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Got angry with my roommates Was playing a game of 2K with my roommate while another was in the room. Was getting beaten pretty badly and started to get frustrated. Suggested to my roommate that he should be playing with a shittier team because I'm new to the game. He just sort of ignored me and said "I'm playing good". The other roommate made a comment about me losing badly and I just sort of went off on him for constantly being a dick to me. I feel sort of silly for getting angry over a video game its frustrating when I'm constantly treated with a condescending attitude.
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self.depression
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my sexuality is gonna be the end of me [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety about taking anxiety and depression medication... makes me want to die even more My new doc suggested wellbutrin/bupropion and pregabalin/lyrica.
Both have those horrible psych med side effects and both can cause addictions..
Now I read lots of reports of Wellbutrin causing seizures for people who never had seizures. Not just over 450mg, but also at 300mg, at least one even at 150.
I don't care about dying, I don't care about getting hurt, but having a seizure in public sounds like a nightmare becoming reality. People stare at you and might even touch you and there's nothing you can do to get away due to lack of consciousness (if it's a grand mal one). Why do they even sell this? How am I supposed to live with the daily fear of having a possible seizure at any arbitrary time? I'm taking medication that might cause cancer and liver failure, but *visible* side effects like vomiting freak me out a million time more, and that's nothing compared to having a god damn seizure in public or at school. I could never go back to that place. That'd be about the remaining distance I'd need to be done with life.
Ironically one of the reasons why I didn't go through with any attempt is because I was terrified of ambulance and hospitals. I can see blue lights and see people staring at me. I don't want people to look at me. I wish I could be invisible. Fuck.
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self.Anxiety
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I’m losing hope Most of my friends have abandoned me for no reason and I can’t get myself out of bed to do anything, I never been depressed until recently and it’s hit me hard, I don’t go to school half the time, I’m just about done with it all
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self.SuicideWatch
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please tell me if i have a chance at life I have been a heroin addict on and off since 17. I was a prostitute until I met my partner 12 years ago. he says I will never be nothing but a whore. People i meet in life call me an angel i always try to be friendly helpful but inside i dont see a point if my addiction and the fact i was a pro will be with me forever whats the point. I tried oding on prozac not fun hurt like hell and rattled for days afterward. Is my life worth anything i have no formal education but i am an avid reader can figure most things out like helping neighbours when she had a broken leg or today pumping a neighbours flat tyre cos they didnt have a pump. i smile at everyone i meet cos i know it brightens my day when some1 smiles at me. i am dependant on my partner for everything he says he loves me then why do i feel like this the only thing i have ever wanted is to be loved needed. im isolated other than him its lonely
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want home internet but I'm nervous of being judged by the tech when they come to hook up service. OMG I'm so stupid! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Its my birthday The month of December has been awful. i know been christmas and its my birthday today but all i want to do is leave without telling anyone and never come back. I just wish i could be happy.
I feel like dying.
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self.offmychest
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I'm going to end it this week. Paranoid, Cripplingly lonely, and depressed... I can't handle it [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety for whole week? Been dealing with some drama on my job caused by another co-worker who has been targeting me. My boss called a mandatory meeting for both of us a week from today, why so far ahead, I don't know. How can I control my anxiety until then? I have GAD, autism and depression.
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self.Anxiety
|
How depersonalization feels I feel like I lost my connection to reality 2 years ago due to death trauma and since then I’ve just been a shell of Sydney watching the boring movie that is her life and going through the motions of a human being instead of being present and alive. And even though I’m trying my best to be here I’m not. I’m on medication for anxiety, I exercise, I’m doing well in school, I keep up with the real world, I hang out with my best friends and family. But I’m not here. It’s been like this for 2 years. It’s like I’m living in the sunken place from Get Out. It makes me want to kill myself.
I mean haha me too thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Rash while on Lamictal (Posting for my gf)
I am currently on lamotrigine 100mg once a day. I’ve been on it at least 6-7 months, I believe. Yesterday morning I woke up with a small rash on my left arm. Since then it’s gotten worse and is even on my right arm now. I tried going to my therapist office and the medical assistant didn’t really seem like she knew what she was saying. Told me to stop taking lamictal and I scheduled an appointment to see a psych the next morning (today). I couldn’t see the girl I normally see because she is out for a week. The new person I saw didn’t really help me. He said he wasn’t sure if it was caused by lamictal. Didn’t really give me an answer or tell me what to do.
Can anyone give me any advice or tell me if I am just being overly worried? I heard a rash with lamictal is very serious but no one has acted like it is something to be concerned about. I am on hold to schedule an appointment with my primary care physician but I am not sure if they will know what to do or even how to determine if the rash is from lamictal. Also, nothing has changed. No new soaps. No new blankets. No new pets. Nothing. I am posting a link to some photos. You can obviously see the rash progressing. One is from yesterday morning, last night, and right now. One photo for each arm to give you a better idea.
https://imgur.com/a/bumFt
EDIT: Thank you for the replies, everyone. I’m taking her to the ER right now.
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self.bipolar
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Life is ruined I can't even be bothered anymore. Gonna take a walk outside and find a high enough building and jump. I've got a mystery illness that noone can find out what it is. What's the point of living in pain every day with nothing to enjoy. I don't even know why i'm writing this because noone cares and i'm just another cog in the machine of life. If i die it doesn't matter, life goes on. Who cares? Just want eternal sleep to be away from pain. What hurts the most is i had a future planned for myself and I had so many goals and aspirations which are all useless now. I just hope when I jump thats it and i never wake up. Life is truly awful and cruel and twisted. All i've ever done is be a nice person and this is what i get for it.
It's over.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Faking it I'm faking that I'm confident and it's working. Im speaking more clearly, and enunciating (?) more. I used to speak so soft and timid. I can tell by others reactions that I'm acting stronger. Even tho I feel nervous inside no one else knows that. Fake it til you make it does hold some truth
I like it :)
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self.depression
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Someone I know was in a car accident yesterday [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Sometimes I question my sanity, a lot of crazy thoughts pop up in my head. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Comorbid adhd/bipolar - Strattera and bipolar? So I'm both Bipolar 2 and have ADHD inattentive type. I was on Ritalin for a while, and that fucked me up majorly, causing me to have hypomanic and depressive episodes with a couple of days pause. I've recently started Strattera, and my psychiatrist said it should be fine, but she said Ritalin would probably be fine too, so I don't know if I trust her too much. I was just wondering if anyone else have both Bipolar and ADHD and specifically if you've tried Strattera? And what are your experiences with it in that case? I'm otherwise on a high dosage of Quetiapin/Seroquel.
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self.bipolar
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Struggling to get the help I need My partner who I live with has trouble putting up with my depression. I love her and I know it’s hard sometimes for people to understand. Usually when I’ve had all motivation zapped out of me and all I can do I lay in bed and try to keep it all together, she tries to talk me out of it and sometimes it just makes me feel even worse. Then she gets frustrated and I feel alone.
I’ve been on and off seeing therapists for the last 8 years. Was put on meds, which lately don’t seem to be doing anything, and I’ve never really found anybody who seemed very effective for me. The last one I saw did the same thing of trying to talk me out of my feelings— “you’ve got a good job and a partner that loves you, it can’t be that bad!”
I’m worried that this is going to go on forever. I’m not suicidal and I have hope of recovery. It’s just so incredibly exhausting to keep trying and get seemingly nowhere. It really does feel like one step forward, two steps back, over and over again.
I could really use some encouragement and advice.
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self.depression
|
What kind of help do you ask for from friends and partners? How do they respond? My close friends have asked how they can help, and I feel scared to say what I need, because I fear what will happen if I start to depend on them, and they don't come through. I already feel so vulnerable, and I worry that this will make me weaker, and the disappointment will only add to my difficult feelings.
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self.depression
|
I just want to go home But it doesn't exist anymore. My happy home where we loved each other and communicated and trusted each other. My home where we laughed and talked and touched. My home where addiction didn't exist and he didn't hide from me. Where we didn't blame each other. Where we worked on our problems. I just want to be there again and I can never be there again. It's not real. It may never have been real.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My parents think i am and will be a loser. i turned 17 two days ago and things have been tough. Me and my mother just had a fight. She said im going to be a loser and called me a fatass(im very insecure about this, im a guy with a wide ass and i was bullied for a whole year constantly about this many years ago and that insult really hurt me and reminded me about my constant insecurity)
I feel like they are controlling my life. Every single device I own is either monitored or restricted or has no internet connection. I can't play video games at all. My ipad and laptop are restricted to a point where im surprised reddit even opens. My phone has no internet so i can't text my friends ever. When i need internet on my phone my mother turns on hotspot but checks on what im checking.
i got 28/42 on my first report card this year, but i should have gotten 2-3 points more since i switched courses during the term and had a test the day after and i had a project that day too(partner didnt do anything,had to do by myself). since i was late to the course that test was my final grade, which i barely passed.
I am in IB and the difficulty jump was overwhelming for me since my previous program was easier, so i had a rough start. My parents don't believe this and now they mock me and check on me every minute to see if im studying.
I get they want me to get better grades, but this lack of privacy and calling me useless and saying i will end up nowhere is really depressing.
I passed the breaking point today, i just got back from school, i was watching a funny youtube video and was laughing out loud and my mom bursts in and says im useless.
I'm really sad right now and im thinking of cutting myself. I got slapped in the face by that fatass insult because i was bullied harshly and now my own parents have reached a point where they want to make fun of me about it. I feel trapped and i feel like im alone on this planet.
Being called useless even though i'm way above passing and tried going to the gym makes me feel worthless even to my own parents... its like im good enough.
I know this isnt much compared to other people on this subreddit, if im overreacting please tell me. This is going to make my life a misery if this goes on. I was glad that the bullying is long over, but now its back and i don't want this.
(ofcourse im writing this instead of studying, thx mom)
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self.SuicideWatch
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How many times do you have to relive it [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Need to get this out. I feel like my heart constantly is pounding out of my chest, my kids are driving me crazy (they are wonderful it's all me,) and I don't know what to do. My life was on a good track I had a good job, we were gonna start traveling as a family, I was dealing with my mental health issues, I was asserting myself and giving myself bigger goals. Then August hit we had a total loss house fire we lost everything all of our documents, military things, and most especially our pets. Our beardie and our gecko. Things stopped then and I don't know how to get back on track. I miss my lizards but no one cares because it isn't a cat/dog. People say you can get it all back, at least you weren't home, etc. But all I think is if I was home I could've saved them. I keep having dreams of their lungs filling with smoke. A lot of things I can't get back my ornaments, souvenirs from different places, my kids firsts, my favorite band ts, my sons trophies, my daughters blankie, my company shirts, my dad's belt that his deceased father made him when he was a kid. I need to mourn and I don't know how. I somehow picked myself up and got us into a new house, getting new necessities, things were starting to smooth then on Nov 17 I was abruptly fired from my job I was at 3 years and 8 months. So I was already dreading the holidays but this just felt like I was stabbed. (Things will be OK thanks to some awesome redditors.) I have an open claim with the VA but we all know how slow they are. I needed to tell all of this to someone because I don't know what to do anymore, I need to mourn I can't, I should cry but I haven't yet, I don't know what to do instead of feeling like a strong independent women I feel like a deflated balloon. I'm not me, and I know I need help but don't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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Will I ever be creative again? Can you ever be creative again? Hi, this is my first post on the sub - I just need to get this out, I feel so lonely at night and I just sit and think too much.
I have always been into art - musically, painting, writing, whatever - throughout my life it's always been a constant current of hope and my only true friend. I have been depressed for some time, after being hospitalised for an ED, coming out and then having a good time through to another break down just after I turned 18, I was creative and full of ideas (which kind of makes me laugh at this point, I took it for granted). I have synesthesia which means I can see music as colours and patterns, and feel the music as textures, it's my favourite thing I have about myself and it makes me feel alive. Whenever depression comes back to me it all disappears, gone.
And now it's gone, I'm 20 this year with no clue of what I have anymore, music is the one thing that allows me to express how I feel, I just feel everything in music so deeply, and then as soon as I return to the world I disconnect and it's like i'm being wrapped in a great big blanket of black cotton wool and it just blocks out everything.
Sorry this is really long, I'm really sorry.
I want to do something creative, it's all i have. I am terrible at anything else and it's something I have a yearning for, the thought of not making a career in art or music makes my chest hurt. How can I possibly be creative again? My mind is blank of ideas and void of original melodies.
My plan was always to work a while on my skills while earning a stable stream of money from a part time job, but I'm still yet to find any for around two years - the ultimate fucking kicker, it really makes me feel like a failure. I was going to use the money to buy equipment and set myself up for uni, it was a good plan.
I don't really know what I'm asking for, I think it's a plea to my subconscious - give me my fucking brain back and let me live, I just really want to be myself again, I want to sit and have the attention span to fucking learn something, just to be able to get out of bed with some form of energy would be an achievement.
Sorry this is so long, but if anyone did read this, thank you so much, I hope you find a way to overcome whatever you may be facing, please never give up.
Also, I spend £30 a week to sit for an hour with my therapist just to lie to her and myself that everything's great - what the fuck is up with that?
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self.depression
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It gets so bad i cant go to school. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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anger has congealed into it's final form These days, I'm on a mission to rise out of the ashes of what I've done to my life. I'm reading and sharing constantly, trying to learn from other people. Recently, I read a site that described bitterness as an aged form of anger that has "congealed" into it's final form...so to say. Disgusting, poisonous, and for myself, so easy to deny. My boyfriend said recently "You fit in so well with teenagers because you share the common ground of bitterness." ---This is obviously NOT what I need to be doing. I'm almost 30.
I know that the root of all of my problems is fear.
My thought behavior always sits on the "caring" spectrum way to the right, pointing directly at obsessive.
I think that i've made progress today. I'm not merely a bitter person, or simply an angry person. I'm a person who has chosen to let her mind be obsessive, and when things in my life fall out of perfect alignment (my plans get changed), there is anger (and therefor eventual bitterness) at every turn.
If I imagine my mind as a giant garden, I wouldn't want to say that every row of corn would need to be 110% perfectly weeded, because that would kill my back and drive me crazy. I have to keep room in my mental garden for things to get muddy, new and different plants to grow, flowers to bloom, and accepting of new ideas.
There is actually a lot going on in this new mental garden that I am trying to create for myself. I really hope it helps me start anew.
Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Always wakinf up at 3-5am and then going to sleep again Always waking up around that time, thinking about wtf I am doing with my life and falling asleep again
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self.depression
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Not considering suicide, but I have more and more thoughts about it. Hey everyone, just wanted to talk about some of the thoughts I've been having lately, as a result of an increasing sense of isolation.
I'll start by saying, I am not considering actually going through with suicide. I just needed to get that out of the way first, just to reassure people.
The thoughts that I've been having lately are less about the actual process of suicide, and more about how people would react if I actually did it. I know my immediate family would be shocked. I don't feel particularly close to them, but I know they care about me. I reckon they'd struggle to cope.
What bothers me though is the thought that outside of my family, there really wouldn't be more than a couple of people that would care. Like, I know plenty of people that would be surprised at the news, and they'd feel sad about it. But they'd move on very quickly. I only really know 1 person outside of my immediate family who could possibly feel a lasting impact from my death. I feel kinda shit about that really. I've had so little impact on anyone else's life, that I'd be forgotten by pretty much everyone. I get the feeling the only reason it'd be different for my family is because they raised me, grew up with me and all of that. Because I really haven't done anything to have a positive impact on their lives either.
One final aspect that comes into these thoughts is that one of my brothers is a bit of a local celebrity. So my death would probably make it into the news, he'd have to deal with media attention surrounding it, and he'd probably get the chance to endorse a suicide prevention charity. In a way it could be a net positive, bringing suicide to the attention of the public and potentially getting more people talking about mental health. I'd be interested to see how the media would present me as well. My brother has always had a very positive and well maintained media image, so the contrast between the two of us would create quite the story.
Anyways, I just wanted to get that off my chest. These types of thoughts have been becoming more and more frequent lately, so I guess I just wanted to get that out there. If anyone has advice on how to best deal with these thoughts, I'd really appreciate it. It's a bit hard to focus on moving forward when the idea that nobody would care if you killed yourself sticks in your head. Thanks.
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self.depression
|
Bipolar and sickness absence from work. So I'm currently off work after being sent home twice last week after having one dissociative episode and one panic attack. The line manager that sent me home was really supportive and told me not to worry about my sickness record and just to get better. Today though I have called in sick and my other line manager is the one who answered. She wasn't unpleasant but she gave me very short answers and I felt as though she disapproved. I do know that I can over think things and get a little paranoid but I'm concerned about her seeing me as unreliable. It doesn't help that I had to take time off last month for the flu so my sickness record isn't the best.
How have you coped with work and absence due to sickness? Is it best to just go back to work and try to tough it out or shoukd I wait until I am better?
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self.bipolar
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Everyday I think about killing my self, but I haven’t because my two sisters would be devastated. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thank you to everyone on this sub. I just wanted to thank everyone on this sub who share their story, comments and just hangs around. Whenever I'm in deep depression or even on the verge of disassociation coming on this sub and reading stories and comments really helps me. Cliche line, but it really helps me feel like I'm not alone in this fight. I've always lurked on this sub but only yesterday I realised how grateful I am for it. It's obviously sad to know that so many of us are struggling with depression, but I'm glad I don't have to feel alone in this struggle.
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self.depression
|
I'm losing my grip and I have no where to turn anymore. I've lurked around here for a while now and this would be my second post at this point. Forgive me for ranting but I have to find some way to let this all out. My friends don't understand me when I speak to them about my depression and see me as just crazy. I've mentioned it to my family in the past and due to mental health issues on both my mother and fathers side they want to institutionalize me which I dread more than my depression. I'm crumbling away and I've lost everything I've loved so quickly in the span of a year. I've been depressed for half my life but I've always been able to maintain hope because despite my diagnosis, life wasn't all so bad for a while there. Since I've broken up with my girlfriend of 3 years a year ago I've been on a rapid downward spiral. Recently I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years who reciprocated my feelings but we had an argument and now she refuses to speak to me no matter what I say or do. It was also just revealed to me by father that my estranged brother who is transsexual and has always felt isolated because has HIV but every time
I try to speak with her she won't answer me despite the fact that I was one of few in the family that was there for her. I've been struggling with drugs and alcohol and I'm going to start drinking again. I have to. I fear calling the suicide hotline because I know that they'll the police come and force me into a psyche ward in my current state. I don't think I can go on like this for much longer
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self.depression
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Screw New Years/Holidays I'm a 29 year old man live alone, no friends anymore, no girlfriend just isolated and alone everyday. I use to be fine with it because I was completely numb and didn't care about anything at all, now I'm no longer numb because I've stopped bad habits/addiction that made me extremely numb, so now I just feel completely alone/lonely and like the world is passing me by especially on holidays like this. Everyone will either spend new years with friends or with a Significant Other or going out or something better than me sitting alone inside my apartment isolated like it's just any other miserable day. I guess I'm reaping what I've sown from years of isolation and being numb from my bad habits/addiction, but still hurts. Anyone else hate holidays as much as I do??? Also it's funny in a pathetic way I use to get black out drunk so I could feel something anything when I was totally numb, now I can feel again and all I want to do is get black out drunk so I can be numb and get rid of the loneliness and psychological pain, life is a bitch.
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self.depression
|
Have you ever reached out to someone, only to have them tell you they suffer too and just become overwhelmed? tl;dr after the jump. Please share your own stories even if you don't want to read mine, I'm curious.
I don't tell a lot of people that I have professional or even friendly relationships with about my severe depression and anxiety. I don't pretend like I don't have it, I just know that not everyone is so understanding.
I've gotten mixed results with the few people in my life I have told. Of course, my therapists, doctors, and even dentist know. I am very lucky amd privileged to have those people to talk to.
My parents know, though we don't talk about it and I still can't bring myself to just say, "I'm having an anxiety attack" or "I'm too sad to do that right now," I always just say I'm not feeling well.
I've probably told all of my best friends in the last five years, but unfortunately two of three of those so-called best friends are no longer in my life for reasons I've never been told. I think it may be a side effect of depression and anxiety, pushing away the people you love without realizing you're doing it. The third best friend is still in my life and is very supportive, but also travels internationally frequently so I can't always talk to him.
Then I have a close-ish friendship with a former coworker. He's a few years younger than me, had a very difficult childhood and an equally difficult adult life as a result. The job we were working together was food service, and we would close together a lot. I'd give him a ride home since we lived nearby each other and I wanted to help him out.
He would throw tantrums at work when things didn't go his way. He was always really good about owning up to his emotional overreactions, but would look completely drained and sick after, like all he wanted to do was lay down. I thought it seemed vaguely familiar, though I don't often have meltdowns and never near the public. I decided to reach out to him because we were pretty close at work and I wanted someone to talk to. My mistake.
I was totally right, at least he told me that he suffers from anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, he has the most bare bones healthcare, no knowledge of how to navigate the system, so hasn't been to a doctor or therapist since he left high school years ago. What I didn't realize was that what I saw as an opportunity for a close friendship, he saw as an opportunity for much more.
I should probably point out for the curious that I am a female, and he was 20 at the time (21, now).
I had teenage coworkers and young-at-heart managers coming up to me telling me that they knew a secret. Coworker liked me. To make a long story slightly shorter, i not only wasn't attracted to him like that but was actively seeing someone. So I told coworker the latter to try and be kind. He was not happy, but eventually we continued hanging out after work.
The real problem is that he constantly texts and calls me asking for advice. I give him advice a lot, but sometimes when he texts me, I'm in a depressive state already and ignore it to wallow in my bed and sleep for 12 hours. Sometimes his requests for advice make me more depressed. Like the pain of the world is so overwhelming and I can't help everyone or maybe even anyone.
I don't want to just tell him those things because I'm scared of how he'll take it, knowing that he's often not in his right mind.
Truth be told, I think my quest for a friend that understands me was completely misguided.
When I was his age I had a boyfriend that I very much wanted to marry. I was diagnosed with my mental health problems when I was 13, so i was pretty used to my ups and downs by then. I was comfortable enough with my boyfriend that I told him about it, he was very supportive. However, he was also a lifelong conservative Christian (I, on the other hand, am a lifelong liberal atheist) and he asked me to start praying to see if that would work. Since I'd, you know, never tried that before. Well I did, and I was still sad and scared. Eventually he revealed to me that he'd been depressed and anxious for years but hadn't told anyone because his church didn't believe Christians could get depressed. This really twisted our relationship. We were long distance but saw each other when I long breaks at school. He started sending me multi-paragraph texts while I was in class that would start out with well-wishes and then turn into him voicing his worries to me, then begging me to never leave him, then going through my Facebook pictures and leaving new, slightly creepy, comments on pictures going back to my sophomore year of high school. This would all be before I could even check my phone (I was quite studious, back in the day).
Eventually I broke things off with him because he started threatening suicide if I ever left him... Oh, and sometime before me cutting off contact and him threatening me, he called to tell me that he no longer loved me but still wanted to stay together. Dude had been the love of my life for YEARS before we even got together. Him telling me that really sunk me lower than I thought I could go. The threats against his own life confused and angered me, I couldn't handle the pressure so I told him that I hoped he stayed safe but I couldn't be the one to ensure that any more.
_________________________________________________
Tl;dr: I became friends with a guy solely because he also seemed depressed and anxious. Thought we could talk to each other about our feelings and shit, but then he wanted to date me, things got weird and then little less weird and now he calls and texts me to tell me when he's feeling like shit. And then I ended on an anecdote of how I experienced something similar a few years ago with an ex-boyfriend. Neat.
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self.Anxiety
|
I get anxiety that makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up when I eat. How do I fix this? Every time that I get close to a relationship, I start to get extreme anxiety that seems to only affect me when I’m about to eat. Because of this, I feel sick when I eat and then I feel sick from not eating.
I also have stomach issues such as gas and diarrhea.
Like I said, this seems to only happen as I get into a relationship. The first time I started experiencing anxiety was about 8 months ago.
I’m talking to this girl now that I’m really interested in and I have no doubt that she’ll say yes to dating. I don’t think the anxiety stems from asking her out but rather the thought of her at all.
Maybe I feel like I’m not good enough?
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self.Anxiety
|
CBT? BP1. First appt with therapist was last week. She gave me HW for when I’m feeling down/off. Think of 5 things I see, 4 I can touch, 3 hear, 2 smell, and 1 taste. Does it work for y’all? I’ve tried a few times and my “off” brain killed it immediately-“this is dumb; is always gonna be the same things.” It seems to me I’d have to be rational to really do that and when I’m “off” I’m not rational (ie-had to leave the room to go cry in the shower during Thor Ragnarok the other day bc the Hulk reminded me of myself and I couldn’t make it stop).
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self.bipolar
|
I feel hopeless and pathetic My ex has moved on and I wanted to potentially get back together with her. I feel like I'm just a waste of time and not worth anything to anyone. She clearly doesn't care about me and no one else really cares about me. My parents are trying to help but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve happiness or someone to care about me. I just want to leave everything behind and say goodbye to those that have tried so hard to make me feel like I mattered. I don't matter to anyone. I just want this pain to end. Nothing in my life has meaning anymore. I've posted on here multiple times and no one here really even seems to care. No one has ever cared about me. I've been told to kill myself by multiple different love interests and now I'm starting to think they're right. I feel so hopeless, pathetic, hurt, and the fact that I won't find someone. I am just a ghost.
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self.SuicideWatch
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DAE feel so much anxiety in their chest? Almost like something is sitting on you and it makes it feel like it’s effort to breath even though you know you should be doing it easily?
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self.Anxiety
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Tired because Depressed vs Depressed because Tired How do you know what's causing what? I'm 22 and haven't woken up feeling refreshed since I was a child. My sleep is broken but even if I do somehow seem to sleep soundly, I still wake up groggy and don't feel like doing anything. Bad sleep can cause depression, but depression also keeps me up at night....
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self.depression
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i wish people saw me as something more than "cute". [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Hypomania??? Im newly diagnosed so idk how to tell Ive been taking my sleeping meds correctly but last night i only got 5 hours of sleep and woke up refreshed and energized. I feel vary motivated to do things that arent a priority. Last night i had an intrusive thought that was borderline conspiratory that my SO was plotting to break up with me on my short trip to 7/11. I was easily able to push the thought away as “crazy” but thats how my delusions usually start. And I’m very obsessed with starting my new diet today. My SO wanted a day for us just to relax but i couldn’t relax the whole time because i was planning out the rest of the work we had to get done this week in my head. The weird part is, ive been taking my seroquel and trazadone as prescribed but i haven’t been taking my zoloft or welbutrin so if i was expecting any episode i would predict a depressed one.
I have still been abusing drugs which i know is probably a factor, i also just moved in with my SO, and its my first time living with a SO and relationships are already a huge mania trigger for me. And i got in a car accident a couple days ago and hit my head. Idk i dont feel “manic” persay, but im definitely not suicidal right now like i was literally a week ago!
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self.bipolar
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I have a lot I want to talk about. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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You've heard it a million times before, but I'm not okay There are so many things wrong I don't even know if I can list them all. I hate myself. I hate my shitty excuse for a life. I hate being lonely. I don't understand why everyone seems to hate me, I've always tried to be a good and kind person. A selfless one, even. But despite that, every close friend I've had has abandoned me and everyone I meet despises me. I've been alone for so long, trying to put myself back together. But every time I think its getting better, I'll listen to an old song, or smell something from my past and realize it's been months since I felt alive. That the only reason things feel better now is that I'm getting used to feeling empty. I'm sitting here typing this now at 12:30 in the morning, and I don't know if I'll be able to get out of bed when I wake up. Part of me wishes that I never wake up at all.
I've been trying so hard for so long. And now I'm just so very tired.
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self.offmychest
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I want to be better, but what's it all for? [deleted]
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self.depression
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A Letter to Me The following is a letter I have written to myself to help me battle intense depression. I write this and add to it when I'm coming from a much better place. If there is one positive thing that has come from this illness it is that the wild variance in mood has helped me gain perspective.
Dear _______,
Here you are again. You've been dragged kicking and screaming into the darkness, the abyss, the place where there is only one way out. You barely eat, lie in bed all day but hardly sleep. Ordinary tasks have become insurmountable. Even your bed to which you have been bound is no safe haven. Ideation and contemplation have reared their ugly heads.
Clear your mind of these terrible thoughts for now. Remember that you have been here before. Don't forget what you have learned. Depression is not your enemy! You are mistaken. This immense weight you carry with you, though debilitating now, is a blessing in disguise. It is a badge of honor, a shield that covers you from head to toe. Take comfort in the fact that you can persevere and survive this as you have done before. And when you leave this place, don't forget to take the shield with you. With it you will find peace in knowing that you withstand anything, because you have been to the worst place imaginable... and survived to write this.
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self.bipolar
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I posted 6 months ago about being anxious getting into nursing again [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Im stuck in a shit mind set. Help me. My name is Jake and i am an 18 year old uni student in England.
I dont know what to do anymore. What seems to be the only thing getting my through the days are my Girlfriend. Apart from that im basically alone on this topic. I get into these mind sets that make my head spin and feel like giving up and i dont know what to do anymore. I end up not being able to sleep, feel like just going on walks and lying on the floor and just staying there.
Im just stuck in this mind set and feel like there is no way out. Just some advice on what i can do to get out of this would be helpful. I dont want to go to a doctors at the moment because i dont want my family getting involved in this... Just some help, please.
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self.depression
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Depakote experiences? I have always tried to take a very conservative approach with medications and then be active in therapy and using coping mechanisms and such. That has been going well up until about 2 years ago and things just started going downhill. I was taking lamotrigine and I agreed to add citalopram to it, which seemed to help some but only for a little while. I moved and got a new doc and she added buproprion as well. That hasn't helped at all.
For a few years now docs have kept suggesting I go on lithium because while I managed well with therapy and all that I still struggled. But I didn't want to take a ton of meds if I could avoid it. I officially can't avoid it anymore, things have gotten really bad.
So this new doc decided she wanted to try depakote. I was surprised because lithium is what has always been suggested, but she wanted me to take depakote to see if it would help some with the racing thoughts that have prevented me from sleeping and concentrating for weeks now.
Depakote scares me. I just imagine all these terrible side effects and feel like they are inevitable. I have been tapering down on the lamotrigine and start the depakote on Tuesday. What have people's experiences been? I have been experiencing significant anxiety since we decided on this treatment plan.
Also, I would normally tell someone saying the things I'm saying to consider seeing a different doc if they aren't comfortable. However the thing is that this is just one in a string of docs who have wanted me to try lithium or depakote. I'm uncomfortable with just the idea of taking them (probably ireationally), it's not really about the doc in this situation.
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self.bipolar
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FUCK APPLE. FUCK APPLE. FUCK 2017 13 INCH MBP. PIECE O' SHIT CAN'T EVEN RUN ROCKET LEAGUE PROPERLY. EVERYONE AT APPLE DESRVE TO GET FUCKED IN THEIR ASSES BY RABIED PIGS... IF PIGS CAN HAVE RABIES.
MADARCHOD SAALE BEHN KE LAUDE UNKI MAA KA BHOSDA (TRANSLATE FROM HINDI IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS)
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self.offmychest
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Just a little note This has been on my mind for a while, perhaps ever since I entered university, and perhaps even before that I already started to get this sort of feeling. I don’t feel like I can trust people here. I don’t know anything about my supposedly closest friend John. I just don’t see it. Everyone I meet here are snakes, literally. I don’t know what they are thinking on the inside. They act all nice and cheery on the outside, but inside are thinking of ways to manipulate and emotionally twist your insides to their favor. I don’t know if there are any genuine friends in this world. After cutting off connection to the outside world, I perhaps only stay in contact with realistically 4 friends max. I never really feel any deeper emotional connection to the people around me, but even so, that may be a good thing. These 4 friends in regular contact with me perhaps just mean so much more to me than they used to be. Even friends that I thought were close were in fact not really that close. They simply were around.
Get used to this feeling, and perhaps don’t see this as a bad thing, as you have, in these couple months found and picked out your lifelong friends that will be around you for a lifetime, and this perhaps is more precious than the fleeting glances of passerbyers that leave you quicker than the wind.
It’s important for you to understand that you have people who genuinely care and want to help you around you, and these true people are rare. So cherish them more. Enjoy them for who they really are.
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self.offmychest
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Today I went out for 30 minutes and I am depressed again. I haven't gone out over 3 years mainly cause I don't have any friends to go out,I spend most of the time on the bed with the laptop watching things on the internet and at night i go to school,which has put a lot of pressure on me too,so basically i have a zero social life,today I had to go out cause tomorrow my father has to go to a party and he needed to buy a gift,I didn't like to go out but i since i had to I went out and saw all the people on the streets,many of them were couples around my age and others were with tons of friends,which ignited the sad feelings of me and now I am home and I can't stop thinking about how miserable my life is.I don't know what to do in the end i feel like that
1.I am wasting my life with things I don't wanna do
2.I am sad cause I don't have friends
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self.depression
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best friend of 15 years randomly cut me out of their life I don't really know where to begin. There are a lot of days where I'm okay with this happening to me and then there are days (like today) when I'm not.
We met at age 14. I'm now 29 (she's also 29). We have always been each others strongest support, through thick and thin. We became apart of each others family. I considered her as a sister and vice versa.
Our friendship started dissolving a little over a year ago, after she broke up with her long term boyfriend. She immediately started dating one of the people she was cheating on her boyfriend with. Her new boyfriend is an alcoholic and has been for a very long time with no aspirations to change (8 years?). Post breakup, she immediately started to drink heavily and constantly; you know, the "post breakup party-girl phase". I didn't care about this change in her life and nor did I judge her (I think it can be necessary and healing). I also figured it was going to be temporary. I started seeing her less and less because I don't really enjoy the partying scene. She started making a bunch of new friends, which I loved because I knew how much she thrived on forming friendships with others.
Fast forward about 5 months after her long term relationship ends. She is still dating the alcoholic and she is going out and drinking almost every single night of the week. Our communication has gone from talking and texting everyday, to maybe once or twice every couple of weeks. I haven't seen her in almost 5 months because she's "always busy", despite coming across her constantly partying on social media and only having a part time job. I try to not think anything of how she is acting because I know she's in a weird time in her life and she's adjusting. Eventually, I see her for a few hours one night and things seem right where they left off. We make future plans to have matching costumes for Halloween and she acts super excited. As Halloween approaches, she starts acting flakier and flakier about getting together to put the costumers together. Halloween comes and she completely blows me off. Later in the night, I see her on Instagram have matching costumes with her new friends. I feel like a heartbroken loser. She definitely bailed on me for "better plans".
A few days after Halloween she then reaches out to me and says that she's sad that she didn't see me at her sisters halloween party. I know that she only reached out to me because she wanted to make sure I wasn't mad at her. I know that she is playing dumb. I tell her that it was a shitty thing for her to blow me off and she says that she doesn't remember us making plans. I let it blow over because I'm not looking to get myself ramped up over a text fight.
After the Halloween situation, I start getting more and more irritated by her excuses, but don't really say anything because I figured it was subconsciously my jealousy talking. Around this time, a mutual friend of ours says that he's worried about her because of her increased drinking and because she's been treating him the same way (distant and flaky). He tells me she blew him off one night and then tried covering it up and pretended like nothing had happened. Selfishly, I feel affirmed and almost relieved to know I'm not the only one being treated this way and that I'm not crazy.
After sitting on my feelings for a few days, I confront her (via text) about how I feel and about how she's essentially forgotten about me (and others) and how I worry about her seemingly abusive relationship with her new boyfriend and alcohol. She eventually responds saying that she never wanted me to feel that way and that she's just been overwhelmed with her new lifestyle. She dismisses my alcohol and new boyfriend worries. That same day, I go to see her at her job (waitressing) to talk about it all in person because I don't want things to be weird and I don't want any miscommunication. Things are now fine between us, we hug it out and make plans to hang out after her shift ends that night. While I'm sitting around waiting for her to get out of work, her new best friend comes in coincidentally to her job and we get introduced as "new best friend" and "childhood best friend". Her new best friend has on this puzzled face like she has no idea who I am, but is still cordial. I give her a big hug and we both hang out together while we wait for our friend to get out of work. I can immediately sense that she feels weird around me, almost like I'm intruding on their friendship. Her new best friend starts acting weird and mounts our best friend any time that she walks by, also screaming loudly and spanking her. I feel like this is sort of her way of "marking her territory" and showing "off their friendship". I figure maybe I'm being crazy or maybe she's acting this way because she's so young (I think 22?) We all hang out after, things feel good and back to normal, and then communication with me trickles off with time once again.
At this point, (maybe about 9-10 months post long term relationship break up?) she is only really texting me to talk about herself or about her boyfriend being mean to her. If I reach out to ask her for help or advice, she rarely responds. I recognize that she is being selfish at this point...she gets the attention that she wants, and then she disappears for another few weeks until she needs me. I'm starting to recognize how one sided our friendship is and how little she cares about anything that isn't about her. I start to let go of our friendship and I start ignoring her texts. I can tell it drives her crazy that I'm not responding to her. I ignore her increased flow of texts for a while and then she reaches out saying she really needs to talk to me about her depression. She knows that this will get me to respond. I set my feelings aside and I can't ignore her because she's helped me through my depression.
Shortly after, we meet up. She brings up how she thinks she is an alcoholic, how her boyfriend is awful to her and how he is verbally abusive to her. She's wanted to leave him for months now. She brings up being incredibly depressed; she feels like she is losing herself and doesn't know who she is anymore. She says the group of people she hangs out with now are shifty 20-24 year old socialites. She says with tears in her eyes how much she misses me. I push my bitter feelings of her prior actions deep down and listen to her talk about her problems for nearly 4 hours. Alls I care about now is her safety and health. I guide her towards seeking help for alcoholism and she tells me that she plans on leaving her boyfriend that night. She leaves me to go break up with him while she's on a "confidence high", but doesn't do it. The next day when I ask her about what happened, she acts a touch annoyed and she pretends like she never wanted to leave him and that they're better than ever. In fact, now they're planning on living together.
After this, I realize that I'm just a resource to her. She has new friends and when they aren't giving her what she needs, she comes back to me. At this point, I accept that our friendship is not the same and that she is on a different path with different goals. She is no longer my rock.
I start seeing a counselor to help cope with my feelings that the crumbling of our friendship was my fault. I am advised to slowly cut my friend out of my life because the friendship has become toxic for me. She said that my best friend saw me as "a stable, motherly figure" that she could access whenever she pleased. She said that she was narcissistic. I agree, so I do as my counselor says. I begin ignoring all of her sporadic texts and I ignored all of her texts to me on my birthday. I didn't reach out to her when it was her birthday. It was the first birthday in years that we hadn't spent together or I hadn't spent weeks planning out a big gift for her. It really hit hard.
I ran into her once briefly since she opened up to me about her alcoholism. When I saw her, she essentially couldn't get it out of her mouth fast enough that her and her boyfriend are now living together and that it's been hard for her because they don't get along. She was clearly looking to talk about it. I just kind of smiled and said I was glad to hear they were living together and then walked away.
The last time I talked to her I asked for some of my stuff back that I let her borrow. I suggested that I could pick it up from her at work when I go out to lunch next door to her job (to keep contact to a minimum). She was very cheery and said that she wanted to meet up with me and my friends. I didn't want her to come, so I tried brushing her off without directly saying "no". She wasn't taking any of my hints and she said to just text her when we were at the restaurant and she would pop over. I didn't text her. I haven't heard from her since and it's been over a month.
It hurts seeing someone you care about suffering and in pain but is unwilling to get help or listen. The way she has acted for the past year has really opened my eyes but I still feel bummed that I don't have a connection like that with anyone else except my boyfriend. I've had a lot of close friendships end over the years because of things that are unforgivable, but I figured she would be there until the end no matter what. She was the one that opened up my eyes in how people treated me poorly; except now she's treating me like I don't exist. Maybe I'm being clingy, but it feels like she changed the dynamic of our friendship and expected me to just live with it. This whole situation makes me deep down feel like a isolated loser since she seemingly has time for everyone else but me. I feel like she makes me out to be a big wet sock to all of her new friends, despite the fact that she uses me as her "voice of reasoning" in times of need. She seems to have no aspirations to do anything with her life at this point but to drink and receive attention from her shallow friendships on social media. Her actions make it obvious that she's doing it to cover up her pain.
I don't really know what I'm looking for by putting this here. I created a throwaway account just to post this because I needed to get it out and I kind of honestly wanted to hear other peoples stories...thoughts...opinions....? I think I just want to know I'm not alone.
(I apologize for the poor grammar and any errors in there. I feel like I've been typing continuously for 4 hours now. I will continue going through and touching up)
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self.offmychest
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I just needed to vent, and I didn’t know where to do it. I honestly don’t know what I’m going through. I just need to vent and I don’t even know who I need to vent to. I recently got fired from my job. I’m not hurting financially because my husband is perfect and earns a lot.
Everyday I go through two conflicting emotions. I’m immensely proud of everything my husband achieves, and then I’m filled with hatred cause I’m not anywhere near his worth.
He has honks twice before he parks in the garage at the end of the day. It’s supposed to be for our dog to get excited about. Now it’s become a signal for me to stop crying, so that I’m ready to receive him home.
I know I need to pick my self up and find another job but I’m so scared of where my thoughts take me.
I love my husband. I love my family. And I hate that I’m so sad all the time.
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self.depression
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Impatient. Me being impatient is really getting the worst of me now. I'm going through a really rough break up and I'm having a really hard time. I don't mind the separation but what's killing me is the 100% no contact. I did so much for my ex and she just ditched me out of the blue like I was some summer flick. We went through a lot. I really just want to wake up, and be married, have a dog, a house, a kid, a wife, people who look up to me, and know that I am the man. That I am the person they need. I always seem to fuck things up and it's cause I'm impatient. I never take my time for things to work it's self out.. I'm always too quick to pull the trigger.
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self.depression
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I'm lonely and it sucks. Everyone around me is distant and I hate the loneliness. My own mom wont even talk to me. I can't stop breaking down. I wish I wasn't like this, I wish they would look my way at least every once in awhile.
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self.depression
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Is it safe to occasionally smoke weed I’m aware that thc can cause psychotic symptoms, but is it okay to have a couple of hits maybe once every few months on special occasions? I used to smoke pot but I stopped. I’m never going to be a regular smoker again, but every once in a while it would be nice.
Thanks :)
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self.bipolar
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I wasnt supposed to live this long I tried to kill myself multiple times since 2015 And I haven't been successful. Oh well... Another year to suffer through this hell
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self.depression
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Totally alone this Christmas I'm stuck at my place this year, my roommates have gone to visit family, and I've been going through a lot. I just wish I had someone with me right now.
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self.depression
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Maybe it's just a bad night but sometimes I just want to sleep forever I'm tired emotionally. Sometimes I burst out crying through the day and I just hope for tomorrow to be better. My mind feels like it's splitting apart. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up soon.
It brings back memories from last year that I'd like to forget. It's always nice seeing everyone else happy amd excited for the holidays and a new year but I feel so alone. It feels like I'm being left behind in the past. I'm not ready to move on. I miss you. I don't want this year to end yet. The last day we talked has gotten farther and father apart. The days goes by too fast now. I hate it. Everything I write here always goes back to you. I hate it.
I'm horrible for sleeping my broken heart away. Sleeping is one of the few things that makes me feel better besides my cats and bunnies.
I guess I'll try to sleep now.
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self.offmychest
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It's my birthday today I've never felt so lonely in my life. Just me by myself, in a room. I just wanted to be happy, just for a day, but things never work out for me. Sometimes I feel like birthdays are overrated.
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self.depression
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2 reasons The only 2 reasons I haven’t killed myself is because of my mom and my cat. I’m thankful for that.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm so confused I've been seeing two psychiatrists and a therapist for 3 months now, and they still don't know whats wrong with me. I'm so frustrated bc I just want an answer. I'm taking antipsychotics but I still feel like my mood is all over the place. One doc doesn't think I'm bipolar, and the other doesn't have a clue. The strange thing is, I'm depressed when I'm on my antipsychotic, but as soon as I don't take my evening dose, i feel manic. I have no idea why that's the case, but if i were truly bipolar that wouldn't happen??? I have no idea, but neither do my doctors. I'm just trying to make sense as to why i go manic as soon as I take my meds 2 or 3 hours late and the rest of the time I'm depressed. Does it make sense that this is happening? Anyone have a similar experience? Thanks.
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self.bipolar
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I can't teach my students I've currently in a pre-student teaching phase where I have to take over a classroom for two weeks. Every day that I've taught, there was always something wrong: students weren't listening, I couldn't explain something well, or only some students were engaged. I keep on feeling pressure from this, and I feel like a failure of a teacher. My lesson today was so bad, the teacher had to take over. In addition, I've affected her schedule because I can't teach well. I hate what I'm doing because of the pressure and inability to do it, but I can't quit now. However, I'm not meant to be a teacher.
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self.offmychest
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Effexor makes me feel like I can do anything. Lexapro is equivalent to sidewalk chalk
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self.depression
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Idk what to do with myself I’m 16. I contemplate suicide every day. My mom never showed me affection. She always showed my siblings love when she wasn’t nodding out. I live with my grandparents. The girl that I wanted more than anything just rejected me. I know this sounds like just another teenager that can’t deal with rejection, but the smallest things cut deep. I just want someone to talk to. I just want to feel loved.
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self.depression
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Honestly, it really upsets me when I hear about adult women messing around with teenage boys [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My life is officially over... Please,please,please,please read this wall of text.
I fucked up big time this time.I lost my job because of some damage that I have done there and I heard that I must pay for it.I will be taken to court and I need to pay over 10.000 dollars.FUCK!! Not even my house (on my father name) doesn't cost this much and my salary is 410 dollars.
I can't let my family pay for my mistakes.I know that my brother will be destroyed when he finds out I killed myself,but there is no other option.The last six years of my life are filled with regrets.I am a self hating monster.You can check my posts history to see what I really am.I am not killing myself,I am just taking out the trash.Tomorrow at this time I will hang myself .I tried to kill myself a few weeks ago ,but my ex girlfriend and a cousin scraped my plans.They only delayed them.It needs to end by tomorrow.I am sorry...
**UPDATE:** Today,Wednesday,November 29,2017 I wanted to kill myself.As I put everything in order and prepared to hang myself at an abandoned factory I saw my brother .He was supposed to come in weekend ,like every week.I found that he was too fired from work (we worked at the same place,he was working only on weekends part time).So when he learned that we are now both jobless he accepted the news and was a bit upset.I was so fucking relieved.I thought I disappointed him that I had no use for anyone.My emotions are numbed,I feel pretty apathetic,but I am not suicidal anymore,at least for a time...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I miss him so much Things were alright for a while. I got a job.
I worked in a grocery store and a boy that looked like my brother walked in and I couldn't breathe. I probably freaked him out and I left the store and I know for sure I'm fired now I'm fucked.
I miss him so much. I want to join him so bad I cant keep doing this anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
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Every interaction I have with my mother leaves me in a hateful state, no matter what I try, she always gets to me. As bad as it sounds I just want to cut her out completely but I know I can't.
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self.depression
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Why bother... So i made a post on my insta where i have quite a few friends and i made a long post explaining about my depression and suicidal thoughts and out of everyone only 1 person replied to ask how i was doing. The next day of school i get bullied about my suicidal thoughts and being an "emo" and someone even said that "2 suicide attempts werent enough". The one time i open up to help and this is what i get. Lifes not fucking fair. And maybe 2 suicide attempts werent enough so why not try a third...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got diagnosed with loads of things, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I got diagnosed with dysthymia and a cluster c personality disorder. Due to recent events I felt back into a major depression. I'm now looking up all kinds of things and it sounds pretty scary. I felt pretty good today, but these symptoms make it sound like I'm crazy.
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self.depression
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It’s my birthday tomorrow and I just want to talk to some strangers. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m not really looking forward to it. I’ll be 23 years old with nothing to show for it really. Might put on some cowboy bebop and smoke a little to pass the time. I’m just having a real low day today and have no one to remind me it’ll be ok. It’s been a month since I’ve been on meds but hopefully that’ll change this week. I want to wish everyone a happy weekend, and to keep pushing on!
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self.bipolar
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I just don’t know where I belong, how to live or what to do anymore.. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I fucked up a possible relationship really badly I met a girl in Europe who lives in the Netherlands. I got her number, and we even held hands for a bit/hugged. After getting back to America, I started texting her every day at like ~3-5 and we had some great conversations. I told her that I loved her, which got 0 response. We kept talking for 2 hours daily, and I kept telling her that I loved her right before every time she went to sleep. No response to any of them of course. In the meantime, my depression (idk if I can call it that because it kind of comes in waves) came back, and I began to think that she didn't like me at all and was only kind of forced to reply. I brought it up, and asked her if she loved me. She said that she didn't feel old enough (I'm 16 and she's 14 and I found this out after I fell in love. She looked older), and that she wasn't interested in getting a boyfriend right now. Cue my selfish ass telling her I had depression and asking her if she would love me if we we're both a few years older. *Read* for like a day and a half before saying that she doesn't feel comfortable answering questions like that, and telling me to be thankful for what I have. I said "I know," and "sorry, I was being really selfish." Now I'm waiting for a response (if there will be one at all) and I feel like shit. I don't know why I posted here, but it seemed like a good spot because I can relate to a lot of the posts here.
Please don't upvote this. I don't want it to be too public and it took way too much willpower to post it here just by itself.
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self.depression
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Not being coy, but don't want to put these thoughts in a title. Death is going to happen anyway, why does it matter when?
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self.depression
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Finals are coming and I'll fail a couple of classes because I have no friends [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What’s the craziest thing you’ve freaked out about due to your anxiety? I ask because I suffer really bad from anxiety, especially health anxiety and I’m trying to see if anyone has crazy thoughts like mine. Maybe it’ll help people understand we aren’t crazy if we put it all out there and maybe relate to one another.
The craziest thing for me is anything can feel different in my body and I instantly think I’m going to die from it.
Another crazy thing is I was scared I’m like some secret psychopath or something. Though I wouldn’t hurt a fly, I found myself asking if I’d be capable of doing crazy things like hurting someone? And I how I would do it? Then I usually get freaked out and try to stop thinking about it. (Which never works because well.. anxiety)
What’s yours?
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self.Anxiety
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Had to put down my oldest dog today Just need to get this off my chest as I’ve been crying.
Had to put down my 11 year old border collie (mixed)
She was destructive. She would get in trash so much that we had to move our trash can on top of stuff out of reach. She’d guard rooms and wouldn’t move. Wouldn’t obey other commands like she used to. Taking her outside regularly but she’d either refused to go outside or wouldn’t use the bathroom outside then proceed to use it inside.
She has bitten my sister in the past and I had resorted to using a broom to get her to move sometimes. The rest of my family dislikes the broom as she gets super aggressive with it and they lure out of places with food but that just enabled her.
She clawed up my new dresser trying to get to the candy I was needing to store because there was no where else to put it.
That’s just a small list of the things she has done.
I wondered if it was just poor training. It was guarding behavior. Our other two dogs are the sweetest dogs I’ve ever known. One husky and one Rottweiler (mixed and he is smaller than our husky). I felt a sense of regret prior to putting her down a few days prior. I knew I was going to be like that when the day drew nearer.
The days leading up to it I was trying to be extra nice to her. Letting her lay in spots I wouldnt prior. I petted her for longer.
I know my dog’s personalities and what they would and won’t do. Skylar, her name, despite being mean sometimes she wouldn’t be averse to laying on your leg or hand or arm. Would lay close. Dozer, the rot, would do something similar but he would do it for attention and pets( he is a love hound) but Skylar would do it just to have someone to lay next to. When she’d come out to be petted you can tell she was getting old by how much less she jumped around.
It’s hard to talk about the good things.... really hard.
So today came... my sister and Mom had to work. Little brother didn’t want to come. Just me and Dad. I sat in the back with her. She was shaking a bit because she doesn’t ride in cars often. I held her close to me and had her lie down... she was making it hard. Really hard. I petted her a bit more. I realized she had a her collar still on.... I took it off... looking strange without her collar on...
We got there, she was happy to be out of the car, her tail wagging... while waited a bit she tried to jump on me and claw at my waist for me to pet her.......
Whats her name the lady asked “Skylar” my dad answered. And then the lady said aw... but said in a way it didn’t affect her much. Just as a courtesy. I didn’t blame her. This was a vet after all. But I was surprisingly calm the whole time. I didn’t feel like I was on the edge of tears.
Prior my dad and I didn’t know we had the option to not be in there with her so I had assumed we’d be in there... she said we didn’t have to. We both decided to not go with her....
It took some time. The office cats distracted us a bit. One was particularly wanting my attention. I petted her a little. A lady brought out a girls white cat from the same room they had taken Skylar in... and I saw her trying to get out..........
Mother called us from work. I could hear her crying on the phone to my dad.
Then about awhile later... i heard her wail.......... Dad was that her? I didn’t answer... that must’ve been another dog. I said no... it was her...
I knew it was her. Not just from the direction it came from but I’ve heard in distress before... she sounds different but I recognized it.
I remember when she was a puppy and she had broken her leg...
The deed was done. That gave us to her in a box. They bagged her in said box. We took her to a spot nearby. My little brother and Dad had dug her grave a few days earlier. Buried her... seeing her lifeless fur in the bag...... poured baking soda in with her.
he grabbed a stone... knifed her name and the years... placed the flat rock... put the box and shovels in the trunk...
Parked... I took the baking soda and box down to the trash... Dad took her collar and some things inside.
I was tearing up the ride there and Dad was talking about she was a good dog. I was being quiet. Wasn’t feeling like I was going to bawl my eyes out. It wasn’t when we took her to the vet. Or when we put the box in the trunk. It wasn’t even when we buried her. It was when I took the box to the trash.... that I bawled my eyes out on the way to the dumpster. In the cold. Nobody could see me... thankfully somebody had left the lid open so I didn’t have the touch it. I could wipe my eyes repeatedly without worrying about germs. I always wash my hands after I take out trash...
I came to my room. Shut the door. Locked it and burst into tears more. It just came out... I didn’t expect it to come out as much as it did...
I type this as my two dogs lay next to me in bed. Them being besides me really makes me it harder. As it I feel guilty because... now it’s just them two...
Dad is making breakfast. Keeps asking me if I am alright. I keep saying yeah.
This was way harder than I expected it be.
I asked myself Shouldn’t have let it her have this last Christmas with us... I tried to joke with my mom “Hey why don’t we give her a nice last meal like they do for people sentenced to the death penalty” it was a horrible joke...
I didn’t think I’d cry so much over my old dog...
Sorry for the long post. I needed to write it down and send it out.
|
self.offmychest
|
Don't know what to do plz help Hi I'm a 15 year old male who is bi and I have no clue on what to I have had little to no friends my whole life I've had 3 so called friends stab me in the back I try to be as nice as I can be to people but all I get is shit and to top it all off I have parents who are overprotective of me and say that they don't understand people who are bi little do they know there son is bi and all of this is taking a toll on me having 3 friends having tons of assholes making fun of me and my parents I'm lost on what I should do and have been for the past year if you would like further details DM me if you really care to know thanks for reading this it means alot
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self.depression
|
Why do I feel so weird? I feel so weird and unmotivated.
I take prozac and idk the past few days I have felt.. nothing.. just weird.
My motivation has been sucking, I dont have motivation to clean my room, it is a disgusting mess.
I don't have motivation to find a job
I dont have motivation to excel in my classes at school.
I don't have motivation to work out.
It is so hard, because I want to do all these things but I can't. I was once such an ambitious person.
I am not organized anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Broke my hand today in anger Today I punched the wall repeatedly until my hand broke. My knuckles are bruised I can't close my hand and it just really hurts! Even with medication the anger and the rage are still extremely high i don't know if I'm on the wrong medication (lamictal) or if the dosage isn't right (100mg) but I'm just so so so angry still!
|
self.bipolar
|
He got an offer!!! My husband has been busting his ass to earn a new position at work that would double his current salary. He crushed the interview 2 weeks ago and today he got the offer to start after the new year.
He was so down about turning 30 and not being where he thinks he should be after 7 years in the military and 4 years of college. I kept telling him that we've come so far since we started out. We're doing great in my eyes, and now we're doing even better!! This means we'll finally be able to stay in one place and buy our first home!!!
We both grew up poor, started dating when we were 16, married at 18, pregnant at 19 and then again at 20 (I don't recommend any of these. Very stupid. We're the exception, not the rule).
It has been a long, tough road. We both worked very hard to complete college and move forward with our careers.
When we got out of high school, we had a combined income of maybe $20,000...now we'll be well over 6 figures.
Holy shit is this real life?!?!
|
self.offmychest
|
Camgirl addicted husband First time poster, so I’m kind of a noob. I am on mobile so I apologize for any formatting issues. Also I’m an emotional wreck atm, so I apologize also for any run-on sentences.
Just a month before we got married last year June of 2016, I learned that my husband was buying gifts for cam girls, calling them sexy, having sexual conversations with them, paying them to do things for him. Now I don’t give a shit if he’d watch regular porn, but when there’s communication between them and him spending money on them that really just hurt me like you can’t even imagine. He promised he’d stop and so then we got married. It didn’t stop. He again promised he’d stop. I believed him because I found no evidence. I got pregnant. I then found evidence via his bank statements. I forgave him. I learned that he’d be buying things for and off of these girls and even before we started dating. He’d keep saying he’d change and he’d stop. He said it was just a habit and not an addiction. He didn’t want any counseling or help. He said he was capable of stopping. He said him doing this had nothing to do with me and how I am sexually. He said he’d stop. Nope. He just got more secretive about it.
I consider this cheating. I have never been in a loyal relationship since the age of 15 to now (27 y.o.). All of those from the past have had actual physical contact with other women. I’ve been in 5 serious relationships give or take.
I feel like I am too blinded by the thought of romance and a happy family at times. I know I should put me and my daughter first. I haven’t found cam girl related purchases since September of this year. That was the first time I got physical with him. I slapped him and pushed him and wanted to hurt him so bad so he could feel pain like I do. He said he loved me and that he was just horny while I was away at work. Why the hell wouldn’t you just go on pornhub like the rest of our broke asses?
I have flashbacks of what he’d say to these girls, how much he’d spend on them (whenever he finds himself broke, I think of the thousands he’d spent on these camgirls), their names, what they’d do for him in the videos I found; they make me question my looks, my sexual abilities, my worth to my husband..
Now I think I’m pretty great in bed when I don’t have this all in my head. I do some freaky stuff and enjoy it, but all of what I’ve experienced in past relationships and now my marriage has taken a huge toll on my self confidence. I feel so boring and ugly and worthless and unlovable in bed and in general. The things those girls did for him on cam were things I did for him both in person and on camera. I’m the type of wife who’d still send her husband sexy photos while at work, at home, in my car, etc. yet he would never speak to me the way he spoke to those girls. I never got the same reaction from him when someone else would do it. I feel so useless. I even tried being a camgirl for a bit in attempt to get his attention the way they do. He didn’t mind that I did it. I got no huge reaction from him in regards to sex either. I feel like I basically showed the world my privates for nothing.
He told me that he liked camgirls because it made him feel special. Like the things they did were just for him. I would do the same damn things for him. What the hell am I then?
I can’t do anything sexy like that for him anymore. The only time I’m really into sex with him anymore is when I smoke weed. I just get so high that I feel like I’m just using him as a sex toy and that I’m having sex by myself. When I’m sober and we have sex, I freeze up and find myself just there while he does his thing with me. I don’t like wearing lingerie or sexy cosplay, talk dirty, or even moving my body sexily anymore. I literally freeze because I feel like nothing will please him the way those girls please him. I feel like there’s no point in trying to get his attention since he’s going somewhere else for it regardless if I send him my personal camshows and photos or not.
I am a huge homebody, family first, love first, one best friend type of person. I keep thinking maybe if I were more social this wouldn’t hurt me the way it does. I don’t know. Social people seem to have more of a backbone to me I guess?
I don’t know how to get over this. Please don’t say leave him, I’ve tried and I just can’t. I don’t want my daughter to not have her dad. I just can’t do that to her. I find myself being passive aggressive at him when I’m reminded of what he’s done, and sometimes I have a wandering eye myself for real life men. I am sometimes tempted to get him back so that he knows how I feel. But I think of our daughter and how doing that would only make things worse. I continue to stay loyal. It’s easy for me to stay loyal.. why can’t anyone stay loyal to me? What can I do to avoid sexual anxiety? What can I do to gain my self confidence? What can I do to love my husband again?
I was going to kill myself before I learned I was pregnant. This has made me feel so worthless and he is very aware of it, yet it continues. What do I do? Please, please help me..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Living to die 18 year old college Freshman here. I've attempted suicide once in the past and it led to hospitalization. Nothing has really improved since then. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression and put on meds but they aren't filling the hole inside of me.
To put it bluntly I hate everything. I hate waking up in the morning. I hate eating. I hate being around other people. I hate every pleasure this life has to offer for the simple reason that soon it will be over, and I'll be back to my regular baseline of misery. That is the only consistent thing this life has ever offered me, misery. If I drop out now my life will consist of living off my mom and working minimum wage jobs that I hate. If I go to school (which I hate) and torture myself for four years I'll still end up working as a wage slave for money to spend on fleeting pleasures before I'm back to my miserable self. At this point the only thing keeping me alive is not wanting to hurt my loved ones, and fear of failing again/fear of immense pain/fear of death.
There is no joy for me in this pitiful life. If I finally get the courage to kill myself, I at least have a shot at something different. Nothing on the other side can be worse than living my current life. Even a lake of eternal fire would just be an accurate simulation of what living on this planet is like for me anyways.
And so I think I'm finally resolved. I'm done reaching out for help. Everyone is selfish and would rather see me here and miserable for their sake than gone and possibly happy for my own. There is no help for me, no god, no light.
Hopefully I can work up the courage soon. I was not meant for this life. My brain is a biological failure. There is nothing left for me here.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Everything I do is just a distraction while I wait around to die. I'm taking jobs. I'm making a video game. Hell, I'm even getting married this fall. We plan to honeymoon in Japan, and I've been no-less-seriously-than-usual kicking around the idea of wandering into the Aokigahara while we're there and never walking out. I'm also semi-seriously making career / retirement plans, and thinking about the futures of my parents and niblings and sister and in-laws. But none of this has any substantial meaning to me. It's just shit that might need to be taken care of before my depression-disease becomes terminal.
I'm empty inside, and like skipping rocks on a bottomless lake, I'm just keeping myself amused by throwing pointless nothings into the void. /melodrama
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self.depression
|
Seroquel/ Quetiapine XL Advice Hi all, I'm hoping to switch from Quetiapine/ Seroquel IR 50mg to the extended release preparation next week. Does anyone else have any experience with the extended release preparation? I'm concerned with two thing predominantly:
1) Does Seroquel extended release make you drowsy the next day? Is there a good time to take them in the evening to minimise the morning hangover if there is one?
2) Does Seroquel extended release make you more hungry at all, and at what time of day (i.e. instantaneously or next day)? Seroquel IR gives me an instantaneous burst of hunger but I have little appetite the day after- is XL the same?
Many thanks in advance!
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self.bipolar
|
Feel like my moral compass is broken. Not sure I like this. I've just kind of encouraged a second encounter with a guy who is in a very long term relationship. Allegedly it's an open one, but I didn't hear that from him himself -it's the first thing I plan to ask him though-. With that in mind I hooked up the first time and messaged him for a second encounter. Now I feel like I'm being a kind of person I don't like ethically. I think that lacking sex for so long and being with a person with whom I had a lot of chemistry, and craving for sex in my sexless life, has made me think with something else than my mind.
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self.offmychest
|
Adderall causing manic symptoms? This may be the wrong place for this, but I don’t know where else to post this. To start, I want to say I’m not bipolar, never been diagnosed as bipolar, and never had any symptoms that resembled mania before these past two months. In December, I was prescribed adderall xr 20mg because I was having trouble waking up in the morning and I couldn’t focus, which had been a problem for a long time. I don’t have ADHD. I’ve been taking it as prescribed most mornings, and sometimes skipping a day on the weekend, which my doctor said I could. The adderall really helped those first few weeks! I was able to focus really well, was waking up and staying awake, and I was feeling great, better than I had in a while, as I had slipped back into a depressive episode. I took a break when I went home for the holidays, and started taking it again in early January when I came back for school. Since January, my anxiety and depression have gotten worse, my ocd has gotten worse, I’m irritable, my mind is racing, I want to go and do lots of things but soon after I don’t. I feel great and then feel really depressed. I’ve been increasingly been having the feeling that the world I’m in isn’t real (this comes and goes and the feeling doesn’t last for long). Suicidal thoughts have increased.
I talked to my psychiatrist today, and told him about everything. I had to rush to get through most of it as he was rushing me. I said that I feel like what I’m experiencing seems like it could be a mixed mania and depressive episode. He claims that stimulants don’t cause manic symptoms. I mentioned how I’ve been sweating more since being on adderall, and he says that it’s probably caused by my anti depressant (which I’ve been on for over a year, and had no problems with) even though this only started when I started the drug. He increased my dose by 10 mg and I see him again next week.
I don’t know what to do. I have to take the increased dose because I have midterms this week and I need to study or I’ll fail. I was looking at myself in the mirror after I got home and I just feel like something isn’t right. I don’t feel right and I don’t know how to describe it.
Anyway, can adderall cause manic symptoms? Does anyone have experience with this?
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone else struggling to maintain weight while depressed? I've Googled online and apparently most people when depressed eat less and are gaining weight. Well I feel like I'm the only one who eats too much when depressed. I've gained so much weight lately. I've gone up one jeans size and people are starting to notice. I'm dangerously close to the overweight side of the BMI scale. I've always been self conscious about my weight so this is just making my depression even worse but I can't find the motivation to exercise.
Anyone else feeling shit about their body? Why does it have to be food that fills the emptiness inside. I wish I could be addicted to something else
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self.depression
|
My anxiety is ruining my relationship Okay, not ruining yet. But on its way. I'm with someone amazing and they're aware of my anxiety and many of my insecurities. Unfortunately, these insecurities largely revolve around her.
The very bottom line is that I'm scared of losing her in any way, but mostly due to cheating. So already I'm not trusting her even though that's unfair to her. I've talked to a therapist and come to realize I have very low self esteem so I've been trying to work on that, but I'm just not there yet.
Any time she goes out with friends, especially when guys are involved, the anxiety hits. It's even happened just with her talking to other guys. And I know it isn't okay. Yesterday was one of the worst days yet and I absolutely lost it and she completely shut down too. It's led to some good talks, but I just can't stop my worry when she's out.
Even this very moment, I don't know how many times I'll hear from her because she's hanging out with school friends, drinking, and going to stay the night. Not to mention I'm visiting family too so I haven't seen her for 5 days already and won't for another 2 still.
I just wish I was more okay with her going out and not messaging me, but my mind just won't stop. And if it continues, I'm absolutely going to lose her and I'll have nobody to blame but myself.
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self.Anxiety
|
To any fellow women: how many of you have gotten pregnant? How did that go? I have major anxiety about getting pregnant. I’m not trying, to be honest I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to carry a child because of my anxiety.
I realize, logically, my anxiety isn’t even that bad. It’s been rough the last two years but it’s not like I have panic attacks that often and while I’ll have bad patches, I can generally take care of myself and get through them.
But I’m 30 and love my SO and we’re both not sure about having kids. My biggest fear is that I’d get pregnant and just be in a constant state of panic. I tend to get claustrophobic and I feel like I’d hit 5 months pregnant and just not be able to do it. I’ve read that lots of women take Xanax in their second and third trimester (I maybe take Xanax once a month currently) and this makes me feel better. Mostly now I just panic over being too panicky for pregnancy/labor. The baby part doesn’t cause anxiety, just the pregnancy.
So, any experiences? I’m hoping if I get pregnant it’ll be manageable or like my instincts will help me stick it out.
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self.Anxiety
|
I keep having the urge to kill myself. I have an okay life. Nothing great, nothing too crazy, just... okay. But in the past few months, I've started to have these constant urges to kill myself.
I've kind of stopped caring about school and I've been to about 4 of my classes in the past month. I have this nagging feeling that my future is not going to turn out well, despite my parents constantly telling me that "everything will work out." Life is speeding up. I waste like 75% of my waking hours playing video games with my friends. Days and weeks are starting to blend together. I'll pretty much be dead in what seems like an instant anyway.
I'm not really sad like I was a few months ago (thanks to my good friend Prozac), but I feel empty a lot of the time. I don't really value myself or my life, and I feel like this might be one of my main problems.
Multiple times per day, I feel this wave come over me and I think "Well, I should just kill myself." It seems so alluring, especially if my future turns to shit because I can't get my lazy ass to even attempt to fix any of the problems I have.
I probably won't even do it. But sometimes the call of death is so sensual, so beautiful, so freeing, that it'll most likely always be in the back of my mind.
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self.offmychest
|
Husband with Adult separation anxiety and paranoia, I want to help but don't know how Trigger warning: Mention of suicidal thoughts
My husband has been paranoid ever since he can remember, while his ASAD was likely triggered by his father's passing when he was a teen. Most of the time that I've known him we were living in separate countries, even during our engagement, until 3 years ago I decided to move to his country so that we could get married and be together. Now I already knew that my husband had those issues, but most of the time he hides them well, except when it comes to my family.
He has Separation Anxiety both from his brother and me, but while with his brother he worries about him dying, with me he thinks I might leave or cheat or might have lied about loving him all along, or that my parents will steal me from him. When my parents came to visit once, he had a misunderstanding with my dad. My husband went to my parents' hotel to pick up some stuff at 8 AM for me, but when the hotel staff called my dad mentioning my husband's name, my dad said he didn't know my husband. Mind you, my dad was sleepy and English is not his first language, and being a confused mess when waking up runs in the family, but my husband took it as purposely being disrespected and was livid. Later that day I made the fatal mistake to let my dad hold my hand after a whole week of my husband being constantly angry towards me and pushing me away, then accusing me of neglecting him because I spend "too much time" with my parents, even though I hadn't seen them in over a year before that and barely saw them 1-2 hrs or so per day while they were here because I still had uni and work. It turned into accusations of me loving my parents more than him, "holding the winner's hand", lots of tear-filled arguments. I kept my contact with my parents to a minimum for months, during which my husband apparently even had a nightmare of me cheating on him WITH MY DAD. EW. EWEWEW. EW.
Eventually I thought things calmed down, but recently it turned out my husband is still not over the "hand-holding incident". The last few months have been particularly difficult. My husband left his job because while they kept telling him they couldn't afford to promote him, they rehired a guy that they had previously fired for good reasons to be in the position my husband had been asking for. Being home alone makes his imagination run rampant. On top of that, my sister's wedding is coming up this summer. I would like to take him with me, but my husband hates being around many people, he hates my dad, he gets paranoid around people who speak a foreign language and most of my relatives don't speak any of his languages. My sister will only have a courthouse wedding with a small guest list and a BBQ after, but while he would've loved to come to the courthouse, he doesn't want to otherwise come to my parents' house or interact with my family at all. I am trying to help so I offered that we could make it a short trip and then go vacation elsewhere on our own afterwards. This is the first time I'll see most of my relatives in 3 years, but if he thinks it might help him get over his feelings, I'd be willing to accommodate him as best as I can. He says that means he's causing me too much trouble. Yet, if he stays here with only me attending the wedding, he's already told me he will think the whole time that I'm cheating or won't come back, so that "if" I come back (I obviously will, but he considers it an "if"), he'll likely ignore me. For months, possibly. A few weeks ago he even texted me that he was considering suicide and had a timer that falls on a date when I would be over there for the wedding. I went home from work right away because I was worried. He said he didn't want help cause that would mean admitting he's a fuck-up and that I'm too good for him. Then promised a few days later that he wouldn't kill himself. We agreed that I'd try to help him deal with his ASAD by e.g. not texting when at work, basically letting him face the fear in a controlled manner first. He literally friend-zoned me by text a few days later on our anniversary while I was sleeping, saying maybe we should be just friends cause it would make it easier for him to not be so attached. I woke up to that and cried my eyes out. He admitted he'll always want me as his wife and apologized. He even agreed to come along to the wedding.
Today he changed his mind again and said he won't come along. I broke down because I am already stressed out because my Visa is running out soon and I'm still a full-time student with a demanding job and he keeps changing his mind about everything and can't promise me that he won't treat me badly when I return. He got angry because he's the one who's depressed, not me. He also is mad that I ask him to get help because to him it means I "want to change" him too badly. I just don't want to see him suffer anymore or to constantly guilt-trip me over things from years ago (like the hand-holding incident) or accuse me of cheating when I literally spend aaaalll my free-time around him. He went to the doctor with his brother afterwards, but didn't want me to come along and ignored me since coming back a few hours ago. Now he's sleeping. I don't know what I want here, I doubt anybody will even read all this (thanks if you do) but I'm just at the end of my wits. I love him so much and when things are good they really are good but nowadays I get panicked whenever I receive a text because I'm scared that he'll hurt himself or self-sabotage again by hurting me. And even if I know he pushes me away to punish himself most of the time, I have low self-esteem and a great deal of social anxiety myself so I take rejections like this to heart. I guess I just wanted to vent and maybe, just maybe if any of you have any insights on how I can be better for him and actually help, I'd be very happy to hear you out. And please don't just tell me to leave him cause outside this thread that seems to be the most common advice for anybody who's trying to have a relationship with someone who has some mental hardships. Not that I expect that here, but I am just so tired of this mentality where people think everyone should be discarded and left to fix themselves if they have a problem. That's all I guess, thank you.
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self.Anxiety
|
I fucked up and overslept on a day my work really needed me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Purposely caffeinated Anyone not give a fuck about caffeine and BP?
I drink a shit ton of it because it helps me "buzz"
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self.bipolar
|
Women ignore me, even here, they think I'm unworthy or too ugly to be helped. I even have the stats to prove it. Why am I so undeserving of love? [removed]
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self.depression
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inability to have sex and no social life just make life maddening [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Need Help and Advice (posted elsewhere as well) i created this account for my wife to join support groups and to help her understand she is not alone.
We have been together for 17 years. During that time we would go through periods of happiness followed by horrible periods of unfaithfulness. Each time I would pick up the pieces of the relationship and try to move forward. After our last separation we started working through things and got married in 2011.
Again a period of happiness until about 3 years ago. we had a rough year of trying to see our house and it caused us to be distant and non-affectionate, all on her side. During this time my wife started having an affair that lasted 2 years. I didn't know anything about it and thought our relationship was okay and we were just going through a rough patch.
Fast forward to my birthday my wife disappeared for 17 hours and come to find out she started another relationship with a trans woman and moved out. During this time I tried to work things out like always and did not stray until I found out about the 2 year relationship she had. After which I did what she told me to do and tried to be happy by starting conversations with other woman.
Biggest mistake of my life. Now we are at a point where she is trying to get help for her recent bipolar and multiple personalities diagnosis but feels like she can't trust me or I am a liar which I have never been.
I'm lost and don't know what to do to help her and to help myself/kiddo.
Note: I am not perfect by any means. however I'm not a liar nor a cheater. I have been in our home taking care of our kid while my wife decides she wants to be a mother/wife or not. I am absolutely bitter and need to work on getting over my selfishness but cannot focus when she is near. I love my wife unconditionally but my mind is cloudy...
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self.depression
|
Emptiness- can't bring myself to care, though I know I really should I am about a week behind in like all my classes and this year (senior yr of high school) I've even been taking less classes than ever. I've stayed home from school really often bc i didn't get my hw done but now i just.. don't want to go at all. my bed is too comfortable... and even at 4:30am when i have classes today, I still binge on internet for hours or literally anything to distract myself and make myself feel good. My hw's still not done lol
I'm a lazy piece of shit and i guess i can't bring myself to care enough about my work to just sit down and do it??? my parents even have to push me to eat and shower otherwise I'd just stay in bed all day, doing nothing
I don't want to miss more school, i already missed a shit ton this past quarter... getting to like 1-2 days a week idk what to do. From other people's perspective, i seem fine at school I think. I'm scared what peers'll think of me so I just say I'm skipping... (which I am, I guess) 😭
I feel so tired and like everything is pointless though i know i need to work hard to get in college, etc, get my life together. I feel so empty, like even when I laugh, it feels like it's just "passing through"/unreal/ a mask. Before, it was hard to smile bc it actually Meant something, but now there's nothing behind it. Fear (of people, teachers, disappointing others) keeps me going, somewhat. I just want to cease thinking altogether or fall asleep forever
Thanks for reading, if anyone did. Sorry it's so long. I hope you can share your thoughts, advice, and if you relate
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self.depression
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Does your sex drive just take off like a rocket sometimes? It's been a helluva year. I won't bore you with the story. Suffice it to say that it's been a very stressful year on so many fronts, and it's not over. And on top of that, I quit all my drugs (good decision so far) and my therapist went on maternity and declined to return.
I'm actually doing quite well, all things being equal. Except my new issue. I was on latuda for a little more than 3 years. I noticed when I started it, my sex drive came down closer to what seemed "normal." It was nice. Of course, I quit the latuda. At the moment, I've felt like crap all week, today being the worst. I wish I would just get the flu and be done with it instead of this drawn out bullshit. But I'm going to have to find a way to seduce my husband anyway, because I don't think I'll be able to go to sleep in this state. I mean, I know guys have boners, and it's embarrassing, but this is tough too. Unless I'm mistaken, the clitoris is quite long into my belly, so I can feel this kind of fullness in the arousal, from deep. Somewhat distracting but mainly unwelcome. I'm tired, and married, and my days of taking care of this with a boyfriend and two side pieces are over.
Emailed my doctor to see if he'd give me a low dose of effexor just to take the edge of my sex drive. Earlier this year, it in addition to the latuda, it basically eliminated my sex drive for several months. This almost seems more frustrating, haha! I wonder if I can even it out a little.
This is crazy, guys.
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self.bipolar
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It’s been a long 2 weeks So for starters I’m a 25m and this is prob gonna be scattered but I need to vent. 2 weeks ago my cousin who is prob my best friend went behind my back tried to convince my 18 year old brother who is 1.5 months into school to drop out I flipped out she lied to my face and laughed at me and her parents took her side. We couldn’t work it out and I didn’t want to be in a foreign country for thanksgiving with people that would yell at me so I cancelled my ticket to mexico(where we were going for the holiday bout 15 people extended fam and friends) I had also thought our argument would stay between us but she told all our friends and fam her story with tons of lies to make her look better and me worse.
This was 5 days before thanksgiving the Friday after thanksgiving tho I witnessed a fight between my ex Roomate who is a bitch that I hate but am not a revenge person and a random girl. My ex Roomate punched this girl 5/6 times and throat kicked her. Someone called the cops and someone told the cops I lived with her so they spoke to me to get her address and stuff. Someone that saw me with the cops started a rumor I called them... I didn’t but anyway now her larger than I thought friend group is out for blood I’ve been screamed at chased down the sidewalk and all for something that saved the cops 20 min of time.
And I know this is long but if you’ve read this far thanks and stick with me. Lastly happened this weekend and today. It’s been 2 years since my last serious relationship with a ton of random hookups in between. But last thurs a really good friend of mine that I have had an attraction to hung out all day had an amazing time basically a really good date. Hooked up that night and her friend told me she liked me so to me with the combo I really put myself out there and a couple hours ago she shot me down hard the “still friends” “don’t think about you that way” “lets forget it ever happened” I just haven’t really emotionally put myself into something that much in awhile. She’s prob better off without me cause I’m prob more damaged than I think.
TL:DR Sorry this is long but it’s just been real hard I lost my best friend, my family where I live, my reputation, and my love interest in about 2.5 weeks.
Oh and in a couple days it will be 3 years since I was raped
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self.depression
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