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Importance of Iron in Mental health So I just had a bunch of sloppy Joe's today, 2 cans of beans. That's about 11 mg of iron. Apparently iron deficiency aggravates mental health issues, causes tiredness, general weakness and insomnia. All of which I have. People that take depokate are often low in iron as well. I feel great, and no its not mania comming back, I mean I'm tired but not as exhausted and weak as usual. Just a heads up you may want to get your iron levels checked!
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self.bipolar
|
I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job because of my Lamictal. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm getting an abortion next week and I'm scared I think I'm about 5 or 6 weeks at this point. I've had a couple of phone appointments with the clinic to 'discuss my options' but since I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago I knew I couldn't keep it.
The lady was discussing the two ways to 'terminate' it. I either have to bleed it out or have it sucked out. I have a huge presentation on my dissertation at uni the day before, and there's still so much to prepare for it when I can't concentrate or leave the house because of anxiety. And I have a shift at a supermarket the day after where I'll be on my feet, running around and having to smile all day while I'm bleeding out the remains of a fetus.
My best friend is coming with me, but she gets anxious stepping foot out of the house most days and blood makes her want to throw up. I think she's panicking more than I am, and all she has to do is make sure I get home without passing out.
All these 'non-judgemental' ladies from the clinic and the doctor's surgery use this calm, quiet voice that's so practiced and rehearsed and there's no sympathy or compassion for what I'm going through. It's not like I especially want to abort my first child, but I'm only 21 and in university, and I've been living at the end of my £2,000 overdraft for nearly 2 years.
I just want it to be over already. I've been having morning sickness most days, my tits don't fit in any of my bras, I'm angry and anxious and tired. I just want a break.
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self.offmychest
|
A final scream into the abyss I'm sitting in my truck now, with a garden hose and a roll of duct tape, in the middle of the desert. I'm sort of surprised I still have bars, but I shouldn't be. I don't care if you cheer or argue. I just would like to not be utterly alone at the end.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really need someone to talk to about fucking anything just to kill the loneliness rn. Talk to me about anything ask me anything at all no holds barred pm me if you want idc. As long as it’s conversation it’s great.
|
self.depression
|
Why should I care about other peoples depression when no one cares about mine? Contrary to the title, I do care about what other people are going through. But literally no one in my life cares about me so why should I keep making sure everyone is okay?
|
self.depression
|
Save me. I am so fucking done. Super fucking done with this life. The only thing i was good at is gone, I don't have anyone to talk to or just say hi to. I'm always all alone and it hurts. Now I see one of my old friends leading his wonderful life, new cars and achieving what he wants while I'm just here crying. I just don' t want to be alone anymore
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self.depression
|
Was I misdiagnosed? I was diagnosed with bipolar I among some other things my senior year (over a year ago). At first I completely believed this diagnoses fit me, though I was upset by it. I took my meds and felt slightly better over time with trial and error. In fact in the summer I felt amazing, as if my symptoms were nearly obsolete aside from the occasional depressive swing or reckless decision. However, towards winter of 2017 my depression hit full force and would not go away. In january of this year I quit my meds cold turkey (I know this is not suggested and I hope nobody else does this). I am confused though, since quitting them I feel fine. I haven't suffered any side effects and my moods have been rather normal. Is it possible that I don't have bipolar disorder at all? I definitely intend on talking to my psychiatrist about this next time I see her. I was just curious if anyone else has had this experience? Is it possible for symptoms to go away on their own for a period of time?
|
self.bipolar
|
If I could have chosen at birth, I would have been born female It's a weird thought bouncing around inside my head because I don't think of myself as someone who needs to transition. I'm content being a guy. A big, burly, hairy, bearded guy. I would make such an ugly fucking girl. But if I could have started from scratch, I would trade all this masculinity to be a woman.
I've always associated more with girls. I had more female friends all through school. I wanted dolls, I preferred spending time with my girl cousins because they just wanted to play with dolls and pretend to do their makeup, but my boy cousins wanted to shoot bb guns and light firecrackers and race dirt bikes.
I spent so much time with girls because I just clicked with them. My guy friends just didn't get me all the time, but my female friends related to me about how I felt every time I got emotional and were there for me as a support system. They were so sweet and beautiful and I just wanted to be like them.
When I started being sexually active, I loved taking on the submissive role with my partners. I wanted them on top and in control of me. I wanted to be the sexy one who was seducing them. When I was the big spoon, I would grab my girlfriend's chest and reach between her legs and pretend I was touching my own body and it drove me fucking wild. The day she let me try on a pair of her underwear and she looked me up and down and pounced on me, I felt fucking sexy.
But that's not me. That's not where I am in this life. I'm just some guy.
|
self.offmychest
|
My Downstairs Neighbor's Screwing is a Reminder of my Own Perceived Failure and Ineptitude Maybe it's because I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that a relationship I was in for almost three years ended abruptly with no input on my part, and through no fault of my own. My ex and I moved into the apartment next door a little over four months ago. Well, just over two months after moving, she decided that "this isn't working out." I can't force anyone to do something or be somewhere they don't want to, but we were only in the apartment for two months. Again, we had been dating for almost three years. Three. Fucking. Years. No real explanation given, just, "this isn't working out anymore."
I was surprisingly okay with everything at first. I call the property manager and found that I could transfer my lease (was in a two bedroom unit before, wanted a one bedroom for cheaper rent.) Things pretty much just went back to normal, except she wasn't around anymore. I didn't really let it get to me.
A week ago, I heard my new downstairs neighbor getting it on with someone, or at least, that's what it sounded like. I have no idea exactly why, but my instant response was to get bummed out and sad. Then I got angry. I didn't sleep that night at all. Ever since then, I've been on an emotional roller coaster that's all too familiar to me. Every time I think about wanting to go out an try to meet someone, I get intimidated and feel like I'd be wasting my time because, of course, no sane person would want to be with me (past girlfriends have had pretty major issues, none of which I ended up finding out about until late into the relationship or after the fact.)
I'm not 6+ feet tall. I do not make $100K+ a year. I do not own an expensive house. I do not own an expensive car. I honestly don't think I'm unattractive, but I'm not in very good physical shape right now. I try not to be an asshole either, which I guess makes me the "safe option" that's just always going to be available whenever people are done screwing around and want something more serious. Nobody owes me anything, and I've never thought I was owed anything. Just want to mention that bit because I know that what I just said sounds like something an incel would say. I'm just frustrated and don't know how to rationalize my thoughts and emotions. I'm not a religious person, but I can't help feeling like this was all predetermined. Like my life was always supposed to be one of constant anguish over feeling like I'm missing out. The several days of getting no matches at all on any dating site I try certainly isn't helping, and I probably shouldn't even be trying to date if I'm not going to be as emotionally available to a potential partner as I should be.
I don't even know why I'm this way. I've always been like this, to be honest. I have family that cares about me, I have cool friends that will have my back no matter what. I'm the most successful of my friends as well, with regard to material success, but none of that matters to me, and I'm so very tired of it. I feel like something's wrong with me, but I don't know what to do about it. Part of me just wants to give up. I don't want to kill myself or anything, but I seriously wish there was a way to just take a vacation from life itself for a little bit, because just living is so exhausting sometimes.
I don't know. All I know is that I feel miserable, pathetic, and desperate. And I hate it, I absolutely abhor this constant companion that I've never completely been able to shake off.
My thoughts are disorganized and this reads more like a rant than anything else. I just sometimes feel like nobody will ever truly understand what it's like.
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self.depression
|
School Work Experience My secondary school has a 'work experience program' where we are sent to a random place in the city to work for a week. The school has chosen a place for me that is literally in one of the dodgiest areas in the city working at some warehouse from 7:30 in the morning til 3 with no pay. I can't do this. I just can't, but my parents are forcing me to go or they'll ban me from EVERYTHING for the week. I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Neurontin? Has anyone on here been prescribed Neurontin? I’m currently on 100mg lamictal and 40mg of latuda daily. I’m working my way back up since having my daughter earlier this year. He recently prescribed Neurontin to take daily also, but I’ve read that’s mostly for nerve pain and sometimes seizures. I’m wondering if anyone has taken it, what for and did it help?
|
self.bipolar
|
I used some one for 3 years i suffer from zhizophrenia and a mental deficient i really didn´t know i was doing wrong.
from 18-21 i lived with a woman who was 27-30 i loved her but was to scared to marry because she was older.
she expected i was going to marry her while i knew i wasn´t going to marry her
when i realized how shitty it was i broke up .
i was doing fine mentally but than i discovered it is difficult to marry after 30 the guilt start to set in.
after one year in bed daily vomiting wishing to die i am finally going to do it
tldr : wasted 3 years of a woman last years and going to end it over it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need meds I’m very depressed and anxious, but I know my mom would never let me get depression pills to help treat it, even though my dad is mental also so I believe it runs in the family. So I guess I have to deal with it all on my own. My mom doesn’t even know how I feel, she never asks so what does it matter. Honestly couldn’t care less, she never lets me see my dad and I know he loves me and it hurts. I know that when he dies I’ll regret not seeing him while he’s here. If I’m gone I won’t have to deal with that though, so that’s a plus.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Financial trouble after a (hypo)manic episode How did you guys cope with managing the financial burden following an episode? I currently need to pay off at least $3,000 to get back to my old nice credit score and I’m struggling to do so. I was thinking of asking my parents for help paying off but I feel it’s my fault and I should be the one dealing with the consequences...
Any advice would be great.
Happy holidays!
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self.bipolar
|
Help! I'm lost I know I have had depression since I was 12. Now I'm 39.
I moved to a new city over 2 years ago. I have no friends. My only social interactions are sporadic dates from OKCupid.
My professional life is great. I like my job, my supervisor. I have a purpose. I help people daily. But I have lost motivation. At work, I wait until 5pm. I get home and wonder how to pass my time until the next work day.
I drink everyday. On weekends I start drinking at 10 or 11 am and take a long nap and start drinking again after my nap.
I have only been showering about 2 times a week.
Before I moved here I had friends, family, a support system. Now I have nothing. I try to think of my hobbies and how I can be more interactive with society, but nothing. I do nothing but watch Netflix and clean my apartment when I feel motivated.
I am actually an advisor. Most of my professional day is talking to others about coping techniques, stress relieving, how to be more social, the importance of support. I am a total hypocrite.
Lately my thoughts are "I hate myself and want to die", "I wish I was dead," although I think about suicide, I dont actually consider it as an option. I am a suicide survivor (bff 2003) so I know the trauma of other survivors. I couldn't do that to anyone.
I'm at such a low point. I don't want to go back to my home town but I'm so goddamn lonely. I'm socially awkward and suck at making friends. I've isolated myself so much it seems impossible at this point.
I emailed a therapist. I hope they respond. I need help.
|
self.depression
|
Some Lyrics written by my depression... My outlet is writing songs, a couple of days ago I wrote this, kinda in the tune of "RX" by Theory of a Deadman, if it helps.
"Wake up, it's 2pm. I guess my heads a mess again
Sleep now, it's 6am, pass out from a lack of oxygen
Depression, but I'm alive, this smile I wear is just a lie.
Avoid the questions and attention, I don't need your good intentions
Leave me, here alone, I write a song, I'm in my zone
It keeps me, off the meds, before I lose my fucking head
When I'm lost, I won't be find, it's time to put me in the ground
I failed, this game of life, and now I walk into the light
Forever, looking down, looking back, hearing sounds
Insane, I'm still the same
Wake up, it's 2pm, yep my heads a mess again"
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self.depression
|
I may have just started a petty Cold War I yelled at a staff member at the hotel I worked at because instead of putting trash into a trash can that was next to him, he decided to put on our counter for me to do it.
Backstory: I work in a coffee shop in a hotel that we as a business have a contentious relationship with.
The busy season is about to pick up and our lobby gets full of people leaving paper and ceramic cups all over. The hotel staff help us out by busing the area when we can't get to it because we are too busy or something doesn't allow us to leave the floor. Sometimes it's fine, they simply just put trash in the trash can or place dishes on our counter, no big deal. We also pay them to do this and for that trash can to be there. Lately, they have been doing this thing where they not only put the dishes on the counter, but push them into our line of drinks waiting to be prepared or served.
This has been driving me nuts. Placing dirty cups and trash amongst clean cups, pushing cups out of order, and just a whole lot of unnecessary action. I get their frustrations about it, having to clean up after grown-ass people. I've asked them to stop doing it but they look at me like I am crazy. So today, I'm working and one decides to instead put some dirty paper cups on our counter. I lost it and yelled, "Why couldn't you put it in the trash!?" He storms off and refuses to do anything for us again.
Now, the trash can is directly across from the counter, he could've EASILY put it in there in the steps and time it takes put it on our counter. This employee has also started trouble with some of our own employees. I know he can get petty and will try to intimidate me knowing that the hotel management won't do shit about it and take his side. A part of me feels bad for losing my temper and now I have to eat crow until he forgets (I don't give a damn about his feelings). I feel if you're going to do a job, do it properly. We're constantly having to do their job for them (their check-in is basically a cubbyhole where they don't pay attention to guests and they disappear without leaving us with no way to contact them). I just want to skip to the part where either just desserts or I find the inner strength to not let this bug me.
TL;DR: I pissed off a jerk and have to deal with a whiny punk because he can't throw trash away.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel as if I will never be happy in life. I have been very depressed since I was 11 because of my gender. I am transgender and I became 21 on friday, 10th of november, I realize that time is running out, and I know I will never be a woman, far less for a good looking one. I have been working with an endocrinologist to start hrt but I have reached a state where I don't see the point anymore. Why do I have to choose between living a shitty life and living a less shitty life? At the end of the day, it is still shit, if you get 40 or 45 out of 100 in an exam, yeah, 45 is higher than 40 but you still failed the exam.
Why should I have to make this decision? Why can't I just die and let my suffering go away. Being forced to live is a mental slavery to me, I want my chains to break. For those that want me to be happy, then don't lie to me, give me true happiness, give me the sweet release of death. I could care less if hell or anything bad exists in the afterlife, I have been going through torture for what be 10 years now.
The world is overpopulated, we have too much people and not enough resources, why should I be forced to live and be a burden to society? I am not ever going to go back on the psychiatric drugs I used to be on, they made me gain a ton of weight and ruined my body image and self esteem. From one problem to another problem.
Part of transitioning is taking HRT, I don't want to be on any drugs. I don't want to rely on pills to sustain a false happiness and I have tried everything to try and change myself mentally, it doesn't work.
|
self.depression
|
Just a quiet place to vent. I just figured I would scream into this silent box where no one knows who I am or cares to know that I exist. Some nights I lay up with so much on my mind and no where to get it out at. I hate my existence and people depend on me to exist. It a true effort to get up everyday. I don’t want to be here even though I know I have so much to live for. I struggle with it everyday though. I feel like I have failed at meeting the goals I set for myself earlier in life and I can’t cope with it. I know my life could be so much worse and there are many others that have it worse than I do, but it doesn’t help how I currently feel. There is a void inside of me and I can’t find anything to make it feel smaller. It’s getting harder to breathe.
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self.depression
|
Always been very hesitant to use the term ‘love’. But I think I’m falling in love with my best friend. Fuck. I’m gonna try keep it brief as possible because I feel like I could go on forever here. All you need to know is this girl has a boyfriend, I’ve had a crush on her for months, and the last couple of them we’ve basically become best friends, although I’ve known her and got along well with her for a year. Now We spend all day talking to each other and I thought I was just in over my head with a stupid crush. I’d eventually find something I don’t like about her that would put me off. And I do find things I don’t like about her. But it doesn’t put me off at all. I just kind of accept them. She’s not like my ideal version of a girl or anything, but it’s like that doesn’t matter. The last week or so, I dunno, something’s clicked in my brain. Like I’ve always been hesitant to say I love anyone, I don’t think it should be thrown around. But I just KNOW. This is it, the first time I’ve known. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. We talk all day everyday and I never once get bored. It’s usually messaging, but we hang out more and more. She’s even refused to meet up with some of her best friends to be with me instead. She makes me feel like a little kid again.
I feel like my whole life I’ve been hiding my real thoughts from people, holding parts of myself back. And around her I don’t have to. Sometimes she’ll just blurt out some of my very innermost thoughts that I didn’t know anyone else ever thought of. I’ve never related more to anyone. Like just every single day there’ll be some little moment where I fall for her more. Sometimes the stupidest little things she does hit me like a fucking tidal wave and I feel so into her. Like she goes into a laughing fit, or she gets excited or something, and all I can do is sit there and smile, thinking that I want to make her that happy as much as possible. Just little moments like this have been building every day for months and I just fall for her more and more. Sometimes I have such a massive urge to just tell her then and there how I feel, because it honestly sometimes feels like I can’t just keep it to myself.
But the biggest thing is that I know she cares about me. Maybe not romantically or whatever, but she wants the best for me. She’s always encouraging me to do better, she’s just such a good influence on my life. She remembers the tiniest details about me. We have stupid inside jokes that we both sit laughing at hysterically just by walking by somewhere something funny happened or something stupid like that. She told me that nobody ever gets her sense of humour, but she’s happy I do. I felt the exact same way back, I’d just never said it. She checks up on me constantly. Like it’s getting to the stage where we know each other so fucking well. She’s told me before that sometimes she feels like she doesn’t feel like talking to anyone, and I get the same feeling. But the thing is, I never get that with her, and I don’t think she does with me. We talk literally every chance we get, she even told me she talks to me more than her best friends but that she is happy about it.
Anyway, I dunno. I’m only 19. But honestly I’m pretty sure I’m in love with this girl, or getting there. She’s in a relationship right now, and I respect that. I used to think the whole ‘if you love someone, you’ll let them do what makes them happy’ thing was bullshit. I’ve had crushes where they liked someone else, and all I ever felt was jealousy. But with her I genuinely just feel happy that she’s happy. Maybe a little jealous, but that’s fo be expected. As pathetic and ‘Nice Guy’ as it sounds I honestly wouldn’t mind waiting for as long as it takes for me to have a chance. I’d never try to steal another guy’s girlfriend, but I feel like if I never do anything I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. It’s not the right time now, but I’m completely willing to wait until it is. That sounds so stupid, I know, but it’s the complete truth. I honestly feel like I could spend the rest of my life with her and be happy. I’ve never felt that about anyone. It’s fucking insane, and scary because in all likelihood I’m gonna get my heart broke here.
**TL;DR:** Girl has a boyfriend. We always got along well, now we’re best friends. I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with her, and that’s it’s went beyond a usual crush for a variety of reasons. It sounds stupid as fuck, but I could never get bored of her. Just had to get it off my chest.
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self.offmychest
|
Whenever someone asks me about my future, like where do I see myself in ten years, my first thought is always "Oh, I'll be dead by then." And of course I don't say that, because that's not socially acceptable, but whenever I think about the future I always assume that I'll be dead by then.
It's fucked up and I wish I didn't think like that, and I'm doing my best to change that but it's so hard. It's so hard. And I don't know if I just assume I'll have killed myself by then (whenever "then" is) or I'll have just dropped dead on the spot, but I always feel like I'm running at the end of my rope and soon I'm going to fall off.
/rant over
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self.depression
|
Depression has totally ruined my life Ever since I graduated high school my life has been fucking miserable. My girlfriend left me, I'm swarmed with responsibilities, and no one gives a fuck about me. I have no fucking real life friends and the only thing I do is play Xbox all day. Even when I don't want to play Xbox I do it anyways just so I can have some kind of social interaction. It's fucking terrible. My ex left me because I was a clingy, overbearing, anxious mess and she was honestly better off without me. I almost tried to kill myself in September, and when I told her about it she stopped talking to me completely. I'm such a pathetic fucking loser and a failure. I honestly feel as though my existence is a mistake, that I was put on this shitty Earth for balance in the universe or some shit. I fucking hate living like this and I just want it all to end.
|
self.depression
|
Does anybody go sleep and wish all their problems just vanish before they wake up? It's the only thing left that gives me hope.
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self.depression
|
My father passed away this morning from cancer and it feels like this is a bad dream. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I wish someone could hold me while I cry and reassure me that I will be fine I hardly make any money at my job, even though I work my ass off. I feel insecure and upset when I see how effortless my friends' lives are. I love/ am in love with someone, but our history makes it impossible to admit. I will definitely be even more hurt if I admit this to him and stand a chance of never seeing him again. I feel lonely. No family to confide in and nothing to cure the heartache. I wish someone could just hold me tonight, kiss me on the forehead and tell me that I will be fine.
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self.offmychest
|
I play Undertale every time I’ve been suicidal. A year later, I’m almost finished with the game, and I don’t know what to do. Okay, so that’s probably the most cringeworthy title I have or will put in a post, but... Y’know, I’m feeling like ending my life, so, fuck it, cringey posts is what the internet is for.
My apologies if this isn’t in typical format, as I’m super new to reddit. But, in brief:
-I’ve been suicidal since I was 12. A long history of abuse from my family, sexual assault, medical trauma, lost a fiancé to a drunk driver, abusive significant others, etc.
-I’ve never been hospitalized, and I’ve always felt decently resilient. Through everything, I only attempted once, and that was really bottom of the barrel—right after my fiancé died, when my abusive mother was treating me like shit and threatening to make me homeless, and my abusive ex was trying to sabotage and separate me from my friends. It was like the perfect storm of shit and I had nothing.
-I’ve felt suicidal off and on throughout the years. In the past two years, it seems progressively worse.
-As cringey as it may be, Undertale has been one of the key factors keeping me here. Every time I’ve felt seriously suicidal, even did the whole “wait 24 hours and see how you feel” thing, I’ve always negotiated with myself and said “well, I wouldn’t want to die before I finished Undertale. It’s a great game, it’s my favorite game.” And always, I play it, and it fills me with such hope and feelings of love and care that I end up convincing myself out of it. You can call the fandom cancer, you can consider this stupid or foolish, but I just ask you to think: do you remember the first time you played your favorite game, or listened to your favorite song, or read your favorite book? That deep resonation of love, awe, and connection is what I get every time I open up the game. It feels like a dear long-seen friend, one that I reconnect with. One that has kept me alive.
-I’m literally almost done with the game, and I just... I can’t. I can’t open it, because if I finish it, I’ll have nothing left, but sitting here I feel like such shit I don’t know how I’m going to persevere without it. I’m at another point where I have no support, I’m at risk of losing everything, and I just don’t know how to move forth. Most of all, I’m so just incredibly tired of all of this. Like many people here, I’m so tired of fighting. I’m even tired of redemption, of feeling good.
And this all feels so silly, and I’m mad at myself for thinking it silly, and just... fuck. Please be kind, please try not to judge, and please just... just help me. Please.
P.S.: Sorry I didn’t keep it brief after all.
Edit: I want to say more, but I’m going to sleep (not, uh, the forever kind of sleep, but the normal kind). I’ll respond more in the morning, but for now, thank you all so much for responding. I’m going to do my best to reply, but taking what you all said in consideration helped me calmed down. I can’t thank you enough for your empathy, nonjudgment, and support. You guys really saved me here tonight.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My chest hurts Bills, bills, bills
I *love* paying bills
I’m 19, I just wanted to go to school
My chest hurts, really bad
I don’t wanna live for the sake of living but that’s all I can do
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[Vent] My anxiety controls me It's a helpless feeling.
I have general and social anxiety. I know my fears are irrational, I know that people aren't going to judge me, i know that people don't care about me in public, but I can't seem to emotionally break free from these fears. I know they make no sense, but I still get scared from them.
My anxiety makes my decisions for me, it chooses how I react to situations, it chooses how I take my anger out, it controls my personality. I hate the way I act, i hate the fact that i can't act like a normal person.
Whenever I do something out of my comfort zone, my brain and body are like NO NO NO NO, but the little voice inside my head disagrees. It's a helpless feeling when your brain and body are working against you.
Worst part about it, I can't seem to change. People always tell me ways to improve life, but i just never apply those changes. I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone and changing it makes me nervous.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Rehearsing... Is it normal to rehearse your plan in your head before going through with it? I already have my plan set and still working on some letters to write but I've recently starting going over or imagining how it'll all go down when i do it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need a job but I am too agoraphobic and fucked up to make the interviews. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I've been taking benadryl for my anxiety/panic attacks.. I've had anxiety, depression, and panic attacks as far back as I can remember. They panic and depression have been at least decently controlled with fluoxetine daily. However, I'm in my first year as a tenure-track professor and things are stressful to say the least. My anxiety and daily panic attacks have gotten so bad that I'm having a hard time eating or sleeping. I love my work but my anxiety is just making me overwhelmed and I don't feel like I'm able to give work my "all" because of it.
Anyway, I had really bad allergies the other night AND a lot of anxiety. I decided to take two benadryl liquid gel pills for the allergies. They cleared up my allergies but they also cleared up my anxiety for a few hours. Would it be bad to take benadryl as a quick fix when I'm in the midst of a panic attack as long as I only do it once a day or less?
The Fluoxetine will still be continued, obviously, but it is a daily medication that doesn't have any quick impact during panic attacks.
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self.Anxiety
|
i wanna jump from an elevated place i wanna kill myself, like really really would like to jump off an elevated place, but not die what do i do? drugs? fall from somewhere not far above the ground(like a 4meters jump)? you know, i'd just like to die but i have a gr8 life other than that (I have different lives in two different countries, just want to kill myself in one)
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self.depression
|
I wrote a comment on depression and how we forget what it is like outside of depression on this subreddit, but I feel like it could be a post on its own. I am proud of what I wrote, so let me know what you think. :) "It's horribly difficult to see anything other than what our minds tell us. The people around us try to give us reinforcement on how much they love us. They assure us that we are great people, with awesome traits, contributions, and personalities.
We are.
But when we sink into our hole, and we hear nothing but faint echoes from the people around us. They care. We just don't hear it down there. It isn't our fault.
Once we fight our way back out, -- and we always do, no matter what -- we look back down the hole and see the contrast between being trapped at the bottom, and being out, even if being out of the hole means hanging onto the edge. We can finally feel life again, in whatever that means to each of us, and in whatever capacity that is to each of us.
This is the true torment of depression. The absolute inability to see what we have waiting, no matter how little we feel we have left. Conversely, we often cannot understand our own existence, and our mind's malace when we sank and sat at the bottom of it all.
Our minds are our arch-nemesis in these times, and even when we are back at the surface it can knock us on our asses. Listen for the echoes. They carry a reassurance from the surface.
Maybe I am being all emotional and trying to be poetic about this as I feel I have been a bit unstable lately. But I felt like I needed to spill this out for myself and for anyone who needs to know we come back, and that there are many others who can relate. This subreddit is the saving grace for a lot of us, myself included. Hang in there. <3"
The original thread by /u/oheverglow : [I'm in a really bad depressive state and all I can think about is killing myself. HOW DO I GET THROUGH THIS?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/79adsp/im_in_a_really_bad_depressive_state_and_all_i_can/)
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self.bipolar
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“This is just so unlike me...” - a mantra [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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So what’s the point in being alive? I ask myself this everyday and there really isn’t one, there is no point in being here you live to die and everything in the middle is a pointless void.
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self.depression
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Plans falling into place For the past day I’ve been trying to get all my lose ends tied up and fixed and so I finished my photo album I’ve finally finished my notes off to people i know and I’ve been trying to binge watch greys anatomy haha. Today I’m going to go out and get some hair dye that way my hair won’t be super crazy when the find me. I’m also going to pull out as much money as I can from the atm to give it to my mom. I’ve got enough medicine and alcohol to get the job finished now I’m just trying to figure out who gets my things and I’m just waiting about one more day then I’ll be done and gone from this world.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hell isn't what it seems to be Many people think that Hell is a burning fiery plain full of demons and sinners where they burn for all eternity. Most people are thinking about Dante's Inferno when they think of Hell. I personally do not believe in the concept of Hell or even Heaven it just a void an endless black void where all six senses are gone drifting for all eternity. What the point of this ramble you may ask yourself; well here is my question for you dear reader. Is living any better than the void?
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self.depression
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worst I’ve ever felt in a while Been taking seroquel for a couple of months now for a lot of things... was on 50mg at first but now up to 500mg because it doesn’t make me sleep.... just recently ran out three days ago... can’t stop getting nauseous out of no where, random panic attacks of all sorts of sizes, and anxiety to the point where it gets hard to breathe and my chest starts to hurt and to top it all off I can’t sleep too... just want it all to go away... stupid insurance had some issue because my doctor wouldn’t update my dosage so they wouldn’t cover the cost of the update... have to wait until 10 today but it’s only 4:50 in the morning and I’m just keep having crying spells in my best friends arms and just keep screaming that I want it to go away.. WHEN will it go away... sorry I’m just in so much pain I’m rambling.... need people to talk to:...
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self.bipolar
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Thank You For Caring. I deleted my snapchat. Set up my Facebook accounts for permanent deletion. Reddit is all I have now. I have no friends. Can't get close to anyone without caving in. And none of them really cared anyway. So to hell with them.
Missed one week of school and that put me behind. I'm twenty and still in high school. At this point, I don't see the reason anymore.
Good thing is I have therapy on Wednesday. I'm terrified of starting my new job and I've come to the conclusion that I need medication.
I don't know whats wrong with me. For a couple of days, im fine and then suddenly im bad again. This is really, really tiring.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it Possible to be actually be interested in Suicide? There are many websites and forums that talk about suicidal behavior and that its difficult to prevent such thoughts but you never really hear about those who are naturally interested. Unlike most people who are pushed to suicidal thoughts by horrible experiences or bad childhood there is me who in all honestly never had anything experience to drive me to such thought. There are people who have weird taste/desires like cosplaying as someone else,witch craft, larping, and heck even people with murder intent and pedophile so is it really so strange that a small percent of people find suicide interesting? Not in a sexual fetish or act of watching suicide but the desire to take part of it? I dont find it weird and im not sensitive about the topic like others death comes to everyone right? so is it soo bad to want death sooner than later compared to others? Please let me know how you feel about this or think?
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self.depression
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Birthday blues Hi everyone. Today is my birthday. I'm 26. I'm sick and it's been snowing. I had a panic attack last night driving in the snow to pick up my husband from work. I've been alone all day. I feel immense pressure to be happy, to have a plan to, to get dressed up, to be pretty and fun. My husband won't be home till 9:30 I'm not sure if he remembered today is my birthday as we can't text due to lack of cell service here in the mountains. I just got back from a visit home which was mostly good as I saw friends whom I love dearly. My time with my mom felt forced. She called to say happy birthday and I couldn't answer. Unsure what to do-rest more and chalk it up to the come down from vacation and this 2 week long flu or have a shower pit on music and get my hopes up about maybe doing something tonight. I was thinking I would just make curry or something so that my husband has dinner when he gets home. I was feeling inspired earlier today after my work meeting but as of now I just wish I was asleep. I hope this is ok to post here.
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self.depression
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At what age... ...were you diagnosed. Just curious. I was 24 when my first real depressive state hit me hard and didn’t get diagnosed until I was about 30.
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self.bipolar
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I can’t deal with this guilt anymore, time to kill it at the source “How are you?”
“I’m good, you?”
The amount of times I had to pretend yesterday that I am “good” slowly destroyed me from the inside, the guilt followed me from room to room, conversation to conversation, digging it’s claws in to me deeper each minute I was awake.
I just can’t do this anymore. My life is hopeless, at 22, you might think “dude you are so young” but you just don’t get it.
I was for once, truly fucking happy. I had a gorgeous girlfriend, we had a plan to work towards build a future, I was going to school for it all, learning a new language for 3 years just so I could converse with people in her family.
I was so fucking happy, I loved her so fucking much, I wanted her no matter what.
I was so fucking dedicated to this girl and our relationship.
But I destroyed it. Burned it to the ground. Let the voices, the insecurities, the darkness and the *plague* that spreads itself through the ins and outs of my brain do its work.
I’m a coward. An awful boyfriend. An awful person.
I’ve got my backpack packed, enough booze to numb me beyond reality and all I need. I’m gonna walk, walk until I find the best spot I can, tie this noose and destroy this once and for all.
I will not let this plague, destroy anyone else, push anyone else away, I will not give it the hope it feeds off of, to live in my head.
Thank you to everyone who has spoken to me over the days/weeks/couple months I’ve been on this site about this problem but no longer will I go on.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety from broken heart / Failed relationships? I'm writing this because I'm wondering if anyone else experiences anything similar. This will be long so TLDR: My heart has been broken a lot, and certain things about that trigger panic attacks.
In short, I've had bad luck with romantic relationships throughout my life. I have a bit of social anxiety but most people would never be able to tell. Around new people, or too many people, I have a hard time being myself, and get lost inside my own head. But again, most people can't tell and they might just think I'm quiet or shy if anything... Until they get to know me and see what I'm really like.
Some people have panic attacks when it comes to things like confined spaces, traveling on airplanes, or a whole range of other phobias. My panic attacks are triggered from things that remind me of my failed relationships and how broken my heart is.
I'm almost 40 years old, and despite having had some close friends, I've had difficulty with romantic relationships. When I was about 22 years old I had feelings for a friend in college. It didn't pan out and when the college semester ended, she was moving to another city. I began having strange feelings of spinning, chills, sweating, feeling like I was leaving my body. I didn't know what it was at the time, but now I can tell that these were my first panic attacks.
Sometime after that, I tried to rekindle a relationship with a former girlfriend and it didn't work out. She said some very hurtful things and it left me feeling like I was spinning. The panic attacks started to get worse with very bad jaw chattering as a symptom. When I found out she was getting married, it fucked me up pretty badly and the panic attacks were happening more often.
After many years with no romantic prospects, someone new came into the picture and I felt like a new, normal person. I felt alive for the first time in many years. Things really seemed to be going somewhere, but it didn't work out. My panic attacks returned once again. We have mutual friends, and due to the nature of social media (I do not look at her page) I would sometimes come across a photo of her and her new boyfriend. Panic attacks would ensue. My panic attacks would be triggered by anything that reminded me of her and my other failed relationships. Love songs, seeing couples in public, a Facebook quote about love, might all set me off.
Today I found out that she was recently married. And while I'm happy for her, it set off one of my worst panic attacks. I felt the "heart attack" thing, my arms began to tremble, I broke out into chills, and felt like I left my own body. And now I just feel ridiculous knowing that this is my situation and there's so little I can do to control it.
I've been fighting this without medication for many years, but I was recently prescribed Xanax to help with my severe insomnia. I took some to fend off the panic attack and it helped a little bit, but I had to take a little more than usual. I'm definitely not abusing it, I just knew that the severity of the panic attack required a little more than the initial .5mg.
I don't want to be this way anymore. I know that I need to process my thoughts in a more healthy and constructive way, but my panic attacks happen before I can process anything logically. This has been a very long post that was somewhat cathartic to get out, but I'm really just wondering if anyone here experiences anything similar. Thanks for reading this far, and I wish you all well!
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self.Anxiety
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I find it irresponsible for doctors to prescribe Zyprexa I found this article the other day featuring a chart showing the differences between certain anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers. There it said that, from all the anti-psychotics, Zyprexa causes the most amount of weight gain.
If there are other anti-psychotics that have less severe side effects then why the hell do psychiatrists keep pushing Zyprexa?
The last thing a depressed person needs is to become fat, honestly.
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self.bipolar
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Honestly? I. Don't. Know. I don't know how to talk in an open setting about suicide and depression. Especially with my family. They believe in god, but I do not. Every argument they make for not killing yourself is the same jist. "YOU'LL GO TO HELL" It feels as if I am closer to people online than the people who raised me. I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wellbutrin causing hypoglycemia-like symptoms? I have been taking Wellbutrin XL of varying doses since 2012. Within the last nine months, I’ve begun feeling like my blood sugar is low all the time, and I’ve stopped exercising because I felt like I was going to pass out afterward. Some days it’s much worse than others. Numbness and tingling are part of it.
My psychiatrist is cutting my dosage in half to see if the Wellbutrin is the culprit.
Has anyone else experienced this? It has been very upsetting to not feel good enough to exercise, but I’m worried about reducing my dosage. Wellbutrin is the medicine that brought me back from feeling suicidal in college.
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self.depression
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Seroquel and Imovane Hi, I get to go home from the ward today and theyve put me on Seroquel and Imovane as Im having a manic episode. Have any of you had any good or bad experiences with those drugs?
Also as a sidenote I will probably smoke weed every evening and hoping for no interaction since my doctors didnt warn me.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else feel like you’ve failed yourself for having to take antidepressants? I know it’s not true, but I constantly feel like I’ve let myself down and didn’t try hard enough to “get better” ever since I started taking antidepressants. I can’t help but feel this way even though I know that I’m doing it to help my mental health.
Anyone else feel this way?
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self.depression
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Swords Swift as a deer, quiet as a shadow. Fear cuts deeper than swords.
Quick as a snake, calm as still water. Fear cuts deeper than swords.
The man who fears losing, has already lost.
Fear cuts deeper than swords.
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self.offmychest
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i recently was diagnosed with anxiety/Depression haven't worked long enough to receive FMLA. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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How your brain can keep you in your depression or make you get out of it [deleted]
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self.depression
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DAE day dream about hurting yourself so people will be nice to you? (Rant/Vent) I feel bad for thinking this way but when I'm depressed I start thinking things like, "if I walk into traffic and got hit by a car everyone would finally show some empathy."
Physical pain is relatable to normal people so it's the only time they understand you're in pain.
I'm constantly being told, "you're always upset," but if I had a physical injury no one would say "you're always in pain."
I'm tired of hearing things like, "why don't you ever want to do anything?" "Why can't you just be happy?" "You shouldn't be sleeping all day."
I send you links and ask you to read them. I explain the lesser known symptoms like lack of motivation, increased/decreased appetite, changes in sleeping habits, and etc, but still, time and time again, you're asking me these hurtful things. You make me want to further isolate myself. You make me want to give up. I thought I was having a good day but you tell me I've been moping all day.
We need compassion. We need empathy. We need support.
Instead of fighting it would be so much easier if I gave up and ended my life.
Then, *finally*, someone might see that I'm hurting inside.
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self.depression
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It's been ten years since I was confined in a hospital for a little less than a month. I have no one else to tell it to because I doubt they care nor would they like to remember such event...
It all started when I started to vomit and feel bad during my 6th birthday. The school I was attending at the time allowed their students to celebrate bdays. There was a lot of food, along with the gifts given to me by classmates. The day started good until the vomiting incident. I had to go home early that day.
My parents thought that it was just caused by me not eating much bfast that day due to the fact that there was food during the party anyways. I was then sent to a nearby hospital and later on moved to a hospital with better facilities which was a bit farther away.
My 2 to 4 weeks stay there was awful. Not that the hospital had bad or dirty facilities or environment. The TV had cable (our home tv didn't have cable til Jan or Feb 2008 or 2009) and the toilet didn't stink or something.
They did a lot of tests. They injected stuff such as dextrose. It was really painful, but there's nothing else my crying self can do. It was discovered I had pneumonia.
To continue what I've said on the previous of the previous paragraph, the stay in the hospital sucked because I didn't have the energy or will to eat. Movement was difficult as well. It was also boring because I can't just watch TV whenever I want. Smartphones and tablets weren't really a thing at the time, but even if they were, I don't think they would let me use such gadgets whenever I wish.
That was the worst Christmas ever, not only because I was unable to meet and enjoy the day with relatives, but also because my family couldn't do the same, for they had to watch over me, feed me food, and guide my movement. In other words, I felt guilty that I was the reason for them feeling a little bit more miserable that Christmas.
Fast forward today, I'm just glad that nothing similar like what happened to me, or worse, has occurred in the past 10 years. I can't believe it's been 10 years since I've went through and overcome such disease!
To the readers who have reached this far, thank you for reading my long story
Merry Christmas!!! :)
Edit: improved clarity of some detail
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self.offmychest
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Tried to kill myself last night and I failed. I'm a worthless piece of shit I should of died last night. I thought I took enough to overdose. Nope just enough to be sick as fuck. I don't know why it's so hard to die. Even when I try to accept defeat I can't even fucking die.
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self.depression
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Anyone else afraid of being successful at something, for fear of messing it up once you've got it? This one really messes with my head, almost as much as the fear of failing. Quite frequently, I find myself self-sabatoging myself out of success sometimes because of it. I might already have a book written and published if not for this stupid fear of mine that's been with me since childhood. It's mainly anticipatory anxiety coupled with far too high expectations, I believe, which does it....How do I get myself out of this vicious cycle so that I can let myself go through with something and not be so afraid of actually achieving my goal?
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self.Anxiety
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I am having suicidal thoughts [18 M] after my gf of 14 months left me and blocked me out of her life [19 F] My girlfriend of 14 months left me a month ago, we've talked on and off for a month, she blocked me and deleted all our photos together and wants to forget me, she says she feels nothing for me and wants to forget about me, she blocked me.
I am thinking of killing myself, everyday I am depressed and I can't eat or sleep, I cry all the damn time and I feel so alone and worthless right now, I cared about her and looked out for her always but she says I am a liar and a manipulator and that I hurt her, I don't have any friends and hardly any family, she was my entire world, my entire life
and now she never wants to see me again and doesn't care about me.........I want her back, I don't know what to do, I feel like I want to die, maybe if I told her that she would at least become my friend ?
I desperately want her back in my life :(
tl;dr: My girlfriend of 14 months is gone and never wants to see me again and I am having suicidal thoughts, I don't know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help for a helper. Hello.
I do not know if this is the right place to ask this, sincerely i just don't know what to do. I have a friend who claims to be depressed, he cuts and goes to a psychologist. Sometimes he just... tells me he's gonna cut himself. I... i don't know what to tell him. I feel strange. What should i do? Tell him "No, don't do it?" i've tried a couple of times but... i can't do it everytime. I don't want to shake it off because it's like... ignoring his feelings or something like that, but at the same time... i don't want him to feel like some freak who needs constant attention. I just... don't know what to do.
I'm terribly sorry if this is the wrong subreddit.
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self.depression
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I am feeling a failure My therapist gave me a task for the vacations: try and talk to women. I have social anxiety disorder, so it's very hard for me doing this. I was trying, and I knew it would be hard.
So I downloaded Tinder. I was talking to a girl, and it was going very well. But when I asked her out, she disappeared. Today, my friend asked me to talk to another girl that matched with me on Tinder just for fun. In 30 minutes using my profile, he got her number and I have a date tomorrow with her.
I am feeling like crap. He just confirmed that everyone knows how to do it: talk to a girl and ask her out. But I don't. And because this freaking Bipolar disorder and the anxiety that comes together.
I am a total failure
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self.bipolar
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seeing happy people it's so frustrating and i feel jealous and angry at them for being happy. Why does this happen to me? I'm very anxious atm and I feel so shitty and sad and it's hurting me so badly to just exist. I want to be home but I can't go home for another couple of hours and I have to pretend to feel okay while in my mind all I wanna do is take a bunch of sleeping pills or anxiolytics or whatsoever. Fuck life honestly.
EDIT: WHY DO PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO DO SO MUCH SHIT. I can't even concentrate on my studies like I've been asked to look for papers for a work for college but I can't fucking do it I'm useless.
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self.depression
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Does anyone struggle with blacking out/worrying about what you did? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Being Kicked Out My dad has decided that on March 1st I will be kicked out of my home because he's had enough of my depression.
I am 17, under age where I live and in school - he says he'll give me 450 dollars on the 1st so, yay. -sarcastically-
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self.depression
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How do you guys get out of bed every morning? I wake up at 7:00 to go to the gym and sometimes I can’t seem to collect myself and get out of bed in the mornings.
The past few weeks have been horrible. I’ve missed more days than I’ve gone because of it. And as soon as i wake up it’s instant regret that I didn’t go.
Anything i can do to improve my mornings?
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self.depression
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Nobody replied to my post I wasn't able to get help irl, so I came here. But nobody had anything to say. Should I just fuck off and die then?
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self.depression
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If it wasn't for music I would of killed myself by now. I've always been described as someone with potential. And potential is all it was. I've been good at things, and just dropped them. I feel hopeless sometimes, a failure.
I've never had someone on the regular around to talk to, or a hand to hold. I don't have anything in common with my parents, and I won't talk to them. I feel like my friends are fake. Don't even bother asking me if I've had a girlfriend.
Music is the only reason I'm here. If you know, or have felt that "Wow, life is incredible" feeling, nothing else gives me it. Whether I'm at home, lying on my bed, listening to my absolute favourite album of all time shutting out the rest of my surroundings (Porter Robinson's Worlds) or at the front row at a concert in absolute euphoria, it always seems to pull me from the pain.
Can anyone relate?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do you think your depressive and manic episodes have triggers (good stuff happening/ bad news) I was feeling up beat the last 2 weeks , sleeping for no more than 6 hours and feeling all energetic.
Something messed up happened today which was my fault , my mood immediately plummeted , my body felt heavy and I slept for 11 hours straight. and my mind was way slower in general.
apart from this one incident , the 2 times when I went manic were when I had something good going in my life (new plan etc..)
Would love to hear what your experience is.. !
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self.bipolar
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I can't help but not understand how this works. Also being alone at Christmas sucks. When men meet me they are generally intrigued by me and think I'm great. I am smart, successful, adventurous, kind, pretty.. I play games, have lots of hobbies, workout, travel, and try really hard to be the best person I can be. I'm not focused on possessions, money, or other things that a lot of people seem to be, I am a bit of an oddity.
The men I date are always exceptionally happy to be around me, have me in their lives and always say how much they adore me and adore being in a relationship with me.
One issue recently is that I seemed to be the one putting my time and money where my mouth is. I spend money to see people, be with them, I take time off to visit. (ldr, and in the same country). I paid all the bills although my partner could have gotten a more normal job and helped out, but he got angry when I asked and he refused to financially assist. (I have debt, he doesn't.)
My ldr never spent their time or money to come see me, even though I have on many occasions been the one to take time off or buy tickets for them, and when I press I got ghosted.
Even in the midst of these things, the people who know me best, the deepest, if I ask them to help out... put in a little bit of effort to cross a divide, suddenly it's insurmountable for them. Compromise is apparently something only I do.
And in the same breath as telling me that I'm amazing, or that they love me, they will leave me.
What the hell is the deal? Why can't I find a relationship where someone actually gives enough of a shit about me try to cross whatever the divide is. Why is it only me doing it, all the time. Is the world so full of people who require the least amount of work possible in a relationship to be satisfied?
I am an expat, alone, this Christmas and the people who've decided that being with me isn't good enough for them, that something about me is just "not enough" to fight for... I am having a hard time not thinking about it.
I am very hurt and I don't have anyone to call, and I'm not sure I could. I feel like shit. I don't really know what the point to dealing with men is anymore. If I can be super awesome and loved by people and walked out on in the next moment... how can I trust anyone, anymore.
tl;dr I'm alone, and my exs' lack of effort is haunting my self esteem.
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self.offmychest
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I feel crazy! I've been battling depression, anxiety and depersonalization for several months now and it reached a point where I decided to get help for it. That was last month. Yesterday I was prescribed lexapro, and I had hope because I felt like I could get better. I took it at 10:30 last night and had trouble getting to sleep, but finally got there at about 2. I woke up an hour ago and now I can't get back to sleep because my mind keeps racing and flooding with negative thoughts.
Can anxiety actually make you feel like you're going insane?
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self.Anxiety
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“you need to just change your lifestyle, you’ve gone 20 years without help stop making it up now - you need to stop dwelling on your stupid little problems other people have it worse.” -my mom [deleted]
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self.depression
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My (29F) SO (31M) broke up with me. And it's been a very confusing time. I'm a trainwreck. (x-post from /r/relationships.) Our relationship has been amazing, for 9 years. But the last few years have been devastating, and the relationship suffered badly. This is not so much a request for advice, as a way for me to write down what is happening, to think it through. I'm struggling, and this is going to be a long-winded post. Please be kind.
My mother died 2 years ago. Her illness (brain tumour) struck her suddenly, and she deteriorated very severely very fast, which was devastating to see. After she died, I ended up cooling my contact with the rest of my family because I had serious issues with the behaviour of a few individuals around my mother as she declined so rapidly (I won't go into it here.) As you can imagine, this whole episode left me pretty horrendously depressed.
There was a problem though; I didn't know I was depressed. I knew I was sad for mum, but that gave way after a while to this.... deadened feeling. I kept as busy as I could be at work, so I barely noticed (I've since realised that planning/organising is my coping/avoidance mechanism.) I didn't feel sad at all, but I didn't feel happy either. The primary emotion I remember feeling the last few years is sheer boredom. Impatience. Anger at my family for their beyond shoddy behaviour. Disinterest with what I had previously loved. But I didn't feel sad.
My former SO and I had always been very close. Teenage sweethearts. My parents, and mum especially, *loved* him (his parents and I had a more fraught relationship, but that's another post.) But over the last few years, we drifted apart, and lost our emotional intimacy. I take full responsibility for this, as I should have noticed the destructive behaviour patterns I was falling into (constantly signing up for more work, compulsively watching television without really enjoying it when I wasn't working, not paying him more attention or giving him affection, arguing with him - generally freezing him out.) I am so full of regret about this now, so angry with myself for not realising and for not doing more for him. It wasn't all horrendous the last few years, but yeah, I neglected us. I had begun to improve in my mental state the last few months, and maybe because I was more receptive, I noticed how much things had cooled between us. I asked him frankly what was the matter, why he felt so distant to me. He told me he still loved me, but not in the same way anymore - I'm his best friend, someone he loved very much. Just not romantically.
At first, we spent a few days talking about what we should do in a cautiously optimistic way, he literally went from one day saying he wanted to try and make it work, to the next saying flatly that it wasn't going to work. It was like being hit by a truck. I still don't know why he turned so sharply from one path to the other, especially when he had always been so dedicated and enthusiastic about us for all these years. I have some suspicions but nothing solid.
I agreed to move out. I told him that I wanted to make it work, but I moved out, arranged to live somewhere else, signed a lease. We met up for a coffee to discuss how things were going to go. I wore a dress I'd just bought. He was largely distant and polite, but he also told me that when he saw me he immediately noticed how nice I looked, with a sad tone to his voice. He later messaged me to thank me for meeting him, that I was really good company, and that our time together that day felt like how it used to be. But he told me also that he was still set on staying separated, didn't even want to say "never say never," and that while maybe we could have worked out our problems, that we had begun talking about it openly had ensured that we couldn't fix it (a sentiment I vehemently disagree with, though I didn't say anything to him.)
A few days later, after seriously looking to bulk buy temazepam online so I didn't have to get up in the morning anymore, I went over to pack a suitcase. I had reached a better place in myself, was beginning to accept my life's sudden change of course. I'd had a good day at work, and while I was still broken-hearted, I seemed a lot better, to others and myself. I went into the flat with a brisk attitude, a plan to pack as quickly and good-naturedly as possible. As I did, he came in and watched me silently. He looked increasingly distressed. Eventually, he broke down in tears, sobbing desperately, apologising profusely, telling me he did what he thought was best. He kept crying the entire time I was there. He told me he didn't want to ask me to stay or to reverse the decision, as he didn't know if he was just so sad because he was so depressed about the relationship ending, or because he really was regretting the breakup. He's terrified of being alone. He too struggles with depression, has a habit of bottling things up and enslaving himself to a routine. He's on anti-depressants and is finally attending a therapist. He's had problems with his mental health for years, but his parents are incredibly negative about mental health and so he was discouraged from getting help for a very long time. After staying far longer than I intended, despite his obvious distress at how "real" it suddenly all is, he still asks for help in decoupling all the accounts/putting the bills in his name. I sit on the bus back running over how heartbroken he seemed, his constant apologising, and his final comment about changing the bills over to his name, to show how he was committed to the path he'd chosen. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but I wrote him a letter, paper and ink, when I got home. I posted it the next day. In it I told him how iced over I had been. How much I love him, how I forgot to tell him. How sorry I was. I asked him if we could just slow down. That all the decisions we've been taking were far too immediate and dramatic. I assured him that I would be fine, whatever happened, that I was fine in my new place. Which is true, to an extent. I had a difficult upbringing, and I'm tough, and adaptable (though this whole saga has revealed how vulnerable I really am.) Before my letter reaches him, I have to go back to his to pick something up. When I'm there, I need a bag to put things in. He hands me one, that I later at home realise has things he needs. We arrange for him to pick it up from me after I finish work, but he cancels, telling me he's not able as he's in a bad place. He's received my letter, he later tells me. He is sad to see my half of the room cleared of my things, it's hard for him to see. He doesn't get upset with the idea that I might go out with someone else, but does find it weird. He tells me everything is up in the air and uncertain.
Over the next week, he messages me a lot. He sees I'm up early and asks me why. He tells me he's struggling a lot. He calls me a few times and cries. He has no one else to talk to. I try to be understanding. I accept the phone calls for a few days But I'm hurting. I'm confused. I eventually ask him why. I get angry. I tell him how he betrayed me and I don't know what he wants. What does he want from me? Why can't he change his feelings back?
I feel bad. I ring him later, to apologise for how intense I got. We talk. He tells me that he doesn't want to invite me back home because he doesn't know why he wants me there. That his feelings change every 15 minutes. He was certain that he knew we should be apart and that he was happy with that outcome, but then he'd see me or talk to me. Because of that, he's not going to try to reconcile. He wants to understand why he is so devastated, why he is terrified about being alone. This is fine with me. I always knew he felt very intensely about us, to an extent you might describe as "clingy." Except I loved him too, so it didn't feel wrong to me. But he needs to mature, get better. I know this. I just wish I could help him.
The next time I see him, he is very distant. It hurts but after a shower-crying session, I move on.
The next couple of weeks, we have zero contact with each other. I have an incredibly work intensive time, which is nice and distracting. Whenever I slow down, though, I get depressed very quickly (and this time I recognise it as depression.) But I realise I need something that is still at his, fairly urgently. I send a very formal e-mail to him, asking when he will be working so I can go in and get everything undisturbed (to my mind, I'm on the road to recovery, and seeing him would likely confuse me.) We go back and forth on the e-mail, formally and agreeably. I also ask for some money he owes me, as I am pretty depleted. He eventually tells me that he is seriously struggling for money, to the extent he doesn't think he can keep his place, and that he is in "a very very bad place." I grow concerned again. I offer to meet him for coffee, but he tells me "this is a disaster of my own making and it's for me to deal with." I stand firm. I am worried about him and I have a right to be worried, especially when he tells me he's struggling. Perhaps unwisely, I tell him he can call me to talk. He does. We do. He sounds so alone. He tells me he has no one else to talk to. He's drinking too much, which is depleting his money very quickly - he's only been living alone for a month, and he's already into his overdraft (and this is after I lent him money for the utilities. He's always been a little too happy to spend money, and one of our most common arguments was how much our shopping cost, because he'd always pick the most expensive, high quality goods.)
He starts messaging me again. Just a "hey" here and there. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't. On Thursday, I go over when he's not there like we arranged. I get the things I need, and take some other stuff back. This includes a statue of Mary that belonged to my mother, that was in our hall. He loved the statue, but I want it back with me. I miss her, and all that has happened has revealed to me how little I have recognised how big the gap in my life is. It's such a difficult time and all I want is my mum. I know he'll notice it missing though. There is something else odd about the visit. On his bedside table, unfolded, is the letter I sent him. The one where I tell him I still love him, that I'm happy to wait while he sorts out his head. It looks almost posed, lain out aesthetically next to the bed. It's been a while since I wrote it. I read it, and see if I still feel the same way. I'd asked him for the money, as well as for a piece of furniture I brought from my family home, both of which could be read as a communication on my acceptance and readiness to move on. To an extent, they are. I feel conflicted, though, as I read the letter I wrote several weeks ago. If he asked me to come back, would I? Maybe not.
He messages me a "hey" later on, after his shift ends. I suspect it's because he's feeling sad about the statue. I don't respond. The next day, he texts me to ask to meet up to go over the change in name on the internet. I tell him he can do that easily without me. He says thank you and doesn't say anymore. But I do need to get another thing from his place. But I hold off messaging him. I feel sad. I said I'd go out with some friends tonight, and one is determined to get me a "rebound" guy, to make me feel better. I've been doing ok, but I'm starting to feel confused and sad again. I go out, get drunk, feel panicky when a guy starts flirting with me. I get irritated with my friends and feel cut off from their cheerful exuberance, make excuses to leave but actually go into another club to be alone and drunk and stupid. I had fantasised a bit about being single again, and enjoyed the idea of being free to flirt and kiss and sleep with new men. But now I'm here, I feel so miserable. People are rude and strange to talk to, I feel horribly drunk and depressed, and I just wish I had stayed at home. I wish I was back with him most of all. I miss the connection, the sweet familiarity we have. I love him so much. I miss him so much. None of this should be happening. I drink too much. I kiss a guy at random, just to get away from these thoughts, and maybe convince myself that I can enjoy other people. I just feel alone.
The next day, I'm hungover, exhausted and utterly miserable. I thought I was doing ok. I'm not. I'm really not ok. I still need the thing from his. I message him, casually asking him how he is and can we meet up so he can hand me the item. He says he's doing better (just as I feel like I've plummeted down a 50ft jagged rockface. Of course I tell him I'm doing well.) He's stopped drinking, mainly cos he can't afford to now. He's friendly and polite in his messages. We arrange to meet up and we both say we're looking forward to it.
I have a fantasy of how I want this meeting to go. And I know that fantasy is unlikely to be realised. I want to make myself look pretty. I want to be the easygoing, fun and responsive person he fell in love with. But I don't know how. Everything went wrong when my mum died. I've only just begun to realise how devastated it left me. It's not just hurt my relationship with my SO, but it's affected so many other areas of my life. But I think it's too late to save the other relationship in my life that matters so much to me.
|
self.depression
|
I forgot my mask today and the world reminded me how ugly I am. Can't be me, that's all I've learned. I'm better off faking it. You can't be honest about anything, or make a mistake. Feeling a bit down perhaps? Well that's not very pleasant, perhaps you should put back on your mask.
Can't talk about my feelings honestly anymore. Can't talk about the world honestly anymore. Can't talk about anything with honesty anymore. They would rather see you dead.
All I want to do is be a part of the world. To bring love into the world. I've accepted the monster I am, they however believe they are still perfect.
|
self.depression
|
Is it just me or... Is it just me or people actually love to make the others feel like a piece of shit?
Background story: A friend of mine was literally attacked today by her "best friend". Like, this girl blame every single problem she ever had on my friends back, told her she was a shitty friend (when she is for real one of the most kindhearted persons I've met) and make disgusting comments about how she looks, how she talks, the things she likes, and stuff. My friend (let's call her B) call me when the attack ended, I went to her place and I swear to god she cried for at least 2 hours. She actually believed every word her "bff" shouted at her were true. We talked for about 6 hours and then I went back home.
The second I close my rooms door, it hit me. People can be so mean sometimes. Like, is it just me or they really enjoy being like that?
|
self.offmychest
|
I can't stop thinking about suicide First of all, i know this can seem stupid to you, since it seems stupid to me also. Sorry.
I'm writing this while my hands tremble and I'm crying.
Since like 4 days, i can't enjoy anything i used to, talking with my friends help, but not much, i feel like i'm just a big shit and everything i do i meaningless. I don't think i really want to suicide, but my brain only thinks about it.
Sorry for wasting your time.
|
self.depression
|
Too terrified to sleep because my anxiety's giving me horrific hallucinations and nightmares. I've been so fucking paranoid and on edge over the past week it's not even funny. I'm constantly having to look behind me because I can't shake the feeling that I'm being stalked. I can't stop seeing terrifying mutilated people in my peripheral vision and I'll see them standing right in front of me when in dark rooms. I'm even starting to hear things. The paranoia is driving me insane. I feel like my family members are just gonna drop dead any second now. I feel like something's gonna pop up and scream in my face if I don't watch out. I don't dare sleep because the nightmares are so vivid and intense. I also see demonic people walking around my room watching me. My anxiety's done stuff like this in the past but it's never been this bad before. How do I calm myself down and get this to stop?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Nerves when speaking to high level executives I hope this is the right place for a post like this.
I wouldn’t say I have social anxiety, but I’m definitely an introvert that gets shy in some social situations. Some days better than others.
Recently, at work, (corporate job) I’ve been exposed to top level executives recently that are very hands on. As in, they like to know what’s going on even at my level. I’m perfectly fine speaking with my boss, my boss’s boss and even their boss, but the top level executive makes my fight or flight system engage.
I find myself either speaking way too fast. Stuttering words, from thinking too quickly and not being able to have my mouth catch up, or just recently, to try and combat both those things, I didn’t breathe while talking to him, which I’m pretty sure made me sound out of breathe.
I know it’s a mental block right now, and anxiety based. I want to get better because I don’t want this top level executive to think I can’t communicate. I’m probably judging myself harder than I should, but I reflect on it so much, obsessively even, when I do have a quick convo run in with him and I’m not “normal”.
Any tips on how to manage this? Get better? I want to make sure this person knows that I’m capable, and I don’t want my silly anxiety getting in the way of excelling.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hired a prostitute and regret it I was a virgin. It was affecting my self esteem since my age isnt 15. When I texted, I was excited.
When I saw her face, my brain screamed ditch. She was below my standards. I look good enough to get compliments. I still paid $100 because I didn't want the trip to have been a waste.
Bad idea. I should have left. She was unfeeling. Cold. Would have rather dated somebody. I should have paid a dating site.
|
self.offmychest
|
I dont want to exist anymore. I hate myself, and everyone else hates me, today the one person i was living for blocked me from all the things we talked on and i dont know if i can handle it, she said id never annoy her and that shes there for me and she cares, shes a liar and im back to square 1 with nobody caring, everything would be better with me gone, my dad is kicking me out after 19 years because i was bullied all through high school and im too scared to get a job here and too scared to even go for a walk and see someone from high school, nobody wants me, im just some ugly, fat, annoying, useless, stupid, loser piece of shit who cant do anything right, my dad and his gf can buy beer and fast food but not toilet paper or water, "drink tap" the tap makes me want to throw up, if i was gone i would be just 1 less annoying thing to listen to, 1 less bill, 1 less mouth to feed, 1 less room. I hate everything and everyone, ive told people i want to kill myself and they dont care, ive told people how i feel and they tell me get over it or to cheer up, i barely graduated high school because i thought i wasnt gonna be alive for it, i even had people at graduation tell me they thought i was gonna drop out or kill myself, and even then everyone thinks i just got a pity diploma that even the teachers dont want me there anymore, im tired of living, im tired of existing, im tired of everything....
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Im an idiot Why do I not have control over my emotions? Why do I always feel jealous, angry, have this desire to be the best. Why do I treat everyone like shit? Why did I flirt with a girl and take her out a few times, only for me to drop her and dodge her for months on, only for me once again to like her? Why do I make me hate myself? Why do I always fuck up? Why did I go to college only to fail 3 classes? Why do I work hard only for it not to be appreciated? Why do I treat this girl like shit then have a crush on her once she stops liking me?
|
self.depression
|
Can I get back my happiness and self-contentment? Kindly asking.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else hate all the cliches people throw at you? Life is truly hard and nearly unbearable at times, can't we talk about it honestly? I thought maybe I'd find some help here. Someone may have some applicable advice or understanding to give. I see it happen sometimes, but all I've gotten (or most) is rudeness and assumptions from people or bullshit cliches.
Things get better, sure. They don't magically get better because of positive thinking, or finding the right person, or whatever the hell these people think.
|
self.depression
|
"I wish I could love less" a poem from a hopeless romantic(me) "I wish I could love Less
My heart feels Suppressed
And now I feel a Mess
I just want to hear one 'Yes'
Just one buried underneath all of the 'No's when I confessed
My love feels repressed
And this makes me depressed
For these reasons is why..
I wish could I love less"
Thank you for reading! 🙏
|
self.depression
|
You say you've moved on from me long ago Yet you couldn't even face me?
Look me in the eyes while we talked?
I'm no longer holding onto anything but I can't help but wonder how much of what you told me is actually the truth.
|
self.offmychest
|
Girlfriend of 3 years who helped me through several period of depression just dumped me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How many of you committed social media suicide? I have this feeling very often, probably the most during my depression phase. I don’t post very often on Facebook or IG when I’m depressed but I also don’t want to be reached by anyone. I just want to disappear from this world. Does anyone have the same?
|
self.bipolar
|
I’m so stressed and tired and over it. So I’m in college now diagnosed about 2 months ago but I’ve been dealing with Bipolar for like a year and a half now. I have so much going on with life and I just can’t handle it anymore. I do theatre so right now I’m designing a show, trying to do homework, trying to balance my meds because the ones I’m in now don’t fucking work, I’m in charge of setting up a banquet for our department and EVERYONE keeps talking shit about it. I can’t take it anymore. Why do people have to be so mean? Why can’t they understand that I have feelings and I have a lot of problems right now?? Why do all these things have to pile up on me now?? Why can’t I just be better now?? Sorry for the long rant but I just need to talk to people who kind of get it. I don’t know anyone else who’s bipolar so no one understands how I was fine with all the stress last week because I was manic but now I can’t because I could barely pull myself out of bed today.
|
self.bipolar
|
Ive had a contant anxiety attack for the past 2 days and I dont know how to make it stop Its been a long time since this has happened to me. I found out that I am failing even my easy college courses. I dont know if I can handle being a student while working because this is the second semester in a row where Ive just been failing.
Before I was a good student. I made As. But as a working student I get no time for breaks which causes anxiety to pile up. Either I am working constantly or breaking constantly to make up for the stress and feeling like shit about it. Now Im failing and past the drop date.
The anxiety wont stop. I cant even resort to my shitty coping mechanism of stress eating to make me feel better. Looking at food makes me sick. Ive barely eaten for days. I go in and out of pounding headaches. I catch myself holding my breath. All Ive done is constantly sleep to try and reset my brain (its worked in the past) but I am just woken up by violent nightmares. Nightmares arent even normal for me. I think its just all of these fight or flight feelings triggering them, because in my dreams it is me who is being violent. I wouldnt even hurt a fly.
Im in this constant hell and its all in my head. If I can get it to stop maybe I can think straight enough to salvage my grade. Maybe. I dont know. Its not even that big of a deal I can take the classes again. But my anxiety still wont stop. I just want to crawl in a hole and hide.
|
self.Anxiety
|
A message from your fellow anxiety sufferer and panic Sufferer "in remission" . Hello, my dear friends. I rarely post anything but this is, I think, the fifth time I'm writing here (but I deleted most of my posts because of, you know, anxiety).
I am a 24 year old girl who has had GAD for most of her life, peaking just a year ago. I've had >10 panic attacks in my life, that is until this last April. In April a traumatic event (which actually wasn't as traumatic as my brain registered it to be) kick-started something I would now call a month long panic attack. In a span of 40 days (960 hours), I spent probably 700 hours panicking. On some days I would have a panic attack (with variable intensity) that would last for 6-7 hours. I was on the edge of checking myself in to a psychiatric hospital. I thought I was literally crazy and literally dying. And the one thing I swore to myself would never cross my mind - it did. I thought about killing myself just to end it all. I could probably never go through with it, but I thought about it.
Long story short, I changed my lifestyle and discovered magnesium and it saved my life. It sounds bizarre, even to me, that something so simple could do so much, but it was my life saver. I tried absolutely everything, except prescription meds (that was my next step), and that is what worked. I haven't had a panic attack in almost 6 months, and in those months I never missed a day of taking a magnesium supplement. I am my usual anxious self, and I have good and bad days, but that is something I am used to and can live with.
The reason I am writing all of this is that I want you all to know I didn't forget about all the other people suffering the same thing I went through just a few months ago. I think about you all every day. Every day I am grateful that I got the chance to run away from my demon, even if it is just for a while. Knowing what it feels like and what it can do to a person is keeping everyone else in my mind. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, because NO ONE deserves to go through that hell. I know what you are going through and you will survive, and win. The brain is the creepiest thing in this universe, the things it can do. It can sometimes control everything without you consenting to anything. But somewhere in there is a part of you stronger than all of that, and that part will regain the power and save you, sooner or later. You just keep holding on. Whenever you think you are alone, you are not.
edit: grammar
|
self.Anxiety
|
Let's be thankful!!! I am thankful for my best friend. He's helped me thru all my break ups, financial fuck ups, and keeps me from going off the deep end. He has little understanding of depression and bi polar, yet he takes me for who I am. He's my daughter's good father, too!
I'm thankful for my car! It's been broken down for 3 months but I don't care. He'll be fixed soon enough. He's my buddy. I named him Jeremy.
Who/what are you thankful for?
|
self.bipolar
|
I was doing FINE For some reason today my brain decided it was a good day to dive into the deep end of depression. So now I'm at work, training someone trying not to bawl like a baby.
I think it's a combination of my upcoming birthday (29 years old...) and my divorce...For which I file the final paperwork ON SAID BIRTHDAY. So I'm both happy and sad about that. Dont get me wrong I want the divorce but it's a little bittersweet spending my birthday at the courthouse.
I guess this is mostly a rant, I feel better when I rant so maybe now I can go back to work and not have to tell my trainee my allergies are killing me as I try to hide my sad sniffles.
|
self.bipolar
|
When should one go to the hospital for sucidal ideation? TW I'm chronically suicidal and idk when its appropriate for hospital. I know its mostly if you have a plan but I always have a plan. Shit, I'll see a pen and will compulsively want to jam it into my throat.
Over the past year I've had a million concrete plans but something always prolonged fruitation. I know I get into mindsets I won't reach out or say anything. Feeling determined and thats when Im in danger. I feel like it builds to that.
I fortunately have medicaid so I can go without worry but I don't want to be a "frequent flyer" and waste everyone's time.
Edit: I decided not to go... for now. I need to prep for moving. I will probably end up inpatient by the end of next month. I have a feeling homelessness will kick up those feelings. I'll probably be able to hold out till then. Thanks for all the advice and sorry for the morbidity.
|
self.bipolar
|
Please help me. I don’t want to kill myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My mom get random outbursts screaming about how i isolate myself, and don't care about money. Sorry for my english, i am 18 Male BTW
most of my life she's been a single parent, which i think resulted in her telling me stuff that is not healthy to hear at a young age. I think she have been mentally abusing me without knowing it(she didn't have a great childhood too). She's always talking about how we don't got no money and that i am selfish and don't care about her, and she gets angry at me when i don't cuddle with her cats which is insane! One moment she's yelling about how i am selfish and i should go get a job besides my school even though school is exhausting me, and the other moment she is like totally friendly to me which is so confusing, like she doesn't care about the fact i am diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has very little stuff she's interested in besides her cats which i am sick of by now.
|
self.depression
|
Made a new account so friends and family wont know who I am when I post Just kinda wanted to make a new account that I can get stuff off my chest on considering my friends and family know the username I use for pretty much everything.
I don't know what it is but lately it feels like the world is just out to get me. I don't ever wanna get out of bed when I wake up and honestly if it weren't for my dog I probably would just lay there all day, not go to class or anything. I finally get up and drink my coffee and it feels like maybe today won't be so bad, and then friends and family start talking to me or I do bad on an assignment or mess up in some way and it makes me feel so worthless. It's gotten to the point that I love sleep more than anything because I want to die but honestly I don't think I could ever kill myself.
I feel trapped...
I don't even like hanging out with the few friends I do have anymore because every time we are together everybody just makes fun of each other and I know they're joking but sometimes it still makes me think that what they say about me has some truth behind it. My family knows I deal with anziety but I don't think they really understand how I feel on a day to day basis.
My girlfriend tells me to "be happy" and I love her for trying to cheer me up but as all of you know it's not necessarily just being sad. It's not a switch you can just flip whenever you want. So yeah I fake a smile most of the time when im around people I care about because I don't wanna be a burden that brings everyone else down but underneath the smile there is so much pain and torment and self doubt going on in my head.
It feels like I have no purpose.
I don't wake up excited to do something I'm good at. I have tons of passions and things I like to do, but I'm not successful in anything I pursue. Seeing other people succeed in the fields I'm passionate about just discourages me from trying.
I don't know what the point of this post was suppose to be, I just felt like talking about my thoughts since I don't really have anyone I wanna tell this stuff to. All I know for certain is I NEVER want anyone else to ever feel the way im feeling. I don't know if I can be any help to anyone because I can't even help myself, but, if you feel like I do in any way just know you aren't alone.
- ImARubiks
|
self.depression
|
and all because of some stupid politics... this seems like the best place to post this. i'm probably overreacting here, but i feel like the only way i can escape all this political stuff in the USA is by suicide. Donald Trump, ISIS, Ajit Pai... politics are everywhere. last time i checked, even overseas people know about them. if i'm dead, i won't be able to hear about this stuff anymore. but what do i know? i'm just some random middle school student.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Outrage Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Taking my anger out on the fucking ground because I hate myself. Like a little fucking kid. I don't deserve respect. I'm a whiney bitch ass fuckup. I hate myself. Fuck me fuck me fuck me. I don't wanna die but I will never get where I want in life as myself. I can't change. Fuck me fuck me fuck me. Why can't I be smart? Why can't I be talented? Why can't I just be fucking socially normal? Fuck. Fuck everything. I hate every fiber of my being. Existence is pain. I can't bring myself to end it. It will get bad enough though. I will deserve it when it does. Fuck me. Fuck everything. Jesus fucking christ. And fuck you. Fuck everybody. Resentment. Hate. Self loathing. Immature asshole. Deserving of scorn. Deserving if pity. Deserving of my shitty place in life. So much time wasted in my pathetic useless being. It's all my fault. It always has been and always will be. The knife dragging accross my wrist feels so right. I can't do it though. I'll be fucking condemned to hell for my fucking petulance and disregard for life in general. Then I really won't get into heaven. I won't get to see the light at the end of the tunnel because I don't deserve it. I won't get any relief. I'll get what's cominf to me because I'm useless and won't do anything to change that because I'm fucking weak. Too far down the fucking hole. I'm crazy. I'm fucking incompetent. I'm fucking apathetic. Too weak to let go of the ego I'm not or allowed or deserve to have and aske for help. I never will. I am a bitch and a coward. I will not help myself. I fucking can't. Too fucking weak. Too fucking weak. Too fuckinh weak.
|
self.depression
|
I looked up my ex's Reddit account. [NAW] This isn't the first time (not even the first time this year tbh) and it probably won't be the last, even though we broke up years ago.
I used to look him up on Facebook too after we broke up and I was still friends with his mom, but thankfully I made myself unfriend her after I found out he moved to a completely different region of the country after we broke up.
He found my throwaway account earlier this year when I posted something sensitive/personal and messaged me. I about lost it because I instantly knew it was him. I was really hoping he'd forgotten or that if he knew it was me, he wouldn't think it was necessary to say something to me.
Well anyways, I looked him up today because something reminded me of him and I realized he posted a picture of himself a few months back. His beard looks like shit and I don't know what I ever saw in him. Nothing about what he's shared about his life is at all appealing to me, but for some reason it feels like the string of relationships I had after we broke up were more to spite him rather than because I liked being with them.
I mean right now I'm technically still single, but I wonder if I'm just into my FWB because I want to ward my ex off and on paper, my FWB is better in all areas.
Like I'm the stalker, but I'm worried my ex is going to pop up and realize I don't have a boyfriend and try to come onto me again. That doesn't sound right, but it's the story I'm going with.
I just don't want any trace of my ex to come back into my life and I wonder if that's the real reason I've done anything I'm doing.
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self.offmychest
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Might be hypo, I dunno So these past few weeks I've been feeling much much better than I did last month. However, my sleep has been rather sporadic. Some nights I get 2-3 hours of sleep while others a full 7-8. I experience waves of restless energy throughout the day; a really happy kind of energy. My thoughts go faster than I can express them almost and a few people have asked me if I was on drugs, which I wasn't aside from my prescribed meds.
My anxiety is a bit higher than normal as well as my irritability. But only mildly so.
The reason why I ask this is because while the near euphoria persists throughout the day, the energy does not. I've also been able to sleep normally most nights which makes me doubt it's hypomania, but I'm really not sure. Is it possible I could be experiencing some sub-threshold hypomania that's tamped down by meds?
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self.bipolar
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Student, 18. Female. College Has anybody ever got so anxious that when they heard bits of conversation, just bits and bits-you assume it’s about you? And you get really upset as a result?
Edit: Student, 19*
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self.Anxiety
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My mom is cheating on my dad I heard my mom talking to someone on the phone and she tells me that she was talking to her friend back in India, and she said she was a girl. Later, I go downstairs and I hear her talking to someone with an obvious male voice, and I had to eavesdrop because I was concerned as to why she was lying to me. I hear her talk and my worst fears were pretty much confirmed. She's definitely cheating on my dad.
I don't know what to do. I'm only sixteen and if I tell my dad I'm worried that it'll only add on to his stress. We're Indian and Indian parents will definitely not divorce because that's shameful to them. If I tell him I don't even know what will happen.
My mom is pretty dumb too. I'm not saying that in an edgy teenager way, but she is just unintelligent. I feel bad for being angry at her for this because she could just be being manipulated by some guy. I don't know whether I'm a terrible person for hating her right now or not. I'm planning on blocking his number on her phone (she's not that good w technology, i don't think she'll find out) and hopefully that will be the end of this. I just feel so terrible and awfull. My dad does so much for this family and he doesn't deserve this. I don't know wha to do.
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self.offmychest
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