one and I just want to confide in someone. My chest is killing me.
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self.depression
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Anxious about my next shift (every shift) but 100% fine when I start working [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Give me reasons to live Hello comrades, I’m not going to waste your time with my problems, my story isn’t as important as any other. Just give me something. Something that’ll give me a sliver of hope or drive to keep on going. If you can find it in your heart, to share your compassion and advice to a complete stranger trying to find their way in the world, it would be of great help. Thank you all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anxiety cause any one else to obsessively plan out every day? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Lithium bloating even at low dose--how to reduce?? Long term BP2, with significant seasonality. Looking to add lithium at a low dose to lamictal (any experiences with this combo?)
Tried last month and even at 300 ER, and especially at 450mg ER, put on 7 lbs of water weight, plus huge bloated belly. I'm a big guy anyway, this was unacceptable.
Any tips? Does this effect go away over time and how long? Considering starting even lower, but if it will always be a problem might give up on it. No problems on low dose lithium orotate, so maybe that would be an option, but not sure about equivalences and whether there is enough research to know how to dose.
I also take low dose of hydrochlorothiazide, a diuretic, for HBP, not sure how that interfaces.
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self.bipolar
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Feel like my anxiety might be leading me to a heart attack. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Well there goes that... i just tried to call a therapist to get time and tried calling psychologist but both didnt answer.. that was my last cry for help, and now there is nothing else to do but wait for my death.
even professionals dont want anything to do with me...
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self.depression
|
I’m never scared of someone hating me because I hate myself more than anyone ever could.
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self.Anxiety
|
I hate this time of the year! I love Christmas, but ever employer I have ever worked for turns into a complete ASSHOLE most of December. I don't even work in retail but my current company suddenly brings in a bunch of new business when we can't even handle our current workload and starts demanding more overtime.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm losing my ability to write because of my medication I've noticed lately that I can no longer write by hand. It's not due to the tremors, I just can't seem to will my hand to make the intricate hand movements required for round lower case letters like e or d. It also seems like I can't think of letters in words in advance and I end up stumbling over myself trying to spell simple things when writing reports at work. The result is often that any word longer than four letters ends up as an incoherent scribble.
Luckily nobody expects me to really write legibly at work (everyone jokes that because I used to be a medic that writing badly is part of the training). It just bothers me so much, and my medication just got upped so I'm worried it will only get worse. And I'm hypo or manic or something right now (why my meds got upped in the first place) and one thing I have always enjoyed while manic is writing, so it just further aggravates me. Aggravation and my current mood just don't seem to mix well right now.
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self.bipolar
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Stuck living with my parents because I can't afford to leave [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I've already posted this in r/relationships. I just need some replies because I'm feeling very anxious/sick. If I need to go to a different sub please let me know and I can delete. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm unsure what to do when someone depends solely on me for their being alive. Advice? A close friend of mine (let's call her Annie) has had some serious mental health issues in the decade that I've known her, but they appear to be getting even worse in the last month or so.
After an evening in which she discussed her plans to build a nuclear bunker and was convinced that federal agents had been in her bedroom, Annie mentioned that she had been suicidal many times before. Though she was not acutely suicidal at the time, she said she kept it in her toolbox.
Annie said that if I can't talk her out of suicide (or her paranoia episodes, or the impulses she has to binge and purge) that no one can. She said that even if her life is in imminent danger, or someone else's is, that I am never ever to call for an ambulance. She believes that she will be killed by the police.
I am DEEPLY uncomfortable with this. I cannot take responsibility for her mental health or being alive. I can often offer a listening ear, but I am not available all the time, and I am not a mental health professional. I also have my own long history of mental health issues and have attempted suicide in the past. I am much better now, but it is historically a huge struggle to keep myself alive, much less have another person mandate that I do that for them.
My ex-girlfriend Maya, when we were dating several years ago, went through a very similar thing. Maya dealt with bipolar disorder and terrible child abuse flashbacks, and she attempted suicide twice in the years we were dating. We broke up four years ago and Maya completed suicide about six months ago.
Maya said, when we were dating, that if anyone called 911, that she would immediately kill me and then kill herself. Or that if she was unable to do that, she would wait until she was allowed to go home from the hospital, and then kill me and kill herself. She told me about her plans for homicide and suicide repeatedly and in detail.
Having gone through what I did with Maya makes it all the more difficult for me to go through this with Annie. I have told Annie about Maya before but she often forgets details about my life or disregards them. I did not volunteer to be responsible for either of their lives, I am not remotely capable of saving them alone, and frankly I don't want to. I want to help how I can, but I know this situation isn't ok.
**tl;dr What are you supposed to do if someone's in imminent danger of causing severe harm to themselves and/or someone else, and they have forbidden you to call emergency services, because they say that their death (and maybe yours) will be your fault?**
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm sad and I shouldn't be I'm often very sad, but I really shouldn't be. I have two happily married parents and the most fantastic friends in the world. I excel in music, am above average intelligence, and take all honors and an AP class in 9th grade. I live in a large house and I am never short on food or money, but I'm sad. A lot. My self esteem is horrible and my self confidence abysmal. I talk myself constantly throughout the day, insulting myself, cussing, acting out these incredibly unrealistic, dramatic scenarios. I hit myself a lot when I'm alone, mainly hitting my forehead with my fist or slapping myself across the face, but I would never, ever, under any scenario, commit suicide, and that's where the trouble comes in for me. Since I don't have any real problems and have no risk of suicide, I don't think I should talk to anyone because I know other people have other, astronomically larger problems than what I have. I think it would be a waste of time for a counselor or a friend to, rather than help someone whose dad died of cancer or whose parents abuse them, help some whiny wuss who feels sad. I don't know if I have depression, anxiety, or any sort of disorder because I don't bother to get diagnosed because to me, personally, I don't think it would change much for me if, rather than just being sad, I knew I was biologically sad. I somewhat enjoy life but I absolutely hate myself with a burning passion. I've had times where I've almost cried in school because I saw my reflection in some glass, I hate myself so much. I think I'm ugly, stupid, pathetic, worthless, etc etc. I'm doing horrible in school. I currently have one A, two B's, and four D's. I should be getting all A's but I'm never motivated to do schoolwork. Even though I know I won't be accepted into any college if I keep up my shit grades, I can't seem to get motivated at all. I think one of the things that discourages me the most is my horrible love life. I'm 15 years old and I've never kissed, gone on a date, or even held hands romantically. Almost all of my closer friends are in a nice relationship and I haven't dated anyone in a year and a half. I've told multiple girls I like them, but none of them liked me back. The last person whom I confessed my feelings to was in early August, and since then, I just can't seem to have an actual crush. I've just been having these two-week-long crushes that never amount to anything. I don't want to ever tell any of them because I think if I liked them for such a short time, that if they did like me back, I would stop liking them and have to break up. Right now I have feelings for a girl who's so much like me and so great, but she has openly told me that she is in love with someone already. They aren't dating, but she loves him. I get that I'm 15 and it's not like if I don't date someone now, I'll die, but I'm seriously worried that I could mess up a good relationship in the future due to lack of relationship experience. My parents are far right in their political views and I think because of this, they expect me to be like an alpha male, to be tough, but I'm not. I'm not strong physically nor am I tough emotionally. I used to cry about every other day but I haven't nearly as much recently. Not because I've been feeling better because Lord knows I haven't been, I actually don't know why. I was born and raised Catholic all my life, and I still am. I used to be very Christian in my morals and beliefs, and I still am a firm believer, but I've noticed I've started sinning more and more. Things I vowed I would never do, I do regularly now. I feel like a horrible person and if I died right now, I'd go to Hell.
I guess the main reason I posted all of this is because I don't know what to do. I don't want to ask my school counselor for help because so many more students at my school have much larger problems than I do. I don't want to ask my friends for help. I already feel bad because I've dumped my feelings on a few of my friends already and I don't want to make them suffer. The most recent person I've done this to also happens to be the girl whom I have feelings for. But yeah, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should talk to friends after all, If I should see the counselor after all, if I should test for depression and anxiety. That's why I came here. If you have any, please leave advice for me. I'm close to rock bottom and I need your help. Thank you.
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self.offmychest
|
Help with spouse that has Anxiety I am currently married and have a 3 year old. This year my wife took a bunch of time of work and I want to help her. However I am also dealing with her having not really helped in anything domestic for years, way longer than I was aware of the anxiety. We have had a dog for 9 years and I can count on 1 hand how many times she has walked him. To this day she still will not because it makes her anxious. I am responsible for all daycare needs, paying bills, making means, doing laundry and pretty much everything. I need to find a way to get her to help as this is not something that can continue long term. I am starting to feel I am getting nothing out of this relationship (whether it be sexy time or help with domestic stuff) and its making me distance myself from her. She has been seeing someone and I have been seeing a psychologist also. I was thinking of making a chore list and trying to push her to do things. I would also like to try to encourage her to get exercise as I was told than can help a lot. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want to both help her and try and save myself from becoming overwhelmed.
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self.Anxiety
|
Too many thoughts... can't articulate... Urgh I feel so pathetic posting this. I know my pain and stress is not as big as others, and the fact that I can't control it makes me feel worse.
I've been battling anxiety my whole life. I went through a period of self-harm (superficial, not life-threatening) about two years ago which led to me being put on Lexapro, which helped a bit.
My stress levels have gotten pretty out of control lately, mainly due to work. I've been having suicide ideations again and went to the GP for a mental health plan (which means I can get 10 free counselling sessions in Aus), but I can't call the place I've been referred to until tomorrow, where I don't have much time during the day to call and make an appointment anyway.
Today I've been having suicide ideations again, and urges to self-harm again. I can't stop crying and I'm having trouble processing all my thoughts.
When I was at the GP, she said that if I was feeling this way again, I should call Lifeline (the Australian crisis support hotline) but I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing at the moment is important enough to call. I don't want to take the spot away from someone who is in immediate danger of suicide (I'm not suicidal, just having regular ideations), and I feel like the fact that I don't really know *why* I'm feeling like this *now* makes my situation even more stupid.
Gah, not sure why I'm even posting this. I guess I'm asking at what point do I approach a crisis support line? When is it big enough of an issue to take the spot from someone else? (Is that even my question? I don't even know).
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Please tell me these physical symptoms are anxiety - very scared (yes, I'm being seen by a doctor) I don't really know where to turn. I have a doctor appointment on the 16th and a cardiologist appointment in March. But I'm just kind of freaking out. I don't feel like I can wait that long. The fear is running away with me.
I've had anxiety my whole life. I used to get very severe panic attacks but those have mostly gone now. I suspect I may have OCD (never been diagnosed) because I really tend towards obsessive thoughts and behaviors. In the last year or so, my anxiety and obsessive thoughts have all been focused on my health.
But the thing is, I can't tell if I'm obsessed and anxious about my health because there is something wrong with me or if my anxiety is just making me think there is stuff wrong with me and causing all kinds of physical symptoms.
This is what I'm experiencing currently that is really scaring me. A month or so ago, I went out drinking and came back home. When I got into bed, I noticed my heart was pounding, took my heart rate, and it was 120. It stayed that way for like 4 or 5 hours before coming down.
Since then, I've been keeping a log of my heart rate and noticing things. First, my heart rate is always higher than other people's. Occasionally it'll be 65-70 but is usually 80-90. And then I get these episodes. I've had 2 this week. Both times I was occupied with doing work on the computer (calm, not anxious, not even thinking about anxiety) when I noticed my heart pounding. Measured the rate and it jumps between 100-120. The first time that lasted about an hour. The second time (today) I did some vagal maneuvers and it stopped from that.
Also today and yesterday, I've just been feeling like I'm not getting enough air. I've chosen to mostly ignore this symptoms because I know anxiety can cause it. my oxygen saturation is fine and it doesn't make me feel like panting or anything. I just have this feeling like I need more air.
I'm just... really worried. I'm afraid there is something wrong with me that is going to affect my life. I'm 23, just graduated university, and have plans to go to vet school that I've been working very hard to achieve. I'm terrified that there is going to be something wrong with me that will prevent me from realizing my goals.
Specifically, I'm scared I have dysautonomia. This is something I will talk to my doctor about, but the thought just really scared me because it is progressive and would probably prevent me from doing the things I want to in life.
I don't know anymore what is anxiety and what is real problems. I think I'm in some kind of anxiety/OCD spiral, and I really hope that is what it is, and not a real medical condition. I constantly have this feeling that all of my "symptoms" (I have a LONG list of things I consider symptoms, not sure if they are real or anxiety-induced/in my head) are actually small parts of a big medical problem. Occasionally, I get a brief moment of clarity. Like, for a second, I feel like I'm okay and my problems are anxiety-related. But then it is gone, as soon as I consider a future where a medical condition prevents me from doing what I want in life.
I just can't shake it. I want to believe they are anxiety-induced, but that is had when they appear when I'm not anxious at all. I actually woke up this morning feeling really good and happy and calm, and still had an episode of heart-pounding tachycardia and now have that feeling like I'm not getting enough air.
I think I just wanted to vent. If anyone has similar experiences, or anything, I would be grateful to hear them... I just feel really scared and the people around me think I'm ridiculous because I'm so obsessive about this. My mom is a nurse, so naturally I end up asking her a lot of questions. A lot of questions. I've started feeling really embarrassed about how obsessive I am over this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Its Christmas and here i am with a knife at my thigh [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Early morning awakenings ugghhh For the past month and a half, following voluntary job loss due to ongoing sexual harassment, I've been experiencing early morning awakenings. I get 5 hours sleep max which doesn't suffice. Told my pdoc yesterday and he wants to increase my Zoloft as he believes it's anxiety related.
Has anyone else had ongoing issues with this? I have no problems falling asleep but can't remain asleep. Wake up into full blown anxiety attacks. So freaking annoying and destabilizing :/
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self.bipolar
|
Setraline help! Hi all I’ve just started taking sertraline 25mg once a day. It’s my second day and I just had an attack after not having any for about a month. Has anyone taking this got reactions like this? I was given this to help with anxiety to try to put weight back on that I’ve been losing due to anxiety, I just finally was able to eat some pizza and my stomach got upset and that’s when it happened.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m 13.. Hello, I’m in deep state of sadness and loneliness. I feel like my friends aren’t really my friends, my parents divorced recently and the pain for me has been going on for 3 years now, I have been bullied online, at school ect.
One time I went totally insane and wanted to actually self harm/kill myself but I didn’t have the guts to do it, I feel like there is no one that can help me, I feel like there is no accomplishment in life, I need help, please i don’t know what to do. I’m losing my mind.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sleeping pills to sleep all day? Has anyone tried sleeping pills to keep themselves sedated? What was it like? Could you still dream?
I can sleep pretty easily for 10-12 hours. Sometimes I can sleep for up to 16 or so hours all without any substance or whatever (probably because I'm malnourished af).
Nevertheless, there is a limit to how much I can sleep and moan around on the bed, so I get up...
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self.depression
|
Why I am so tired. I just seem to always be wrong. Why ask a question when you know whatever you hear you will just tear apart? I try so hard to overcome my problems, but why cannot people see that just getting out of bed is a struggle? That all of the other stuff takes time. Talk to me, not down to me. I do not have to be punished for not always being on the same page, or just wanting to express myself in a space where I should be permitted to do so.
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self.depression
|
A really painful incident that just happened with my family This is a long story. Im currently 18 male, just went into the living room shirtless where my mother and my sister 2 years older than me are watching tv, my sister tells me that my armpit hair is long and to go cut it ( im the type of person where if someone tells me to do something i refuse to do it, even if i wanted to do it) so i said no i don't need to. She turns off the tv and started " its embarrassing how you are going to begin second year at college and still act like a kid, grow up, last week when you came to the cafe (my dad owns a cafe) my friends literally made fun of you(which i didn't see any of it happen) , your posture your hair( i have long hair) and the way you speak," she started imitating the way i speak and mocking me. My mom looked at her without saying a word like she agreed to everything she's saying, or maybe they've been talking about it before i came to the room, my sister continued "they made fun of you while you sat alone using your phone, (the only reason i went to the cafe was my parents needed someone to stay there) , then she started comparing me to other people, like i can't believe how people your own age comes to the cafe with their friends and girlfriend,and you still don't have a girlfriend (because its hard, girls here are either self conservative or total sluts) she kept insulting me for straight 5 minutes how I'll never get married or get a job and be a failure in the future because of my weak personality until i chose to go to my room, and im here typing this reddit post,.
Basically im a shy person, i didn't get the best childhood experience, i didn't have friends and i was bullied alot, i rarely saw my dad because of hiswork, and i basically never had a bond or relationship with my father, i still got bullied through highschool, i never got picked to play soccer or basketball, i never got invited to hang out, the only thing im good at was school, and now im at the part of my life where i don't give a shit about what people think or want, i just do what pleases me and try not to communicate or socialize but its hard to ignore words coming from your own family, i don't know what to do, i think i should just avoid my family until i get enough funds to move out,
I just needed to let it all out
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self.depression
|
Trick I figured out for minimizing my Seroquel weight-gain Ever since my dose increased from 100mg to 200+, I've been going on eating binges at around 11:30PM. I was taking my dose at 11PM, and falling asleep at 12AM. During these binges, I would consume anywhere from 1000 to 3000 calories in that 30 minute span. I'm on a keto diet, so I would eat like 3 packages of pastrami, a half jar of peanut butter on multiple occasions, 1000 calories of peanuts, and so on.
So what I started doing was sleeping earlier. I would take my dose at 10PM, so I would fall asleep at 11PM. And it works. It's like my body was in biological pattern of becoming ravenously hungry at 11:30PM, irregardless of whether I took my dose or forgot to. So, I'm now falling asleep 30 minutes before the hunger cravings come on.
Another thing that has helped minimize weight gain is being on a keto diet. During these crazy eating binges over the last month, I gained a total of about 8-10 pounds tops, and this was after 2 weeks straight of eating everything in my fridge right before sleeping. If I was on my old carb diet, I would've gained probably 20+ pounds. When we don't have a strong insulin response with our food, fat storage is very minimal and slow. Also, Seroquel does not cause diabetes. Overeating sugar and starches and carbs cause diabetes. Seroquel only causes the crazy hunger cravings.
If you guys have any tips or methods of how you curb Seroquel weight gain, please share!
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