text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Boundary issues. Does anyone else hyperventilate when people refuse to respect your space? I am sitting here in my bathroom breathing, crying while people mill about in my room, cleaning it. Can't go into more reasons because no one understands. No one cares. Having multiple issues with self witth self worth and my insecurities. Seeing other people and things in social media is the worst.
Help me someone please!
|
self.Anxiety
|
What to do when someone else is triggering your anxiety? So I’m posting on this eye forum. Probably spending too much time there. I’m worried about my eyesight. The problem I have is that there’s this user on there who makes me more anxious. Mainly because her anxiety is worse than mine in many ways. She think she’s helping, but she’s really not. That forum isn’t heavily moderated, so obviously can’t go to the mods. Maybe I should just stop visiting that forum. Not many other users care about me and I usually just hear from her.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Yet another sad guy? Idk Where do i start?
I just turned 18 a month ago.
My medical condition is not the best(to say the least)(dont actually want to go deeper on that).
My grandpa died 2 months ago and my father decided to cheat on my mom 1.5 months ago.
I dont have friends other than a few fakes.
I never get invited somewhere and im never involved in anything social.
I never found someone to love and i dont believe in love anymore, who would want something like me anyway?
I have no talent l, im not smart and i look average at best.
On top of that im not really successful in university.
The most enjoyable event for me this month was, drinking and drugging myself so i would be unconscious for 1.5 days somewhere out of city on some grassland.
I woke up covered in vomit and decided to search help.
I hate my self for not getting anything done on my own.
I wonder sometimes how people have to see me, as i have a pretty pathetic life.
I hate myself for loving it that sometimes the girls from my class talk to me when they are asking if im ok.
I shouldnt like it.
I started to distrust and hate by default.
I dont want to whine but i dont see anything else to do now.
My mother and my brother are the only reason that i did not kill myself yet.
If somebody read this: Thank you
|
self.depression
|
I'm pushing my Friends Away and I don't know How to Stop I'm very scared of people leaving me. And I think in order for me to protect myself, I feel like I have to leave a relationship before I get left. I start to ignore people, don't text them back or do so in a non-fun manner, I start look at all the bad things about them instead of the good and it causes me to feel so much anger, I begin to resent the friend in question.
I hate this about me so so much. I know it makes me a horrible friend because it feels like I'm Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. This feeling of anger against whatever a friend is potentially going to 'leave' me just takes over and I don't know what to do except go with it. I try to fight it, try to tell myself friendship isn't that fickle. But I'm so scared. I'm so scared that if I don't leave them, they're going to leave me and its going to hurt so much.
I don't want to lose my friends but I also understand I can't keep playing this game with them whenever I get anxious over our friendship status. In all honesty, what can I do? I want to fix this.
TL;DR: Trying to protect myself from friendship abandonment causes me to act like a dick. Send help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
want to understand around this time last year my best friend took his own lif and i cant help but think its somewhat my fault. before he killed himself he called all his close friends and all of them answered well except for me. i was just playing on the computer when he called and i ignored the call thinking i can just call him when im done playing but that wasnt the case. i cant help but think that maybe just maybe if i answered that call he would still be here maybe i could have talked him out of it. maybe if i answered i could have drove to his house and been there for him. when i think about it it just makes me feel like i was a shit friend and he needed a better one then me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Low blood pressure = anxiety? When I'm angry i feel great, my anxieties burn away like it was never there, I'm much sharper and a hell of a lot more confident, I'm even as smart as i usually am when anxiety isn't eating me alive. I walk faster, this increases my blood pressure and i feel amazing, most of my 'anxiety' periods are often when I'm at home sitting in my house not moving much, the odd run up and down stairs or chase the dog around the house out of boredom, perhaps the root of my problem could be due to low blood pressure, however i have been prescribed propranolol to take to prevent anxiety attacks which lowers blood pressure, which makes no sense to me and it doesn't help my anxiety it just makes me care less and relax more. Can someone explain this in better manner?
|
self.Anxiety
|
my uncle told me he wished he had gifted me a gun when i was suicidal and i cannot snap out of dissociating I'm literally at work for 20 more minutes as I type this and can hardly function. Tonight is my best friend's last night in town, he's been staying with me for a week, he lives across the country. I was excited to go enjoy it but now I feel dissociated and anxious and not myself, not even with myself. I posted something on FB regarding hating that kids are dying every day just trying to go to school and my uncle (35 or so years old) LOST it on my friends who were commenting, called us all morons, etc.
Then he went on a rant about how I'm a selfish piece of shit... I'm a 23 year old girl and have only talked to my uncle at Thanksgiving and Christmas, just normal chit chat stuff... never anything in depth. So I don't understand.
But he got arrested for drunk driving for like his 5th time and he has an ankle bracelet and has to be home at a certain curfew, so I responded with, "I think drunk driving is more selfish than anything I've ever done" basically, and the dude lost it
He then posted on my FB wall "If I would've known you were suicidal when you were younger, I would've gifted you a gun. :)"
I was seriously, seriously suicidal specifically when I was 14, 16, and 21 and my mom must've told him some of this or something
But honestly ever since this happened I can't really get a full breath in
Luckily I have some really great friends and they were ALL over this shit wondering what the hell kind of person posts this. But he was seriously constantly attacking my character
My mom, it's her brother, pretty much defended him up until she realized how upset I was and was like "Wow don't say those things" to him
I just feel so messed up like I'm supposed to go have fun tonight and now I'm like, wow, my uncle wishes I shot myself in the head.
Idk. Just. Advice needed. Calming down techniques. Anything good that you can think of is so appreciated. Thank you
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm too socially anxious to call a suicide hotline [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
DAE feel like this? I'm 'stable' at the moment after a breakdown and meds increase over the Christmas break. I feel ok now... most of the time. I was wondering if anyone has those times where they're pretty much stable, but still have lingering symptoms? I'd been really positive over the past several days but in work for the past two days I've been feeling quite panicky, anxious and coming over feeling quite unstable. Like theres this rubber band in my head that feels like it's stretching itself to breaking point. Just unstable generally I guess. This goes on for an hour or so then it goes away and I feel fine. Has anyone else had this experience?
|
self.bipolar
|
I want this to end, but I'm too afraid [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What's wrong with me I don't know about my mental condition. I've never been to a theraspist or a doctor and my mom strongly suggests it for me right now. I keep getting all those nightmares and bad thoughts.
Since before I can remember I used to be nervous about everything to a level that made the people around me say "what the hell is wrong with you?? chill". I see dreams about my family dying in a car accident, thieves entering my house and it's always my fault. I keep feeling weak and unable to protect them. I wake up, I puke, can't sleep anymore because of stomach pain and chest pain. I take a walk around the house, try to lock all the doors. I unlock them, I lock them again to be sure.
This happens at school too. My friend used to mess with my head sometimes and tell me that we had a test and I forgot. I start trembling. I get dizzy. I try to break in to get a book and start revising. People tell me that I am just a perfectionist and a good student and that's why I act like that, but I am starting to think it's not.
When I am stressed I try to relax, but then I get that thought inside my head "You'll fail". Or "You'll never get a job". "You are useless". "Everyone is ashamed of you".
Is that normal?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My little brother has been off heroin for a year... [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Not in the right frame of mind I have a good life. Great friends, great family and a girlfriend. Even with all this, my mind just..I don't know.
I am a year 11 at high school and school is really fucking me over. Almost all day I feel down due to school, I am almost ready to just give up with school because I can't handle it. It stresses me out and I am always feeling depressed at school. At home I just play video game, all night. It's my escape, it makes me happy. I am probably addicted but I don't care because it makes me happy. Thing is a can easily get very angry and get some serious rage, all my friends know how much I rage.
The main issue is when I think about the future and work. I am looking for part time, but it looks all doom and gloom to me. Working just seems like it would make me feel even worse. To work the rest of my life, what's the point? There's more negative than positive to me. Year 12 next year scares me so much, I am trying less and less at school because it just hurts, makes me feel shit. When I get in a bad frame of mind I get a headache and I just want to cry. I feel trapped like there is nothing I can do about everything. When I'm down I kinda feel numb to other emotions.
I know this is a lot to take in but I don't know what to do, do I have depression? I sometimes just cry because of how shit I feel and I just want to feel better What should I do?
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't know what to do My wife and I have both been severely depressed, to the point of suicidality. I'm 29, she's 26. I learned about two years ago that I am transgender. So I feel like I have found a way to "cure" my depression, but my cure is to transition and it is making her more depressed. I haven't started any medical transition yet, but I have been transitioning socially for about 8 months. And my depression is lower and less frequent now than it has been in years, I feel like I really am doing the right thing for my own mental health.
My wife tries to be supportive. She uses my preferred pronouns and outwardly supports me, but it's killing her inside. She won't talk to me about it because she says I'm too sensitive and defensive about it. She has also said that I'm becoming narcissistic, and I can see what she means. I recognize the behaviors in myself and I'm trying not to be, but I think it stems from my trying to fight the shame of being trans that I've felt most of my life. My wife is openly bisexual (she came out right after I came out as trans) but she has never had a relationship with a woman. She has also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes her very hard on herself and gives her severe social anxiety. So she has nobody to talk to because she has no friends and isn't very close to her family. She's a very intelligent person, she just got her Masters degree and is going to get a PhD. She also told me this morning that people with BPD have around an 80% suicide attempt rate. And that it is basically on her mind all the time.
I really really don't know what to do. I've found a treatment for my depression, but it's making her's worse. We've been married about 5 years and have talked about getting a divorce multiple times. But I'm afraid that if we ever actually did, the rejection would literally kill her. Or if not it would traumatize her so severely she wouldn't be able to recover from it.
I'm going to cross post this because I really need some help. Please.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just cried cause I felt touch. Haven't had friends in a year. As I was leaving school in my car, a dog jumped into my lap. The instance that happened, I started crying. It felt like I had someone with me.
|
self.depression
|
In the last few months since my ex-gf broke up with me, I have been in a downhill spiral of depression ever since and I see no end to my misery and unhappiness. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
BLACKSHEEP ROUND UP GET IN HERE Who else is the black sheep of their family? Ever since my manic episode in 2012 i went from everyones favorite cousin to #1 person to cast sideways glances at. It tore me to pieces initially but now Im content with it.
Anyone else go through this?
|
self.bipolar
|
Can anyone serious help me out with any ideas? Foolproof, I'm-not-gonna-fuck-up-anymore-ideas? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My attitude/outlook is bringing me down I think I have noticed my attitude towards people to be low. In short I just find people to be stupid, well not just stupid but entrenched in their own realities. In short I am not thinking positively. Couple this with having moved to a city where I know few people, don’t have a job, and for some reason am sleeping stupid hours and not eating well. Today I was supposed to wake up at a reasonable hour and instead stayed in bed until 5pm. Not sure why I am not waking up on time but it is starting to make me worry about my health. I just want to wake up and live but something is holding me back. I was not like this a month ago and it is now starting to really frustrate me
|
self.depression
|
Do it for her. Every mistake I made will not matter in the end, so what's the point? Sometimes I ask to me why I don't just forget my depressed girlfriend. She just wants to die and I stop her everytime. She's so young and she has so much pain and suffering inside. If I weren't so selfish, I would let her go. Seriously, she is suffering too much in this world, and it hurts to admit it. She says that I'm the only one who can make her smile, that makes me feel important, too important. Sometimes I think about letting her go, but I love her. She has been through too much suffeeing and she's SO FUCKING YOUNG. Can't accept that. She doesn't deserve this. Help.
|
self.depression
|
going off antidepressants for anxiety i hate the side effects i get from antidepressants. especially the sexual side effects. i feel flat and unmotivated. however, i know that i still have anxiety and this will most likely worsen if i go off antidepressants. i really want to stop taking them. is there any other medication or thing (apart from therapy - already doing that) that i can use as a treatment for anxiety that doesn't have such horrible side effects?
for reference - i'm currently on 100mg of pristiq. i used to take lexapro. i take 2mg of valiu if im feeling especially anxious or if i have to go somewhere that triggers my anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
For the first time a friend asked ME to go somewhere with them. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
So i am an 18 year old from germany and i dont have my driving license yet, even though i had my birthday 3 months ago. I Didn't Attend The Driving School That Often Because There Are Many Girls My Age And Sometimes The Students There Have To Stand Up In Front Of The Others And Answer Questions. Now A Lot Of People Ask Me Why I Don't Have It Yet And I Never Know What To Say. Even My Boss Asked Me Once Which Ended Up In A Really Awkward Situtation For Me. Now I Fear Everyday I Would Have School At The Evening.
sry for all writ large i wrote that in the title thingy
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’ve had this feeling of pretty intense self-loathing for over a month now, and I want to stop but I don’t know how. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Sorry Hi there! How’s your day going? Thanks for giving my post your time.
I intend to pour my heart out, but I don’t have much time. I have no one/where else I can vent out.
First, a little about me. I am twenty one years old from a third world country. I was born into a wealthy family. ~*Fuck that!*~ I was born into a filthy rich family. People talk about silver spoons. I had a golden jackhammer up my ass. Had I realized I was rich, things would be different.
I got everything I wanted when I was young. You name it, I had it. I started taking things for granted. I literally live a life people dream of having. The best of food, the best books, the best gadgets, the best whatever; I had it. I’ll tell you why I’m stressing on this later.
I had travelled half the world when I was just 10. By twenty, I had been everywhere there is to go.
I liked reading when I was young. I read a *lot*. Fiction, non-fiction, history, whatever. I had read it, or knew about it. I liked reading those “facts” books a lot. I would randomly cite a fact in conversation and when people didn’t believe me, I would run to the library and get the book for them.
That is until I reached high school and learnt that most of these “facts” are actually utter bullshit. That broke me.
You would be wondering why I rambling such normal things. *First world problems* as they say it. I always find it funny that I have “first world problems” in a third world country. The reason is that I have no one to go to. I have no friends. I have never been in a relationship. I am a kissless virgin.
I’m fat. I won’t call myself ugly, but I’m no model. The worst thing, I’m lazy. I know my flaws but I don’t even attempt to solve them.
Even as I write this down I feel like an asshole. Compared to the problems others face, my problems are a joke. My “problem” is literally that I’ve nearly done everything I want to in life.
I don’t have a “drive” or “spark” or whatever you want to call it, to live anymore.
I wonder if I were a theist would things be different. Guess I’ll know after death.
Mom and Dad, if you see this, know that it’s not your fault. Life was literally torture for me now. Every day I was painful. You wanted to know what I do after I lock my room and stay in for hours? I used to curl up and cry everyday.
I know why both of you didn’t have time for me. I know you like working. Don’t let this stop you.
Ask Javed to take Rocky to his house.
Bye.
|
self.depression
|
Manic but don't feel manic? This past month has been a rollercoaster of apathetic depression morphing into apathetic mixed episode into anxiety ridden mixed episode into what I thought was stable but people are telling me I'm behaving manic.
I'm sleeping though- I mean, I know I can't sleep without seroquel and that several nights I have had to up the dose in order to fall asleep but I'm still sleeping.
Also this week I've had severe anxiety and depression some days but yesterday and today I feel totally calm.
People tell me I sound intense or angry, people tell me I sound manic, I notice I am writing a lot and oversharing and jumping from interest to interest without much logic, I am doing stupid or self destructive things, I can't concentrate on work.
But it isn't like previous times where I had infinite energy or was euphoric or extremely irritable and/or anxious. It isn't growing or peaking and I'm not hallucinating. I understand now that last week I was being extreme and impulsive but I don't feel that now. I'm sleeping. I feel ok, not happy but not depressed.
Is this just a well medicated manic episode (oxymoron) or are people just being hypersensetive about me?
Have any of you experienced this before?
|
self.bipolar
|
How can i help someone i am not very close to with their anxiety? So I am moving in with my girlfriend and her family in a week.
It is her, her mom, and her sister. My girlfriend and her mom work most days, all day. And her sister stays at home and does her thing.
While I am looking for a job, I will be with her sister a lot. She has pretty bad anxiety, mostly I believe agoraphobia.
Last time I was there we didn't talk much. My gf told me she just likes the company so I didn't really try to initiate conversation but later learned her sister was a little upset we just sat there! Dumb anxiety haha.
I would love to take her on walks or something. I dont know how much we will click but I would like to help her get out more. I don't want to be pushy though. And since we are still kind of strangers, it might be hard at first. I don't know how receptive she is to advice, new people, facing anxiety, etc.
I guess I just might have to feel it out and see but I also would like to know if anyone has any advice or opinions!
|
self.Anxiety
|
The fact that always I am the one that seeks to initiate contact makes me feel like unworthy and unloved.
|
self.depression
|
My relationship with my wife ending has led me to a depression 5 years ago, I met my ex. We were both dating someone (well she was dating, I was sleeping with someone, but the label doesn’t really matter I don’t think), and we met on vacation, and hooked up. Came back home, broke up with our significant others, and proceeded to date for 2 years, seeing each other every single day.
We were then married for a little over 2 years. That marriage ended this summer.
I had been married before, but this was the first time I was in love. We were both very stubborn, and had lots and lots of fights. Fights where I would go stay with my sister for a week, or where we wouldn’t talk for days.
Early this year my wife decided to start taking vacations. 5 vacations in 3 months. Foreign Country, the Superbowl, and other beach destinations. 5 vacations, after the 5th she asked for a divorce. (my lawyer and friends say that she was cheating, i might believe them but no proof)
The divorce got ugly, as my parents had given us a large sum of money in December for the down payment on a house and she wanted half (parents wanted it back).
We finally finalized the divorce with the help of lawyers, yet we remained in the same sport league for a few months, seeing each other 1x per week. I recently quit that sports league as the anxiety was too much. We never said a word to each other passing within inches every time we played. She was my best friend while we were married, not talking to her was as if she had died..... very saddening.
I see my ex’s pictures on facebook and I cringe, I get sad, I usually have a flight response (usually shutting down the app) every time I see her picture. I was invited to 5 different weddings this year, but they are mutual friends of my ex and I don’t want to go because I know I’ll cry and I don’t want to run into her. More than one couple even mentioned me on their wedding website as I had introduced them……
I get angry while driving to work, I’ll even catch myself talking outloud…. Saying “Fuck You” a lot.
I then get miserable because I miss the good times.
I would rather stay at home and do nothing except play video games.
I catch myself being bitter all the time, I’m not sleeping well, and I have stopped trusting people. I’m afraid of going out of my way to do anything like asking people to hang out as I’m not super afraid of rejection.
I had a rebound (not sure if that matters, friends say it does), but that didn’t help except for like a day.
I’ve also lost 70 pounds and 8 inches from the waist, but I’ve been trying to lose weight…… it does help never being hungry though.
My question I guess is, how long do I have to deal with the thoughts in my head, these emotions that come out of nowhere and take up all my focus…. I don’t want to get out of bed, I have no appetite, I have to force myself do anything.
Thanks for listening .
|
self.depression
|
Am I fucked up? 1. I never meet my father. 1 night stand for my mother.
1a 7 to 8 years old I was sexually abused by my grandfather.
2 when I was 13 I found him dead in his room.
3. When i was 15. My mother got pregnant by a guy just out of prison. She tried to abort herself. It didn't work . Then she got an abortion.
4. At 16 My mother tried to commit suicide.
5. At 18. I had incest oral with my mother.
Now I'm 50 married with 1 son 13. Wife doesn't know about stuff above. I have never touched my son or even thought about it. These bad memories keep popping up as I get older. I think it is affecting our marriage. It all my fault.
Now I have prostate cancer.
I dont know how to fix my marriage.
|
self.offmychest
|
Since quitting Coffee My Anxiety Has Gone Whenever I would read things about how seemingly harmless everyday habits can cause anxiety I would always roll my eyes and ignore it. One example was coffee, how could a simple hot drink be causing intense panic attacks? I didn't believe that something so simple as my morning cup of coffee could cause such intense and bad anxiety. For reference, last December I was having panic attacks every. single. day. I once had a panic attack that lasted from 1am to 4am, the intense panic that has you cold in fear lasted hours. It was a huge wakeup call into how bad and unmanageable my anxiety had gotten so I decided to try whatever I could.
For some reason I decided to quit coffee as my first attempt at reducing my anxiety. I wasn't a huge caffeine addict but I did drink one to two cups everyday. I slowly weaned myself off starting late December. It's now February and I have not had a single panic attack this year. I still have not completely gone cold turkey, I have a half cup of coffee maybe once every three days.
I just wanted to post this incase anyone on here is a coffee drinker also suffering from anxiety. I had been drinking coffee daily for over 5 years, and only had anxiety for 1 year so I didn't really think of the link, but I think the problem started when I switched from instant coffee to stronger coffee.
I'm not saying that coffee is causing everyone anxiety, but maybe try reducing your intake and seeing if it has an effect.
|
self.Anxiety
|
L-Theanine is amazing One of the worst things about my anxiety is when it flares up when I take stimulants, but as someone who get really bad sleep and a university student, I need caffeine / adderall or adhd meds to wake up in the morning or study (yes bad to abuse these but I control myself)
I was beginning to feel lightheaded and butterflies in my stomach / that feeling in your throat (a warning I might have a panic attack), and took 200mg L-Theanine and the effects died down in 20 minutes.
Amazing way to counter anxiety from stimulants
Only side effect I've noticed from L-Theanine is decreased appetite?? Has anyone else noticed this? I'm trying to lose weight and eat less so I don't really see it as a bad thing but it's somewhat uncomfortable. I swear I only ate like 1200 calories last night and I am a 18 yr old male and I know that's not healthy.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why continue? I just turned 27 and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me yesterday, the day before my birthday. I feel like I have a dead end job, it's just second tier tech support. That girl pretty much lived with me from the get go and we've spent so much time together. I feel betrayed because my parents didn't like her and said some not nice things. I didn't speak to them for 2 months because of that. Then she tells me one of the reasons that she's breaking up with me is because her parents don't like me. It feels like my life is going nowhere. I went to a boarding school for high school then spent 2 years at a service academy so all the people I know don't live nearby. I don't know what's keeping me together besides my cat.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I know that someone will miss me, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it Every time I open up my feelings for my best friend she tells me: "What about me? Do you know that I will miss you so much that I may join you".
But, somehow, that doesn't change my mind.
I have (since I was 11/12 years old) considered trying to live for they, for those who I love. I try, every morning, every afternoon and vice-versa.
It's been 5 years since I live like this, of course on the start it was "easy", but now, at almost the beginning of my 18 years? I can't find anything to keep me breathing.
Even what I had as my "calm" didn't wanted to stay on this life, then, why should I?
Really, why should me, a no good person, that doesn't do anything else than have anxiety attacks just by going out of the comfort zone, be alive?
Why me?
My father probably agrees, since he only thinks about me as a doll he can bring anywhere, just put a little warning on this doll: "don't mind the anxiety attacks". Also, he probably wouldn't notice, no time for deaths, he needs to drink the effin alcohol.
My mother don't even exists anymore, I don't think she wouldn't mind me going years early.
My grandmother, that created me, no longer remember who I am and now she is, basically, a moving corpse.
My best friend? That's the hardest to define. She will miss me, and I love her so much. I don't want to see her suffer, that makes me feel terrible.
I just don't want to feel anymore, but also don't want her to be sad.
I don't know what to do, my mind keep screaming telling me to do it, I want to do it. But I don't want to see her crying because of me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The Life I Never Asked For - A Christmas Special [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
In need of some conversation I’m going through a really hard time I don’t want to explain this through the chat please pm me
|
self.depression
|
So I was 'voted out of my friend group'. Well at least I think I was. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Do you feel terrible (or sick) at the end of a typical work day due to anxiety? If so, describe it and explain how you know it is caused by anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't remember my dreams, but I go through the same nightmare everytime, right before I close my eyes It doesn't matter how well did the day go, how much I enjoyed it.
The lights turn off, the door closes and I won't be able to fall asleep until 3 or 4 am, haunting thoughts keeping me awake.
It's that crushing feeling deep in my chest, the bitter knot in my throat, the thoughts like screaming voices bombarding me, not leaving room to breathe, hitting every nail on the head, as if every blow makes me reveal the next weakness.
I seriously thought I had won the battle, but with every night, my faith falters as I grow weaker.
I'm waiting for the first breakdown during the day.
I'm sorry, I had to vent out somewhere. If someone shares the same situation or similar, please feel free to comment.
|
self.depression
|
I'm being dumb As a preface I have issues with suicidal ideation and depression in general. I've gotten to the point with the help of therapy of where I can usually tell myself that this isn't me and I can preserver. At the moment though I'm having trouble.
I just feel helpless with what's been going on not just in my personal life but with politics being how they are. I feel helpless.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The ipad commercial with "Whats a computer girl?" Is so annoying That is all. I hate that commercial
Edit: I meant to put the second " after the computer, not girl and the ? After computer too
|
self.offmychest
|
Any over the counter medication for anxiety? I recently bought Melatonin so I can sleep better, and yesterday was an amazing nights sleep, but I often have anxiety to the point I feel sick to my stomach, currently writing this I feel it, and I was curious if there is anything I can buy at CVS or something for anxiety. thanks.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone involuntarily itch? When my anxiety flares up really bad, I start to scratch my thighs and (tmi) genital area pretty hard. It's totally involuntary and I don't realize I'm doing it. It's embarrassing though, I've had people ask why I'm straight up groping myself in public at random times. My therapist says it's my mind looking for a way to subconsciously calm itself (apparently itching/tapping the left side of yourself with your right hand and vice versa is calming on the hemispheres of your brain).
Anyone else experience something like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sister Sexual Abuse Allegations Its about about 3 years ago now that my sister ripped a bandage off an old wound that I've been reflecting much on lately. Please bare with my story as it is very important leading up to my situation.
I was a kid who was abused by my stepfather and my mom just looked the other way. I also didnt really have my real dad as he was and alcoholic that lived in another state. After having my older brother and then me at about 5 years old my parents split, my mom moved with us to another state and both parents married other people and each had a daughter giving me 2 half sisters.
I was a very troubled and angry kid due to this abuse and negotiation and resented both parents. To make things worse I was sexually molested by my grandfathers friend.I think all this messed me up at the time mentally, emotionally and sexually.
I have memories of a girl in 3 grade sitting on my lap and grinding against my penis. I also remember my cousin giving me my first blow job in her barbie tent. She was only about 4 and I was 5. So with all this said, as you can imagine, I was a mess and not knowing what from what or knowing really right from wrong.
I was depressed and suicidal as a teen and at 16 tried to kill myself by overdosing on my asthma inhaler (I know stupid right?), I dropped out of highschool and was a general fuk up. When my dad died from destroying his liver when I was 18, it was at that time I decided I no longer wanted to be a victim and angry and would start on my journey to change.
Now in my mid 30's, I'm a completely different person. Generally try to be a good person. Dont do drugs or rarely drink and dont have any criminal record whatsoever. I'm a strong, hardworking and happy person who loves his family and nieces and nephews and 2 godchildren. Managed to have a great career going and always growing despite being a highshool drop out. Lot of hard work.
Now to my situation. About 3 years ago, my younger sister (dads daughter) came out of nowhere attacking me with accusations of molesting her when we were kids and how I now have ruined her life. It came out of nowhere and honestly hurt because we were so close.
I do have memories of us touching each other when I was about 12 and she was 5. This only happened a few time during a summer vacation and I never forced or hit her or anything like that but with the help of my psychologist I seen in my early 20's, I accepted that we were just kids and this happened as a direct result of the things that happened to me as a kid. My sister refuses to accept this though.
I've never denied the touching and apologized to my sister and told her if she wants I would go to a therapist with her. At first she seemed cool with this.
Well, months later she told her mom (my stepmom) and she flipped and they went around telling my immediate family that they need to watch their kids around me referring to my goddaughter who is like a daughter to me and my nieces. This of course infuriated me and my family. I dont know what she was expecting but my immediate family has taken my side. I told her that was slander and I've never done anything like that in my teen or adult life and you cant just say things like that with no evidence or current reason and not based on thing I did when I was a kid. These things can ruin a persons life, just saying it.
Her mom has 10 kids and was with many different men and honestly Im thinking maybe she was molested by one of them because I remember my sister (in my 12 year old mind) acting like she knew what she was already doing. My family tells me that her life is messed up and boyfriend is abusive and she is just looking for someone to blame.
I really love my sister and even have her and my other siblings names tattooed on my. It kills me to know if she is hurting. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel at this point. Do I loose everything I have fought hard to change about my past and allow myself to fall into a dark suicidal depression and do I continue to be strong and try to be happy. There are kids in my life that look up to me now and I need to be strong for them but my sister then thinks I dont feel remorseful.
My Aunts just say I have to cut her out of my life at this point if she is just determined to feel as she does. Im just not sure what I can do and now my girlfriend has been asking me why me and my sister dont talk. I dont know if I should tell her but she keeps pushing. She has a little girl and who knows how she might take this. Guess just looking for any kind of advice. Thank you.
|
self.offmychest
|
This line by Nine Inch Nails I started living by "Nothing can stop me now cause I don't care anymore" I uses to be afraid of heights and anything physical.
Well not anymore! Sometimes I slam my head to the wall out of boredom.
|
self.depression
|
An assortment of thoughts I've been meaning to scream Did you know I think about you so much during the day?
Did you know I am buying you medication you need to function?
Did you know I hold down the pain from silence to the point of cracking?
Do you want to see me and hear about my achievements?
Would you prefer me to just leave you alone?
Do you think what you are doing makes a healthy relationship?
Do you even want to make an effort to change or get better?
Is it worth continuing on in hopes of things getting better in the future?
Can I hold on through more of these inevitable breakdowns and ghostings?
Do I want my emotions put through the wringer when things get bad?
Am I even mentally capable of handling what you send my way?
What positives do I get from being with you?
What negatives do I get from it?
Is it worth staying with you?
Should I cut my ties and leave?
Will you ever get better?
|
self.offmychest
|
Sickness and sleeplessness First time back after a while..
I just wanted to say to you guys to look after yourself when you're sick - I've got a nasty cold at the moment - might need to see my doc as the coughing and sputum is getting worse and it may not be viral (TMI lol). Naturally it's difficult for me to fall asleep when I'm feeling like this and we all know sleep = key to staying well, so if you're unwell with a cold or the flu monitor and get on top of your sleep. In my case I am taking something to help me get to sleep, and I am not worried about it as it is only for the short term.
It's funny cos it's just past 2am here and I've woken up feeling all gross and miserable haha. I'll have to take some PRN.
Look after yourselves mates!
|
self.bipolar
|
Ya know, despite things going a lot better now, there’s still that one part of me that wants to explore my options rather than stick with only one person my whole life. I’ve literally only dated 2 people and I don’t want to go through my whole life thinking “what if” [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Being lonely and single is making me suicidal I’ve been single for almost three years, I’ve been on dates in these three years with a handful of girls but they’ve always found that someone better.
I’m gay, femme, consider myself caring, loyal, funny, good looking, in good shape, reasonable intelligence, always up for anything, not clingy.. on paper I sound like a catch but in the modern day of dating and apps I’m just not enough.
I’m in my mid-30’s and I’m scared of ending up alone. I don’t have many friends as I live in a small town.
This Christmas and will be spent with family, this new year will be the third one in a row where I’ll be on my own, in my room, watching new year celebrations on my tv.
How do I get past this? How do I believe in my self worth.
I’m typing this through tears as I know that people have severe problems and my is trivial in comparison.
I just miss the feeling of being loved and wanted, I’m not even second best. I can’t bring myself to love myself and I just question my existence on this planet.
|
self.depression
|
Too Scared To Talk To Suicide Hotline Operators Essentially I called suicide hotline, and I waited for about 10 minutes, listening to the looped elevator/jazz music, and slowly getting more and more anxious until I hear "Hello this is-" BEEP BEEP BEEP. My heart was racing so I hung up the phone and yeah, Iv called probably around 15 different times since the start of the year and I just can't.
Anyone else like this, just utterly incapable of reaching out?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to be more than what we are! [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
If I ever won the lotto... If I ever won the lotto I would be moving all the U.S members of this subreddit to Australia. What the hell kind of country fails everyone like this? I can't even imagine the struggle a lot of you must go through to get basic care. I mean, Australia isn't great (it's full of snakes and racists), but at least mental health is treated as a serious issue. >:(
It's certainly an eye-opener to my own privilege though. I'd like to thank you all for making it this far. You may not feel like it, but you are all heroes to me, fighting the system and your illness as best you can.
Sorry this isn't a very helpful post. :(
|
self.depression
|
A huge win for me today For a really long time I've had pretty bad anxiety and depression, to the point where it affected my school work so badly I went from the top 5% in most classes to basically the bottom. I finished high school about four years ago and have been focusing on my mental health ever since with therapy and medication.
A few weeks ago I applied for uni and I just found out today that I was accepted! I'm absolutely over the moon and I know I'll never truly be rid of my anxiety I really feel like I'm ready for this next big step 😊
|
self.Anxiety
|
There's no point. I've felt inadequate every day for years. All I do day in and day out is go to work for the health insurance I need and smoke pot to forget how useless I am when I'm not at work. I'll be stuck in this unbearable cycle forever. I'm probably too chickenshit to do anything but I fantasize about dying every day. There's no end in sight for all of this pain and nobody around me understands. I need it all to end.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I was going to jump off a bridge but instead I wrote this. Still feel like shit. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Play this Game If you have the time to kill, try [this game](http://cursors.io)
It doesn't take very long, but i think the experience is worth it. I don't want to spoil it for you, so if you intend to play the game, do so before you read the rest of this please.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I found that game by accident, but because it was interesting enough I kept playing. if you played you've probably realized this at some point, but the interesting part isn't the game, rather, it's the wordless interaction you have with everyone else playing it.
more towards the end of the game the levels are designed such that it takes selfless players to stay behind so you can only proceed by acting in your own best interests.
on my first playthrough i helped when i could, but quickly realized that to advance i needed to stop helping others and only help myself. if there were five of us standing in front of a gate, i could go unlock it and let the other four through, but then i'd be stuck behind with no way forward. everyone else realized that too and it became a game within the game of who would volunteer first if at all.
I feel like this isn't as explanatory as i want it to be, so i'll cut to the important part.
this game taught me that selflessness and altruism don't benefit you. they benefit others, but not you.
the second time i played the game, i did so with this lesson in mind. i didn't help anyone and acted only to finish the game myself. eventually another player would come along and let me through, but they would pay the same cost by staying behind.
What i realized though is that while acting selfishly benefits me, it's only possible because selfless people enable it. if everyone were to only act in their best interest, no one would ever advance, and no one would ever finish the game.
It's uglier in words than it was in feelings, so i'm hoping that you feel this in person rather than reading it in text. Regardless, i think that playing this game is a positive experience. While it might not fix you, feeling empathy after having felt nothing at all definitely helped me.
|
self.depression
|
My only friend is a lowlife & I don't know an easy way to tell him/her that unless they get their crap together I no longer want to be friends. It seems there is literally no way to tell them this without coming off as extremely rude. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Depression is slavery: no potential for reward, only punishment No wonder we struggle to feel motivation. Effort yields no satisfaction whatsoever.
|
self.depression
|
I DID IT! (Huge Step) Well, everyone, I conquered about the toughest thing I have ever had to do related to my anxiety.
I haven't had really *bad* anxiety attacks in a few years now, but I had to face the dentist to have teeth extracted last week. This is one of my biggest triggers. Not because of pain, pain I can do. Because of the freezing making my tongue numb and the feeling I'm choking. The last time I went to the dentist I had to bolt and reschedule because I just couldn't get through the procedure.
This time I did it. I thought about going to my physician for a mild sedative, but as it came closer to the date, I just repeated to myself that I'd be okay, and I just had to get it done.
Finally, that day came last thursday, and right before, after they did the freezing, I thought I was going to have to bolt again, but I just took a 5 minute break and came back, and they did the procedure. Now, I'm not going to say it didn't feel weird or it didn't hurt. My jaw still hurts from it a week later.
*But I did it!*
|
self.Anxiety
|
I know people like to say weed helps anxiety but I’m definitely proof that it makes me worse And it is so crazy how once I’m not high anymore, I only have positive memories of it. That’s what makes me think it is such a good idea.
It really just makes me feel very confined. I think that people are talking about me and I don’t know if they are my friend or not.Not to mention how the weed likes me to sit back in my head. I can’t be spontaneous or decisive when I’m high.
Quit for the last 2 months and just smoked for the first time in a while. Home alone which is a good thing. I feel so on edge. While before I could keep my fear of people on check, now it is impossible.
Partly writing this to remind myself that I remember this positively, but I lose all ambition and will power when I am like this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Tumblr just terminated my blog and i am devastated [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Every one of my interests, will never be equivalent to those around me. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I love my job but hate what it does to people [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Sudden anxiety for first time. I'm sure this is a better question to ask a doctor but I don't have insurance at the moment and don't feel like dealing with crippling debt.
I'm 23, always been very social. I've never had anxiety issues in my life. But then suddenly a few hours ago my heart started pounding and I got sweaty and I had this sense of impending doom from nowhere. I was just lying on the couch with my girlfriend, best friend, and his girlfriend. It's been several hours and the feeling of general anxiety hasn't gone away yet.
Does anyone know what this might mean? Is this a common thing to happen to a normally non anxious person? I'm kinda freaking out.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Started Zoloft. So. Many. Side. Effects. I have a panic disorder with generalized anxiety and was recently discharged from a psychiatric unit and they gave me 12.5mg of zoloft and worked me up to 50mg as of... I think Thursday? I have constant headaches, diarrhea, no appetite, the feeling of constant unused energy, I shake in my sleep apparently, I can't get to sleep, and when I do, I can't stay asleep. I have constant hypersensitivity and sometimes uncontrollable leg movements like restless leg syndrome.
Will. It. Get. Better. I have a psychiatrists appointment on Friday and I'm obviously going to bring all this up but I need advice or reassurance until then
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm scratching myself.. ..because I'm too much of a pussy to actually cut.
|
self.depression
|
My Maintenance Guy Is Making Me Manic So, our AC has been broken for two weeks. The leasing agent and property manager have told him to get out here and fix it and he just won’t show up... To any job, really.
Our apartment is sweltering hot, over 80 degrees on a good day.. And I like it about 65 degrees.
So I can’t sleep at all, not to mention that I have terrible rashes from when I did sleep and sweat so bad that I’m broken out all over.
The lack of sleep has finally set off a Mania... Which is good, I guess because we’re packing to move to another apartment in the complex... But that could still be a week.
Last time, they left our AC broken for over a month.
It says in our lease that the property staff has to provide heating and cooling, so as soon as they open, I’m marching down there and demanding that it get fixed today or I drive to headquarters, out of state, and complain.
I’m also wanting to ask for a reduction on rent because this has been so long... A second time!! But I don’t know how to go about that.
|
self.bipolar
|
How has depression affected your most intimate relationships? A little backstory. I’ve [23F] been on Celexa for anxiety since I was 17. It’s been adjusted once, recently, at age 22. I met my current partner [27F] about a year ago, but we have only been together just shy of 6 months. Everything was good until my old friend seasonal depression started to creep in.
2 months ago I had a massive panic attack that caused the onset of a major depressive episode that lasted about a week (unable to work, bathe, or leave my bed really). I saw my doctor and was prescribed olanzapine (currently on 5 mg) but ever since that panic attack I’ve struggled with Derealization and depersonalization as well as feeling depressed, sad and irritable. I feel disconnected from everyone I know and it’s taken it’s toll on all my relationships, especially with my partner.
I went from one day head over heels in love with this girl, dreaming of our future and our wedding, to the next day unable to connect the same way. I still care for her deeply but it doesn’t feel the same.
I’ve done a lot of googling about depression and love and have found a few helpful articles but not many.
{TL;dr} how did/does depression affect your love life?
|
self.depression
|
The rope is running out, don't think I can even end 2018 Please appreciate the fact that I am saying this with not much words to say. I think you can understand the pain and unbearable feelings, we are all depressed right? Death is nearing,get comfy, this is long. And if you have advice for this 16 yrs old, then please help and do not just upvote.
I have been depressed for the past 2 or 3 yrs. I have severe anxiety, like not just being shy and bad in convos, but I seriously think of suicide when presented with something that makes me nervous or insecure. They bullied me in elementary and middle school. Despite the fact I grew up with african americans, the popular children made fun of me for having a darker complexion, a bigger head, wearing the uncool clothes, my voice, and said I acted myelf like a girl. They would slap me on my head, run away from me, because I am a dirty Nigerian to them(Though I had an American accent and lived my life entirely in North America), crack jokes about me in a circle, mock my family etc. And throw homphobic slurs at me that have never left my sub and main conscience since I was about 11.
I have this rare condition called Misophonia, where I am triggered into extreme rage by specific sounds. My earphones are my only coping mechanism, and the noises make me contemplate suicuide more than anything else. I always complain to my family about how loud everyone is, but never truly told them why.
My father is an asshole, his mental, verbal, and physical abuse made him lose his custodial rights. He actually should have been in jail, but that is the least of my problems. I always feared him because he would slap the life out of me for things he could have handled better. He never had sympathy for anyone and NEVER considered anyones opinion. His support for Adolf Hitler, and his radical stance for christianity should be a testament to how sick he is. There is the possibility he would have killed my mother, but luckily she ran for the hills.
We are losing money fast, now that my mother is forced to work after being a dictated housewife for 16 fucking years. The father put our house on auction and is trying his best to gain back custody, which would honestly be my last straw in one way or another. Light isn't working in a few rooms, air conditioning nearly spoilt, food not bought enough, foreclosure, toilets occasionally glitching and being unaccesible etc. I do not know what makes me more happy than feeding my internet addiction, or being with friends(However, 90 percent of them would ditch me if they found out I am bisexual and suffer-ish from gender dysphoria.
I look in the mirror, then look at female sex symbols. And oddly enough, I am obsesed with their curvy figures, long hair, sexy eyes, and radiating skin. I see an ugly, manly log when I look in the mirror, I see gender labels being pushed on me by my classmates, I see a family that it is not safe to reveal I am bisexual to.
When I started watching scary content, I became forever changed. I am not an imnature person, nor am I saying I have an illness. But my fear of murder is so strong, I can't even move around and function the way I like. I feel ugly, I feel second class. I need validation, and I can't even do class presentations before they laugh at my voice. And I mean LAUGH THEIR ASSES OFF🤧. I don't even know what to say, but 98 percent of my thoughts are based on my mental health. And I went from thinking that reaching my future goals will cure my mental health and make me feel validated, but it is clinical and I am starting to doubt that.
I do not want to be the boy who stays skipping class because of SEVERE anxiety, panic attacks. I do not want to be the boy who only dwells on his personal problems 24/7, it hurts, and I most importantly don't want to be the boy who becomes just another LGBT youth suicide statistic.
I want to be the boy who becomes a powerful role model. The boy who happily isn't like most boys and enjoys his socially unacceptable music, the boy who helps the battle against bullying, mental health disorders, and hatred for sexual/gender minorities and makes a homophobe rethink their opinion on gender. I want to die old, and know that the world was a more beautiful place.
But killing myself at 16 will not allow that, but maybe that is the best option, help me.😡🌹
|
self.depression
|
I keep on pushing my girlfriend away. I know I'm making things hard for her because of my condition. Pushing her away makes me feel horrible, but I know it's better for her to not be associated with someone like me.
|
self.depression
|
When I'm feeling fine, I feel as if I have always been feeling this way. As if I haven't experienced anxiety before. As if it's not a big issue in my life. This keeps me away from getting help. I know that I have anxiety, but when I'm feeling fine, I almost forget it exists.
|
self.Anxiety
|
born depressed? It’s been hard to accept the fact that i’ve been depressed since i can remember my first thoughts. there's no way to describe how i feel, my brain is sick and diseased, i carry constant anger and hate towards the world. i am alone in this giant giant place, and i don't want to be here anymore. i have 0 friends, 0 family, it's extremely lonely. being so depressed and anxious makes me a terrible person and i fucking hate myself. i hate everything and i hate this world and i hate myself. i have constant panic attacks and spend all my time thinking about death. constantly it's in my mind and it's the only thought that makes me happy. being gone, i wish people didn't make it a bad thing to die.
|
self.depression
|
Just breathing every day is painful Hi, I'm writing this because I'm fucking hopeless. I can't go through a single day without wanting to die and there's this pain that oppresses me and chokes me and doesn't let me think straight. I have anxiety and depression and probably borderline too, the friends I used to have just drifted apart from me, I can't make new friends because everytime someone knows me better they seem to back off, I can barely function academically, I have no job, I'm a fucking failure and a useless, worthless person. I don't even know if I'm a person anymore. I tried everything, I'm on new medications now but I still want to die and the pain seems to get worse each day that passes, I went to theraphy but I didn't even improve. I don't even know a safe way to kill myself and I'm so fucking frustrated. Sorry for the rant, I really don't know what to do anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Roommate's coworker committed suicide, having to listen to him talk about it is triggering my self-harm habits. My university is currently going through what may become a suicide epidemic - there have been three heavily publicized suicides in the past two months, and the school is notoriously bad for not having any mental health resources. My roommate's coworker committed suicide last week, and tonight he has some friends from work over. I can hear their entire conversation from my room, and it's basically them describing her death/injuries in great detail, as well as making her suicide all about themselves. I'm almost four years clean of self-harm, and overhearing this conversation is seriously making me want to hurt myself again. My roommates don't know I'm depressed, and their callous treatment of mental health is starting to take a huge toll on me. I have never felt so isolated in my life.
|
self.depression
|
My experience after telling people in public healthcare that I want to die. They are just doing their job, they don't give a shit, it doens't look like they actually cared in the slightest. I am just another suicide, my life means nothing. They expect you to "overcome" your "feelings" and continue to do the same thing other people do (work, have fun, help other people...). I can't. It's been a long way up to this point thanks to my parents, but the road is getting to an end.
I am a burden. Just like others that chose the same path, I don't see the point of all that hard work. I am not built to be in society, and I can't help myself even if I wanted to. One of these days is game over for me. By the time I am in that situation I won't even come here to tell you, I won't change my mind no matter what.
I am unemployable, schizophrenic, clinically depressed with or without meds, and I have no money. Just another victim of this society. Killing myself is the best thing I could ever hope for, I won't have to suffer anymore, I could care less about what life has in "store" for me. I will become a chronic homeless man, believe me. I wish I never existed, all of this is pointless.
**TL DR: They are just doing their job, they don't give a shit.**
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
a poem for you because why not, ya know? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
I have an open invitation to my crushes house, but my depression makes me not want to go There's this girl I've been digging hard. No one's home at her house tonight and she said I should come over to smoke and "cuddle". But my depression keeps wringing my brain for excuses not to go. When I smoke it's even worse. It's like there's a parasite in my brain that takes over and says "YOU WILL NOT GO TO THIS GIRLS HOUSE YOU'RE STAYING HERE AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES". What do I do?
|
self.depression
|
Drowning in depression and possible PTSD any advice is appreciated! [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
"I Want to Die" is All I Can Think [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
No mania? No depression? Here, have an anxiety attack! Had a lovely weekend, I’ve been on a nice stable trajectory for a while now, and then BOOM: wake up with slight unease. Which turns to dread. Impending doom. Weak muscles. Can’t sit still. Fidgeting. Jaw clenching.
Cmon, brain. Give me a break!
|
self.bipolar
|
Ruined my career path in a field I love. Depression isn't fair. This is going to be a long, rambling post and I’m terrible at getting my thoughts out onto a page in a coherent order, but fuck it. My insomnia is back on it’s bullshit and I have nothing better to do at this hour.
I’m in my early twenties, live in the UK. I dropped/failed out of university this year. Mental health problems destroyed my career path which was practically laid out in front of me. I was good at what I did and liked doing it. At least before depression happened. All I had to do was graduate and I’d have a job guaranteed straight after uni, at a company I’d worked for previously for over a year on a work placement.
But, of course, I didn’t graduate. My third and final year proved too stressful for me, my anxiety shot through the roof because of reasons. Also, I’m a coward. Instead of getting help and talking to people, I just hid away in bed for months on end. I ran away from my problems like I’ve always done. The running away is the worst bit in all of this.
For months I dodged every call that came in asking for me. Both from my employer, and university. My employer tried every method of contacting me. Phone calls, messages, Facebook, letters to multiple addresses. Even going as far as to contact my family (who at that point had no idea how much I’d fucked up). Now, before you take this as a sign that someone cares about me - no. I was contractually bound to my work, and I went and pulled a fucking disappearing act. They were pissed beyond belief in the one letter I actually opened from them.
I couldn’t face telling anyone that I wasn’t going to graduate. That I hadn’t been able to get out of bed, let alone attend lectures or hand in assignments. I ignored it all, I became a compulsive liar towards anyone who asked me what was going on.
I lost a lot of friends and work colleagues because of the mess I got myself into. I’m still afraid to sign into my Facebook because of the fear of seeing all the angry messages from said colleagues.
I’ve been trying to be better. But it’s so fucking hard. I still haven’t contacted my work or university. I’m at a dead end in terms of my career path due to me severing all ties. There is no hope for me to turn this around in any way. I’m unemployed and don’t have enough cash to pay rent for much longer. The only next step that seems to make any sense to me is overdosing. I’m too afraid and alone to do anything else.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My one and only New Years resolution. Isolation. I mean complete isolation. (With the exception of interacting with co-workers at my job and when I have to go grocery shopping of course.) This year my depression was at it's worst. It caused me to drink non-stop and I just got worse and worse. And I just can't be around people. Somewhere along the line I have lost who I am and I hate myself. So I feel before I can face my depression in social situations, I need to learn to be by myself and love myself once again. This may not be the healthiest solution to most people, but for me I feel it's most needed.
|
self.depression
|
had an unsuccessful suicide attempt sunday. don’t know how to cope w it and just feeling very lost. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wanna go Im so happy i met all my friends. everyone in my life.
but its time for me to go. to go. i keep hearing mysself repeat it. just go. do it. i wanna go. im tired.
i love my friends so so much. i hope they remember me. im so tired.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't think I'll go on forever like this I've been sad, even when I have my friends supporting me. I can't get past the feeling of uselessness in the universe. I don't believe in life after death and believe the world would be better off without people on it anyway. I want to do things with my life, I want to be happy, but I'm not finding that will come to fruition. The main thing stopping me is my best friend... I'm afraid that if I give up, they will too. I've seen them on the verge of death more than once and it scares the hell out of me. If they were to go, I might as well, but as long as they're still kicking I should too. I hope to... But the time will come when we go our separate ways and I won't have anyone nearly as close as I am with them.
Living is like an addiction... It can so simply be stopped, but it is so hard to do it...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Angry over social isolation It bothers me so much that I don't belong to any community, nor have I had any long-lasting relationships.
I've worked so hard to check all the boxes: I am kind, independent, and attractive. I am also stable on my meds.
Yet here I am. By myself. I work in a small office with much older people. There are no social groups in my area I am interested in that I am aware of via. Meetup. When I go on dating sites I don't see anyone who appears to be a good fit.
Yet the fact remains, and I cannot deny reality ; all of my classmates have gone on to live lives with large friend groups and date successfully. I have been left behind. I am seeing a therapist now and I believe my problem is that I suppress my real emotions and ignore them. Perhaps because as a child, they were not accepted by others. Maybe if I can learn to be more in touch with my actual emotions, I will be able to connect with others. I'm about to turn 30, and I don't want to be friendless and loveless my whole life. Despite wanting so badly to connect with others.
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't feel like it's all going to be okay. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Man I am so fuckin mentally ill lol. I cant be kind to ppl even tho I know doing do will benefit my career, social life, give me opportunities etc. I just hate people (especially women) so much and get off on psychologically and emotionally abusing them lol.
Its like when im around ppl a demon takes over my body and turns me into a fkin asshole.
|
self.offmychest
|
Been having a lot of on/off days lately. Or half good/half bad days. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm also trying to get into some subs to help me, but I need comment karma. So if you could throw me some comment karma I will return the favor and talk to anyone who needs help or relates to title of post.
|
self.depression
|
I forgot my own mother's birthday It was Valentine's Day, easiest thing in the world to remember. I still forgot. I'm the closest person in her life. I still forgot. I wish I wasn't around to fuck everything up for everyone around me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Im tired Why isnt it ok to end your suffering?
I wish I had the balls to do it now.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Will my gp prescribe anti-depressants? I am 20 and am in a really bad depressive episode since September. I can't go to a psychiatrist because I with my parents and they don't believe in depression. So my plan is to go to my GP after telling my parents I have anxiety and get prescribed an SSRI med and tell them it's for anxiety. I have a therapist I see in secret.
|
self.depression
|
I’m 13. I️ don’t expect anyone to take me seriously, but I️ honestly do wish everything could end. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Tired I don't have the words just feel awful awful awful
Take one step forward maybe two more back
It all just feels empty
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I got a gun for Christmas... It's all I got actually, from my ex. She was so done with me that she didn't care if I killed myself. (No, I'm not offing myself because of the relationship, whole mess of other stuff..) She's known how self-destructive and suicidal I've been lately.... I don't know what to say anymore.
Side Q: Could she be convicted of murder if I actually do commit?
|
self.depression
|
Small achievements I just wanted to share some of the coping mechanisms I’ve started to employ over the past few weeks. I bought a bunch of puzzles from Target and sat through building a 1000-piece puzzle, just played an entire game of Minesweeper, have been doing Sudoku, and have a book full of crosswords, etc.
All these puzzles have been helping keep my mind engaged and active, but I’m focusing my nervous energy into something tangible, and that provides a rewarding feeling. I’ve found myself EXTREMELY more relaxed, looking forward to spending my time doing something productive, and it grounds me in the present rather than on external things. It’s been a great place to direct my attention and I’ve been feeling really proud of the steps I’ve been taking :)
|
self.Anxiety
|
i dont think i'll even have to kill myself anymore, one of these days i'll close my eyes and everything will just give up [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else get an anxious feeling when doing any activity? Like you have a feeling in your gut that could/should/would be doing something better/different than what you’re currently doing?
If I’m relaxing I feel like I should be studying. If I’m studying I want to be playing video games or relaxing. If I’m doing yard work I want to not be doing yard work
Any way to deal with this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I started my new job... ...and it's kind of terrifying. First off, it's a totally new setting since its more office/paper work after having worked in the food industry for so long. But the bigger issues is I'm responsible for giving people medication, and that amount of responsibility is scary.
But I guess what I want to know is how have you guys managed to stick with something that will be good in the long term but feels absolutely overwhelming in the beginning? It's so tempting to just give up.
|
self.bipolar
|
i don't know to be honest. In the past 6 months my dog died, dad moved out, grades starting dropping a lot, and I realized that I didn't like cross country. I can't find a job, my relationship with my mom is a mess because we just get into a arguement every time I come home. I don't think im depressed, I have friends, I go out, I work out, I TRY to study but just can't focus, sleep schedule is awful. Things aren't as bad now because I found some hobbies to do but still, I just don't have nearly as much motivation. I don't have any close friends either because people know me as that shy awkward kid that happens to have a popular sibling. I don't know, part of me just wants to move to where my dad is (florida) from (IL). I probably am the closest to my dad.
|
self.offmychest
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.