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Anyone else just wanna go to a winter road trip? so yeah the title is pretty self explanatory i guess u could say lol. but i am really thinking about just going to a road trip, being alone on the road in early morning hours, cold weather, snowing, listening to some chill and depressing music.... i don't know anymore tbh, i just feel like i am so desperate for an escape from people and the world as a whole. i seriously need a break
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self.depression
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thanks to everyone for helping me thanks a lot to everyone who has tried to help me out through everything that was going on with me it was appreciated a lot I have talked to my parents about everything and they agreed to take me to a psychologist to help me out I have just taken the appointment and I hope that soon I will be really happy and get all my issues sorted and thanks a lot to the people who have helped me it really meant a lot to me
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self.SuicideWatch
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The one that got away Really I honestly just need somewhere private to rant - somewhere where my name isn’t on show and where no one knows it’s me. So apologies to begin with.
Everyone has that ideal someone on paper, right? The idea of perfection in their head.
The right accent, the right eye colour, utterly gorgeous, they smell nice, a great physique, their favourite hair colour, good dress sense, good job, same likes, same dislikes, honest, caring, great in bed, intelligent, they are funny and have a similar sense of humour, same hobbies etc etc.
That person who ‘on paper is 100% their type.’
Well I found that.
And it got away.
And every god damn minute of every god damn day I can’t stop thinking about it. What if I had done this different, or said this instead.
The fact of the matter is I really don’t want to hear the whole ‘if they were perfect for you they wouldn’t have got away’
The fact is I have fallen so god damn hard for this person - and every single god damn thing about them to me is utter perfection.
I can’t look at someone else now without comparing cause in my head no one could possibly match this.
I don’t know what I’m looking for in this post, like I said, I needed somewhere private to vent. Sorry.
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self.offmychest
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aah I can't stand anything anymore I can't stand it
I couldn't sleep good my bed and pillow is uncomfy and
um like
and then
my mom kept telling me to show my bro The Last of Us and I kept saying no cuz I'm stuck but she finally got me to
and then after she told my bro "you didn't even look at it at all" and he said oh my god I hope you two aren't like that
but I don't care if he looked at it or not ;-; I'm already really anxious around him
and I was upstairs and kept thinking I wanted to tell them that, but usually my mom acts like I'm overreacting,
so I went downstairs and told them and she backed up and she had wide eyes and said I was yelling at her, when I wasn't!!
Then I told her about cooldad69 the guy online that gives me good advice for hamtaro stuff at anime conventions and she INSTANTLY acted like I was crazy again and
I went downstairs to apologize and she told me it was over and didn't care and I think the whole thing was just a trick so she could harass me cuz she always does that every time I talk to her
and now I keep hearing her talk to my bro saying she's concerned about me yelling or something when I was just trying to speak up because she always makes me repeat myself all the time and says I'm too quiet and
this entire time the keyboard keeps rumbling and usually when I type these posts my dad comes upstairs and asks what the loud rumbling noise, and I say its my keyboard and he says he doens't believe me and says that's strange and goes downstairs and I'm worried they're talking about it downstairs now and I keep hearing them talk but idk what they're saying and
my bro always has the wrong idea ;-; I didn't care if he watched the last of us, I didn't even wanna play it it was my mom that had me play it for him
and I feel really bad, and people on reddit told me to not say "aaaa" or incorrect capitlization or all of these other things in my reddit posts from now on and they kept telling me not to act like how I want to act and idk what to do aaaah ;-;
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self.Anxiety
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Anybody feel like depression impairs their thinking? I actually didn't think this until I started feeling better. I became 50% smarter. My thinking was clear and felt relaxed and confident.
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self.depression
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Not sure what to tell my therapist tomorrow when they ask how I'm doing? I'm not doing well. I wouldn't kill myself but in a flight of fight scenario I'd fight with the intention of not living through the experience. I want to be truthful but at the same time I don't want to end up committed because they perceives I'm in danger. My family and I cannot afford both cost and time for me to be committed.
They'll see through things if I say I'm okay or fine they aren't stupid and find it very hard to fool them when I'm having a bad time.
Any suggestions?
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self.depression
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Extremely lonely and unwanted by all women. Ladies, please help, what's wrong with me? [removed]
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self.depression
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Anxiety and work Anyone else experience anxiety with work even though your boss says and reinforces you do a great job? I get plenty of praise but I constantly feel like I am not doing good enough a d constantly panic about my job.
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self.Anxiety
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Scared of New Years Eve I am scared. Where I am currently, every neighbour has their own fireworks, often illegal ones. It gets really loud. I had a bad incident in the past which left me pretty scared of loud noises. I tried to reach out but I was told to man up. Tomorrow I will hide in my basement probably, but it will be agony to wait for those 2-3 hours of fireworks to pass. As soon as I hear fireworks I get this intense fight or flight sensation, I feel like I will pass out. I hope I will make it to the other side (aka the new year) somehow. I am so scared. I hate new years eve.
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self.offmychest
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I'm mentally deficient and I refuse to live with it. Hi, I'm Steve. I'm 17, I live with autism and mental deficiencies, and I'm going to kill myself right after I submit this god damn post.
I'm not posting this because I want help. I'm posting this because these words need to go somewhere, and honestly I don't know of a better place where a message like this would be acceptable.
Back to the subject. I'm autistic, and I have some really bad mental deficiencies and it's fucking killing me on the inside. I took a cognitive test when I was 15. I have an IQ of 77, and I was ranked either "Deficient" or "Borderline Deficient" on everything. Fuck. It's so hard living with the fact that your limits are so fucking low compared to the rest of the general population and you will never fucking be able to achieve your dreams because of some bullshit that I can't fucking help.
I'm in the special education program at my school and I fucking hate it. They teach jack shit and group me with kids that screech and shit their pants. I can talk normally, I just don't want to unless I'm asked. I'm mentally fucking deficient but I want to be taught something that's above preschool level. I've tried telling my mom it's not enough for me but she just dismisses me and tells me I won't make it in mainstream education. I try telling my special ed teachers I want more, but they dismiss me too and then make jokes about me behind my back like I can't fucking hear them. Hey, Mr. Janssen, when you read this, fuck you. I heard every little bit of shit you talked about me. Mrs. Huang, fuck you. I heard you call me inbred. Ms. Baker, fuck you too. I get it, I'm not smart and I never fucking will be but I want to be taught more than fucking preschool shit. Fuck.
I'll say it again: you have no fucking clue how hard it is to live when you know that your limits are much much lower than the average person, you will never graduate high school, you will never go to college, and you will never get any respectable job, and generally your life will be very unfulfilling. I always dreamed of being a coder, but guess what? That requires you to be smart and guess who isn't smart? Me. I tried to teach myself. It doesn't click and while I love it I'm so fucking bad and it takes me hours to figure out things that are "super basic". I can't do it. It's too hard.
I'm not willing to live a life in which I can't be a normal person. I just want to graduate high school, go to college, get a good job, and just have a normal life. But all of that has been made inaccessible by the fact that I'm in fucking special ed and won't even graduate high school and will forever be dependent on my parents.
I don't want to burden my parents any more by being the dead weight piece of shit that I am. And I don't want to doom myself to a life of suffering.
I hope you all can now sympathize with me.
Goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My first heartbreak and I just want to die so bad [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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looking for informational books! Hello everyone!
I am looking for some books to read that can help me better understand Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed about 2 months ago and still don't really know what I'm dealing with here. If anybody can offer me some books to read (author included), I would greatly appreciate it. :)
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self.bipolar
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Is it possible to feel happy at times but still be depressed? I have previously been in slumps where there were no happy moments. Lately I have been feeling it again, it kind of just growed around me without me noticing until I had my moment of realisation.
But my friend does not believe I am depressed, because at times I can be happy. I can laugh at a joke, appreciate a beautiful moment, have my heart burst with happiness, before the slump crawls back in and my emotion dies. While these moments have never ranged for more than a few hours, they tell me Im not.
I am considering getting help, but do not want to waste someone's time if this is true. Im also already awfully embarrassed about it all. The getting help bit.
So, people of reddit, while being depressed do you have moments of happiness, however fleeting, or does true depression prevent that?
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self.depression
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Just having a panic attack because I lost one of my sources of income [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Tomorrow is the first time I've ever had to spend Christmas alone. I love Christmas and it's been so hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year. None of my family ever make plans to spend it with me. I've reached out to then every year and nothing. I used to be married for four years and was always used to having someone there and having all of her family to spend time with.
Holidays haven't been the same the past two years. I get so sad and lonely. My girlfriend said she probably won't make it over to my house to spend it with me. My step dad only ever calls to say Merry Christmas and tell me how incredible his life is and that's it. He's never made an effort to be in my life. We live in the same city yet he never tries to be in my life after I've tried over and over to be a part of his. My mom died 18 years ago when I was 12 and my father is an asshole.
Last year I was living with roommates and had Christmas with them but this year they all left to hang out with family. So I'm here, alone. The holidays just always make my depression come out even more. I hate it.
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self.depression
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I can't go to school because of panic attacks When I go to school, I get panic attacks. Especially in genetics class. The people in that class are very VERY loud. They are so loud that they manage to give me panic attacks even if I am wearing (active) noise-canceling headphones in class. I can't leave the class or leave school if I feel overwhelmed because I'm only in high school and they are "responsible for me."
I used to be less sensitive to noise but for some reason I am more sensitive now. I also have depression. I used to sit in class and ignore the teacher and instead think about how I'm gonna kill myself when I turn 18. But now I'm less depressed so when I'm at school I try to think about the actual thing we are learning and it's really overwhelming with all the noise. All the words and sounds feel like they blend together, which gives me anxiety.
If I want to listen to the teacher, then I can't wear noise canceling headphones. As a result, I hear stuff like pen clicking, which gives me anxiety. But in genetics class,even if I wear noise canceling headphones, the kids yell really loud so I get panic attacks anyway.
I have kept trying to go back to school. I had maybe 5-15 panic attacks this school year. I have not counted them, but they are really terrible and I get physical symptoms and I feel like I'm dying but worse. So, I stopped going to school to avoid getting panic attacks. Now, it is January and I failed the first semester at school. So, I'm not going to be able to graduate this year.
**I want to go to school and do work and graduate, but I can't because I'm really scared of panic attacks.**
My psychiatrist is being a bitch and refusing to give me xanax (or anything for anxiety.) She keeps telling me to take another SSRI medication. I already tried 2 different SSRIs, and they didn't work. I also tried a different medication (SSNRI - i think). I don't want to take those anti-depressants. They have this zombie-effect where I can't feel any joy (and all my emotions are flattened into a mild sadness) and I still get panic attacks (but they are less severe). I feel like SSRIs just turn down the intensity of life for me. they don't make life any better. there is no point to live in the first place if you can't feel joy. So I'm not going to take them. I wish she would listen to me better and actually help me.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice?
(I'm in America, and I posted this around 3:45 A.M. )
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self.Anxiety
|
I wish I lived in the USA...... If only I had access to a gun .... Id blow my brains out......... I cant get a decent job .... I cant have a girlfriend who is not fucking trash .... I lose my car keys in 5 feets of snow after a fucking horrible day at my job......... if only I was in USA instead of canada .......... fuck my life I hate everything about my life I just want to die right now I have nothing good in my life .. I lost my father when I was young I only have my mother right now and all my family is piss poor I would rather die and get killed by a fucking no life than keep living this awful life going nowhere ............. fucking depression man it hurts so much inside
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self.SuicideWatch
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My dad is becoming a "Hillary is illuminati/should be jailed," borderline nazi sympathizer since religion was the original source, inciting war via religion radical now... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Driving in the snow - any tips to help calm me down? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm just gonna accept that this is my life. I can't find a better job, I can't leave this town, I'm stuck, it'd cost me $2000 or more to leave but I can't even manage to save back $10 without my family scrambling to get it from me.
I feel like I work enough for ten people, and sure it got me promoted to manager, but did that even come with a raise? Of course not, all the added responsibility without any extra pay...
I'm tired all the time, I'm starting to seriously worry I'm not going to be able to afford to live... I already have trouble affording all my bills and still be able to eat...
I just wish things were different, I wish I lived in a time when having a college degree still meant something... Instead I owe $80k for a fancy piece of paper with no value...
Everyone keeps telling me "there's no overnight riches" but what they don't understand is that in THEIR era they had the ability to get a job right out of high school that could buy a home and support a family... I want that, I want to have a job that gives me enough to make it worth it, a job that might not "fulfil" me, but gives me the means to fulfil myself...
I guess I just need to accept my place in life, I was born poor and I will die the same. I know I'll never see the world, I need to come to terms with this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Unpopular opinion: when disclosing your diagnosis works Left this as a comment on another thread. Wanted to share my very positive experience disclosing my diagnosis at work...
I’ve been with my employer for 8 years as of early this month. 10 billion a year company. I was diagnosed and turned into an addict about 5 years ago now and did everything that could possibly get me fired if it weren’t for the compassion of my manager at the time. His empathy towards my situation allowed me to stay employed, maintain health insurance and become the stable, successful employee and father I am today.
I’m incredibly open about my diagnosis and it hasn’t held me back. I have a :(: tattoo on my wrist and through it have found that many of our executives up through the CEO level have anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism and more. I’m very valued at my work, easily the most skilled employee on my team. I have an amazing rapport with everyone I support in our HQ (I’m in desktop IT). Daily when I walk away after helping someone, which always turns into multiple people in the same cube area, I overhear them say “suckafuckindickBPAF is amazing” or “suckafuckindickBPAF is such an great guy” and “Without suckafuckindickBPAF we would be stuck” etc etc etc.
Whenever something goes wrong with our executives or CEO I’m the first call that’s made because they know I’ll get the issue resolved immediately and with a smile on my face. They would, and do, grind to a stop without me.
Over the years everyone has become aware of my schizoaffective diagnosis. After hitting rock bottom at work I felt it was important to be open so that I could attempt to control the narrative whenever anyone spoke of me rather then them filling in blanks on their own.
Now that I’ve been stable for quite some time they all have a view of someone with bipolar and schizophrenia that is positive. Someone they adore and count on every single day. Even as far as being FB friends with a majority of them (over 1000 employees in my building) so they see the little bits that sneak out, but nothing major. We’re all people and have our moments.
I have a few ADA accommodations. Had the lighting above my desk replaced with therapy lights. Schedule modification to work a straight 8 hours and a shift that allows me to see sunlight in the winter to and from work. FMLA coverage for 32 hours a month to be used as I see fit, which I haven’t needed in months. So people see these things and could jump to their own conclusions if they weren’t aware of my condition. I prefer that they don’t do that.
This is my way at trying to break the stigma of mental illness. I’m not feared or looked down upon, very much the opposite. Learning that so many highly successful amazing people also struggle with mental health at work has been great too. I know I’m not alone and have many people I can speak candidly with when I do have issues. If I can inspire someone else to be open, and them someone else, and so on, we might be able to beat this thing.
It has even changed my managers very anti-medication stance to recognize that some people can’t function without them and how much of a difference it can make. She has thanked me for this insight and it’s made it so she views others on medication in a positive light. They’ve seen huge positive changes in me over the years, trust me explicitly, and I have total freedom to do my job as I see fit with almost no supervision. They know I’ll always make the best decision for the associate and the company. I get to work on projects with other teams, train new associates, and have the freedom to work on projects and ideas that I come up with as well as creating, standardizing, and documenting new processes I develop for our team.
I’m a star employee while still being open about being crazier then all fuck. Being open about your diagnosis doesn’t work for everyone, as you see many people commenting are against it. To me that perpetuates the problem and barriers that stigma create. But again, be very cautious if you follow my path.
I don’t think I would be nearly as successful if I wasn’t open. I’m 99% sure I wouldn’t even be employed. Be very cautious about what you say and to who and feel it out first. It could backfire and end your career or it could open new opportunities and vastly expand your support network. This is all dependent on the culture at work. I’m incredibly fortunate to be where I am and couldn’t ask for anything better and recognize that my experience isn’t the norm.
Good luck to you on your new endeavor. I hope you can be as successful as possible and make a positive impact on everyone you interact with. Good luck friend!
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self.bipolar
|
My therapist gave me a really hard homework That is to try to keep a YouTube channel as a journal about my Borderline Personality Disorder that affects me **A LOT** with anxiety.
She knows I can't speak in public about it irl, so she asked me to record some videos and I got the support of lots of friends that said *"it's good to understand a pov of someone who actually lives with anxiety"* etc
And, I am really doing this for myself, I decided to try to share it with others, outsiders from my social life.
[So here I am to give the link and I hope it is relatable and also may help like a way to express and explain to others how we feel.](https://youtu.be/tRjcebk1kIs) The video has English subs because I speak Portuguese :)
It's a really hard thing for me to do, the videos and this post, so I am saying thanks in advance because I'll probably not even check if there are comments or not, I'm already expecting the worse (many thank, anxiety)
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self.Anxiety
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Insomnia: what can I do? I can't deal with this any more. I have a call in to my pdoc. But I won't hear back from him until at least Monday. I can't take antihistamines/OTC sleep aids, as they give me horrible akathisia.
I've been dealing with a mixed episode--with components of going UP and DOWN really really quickly, or experiencing dysphoric hypomania with some mild psychosis (or whatever it is)--for the past week. It's exacerbated by me discontinuing Cymbalta as of yesterday.
I slept about 8 hours during the day the other day, but other than that, I've been only able to sleep in 2-4 hour bursts here and there. It's really very frustrating. I can't trust my body/mind at all right now. It's never been this bad.
Any ideas? I don't know if I can wait until Monday evening to just KNOW if my pdoc can do something for me, and then have to wait until I get a fucking appt. with him. Aghhhh
Do I go to an Urgent Care Clinic? CVS Minute Clinic? Can they prescribe sleep aids? Fucking goddamned weekends.
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self.bipolar
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My body is not my own This month makes 5 Years since I started the IVF process (successful 1st try) and since then I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding. For five years I’ve had my body manipulated and held hostage by Science and/or nature. The baby is under a year and I’m not ready to wean, but I am soooo tired and just want to be in control of who touches me/when and my comfort level when just sitting. I’ve never been vain or concerned with body image, but I hate the irreversible changes my body has undergone the last 5 years. Motherhood is all I’ve ever wanted and I’m so grateful for my 3 children, but I miss being just me, and taking care of myself.
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self.offmychest
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my mom and her seasonal depression vs my own depression. so basically, i suffer from depression, like long-term. nobody in my family knows, because i keep it private, and i seek treatment without them knowing, and them helping. basically i am dealing with it myself, alone without anybody of my family member.
and here comes the issue, my mom suffers from minor depression, like episodes kinda depression, when my brother or myself pisses her off. she gets reclusive and all, and basically closes herself off. and that i understand, but she also gets really verbally abusive, and would verbally assault us. and it kinda make me feel really helpless, and idk how i feel, but i just hate that feeling, the feeling of having to be attacked. i dislike it, but i couldn't really say anything about it, because i still live under her roof. but i feel so helpless, and whenever she is having her episode, it makes my depression feel worser than if already does. i understand her depression, i really really do, but it just affect me on such a high level. and it makes me feel shitter than i already do on a daily basis. and when i try to tell her to calm down, and not rant and scold my younger brother, she do whatever she does to my brother to me. and i really want to protect my brother(dude is a problem kid(education wise), but he is really nice, and do not need to be treated like a pile of shit), but at the same time if i do, she does whatever she does to my brother to me. and i couldn't get angry at her? because all she thinks is that i am a bummer, and i live off her, since i am studying still and stuff, and she always have a reason to make me feel shitter than i already do.
i suffer from anxiety at the same time along with depression, so it's really hard for me to stay with a job, because by the 2nd day, i get really choke up at work, and would start crying. she don't know that too, so all she sees me is this useless girl, who live off her, and is way too self-entitled for her own liking.
honestly, the point of this post, is for me to try get any advices, and telling my family about my depression is not an advice, bc once again, my mom think i am way too carefree, and i have nothing to be depressed or anxious about.
please just help me. i feel so fucking helpless.
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self.depression
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I wanna go far out into the desert and just die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nearly crying I am a 21 year old male. I was overweight most of my life, really hated shopping for clothes and shoes for apparent reasons. Recently lost 20kgs, and bought a ton of clothes and a pair of shoes. What made me write this post, are the shoes. No matter how trivial it might seem, I was really excited for getting them, however, after getting home, my father wanted to try them on, and I couldn't stop him. What happened is that he stretched one shoe. Even though I warned him to be careful, even if I asked him not to put it on if it didn't fit, he carelessly put it on. Now one shoe is bigger than the other one, even if by a tiny bit, I can't fucking calm down. I am really conscious of how I look and can't stop worrying that one shoe is bigger than the other, especially when it feels a tiny bit looser. I know I am overreacting, but that doesn't really help, after finally getting to feel good about how I look, my father fucks everything up as usual, the only difference is that he wasn't drunk this time. And the problem is that I can't really be angry at him because he paid for them. Also, I can't really return them, because I need them for my first job interview, on Monday. So, now I'm stuck with a pair of fucking shoes which I totally hate, and here I was hoping that nice clothes and shoes would give me some confidence which I so strongly lack. Sorry for a long post and ranting, just don't have anyone to talk about shit like this anymore.
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self.depression
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How do you go on when no one around you understands? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Having anxiety about my body?! I am overweight, and struggle with my body so much. I know I have been eating a lot of sweets during the past few weeks because of the holidays, and I have been baking a lot for my family. I had hip surgery in March (I'm only 21), and have gained 15 pounds since. I have had really bad anxiety on and off for a while now, and I know it can make me eat more. I plan on excercising more starting next week, but I just cannot shake the anxiety that I will always be overweight, I look fat, people see me as a fattie, my boyfriend will think I need to lose weight. I need to go to the doctor for a medical issue but do not want her to see how much weight I gained, which causes even more anxiety. I HATE ANXIETY!
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self.Anxiety
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Do I need to get an MRI? Please, I need your help. I recently got diagnosed by a psychiatrist with MDD by just asking me questions. My friend said I should get a second opinion and an MRI to make sure I really have MDD. I feel sort of invalidated when I heard that. What should I do?
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self.depression
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Has anyone stopped Seroquel and lost the weight I have recently stopped seroquel (a week ago) after being on it for 10 months. I have gained 34 pounds since then. I was wondering if anyone, after stopping the medication, lost the weight they gained?I have been working out five days a week averaging 50mins of cardio and I still havent lost any weight. I try to watch what I eat and keep my calorie intake down. Hopefully after stoping the medicine it will come off. Someone telling me that they lost weight after stopping the drug would really help me out.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm afraid of driving car, but I'm not afraid of riding a motorcycle, Why the fuck is that so hard for you to understand? (NAW) Cars scare me.
I dont particularly know entirely why, but I really do not like cars. I don't like driving. It freaks me the fuck out.
I think it has a lot to do with the way my brain works. I have a neurological problem that causes me to have faults with inputs and coordination. And a car really messes with that part of my coordination.
But I have no problem with a motorcycle. I'm confident on a bike. It feels intuitive to me. It feels right.
The odd thing about a motorcycle is that the tasks behind riding a motorcycle are divided up, and it breaks up the cross over that happens in my brain. I can't do this with a car, but it's by a strange quirk of the universe easier for me to understand and operate a bike, than it is for me to operate a car.
The way a bike's operating tasks are divided up helps with this. And it's by no means the only place that I've found this to help. I do this with video games too. I have a mouse with 12 buttons on the side of it. When ever I get a new video game, I mess around with button mapping on the keyboard and mouse until I make something that works naturally without me messing it up. It allows me to figure out how to eliminate this cross over.
I feel far safer and confident operating a bike, than I do a car.
There is no logic behind this, I get that, but do you really have to fucking sit there go into the rocket science behind cars vs bikes? Like really? Do you realize that does nothing more than piss me off and hate cars even more?
"But a car is safer than a motorcycle" Dont you think I fucking know that already? Don't you fucking think I already understand that a cage with some airbags and seatbelts is probably a safer right?
Well fucking newsflash, that doesn't mean a god damned thing to me. Yes I know a car is safer, no it doesn't make me any less scared of driving one. No it doesn't make me any more motivated to drive a car.
I have a neuro problem that makes driving a car for me a very fear full thing. I am afraid of losing control of a 3000+lb metal death machine and killing someone. If I let go of a bike, I'm likely only to hurt myself, I'll have a helmet and jacket on. I'm not an idiot who rides without gear. I'm far less likely to kill someone else with a bike. It's a 700lb vehicle without me on it.
So yeah a car is much safer for me in side of it. But it sure as hell isn't safer for the poor souls that I hit because my body decided to have a coordination error.
So stop sitting there and telling me in every way possible to bring some logic to this situation as if im a fucking idiot. Stop it.
You dont know my body like I do. You dont have to experience the neuromuscular problems I do every waking moment of my life. So shut the fuck up and stop telling me I should feel safer in a car, because it doesn't work that way.
I doesn't matter how much safer they are, I don't like cars. Why is that so hard for you to understand?
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self.offmychest
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I can't handle it The last few months have been stressful-- the last couple of weeks have been non-stop, no relief pressure. I am too anxious to relax, but have so little will left that I just want to curl in a ball.
I'm trying to meet deadlines for school registration and having financial issues. This has been going on for months, and my contacts at the school have been horribly rude. I feel like a huge piece of shit, and I am worried that my months of effort will be for nothing. A lot of the work I do is freelance, and right now I feel so much pressure to work but know that nothing I do will be enough. I am so scared and exhausted.
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self.Anxiety
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Help with girlfriend Hello,
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I have to start somewhere.
I'll start off by saying I've been in a relationship with this amazing woman for the past 6 years. We both love each a lot, but this past year she started having panic attacks. They got bad enough that she was prescribed antidepressants to help, and so far they have worked. She's been attack free for months now.
There seems to be a downside to this though, our relationship is taking a turn for the worst. The doctor said one of the side effects would be a loss of sex drive, which I understood and was ok with as long as it helped her. Lately though she's been just colder to me. We had a talk the other day and she says she still loves me, but more as a friend. I'd be ok with that if I knew there was something that caused this, like us drifting apart, but that hasn't happened. When I ask her what changed she can't describe it, her feelings are just changing.
Right now she's saying she wants a break to figure things out, and I'm worried I'll lose her. When she was having her panic attacks the only thing that could keep her calm was physically holding onto me, I just don't understand how this can change without any warning.
My question is could her medication be causing this? Is there something else she could be taking/doing? Has anyone else gone through this? Is there anything I can do?
Thanks for reading this
Tl'dr:
Girlfriend and I have been happily together 6 years;
Year ago she had panic attacks, was prescribed antidepressants;
Recently she's not been feeling as strongly for no clear reason;
What can be done?
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self.Anxiety
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Do you have nighmares often, and what kind? Since I started my 20's (when I hear mental illness and things liek that manifest the most), I was diagnosed with OCD, Gen. Anxiety, and others. I have had nightmares every night with the exception of a couple that I can acutally remember (Out of 10 years, almost a couple nights not had an nightmare)
The first few years were about an old acquantance I had a falling out with and what would happen if I met him. I dreampt about that person without fail every other night, and sometimes every night. Got to the point I was dreaming about meeting him and telling him how I had been so anxious to meet him that I dreamt about it.
But after we talked on Facebook and we moved on a bit with our lives, I started having other nightmares. Sex is often in there somewhere. And someone is often trying to do something bad to me, or excluding me. Like last night, I dreamt that I went on vacation to maybe Guam, and I met other co-workers there by happen chance.
I went to another hotel than the one I had because (I can't remember why). And the guy said, it's closed during late night hours. Then I try to pay for some ticket and it gives me all penny's change, I try to apologize to the guy waiting but he ignores me and goes to the front desk. I wonder if he also has anxiety.
I give my phone to someone to take a picture of me, my coworkers, and a famous person. They run with my camera, and others following them. I reach an elevator with numbers that its hard to figure out which one is 5 which is the one the theif went to.
I am somehow in a room with Venom from Spiderman (I'm not at all into anime, etc contrary to what my reddit handle would have you believe). But Venom is a pretty girl. She is trying to kill me. I somewhere switch it up and start punching her, but not hard because it's not my nature to hurt people.
Sorry I digressed.
tl:dr; I have nightmares nearly every night, do you?
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self.Anxiety
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I don't think I'll ever be not depressed. I was diagnosed with major depression Nov 2015, since then I have found out that I'm allergic to ssris and few other medications. I remember how I was long before I was officially diagnosed with depression and how I was when before I realized the depression symptoms set in before that summer and I honestly think that I will never be that person anymore.
Due to some schedule mishaps, I missed taking my meds on a reg day basis and I felt the same off of them as I do on them. I'm back on them to therapeutic level and nothing. I get moments of excitement but they fade away into the background. I can't think of one thing that I'm happy about.
The only really thing I care about is my job. That's it. I do it very well.
I've been under the care of a psychiatrist for a year now and in therapy for 2 years. Just putting that out there.
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self.depression
|
Advice on adulting? My dad took his life when i turned 18 and now I'm living with my mother. I'm having a really hard time doing anything lately. I need to finish my last high school credit online but I've been too scared to call the school because talking on the phone freaks me out, so today my mother called for me while making fun of me and yelling at me for being lazy. I'm so depressed and scared of any social interaction that it's hard for me to even leave my bed most days. My room is disgusting and all i want to do is sleep or drink. I really want to get a job and have a normal routine but my depression and anxiety is kicking my ass. I don't know what to do at this point and I'm really dissapointed in myself and i think everyone i know is too. I just want to be normal.
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self.Anxiety
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I keep on getting intense anxiety attacks. Just out of nowhere, it feels like I'm going to throw up. Been getting it alot. Help....? That feeling where you just want to escape, that feeling of 'danger, danger!,' that you can't escape from. Are there things that have worked for you guys when you find yourself in the middle of a panic/anxiety attack?
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self.Anxiety
|
Why everything good in my life was taken from me? (Long Story) I was born with an Imperforate Anus, which mean i don't have an anus when i was born. My parent sold their house to try to fix me. After 6 years on and off the hospital, i finally got a surgery to fix that but it come with its own problem, i can't really control my bowel. I grow up with that situation where i don't know when i'm going to take a dump. It may sound silly, but shitting your pants at a teenager and have them laughing at you is not a comfortable at the slightest. I tried my best at school but i never really excel, whenever i fail something people would told me that my family spent everything on me and i turn out like this, that i'm a burden to everyone. My closet friend move away when i was 12 and was left alone without any friends for a long time. That was when i started feeling depressed. I live with that depression my whole life, but i did a very good job hiding it, no one know i have it, because i always laughing and joking in class and at work. However, when the night come and i was alone with my thought, i always think of myself at a failure and i deserve to die, but i keep pushing on. I finally have a close group of friends, those that i can called my brothers, and thing was good, for a while.
I had to move to the US with my family 3 years ago, leaving all my friends and my grandfather behind. In the US, i was alone, having no friend, my family scatter around, barely speaking the language and have to survive by myself, then the depression come back. There are many days that i want to end everything, but somehow i can still keep going. Everyday was as dark as the other, until the day i talked to her. She was my classmate in High school back in my country, we barely talk to each other on facebook, i used to like her back then but she already in a relationship so i didn't start anything then. One day i chatting her up on facebook, she told me about her divorce, how her husband treated her badly. I was there to talk to her, to share everything with her, and before i know it i fell in love with her, and she fell for me. We started a relationship, and those were the best days of my life. We can talk about everything, can joke about everything, we are just like best friend that love each other, everything was perfect. I waited for 6 months before i can comeback to my country to visit her and my friends. That 1 months with them i could never forget.
After i got back to the US, i worked my ass off so i can build an actual future with her, and started to talk less because of my schedule. She told my that she was pregnant with my baby a month after i got back to the US, i was overjoy when heard that news. But bad thing keep happening to me, she had a miscarriage and lost our baby. We cried, a lot. Every night i dreamed of a kid who keep following me, i asked them who are they, and they told me "Why can't i live with you and mom, why can't we be together?". I cried my eyes out every single night. I tried to work harder so thing like that would never happen again, I thought that by doing it i can marry her and we can live together forever, but she thought that i was avoid her and no longer love her, but never tell me how she felt. There was that 1 extremely bad week when i was pressured by my school, my family, and my job, i barely sleep and had no energy to function. She also had a bad week and want to talk to me about it, however i was to tired to talk to her properly and i just half-assed talking to her. And that was the breaking point, she thought i no longer love her and her feeling for me started to go away. After that one week i began talking to her normally again, but she didn't seem like she want to talk. She said that she was sick and don't want to talk so i told her to remember to take her medicine, i dont want her to get sick, and i stopped calling her, yet still message her everyday. She never reply. One day I asked her and she told me that she no longer love me.
The whole world crashing down on me. I begged, I cried, I explained to her everything, she wouldn't give me a chance. I was gonna ask her to marry me next summer, now everything is gone. I cried for the whole week, many time i was so close to commiting suicide but i held back because maybe i can still win her back. So I kept caring for her, talking to her although she never reply. I thought if I show her how much i really love her she will change her mind. Until one day i found out she already got a new lover before she broke up with me, and that crushed me. I asked her if she has anything going on with that person, and she agressively refused to answer. She told me that do i want to control her, that i always think what i want to think and never listen to her, she never did anything wrong, and she can answer it but she doesn't want to. My heart broke, i just want her to admit it herself so i know that she is still truthful with me, but she couldn't do it. I show her the proof and she change her tone, she said she couldn't lie to me so she couldn't said no. I felt like she has been lying to me for a long time. But i can't bring myself to be angry at her, i still love her so much. She came to me when i was in my darkest moments, she was the hope, the light that help me overcome everything. When she left, she took away all of that, now i'm alone with my own depression, when my mom saw me crying because of her, she told me to kill myself. I was closer to the edge than ever, i just want her back, i begged her and her new lover to let her comeback to me, that obviously failed. I talked to a lot of people, they all tell me that this will past, just try to forget her, everything will be fine .etc. I tried to go on with my normal life but she keep popping up in my head, her voice, her face, her smell, everything, and the depression hit. My kid comeback in my dream and asked me "Why mom and dad fight? Why you are not together anymore?". I tried to keep pushing on, I really did, but I can't imagine living a life without her. I can be working and studying 1 moment, and broke down the next moment because her memories came back in my head. I can't keep it going any longer and this time i think i will going through with it. All the pain and humiliation i suffered when i was young, the pain of being away from my friends, the pain of losing my kid, and the pain of losing my love, my hope is too much to bear any longer.
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self.depression
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Living the Dream My beau and I have talked about getting married for a long time. Last night we got engaged.
This is a man who I collapsed into with alcohol poisoning weeks after we met.
This is a man who was my personal target during a violent break with reality weeks after we started dating and months after we me.
This is a man who responded with my clear and fairly sever mania by enticing me Home with food.
The ones who roll with the punches are out there. You can find one too.
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self.bipolar
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What's the funniest thing you've done when manic? I went to a fashion modelling show dressed as a [mexican firefighter.](https://imgur.com/a/I11lz)
I'm not a model.
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self.bipolar
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I have a friend that could be suicidal or just depressed or none, I need advice on how to deal with the situation. I don't know if this is the best place to ask this but I'm asking because I worry about a friend of mine. He's a very different person, almost 2 years younger than me and smarter than most people at my age. He's also very private in a way that doesn't reveal much about himself and it's usually hard to read him. But I know that he had of phase of sadness maybe depression and don't know if it passed but maybe it's back. I also heard that a girl he liked kind of rejected him and today I was talking to him and he said he was depressed, btw he's very sarcastic and I couldn't tell if he was serious. I think he doesn't really want to reveal his feelings and also he doesn't have many friends. This situation is a bit tricky to explain but I'll try my best: my ex-girlfriend who I used to talk to said that he used to talk to her explaining his feelings and she told and asked me to keep a secret. I cut my losses with her later but remain friends. Today he asked me to promise to never talk to her again, I'm not and wasn't going to. It seems like something happened and he won't tell me about it, he said that he would only tell me until "something" happened. How do I deal with a person smarter than average and with the situation.
This could be a bit unrelated but we usually discuss music and we were talking about the new MGMT album and he said his favourite song was "When you die" which has some kinda of suicidal and uncommon lyrics like "Baby, I’m ready, I'm ready, ready, ready to blow my brains out".
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self.SuicideWatch
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Exposed my friend for cheating Hi everyone, first things first I hope everyone have a fantastic 2018 around your friends and family
Moving to my story. So, I met this friend through Youtube in 2012 since he was a portuguese gaming youtuber for adults (due to his language and way of talk) which I enjoyed a lot.
I got the chance to start talking with him late 2015 and alongside a couple more viewers, old friends of him and his girlfriend, we were a group of 7 to 8 elements that throughout 2016 we usually hangout a lot on teamspeak (group voice chat) playing games and talking about life and stuff...
It got very intimate my conversasions with him, told almost my whole life to him, about my sad past and he told me all his lifestrories too. Through 2016 it was all amazing...
But mid 2017 our group started breaking apart, 2 of us stepped away (which i joined them later) 1 disappeared due to UNI stuff which I respect, his girlfriend was left almost alone (which I will explain next), and him which joined a new group of paying-friends (which I will explain too)
So, apparantly he was doing youtube only as a Hobbie and every cent he took from there in publicity was just a "way to thank him" for the amazing job he did. He had about 10k views per day on his videos but due to youtube polices he wasn't earning enough to make a living of that, but it was helping playing his bills.
So he decided to move to twitch, which is a live streaming platform focused for gamers. He was quite a success there and started making quite some cash on donations and monthly supporting subscriptions...
Later he started leaving our group and started talking more with the ones who were giving him the money (top donators) instead of his friends who were never with him for the money...
He left us, we asked him why, and his awenser was that US refused to join him, which was half true, because I personally didn't wanted to join and secondly he was the one leaving.
I started noticing that his girlfriend was getting sad, by posting sad songs over and over on her facebook, and I started asking if was something wrong, and she trusted me that the relationship wasn't going well (after 3 years together), he was spenting less and less time with here, starting with excuses to not visit her personally and stuff like that.
During that time in october I got a bombshell, his girlfriend told me that he told her that met one of his female subscribers on twitch personaly and "just" kissed her, cheating on my friend/his girlfriend...
I don't know why she forgived him, even after that he didn't changed his attitude, he continues flirting every girl that pops on his stream...
I was the one supporting her through this rough time, trying to cheer her up in every chance I got, playing with her, watching some videos and stuff... She was thankful to me, and I was like "thats what real friends do right?".
But between me and him, he just started to ignore me more and more, he had time to play with his paying friends but to awenser a simple "hello" from me took weeks.
Like, i'm not obcessed with him, i'm just truely disaponted with him and his atittude... Swapping friends for money, and leave his girlfriend suffering all the time...
I exploded... I couldn't hold this anymore, so, I decided to let know every single paying supporter of his stream know, to what type of person they are giving the money to...
How? Just with simple "memes" (images with text) comparing him to Dr. Disrespect (One of the biggest twitch streamers who admited publicly he cheated om his wife, and had the balls to stoo streaming to solve his issues). I criticized my friend for only caring about the money and putting that over his girlfriend that loves him more then everything even after he cheated on her...
What happened next was: He blocked me everywhere instead of asking me why I did such thing, since he didn't did that, I asume that I asume that I wasn't a friend for him anymore, and decided to run away and delete me from everywhere.
The thing is now everyone knows what type of person he his, and let them know if someone with even more money comes, they can be left behind. But since now my ex friend doesn't want to lose his funding (since he now lives from donations makong it a full time job). I don't want the other to happen what happened to me...
Am I regreted of what I done? Nope! The only "if" point here was how his girlfriend reacted after I did this... I clearly see that she was sad, and things could have been solved other way without exposing his life, which I disagree, I exposed one thing about his life, so the way she meant was the life as a whole, which I didn't exposed
She is the only reason that this is upsetting me... I have 0 regrets on him, but on her... I never wanted her to be sad at me because of this... Never was my intention...
This is my first post here... Just wanted to share my story, if theres something you guys missunderstood due to my average english, please comment below, I really wanted to get this out of me... If readed till the end... Thanks :)
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self.depression
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I can't do it anymore I've let down all my friends and family, I'm failing out of high school, and I've got nothing left going for me
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do I do if I’m feeling suicidal? I’ve been pretty much suicidal everyday for months now. I’ve always “planned” how things might turn out but never had the guts to actually do it. Where do I start? How can I change? Therapy is not an option due to me being only 17 and I don’t want to tell my parents because they don’t take mental illness seriously (prob depression and anxiety only)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tired of arguments and opinions. I'm a 21 year old female who has been depressed for as long as I can remember, and have attempted suicide throughout my life. I'm currently on holiday away from family and close support, and my mental health has declined enormously. I'm a very opinionated person, and get passionate about real world issues, mostly about women's issues and other feminism related topics. But I just get into these arguments, and torture myself, and get down voted, and repeat, slowly building up this hatred for myself until I end up cutting/harming myself.
Last night I felt very close to jumping from my hotel window because I hate everything about myself. I hate having opinions so many people disagree with, and I hate being so intolerable of other people's views when they conflict mine. I'm tired and just want to cry, but I can't. I get so obsessive, reading over replies, torturing myself, trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
In the end I just delete everything to stop myself from going back to discussions.
I feel like I'm hitting the end of my strength to keep going. I can't stop being passionate about things, not can I stop obsessing over arguments, I don't know what to do, and think I'll finally end it soon .
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wanna die right now. I'm so fucking sick of having to settle with being a loner I'm so fucking sick of being an incel piece of shit. I deserve to go die right now. I want a girlfirend so bad. I feel I have so much to offer. But no I don't, girls hate me cause I'm ugly.
Everyone says "oh you gotta be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else" Bullshit. Yeah I have to settle with being alone while all these women abusers get all the dates they fucking want. I'm just a piece of shit right? I have to settle with myself while everyone else can get someone special.
Life doesn't feel worth living if I have to be alone. Fuck this life. I bet nobody even replies to my worthless ass
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self.SuicideWatch
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It's my birthday! Yay I wasted a whole year of being alive!! This year was different though I got so high I couldn't feel nothing so I think it's fair to say it was the best birthday I ever had!
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self.depression
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My life has been falling apart, the relationship that I just lost is too much. Its a very complicated situation for me so I'll try to keep it basic and short. First time for us all: I developed an amazing relationship with a married couple (man and woman). I very much prefer girls, but I won't go into that. This was her idea. I was in the midst of lots of change. Moved back to "hometown" after 12 years to try and recover from a bad heroin addiction and emotionally abusive relationship. Was OVERLY sexually active in a self destructive sort of way. Started dabbling in meth. This is going to go on forever at this rate.. I also have pretty bad depression and anxiety. Anyway, met these people and they are amazing in almost e ery sense of the word. Super attractive, kind, patient, funny, and so much more. They felt like they knew me somehow (I get that a lot) and I just felt "right" with them. They gave me hope and motivation to be a better me. I have never felt the way I do about a man before... And her. omg. Her. She is everything I have ever wanted. I will stop at that and let your mind fill in the rest. Its even better than that. They want an emotional connection before anything physical. We talked about all of our wants extensively prior and it seemed as perfect as it could be. We had sex/fooled around only a couple of times (mostly because he works out of town). When he was gone, she and I hung out. Mostly as friend but would cuddle and sometimes kiss. This was all what we were ok with just to make that clear. I relapsed multiple times, they were understanding. Communication is huge for all of us and I told them when I used. She has very sensitive skin and it appeared that when we had sex when I had meth in my system she would get irritation around her vagina., No discharge or smell and it eventfully went away so she contributed it to the drug excreting from my skin onto hers. I can totally see how that could happen because I can smell something different about my skin when its in my system. Super short now: She was a surrogate for a gay male couple about a year and a half ago. That couple wants another baby. She is leary about intimacy with me while caring this child for them. Surrogacy process has not yet started, they still need to discuss it. I end up shooting hydromorphone from work (confessed 2 days larter and got fired) on Christmas and went over to their place. The 3 of us hooked up that night and I didn't tell them prior about what I did. I was extremely ashamed and just tried to shove it from my mind. It eventually surfaced 2 days later and I told them and my boss. They went out of town for New Years and supposedly had little to no cell service so we rarely texted for 3 days or so. When they came back, everything changed. They had decide to no longer be intimant with me. I was in shock and devastated. It was because I omitted the truth and in their opinion, that is a flat out lie. I became desperate and started falling apart. It honestly has been one of the hardest things I think I have had to deal with in a long long time. I tried to get answers from them. I thought it had to be more than my "dishonesty". Who would end it over this? Throw all of this away? I asked if there was anyway I could fix it, she said we would never be intimate again but could be friends. I had the worst panic attack of my life after she said that. She is instant that my dishonesty is the only reason why our relationship will never be the same. Today has been the first day where I told myself that I can no longer look desperate and I have successfully controlled the amount of messages I have sent to her. Its significantly less than normal. She still texts me occasionally (usually pretty short messages). We worked out yesterday. He barely started communicating with me again yesterday or the day before. I am still using meth. They were my primary motivation to stay clean. I don't know if there is any hope for us. I have it in the back of my head that we may rekindle things, but I don't think that is actually realistic. I pathetically keep a sliver of that hop to get me by. for now.
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self.depression
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i have anxiety, feel like i was never perfect, and constantly feel bad about myself. i want to end it all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Manipulation Tactics I'm not entirely sure what I'm expecting to get out of this...it's probably pointless and a waste of time. Maybe writing things out like this is helpful, or maybe it's self-defeating. I don't even know if there's any practical advice you can give me, seeing as how I'm not even willing to share with you how incredibly shallow my perspective is. I hope you can just take my word for it. I'd rather it not go any further.
Where do people usually start with this sort of thing? Do they ever ask "why does everyone hate me"? Not meaning to sound calloused, it's just kind of a cliche, and I was wondering if it was true?
Anyways, the reason I ask is because I feel a little out of place for feeling the opposite. I know people love me. That's why I'm always trying to escape. I'm insincere, two-faced, hypocritical. Most of my social-development involved putting up walls, so I can hardly tell whether I'm honest with myself or not. I think that helps to make me manipulative. I didn't realize just how manipulative I was until my best friend became a drug addict and killed himself. Who knows, maybe I'm trying to manipulate you into relieving my conscience just enough so that I don't kill myself. (I'd probably end up stopping short of suicide to get the sympathy and attention of others so I could feel better about myself.)
I work, take painkillers and use cannabis for a back injury I got while working. I don't really drink much, though I did for a while after my friend died. I'm also religious and feel so distant from the things I value most. Doubts, fear, frustration, pain, I'm friendless, I've lost all sense of community. I have no future, no hope.
As these thoughts have eaten away at my conscience, I've been left feeling empty, anxious, and afraid. I just wanted to feel better. I just want to be happy again. It sucks when things get so much worse when you thought they were already bad. You realize the bad times were best times of your life, and the memories you'll cherish forever. Well, forever is too long. I don't want to remember anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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DAE sleep WAY TOO MUCH, even when not depressed? (I take Latuda, Lamictal, and Effexor.)
My hypersomnia is out of control right now. I'm sleeping 12-14 hours per day. If I get 10 I'm exhausted and sleepy for the entire day. It's been a problem in the past but it's gotten worse recently. (I recently-ish started Latuda but since it's been an issue in the past idk if that's it.)
For once I'm not in a depressive episode and I enjoy my life and I'm spending over half of it sleeping! AAAAARGHHH.
My pdoc is clueless. Thoughts? Is it med side effects? Do any of you have this problem?
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self.bipolar
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I am lonely I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to talk to my friends, I feel like I’m bothering them, but I am nothing without them, I wish I had a significant other, but no girl could be interested in me, no one has ever been, I’ve been alone all my life and it’s more tiring every day, I just wish that I died in my sleep, so I could finally be in peace
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self.depression
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Anybody ever imagine brutally murdering themselves? Idk y but when I start hating myself and feeling disgusted, I do this and I feel better.
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self.depression
|
I decided to come out to my English teacher. I’m a 16 year old guy and I’m gay. We recently had an assignment in my English II class where we have to write a short story. To give this a little bit of context, I go to a religious school where homosexuality is generally frowned upon. My story had one of those plot lines where you avoid the use of gender pronouns until the very end kind of thing. It’s due on Monday and I thought about what he would think when he read, I wondered if he would question me about it. My fears were realized when he held another one of my classmates after class who also had gay in their story. I know he will probably want to ask me some questions. But he’s not like my other teachers. He much more laid back, and I think I can trust him with something like this. But at the same time I’m terrified because I’ve never come out to an adult before, much less to my teacher at my religious school. I’m scared that he’ll judge me or that he’ll tell my parents. But I trust him enough not to. This is so scary for me. I hope he supports me for who I am.
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self.offmychest
|
My dad died two years ago and I have so many regrets Quick backstory, my mom died when I was 7 years old, back in 2003. So, it was just me and my dad and my grandma for pretty much my whole life. And then my dad got remarried to a horrible woman who treated all of us like shit, and she was always giving my dad a hard time saying he didn’t do anything for us, even though he was the only one with a job supporting us. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in October of 2014, two weeks before my 18th birthday, and then he passed away in July of 2015. During this short span, I was in my senior year of high school, so I was trying to get my life together and get ready for nursing school, spend time with my friends, be with my boyfriend, and work to help my dad pay bills.
I feel like I didn’t get to spend much time with my dad while he was sick. We did do some things together, and I’ll never forget them, like sit down and binge watch Sons of Anarchy together after school because it was his favorite show. I love my dad, and he was my best friend, but I’m filled with so much regret because I worry that he thought I wasn’t there for him while he was sick. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that his one daughter didn’t want to be there for him during the scariest time of his life.
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self.offmychest
|
Severely depressed after hypomania Its been 5 days now of extreme depression. I can't seem to stop crying or having these thoughts of hurting myself.
Im not going to do anything of course, but I've been so depressed now for what feels like forever. I haven't had a low mood in a while, I was hypomanic for a couple weeks and I didnt expec the crash to be this bad.
Im oversleeping (13 hours today)
Not eating
Not socializing
Not studying for my exam
Im feeling like absolute shit right now.
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self.bipolar
|
Any college students here who get anxious because their parents are scraping by to pay for their tuition? My parents point-blank refused to let me take out student loans, (which is kind of smart on their part I guess, considering the hell most people go through repaying them), no questions asked. Every time I bring up how concerned I am about the family’s financial situation, they just shut me down and tell me not to worry about it. But I KNOW for a fact that they’re struggling to pay for it. I’ve seen their tax returns & bank statements. Not a day goes by when my anxiety doesn’t eat at my insides thinking about this.
**I’m not looking for advice on how to alleviate the burden on my family. I’m already working on that. I just want to know if anyone else out there is going through something similar because I have literally no one to talk to about this.**
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone take Buspar?? I [18 f] currently switched from taking Prozac for 7 years to getting on Buspar. I’ve been on it for about 2 months and when i first started taking it i had the common nausea and major headaches but that went away (thank god) but for the past 2 weeks I have felt constant anxiety and sadness for no major reason. I cry from the smallest triggers and I then i just can’t stop crying and i end up just having a panic attack. I’m thinking about either switching back to prozac or getting on a different medicine because I’m tired of feeling this way. Has anyone felt like this on Buspar?? Did it go away??
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self.Anxiety
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Job interview and skill test Last month I was talking to a friend and he told me to give him my resumé/CV since the company he's working for were looking for someone with my profile (front end developer).
I wasn't really thinking about it, but last week I got called for an interview, and I went, and apparently I did good because they called me yesterday telling me it was positive and now they have sent me a technical test to do within a few days and send them back, to assess my skills.
The thing is I have been feeling like s### for a few weeks, my brain is completely shut down, I have the skills for the test, but not the brain to process anything or the energy right now.
And frankly, I'm still too unstable to have a job, not sure how long it would go well before it wouldn't.
I have headaches everyday, no motivation at all, I can't think, I can't even enjoy anything. It's my first job opportunity in years and I feel nothing about it.
I don't know what I should do right now, and I know I feel trapped or cornered I'm gonna explode and it'll take months to recover from that...
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self.depression
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None of this matters. Dont go to work.
Dont go to school.
Dont check your mail.
Dont vote.
Dont eat.
Dont pay your bills.
Dont visit anyone.
Dont talk to anyone.
Dont go to the doctor.
Dont take your medication.
You dont matter.
I dont matter.
None of this matters.
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self.bipolar
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Uncontrollable shaking? This is something that has been happening to me all my life, and I’ve never been able to explain it. In very specific situations, something will make me feel uncomfortable (typically bodily stuff, like blood) and i’ll end up having a fit of uncontrollable shaking, hyperventilating, and just feeling really cold. It lasts a few minutes but eventually stops. What’s interesting is this never happens when I have my more typical anxious thoughts, it exclusively happens when the anxiety involves things like blood.
Weird example: was watching Futurama a while back, and Bender bent the Professor backwards so he’s constantly looking upward. Professor comments on how the blood is pooling at the back of his head. I obsess about this for about a minute before the shaking begins.
I’m just curious if anyone else has ever experienced something similar. It happens so rarely that it isn’t disruptive in my life. I’m just really interested in understanding why it happens. I’ve labeled it as a panic attack, but I can’t be sure. Any insights would be greatly appreciated! Have a great day!
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self.Anxiety
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Bravery After finding and lurking on this sub for about a year now I’ve finally taken the plunge and made an account. I’ve been thinking about whether to and what to post for the last 2 hours while scrolling through. Anything i think of writing seems so embarrassing, and yet i don’t feel that about anything that I’ve read from anyone else’s posts.
I just really want everyone to know that if you have posted or even thought about posting then you are brave and stronger than you think.
There’s me assuming that because reddit is anonymous that will make it so much easier, but it’s somehow not. We’re all our own worst critics so it doesn’t even make a difference.
Keep going, you’re doing well. Even if we don’t believe it we need to keep telling ourselves that we can do this.
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self.depression
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How many people here are “treatment resistant”? And have you found relief from your anxiety without the use of medication? After 15 years of medicating, and most recently 6 ketamine infusions which did nothing, I’m accepting my psychiatrists notion that I am “treatment resistant”.
What I’m wondering is, have any of you who have been in the same shoes as me found relief from your anxiety and depression? If so, how has it happened?
Any and all suggestions welcome.
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self.Anxiety
|
I may finally kill myself this year. Almost a year ago, on New Year's Eve, I stood on a beach and was on the verge of jumping in the water (in the middle of winter in Chicago, mind you), and drowning myself. The day itself was rather terrible - I had not been invited by anyone to any party, I had been turned down by a girl I liked (it broke my heart, but in retrospect, I realized that it wouldn't have worked out), and I was depressed that I could not find work, no matter how hard I tried. At the very last second, a voice in my head - or my heart - stopped me. Alive, but still depressed, I drove back home.
The months to follow were uneventful, until out of the blue, I got a call in May from a family friend who offered me a summer job working as a site supervisor (and practically as an interim building manager) during a renovation job at a subsidized living community. I said yes, the hiring process was expedited, and I started working as soon as I could. $20/hr, 8 hrs a day, M-F, an hour from lunch, not even 10 minutes from home, met some great people, and enjoyed the environment so much, that it sparked an interest in property management and construction/development as a career choice.
In the beginning of July, I had lost my best friend, due to a falling out where he accused me of something that I never thought anyone - let alone my best friend whom I've known since 5th grade - would accuse me of. Needless to say, it was hard. Though I felt that we were slowly going in different directions in terms of life plans, that disintegration would have happened over the course of a good year or two, but to have this happen so suddenly - thank God I had work to keep me occupied.
Losing my best friend had an impact on my social life; it was difficult to socialize because I am an introvert (or, I suppose 'extremely guarded', or simply 'reticent', would be the appropriate term; I can be quite sociable, but it takes me a while to warm up to people), and when you lose your best friend of nearly 15 years, it doesn't tend to make you the life of the party.
As work came to a close at the end of August/beginning of September, I applied, and was accepted, to a 15-month MBA program at a nearby university (it's well-known and well-respected, particularly for business, but I won't say which), which is going really well.
My depression has started to kick back in as I've still not found a new job (and I am genuinely hungry and driven for new opportunities now, compared to a year ago), and...well, this girl (there's a lot of that on here, but bear with me).
My love life has been rather stagnant this year; I've gone on a few dates, but none of those girls really interested me. I didn't feel a connection, so I didn't get hung up on it - I simply moved on. But this past Tuesday, I saw a girl who I met a year ago, and something came over me. A year ago, we met at a get-together at her Grandmother's house that I went to with my Dad (he couldn't drive due to his hemorrhoids, so he asked if I would mind), I was in a rather shitty mood that day for some reason, I didn't make much effort to converse, we 'hugged goodbye', wished each other well, and I didn't think I would see her ever again.
Fast forward to Tuesday, my Dad and I went to the party (he drove this time), and the moment I walked in the door, everyone remembered me: her parents, her grandmother, her grandmother's sister (who made it a point to tell me several times how handsome I am), her uncles, and when she saw me, she practically power-walked over, gave me a big hug, and stood no greater than two inches from my face to talk to me. It was great, easy-going, no pretensions, no nerves, just a good conversation. As I saw my Dad getting ready to leave, I didn't even think, but it was rather instinctual, as if my mouth had opened on its own - I asked if she wanted to go out some time. She immediately replied with an excited "absolutely!" and said "let me give you my number." She put in my phone, we hugged, said 'bye', and I felt good on my way out.
Yesterday, I texted her 'Happy Thanksgiving', to which she replied with the same. I then texted 'What are you doing Saturday?', and until this very moment, not a single reply. Now, would any guy feel a bit confused? Sure. Considering how great of a conversation we had on Tuesday, and how eager she was to give me her number, I don't understand why she didn't; respond. In my desire to understand, I went so far as to check the times of each message; her first reply was about 10 minutes after I texted, after which I texted about two-three minutes later, and...no reply.
Perhaps I'm overthinking. Maybe she's busy (yesterday was Thanksgiving - I'll give her benefit of the doubt, I suppose), or I'm not a priority, but not a single response? The reason I'm upset by this, is because I actually like this girl. I know, someone will say that I like the idea of her, but I honestly feel a good vibe with this girl, especially after our conversation. Now, I'm racking my brain thinking:
Am I not good enough?
Is she replying to some other guy? What does he have that I don't?
Why couldn't she just reply 'sorry, not interested'? I would appreciate the honesty.
What the fuck did I do wrong?
I know all of this is not constructive thinking, and it will get me nowhere, but for the first time this year, I meet (or, meet again) a girl that I actually like, and I wasn't even thinking about dating or relationships when we spoke; again, it was as if my mouth - not my brain or even heart - that asked her out.
All day today, I've not eaten, because I'm hungry, but can't eat. I'm anxious, nervous, and now depressed. Those feelings from a year ago have come back. My possible failure with this girl has made me come to some heavy realizations: after turning 26 last week, I have no friends, no job, no girlfriend - nothing that a normal 26 year with a healthy life should have.
Why do I feel this way? I don't care about someone filling out the 'role' of a girlfriend, but rather, I want a companion - someone to share things with; and when I think back to how great that conversation was - yes, I get a bit excited. Throw into the mix that I've spent almost my entire life bottling up my emotions and never truly expressing myself, that when one thing upsets me emotionally, everything starts to come out. And the fact is, I am actually comfortable in my own skin to want to express myself and open up to someone.
It's only been a day, but it's been an entire day of asking myself if I'm loveable, and if I'll ever have a meaningful, fulfilling life. Why is it so easy for others? Why does everyone I see have a life that is happier and more fulfilling than mine? Don't I deserve an ounce of love and joy? The world doesn't owe me anything, but I'm human - I need love and joy like everyone else - when will it be my turn? It's really the companionship I long for; I feel that I am at a point in my left where I am ready to let someone in. A step at a time, but let someone in nonetheless. I am afraid that if I stay single for much longer, every ounce of love I have to give will have gone forever, and should someone come along who wants me for who I am, I may not be able to feel anything.
Again, it's only been a day of these thoughts and feelings (and I've actually spent the day writing a short story to help take my mind off of these thoughts), but they remind me to much of where I was a year ago, and the pain is unbearable. I have a little over a month to go, but I may finally jump in the lake on New Year's Eve.
If anything, one less emotional over-thinker in the world, making room for at least one lucky person with a bright future to shine, and have all the love and joy they want.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Benzodiazepines and GAD Has anyone else seen a significant change in their GAD/SAD etc... with Clonazepam? I had it prescribed when I went to the ER for a panic attack. Anyone have any personal tips for maintaining a healthy brain while on benzos? (Mind you: they don't get me high or messed up, simply take my anxiety away)
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self.Anxiety
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Doing better than normal, need to share. Six months ago I was twenty pounds heavier, slept most of the day, skipped an entire month of work (bless understanding supervisors), isolated myself from friends and family, self harmed for a bit, suicidal, general shittiness.
Now I’m taking better care of myself, and planning on adopting a dog in March. I have never been more excited for the future! It’s easy to forget how happiness feels, but I think I like it. I hope it stays.
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self.depression
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I just feel Cold on the inside.. I'm stuck between wanting to end it and dreading death completely... I have nothing that I feel like makes my life worth living...
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self.SuicideWatch
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17 gaming addict with depression(story of my life kinda) [deleted]
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self.depression
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5 am reflections on being diagnosed Bipolar 1 last week I never know where to start.
I’ve been suspecting that there was more to my mental illness than just depression and anxiety for about a year now. It’s amazing how hard it is to find a psychiatrist that is accepting new patients and your specific insurance plan. I must have called fifty doctors a hundred times over six months to even get an appointment to begin with.
For years now, I’ve known that certain types of drugs will trigger a manic episode with me. When I was 18, before I dropped out of college, I took 30mgs of XR Adderall for finals weeks. I spent most of that -night writing a three-page poem about society, life, disappoints, and (of course) Adderall. I then spent most of that next day convinced that I singlehandedly discovered the astronomical principles that led to the creation of the Universe and the reason behind the Big Bang.
…But that was just the drugs, right?
Looking back, I now realize that there are countless other sober examples of bipolar behavior. The incredibly reckless sexual behavior. The inexplicable mood swings. The arguments with my wife. The terrible reaction I’ve had to just taking antidepressants. The unwarranted notions that I might be a genius. That’s just to name a few.
But that’s not the part that bothers me. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 with primarily mixed episodes due to my severe depression and anxiety. The label itself is palatable enough, too. I mean, goddamn, it makes a lot of fucking sense.
The part that gets me are all the things in between. All the things that I am proud of, and all the things that I like about myself. When I am not depressed I am considered a very smart, charming, and articulate person. All of the spontaneous gestures that make my wife love me so much. Hell, I have written an entire screenplay and I’m singlehandedly raising enough money to actually film it by next year.
How much of that I me? How much is my disease? What is the difference between those two concepts?
I am not ashamed of my diagnosis. I am not ashamed of going back on medication. As far as I can tell, the Abilify is having mostly positive side effects, and the Prozac has yet to kick in.
The part that fucks with me is my newfound inability to trust my “good” days. When I just thought I was depressed it was easy. I had a clear litmus test of whether I was in, or out of, control. *Am I depressed? Yes or no? Okay, now I know how my day will be principally governed.*
Bipolar isn’t that simple. I can’t trust my moments of happiness. I have to face every new wave of excitement and hyperfocus with a sense of caution and skepticism. I look back on my past accomplishments and wonder how much of that was actually me. When I’m having a pleasant day (i.e., feeling “normal”) and I’m talking and laughing with my wife, friends, or coworkers, I now catch myself thinking: *Oh god, it’s happening again. What am I about do to or say that I’ll regret when I come crashing down in a few days or weeks?*
I feel like when those thoughts are left on repeat long enough, they eventually ruminate into something a lot more severe:
How am I possibly going to get more than three hours of sleep tonight or the night after that? What if I really am a genius and also what if this movie I’m going to make finally pushes me into the limelight I sometimes crave so desperately?
Even this fucking write-up is only happening because I’m manic right now.
How will I ever learn to trust myself? How can I ever appreciate the best parts about myself when they are also the parts that make me so sick?
How do you fucking deal with this?
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self.bipolar
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What is the point of living if I have no other choice but to spend most of my life working just to stay alive? [deleted]
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self.depression
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My Cousin Died and I Feel Like I'm Failing Everyone [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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DAE feel like it's selfish to talk about your depression to friends/family or this sub? I don't want to put them down. They don't have to help me. I don't want to make them worry about me when they have their own problems.
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self.depression
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I really, really want this world to be better than this [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Bittersweet that Mental Health Awareness is Rising I feel like it's starting to become a fad. People label themselves or others very quickly and it's almost like a trendy thing in my area. I think it's great that it helps people open up to seek help. I understand a lot of people suffer from mild depression or anxiety. The thing that makes me upset is that there is a huge spectrum on mental illness, and a large portion of the people I talk to are not on that level.
I've gone into full blown psychosis to the point where I was hallucinating in the day time. During some manic episodes, I thought that I had a telepathic link to astral beings and could travel through worlds. I've been at work where time literally moved at a different pace; where it slowed down, sped up and I felt like I was in a film where someone was fucking w/ the buttons.
I don't even feel comfortable talking to these same people because the few times I have, they look at me like "Oh, he's really crazy". I've been around these same groups of people who after a recent shooting, will talk about how they heard the person was bipolar and then talk about how bipolar people should be constrained in society. Like if they found out, they would prefer I lived in a camp so I wouldn't harm the world.
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self.bipolar
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My father just told me my anxiety isn't real Even though two professionals (one a doc the other a counselor) have diagnosed me. He says he was shot at and spent time in combat and that causes anxiety. But what I've been through doesn't. Furthermore he believes I'm incapable of having panic attacks because I've never had one in front of him.
And of course my anxiety is going nuts because it's my worst nightmare. Someone thinks I'm faking it and it's my own DAD. I was almost in tears.
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self.Anxiety
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I hate being called "cute" either because I am insecure or because it's actually a bad thing...or worse, both. A nice thing happened to me over the new years weekend. My friends and I[29M] rented a nice cabin-house up in the woods right by a river to spend new-years. It was seven of my friends, all gay except for the one girl. One of them who I will name Mike, who I am mildly-to-well acquainted with, was very into me the whole weekend. It's kind of weird. He and I met a few months ago and we have kind of been teasing each other for a while. We've made out before, cuddled together, messed around in bed, did most everything except actually having sexual intercourse. I'm not gung ho, head over heels for him but he seems a bit enamored with me. The reason I only say "seems a bit enamored"(and the reason for this post) is because the whole weekend he called me "cute" and "adorable". We basically did everything that there is to do sexually with each other except sexual intercourse, because I'm kind of asexual, but I also just didn't really want to with him.
Anyways, I kind of hate being called cute and adorable. On the one hand, it's nice to be called "cute" and "adorable". It definitely at-least implies you are sexually desirable in a way, either physically or mentally. On the other hand, cute also connotes with being childish, immature, and boy-like, traits which I have been struggling to emancipate myself from. Now, I know that I should just take the compliment, but I can't help but feel a bit emasculated and even, undesirable. I guess that's because I DO in fact feel childish, immature, and boy-like. After all I am 29, have not found a stable career, still live at home with my mother, which I've done for the past 7 years.
Yes, my aversion to being called cute stems from my huge insecurities and low self-esteem. Cute and adorable seem like traits that can only entertain a relationship for so long. Cute might attract other guys who have low self-worth or who are pedophiles, or even a self-actualized man for a short while. It might ignite the spark for a relationship but it won't keep it going for very long. No, that would take some work. Cute is good for the short-term, a quick hit it and quit it, and I feel like I don't have what it takes to keep a guy for the long term. I feel stupid, but cute, which is the worst. I feel slow. I feel like in social situations I'm the last one to understand something. It's taking me longer to make connections. I've seemingly been called stupid left and right. I keep forgetting what I'm doing and I have the attention span of a goldfish.
Anyways, I also feel myself fading in the physical attractiveness department. For too long I've relied on my cuteness but also tried my best not to rely on by being modest and as polite as I can be. I'm 29 after all. I see a lot of other guys that are 29 or older that I would not go for, based solely on looks at-least. And yea, I'm shallow and looks are important to me. Maybe I should just move to L.A.
Anyways all of this is a bit moot since I'm not even that into Mike. I would rather we be good friends than anything. I would rather feel worth being around just as a friend than as an object to hit and quit, maybe because I have so few friends. I almost want to just have sex with him just so we can get this tease it over with so I can see if he'll just decide to start ignoring me thereafter, so I can finally know. It might be the worst feeling to find out that's all he wanted. That that's why he even paid attention to me in the first place, but at-least I'd know...right? On the same note, I also don't ever want to have sex with him just in case that actually happened. That would suck and I'd rather not know because what I don't know can't hurt me...right?
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self.offmychest
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Bizarre morning anxiety Every morning I wake up around 3 and I feel embarrassed for everything I have done. I can feel the emotions intensely and it's a rush. I feel like a fraud and totally vulnerable. Sometimes I have to scream to let my emotions out and then just wait to go back to sleep. I have to endure the same feelings when I wake up at 7.
Anyone else?
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self.Anxiety
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Responding to the posts on this subreddit have become overwhelming. [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Too dumb to kill myself correctly... Well just got back from the woods. I jumped and then hit the ground with my tippie-toes. The rope(sheet) is still there. It looked much higher from upon the tree but I obviously miscalculated like an idiot. Took so much to work up the nerve and now here I am. But you know what they say, "practice makes perfect"....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Had a panic attack during class while developing film Hey Reddit, I could use some advice and some moral support. I'm taking a photography class currently (I'm in high school). Today we were developing film for the first time in the darkroom. I don't know if you guys know what the process is for developing film (I didn't) but when you're taking the film out of the cartridge to use the developer, etc, you can't have the film touch any light. This lead to me, trying and failing over and over to put my film on the roll while in a very small pitch black room with 5 screaming freshman. I had a panic attack and started hyperventilating and crying. The class just started and we're developing film about once a week from here on out. I'm extremely scared this is gonna happen again and again. Please help me I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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it's been weeks since I had a convo with anyone [deleted]
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self.depression
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Failure I was a quiet weird child who couldn't talk to other kids. My friends were just bullies who abused my kindness and lack of courage. I spent my childhood online because everything was nicer and funner there. So of course i have no friends now and I dont know how to interact with people normally. Being truly alone is more painful and impactful than imaginable for most. I am now bitter and fed up with myself and everyone. I don't enjoy anything anymore, I cant do anything at all without feeling terrible. I cant think anymore my mind is blank I want to take a sledge hammer to my head just to see what's in there. Thatd be stupid though. I don't see a future for myself. I wish it didn't all happen like this, I feel like I never had a chance. abused in childhood never loved by anyone and jealous of everyone who isn't grateful that they're loved and appreciated. My mind is gone, any chances I had are gone at this point, socially I will never be successful and so what's the point? Youre depressed yeah just tell your friends and family they love you and want you happy! My family wont help me I dont have the means to help myself. My brain is fucking mush. What a world huh
I dont know if I mean most of this but Im not feeling good so dont take it too seriously
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self.depression
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Anxiety at its peak. Hey, guys. I usually don’t post on here, but I feel as though I need to vent and get some of my thoughts out there.
I've been dealing with a ton of anxiety issues over the last few days. A lot of it is because of work and university, and I'm dealing with a great deal of broken interpersonal relationships in my life right now. I have never had anxiety before going to work at this job, but it's been happening over the last couple of weeks.
I ended up calling off work yesterday, and I'm very close to doing it again. It's beyond frustrating that my anxiety is continuously taking over my life and dictating what I can and can't do.
Yesterday afternoon, I had an anxiety attack where I felt like I didn't want to live anymore and I just wanted to die right then and there. I felt very overwhelmed, my chest was pressing against itself, I was crying my eyes out, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I have a significant other that I contacted, and he was able to talk me through everything on my mind and bring me down from my thoughts.
I just need some encouragement and reassurance at this point. Thanks for listening, and I hope you all are okay and are having a good day.
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self.Anxiety
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I really feel lost and alone in my life:/ [deleted]
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self.depression
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The only thing holding me together is that I don't want her to blame herself. I can't keep a fake persona on for much longer either. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Long term use of lexapro? I've (M43) been on and off lexapro for about 3-4 years. I don't really want to be on it forever and had some success getting down to half a 10mg tablet a day which left me coping ok (not as good as a whole tablet i was originally on,, but doable). Spent a year or two there and have been trying to get by on 1/4 a tablet for the past 6 months but it's not been too great.
Is staying on lexapro forever realistic? Will it have some kind of side affect from long term use? I don't have any particularly negative side affects from being on it so far...
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self.depression
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Bipolar - but people on the outside can't tell? Greetings,
I (30/Female) was diagnosed with mixed state bipolar disorder about a month or two ago. The pdoc mentioned that it's not terribly common to be diagnosed at 30. She said that I may have displayed symptoms at a younger age but it may not have been outwardly obvious... which I guess could be true in my case.
I have recently returned to my hometown (about a week ago) and am spending time with my folks. They are aware of the diagnosis, but probably haven't noticed much because I've been pretty good about staying subdued/haven't had any outward displays yet etc. Inwardly, I'm experiencing some swinging back and forth between despair and invincibility and thorough agitation... but I have been able to contain it fairly well.
Is that possible? I guess I always thought that if someone was bipolar, it had to be obvious and containing it was simply beyond the person's control.
Thoughts?
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self.bipolar
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Quickest/painless method? I’m finally getting ready to kill myself. Also some disturbing venting for my own needs. Title says it all. I’ve done many self destructive/self harm activities, but now I’m making a firm choice on killing myself (and doing it right).
I’m considering an OD of diphenhydramine, possibly throwing a handful of tramadol or hydrocodone in there, and slitting my wrists?
Anyway here’s something I need to get off my chest before I do this. No you don’t have to read or reply to it. (And I advise you not to read it)
I’ve been in and out of suicidal thoughts and “depression” since I was a teenager. I’ve never been happy with myself or my life, but that’s basically how everyone feels at that age, so they say. So I’m just gonna skip the “my parents piss me off and I hate myself” etc etc shit that everyone understands and get to some real red flags.
Unfortunately, around age 19 or so my sister got hired at xyz place that treats children who have been sexually abused/traumatized. She kept “taking work home” with her and needed to vent, I’m not sure if she was aware not everyone would be so interested in stories of rape and murder. Well anyway too late at that point, after a fucking year or less, of stories of teens being raped by their fathers or children being snatched to be sold for sex or just brutally murdering their own children for stupid reasons, not only is my head is permanently filled with this disgusting vulgar disturbing shit, I now have some sick form of “fetish” for rape . I literally can’t stop thinking about disturbing rape stories or just the crime itself. Every time she mentioned stories of minors/children being raped, it kept poking my brain and sparking an interest. I guess it finally just fucked me up. It didn’t take long until I found myself being aroused by thoughts of rape and it’s fucking disgusting. I fucking hate it. It’s ruined so many aspects of my life. I can’t feel comfortable around women anymore so you know I don’t have a girlfriend. Even just walking by minors freaks me the fuck out. Here I am now, I’m 21 and it has severely progressed to a point where I don’t want to live and don’t think therapy can fix me. I’m filled with hate and rage towards everyone around me. I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable being alive and around my family or friends.
I haven’t stopped thinking about suicide all semester. I’ve almost crashed the car on purpose when driving to school, I have basically been in bed for almost a week. I sleep all day, sleep most of the next day but get up to eat a small meal/bathroom, and go back to bed. I gave up on all my classes weeks ago which is a shame because I was doing very well at one point. Now I feel so financially fucked from school and lack of work, and of course from the fucking holidays (which I hate with a passion), that I can’t keep up with my stupid daily mental struggles. I’m disturbed and I’m exhausted. I just want to kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i don't know what to do anymore I'm 14 and I have no real reason to be depressed except for my parents and even then not really. My parents are not horrible to me but my Dad was abused as a child and my mother was neglected... they can be manipulative and loud sometimes but never like... straight up abusive. But I'm a really sensitive person and it seems like they're always out to get me, always trying to hurt me. I've told them how depressed they make me before, they clean their acts up for 12 hours and then they're back to yelling at me and saying I'm just a normal sad teenager.
Ive been at rock bottom for the last... 2 months probably. I cry myself to sleep after hours of intrusive thoughts. I cut myself nearly every day. I'm so tempted to just swallow a bottle of pills or jump in front of a car so that they'll realise I'm serious, I'm not exaggerating my feelings. It's not hormones and it's not some puberty thing, no one else at my school is googling how deep a cut it takes to bleed out at 2am with tears streaming down their faces.
I don't really know if im seeking help or if I'm just done with life. I wish I i could confide with someone who actually take me seriously and sees just how fucked up i am.
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self.depression
|
Finally starting medication for anxiety and depression Hey y’all - just wanted to pop in and say that I’m finally taking the step to try medication as anxiety has become a bit unbearable and is affecting my decision making - just wanted to say, if you ever feel like you should try medication, leave that option open and discuss it.
I’ve had anxiety for 20 years (30yo) and depression for the last six months. I am avoidant and agoraphobic at my worst and low key anxious at my best.
It was a massive relief to have the script and I can update y’all if you want.
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you build & maintain confidence in your decisions given your mood fluctuations? I swing between reasonably well modulated highs and lows but it's obvious my perceptions and decision-making changes as my mood changes. The most obvious example is my perception of how much people like me; it varies widely between low and high moods. Another example is determining how much work or social activity I'm capable of taking on.
I used to pride myself on solid decision making and reliance on my intuition. Since this illness has set in, my ability to accurately assess situations and make sound decisions has gone to shit. This has eroded what little self confidence I had left.
So I ask, how have you built and maintained confidence in your decisions in light of your mood fluctuations?
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self.bipolar
|
I hate myself I want to die so fucking badly but I'm too scared and too hopeful. No one cares and if they say they do, they sure don't act like it. I know people love me but NO ONE ACTS LIKE IT. I am fucking sick of myself and my brain and just everything!! I want to die I want to die I want to die but I can't. I've tried before and ended up in a mental hospital and sure, people acted like they cared about me then. When I'm happy, no one acts like they love me. When I'm sad, SOMETIMES people act like they love me. And I'm talking about my own damn family here. They're all I have and yet to them, I'm not worth showing love to. I'm so sick of it! I cut myself often, trying to get all the gross stuff out of me. It doesn't work. I want someone to kill me.
I will literally pay you to kill me. Drop me a PM. Thanks.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just thinking about my job makes me depressed 22, still live with parents. Luckily i dont pay rent even though i'd be more than happy too. I'm pretty lucky in that regard. My job is so depressing. I don't like the people or the work i do. It feels like my life ain't mine. Yeah i chose this job but people have persuaded me to stay. Sure the money is good but happiness is worth more than that.
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self.depression
|
Isolation I got nobody. Literally
My dad is a cunt since birth and after 18 years, now he got evicted from house. Mom never understand me at all. Never know what i like, my feelings, my emotions, my struggles. Blind cunt. Always stop me from doing what i like. Dont have siblings, dont have friends to hangout. Everyday is the same shit. Wake up, computer, sleep. Countless of wails coz of loneliness. Didnt have any physical touch for a long time. I would rather never be born than living like this. No one in my life understand me. I wanna cry again now even tho im sick of it
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self.depression
|
Just left my archery training because I felt a panic attack approaching and now I'm feeling awful (Sorry about the formatting, I'm on my phone.) Long story short, I just had a pretty shitty day. My anxiety has been high all week and I went to the archery training because shooting some arrows is usually one of the best ways to get me relaxed. Not today, though. It was super stressful because there is a competition tomorrow. In the end I couldn't even shoot because the bow I use was needed for someone else. At some point I realised I was close to a panic attack because everything stressed me so hard and just left. I feel really awful now and just want to hide in my room (I'm currently on my way home, but I will need about one hour until I'm there). I feel really lost right now and I need someone to tell me everything will be alright.
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self.Anxiety
|
How should I tell my friends that they helped me with my depression/anxiety. First of all, I'm sorry if my English isn't understandable, English isn't my first language.
Now the story: in the last two years I was really miserable, thought and did things that I shouldn't have thought or done. It's a really delicate topic to me and I don't share with anyone. I thought my life would only get worse. I thought 2017 would be another horrible year but I was wrong.
So, this year I went to a new college and made a lot of friends who really helped me emotionally even without them knowing. I never felt so loved and relevant.
Of course I'm not 100%, but I feel so much better, those thoughts are still there but I try to stop them instead of feeding them.
I really want to tell my friends and my social studies teacher how important they are to my life now. But I'm really bad at expressing my feelings. I'm scared that they will think that I'm doing it for attention, I get really nervous just thinking about it.
I don't know if shouldn't do it or if I should tell them personally or by a little letter.
Ps: as I said this is really hard for me to talk about, I never said how I feeling to anyone, not even my family, so my friends don't know what I went through.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm at a dead end and I don't know what to do with myself. tl;dr 19 year old gay girl is severely depressed and wants to improve her life but doesn't know how.
(A bit of a rant, and I'm sorry if I'm not following etiquette if I'm wrong somewhere) I'm freshly 19 years old, and it took me every ounce of my energy to finally do this also because I'm nervous about being judged. I know first hand people on the internet can be harsh. I guess the catalyst for this post is that I spent my birthday completely alone for the first time. Things weren't always like this hence why I'm taking this so hard. I was fairly popular, and I went out every weekend. It feels like another lifetime where I actually. Socialised... with other people.
Everything went downhill ever since I came out as a lesbian to my parents two years ago. To keep the story short, they decided that the best course of action was to isolate me from my friends and threaten those who refused to stay away from me. They thought that my friends were "encouraging" me to be gay. This is only one of the many things they did. What they did left me bitter, cold, and angry. I'd wish I could say that me being completely alone isn't also my fault but it is. I got aggressive and insecure. I was falling apart and I was trying to take the people I cared about down with me. They finally had enough with me and I went into a complete meltdown. I was toxic to be around. I don't recognise myself anymore. I look in the mirror and I see this monster that needs to be destroyed. I used so many people in some vain attempt to feel whole again but all I did was confirm the fact that I'm an abuser and a psycho. I can't bare to be around anyone in the fear that I might hurt them. I've completely shut everyone off and I'm embarrassed to even say my name because of all the shit connected to it. I've isolated myself for almost 1 year now and I know that I can't get better if I continue on the way I am.
I now live in a small town in the middle of nowhere with my parents who barely acknowledge my existence. I know they're disappointed in me, but honestly I'm at the point in our relationship where I'm just completely indifferent to them and their opinions. I feel as if I've gotten a lot better. Less anxiety and depression. Also, I quit abusing alcohol and painkillers which was extremely difficult. I kept relapsing and relapsing but I'm a months clean now. Tho, I know just one bad moment will send me back to square one. Which is inevitable any day now. The only thing I know that will help me is finally scoring a job so I can leave this town and my parents. It's easier said than done considering how small this town is, and the fact that I am a high school drop out. I just want the freedom to be myself without feeling scared. I'm struggling so much. I don't want to spend another year here alone. I have a suicide note lined up for when I finally give up but I haven't lost my will just yet. What do I do? Where do I start? I'm so lost. I'm sorry this is so long. I needed to vent a little.
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self.depression
|
Xanax apparently doesn't work on me. Am I the only one? I was prescribed Xanax by my former psychiatrist last year. Prior to that I had only taken Xanax 2x in my life. So I started taking 2mg per night...and nothing. No effects at all. So I increased it to 4mg per day...2 in the morning and 2 in the evening. Still nothing. I could take 2mg and then go for a drive, honestly. Is this normal? Is there someone out there like me? Do you know why you are resistant to it?
|
self.depression
|
I need some advice on my relationship with a person that suffers with depression. I am completely inlove with this man and from the beginning he has always very honest about his depression and how it has affected him etc.
I just need advice from people as to how can I help him and how can I, simultaneously, be happy myself without being extremely affected by his state.
Ive also realized that I’ve been limiting myself to doing things that might trigger his depression or that it will worsen it. For example, he doesn’t really like going out but I enjoy the occasional dance night with my friends or something and I feel like he dreads me going out and if I do he gets really sad. So I’ve tried to stay in, which is still fun for me,but if I ever want to go out i just don’t want to make him worse.
Im very new to relating to people with depression and I would love to have some advice for people that have had a partner that has helped them with their own depression or how have you yourself dealt with a relationship like that.
|
self.depression
|
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