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My dog died, my boyfriend broke up, I don't know how to cope [deleted]
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self.depression
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Accidentally double dosed my Wellbutrin Advice? I take 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL every morning and I took mine first thing this morning cause I got up early and was on top of stuff for once well then my alarm went off at work (my "hey idiot take your pills" alarm) and I took a second dose without thinking. I should be fine right?
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self.bipolar
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I'm 17 and pregnant. My boyfriend left me and I really want to die! [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Weed made my anxiety a lot worse. Throughout high school I suffered from social anxiety, IBS and depression. It was a miserable time. I hardly talked, I avoided people as much as I could. My grades suffered horribly because I just didn’t care. All I wanted was to die.
Then towards the end of high school I made a good friend. After leaving school we remained friends. I had to repeat year 12 at a different school because of my shit grades, but I did a lot better at the new school. I made another good friend. My grades were better. I met a girl online I thought I would meet someday. My IBS improved or I just didn’t notice it as much. I also started smoking weed and drinking alcohol. It started as just an occasional thing and it helped me relax and enjoy myself. At this point I felt pretty content with life. I was calm.
That changed towards the end of the year at the new school. I had started drinking more. I started smoking weed more. I was feeling stressed about getting all my work done before the end of the year and what I would do after school.
Now when I would smoke weed it would make me very anxious and paranoid. So much so that I went back to my old ways of being quiet and avoiding people. I even stopped talking to people online. I was really starting to isolate myself as much as I could. I couldn’t smoke weed around anyone anymore because it would make me go all quiet. I’d worry what to say, worry what they think of me. I used alcohol to try and calm myself a bit before getting high. Trying to recapture the pleasant high I used to get. It didn’t work. A few times I had panic attacks. I’d often dwell on my past and the future. I became very depressed again. My IBS got bad again too.
After a struggle I stopped smoking weed, but I feel like the damage has been done. It raised my anxiety, made me depressed again and I worry I won’t recover. Ten years I have been like this. I also gave up alcohol because that too was making me more anxious the next day, but I saw only a slight improvement.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with weed?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm going to feel bored for the rest of my life. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Spending money issues I spend money like I piss. Like, excessively. It's bad.
I have done so well the past month, only spent cash (I allow myself a certain amount of cash every week and spend it and only it, forgoing my debit card).
Aaaaand yesterday I spent over $300, on jewelry. Fuck. When you make only ~$25,000 a year it's a lot of money. It was half-impulsive and half premeditated.
I'm in a PHP (partial hospitalization program) right now for self harm and other impulsive behaviors, so I guess I'm gonna "process" today about this in group. But I'm really kind of ashamed of myself.
What have you done to get yourself from spending money? I don't even think I'm in a mood state right now. I just went up on my mood stabilizer two weeks ago and I think it's working okay. I just... bad habits are hard to break.
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self.bipolar
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This time of year can be super rough Its hitting me especially hard. No family, few friends, all which have flaked on me today, and a constant internal battle. If it helps anyone that's in a similar situation, i love you. We'll get through today.
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self.depression
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How easy it can be to slip back into depression. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone else get mad when they see people advocating for mental health on social media? I know the title sounds crazy when I should be all about mental health awareness, but a lot of peoples posts rub me the wrong way.
To explain, I think this started when I told someone who was my best friend at the time that I'm bipolar. She was so uncomfortable and awkward and whenever I brought up a mood issue after that, she would shut it down immediately. About 6 months later, one of our friends committed suicide. He was this extremely good looking athlete/frat star- totally unpredictable. It was a big deal on my campus. All of the sudden, my old friend posts more about mental health than anybody I know. Considering how she reacted to me opening up, ALL HER POSTS ARE ATTENTION-SEEK AF.
I feel like most peoples posts about it are just attention-seeking. Like, "hey feel bad for me because I know someone who was affected by mental health issues so now I'M hurting because of it." I feel like advocating for it has become a fad. I see all these mental health posts on Facebook now more than ever before, and it just pisses me off. When push comes to shove, if you tell most people you want to kill yourself, or you're bipolar, or schizophrenic, or are miserably depressed, they'll get awkward and more than likely distance themselves from you because they perceive it negatively.
Some kid just posted about how he wants to start a mental health program called 'Make A Decision'- I lost it. I usually want to call people out and correct people, but of course, I don't have the balls to speak out about my own issues and how I know their efforts aren't genuine.
Maybe I'm just bitter. Idk. Feel free to share your thoughts.
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self.bipolar
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how does your bipolar affect your romantic relationships? So I've been listening to the new Walk the Moon album on repeat, including the finally recorded [Tiger Teeth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CekbouPGhQ) and I realized that it very accurately describes how my relationships tend to go. I usually am manic when I start a relationship, because that's when I'm outgoing and whatnot, but my relationships burn out as a result. Tiger Teeth is about a relationship burning out and the lyrics really reflect how I feel
The two lyrics that really exemplify this are:
>If you come around again, you better not come in, you better stay outside, cause I can't hold my ground, not if you look me in the eyes
and
> When you swallow someone whole you are bound to choke. I guess we could never be friends, I ate you up the day we first spoke
Sorry if this is rambly and doesn't make sense, but I kind of needed to get this off my chest. Like this song already makes me Feel Things when I'm sober, and I know if I hear it drunk, I'll send it to my ex who is married and I haven't spoken to in years.
Anyone else have any songs that really show how their bipolar affects their relationships?
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self.bipolar
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Oh god I should not be playing Doki Doki Literature Club It's triggering me real bad... but I can't stop. Why am I doing this to myself?
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self.depression
|
I'm going to escape this body. The constant loneliness. The rejection. The destroyed skin. The nightmares. I'm going to sleep. I have Tylenol, I know it will be painful. I can't work. I'm always anxious. The PTSD is on my mind constantly, my body's been destroyed. Because it's always on my mind and the fact that what caused it could've been so easily prevented drives me insane, and having it always on my mind has defined every social interaction.
I finally deserve some rest, by destroying this mind and body.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My life is so incredibly boring. I want to do so many things: I want to visit new places in my area, I want to go to new restaurants, I want to see new movies, I want to go to concerts, but I don't have anybody to do these things with. I barely have any friends, and all I do is go to school and work. My brother calls me and tells me about all the things he does for fun and it breaks my heart, because I'm stuck in a 24/7 rut of high school, homework, and my job as a cashier. I feel like my depression is 5% anxiety, 50% loneliness, and 45% boredom. When I'm not working, I'm usually on reddit/YouTube/Netflix which give me temporary pleasure and leave me more depressed afterwards. I'd like to think that college is going to be a turning point for me, where I have a social/romantic life, and an exciting time, but I know in reality that it's going to be just as shitty.
Why do I even bother?
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self.depression
|
Excessive guilt? Im BP 2. I made a poor judgment call at work a couple of months ago and it caused a huge miscommunication yesterday. No real harm was done, but I made a supervisor very upset and she felt disrespected. The day went on and she wasn't mad when I apologized again before I left (I did take responsibility and we discussed it with my boss who was supportive of me). Since I got home yesterday and straight through today I cannot stop feeling UNBELIEVABLY guilty about it. Everyone else seems to have gotten over it for the most part but I can't stop feeling horrible for upsetting someone. What do? I have to go in again tomorrow and I'm worried ill have a meltdown. 😢
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self.bipolar
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i think everything would be better without me Im sorry family and friends but i just want to disappear
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self.offmychest
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Struggling I’ve actually been struggling recently,as a lot of shit has just gone shit in my life recently,even when stuff was going right in my life I felt horrible and this is actually terrible.my girlfriend broke up with me,I’m struggling in school,and my mother couldn’t give a fuck if I just died,I can’t talk to anyone because I’m so self conscious I feel like they will judge me,if anyone has a bit of advice it’d mean a lot
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self.depression
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Feeling like I’m all around not good enough today Wasn’t good enough for my ex husband - otherwise he would have tried to make it work instead of ignoring my cries for so many years.
Not good enough for my new boyfriend - when he looks at me I can see he’s looking for more and I this is all I am! This is all I have to give!
Struggling at my job - having memory issues and just feel like I’m having a hard time communicating some days.
I wish I could just find someone who accepts me for me. I’m sick of trying so hard only to not feel like enough.
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self.bipolar
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I'm finally going to live with the love of my life! It's official! We're moving countries to be together, and I couldn't be happier. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Semi repost from r/proed feeling absolutely horrible, I hate bipolar, I can’t feel like this anymore. I’m trapped inside and want to get out of this body. Started yesterday——— can barely function at work and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and die....
I’ve been trying to calm myself all day but it’s there. I get massive panic attacks that can last all day and put me to sleep for another. I felt it creeping up on me and have tried to get it to pass but I’ve fell in. This is not anxiety it’s a full blown panic attack, heart racing, death like anxiety, I can’t breathe well and just want to sleep forever. I’m literally wrapped under 3 blankets digging my body into my couch in tears. I’m sorry I don’t know who else to tell, maybe I’ll call a help line or text thing. I never have but I’m losing it.
The above was last night but I’m just shaking inside and am so down. I can not take this feeling.
Over the weekend I was home alone, But was super restless and achy. I went to the store to get Advil PM but saw the store brand was cheaper ,I got that. I have been on meds for my arthritis (yes arthritis in my spine since 22) so I’m pretty immune to NSAID s and can take a lot. I took 4 capsules, normal for me then continued to take a fifth because I felt really achy. I’m feeling really bad....
Look at the bottle and it’s OTC sleeping pills, not an Advil pm substitute ( I either picked up the wrong bottle or it was in the wrong slot since there was a sale label for it I remember)
So I took 250mg of diphenhydramine instead of the dosage of 50mg. I lost all control of my walking and talking. Could not keep my mouth wet at all. It would dry out right after drinking I just was so thirsty and soooo sick to my stomach and I realized it must be a slight OD. All my muscles and joints cramped up causing so much pain, my heart was racing and I was in this state of sleep but also couldn’t sleep (it was fucked) I’m still getting large body jerks.
Since that I’ve felt so ill, decided to finally eat and binged, I feel worse, having a panic attack, not ready to start a new semester (teacher) today is awful
my anxiety at this moment is so bad I wish I was dead.
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self.bipolar
|
Why living? I feel i will fail in live. I will never get a decent job, with a decent wage, never have a normal live, in the worst case i will end up homeless, in the best case maybe welfare or a low paying job. But i know i will never be sucessfull. I will always be a loser. So why living? Why not just kill myself? Is there a reason to live if you will never achieve anything in life?
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self.SuicideWatch
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After 1 year with no job, I finally got one only to quit this morning after working half a shift. I’m so embarrassed.
After over a year of hospital stays, manic episodes and what not, I finally felt well enough to apply for a job at a salon I have been going to and I was hired the same day! I was so proud and excited! I told my friends and family and my sister even took me out for drinks to celebrate.
Then came Monday and it was just a training day. My anxiety got the best of me and didn’t sleep at all Sunday night but I think I did well on Monday except for a few times I think I talked way more than I should have and possibly said some stupid shit. So then I was scheduled to work again today. I haven’t slept this entire time, I’m manic and have had 3 panic attacks. I’m obviously not ready yet and I feel like such an asshole for even trying. I sent a stupid long text to the girl that hired me apologizing but basically saying I can’t do it.
So I sit here typing this and crying my eyeballs out because I failed again and feel like I really am letting people down. Again.
Setting up a therapy appointment as soon as they open this morning...
Edit: I don’t think you guys will ever know how much your words of encouragement mean to me. I’m crying again but this time from thankfulness. ❤️
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self.bipolar
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I'm getting counselling but my councilor thinks I should be on meds. I'm scared to go on meds. They say that during the first 2 weeks you can feel worse. I don't know if it's a good idea for me to feel worse for 2 weeks...
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self.depression
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Today is her Birthday. I thought I was moving on. Today is your birthday.
You enjoyed the celebrations. You always had a plan. I loved to help make it special .It was your day.
Today is your birthday and I want nothing more than to tell you I
love you and hold you tight. To never let you go.
Today is your birthday and I want to make it special.
Today is your birthday and for the first time in years I am not there to share it.
Today is your birthday and I thought I could cope. But your birthday is just a reminder, a reminder that I am sick. Today is a reminder that I let you go because I didn’t know how to hold on.
Today your birthday and I can’t tell you I love you. My wishes for you drift off into the empty void of your absence.
Today is your birthday and I yearn to hold you and keep you safe.
Today is your birthday and your loss cuts to my soul.
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self.depression
|
College life is not so great for me right now (art major) Im going to try to be as brief as i can be about this but give as much relevant information as possible because this has really been bothering me for the past 4 years and my depression has peaked to an all-time low recently.
To give some background, i am pursuing a fine art associate at community college so that i may have something to give me a sense of accomplishment in society and then once the degree is achieved i can go off and begin an artistic career.
Now heres the problem, and what has since given me major depressive episodes: im not a fine artist. I am an artist, yes, but my art gravitates more toward illustration/cartooning more than fine art but there never really is an "illustration" degree within my local community college ring, which is weird since I live in the bay area, a very artistic location!
I can produce fine art, and very well as a matter of fact, but it doesnt give me a sense of joy quite like illustration does which is the first of many problems i have been having. But the main reason I am even typing this post is because ive reached a breaking point due to this community of fine artists actively belittle my actual field of interest. The college professors specifically, i find, profile you based on what you produce and if i am drawing stuff remotely resembling illustration im seen as a beginner or pursuing a dead end career. And it honestly upsets me that i now have two artists identities and the one im most proud of i need to hide or act ashamed of.
What little support i do get in college from professors seems very half baked and ive been honestly contemplating dropping out because my depression has gotten so bad because of the treatment im receiving that time is blurring together and i just feel numb inside.
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self.depression
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Potential I'm sort of-- lost with all the free will I now possess. Life is MASSIVE. There is so much to do and learn. Everyday I try to learn something new. Each week I strive to be faster, stronger, and smarter than I was the week before. Polishing mundane tasks and basically widening my arsenal of knowledge to be prepared for anything that comes onto my path. I actually have a very easy life right now lol my only responsibility being basic chores, and school. I can work with my families business or find work any time- easy. I have a car with gas.. not the best car. I have shoes and clothes. I am popular. I get weed for free. I go to all the parties, I can literally call up a number of girls right now to have sex with.
It gets confusing because I realize that these things mean nothing and I have lost my attachments to materials and lust/emotions already yet these things fuel or world and economy. Even after awakening all one can do is really embrace life further. Not that one has to party hard, smoke, have sex everyday to enjoy a full life but. At least to me that's what it means. I guess everyone is on a separate journey.
Sometimes I feel like I'm moving through life wrong but I mean the things I do on a regular are what a lot of people chase after their whole life- drugs, women, money- all of these things come easy to me..... Sometimes I write and read but nothing interests me.
All life is- is work, play, praise. I live a more hedonistic lifestyle so I bring play to all areas of life- basically a nonstop party at all times. I want to- live differently though. A secluded life is too boring I am a secular person lol- a um renaissance man. The more I discover it's like the more I have to enjoy. I probably sound confusing by now....
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self.offmychest
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I'm sorry.. I did what I could but I can't continue. I've been dating a girl with depression for the past 6 months.
I thought I knew what I was getting into but I was naive.
I know I can't change someone but I didn't want her to feel alone. I really wanted to help her. Taking her out on trips around central Japan, going to all the cafes and ramen shops, watching the summer fireworks together, Universal Studios, etc.
I know Japanese work culture is shit and the amount of pressure is a lot.. so I promised her a better future because she deserves a happy life(with or without me), but the tears in her eyes got to me.
She knew it was effecting me.. She stopped telling me about her daily life and how she feels. I felt the distance. For the past 2 months its been a vicious cycle and I just can't continue. It hurts. A lot.
How am I suppose to feel when she constantly posts things on twitter and Line (Japanese messaging app) saying shes crying and life sucks. Trying to ask her about it only gets me "I'm okay, don't worry about me."
I've been through depression before and I know what it can do to a person... I don't want anyone to ever feel like that. No one deserves to be depressed. I don't want to do this because I love her but it's too much for me.. I need to protect my own mental health and it's not like this is the only thing happening.. Losing close friends, not getting that job offer, old scars. I'm sorry.
ごめんね。もう憂鬱に戻った。全て辛い。
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self.offmychest
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Hypomania turned into What? I've been told I was Bipolar 2 for 30 years. I never believed it because all I had was depression. But for the last year I haven't had any depression mostly but lots of hypomania. I had alot of people over for Christmas. Before Christmas I wanted to get my house really clean & I was manic so I didn't tell my doc. & worked like crazy! I really enjoyed it. Xmas morning I woke at 5 AM & got up & cleaned walls! We had a wonderful Christmas. I don't feel manic now, and don't feel depressed but I am so exhausted! The other night I went to bed at 7 PM. Does anyone have any idea if this is part of my Bipolar2 or do you think I just worked myself into exhaustion? Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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Leg Anxiety I'm trying to get to the bottom of these symptoms that ive experienced in the past and now experiencing again.
On occasion, this feeling of annoying energy or pressure develops deep in my legs. It's almost like restless leg syndrome without the feeling of needing to move them. It's annoying the hell out of me. I can't quite describe it that well.
Has anyone experienced this type of anxiety? If it's even anxiety...
I do legitimately have physical anxiety symptoms I've been dealing with for the better part of a year. They all range in severity and type.
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self.Anxiety
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TW: Inpatient didn't help at all Inpatient was a waste of time apparently. I'm just as if not more depressed and suicidal than when I went in. Suicide is constantly on my mind regardless of what I'm doing. I'm starting to come up with plans and everything. I'm not going to the hospital this time because I know it won't help. There's no fixing what's making me like this. Maybe if I go off my meds I'll go manic and feel good again. I don't care if I go psychotic or not.
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self.bipolar
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Talked to Doctor after years of feeling depressed, i finally stopped lying to my doctor. i told him and he prescribed prozac. i really hope this helps because i really need it right about now
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self.depression
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I'm going to die never being in a relationship [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm not allowed to be happy Everything always turns to sh*t. Life has been telling me that I should be miserable and that it's something I deserve. Happiness is something I'm not allowed to have. It will always be denied to me. This is how things are for some people. Someone always has to be sad.
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self.depression
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I hate the way I am There's nothing I can do about the way I look and I know I'm ugly. I have several things about my appearance that I know make me look ugly and there's nothing I can do about them. I'm tall, athletic, and symmetrical, but I'm just an ugly duckling. I've heard comments from people I don't even know to my own family members making remarks. I fucking hate myself. It's not enough that I'm ugly I'm just a strange, useless smart person who knows everything there is to know about absolutely nothing. I know more TV shows than anyone I know, more animals species and random facts, and its all fucking useless. I'm no help in my labs, I couldn't help someone with calculus if I had a gun to my head. None of my old friends try and contact me anymore, the people I do know are on a strict we'll help each other pass the class basis, and I'm still a virgin because I have such serious issues with people touching me. I'm such a freak I wish I was dead.
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self.depression
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How do I gather the desire to actually talk to people? Hi,
I am a university freshman and socially anxious introvert and I am having trouble making new friends at this point in the school year.
When school first started, I had a stronger-than-usual desire to make friends in my classes. I was able to sit down next to anyone and start talking to them, and I made a good amount of friends this way.
However, for the past weeks, I have not felt any desire to try to talk, much less make friends, with anyone. Though I know that I would probably be able to make a new friend or strengthen a relationship, I just don't want to put in the effort. This has resulted in me not talking much anyone or making any new friends and I am unhappy about it. **I don't even bother to physically say someone's name passing by; I can only wave**. I don't know if it's depression, nor do I know how to fix it. Can you guys help me?
Thanks very much.
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self.depression
|
I don't think I'll ever meet someone right for me I think I'm destined to be lonely. I'm just too different to everyone. I would always deny that I was different but now I accept it.
I was always emotional, introverted, got good grades, never did drugs, basically the opposite of everyone at my school. I had lots of friends but no one close due to my own apathy towards relationships. Whenever I would try to get close to someone they'd always push me away or flake on me.
I struggle to find any beauty in the world, and I'm not attracted to most girls. The likelihood of me finding someone who's similar to me, attractive to me, attracted to me and single is just so slim, it's practically impossible. The last girl I fell for killed herself and I still think about it all the time.
While I was writing this, "I just wasn't made for these times" by the beach boys began playing. This song always makes me cry because every single line of lyrics is 100% me. I just don't belong in this world.
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self.depression
|
I got the results of my cat’s biopsy back today... Good news! It’s not cancer! I’m so relieved!!
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self.offmychest
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I’m starting to lose my mind. Although I wasn't the most diligent high school student, I always woke up everyday at 7:00, went to school on time, never skipped class, and did all my homework. For the most part, I could run off 6 hours of sleep everyday without taking a nap. I also did lots of drugs in high school but as the years progressed, I started to grow out of it. By the end of senior year summer, it had become a pretty rare event.
When I started University in August, I immediately had a hard time adjusting. I couldn't even get up at 8:00 after 8-9 hours of sleep and as a result, I skipped class 3-4 times a week and ate only once or twice a day. Generally speaking, I wasn't taking care of myself. I've been trying to make more of an effort to better myself, however, by sleeping a little earlier, eating a bit more and taking all my vitamins and supplements.
About three weeks ago I was smoking weed with some of my friends and I started tweaking a bit. My heart was racing, I felt nauseous, and I think I was having a panic attack. I thought I was just a bit uncomfortable and too high, but this kept happening over and over, so I quit. I'm off all drugs and alcohol now, I literally drink only one cup of coffee each morning and vape a little bit, which has been my morning routine for like a year.
I was in class a couple weeks ago and started to feel a bit nauseous. When the teacher closed the door and turned on the projector, I started to feel a bit anxious. The room started closing in, I felt like everyone was watching me, my palms started to sweat, and my heart was racing. I left to go to the bathroom and take a bit of breather, but when I came back it was way worse. I felt like I was breathing through a straw and thought I'd either pass out or throw up everywhere, so I just left again and walked around campus till class got out and then went back and got my stuff.
This literally happened again today. I felt trapped in the classroom. Every morning since the first incident I wake up a bit anxious and then go throughout the day wondering if I'm going to start freaking out again. In the past 18 years of my life, I've never been diagnosed with anything by any doctor and while I'd be nervous about usual shit like getting on a rollercoaster or giving a speech or something, it was never this bad.
I really need help. I don't know what to do. Since this is new, this has to have come from somewhere but I don't know how to fix it. I tell my friends a lot but I don't think they understand what's really going on so they don't take it seriously. Despite my lack of attendance, I have a 4.0 right now but that could completely change in the next few days with upcoming finals. I legitimately feel like I'm going crazy and I can't afford this right now. The only thing I have to show for in my entire life are my SAT scores and it doesn't even matter because I'm at some shit school in the middle of nowhere where I can't even sit through a class. Every day seems like a step backwards.
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self.offmychest
|
A prayer for everyone here. You will find all the support, peace, and guidance you need. You will find your spirit again. You will heal your inner child. You will love to your fullest capacity and live beyond your wildest dreams. You will be a strong, independent, capable, self-assured and self-actualized person. You will live in prosperity, love, health, peace, and joy. We are all of this already on the inside, and I know that we will all recognize this. Love to us all.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone know what I mean? I feel fine. I'm fine. It's all fine. I feel so much better, so, so much better.
Yet as soon as I woke up today I was picturing dying, again.
I feel like I should be happy, I've got a motherfucking job interview.
Yet i'm looking all around me and all my friends are going out having a sick time, travelling and doing all the shit I want to do.
I can't do it, I feel like I've released nearly all the tethers that were attached to me but there's one left. 1.
That 1 tether I can feel it failing, snapping, but I'm getting so tired.
everyday I wake up is a new life. yet Everyday I go to sleep is another death. Repeating the cycle until I can rip that last tether off of me.
I should be happy, I am happy, I'm not happy.
I have everything. I have nothing.
I need to break from this tether. Does anyone know what I mean?
Like you feel like you've almost recovered from this shit, but there's something just holding you back?
what is it. wtf do I do. I need your help.
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self.depression
|
Don't know what to do I did a pretty terrible thing to my cousin when we were both 13. I had never felt a breast before and a lot of my friends had or at least we're saying they had. I was a socially awkward 13 year old who was way to nervous to ever talk to any girl I liked so I figured there was no way I was ever going to even kiss a girl much less get to find out what boobs felt like. But I had a really cool cousin that I had grown up with and her and I were really good friends. Our families always got together and we all saw each other in the Summer and Winter for a couple weeks and when we got together that summer she had started to develop due to puberty. All us cousins always all used to sleep in the same room the nights we were all together. One of those nights I asked if she would let me sleep in the same bed with her and she agreed. We talked about our lives, what we were excited about and what we were angry about just like we always did when we got together and were going to bed but in the middle of all that talking I fondled her breasts. My cousin stiffened but didn't do anything else. I stopped after a minute and we continued talking about sports and school. The next day we were happy and friendly and it just became one night among the thousand my life has had. We remained friends and we're fully developed middle aged adults now who see each other a couple times a year. I had completely blocked that night off from my memory but in October she posted #MeToo and I remembered.. I did that to my cousin, I molested her when we were kids and I'm a massive bag of shit. I want to apologize to her but I don't know how to even start. Part of me wants to pretend it didn't happen but the rest of me is angry as hell at that part. She's my cousin, she's always been a wonderful person to me. I need to make this right and am trying to figure out how to. I want to just apologize for it but I don't know how to even bring it up.
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self.offmychest
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The only thing keeping me from taking the leap right now is my sister's pug. My life is in shambles right now. I've always struggles with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, but with everything going on in my life it's at its peak. I'm stuck in a dead-end job I absolutely loathe that I can't get out of. The person I thought I was going to marry suddenly broke up with me three weeks ago and doesn't give two shits about me anymore. I have no friends, and my family is miles away. I've hit rock bottom, and I don't see an end in sight and I want nothing more than to end my misery.
But the only thing stopping me right now is my sister's dog, who I'm pet-sitting for. I can't bear the thought of leaving him alone when I'm gone, so I plan on ending it once my sister gets back. The world would be better off without me anyway.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else get intense anxiety over the NSA and Facebook collecting all of our data? I think it's pretty terrible that the idea that someone was out there watching you, recording your phone calls and location was considered pure paranoia and now it's just a fact of life.
More and more my thoughts revolve around the (seemingly) inevitable dissolution of our society into a dystopian corporatocracy, where all of our information is for sale and we can all be easily blackmailed, discriminated against for our political stances, or have our opinions subtly manipulated by the type of content we're 'allowed' to see. It feels like the concept of privacy is eroding at a faster and faster pace and I can't handle it, I wish I could just stop using the internet but at this point it's too late for that, it's too heavily integrated into our lives and I feel like in the future actively trying to stay off the grid will put you on some kind of list.
If anyone can give me some reasons why I'm being alarmist or paranoid or otherwise overly cynical, please tell me :(
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self.Anxiety
|
Took 1st Dose of Lithium (vomiting) My doc wants me to take lithium at bedtime. Well I took the 2 capsules, 300mg each and 20 minutes later my mouth gets watery. I sit up and proceed to throw up. All bile, nothing else, except for the pink color of the capsules.
I just searched online and vomiting is a sign of Lithium toxicity. I've had gastric bypass and I have a smaller stomach, so I'm thinking it's too much Lithium?
I will be calling my pdoc in the morning, because if I have to go thru this each time I take my dose, I'd rather not be on any thing.
Short history: tried Latuda, vraylar and most recently Depakote with Wellbutrin.
Input needed!! Thank you!!
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self.bipolar
|
Wellbutrin Vision Issues I started wellbutrin XL 8 days ago. I like how it makes me feel, I'm doing pretty well with it. I do think it peaks around 12 hours and I feel like I'm 'coming down' after that. Had hard dry mouth which passed easy and have been having some rough dreams and poor sleep but that's getting better.
One problem: my vision. I think it's blurry? It's almost spotty? Almost all the time. Worse in bright light. Does this get better? I need to be able to see. I feel scared driving. It's almost like I have to work harder to make my eyes focus, and I hate it!
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self.depression
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Cold sweats and nightmares DAE get this? Can it be anxiety related?
I haven’t had any uninterrupted sleep in two weeks now. Every time i manage to get some shut eye I get bad dreams and nightmares and then wake up in an hour drenched in sweat but at the same time i’m cold, like shivering, and with a racing heart. It then takes another half hour or so to calm down and fall asleep but then the whole thing just repeats itself till it’s finally morning.
I’ve been really stressed over the past five months and had a really bad semester failing all my classes and setting myself up for potentially getting my study visa cancelled.
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self.Anxiety
|
why do i feel like this again I feel like im moving throughout my days in slow-motion, and conversations among people seem so far away, i can barely hear anything and i feel like my mind is in the midst of morning fog but it lasts all day.
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self.SuicideWatch
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They won. I've been struggling for almost 6 years now with PTSD and major depression. The flashbacks and nightmares of the assault are becoming to much. The hallucinations are exhausting and interfering with my schooling. Im scared and tired and have decided that I should probably end my life soon. I tried calling a crisis line but the guy laughed at me on the other end and offered 0 support. I know my life is a joke (clearly by his response) and I have a really fool proof suicide plan set in place for the right moment. It breaks my heart to know I'm doing this to my family but at this point it would be considered mercy to allow me to die even though I will be thought of as selfish. Im writing on this forum because I have no where else to turn and I just wanted to tell someone what Im going to do. To those men that assaulted me, you win. Thanks for everything.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Starting My Music "Career" Is Depressing Me. I started playing guitar 10 years ago when I was 12 and started singing about 5 years ago. I released two self-produced garage rock albums throughout 2013-2014 as well as two 45's through Grimtale Records. Back then, I thought I was on a roll, though coming from a small town in Iowa, I wasn't very likeable in the music sense (as country is the biggest genre there). So that lead to me hardly ever getting people to come see me play, plus the town population is about 2,000. I've had a plan to move to Austin, TX beginning when I was around 17-18, but that ended up falling through as I chose to move to Colorado Springs after I graduated college in a split-second decision with my girlfriend (who is my drummer) and brother (they were leaning toward CO over TX).
So now I'm here in Colorado Springs where there is a tiny music scene, but for some reason I feel like I will never get to the place that I want to see myself in. That being, a touring musician drawing in some bar crowds around the country. Hell, I couldn't even draw a crowd in my hometown over the course of my teenage years, how can I do it in a bigger city with more competition and where nobody even knows my name? I've basically stopped making music and deleted my past releases from the internet because I've grown to hate them. I know I'm an above average musician, but no one is noticing at all. No one buys my songs, no one engages with my content on Facebook, I'm getting nothing in return for all the time that I've put into my music career. Depression has been creeping into my head since I moved (about a month ago) and I just sat down to watch Netflix and I can hardly enjoy it because I'm thinking about this 24/7.
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self.depression
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what are the physical symptoms of depression? Cuz I feel like I'm dying.
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self.depression
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losing grip on reality, isolated with a boyfriend that "Hates every moment with me" I threw my life away and came across country with my boyfriend, and for a while he was really emotionally and psychologically abusive. He belittled me constantly, and triggered PTSD reactions from my rape and then punished me emotionally for having said reactions.
I finally figured out what was happening, (I struggle to recognize when I'm in abusive situations because of my childhood trauma) and started demanding respect and fair treatment, and started a gofundme to go home.
So there was a friend here with me for part of it from back home, she said she recognized the maltreatment, and started encouraging me to leave him. I had frequent intrusive thoughts about them, but at the time he was convincing me I was crazy constantly, and I chalked it up to poor mental health, and me having to work on unhealthy jealousy issues.
However she left, and then stayed liking everything on his Facebook althewhile encouraging me to leave him, and telling me he's abusive. This felt weird, and I again assumed it was my jealousy so I opened a dialogue with him several times about it and he would assure me I was crazy. And then I'd return to focusing in those demons.
Tonight I finally went through his phone and found tons of evidence abd confronted him with it. And he silently gaslighted me for two hours, telling me he hates me and every moment with me. I kept repeating I just want to be honored with honesty, that we're clearly over and I just want him to honor me with truth for once, and he refused to acknowledge my existence. His most frequent abuse tactic is silencing me by ignoring my existence.
I'm just lost, I'm isolated on the other side of the country from my friends and family, he has all the control and power, and I'm incredibly suicidal and have been for months. I don't know what's real or not anymore, on one hand I know he's gaslighting and abusing me, on the other hand I feel like I am this awful burden on him and everyone, and I have nothing to my name, and nothing to return to. I don't know if I'll ever find a man that can be present with me, and now I'm afraid I'll never trust anyone again anyway to get close enough to find out. I wrote out a suicide letter tonight to my family, but I also know this is a cry for help. I've been close to attempts several times since I've been here. I've developed a very sure plan st this point thanks to my awesome medical background.
I just can't anymore, I feel like I've never been this far down this hole and I've struggling g with suicide since my early teens. I feel like I'm fighting it so hard, but I can't see the light anymore. I can't see it at all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Co-Worker who I was friendly with fucked my old lady, now I've lost my job. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I dream with suicide Life can be good sometimes but most of the time ir sucks and sometimes it really sucks i hate being the insecure paranoid person i am
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self.depression
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Hey y'all, I've been reading "The Tao of Bipolar" and I highly recommend it. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Dietary Recommendations for Anxiety I think this has been discussed here several times, but I want to hear from you guys what food makes you feel good and bad.
In my case avoiding caffeine and alcohol improves my quality of life immensely in terms of anxiety. I also try to avoid fried foods, and when I do eat them, I sort of prepare for the consequences.
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self.Anxiety
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Is it more psychologically damaging for a child to grow up with a mother who is severely depressed/suicidal/"crazy" or to grow up without a mother (who died by suicide)?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want my life to end I’ve been a worthless piece of shit my whole life I’m 17 years old and everything keeps getting worst I get treated differently by everyone in my family Yet I’m always accepting of them I can’t stand it anymore I seriously want to kill myself I’ve been crying all night plus I have school in 3 hours which will only make me feel worse I’ve become so bitter towards everything because people treat me like shit and I hate it
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can someone talk to me please. I feel so lonely Hi guys,
Today is a beautiful bright, sunny day and I feel so lonely, unmotivated and sad.
After thanksgiving my friends and family love to go shopping and I cant explain why I am so sad. I hate it.
I have no energy, and motivation.
I want to clean my room, I want to put makeup on, but I can't.
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self.depression
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Looking for help with thought techniques Hey everyone,
I've been thinking about my thought process and patterns recently and I have managed to figure out the origins of where I get down and sad about stuff.
I've noticed if I am stressed or anxious about something it begins a chain reaction of thoughts that I lose control over. This can be about work, friends, family and sometimes about my relationship. Basically I'll sit there and think about something that absolutely wouldn't happen (boss will come and fire me, friends will cut all ties with me, partner leave me for someone else). Nothing is there to re-enforce this so I fill in the gaps with complete rubbish so it grows legs and becomes more and more real. Eventually the thought becomes the only real possibility and it gets me really down.
I'm just wondering if anyone has any techniques to stop these thoughts from growing legs? I've had my fair share of previous bosses and partners who re-enforced those thoughts last, which is why I think it's so easy to imagine these unrealistic scenarios, but I feel like I am glitched. I just want to get to a point where when I think this stuff, I rationalise the thoughts and logic kicks in to be like "No. That's ridiculous". I know there are techniques and strategies to combat it. I saw a counsellor for a while but it never worked, I don't have the money to go see another. Having a lot of trouble with it. I feel if I get my head around this I am well on my way to fixing it, just don't know where to start.
Any help would be appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
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Therapist advice? Seriously looking into finding a therapist.
Can someone shed some light on what the process is like?
I'd REALLY like it to be like a typical "Freud" session, with a couch to lie on, the therapist asking about my childhood,my relationship with my mother, etc. Etc.
Any insight is appreciated.
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self.depression
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Feel like a fool I’m in my late 20s and feel like and idiot and a fool. People can bully me and I can’t stand up for myself. Low self esteem and confidence. I just hate myself right now. I don’t feel like going to the gym because I feel socially inept and child like
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self.depression
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I don't know how to cope I am really struggling with everything. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. My wife and I have to endure long distance for another year due to work, I have so much pressure for work deadlines, I have my family who are on my back 24/7 and my panic disorder is getting so much worse in public and during the night. I know I can't mention the 's' word but thoughts are quite prominent lately. I'm drowning in this world and for the last two years I thought there was still some struggle between me and the water to enable me to keep my head above, but I'm losing this battle. I feel alone, unloved (that's the depression talking) and really isolated from even myself.
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self.depression
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Tomorrow is my 18th birthday and I'm lonelier than ever. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I tried investing and totally failed. I live in a poor country and there isn’t much i can do to leave, i hate it here and there isn’t a day I didn’t wish I didn’t have to be here, since wages here are extremely low I thought that it’d be a good idea to invest in the internet.
I wasn’t surprised when I realized that it was almost impossible for me to do it.
I get like 50$ a month because my father was never in my life and didn’t help me financially, that might not sound like a lot but it is a huge amount for this country, I thought i could invest and maybe get more money so i decided to buy bitcoin and see what happens.
It took me like two hours to find a way to do it and i ended up trading money from my country with a person who had some, it was expensive, difficult and it took some time.
Before that I thought that I could exchange an amazon gift card bc i had read that it was a good way to get bitcoin but all i found were people asking for physical cards and i got an electronic one, there is no amazon in my country and i wasted 25$.
Even now i feel like shit for having lost so much money.
I just want to leave this country and go to a decent place but I can’t and there is nothing i can do about this situation.
I don’t want to do anything here.
I’ve thought of killing myself several times and i even tried cutting my arm once.
It didn’t work, I didn’t use enough strength but im tired of living here.
Nobody carea about my pain and nobody tries to help me.
Every day i feel miserable and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get better any time soon.
I’m sick of wasting my life.
I don’t even think i could call this venting, I still feel like shit and nobody i know will change the way they talk to me or interact with me once this is posted.
I wish I didn’t have to be here.
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self.depression
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Therapist shopping. So I have a choice of 3 therapists, according to my insurance website. One does Christian counseling on top of her other specialties and I am super atheist I'm put off by that (my last therapist tried to push a higher power on me and a few other reasons are why I don't see her anymore one of which includes the fact that she knows nothing about bipolar or anxiety).
That leaves 2 therapists. I called one, no answer, I left a message. Haven't called the other yet because I hate phones and he doesn't deal with PTSD or LGBTQ. ANYWAY
How long should I wait for a call back? I actually called her several months ago over a holiday weekend and didn't get a call back then either. When should I try calling someone else?
Should I give the Christian lady a chance?
edit: so far I have only searched for psychologists. Should I give licensed clinical social workers a chance?
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self.bipolar
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Feeling Very Alone Hey guys. So, I'm not sure if this is just me venting or a cry for help or whatever. But I was just recently diagnosed a month ago, after being misdiagnosed for depression and anxiety for the last 2-ish years. I'm accepting of the diagnosis because there's pretty much nothing to be done about it, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What I am not coping well with is my current living situation. I am from a small town in the grand ol state of Alabama, and I've had to move back in with my parents due to finances. Being gay makes it hard enough here (I got dealt the best hand!), but this just adds to it. I have lived in places like NYC, Atlanta, LA, and New Orleans. This is on the other, terrible side of the spectrum. Not only are there the obvious differences, but there are also only the most basic mental health services and basically no groups here for support (not to mention the lack of expanded healthcare, but don't get my unemployed ass started on that).
What makes all of this worse is that my current friends, none of whom live close by, have not really reached out at all to check on me, even after I disclosed my diagnosis. One of them wouldn't even take the time to read a simple article I sent out detailing how bipolar disorder works, after I asked if he had read it (you had to click through too many pages, apparently). I just feel like they are either unintentionally too far up their own asses/lives or that they are purposely avoiding me because they don't know how to deal with it.
So, basically, I feel very alone, with only my parents for company. And due to past issues (Southern Baptists and homosexuals don't typically gel), I don't even feel comfortable explaining things to them a lot of times, as I don't want to hurt their feelings or get into another argument.
All that being said, how have you dealt with similar situations? Since I have no money nor a job, I can't really change my circumstances right now, so I know I can only change myself and my responses (yay CBT...).
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self.bipolar
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In the end I lose again Its unfair.
When I lost my mind and felt my world crash, I fought back with anger and isolation. Forced my self to be alone. It was hard. You were trying to be there for me. I tried to push you away because I know I'm not "normal". Over time, maybe through the loneliness, I opened up to you and made you mine. Seeing how you were always trying to be there. But I couldn't resist my abusive acts. All my accusations. How I was not satisfied. And then the immediate and heavy guilt. Repeated almost daily. I'm sorry for all the hurt I put you through. Though apparently not sorry enough to stop. Sometimes i would just walk away. And then I come back. An extreme level of attachment and drama.
I see that these are signs of being bipolar. I'm undiagnosed, I should have sought for help and medication. But it is too late because the damage has been done. I hate myself for consistently doubting you. Now you love me less. As it should be. And I still can't let go of my attachment for you. What have I become. Losing you felt almost as chaotic as in the past. All I wanted was to love you but it became so ugly.
In the end is all my fault. In the end it was my failure to overcome my condition for our sake.
In the end I lose again.
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self.bipolar
|
Idk why I'm posting here just to get the same generic responses I always do Nothing anyone says can help me, it's not their fault, but there are no magic words anyone can tell me that are going to put my life together for me. This life is all I've known my entire life and all I'll ever know, I have no future to look forward to. I would just skip all the bullshit and go directly to the end but I'm too much of a pussy to get past the initial fear of dying so I'm going to spend years being miserable. I just want the courage to kill myself.
EDIT: I thought about it, and I think I'm just posting here because I have like a small amount of hope someone will say the right words, like why people buy lottery tickets
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fucking failure Just attempted to take a test and I utterly fucking failed it. And the worst part is that it's all my fault. I keep procrastinating because I feel so disillusioned and I need a distraction but today was especially shitty. I feel like a complete fucking disappointment to my family, which is one of the only reasons I'm still trying to apply myself in my college classes. I don't know why but I've hit a sort of wall this semester with my depression and self-loathing. It just seems like my peers are able to juggle everything and accomplish things and have interesting lives and I'm here goofing off because I don't want to think about this stupid class. I cried taking this stupid test and I left so much of it empty; I doubt I got anywhere near passing. Just wanted to share, I know there are a few college kids going through the same thing :/
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self.depression
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I think I experienced a strange feeling before like I felt like I haven't being put into real sleep since I know I exist that shit was really strong way back
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self.depression
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Cried myself to sleep, cried when I woke up. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I get angry so easily and I feel like such an asshole [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Why Why can’t you take the pain away? No matter how may times I pray it’s still there. Why do I hate myself more with each passing day.? Why do they continue like I’m not even here? Why won’t I disappear?
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self.SuicideWatch
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DAE hate the fact that depression has become somewhat of a joke now? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Fuck I went out for a drink with an old friend. It fucking sucked. I'm an idiot when I do this shit. Fuck.
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self.Anxiety
|
I spent my birthday party in the ER What i thought was going to be an uneventful visit to the ophtalmologist of "you need new glasses" variety, before my birthday party ended up with "you likely have optic neuritis. I dont want to scare you but it might be multiple sclerosis as eyesight is the first to go usually. Please go to the er tonight"
I ended up spending 4 hours in the er. Had to cancel my birthday party and explain to 7 people why i'm in the er and that there's no need to panic and no, they dont need to come.
Got a head ct scan and bloodwork done.
Good news, nothing. Bad news, nothing.
Will be heading in for an MRI scan and other neurological examinations next week.
Having just slightly started to get better depression wise and shit was starting to have some vague meaning again.
And now the inconclusive wait.
As of 2 days ago, i cant see straight past 1.5 - 2 meters. Its as if my right eye refuses to focus on anything beyond.
So, in conclusion, FML.
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self.offmychest
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Personifying my anxiety helps me get past it. It’s been a rough month. Thanks for reading. NSFW (ish) To my anxiety & depression,
Fuck you. Genuinely, wholeheartedly, fuck you. I hate you. Fuck nausea and dizziness and irrational fear. Fuck helplessness and hopelessness. Fuck being paralyzed by the frustratingly contradictory frantic need to do everything and inability to do anything at all. Fuck being endlessly tired and unable to sleep. Fuck you for making me fight you every day. Fuck you for making me fight you at all. Fuck you for the times I've let you win. Because you have never won on your own merit. You are nothing without me. You need me to feed you. You need me to fight you. You parasitic useless piece of shit.
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self.Anxiety
|
Winter Driving Hi, i’m 20 years old and I live in Michigan. I have this terrible fear of driving in the winter weather. Once it’s the winter season I’m constantly checking the weather and almost obsessing over it to see if there will be even one snowflake outside- and if there’s a chance there will be, I cancel all of my plans that involve me driving anywhere. When I just THINK of driving in the snow I start shaking, my heart starts racing and I feel sick to my stomach. I’ve had many panic attacks because of this fear of driving in the snow.
All year long I am thinking about winter and how far of a drive it’ll be for me to get from home to work and etc. I’m literally job hopping every month almost because I want to work close to home in order for me not to travel far for work in the snow. My fear of this is so exhausting, it’s something I think about literally every single day. I dread winter and snowfall. I’m sick of planning every day of my life around one season that lasts 3-4 months long. It’s tiring.
I believe my fear started in the winter of 2015, it was my first time ever driving in the snow. I was driving my boyfriend’s car on the expressway on my way home from a job interview and all of a sudden it started snowing hard and it was a white out. I had no clue how to drive in snow since it was my first time. I started fish tailing like crazy and slammed on the brakes (stupid) thinking I would be fine but it obviously only made things worse. I slammed into the wall on the left lane of the highway and it then became a 6 car pileup behind me. If I remember correctly, there were about 30 accidents on the highway that day because of the weather conditions. So I’m pretty sure that’s where my fear is stemming from, I can’t really remember being so scared of the winter and snow before that accident, but I also never had to drive in it myself before.
I guess I’m posting this to see if anyone else feels like this? Or maybe someone can give me some advice? Anything would be appreciated. I keep looking at the weather here and in the 25 day forecast there’s a few different chances of snow and my heart is racing so bad right now just thinking about it.
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self.Anxiety
|
What is anxiety in your words? I have a severely anxious mum who is also codependent and people-pleasing. Some of her traits have rubbed off on me and during therapy I've been starting to recognize that I have anxiety too.
But what exactly is anxiety? What caused it? How does it affect me? Can it be positive? Is it permanent or is there a solution?
I thought if I heard the answers to these questions from *your* experiences, I can analyze my relationship with my anxiety.
Please note: No advice please! I just want to hear your personal experiences. I'm at a phase in life where people advising me feels smothering. Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
|
It has never gotten better I'm just getting worse and worse every day. I lost all my friends last school year. I'm a high school dropout with no friends, no job, and no motivations. I want to die. I've almost seriously committed twice in the last two months. I seriously considered it tonight but I don't have any means to do it painlessly.
I'm 17. Don't tell me I haven't felt real pain, because my entire life has been pain after pain after pain. Pain doesn't have an age.
I have Asperger's, making me even more estranged from society, anxious, and transgender. I feel so different from everyone else and I am. Every day I wish I was normal. Being normal and boring would be better than being unique and suicidal.
Everyone always tells me that it'll get better, that life is worth living. That I should he hopeful and stay strong. I've been constantly told that and brushed off since I was 12. I've been chronically depressed for 5 years straight. Anti-depressants don't work anymore. I'm just becoming worse as every day goes on, and sit and waste away in my home with only my TV to accompany me.
Everyone would be better off without me in this world. I'm nothing. But I don't have the courage to do it.
If I knew what came after death, I'd kill myself in an instant.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish i had an ounce of talent or something that identifies me as an individual. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Should I be scared of what happens to my family if I choose to end it? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My experience with Sertraline/ Zoloft for Anxiety. Firstly excuse any bad grammar or formatting, it’s 11:50pm and I’m typing this to help wind down.
For the last three years I’ve dealt with extreme anxiety that after a while created a low mood/ depressive state due to chance in lifestyle because of anxiety.
I ran, I quit smoking, I eat well, I don’t drink. These things all helped but nothing really helped my anxiety out. 6 weeks ago I went to my doctor and when he said the words “yes, but what if this does work and helps?” Something in me went “just try it”, and I did.
It’s now been 6 weeks of 50mg, taken once everyday in the morning. As we’ve all heard the first two weeks were very interesting. Day one and two I felt almost high and a bit out of it (no where near like a stoned or drunk high) and then for 5-6 days after the first 2 days I was extremely tired. None stop yawning and barely able to focus at work or at home.
I then had a week of waking up in the middle of the night mid panic attack which shook me for the next day. This happened 4 days in a row. Like any panicked state my desire to eat was significantly decreased, but I knew I had to push through.
Then it happened. My first day of feeling great, then another..and another! It’s now been over a month since the last of the negative symptoms and I have been living a fun, carefree life and really smashing things out at work.
I’m starting to feel I may be plateauing a little but I have a lot on my plate at the moment so stress is only natural.
A few key points:
1) Haven’t drank alcohol on these yet, don’t think il push my luck.
2) Reaching the finish line during sex is very hard. No pun intended
TLDR: if you’ve tried most other things, Sertraline is totally worth a shot.
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self.Anxiety
|
First Xmas without both parents It's been 5 years since my father (would have been 60 this year) died but only six months since Mum (two weeks before her 61st) died.
While I know this Xmas will actually be really nice (for the first time in 7 years I'm actually looking forward to it) because I'll be surrounded by the nicest, most wonderful people I could ever call friends, the fact that I can't call Mum on December 25th and wish her a happy day just.... sucks.
I no longer celebrate it as a religious holiday, and I don't consider the idea that my "parents are watching over from heaven" to be a reality. I'm perhaps the only person in my family who doesn't believe that theology, and I'm reminded of it every time I talk to my extended relatives, who also remind me that I must be missing my parents. Yeah, thanks, it's not like I don't think of that every time I think about the traditions we used to do as a family when I was growing up and what I might be able to start now with my partner.
I miss the early morning waffles and the excitement that my father held, which then helped us to be excited.
I hope that I can be as excited on the day for the people I'm spending this year with as he always was, because it's hard not to get excited when someone else is so enthusiastic. And I hope the people close to me will see how important this is to me.
I miss her, and I miss him... but I keep coming back to the knowledge that they would want me to make the most of what I can while I have it, and what is life if not for the memories we forge on our own initiative?
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self.offmychest
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Depressed and feeling isolated, don't know what to do with my life at this point. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I just dont want to feel suicidal anymore... I promised myself and my friends I wouldn't try to kill myself ever again... I've been mostly successful. In the last three years I've only come close twice.
Laid on the commuter train tracks until the last second when I remembered I'd my promise. And thought about what a mess I was going to leave... Not just on the train. I have been cutting myself and drinking heavily that week... And a friend found out so my drunk ass forgot about my promise.
The time before that I just move back after losing everything. I had less than $200 bucks to my name and took a job running a laser cutter for a friend. I was staying in my friends hall closet for $400 bucks a month. I had started getting close to a friend and that scared me... For some reason so I through an extension cored over the rafters at my friend's shop and stood on a stool on top of table 20 feet in the air with a electrical cord around my neck. But I made a promise, after a while I got down. But I said goodbye to this new friend... And it was too late, she has never spoken to me again.
I moved on I got meds that for the first time in my life feel like they are helping to some extent. I was seeing a Theripist I was doing good. But I can't afford to see her any longer.
I closed myself off from everyone. I worked 11-14hr days and then sleep on Sunday. I got a place of my own. I hide. Some of my friends started talking to me again. Things were good...
But I'm so damn alone. I've gotten to the point I can't trust anyone, even my friends. I feel like everyone is just going use me then dump me, then wonder why I didn't come back and why I just pushed them away.
I can't talk to anyone about anything anymore. I'm sad and it just frightens them because I've tried so many times to hurt myself... I just have to hide alone, suicidal, crying, sober, pushing, working for nothing... Knowing I can never go back into world I just have to stay as a silent slave to a promise.
3yrs ago my mind slipped. I remember watching myself do it but it feels like a dream of movie that never was. I woke up sitting on the floor covered in my own blood my wrist we're cut deep. I thought for sure I was dead. There wasn't a note I needed people to know I loved them and that I didn't know what I was doing... I was so scared but it was for the best. I scared my friends telling them goodbye (I'm such a moron) When I didn't die, and things got worse because things always do. I decided to kill myself... I was going to finish what was in front of me then do it.
I ruin everything trying to make sure everything was taken care of... I still don't understand why I didn't just go through with it on Christmas 2015. That was why I came back. That was why I can't kill myself. That is why I'm doomed.
I'm sorry that you read this... But I need to say it some where... I just want to kill myself but I can't... Being alone forever because people care about is the hell I think the church folks promised me for trying...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[Need Advice]: Aspirin while SSRI okay ? Hey I am taking Prozac daily for my depression and I lately I have been feeling really low. Unusually so. I also have inflammation problems with nerves that are a bit pinched. I was thinking about starting to self-medicate a low dose of Aspirin 100mg or so and do a brief case study of how it affects my general mood. I read however that Aspirin and SSRI can interfere, so my question is if anyone has experienced negative reactions to taking Aspirin while also on SSRI's?
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self.depression
|
Can anyone relate to the feeling of your soul and spirit just feeling utterly crushed? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Lonliness is eating me alive. Its just brutal. This shit really sucks. I have been like this since after i dropped out of high school which was 8 years ago. It has also caused me a little of bit of social anxiety. I cant even hold a fucking convo with anybody. Also had ruined any confidence I had left.
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self.depression
|
I just bought an Xbox and a ton of expensive makeup. And today I feel great! And I popped out of bed and started writing.
It's hard to tell if this is bipolar-related or just everyday non-depressive stuff.
How do *you* differentiate between the two?
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self.bipolar
|
Just a rambly high schooler post. Hi Reddit. Just a lurker. Finally worked up the courage to post (albeit from a throwaway).
I've been in... quite the rut recently. The past few months I've been extremely exhausted and upset and angry and frustrated. I think it's from the stress of senior year in high school. I think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can't help but feel like my future weighs on my grades. I strive for perfection and high marks, I get crushed when I don't get it. And I beat myself up for it.
I've been feeling like a burden too. I feel like I'm the reason my parents stress and argue sometimes. It's stressful for them to plan days for us to drive to a city to get my heart checked, or for dentist's appointments, or for other stuff.
The past few weeks, I've thought at this point, that maybe I'd be better off... gone. I feel okay with dying. I feel like I've taken what's life got to offer, and that it's the end. A part of me thinks that's terrible, but I don't know what to do about it. I'd see a counselor, but I live in a small, remote town, and there's none. Even if there were, I still wouldn't go, since word goes around here quick, and I don't want to humiliate or make people think there's something wrong with me. I feel like there's still a stigma with seeing a counselor, sadly.
I'd talk to my parents or my friend but I don't want to frighten or cause pain to them. And I really don't want them to worry.
I feel like what kicked off all of this was the passing of my pet bird a few months ago. Ever since, I feel okay with the thought of death. I don't know.
I'm sorry this was a lot of text and was hard to read. There's a lot of on my mind.
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self.depression
|
She left me for my depression, death feels close I have been going down this shitty spiral of circunstances in my life for the past months. I have made my girlfriend tired, I used to live with her together, and I burn her out.
She left me 3, days ago, does not answer messages, now I have been looking online for weapons, guns, prices etc, I reallly want to end it all. Life has been hard and I am also tired of it. Please help me out. I dont know what to do, i just want to harm myself.
Edit: Yea I am still alive, I am still trying to figure out life. And shit. with the help of friends everything is possible, thank you all who cared for me. Hugs to you and keep making this site possible.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else have days like this? I started out the day so happy. I was listening to every joyful song in the book, dancing around the house, smiling like life goes on forever...
And then I decided to watch "Stand By Me," a movie I probably haven't seen in about a year. Now listen here, I LOVE that movie. I think it's the best coming of age film to have ever been made, even. But for some reason today, after I seem to have been on a happy streak, watching that movie just made me so sad. It's like after I finished it I let out the tears that I needed to let out.
Watching "Stand By Me" today made me sad because it makes me feel like I wasted my childhood. It's the same with watching the IT movie or even Stranger Things; I always feel like there was something... missing in my childhood and pre-teen years. I'm starting to think that maybe it's how in all those pieces of media the kids had such close bonds. I've always had friends, even had friends I've been close to over the years, and I know this sounds so ridiculously childish, but I'll never have a friendship like the one Chris and Gordie had. Never did have a friendship like that. It just makes me depressed, and I feel like I wasted something.
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self.depression
|
Back from the hospital Well that was better than my previous stay, ended up with the Dr stopping everything and switching me to anti psychotics, unfortunately the first stuff knocked me out and I slept all day and night. Trying out abilify now, freakin out right now but I hope to be calm once I get to the house and my kitties.
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self.bipolar
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DAE hate their birthday because of all the attention? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My best friend killed himself and I feel empty. My best friend took his own life in June of this year. I was talking to him the day before he did it, and nothing seemed different at all. He just went missing, and then a search party found him. It's been 6 months, but it still feels so surreal and I don't think it's fully hit me that he's gone yet. It just feels like there's a permanent hole in my chest, and I don't know how to heal it.
|
self.offmychest
|
I have lost interest in everything Been a long time since I haven't felt that way...
Things have been bad for a couple of weeks. I can't get motivated to do anything except watching TV shows or scrolling various social platforms. I haven't been out since like...friday? Thursday? I'm not even sure. I've had a session with my therapist last week and I had the feeling I was finally understanding what was wrong, but now...idk.
It's like this whole world sucks. Adult life sucks. Having to work everyday of my life until retirement just so I can survive sucks. And I'm aware I don't have the choice and it's the same thing for litteraly all animals and earth. I'd like to just "deal with it" but I'm not finding reasons to. I can't find any reason to keep doing this except "not dying" but it's not enough. And the more it goes, the more I find myself thinking "Well maybe I should just let myself die. It's not worth it."
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self.depression
|
I really regret joining the wrong student group freshman year. I was huge into my high schools band program and had a great group of friends in it. I decided to join my university's marching band my freshman year to continue doing band, and it's probably one of my biggest regrets in life.
I didn't join this year because I really did not enjoy my couple years in the program. I didn't connect with anyone I met. I was hoping that I'd find more kids like me and the people I knew from high school, but instead it seems like the majority of kids here in the band just want to party and drink all the time.
Joining band took up so much of my time each year that I didn't have time to join other clubs and groups. I even missed out on every single freshman week event. Most people I know outside of band met their friends from people during their freshman orientation or on their dorm floors. I never had time to go to any of those events and meet ups because I was too busy doing rehearsals every day of the week.
I'm now in a house with band kids and I don't really get along with them. They bring people over all the time and do nothing but drink and play loud music. I isolate myself in my room or just hang out with my girlfriend, and it's coming to the point where I hardly even talk to them.
I've grown distant with my high school friends because they've gone off to do their own things, so now I basically spend my time in my room or with my girlfriend. I'm grateful to have her, but I just wish I had actual friends. My social skills have plummeted due to me isolating myself from my roommates and the people I know from band. I'm worried I won't be able to make solid friendships anymore because of this.
I have one semester of school left and cannot wait to get out. I spend my time planning where to live and work and looking at apartments online. People say you're supposed to enjoy college, but I haven't so far. I feel like I missed my chance to have a positive college experience by staying in a group I wasn't interested in instead of finding something else before it was too late.
I just wanted to get this off my chest so maybe other people could see. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: I joined the wrong group freshman year and missed my chance of building solid, positive relationships with anyone in school. I have changed drastically for the worse since entering school and I'm worried for my future. I feel that I won't look back on college positively and can't wait to graduate and move on.
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self.offmychest
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I now understand Why people don’t bother getting help. As long as suicide, anxiety and depression continue to be a stigma in this society, you can keep on expecting people to kill themselves again and again.
Once we start valuing humans more then money and get a better mental health system, you will see improvement in a lot of areas but until then, keep expecting this to keep on happening again and again. And people living the entirety of their lives only looking at what’s in front of them are clueless on what’s really going on.
In Minnesota alone, we have over 600+ plus people kill themselves every year and yet we keep on doing the same thing again and again. Our suicide crisis hotline almost got shut down due to lack of “funding” like seriously?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I need to talk to someone Ive gotten to the point where Im going crazy by myself and I need to talk to someone about how im feeling.
Back story time, At the beginning of the year, I was in a very loving but toxic relationship. We had our own apartment together for a year and because of her own mental illnesses(bi polar, depression, bulimia) she had a hard time holding down a job, so i was the one working full time where she would stay home to look after the house and dog.
I honestly was okay with it for a year because she was very creative and was able to make her part of the rent most months by selling art or through other means. She was still however very troubled and there was countless times where i would come home from work and she would be a crying mess on the floor or in a manic state where I just couldn't get through to her.
It broke me down over time having to work a full time job and also tiptoe around my own home so I wouldn't upset her further that eventually, It became too much and I wasn't able to maintain my job.
Not wanting to lose the apartment, she took a job at a call centre while I tried to find new work. The stress of her new job combined with the stress of me having a hard time finding work and it made her depression episodes worse and where i normally was the strong one and could try and comfort her, I was the main point of her stress.
I tried what i could, keep the house clean, cook the meals, but it was never to her standards and we would always fight about how she thought i was getting my "revenge" for her not working for a year by sitting at home doing nothing.
We had a really bad fight in May and in my temper I broke a door off its frame.
I knew we couldnt keep living like this and in a panic the next day I said i was leaving, and took my stuff to a friends place. This devestated her and she eventually couldnt afford the place she spent a whole year making a hone and had to move back with her parents.
I wanted so badly to say that I wanted to stay together but we needed time apart to try and get ourselfs back on our feet, both mentally and financially, I just could never get the words out on my many late night visits back to the apartment, we would kind of talk and then just fuck for hours and then she would kick me out in the morning.
She eventually got tired of doing that and cut all contact with me, which hurt me a lot. Ive been in a very deep depression ever since, which has been compounded with having a seizure in september which has left me un able to work for the remainder of the year.
Its given me all of this free time to reflect on what mistakes ive made, what i should have done to keep us together. I know at the time it seemed like the best thing for the both of us, to go back home and restart, but I just can't let her go.
Ive been taking anti depressants to try and be functional but i ran out on friday and cant afford to get more. I know its probably me crashing from not taking them but she also after all these months just started talking to me again today. No matter what happens I still love her with every fiber of my being and from what shes said to me is that shes moved on.
I just been in such a downward spiral all year and I want to get better and be able to move on like her from this but i feel so trapped. Im not even really looking for advice I just need people to talk to.
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self.depression
|
I wish I could just redo this all I’m a 20 year old male living in St. Louis. I really wish I could just go back to the beginning of high school or somewhere around that time. I want the chance to not be lonely. Maybe if I had just done drugs like everyone else or drank a bunch like all the others I would actually have friends now. Instead here I am with no motivation and no one to talk to. I’m tired of feeling worthless all the time and feeling the need to unload all of my small problems on other people, especially when I have no one to unload them to.
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self.depression
|
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