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My sister is a hypocritical jerk that I'm tired of having to share a roof with. My sister is a scumbag. I have good times with her, I support her when she has issues, but she never returns anything but selfish trash. I have never seen anything like her. She's petty like no other co-worker or relative I've known. It's always petty things, but she manages to escalate everything to 11 just to make it somebody else's fault.
She throws game board pieces at me, and when they're lost people get mad and blames it on me. I told her people would get mad and she tells me that *I'm* acting like a 12 year old. She never does any work around the house, she never stops making noise, and she treats everyone else in the family like complete garbage.
All 5 of the siblings try to be kind to her, but she's just a complete jerk to us all. She's only happy when she gets what she wants. I don't understand how she lives with herself. I honestly can't comprehend what goes on in her head, her life would be so much easier if she could just accept responsibility. She's the reason some of my siblings are now making plans to move out. She is single handedly evacuating the house. Unfortunately I don't have a steady job yet and am stuck at home with this nightmare of a sister. Unfortunately I can't talk to her because she's more dense than a brick wall. I'd have more luck talking to a livid duck.
I'm just really angry right now because this is 70% of who she is. I don't know anyone who even is 5% this kind of awful.
TL:DR: sister drives me up the wall, don't understand how she has friends.
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self.offmychest
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How much responsibility do you have before psychosis to treat mania [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Feel like crying for no reason (no new reason) at all. I hate it. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
killing myself before thanksgiving I'm so sick of my shitty life and being poor and having literally no one to lean back on when I need support. It's been too difficult for far too long and I'm sick of the 'it gets better bullshit', especially when I've fucking tried everything and now I don't even have the resources to 'make things better' anymore. I'm fucking broke. Maybe my fate was to die young by suicide. It's really looking like it right now. The only thing that I've learned this year is that there's no point of me being alive, and that no one will care if anything happens to me. I don't even care anymore.
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self.offmychest
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What physical symptoms do You get When you’re hypo or Mixed? I have a spliting headache right now. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I don’t see the future getting any better. I’m currently a senior in HS and I feel like I’m being left behind. I’ve told some people that I want to die, and I feel like people have quit on me. Fake people everywhere. Isn’t American society just absolutely great?!?!?! [deleted]
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self.depression
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Relying on the thought of suicide being an option to get me through life. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is this suicidality? Terrfied. So basically, I am suffering from Hopefully suicide-OCD and not geniue suicide ideation. (I was diagnosed with OCD from 2 psychiatrists.
**To make it clear, I don't want to die, I never wished not being born not existing...etc. I actually loved life before this happened and still do.**
UPDATE: When I wrote the sentence above, It started to feel like I do. Followed by anxiety and confusion.
**But here comes the scary part.** Sometimes when the anxiety is so high I ask myself if I want to die, and like I can't give a 100% no which terrifies me even more.
Also, there are some weird feelings which tell me I am suicidal and terrifies me.
I will list them here:
So basically about the thoughts, I never fantasie about it, never indulge into the thoughts, but they feel real, like an urge. (The urge can happen anywhere, doesn't matter if it is near danger objects or not.
When for example my dad starts arguing with me the thoughts appear, does that mean I am actually suicidal?"Background" thoughts and thinking about this topic even when I am fine.
Another thing, when I am fine I get like butterflies in the stomach. Is this post-anxiety :D?
When someone asks me if i think about it consiously, I answer no, then a feeling like I am/was thinking about it conciously appear. What does that mean?
Terrifying feeling between life and death, even when I am fine and when I am fine I got moments when I imagine the whole 5 months with this 'suicide thing' and I freakout like 'Am I thinking about this and undervaluating my life?'
And like a feeling like i do.
When the anxiety us high up when someone asks me(or I ask myself) if i want to die I can't give an answer which is terrifying and the anxiety raises even more. Was I really suicidal in this moment?This happens randomly and lasts from secs to hours.
Like somehow life losts some of its value(not the depression 'not worth living' thing.) More like a scary feeling which tells me the barier between suicide and me has fallen. Which is even more terrifying. What the fuck?
When the anxiety is high i get that life is pointless feeling without any logic just a feeling with a like 'future imagination wave' which happens very fast idk.
When the anxiety is high I get a feeling like trapped in life?!?! Which makes the thoughts even more fucking real? Is this a side-effect from the anxiety?
Existential intrusive thoughts like 'what is the point of working when I can...' etc.
Weird feeling like everything I see is too much? Followed like a panic attack.
Is this suicidality and am I in danger?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just want love Guys, I'm not unattractive. Not crazy handsome, but. I don't think I'm ugly. I have a nice body, really fit. Great personality, typical ENFP, charming life of the party type.
So why, why oh why is it so hard to find someone that loves me, and/or just wants to sex. I hate this. I hate being alone.
Yeah. Whatever. Okay. Thanks for listening. It's just been a really hard week.
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self.offmychest
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I fear happiness because I know it never lasts Every time I start to feel happy and my depression begins to fade, I start to get a little scared that it will return. Surely enough, each and every time, it always does. Hits me like a train and is a little heavier each time.
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self.depression
|
Feeling like you don't fit in your enviroment I live in an european country in a rather conservative city (lots of old culture / traditions), and when I go outside and look at my surroundings and people, I feel often so out of place, it's getting eerie / scary and I feel out of place and want to get home. I was always much into the Internet and its "culture", jokes and memes and nerdy things, yet these things are not respresented here at all. I'm rather lonely and there is a certain longing to connect to people in real life but social groups here are usually very demanding/tight revolve around sports or traditions and I have a big fear of not connecting to others in these groups. I'm very moderate in my worldviews and not a flashy person so I rarely attract the attention of people in a group. I feel kinda lost, even though I'm well in my thirties.
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self.Anxiety
|
Past two days I’ve been an anxious mess. I (26F) try to go to sleep but my thoughts keep racing and somedays I can put the brakes on it. But lately it’s been free falling and I feel myself spiraling with no stop. I’ve been even trying zzquil so I can fall asleep but I feel like that’s not even helping anymore. I literally just wait till my mind is exhausted from thinking so much so I just fall asleep.
Im starting therapy end of this month. I really hope it helps. I don’t know why in my adult life I can’t get a grip of my anxiety. I look back at my teenage years and college years and feel like I did a better job pushing everything down and go about my day.
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self.Anxiety
|
I wish guys my age would talk to me. Never had a boyfriend, never really been close to anyone. Never really had any friends, honestly.
I know that I'm not the most talkative person out there, I'm working through my own anxiety and some issues. I'm really trying my best to be more social. Sometimes I'd muster up the courage to go up to someone. I get a response, a friendly one, but nothing more than that.
I don't really get it. I wish that guys my age in university would talk to me, approach me, anything. Other than just staring at me. I don't get why they do that, I don't even know anyone well enough to ask them why they do that.
Is it because I'm really that ugly that they couldn't stop taking their eyes off me? I don't know. Every time I see someone taking glances at me, I just feel like screaming. Just talk to me. Anything. Why does everyone keep staring at me and nobody says anything about it?
I just want to know.
I always try to present the best version of myself out there, or at least attempt to. Is it really not enough? Do I just look like a massive idiot trying to look so hard to be someone I'm not?
The only time I ever get any attention are from random catcalls on the streets, usually middle aged to old men who just try and chat me up. Sometimes the random creeper who follows me around, even all the way to home.
It's uncomfortable, especially when I'm out on the street somewhere.
But I guess, when I really want someone to talk to me, nobody ever does.
Just tell me why everyone keeps staring at me because all it does is make me paranoid and nervous. Nobody ever says anything, they just like staring and looking away whenever I catch them. Like they're doing something they know they're not supposed to, like they don't want me to catch them laughing at me.
In some ways, I'm not even looking for a relationship. I just kind of want someone to talk to me.
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self.offmychest
|
I just want someone to hug me and tell me I will get through this Why is that so hard to find in a city full of millions of people? (London).
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression, my thoughts as they come and go. I was depressed for five years. There were times where I've thought things that I shouldn't have, yet I've never told anyone how I felt. Even today although I am no longer depressed, I hide behind two masks.
°The public me which is for daily interactions, most acquaintances will not get past this point. Little details and real interests of what I'm into.
°The "real" me which is for interactions with my loved ones. Honestly as comfortable as I am with the ones I love.. I never show anymore deeper than this mask as it's almost impulsive. Like an automatic defense mechanism. Now that I write about it, it makes me question why I even have it. Possibly because I'm afraid of putting myself out there, getting hurt. Not sure I will revisit this thought.
Anyways...
I guess the tipping point for me was when I didn't give a fuck anymore. I was only bringing pain to the ones I loved, don't love and myself. I was going no where.
The kicker for me was the fact that these thoughts i constantly had were true. Every single fucking one of them.
I got wasted alone, cried and punched walls. I would steal from my family to get high to numb my feelings. I would be a piece of shit all around, everyday to people who I felt were only there because by chance alone I was born into it.
This was true.
I was failing school, not opening a book. I was constantly on a search for a buzz to numb my awareness of the shitty situation. I was not able to keep a job because I was an idiot. And if you talked about my future I would've laughed in your face then walked away full of anxiety and sadness. Because I knew you knew that I knew
I was going no where. I was worth nothing.
So why bother living through it all.
All these thoughts that seem like delusions now were true.. although I must add.. they no longer ARE true.
If you told me in 2018 I'd finish my degree and have dreams and aspirations.. it would go over my head like every one else's speech, spiel, talk, advice, plans.
To me it would sound like a bullshit thing everyone says to hide behind a public mask. Like a bullshit thing to get everyone off your tracks.
But now that I'm on the other side of things I actually do see it. It wasn't bullshit.
While the thoughts I had were true, I learned the easy way that the thoughts are true until action is done. Of course I will fail out of school, only want to be negative and my family will hate me if I think like that.
I was being way too hard on myself. I feel everyone is too hard on themselves. I know not everyone here can be healed by positive thinking alone but I feel everyone can benefit from it.
I found people I truly love and care about that truly love and care for me. I didn't find them by being negative and getting high all the time. I did it by loving myself, forgiving myself and changing my thoughts. I decided to give more than I take and being selfless.
I know it sounds like a bullshit thing for me to say but I actually hated life for a good portion of my adult life.
It feels good to just get this off my chest. To end this chapter here. And what better way to end it than to get rid of that final mask. I'll still wear a public face but to my loved ones.. I'll just be me now.
I'm sorry if this came off as a bragging type thing because for a lot of you guys you are on the other side. But you really can do it this guys.
There is something there, I promise you!
One soul to another
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self.depression
|
Teenager bitching its my first time posting here , i just need to vent out, don’t mind me. First of all , christmas time makes me feel like empty inside, while everyone is happy and spending time with their families , im just glad i got some time off from highschool, im socially awkward and dumb , so my grades arent good at all, just barely enough to pass. Im lazy as fuck, i barely study even though i should be gettting ready for college but i have no ambitions, i do not know what i want to do at all. Now that its christmas holidays, i stay up till 4 am and wake up at 2 pm, feeling like i missed the whole day. All i have to relate is the internet and all of your situations, which are sometimes similar to mine. I dont even know if im depressed or being a little bitch , and i dont wanna talk to anyone about it because they might not take me seriously. I always play the happy guy that doesnt care much at school and my friends assume im just an outgoing dude that hates studying, but i hate myself, im fat , short , ugly , i dont have much going for me . Im sorry if this text is a mess for the one guy that actually takes time of his day to read this. I was about to delete this because im anxious of posting this here, i feel like i dont deserve to be depressed, there are people in worse situations, fuck
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self.depression
|
I wanna fucking die My life really isn't worth living if I feel like shit every single night and feel worse at school nothing feels good anymore nothing ever did anyway I just want to talk to someone but no one will ever answer no one ever cares nobody does what's the point anymore we're all just stuck in this shitty simulation in which the aliens study and test us on different events nothing is real it's just a simulation and taking drugs is the only way to see the real shit maybe that's why they're illegal and why won't anyone ever answer every time I feel my lowest and wanna just burst out my feelings to someone they're always never there no one is and no one will be ever I guess I'm just gonna be a sad sack of shit forever and nothing will ever change I'm an introvert which makes it even harder to change I hate everything and I'm awkward as fuck and that's why people don't wanna be around me and I could never express my feelings to any of my friends like I am with you bc they would all be like oh ok that sucks man and just not say anything and I'd feel even more shitty oh well I'm just repeating myself now I'm sorry I should just go now bye ❤️ thanks for reading
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self.depression
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When I die, they will finally give me the care, the understanding, the support, the sympathy that I need (assuming they care) [deleted]
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self.depression
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Think I’m going insane So I just posted about being afraid of living In poverty. But I think I’m going insane. I don’t know who I am literally. I base my likes and dislikes off of what other people think. I even do that with the way I dress and what tv shows I watch EVERYTHING. I have highs and lows I’ll feel very happy one moment but once that ends I’ll instantly crush into sadness. I feel like everyone around is depressed too like everyone or maybe I just attract negative and depressed people. I don’t surround myself with these because I have no friends it’s just what I observe. People even come up to when I’m sitting alone at lunch and tell my how shitty something is. When something bad happens people just say “that’s life” and the FUCKING PISSES ME OFF TO NO END. My family says I’m depressed yet all they do on the weekend is nap and sleep most of the time. I have shit ton of medical issues and ever since I remember the doctors have been telling I’m depressed before I even know what it truly meant. I was put on all types of drugs starting in the first grade I was put on adderall for ADD and they used as off label to treat my depression. I also was put on Zoloft for while a few years later. I’m not taking any medication now though. I’m not trying to blame others but when you’re told something over and over again you start to believe it. And what I have been told the most is that I’m anxious and depressed. For instance my always will ask “are you anxious” and I’ll say “do you think I am” and she’ll respond “No” then why the FUCK DID YOU ASK MOM ugh the pisses me. I have no friends to talk my parents and family don’t understand. I have a brain tumor so that could be the reason I’m so fucked up mentally. But they are too afraid to remove it because it could cause more harm than good. It conveniently seems I’m always at a high point when I go to the doctors and feel great and forgot to mention I have these depressive episodes or maybe I just block it out because I’m too afraid to talk about my feelings and fell like I’ll be put away if I tell them all the fucked up shit I think. Idk what to do. Sorry for the long post and how I unorganized it is.
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self.depression
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Fuck. I did coke. I drank. I didn't say no? I don't know. I can't sleep. I want to sleep. My head hurts.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Safe to drive on ativan? I haven't tried it before and of course plan to try it at home to see how I react, but generally is it ok to drive on a low dose?
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self.Anxiety
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Friendly Fire Hi my name is Matt, this is my first post and I felt as thou it was a fitting title for what I am going to talk about, just want to see if this is common with other people, So... do you ever find yourself having a "Good day" and then question it, wow I'm having a really good day and my anxiety hasn't effected me at all, at then it hits,just like all the other times the feeling of darkness incoming, and all because you questioned yourself and now your back to square one...
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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THE REAL DEAL I have posted here before, but it is has always been fueled by negative emotion that pretty much overtakes my mind. I honestly want this post to be different and I want it to be something I can refer back to down the road so I can say I fought and I beat all the dark overbearing thoughts. I haven't taken a Xanax in weeks, and I have learned a lot about myself. I am so flawed but it's honestly not too late to fix myself. I know everything I need to do and I also know it won't be easy. I need to stop abusing drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism for my depression. I need to make a plan of action and tackle my debt. I need to actively pursue my dreams, goals and aspirations because it is never too late no matter the circumstances and adversity faced along the way. I hope I read this tomorrow and still feel this energy of wanting to not give up.
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self.depression
|
How do you cope with suicidal thoughts? First post here. Just feeling pretty fucking shitty. Honestly I think the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm afraid of the afterlife.
How do you guys live when everything feels pointless? It's been over ten years, I'm starting to doubt it's gonna get better. Any advice on coping methods? Cause I can't see myself lasting much longer.
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self.depression
|
What is the worst time of day for your anxiety? I have GAD, OCD and BPD and find my anxiety is the worst in the morning when I have the whole day ahead of me.
I struggle to get my head straight for hours and find my attention and ability to focus is seriously compromised my my anxious thoughts well into the afternoon at times.
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self.Anxiety
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I Need Advice I love socializing with people, but I spent my entire weekend at home doing nothing. I feel so crappy about it and every night I promise myself that the next day someone still cares about me. I want to do stuff with other people but they don't want to do stuff with me.
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self.depression
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Intrusive images Does anyone else have intrusive images that just flash in your head out of no where with no context?
For me, the images are almost always me dying in some gruesome way or another. I've dealt with this for a few years now, and it used to not be a huge issue. I would just be like "what the hell? Okay moving on..." and that was that.
But since then my depression has gotten worse and suicide has become an option, and now these thoughts aren't as harmless as they used to be.
Now every time I have those thoughts they remind me of dying, and when I'm really depressed it kind of sucks continuously being reminded of the option of suicide.
These intrusive images happen when I'm depressed or anxious, and it's worst when I'm really depressed and really anxious.
I just want to hear if anyone else has dealt with something similar and if you found anything that helped!!
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self.bipolar
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Life in General, I need to open the vault in my mind [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety: feeling like you have a problem Everyone gets anxious. It's when you get anxious about being anxious, nervous about being nervous... "I shouldn't feel this way... I have a problem... I'm special and nobody understands... I indentify with this uncomfortability... I am an anxious person..."
You are not special... YOU DO NOT NEED TO HIDE YOURSELF...
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self.Anxiety
|
At this point I'm clueless Where to begin? I’d like to apologize first and foremost simply because this might be a little stirred-up and all over the place. It’s hard for me to put this into perspective because I don’t really have a complete understanding of my emotions. But that’s why I’m here. I could quite honestly use some advice.
For the longest time I’ve been depressed and suicidal. I’m 20 years old and it seems as if I have hit rock bottom more times then I could count appendages on my body. I’ve had been like this for as far as I can remember but it wasn’t so much of problem to me because as a kid I had such reliable escape methods the loneliness phased me less. It’s like I have nothing that stops me from the constant relapse of my mind. It’s torturous!!! I mean like for real. I find myself continually asking “where do these scars stem” or “Why can’t I stop and be happy like all my so called pears”? I don’t consider myself a pessimist. I make an attempt to change my way of thought on a daily but the feeling is constant and then my thoughts just go through a state of paralysis. it’s like the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. I know people claim with time things will be better. But is that in reference to my environment or my mind. Because honestly it feels like I’m trapped in quicksand. Sand so strong a black hole wouldn’t be able to swallow me whole. Lol ik that’s deep literally.
I’m not sure why it’s a problem. I would be a happy person it’s like I feel like it’s there. Idk how to exactly which might the problem.
I had a rough childhood. Maybe not the roughest but honestly you could compare it to prison. I’d hate to say it but I rarely enjoyed anything. My mother divorced my father when I was 4 (He overdosed when I was 16). And remarried. But to a true monster. He was verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. We were confined to our bedrooms. Not allowed to leave to even have a glass of water without permission. I was always called worthless and never amount to anything. And also restated on daily bases when I turn 18 I would have to fight him and stuff of that nature. I tried fighting back at times but I was a toothpick lol I was like 130ib. I can’t go into much more detail because I can’t remember to much sorry. I remember one incident of sexual abuse but it wasn’t him. I ended up in foster care for 2 years but at that point it felt odd that they were so nice.
I think i’m over that section of my life it’s just the aftermath and myself as a result that I hate. I have no confidence. I hate myself. I don’t ever fully examine myself in a mirror because I am just repulsed and feel like I am a shell of what I was suppose to be. But I find myself pacing back and forth all day. Running to the bathroom to look in the mirror looking for reassurance of who I am but never actually taking a full head on look just a slight glance or side view. I don’t have an intimate relationship on any level. No friends (I still don’t and never really did. I’d sit alone), never had a girlfriend. Seemingly close to having one but it didn’t work out and I was confused because I was super slick about it. She must of sensed my lack of confidence underneath or inability to stay consistent and eventually provide for her. It’s fucked right? Everything what women want I feel as if I don’t have. Except for looks if it were based on looks then I’d be in the clear but it’s not so i’m screwed.
So there was this one girl that I had love for. I state it like that because I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was reciprocated. It wasn’t like I was using her in any sense. I loved her presence. Her wholesome self was a just this amazing sight. I was so intrigued. I had no clue what I was getting myself into but I didn’t care. For once I felt as if there was a god sending me an angel to heal my heart. I was mistaken though she broke my heart in the worst way imaginable and I never would've thought she was be capable of. And I can’t help but think it was me. I feel as if she like many others just like to fuck with me like some kind of twisted experiment. I ended trying to fix it by for whatever reason apologizing for what happen even though I did nothing to hurt her. Except I had trouble telling her I felt. Maybe that was painful to her itself. Who knows. I ended up joining the marine reserves and left with no closure.Which I hate it literally is screwed as a system I feel like I go to have whatever sense of self I regained through the month taken away again. They just bully the fuck out of me even though I perform well it’s just never enough. Now I watch her be happy with some rich kid who’s motivated and has had a healthy life which kills me even more. I could never be like that I feel. Why’s she so fucking malleable. Sometimes I feel like a sorry would bring some adequacy to my heart. I wish I could have her back or be able to tell her everything. I saw a picture of them and it wrenched my gut.
Can’t hold a job because they're impatient with me. Doing this mindless work just allows my mind to keep going with the thoughts. I don’t look too far to the future because I thought I would have killed myself by now. I can’t go on like this. I hate it. I need someone to help guide me. Any advice would help but if there's a success story out there I’d be grateful to listen. I impulsively buy things like a nice car to make myself happy. I can’t be myself.
I tempted to commit suicide two months ago with pills but I ended up just pasting out for literally 18hrs.
What should I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nausea after stress? Recently whenever I go through something traumatic I've had to deal with nausea that last a few hours after the fact. Does anyone else have this happen? It feels like there is a knot in my throat
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self.Anxiety
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Looking how happy everyone else is in my instagram feed males me sad Why can't I be like them. Honestly I'm just a gloomy, worthless, piece of shit who shouldn't exist.
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self.depression
|
Loss of control So i just moved back to an area that i swore i would never come back to. I left to run from my demons, i couldn’t handle them. I met this person shortly after moving back. They actually started to help me work though some of the bad stuff and helped me get though every day life. Then all of a sudden their over stressed and tell me they can’t talk as much and can’t hangout as much. They say that they are over stressed and I’m not helping. They’ve canceled on me like 3 times not, keep making up excuses and why they don’t want to hangout. Winter is already a hard time for me and this person is making it worse right now. I don’t want to be a lone but they are making me feel like I’m not good enough and that I’ll be alone for ever. I don’t k ow what to do anymore. I’m scared and I’m loosing control.
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self.depression
|
i’m not sure this is where I should post this but I can’t eat. I know that’s a normal thing when you’re depressed but it’s not that I don’t have an appetite, i’m always so hungry but once someone sets a plate of food in front of me, I wanna vomit. can anyone else relate to this?
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self.depression
|
Long Distance and Depression I recently went off to college after a very successful run at high school. I met a girl, dated her for 2 years, and then was convinced to go long distance. I was hesitant at first, recalling all the horror stories of cheaters that come about from long distance, but I trusted her with all my heart so I agreed. I can't if it was a mistake or not. I feel like I'm drowning. I expected everything to stay relatively the same; we wake up, send a text, talk throughout the day, and maybe a phone call or video chat at night. She promised as much. After about 3 months, I hardly get 3 texts a day from her, completely void of any attempt at actual conversation, and I'm lucky to get a phone call every other week. I miss her so fucking much, but it really feels to me like she's better of on her own. I've talked to her multiple times about breaking up, but she insists that she wants to stay together. I, of course, want to; I love this girl to death. She's really my whole world. It just feels like things have changed so much in the little time we've been away and I can't stand it. On top of that, I've returned to my depressive state that I was in during early high school. Constant suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, and a lack of motivation. I plan on transferring universities so I can be closer to home (my gf went out of state), but I still feel empty. She has such great dreams and ambitions, and I support her wholeheartedly, but I can't help but feel like I've lost my support beam. I've lost my best friend. I'm no longer a priority in her life. I hardly talk to her, but when I do, those are the moments I live for. She's both breathing life into me and sucking it out simultaneously. There is so much more to this situation. I have a very open schedule throughout the week, so I have all the time in the world to overthink. I know this struggle is purely in my head and, in reality, there are no true relationship issues. It still cuts deep. I feel betrayed and abandoned. The girl who convinced me to go through this has left me to wait for her and rot while she makes new friends and does better things.
I've told her all of this. She seems to care, but it's her schedule that inhibits our talking time. Whenever the topic comes up, she'll try to keep up communication for about 2 weeks and then it's back to blank. She also told me that my depression tends to be a turn off. I don't think she'd break up with me for that reason, but my ex left me because she was fed up with my sadness. Because of this, my current situation has me petrified.
My mind is all over the place. I can't tell what I want. I feel as though breaking things off would be better for my mental health, but only in the short run. I don't want to regret leaving her. She's really my everything. I've started going to therapy and it has helped both my depression and anxiety, but I'm afraid to bring up my relationship because I fear I'll hear something I don't want to hear.
Advice is appreciated, but I just wanted to vent. Thanks for the read. Love you guys <3
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self.offmychest
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Night Time Why does night always feel worse? I can't help but feel hopeless later in the day. Even if I've had a great day, the night ruins it.
It's not because meds (I don't take any). Anyone else get this?
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self.SuicideWatch
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First day effects from meds (Brintellix 10mg) Probably placebo? I may have experienced placebo so I just want to quench my curiosity here so I'll get straight to the point.
After about half an hour I felt nauseous and like on a brink of panic attack but it didn't last very long. Then as time went by (I stopped making track of it as I was doing other stuff) I got cold needles all over me, started feeling numb and calm as if after one puff from joint. Then a very long period of "zombie mode".
Social interactions were very relaxed in a way I was staring with poker-face and not twitching, looking around or doing other neurotic impulses I used to. I may have looked a bit high to one proffessor judging by her awkward look and abrupt end of conversation as she stopped to say hi from her car when she saw me by the road
The biggest game-changer was that I got into a time-pressure situation. But I remained calm! No leg shaking under the table. Slow but focused writting. "One line after another. One correction after another. No jumping from left page to right page, keep it organized"
It's over 12 hours after taking the pill. First day after a long time since I felt this relaxed. I feel composed. Not the usual fear of deadline behind the door.
Also it may be the combination of a nice experience in the evening of today when I recieved compliments for my work (and this time I felt it really was that good as people say as opposed to "it was lacking something It could have been better")
Is it even possible (if not normal) for my first med to kick in like this on the first day? I was using frontin (0.25mg) a year ago but this was more intense sensation. Feeling numb or like the anxiety screams are in my head but behind a thick wall of glass and all I could hear was a very muffled shouting.
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self.depression
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It's been a year I'm weirdly depressed today. It marks a year anniversary of me dumping my ex. I wasn't expecting to be down today. He's a narcissist and controlled me and manipulated me (see my rant in the Anxiety subreddit...). My depression and anxiety have improved a lot since I ended things with him. I know it's not because of any lingering feelings- I stopped loving him a long time before I ended things. I've moved on. Found another guy who treats me right. But my depression seems to have other ideas today.
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self.depression
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I'm a piece of fucking human trash and I want to end it for good. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m exhausted Sadness, pain, and stress at the same time is a horrible experience. And I’m really tired of feeling this. It’s been years. And I feel this constantly, even when nothing is going on. I’m tired of feeling detached and selfish like I can’t even process what’s going on in other people’s lives because of this.
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self.depression
|
I just need a listening ear (warning: there are some graphic descriptions of hopelessness in here) My first post here. Every few weeks or months I'll hit a really low emotional point out of the blue. In those lows, I want to die. I think awful thoughts about other people that I won't even repeat here. In those times life is worse than meaningless. These intense feelings might last for a week, or it might last for a month, or three months at a time. It's getting to a point where I'm having difficulty living my life.
And then I'm fine again. Like a switch. I'm out of it, and positive again. I'm *me* again, like the real me who loves life. Without getting too explicit, I'll just say I've done some outrageous things in times like these. Sleep and food don't seem necessary, but they're pleasurable, so I get both good sleep and food. Just moving my body to exercise or fuck is exhilarating. I'm a creative typhoon, and I brighten my friends' and loved ones' lives by being joyful. "This time," I think, "I've won. I've finally cracked the code and beat my brain. I'll just keep exercising and eating right and sleeping, and I can live a happy life." Life is my oyster, and I'm invincible.
But I know that's a lie. I'm in one of those good states right now, as I write this. It's one of the reasons I'm even able to muster the strength to reach out like this. But I know that sooner or later that'll vanish. I'll be Mr. Hyde again. I almost feel like I'm trapped in my own body when I'm depressed. On the outside, it's me. It talks and thinks and feels like me, but all it can see is how awful the world is. How much it would be good to die, to go into oblivion, and for the whole world to go with it. It's horrible. It's the blackest pit of despair, and it's *not* who I am!
When I'm having a good time, I can get help. I have energy and resolve. I'm brave. I can go and start seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist. But when it hits, and I'm back at the bottom, I can't move. I sabotage myself, frozen with anxiety and ennui. So I'm just trapped in this cycle. High, then low, then high, then low. I don't get to decide when. It's not because of specific events or tragedies. If I feel good, I could eat dirt and feel like a king, just out of the joy of being alive. When I'm low I could be eating milk and honey, and it would taste like ashes.
A few months ago I tried to get some help. The psychiatrist said it sounded like bipolar disorder. I was glad, I won't lie. I'm no doctor, but I've suspected. But then it turned out that wouldn't be my main psychiatrist, and I was sent to another. This one said - almost pronounced after dismissing the idea of bipolar disorder with a wave of their hand - that I was simply depressed. I switched off the bipolar meds (after only about 20 days) and was put on a depression med. It didn't work. I hit a low, and nothing could stop it.
I'm not going back to that person. I feel betrayed. I feel like they called me a liar. Even now, I'm almost afraid that if I post this no one will believe me about how crazy this all sounds, how crazy I sound. And the meds didn't work, so I didn't have them refilled. This isn't a post for advice or a diagnosis. I just feel very disheartened about it all, very weary of fighting these lows. I just wanted to ask if anyone can relate. I feel so alone. I feel like I have a heavy stone tied around my throat, dragging me down. Thanks for listening.
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self.bipolar
|
I’m really glad I’m not in a relationship. If I was with a woman, I’d just drag her down. I’d be a selfish prick to impose myself on to anyone else in such a way. If I can’t even love myself, how in the fuck am I supposed to pursue a relationship? It’s not right.
I’m nothing but a failure, anyways. There’s nothing redeemable about me that’d make any relationship meaningful. I’m a college dropout, I’m disgusting because I don’t take care of myself in terms of hygiene, I’m trying to continue work on my YouTube channel (trying to make this my job so I don’t have to interact with people irl), but I’m demotivated as fuck, I’m still living with my parents at 24 years old, I barely have any money, I’m unreliable and I’m just always in the wrong about everything. I’m never right. Always messing things up. More of a hindrance to everyone than a benefit. I’m a terrible friend because I back out of everything and don’t talk to anyone anymore. I always fantasize about suicide as well. Why would I force someone to listen to those thoughts?
There is not one thing in the above paragraph that suggests that I’d be a suitable boyfriend, so me not pursuing a girlfriend is something I’d call a service to all women in the world, so they don’t have to see someone as flawed and broken as I am.
I’m really glad that I’m not in a relationship, because I want to die and I don’t want some poor soul to have to endure this pain with me.
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self.depression
|
Have the date planned for a little under 3 years from now I feel like giving myself 3 years to see if things get better is a good and rational idea, especially considering I was always the type to say that suicide is bad and not the answer. There's a whole long backstory but I don't care to type it out (although I'm not bothered by it, just unfortunate);- the only thing that's important is that every single day I'm sadder than I've ever been in life and ready. I'm also waiting 3 years because that'll be when I get home for break from college and will be old enough to purchase a handgun in my state. I guess I'm just posting to see if you guys think that planning out 3 years ahead and if worse comes to worse, ending it, is rational. Every single day has gotten worse though so far for the past few months and I've been thinking that I want to, need to, and deserve to be dead as everything I care about fades away more each day.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I think I might be becoming misanthropic I don't know what it is but too many people just seem like assholes. Even my own family. Bigotry, War, hunger. I don't want to be a Misanthrope because I can also see the good in the world. As much as with the bad.
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self.offmychest
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Any one feel like they want to kill themselves but don't want do die? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I don't matter and never will. I'm so fucking depressed and feel so worthless. My boyfriend is great but puts me down every day in some way. He always seems to zero in on random shit I do and blow it out of proportion. I love my daughter but she's always clinging to me and sometimes I just can't stand being touched. I need care that I just can't get. I've tried so hard to get therapy but society doesn't give a shit about people like me. It was so fucking impossible to get therapy everywhere I went. The clinics don't care. I have no family support; my mom was abusive, my sister is a drug addict who I can't find 75 % of the time, and my dad just doesn't understand me. I feel like even if someone loves me, they will inevitably get sick of me and leave me. I feel completely worthless and like I will never matter. Nothing I do will matter. The only way I can matter is if I die. That's the only way people will care the way I wanted them to. I don't know how to get through the day. I take care of my daughter by myself almost every day because her dad works three jobs. And when he is there he is obnoxious and callous. He shows me no affection. I know one day I will kill myself, it's just a matter of postponing it as long as I can until my daughter is old enough to not need me. I'm trying so hard not to cut myself anymore but I know that if I could just do it everything would feel better. I just want to stop being "crazy." I want to have control over my feelings and my mind. But I have no idea how. I've tried everything and every day I just become more and more withdrawn, less and less able to look for help. I'm losing hope that I will every get help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My dog is sick and I'm so fucking scared. Writing this because I'm so terrified that I can't sleep. I don't want to wake my wife because she needs to sleep.
Christmas eve, we noticed our 12yo bull Mastiff x seemed a bit stiffer in her joints than usual and she was having trouble getting up and down. We took her to the vets who told us it was likely a flare up of her arthritis. Christmas day was worse. She could barely walk at all. Took her back in and they said she could have an embolism near her spine. The anti-inflammatory medication that we were already giving her for the arthritis should sort it out in a day or two.
A few days later and she's no better. If anything, she's worse. She can't move her back legs at all, can't wag her tail and is incontinent. Which means it's more likely to be disc disease. Which means surgery. We've booked her for a CT scan to determine the cause. I'm just so scared that she might not get better and I'm fucking terrified that I might lose her or that she'll be in pain.
I love my dog so much and I just want her to be the happy, loving beautiful girl that she was.
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self.offmychest
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Monday Motivation "The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want"
@marcandangel on Twitter
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self.Anxiety
|
Actually, it's not great. I just need someone to talk to Today isn't good so far. I've been in some episode for. Week or two now. I think it's mixed, but I'm not sure.
Anyway, I am just sitting in various places so far today. I feel like I want to go kill myself or run away.
My husband, love him, is too distracted with work to be able to help today. And I can't tell him I'm suicidal because he has really important meetings today.
I have no where to go. My home is loud and messy, we don't have money for me to go buy painting supplies to paint, I feel like I will cry or scream at the next stranger, and I hate wearing pants.
I'm sorry for complaining. But I know y'all will understand.
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self.bipolar
|
I wished I had killed myself long ago I feel like the window of opportunity, 3 years ago when I was mostly friendless in high school, to kill myself has long passed. Now, I know and care about way too many people, and my parents & siblings are all at a point in their lives (high school & college) where my death would jeopardize their own futures. If I had died 3 years ago, my family would've been over it by now and the few friends I had would've moved on, but I've gotten too close to too many people that dying tomorrow would make everything 10x more complicated & harder than if I had done it years ago.
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self.depression
|
I've come to the realisation that at 22 years old, My life has been rendered worthless and I've made plans to end my life tonight! I've got everything prepared to end my life. My life has now been rendered worthless. I've realised that everyone that live on this Earth have more worth then I have. I'm a failure and I've never met any of the expectations that I was given when I was growing up. I'm 22 years old and I'm fully prepared to take my life. I'm currently sat in my room with my belt hung up and I'm ready to wrap it around my neck and be done with life.
Everyone from my family, my co-workers and my classmates at university are all superior to me and they have more worth then I ever had. I don't want to keep living in a world where I live as an inferior human being! I don't expect anything out of life, I just want to end it.
Everyone except for me has worth, they are happy and fulfilled. Even the most hated people in the world have worth, I don't. Hell, a t-shirt has more worth than me. My body is just a pile of trash, my mind is a mess and I'm ready to go!
Good Night and Good Luck!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Could it be that my dad (undiagnosed) spread BD to his children? I havent talked to my family much in last 3 years, cause I left for studying (which I had to stop, cause my mental condition fcked me up for good, till I got diagnosed, which isnt too long ago).
So, in my family a lot of SUPER FCKED UP traumatizing stuff happend, huge fcking lot. And my father, undiagnosed, who -looking back- actually shows signs for bipolar disorder have always had something, that I described YEARS AGO, even before knowing of bipolar at all, as episodes between calm, sleepy, not doing anything, not working, and other days where he would get.. lets say agressive.. it just stopped and came from time to time. We are talking like weeks/months each episode.
Now, my big sister is a mess, like a complete mess, she is 100% one of those harcore cases, I dont even know what she has excatly, but its STRONG, it might be ADHS, it might be BD, it might be both and more.. Problem is, she doesnt want to get help, I think she is afraid.. what can I do?
My other (little (20)) sister talked with me just now and even she shows signs of BD, like wtf!
We all used to make fun of how fcked up our whole family must be and will become because of the stuff we had to go through, but we always laughed it away. Like "I swear we are all actually mentally ill Hahahaha" *everybody:hahahaha* and you can see how everybody is just thinking "yep."
Could it be that my father has bipolar disorder and basically spread it on his children? I mean.. we are 7 children and so far, I think, only one (my little sis (21)) is not showing any mental health problems, my big sis HELL YEAH, me hell yeah, my other lil sis hell ya, my brother (18) not sure? according to my sis he is getting depressed more and more but fine right now? and the last 2 are looking fine so far (13 and 11)
-my parents are divorced since a couple months-
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self.bipolar
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Need help The only thing I think about is killing myself I'm at a point where everything I do is starting to not to mean anything to me. I normally am able to dig myself out of the hole but I have finally reached the point where I don't even matter to myself anymore and it scares me.
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self.depression
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Seroquel to deal with the bipolar, cigarettes to deal with the side effects of seroquel, alcohol to deal with the cigarettes, loops back around Anyone else feel like they get trapped in this loop?
I went off the seroquel after 5 years of 200mg/day by accident two weeks ago - got really sick with the flu, ran out, couldn't get out of bed to go to the pharmacy. First week was hell, but after that things got better. It's harder to fall asleep, but I'm actually able to get up in the morning and get shit done. I spent the last year thinking that my brain was permanently wrecked because I was completely unable to function, give a crap about anything, organize my thoughts, read, feel grief or any other emotion. I get that it works for some people and that's great, keep rolling with what works, but I feel like the months of my life I didn't lose to bipolar I lost to antipsychotics. I had forgotten what I lost. Tried to go back on, went back to the pattern of sleeping until 3pm, not really functioning until 8pm, and then just going to bed at midnight. After I quit seroquel I quit smoking and it was a hell of a lot easier than before. Quitting drinking soon followed. Doctor's appointment tomorrow, I'm planning on telling him that I just can't take that medication any more and to tack on something to keep the mania under control that's not seroquel or an antipsychotic.
Anyone else here unable to tolerate antipsychotics?
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self.bipolar
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Should I tell a teacher at school how I feel? I'm a high school student and I have been feeling depressed for a while now. My grades have been going down, like they always do. My time management has always been trash. My grades have always been mediocre, and I'm starting to lose hope in myself. I'm in 11th grade, and I'm going through this shit a third year in a row. I'm starting to think maybe I am meant to be a failure. My question is will a teacher actually care how I feel and help me? Or will they just say "go to the counselor" and email my parents? (I don't want my parents involved at all, or the whole damn school knowing about my depression either)
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self.depression
|
I over tip, here is why. Hi reddit, this may seen like an odd offmychest, but this story has me up late into the night and I feel the need to explain myself.
So today, I was feeling in the mood for some nice Italian. I wanted some nice music in a quiet restaurant, with some good food. I walk into the restaurant and Frank Sinatra is playing, and their are just a few people eating. Perfect. Food was great, I was having a wonderful time. My meal was just about 9$. I go up to the register to pay, where my waitress greets me. I pay the meal with my card, and then give her the tip in cash. This is where my wonderful experience went to a painful experience. I tipped her 20$ for a 9$ meal. I'm aware this is a bit much, it's obvious. She makes this big deal about how I don't have to do that, and I just smile and say "it's ok, take it. Goodnight". Her face was the guiltiest face I had seen in awhile. I walked home. A couple hours later and I feel like I almost did something rude or bad. So this is me, explaining myself.
Here is why I tipped 20$ for a 9$ meal.
1:
I am a very frugal person, I usually refuse to eat out. However when I do, I make sure it's expensive either by taken someone else out as well ( or even a couple people) or by giving an extra large tip. This is probably my top reason.
2:
The idea of tipping is silly. I hate it. It is silly to pay people a percentage of something they have no control over. A restaurant with a 9$ meal vs 50$ meal has nothing to do with who your waiter was. I never tip below 10$ regardless of where I eat. Not the waiters fault the food is cheap. Now I might be over tipping for what equates to usually about a max of 10min of their time spent on me, but I think it makes up for some of the other less considerate people out their. The whole "depends on the service" defense for tipping is bull****. If they do a bad job they get fired quickly enough, and honestly it's not your position to decide how much someone else's employee gets paid. Restaurants need to step up and start paying 100% of the service provided by their waiters. I'd rather see a waiter fee on my receipt then a tip line that I get to fill out. Although, they should really just incorporate it into their prices.
3:
I live on campus of txstate University. Nobody working a waitress / waiter has a lot of money so it's a nice thing to do. I am a student as well, but what comes around goes around.
4:
This one simply has to do with this particular night. 2 factors. The first, I only had 20$ in cash and I like to tip in cash so that my card is only for the actual bill. Looking back maybe she wouldn't have felt as bad if I just payed the whole thing with the 20$ bill tip and meal. Oh well. Second factor is the way she looked at me/my table. She knew what I ordered was cheap. She half heartedly offered desert but knew I would reject. She was really nice, but I got the feeling she saw me as tiny tip for all her effort. I just wanted to surprise her, that's all .
My heart was in the right place tonight... seems I just made her feel guilty. It's like she thinks that money is bad money, like she doesn't deserve it. I wish I had the opportunity to explain my decision to over tip, but I didn't really see the uncomfortable look on her face until I was already turning away.
(I want to make something clear, I do not believe people should be tipping waiters 10$+ all the time. That would be silly. I just do it mainly as a combination of me feeling bad for them + hating the tipping standards + my habit of making meals super expensive to encourage myself to cook.)
(all dollar amounts in USD)
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self.offmychest
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Can somebody tell me it'll be okay? That I'm doing fine? That I don't have to be perfect and that I haven't really done anything wrong?
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self.depression
|
Are meds REALLY Necessary? Hi all, I was just diagnosed this summer after what I'm assuming was a manic episode (but may have been hypomanic, I'm not sure). I'm on 80mg of latuda and 20mg of Prozac (soon to be upped, I'm sure). But are the meds really necessary? Have any of you found peace without them? I feel like I was bullied into taking them in the hospital and they really don't align with my belief system. . . For the longest time I thought my "symptoms" were actually due to a closer connection with the divine. Now that I'm medicated I feel so far from God. . . Like nothing mystical or exciting was real at all. . . Sorry for the rambling I've just been feeling super isolated recently. No one around me understands what on earth I'm going through
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self.bipolar
|
Could I have some advice if anyone has any? Sorry I’m advance, I’m on mobile.
So my grandmother raised me. She is my mother in my eyes. And she is 80miles away from me currently.
She has Parkinson’s really bad. And she is in the ICU because she is bleeding internally, and she has developed TRALI (transfusion related acute lung injury.)
So they can’t even attempt to find the bleeding because her hemoglobin is at like 5.5ish if I remember correctly, and she needs to be on 100% oxygen. So they don’t know where she is bleeding from. She has tons of fluid around her lungs that they need to get rid of but there is no cure or real treatment for TRALI I guess so they can only give her antibiotics and things to try to help her body. But she’s on a cpap as of last night because it hurts her too much to breathe on her own.
(Also she’s halfway mentally gone at this point. She has moments of lucidity and moments of crazy/thinking she’s sweeping the floor etc). And she also shakes so bad all over I thought she was having a seizure. But she’s not. She does this all day long basically.
Her chest X-rays were not good the doc said this morning.
He said everyone is different so he doesn’t like to use numbers but if he had to give us one she has a 30-40% of surviving the TRALI or 1 in 3. It’s extremely rare I guess and none of these doctors have ever dealt with it. They have read about it and know what to do but never encountered it.
I can’t get any time off work. The one day (Wednesday of next week) she said I could have off if I got my shifts covered I can’t get covered.
I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off for class already. And she hasn’t eaten in four days. And I was worried before all this happened that she’s mentally given up. But deep in my gut I feel like she’s dying. And I feel like I’m being ripped apart. And idk if this makes any sense but not being able to be there is making me feel worse then being there and seeing her.
But I’m scared that my boss will fire me or that I will have to quit to see my grandma before she dies basically. We are short staffed (I work at cvs) so I understand we don’t have a lot of people and we are behind on setting the seasonal stuff but my mother is dying. No one believes she is going to make it through this. My boss told me I can’t be so negative that I need to be hopeful. I can’t give up.
And I tried talking to my father (moved in with him when I was 15/etc but grandma raised me before then. I’m 20 now.) and he said that his work wouldn’t allow him time off. And what am I going to do if I lose my job, he can’t pay my bills. What am I going to do if this lasts for weeks?
And I don’t know. I don’t know what to do I can’t think straight. I’m anxious and I’m freaking out and having anxiety attacks because of all of this. I’m so scared to make the wrong decision and not be able to pay my bills or for her to die and me not be there.
A few friends said I should be able to easily get another job in retail (I’ve got almost two years as a shift supervisor under my belt and I’m a good worker.) especially because it’s the holidays.
All I can keep thinking about is roughly ten minutes before I had to leave to drive the hour and a half drive back to where I live to get ready for work she woke up. You can’t understand much of what she says because I think speaking is hard for her but she was saying my aunts name because her saw her. And so my aunt goes over and says that both of us are here. So my grandma wants to talk to me. And I go over. And neither of us can make out what she’s saying and she’s trying so hard and you can tell she’s hurting. And I just told her I loved her and to rest and that I had to go to work and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She was so delirious that I’m scared she thinks I won’t ever be back. And I’m scared she will pass before I can be.
I’m sorry this is a jumbled mess. I’m a mess. And I just got back from work. And I haven’t eaten all day because I just can’t. Makes me nauseous. I’m hoping to talk to my psychologist tomorrow because I am freaking out.
If anyone has any advice or anything I’d appreciate it. If not and this doesn’t get seen that’s fine too.
Have a good night.
Edit: it’s 12 am and I’ve cried myself to the point of being tired so I will reply to people tomorrow if I don’t tonight.
Update: I decided to go up and see her. I called off for the next two days. I’m a little mad at myself that I took so long to make a decision, because before I got to see her and talk to her they intubated her. Monday I’m back at work. Tuesday I have off for school so after school I’m coming back up for the day (and praying I have enough gas money for this).
Hopefully she is off the ventilator by then. But at the same time with the sedation this is the most peaceful I’ve seen her so...I’d rather her not be in pain. But hopefully this helps. Should know more in the morning after her X-rays.
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self.Anxiety
|
Should I talk to somebody? Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask for advice, I didn't know where else to go. I'm at the point where I've had issues for years and I've kind of just been ignoring it and hoping it would go away or convincing myself that "it's not that bad." I'm wasting my life. I'll admit it. I sit around at home. A lot. I like my computer and my video games. When I do go out, a party, alcohol, or gambling is involved. I kind of think life is pointless. We're just here to suffer, pay bills, and then die. I often think about how insignificant I am. Pretty much nothing makes me happy. I feel like I'm always bored or pissed off about something/at someone. Maintaining friendships is exhausting because all of my "friends" are narcissistic, emotional vampires or just too fucking busy for me.
But then I get to thinking maybe I'm just a lazy, jaded asshole. Idk. I'm not suicidal or anything. Do I need to see a psychiatrist or something? I used to go to a therapist when I was in high school. He thought I needed meds so he said I should see a psychiatrist. We just talked about random things and I don't think it helped any. Then again, my head was pretty foggy throughout my teen years.. I smoked weed every day and dealt with a fuckton of family drama. For reference, I'm 24 now and I've never been on any kind of depression or anxiety meds.
I'm 99% positive I have some kind of anxiety disorder too and certain things make it go through the roof. But it's not like the socially awkward type of anxiety. I have phobias. Like I'm scared to death of planes and people giving me diseases. I freak myself out over ways the world could end. Also I can't sleep over at people's houses because I feel "trapped" there. Speaking of sleep sometimes I don't sleep for 2 or 3 days in a row. But my sleeping has been pretty weird for a while now. I go through "cycles" I guess. Either all I want to do is sleep. Or I can't sleep, even if I want to. Anyways, I'm rambling horribly. Thanks if you actually took the time to read this.
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self.depression
|
I couldn’t do it then but I think I can now I posted I don’t know how long ago about wanting to die, but I chickened out and couldn’t do it. But I think I’m finally working up the courage to do it.
I told my parents 5 days ago that I thought I needed to go to the hospital. I even showed them the notes I wrote. They reacted with annoyance, and I felt guilty so I just moved on. I know how inconvenient it would be for them if I go to the psych ward, so I won’t.
I called my therapist. She said she’d see me on Tuesday but when I went in she just didn’t show up. No call. No email. She just forgot about me. It’s not the first time...
My whole life is one big inconvenience. I missed the deadline to register for college classes so I guess I’m just skipping a semester. It puts me back even farther. Oh well.
I’m a piece of shit daughter and a pathetic excuse for an adult. I hate myself. I hate my guts. I’m awful.
I can’t wait to die. I pray every night to die in my sleep. If it doesn’t happen soon I’m gonna have to do it myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Any experiences with psychotic depression? How long did it last? What sort of symptoms did you have? Were your symptoms noticeable to other people? Did the psychotic episode cause lasting problems even after the depression/psychosis ended? Does it feel similar or different from psychosis during mania? Just curious to know what the experience was like for other people.
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self.bipolar
|
Banged my head on some equipment in public at the gym and disappointed my boyfriend again I've been struggling with anger/irritation in general since for months now since I've been off my antidepressants and have become a lot more impulsive when it comes to self-harm.
This time it happened at a gym when I and my boyfriend were working out together. We ended up leaving early. We talked a lil bit in the car. He was saying why I couldn't be there for him when he's been having body issues and cut the gym time short, and how I don't care about him to let him cry for once.
I'm starting to believe I don't have the capacity to care enough for his needs when I'm juggling so many strong thoughts in my head and can barely take care of myself well.
Either way, I can't blame him for leaving, if it comes to it. I'm tired of dragging him down, whether I have control of it or not.
Note: I have been going to therapy, but the gaps between appointments have been too far in between and I can't afford to get sessions closer to each other.
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self.offmychest
|
I Am So *Boring*! I realize that Reddit doesn't allow formatting in titles, but just pretend it works and that "boring" is italicized.
I have pretty serious depression. Bipolar II, to be precise, with an emphasis on the depressed bits. It keeps me from doing just about anything that most people would consider fun. Maybe that's the case, anyway. Or maybe I'm just absolutely, positively, irrevocably **boring as hell**.
I'm 22 years old and I've been in college for nearly four years. I haven't been to a single party. I haven't kissed a single girl. I haven't drank any more than a couple of bottles of wine, and that was all by my lonesome. I don't enjoy doing all of those things that college kids love to do. I just... am terribly, terribly boring.
Part of me feels like I'm missing out. A great deal of my depression comes from being painfully lonely and not really having anyone significant in my life. But part of me is satisfied, because I feel like I'd be miserable doing *stuff* all the time. I hate doing *stuff*. Every time I'm doing *stuff*, all I can think about is running back to my apartment and playing video games or falling asleep.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Just let me know what you think.
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self.depression
|
I'm too sensitive So I've never been bullied, let alone gossiped about (besides about dating and that stuff). That changed when I joined the debate team at school, and won a nomination at my first tournament. Someone who I thought was really friendly ended up telling everyone it was "beginner's luck," and that my debate skills are bad. From the outside, I see how this is THE DUMBEST thing to be upset over, but I'm really insecure when it comes to others being more competent than me. I realize I sound like a douche and overly sensitive, but how do I find my own sense of self and not care about being the best or talked about negatively?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sexual trauma PTSD is making functioning near impossible. I have a limited support system and I need some help [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I am lost. I always thought growing up that one thing or another would make me happy. "Oh I'm just not happy because I'm not at this point in my life or lacking this." Then I get there and I still feel that void.
I've grown up facing problems and challenges that I've pushed to overcome to face challenges but now I just don't know where to go. I was fat so I lost weight. I had terrible social skills then I learned. I had no friends then I pushed and have more friends than I count. College. parties. women. Anything. I felt as if achieving these thing would bring happiness then I do and it doesn't come or doesn't last.
I find it hard to find joy in most activities and I'm posting this at one of my stronger points before it's too late. over the years my feeling of overall happiness doesn't come. The feeling of any purpose at all in this life. I'm constantly stressing out and in pain for what? Nothing? We are going to die why do I suffer worrying about filling my gas tank? Why do I try in school when as soon as I graduate I'll just be lost again?? I've started to have sleeping problems and am getting fewer than 4 hours of sleep on most nights. The feeling on not wanting to wait to find out the point keeps coming back. the thoughts
#########
To anyone that's made it this far, Thank you. This feeling, this depression, is starting to consume me. It's taking over and I'm finding it harder and harder to find joy, to find any purpose here. I constantly stress and I am tired, but I can not rest. What is the point? Where do I go? What will make me happy? How do I end this stress?
----------------
-c.m January 13th, 2018. 4:01 AM
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self.depression
|
I posted a poll on twitter I already regret [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Irritable and worried how Thanksgiving will go. How can I prepare myself? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I want to feel pain and I don't know why. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Vyvanse 30 mg for BED and 20mg Paxil for Anxiety/Drepssion - what has your experience been? Awhile back I posted about Vyvanse, having to come off of Cymbalta etc. I chickened out and changed nothing. In the last couple months I found a better doctor and switched to Paxil. I feel much better and now I'm thinking I'd like to try the Vyvanse out. I've gained approximately .78 lbs. a week for the last 7 months (averaged out of course.) I'm trying to turn things around. I'm nervous about the drug, possible interactions, and just .. what I should expect in general. Looking for some support. I'm going to cross post this in r/loseit, r/depression and r/bingeeatingdisorder but really am looking for as many responses as possible. Encouragement as well. Thanks
|
self.depression
|
I fucking did it! I did the fucking thing, I did it. I have been stressing and having anxiety attacks for the last three goddamn weeks over this performance I have to do, and i went and did it tonight and holy fuck it actually worked out okay. Omg. And it was fine. And I DID SO FUCKING GOOD AND I CAN ACTUALLY SAY THAT ABOUT MYSELF, AND I NEVER DO AND I WAS HAPPY CRYING AND OH GOD IT WAS SO GOOD. It was so good. We all did incredible!
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel as though this is it First time poster.
I've struggled with depression for the most of my life.
It had almost vanished for a few months. But now, I feel it creeping back more than over. I'm more disconnected than I've ever been. Not sure what to say. I know what I'm feeling but it's not worth the effort to put into words anymore. Very disenfranchised.
Thanks
|
self.depression
|
Horrible month just before my bday I've never believed in horoscope, zodiac, stuff like that.
But this month before my birthday, here in Brazil called something like astral hell, is messing with me.
We are in December 15th and I already had:
- problems since November to obtain visa documentation
* a living hell given by state police and state justice
- leakage and rupture of the hot water pipe of my apartment
* consequence: a small reform in two rooms
- water heater broken
* at least I managed to fix it, and not have to replace by a new one, as some company (the same one that installed it) told me
- Quinzé (my dog) with probable cruciate ligament rupture
* waiting for exams with the vet
- air conditioning capacitor broken on the hottest day of December until then
* and no more repairs can be made
- a certain restaurant that I always order delivery harassing me via WhatsApp because the machine of that place does not work and it cashes of my card and they say that I did not pay
* Come on. It was not the first time. Solve your problems first.
- Grêmio going to the final and taking 1 goal from Real Madrid
* It's okay, it's just a game.
Now please, world, stop, okay?
Give me a break.
I'm tired.
I'm drained.
|
self.offmychest
|
I've started my bucket list and tying up loose ends. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I didnt have to talk to anyone [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Nervous about ativan. My anxiety has been so bad since coming off effexor, but I don't have a pdoc appt. until next Monday so my family doctor gave me a few ativan untill I get this sorted.
On one hand great, on the other hand I'm very worried about the addiction potential.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm new here, looking for advice... Hi, I'm new here.
How do you cope with feeling completely disconnected from other people? Not to be rude, I think you're all great, but for me, there's not substitute for in person contact.
When I interact with people, I feel like there's a wall between us. I feel incredibly isolated, and my therapist is not helpful on this issue, besides agreeing that I need to spend less time in isolation.
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self.bipolar
|
I didn't realize that I suffer from major anxiety until I was on shrooms one day. My anxiety is MAJOR. I never recognized the constant race of thoughts and worry or overthinking that never stops as anxiety- I considered it who I am and how everyone is. I was tripping on shrooms and someone said to me it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. I think I'm in denial about it. It's so basic these days. But so common. 🙄
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do you cope with your depression when social isolation is making it worse? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Not me but a friend. A friend of mine who lives in another state and who I can only contact virtually is suicidal and attempted suicide last night. She's just got out of the hospital as of two hours before this.
What do I do to help? Is there anything I can do at all to help her? Or should I worry more about myself and other friends and keep them okay?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Those days Anyone ever just have a couple of good days, get them selves back on track and then at some point just inexplicably it all goes to shit. No reason for it whatsoever, nothing has changed, and it’s what your left with. It’s awful
|
self.depression
|
If you are suddenly overwhelmed by the Logan Paul situation then the Mighty has a great article and you do not need to accept his apology. [removed]
|
self.depression
|
I’m struggling and I don’t know where to turn For starters I’m not suicidal, just full of self hate and depression. I’ve never really gotten all of this off my chest and I don’t want to just put this on someone.
I’ve never really loved myself or seen myself as attractive. Ever since I was little, I remember hitting myself when I was sad or got in trouble. A few years ago I self harmed and I’ve done it on and off since.
I’m kinda chunky, and I’ve always been self conscious about my weight and height because “girls like tall hot guys”. Whatever.
I have a girlfriend and says she likes me regardless, but just today we’re watching YouTube videos and these guys were shirtless and singing and she got all ‘hot and bothered’ and voiced it, saying they’re hot, attractive, etc.
Things like that just hurt and I brought it up to her. Of course she didn’t mean it. But still she thinks like that. I know girls don’t like being compared to other girls so I don’t voice my opinions about girls in movies or whatever.
So this brings back floods of memories of self hate, being picked on, and whatnot and I’m really really sad and tired of this.
I’m on antidepressants. I’ve done therapy from different conselors and I honestly don’t think it helps at all. I go to the gym regularly, but the really reason is because I hate my body.
I don’t know what to do guys.
Sorry for the long post.
I’m not on here often, but I’ll try to get back to comments in a timely manner
|
self.depression
|
please tell me about your experiences with meds meant to stop attacks/help with attacks hi
I've been having some pretty serious attacks lately due to hypochondria about tinnitus. They're incredibly bad. Probably my worst in years. I cannot breathe or cope my way through them, I'm really struggling. I'd like to ask my Dr about meds to take in the event of an attack. Please tell me about your experiences (good and bad!!) along with what medication is involved.
Thanks in advance.
I'm not currently on ANY meds.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have no idea whether I'm an attention-seeker who is lying to himself, a pussy, a suicidal person or not any of these. On Friday I came back from school, I was feeling very very depressed since like 2 o'clock. I got home, got changed and grabbed a knife in the kitchen telling myself that I'd kill myself on that day. I already decided that I'd slice one of my veins or arteries such as my femoral artery. I was shaking and I was sending messages to all of my friends telling them to keep enjoying life and to do well and so on. Before I used to fantasize about killing myself in a glorious way with people worrying about me and someone who I considered important to me trying to save but I had no idea what to send them and the person most important to me didn't even say anything. Anyway I got around sending the last message while holding the knife in my other hand and then I hear the front door and my parents coming back from work. I didn't end up doing it.
I have no idea whether I'd do it or I was just lying to myself and acting around to convince myself that I'm not just attention seeking. I have no idea what to believe in anymore. I was shaking and thinking that I couldn't kill myself when I was holding the knife.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I just wanna eat eat eat, and eat until I explode right now. I'm hungry as fuck, and uncomfortably depressed. Let me see if I can balance this shit out.
|
self.depression
|
I have a Bipolar mother.. need advice First off.. I’m sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. This is the only place I could find that made sense. If there is somewhere else better to post this then I’ll repost there.
My mother is in a severe manic episode right now, and she’s acting down right evil. I know that’s not a good word for it, but it’s the only thing I can think of right now.
She’s been up all night, berating me and my father. Storming into my room and turning my light on before slamming it again at regular intervals from 2:30am onwards. Calling me an alcoholic, a waste of space, every awful profane word you can think of. She’s smashed some of my fathers most prized possessions from his childhood, and laughed at him when he discovered it. I’ve not slept a wink.
It’s like she feeds off of our suffering. I know it’s not her fault, but I can’t help but resent her unimaginably for it. It’s like she’s playing this childish game of who will crack first, who can she torture the most. Every time I walk past her she asks if I’m crying.. like she wants to know how much she’s hurting me.
In short, I’ve had enough. I need some advice on what to do next. We’ve had the crisis team out multiple times over the past few months and they just don’t help. They’ve even reduced her medication in an attempt to appease her.. which is absurd. It’s like she plays this twisted game, even with the professionals, and they just give in to her. As soon as anyone else walks in to help her, she changes like a light switch, and they fall for it. I’m sick of fighting a losing battle..
Any advice? Please?
|
self.bipolar
|
I think about killing myself every day I'm 18 years old, and I had to go through with an unwanted pregnancy when I was 17, when I wanted an abortion. My family threatened to stop supporting me if I gave him up for adoption, but I was able to give guardianship over to my aunt and I moved back home. Here I am, 7 months later, thinking about killing myself every day. It ruined my life, my body, my sex life and I just wanna fucking die whenever I look in the mirror. I took Xanax last night before a bath and I tried to drown myself, but I'm still here because I thought today would be better but its not. Its never better.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Full moon? I don’t know if it is the full moon or just my bipolar but I notice I am like insane tonight. I want to drink in excess, smoke (I’m not a smoker and never have been)- just be dumb and reckless which if I didn’t have a husband and kids I would be more reckless! Anyone else?
|
self.bipolar
|
S.O. is more interested in his phone than me Seriously can't go a morning without immediately scrolling thru messages/fb/reddit.
He will just stare at me when i wake up with a blank face. Looks like he's in a daze when he gets into the phone scrolling land like that. Recently I've stopped trying to distract him because I feel I shouldn't have to, and if I don't say anything we will literally sit in silence for hours, him on his phone or laptop, slumped on the couch.
Like... why not get up, get dressed, make food, and talk to me? I know relationships can't be fun and exciting forever but aat least a good morning would be nice. Seriously, he won't even touch me when he wakes up, no hug or kiss, just straight to phone. I have brought it up that I feel like a distraction to his phone and how it hurts me, but he is clearly addicted. it's sad to me that he can't see the benefit to himself if he was to slow down. he has complained about not having motivation or energy but won't push himself to change habits on the phone crutch.
because I understand it is a safe place and gives the feeling of "doing something", and I also understand the fear of missing out. I once mentioned I was going to block reddit from my condos router and he said that would be "radical". but why is that extreme if we cant control our impulses to the point of not even taalking to each other?
the most interaction I get usually is just a stare as I make eye contact, so I'll say "...what?" and he never replied. I am sickened that I have to do the emotional lifting and set the tone of the day. As if I am supposed to always be cheery and say good morning, as if I always have to initiate touching/affection, and if I dont, he just looks back down at his phone.
I am sad because I thought we had potential but this is a deal breaker. His habits are a bad influence and I find myself surfing the net incessantly more and more, despite telling him multiple times it was an addiction I wanted to tackle. cuz my brain is feeling unused! it would be one thing if he like... shared what he was looking at or shared funny pictures etc, to start conversation ... but nope
So fucking pathetic. and if I were to go tell him he would probably say , "you seemed in a bad mood, so..." as if I am the gatekeeper to his habit. basically putting pressure on me to be happy and interesting every morning, otherwise phone scrolling is way more appealing than showing a shred of affection.
I would be in way better moods if he took 10 mins from the morning to say good morning, give me a hug, or lay in bed and talk. But it doesnt happen. I feel miserable. Why must I be the sole initiator?
|
self.offmychest
|
Me and You. You and Me. Bittersweet Memories. Always be with you in my dreams. I appreciate and hold dear the things u did for me.
The food we ate, the food you made, your place where I spent time with you, the bed we shared, the tears we had, the laughters we shared, the bond between us, your compassion, how you gave me much in everything you did/had though you had little, our trips, our hugs, our kisses, our fights, the sweet amateur massage we gave each other, your lovely little feet and hands, the future that we planned, our dream house, our walks, our celebrations, how you found swimming places for me, how you stood by me through the best and worst of me, how you forgave me with your compassion, the tea we had, the money we saved, the dishes you washed for me, the juices you made for me, your smile, your laughter, how our paces matched, how we loved and longed for each other everyday, how you cried when I told you we had to break up, how I acted mean on you, how we held onto each other, and how you looked so beautiful whenever wherever I sneaked a look at you.
This time, we really broke up. I cherish all the memories of us. I cherish the good and the bad times we had. We believed it's best for you and for me only if we stopped seeing each other.
This is not about who's winning or losing. This is about what's best for you and for me. This is where it has to end. Hope you get a nice guy in the future.
|
self.offmychest
|
Not really seeing the light in life anymore My partner and I are having troubles , I'm having issues with family and my mental health just keeps getting worse. I just wanna hide away forever.
|
self.depression
|
Hi I just want to get to know you. I've already made my mind so I don't want help, I just want to talk about anything. PM me if you want to talk about life or whatever else is on your mind.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Lonely on the bus I got so sad and alone on the bus after seeing so many people happy and together and holding hands.
I went on a pro-suicide forum on my bus ride home and staring reading methods and statistics. Not because I'm going to try (this year I mellowed out back to passively suicidal, last year was a trip though) but more to help me daydream of a happy ending where I finally do grow balls again and end myself so I don't have to be so sad anymore.
But no such luck, I got caught up wondering why it had to be that way that I would only be happy by KILLING MYSELF.
I'm weak I started crying. I'm pretty good at silent crying, though, it's a talent I've perfected over the years since it always happens in inopportune places. The bus was dark so I made sure the guy across from me wouldn't see (not that anyone would care, understandably so).
By the time I got off 10 minutes later, the smile was back in place. [insert fixed smile here]
But hey, I did at least learn that a shot gun to the head can kill you in 1.7 minutes at a 99% chance of success. Who knew?
|
self.depression
|
I find it frustrating that so few people I knoe share my interests. Granted I've got some unusual interests, but its frustrating that i have no friends that share them. I get to talking about it and they just want to get away from whatever Im interested in, whether it's various animals, or science, or medicine, or rpgs or art, it just sucks. Even my family isn't always as interested as me. Its fine, its not that i expect them to be, but i want to be able to share those loves with other people, and nobody else seems to care but me. Subreddits help and are great, but its just not the same.
Edit: typo in the title, stupid phone keyboard...
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else have trouble recognizing when you're having a good time? As many of you do, I suffer from a mix of anxieties. I've noticed over time that I have trouble recognizing when others around me are enjoying my company & when I'm having fun. It's caused troubles for me in the dating world because I run up against feeling as if I didn't have a good time or enjoy their company in the moment or even afterwards.
Now this extends past dates because this happens with friend outtings too. When I notice it in the moment my anxiety rises to the point where I question my every word flowing from my mouth. Only when I receive affirmation that things I'm saying/ doing are liked does it subside enough for me to get comfortable again.
Perhaps, this is normal for all people and I may be hyper aware of it or this is unique to me. Anyone else deal with something similar? How do you attack this problem in your life?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Heavy paranoia during hypomania? Anyone else experience heavy paranoia during hypomania? It’s not “the CIA is following me” level: it’s more in the range of “none of my friends like me, I’m going to get fired, those people are talking about me, this person isn’t responding to my text because she’s mad and will never speak to me again” and general obsessive feelings and thoughts about what probably are minor, innocuous things, but sure as hell don’t feel that way. I’ve never connected this to hypomania before, but I’m mood tracking now and am starting to think it’s related. Anyone else feel like this when they’re hypomanic?
|
self.bipolar
|
I can't buy anything without (sometimes horrible) anxiety Having a rough few days here. I just can't buy anything without anxiety, the more something cost...the more anxiety there is, usually. A couple of weeks ago I bought a pack of gum, a new flavor I wanted to try, so I bought it, took it home and opened it, and it ended up tasting really gross. The remorse hits. This gave me bad anxiety for about 5 hours. For GUM! Gum of all things! I couldn't think of a more appropriate representation to having anxiety about small things.
BUT this weekend has been worse. On Friday I bought a computer part I've had my eye on for a while, and computer stuff can be expensive. This item was $100+ and I've been worrying about it constantly ever since.
"Why did I buy that?"
"Do I even need it?"
"It wasn't even that great of a deal, it was an okay price. I could have waited for a better price to come along"
"Oh god, I have to return it as soon as it gets here, that will be horrible. What have I done?"
Not uncommon. I've had anxiety about buying things for about as long as I've used the internet. Always been into putting Computers together. I should have been more cautious about what I was getting into. FUCK. I was already having an anxious week before this came along. Who knows what I was anxious about before this. I just move on from one thing to the next. All this anxiety lately has made me quite depressed, and I've been crying. It's just such a huge burden I've been carrying for such a long time. I try and do everything right to live a healthy life, but I just keep getting back into my horrible anxieties.
I just need to get way better at handling/dealing with anxiety in general. I can't stop myself once I start going down the downward spiral. I really need to get into therapy and maybe start on a new medication.
:'( - Hope you guys are doing much better. Luckily I got an awesome family around me and they are very supportive, but it's still very difficult to keep dealing with anxiety, bundled with depression. 15+ years is far too long. Granted I've gone through long periods of time in those 15 years where I felt good and was able to manage, but it's so up and down.
**edit:** feeling much better a couple of hours later. Hopefully it will not return soon!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Looked up the ex on facebook. Bad idea. I blocked a spammer on facebook, and saw my ex in the list, so I unblocked her to see if I could see anything. I thought "She blocked me, I won't be able to see anything." Well, it looks like she unblocked me.
So I look at her profile, and see that her cover photo is of her in a place that I used to frequent A LOT. She posted it 3 days after she dumped me. (It's been 3 weeks since then)
I don't even know what to think. She is bad for me, the kind of person who never takes responsibility then shifts the blame and projects onto me. I know how bad she was, but I want her back so bad. Right now I want to get really drunk and hurt myself. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my kids.
Edit: this ex is not the mother of my kids.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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