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I feel like my life is not worth living Now, before I say anything, I know I might sound egotistic. I try not to be that way, but some things I just do/say without realizing it. Also, I am not suicidal, at least not yet. To start, I see all these successful people around the world. Whether that success is due to good looks, athleticism, inherited wealth, or etc, I just cannot stand the fact that those people get to live wonderful lives and I cannot. I just cannot stand it. Beautiful girlfriends, mansions, million-dollar salaries. What did they do to get all those, and what did I do to not get there? I am particularly jealous of athletes. Yes, I am envious and jealous. People might say those athletes got to where they are by working hard with a lot of sacrifices made. But look, those people did not get there entirely on their own. A 5-year old kid did not just suddenly pick up a hockey stick or a soccer ball and started playing. It was their parents who made them do it. Most famous athletes come from an athletes' family. Steph Curry's dad was an NBA player. Kobe Bryant's dad was an NBA player. The media make it look like they got to where they are on their own through hard work and dedication. No, it was hard work, dedication, PLUS resources to having elite coaches since young, nutritional help, genetics, and etc. (Now I am not saying that there are no successful people who really started from the bottom, and I really respect their hustle and determination) In conclusion, I just think I cannot ever be happy knowing that there are people living like that on the other side of the fence. Therefore, I feel like my life is not worth living.	self.SuicideWatch
After two years at college, I'm finally applying for DSS. What should I ask help with? [deleted]	self.bipolar
Considering suicide... I’ve got enough of living as a whole. My grades are beyond unacceptable, and I’ve got mental disease (Asperger’s, to be precise). I don’t feel like there’s hope anymore... I’ve got a rope ready to strangle myself. Just asking for some support, otherwise I’ll hook it onto myself and then kill myself.	self.SuicideWatch
I’m a pussy, for I’m so afraid of pain that I can’t kill myself. I tried sleeping pills once when I was 18, but that didn’t work out obviously. From then on I have been thinking about ending it all nearly on a daily basis. I have always thought about jumping off a building, but I just want a painless and quick death. Furthermore, there r those who survive a suicidal jump and that scares me too. I know I will get it done some day, but I just wish that day would come sooner. Can I just go to bed and never wake up again? I’m such a pussy. I really hate myself for it. I don’t have anybody to talk like this with, so this subreddit is probably the only place for me to voice what’s really going on in my mind. And no, I don’t have any problems leaving everybody and everything behind. I’m not afraid of hurting anyone by going out like this and I don’t give a shit about how ppl will see me if I suicide. I just want everything to not be a struggle for once.	self.depression
I'm not necessarily looking for a solution but maybe if I write about it I'll know what to do. [deleted]	self.depression
standard thought organizing post, no help really needed It's been quiet in my apartment lately. I'm going through some motions but not really looking for a response. I just find that organizing thoughts onto a small public space is a good form of self-thought-clarifying. &nbsp; Eleven years ago I got lost in the woods, somewhat on purpose. I was not a year into my Boy Scout career when my patrol and I were assembling our gear as dusk fell. After taking inventory of what we had we came to realize we'd left our tent down at base camp two miles away. Young, confused and uncertain the patrol weren't sure what we were to do, being the new kids to the outing experience. Except for me, or at least I thought. Prior to joining I'd spent plenty an hour under the sky. Seeing how big the world was, how dangerous it could be, and what I could find out about myself. I begged for my parents to let me do Scouting and they willingly agreed, as it seemed my spirit already presided there.But while the spirit was strong, the mind was young and stupid, and my answer to our tent predicament was not "find an adult with a vehicle" but rather, "the world calls." With hardly a second and only the clothes on my back and a lamp in my hand I walked right out of camp and to the calling world as night blanketed the wood. And though it became dark and the lamp's circle was narrow, the forest was made all the ever clear by my heart. For a time, I got lost. Yet no tragic event fall upon me. And after two hours of off-roading, I found basecamp, our tent, and my passion. &nbsp; Seven years ago I was wandering the wood, but no ordinary wood. These trees grew in the protected land of the Modoc Native American tribe. And I was enduring their trials. Set upon me by my peers, I was elected to become a bond-brother and swear an oath to protect and preserve the lands of New Mexico. After doing their bullshit which I am sworn never to say, and secret words also with which to whisper and gain admittance in sacred lands owned by other Native Americans who view my oath as valid, I began a life of trail work and exploration. And, for a time, I was happy. &nbsp; Six years ago I left for college in Kansas, an expensive one at that. I never had much grasp of the value of money. For most of my life, I bartered food and work. And eager to learn subjects that would better my character, but not my paycheck, I began a life ten thousand dollars in debt per semester. Three semesters later, my life split in two. &nbsp; Five years ago I was poisoned. I would not know until a year later. The doctors said things I scarcely remember. At some point during college, an organic mercury substance or other must have made skin contact with me. I remember seeing spots. Hearing sounds like it was raining needles, quiet, soft yet piercing. I shook and my walk was stilted. I tried to wave it off as finals stress, but then I became an anomaly. My short-term memory started behaving erratically. I would be aware of want was happening one moment, then be immediately transported an hour in the future. After which my 'lost' memory would gradually seep back in, if at all. Then came the nerve rewiring. The sensation of every touch and movement was magnified tenfold. Every second of every day I could acutely feel my lungs pushing against the isand of my ribs, muscles sliding on bones, my eye felt as though a great wind was blowing into them and out the back of my skull. Everything hurt. There was no food. No comfortable position. No sleep. Breathing was a torture. Once a week the fatigue and pain would build and amass until at last the weight of the trauma alone would cause me to pass out for a day. Then there were the dreams. The dreams that felt like they lasted a month. Here there was less physical pain, but there was little escape from grief. My mind became twisted and confused. A brain eager to survive did everything it could to preserve its sanity. In dreams, the suffering would persist, but the imagination could set a new understanding of reality. Not a fantasy. Not an escape. But a way, not immediately, not assuredly, but in time could learn to live again. Somehow. Anything. &nbsp; &nbsp; Four years ago I left the hospital. For months I cried. I screamed. Quarts upon quarts of blood were drawn. Meetings. Projects. But as time progressed I became more reserved. More silent. A doctor from out-of-state had come to see my case. He, like the others, looked over my files, my x-rays, my tears. I was strange, the one thing they could all agree on. They knew how much pain I was in. They knew I was twelve hundred miles from my family, and that my family didn't want to see my suffering. I was over 35k in college debt. And I barely had the strength to breathe. This new doctor, I don't know if he was cruel or kind, but what he said could be the reason why I am typing this today. "You won't make twenty-two." &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Three and a half years ago I collapsed in a ditch in the state of South Dakota. Several months ago a doctor told me I had less than a year to live. The trauma my body was undergoing weakened my heart. And each passing week it beat a little softer. It was when my date was given there was a change in me. Something where the pain persisted, as it seemed to happen more off to the side. Not left or right. The same intensity, but somewhere where I was not. My body was being hollowed out. Something else took control. And I was left in the passenger seat, watching my life happen. Suddenly I became responsive. I ate. I talked. I slept. Silent, black dreams. In a few weeks I made a "recovery" of sorts. "May I call my family?" I, or whatever I was now, went to the to phone and spoke to an old college friend to pick me up. "My family will come for me in a week." No, they won't. They don't even know. Who's talking? A week passed. I walked out. And I walked. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; "Where am I?" It was then the memories came back. I had my friend drive me to the college grounds. And after he left me, so did I. My brain, changed. And I walked. I walked out of town. Over the Mississippi River, and out. Out into the world. I hitchhiked, I dug in the garbage. I worked on a vineyard, a horse ranch, a tractor shop and a farm. I worked for food, rest, a dollar, and just kept walking. I walked under starry sky and blowing winds. I climbed rolling hills and fell in muddy streams. I walked. I walked. I fucking walked. Finally, I stopped here. And I didn't wake up the same. My brain had been busy. But how? Am I my brain? Am I still me? I'm alone, yet someone is talking to me? My god, my feet. My... everything. I need a hospital. Help. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Three years ago a doctor came out of retirement to see me. He and others were very excited to see me. "Most of modern medicine wants to tell you we have the solution for your ailments. But deep down, everyone is unique and different. You can treat a lot of people who all think they have a headache with the same medicine. But once truly bad things start happening to the individual, you will soon see we know nothing at all. You were dying, and medicine said 'There is nothing. Goodbye.' But your brain saw there was more to life than health. A passion. A walk. Your brain didn't know something. So it went to figure it out. But what did it figure out exactly?" So came the theories. You're fragmented. You're a high-functioning autist (they were very excited about that one). You're a level-functioning schizophrenic. You're... new. No real answers. Guess it doesn't matter now. But if I can believe it. I was many. My brain broke itself into bite-sized pieces. And though each piece was me, each was a little different. I could talk to me. I could talk to we. We could talk to we. We had similar opinions. We had different opinions. We had a hierarchy of trusted voices, controlled freakouts and shared turned feeling the pain. I became a strange society of 12 to 20 individual. They grew. They developed. And if they were bad, they died spectacularly. But who am we? Who is the me seeing the we, but is still part of the we? I'm still a me. Why does this make no sense on paper, but operates beautifully here now? Fuck. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Two years ago I moved back to the city where my family was. I spoke none of what had passed. They could never understand, and it's for the better. I got two jobs and walked to both. That is until I couldn't make it on four hours of sleep. So I bought a bike. It's much better. The "we" has a hierarchy of voices whom I(? whatever) deemed best fit to manage me. And this "me" was amazing. I was so accomplished, comfident and talented. Pain did not bother... "me", again whatever that means. And then the unfortunate happened. I healed. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A year ago I came back together again. There are still mental scars, but there is no "we" anymore. No more voices. No more discomfort. My short-term memory is still hazy all the time. But here I am. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; And all that has &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; happened now just &nbsp; &nbsp; seems like &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; a distant &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ^(memory of) &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ^a &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ^^dream. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Sometimes I'm sad. It's a strange sadness. Like feeling lost while being in a place I know. Disconnected. Astranged. And here I am living with food, heat, books, tea and Internet of course. I have two mattresses but I can't sleep on them. They hurt my back. I sleep in the middle of the living room. And I'm just alone. It's starting to get to me. It's not driving me mad, believe me. It'd just be nice to have someone to take care of. To tell her that bad days happen, but I can help you get through them. Maybe we'll go out. Have a walk.	self.depression
I'm killing myself this weekend Posting on an alt because one of you will think it's a great fucking idea to try and contact the authorities. Pretty sick of being an adult already, and I'm only 20. I'm failing all of my college courses. I've been denied financial aid anyway, and I can't pay for school out of pocket. My romantic life is nonexistent, because I've never had one. I'm a virgin and I've been told my behavior makes it obvious. I guess I'm fucking autistic or something. I dunno, and I don't care anymore. Don't tell me to call any hotlines. They don't care and their advice is meaningless. Peace, guys.	self.offmychest
Skin cancer worries Ok so I found little dots in one area I have a bunion (cause I'm flat foot) and there was multiple blisters on im only 13 and freaking out they weren't there yesterday too :( it's on the joint and it scraps everything so I think it might be a burn	self.Anxiety
I'm so detatched and I feel like death is the only way out [deleted]	self.offmychest
I made a decision I've decided that I want to keep fighting for my life, both literally and figuratively. I'm still trying to fully understand my decision, but it feels good to stop the debate in my head.	self.bipolar
Hanging by shower hose I just wanted to feel what it’s like to hang oneself. I tied a knot in the shower hose and put my head through the loop. I let my body grow heavy and felt pressure in my throat first, then my head and face and eyes. Vision started going black. Then I stood back up and laid on the floor of the bathroom and burned myself with a lighter. I think I experienced mild psychosis because I was acting so strange. I want so bad to die. I’m jealous of all the dead people. I’m a mom of two young boys. I want out of my marriage. My 3 year old has violent tantrums and if I don’t get out of the way fast enough, he bites and hits me repeatedly. I’m not cut out to be a mom but woops took becoming a mother to figure that out.	self.SuicideWatch
Am I just broken? My depression has lingered for over half my life (24) and I've lost so much because of it, most importantly some of the people closest to me. I go to therapy, and I've tried the medication, but nothing seems to help. Right now I'm just trying to flip my lifestyle and be better to myself, eating healthy, exercise, sobriety. But even then I still feel like deep down, I'm always going to hate the person I am, and that part of me that does will never go away. I'm worried that no one can love me, including myself, because of how broken and fucked up I am. And that my depression, no matter how hard I try to ignore it, will creep into every facet of my life and bleed it, and myself, dry of joy, leaving me alone just cuz I couldn't get my shit together.... I'm sorry for this, I can barely use my thumbs to type this right now and I just need to write this down.	self.depression
Please say hi This is going to sound so dumb. My anxiety is extremely high after having a great few days. I am pretty much totally isolated - no social supports - and have my kids home with me on April vacation. Please just say hi. Say something. I desperately don’t want to feel alone right now. Please.	self.Anxiety
Really, life is not meant to be lived. I've been feeling lonely since I was 16 but, over all, I've felt this way all my life. I have no friends. I hate college, I'm close to finishing it but I just can't seem to do that shit anymore. I feel pathetic for craving affection so much. I started having suicidal thoughts in 2012 but didn't start cutting until November last year. I have even written 2 letters but I find them long and useless but I feel my family deserves an explanation if I ever do something like that. But in general, really, no one would miss me. Those people who are like "you're one of my best friends" but then ignore you can kiss my ass. People are useless and egocentric. I don't know if I suffer from some mental illness because I've never been to a doctor to get a proper diagnosis. Sometimes I feel there's something but I also think I may be just making that shit up, maybe I just want someone to pay attention to me?! But I don't want attention either. I feel I shouldn't complain as I've read lots of people saying that they had to deal with some shit when they were kids (maybe they were abused) and none of that kind of shit has happened to me. Some kids picked up on me when I was a kid but it didn't actually fucked me up. Maybe it helped to my self-esteem but I've always had low self-esteem so I don't think it counts whatsoever. But as I've grown older I've developed this useless, disgusting lifestyle. I mean, I don't get out of the house unless I have to, I just don't like socializing because I think I'm gonna make a fool out of myself and come off as creppy, weird and stupid so I'd better stay in. I don't really have many friends but I also don't want to hang out. When I get asked if I'd like to go out to grab some food I always say "thanks, but no." I really don't know how to have a conversation with anyone. I spend all day in front of my computer doing anything. Maybe watching some movies and listening to music but that's it. I feel bored most of the time and I see I have no future. I detest when people say that life gets better because it doesn't and I just know I don't want to try. I know I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I know I'll have (if I'm lucky) a little apartment and a stupid job and no one to share my life with. I already feel alone but I see the future will be even lonelier and I really don't want to face that. I just wish I were someone else. Someone who is loved and enjoys life. I really hate that I just seem not to have the guts to do it. Last Decemeber I told myself I'd not see 2018 and here I am but I still think about it. And if I knew I'd kill myself successfully I'd do it right away. I hate my life. And I wish I had never been born.	self.SuicideWatch
I know everyone makes mistakes, but if my job is reporting am I going to be fired for Making the occasional mistake? [deleted]	self.Anxiety
HELP!!!! I have very bad anxity and I also self harm my self it has been getting worst each day and my gf can't anderstand me at all idk wat to do no more no matter how much I try talking to her about she would just not tell me anything I need to take my pills and go into a deep sleep I'm just tired of everything	self.SuicideWatch
Anyone else not sleeping too well at the moment? (lamictal/quetiapine combo) On low starting doses of quetiapine and lamictal which are working, slowly. After three nights of beautiful, undisturbed sleep on quetiapine my sleep pattern got fucked up and now I'm back down to my usually horrific sleep pattern. I need to hit the reset button somewhere. Any of you guys had experiences with this combination before?	self.bipolar
Would getting a pet, such as a puppy, help with my depression? [deleted]	self.depression
So So I’ve been back on my Citalopram after about 6 months off it. I’ve only been back on it fort two week and I’ve never had this issue before but I can’t physically orgasm since then! Is this normal a normal side effect and should I speak to the doctor about it? It’s killing my sex drive cause even though the sex is amazing. Tia	self.Anxiety
I have this feeling I would get in real trouble soon because of the past stuff I did This may seem strange, but I have this feeling like I’m going to get in trouble on the day I’m turning legal, like getting in jail. The story involves an underaged nude pic, and a really stupidly dumb me. You can judge me whatever you want, but at least know that I really resent for the things I have done when I was younger. When I was 13, I found a nude pic of someone in my school. It was cleverly hidden on her old social media. I talked about it to few friends, but I doubt they know how to get it too. I never shared the pic to them, but I did something way worse: I posted that pic to a local nsfw forum. My conscience came to few months later and I deleted that post and the pic from my stash. The site that hosted the pic is now defunct, and the forum got taken down last year, but the pic is still around. A couple years ago, the pic popped up again on a local nsfw site. The pic is the original one, not what I posted back then (I retouched it a bit). So it wasn’t from me, but somehow someone found the way to grab the pic. Since that day, I live in constant fear that somehow she found out and if she did, my life would be over. Over the years, I see her behavior on her current social media changes drastically. She would delete lots of past posts, overthink to post (likes to post and then delete a bunch of times), and post some quotes like “god’s timing is perfect” which may seem mundane but to me feels eerie. It’s like she already knew. I have this feeling that by some means, she knew that I was the culprit and she’s waiting for me to be legal to give me the deadly punch. And now it’s just 3 days. Every day my heart is racing as I’m nearing it. I can’t sleep. My life would be over if it comes true. Am I overthinking? I just want this past to be the past and not haunt me now or in the future. I need something to relax. Help me guys.	self.Anxiety
I'm terminal My doctors have given me 5-6 months. Waiting to die is the most gut wrenching thing I've ever been through. My heart is failing. I am on the heart transplant list but chances of me living long enough to receive a heart is slim and holding out hope just makes it hurt more. I have no real family anymore that's keeping me here longer than I can take. I have ran through all possible ways I could end everything. So it's on my terms and not a guessing game of when and how painful. Because every morning I wake up is another morning in limbo, with my friend and the man I love (only two people I really have) trying to keep a brave face whenever she and he interact with me. I can tell it breaks their heart. Are there anyother terminal patients that struggle with suicide contemplation?	self.SuicideWatch
My disorder makes me think im the devil at times and me at other times. Its like a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder but my official diagnosis is bipolar [deleted]	self.bipolar
Well, someone's going to notice. Can I just tell them I'm a Marilyn Manson fan? When I'm watching TV, reading, internetting etc while anxious I play with my hair and pull out the weird crinkly ones. I'm not sure how I started but I've done it for years and can't seem to stop. But ok, I have a ton of hair, I have time to work on it. Except.... Last week I started pulling at my eyebrows. And last night I pulled out half of my eyebrow while at work. I was sort of separated from everyone so they might not have noticed before I left. Now I'm getting ready for work and they will definitely notice today (I have dark hair and robust eyebrows- it's very noticeable). I'm going to try to hide behind glasses. Wish me luck!	self.Anxiety
I’ve Been Seeing Alot Of College Students Suffer From Mental Illness? Is this going unnoticed on campus? Because I thought being in college is fun time besides doing school work. But I’ve read a lot of troubling posts from college people and I wish there was a community on these campuses that would seriously look into it.	self.depression
I feel like I'll never truly fit in with my boyfriend's well off, normal family My boyfriend basically had the perfect life. He had a nuclear family (mom, dad, him, sister) that were loving, supportive, normal people. His dad had a master's degree and his mom stayed at home. They went on vacations every year. He basically traveled the entire world before he left high school. His college was completely paid for, and if he feels like going to grad school, that money is there, waiting for him if he ever wants it. He has enough money to go to grad school and not even work if he didn't want to. He never had a job in college, his apartments in college were paid for. I'm not mad at him for being lucky, honestly I just feel like a joke compared to him. My mom had a middle school education. She didn't even have a GED. She babysat kids, cleaned houses, and did paper routes for money. My dad spent years being unemployed/going to college/dropping out of college, joined the army, got deployed, and eventually became a welder. He was also an abuser. I have a whole family I don't even contact or speak to because of the horrible experiences I went through with them. I saw a therapist for PTSD because of them. We went on one vacation my entire life, and it was awful. Instead of listening to my parents fights from my room with the door closed, I had to do it inside a car where I couldn't leave. I just feel like I'm not good enough for his family. I'm not a normal person. I don't have anything to offer to them. I'm just this abuse victim with no money. I hate that I feel that way, and I also don't like thinking about how they see me. Like suddenly talking delicately and uncomfortably with me about things, or forgetting that I wasn't normal and asking me a question about some part of my life, then getting an uncomfortable answer. I don't like the feeling that I'm an awkward situation they don't know how to deal with. Like I'm one of "those people." I'll never have nice stories to share, and if we get married I won't have a new family for them because my family won't even be there. I just feel lesser. Like he should be with someone more like him. What makes me feel worse is that his ex had almost the same life as him. Well off parents, owned multiple houses, traveled the world. Her family apparently even had a house cleaner. Like, my mom was the house cleaner. I feel like he moved down by being with me. It's just a bad feeling that weighs on my mind every now and then. What makes it worse is that I referred to his ex's family as rich and he started saying they weren't rich, they only made $150,000 a year and that was middle class. Sorry but that sounds rich to me! I don't know why well off people always try to do that. If you call them rich, they start talking about how rich they aren't. They should feel lucky for what they have and stop trying to make their lives sound so hard when they weren't hard at all.	self.offmychest
Does anyone also hate nearly everything they’ve ever said? The majority of things that have come out of my mouth, i regret saying. When i think about them, i feel gross and stupid. Deep down I think I know that nobody else cares or notices or feels the same way as I do, but it doesn’t really help to know that. I feel like I talk too much and ramble much like I’m doing now and include unnecessary details. Also, I spend a large amount of my alone time imagining conversations that will never happen and situations that will never occur. I say to myself, “from now on i’m not going to say anything that makes me feel stupid.” But that lasts like 5 minutes. I don’t really like myself and I have to pause and think before I say anything, but then I’m not sure if I’m acting like a human or some kind of robot. I will almost definitely regret posting this.	self.Anxiety
Movie and anxiety Has anyone seen Don Knott’s The Ghost and Mr. Chicken? The main character reminds me of anxiety so it kind of made me uneasy :-/ Or is it just me? Lol	self.Anxiety
Did stopping your meds make you suicidal? I’ve been on some form of antidepressant for six months. Recently, I stopped Cymbalta cold because it was giving me nightmares and I was losing sleep. I now experience suicidal thoughts almost constantly. My meds were prescribed by my PCP and I stopped because I felt like he threw random ones at me without taking into context my actual situation. I have a history of being anxious and depressed, which I think stems from a painful childhood. I’m bulimic, I’ve self harmed, and I’m currently helping to take care of my mom with dementia. She’s only 53, I’m twenty. Because of this, I’ve had to quit my job and I’m broke, and now I have gone from a 3.7 student to failing my classes across the board. I feel as though I have nothing left to live for. Part of me feels like it’s situational, but I feel bat shit crazy being off of these meds. Yet, I don’t want to be the person who needs antidepressants to function. I just feel like it would be easier to stop waiting for my mom to die and just kill myself instead.	self.SuicideWatch
I'm only 20 and want to end my life already on the surface it might seem like everything is alright, but things are and will go downhill from here on. I feel like i have no friends, even though i ''have'' them, i just can't connect with them and they can't seem to like me that much. I look weird and act weird, im quiet so maybe that's why. aside from this and quite possibly BECAUSE of this: i might have to reconsider my career, having a tought time in college and this is juuust the beginning, my life is going to shit and i can't seem to do anything about it, because i don't honestly know what to do and im already too pathetic. My depression isn't that bad but living doesn't seem worthwhile to me, if i committed suicide my parents would go crazy so that's what's keeping me here.	self.depression
I'm fu**ing sick of seeing anime everywhere. I keep seeing anime on youtube, anime on google, anime on facebook, anime on twitter, anime on steam, anime on netflix, anime on the news, anime anime anime anime anime anime!!! I could understand if it was something good, but everything its fans call "masterpiece" or "classic" is always some putrid garbage that they keep praising in their echochambers to feel intelligent and mentally jerk each other off. The fans are annoying as hell and they always get butthurt at the smallest complaint, they post their stuff everywhere and most of the time it's something pornographic. Get a life, get out, stop assaulting my eyes with that shit, stop with your behavior.	self.offmychest
Airforce sub us a better support group for spouses than usmilitaryso While my boyfriend is at basic I've been trying to find a place to go to for support. I found usmilitaryso and all it has managed to do is make me depressed. Many of the spouse there are completely dependant on their spouses for suppport. They down vote those who do not fit the "norm" of spouse and often belittle those asking for advice or looking to leave their spouse because military life doesn't suit them. The airforce sub on the other hand has done a much better job at making me feel better. They are awesome group of people, who seem to care about one another. They are a comfort to me, knowing my boyfriend will be amongst these awesome people. When it's a bad day and I miss my boyfriend I just hope on the airforce sub and browse. It makes me feel like a little part of him is with me. I am thankful to everyone on the airforce sub. I may just be a lurker, but you guys are an amazing comfort. I wish I had the guts to tell you all how much you mean to me. I'm afraid that I won't be accepted because I am just a spouse. I don't feel like I fit in with the spouse groups and often the crap that is written on the sub enrages me. But I wanted to let someone know, that you all on the airforce sub have do more for me than you will ever know. So to everyone on that sub thank you. You all make my bad days a little easier. Thank you.	self.offmychest
anxiety due to my best friends hanging out without me ): i feel like im such a great friend.i live in a different state and have come for a month and have been quite busy myself helping my familys business. i understand my best friends have work and school yet somehow they manage to hang out with each other or with other people. i call them to hangout and they say they are busy... then to tell me how they went to brunch with so and so... it just hurts how i feel i love them and would make time for them but they dont see me that way.... i was thinking maybe its my insecurity and for me to improve on maybe focusing on myself and those who do want to hang out with me... thank you reddit <3	self.Anxiety
Starting to see people as particles, compilations of waves, and energy. I'm tripped out every day. Idk I think I went off the deep end with the trauma I've been subjected to, the drugs, the stress, and prolonged socialization followed by prolonged isolation, repeating. I've gone through major depressive disorder for years, and it's almost like I'm breaking through, in that, my mind can only handle so much torment over time. This is the new persona that has been created within me. I couldn't help it, but here I am. When I see people speak, I literally just feel like everything is deterministic, in that every response is just a specific reaction to some stimulus. Most communication is actually telepathic, because if you think about it, when you are around someone, and don't feel like talking to them, that's because you are already telepathically communicating all of the thousands of wireless signals from your brain to theirs, before any communication even happens. You can call this "Feeling" someone, but honestly you're just telepathically communicating, I mean, how can biologists say all of these animals that don't even have cognition nearly as sophisticated as ours...be able to be so coherent and synchronized with each other without language? Yet, we don't believe we telepathically communicate... the answer is most communication is. You can literally control people around you with your mood, whatever the hell mood means, it's probably more complicated than everybody thinks. I don't really see the whole being of people anymore, I just see them as... so predictable, and just something to avoid. I can feel the energy off of people, and everyone just always tries to reach equilibrium. If you look at anyone's behavior, you understand that it is always just a path towards equilibrium. Everyone wants comfort and a state of rest. We're not so different from everything else in the universe after all, regardless of scale or size.	self.depression
Starting hobbies then going hypo/manic is wiiild anyone over here will pick up every single gear/equipment of a hobby I barely started? When all is set and do e Ive gotten several controllers and I only play alone. Several board games I never played, top gear for camping after 1 trip. 😂	self.bipolar
Dear Athena Today I went to League City just to see you. I haven't seen you in a few months, you and I were so close before I moved. You were my ride or die, my support. You were my best friend. Today I asked your brother, "Is Athena here?" I was so excited for him to get you but I saw his face drop and he hesitated on his words... Today was the day I found out you committed suicide. Athena, I miss you. I love you so much... It hurts to say that you're gone. I can't call you and tell you to come back, you're gone and you can't come back. I wish I could've hugged you when I was last there, I wish God would have an intervention making me message you before your last moments. God, please watch over her, please keep her safe-- I know how miserable she was and now she's with you. ❤️ My heart is broken and I am numb. Even though you're no longer here, I'm keeping the art that you made when I was at your house just for a reminder that even though your not here, your legacy lives on for me. It's too soon you're gone, but I love you...❤️	self.SuicideWatch
Who's with me on the "I go for days without showering when I'm depressed." And who has a good method of making yourself do it anyway? I'm actually about to force myself to shower right now because it's been like 4 days. My family is good about not giving me a hard time about it. Obviously I feel dirty. But the shower just seems so overwhelming for some reason.	self.bipolar
This is for those who need it: Sorry for potential clickbait but this is just a simple suggestion for some music that may help you all out... It's Xxxtentacion's album called 17 I think if you are feeling down then this may help as it acts as catalyst for you to express your emotion. Idk I just thought maybe it will help haha, if you do listen to it, feel free to let me know what you thought of it 😊😊🤗	self.depression
DAE feel like their lives consist of building a tower of blocks that you have to continuously make sure doesn't topple over? And the anxiety that's comes with knowing that at any stage, if you make the wrong move, everything you worked for will all be over.	self.Anxiety
I almost threw myself in front of a train today [deleted]	self.SuicideWatch
What's wrong with me? I'm a 17 year old girl, senior in high school. About two months ago, I started having trouble talking in groups and just sat around awkwardly, praying that my two best friends would come over to talk to me instead. Now, I am having trouble making simple conversation with them, too. We go out to parties every weekend together which used to be fun, but now I can't even bare talking to anyone because I genuinely feel as though I have nothing of substance to say. I don't understand what's happening. I feel like my friends are shutting me out and replacing me with another girl. Last week I suggested we try DMT, then they did it today without me but with the other girl. I feel so alone and depressed but, at the same time, I also feel liberated because I don't have them bitching at me anymore about their petty drama. What should I do? I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this...	self.Anxiety
I continue to have a lot depression and anxiety over my ex (22m) [deleted]	self.Anxiety
Getting tired of My own instability I honestly sometimes feel so all over the place that I'm even tired of it. I see the way it affects others and i feel so bad for how it affects them but i can't even control it myself. i'll lash out or just get so down and spiral and it feels so bad I can't even take it anymore. And then when I'm manic I make horrible, dangerous decisions that could really hurt both myself and others around me. I can't even keep up with my own mood and I know its too much for other people. Anyone else feel like this?	self.bipolar
anyone tried N-acetylcysteine? Since I've been seeing my psych doc he's been recommending NAC to me in addition to m RX meds. He says it helps with impulse control, anxiety, and mood. I know there's some literature on it's use but I'm wondering if anyone has tried it. If you have, where'd you get it? And did you notice any changes? If so, how long and how much were you using before you did?	self.bipolar
Do you ever contact people you parted with, or do you give up permanently? If you haven't talked to someone for over a year and you liked that person, do you just give up or sometimes try to re-establish contact? I could be wrong but it seems that a lot of people here expect to be contacted first all the time and if that's not the case they assume no one likes them and so best not to annoy/trouble others. What is your personal approach? Do you sometimes try to repair the relationship that was once nice or are you too scared or too indifferent to do anything?	self.depression
I feel so depressed , alone and done I read most of the post on this subreddit and I feel the same way as you. I agree that the time am not depressed is when I sleep , that I really need a cuddle and most of post. Actually I feel so depressed and lost and useless that I want to gave up my actual identity and start a new life elsewhere. I just want to sit and cry and listen to sad songs. The only friend I have got used to me and my parents don't actually care. My collegues have already there problems so not adding mine to them. I try to socialize but I am not good at it. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel peace when thinking of death and mobid things. I try to get a purpose in life but actually I can't find one.	self.depression
Need To Build Character (rant) Hi reddit, I need some serious advice. For starters, I'm 17 years old(m) and nearing my last semester of highschool. I haven't made any friends this year, and have basically been lonesome by myself. Anxiety strikes quick, but even then, I just don't like who I am as a person. In terms of upbringing, my father had since forever hated me and seen me as an eyesore. It's always been disobedience after disobedience, and unjust parenting that he thought would turn me into a better person, but mind you at this point, I have 1 older brother(4 years older). However it was me that was the "loser" in the family, and ever since I realized it, I wish I could just go back and apologize to that innocent young kid. Literally my whole family hates me, I don't talk openly with them, barely at all. They think this is a mental disorder, it's not, it's conditioning. Every interest or hobby I ever had, he ripped it away from me. Any opportunity for going out would get a reply of, "can't you just stay at home?". He's my father, I hate him, but it still hurts. I'm a noone to everyone, to my family I'm just a quite mouse who they hardly know. I can't speak my native language, so it's always been a taboo on me. No hobbies, no interests, no accomplishments, and no friends. Terrible socialization skills, and no idea where the fuck to go from here. This isn't even living, it's just repeated torture day after day. I'm not even sure I'm happy to come home anymore, since there's nothing to do here either. Everyone else has a niche, they dance, play a sport, go out with friends and dine, something for everyone. I have nothing but my memories of old friends, who I wouldn't even be able to look in the eyes anymore. I'm just a pathetic fuck. I'm stunningly handsome and still can't be with a single girl. A mental illness would've been so much simpler, but every part of my shitty existence has a crappy reason for it. I only know that I need to build character, but it doesn't just arise from the ground. Just to clarify, family includes cousins who were somewhat deeply connected to us. TL;DR: At the end of my ropes, with anxiety, no friends, and a laughing stock to family. No accomplishments, and no general sense of direction anymore. Edit 1: My mother's been supportive but still neglecting of taking me places, she's very protective. My father treats my first born brother with much more courtesy, so more inequality for me. He'd absolutely destroy me on some rare Saturday nights, asking why I'm such a quite unlearning shit. He thinks I was born so, not raised.	self.depression
In a deep depression And I really want to know how it feels to live without anxiety and suicidal thoughts 24/7.	self.bipolar
i feel awful wrote some stupid poetry. cried a bunch. listening to indie rock. this is becoming a pretentious, cliched routine for me and i hate it i want to escape what makes me slip into this state, but can i escape myself?	self.depression
A year to date and I still feel hopeless [deleted]	self.SuicideWatch
[Advice Wanted] My nephew has had a psychotic break and has been sectioned for at least six weeks in an attempt to stabilize him. He is sixteen years old. For those of you who have been in similar circumstances what was the most helpful thing that people did to support you? My nephew who has problems with authority became psychotic and delusional after ingesting drugs (probably [NBOMe](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/25I-NBOMe)) at a drug free festival and entered a week of psychosis. During this time he stole a car (despite the fact he can't drive), ran away from home, and tried to use a taser on the police who were trying to restrain him. This is New Zealand so he wasn't shot but the police (with whom he has had repeated problems) weren't too thrilled and got him sectioned. He is now medicated and sectioned. The situation is complicated by the fact my sister is terrified by mental illness and has firmly excluded him from having any contact with me in case my weirdness rubbed off on here son. I don't know him very well. The silver lining in this cloud is that his problems have jolted the family system. I had my first conversation with my sister for over a year. Her son has also expressed an interest in meeting me. I have immense concern for him. I had a very rough time during my teen years; I have also worked as a teacher where because of my own experiences I got involved in pastoral work. I am wondering what practical support I can offer while he is in the ward. Once I get the car working I'll go down and visit him.	self.bipolar
I think I feel better I'm at the club with my buds and I think I'm feeling better. Yay Me!	self.depression
[poem] He is depression One day not far away, We will remember a time. Without rhyme. When our pain. Was not so mundane. How the heart bleeds. For the ones we feel. Let it be known. How we have grown. How he bekons at night For something that feels right. How the moon glows As our hearts slow. Let it be known That while we were thrown, We shan't go to Where he sits upon his throne. They call him by many names, Said in the shadows of quiet conversation He is responsible for pain, He is depression. How he infiltrates the mind Stays with us through time. So I shall write this rhyme, As he wispers every line. I wish to cry, Everytime I try To beat him he grows stronger, Wishing me to die. He is a phantom, One of many. He is sorrow, Embodied. I sit with a gun, a knife, a rope As he drains our last ounce of hope. The moon up above how she shines bright As we snuff out our own light. He has won. We can't kill him He moves to others. He is constant. Like the moon and stars. The nights howl with his victories. As our minds are left to ponder On quiet reflection of our Decision. He was won. He is depression.	self.depression
South Park managed to make me cry today... I know it's weird that a show that doesn't take itself seriously whatsoever like South Park could possibly make someone even remotely sad, but the episode "You're Getting Old" had just one line that hit home like a motherfucking truck. "How do you go on when nothing makes you happy?" That line defines my depression and my problems trying to overcome it so perfectly that I couldn't help but cry like a bitch. Maybe it's stupid that such a nonsensical show had that kind of effect on me, but I don't really care. Still fits me to a fuckin T. edit for formatting shiz	self.depression
Why am I everyone's background character? I have no best friend, no girlfriend, no one is particularly close, and not by my lack of trying. I've got a few 'friends', but I'm never anyone's 'best friend'. I'm an afterthought. Many times I've thought perhaps its because I'm boring/ugly? Is it because I'm not interesting? I'm currently in college and I make pretty decent money as a songwriter. I don't have any of the usual detriments that friendless people generally have: I'm 6'0, in pretty decent shape, decently attractive. I'm a trained musician, piano for 15 years and vocal lessons. I do very well in school, and I make sure my clothing is with the times. I'm doing everything that I should apparently be doing, but every time I try to establish a long term relationship with someone they just seem so utterly disinterested. There's always someone more interesting than me, someone they've known longer than me. My closest friend I ever had I met on Omegle and lived a state away. I made the mistake of dating her, and now she's gone. Why is it that I'm so lonely? I wake up to no texts, go to class and talk to no one. Get home, sit at my studio and write about my lonely experiences. The few 'friends' I have are as follows: One guy who I hang out with if his first three friends are busy A girl who is only interested in keeping the massive snap streak we have together (we used to be close, but then she began long distance dating this dude and he essentially replaced me in her life) Another girl who I met in class and responds to my texts...sometimes...after a few hours. And that's it. Why can't I establish long term relationships with people? What is wrong with me? I know this technically sounds better for r/relationships, but that place is geared more towards romantic relationships, and this loneliness is eating me alive. I don't understand, why do I have to live like this?	self.depression
My neighbours ruined Christmas So my girlfriend just walked out because our neighbours having been playing music since 8am, waking us up earlier than we wanted. It's loud enough that we've been able to make out the lyrics to every song. We've asked them to turn it down but they still won't. It was supposed to be our first Christmas together in our first house. I'm angry but I don't know what to do that won't cause more issues.	self.offmychest
Moving away from my support system after a tough time - terrified! Hello all, Kind of ironic that I'm making a post like this as apparently a year ago today I made a pretty identical post, haha...basically, I'm diagnosed with bipolar, from the UK, and currently live/work in Belgrade, Serbia. I have been stable for a while now, and have become better at taking care of myself, keeping up with my medication regime, and noticing 'warning' signs of oncoming manic episodes (historically I've experienced mania more often than depressive episodes, and I had a huge manic breakdown in 2015 that led to me getting diagnosed etc). I moved back to Belgrade in September 2017 after spending the summer in the UK working in Brighton (I'm a teacher so needed to fill up those long summer months of being unemployed!). It always takes me a while to adjust, but I settled in pretty quickly. However, in November 2017 I came back to the UK to visit my dad who had been poorly in hospital. When I landed he'd been rushed to intensive care, and things were very touch and go. Thankfully he is here with us and out of hospital, but he was hospitalised for two months and most of that time we weren't sure that he was going to make it. So basically, I've spent the past two months in the UK at my family home, surrounded by my parents and siblings and close friends, supporting them and also being supported through this pretty traumatic situation. Weirdly, I generally coped with the situation in a pretty stable way (except for two moments when dad almost died, which was horrific). However, now I'm really worried. I'm flying back to Belgrade tomorrow and I feel really sick, and my mind won't stop whirring - I feel almost on the edge of an episode and it's the thought of being away from my support system and dad that is really getting to me. I don't know how I'll cope, and I'm worried it will just hit me when I arrive there. When I made my post about similar feelings last year, I had a horrible depressive episode pretty much straight afterwards that lasted for a couple of months. I feel so weak and stupid, and incapable. I don't even really know what I'm asking here, I guess just for advice/support? Someone tell me it will be okay, haha :(	self.bipolar
Treatment resistant depression I've tried: Cymbalta, Effexor, Pristiq, Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Serzone, Depakote, Lexapor, Celexa and Wellbutrin. And I just got out of the mental ER last night bc I was suicidal. Stupid doctors. Stupid therapists. Stupid nurses with their fake concern. Once you flat line everyone will love you.	self.depression
I ran out of my meds and my anxiety has been so ridiculously high that I haven't been able to call to get a refill on my meds. Fuck this man.	self.Anxiety
Abilify and sex drive So lately my sex drive is through the roof, I want to have sex at least once a day, even if my boyfriend isn't up to it. BUT. even with my increased sex drive, the past 2 or 3 times during sex, I've been unable to come. This is killing me. Anyone else experience this? I'm on 4mg abilify and 30mg remeron. I know it's not the remeron, I've been on it for almost a year.	self.bipolar
I need a miracle Wife of 13 years is leaving me. About to lose my part-time job due to absences. I've never lived alone, except for the past year we've been separated, and I have no idea how I would go about finding a place to live. I take too many medications to be homeless, let alone not have her insurance even if I could find a living space. Anxiety disorder, Asperger syndrome, depression. I don't want to be alive without her. Even if I could survive the divorce, I don't see a way to live after it...I don't really understand how the world works, how practically I would live, I mean. She has supported me and I won't know what to do with no money or insurance or a car. I don't have any family. I'm a horrible wretch just crying all the time. I'm not going back to a mental health hospital. It was hell and it didn't help at all. My best option is to go into the woods and use my gun.	self.SuicideWatch
TW Does anyone else feel this way? !!! Trigger Warning: Death I have health anxiety (hypochondria), and lately I feel like it's gone into overdrive and taken a different form almost. I believe it's stemming from me finding out I'm pregnant with baby #2 and my fear of childbirth adding some major stress. I constantly have this overwhelming feeling that I am dying. Like in that moment, I feel like I'm going to die. This is different than my "usual" panic attack can't breathe, I feel like I'm having a heart attack, etc. This is like I've 100% convinced myself this is what it feels like to die and I'm laying in bed, fading out. Except I'm not. It sometimes comes with shortness of breath and lightheadedness, but not always. Does anyone else ever have these moments? We are currently snowed in but I plan on going back to my counselor as soon as the roads get better. I've talked on the phone a few times but it doesn't seem to help much.	self.Anxiety
Worst/dumbest/most wtf thing you've done while manic Throwaway because I'm vaguely paranoid about this for some reason. I had a bad manic episode last month and during the course of it decided it would be a great idea to pay someone to write my all papers for my classes this semester. It cost an arm and a leg and it's just so ...stupid. I've worked really hard to make it through grad school while being bipolar. Just the thought that I could've thrown all that away with an academic dishonesty accusation makes me feel physically ill. I've gone on stupid shopping sprees before while manic. I've made some suuuuuuper regrettable relationship choices that I stay awake at night cringing over sometimes. But this was a new one for me. And it got me wondering what weird/regrettable/awful things others have done while manic. I know this is probably insanely tame compared to what some have experienced but I'm pretty mad at myself.	self.bipolar
What are the biggest fears of having bipolar? Harming someone when I'm not myself, committing suicide, social stigma, side effects, and etc.	self.bipolar
Who else here keeps busy as much as possible just to not focus on being depressed? I do this a lot. Outside of school I have a decent amount of free time, but I absolutely fill it with as much productive work as possible just so I won't have time to focus on it. All of this work is on my own and I don't really go out and see people. The rest of the time I'll do the opposite and just not be able to get out of bed and force myself to do anything. I'm not really any happier either way, just more distracted in the former. Anyways who else does this/something similar?	self.depression
Going to talk to my GP about treating my anxiety. Looking for advice. I’m a 23 year old female and I’ve always been anxious. However it’s becoming a lot to cope with as of recently so I want to talk to my doc about treatment options. I have brought up my anxiety to my GP before and the last time she asked if I wanted to try medication and I said no because I didn’t think my anxiety was bad enough. I also felt a little weird that she would just prescribe a pill without talking in depth about my anxiety. I really like this doctor otherwise though so I am going back to see her in a few weeks and just want to be prepared when I say I want to try treatment and she gives me options. I’m not against medicine but I don’t want to just take a pill and expect it to fix everything. I truly want to get to the root of my anxiety and want to start in the right place. My main symptoms are constant worry, nervous around a lot of people, foggy mind, memory issues, fatigue, recent fear of flying, hypochondria, arachnophobia, scared of choking, constant worrying about what people think about me. Any help is appreciated!	self.Anxiety
Extreme anxiety and paranoia over medical issues So, I’ve recently stopped taking my anxiety medications (Xanax and paxil) and have had a somewhat decent handle on my panic attacks...until I started having strange abdominal pain two weeks ago. It’s just been getting worse and has been causing some mild, but still terrifying mini panic attacks.Went to the doctor today and she thinks it could be an ovarian cyst, but I wasn’t able to get scheduled in for an ultrasound until Monday ( 5 days from now ) Whenever I feel sick or not right, I instantly assume I’m dying of cancer or something is seriously misdiagnosed and wrong. Does anyone else obsess and get anxious when they’re struggling with health issues? I’ve literally been crying / panicking all night, assuming I’m going to be told I have months to live come Monday.	self.Anxiety
Help me identify my mood and how to help [deleted]	self.bipolar
So I'm 15 and I tried weed for the first time a couple weeks ago... [deleted]	self.depression
Major sleeping problems. Any advice Since I finished high school like 4 years ago my sleep is seriously fucked up, I just can't fall asleep before 5-6am and then it's extremely difficult to wake up and get out of bed before 3-6 p.m. I am sleeping between 12-15 hours a day. Since summer I am on ADHD medication, Trintellix, and some sleeping aid plus I am trying to limit my caffeine input. The medication helped but not a lot. Some days when I have mandatory classes or lab work at college, early in the morning, I skip sleep completely, being a walking zombie the whole day and then I sleep the next night. When I sleep for 8 hours I just feel tired, if I don't have something obligatory to do I cant get out of bed, I tried a lot of things multiple alarm clocks, have my mom call me nothing, etc. I just want to sleep for 8 hours like a normal person and feel refreshed. Cannabis isn't an option, it illegal and extremely difficult to get a prescription. I started eating healthier and I lost a lot of weight. I am considering to join a gym but i know I am not going to wake up and work out in the morning.	self.depression
Weak I give up I give up on that life I wanted On that state of freedom I’m starving for On that friendship I try on keeping On that family i longed for On living in London I’m not meant to have them Oh how beautiful my dreams look Oh how it hurts to see them on other people Too weak That’s what I am .....weak	self.depression
Why live anymore? Honestly fuck love and having feelings. I just try and care about people and then they just push me away and so I try and come back and they end up just ignoring me. I am so done with everything. trying is pointless	self.SuicideWatch
Sometime I just want to be alone I was hanging with my friends. I was having a great moment. I said "I was" because one of my friend made a comment that I didn't appreciate. She always make comment about how I behavior and stuff like that but I never show how much it hurts me. Friends are supposed to support you not helping to dig your own grave... I was having a great day and now I mad, upset abd start having negatives thoughts.	self.depression
Numerous diagnosis' 29 year old male here. I've had so many diagnosis' over the years, its hard to know what I actually have. Ever since I knew there were signs I went and got help. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1, bipolar 2, schizophrenia, bipolar schizo-effective, BPD, anxiety, so on and so forth. There's been a few others but not only has it been a while since the last formal diagnosis, but I'm over the terms. I don't care about the labels, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. Now, I'm in a good place mentally at this moment in life, I'm on 1000mg of Epilim (Valproate) and it seems to help for now. I've been on it since January. I've only had 6 visual hallucinations since then, a just a couple audible ones. I used to have them every day, and they made their way into my dreams. Not anymore though! What I want to know, is there anything I can do to further help my brain? What can I do to further stave off the mental projections and get better? Questions and answers are both welcome. Look forward to your answers! Adam	self.bipolar
I am quite sure that this songtext is about anxiety, what do you think? I am a long time fan of Gojira, a french metal band (went to multiple concerts etc). They have either quite cryptic songtexts of something about ecology usually and I do not bother to check every songtext of them. Recently in the train, I was just regularly hearing to one of my favorite songs: [The Gift of Guilt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWtSmiaRdqg) . Warning: this is very heavy music. This year I also went through a short intensive psychodynamic therapy and I now have quite an understanding about my Anxiety. This time, I focused on the lyrics. 2 minutes later I was crying in the train. See for yourself: We leave the shores to see the mountains rising A distant impression growing This judgment creates the pain we hold Destructive intentions that serve no purpose But the end of us all These vultures from the past, coming In all the hells and worlds, the time has come Delivered from their eyes Embrace, suffer, destroy - the gift of guilt The shame and sorrow, self-condemnation Fell all the gaps and the spaces, unyielding Bestowed upon us, devastating power We're building connective tissue to a maze of lies We're left as starving orphans The vital core is gone Our sins are all over and over again we swallow We're sick and tired when this wind blows The reflex is insane We must forgive and stop blaming ourselves for this love These vultures from the past, coming In all the hells and worlds, the time has come Delivered from their eyes I'm leaving this behind - the gift of guilt Especially that part of blaming ourselves for love and the idea of swallowing our sins all the time. Or the part about having a "insane reflex" and the metaphor of this "blowing wind". Almost all of this reminds me of my anxiety but also my therapy. The part about forgiving and not blaming ourselves for the love is exactly what I was doing in my therapy, spot on. The whole album is about reconnecting with your inner "wild child" which apparently is a theme that is very personal to the main singer/guitarist. The reconnecting with your child and calming him, caring about him was also a part of my therapy. This is just blowing my mind. Add to it that I always unnowingly used metal music to connect with "forbidden" feelings like sorrow and anger and you have quite an emotional piece of music for me here.	self.Anxiety
What makes you think sending me Snapchats of him tonight is okay? [deleted]	self.depression
of course my mind could find a way to be upset today it’s christmas, im supposed to be happy. i guess i never will be.	self.depression
Depression/Suicidal Thoughts Conflicting With School I sincerely apologize if this post is long, and if it doesn't fit with this subreddit. I've been struggling with self-harm for the past year, but I just started getting help from a specialist from my school. The specialist can't officially diagnosis me with a disorder despite me being immensely sure of having depression, since I've reflected almost all of the symptoms. Now with all this background information out of the way, the issue I've been dealing with is school. From the start of my junior year, I've struggled with keeping my grades up. Last year when I dealt with depression/suicidal thoughts and school in a disgusting combination 2nd semester, I was just extremely lucky with what happened: AP Chem teacher took out the final grade because everyone did so poorly on it, AP World teacher gave out an extremely large extra credit project because everyone did so poorly on the final, my Honors Alg 2/Trig teacher boosted me from an 86 to an A, and in Honors English we didn't even have a final. Yet now my struggle to juggle school and my mental health is getting worse and worse because for the past month I couldn't get myself to do anything. In classes, it's extremely difficult to concentrate, and it's even worse when I go home to study and do my homework. My suicidal thoughts have become worse as well, and I've been going to sleep VERY early to make sure I don't actually go through with my plan of doing it at night. Of course, this is not the best way to cope with it, but this is the only way I can get my mind successfully off of it. Of course, this schedule has affected my school life a lot. Out of my six classes, four have dropped from an A to a B. I know it's not horrible, but if this keeps up it'll just get worse and worse. Not to mention, I have an extremely big test in Honors Precalc tomorrow, which I already know I'm going to fail on, and my low B will no doubt drop to a C. Again I'm extremely sorry for this long post, but I'm immensely scared that I won't be able to overcome this. It's especially worrisome that I'm going to be staying up tonight to study for my test, since I won't be able to distract my mind from suicidal thoughts with sleep. I just don't know what to do.	self.SuicideWatch
Hey people, it’s my first time posting here so I’m not sure what to expect but it feels like this is the only place I can put these thoughts. I’ve been depressed many times before it goes off and on as my life goes up and down as I’m sure it does with many others. In middle school my parents divorced and I just let my life slip not going to school not talking to friends or anything, that was a pretty depressing time for me but as with most middle school things I blew it out of proportion. Anyway, that all stopped when I met my best friend in 9th grade. His name was Rieley Church. Although I only knew him for four years, he completely changed my life and most definitely saved my life. I could on for hours about why he was a brother to me and how much fun we had but I’ll save you the reading. On September 2nd, 2017 he died in a car accident, and ever since all I can think is how I’ll never have someone who I’ll be able to trust and connect with like that again. His death and a lost relationship have really been getting to me recently and I’m just not sure what to do. I joined the military but I don’t leave until May next year and it feels like I’m stuck here with my friends however I just can’t connect with them like I did with him and it’s leaving me feeling more depressed and lost than I ever have been in my life. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but feel free to respond, I’d enjoy the company.	self.depression
I’m going to kill myself and I need advice [deleted]	self.SuicideWatch
prozac causing burning sensation i’ve been taking prozac for eight months now, but the burning feeling in my chest/throat is just unbearable today for some reason. does anyone else get this?	self.depression
DAE ever wonders "how long before I go insane"? Honestly, I'm at a point where my anxiety (& mild depression) has shown to be so subconsciously anchored that I can barely even process it myself. I've been sitting here in awe thinking "My emotions regarding X,Y, Z parameters are so intense, to the point it can give me panic attacks, and a myriad of chronic symptoms that happen to mimic serious illnesses..." All of this because of emotions. We feel too deeply, and it's destroying us. We're so stuck on the negative to the point it is ruining our lives, the only shot we have at living! And it's like every little thing that goes wrong create a confirmation bias. How long can an anxious mind go before falling into insanity? I'm at a point where I'm scared of bad things happening to me, because of the subconscious consequences; it'll add up to the pile of shit that's already floating in my mind, reinforce the trauma, all the negative beliefs, etc... I may not be insane right now, but maybe I will be in a few years from now. I'm already derealized. My mind already hates reality. I feel like it's the prelude to falling into psychosis. :(	self.Anxiety
You're Nobody till Somebody Loves You I've never felt loved. I have some mild acquaintances, but I always feel out of place around them. Earlier today I was listening to an episode of Harmontown. This usually puts me in a better headspace and it did, for a while. This episode Dan Harmon was talking about how his girlfriend's mom would always play with Dan's girlfriend after she got out of the bath. Dan remarked that his showers went along like this (I'm paraphrasing), "I got into the shower, stood there for a while, and realized that it was cold and time for me to get out". This struck a chord with me. I can't remember my parents ever putting aside time to pay any attention to me. Granted my mom died while I was young and both my parents worked, but even before she died I can't remember anyone acknowledging me to be someone they cared about. I've never felt like I'm wanted. I don't have any home to go back to during the holidays because my father and his family hate me for being bisexual. I don't have a family. Everyone I know has somebody they can go to if everything goes tits up. I have nothing. If I fuck up, I can't sleep on my dad's couch for a few weeks to get back on my feet, I have to starve. It feels like nothing is reliable for me. I don't have this one dependable constant force of safety in my life anymore. I don't know why this is hitting me so hard currently. It's been my reality for years, maybe it's the holidays. I fucking hate the holidays. People like to take families for granted, but the thing is if for whatever reason you don't have a family before you can start your own, you probably never will have one. I'll probably die sad and alone. I don't know how to speak to people. My parents hated each other so I couldn't tell what a healthy relationship is like. I'd rather die childless and without family, than to subject my child and spouse to the type of life my father subjected my family to. Basically, I'm pretty sure lots of my depression stems from the utter hopelessness that is living without anyone that will always be there for you.	self.depression
Recently i have been feeling so depressed, depressed to the point that i dont wanna continue anymore to the point i wanna drive into a tree without my seatbelt on, to the point i wanna stab myself in the kitchen and hope i bleed out and completely leave this horrible world in which im suffering.	self.depression
It's my birthday today and all I want is to die [deleted]	self.SuicideWatch
Will I ever be loved I'm fat, I'm ugly I'm stupid I want to feel,loved even if it is for a few minutes... I'm afraid of the solitude.... I don't want to die alone	self.depression
Cystic Fibrosis I found out about 2 weeks ago that my Sister(24) and her daughter(5) we're diagnosed with cystic fibrosis I was told to get tested immediately because cystic fibrosis is inherited from your parents who both shared a defective gene. I got tested about a week ago and my doctor called to inform me that I unfortunately do have cystic fibrosis and to come in to go over my treatment options. I've never felt any different I never knew something was wrong with me. I've never gotten as sick as my sister but apparently it can affect men differently, like I can never have kids not because I wouldn't want to risk bringing a kid into the world with this problem, but because it makes me infertile. I just spoke with my fiancé about this and brought her to the doctors appointment so she could listen while he told us I will have a shortened life, and all the other bad shit you read on the internet about it is true. He told us about treatments but there is no cure, I want to feel angry, sad, or just run away from this life I've built but I could never do that.. I feel more upset for the people around me like my sisters husband who has to watch his wife and daughter slowly die, or my parents who thought they were done raising us and were enjoying retirement listen in horror about how we have this disease they gave to us without knowing, and also my fiancé.. I can't help but to think about the future between us I love her so much but I feel like I'm forcing her to slowly watch me get worse, never have a child together, and be with someone who's defective. I keep trying to convince myself I'm still exactly the same person I've always been I get sick often but I always ignore it. Mind over matter right?? Ive been an avid runner, I run almost everyday ever since I was a kid, which I was told can be a reason why I'm not sick like my sister and niece, I'm just going to continue living life as normally as I can for as long as I can, although I feel like I found out my future... I really wish it would've just came as a surprise for me instead.	self.depression
Bad Day So to begin with I only got one hour of sleep last night and that was from 3 to 4 AM. It is now 6:12 PM the following day. My insomnia has been getting so much worse recently due to the abuse of my sleeping pills for being a depressed fuck. I feel terrible and I'm on my period and it hurts worse than usual this time. I also got results from a blood test that indicated my sugar levels and insulin levels are elevated and of course this should have been no surprise to me considering I'm a disgusting fat fuck that goes from starving myself for a week to binge eating endlessly. I just fucking hate myself. And to top it off I've got an awful home life that drives me to extremes and the only reason I stay away from a terrible drinking habit or any other form of substance is abuse is my boyfriend. I just can't stop crying and I don't want to do anything stupid.	self.offmychest
There's no break. Even when I think I feel better, I'm reminded I don't actually. Recently I've been stressed and anxious and it hasn't been helping me. I've been feeling so trapped like I can't escape this. Even when I'm laughing or talking to someone or doing something, the moment the action is over it's like a wave crashing on me. I'm reminded that no matter what I'm doing I'm unhappy. What's the point of doing anything anymore?	self.depression
Intentional Sleep Deprivation I know a lot of people talk about sleeping too much, but is anyone else here a night owl? &nbsp; For me, for a while now (months maybe; I'm not sure), I've been staying up as long as I can each night, getting as close as I can to sunrise. I think at first it was so I would sleep later, thus making the day feel shorter. I think I also feel something calm and freeing about the night (although I have to be careful to stay quiet so I don't wake others). But I think it's getting to the point where going to bed at a more normal time would be weird for me...like I have to exhaust myself (I probably ultimately get 3-5 hours of decent quality sleep each day). Does anyone else keep themselves' tired, like a deep tired you sometimes feel weighing in your chest?	self.depression
timing my abilify dose So I notice if I take an abilify dose at 7-9 AM I am extremely tired and lethargic by about... 2PM. Has anyone else found this delay in the lethargy / drowsiness produced by this drug? Would it work to just take it mid day rather than in the morning and use that delayed drowsiness to just crash around 10-11 PM, rather than midday? I just don't like napping. I had severe delayed sleep phase syndrome going to bed at 6am waking at 5pm for literally a decade, and things like naps always risk screwing my chronobiology up again.	self.bipolar
If anxiety had a soundtrack, what song(s) would it be? My pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u1RpVsE4OU	self.Anxiety
Sudden Onset Panic attacks - Help? TL;DR: On Ritalin and Lexapro. Sudden onset panic attacks after lowering dose of Lexapro. Hi there Reddit, So about a year ago my parents got divorced and I got really depressed. My always very mild anxiety got slightly worse and I couldn't focus on anything (I was in my final year of university at the time). In February I got on generic Lexapro 10 mg for anxiety and depression and generic Ritalin 10 mg (up to three times a day) for ADD. They both seemed to help and I finished college over the summer. So now I'm living at home with my dad and job hunting. I've been feeling better so in September (with permission from my psychiatrist) I tapered down to 5 mg Lexapro. At first I was fine but in November I saw a new psychiatrist and she commented that my blood pressure was pretty high and maybe I shouldn't be taking Ritalin. For context I am slightly overweight by about twenty pounds and am actively working to lose weight. This bothered me because my ADD can be very severe and I hardly get anything done without Ritalin. That week, I watched the movie Grave of the Fireflies for the first time and for whatever reason it really fucked me up emotionally. I cried like a baby and couldn't stop thinking about it. That night I woke up around six am having a full-blown panic attack. I thought my heart had stopped and that I was either dying or already dead. Eventually I realized it was a panic attack but continued spiraling for several minutes before calming down. Since then, I've had two more panic attacks and at least three moments where I'm about to have a panic attack but manage to stop myself before it gets full-blown. I have no previous history of panic attacks. Most of them start with the thought that my blood pressure is high and I might have a heart attack or stroke. Others start with a feeling of dread and the thought that I might be developing schizophrenia (even though I realize this sounds nothing like that) or some other mental disorder that might seriously negatively impact my life. At times I even fear that I might become suicidal - I don't have the urge to hurt myself, only the fear that I might develop the urge. I feel very disturbed and unlike myself. Could it be switching to 5mg Lexapro that's causing this? Or is it purely that my psychiatrist mentioned high blood pressure? I haven't been taking my Ritalin the last two weeks or so and it hasn't helped so far. I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 3rd of January but until then I need some kind of reassurance that I'm not about to lose my mind. Any response whatsoever would be appreciated!	self.Anxiety
Last night, I gave myself permission. I chambered a round in my revolver and spun the wheel, perhaps practicing and building up the nerve. I've been wrestling with this for years. I've been alone for so long, and ghosted by so many women I was interested in, I don't want to feel this pit in my stomach anymore. I'm tired of having to put up a facade of confidence when I'm scared to death for fear I'll no longer be attractive to her. I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm tired of being so goddamn scared of being alone for the rest of my life. I've decided that if I really do want to go this route, I have my permission, just so I don't have to keep feeling this awful whenever I get even remotely close to someone, only to watch as they lose interest and vanish -- even after promising not to, even after I've remained aloof.	self.SuicideWatch
[Update] decided not to go to the hospital after admitting myself to the CSU I decided to stay home so I could catch up on homework. My family is keeping a very close check on me. They have me lithium and Ativan on top of my lamictal, Seroquel, gabapentin and abilify. All's good now	self.bipolar
[m/28/nj/usa] what kind of questions do they ask first time? I have been having depression issues for 15 years now, and i am thinking of going to a "all in one" place. I want to know what to expect for my first visit? What will they do/ask? What will the first phone call be like? I have anxiety about calling them, i wish they had an online apt. maker.	self.depression
Are my vision problems related to anxiety? For around two months, I've hade these "floaters" in my vision. If I look at something bright and blank, I can see these squiggly brown lines that float around my eyes. They don't last very long but sometimes there's a lot of them. About a month after that started, I have become sensitive to light. Bright lights, especially in the dark, have a large circle around them. If I have my glasses on (I'm nearsighted) the circles are huge. Also, phosphene seems to last in my eyes longer than normal. I've been diagnosed with panic disorder and anxiety, is this a symptom of anxiety or is there something actually wrong with me? Should I be worried about going blind?	self.Anxiety
Regarding dating anxiety specifically: Does anyone else have trouble "slowing down", especially in regards to online dating and dating apps? [deleted]	self.Anxiety
My husband has gained so much weight over the past few years that I do not find him attractive anymore. And he knows this. We still have sex, it’s enjoyable but we can’t do many positions that we use to. And if I’m not on top he is literately making it difficult for me to breathe, plus there is a huge lack of penetration. When I give a blowjob I have to keep my eyes closed the entire time because I can’t stand the sight of his stomach from that angle. I love my husband and I know it sounds horrible. Just had to get this off my chest.	self.offmychest
Nocturnal panic attacks/no health coverage I suffer from panic attacks at night. 30 yo male. They wake me up usually around 2-5am (depending on when i hit the sheets) usually about 2-3 hrs before I need to get up. Well... its just getting really old. I had to all but drop out of the workforce which is really sad. But ironically the only thing that gets me to sleep a whole night through is a full day of heavy labor. If i have a panic attack during the day, I can typically focus my attention on something else, but at night it sucks extra. Nowhere to go outside, tried reading a book but the lights just wake me up worse. Gym is closed, friends asleep, nobody to talk to. I try to avoid TV and bright screens since they say that wakes us up. I had to quit my corporate job as a construction manager. Im passionate about my work but I cant keep up with the demanding hours on 3 hours of sleep. Was falling asleep at the wheel, at meetings... making bad decisions. not good! My past fiance got really irritated by me waking up at weird times and I now have a complex about dating again. I dont think I can share a bed with a woman living this way. I think this issue put a lot of stress on things. I cant even afford a counselor... since quitting my corporate job, i now do contract work - double the stress and half the pay but at least I dont have an alarm clock to worry about. That has helped some, but Im still getting these panic attacks a few nights a week. Just not every night or twice a night now. As a contractor you only get paid every few months in lump sum so it screws up my health coverage to the point medicaide and private insurance cant keep track of my files, and I have to re-apply for coverage every month and it takes 2-3 months for medicaide to release my file when I am "over income." I basically am being penalized for making an effort to work even though i clearly have a disability. I dont want to be on the government dole anyway for moral reasons. But i still owe money from my last counselor visit from 2 years ago. The poverty is just causing more stress. Im not seeing a $120 bill as making me feel any better anyway. But when im stressed i dont sleep. When i dont sleep i get more stressed. I had a major reconstructive hip surgery a while back - worse than a full replacement of you can believe that, and it hurts 100% of the time all day everyday. Its not excruciating, but its a steady 1-3 level pain that never ever leaves. This definitely is part of my issue and causes me lots of tossing and turing Im against prescription cocktails. They have provided neither me nor anyone I know with benefit and I don't want to turn into the next mass murderer or something because my dosage was wrong. When I tried meds i just quit caring about everything. It initially eased my anxiety but then my life completely fell apart and it got worse and Im still picking up the pieces two years later. If i can have sex and/or smoke some medical marijuana, i sometimes can fall back asleep. But i dont want to rely on elicit drugs (cant do that with my career path) or become any worse of a sex addict or need to use pornography and masturbation to achieve stress relief. Unfortunately these are the only things that help but get in the way of work and healthy relationships making things worse in the long run. Anybody have any success with fixing similar issues?	self.Anxiety
Anxiety ruined my life in a week ! Please help So I've always been an incredibly anxious person and one of my biggest triggers is confrontation. I was really mentally abused my whole life and and it has just been engrained in me that confrontation means getting verbally abused for days. There have been very little times I have been able to pluck up the courage to confront people and it always ends bad because i get too emotional. Well earlier this week me and my best friend got into a huge fight because she asked me for a huge favor and I couldn't do it because I was too anxious and I started to panic and I said a lot of things that were not okay to say and I apologized and she told me she would rather not be friends with me from here on out. So I lost one of the two friends that I do have. Fast forward to today at work I was already on edge because I started a new position at my job that I was really excited to be working , except my coworker has been unrelentingly mean to me . I'm talking insults under his breathe every five seconds. I held my own for three weeks but it was definitely starting to get to me . I was already anxious about seeing said friend from before at work and then when I got there not only was he being just a mean to me as always , she was chiming in on the insults. I had a full blown panic attack and had to leave work in the middle of a busy shift . Luckily my boss was really nice about me having to leave but I don't know how to go back and face my coworkers. I feel so embarrassed and now I feel like I lost my best friend and my job that I love all in one week . Please help !	self.Anxiety

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