text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Can't think of any reason to live besides the fact that killing myself would hurt my family.
|
self.depression
|
My dog is dying in an hour. At home euthanasia at least...
It happened so suddenly. She just slowly stopped eating and now she’s in too much pain to move. I went to class for two hours and I came home and she was laying in her own vomit. She couldn’t get up and had to lay in her own vomit until I got home. How fucking sad is that?
The guy is supposed to be here in about an hour. My mom is sitting on the floor next to her has my dogs head is in her lap. I don’t know what to do with myself for an hour so I’m laying in bed and making this post.
I wasn’t living in town when my other dogs passed, and they were more of my mom’s dogs. But this dog moved with me and kept me from killing myself when I was so alone in the new city. She gave me a reason to get out of bed when the depression hit me extra hard.
I’m moving again in a month. I was hoping she could come with me. I’m really going to miss her.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm finding it harder. I've always been able to suck it up and fake my happiness. But, lately it's been getting harder and harder to apply my fake happiness. I feel my smile deflating and my laugh is sounding more and more fake. I was fine yesterday, but today I can't help it. I don't look like my normal self and I don't feel okay. I just want to be home, alone and in bed to sleep. That's all I want. Is to sleep. Forever.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like my problems are stupid and unimportant. Compared to the problems everyone I know goes through, mine just seem so small and insignificant. I'm so pathetic that I'm complaining about shit that's not even a big deal.
One guy I know, his dad doesn't even know who he is anymore. Another guy, his family are practically throttling each other over his grandfather's estate. Huge ridiculous amounts of shit and they still go every day, bearing their problems with a grin and joking as if nothing is wrong.
I don't have problems. I'm just a pathetic loser that aggravates small issues that shouldn't be bothering me anymore with the inability to just get over it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Depression hallucinations? is this a thing or am I legitimately losing my goddamn mind?
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else develop poor memory? Hey all, I've noticed recently that I've been putting things where they don't belong, or opening cabinets to look for things that I know are in another cabinet. I'm 20. Sometimes I'll be walking and I'll have to ask myself "where am I even walking to?" Then I have to think about what time it is and what day it is and say "Oh, I'm going to English class." Or sometimes I'll be sending a text and something else will happen and I'll put the phone down only to open it up later and realize I never sent the text. Appointments slip my mind constantly or I'll remember that I never went somewhere I was supposed to and then think about it and think "wait, yes I did do that/go there." It's really scaring the shit out of me. Anyone else have these types of memory lapses?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Better sight/hearing when hypomanic? Anyone else get this? I always enjoy music more when hypomanic. But listening to songs I have heard a lot, I can isolate the different instruments easier, and hear softer sounds better. The world looks brighter, sharper and more concrete.
|
self.bipolar
|
No motivation to do anything. I don't really know what to write.
I don't have any motivation. Whatsoever. I haven't cleaned my room in 6 months, I haven't showered in who knows how long, my hair is matted, I'm overweight, and every day I feel like complete and utter shit, which then leads to thinking about all of the above and how much of a failure I am.
Everything goes wrong all of the time. There's not a week where something in my life ends up working out the way I want. I know that sounds entitled, but it's been that way for my whole life.
I do want to end it all, but I know that it would hurt more than it would help.
All I want in life is to be left alone, without any having to worry about anything. I'm not lonely as I generally feel most people are boring and shallow. I just want to be left alone with my own devices. The only things that barely give me any real joy are video games and music. Apart from those two things, I have no motivation or desire to do anything else.
I've felt this way for so long, and it's honestly exhausting. I want to be a completely different person. I'm so sick of living like this.
|
self.depression
|
How do i deal with Jealousy? 😔 This is pathetic, atleast the guy I compare myself to would think that. It's a guy I only typed with online in a game. He's same age as me 19, he is Extremely smart! He has friends, he's good looking, he's just a better version of me.
It feels like everything he do is perfection to 100%.
When I told him this he said "jealously doesn't exist only lack of information" and.. I guess he means that no one is perfect. I know that but I just can't imagining it.
I'm a horrible and awful person but this been tearing me down for over a few months. I told him this 3 days ago and I just feel really bad since.
Anyone have tips how to deal with this? I been googling and read a bit how you deal with this but just accept that someone is better then you feels really hard. :(
|
self.depression
|
This illness will be the death of me This illness feels like the rest stop before hell. I’m sorry who this offends but how in the hell can I be happy when my brain is so unbalanced that I can’t even have a normal day. I know I am currently out of wack but I’m also at the point where I would just rather say fuck it and let whatever happens happen. Idk maybe a tractor trailer will run me off the road smh why is everybody so goddamn happy? Can’t you see what’s happening to us? I’m starting to wonder to see shit that I KNOW isn’t there like a fucking cow with a wedding dress on why just why it maybe it’s the lack of sleep. Maybe my thoughts are become reality. When I get married a couple years back I did feel like a fat cow. Then there are creepy ass whispers in my ear. I can’t hear what they’re saying but I’ve denied it and downplayed it so much that I made an ENT appointment. This illness will be the death of me. I’m not strong like you guys
|
self.bipolar
|
Pregnant, bipolar, and need help I'm 14 weeks along now. And guess what? My bipolar disorder is ruining my relationship with my fiancee.
I don't know what to do. The first two months I was so depressed I could barely leave the bed. I was sleeping all the time, crying, etc. Barely eating, too. The past three weeks have been filled with rage and snapping and I can't seem to keep a lid on it.
I had to stop my meds thru the first trimester, but my fiancee (who is autistic) can't seem to deal with my mental illness. I don't know what to do. Last night he exploded, he was awful and hurtful and mean. But he always seems to justify it. It's always justified, because "I snapped first".
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to screw up my daughter, I love her and want what's best for her. But I'm not sure what to do to help my fiancee understand BPD.
|
self.bipolar
|
pathetic I'm thinking about all of these people that went through immense suffering, war, starvation, abuse, the death of everyone they love, extreme poverty, and they were able to live much better lives than me.
I'm incapable of even doing basic fucking things that it seems Iike 80 percent of other people can do easily.
Okay, so just make yourself better. you fucking suck so see your faults as obstacles to overcome and then work out how to do so, then do it.
It's hard to not hate myself though. I just feel guilty for existing. Like someone else deserves to have the life that I do instead of me, someone that wouldn't waste all the opportunities I had because I'm fucking weak and an idiot.
Can anyone relate?
|
self.depression
|
I'm ashamed During the last week my best friend / cousin chatted with me a lot about my problems because she knows I'm not okay and wants to help me (she's such a sweetheart)
Yesterday out of nowhere we talked about my self harming behaviour, and I'm always trying to play it down so she doesn't have to worry about me a lot (she has her own problems I'm trying to help her with) and the end of the conversation went like this:
Her: "Or try searching for professional help, you're 18 in a few weeks" (because I don't want my parents to know)
Me: "No, really, no, I don't want to, you know why. I will get through this somehow"
H: "Yeah, I see how you are getting through. You said yourself that it won't change even after moving in together.
I am scared, I fear for you."
I feel so ashamed that I didn't chat with her today at all. I feel so guilty, and so weak right now, the "Yeah, I see how you are getting through" hit me close to home.
I'm making her fear for me, and I did not realize myself how serious this is, because I'm always playing it down to her and myself, and I'm not trying to get better.
PS: to make it clear, this post is not meant to be against her, I know how supportive she is. And if the chat sounds strange it's because I had to translate it from german.
I hope all of you are having a good day
|
self.depression
|
Guy seems pretty serious, I have no clue how to deal with this kind of thing He seems to be 'telegraphing' a lot. Unfortunately this post is the best I can do to help right now.
https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds44n34/
https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds47t0s/
https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds48qw9/
https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds4a8b2/
https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds4ayc5/
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else feel relieved knowing that suicide is always an option? Thinking to myself "I can always just kill myself" is the most stress and anxiety relieving thought of all.
I don't have to worry about the future or anything at all really. I can always just kill myself. I'm not afraid of dying really, and the pain isn't a problem either with the methods I have found. No one really cares about me or knows me really. I can disappear seamlessly and peacefully.
Sometimes I get bouts of bad nightmares where I vividly and painfully die over and over, and it makes me very, very paranoid and afraid of dying or danger. All the anxiety and stress comes flooding back in because I temporarily am afraid of dying again, and it is pure anguish and torment.
Thankfully, the nightmares do stop, and I even get used to it.
Suicidal thoughts keep me going. I don't have to die absolutely right now; only when things get *really* bad—like being homeless or my cat dying. In the mean time, I can endure living for the small good things in life, or at least before anhedonia strips me of pleasure.
When things get really bad, I got my trustee suicide kit ready. My cat is a dilemma though, but I'm sure she'll just abandon me for another person who feeds her.
|
self.depression
|
Looking for help. I’ve struggled with depression for 10+ years. I go through good times where it feels like I’ve never been depressed before and bad times where I shut everyone out and go back to self harm. I’m going through one of my bad times and I feel like I may need to actually get help and not just push all my feelings down until I can move on. The problem is I can’t take antidepressants and I’m terrible at therapy. I just shut down and never talk. So I don’t know what to do. Is there something else besides meds and therapy? Or should I give therapy another chance?
|
self.depression
|
"You make life worth living" Have you ever been told that?
I just was and honestly I fucking cried. I feel like I actually have a reason to be here now.
|
self.offmychest
|
Tired but don't wanna sleep and just wanna do things? I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I before, but I never really felt like I've ever had mania. The thing that tips the scale for the psychiatrist was 'psychosis', which I think now is more of DID. I've a therapist and we're working on it and she agrees that the voices are my alters/bodyless thoughts as opposed to psychosis.
These past few days, however, I haven't been wanting to sleep and just wanna do things. I had coffee and coffee makes me sleepy (I'm feeling tired now) but I just wanna get things done and work work work. Could it be mania? Idk. Has anyone experienced it before?
|
self.bipolar
|
Is anyone else not good with receiving compliments? I feel like whenever I'm complimineted I have to always one-up myself and set these ridiculous expectations and always end up over thinking and doing too much rather than sticking with what worked.
|
self.Anxiety
|
0 replies So I wrote to a bunch of people in facebook (6 or 7 people), mostly girls, and went away for the entire day, expecting to see at least 3-4 replies when I return, but there was nothing, zero... just a bunch of 'seen'.
And this happens all the time, nobody gives a fuck about me...
|
self.depression
|
Just can't hold it in anymore, held it in for far too long. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Came to an ice cream shop and am dying [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Rough Week I just need to write this out. I'll try and keep it short:
* This week I went to 2 funerals. I definitely do not want to attend for a long time.
* I have been working a lot of hours and weekends for last couple of weeks. I have lost track of how much. I just know that I billed about 45 hours to customers last week and about 42 this week. This doesn't include any other work I do that isn't charged to customers.
* My parents are fighting again and they would each call me to vent. I feel like I can't really talk to them about myself when they're like this. I haven't even been able to tell them about the two funerals I went to this week.
* I was at the bar after work earlier this week. I got a girl's number and I texted her. She replied once, but hasn't answered my second message. I've been single for nearly 3 years now. It's frustrating.
I'm not depressed or anything. But I feel like I just need to share this with someone. I'm also glad it's Friday and I don't have to go to work this weekend. I also submitted and got approval for total of 5 weeks of vacation.
Thanks
|
self.offmychest
|
I've lost all motivation. I don't care about my future. I thought I was getting better, but in the end, it just made the fall harder.
|
self.depression
|
Stopped caring There's too damn much (violence, assault, death, neglect, manipulation, etc.) and the older I get, the worse I feel.
I've turned to things I shouldn't to numb things. I've started drinking a lot. I've been thinking more and more about how to end it. I've started giving things away or abandoning passion projects 10+ years in the making. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I keep trying to think of ways that it could get better (parents to replace the ones I never had, a nice partner to help undo some of the damage of child rape/ make sex a positive thing, a safe house where no one's hitting me anymore, etc.), but those things are out of reach and I don't even know if they'd help. What if I had all those things and still felt like absolute shit?
I'm in tons of therapy, but I'm constantly being guilt-tripped about the price of it, so it likely won't last.
I just want it to be over. No more nightmares where I wake up screaming, no more fights, no more anger, no more PTSD or panic attacks. I just want to be safe and happy. I don't even fucking know what that feels like.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
any tips on dealing with monophobia? (the fear of being alone)
|
self.Anxiety
|
It’s been a month and we haven’t talked. It’s been a while. You’ve stopped texting and I’ve not reached out either. I’ve deleted your number so that I *can’t* text you.
I won’t label you as bad news, or a bad person because you’re neither.
It’s not your fault.
I think you’ve gone back to her, the one you left behind, the one you thought you’d forgotten and had gotten over.
I don’t know what you feel about me, either I’m cold/distant/weird or clearly someone Crazy into you. I tried not to show, tried not to show how much I cared. How much you matter.
I miss you or the idea of You. And nobody matches up. They can’t make me laugh or they cross a line they shouldn’t have.
You were perfect, you made sure I had a smile plastered on my face during our time together.
And I’m grateful for that!
I really wish if you’re if you’re wishing for me too, come back please! I like how your name looks on my phone.
And I hate missing you. I really do.
|
self.offmychest
|
What choice do I have to live in this life? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hypothyroidism I’ve written before about my concerns with starting Lithium due to it causing hypothyroidism. Welp, after almost 2 months on lithium, my TSH levels double out of a nice normal level. I’m so frustrated but at least my doctor sent me prescriptions for meds less than 24 hours since I did the blood work.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anti-depressants and getting into fights with my boyfriend over them. I’ve gotten prescribed antidepressants( up to three times) whenever I go see my psychiatrist and I have never filled out that prescription because my boyfriend says that my doctor is a pill pusher and that all of his friends have regretted going on antidepressants. He also makes me feel guilty because he doesn’t understand why I’m so unhappy and keeps asking if it’s him. I’m starting to think it might be. He “allows” me to take my adderall for my ADHD but it took years to make him accept those. Anyone else have problems like this? He says he is just worries about me taking too many powerful drugs and is scared my personality will change.
|
self.depression
|
Something i got out of my psychosis. Everything is beautiful, yet horrifying.
|
self.bipolar
|
Mental countdown before working an evening shift So since quitting several jobs in quick succession due to anxiety and 2 months of unemployment, I have finally found a tolerable part-time position with relatively short shifts that will comfortably cover my expenses come January/February. (whew!)
The only issue is that it is shift work, and while most of my shifts are in the morning or afternoon, I occasionally have shifts that start at 4 or 5PM. Because I can’t physically sleep that late so that my day just starts with work (my preference), I spend the entire day before work counting down how many hours I have left, obsessing over when I should start getting ready so I can be there 30 minutes early, etc etc. I try to keep myself distracted with housework or videogames but the thoughts are intrusive.
If anyone has any suggestions or coping skills they could share, that would be awesome.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't have any real friends. My friends never text me back or want to spend time with me and I spend my days sitting in my room doing nothing. I have no will to live anymore, I don't have enough money to do the only things I enjoy in live and I don't have any talents.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Questioning the big picture of my medical history Ok so this covers a little over a decade of systemic physical and mental illnesses + symptoms, so I'll try to sum it up as much as possible, please bear with me. For reference, I'm 23/F and was first seen by a psychiatrist around age 18 for my 3rd bout of major depression, and later explicitly told I had BP type II at age 21, which happened around the same time as another severe medical issue.
Lately I've been reflecting on my BP II diagnosis since the first symptoms of depression I showed around age 12, and which were intensified at 13 and 16 were deeply linked with both an eating disorder that dominated many aspects of my life until I was 19 (I was in a highly demanding physical discipline I quit at 14-15 because of this) and to a pretty dysfunctional family environment.
Due to the aforementioned eating disorder I also developed hypothyroidism at 13 and didn't even get a period for 8-10 months straight (later Dx'd as PCOS by the way). This type of hormonal imbalances generally leads to depression and anxiety as well, so I've been thinking about that as something that could be explained through a physical source of illness coupled with an environmentally detrimental approach to mental health instead of something of a primarily psychiatric origin - I'm aware teenagers are not diagnosed with BP, but obviously this was part of the medical history I shared with my psychiatrist and it had weight in his final diagnosis.
So, I began seeing him at 18 and at first he put me on Lexapro, which did wonders for me. I bounced back pretty quickly from the paralysis of depression and became productive and overall healthier, with one caveat - after some months I felt my anxiety levels were too high for me to handle so he added a low dose of Klonopin to the antidepressant. This was later changed to Xanax and to be honest I did abuse my prescription, even if at 20 I had to quit it completely because it wasn't covered anymore (luckily I didn't suffer from benzo withdrawal or anything, though I never reached daily amounts over 4-6 g so that must've helped). I now wonder if the heightened anxiety was caused by the antidepressants and the negative loop of benzo misuse.
Here it's worth mentioning that around age 19 I started smoking some r/trees of rather questionable origins, which I did not disclose to my doc, and began showing some hypomanic symptoms - higher energy and productivity - which for the most part helped me through college but also got me into situations of taking up too many responsibilities at the same time and then failing to fulfill them; I recognize my thinking was distorted in that "excessive faith in one's abilities" sense as I optimistically thought I could manage everything but couldn't deliver in the end. My psych's answer was to add a low dose of Lamictal (mood stabilizer) to the mix, which seemed to help for the most part.
So where did the breaking point for that BP II diagnosis come from? Well, I finally took on way more responsibility than I could handle, partly because I was being pushed by my teachers to do so since I was at the top of my class and got a "good" internship in which I was given twice the workload I was supposed to have, so saying no was out of the question.
By now not even the antidepressant + anxiety med + mood stabilizer + weed mix I had going on was helping with the intensity of my symptoms, so for whatever reason he decided to substitute the Lexapro+Lamictal combo for Zoloft. This time I had some really shitty side effects - malaise, fatigue, and cognitive problems - which I didn't get to address directly in an appointment because, well, I was extremely busy with trying to juggle my last semester of classes, a full-time insane internship, and my undergrad thesis as well as community service, so that dropped to the bottom of the list of priorities at the time. TBH I was neglecting myself fully in terms of physical and mental health in a desperate attempt to do it all.
Lucky me, halfway through that semester I had a severe case of reactive arthritis probably brought on by a gastrointestinal virus (my eating habits were, to put it mildly, shit) and literally overnight I went from being just fine to crying in pain because my hands felt like they were on fire. I was seen that very morning by a rheumathologist and she suggested either 5 days of Dexamethasone or, or, a single shot of Betamethasone. This *was* signed off by my psychiatrist.
To my even greater luck, in the span of a week after I chose the one-time shot I had my first and only full-blown manic episode since I couldn't get a fucking hold of any of my doctors during their sweet vacation time and my almost nonexistant support network failed me to the point of no return. I had been awake for almost 6 days straight by the time I was finally received by my psych; he promptly gave me a hell of a dose of Quetiapine and Valproate and sent me off with my family, the one that had handled this emergency as delicately as a stampede of elephants, and I was pretty much limited to living in my room like a zombie for a month. This was when I was informed of my official BP diagnosis. That month I was at the worst point I've ever been in cognitive terms - I lost almost all short-term memory, couldn't pay attention for more than a few minutes, couldn't even read a paragraph - and when I was finally able to link more than two braincells together I begged to be switched to Lamictal. This helped me start recovering at last, but ever since I've had memory problems which I attribute to being put on a bunch of antipsychotics in the middle of the most traumatizing event of my life so far.
Anyway, I've since been taking exclusively Lamictal 100-300 mg for the past 2 years since this lovely time, which I keep up with because whenever I've forgotten to take it for weeks or so I've had a marked increase in intrusive thoughts, awful moods and attention/memory problems. I've never had any negative "upswing" effects, though. After reading a bit I added Folic acid, vit D and Omega 3 supplements since it's more than likely that I had nutritional deficiencies and it seems to help with the arthritis that keeps popping up as well.
Now, my issue with all of this is the following - based on the early stages of my mental disorders, there's a strong organic component, and afterwards both the medication I was using properly and the one I abused could've exacerbated their symptoms (besides the weed use). Also, the drug-induced mania caused by Betamethasone would've probably been written off as steroid psychosis in another patient without my history, and its aftermath can be more than explained by the hellish side effects of antipsychotics.
So, I guess my question is: could I eventually stop taking Lamictal altogether, given that the root of these illnesses isn't exactly idiopathic? Obviously I would only do this within the context of a healthy lifestyle (balanced diet and physical rehabilitation program), and with the support of a psychiatrist, but I'd like to know if anyone has had success removing all psych meds and controlling their symptoms without them, or if they've even stopped having them after a certain time in the case of drug-induced BP. If not I guess it'll be just another pill on top of my thyroid medication I'll take for the rest of my life since it's one of those things you can't exactly regenerate, however, given that I do experience mild side effects from Lamictal it'd be nice to get off it safely.
**TL;DR: There were legit organic reasons for the beginning of my anxiety/depression symptoms and later on I strongly suspect they got out of control due to drugs. Is there a chance I could manage the moderate symptoms of both exclusively through a healthy, balanced lifestyle?**
|
self.bipolar
|
Failing to mature with age? Normal 30s same as I was at 19 or so....never had relationship, no kids, stay with parents etc...understandable perhaps....still I feel my brain issue even when I moved away and on my own was walking about like a clueless 15 year old....
|
self.depression
|
Medication and sedation. I am finding my self extremely exhaused latley. I get enough sleep. I don't know if I'm going into depression or if it's my medication? Ino morning I take zoloft, metformin, epival, rovistatin. At night I take clonazapam, latuda, metformin and epival. I need my eneray levels to go up to stay up and go to my college classes. So any advice? I find I'm really tired from when I wake up and by the time it's 1 or 2pm I am exhausted and just basicly can only force myself to stay up so I don't miss taking my night time medication at the correct time.
Thank you
|
self.bipolar
|
What do you do when the only thing that would ever make you happy again is unreachable and it would take luck to even have a chance at it again? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do you guys get extremely anxious when doing certian activities? For me, it's math, especially when I'm around other peopme. In my AP Calculus class we are required to work in groups for every chapter. My regular group is really nice and helpful but I just feel so stupid compare to them. They're always seven questions ahead when I'm stick on number one. I'm afraid of asking for help because it makes me feel stupid. Sometimes I imagine that they're silently judge me. And then I silently cry and start jabbing myself with a pencil to stop crying.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Rescheduled again Had my first panic attack back in Oct. Thought it was a one time thing but the feelings persisted so a week later I made an appointment.
Evaluation was scheduled for Dec 19th and that felt like a year with these feelings coming and going. That appointment comes and I get scheduled for the psychiatrist, ologist, Doctor I don’t know, on Jan 2.
A week before that appointment I get told they’re closed for the holiday, so I rescheduled for today.
Get a call just now that my appointment in 2 hours is rescheduled again but this time the doctor is out with he flu.
I’ve started using cbd oil and it helps but I really want to be seen and I don’t know.
I know I’m not a doctor.
I’m just venting.
|
self.Anxiety
|
A brief narrative of mixed/Depressive symptoms Starting about three days ago I started to feel anxious, agitated, like I needed to do *something* and sitting still just made me feel awful. It made me think a lot like "why am I not busy and social with friends?" "this is unbearable I have nothing to do".
I live in a pretty new place and I dont have any source of marijuana otherwise I would have reached for that and unfortunately one of the few things I know of that will take the edge off.
I went for a sauna at the YMCA and then I drove for 25 minutes to do a hike up a mountain to get some shots on instagram to prove I still exist to some others. The entire time I felt like a pressure headache, stress on my brain, and a desire to die, thinking not seriously about just driving off a cliff.
After a bit of exercise I got home still feeling awful. It felt like something started to crack in the middle of the afternoon when I started to cry and I got a response back from someone locally who is understanding of bipolar and might even be able to help me get some green and I cried a bunch.
I woke up today it feels like a fog has started to lift. I dont feel the pressure anymore but I feel exhausted like I was definitely under pressure and strained for a period of time.
|
self.bipolar
|
i have a problem with studying i cant fucking get it. every time i have to study for a topic i dont like, im starting too late, i dont want to learn since i know that i will never understand it, and since i hate studying these topics i am not motivated. I would love to become better and learn but i just block whenever im sitting down and it comes down to actually study.
i like school but i dont know what to do now. studying things you hate is so difficult.
if anyone had that problem or has a solution, help would be really appreciated
|
self.offmychest
|
Why should I live? What's even the point of all this? Why must I live? I have no purpose in life but to waste resources. Even if I died, the sun won't stop rising. Plants would still keep growing. And everyone who knew me would move on eventually. So why should I bother? Why should I keep on going? Why should I fight this? It only hurts more when I do.
|
self.depression
|
Happiness Fading So, I’ve struggled from pretty serve depression and anxiety most of my life. The last few 5 months or so I’ve been happier than I ever had been. It’s all because of this girl. My girlfriend is literally my world. I always make her feel special and loved, because I appreciate her so much. The last week or so she’s been pushing me away, and hardly talking to me. She asked if I was free on Sunday, because “we need to talk”... I’ve been slowly sinking into a pit of despair. I think she’s going to break up with me. I have a nice dinner planned out on the off chance she decides to stay with me though... I don’t know what to do😔. I love her so much; it’s going to literally kill me if I lose her. I feel like losing my mental stability already... I miss her already; someone please just end me.
|
self.depression
|
Looking for someone to talk to about anything, just trying to forget about life
|
self.depression
|
im a trans teenager with a relatively accepting family, so why am i still afraid to come out? Using a throwaway for obvious reasons and, y'know, that good old trans paranoia. I'm a 16, almost 17, year old transgender male. I started questioning my gender at 13 and finally accepted the fact that I was trans a few months ago though the thought had always lingered in the back of my mind for years, I was just too afraid to really think about it. Really saying I was trans was hard and it was definitley a tear filled night but I've grown to be proud of it and wear that title with pride. I started referring to myself as "he" and "him" since then and going by a different name online and to my close friends who I've already come out to and it feels amazing but I still haven't come out to my family. For the past few months I've tried dropping hints, referring to myself as "they" and "them" instead of "she" or "her", bringing up topics like trans rights and LGBT rights in general, among other things. I've even tried to get my mom to *ask* me if I'm trans so I don't have to actually say it but she's never caught on. It's killing me living my formative years as a girl, most days I can just grin and bear it but others I feel like I just want to scream when everyone is saying *she* and not *he* and calling me by my birth name.
From what I've seen my family is pretty accepting, they are fine with gay/lesbian/bi people and while they don't *quite* understand trans people they try to respect them even if they end up misgendering them sometimes. I've skirted around the edges and asked them how they would react if one of their kids or siblings came out as trans and the general consensus was "I wouldn't care" so it *seems* like it'd be a safe enviroment to come out in but I'm still incredibly hesitant.
I'm a naturally paranoid person, I've battled with my fair share of depression and anxiety and I still hold the thoughts that my family and friends secretly hate me and that coming out would only heighten that hate, so I never tell them. As I get closer and closer to being an adult though I realize I don't want to live the remainder of my teen years as a "girl", I want to be seen as who I am. Every time I get close to coming out though I back out and just say "nevermind" and continue living as someone I'm not.
I feel stupid and selfish because I know there are thousands of transgender kids in actually dangerous enviroments where they can't safetly come out in fear of being kicked out, beaten, or even *killed*. The worst that would happen to me is my family not understand and continuing to label me a girl. I just don't know how to tell them that their daughter and sister isn't that at *all*, it's such a big change and I may have adjusted to it but I'm terrified they won't be able to and I don't know what to do about it.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel like I'm about to have an episode, but I'm not sure which kind. I've been pretty stable for 7 or so months, but I've been feeling a little unstable for the past week or so. Not sure whether I'm trending hypomanic or depressed, but I feel like I'm at the edge of stability right now. I'm scared of what could happen if I had a bad episode. I'm off at college right now, and none of my friends here really get my mental health issues. There's a chance I'm just overreacting and that I won't have an episode.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just keep going because of my mum My dad allready died when i was four years old. First i didn't even looked at the hurt that the death of my father caused. When i got older i slowly realized that it had something to do with my problems in life. But i used it as an excuse, for me not listening to myself. If no one ever listened to you, how could you listen to yourself?
My mother would be heart broken if i commited suicide, and i would die 4 years prior to when my dad died of lung cancer. So it is not an option. But it gives me comfort, that i least have something left under my control in my life. I gave up control for all the other things in life: relationships, friendships, school, work. I was to afraid to step up for myself, and now i pay the price...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
ok hear me out i have a brilliant idea for an app [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I think it's time. I gave it a shot this year and im worse off than I was last Christmas Still as unloved. Fatter, uglier, still boring. Still in love with people that don't see me the same way. Still taking 5 steps back for every 1 forward. I just don't have the energy for another year of this
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does it really get better? I've been depressed and suicidal for years at this point, and I'm just exhausted. I find that people always tell me that it will get better, but it feels like I've waited so long, I'm just so tired of it. Sure, there are days where I feel happy, but they're so few and far between. What's the point in living for a few good moments when everything else is so dark? I just want it to end.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It's my birthday today. I'm 19 today and nobody has wished me a happy birthday or anything. I've been alone for an incredibly long time and I've been made to feel guilty and miserable by my own family on my birthday. I'm on my way to work just now and I've already slipped on some ice and hurt my back.
I hope you all have a better day than me so far. Cheers.
|
self.depression
|
I just had a dream about my ex and it destroyed me [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I cried before I first came here, and I will cry before I leave. This is obviously a throwaway. I am also obviously not a native English speakers, so apologies for weird grammar.
---------------
The day before I left my country to study here, I cried, leaving a part of my heart back home with all its memories.
I'm not the kind of person who socialises often. I only have a small circle of friends, with whom I always talked with every single day, both on the internet and IRL when our times match. I have a girlfriend too, and long-distance relationship made me anxious. I was anxious about everything that awaits. Life, study, new friends, everything.
Nine months later, I fell in love with the city. It is good to live here. I started cooking for myself, I interacted with strangers, I delved in new hobbies, I like it here. I love the city, I love the people. And I'd hate to leave.
I love home, but I love it here too. What will happen if I decided to stay after I graduate and work? What if I decided to go back to my home country and work there? I don't know. I have no idea.
When my visa is no longer good, when I have to leave, I'll cry once again, leaving a part of my heart here with all its memories.
|
self.offmychest
|
Seems like theres no way out. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm confused.
I've been contemplating for a long time. Several attempts in my past. Not proud cause pa always said "your a fing low life coward if you give up on life." Things seemingly go good until they go bad. This time it was pretty bad. There wasn't any physical abuse this time like there has been in the past but sometimes the words hurt worse than the rod. I tried it before. It felt good. My eyes went dark. I felt a peace rush over me. There was no pain. If it wasn't for that officer I would have got away with it. Maybe I could do it again but for real this time. Idk I don't really wanna die. I just don't want to live in this evil, corrupt, misleading world anymore. The government does not have my best interest at hand, neither does family, friends don't exist. I'm grateful for what I have like health, intelligence, shelter, clothing, and even the joys of life. But some fing people are down right evil, EVIL I SAY. The evil comes in the day to steal that joy and every fing shred of optimism. I won't go into the details of every incident but trust me y'all this evil is a deep seeded hate filled evil that roots from a bad childhood. This evil is haunting me. This evil is my dad! He makes me want to kill him but but I don't like hurting people. So I want to kill myself because I see no way out. I tell you the evil this man possesses is the evil of hate, ignorance, and child abuse. I don't know what else to say. I don't know where else to go. I feel hopeless with nowhere to turn to. I'm afraid. I'm trying my best but the evil keeps tearing me down. Ive actually started to self sabotage my body by excessive alcohal consumption and chain smoking this way if I get cancer everyone wont judge me like if I killed myself which is pretty much the same thing to me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Internet addiction. Need advice. So my parents don’t wan’t me to use the computer much, but it’s virtually the only thing that entertains my anymore (no pun intended) because I have no friends to get together with and it seems like the only people who are willing to talk to me are online. I constantly ask my parents to go out and do something but ironically they’re always on the computer or just too lazy. I need some fun and interesting things to do at home, like crafts. Please give advice. The computer is there when no one is there. It’s my only friend.
|
self.depression
|
What does life mean to you? I'm at a point where I just don't see the positive anymore, it's weird I'm a positive optimistic person, and even though I want to die I still love and appreciate things in this life so much, and am brought to tears at times at simple things like someone's smile or idk. But I feel empty and detached a part of it but not a part at all. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. What are your reasons for living? What gets you through the day or is living just easy for you that you don't need a reason?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
A rant about what a miserable little shit I am. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My family makes me want to kill myself This is a really hard time of year for me because of all the holidays, which means that I have to spend more time with my family. I have a really long history of problems with my family. This includes my grandmother having an affair behind my grandfather's back, my family mistreating my 95 year old great grandfather, and just generally a lot of conflict that doesn't really get solved and creates a lot of tension. I also just feel like I can't relax around them and being around them so much doesn't come with the same loving and relaxing vibe as say being around my friends does.
As a result, I avoid my family as much as I can. I usually hang out with my friends or just stay home by myself. I'm in a really weird spot though because I currently live with my dad (I'm at community college), and he generally gives me a lot of freedom and respects that I'm an adult, but he always gives me crap about not wanting to be around the family. He always wants to know why I don't want to go (which is fair), but I know that if I tell him how suicidal and anxious my family makes me feel he'll brush it off as silly or just say "well it's your family so too bad." (I've tried to talk to my dad about my mental illness before and it never turns out in a supportive way).
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my dad really wants me to go even though I already said no, and he said we'll talk about it later, but wtf am I supposed to tell him? I could be honest, but it just might make him really mad and make me feel even worse.
I just feel really suicidal and frustrated right now. I always run away from my problems because I don't want to confront them. I know that makes me cowardly but I'm hurting a lot and don't have a ton of support to solve what I'm going through. I always have fantasies about running away and my own funeral and "getting back at my family" for how crappy they always make me feel. I hate this feeling of being trapped.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i am GOING to do it Well, here we are again.
Things just don't seem to work out huh?
I am sitting on a couch I feel sick and I am waiting.
Waiting for the courage to come and oh god is it coming.
I am going to kill myself in less than an hour.
Goodbye
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My boyfriend told me to go talk to reddit if i cant take is insensitive comments about how i feel. So here i am.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else find themselves reaching out for childhood places or things when they’re feeling particularly upset or anxious? I’m a 25 year old guy. At times when I don’t understand what I’m feeling or I’m unable to control my own panic, I go drive and park in front of my mom’s house for a while or I’ll go visit my grandparent’s empty house (they travel a lot). I don’t do anything in particular, I just... be there. It usually calms me down after a while but is followed by some underlying sadness and a childish feeling of fear.
Does anyone else have this impulse toward your own places or things related to childhood? I’m sure there’s some psychology behind it, but I’m hoping I’m not alone in this type of coping mechanism.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm just so tired ... I just wanna fucking cry ... I just to be normal. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I hate the "I feel like 07 Britney" meme. Guess what, I am "07 Britney" levels ***often***. And it has fucking ruined my life.
It just reminds me how fucked up I am. Ive done this shit so often and so hard, if people can't move o from that, no one wil move on from the shit I keel pulling. Fml
I don't expect anyone to stop doing it, just ranting.
Also me and Britney both have psoriasis, Kim K has too. Must be a diva thing
|
self.bipolar
|
I should be happy, but I feel trapped. Does anyone else feel like this? It's almost like I have no choices left to make in life... and it's constantly bringing me down [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Parents Fighting My parents argue very often and even though they don’t fight with physical contact, sometimes it gets a bit out of hand. Once, my dad even went towards the door and said that he was leaving, and another time, he said that he was going to jump out of the window and die (he headed towards the window at that time but didn’t jump). This led to me feeling insecure and made me lock the doors and windows whenever they argue, I cry at night almost every day because I’m afraid that they’ll get divorced or something worse. Every time the argument stops, my parents say that they will never fight again, but that is far from the truth. What can I do to make this feeling go away? What can I do to stop their fighting?
|
self.offmychest
|
my girlfriend is in a psych ward and i have no one to talk to about it [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Dude just stop being sad. Yeah right. I'll be sure to say that when everybody fucking laughs at you. Cunt.
|
self.depression
|
I'm worth sweet fuck all Death please take me away Im so fed up with whats left of my life it doesn't even feel like mine.
|
self.depression
|
[NAW, just ranting] Tired of feeling of/being shamed for writing I don't really write anything like novels or short stories or anything with a relatively linear plot. It's more accurate to say I like to build characters. I like coming up with their conflicts, their struggles, their personalities, how they deal with certain situations. Usually I write this down in a document because when I come up with a character I think is really interesting, I always feel really proud of myself. I have depression, and this has become a really comforting (and IMO healthy) method of coping on some of my tougher days.
Since I'm a big D&D player, these characters are usually fantasy based and I build them with a sort of "character sheet" in mind as I suss out their personalities and strengths and weaknesses and flaws. Some of my favorites are: a daughter of necromancers who shunned her lineage in favor of light magic (my current D&D character); an old female Dragonborn from a clan of storm god paladins who live on the steppes under an eternal thunderstorm; a pair of Bladesinging sisters whose lives interconnect despite their very different lifestyles. Sure, some of these characters might not be anything unique, but I still enjoy making them.
But I'm just so tired of being shamed for finding joy in doing this. There is one person in my life specifically that hurts the worst. He's writing a book series himself and I'm kind of like his "editor" in the sense that he bounces his ideas off of me and I listen and support and give advice when he asks because he really values my critical ability (summa cum laude English major with a particularly strong editing ability and the university award for English Student of the Year). I genuinely think his writing and concepts are really interesting and enjoyable and I make sure he knows I feel that way. But when I share my own ideas that I'm really proud of, I get a response like an eye roll or "really, [name]?" And the worst part about it is...this person who shames me? He's my fiancé. The person I least expected to act that way and the one I felt most comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities with. Now I don't know if I'll ever feel happy sharing this with him anymore.
All I'm doing is saying, "hey, look at this interesting character concept I came up with." It's not like I bombard him every day with it or demand he praise me at every given moment. Most ideas don't stick or go anywhere and it can be over a month between finding those really good ideas, so I get excited when one really strikes inspiration in me. When he does this, it's so tempting to be petty and tell him I'm not going to proofread and edit his college papers for him anymore, but I'm just not that kind of person. I'm already incredibly vulnerable and deeply private about my creativity. I don't need the shame on top of it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Rough time I’ve been having a real rough weekend and a rough day today too. I’ve been having really bad crying spells and an overwhelming sense of dread. I just feel self hatred and that I’m failing at everything, I know these things aren’t true but I can’t shake the feeling. I’ve been crying in class all morning, I just feel despondent.
This usually comes up from people, yes I’m medicated, this is the first bought of mood swings I’ve had in a very long time. I lost my insurance so I’m not on abilify anymore and I cant quite say if this is contributing to what’s going on or not. I just want to leave school and curl up in bed and isolate.
|
self.bipolar
|
Medications to keep reality and medications to keep me silent Seroquel 200 mg 3 times a day - for Bipolar 1, auditory hallucinations; Buspar 15mg 2 pills twice a day - for Generalized Anxiety Disorder; Zoloft 200mg a day for Depression; Klonopin 1mg - up to twice a day for panic attacks; Remerol 15mg nightly for insomnia; Topomax 200mg at bedtime for PTSD nightmares. Without it all I feel like I am spinning out of control ready to be hospitalized....with it all I feel like I will never have a creative thought in my head again.
|
self.bipolar
|
University + Anxiety and Depression Originally posted in r/anxiety but I wanted to post here as well for advice from this sub reddit users perspective.
Hello, I’m going to start this off with some background. I’m currently dealing with generalized anxiety and social anxiety which has lead to moderate depression and mild ocd as determined by a personal counsellor in my home town. I’m working very hard to make things bearable but right now, I am having trouble simply getting out of bed and dealing with a constant exhaustion. I’m currently living in a different city now than my home town.
I’m a university student which takes all my effort to get out of bed to attend my classes, I never leave campus and rarely my room only for classes, food and hygiene which drains the entirety of my energy. I look for any excuse to avoid spending time with the friends I have made out of anxiety about conversations. I have trouble staying asleep and when I fall asleep I get extremely vivid anxious dreams (things like natural disasters which give me enough anxiety to constantly wake me throughout the night). This could be due to my antidepressant medication. Even so most of my time is spent “napping” in bed.
Despite that I really try to get good grades that’s my main hope at the moment but it’s so hard to leave my bed. The thought of going to the doctor to try a third medication is rather daunting and if anything I feel like a bother and maybe medication simply won’t help because It can’t be fixed. The thought of going to a counsellor here gives me so much anxiety, I would spend so much time worrying about it ahead of time and I wouldn’t really know what to ask help for specifically. After I attend my 3 hour classes I go home to nap for hours because I simply struggle to keep my eyes open and body awake.
Deadlines are approaching quickly, as a previous honours student I’m scared my grades will slip and yet I feel so helpless. I want to keep my grades up more than anything but it’s so hard to get up.
I’m afraid to ask for help and extended deadlines and I wouldn’t even know what to say or where to start. It feels too late in the year to even begin.
|
self.depression
|
I don't even have enough energy or drive to kill myself Nothing, I'm missing an important motor, I'm tired constantly, yawning, dozing off and lying down have become my greatest talent. No achievements I have no achievements at all and don't want to work anywhere at all. I just want to sleep all day, I feel like I'm wandering through life like a cloud.
I lie to myself that I care to do things and work towards a future but I just don't see any point. People are just absolutely horrible to each other, I try to be optimistic but I see people online saying that they choose not to be nice and I see people mocking others clothes and tastes. Why do we criticize others loves and hobbies, movies, music, fashion and lifestyles we have created a world where the hobbies created to make us happy can now be good or bad.
Everyone tells me i'm stupid and weird, i'm ugly and no man will ever love me. I'm too afraid to ask important questions because people have created the idea of a "stupid question" so I feel as though I can never learn.
I wish I was dead life is like a walking shadow, I'm simply drifting through like nothing, I'm tired and I hate myself.
|
self.depression
|
Unmedicated sleep I had my first night of unmedicated sleep where I slept the night in at least two years yesterday. Holy fuck.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else kinda bothered that Kanye won't admit he's one of us? I don't really feel like I have to explain the situation if any of you are well-versed in pop culture. It is so evident that he suffers from an emotional disorder, and with everything he seems to have stood for in the past, I'm bothered that he's not helping fight the stigma and only citing exhaustion for his past involuntary hospitalization in a psychiatric facility. And that his wife insists that poor mental health does not factor into any of his behavior, instead of being dismissive in a way that doesn't feel disrespectful to the struggle we endure. I mean, don't just shove something under the rug that claims lives so unfairly every single day.
Am I being dumb about this? I feel like maybe I am.
|
self.bipolar
|
does anyone else wish for death on their birthday? i've been doing it for 4 or 5 years now.. still nothing
|
self.depression
|
I'm in a pretty rotten state. For years I have tried living along side the mess in my head. I know I have depression but there is more but it's undiagnosed. I've tried different medications and some of them kind of work. None of them work for long. Maybe they never work and I just believe they are for a while until the dark creeps back in. That being said, I for the most part have completely ruined my life. Without too much detail, I am now 31 and I have a 6 year old that I only get to see a couple hours every two weeks. I have thousands of dollars of debt. My ex gets child support from me. I've never held a job for more than two years. I've only lived by myself for a couple of months before I was in even more debt.
For the past few months things were looking up. My boyfriend of twoish years hadn't really dealt with someone like me but he had been handling it super well. To the point that we bought a house together. Well I mean, it's his house and his money, but we talked like it was ours. We were happy.
But about a month ago I lost my job. It just started going downhill from there. A lot of it I think was having no contact with really anyone while bf was at work. It wasn't that bad but last night I lost it. Self harm comes and goes with me. I try not to, but sometimes it's too much and I feel like I need it. Last night I needed it a lot. I got upset and made the bf mad. So I got mad. I went kinda crazy. Instead of cutting like I usually do, I started open palm hitting myself in the face. Over and over. I am still ashamed. I didn't want to post this because of it. But I don't know where else to go.
I love my boyfriend, he is the happiest anyone has ever made me. He is my best friend. But right now he is at work and he is seriously considering breaking up with me. I went too far. He doesn't deserve to live like this so I don't blame him, even a little. He has helped me in so many ways since we met that I don't feel like I ever thank him enough.
I don't know why I'm here. I don't have any other friends. I don't have family that I can actually talk to. I don't know what to do. About any of this. I feel stuck and useless and I feel like I ruin everything I touch. I don't know of anything in my life that hasn't been fucked up by me at some point. I don't want to be this way.
|
self.depression
|
Are mood swings common with anxiety/depression? I have recently started to analyze myself more and have noticed that ever since I can remember I've had these mood swings.
It's usually not without reason at all, sometimes either something really good happens like a cute girl looks at me and smiles and that makes me feel elated for at least the next 2-3 hours, or something bad happens and I get very irritable and my self esteem dips.
Now, I don't think that I am bipolar because my bad moods aren't that bad, yes i feel like shit as a person and I don't like anything about myself and the anger gets really bad sometimes but it usually goes away if I do something that I enjoy. My good moods make me feel great like a person and I start to love things about myself that I usually disliked/hated, but it's not like I go out and try to pick up random women, do drugs, or spend all my money. Most of the time I can change my mood just by thinking, calming or pumping myself up mentally.
I'm just wondering if this is common, or if I should see a therapist for potential bipolar/BPD?
I'm not looking for a diagnosis, but it's probably worth mentioning that I did have a pretty shitty traumatic childhood.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suicide because I am a crazy person. I think I am not gonna do anything. Edit a few days later
|
self.bipolar
|
Why do I feel so consumed by my work? Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any coping strategies? I can’t stop thinking about work and it’s utterly consuming me. I have so much on my plate and never know where to start. I keep trying various productivity hacks to clear my mind and try to determine what is priority but every time I start doing a task I can’t stop thinking about all of the other tasks I have to get to. It’s insanely overwhelming. I can’t say I love my job but I’m not in a position to make a career switch yet... I just hate coming home every day and not being able to unwind as all I think about is work. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any coping strategies?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like a piece of shit for this [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Help a college student! Examples of neurodiversity in science fiction TV?
|
self.bipolar
|
[Minor TW: Nuclear Weapons and Whatnot] To people With nuclear war anxieties: A Couple of Ways to Ground Yourself and Stop Worrying (from a fellow panicker) **DISCLAIMER:** For geopolitical purposes and familiarity, I am writing this from the perspective of a citizen of the United States through their conflict with North Korea. My mind in organizing this long post will result in some presumably all-over-the-place points (some political and some with language if you're not into that), but hopefully my personal grounding methods and thoughts will benefit and calm you guys. Also, incredibly long post ahead!
Hey friends! For a brief introduction about myself and the topic, I'm /u/Smaaaaaash, and I've been posting a lot about worrying with nuclear war, whether it be with North Korea, Russia, or literally anyone the POTUS is pissing on about on twitter. This is because I took a class about the Cold War during the political climate of the 2016 election, which was probably one of the dumbest decisions I could have made for the time, especially with my long-term struggles with anxiety and (I suppose) hypochondria. Regardless, despite my suffering, I have resolved to stop my endless panic over the idea of nuclear war so I can live without the constant worry that a cold war would bring (note: I do not believe we are currently living in a cold war. More on that later.) To help my fellow friends who are struggling with the freaky thoughts of nuclear war, here is a list of stuff that I am doing to separate myself that may just help you:
**1. DISMANTLE IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS**
Despite what the news, twitter, reddit, and anyone may say, the possibility of a nuclear war is statistically extremely low. Every global leader that has power over nukes has not used them in their reign of power (and they have not been used as literal weapons since 1945), and they each understand that nuclear war would be a big L for their side. (Yes, even Kim and Trump.) If that's the case, why does Trump keep talking about it? Besides off-hand comments and comparisons to Brigadier General Ripper from Doctor Strangelove that I could make, it's his weird-ass form of diplomacy. For example, the tweet he made earlier today concerning Kim's statement that the launch button was in his office was a way to say that if they attack us, they'll be blown the hell out as well. This is a way to stop Kim from attacking us. (Also, let me talk about that statement for a second: this headline actually led to [this article](http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/31/asia/kim-jong-un-new-year-address-nuclear/index.html), which states that Kim Jong-Un is willing to send a representative to Seoul's Olympics next month. He only used the threat of a launch button in the way that a dad makes sure that his daughter's prom date behaves: a threat that probably won't happen but gets a message across. I personally think CNN dropped the ball when they tried to make said comment the headline, since that triggered a Trump tweet, but I doubt anything will come of it.) Anyways, nobody wants a nuclear war because it will end with them and their shit getting destroyed, bluntly put. Plus, we all have rational thinkers on each side: Trump, regardless of his tweeting antics, is reigned back by General Mattis and Congress from declaring war or doing dumb stuff, and Kim Jong-Un has Russia and China, who don't seem to want anything starting, saying they'll drop support if NK chucks a nuke anywhere first. There's a lot going on, but a lot of it is diplomatic; the US Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, is open to diplomacy with NK, and analysts have pointed out that [NK seems to want to talk now](https://www.npr.org/2017/11/29/567313555/how-diplomatic-engagement-with-north-korea-could-proceed). I could go on and on about how war isn't happening, but for the sake of character limits I'll leave it to the idea that nuclear war is not actually on the table, despite the dick-waving that global leaders tend to do. It's mostly just to say 'fuck you don't nuke us', and dropping a bomb gives more loss than gain, which nobody wants, not even Trump or Kim.
So what do you do with this information? Every time your mind wanders to the idea of anything related to this, shut it down. Ground yourself. Rationalize. Take a minute to breathe, find what makes you sure your fear is just a passing thought, and use it to cross-examine your fear and call it out. (If you need help figuring this out, check out older threads on /r/anxiety about nuclear fears or PM me. I'll do my best!) I personally keep a note on my phone dedicated to debunking my own arguments, be they about Trump, Korea, Russia, or survival, and it works pretty well when I'm not getting influenced by things like sensationalist news. "But /u/Smaaaaaash," you ask, "what do I do about sensationalist news and the like?" Well...
**2. DISTRACT FROM TRIGGERS**
Remember when I said that CNN made the headline of their article about Kim Jong-Un wanting to work with South Korea a headline that focused on North Korea's nuclear capability? They primarily did that to get responses. That gets them clicks, attention, money, anything that a news network needs to survive. Although it's good to spread awareness about worrisome stuff like nuclear work or climate change through the news, a lot of headlines and articles are sadly sensationalized for the moola. This is why you may want to consider taking a break from news sources that talk big up front but provide little information. Trust me, if something big is happening, you'll know it. From my point of view, most of my irrational anxiety/panic surrounding a nuclear breakout comes from the news or reddit posts, which I find validates my insecurities about war occurring. It's a matter of finding a way to either not look at these posts at all or debunking their bs. When it comes to debunking sensationalism and fear, rationalize anything you might come across with the knowledge of how leaders behave (a la part 1) and the knowledge of the past. For instance: remember when NK said the acts of the US in September were a 'declaration of war'? Even the comment section on /r/worldnews, which usually also freaks out and hypes up fights, [called out their strats up-front](https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/72czz5/n_korea_accuses_us_of_declaring_war/). Also, this may not seem relevant now, but [this AskReddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6xs941/redditors_old_enough_to_remember_the_cold_war_how/) says a lot about the state of today in comparison to when the world could blow itself up like 300 times over. It's sobering, especially when you consider that we've gone through events like the Cuban Missile Crisis without blowing ourselves up. We may currently have a Cheeto Benito in office, but despite his bravado-based diplomacy, I believe there are other things that we as citizens can focus on when it comes to the quality of the USA.
As for distracting yourself from these situations altogether, besides steering clear of the stuff I mentioned earlier, try picking up a new hobby or watching some TV. Something productive or calming, like starting a garden or cleaning your room/house/local area, is usually pretty relaxing, especially with music. Personally, I'm grabbing a blu-ray box set of the Star Wars movies so I can figure out how The Last Jedi stands up to them, but use something to help take your focus from toxic sites that can draw you in really easily. If you really need a news kick, I'd recommend stuff that draws a smile or a laugh, like /r/UpliftingNews or /r/nottheonion. I understand it's not healthy to distract yourself from a problem, so if you believe that, then focus on understanding any situation and preparing for whatever you feel fit. That being said, I believe that there is not much of an urgent problem right now and we can divert our attention towards things we can control. (Also, if you're worried about control, then there is a good form of control in our world, despite all the crazy shit that happens/that you think would happen.)
**3. COMMUNICATE**
I could not be as far as I am in overcoming my phobia without talking to my amazing girlfriend and her kickass mom. In fact, her mom also struggled with anxiety through her youth/young adulthood, which happened to be during the Cuban Missile Crisis and Reagan years (read: hot spots of the Cold War). She thinks nothing will come of "Trump/Kim's pissing contest", and as much as my better-safe-than-sorry side wants to say otherwise, I'm inclined to agree. Even if you're shy or have trouble with socializing (I still don't fuckin know how I got into a relationship), there are plenty of ways to talk and defuse personal tensions, whether it be online or with someone like a counselor or pastor. And if you need someone to talk to about your troubles, then you can always PM me or post on the sub :)
**OTHER STUFF THAT MAY HELP**
* Check out the essay "On Living in an Atomic Age" by the iconic C.S. Lewis. The first three paragraphs can be found [here](http://abamablog.blogspot.com/2006/10/cs-lewis-on-living-in-atomic-age.html), and the rest is probably found with the help of some Google-fu.
* If you're really worried about a nuclear war breaking out and stone-cold convinced it will, then the best thing I can suggest is prepare. Check out NBC masks and suits, pick up a copy/pdf of *Nuclear War Survival Skills*, and work from there. I respect your preparedness, and if anything happens, I'll buy you a beer. (Hopefully US tender will still work.)
***TL;DR: Nuclear war probably will not occur, based on previous events and the rationale of world leaders. (It is arguably also survivable, but that has far too many factors for me to cover.) Dismantle your irrational thoughts, distract yourself from any sensationalist news/posts/sites that talk about them, and communicate with friends, family, someone you trust, or a rational Internet community. You'll be alright.***
If you've made it this far, congratulations and thank you! Please feel free to leave tips that help you feel better in the comments, and I'll add them to the post! Also, please focus on posting positively; I know it's easy to fall into a cesspool of negativity with a topic like this, but it helps to not panic in a thread where others can see.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What are some normal goals for people to have? Nothing brings me joy and I don't have hopes or dreams
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have accepted that my dad is most likely a child rapist. Hi all. Not sure what to do with this information, so I figured I should send it off into the void.
My dad has never had a relationship with his siblings, and the reasons why were always really murky. A couple years back, my grandfather told me the truth: when my dad was 15, his younger brother (11) told him that my dad had molested him. My grandfather wasn't totally clear on it, but he used the word rape. Apparently there was also a question about whether it had happened to his other younger sibling, who would have been around 8 at the time.
The excuse my dad gave us (and he did a whole performance, tears and yelling and everything) was that he 'stood up for' his siblings as a kid and they resented him for it. He admitted that he was a bully and used physical force on them and it may have crossed over into abuse. He never, ever admitted to anything sexual.
My dad is an asshole, through and through. But he's always been my asshole. He's a mean SOB who yells at and belittles me, my mom, and my sister and refuses to get help for his anger problems nor his extreme anxiety. He has ruined my confidence, my positive perspective on the world, and my easy going nature.
That being said...he took me to my hockey games whenever he could. He helped with my homework. We talk about politics and religion and everything else in the world for hours. When he's in a good mood, he is everything to me.
I don't know what to do or what to think. Most of you would probably totally deny that your dads could ever touch a child, but I know that my dad is really fucked up and I don't have much of a problem believing it. That being said, if I'm wrong, then I'm a god awful daughter for believing this about my dad. I just don't know what to do.
Here's to you, void.
Edit: to be clear, my dad doesn’t know we know. I don’t think he even knows my grandpa knows. He gave us the physical abuse explanation after years of me and my sister pestering him over why we didn’t have any family.
|
self.offmychest
|
Trying to stay positive. Came pretty close to killing myself. Hey, everyone. This is a throwaway. I'm applying for jobs, in a ton of debt, and I dragged my mom into it (thank you, student loans). I've been having trouble actually applying for jobs-- every time I try, my anxiety acts up, and I can't move. I've just wanted someone to tell me it would be okay, and walk me through the process. I'm 22, and I still need help with this-- it feels fucking pathetic.
Anyway, my mom freaked out and told me to get my shit together, that she was disappointed in me, that she wanted to refinance the loans entirely onto me, and that I had pretty much robbed her of her retirement. I feel fucking awful. I ruined her life. That's all I can think about.
About an hour ago I almost drank an acid (not telling what it is, don't want to encourage anyone), but pussied out. Instead, I just cut myself, which I haven't done in years. It makes me feel like less of a pussy, at least, if that makes any sense. I know, it's stupid, but it feels like a weird accomplishment? I mean, even if I'm self harming, at least I'm not killing myself. Besides, it doesn't hurt anyone. Anyway. I poured the solution down the toilet and washed my hands. I still smell a little bit like one of the ingredients, but whatever.
I can't tell my friends about this-- none of them are good with that emotional stuff, anyway. Besides, most of my best friends have been pretty distant for awhile. I can't tell my mom, because she'd just send me to a hospital for it: it happened when I was sixteen, I had to stay in a mental hospital for eight days, and I can't miss that much class (even though I didn't even go to class last week, because I'm a piece of shit, lol). Sorry if I'm rambling. I just kind of need support. I feel really fucking useless. I got some of my job app stuff done, but I still feel like a piece of shit.
I just want someone to tell me that it's going to be okay. That I'm okay.
Sorry for how long this is, by the way. Best of luck out there, everyone else on here.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is this anxiety? I'm not sure what this is but it drives me crazy Like I don't feel stressed. I don't know maybe I do feel stressful all the time so much that I barely remember what feeling calm is like... I overthink so much. I have thoughts coming up that ask questions and say things that I barely know how to answer. And I feel like I have to answer them. If I don't they keep on coming and they get me depressed. They are complicated questions like what's my personality, what would I do in this or that situation, what I believe in, what I SHOULD be thinking about... And they're so hard to answer sometimes. And because I'm not 100% sure in most of my answers, it manages to hurt me. And if I do answer, sometimes I'll answer myself back with scenarios that counter what I said (like, if I said I believe in honesty, I would recall times in which I've liked, questions my beliefs, my personality, or whatever).
There was a post here that I really related to yesterday I think. I'm always searching for the "perfect mindset". Like, I'm searching for the "correct" way to think and stuff like that which, if I do find, would silence the voice until this "way of thinking" would be proven wrong / not working. Usually, it's something like "oh, I found the problem! I just put others before me! So whatever I do, I just need to put myself first!". Then like half a day passes and I start doubting it, excessive thoughts like "but how can I always put myself first? There are people I like and respect who sometimes put others first too! So how do I know when it's appropriate to put myself first, and when to put others first? Did I put myself first in this or that situation, or did I do that because subconsciously I put others before me?"
It's like, so stupid, but it keeps coming up and I don't know what to do with it. Is it anxiety ? I don't feel stressed as I said. I just think all the time and the thinking gets so negative and complicated that I can't do anything, It gets me physically tired and I go to sleep to avoid thinking so much.
What is it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
my friend has depression and i don't know what to do [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Stomach Problems, Feel like I am going to die I have something wrong with my stomach. The GP does not know what the problem is, so he is recommending me to a GI. I have never seen a GI before. I have to wait 2-3 weeks to get an appointment. I have had severe anxiety my whole life, but the last few years have gotten extremely better. I still suffer from time-to-time.
But as I always do, I think that I am dying. I think I have cancer. I think my insides are failing. Multiple organs. I played about 5 minutes of 'doctor' and now I have systemic problem. I have been in slight pain for 2 months now. It should have gotten better by now.
I know I have felt like I am dying previously, but this time (as every time is) I really feel like I am not okay. I mean, one of these times, I am going to be right - it's inevitable as I get older.
I just needed to rant, even if I don't get a response. I am wired on anxiety right now.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I absolutely despise the holidays! My mother is in prison for 30 years and the holidays were always a special time between me and her. everytime i look at a decoration, i cry.
|
self.offmychest
|
The thoughts are returning worse than ever... I always feel empty and broken. From growing up as a fat little outcast being bullied all the time. For a few years in high school I was “cool” when I was in a metal band and people seemed to love me but I was continuously feeling depressed and that was just one form on venting. No one ever looked into the lyrics I wrote and asked about it. I cut myself from when I was 13-20 years old. I am now 23 engaged to a beautiful woman with two amazing step daughters. But still can’t help feeling broken. The thoughts of suicide began coming back after my parents split. This was two years ago. I got tattoos on my forearms to prevent me from cutting. But the thoughts are continuing to race. My father always made jokes about me not being his son growing up. I look exactly like my mother and nothing like him but I never thought anything of it until recently. My mother recently have a hysterectomy from a possibly cancerous tumor. My father met me at the hospital. But my moms “friend” at least what she says came too. Now I’ve been trying not to acknowledge the fact that they are obviously together now but I had a conversation with my brother about my parents and he is 6 years older. He told me that my parents seperated when he was around 5 and both were seeing other people. And it all began to make sense. Why my dad always said I wasn’t his kid. Why he was always more attached to my older brother. I want to know the truth but I am too afraid of what the answer might be... I’m trying to stay strong for my fiancé and our daughters but the facade I am putting on comes out as asshole ness and I feel I am unfairly punishing them for things they have nothing to do with... I don’t know how to cope, vent, anything anymore.....
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just a Question about TV Bipolar Drug Portrayal On Homeland the main character is bipolar. Her sister, who is a doctor gives her medicine. At first they said she took clozapine, which somebody realized was ridiculous. So without mentioning it they switched her to lithium. Now according to the synopsis it has quit working (It would be more likely to be damaging her kidneys if she had to quit, but whatever.)
She is forced to buy her bipolar medicine on the street. Is this as stupid as I think? What mood stabilizer would they sell on the street? Latuda? Abilify? Vrayler? Depakote? In prison they supposedly get Seroquel but that's because that's all they can get so it isn't a street drug outside. Are they portraying bipolar treatment as dumbly as I think?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm almost done I’m a seventeen old with no future. Everyday I go to school, do nothing, and come ho:e, and do nothing. I’m sick of it. Everyday, I have to go to school, knowing that no matter how much I try, I can’t pay any fucking attention, because I’m too damn lazy to do it, I can’t get up the motivation. Im a fucking junior with seven credits out of 28, and I’m going to fail, and it pisses me off that I can’t be the person my family wants me to be. Everyday I’m constantly berated with insults about my friends, and how I’m just a fat loser. I desire a relationship, but am too damn insecure to actually get a girl to like me. I have to come home and smoke because I can’t kick that habit, and listen to my family argue, which got so bad to the point where I had a stroke because I couldn’t take it anymore. I sit on my ass, and surf the internet all day to escape what a shithole my life has turned into. My grandma who adopted me because my parents were human trash who decided to put a piece of glass in my eye. My grandmas health is declining fast, and she loves to argue and compare me to the human sociopathic trash that my brother is. The brother who decided to try and strangle me and rape my brother while I tried to fucking breathe. My uncle who is literally the only father figure in my life looks down on me in disappointment while try to keep my head up and smile, because I read in a fucking manga that that’s what a hero does. The only thing keeping me from just hanging myself and ending this existence is the dream that I can be a hero for my brother, that I can be like the fucking fictional character. All might. It’s a stupid thing to hang onto, i know. And come to find out the brother I try to stand up for was blackmailing an insecure girl who cuts herself for nudes. I thought “hey, maybe he learned his lesson and won’t mess up again. Keep your head up champ.” I was fucking wrong. Not only is he doing that shit again, he contacted my older brother, who grew out of the system, and is trying to be all buddy buddy with him. I sit and daydream everyday to escape, writing elaborate stories in my head. I try to put these things on paper, but fuck you, Devon, you can’t even do that. Why must I hurt like this? I shouldn’t even be complaining, because there are people a lot worse off than me. It feels like I should be happy I have this. God damnit, why can’t I just be a hero. Why can’t I stand up and face these things head on. I’m done. I’m at my breaking point. I just needed to vent. I just want to be someone that someone looks up to. I need help. Holy shit, I’m an edgy kid.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone have difficulties explaining bipolar to loved ones? I have no struggles opening up about my mental health, but I sometimes struggle to give proper information about my bipolar. I often get the question: how does it make you feel and for some reason, I don't really know how to talk to them about it. I can't find the right words. Anyone got the similar experience or tips?
|
self.bipolar
|
Seriously suicidal... Dated a girl for a little over 2 years through high school, she was the first person to bring me out of my shell and the first person who I have ever truly “loved”, in October I found messages between her and another guy saying she had feelings for him, they have been best friends since they were kids and he is taller has more money and has so many things I can’t give her, the breakup is okay but I am having trouble coming to terms with myself, I saw the world in this person and am having trouble finding value in myself after being discarded so quickly as if I was nothing, I don’t know what to do and have found myself seriously considering suicide
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i dont think i can do another year my insides feel like theyre already decomposed. like for christs sake its like theres a big cavity where my intestines should be and the creeping dread and obsession with death is all that i can feel now. i cant really differentiate the days anymore and it all feels like one hazy blur. i dont want to stick around for another year of this. im ready to be dead.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am beyond lost at the moment, no idea how to proceed, 19F I'll try to keep this relatively short. I have been given many opportunities in life that I'm thankful for. For the sake of background: my mother is quite wealthy, therefore she's sent me to the best schools in our region, I've traveled the world many times, have essentially everything I have ever asked for.
My childhood was abysmal. My mother had no idea how to properly raise a child that wasn't an exact copy of her, so she sorta threw money at me to get me to behave "normal". Most of my childhood was spent getting yelled at or hit by her. No one in my family would ever help me or stop her. My parents are divorced if that matters.
Recently I haven't been doing very well in college (for numerous reasons) and mom has been punishing me heavily for it. First she took my phone away (fine, not a huge deal), then she hid my car keys in one of her buildings in a different city so that I can't go anywhere. I came home via train a few weeks ago and ever since I have gotten off the train, she has been screaming. This is not an exaggeration. Every two or so hours now, since I came home, she has come to find me and scream at me, berate me, threaten me, what have you. It's constant. I can't handle it. She told my grandmother and now she's screaming at me as well (I'm staying at her house for a bit). She's old and can't handle screaming for hours at a time, so I called mom to ask grandma to please calm down so that she doesn't have a heart attack. Mom just said "if grandma dies, it's your fault". That really hurt to hear.
Basically, I'm very stuck. I hate my situation currently and I don't think it's getting much better. I don't know how much I want to die, rather I think I'd like to cease existing. I don't know. I feel pretty hopeless. My life has always been kinda on the sad end of things, I've been diagnosed with depression since age 11, idk what to do. I have no where to go, mom wants me out of the house but she won't give me my car back, I'm just at a loss.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Finally found love, but after 2 months depression kicked back in. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
All I look forward to is sleep. Today I slept the day away because I feel like I just didn't have the energy to go through it.
I didn't even have anything I needed to do today.. I just don't want to be awake and thinking.
I cant tell anyone how I feel, it will just stress them out too... those around me won't understand or care being that I don't have reason to feel like this (and no one knows how long I have been like this). It would most likely be received as me just being dramatic/ sad.
Will I be going through the motions forever? It wasn't always like this..how do I go back to the old me? Or is this really who I am? I don't know why I'm even posting this.
|
self.depression
|
What do I tell my family that I’m doing with my life when I meet with them for the holidays? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.