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What affordable, weighted blankets do you recommend? Hi,
My anxiety has been making it difficult for me to sleep lately, and between my restless legs and tendinitis which always keep me moving around and trying to find a comfortable position, I think a weighted blanket could really be beneficial. I’ve been looking into it for a while now, but can’t seem to find any that aren’t close to $200. Do you have any recommendations for an affordable and nicely made weighted blanket?
Thanks so much.
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self.Anxiety
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Most of my days consist of my outlook being very hazy and dream-like As such, it's caused me bouts of anxiety. I honestly don't know what to think of my existence most days. None of this feels real, or rather, it feels like a sick joke. Anyone else?
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self.depression
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Presenting: Foreseeable Failure I have to give a presentation tomorrow and I don't think I'm prepared at all. I have no one to go over it with and the group I'm presenting with is unresponsive. Boyfriend went to bed. I don't know if I want to go to the class I'm expecting to present to because accumulated stress and I think I'll have a breakdown during presenting. Sorry if this seems blabbative, just wanted a wall to bang my head against. This is making sleep sound dreamful. I want to cry or yell or cry. Who knows it will go wrong if it can. ;'(
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self.Anxiety
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Life would be better if i could stop thinking about stuff
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tips for studying/functioning like a normal human being when you don't want to do anything? I know I've been posting a lot here recently as you guys are actually more supportive than my own family and friends! Anyway not seeking pity, just wanted to say how grateful I am for this community.
I'm trying to change my life around, and so need to revise for exams but I have no desire to do anything that requires much effort. How do some of you people function when you feel this way? Sometimes it's not even the sadness that gets me the most, it's the disinterest in everything. And I'm actually heartbroken that there's so many other people feeling the exact same way as I do.
I feel like a mindless zombie waiting around for a miracle or to die.
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self.depression
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Can't cope like I used to, advice wanted I'm not sure if I have given up on trying or I'm just getting worse. As childish or immature as it may be, cutting has really helped me, it makes me feel normal, less claustrophobic, but I've been seeing this girl, and she frequently sees me without my clothes on, and always seems to focus on my scars, and I feel like any new ones would cause tension, or maybe even cause her to reach out for me, which I don't want. I have coping tools from years of therapy, but nothing seems to help like cutting does, any advice?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not sure if this is anxiety but I need to talk about it Often times I feel like I mess up, I feel like if I'm in a group of people, and they stop talking, I need to fill the gap because I'm the reason they are not talking, I feel that everyone is talking behind my back and that everything I'm doing is wrong. I feel that I need to sneak around my roommate because my presence makes him angry, and sometimes I hurt the ones I love by saying something stupid to fill the void that is not talking
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self.Anxiety
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i have zero friends, zero weekend plans and am only 19 but feel life is just something i'm getting on with, advice? truthfully my level of being neurotic is high! i think everything is bullshit, all the fake happiness out there and how certain people need to act socially to be apart of the respected elite or part of the ''Optimistic'' circle. i found my negativity can affect others but i do feel remorse for those things and i myself hate being negative, i honestly seek comfort in things with a depressive meaning because all the fantastic outlooks seem like a fantasy that is not existent. i try to be positive by writing poetry, playing video games, and even spending money occasionally to feel a sense of wealth. i was diagnosed with OCD and General Anxiety disorder X Autism aspies spectrum disorder. meds have helped and this post is more so directed to my life circumstance not ''real'' depression. i also empathize with those who have MDD episodes and feel depressed for days and weeks on end. ps i am 19 yes no job, my motor skills suck bady, i don't have anyone to go clubbing with and weekends no longer bring me the same joy as before and i often feel isolated.
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self.depression
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Getting Harrashed At Work Everyday at work i got bullied by a couple of coworkers, they say things like im not good enough to train new people, that im bad at my job or im lazy, they make fun of me because at one point i cried about one of my old managers beliving one of them when a women claimed that i tried to touch her, i spoke to one of my other managers about it and shesaid she woould do something but cpuldnt tell me because of policies, it made a diffrence for a cpuple of days but then it came back worse once a new manger came in and i was asked to teach her everything l, the manager that helped me recently went on vacation and i dont want to have her deal with shit as soom as shes returned, im considering putting in my two weeks at the end of december, i think it would be better for others if they dont have to deal with my siyuation between the coworkers harrassing me.
I plan on quiting and going to college to study and see if i can find some friends with similiar interest to mine because of the situation its becoming veey difficult to survive emotionally with little to no interaction with others, i never really found friends in highschool who cared about the same things i did (or friends in general) so when i dropped out life led us in diffrent directions
Thank you to anyone that read all this and sorry for my grammar
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self.depression
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Could you help me identifying what's going on with me? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Wondering if I’ll always be socially awkward Since I came to uni I’ve been feeling extremely out of place. I feel like I’ve only met a few people I really click with, but I’m also spending a LOT of my time doing this production. I’ve been feeling super super shitty during every rehearsal because there’s this guy - who I’m actually friends with - who, completely unintentionally, makes me feel rubbish about myself. He’s just quite judgemental, and I feel like I constantly need to say things that will impress him. I am just unable to get myself into the group and it really depresses me. People like me, but I just somehow don’t fit whatsoever. It makes me sad because I’m in the music industry and I feel like I need to be social to be successful and I’m just not. Everyone else seems perfectly normal and I’m having this inner battle constantly and it sucks. I want to surround myself with people I can relax in front of, but I want to be able to relax in front of everyone because naturally, I’m quite sociable and funny. When the anxiety kicks in, it feels completely impossible that I’ll ever stop feeling this way. I really need some perspective here, if you’ve got any. Thanks for reading!
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self.Anxiety
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Going to see a psychologist the 11th. What am i supposed to talk about? I talked to someone at the hospital a couple of years ago when i was on the edge of killing myself but i was to tired to meet up so i acted like i had gotten much better and so i did not have to visit anymore.
But after a break down this fall i have been convinced i need to try it again so i will.
I am depressed but i dont know why, no clue, i just dont like living at all, its just not for me, and it makes me sad. But thats it, how can that be cured?
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self.depression
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Fuck it all I have everything I need to finally end it. This weekend was the final straw to my forever alone life. There's no point in continuing to meet out an existence on this planet when love and physical contact are literally unobtainable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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im getting feelings and slightly attached to my "friend" We're both single and we aren't seeing anyone else. Lately she's been spending the night at my house. And i feel like the more time we spend together the more i get attached. They're would be days when i wake up alone and sorta miss her being there next to me. I like what we have and how we didn't label anything. Im too afraid to say anything about me having feelings for her for i don't want to ruin anything.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety caused by other people's problems I noticed that I get anxious when it comes to other people's problems even if they themselves are not worried. Like today, my mom had a dentist appointment which she went to and then she left the dentist to come home. Well the dentist realized after she left that they forgot to do something so they immediately called the house to ask her to come back. Knowing my mom's attitude this pissed her off and for some reason made me really anxious. It wasn't because of my mom's attitude but I guess because of the dentists inability to do their job right (that was my thought process). Anyway, can anybody relate?
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self.Anxiety
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People on anti depressants Anybody else feel like really good but at the same time empty, like a feeling of emptiness that swallows you, that takes over that very good feeling and tries to diminish it?
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self.depression
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why should i live everytime i try to do anything i fail, i’m afraid to try anything new now because i’m afraid of failure. everyone i thought was my friend betrays me. my family is dysfunctional and everyone hates each other. my best friend is dead and has been for 6 years. why should i pretend i’m ok, why should i even bother putting on the facade of cheerfulness, my boyfriend is a liar and is manipulative and the only person i can turn to is moving. someone please help me i’ve hit rock bottom and i’ve never wanted to die more than i have right now
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self.SuicideWatch
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There's a new cute guy. So get out of my head, please. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety About Body Odour (Olfactory Reference Syndrome) Getting Worse with Warmer Weather Hi!
So since about 2014 I have been dealing with being super anxious about my body odour. I moved to Singapore (hot and humid) at the end of 2013 and started to become highly aware of my smell then. I used loads of deo, perfumes, shower gels, etc, had a whole routine I had to go through before leaving the house only to start another anxiety that all the deo I was using was making people allergic to me.
So since about 2015 I have had this huge fear that I stink and that people are allergic to me (or at least my deo/perfumes), this means I have a super hard time leaving the house and last year I didn't leave the house for 3 months and then I had to to go renew a visa but it terrified me so I tried to commit suicide... over thinking someone would think I smell bad. I was diagnosed with Olfactory Reference Syndrome in January this year alongside BP1.
So last summer I moved back to Europe and slowly things got a little better as the weather was colder and therefore I didn't sweat and was far less anxious about smelling. Still had quite a bit of anxiety but not as much and I was hoping this would continue to decrease over time.
But now with spring here I am terrified. In the past three days temperatures have increased and tomorrow it'll be 27C which is way too hot and I will sweat. So now I feel like all the progress I had made in the past few months was simply due to the weather and nothing else. I have started cancelling things such as talks for uni, my volunteer role and social appointments.
I don't want to sound dramatic but I really don't want to live with this anymore, and I know how crazy I'm being. There are people who are experiencing absolute atrocities and I'm willling to give everything up and throw in the towel because I think I have bad body odour.
I'm at such a loss with what to do, just wondering if anyone else has any experience with this and if so any advice.
Thanks in advance!
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self.Anxiety
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Reminder: to be better than me. I was born to a mother who couldn’t afford me, adopted into a life of decadence, love, and faith. Growing up I was a weird child (due to bi-polar disorder) so I got bullied a lot and nasty rumors were made about me.
As I got older I got beat up more and my self esteem suffered. My grades reflected that. I stopped caring about school. I also started doubting God. I wondered what kind of benevolent father would let me suffer so much.
When I hit the 2000’s I moved towns I was in 5th Grade in parochial School. And there I suffered at the hands of everyone because my learning deficiencies caused by mental illness.
By the time I hit High School I was a loser and a total weirdo. I had a hard time making and keeping friends, due to easy to abuse trust issues. I spent my HS years with someone I thought loved me, and 1 friend I thought of like a brother.
1st. Yes I was a shitty BF. It was my first serious relationship. And even after I learned better I was too self centered and neurotic to care for her properly. But she also treated me like shit. So it skewed my ideas of relationships. Two wrongs don’t even out...She, and I deserved better.
2nd. My best friend turned out to be a controlling dick who was using me as no one else would ingratiate themselves with him. We hung out a lot, but I guess he hated it because when I got a higher score on a paper that I put less effort into he said I was no good and a loser, Later on he Spat in my face. Later from that he just cut me from his life.
This all set up a cycle of trust issues that last till today. But through all this I turned to food for comfort. So now I’m very overweight and mentally ill. I’m 28 have one friend and lovers drop like flies.
So now I’m laying here at four something in the morning looking for some reason to care, the only thing I care about is saving as many people I can, and to be a true friend to them like I never had.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Happiness cannot last forever... and neither can sadness
Everything in the world is not permanent
We all deserve happy endings
Your happy ending may not be what you expect. That is what will make it so special
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self.depression
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I want to die I’m 24 turning 25 this year. I graduated university at 23 couldn’t get a graduate job. Been applying for a year and a bit and still no luck, even though I have no real desire of getting a job or doing anything. Most people my age already have their life set out and planned, with goals and ambitions. Unfortunately for me I don’t have any, nothing that drives me. People say do what you enjoy doing, and the things I enjoy doing are literally: sleeping, getting high, and playing games.
I do make money on the side by working in property, doing surveys and floor plans, but recently that’s been drying up and I’ve been ignoring calls for business. I’ve even lost the drive to make money for myself.
I had a car crash on the motorway a few months ago pretty bad one, hit the barriers at 90-95 mph an hour and some how survived. I sit here now wishing I died in that crash. I took a baseball bat to head when I was 17 also survived that, didn’t even get knocked out. Hell I even survived getting Typhoid as a kid. I used to think that surviving this shit was meant to mean something, but that all bullshit and was down to luck.
Anyways long story short, I’ve been wanting to kill my self since like 16. I have no dreams of having a family, job or whatever these successful people have. I rather have not existed in the first place. I’ve never done anything of merit or good that stands out. And I don’t plan on doing anything like that in the future. I don’t want to carry on being alive and subjecting my self to a job that I hate, so I can buy food to survive to carry on a life that I despise. Cause the older I get the worse my body is gna get, the more lonely I’m gonna get and the more depressed I’m going to become.
So a person like me who doesn’t contribute to society or family, why are there people trying to convince you out of killing your self. It doesn’t make sense, when the outcome of the suicide will be beneficial for all parties.
Anywho, if there are painless ways to kill yourself, let me know as I’m to Pussy to electrocute or cut myself to death.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m absolutely nothing. I’m a nobody. I’ve literally accomplished nothing that I’m proud of within my lifetime. I don’t even have any friends. Last person I trusted as a friend manipulated me and humiliated me at their own advance. I’ve been abused for years (physically and sexually) on end, I’m just tired of everything my mind can’t comprehend anymore of this. I don’t deserve this I’ve never done anybody harm, I’m always nice to people it just gets thrown back in my face. I’m gonna save the world my trouble by ending my life soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Worst depressive episode. I need help. It happened so fast. I hadn’t had a depressive episode in years. There were no triggers. All of a sudden I plummeted down to one of the worst depressions of my life less than two months after my wedding. My urges to cut are back worse than ever and I’m worrying my husband sick. My family is mad at me for disappearing.
I forgot how much it hurts. And I’m so afraid it won’t ever end. I have an antler tattoo to remind me of the cyclical nature of life but I just can’t get myself to feel hope that this one will pass. Usually my episodes are very brief but it’s been several weeks now.
I was just hoping someone could give me some hope that this will pass. Please. I just need some hope.
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self.bipolar
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I really want to get SwBf2... Everyone's shitting on it for micro transactions and all that, which I understand to some extent. But honestly it just looks really fun to me regardless. I've watched people stream it and they seem to really like it too. I might buy it over the weekend...
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self.offmychest
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How honest are you with your therapist? Just got back into therapy after about a month of not in therapy. Changed from a therapist I absolutely love to a therapist from the past who's very sweet but I don't feel safe being honest with him. I always think he's gonna judge me or not believe me. Thought I'd ask how honest y'all are with your therapist?
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self.bipolar
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I think I'm the only person with a vagina that doesn't enjoy having it licked it's not that my partners haven't been good at it- i've had plenty of orgasms that way, though it is more difficult than other methods. i just..... don't really like it. the idea of somebody going down on me just doesn't turn me on at all. a lot of my partners have been incredibly eager to give me a good ol' tonguing and i usually let them because, well... why not? i'm happy when they're happy. the problem with that is that they seem to go on forever and i just get bored. honestly, i'd rather just skip that whole show altogether, but nobody takes it very well when i mention this. it makes me really insecure. i realize that's probably a strange thing to be upset about but here i am. it makes me feel broken and.... unworthy somehow? i don't know. anybody else feel like this?
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self.offmychest
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can i kill myself with prazosen? I have prazosen prescribed to me and i have about i half pull bottle of the 2ml version. If i took the whole thing, would i be sucessfully killing myself? please let me know!
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self.SuicideWatch
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19 year old guy, Never had a good life, never will [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to get back on the horse? For nearly a year, I've held onto lifestyle changes (exercise, nutrition, and taking anti-depressants regularly) that have really staved off anxiety and depression.
It's all gone now, though. After a two-week bout of flu (I had been sick before this, but it didn't have this effect) at the beginning of this year, I just don't have the energy to get back into these habits.
The result has been pretty awful - as a freelancer, I've fallen behind and ghosted (it's extremely unprofessional) some of my contacts. Just seeing their e-mail address makes my anxiety spike - I had a panic attack when one of them called me. I thought I heard someone knock on my door and I started hyperventilating.
I feel terribly guilty and it just compounds.
My apartment and health are a mess. How did this go downhill so quickly?
On some days I go out and pretend everything is fine and I can forget about anxiety (or hide it) and distract myself for several hours, but when it comes to actually doing something that helps my anxiety (and realistically, depression too at this point)... I can't muster up the effort to invest in Future Me.
Today I slept for 15 hours, and I honestly don't care if I get out of bed. I still feel awful and I just want to tunnel in somewhere and hide and hibernate for a good while. You'd think that'd be a good motivator to get my ass moving, but no.
Could I please hear your stories or strategies of how you got out? I have a whole arsenal of strategies, I just... don't even want to do any of it.
At this rate, I'll lose all my work contacts and won't be able to feed myself.
Thanks in advance.
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self.Anxiety
|
Just need to vent about life I have so, so many problems. The one that is currently most visceral is the fact that I'm not ok being alone. I'm talking to women who may at some point be fuck-buddies, but I can never be romantic partners with them. That's fine, but I need more. I'm talking to them because I have a hole in my life, but even if I met the greatest girl in the world who instantly fell in love with me, it wouldn't change the fact that I'm miserable; I would only be lifted out of my despair by her. I've seen all the stuff about how happiness needs to come from within, and I believe it. My problem is that I don't see that happening any time in the near future. I got a girl's number a couple of weeks ago, we texted, and then she disappeared. All I can think is that I'm so broken that I'll never be in a healthy relationship.
I think about killing myself on an hourly basis. I can't even do that because of the sadness I'd leave in my wake. I'm a prisoner and I'm fearful that I always will be. I just want this to change. I've always obeyed the rules of life and done everything right, and this is where I find myself. I'm so tired of it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just want to die Im 20 years old and I keep getting more and more depressed for each day that passes. The girl i love wont talk to me anymore. Im crying everyday. Started getting anxiety attacks. I just dont see why i should continue living. I feel so lonely even tho i have friends. Its just a loneliness that friends cant cure. Every morning im so sad because i didnt die in my sleep. I cant function anymore. I really think this is the time to just end it
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self.SuicideWatch
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My dog was hit by a car this morning. He was my soulmate. I know how ridiculous it is for a middle aged woman to say their dog was a soulmate. Arno had a habit of pushing open the back door to go outside and do his dog business and then scratch to get let in. He was older and had a bad hip, my gate was open and he normally never left the property. I knew the minute I looked up and realized he was not around something was up. I went outside called him and nothing then I looked at the end of my driveway and saw his body.
I had to drag his 75 pound body with his intestines hanging out over to my property I am pretty confident he died instantly it all happened in about 10 or 15 minutes. I feel horrible, horrible, guilt for having my gate open. I am also angry because I live in a country area and dogs get loose here and get on the road and I always drive mindfully knowing this.
He was there through the death of a treasured family member and my divorce. He was always happy to see me when I got home. When he was younger we spent many wonderful hours in nature hiking. He had a rough year health wise this year and more than once I contemplated that my time with him was getting shorter. I just was not prepared for this or the fact that I had an indirect hand in his death.
I hope the person who hit him feels a sense of guilt, I certainly hope it was a stranger passing through because everything gets loose here, cows, horses, chickens, and everybody knows to watch out for animals. I am not going to lie, the motherfucker who hit my dog and did not even stop, I hate you. I hope you have a shit Christmas because I am going to.
My dog knew when I was grouchy or sad, he had deep wise eyes. He loved having his belly rubbed. He was kind of clownish, he liked cats. He once had a love/hate relationship with a neighbor goat. He was not quite sure what to think of horses. He hated thunder and would press up against me during a storm. He was a chowhound. He never would learn to fetch. Instead chased the ball or stick and would stop and stare at it and look at me. I tried forever to teach him to speak. Then it dawned on me he did learn to speak. If he wanted to go out he would stand in from of me and give a quiet bark. But if I asked him to speak I would get the quizzical stare.
He had a huge dog bed in the living room and sometimes I would get on it and we would snuggle and I would read or listen to a dog bed. To be honest although I was married for a decent enough amount of time, this loss is worse than my divorce. Our animals accept us for who we are in a way humans do not. They don't care if we hare having a bad hair day, or don't look our best, or if we are rich or poor or successful, they don't even mind when we are not at our best.
Hug your dogs, don't be careless like I was. Love them even if they aren't the brightest. Give them an extra treat today. I always got in the stupid habit of saying to him that I loved him before I went to bet and greeted him in the morning. I do not know how I am going to handle nobody to greet me the first time I leave the house and arrive home. I am so glad I am working this Christmas. I just want to shut the holidays off and forget about them.
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self.offmychest
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I managed to shower and workout today embarrassingly i went almost a full week without showering or working out, which really sucks considering i was getting into a really good routine of exercising
but today i pulled myself out of bed and forced myself to workout, and then i showered. i even shaved and cut my hair, so i sort of look like i have things together
i know this is stupid but i wanted to share because i dont have anyone else to tell
thanks for reading
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self.depression
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I wish I could remove my emotions I care so much about people that it's painful. I want to kill myself, but I also don't. I wish that some sort of incident would happen to me so that I would die. But I know it won't happen. My life is as bland as a bowl of corn flakes, and I live in a very protective environment. My parents want me to live, though, doesn't that seem greedy? I'm in pain, but they still want me to live. Why do humans try so hard to keep life going even though it is painful?
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you stop wanting to not be here? Nothing ever feels like it changes except perhaps the difficulty that ratchets up by one each day.
It's a weird limbo being caught between not wanting to live and being too cowardly to die.
I just know, I don't want to be here.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Friend threatened to commit suicide. I don’t have the energy to be her sole support system right now [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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If I could push a button If I could just push a button and be dead I would do it with no hesitation. What I'm struggling with is the messiness of it. I wish I could just leave with no fuss. Everyday is torture and it hurts too much to keep going.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Have a knife to my throat, help me Im the happiest ive been right now. I tend to have compulsion of doing crazy things in my head and failing others, ocd, but whenever it's about me ridding myself of my life I welcome it. I see another me, worn down, missing teeth, white hair with a light smile and gaze. He has an air of confidence about him, like he's sees everything and knows what the truth is. Whenever im near a flight of stairs, he tells me to jump, when I have a knife in my hand, he tells me to swiftly cut it through my throat. The real me telling me to do it, to finally free myself of living, from disappointing others and things getting worse. Rather than hoping for things to get better while suffering, while the very fact of being alive mocks me, I know for a fact that death will bring me peace, its the only damn thing in this world that im 100 percent certain off. Please tell me to do it. Please let me be free. Please Please don' let me live like this anymore, please stop putting expectations on me, please stop giving me a false sense of hope, pleas just let me be nothing, please tell me to do it, please help me, at least give me this please, the only thing I want is this, nothing more
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have worked out for the past 5 years and I am still depressed and self conscious. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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We fight stigma to stop people telling us to get over ourselves, but therapy teaches us how to get over ourselves I just had this weird epiphany.
When people say things like "just be happy" "you just want to be sad" etc it's harmful and they think it's that simple. Just don't be sad anymore. Easy right?
You get help and then they tell you that you need to change your thoughts, and essentially...don't be sad anymore. It's a more expensive version of the insults people throw at you.
The only person who can help you, really, is you...and that might not be possible sometimes. In my case, it's not possible.
You keep going through expecting someone to fix it for you. But, it's impossible...it's literally you having to just think it away.
Fuck.
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self.depression
|
I'm considering a serious suicide attempt I've been depressed for years now and have anxiety on top of that for the past year. I've always played around with the idea of suicide and honestly at any given moment if I died, I would be happy. But it's always been this passive ideology of suicide, you know? Even when I've attempted in the past it's just been OD which I knew was going to fail, just the motions made me feel better. I'm usually more of a self harmer when I'm upset, but I've been working really hard to stop that.
I'm in uni for premed. It's not my passion, it's my obligation. Heavily pushed by my parents and I want to please them so I go with it. I'm in too deep at this point to really drop or even switch majors, so I have to just push through it. I don't really know what else I like because I've been told I was going to be a doctor ever since I was born. There was never a second option for me. And that's starting to wear on me too. My GPA is starting to fall and I'm lying to my mother about it bc I just can't take the anger or guilt about it all anymore. I just don't care about it anymore.
I had a boyfriend, but he broke up with me yesterday. We had only been dating 3 months and it's not like either of us was really into each other, but I trusted him and I had fun and it just really hurts a lot. I don't know why, because before winter break I was thinking about breaking up with him anyway, but now that it's actually happened, I can't stop crying. I ended up having to take an anxiety pill just to stop crying so I could go to class. I cried a bit in class yesterday since I knew the breakup was coming and I couldn't go through with full I'm sobbing like I've been doing after the break up. This is hurting me more than ive anticipated and I don't know why. I don't know how much is me losing someone I could talk to every hour of every day or losing someone I really trusted more than anyone else or my depression or my period or stress from school or everything together, but I can't stop crying. The tears and screams just won't stop.
Then today is only the second day of class and I've had to go to two different advisors just to fix myself from being dropped from a class and that's just putting more stress on me. I got it all worked out and I'm in the class with no fear of being dropped now, yet when I got back to my car after the fact, I just sat there and started sobbing. I don't even know what I was upset about? The stress? The breakup? My period? I literally don't even know why I was crying, but it was full on sobbing and I ended up taking my anxiety medicine like I said before just so I could go to my next class without crying.
And I know it's stupid to be suicidal over a breakup, especially since I wasn't even really in love with him or anything like that, but it just hurts a lot. And that with school stress and just my utter lack of interest in anything is slowly starting to make me realize that I really just don't care. I don't care anymore, and what's stopping me from actually ending it? Not just going through the motions, but actually legitimately going through with it?
None of my friends know about my depression or anxiety and I don't want to tell them, my ex knew but it's not like I can talk to him about that anymore, my mother knows but I can't talk to her about school, only my break up, and my hobby is a sport club at the uni I attend. Which is on suspension because our president forgot to go to a meeting. So I can't even do my sport hobby to take my mind off of all this. All I have to do is study and do homework, which just makes me feel worse because I'm going into a job I don't care about simply because it's easier to struggle in school than it is to fight against my family who're demanding I become a doctor.
I probably repeated a lot of stuff and it's all jumbled and stuff. I'm sorry. I'm still processing the breakup and my emotions are all over the place. Being on mobile probably doesn't help, but it's what it is. I don't really even know what I want posting this here, probably just to vent since I don't have anyone else to talk to about my depression/anxiety/suicide stuff. So thanks for reading I guess.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thinking people are angry at me Hi, I've been a lurker for a while with my regular account.
Does anyone else constantly worry they made another person angry. And like if someone IS actually angry at me, I just sit an stew and worry. Well, either way I sit and stew and worry.
Anyone have strategies to manage this sort of crapola?
PS
Thank you!
PS sorry, I don't see how to remove the "venting" tag...
edit: added PS
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self.Anxiety
|
Awkward comfort So, I'm 32, married for almost 10 years with 2 children. I have never and do not have any inclination towards infidelity whatsoever.
Circumstances in my life have lead me to live a very isolated existence. When my wife wants to go socialize without kids, I volunteer to keep them so she can go out. I feel no real reason to socialize myself, although I am not really awkward. I'm quick with a joke and don't take myself too seriously in public.
I do battle depression and ideation issues. However, my kids and the idea of biological imperatives (survival and perpetuation) tend to keep those things at bay. Most people find me pleasant enough, but aloof and formal.
So, there is this woman I work with. It would be more accurate to say we work at the same place. I have very little interaction with her besides the fact that we say hi and she smiles when she sees me.
I'm not even sure why, but when she acknowledges my existence, the worry and fear and stress just go away for awhile. Sometimes I use the bathroom at work because it goes by her desk just on the off chance that she will not be focused on what she is doing and acknowledge me for a moment. A wave of the hand, a smile, a how do you do, any of it.
It kind of reminds me of the Bernstein speech in Citizen Kane when he remembers a girl on ferry that he never saw again but he thinks of her every day.
I guess I just wanted to acknowledge her, to an unknowing universe, and that her presence does make a difference, regardless of whether she knows or whether there is any rational reason why.
That's it. Nothing mind-blowing, just a chance to articulate a feeling that has existed for the better part of a month since I was promoted at work and moved to a different building where she works.
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self.offmychest
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My anxiety prevents me from being a good friend [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Omg y'all, I got my license back!! 😄 Lmao I can't believe it, this is such a HUGE step for me. I lost my license back in 2015 due to an accident that was kind of on purpose, like I was trying to kill myself while I was barred out. Anyway, I accrued a bunch of fines and somehow, by the grace of God, didn't catch a charge for DUI. 😂
I never wanted to drive again. As you can imagine, the wreck was pretty traumatic for me and I'm an avoidant bitch, but recently I've wanted to be independent from my parents. Shit, maybe even get a job, or go back to school... we'll see.
What I've been wanting to do for a long time is go on a road trip across the US. That would be so dope. My dad even has a car for me, I just have to get the transmission fixed.
Aahhh, I'm just so excited! Being a shut in is miserable. 🙃
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self.bipolar
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None of my doctors came up in the search, which supposedly lists payouts from pharmaceutical companies. Is this legit? The website is:
https://openpaymentsdata-origin.cms.gov/
Anyone verify if this is a legit site or not?
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self.bipolar
|
They say I'm making it all up Honestly, I'm not sure why this is even a thought in their head. But this is a bit of back story. My father is a drunk and had previously abused me to the point I was scared to leave my room, maybe thats where my introverted approach comes from, but nevertheless it was the worst time for me.
My mother left when I was five and my grandmother was in her place taking care of us, but she always stood up for my dad. If he was in court of thrown in jail for a DWI or a Domestic violence she'd always bail him out a day later, even if she was the one that called the police in the first place.
I remember distinctly when I was 12 (A couple years ago), My father was abusing my grandmother by knocking her to the ground and almost throwing a chair at her, I stepped in and screamed at him for it because shes
1.) His mother and my Grandmother
2.) about 70 at this time.
He ended up lifting me up by my neck and slamming me against the wall, punching me in the face. She bailed him out the day later and didn't press charges. Whenever I went anywhere and told anybody about my problems at home, if any action on CPS was taken they'd lie and say I wasn't telling the truth or making it up. When my father was finally taken to court, I was put into my grandparents custody and my sister (Who's 3 years younger than me) went and lived with my mom that *Miraculously* appeared to take her.
To top it all off, hes been mooching off of my grandparents for as long as my mother has left him. They've paid his bills, bought him food, driven him to work, etc. He even lives with us now, because he was kicked out of his previous apartment, since then he hasn't been as violent but he still gets drunk and I retreat into my room until its over.
Since I was little I've suffered with Depression and Anxiety symptoms and I think they're due to this, or tied with all of this, but every time I go and tell or open up to my grandparents about it, they dismiss it and say I just want attention and that its all made up. I don't know what to do and I'm at the end of my rope.
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self.depression
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Void Maybe I should preface this by saying I’m 15.
Sometimes I think I’m happy. Sometimes it almost feels like it can get better. But then I remember how things are, and how they always will be. And I want to die more than anything. I just need the means.
I don’t eat. I drink when I can get away with it. I isolate myself. I ruin all my relationships. I’m not honest with anyone. What’s the point in living when you’re a different person with everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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"I feel like we're distant" Sorry...I'm not here right now.
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self.depression
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Things In the news about Nuclear war are driving me insane and making me feel completely hopeless (why did the title submission force me to capitalize every word in it? No other post on this sub is like that. Whatever.)
Saw this today:
http://www.newsweek.com/trump-could-destroy-entire-human-species-says-yale-psychiatrist-who-warned-772328
Now I'm having another panic attack and pretty much feel like it's inevitable Donald fucking Trump is going to end the world by being an idiot. I was already on edge this week after that stupid fucking button tweet, but then I see something like that article and it pretty much just pushes me into the territory of feeling completely hopeless.
It seems like a lot of people want a war with North Korea no matter what and it feels like it's going to happen for sure.
I can't really handle it. I can't deal with constantly feeling like everyone I know and love are going to die because of the fucking dipshit game show host this dumb fucking country decided to make president.
I need help. Somebody tell me that this isn't going to happen and if he tries to do something he'll be stopped.
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self.Anxiety
|
Cost Of A Therapist? I’m depressed, alone, and absolutely broke. I want to get professional help but don’t have any money. Just wanted to know how much treatment typically costs.
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self.depression
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My friends lied about not having a Halloween party so they didn't have to invite me. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How to build enough courage to go through with the (one and only) attempt? [removed]
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self.depression
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Thanksgiving Thankfulness? I've been going back and forth about posting something like this to some personal social media...but I think I'll start here.
I'd like to thank my dad and his current wife for having an affair on my Mom. If they hadn't, I would never have learned the kind of awful person you are. Or the real reasons we constantly had to move. It wasn't because you kept getting better jobs, it was because you're an asshole and kept getting fired from it. As angry as I am...I really just hurt.
I was close to my father and holidays are really hard now. He spread lies about my Mom and I to his side of the family, so now the grandmother that I have been inseparable from, the one that I moved out west to be closer to, won't even talk to me.
There's so many more dark feelings I have from all of this, but for today, lets be thankful that we have rid our lives of someone who has been using us for his selfish benefit until he left the same way he adopted me. Just like that.
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self.offmychest
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I can barely make it through my regular day, but now I may have a second job I’ve been trying for two years to get a seasonal or part time job because financially I’m drowning. I finally have an interview today and all I can think about if I get it is how tired I’m going to be. It’s already so hard to get out of bed for my regular job and I’m having the worst anxiety thinking about how now I won’t be able to drag myself through my day job and then relax at home - I’ll have to go directly to the second job.
This is something I have to do because I need the money, so that’s overriding my anxiety and I’ll actually take this if I get it. I’m just freaking out about how miserable I know I’m going to be when I can barely make it through my day as it is. Suggestions on how to make this bearable?
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self.depression
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First time having panic attacks and I’m scared to leave my house [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Cried in front of my professor, got the drop code for the class, and am giving up my grad school dreams because I fucking needed this course I want to die. I made an attempt a few years ago on 11/13, which was when the exam happened. I needed to do really well on this exam and didn't. The PTSD from the attempt keeps haunting me. I wish I had succeeded.
Fuck thermodynamics. Fuck the class and the prof for not curving it even when the class average was a 68. I got a 56 and he said I needed to do 10-15 points better if I wanted to pass.
I hope I die soon. I'm a stupid piece of shit
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else have panicked feelings that they have to leave a classroom/public area or they will be sick/pass out even though it never happens? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I wish my anxiety would go away... Hi. I'm 15 years old, and I have OCD, am a hypochondriac, and have bad anxiety that can be controlled at times, but at some times, it triggers into a panic attack and I fucking hate it. So much.
I wish my anxiety would fuck off and go away. I'm so sick of having panic attacks, which have been happening more often, hate having a fear of cars getting close (got into a car accident) and I hate how much I panic during situations that some people would be normal in.
I wish it would go away.
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self.Anxiety
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Good and Bad Days - feeling of detachment/dark days I recently went through a couple of months of very horrible darkness, unwanted thoughts and days where I felt like I'd never be happy again. I felt that speaking about it to friends and family member's that I trusted and going to therapy and wanting to be better even though I felt so terrible, helped me in a big way.
I nervously started a Theatre Studies course in September. I had a rocky start but it's been the best thing for me. It's kept me focused but I also enjoy it immensely.
I just had a good two months of pretty much anxiety free struggle, I did my grateful and thankful journals in the morning and night. I felt at times I was on egg shells but I was pretty good for most of it.
I haven't taken any anti-depressants even though I'm not against them. I wanted to try fighting it with positive thoughts, talking about it and understanding what I was going through.
Today was the first bad day I've had in ages, I think that's not too bad? We're on our holidays since last Thursday so it could be that I'm just finding it hard with nothing to do. I've had those terrible feelings of detachment, losing control and feeling crazy again which are horrible. I worry that my whole life is going to be this way. Anxiety coming and going.
I understand having good days are great and not many people get them and I am not complaining but I just wanted to share my experience. I think sharing our stories can help in some way. Sharing and caring for each other is so important during these dark days. We are not alone.
Any positive thoughts or conversation is welcome.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't stop crying because my parents went out without me I'm 24.
24.
It's been a tough week. Due to depression and anxiety I haven't left my own house in years. Things went untreated for so long. I have no social life and to make things worse, I truly am an introvert.
Sunday lunches are a tradition in my family. We eat togather no matter what, and there's lunch no matter what. When no one feels like cooking, we order something but we eat together.
I like being alone, but it's been a tough week where it kept sinking that next year I'll be 25 and I'm stuck in this life I chose for myself. I'll be 25 and I'm nowhere near having my shit together. I'm so far away from being 'normal'.
And today they went to grab lunch without me and it felt like a punch to the face and I'm crying because I feel hurt and betrayed and everything I've been bottling up is coming to the surface and I feel like a giant loser for crying like a kid because my parents went out without me. I'm cringing as I'm writing this. I'm trying to cool down a panic attack.
I have no idea what I've done with my life, all I know is that I'm so far away from everything I've ever wanted to be and I am so so so so so so alone.
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self.Anxiety
|
im a college freshman disillusioned and just tired no matter how much i try i will never get a good paper back because sleepless nights editing only yields more mistakes and criticism and even if i do my very best on exams the highest grade ill ever achieve is an a- and my parents who want me to transfer will probably kill me before i mill myself because of my grades not being up to their standard. id rather just die now than deal with shit back home... recently one of my idols committed suicide. i thought - for him, i shouldn't think about these dark things and respect life's worth.
what is the point of life when i will always fall apart... i am a worthless human being who will never have a bright future. i want to sleep.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I matter at work It's such a small and trivial victory, but for someone that has absolutely no self worth it made me feel good for once. I started the day debating on whether to go into work today. I had a one-on-one with my boss and if you're in the business world you know those basically never go well. At theast possible second I picked my sorry ass out of bed and dragged myself into work.
Work... Is interesting. I like my job, but I feel I'm terrible at it and everyone is so much better than me. Honestly I wonder why I'm employed relatively often. I'm always seemingly so far behind everyone else. Well, it's Friday so it's meetings day. I cruised through the day hoping for the weekend so I could finally get some sleep. Finally 3:30 rolled around and it was time for my one-on-one. Sigh.
My boss met me in the room. I've officially been on this team for 3 months now. I left my previous team for this one in a last ditch attempt to make some friends. My old team was all older guys who were at least 20 years older than me. This team had people my age and program managers only 5-10 years older than me. We start will the usual, how have I been doing, what would I do to improve, etc. Finally he brings up that my old team had wanted me back a month ago. They were short and needed my help, but the product managers on my team had told my old boss that I was too important to my new team for them to let me go.
I was astounded. I didn't know what to say. I said thank you weirdly, and then we wrapped up the meeting.
I matter.
To someone with few friends and family I finally mattered to someone. I have no prospects for a SO, only my dad is in my life, and one best friend. But today I mattered to a bunch of strangers.
It's a small victory, but means the world to me. I finally feel noticed and wanted.
Thanks for letting me share this. Remember that you all might matter to someone you'd never expect.
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self.depression
|
What do you do when you need relief? Currently, my mind is racing and I feel like I can't control my brain... you guys all have to know how unpleasant a feeling that is. It drives me crazy, and also makes me feel like my heart is pumping really quickly as well so it's kind of a whole body experience.
What do you normally do when you're faced with this - how do you get relief?
Normally I'd have a cigarette or a maybe a drink, but I don't have access to either right now, so I kind of just have to sit here wishing I could blow my brains out.
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self.bipolar
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I doubt I'll ever make anything of myself. I'm still in high school (Sophomore). I enjoy school a lot, but my grades are abysmal. I have mostly 80-90's, but in Geometry, I had, like, a 50 or 60 something (last semester). I got daily homework (textbook busywork, 40+ questions) which I almost never did. I would never pay attention in that class because I couldn't care for half of the information. I passed one Geometry test that whole semester. I got the lowest grade I've ever gotten in my life (a 19) on a Geometry quiz. And I've been wanting to fix myself for so long, but every time I get to that moment of thinking, "Alright, let's do some homework!", I give up and go do other things. Geometry isn't my only problem class, but it's the majority of what's been putting me down. I have a bad work ethic in most of my other classes (I still do my work and I try my best, but half of the time I procrastinate). I still don't even know my future career choice. I have a passion for writing but I'm extremely bad at it, plus I doubt I'd be a successful author, so that's out of the question. Engineering is something I'd be interested in, but I'm bad at math and science (I love my Engineering class in school, though). I used to be in Choir but last year my Choir director did something I dislike, so I skipped off taking it this year (I took it two years in middle school). I thoroughly enjoyed Choir and would love to rejoin, but I'm fearful that the policy my Choir director put in place last year is still present this year. I have no other extracurriculars, and I'm not in any clubs. I haven't volunteered outside of school, unless assisting with my dads business counts, but it's really small so I don't know if it has any weight. I only know one teacher who might write me a good, personalized letter of recommendation, but that was Freshman year so I don't know how much it matters. I got 1460 on my PSAT score, scoring worst in the math section. English is my best subject. I'm super afraid to speak out and don't take the initiative very often, so I don't know if I ever will volunteer. I don't know what I'm going to do when applying to colleges. This has all been weighing down on me for months now and no matter how much I try to motivate myself, I keep finding excuses to put everything aside. I don't come from a poor family background either, so that's no excuse for my behavior. I've been raised in a high middle-class family, and all they do is support me (they don't know what I'm doing to myself).
Tl;dr: I'm a very bad, timid student with a horrible worth ethic. I don't know what I want to do in life. I'm scared out of my mind for my future and I don't know how I can fix all the damage I've done.
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self.offmychest
|
lost cause I feel so worthless . And it hurts . I can go from the happiest person in the world and within mere hours I'm back at rock bottom contemplating my death, like it's some escape from reality killing myself off is my bliss. If only I could go threw with it but I don't want to hurt the people who think they care about me .
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self.depression
|
At work and just want to end it all slightly nsfw. So I have no motivation today. Just want to and everything.I have no friends all I would like to do is make people enjoy being with me. I had to work late because of snow and ended up masturbating at work for some strange reason. It made me feel slightly better. If I get through tonight I know that tomorrow my boss will come out and ask me what I got done and I will not have a response.
I just wish I got paid early I keep messing up my budget I really don’t understand why I can’t keep to it. Now I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to get to work and back for a whole week. My dad gave me money to eat on for the next five days and I wasted it all on mochas and cigarettes. It’s like I get a little bit of money and just go crazy with it. It never seems to last. I just think it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here. I really wish that somebody else who’s working today then maybe I’ll have are you good reason to get to work. I just want to go home and hide under the blankets reading. I’m sorry if this post seems a bit all over the place. But that’s just my current state of mind. I would just like someone to understand. Sorry for the NSFW content I know what I did was wrong it just helps I think I’m becoming hyper sexual to stave off the depression.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is there no place where I can be comforted on my way out, let alone any way out that is comfortable? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel so broken and done TW TW: suicidal thoughts I'm stuck and scared guys. You know that first question they always ask you, any thoughts of hurting yourself or others? well I always answer no with the addendum of "thoughts, however I would never want my family to find me like that or deal with the pain."
But recently the thoughts are getting worse, my mind won't stop racing, heart pounding, I'm crying one minute then angry, I'm getting little to no sleep, my paranoia of being watched by my neighbor and others is getting worse (ya, stupid I know can't help it). My psych doc I saw just last week and told him I'm really really struggling and don't think the meds have been working I'm so depressed and anxious and I've been waiting for them to "kick in fully" for almost six months.
He did not address my anxiety, I brought up my meds not working three goddamn times and finally he said let's wait another month and see if it gets better. I can't wait another month, I'm in pain so bad mentally and physically. I'm tired of this, I cut my hair super short again so I would stop pulling it now but now my skin picking has doubled and that gives me anxiety about getting help because I'm worried they will think I'm on drugs cause the picking.
I went to a inpatient facility in July last year and it didn't help at all I have been so scared of them doing nothing while I sit in a strange place for another ten days not getting better. Last time the psych doc took me off my anxiety meds as soon as I got checked in because he didn't like them and despite many freak out the clinic left me to cry hidden in the corner of my room for hours multiple days.
Psych doc kept trying to put me back on seroquel even though I told him it makes me freak out he wanted me to try it anyways I did it did nothing but make me panic cry and my heart felt like it would burst (my BPM was 168 thought I was dying). I want to go hide for the rest of my life I want this misery to end. But I'm kinda stuck right now and it's making me panic more out of indecision.
My mother is very ill, can't walk well and I help her, my brother is also mentally sick and I keep him together when he gets nuts. My mom is struggling right now, goes to court regarding disability soon so she's nuts and we were talking and I'm saying it's getting very hard for me daily to even live.
She said she knows and is very sorry and shed suggest more but she's crazy right now and can't deal with the added stress and I told her OK. But I don't know if I can. I'm so tired of fixing everything else besides myself, I feel guilty about needing help, feeling suicidal, feel like a failure. I want help but I'm scared they won't do anything or flat out ignore me again. I'm very scared and unstable but I feel so fucking guilty if I leave to get help because my family needs me to take care of things they are like little children if I am not around (I am in my mid 20s now) they can't do shit it seems.
Sorry I'm frustrated and rambling but at my wits end and could really use some advice. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else invalidate their own feelings when they read or hear others' stories of depression? Every time I'm fine for a day or 3, I tell myself it's not real. I've never had suicidal thoughts. Never committed self harm. Still do hobbies and productive pastimes. So it can't be real. But it is. I don't study because of depression. But that's not a reason. That's an excuse. That's all I do. Make excuses. What's the point in fighting when hiding is easier? Not being a fuckup. Right. I should study. Fuck, who gives a shit? Future me. Right. Fuck him. I'm not mentally ill, I'm just a fuckwit with no discipline. Oh right. I do have mental health problems. But those aren't reasons.
They're excuses.
What am I doing?
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self.depression
|
I feel extremely numb! I would like to chat with someone. Hi there, if you would like to talk with me then send me a message. I feel very numb right now so I really want to talk. We could talk about anything.
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self.depression
|
I'm not going to jail!! On September 28th I discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me. I loved him so much and he claimed to love me. He got violent with me once in the past but it wasn't too bad (yeah I'm an idiot) so I stayed with him but said if it ever happened again there were no more chances.
That day he did something to make me more suspicious than I already was, I questioned him and he offered for me to look at his phone. I'm huge on personal space, privacy, and trust so I'm assuming he thought I would refuse like I usually would, but this time I didn't.
I confirmed what I thought. When I first got the phone from him he had a deer in the headlights look on his face. Once I saw what he had been telling the other woman (I read one sentence, that was enough) I became very angry and threw his phone and told him we were done. His face turned to pure rage. He attacked me before I even had a chance to realize what was going on.
Long story short I ended up calling the police a couple days later because him and his family weren't allowing me to get help to move out and I was essentially locked in our shared home.
Him and his mother lied to the police and we both got charged. The cop I had was a total asshole. Wouldn't even let me have privacy when I had to drop my pants to show how bad the bruising was and they could take pictures.
It was one of the worst times of my life. I had never been in trouble with the police, I was in pain, scared, heartbroken, sad, angry, and my children and I were now homeless.
I managed to find a place and scrapped together enough money to pay rent. I have finally gotten a majority of my things back.
This week I had my first court appearance and it lasted less than 30 seconds. My charges had already been dropped, they knew they screwed up. I understand he said, she said, but I was fairly severely injured and they arrested me because I had pulled his hair when grabbing for my phone when he took it from me.
I didn't want my relationship to end like that but I'm glad it's over. I miss him, but it's not enough to even think of ever going back.
I am feeling a little guilty now and I know it's stupid. I found out he has been convicted four times for assault, this is his forth charge and will probably be convicted again due to evidence. I knew he'd been to jail when he was younger but I thought it was for other things and that he'd turned his life around.
He is almost guaranteed to be going to jail again and will probably loose his job and his home.
I know I shouldn't feel bad but I do.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm depressed and fucking up my life because of it. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
r/suicideassistance Apologize if this post offends some people but I seriously would appreciate somewhere where I could find serious suicide encouragement, but I guess if I really, really wanted to do it I wouldn't need encouragement, I wouldn't be writing this stupid fucking post and would just go do it
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self.depression
|
Anyone else feel like mania never Negatively effects their lives? I don't seem to do the spending sprees, bad sexual decisions, giving things away.. any of those stereotypical things.
Am I lucky or is this common?
|
self.bipolar
|
One Silver Lining to My Depression It seems to have cured my need to watch porn. I look at it now and I think “why am I bothering to watch this? I’ve never been attractive and I’ve never had anyone attracted to me and I’ve never had good sex and I never will. So why should I torture myself watching others have a good time?”
I’ve been watching porn for 35 years and have tried many times to quit. Seems like my depression and deep, deep loneliness have finally cured me. Yay.
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self.depression
|
How should I spend my day I've been sick twice it's 9:45am? I'm currently in bed watching YouTube on my TV
I'm can't keep food down. I've had cereal then thrown up and just had toast and then that up too. I'm drinking orange juice now. This sucks. I'm hope it's a sick bug and not my anxiety.
I was sick once yesterday.
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self.Anxiety
|
The commune in the mountains Would it help anyone if I started a camping community for donations and like $25 a month? I would supply tent sleeping bag and clothing and we would eat rice and beans and drink water or tea and smoke pot of coffee and carpool to town.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Not Sleeping Enough & Anxiety How bad does Anxiety get when someone hasn't been getting enough sleep?
For the last several years, I have not gotten a consistent 7+ hours of sleep. I've always been fine with 5 hours, sometimes 4, and I'm wondering now if that's something to look into. Can getting enough rest help? I know it sounds stupid to ask...its one of those "DUH!" questions, but I guess I just need some reassurance or something. Thanks.
|
self.Anxiety
|
About my love! Im was depressed af b4 i was met her, now we have love for 3 months, but when she said: "I can easy to break-up with you, im sorry, i know dat bad, but hope try ur best to keep me, im still love u" then that was comeback, shit, im worrying about my mistakes and i cant stop thinking about how to hold this love more, im love her, and i dont want to lost her, she is the only-one who make me love this life Some one help me, i not good for loving some one, what should i do!
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self.depression
|
I'm a stalker. And I fucking hate it.
I can't just "like" someone. I have to figure out EVERYTHING about their lives, their loved ones, where they went to school, who they dated, what their aunt's pet cat is called, the license plate of the car their mother drives, EVERYTHING.
It started when I was in high school. I always liked figures of authority, so I guess high school teachers were the perfect breeding ground for me?? Within a few weeks I had found out everything about each and every mingle "crush" I had, which was only limited to teachers by that point. Their wives, their children, their homes, their numbers, everything. Weird thing is, I never acted out the act of calling their phones or stalking them outside in the bushes. I didn't want to do that, and I don't want to do it now.
It's just so weird? I see one of them driving a car, I instantly spot the license plate and repeat it in my head up until the point I am home and can write it down. I had a LIST. A list with every single one's license plates. That's anothe thing, I made lists for everything. I had a list called "teachers", where in bullet points were the names, a photo (was pretty good at finding photos, not taking though, of every single one), and every detail of info I had on them.
I don't know why I did it! I just don't know. I kept thinking to myself, it will pass once you go to college and grow up. It didn't. I still do that, only with teachers. I've never had a crush on anybody outside of teaching personnel, never had a boyfriend, and likely never will once he finds out what a freak I am.
I guess that's what I wanted to get off my chest. I have no fucking clue what the matter with me is, but all I want is to stop caring about 'what if he reveals the name of his second son today so I can write it down' and just live my life.
|
self.offmychest
|
When will we have real change in the US? This rant is brought to you by just another middle-class "white priveleged male". I have an average education and do not watch the news. I only keep up on major current events that interest me such as gun control, feminism, and other high profile topics that interest me. Please take this rant as another uneducated post without substance. This rant is very far from politically correct. If that offends you, that is my full intent and I invite you to fuck yourself.
My first rant is to the LGTBQ-whatever-the-fuck-else community. First let me get this out there. I like to think I am very open minded when the person has a decent amount of common sense. I have absolutely no issue with the average person of this community but those of you that are hyper-sensitive and are creating issues such as creating more and more genders on the daily and are offended by those that don't agree with your fake bullshit, please take a long look at your life and stop. You are making society stupider for having listened to your bullshit. There are two genders. Male and Female. End of story. kthx
I had to get that out of the way first before I get to the major issue. Complacency. We live in a society where the majority of people are complacent. I have a depressing feeling that when my kids are my age, we will live in a society of zombies worse then we are now.
In a nation founded on equal rights, it doesnt seem very equal when 1% of the populations opinions outweigh the other 99%. Unless you've been living under a rock, the repeal of Net Neutrality is the biggest threat currently but outside of leaving a lot of worthless comments, nothing else is happening. When the vote happens in December, we can all expect it to pass and we will lose Net Neutrality because the opinions of the 99% do not matter. As long as the rich get richer and the 99% remains complacent, nothing will ever change and will just get worse as time goes on.
At what point do we draw the line and agree that we live in a tyrannical nation and are just too complacent in our own lives to do anything about it? This nation was founded by brave people who risked everything for what they believed in. At what point do we fight corrupted corporations and corrupted politicians. At what point will our corporations and government be ran by honest people whom only have the well-being of the United States in mind? And finally, at what point will you decide to wake up and do something about it.
As a side note: Have you ever seen the movie Idiocracy? It's a comedy that seems to becoming real life. Trump isn't far off from President Camacho. Just saying.
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self.offmychest
|
Will i be able to return from the dark side? I resently saw bits from the star wars movies and there was this quote by Yoda:
“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will...”
I think this is somehow true for me, i'm 25, my dad died when i was 4 years old, and i never really took responsibility for myself. I was consumed by self hatred, jealousy, envy and i never got out of it and made terrible mistakes. I know that real life is a bit more complicated than a movie franchise, but somehow i feel like that there is no hope left for me, i destroyed too many oppurtunities to be happy, and know i won't ever be happy again.
Maybe i should focus on letting go, i want to reach a state of maturity where i won't be consumed by pain and fear anymore.
I think this quote is also true for suicide attempts, i never tried it myself, but i imagine that it is a whole other level of pain and despair that results from it. I advice you not to go down this path.
Godspeed my fellow humans.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm so tired of this I am so freakin tired of having this disorder and the cycling and the random mood swings and the hallucinations and all the other stuff that comes with it. I'd been doing so well lately, but the past few days I've been getting kind of sad. Warning: this will be a rant.
Last night I went with my best friend to a game night/kickback thing with her coworkers at one of their houses, and I was having so much fun. They're all teachers and one of them mentioned mental illness and people being off their meds (they were joking about a weird sub they had recently and said she might be off her meds) and it moved to the subject of mentally ill people teaching kids. One of them said no mentally ill person will ever teach her kids.
My best friend cut in and said if they're on meds and stable and everything it doesn't matter, they can lead a completely healthy lifestyle and be perfectly capable of teaching kids. The others all disagreed, my bestie continued to stick up for people with mental illness (she knows about mine, of course, but didn't mention it), and the subject changed. What they said kinda hurt, but whatever.
Then later another one was telling a story about how she got mad at someone and went "psychotic". She told the full story and she definitely had *not* gone psychotic. I don't think she knows what psychotic means. It irritated me. They were all super nice and meant no harm, but I'm tired of these stereotypes.
I'm tired of the stigma and having this stupid illness! When my best friend and I left I started crying and had a full on breakdown, started freaking out because I thought this was be the beginning of another depressive episode and it could last who knows how long and I was scared and wanted to make it stop. She comforted me but she was exhausted and an uber was on the way to take her home, so she left while I was still upset.
I'm not mad about it. She's literally always there when I need her, and she did her best last night. I had to hide how upset I was from my mom when I went inside because I hate getting pity when I'm sad and crying. I don't want this mental illness. I just wanna be normal. That's all I want. I woke up feeling perfectly fine today so my freakout last night over going into depression was for nothing. I'm okay again, just tired. I am so, so fucking tired.
I don't wanna harm myself in any way, but I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't know if I can. I'm tired of medication changes. I'm tired of psychosis. I'm tired of depression, and mania, and night terrors and panic attacks and having to make constant appointments and pop pills every fucking day to try and avoid something I know will inevitably happen again. I'm so tired, I just want it to stop.
|
self.bipolar
|
Relationships: difference between me and a normal person If a normal person breaks up with his girlfriend, he and his ex becomes friends and they still keep in touch with each other once in a while. Between relationships, he hooks up and sleeps with multiple girls and he manages to get another girlfriend in a couple months. The cycle of a normal person continues.
Me: A girl that I dated for a couple months in 2016 loses interest and cut off all contact with me. I am a person that is not worth keeping in touch with. This whole year consists of me going to work in the morning and coming home at night to play(and be bad at) video games, looking at porn, and looking at Facebook to see my friends being happy with their SOs or doing fun things socially.
For the first time ever, I dated somebody off of Tinder. The date went fine, but I already knew she wouldn't be interested in another date. It is me after all(a boring piece of shit) I tried calling her: "hey! I'll call you back!" She never called me back.
It's what the fuck ever....
It is unlikely that I would attempt suicide, but if I were to suffer from a fatal heart attack or get some life threatening illness or injury, I will happily accept it. The sweet release of death.
The desire to self-harm has been lingering in my mind, because the self-hate continues to grow.
|
self.depression
|
Why can't I be happy? I want to be happy but I don't know how I guess. I have a great paying job, two wonderful dogs and a boyfriend who shows me he loves me. So what's there to be unhappy about? How do I find happiness in other things than the ones I've listed? Is there more to life than what I'm living? Am I living to my potential? What's missing from my life? Has anyone been here and know how to overcome the slump? Any tools or tips in finding happiness in everyday life?
|
self.depression
|
I wanna try heroin I wanna try heroin so badly. So I can for once in my life be blissful and if I take to much then I just fall into a deep sleep I never have to wake up from.
|
self.depression
|
can never make the right choices, riddled with guilt my whole life im 19 years old, and I've made a lot of stupid decisions in this life and yes I'm still young and there's a lot more out there but I can't seem to stop these habits of being a compulsive liar, manipulative and a selfish prick. when i was younger i never could love myself and would always lie and make up a lot of shit to make people like me, it's fucking sociopathic and it started at a young age. when i began to understand how bad it was to the point of lying to everyone as well as being found out about it i knew it had to stop and now I don't lie as often, well that's a lie but you know like stupid shit that's big like making up fake back stories about yourself or lying about your age to everyone, etc. I've begun forgiving myself but I've lost so much and hate myself still. I met a girl who I am currently in a relationship now and it has been a high light of my life, I try not to lie to her and have done a good job at that but I've completely broken her trust. my gf was overseas I went out one night to a bar and a couple of her friends were there as well, we all had a lot to drink and I ended up needing a place to crash so I ended up sleeping on the same bed as her friend. nothing went through my mind about how bad it would be to cheat on my gf and I was very lonely and drunk, her friend started to cuddle me and shit and I ended up touching her boobs. she stopped me and thank god she did, i stopped as well, I apologized and that was that. I was going to tell my gf as soon as she got back but she had already been told before I could by a few of her friends as soon as she landed. I fucked up really bad, and what my girlfriend told me what she heard, was that I was touching her friend when she was unconscious all around and kept on doing it when she said no, i'm in complete shock, because nearly having sex with your gf's friend wasn't bad enough, then being labelled as a rapist hurts even more. i'm not trying to justify myself but i still sexual harassed someone and can't live with it. talking to my gf about it just made her heart fucking sink. she is the one person i did not ever want to hurt and meant everything to me. sorry for such a long boring post about my stupid life. point is, i'm a piece of shit, can never make right choices even if i'm trying and i wish i was never conceived. i just want to make the right choices and not treat people like they don't matter or that there is never a consequence for actions. I don't want to kill myself but I just wish I was forgotten and no one knew who I was. I'm a toxic person. my girlfriend is still with me and idk why
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It's been quite a jealous and bitter year for me, from which is contributed to denial and entitlement. It's been a quite jealous and bitter year for me, from which is contributed to denial and entitlement. I struggled to get the grades needed to apply for grad school; I graduated college without family unable to attend; I've watched friends get sweet jobs or accepted into grad school; I've watched friends get engaged and married; I've struggled for months trying to find a job; I'm still living with my parents (at 23); I don't have the money to travel or move out; I grew distant with friends; I became too busy to enjoy holidays and and to do the things I love; and I care way too much about what my family thinks and let their decisions or "constructive" criticism affect me.
Yesterday I realized that I'm being quite pathetic. I've ruined too many days on feeling sorry for myself, and I hate it. I've completely overlook the fact that I have I have a lot of things: a place to live, a car, good health, and finally a job that I love.
It's okay to feel down, just don't let it consume your life. Life may get hard at times, just know it's not forever. There is more to life than feeling entitled and jealous. Everyone goes through struggles, more than you think or know. It's time to find some goodness in this world because I sure as hell and tired of living this way.
Now it's time for me to take my own advice and move past this bitterness.
|
self.offmychest
|
Low Hello,
First time poster. Kinda looking for a place to ramble.
Since I graduated university in July I've been struggling with depression again.
Recently I've been having suicidal thoughts.
I've been going to a therapist and I've been very bad at taking my medication. I've also been incredibly bad at communicating and telling my girlfriend how I'm feeling.
Recently we (girlfriend) were talking about moving into a place together and moving forwards in our lives. We hit a few bumps and then just the other day I tried to get my shit together and talk about finding a place and then just a few hours later I had shut down and wasn't communicating again, which led to my girlfriend yelling at me(understandably) and being pretty pissed off.
Im tired of hurting her and giving her promises I cant keep.
I now have serious anxiety when talking to her and I have no idea what would be best for me anymore.
I dont want to hurt her anymore and I deperatly want to get my life back on track
Not sure what my point was with this. Anyway thanks for reading
|
self.depression
|
Will it ever get better? I feel like I’m always anxious about something. If I don’t have anything I’m worrying about I seem to come up with something. I am worried about the lady who coughed after making my sandwich, I’m worried that I won’t ever get married, I’m worried that a coworker doesn’t really like me, etc etc. Am I doomed to be like this forever? Will my whole life be spent worrying and planning and anticipating? I don’t know how long I can deal with this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Deplin Anyone with a Deplin story to share? Its been about 2.5 weeks for me & its nothing short of a pure ray of sunshine. I just feel calmer, more confident & I'm not looking at the misery in a daily situation. Its not covered by insurance but I've decided to bite the bullet for at-least the next 90 days. I can't take an antidepressant & wonder if this is what success with one feels like. I'm curious to hear about long-term use, side effects, successes or fair attempts-we all put these random little pills into our system, I can't find better feedback than from those in the same situation. Thanks to all.
|
self.bipolar
|
I realized I was ugly a few days ago. I've spent my life thinking I was average and I was ok with that. But after seeing the girls that like my profile on okcupid either they are super confident or I'm really ugly.
It sucks.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel like I'm in prison I'm tired of having to be "human" and do things such as going to school and work. I strongly dislike the fact how we are naturally supposed to be surrounded by people in order to feel "happy" I am working on becoming emotionally numb to the point where I could care less if I have no one to talk to at all or if someone I know dies. I just want all this to end already. It seems as if I'm in a story book and I want the chapters to end already. If this doesn't get any better I believe I'm going to commit suicide soon.
|
self.offmychest
|
Feel like a failure Sorry, I think this is a rant. But this is the one place I feel safe.
I feel like I can't get a single thing right. After almost 5 years I SH again, fucked up and had to get stitches. It felt so good though... Im so ashamed. I told a shitty story that no one bought. Now my GF is sleeping next to me because she's afraid I'll fuck it up more.
I hate myself for doing it, and hate myself even more for liking it.
I dont even understand whats going on. Im not depressed, mind is blurry, I keep fucking up and havent sleep properly in so long. I just want it to stop and have normal problems I dont know how to deal with it...
|
self.bipolar
|
I get really anxious when my boyfriend doesn’t text me back [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm sinking to the bottom and nobody is willing to help [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Friend request Today was the day i grew some balls. I decided to talk too my crush since the beginning of the previous school year. We had a nice talk, laughed a little. When i came home i thought about sending a friend request and try to talk to her via facebook but i didn't want to come over pushy so i didn't. Some moments ago i suddenly had a friend request. I never got one in like months so i'm happy as fuck. She took the next step in keeping in touch with me! Well it turned out it wasn't her but someone else from school i don't even talk to. I'm done haha!
|
self.depression
|
I'm stuck in a hole and can't get out My life has spiraled down to the point where I'm an utter failure and want to die. I spent most of this afternoon sobbing. Right now I've regained my composure.
Basically, I grew up being brainwashed by religion and my parents never taught me that I need to get a job to succeed in life. I am 25 years old and have not worked more than a few months of work in my whole life; and because of this, I can't even get any interviews anymore. Employers see my total lack of experience as a major red flag. I can't get a job, so I don't think I can keep living like this. I'm still living at my parent's place and don't even have my own fucking car. I only have a few hundred dollars saved up.
I wrote a suicide note 1 hour ago. Thinking of going on a bender and drinking some scotch whiskey before hanging myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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