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I almost killed myself I came close to overdosing. I wanted to. I could picture it. I reached out to my top person and told them it was either take a sleeping pill to fall asleep and get away from the thoughts or overdose so... sleep won. I told her I'd send her my address and let her know if I did go to overdose.
Closest I've come to an attempt. Going to an emergency room crossed my mind, and I know that's what I'm supposed to do, but I went to sleep instead and it was much better in the morning.
That was two nights ago. Yesterday felt like borrowed time. Today should feel more normal. I'm going to give the pills to my person to hold onto.
I really almost had my first attempt...
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self.bipolar
|
Why should I be alive if the only thing I do is bring sadness to my family? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
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My cat is the cutest girl in the whole wide world. [removed]
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self.offmychest
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Questions around Sertraline, Xanax and medication in general So essentially last year I had a bit of a bad experience which caused me to not sleep for a whole weekend, and in turn that seems to have developed itself into anxiety & panic disorder. I started having the panic attacks the days following that weekend, and they haven't stopped since.
I did some therapy back in February (6 quick sessions) which really helped to control panic attacks and understand what was happening in my body. My anxiety improved a lot in the following months, but the last week it seems to be all coming back at the same time.
I suffer quite a bit from claustrophobia and start going into a panic attack if a transport stops halfways between stations, particularly underground. Last week while hungover the tube (London underground) stopped in between stations for about 15 minutes and I had a panic attack. Since then, all the feelings seem to be coming back to me.
I depend on transports to get to work and right now I am feeling anxious every day because everyday is a struggle to get to my job. It's getting so bad that I want to quit just so I won't have to depend on transports. Today I took a really long journey to get home just so I would be overground all the time, and the train stopped for 20 minutes before a station, giving me a panic attack (even though I'm above ground)
I found out that my work offers mental health & wellbeing therapy through my health insurance, but I need a referral from my GP (public doctor in England). I went to her and she said she didn't have time to write the referral, but for me to leave it at reception that they would fill it. She also prescribed me with Sertraline, saying I should take it everyday to reduce my anxiety over time
I've read some things online and by the sounds of it I don't really want to take it. People say it helps their anxiety but once they come off it their anxiety returns, so I don't really want to be dependent on pills. I had asked for her to prescribe something to keep my panic attacks under control (like Xanax) but she said she would rather tackle it long term.
What should I do? I don't know when I'm gonna be eligible for therapy, and I'm having panic attacks every day. I really want something to keep them under control if I get stuck on transport or anything similar, but I don't want to become dependent on Sertraline. As well as this, I have a flight coming up in December and I'm absolutely dreading it if my condition stays like this.
Feeling absolutely hopeless right now and stuck in this situation, it's mentally draining and it's becoming really hard to carry on
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self.Anxiety
|
confusion confusion everywhere but the solution is nowhere to be seen I am really confused with what I should do I am having a hell lot of self-harm temptations and I am sure I will do it tonight and I am having so many issues and because of this a week back I couldn't wait to go back to school and talk about everything to my 2 friends who have helped me along and they are the reason I haven't suicided yet but now I don't want to go to school i dont want to talk to that friend of mine about my problems he is already struggling with his own issues i want to help but dont know how to and also i dont want to meet anyone i dont want to see anyone i just want to be alone and also i dont want to go to school tomorrow i dont know what to do i am really confused with everything happening right now and because of this i am not abel to study and i have my very important exams coming up in a week and i have hardly prepared and all i want to do is sit in a room alone with that one peorson i can cry my heart out to and who would listen to evrything i say without judging me can someone help me out of this confusion
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self.depression
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Partner is suicidal and passive, am i allowed to help? Hi everyone! I'm wondering if i am allowed to help my suicidal partner? They have since half a year ago stopped doing anything around the house which feels difficult since everything now is on me. And every time i ask if he can do a chore, himself or together, he says yeah ill do it later, but it never gets done. I hate seeing him so passive and i want to help him feel better. I want to create a schedule for us so he can get some routine in his life and maybe some excercise. He says that he doesnt want help ofcourse because hes suicidal. Am i allowed to help him even tho he doesnt want to?
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self.depression
|
[Megapost] X-post about a new drama in my life. Seeking wisdom here. A mega post, because there are so many things going on my life. I'm from a bad town and a bad family and a bad situation and I'll try to give as many details as needed while keeping short as possible.
Did I get fired, or did I quit? How do I handle the current situation, and what notions or actions should I take from this situation to enhance my future experiences? Or anything you want to say?
Background: I have medical issues and lifestyle issues. Workplace seriously needed people and still does, since no one wants to work for them. They made accommodations for me to work at their company, including offering me rides to work and home, help outside of work or help with issues outside of work, help getting my job done if needed, etc. I've come in hours late or missed days randomly from not being in town, getting petty injuries or getting myself into drama - no consequences, they took it easy and half the time never asked or bothered me. They all felt bad for me too and did it out of pity and kindness and have all spent the past many months worrying, even though I'd tell them not to. Bosses heard stories about my brother and my mom, they hate them and actively look for reasons to hate them more.
More background: I have severe deep-seated dad issues. I have a good life with family at my mom's. She is more of a bum parent, and is more a friend than a mother, but she loves us and cares about us deep inside. It is often not the best environment but I am most comfortable here, I am being taken care of, this is the only family I have left anymore and I love them, I am an adult who consents and chooses to be here. My mom pretty much promotes that I freeload off of her and offers to take care of my needs since I'm her best behaving kid and I help her take care of the house a lot and help control my sister and I lend her money when needed and etc. My mom lets me take care of myself when I want to, but she doesn't let me say no when she wants to house me or feed me or spoil me on holidays because I'm still a baby to her. I honestly don't want to leave this life, I've made good time where I'm at now, I may not have every single thing I want but I can't function in any other situation with any other lifestyle.
A lot has happened. Some of it was not my fault, such as medical or home issues. Some of it was my fault or related to my doings, such as substances or my antisocial tendencies. So they've put up with me. Most wasn't my fault but I did have some bad times. [Enter usual life drama and bullshit, long-term for many months of working]
Some time earlier this month: I had an emergency at work, the EMTs had to come get me. It was more dramatic than any other emergency yet. Boss, M, and a higher up coworker, B, got me from the hospital and were figuring everything out. They were already trying to help me with my situations and were trying to help me get into therapy and everything else. That night, they took me to my mom's house, because I refused to tell them wherever else they could take me. They reluctantly took me to my mom's house, actually met my mom after the stories they've heard, and they decided they definitely did not want me living in the environment with my mom and brother and sister especially after the emergency. For the past couple months and especially after that night, they babied me to the extreme. M babied the crap out of me - and he can be a very rude person to everyone else. He'll call someone an ugly POS, or scream at the other employees, then come over and call me honey and ask if I was okay.
Many weeks ago, up until a week ago: the coworker B thought a lot after actually seeing with her own eyes how bad things were. She decided that she'd take it all at full speed, and said, "I love you, I care about you, this is completely in my hands." She was planning to get me to DHS/welfare office about all this stuff, wanted to get me help for my home stuff and medical issues and drugs and she told me she'd help me start therapy. B said she'd come get me from wherever I was at 11 am, on Dec 18. I tried to say she didn't have to, that things are okay, but she made plans with me and she said she was going to make an appointment.
So like 4 or 5 or so days ago: Another usual night of housebouncing, staying wherever fit. I do it a lot just because I'm not used to being in one place for over a few days, sometimes I just like getting away from my brother, and I pretty much spent high school living with friends and relatives and jumping around and being a rat. That night, I was at my coworker's house - who is also my boss' girlfriend - and I was doing my usual bullshit. I decided I'd start fucking things up at 4 am, [enter more about my long drama] because I'm impulsive and antisocial.
My boss M decided that they won't put up with my bullshit and he had to leave his house to drive me home at 5 am and was pissed af, he got into a fight with me and it was both of our faults. I told M he could take me to the clinic and they'd deal with me. M dropped me off at my mom's house with no word. No idea why M did that, after just recently saying he wanted to punch my mom and brother and saying that he wanted me out of there. M didn't wait to see me go inside, just left me in the alley and drove off. I guess he just wanted to be done with me, and that this was his breaking point where I was just no longer his issue.
I went into my mom's porch, no one was up and sister was gone, so I got my bag and ran out of town to a buddy's house who I knew was awake and would welcome me. Hour later, I had internet and I said to my boss that I was sorry [enter usual sincere bullshit]. He just said "your fine." I told him that I ran off, but that I decided I was going to get back to town in case I could go to work that night. I finally started coming to town at like 11 am. B was so pissed at me, I missed the DHS appointment. I told her at around 10 to not come get me, cancel the appointment, to just stay home and enjoy her day off, etc. She decided to ignore me, messaged me and said "Don't worry about it, we can go!" and she drove around town looking for me to get me anyway, so was it not her fault. She sent me a rather aggressive message, saying things like "Forget it, I don't care, I'm done. Don't ever look to me if you need help, don't contact me." like an overdone fuck you. I know I am a bad person but it was her fault that she appointed and drove around for me after many times of me telling her no. That message was not appropriate at any degree either.
When I got to my mom's, I got in and charged my phone. I told M that I just got to my mom's, and I told boss and two managers that I wasn't going to come into work for multiple reasons. My mom came home a tad later and she was throwing a huge fit. She was screaming at me like, "WHAT IS GOING ON". Not AT me, I mean, like just in general was upset and shocked and wanted answers. There is always something drama going on with me and there is always stuff happened, and she's used to it and she pretty much ignores it now, so if she ever asks or gets upset, then you know there is something absolutely seriously terrible going on. I didn't know much, so I asked her. She was like "SOMEONE FROM DHS CALLED, SAID YOU HAD NOWHERE TO GO AND THAT YOU'RE SELLING METH AND STUFF". I don't sell anything, I don't even do hard drugs after what happened to my brother. My mom knows I've done joints and stuff and she is pro420, she knows I've done acetone and glue even though she isn't completely happy about it, she knows I don't do anything hardcore and that I don't even drink alcohol. We communicate and are close. And as I said: My mom pretty much promotes that I freeload off of her and offers to take care of my needs since I'm her best behaving kid and I help her take care of the house a lot and help control my sister and I lend her money when needed and etc. My mom lets me take care of myself when I want to, but she doesn't let me say no when she wants to house me or feed me or spoil me on holidays because I'm still a baby to her.
So DHS got a false report on me. Coincidence, or B decided to seek vengeance on me for "wasting her time" or something. DHS hasn't done anything about the report - they've had an agent here before many times to check on us to end up finding nothing seriously wrong, so I don't think they'll make a case of this either.
I stopped coming into work, after that day of saying I wouldn't be coming in. It's been over half a week, maybe even a week by today. No one has contacted me in days or has asked about me, except for my friend. I've gotten a couple rude personal messages. M telling me to "suck it up and carry on" and he "can't help me any more." Then B decided to message me again and tell me "Everyone is worried about you. Are you not gonna work here anymore?" Today I went to message M to tell him I can't maintain the job. Turns out M, B, a few others blocked me.
After I told them I wasn't coming in, then cut contact, did they take it as "I'm quitting"? Especially since B asked if I wasn't working there anymore. Or, rather, are they firing me for my behavior? Either way, bosses would be mad, especially if they considered I quit, because no one else wants to work for them and they need me so badly. Boss has said many times that they need me.... I'm not the best worker but they've needed me and have expressed so, and my coworker in the same position actively hates her job towards customers and was suspended a lot. I was always scheduled almost every single possible night, they kept making accommodations to make sure I could work as often as possible, and the manager kept assuring me that I'd be able to have my job for a long time because of how they needed me, etc. Boss was upset when I couldn't be there that day I said I wasn't coming in.
So I don't know if they just got sick of dealing with me and had the audacity to fire me, or if they took it as an "I quit". And no one told me I was fired, or to never come back, or anything like it in work terms. Wasn't told to come in to talk. I was asked one final time the other day if I was coming in or not/etc., then got negatively treated then blocked.
> Did I get fired, or did I quit? How do I handle the current situation, and what notions or actions should I take from this situation to enhance my future experiences? Or anything you want to say?
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self.offmychest
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In a really bad place right now... Hey everyone. I’m just trying to reach out and see if I can make a friend... talk myself off this ledge I’ve found myself on; something.
I’m about to lose my job, am going in for a surgery on Tuesday that will have me down for 3-6 months, and may be homeless within the next two weeks... and being diagnosed with psychotic depression doesn’t help.
I guess I’m kind of just stuck. I’m in tears; you should NEVER have to get this text from your wife:
https://imgur.com/a/Vff7q
What do I do? 😕
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self.SuicideWatch
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My therapist wants me to go to the hospital [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Suicide Prevention Online Chat Today, I woke up feeling depressed. I still am. I am feeling very suicidal. SO I decided to take my councilors advice and go to the Suicide PRevention website. I didn't want to call anyone so I'm currently using the chat. I'm in position 5 and I'm still waiting... If other people are waiting on me to finish, i dont think I'll even try it... I think I'll just be a waste of time to all the other people waiting... Ill update later...
Update: I stayed on that position for a little more than an hour... I know other people need it more than I do, but waiting for me no where If is an immediate lifeline. I can’t call because my phone doesn’t have service, I’m on WiFi rn. But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be... I’ll do other things to keep my mind at bay...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Was supposed to go out with a group of friends but it got cancelled because one felt lazy. I can't figure out if this is true or they just didn't want me to come The person that invited me texted me and I replied super quickly, saying yes and asking for more details but then he stopped responding and today asked if I've gotten to the location and when I said no, he said they actually decided to cancel and maybe next time. I think they might have just decided they didn't want me to come along and I'm embarrassed because I already told my parents I was going out with friends which made them happy and excited for me. lol
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self.Anxiety
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I'm scared of the things I might do For the past few weeks I've been really depressed, it had just grown all of a sudden with no prior warning. I've always considered myself a failure to my siblings, and when I found out that I had failed my exam was the breaking point. This may not sound like a lot but all my life I've always been taught that these select few that failed it is someone I should never follow, and so I didn't, I scoffed at the idea that someone could fail it, and yet, here I am. I wanna die so bad, it's scary. Even just now, I just stared from my balcony from the 17th floor, looking at where'd I land. I can't die, not like this, not now, too many people's lives would be hurt from he despair they'd get, I'm just scared of what Im capable of
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self.SuicideWatch
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Cleaned my room! About two weeks ago I posted about having a break down trying to clean my room. Y'ALL, I cleaned my room and put everything in places! I have a functioning house, finally!!! I want to thank everyone here who made me feel okay in my own skin, y'all are the real hero's. Good night from California.
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self.bipolar
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Mirtazapine and seizures? I have been taking Mirtazapine 15mg for a month and the last 3 days I've been taking Mirtazapine 7.5mg to start to wean myself off them. Like 30 minutes ago, I had what I believe to be a seizure. I was taking a bath. When I got up to get out I felt dizzy, light-headed, and my vision started blacking out. I sat down on the toilet because I felt faint, and then all I can remember is waking up on the ground inbetween the toilet and my sink, twitching. I am wondering if this could have anything to do with me taking Mirtazapine? I know the obvious answer is go talk to your GP, but I can't get in until Thursday and I'm worried so I would like to figure out possible causes before I go. Thanks any help is appreciated.
Also I don't know if this is the right subreddit to ask, but I figured it would be worth a shot.
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self.depression
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An actual concern or just being obsessive-compulsive? I'm worried I'm not Bipolar. Both my Psychologist and Psychiatrist have said I am, or have mentioned it's incredibly likely. I've been formally diagnosed for about six months now (I'm 16M).
My fear is as follows: What if I subconciously faked a hypomanic episode when I first took meds? When I was hospitalized for depression, I was given 10mg of fluoxetine and I started acting erratic and energetic. I worry that I have been lying to my family for the past several months and that because I haven't had another elevated episode, I'm actually fine.
I'm worried I'm going to try to trigger an episode via SSRI Overdose or Sleep Deprivation on an impulse, which scares me, because I'm not sure which is worse: anxiety from my OCD leading me to believe I'm faking it *or* testing it to see if I'm faking it.
I took 80mg of fluoxetine last night up from my 30mg prescribed and nothing has happened. I'm genuinely worried I'm lying and that I'm an awful person. I should just die. I want this all to stop.
Why am I like this? I'm already panicking.
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self.bipolar
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I deleted all my social media And I have noticed that I am so much happier with my life right now. It is also much easier to focus on tasks that needs to be done. This doesn't really entirely cure my depression and anxiety, but it's like I can feel that I'm getting a little better. No more people pressuring me into pushing myself to do something I don't really want just to fit in. No more drowning thoughts of comparing myself to others. No more shitty feeling of being left behind.
I can still contact those people who are important to me and doesn't make me feel like shit. Losing all those hundreds of friends, and thousand of followers is really worth it because of the peace of mind I have right now.
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self.offmychest
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This longing for a relationship is extremely annoying. I've always felt it, but after having dreams about having a girlfriend that isn't real and going into the public and looking at couples being all happy and lovey-dovey just makes it worse. Yeah, nothing can be done about it, but I've had it. Any time I try to go after a girl, SHES TAKEN. Even if she were just wholesome and looked dull, SHES TAKEN. And everyone's all like "Ohh, you should get out more and keep trying" and sometimes I get "You know relationships aren't magical and fun as they seem to be, you should just forget it"(says the person who loves significant other so much). Alright, I agree with you, love is patient, and love isn't something that's perfect 100%, but these people should know that I've been feeling this way for some odd years, and I've gotten to the point where it's bothering my studies. For so long, I have put up with this and I just can't anymore.The thought of having a girlfriend just lingers in my head, giving me the feeling that I'm just lonely. It's funny how people say being in relationships can be distracting, but for me, not being in one is distracting.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this, and I just want it to stop. Either finding the perfect girl or not, I just want it to stop.
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self.offmychest
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Fuck some people. This is a light stupid problem compared to some, but it's still bothering me.
Matched with a guy on Tinder i've known for years. Talked for ages and agreed to FWB. It was his suggestion to make it long term.
Met up today. Awkward, but I didn't think it was awful?
Obviously I messed up somehow because he's unmatched and blocked me.
Just hurts being suddenly dropped
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self.offmychest
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I need help finding self help books! What's your suggestion? [deleted]
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self.depression
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LPT: Do not ingest Caffeine the day of giving a speech. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Mourning the life you could have had? does anyone else just mourn the life they might have had if they weren't mentally ill? if they just hadn't met one person? if another person didn't leave? if they hadn't gotten bullied, if they just went to another school, college or just simply just made one tiny different decision in their life?
i think about this all the time because not gonna lie, i was born into a rather great life. i was blessed with amazing things, and honestly i could've done so much with my life and been such a great catch: beauty, smarts, humour, a loving family. but, i went to a high school i hated and was left emotionally damaged by every "friend" i had as well as all the years of bs and loneliness i had to go through. the depression stayed with me for years, because things never really got better, and now i feel completely broken and forever mourning the life i could have had. my YOUTH that i spent crying, lonely, in pain and wondering what i had done so wrong to always be made to feel like shit. all the years i spent studying, trying to excel, for it to all unravel right now over my own shitty mistakes and bad luck. the number of years this depression took away from me - how behind i feel in life. it makes me feel nauseous sometimes, seeing every one who caused me pain going on to do so much better things and i'm just stuck in this hole of hurt and pain. it isn't fair. i was never like this before. i deserve happiness.
edit: one thing i mourn heavily about is how much more confident and successful i would be now. after high school ended, i was so consumed by my depression that i didn't even realise how bad it was. it felt like second nature for me to sleep my days away, stay at home and not do anything with my life. i forgot what normality felt like. i was alone, with no one to help me out of this. i mourn about how if i didn't go through the experiences i did in school, how much happier and productive i would have been. more friends and support, more confidence, motivation to study better and get a job; a sense of self and a more proactive approach to the future. i would have also not fucked up the good things i encountered this year and would be having a ball right now. but nah, depression consumed me and i didn't even realise.
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self.depression
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I think I am starting to accept that I am not desirable I have had no luck with any women in my life so far. I used to shrug it off to correctable faults that I would address and get over so that they don't hold me back. I have been improving how I dressed, I started moisturizing, I started socializing a lot more, I started attending a lot more parties and events. Importantly, I also started talking to a lot more women.
It makes me wonder a lot. I like to believe my personality is pretty decent, according to my friends and acquaintances. I make a lot of people laugh and I am usually the one that steers the conversations in groups; So, I really do not think my personality is the thing holding me back. I can make good small talk and participate in genuine discussions with others without a problem. I do not have a problem talking to women either; It used to be a past issue of mine, but I quickly overcame it and talking to women is the same as talking to men, as it naturally should be.
I am not the most handsome dude on the planet. I also have braces which I think hurts my chances a lot, too. Smiling becomes difficult at times and braces aren't really the most attractive thing to glance at when speaking face-to-face. If I were to rate myself on a good day with good outerwear, I would say I could be a 6 or 6.5/10. So yeah, I don't really think I am beautiful or anything special. I know I am not because I have seen handsome dudes and how hugely different they maneuver their dating lives due to the physical appearance advantage they have. I do believe, or at least used to, that my looks weren't the thing holding me back either. I have been complemented by a few girls on my eyebrows and that helps boost my confidence at times.
It gets hard though, I am 20 years of age and I am still to be in a relationship. It is hard because I attend a lot of parties and events and conversations somehow always converge to sex and relationships, putting me on guard and unable to participate at all, worrying I might be outed as a virgin. I see everyone around me entering and leaving relationships, having casual encounters, and it just leaves me wondering what am I missing? Why is it that it seems no matter how much effort I put, no one wants to be involved with me romantically?
That's why I am starting to accept I am undesirable, leaning towards physical desirability. Perhaps the women I am interested in are turned off by my looks and never initiate or even respond to any moves or interests I broadcast. I really wish there was a way to get the truthful answer of why I struggle with my romantic life a lot. I would give it my all to help remediate it. I get really lonely and sad at times because of my issue.
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self.offmychest
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The Feeling of Different Fabrics when Manic Does anyone else get really irritated with certain fabrics of clothes when they are manic? It’s crazy but whenever I’m manic I get so particular about what fabric I wear. I cannot wear 100% cotton at all when I’m manic. It bothers me and feels so scratchy on my skin. In general I just get so annoyed with how certain things feel on my skin when I’m manic.
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self.bipolar
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I don't know I left the house at 9pm either every intention of fulfilling my wish to die. I drove to a bar, which I *never* do and parked for 30 minutes. Went in,hoping someone would say something. Ordered two tall drinks, again something I would normally not due. Drank both and nobody batted an eye. I'm completely invisible. My husband never even questioned why I was leaving or reached out this whole time. I took some pills and I'm waiting but just can't seem to get this right. I'm so scared and desperate at the same time and have absolutely nobody to reach out to.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My future is over. *Note: This is a throwaway account and I am an HS Junior.*
So my mid-term exam results just came out and it was the worst. Now I am depressed as f##k because I don't think colleges want me anymore. I spent so much time, effort, and money over the break but I still got bad grades at the end. My parents are pissed at me. I do well during normal classes but when it comes to tests and exams, I f##k up everything. I have a tutor that helps me out and I understand the concepts. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like my years and money spent at the school went down the drain. I feel sorry for my parents because they have to put up with my dumba##. I see no future ahead of me anymore. I'm seeking advice on how I should handle this situation because I know suicide isn't always the solution.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am not suicidal at all, but.... When i go to sleep at night, i have a fantasy of never waking up again. My life isn't bad, but i just have this fascination with non existance. I take different kinds of depressants just to feel the body go numb, and mind quiet. Sometimes i wonder if death is the only thing that DOESN'T frighten me. I can't fathom a more plesant thought than no longer being.
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self.offmychest
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I know it’s stupid but this Logan Paul thing has got me really bummed out. [removed]
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self.depression
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i've never felt more alone than i do right now [deleted]
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self.depression
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Someone cares about me and now I feel guilty [deleted]
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self.depression
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Some people get songs stuck in their head, I get suicide stuck in my head (yes, I do realize that’s most likely almost cliche in a subreddit literally called depression)
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self.depression
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Would 8 stories be enough to kill me? I would prefer to die instantly but I'm not sure if 8 is enough.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Taking care of pets? Over the last month, my depression has ramped the fuck back up after I had it under wraps for over a year. I won't bore you with the details, but I don't have a job and can't go to school right now, so I don't really have an excuse to leave the house or do anything productive and I think that's just making me crazy right now.
I have three pet rats right now, who I love as much as I can. I know you're supposed to socialize them and play with them at least for an hour a day, which I have been doing, but now I barely have them out for over half an hour, and that time is normally spent with them running around while I just lie in my bed staring at the ceiling or at my phone.
I want to get better and get back into the swing of things. If not for myself, for my bbs <3 kind of taking a shot in the dark here to see if anyone here has any tips in regards to taking proper care of your pets while going through stuff like this, maybe any mental tips or something. I really don't know, just taking a shot in the dark at this point. thank you very much guys
Edit: don't know if it adds anything, but I've also been having really vivid dreams about them. Most of the time they're... not good. And I wake up feeling absolutely terrible about myself and what I did to them in the dream... idk. its fucked up. I also find myself getting extremely angry at them for no reason. If one runs away when I try to pick her up, I will get infuriated to the point where I almost become violent. I'm scared I'll hurt them.
I'm sorry, I'm posting a lot of my personal life online right now... Didn't mean to but I can't really talk about this shit anywhere else and be taken seriously
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self.depression
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I’ve been heartbroken for a month now what do I do? So I’ve already had depression for a year and a half now, but ever since June-Sept 2017 I’ve been feeling so much better. Then during October, I found out that the girl I’ve liked for so long is dating someone and I’ve been heartbroken ever since. My depression came back and it’s much worse than before. I would have mood swings everyday and some days I have no motivation to do anything. I guess part of why I’m depressed because I’ve never got to fully have a chance with this girl. We’ve only ever had small talk once in a while, but we were never at a point where we got super close. I was planning to confess to her this year, but knowing that I now can’t really hurts me more than anything. And everyday I have to see her with her boyfriend, all happy and cheery together. And as a person who’s been dead and have no emotions for the longest time ever, I’ve cried for someone for the first time ever. Everyday within the first week of finding out. I’ve tried moving on but there really isn’t someone for me out there. I’m stuck in this shitty situation what can I do?
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self.depression
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Food-based anxiety Anyone else? I have developed this fear of food and allergic reactions and it's making it really hard to keep weight on. Today was a good day, at least, and I'm trying to force myself to try one new thing a day (today was maple syrup) but it's a real struggle.
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self.Anxiety
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This subreddit Damn, I don't even know. I've shared some of my story here but not all of it. I find it strange that there are people here who have gone through so much worse than me, abuse, drugs, war, illness and more, and nothing that extraordinary has happened in my life, yet in the past when I've shared my full story on here, people think I'm a troll. Am I that pathetic or am I just too fucked up for even here? I wish I could say something other than that I was bullied to explain myself, but when I do, people start to doubt me. People who used to be my best friends have even told me "I just can't believe someone like you could exist." I don't even know how to explain, or if I even want to try to.
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self.depression
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I don't know what to do/feel Ok so I was diagnosed 4 months ago. Ever since, my doctor and I have been playing with doses to see what works. I'm on abilify. She just switched me from 5mg to 10mg. I have experienced 0 change up until this up'd mg. I can't sit down. I'm so on edge that I need to CONSTANTLY be moving, cleaning, cooking/baking or doing one of my hobbies. It's gotten so bad that I am constantly on a low when I think of relaxing or sitting down. It doesn't sound like a big deal but I am physically uncomfortable and in pain because of this. And after all of this the meds aren't helping me as they should. I still experience drastic highs and lows. And constant bad thoughts. Not of suicide but just not happy thoughts. Sorry for the long rant. Any similar stories out there?
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self.bipolar
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The meaningless of "how are you today?" I've already gotten asked this four times this morning. Social norms dictate that I have to say something neutral or positive. So I do. But in actuality, everything IS AWFUL. And everything hurts. And I'm not okay.
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self.depression
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any title I write is going to be generic so why even try [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Manic once again It's my first (edit:hypo)manic episode in a month! Did something pretty regrettable today though.
Spoke suggestively about a male teacher I find handsome. WHILE AT SCHOOL.
Aaaaaand if it isn't apparent in this post, I am having trouble controlling these impulses coming from my head. I've talked to quite a lot of people through chat today on impulse. My friend also noticed me moving quite much more aggressively than usual.
Heyy, at least I'm doing good enough not to lash out on my contacts whenever they say something I somehow find irritating, for reasons even I don't know.
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self.bipolar
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Its only getting worse Okay now i'm crying again going school tomorrow. My hopes are crashing and now i feel nothing. I dont i will be survive if i will go school tomorrow. I scared i will lose my mind. Even now i cant breath and my hearth becoming irreqular. I can' deal with this. Why cant i have just a break? I am shattering. I tried everything going thearpist try going school snd now i am hopeless. Tomorrow i dont now if i will be broken. Please help.
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self.depression
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I'm still fucked up So last night my wife and I are laying in bed watching Basketball. We began to fool around a bit and it ends up that she gives me a handjob. As soon as I came I felt like complete shit and dirty. See, when I was young my bestfriend molested me, repeatedly, for a long time. Finally it ended and I have no idea why. I blocked out a lot of it so who knows. Anyhow for years after I couldn't even put my hands in my lap without feeling dirty or like I was a bad person. I'm so pissed off that this shit still bothers me. I'm in my mid-30's ffs. I couldn't even look at my wife for like a half hour after this. It isn't the first time this has happened with us (or prior women) but this time it was really bad. She totally understands and shit but I just can't get past it myself. I still fucking get mad at myself like I've done something wrong. It isn't as bad when we have sex, just with oral and other shit. I think I'm fucking insane sometimes. Sorry if this is really random and haphazard just trying to get it all out which I'm not good at. Fuck fuck fuck.
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self.offmychest
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My high school campus got partially burned down Making this short cuz I'm on mobile. I go to a boarding school in ojai and about half of our campus was just burned to the ground in the Thomas fire. This includes but is not limited to: girls dorms, bio and chem labs, and auditorium.
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self.offmychest
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How do I deal with lack of motivation? The only thing i'm motivated to do at the moment is work and i think thats just because of financial pressures. I dont feel motivated to do anything including gym or even play video games or read or my other hobbies. How do I become more motivated?
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self.depression
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Do you find some character(books or anywhere) and you relate a lot with their thoughts and ideas and end up knowing they killed themselves? And you can't help but wonder if you'll do the same? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I am so fucking bored it is unbearable. I am so bored. I can’t do anything, because nothing feels like anything. I cant read or play a game or do anything involves actually doing anything- partially because I just can’t even fucking make myself do it and partially because when I try I can’t focus for shit.
I left work like 5 hours ago and haven’t talked to anyone since. My friends all have actual lives and actual interesting people to hang out with.
I just cried into my couch for awhile. Netflix asked me if I was “still watching” I don’t even know how long ago now but it feels pointless to even push “continue watching” because it doesn’t even do anything. It feels the same as sitting here staring at my ceiling.
I just want to pass the time without it feeling like complete fucking torture. I want to do something I want to see people or something or just like enjoy doing fucking anything.
But when I plan things or meet up with people all I want to do is go home and sleep instead anyways.
I’m impossible to please. I do this to myself.
I want off this fucking ride i don’t like this game anymore.
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self.depression
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Keep on failing the handshake I made a friend at work. He's from the Philippines. He's a really nice guy. We go to the same school. Every time he sees me at school he initiates a handshake. It's a bro handshake. One slap of the hand, one fist bump.
Every time he initiates the bro-handshake, I somehow manage to fail it. Yesterday, as I passed him, he held out his fist for a bump. I proceeded to grab his fist with my hand, and then punch the air behind me when I passed. I then laughed at my silly mistake, but of course it replayed over in my head for the next hour as I died inside. Just today, I got the slap down, but I let him down on the bump and I left as *he* punched the air.
I just feel so bad about it, man. As stupid as it may be, I feel like he will begin to hate me down because I can never get the handshake right. I've never had a friend who has done that before. The mental anguish is real.
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self.offmychest
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I don’t know what to do please reply I’m panicking [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I was getting better.. I swear I was? I started to improve my mental state, sure there were self destructive tendencies but I wasn't hurting myself. I had other thoughts than killing myself, I was getting better I swear I was! It only took me three years!
I'm back at square one. Nothing in the last few weeks has made me happier than the thought of being dead. I can't even see a moving vehicle without the unrelenting willingness of throwing myself in-front of it.
I feel like I'm back in the same thing I was years ago, I'm meant to be a fucking adult. Does anyone else slip into something and they just can't seem to drag themselves out of it? If you did, how? What was your success?
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self.depression
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Being ghosted sucks Thought I had a great date the other night. We both had chemistry. I was really starting to dig her. She seemed like she was digging me too.
And then she ghosted me. Must have done something wrong, or did I just totally misread everything?
Fuck it hurts.
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self.offmychest
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I’m 31. Just lost my job. Have no skills or education. Anxiety/depression has been snowballing for years, and I’m petrified. This is more of a rant than anything else, but if anyone would like to chime in I would appreciate it, lol.
As the title states, my life at the moment is falling apart. I’m a convicted felon, (ran from the cops in my car when I was drunk), I live in New Jersey which is ridiculously expensive, and I have no idea what to do with my life to support myself.
I’m considering going back to school to do something with my life, but that will take years, and in the meantime what do I do? I managed a small restaurant for the last few years but don’t want to go back to that and don’t know where to turn.
My thoughts are starting to scare me and everyone just acts like it’ll be alright but I don’t see how this ends well.
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self.Anxiety
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Who am I? I am so confused. Everyday my ideals, goals etc. seem to change seemingly for no reason. It has come to the point where my views and opinions are so fluid that I have completely lost track of what I actually think. Everytime I try to clear things up it's this massive brain fog that destroys my thought process, I don't know how to explain it with words but it feels like I am everything but nothing at the same time (?).
What the fuck is wrong with me?
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self.depression
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Taking klonopin for the first time? My dr prescribed me klonopin (.25 mg 1x per day which is a very small dose, as I understand). She wants me to take it for 1-2 weeks and then start an SSRI at my next appointment and stop the klonopin. I guess it's just an in between thing?
Problem is I'm terrified of taking it. I'm supposed to start tonight and naturally my anxiety is driving me crazy...thinking I'm going to have an allergic reaction, or be immediately addicted, or the dose will be too much for me. Has anyone had any experience with this?
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self.Anxiety
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My school is afraid of me So my teachers have been going all big brother on me lately. They don't let me go to the bathroom without asking. They don't let me walk in the school during break without asking. They hide the scissors in almost every classroom. I'm not even allowed to use scissors when they're watching me. I've looked up some things relating to school shootings so now they have an actual human monitering my every move on the internet. (BTW, other kids have looked up stuff about school shootings but I'm the only one who's actually monitored like this.) They ask me stuff like "What's in your backpack". I asked them wether they were afraid of me and they said no but they've said stuff like "We're considered about you and other's safety", so TL;DR they think I'm a shooting threat.
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self.depression
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I will never be happy I'm turning 26 this year. Had like 2 girlfriends. Haven't had sex in like 8 months. No job. I lost contact with all of my friends since I left the army. I'm tired...I'm tired of trying and always failing. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but I know I'm doing nothing right at all. My life sucks but I have no courage to kill myself. I just wanna fall asleep I never wake up again. I have no big part to play in this world. I'm just one more loser walking around.
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self.depression
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Just locked myself in bathroom and cry for no reason [deleted]
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self.depression
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There are times I wish I could turn off my brain and just fast forward to where I know I can reach. Title. Really sums it up. I am painstakingly aware of every passing moment. I want it to be five years in the future. I have confidence I will get where I want to go...I just have no confidence in coming out sane.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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self.offmychest
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Remedies for dizziness? Does anybody here suffer from occasional dizziness from their anxiety? Does anybody have any tricks for helping it subside?
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self.Anxiety
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Natural Remedies to mental a better health Hey everyone I am a web developer/entrepreneur and I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed in 5th grade and am 26 now. I have spent most of my childhood and all of my 20s so far seeing therapists, developing coping mechanisms, researching/developing natural life styles/remedies as an alternative to MY OWN situation. For example vitamin D has been proven in the lab to raise feelings of well being, and from my own experience 20 min in the sun improves my mood for the rest of the day. Even if I have to drag my self out of bed. I use this method to get the energy to do the things that need to be done, like grocery shopping or doing laundry. I realized a few weeks ago that if I made a website I could help people with similar situations to my own. I have my own opinions on where the website should go and what it should be. I wanted to get opinions of people that could relate to the way I feel and ask you, what kind of problems you run into when looking for alternatives to cope with life. Do you know there are more natural ways to handle things? What would you want to see on the site? My most important question though is would you even find value in a site like this? Also I am not looking to replace modern medicine I am NOT a doctor nor will I pretend to be. My aim is to educate people in natural life style choices like the one above. I would like to have a conversation in the comments before I start developing to make sure Im on the right track. I thank you for taking the time to read this and I wish you the happiest of thoughts
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self.Anxiety
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I feel trapped. I'm 24 and I've been consistently depressed since middle school. I've been hired to work at three different places in the past and quit every one of them almost immediately because I panic and get swallowed up by depression. I'm currently on my fourth attempt at a normal life, but I know I'll quit this job too.
I've been trying to learn how to drive with my dad. I just can't get used to it. It's harder for me to retain information these days.
I've always had a hard time going out for any sort of social activities, and now I don't have anyone in town left to hang out with. They all moved out of this small Midwestern town years ago. Yet I still live with my parents.
I almost moved out a week and a half ago. Had a job interview with Walmart, and was going to move in with a friend. But then I started panicking and feeling sick. I balled my eyes out like a child. I nearly killed myself that day.
I can't even sleep properly. Never could. I always take about two hours to get to sleep, and then I wake up too early. I took 300mg of Diphenhydramine last night and it still took me two hours to fall asleep. I woke up three hours earlier than planned. Five hours of sleep with 300mg of sleep-aid.
Now I'm sitting here shaking and sweating. I feel cold and nauseated, because I have to go to my new job at a grocery store deli in less than three hours. The thought of doing this five days a week, every week makes me want to throw up.
I thought about trying to collect disability, but I'm horrified I won't be considered qualified. And even if I am, I don't have any health insurance or money to have a doctor diagnose me. I also don't even know how to go about doing any of this. Our town is a shit hole with only two clinics; Neither of which are mental health clinics.
Even a prescription for anti-depressants or something of the like would be welcome, but I can't afford anything.
I wish I could be normal. Move out, find a girl, get married, and have kids. Unfortunately, all of that seems impossible for someone like me. It'd be easier to just die.
Give me advice, please. Help me find something to fill all this emptiness and gut-wrenching self-loathing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to be positive about being chronically single. Over the summer I met a girl. At the time I was struggling with my feelings for someone I'd been in love with but never dated. I met this new girl at work. When I first saw her I thought she was pretty but within a few days I was surprised at how easy it was to get along with her. She was just fun. We talked a lot, and even though we didn't have the same opinions on many things I liked arguing with her about them. I think I might have been a tiny bit in love.
I've never been in a relationship before. I've never even asked someone out. She had so much more experience than I did that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep up. For the first time in my life I reached out to my mom about this sort of thing. She gave me a generic pep talk and I came away not feeling a whole lot more secure. I decided to give it more time and gather more information. For a while I really thought she may have liked me back; she was comfortable with me, she seemed to actively seek me out sometimes just to talk.
I consider myself a progressive guy so I was surprised to find out how disgusted I was to learn about her sex life. We were talking about pregnancy and sex and she mentioned previously having sex with someone without protection and relying on him pulling out. Obviously she didn't get pregnant but the thought of her having sex and just hoping he'd pull out in time makes my skin crawl. I'm not sure that most of that isn't latent jealousy; I'm older than her and I've never had sex, let alone been entrusted to pull out to prevent pregnancy. I hate to think of myself as a resentful virgin but I think I might just be. In the end I decided I'd try my hardest to put that aside and focus on thinking of her as a person who is in control of her sexuality, and not as a sexual object someone got to use before me.
Three days before Christmas I asked her if she was seeing someone. I'd made up my mind that if she wasn't I would ask her out, right then and there. She said she was. Another guy at work, someone I see on a consistent basis. Not a great Christmas present. Today I spent a little bit of time with both of them. They seem to like each other.
I honestly think I'm jealous of her. She's had romantic partners and sexual experiences. I've never had either. People (usually my mom) keep telling me I'm sweet and funny and kind or whatever and that any girl would be lucky to have me but my love life looks like the Chernobyl exclusion zone. And I think that's my fault; I don't meet a lot of girls so it's not going to be easy for me to find someone who's interested in me. I've thought about Tinder but for some reason I don't like the idea. Everyone else my age seems to be doing this much better than I am.
In a way this is kind of my whole life: I want something, but I never do anything about it, so the opportunity goes away and I haven't made any progress. I don't know if I'm going to get over her or not. It was pretty hard for me to watch the way she and her guy act around each other. I think I want to hold out and see if they'll split up but I know it's healthiest to try and move on.
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self.offmychest
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anyone else feeling the same? My anxiety is based on many things. The most important and the one that holds me back the most is having many people around me. For example if i go to the store I feel so anxious I feel like im going to faint. For me it turns into a battle of staying conscious. I have rode it out many times when it is not so bad and it gets better.
The problem i have is it seemingly resets every day or every other day. That is what i have been going through for id say 6 months now. I've Improved before but i have had a few resets where it comes back full force. Two of those instances were me hitting my head kind of hard and getting very overheated and dehydrated.
The doctors want to prescribe me antidepressants. They never have helped me. The reason im so bad off is because i took an antidepressant and it made me what i can only describe as temporarily insane. Im taking Alprazolam right now, Im not happy about it because my anxiety still breaks through and now im reliant on it and go through terrible withdrawals if I stop.
Please, If anyone has some advise or maybe you are going through something similar let me know.
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self.Anxiety
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Anxious about my mom So we are currently day 3 of my mother giving my sister and I the silent treatment and I'm getting really nervous that she is going to break and start screaming at us. Yelling is always a trigger for a panic attack for me but I might just end up with one because I'm so nervous
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self.Anxiety
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Ever not check a grade until the end of the semester? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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How to make friends as an adult? I am 21 suffered from anxiety my whole life. I'ts come to a point where I'm just sick of having no friends. I don't know what to do. It took a lot to post this I'm very drunk.
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self.Anxiety
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Why can other people who also struggle describe my depression better than me? I read this article about this girl who was saying “things people will never understand about my depression” and it just... hits the nail on the head. And why can’t people just UNDERSTAND? Even if they don’t truly understand, just accept that you’ll never understand and help me move on with my life.
“1. Depression is really manipulative. It can, and it does turn me into a person that I don’ t know, and that I don’t like. It makes me impulsive and careless, and it makes me numb and empty, and I am none of those things. When I’m going through a hard bat with my depression, I wish people understood I’m just as uncomfortable with the way I am acting as they are. I’m unhappy with my demeanor and I’m unhappy with the way I react and make other people feel. But, I try to the best of my ability to work on it”
This is exactly what I have been trying to explain for years. Especially about my *growing* years. The years I needed to mess up, the years I needed to learn.
“3. I’m going to be honest, managing a mental illness is hard. It’s even harder when you’re trying to figure it all out along the way. Nobody is born with a manual on how to deal with being mentally ill, and having to deal with one and learn about it at the same time means that I’ll make mistakes, and I’ll get frustrated with myself and everybody trying to help me. I’m sorry, and I need you to be patient with me. I can’t do this alone.”
That second line. It’s even harder when you’re trying to figure it out along the way. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I DID THE THINGS I DID. I DON’T HAVE AN EXPLANATION. But I learned. I learned what was and what wasn’t a good way to handle things. I literally have no one but my family. No one stays. No one forgives. No one understands.
“Depression is a mix of every type of emotion known to humankind in the worst way. It’s getting angry over nothing and laughing when you’re supposed to cry. It’s a lack of tears and weak knees and not being able to get out of bed for a few days. It doesn’t make sense, but I’ve had to get used to it, and now it’s my life, but that’s okay.”
People think depression is just being fatigued and sad. It’s not. Depression is so much more, but once again, no one understands. No one forgives. No one stays.
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self.offmychest
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I Love My Friends 1.7 years ago I moved to a new city sight unseen because I needed a change otherwise my next attempt on my own life was going to be successful af. And since the move, my view on life and humanity has changed soooo much for the better. And yeah, I'm kinda drunk, but that's because I had an amazing night at work and then after I got to have hangs at a bar with musicians I respect the fuck out of, got to see one of them geek the fuck out over meeting another musician HE geeks the fuck out over and just generally had a really good night. I laughed for probably a total of like, 6 hours total tonight.
I may have issues making rent in the next few days, my bed is a hardwood floor amd a fleece blanket that covers only my legs but honestly, life is pretty good right now.
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self.offmychest
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When you finally convince yourself to take medication... ...and you don’t drink often so you decide to get all your drinking out beforehand. Then you remember how nice it feels to be tipsy and you start to think maybe you don’t need your medication after all.
An endless cycle.
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self.bipolar
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If I knew asking you out would mean you never would talk to me again, I wouldn’t have done it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I wish no one cared about me I want nothing more than to kill myself. But I couldn't do that to my family. If my mom died today I'd do it in a second.
I don't know how long I can go on living for others. we'll see how things are by my birthday(probably the fucking same)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression kicking in after holiday + grad school stress [deleted]
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self.depression
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"...you're the most thoughtful person I know..." - No, I'm not [deleted]
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self.depression
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How can I best support my mom? My mom has bipolar disorder. She can be stable for long periods of time, but when she gets sick she gets very sick. My parents did a good job of shielding me and my little brother from her illness. Now that I'm older how can I best be there for her?
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self.bipolar
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Something I related to in guardians of the galaxy vol 2 (if this post is inappropriate for this subreddit. I apologize and I’ll take it off if it is.)
There is a part in GotG vol 2 where Drax is talking about the loss of his family and mantis asks if she can touch him to feel his emotions. He lets her and this is the part that hit me really hard. The moment she touches him. She immediately breaks down weeping from the sheer weight of what he must be feeling constantly. And the camera cuts to Drax and he is just. Calm. Collected. A sad expression on his face but not much else. I think because he’s dealt with it for so long. The pain is still there as much as ever. But he just. Gets used to it. And that clicked with me deep down. I don’t open up about my depression that much to people (something I need to fix about myself) but when I have fully opened up to select friends and family, it usually played out in a similar manner to the scene. With me telling the person what’s always just in the back of my head and causing me to feel like this. And by the end the other person is crying. Did this scene click with anyone else? And thank you for reading
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self.depression
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Medication/drugs or combination to overdose on? Can anyone please tell me some medication/drug/combinations to overdose on, that are effective. Please don't try to convince me not to do it, I've already decided. Doesn't have to be Otc, I can get everything so it's fine.
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self.depression
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Ruined my relationship because of depression, she broke up with me, now I'm even more depressed. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Sacrifices I usually sacrifice my happiness so people around me can be happy
My closest friend says that I shouldn't do that, and I agree on that but I can't do it
Any help?
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self.depression
|
If the jitters/shaking/heart racing is unbearable... Try yoga! I honestly did not believe in it until last night. I’m currently on Prozac and had a bad reaction to it which resulted in sleepless nights, bad anxiety, and really bad jitters (not saying Prozac is bad I just personally reacted bad to it) and I could not get the shaking to stop. I did 30 mins of yoga from some YouTube channel and I was slowly but surely becoming grounded, and felt normal. The shaking stopped and I regained control. Seriously, when it feels like there’s nothing you can do to make it stop, try this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Just a rant about how my brain works My bf is great. We're both 17 going in HSC. He's my best friend and probably my only friend excluding my 2 sisters. He's an air force cadet and is currently on a promotion course in increase his rank for the next 2 weeks. I already miss him and it's only day 1. I feel like this is going to be the worst 2 weeks ever cause I'm going to be so lonely (all 4 siblings of mine have moved out to various cities). Like anyone I hate being lonely. But I love him. I love it when he's happy. I know he enjoys his nerdy plane shit and how passionate he is about finishing his plane license and building them for a job. This is fun for him. This is not fun for me. I hate it when he has fun without me. He has heaps of mates so if they have guy time I get so irrationally jealous it kills me. I dont wanna be protective. He's aloud to have mates and hang with them and it's supposed to be good to time apart but it feels unfair to me. How can someone have so many people to hang with but I only have him?
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self.depression
|
I wish I had 1 real friend. All my friends turned out to be huge liars and talking bad about me. I can't help that I got many mental problems. Why is it so hard for people to accept my flaws etc.?:/
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self.depression
|
Should i kill myself? I ask because i have a disability, autism. Andm anly autist are unemployed and on welfare. Many of them are atleast one in the lifetime homeless. I don't even have a decent education. Thats the reason i want to commit suicide, dont want to end up homeless, don't want to end up on welfare or in a shitty job, dont want to end up poor. But because i'm disabled i will have no other choice i think. And don't tell me life is great, life isn't great when you can'0t life a normal life, when you know you will always be poor, in the worst case even homeless. Why is suicide in this situation wrong?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Suppressed under this household Dad is getting drunk again with his friends (as he does almost every fucking week) and here he goes with his life story of his suffering and hardships. Not only that, but he always seems to have this condescending belittling attitude towards me because I have way more opportunities, which is true I admit. Fuck, I just want to open up and get fucking help, but I can't even do it because I already have a sick feeling that my own parents would just laugh it off or be disgusted.
Backstory [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abuse/comments/6owvru/is_it_normal_to_ignore_past_abuse_or_am_i_in/) but tl;dr I got abused almost everyday by a relative who used to live with us, and never got around to tell my parents the whole story. Also my parents are immigrants from a poor country so obviously they can't fathom the idea of someone suffering in the privileged land of the free. And to top it all off my dad is religious as fuck and former police/special forces. So fuck me.
I've been trying to get out of the mindset that just because others are worse off than me, doesn't mean I can't recognize or acknowledge my own hardships as well. But it's so fucking hard when your own fucking parents gives off the feeling that your problems are insignificant.
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self.depression
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Today is my birthday. I know this might not be the correct sub to post this, I tried to submit this in offmychest but I wasn't allowed, don't really know why. I just wanted to share something today.
Hi! Right now is 3.50 am in Argentina. Today is my 26th birthday. I just finished dinner with my friends and I'm pretty drunk.
I consider myself a fun and outgoing girl. I have lots of amazing friends and a huge loving family. I don't have money problems, I love my career, I didn't suffer any major losses. All in all, I'm pretty lucky. I don't have anything to complain about, which is why I feel so guilty for what I did. Noone tells you that you don't actually have to live an awful life to be depressed
Last year on this date, I was struggling with crippling depression. I'm not going to get into much detail, all I can say right now is that on December 8th I tried to take my own life. Took a bunch of pills and washed them down with alcohol. Left a letter to my parents, my siblings, my close friends and the 2 loves of my life.
I woke up at the hospital 2 days after with all my family and friends around me, crying and hugging me. I spent 2 weeks in a mental facility. It was the worst experience I've ever lived. I had to see how everyone that loved me was heartbroken by what I did.
I will never, never forgive myself for this.
Somehow I decided that I had to put myself together. I started therapy 2 times a week and a psychiatrist twice a month. I left my toxic boyfriend. Didn't have the strenght to deal with uni though, my only priority at this point is my mental health.
My psychiatrist stopped prescribing me pills in August. Last month my therapist told me that I was stable enough to go once a week.
Today is my birthday, and a few hours ago when I saw myself surounded by people that love me, all of them singing me happy birthday, all I really wanted to do was cry of happiness. I know there's a tough road ahead of me, but I made it. I survived the worst year of my life. I'm here and I'm here to stay.
I don't want this to be a pity party, I know I'm far from being "cured", I'm not trying to sound condescending. I know how it feels like to be misunderstood, to feel guilty about the way you are, to feel alone in the world and that everyone would be better off without you. I still suffer from anxiety, and I still have days when I want to say "fuck it" and be done with it all. Stop all your suffering at once.
I just wanted to say that if you're struggling, please seek help. There's people that love you and care for you. There's people that will miss you if you're gone. And if there aren't, you have to know this: you matter.
If you feel alone, please don't hesitate to write. I might be a stranger on the internet, but I'd be glad to help. Noone should suffer this on their own. We all have our ghosts and we must try our best to fight them, however exhausting it might be.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is my second language.
Lots of love to everyone from Buenos Aires. Take care.
Virginia.
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self.depression
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How do you find meaning on your own? I have a boyfriend who I am head over heels crazy about. We have a surprisingly healthy relationship, and the few times where we've begun to argue too much over the past 3 years, we step back and breathe and come back in the relationship stronger than ever.
I am smart funny and attractive enough, I like to think anyway. I like to think of myself as someone you'd let a sigh of relief out if you saw that I was the one to sit next to you on an airplane. My confidence is, in the words of Tina Fey, probably too high for my mental or physical capabilities.
The thing that makes me feel sunk is when I'm alone, and have some time to reflect. When I have the time alone it makes me stop, think, and feel sad. I have about 3 people I genuinely consider my friends, the do anything for me type. I like that number small, but it makes me think. Thinking back throughout the day, and the people I choose to surround myself with, I realize when I'm alone that I don't like 90% of the conversations I'm apart of. I have friends that are stoners, student athletes, and probably more stoners. When I'm alone, I realize these conversations are fake. For show. They are empty. And it causes me to become quite. Why would I care to talk about how blitz you were for the 800% weekend in a row?
I guess I'm really just looking for higher thinking, or at least genuine conversation. I feel the usual conversations I have throughout the week are a giant waste of time. I could get close with people if I tried, I know I could, but I don't feel like I've met someone worth that while for a minute.
Then this makes me feel cynical, and that it's my fault for these bland, zombie like tedious conversations. I feel kind of alone in the world.
I am so thankful for my boyfriend and the close friends I do have. I spend some significant time away from my boyfriend, and my close friends live in the midwest, then LA and one on the east coast.
The root question I'm getting at here is - how do you find people that are worth your while? Are they one in a million, to be held like gems or am I looking in the wrong places? By no means do I consider myself perfect, but I don't know how to meet people to connect with.
Maybe I'm in a rut and looking for some guidance. Anything could help
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self.depression
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Another Christmas since you died It's insane to think it's been so long since you died. I lost you to cancer on Christmas in 2014, but it still feels like yesterday. You were an amazing person who always had a way to make me smile. I'll always remember how you held me and sang 'Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall' when I had to put my rat down.
You were more than my co-worker, you were my friend. As I sit here, sipping this coffee, I remember the early morning rushing around that shop to get coffee brewed for our customers. I miss you Terry, my wonderful Terry Berry.
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self.offmychest
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I hate mood swings One minute I'm fine and the next minute I lost all my appetite and hurt the ones that still give a shit about me thus driving them further away. I just want to repeatedly bash my head to the nearest wall.
I absolutely hate not being in control of my feelings and I absolutely hate myself for being like this. I just want it to end.
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self.depression
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Health Anxiety I suffer with this every day. Im convinced every little sensation spells impending doom.
I need some encouragement, and clarification.
What are the physical symptoms of anxiety and hypochondria?
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self.Anxiety
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Tomorrow I'll quit my job and I feel amazing about it :) Tomorrow I'll tell my coordinator I'll quit my job and next year I'll not be an employee anymore of my company. My stressful job will not kill me, I will not quit myself :)
Now my anxiety will be better, I'm sure. The main cause of it will die. And let's live better :) with no fear
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self.Anxiety
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Math feels like it is ruining my education I don't "get" math like many other people. I've struggled with it my entire life, all throughout middle school, throughout high school, and now into college. I feel as if math is a burden on me and something I must complete if I want to succeed in my major.
I've had to retake classes in the past, and my current pre-calculus class is looking to be the same way. My professor never has the correct times to teach me individually, and my classmates feel unhelpful in many ways. I have someone who cares for me that understands it much better than I, and yet I still don't "get" it. I've tried numerous online sources with no luck, with no ability to hire a tutor.
The worst part about it all, is that I get so incredibly angry. I look at a problem and my brain starts to feel scrambled, and I become angrier and angrier. It snowballs to the point where I become so frustrated I settle with failure, realizing my incompetence. I see so many others around me who just fly by in life understanding math as a subject, while by the time I start to understand the basics of this type of math I am already multiple steps behind.
I don't know what to do anymore. My grade in this class is already near the failing threshold, and if I have to retake this class I am going to have a complete meltdown for such failure.
I just felt the need to rant because of an assignment I am currently working on that I am having this exact issue with. The anger from math becomes so apparent that it mentally blocks me from continuing. Thank you to anyone who had the spare time to read this.
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self.offmychest
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For those that also suffer from depression Do you ever feel a little relieved when depression takes over your anxiety?
Whenever I go through periods of depression, my anxiety is at a minimum or non-existent because of the emptiness. In a way, it makes me feel free and "normal" even though the depression brings on a whole other set of problems.
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self.Anxiety
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does anyone have trouble putting their feelings into words? for some reason i can ramble on and on about them in my diary but when it comes to actually telling other people (even complete strangers) i just come up blank. does anyone else have this?
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self.depression
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"You can't always get what you want" Do you know what i think is realy sad about life ? When we were kids we didn't know what we wanted, but when we tried hard enought we could achieved anything. As adult, you know what you want, but we are less in cotnrol of outcome, even if you try hardes as you can. Sometimes you just can't get what you want.
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self.depression
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Proud of myself I hope this is okay to post, but last night I was planning on just hanging out with my boyfriend and we ended up at his cousins house with a bunch of people I've only meet once. There was a lot of drinking involved (I stayed sober because I had work the next morning) but I didn't freak out and I'm proud of myself. Normally in this situation I'd take a xanax but I didn't know we were doing that so I was on my own and I didn't freak out! I was a little anxious at first but I survived and had fun even though I just listened rather then talked but I'm proud of myself and just wanted to share!
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self.Anxiety
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Thanksgiving Suicide Laying in bed 4th floor nook of my sister's home. The house is dark the family is asleep. Every word I try to speak to my friends and family in conversation I feel is misaligned, is fake. At some point the tongue switched and I stopped recognizing myself. I've pondered suicide undetected to myself for 7 years. I practice meditation and I just had a visual of a warm bloody bed. My life is filled with sweethearts and deep beautiful people, yet I feel like a blow up doll waiting to be found out. It feels disgusting the way I approach this life. I feel guilty for not being able to be genuine. Fraudulent. Like I've been given the gift of life along with many blessings attached and I can't seem to breathe a breath without my torso trying to escape from it's own functioning.
The only genuine thing I thought for me to do is listen to the wind, I don't think I need to do much talking anymore.
I am laying above the people I am supposed to confide in.....a sister 3rd floor who is a miracle worker pediatric cardiologist and the sweetest woman, and a father 1st floor who held me tenderly as a baby, who is intelligent and patient and has unwavering depth.
I walked upstairs after a day with family and immediately began crying silently into my sheets.
My heart keeps sinking into my stomach. Aches. I am picturing blood. I can't go downstairs to wake my father in tears. At this point I have shared enough over the years with him that I believe he would just feel further confusion, heartbreak and powerlessness over his daughter's grief.
Just thought I'd share.
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self.depression
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How do I know if I'm really depressed? Don't know if i should take prozac or not Went to a psychiatrist and she gave me a prozac prescription. I don't even know if what I have is depression. I've always been an introspective person with a very pessimistic view of the world. I think about death alot, how everything in life leads to death is a relieving thought. I do think about suicide but would never act it out, again, only as a relief from shittier thoughts. I cut most ties with my friends because they always talk about all the girls they fuck, their 'bright future' plans and gossip about stupid negative shit. The ones I keep are 2 friends I still enjoy talking to and can relate to. I don't have any "real" hobbies because I drop everything after a week. Only thing I manage to keep on doing is lifting and that also is not very consistent because I get bouts of self-hatred due to my absolutely shit genetics, so I lose any hope for a regular body for a while. Then I go back to rocking the weights. No "interesting" hobbies though. Just music, movies, books, writing depressing songs and texts from time to time.
I'm a virgin at 22 and I lost any hope for human contact. I'm just a boring fuck with a small dick. No redeeming features. So no women in my life either.
What do you think? Will it help or I'll just get all the side effects without it even helping me?
(English is my 3rd language, so excuse me if I made too many grammar mistakes or sounded like a fool)
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self.depression
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Dont you hate it when shit never goes right no matter how hard u try? I keep telling myself that if I get my hopes up, Ill be dissapointed in the end. But for whatever reason I still do. Idk why I just can't control it lol. Im just really longing for that one thing to go accordingly. It seems like everytime I try to do something or try to improve my life it fails. EVEN WHEN IM TRYIN TO HELP OTHERS it fails. I truly don't get it. I try so hard to get ahead in life only to fail and get set back farther. I always wonder if Im just cursed.
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self.depression
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I have a problem So, I just broke up with me ex and I was fine for the first few days. I have a great job opportunity, but now I can’t go because I took a knife last night and slit an inch deep, 6 inch long cut in my leg. It was a surreal experience. There wasn’t any pain because it was so sharp. You just see your leg open up and it SPEWS blood like crazy. Anyways, I got my stitches and staples and now I’m here. The truth is, cutting doesn’t help my pain anymore. I’m going to start hanging. I’m just ready to cross over. The idea of not being alive anymore sounds so relaxing. My father left for Iraq two days ago, so I’m just alone. I really wanted to pull the trigger in a hotel to avoid my mother finding me, but honestly, I think if I’m going anyways, it won’t matter where it’s done. I’m not seeking help because the truth is, I don’t WANT help. I write this with truth. I’m dying. It won’t be long and I’m sorry if my mom gets hurt. There’s just no way I can be happy without my true love.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it really my fault for not getting better? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm so tired of being alive... and I've had enough. So I finally found girlfriend on OKCupid, after being single and dateless for 10 years. She was really sweet at first, took care of me when I got sick, came to pick me up at work when I locked my keys in my car, gave me a necklace from a Kay Jewelers, and a neat painting that she painted. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I found her really attractive and vice versa. I fell in love with her and her 2 year old son. I was ecstatic. Life was great! My hopes and dreams were coming true finally.
But pretty soon she started fighting with me over dumb things, and she suggested breaking up when I tried talking to her about how it bothered me that she had changed dinner plans wanting to cook shish kabobs, but I had no grill, and didn't want her to buy me one when she offered. I tried to make a grill with stuff I had and I struggled to get the coals to light but to no avail. I got upset that the first bite of shish kabob I ate was raw after cooking them in my oven broiler, and I felt all the effort I put forth to make her dinner happen was a waste. I just wanted Chinese food and to spend the evening with her. I told her that I just wanted us to plan things out better and that I missed not spending the time with her. She got really upset, which confused me and made me anxious. I tried to explain myself and that I didn't want to fight over it, but nothing calmed her down. I became upset that she wasn't listening to me and said that it didn't seem like she was being respectful of me. She said, if that's how I felt that I should break up with her. She then put her phone on do not disturb and left the conversation, leaving me to stew in my confusion, frustration and anger.
I showed up at her place the next morning with all her things, including her gifts. I asked her if I could talk to her. She said she wouldn't fight in front of her son. I said I didn't want to fight, just talk. She told me I had to leave. I hugged her warmly, and left. I texted her later saying that the fight was stupid and that there was no reason to break up over it. She said she was hurt that I returned her gifts. I said I like the gifts but if we're not gonna be together that I don't want the reminders of our failed relationship. I told her I just wanted to communicate with her, and we need to work together in order to make our relationship work.
We got back together, but she wouldn't give me back the gifts I returned even though I asked her for them. Things became rocky again soon after, and we broke up a second time when I asked her why she called me a creep. We got back together again after a week, but she became more irritable at times and started to accuse me of things I didn't do, like not caring or wanting to help her when her mom kicked her out over reasons I couldn't even fathom, or mocking and screaming at her son, when I once playfully and gently pushed him. I did not make him cry, nor did I try to hurt him. she would often compare me to her ex husband, whom she made out to be a horrible person. Then she would post on facebook angry and dramatic rants on facebook accusing me of how I did not feel about her, that I just wanted her for sex when she had thrown sex at me like crazy before.
I asked her if she wanted to see other people after she had unfriended me on facebook, she got angry and dumped me and we didn't talk for two weeks until I reached out. I talked to her that whole day telling her I didn't know what was wrong, not knowing why she was so angry, and that I really cared about her and loved her, but she said she didn't want to get back together. She butt dialed me a week later, and I called her to ask why she called. She said it was an accident but that she had been thinking about me. We continued to talk frequently throughout the days, and she agreed to see me for dinner in about a few weeks. We continued to talk and one day she would be nasty and the next she would seem caring, asking me how I was. The day for our date came and she told me she got into a fight with her ex husband, (the kid's father) and the cops were called. So she wanted to postpone till the next day. I told her that I had things to do, but that she could tag along if she wanted.
The next day she called to say her son had swallowed a battery and she was at the hospital. I became concerned for the kid and studied the dangers of ingesting batteries and relayed that information to her to set her at ease, that the kid had gotten to the hospital in time to avoid injury or death. She postponed again until the following weekend, and the next Friday she called to say her cousin had dropped in unannounced and she was spending time with her. The next day she said she wanted to see me, so I showed up at her work when she got off at midnight. We went to her place nearby, and she got really anxious and asked me to drive us both to my house a half hour away. I told her no, but she asked me 3 times, and that it meant a lot to her if we went to my house. So I agreed, because she agreed to go to a concert that I invited her to, saying that it meant the world to me if she went with me.
On the way to my house she told me that I was unlike any guy she had ever been with before, that I was so nice to her and that she feared I wasn't real. She said she still wasn't sure that she wanted to see me, after she had been telling me that she wanted to see me. And she admitted to sabotaging things between us. I kept telling her how much I cared about her, and her son. That I loved her, and I didn't want to fight with her, I just wanted to communicate. I never yelled at her, or cussed her out. We got to my house and talked until 3am, laying in my bed, I told her goodnight but she initiated sex, despite me trying to resist it because of her accusations towards me.
She talked about getting together the next weekend, saying she wanted to spend the whole weekend with me. I asked if she had to work (she was working 3 jobs, but posted to facebook that she quit one of them, probably because she said I got her in trouble after she had asked me to visit her for lunch on her break), and she said yeah. I asked her if she was going to spend that weekend with her son like I had heard her mention the night we spent together. She then blew up and accused me of trying to micromanage her time and told me to forget it. Later she told me about another fight with her ex, this time in front of her son. She said she lost her temper and the kid cried. And now she was on her way to her lawyer, to take away her ex husband's parental rights.
I suggested that that was a big decision to make and she should think it over when she was more calm. She screamed, how dare I tell her what to do with her son. I told her it was her choice to make, and that I wasn't trying to tell her what to do. She continued to be angry, cussing me out, and nothing I said seemed to get through to her. The next day she said she could only spend one night of the upcoming weekend with me, so I asked her which night but she wouldn't say. Friday night came and she texted me that she was having a girl's night and to wish her luck because she hadn't entertained in so long. I did not respond, because I was disappointed. The next night, she texted that she had to get her son right after work because his dad was wasted at a party. The next morning she called while I was sleeping. I texted her when I woke up and asked why she called. She said she wanted to see me, but because I didn't answer she picked up a shift at work.
I became upset and asked her why she kept cancelling on me. That it felt like she was jerking me around and continuing to sabotage us. I told her that I look forward to seeing her and it's really disappointing when I don't. She called me and asked me what my problem was and why was I harassing her at work. I said I didn't know she was at work and that I can talk to her later. But I'm upset that I feel she's been messing with me. She told me I sounded just like her ex husband. I got upset and said I would talk to her later and I hung up.
Later I texted her that I wasn't her ex husband and I don't like being compared to him. She didn't respond to me for days. I tried to get her to talk, tried calling her but she wouldn't answer. I waited about a week and told her that I was trying to make things work with us, that she was important to me. She finally responded by saying that her silence should have been enough of a clue. I recalled the time I last saw her and her son. Her son gave me a hug, and I hugged him back and it touched my heart because I wanted to have a kid and a family for a long time. I'm reaching the age when my parents had me... soon to be older. It made me feel like I was home, that I might find my purpose in loving that kid. I compared that time with the time she blew up at her ex husband in front her son. I said I guessed she didn't want that. And she blew up, saying how dare I say that she provides a bad environment for her son. And told me goodbye.
I tried talking to her but she said that she just wanted me to return the things she left at my house, and that I should just leave. That she would not talk to me about things. I asked her for a necklace that I gave her back. That it was a really important memento to me and that's why I gave it to her. I returned her things just wanting to get it over with. I asked her later if I could come get my necklace, she said she would mail it to me, but I insisted on getting it because I didn't want it to get lost in the mail. She demanded my address so she could mail it, or I wouldn't get it back at all. I gave her my address. A couple days later after a session with my therapist, I drove to her place to get my necklace. She opened the door and handed it to me, saying goodbye and slamming the door in my face.
I didn't talk to her after that. Later she butt dialed me again, but I didn't call her. I hired a relationship coach I found online, and describing the situation to him as best I could through a brief email. He concluded that I was acting insecure and needy and making her feel trapped. That I have an anxious attachment style and she has an avoidant attachment style. He encouraged me to continue no contact and wait for her to reach out in an indirect direct way. I kept up with no contact despite stalking her facebook and seeing some nasty posts about me, and noticing likes on all her selfies from a couple guys. I couldn't get her out of my head.
But I tried to go on with my life and I met a pretty girl at a concert who seemed interested in me. I gave her a lewd and funny pickup line and she told me to add her on facebook. She messaged me first, but the conversation didn't flow so she decided to ghost me. It was disappointing but I figured it couldn't hurt as much as my breakup.
One night I looked at my ex's facebook and she had posted a picture of her wearing the necklace that I got back from her, and shocked, I impulsively broke no contact, commenting, "WTF??????" on the photo. She took it down immediately. I had a skype session with the coach the next day. He noticed I was very depressed, feeling a lot separation anxiety, and suggested I get a low dose of anti-anxiety medication. He said to keep up with no contact and that he felt that she would definitely reach out to me again. I made a doctor's appointment to get the meds, and got prescribed Lexapro, something I had taken before, and got good results on. My shrink also said that she would probably reach out to me again too, though he always seemed very confused, by her behavior the way I described it to him. I tried not to leave out any details with him.
A week after she posted that photo and took it down, I heard from her. She told me she had a nightmare, that I moved myself into her place and tried to kidnap her... but that it was nice to see me even if it was only a dream. I asked her if she wanted to see me for real, but she didn't respond. I tried talking to to her and invited her and her son to Thanksgiving dinner at my house, but all I could say was how much I missed her, and how confused I was as to why we broke up. She got sour and told me to stop talking about that, that she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and told me she left me because I tried to move in with her. Then on our conversation never really went anywhere, her responses became shorter and shorter. One Friday night, she asked me if I wanted to get together. I told her sure, I waited up till 2 am and she cancelled on me again.
On facebook, I saw she was going out to a club I used to frequent and I had some friend's going. I debated with myself whether or not I should go, and finally decided that I should try to see, hoping she would talk to me if she saw me there. I went, saw my friend's and looked all around for her. I saw her best friend, but I didn't speak to her. Then I saw my ex girlfriend with one of the guys liking her selfies on facebook for months, and he was wearing her favorite t-shirt. I told my friend that I had to leave.
Thanksgiving was the next day, but I didn't get any sleep. I went to my mom's and I couldn't hear anything she said to me because all I could think about was my ex, asking myself what I did wrong. I started crying. I felt empty and worthless. My mom's dog bit me in the eye. I made dinner, but when I tried to eat I would gag and dry heave. I couldn't eat at all. So I had, a couple beers. I could only think of her, and it was like torture. I went to my dad's later that night after I took my mom back home. I ended up drinking wine with him and singing songs until he got tired and I decided to go home. When I got home, I got depressed again, and kept thinking about her.
A friend messaged me on facebook, and I decided to visit him. I hoped it would at least get my mind off of her for while. When I got to his house which was a few block away from my house, he wasn't responding to my messages. I sat on his porch for a bit and saw a shadow in his window, but no one came to door. I decided to leave. While I was on my way back home, my phone lit up. As I was unlocking my phone, I hit a parked car. I totalled my car, and I guess I wasn't wearing my seatbelt either. I saw my hand covered in blood, and my lip was split open. I wondered what happened, and the people whose car I hit came outside. They called the police and I tried to move my car, but it wouldn't budge. The police said that they would fill out a report and I could be on my way.
The guy whose car I hit, came over to me and asked why I thought I was in trouble. He told me I smelled Like alcohol and then more cops came and I got charged with a DUI. They let my friend come pick me up to take me home. I woke up the next morning crying, and angry with myself. I still couldn't get her out of my head, and all the time I spent at work I'd think of her. I don't have anyone to talk to at work so I'm left alone with my thoughts. I've had trouble eating for months, and barely got any sleep. I've lost a bunch of weight. I quit drinking and started going to AA meetings. I went to see Gary Numan and met an exotic and beautiful girl at the concert, who asked me for my number and spent the whole show with my arms wrapped around her. But I don't feel any better... she started ghosting me too, after saying that she wanted to drive to see me and how amazing the night we had was.
A week after my accident, my ex called me 4 times one night, and even though I had blocked her number it showed up in my call logs. I called her asking what she wanted. She was nasty, saying she was at work. I told her she called me 4 times and she said her phone must have dialed me in her purse, and she hung up. Later that day, I texted her the last verse from Gary Numan's, "Are Friends Electric?" and asked her to delete my number, and that I never wanted to hear from her again.
I unblocked her on facebook, and took a look at her posts. She posted a rant about how it's no problem to delete my number. And another about how she's proud to be callous towards me. I wrote her a message telling her about all the things she said and did that hurt me. She responded with more vitriol, complaining about how I stirred up a bunch of shit, and accused me of trying to start an argument with her, and that I was being manipulative and playing games. She later apologized, and said that she didn't want our last interaction to be abrasive.
I happened to watch a video about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Youtube right after this, and I think she might be a narcissist. It hurts to know that she never really cared about me, and she played all these games with my head. I fucked my life up. My friends and family are tired of hearing me talk about her. I'm tired of thinking about her and I've been thinking more and more about suicide. All I do is obsess over her. I fear what will become of her son. And I know that nothing I did really mattered to her. I feel stupid, worthless and alone. I can't drive anywhere, I stopped going to work, I stopped caring about anything. I spent Christmas alone. I feel like I should isolate myself. I feel like everyone is sick of my shit. I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm sick of having no hope.
My roommates shun me, and only talk to me to angrily ask why I won't go to work. My meds don't help, my shrink doesn't help, and not drinking and going to AA meetings doesn't help. I found a great way to commit suicide, and today I ordered the materials I need to carry it out. I have mentioned to people at the meetings and to some of my friends that I had been thinking about suicide. They just tell me not to. That things will get better. I haven't showered since the day before Christmas, I don't have any food, and I can't drive to the grocery store. I don't feel like eating anyway.
I'm tired of being alive. I've probably lost my job, even though they know I have been talking about suicide. I don't even care. I just don't care.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Quick questionnaire for everybody here! I'd just like to see where everybody else here is at in life. These might not seem like they'd be directly related to anxiety but I bet working on them of you need to would do wonders for your progress. Here are the questions:
-Do you have any friends?
-Do you have an intimate relationship, or are you pursuing one?
-Do you have a reasonable career?
-Do you have something useful to do with your time outside of work?
-Are you as educated as you are intelligent?
-Do you have a drug or alcohol problem?
-Are there other behavioral issues such as sleep dysregulation and lack of eating that may be contributing to your anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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Has anyone tried efexor-xr? After having a really bad episode the other day my doctor put me back on medication. She gave me efexor-xr and i was just wondering if anybody else has tried this before. She also gave me a referral to see a psychiatrist. Ive never been to one before and i was also wondering what that is like.
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self.Anxiety
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