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How to deal with low grade anxiety attack that lasts a while [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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whenever my mother and wife talk, i get a massive panic attack. i dont like fights
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self.Anxiety
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Last week, I would’ve been dead because I was a lonely sad sack. Now, I have a date on Saturday and two great friends who will support me through it. I’m glad I’m alive.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Isnt death suposed to be liberating? Im thinking a lot about death and suicide and i kinda feel anxious about it, though im afraid of suicide. Im afraid to say it but i cant wait to be dead, life is so hard. I hope i dont wake up tomorrow.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does depression and anxiety make you think you're ill? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I attempted to go on a date and here's what happened. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Having some relationship troubles that are making my anxiety peak and I need support. I am 19F and I’ve had anxiety for over 5 years now. My anxiety stems from relationships, romantic and otherwise and gets severe when people leave. My boyfriend and I have been dating since November 2016 and in the 6 months leading up to that I had horrible anxiety because I was scared that he would leave me like everyone else did and he helped me get through it and said he wouldn’t leave me because he loved me and all was well.
Until now.
He told me on Friday that he no longer shares the same goals for the future that I do and I completely broke down. We said we’d give it another go and I’ve been anxious all week. On Saturday night the sick feeling got so bad I threw up, that’s one of the more severe symptoms I get. I hate it because it makes me feel better but I know it’s bad for me. Since then, I’ve had trouble eating and sleeping which again, is usual for severe bouts of anxiety for me.
Today, we decided we’d take a break. I feel lied to because he said he wouldn’t leave me. I get that we’re young and people change when they leave school and whatever but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone more in my life.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I’m like this. I’m too emotional and anyone I get close to leaves me. I don’t know why I thought this would be different. I’m so scared of losing him because I know my anxiety will just get worse but he doesn’t want me anymore. He told me he wouldn’t leave me and now he is. I’m so broken.
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self.Anxiety
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Yesterday I became a wizard. Definitely not a proud achievement. There's a feeling of urgency now, the sirens are going off. If nothing happened in my 20s, why should I be hopeful in my 30s?
No one but my immediate family knows of my newly found powers. Though it's getting more difficult to hide it at work. I make friends easily there, both guys and girls. We hang out, have drinks. I am a regular guy to them, but if they found out my secret powers, it would destroy the image I've created and sustained for years.
I have no explanation as to why it's come to this, so I am not ready to reveal my true powers and I hope i can give them up soon.
My story is lame but true, unfortunately.
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self.offmychest
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So I bought the new call of duty and i think I'm enjoying it Such a rare thing for me but I really am enjoying the game and I don't even care it cost me £55
I think it's the fact I'm playing with 10 strangers at the same time I guess I feel less alone
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self.depression
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I am finally starting to overcome what bullying has done to me I am a very social guy. I enjoy and need to talk to people frequently, otherwise I get really lonely. I was bullied in high school and it really took a toll on me by affecting my ability to socialize and meet new people.
A lot of times when I am faced with a new social situation, I start to automatically visualize people making fun of me and my brain starts flooding me with a plethora of reasons to not do it. The overwhelming majority of the times these reasons convince me and I back out. Not anymore though, I have finally realized how irrational this fear is and how of a direct result of bullying it is.
Whenever I start getting scared from a social encounter, I just repeat to myself,
"What is the worst that is going to happen? No one will laugh at you. Worst case you leave, best case you make some new friends"
It is working, too! It gives me the push to get into the social situation and once I'm comfortable I stick around. I was really close to backing out from a bar party for New Year's Eve but i pushed through. I ended up meeting some really nice people, I danced a lot and had a blast.
Most of these irrational fears live in my mind and only my mind. Realizing that surely helps to have a more fulfilling life.
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self.offmychest
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Recognizing I need help, advice needed on how to get started [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Why wont this end? I cannot stop self harming i just want to end my life but im scared. How stupid is that. Wanting to die but yet scared to die. I literally cant live in this world anymore. I honestly have no real friends or family and now even my boyfriend has started to ignore me and lie to me . Why wont this end i just want to die
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self.SuicideWatch
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When I see my friends hang out without me, they look like they’re having more fun
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self.depression
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Every year gets harder I have posted here before.. the last six months, the last year, the last two years, have been the worst I've ever had. Each year I get older, my anger and bitterness grows. I am now 30 and can no longer connect with anyone. My instability has hindered me so much I cannot manage any sort of personal relationship. I thought it was an alcohol problem but really it is a me problem. Each day feels worse than the day before it. Each day I feel more alone. I wish I could connect.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I go about finding a good psychiatrist? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Recent events After Logan Paul posted his suicide video on YouTube and then subsequently made the news everywhere, my family has been talking about it a lot. Obviously, my feelings toward it are different from my family (i.e. I want to die) and hearing it around the house has been so uncomfortable. I feel so much shame and guilt and during dinner the conversation came up.
Based on my family's disgust towards this (one, that Logan is a horrible person) and two, their idea of suicide in general makes me feel alone. Suicide in their eyes is this: those feeling this way should defiantly seek help. No other option there. But also, the people who do end up killing themselves are weak and selfish. They are a burden on their families and society. Granted they say that help is there and that everyone should feel loved, I feel like I can never share how I feel. Ever.
Not sure why I'm even writing this. Most of it is rambling. This just makes my thoughts of ending my life more and more conflicted (good?). I hate myself and everything there is to it. But I don't want to devastate my family and go down as the loser.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wish I could end this mess. **If you want positivity, this is not the post for you. This is very depressing stuff.**
I'm having suicidal thoughts again. Having to go to school week after week is sickening. Tired of all this fake stuff. Tired of having to fake though this fake stuff.
I can't will myself to end it, so that sucks.
Yes I've tried help. Some people don't understand that some things can not be cured. If I tell them how I feel/think they will have me locked away at a psych ward. From extensive research I know that it can make people worse, and it'll be a nice waste of money.
I'm tired of their false suggestions, their lies of how I am, and who I will be.
I will be nothing. I will never have a correct place in this life.
Then why post this?: I can't tell anyone irl, so I had to rant somewhere.
**Am I posting too much?**
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else feel great for a day and then regress after a single setback? Yesterday I felt on top of things. Got a lot done and felt like I had a handle on things I had given up on. Great feeling I haven't had in months.
Now I've hit a roadblock with something important at work and in a matter of minutes it seems like everything's going to fall apart again, and "everything I do is pointless anyway so why bother". learned helplessness, catastrophizing, etc.
Thanks to CBT, I'm willing to believe it's not rational - I probably can push back on it or find another way. But it really sucks realizing how easy it is for me to slip back into that pit of delusional fatalism, thinking I shouldn't try because I'm doomed to failure, and losing all energy and willpower to do anything.
I felt like I was building up positive momentum, but now it's like I've crashed again and need to get started again. Time to get back to it I guess...
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self.depression
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Is life really supposed to be this hard or am i doing something wrong. All our lives we're told to work hard and things will work out. I'm damn near 30 and all I've done is work so fucking hard all the fucking time and i literally have nothing to show for it. I feel like my life is like that mutombo cereal commercial where the kid picks up a box of cereal and he just comes smacks it and shit spills everywhere. That's me, I'm the kid , i feel like every time i pick myself back up and try to continue and work harder life just abuses the fuck out of me and tells me i'm not shit and probably never will be.
I cant even kill myself right now cause i owe so many people money and it would terrible cause i cant leave without paying. I owe my younger brother $2500 and i cant even give him anything when he needs it cause i cant get kicked out of my house and i need to pay for utilities CAUSE I TS FUCKING WINTER AND IT SO FUCKING COLD, i try so hard to work multiple jobs, going back to school and nothing works for me. I really don't think i'm supposed to be alive like, i think i overstayed my welcome and the universe is tired of my ass and just needs me gone but i wont go so its making everything hard to punish me or something i don't get it.
I've tried so hard to live life by being positive and praying for the best but imagine waking up meditating, writing down an affirmations and intentions and repeating them to yourself in the mirror then walking outside to go to work and your tire popped and your mom is too broke to send you money for gas or uber. Like wtfffffffff WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. I'M SO FUCKING TIRED!!!! Am i trying too hard to survive, should i just let go? i'm just going to quit school again and become homeless. I cant live like this anymore.
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self.offmychest
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Feel suicidal about everything that is going on in the world. Especially in today's political climate. I am angry and depressed that our government wants to shrink and privatize our national parks, jobs are getting harder to find and pay less money, college is super expensive and I can't even concentrate on my hobbies anymore. I feel like life is nothing but struggle, except for the very rich. It just seems like everyone wants to dominate nature and each other and no one is content. I really want a job to help me feel more worthwhile and like I am contributing to society. But it just seems like everyone likes machines better then people anyway.
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self.depression
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Any upcoming new years resolutions? I'm starting to work on some of mine. I currently live a really sloppy, unstructured life, but I graduate in a few weeks from undergrad, and I'm taking some time to work before law school, so I'm hoping this is my chance to build good habits.
-Don't drink more than 2x a week, and no more than 5 drinks if I'm going out.
-Create a routine for the morning and night, and stick to it.
-Spend 20 minutes a day cleaning my apartment.
-Work out 4 times a week.
-Keep track of my mood on an app.
-Create an LSAT study plan.
-Create a budget for myself.
What are some of yours that you're thinking about?
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self.bipolar
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Is this an anxiety? I have been meaning to rip up tile and replace with hardwood floors. have done it before many times, years ago. finally went out and bought the hardwood floor.
I keep delaying doing it. When I start to do it, I get sweaty, headcahy, tight chest.
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self.Anxiety
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Just needed to post this somewhere I've been skipping school for a while now, I'm on week two. I wake up to my alarm and decide not to go, then I lay in bed thinking about academics for the whole day. Oddly, I do manage to go to work for the two days out of the week that I do.
I'm concerned about myself. I haven't been diagnosed with any disorder, but I suspect I have one. I feel awful way too often. I'm kind of worried that I might not bother going if I ever paid for counselling. I guess that's my best option, but with a strong lack of motivation, it's hard to do anything.
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self.depression
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From being life of a party to having no life at all.. TDLR~ Had a great life in India, moved to US and life has been a bitch so far.
Its 2 pm when I started typing this, 2 days before the finals, Library is packed and here I am in a sweet corner watching Simpsons since 3 hours, funny how life changes.
I was born in India, in a upper middle class family, spend my entire day with friends, thought of not having friends never actually came in my mind. I was good at school, always hung out with coolest kids, partied in high school like there's no tomorrow, made some life long friends,etc,etc (I know you don't want to read all this.) Here comes the twist:
My dad faced a major loss in business, so my parents decided to move to US since my extended family lived here, So I, for the sake of better future joined them. But life in US was nothing like I had imagined (its great for 90% of the people, its just that I'm not included in one of them)
As soon as I got here, because of my poor English, could only score a job at a retail store. (We had chauffeurs in India, maids to take care of dishes, laundry, etc, nothing fancy here, its equivalent to being able to afford a house worth $500k in US). I was devastated in the beginning, but then got used to it because that is the way of living in US(and I like it). I got into a community college, but while working two jobs, sometime had no time to eat, leave apart hanging out with friends. Before I even realized, I turned from this charming high school kid to this emotion less robot. Time went by and I started noticing this weird pain in the butt (literally), Sciatica. I fucking herniated my disk. I had no insurance since I was part time at two jobs so only resort was to YouTube some exercises (they helped a bit)
Fortunately, In a year I saved enough to transfer to a state school and I still had enough money to continue for around 2 more years so I decided to quit my job. Suddenly I had 60+(2 jobs) hours in my life and had absolutely nothing to do with it.
I am a Computer Science major, so I started working on some projects but had lost motivation midway. Starting watching Family guy and Simpsons just to fill in the void, I wasn't paying attentions, just that sound of someone blabbering something in front of me was comforting. I couldn't sit down for more than 2 hours(Sciatica) so that hurt my grades a lot (couldn't attend classes or sit and do my H.W.) but I didn't care. I just didn't care about anything for that matter. Had to code while sleeping on my stomach, gradually started losing interest and energy.
There's that, now the social part. At first I had a hard time in making friends, because honestly I still have many friends in India, but I have never "made" any. It just happened. And I get it. Most people(I was included in this before) don't have to put any effort in making friends, (keeping them, yes) it just happens.Then I thought it was because of my busy schedule(*If this is you, its an excuse*). And now that I have time, I realized that I am not the same person anymore and I don't have things common between people.
I like watching Cricket(no one watches Cricket at my Uni) and playing soccer(herniated my disk, so can't do that). I can't just throw all those witty punch lines and movie references, because I grew up watching different movies than you Americans. Trying to change(fix) my heavy accent, so that I can probably hold a better conversation.
Discovered Reddit like 2 weeks back and I'm completely addicted to it. Also, most of these generic advise don't apply to me because of my weird case. However, this is just 10% of the story, would love to add more if anyone cares to read .
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self.depression
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My mum is making my depression and suicidal thoughts worse So a brief background: Im 27m and have no job, car and very little money. I graduated with a degree in computer science in 2015. Since graduation I have been living with my mum. I have had a few interviews but I am so shit at interviews that they just think im stupid and not bother with me so yeah I feel like my degree was a waste of time and money.
Living with my mum on the other hand is fucking awful! I dont have a car so I have to rely on her for that and she uses it to control me for instance I have two children to two different women aged 8 and 3, I dont live with my partner because I dont have a job and am relying on social welfare to survive - my mum dosent like my girlfriend so she wont let me take my girlfriend or kids out anywhere in the car. I also need the car to go to interviews for jobs and if I do one little thing she dosent like then she will threaten me that I cant use the car and will take the keys with her to work.
Today she told me that she dosent want my girlfriend around because she wants me to respect her privacy and thats fine but she lets my sister and her boyfriend sleep in her bed and stay all day while she is at work... I told her this today "why do you let my sister and the boyfriend sleep in your bed and stay for days even while your at work" and she told me to fuck off and that she would rather die.. She loves my sister and her boyfriend but hates my girlfriend and favours the child (8 year old) of mine that isnt to the gf she hates and dosent talk to my 2 year old because she dosent like the mother (my girlfriend).
I know no one is perfect but this is just rediculas and it feels like she secretly hates me.
I really want to move out but I am fucking stuck here untill I can find a job and I need to bow down to her so I can keep using the car.
She has me by the fucking balls and its making my depression and suicidal thoughts worse.
Any one else in a similar situation?
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self.depression
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Feeling Heavy I don't know if this is mood thing, or a sleep deprivation thing, but does anyone ever feel a heaviness in their stomach or chest? For me, it's like a deep feeling that wants me to just stop everything. I'm all about keeping up appearances (meaning I still get out of bed, keep up with household chores, ect.), but I'm not doing much to warrant needing a break at all....I guess I'm just wondering if this is a thing
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self.depression
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Depression and Periodic Physical Exhaustion So, does anyone else have bouts of occasional physical exhaustion (Like, can't get out of bed, don't want to get out of bed)? This week (and it's happened before) I just feel like I have this huge weight sitting on me and I'm exhausted. All I want is to sleep.
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self.depression
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i was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder i’m a little nervous posting this but i thought i would just go for it because i’m sure you all have been through the diagnostic process!
i’m 16 years old and after being hospitalized for 6 days, i was officially diagnosed with bipolar. i’m still kind of mind blown because i knew what it was but never would’ve thought i had it. how did you guys feel after being diagnosed and is there any advice you guys can give for me for the future?
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self.bipolar
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Life is too much for me, seriously considering suicide for the first time in a while. I am trying really hard to be strong but I don't think I can anymore. In august my mom and I lost our house and I was couch surfing for a while and then I finally got my own place. My bills are outrageous, I'm still in high school and I work 30-32 hours a week and suffer from severe scoliosis and a connective tissue disorder. I'm constantly exhausted, I can barley stay awake. I am broke all of the time. I honestly am considering becoming a cam girl. I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills this month. I just turned 18 in July and I'm already fucking my credit up because I'm always late on my bills. My mom moved back home to save money and find a job but no one will hire her. I've considered dropping out of high school. I've considered selling drugs. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm such a piece of shit. This wasn't supposed to be the life for me. Everyone keeps telling me to wait it out but I am physically and mentally at the end. It's too much to handle.
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self.SuicideWatch
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University absolutely destroyed me to the point where I starting having thoughts about suicide again, what should I do? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Im completelt obsessed with music i used to make myself New rap and hip hop is the shit! Idgaf what ppl think im so obsessed
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self.offmychest
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dissociated from social media Been finding it hard to keep up with everyone, even though barely anyone communicates with me via social media. And I feel the need to keep a front on social media, which is difficult on some days. I deleted the applications, been without it for 3 whole days and I feel much better.
Just gonna stick to journaling to immerse myself more in my environment and I hope I get my productivity going soon. Wish me luck!
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self.depression
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The world is filled to the brim with humans; People who are strong enough to overcome adversities and make something of themselves. Me 2.0's and Me 3.0's everywhere. I know comparison is deadly to mental health but I suck at everything. My parents are so disappointed in me because they left their country to seek a better life for me but it can't be THAT bad to shave off 1 person from this earth, right?
I just can't seem to move like everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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exhausting myself with overthinking/Need to vent Hello, r/anxiety. I need help again.
The holidays are stressing me out. 5 days until Christmas and I have a stack of Christmas cards to send. Hope they're not too late.
It's been such a struggle trying to get people to send me their damn addresses. I hate it. Plus, I bought 72! I kind of hate myself for spending that money.
Overthinking is preventing me from eating. I'm terrified of the food in my fridge going bad. My old fridge would overheat all the time and my food would be rotten. I have a new fridge but I still worry. So, I eat crackers and let my food go bad then I end up wasting it. It's a vicious cycle.
I want to go to therapy. I have insurance but I don't know if it would cover therapy. I feel like I always get surprised by the bill when I thought insurance would take care of it.
Today, at work, my friend gave me a blanket she made me. It's absolutely amazing and so thoughtful. I had told her my apartment gets cold and she MADE me a blanket. It was so thoughtful and kind. I feel like I didn't tell her that enough or I told her too much. We also did Secret Santa at work. My boss bought my a pound of coffee and portable hand warmer that doubles as a phone charger. Again, I love it and it's such a thoughtful gift. She said she likes champagne and Mexican food so I'm getting her a giftcard to a restaurant or champagne. I don't feel like it's enough but I'm on a limited budget. I'm worried it's not enough but hell. The gift limit is $25.
So, ranting aside, how do people just go about their day? How do you roll with the punches and not freeze up with fear?
I hope this makes sense. I'm a whirlwind of anxiety at the moment.
tl/dr: Christmas is a stressful time for me because I feel like I don't give good, thoughtful gifts and I didn't make time to send cards. I can't eat because I stress about food poisoning. And I'm worried I can't afford to see a doctor.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so freakin braon dea d and I'm not even on meds, wtf. I can't figure out what's wrong. I have that feeling of being overstuffed and bloated and unable to move or think all day long.
I can't seem to clear my head enough to find what's causing it. I feel like I have a vitamin deficiency or something. I'm drinking protein powder with vitamins hoping that will help. Not so far.
Edit: Brain Dead. I can't even type on my phone properly.
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self.bipolar
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Homelessnes reason to kill yourself? What whould you do if you end up homeless? I would definitely kill myself. And yes i fear of becoming homeless or just poor. Being poor is worse enough, but homelessnes is even worse. Is it normal that you want to die if you would end up homeless? I mean why should i live any longer if i would end up homeless and would soon die of starvation or freeze to death in the winter?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've never told anyone this but now I need to. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Help me Am I having anxiety or did I rupture an artery I feel like I can’t breathe my heart is beating fast I was picking the side of my face really bad and I’m afraid I ruptured my facial artery
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self.Anxiety
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Is it wrong of me to be upset?... I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. I have opened up to my best friend about it many times even just this week. One of my issues is that I would like to get out more / be more social. She is always getting invited places and doing things and I have fallen off the social circle pretty bad.
Ive asked her before to hit me up when theres things going on and even after Ive talked to her several times about it she hasnt bothered. Plus she has her own best friend she pretty much does everything with and sometimes I get the impression we only hang out when this other girl is busy. It stings to see her out always enjoying herself on social media. Idk maybe I am being irrational...
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self.Anxiety
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I don't care if I die because it already feels like I'm dead The only reason I don't do it is because I can't put that pain on my parents, one of whom has survived many suicide attempts. She has depression that no medication has ever been able to fully get rid of; I know there's no hope for me. I'm killing myself as soon as they are both dead. I just hope I don't become too much more of a disappointment in that time. I'm only living for them now.
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self.depression
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In depressed? Idk I am often sad cuz how is my life, and how is going, and i feel blocked when i think about existenzial crisis. So im depressed or no? How can i know?
I dont wanna go to the medic/psycologist
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self.depression
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I told them I was going to kill myself and they didn’t listen but they were all shocked when I tried Recently I’ve been arguing a lot with my mum and brother , I told them I wanted to kill myself and I told them I was going to try , but they ignored it. After I told them quite a few times my mum reported it to my school who then told her to take me to the doctors. The doctor was no help and said he thinks I should get anger management , despite the fact that I’m not an angry person. I had an introduction with a counsellor who I was meant to see 12 weeks later for a 6 week counselling appointment. When I was there she asked me about Suicide , I told her I think about it a lot and I have for as long as I can remember. She then asked me if I’d try it and I told her I would. She sent me home like everything was fine , when clearly I wasn’t (still aren’t) fine. A week later I took an overdose on paracetamol , ibuprofen and priteze. I got taken to the hospital and kept in for a number of days. Whilst I was in there my mum kept saying I all the doctors about how it was such a shock and how it was ‘so unexpected’ because ‘she seemed fine’. Everyone kept asking me if I regret it and if I’d do it again , so I said I do regret it and I won’t try it again because I know that’s what they want to hear. But it was 2 weeks ago tomorrow I did it and I want to try again and not fail this time. I’m never going to amount to anything , I’m not going to pass my exams , nobody needs me , my mum doesn’t like me and I never see my dad. I think the only thing putting me off trying again is my brother. When he found out what happened he was heartbroken and just cried until I was out. He’s 3 years older than me but it takes a lot for him to cry. The hospital sent me away like I hadn’t just tried to kill myself and nobody actually cares.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've been helping a man in prison. In my work, we are usually the office that receives requests for random information, answers to questions, and other historical facts. One day this past summer I read a letter from a man in prison who was requesting information about the history of my state. All he wanted was simple prints of Wikipedia pages since he does not have computer access. His letter was neat and well organized, which made it easy to fulfill. I was happy to do that, and also sent some other printed material that might have been of interest to him.
About a month later, he wrote back and was so grateful for the time I took to send him the items. He said that he was doing a class and was assigned to write a report about five states, one of them being mine, and I was the only person that responded. He asked, humbly, for some more information, expanding on some that I had already sent. I sent that, and asked which states were the other four he needed.
Since then, I have sent him more information (Always asking for the wikipedia pages). He wrote me recently and said that because of my kindness to him, this has opened up a passion for learning and history that he felt has been long gone. He reads every word of it, shares it with his class, and thanks me profusely for my respectful treatment of him and his requests. He said that because of this, he was promoted to be the instructor's assistant and helps others learn more about history. All of the information he's requested has been about American history.
I don't know what the man did to end up in prison, and I don't want to know. I don't ask him personal questions because I want to keep it professional but also give him the respect he deserves as a human. I did tell him congratulations, and that I didn't mind sending him information, that my supervisor is totally ok with it, and I encourage learning by anyone and everyone.
Would it be odd to send him a book or two for christmas? I want to find a couple of general American History books and gift them to him. There is a great used book store that is run by my local library and they have contemporary books in excellent condition.
I've just been happy to help this man and hopefully make his life a little better, despite whatever mistakes he has made in the past.
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self.offmychest
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What an non festive Christmas... I dunno, it’s just kinda a bummer. My parents and I have been working on the house and we just got together really quick for “Christmas lunch” and now it’s nap time until we continue working. There’s no decorations and I’m currently living out of boxes.
It’s just like any other day. I was in the midst of the worst depressive episode last Christmas, but at least the whole family was there. This is just... so lonely.
I don’t know anyone in this town anymore and even if I did they’d be busy with family.
I just want the holidays to be over so I can return to some sort of routine. This lack of structure just allows the depression to take over.
I hope everyone else is having a happy Christmas or at least a nice day in general.
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self.offmychest
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Meds: why do i even try? I'm so fucking tired of being sad. My eyes hurt man. And my my contact lenses get all gross and cloudy from crying all the time. When is something going to work?
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self.bipolar
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Suicidal ideation but not depressed - normal? (I literally just posted this over in /depression, so please delete if x-posting isn't allowed)
I'm sure this has been answered a million times, but I can't find an answer that fits my specific situation, so wanted to ask myself.
I think about suicide a lot. At least once a day but probably more, and it isn't a fleeting though; I dwell on it. Recently my favorite band lost its lead singer to suicide and when I found out the method, the first thing that came into my head was "yeah, this is how I'd do it too." Yesterday I was driving down the road and couldn't really shake the idea of "yeah, I could totally just slam my car into this highway median going 90mph," and almost felt a physical tension as my conscious mind restrained my arm from turning the wheel.
That being said, I'm not actively suicidal in that I don't want to die, and while I was diagnosed with depression ten years ago when I was a Peace Corps volunteer, it was largely considered a malpractice diagnosis and was situational at best. I am 100% not going to go home tonight and attempt suicide. The thought about "what if" basically never leaves my mind, though.
I don't mind being alive, and I have fun with the people I love, do the things I'm interested in doing, have an amazing family who loves me, etc. A lot of the time I feel happy. I like a lot of aspects of my life. I just get really tired sometimes (a lot), everything seems like a hassle to a degree, and in areas of my life professionally especially, I feel like I'm always coasting on mediocre and feel like I'll always be mediocre / kind of lost in what I'm doing (and if someone feels otherwise and that I'm doing really well, it's because somehow I pulled the wool over their eyes). I can't concentrate on ANYTHING. It takes a lot to get me out of the house to do social things, but once I do, I enjoy myself a lot, and I travel a lot. Life simultaneously seems like it's flying by and like it's creeping along. None of my feelings align with what I understand depression to be, though.
Is this normal? Is this something I should be worried about? I'm having a hard time even verbalizing this in a way that I feel like makes sense.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How can I stop being a wuss and go through with suicide? I've been wanting to end my life for so long now. But I never could get through with it. I don't have the guts to do it. I've read up on it in so much detail. I just want a painless way to die, and even the way that seems the most painless (sleeping pills) stops oxygen from going to the brain so you actually suffocate in your sleep. I don't want that. I just want to end it once and for all. I'm getting closer, though. The closest I came to it was a couple of months ago when I actually bought sleeping pills, wrote a letter, took some pills. But I didn't take enough, so nothing really happened. I hate pills in general, so maybe I have to look for an alternative way. Suggestions on how to get over my dear and just go through with it?
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self.SuicideWatch
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is there Somewhere i could talk? this month is something else. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Dealing with a dying father I have been struggling with my feelings around this for quite a while so figured posting might give me some way of getting some of the emotional force of it to lessen a bit.
My father died of cancer a month or two ago. As he was going through chemo then in hospice, I made the decision not to talk with him about my childhood. How he might go from normal to screaming at my brother and I for whatever minor rule was broken. How he made my mother cry on a regular basis, and how much I've pushed myself to never replicate the same behaviors with my own wife and son. For most of my childhood I felt like I was always treading so softly, unsure of when his mood would switch and the bullying would begin again.
I did this because I believe it's what he wanted in his last days. I took my son (to young to know what dying is but old enough to know something upsetting was happening) around as much as I could so they could see one another. I saw him in his last moments and did what I could to help my mother pick up the pieces.
I pride myself that my fathers anger issues are not part of my life but I wish that I had grown up with a father who I did not fear and would have been more of a positive part of my life.
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self.offmychest
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This girl I really like said that I'm the best person she's ever met She said she loves how kind and caring I am, and that she loves that I'm always there for her whenever she needs help with anything.
Then she told me about the guy she's been hooking up with that week.
I don't see the point of living anymore. I'm not gonna kill myself, but life just seems so bland and empty. I can't find any motivation to do anything, I have final exams next week and I'm worried that I won't be able to find the motivation to study. Fuck.
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self.offmychest
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My situation WON'T get better. I'm 21 years old and have suffered from chronic depression since I was 9ish. I just discovered this year that I am autistic. This will never get better. This will never get easier. I always feel like I'm being attacked. I always feel stupid as hell. I literally can't look for even my wallet on my own, someone always has to help me. I feel incapable of even the simplest of things and I just want this to end, maybe tonight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Should one seek therapy? So, first time on this subreddit and I'm not going to post about how pathetic and sad my life is. Reading other people's post, it's depressing. (I mean no offense to anybody) long story short, I've been suicidal my entire life, gone through 20+ therapists, and as I'm getting older, it isn't getting any better. In fact, it's getting more difficult to handle.
I'm considering therapy, again. This time will be different; previously my family attended the therapy so I couldn't fully utilize therapy as many of the issues I had, I didn't want to bring up in front of my grandparents. My only concern is, now, there's things I wouldn't even want to bring up to a therapist for my personal safety. I'm an adult - if I get diagnosed with a mental disability, it'll limit what I can do. Additionally, there are certain things not covered under confidentiality, so I'm concerned if I bring these up, the therapist will immediately report me to the police.
Has anybody brought up extremely dark stuff with their therapists? For instance, I wouldn't be bothered if I saw a human child (or any pet including dogs) starve, beaten, suffer, and die before my eyes. I simply don't care. Bring something like this up to somebody.... And they'll get the impression you're a psychopath. Bring it up with your therapists, you'll get diagnosed for antisocial personality disorder, which ultimately screws me over for my career path.
And what about suicide? Has anybody brought that up with your therapists? What happens when they contact the police, like they legally are obligated to?
Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, but as I said, my suicidal tendencies aren't getting any more easier to deal with, and as much as I hate therapy... I don't know. Sooner or later, I will be needing help. Sooner, probably and I'm preparing for the worst. Therapy might be necessary, but I don't want to end up in a psychiatric hospital, or diagnosed with any mental disorders, or have the police called on because confidentiality doesn't cover everything.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I was okay, now I have lost all energy. I was finally feeling normal after days of being depressed and having a very bad episode. I woke up at 7am, which is really odd for me. I woke up thinking "okay, I can use this early wake up as a way to be productive!" But instead over the past hour, I have been feeling really down, and honestly I can't think of anything that would have triggered me feeling like this. I just wanted to have another good day, but instead its depression....
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self.bipolar
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I often ask myself if I really am depressed I’ve been having frequent mood swings for about 2 years, stemming from social interactions and my experience with toxic friends. I always found myself feeling useless and hopeless, jealous of everyone who seemed to be happy in new environments.
I’ve recently started Uni, with the intention of rebranding myself; to establish my presence unlike how I did in school (quiet, reserved, shy). But there’s been no success in that regard. Instead I get to see some of my friends enjoying themselves with their new friends while I attend social events but not really socialising. I guess it’s my fault for not being more confident, and I hate myself for it.
I feel so lonely half the time. Although I have a few close friends and family, I’m not really doing what I wanted to do. I want to go out and do things with people and bond. I want to get a girlfriend, to start a long term relationship that could blossom into a marriage one day. Instead I just sit alone in my room playing video games and listening to music, providing me with temporary happiness.
I want to make long lasting friendships with some people. I’d like nothing more than to build a strong social circle where it isn’t toxic and we’re all comfortable. I see so many others with that, and I envy them.
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self.depression
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I have never met a good person in 28 years. Have you? thats the most depressing thing about this world
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self.depression
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Never felt like that Hi,
I'm posting my second topic about this problem but I havent got an answer on my first post, that's why.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I overthink a lot, that's quite normal but today I bought razors, got in bath and was thinking about slitting my wrists. I havent slitted my wrist yet but if it will go this way I will end up killing myself. And reason for my overthinking and I'd also say overreacting is that I got attached to a girl. Everytime I see her online I want to text her but I can't because I feel like I bother her but sometimes I do text her(usually some shit about school) and we text for hours and it kinda seems like she might like me as a friend(that's what I'd probably be okay with) and we also talk irl sometimes, we've also been out several times in August. But there are certain things that make me sad. When I see her online and she doens't text me I instantly feel like she doesn't like me. Another thing is that when we text each other, she says goodbye and she is there for for example just 5 minutes and I feel like I was bothering her. Yesterday she was online for like next 40 minutes and this is also the reason I was thinking about slitting my wrists. It seemed like she had a better person to talk to and I was so sad and I thought I bother her and I said myself I will never text her again because I don't want to be pain in the neck. Know I see her online and the shit starts again, thinking about what she might be doing, she probably has someone better et cetera. Sometimes some picture pops up on my facebook wall and it says some shit and I instantly think it's a sing. For example, today my friend tagged me in post that says: "You see your love online and you think she's gonna text you? Don't be a dick, she is not going to text you and she is probably arranging a sex with another guy."...and I started to think that she has someone because she wasnt online for like 4 hours. I know I am such a dick but I don't know how to stop that. I am really afraid she has someone and it's kinda weird because I dont want her to be my gf(or maybe I just dont want to admit that) but she is kinda special to me and I dont want to lose her. She is different than other girls and that's so special about her. I really need help or I'll probably end up killing myself.
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self.depression
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I'm Productive, and yet Still Wish I Were Dead Looking at myself, I can't help but to wonder why this is the case. I do what I want to everyday, spend 5+ hours programming (I love programming) even with homework and school, play the piano, and do other shit. Even though I see myself as productive, I still constantly wish that I weren't alive. The only time this goes away is when I spend my time programming (which is why I do it so much), but when I'm at school or I have to force myself to do homework or I have to do anything else, I can't stop thinking about how I would kill myself and what it would feel like. I don't think I'm depressed, as I don't stay in bed unless I'm legitimately tired and I can still enjoy myself when it comes to programming, but other than that I just can't stop thinking about suicide. I don't think I'd be able to do it because of my family, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Anyone else feel similarly?
PS: Sorry for the rambling and poor structure, I just felt like typing my thoughts.
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self.depression
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My family is the reason I have depressed (First, I just want to say that I'm only fifteen and still living with my parents, just in case anyone was confused) Recently, I have just figured out that my family is the reason why I'm depressed all of the time. Sure they sometimes buy me things and say "I love you" but they don't really act like they care. Just saying "I love you" and buying me things doesn't mean they actually love me. They're the reason why I can never talk about "feelings" and why I have no hope for love in the future. They constantly do things without thinking how I would feel about it. ALL OF THEM DO. I've recently came clean about being depressed (leaving out the reason why) and just like I thought, everything is back to normal. They still don't show that they care about me at all. They don't get that depression isn't temporary and that a trip to the mall and some ice cream won't be enough to cheer me up. When I would cry they would never ask what's wrong or try to help me and if they did they would say "stop crying" or "why are you crying" in the rudest way possible. Anyways, the constantly make me feel suffocated and I can't talk to them about anything without them brushing it off later. They make me constantly feel suicidal, and I can't breathe around them. They make me actually want to stay at school even though I hate school. I have no idea what do or how to live anymore.
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self.depression
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On feeling broken and undeserving of romantic love I was recently pming with someone about relationships, heartbreak, and feeling broken and picked up on a shared sentiment. That our mental illnesses made us less deserving of love from healthy people. Which my rational mind tells me is total bullshit, but it's still a sentiment I have to put effort into rejecting. It's no secret I've been investing serious time into online dating, but I think it's progress on my part that most of the time I don't feel like my mental illness disqualifies me from relationships with healthy people.
I still feel like I'll be better understood by people who experience depression and whatnot and like my issues will be less of a burden to someone with their own struggles for me to give back to, but as I was thinking about it last night I remembered everyone has their own struggles. That even "normies" feel broken sometimes and even normies get overwhelmed and that I could contribute back enough that I'm not weighing them down.
I was in a relationship I think it's fair to describe as long term, and she was "normal" and seems to have started a pretty successful life, and when it ended I felt it showed my brokenness. But I think the most broken thing about me at the time was my own perception of being broken. That the relationship ended mostly for reasons that didn't reflect unhealthy psychological functioning on my part.
Right now I'm talking to two people from online dating and even though I seem to share more interests with the one I know has a mental illness and think I might be more able to be understood by, it's the one who comes off as normal and like a better influence who seems more promising right now.
While it's not rare for me to feel broken and I am very much flawed, everyone else is flawed too and I'm no more broken than any "normie."
*How many of you have struggled to feel like it's okay to have relationships with healthy people, and of those of you who have, what if anything has helped you chip away at that feeling?*
As broken as I've felt and as flawed as I've been, I've never been broken and I've never stopped being worth loving. There have been things about me that have made it harder to love me, like my former BMI of nearly 40 as a barrier to that kind of attracted attention, but even then I was sometimes shown that kind of love.
**However broken you may feel and however unlovable you may feel, you are most certainly mistaken. You are complete and just as flawed as everyone else and worthy of love, however hard it may be to find that love.**
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self.bipolar
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I don't like how existence feels. I don't know how to explain how I feel most of the time, but I guess I'll try.
I don't see a point in my existence other than to keep those around me happy. However I'm not in emotional pain, I don't want to off myself just because I i'm sad or depressed, it's just I don't see a point.
You could argue that "your time will come, eventually" or "everyone has a purpose you just have to find it" or some other cheesy phrase along those lines, and you may be right but you may be wrong to.
I've also always been curious as to what death feels like, what happens after you die. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to death so my fascination isn't helping me want to stay here anymore.
It's just everyday feels like a chore, I usually just lay in bed trying to pass the time till I force myself out of bed. Nothing feels fun, everything is meh. The only time I truly enjoy life, and this sounds super cliche imo, but its when im talking to an online friend of mine, we share an abundance of interests but after so long not being able to meet them in person and enjoy their interaction just pains me even more. Other than them, I have 2 IRL friends and my nearest relative lives over 1000km away in a different country.
Maybe the reset button will just answer everything for me?
(Sorry for this jumbled pile of words, I just wrote what was in my head at the time, and usually I try to tell people close to me about this feeling but I usually just delete whatever I want to say because I don't want to seem like I'm attention seeking or something that needs pitying)
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self.offmychest
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This life is cruel. Just need to vent. Depression has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It's something I've learned to deal with and luckily I have a supportive family. But this is something I won't tell anyone I know.
After being in a 10+ year (unhealthy) relationship I was able to break free. For a year after, I went a little buck wild and had sex with a lot of different people. I always used protection. I got tested multiple times and always came up STD free. I started dating a guy names Joe consistently and fell in love. He and I didn't work out, which crushed me. He was my first heart break. I started going back to my wild ways and continued my routine of safe sex.
In steps John. He is amazing. He is loving, he is just as broken as me. We fall in love fast. We start having unprotected sex. Cut to a year later and I find out John gave me herpes. I haven't been able to talk to him about it...and he and I aren't on best of terms at the moment. Right after I found out about the herpes, Joe texts me and we start talking about how we miss each others friendship. Other guys from my past happen to reach out to me too.... and I realize that my life is ruined.
There are a million other things going on that have had my depression "flared up" but this has put me over the edge.
I can't believe this has happened to me. I've always been so careful. I have suicidal thoughts constantly. Which I haven't had in years. Every other problem in my life has been something that can be fixed. Herpes isn't something that goes away. It's permanent. How do I live with myself?
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self.depression
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I need help with my anxiety (A letter to Myself) I suddenly felt overwhelmed once again and I haven't talked to anyone about it even though this kind of thing has been happening for a while. This time I decided to write down my thoughts. This is what I wrote to myself:
What’s even happening at this point.
Am I lazy? Why does work of any kind at all just entirely break you down? Why doesn’t making a schedule even work? It worked for 3 days once, but never after.
Why do I feel myself trapped although I’m technically free to do whatever?
You were pretty depressed a year ago. But you were able to turn that around pretty decently I feel. You went to therapy. You started showering again and went from eating maybe a meal a day to eating on a much more semi-regular basis. You even managed to keep your room clean after coming back to college for the most part (semi-weekly cleanings sort of magically took place). It was so bad that at some point you had maggots in the trashcan and people refused to touch you or enter your room. But it seems like now you’ve got new problems to deal with.
You’ve gone almost 5 months now with suicide ideas going through your head every day. You play it like a movie. And even when you tell yourself that suicide is not the answer, you seem to counter with “well it would actually solve your problems.” Is this not a problem?
You know for a fact that you are too much of a wuss to actually follow through, so you have that going for you. You also know that it would be the most disappointing thing to so many people who have known you or currently know you.
What doesn’t seem to make sense is that you can’t find a source of these bad thoughts. Last time you were able to find a source. But this time the source seems to be elusive. Going out and just talking and hanging with people makes you feel decently happy and puts your mind off (usually) from things that make you anxious. Yet you seem to have weird anxiety pop up at almost all other situations. It hits and you freeze. You can only think about those things that make you anxious. You sweat. You lose all appetite. You have to force food in your mouth to keep the 2 meal a day minimum going. You feel faint headed and almost in a delirious state. But why does the anxiety hit at such random times?
Sometimes I feel like the only decent solution is to just take a gap semester from college, go home, throw all electronics in a box so that I’m truly alone, and just take time to think without much responsibilities. It’s unrealistic though. I would just be lonely again and because of how it is at home, it could just make you more anxious. But that’s another weird thing.
I feel lonely when I’m alone doing nothing much, but when I’m alone doing something I love, it’s the best thing ever. But for some reason, I’m unable to truly let myself do stuff I really love without the thought of various other work I have to do. It’s crippling. You need to do something buddy. I know you can because you were once happy.
(Also, why was this so hard to type buddy? You seem to have the general problem of expressing your feelings properly, even to yourself.)
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self.Anxiety
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I waited too long and I lost you I couldn’t think straight. I had to leave to clear my head. Not long after I left I realized you are really the one for me, but I waited to tell you to make sure I wasn’t making any rash decisions.
By the time I told you, you had decided that you wanted to take time to be single and work on yourself. You left me with a sterile explanation. I didn’t inquire further. I knew it would only hurt.
I hope you get the help you need to be in a better place. I hope I won’t have to live with this regret forever. I hope once things get better we can be together. I love you and I miss you. I do want what’s best for you... I just want it to be me.
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self.offmychest
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You Stingy Fuck. I'm not paying any of your <$3 venmo requests for shit that you said you "got me for bro". If you're going to show generosity, don't fucking go back on your word and make me pay the 99 cents for a fucking Arizona or the 87 cents for a pack of gum. You live in a fucking mansion and don't have student loans. You drive a nice car and deal drugs for a job. I don't have any of those things. I can barely afford groceries let alone the monthly bills. I choose to skip out on meals because it fits my budget that I painstakingly made so that I don't go hungry for a few days or more. You've never felt struggle. You have no need for my chump change other than to assert your dominance and its one of the many things that make you despicable. I hope one day when you get that "six figure" job your parents line up for you gets automated and you end up begging for change on the street. Maybe then you'll really give a damn about generosity and kindness.
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self.offmychest
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Finally an official diagnosis, but also a weird one Last week, I finally got an official diagnosis. Took me a year to stop dealing with the symptoms on my own, get off my bum, and call a doc, but that's the past, so let's not focus on it. The doc was willing to diagnosis me with "mild bipolar and/or bipolar in remission" which is probably the best way to describe my symptoms: often weeks of wonderful stability, followed by a week (or two) of crushing depression that is often immediately preceded by a few days of mild hypomania. I know most people here have more typical diagnoses, but does anyone have experience with something like this? Anyone got any advice as to what to expect going forward? (PS. I also have pretty horrible ADHD, so my ability to develop habits like journaling is limited. Just the way my brain works.)
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self.bipolar
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What did I do wrong? It's New year's day, and I just opened up to my parents about my depression. I could hear the disappointment and anger in my father's voice. My mother made no sign of acknowledgement. My brother was playing his games on his computer as usual. And now I feel like I did the wrong and told them about my issues. Happy new year. I'm sorry if this post sucks. I am just kind of running on steam. Sorry.
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self.depression
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Something new happend last night. (just for context)
There's a co-worker which i met in the first days of this company that i started working for one year ago. My friends recommended me for this job, she worked in the same team as them but i worked in a different floor. Took just 3 weeks to me get interest for her, 2 months to fall in love for her.
The thing is, i wasn't feeling open for relationships for a long time and i was good with it. I was in a good phase, new job in a big company, till everything collapsed because my inability to value myself and to throw my hope to live in the hands of the others. Basically what happened: i falled in love for her, we date for 2 months, i always knew she was just playing around, i get worse and worse, i couldn't stand lying to myself about this situation then decided i needed to distance myself as far as i could.
She literally drained me out of all joy and hope i had in living, its like i forgot my soul with her and she doesn't care at all.
I developed panic attack and my compulsive behaviours reached serious levels. In my mind i just tried to forget her and keep living my life, i always felt like i had a black hole inside myself but i know the day i took that decision the black hole turned into myself, i was the black hole.
My psychiatrist told me to take a license from work, i went back to my parents house for 20 days and returned this month to work. I was fine, really fine. The meds are doing much good to inner self.
Since i got back to work i get this death feeling that i can occasionally see her in these hangouts, but it was fine, it happened 2 or 3 times during the day-by-day, i got a little nervous then it was it, back to focus.
(sorry, this is what happend last night)
Last night i was hanging out with people from my team, we were in a bar in the same street of the company that is most visited by my work people. I saw she wasn't there and i was super cool, everything going along.
Suddenly, my friends says we should go to the bar next doors because the people from her team were there.
I asked them: "Who is there, exactly?", they told me a couple of names of friends and **not hers**. I was like: "ok, lets go!"
In the first seconds i walk in to this bar and greeted some friends. Then, believe me, it was the most scary thing that my "inner self" did. I doesn't exactly know what happened in my head, but its like my subconscious developed an alarm for her presence. When i looked to the table next to the friends i were greeting, i had a glimpse of her getting up with that floral dress she used when we dated. Immediately i started walking away. Next thing i remember is myself far, far away looking at my dead cellphone faking some texting, and my friends like: "Wtf, he just started walking away?"
I felt i could killed myself in order to stay away from her and forget her existence. Since i got home i can't stop thinking about this situation, i don't know what i will tell my friends.
I'm just frustrated to know i'm weak because of a girl and the fact that she literally doesn't give a single fuck about my existence make me want to disappear.
I feel i just got rolled back at step 1...
Thanks Universe for fucking my life for good.
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self.depression
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Is there a difference between telling a friend and a romantic partner? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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attempted OD'd,I just woke up. So I've got canned like three months ago and seems like that was my last strike, no one hires me and seems like I had to go back to my parents house and broke up with my GF cause i can't no longer give her the life she deserves,still no luck and ran out of money because of my masters degree tuition costs evreything just came down and it's just so much, my parents think I'm an idiot and I feel like a burden now, I have some money for funerary services, so i left them a note, seems like they threw it away, i just woke up feeling life shit and can't even be able to kill myself, really not what I expected,I just didn't wanted to wake up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish I wasn't intelligent I know that title sounds downvote worthy, so let me make some things clear. I am not bragging. I wouldn't consider myself particularly intelligent thanks to depression really fucking with my ability to think recently, but it's been the general opinion from people around me that I've been smart. Also, I am not saying that being less intelligent comes with less problems. If anything, it's probably worse. I just want to highlight some problems that I personally experience from being intelligent, in the past at least.
Once again, I am not bragging, I have nowhere near enough self-confidence to do that. If my wording sounds like that's what I'm doing, I apologise.
When I was in high school, I did really well with my work, even though I never studied particularly hard. I was one of those kids who just sorta "got" everything, and I never really had many problems. That ended up making my high school grades look pretty good. Nowhere near top-of-the-school or anything, but I think being labelled "the quiet kid" made people overestimate how intelligent I was, despite my high but not that high grades.
This has led to a lot of expectations in college (not university, it's the weird UK system). I'm expected to do well, and it's always treated like a joke when I say I struggle with things. I'm always asked for homework answers and stuff like that, and I've had very high standards put on me for expected grades all the time even though I've repeatedly shown that I can't really achieve them. I get that colleges and schools want their students to get good results so they can look like a good place, but it adds so much pressure on students, especially when they can't meet the expectations that are set for them.
I don't really know what point I'm trying to make here, and I can feel myself going in circles, so I'm gonna wrap things up and try to make something of this post.
I wish I wasn't as intelligent as I was in high school. I wish my grades were just... average back then, rather than good. It's come with so much added pressure that I just can't handle. Whenever I struggle, it's attributed to laziness rather than just the fact that I can't understand stuff (I am lazy, incredibly so, but there are still many things I just don't understand). I hate having my teachers and parents express disappointment in me when I can't reach the impossible standards set for me. The whole system of grades pisses me off. Students have enough on their plate as it is, they shouldn't have the crushing pressure to get a certain letter on their test added into the mix.
What's the story with you guys' educations? Do you have a similar perspective or a different one? I'm interested in finding out.
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self.depression
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Social anxiety and suicidal thoughts Don't even know how to start this, but as the title says, I have bad social anxiety that leads to suicidal thoughts. This isnt the only thing to make me feel this way but it's a major factor, especially now after last night. Every time I go out and get really drunk I can't help but analyze every stupid thing I did or said and it makes me hate who I am and how I act. Last night I did a shit load of blow and drank way too much and was just acting like a fool. The thing that pisses me off is that I know I'll feel this way after I do that shit but I do it anyways. I know this is a really stupid reason to want to end it but I can't help but fuckimg hate who I've become (there's also other huge factors but this is what's getting to me a lot right now). I'm going to stop drinking heavily as of now (hopefully, but probably not) but I can't deal with the shame of knowing I've made a complete fool of myself my entire life. I know I'm probably delusional and people probably don't notice or care, but I still can't help but hate myself for this. If anyone relates to this at all, how can I get past these thoughts and be comfortable with who I am? I don't want to kill my self but on days like these I can't shake the negative thoughts and end up sitting in my closet with a belt around my neck ready to hang or clearing out the garage so I can pull in with my car and fall asleep in it. Again, I know I just sound like a major pussy with trivial problems but these thoughts are very pervasive and I know I need to address them somehow.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Jumanji I woke up early this morning and made an ok breakfast which is a step up from yesterday. I hopped in the shower and as i was washing my hair, i heard what sounded like jumanji going on outside. Mind you, i only have one child. As im finishing up, i hear deep breathing outside the door. I open it up to see my kiddo. She tells me shes pretending to be a dog. That explains the noise. This is a sample of what its like to live with a 6 year old with adhd. It's spring break. So this is going to be the soundtrack to my life until next Monday.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling certain that I should go with it I'm honestly tired, tired of failing, tired of being a failure and a disappointment, tired of not loving those I should, and tired of hurting those around me, I'm tired of antidepressants that don't work, and of coke that takes the edge off wanting to end it for just a few hours, tired of the oblivion of alcohol, and of the mistakes you can claim on the next morning, tired of the everlasting physical fatigue, tired of the eternal overwhelming emotions, tired of my aspergers, tired of my anxiety, tired of my depression, and tired of being disappointed every morning I successfully wake up, and each of those mornings makes me more tired than the one before it, I'm tired, of being tired
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How do you deal with family changes? A lot has changed in my family in the past 2 years and I'm still not use to the changes. I know that's a long time but I feel anxious about it and the changes have lasting impacts on me. It's so unfair. :( My relationship with some of my family members has changed, too. I sometimes want to get away from them. I'm also becoming easily annoyed by some of them. My anxiety has been all over the place because of what's going on. Sometimes I feel sad and other times I feel angry. I don't think I can used to what has changed and what will change. Why can't things stay the same? Everything was going fine for me before someone changed everything. I don't feel happy at home so I stay in my room mostly to avoid everyone else.
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self.Anxiety
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My anxiety makes it impossible to date people. I don't even know where to start with this. Um, I'm 24, a woman, gainfully employed, and moderately successful (I guess). I've dated in the past, but after a particularly brutal breakup, serious family issues, work changes, etc. I've been petrified to let anyone in at all. I've always had anxiety, but I feel like it's really turned up to 11 since everything happened.
There's a guy who works at a cafe by my office. I want to get to know him, but I have no idea how to break the ice. Any time I'm in a situation that remotely resembles flirting, I clam up. I can't make eye contact, my heart races, and I just want to run. I feel like they can see all of my flaws. I feel too big for the space I occupy. I'm acutely aware of everything I do wrong. I just want to get away from the pain that they're inevitably going to inflict on me.
I feel like I'm forever going to be stuck in this lonely state of panic.
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self.Anxiety
|
How Do You Manage To Get Through Higher Education? How do you guys manage to meet deadlines or study for exams or stick to a schedule with all of these issues?
Am I fooling myself into believing that I could get through engineering school and graduate to have a decent job?
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self.bipolar
|
I really hope I get some kind of inheritance Or life insurance money or something from parents because they like to remind me if they died I'd be screwed (thanks). They said they're working on life insurance but don't count on family. Just adds to my depression I guess of being a loser.
I just keep thinking if I had a decent amount of money I could actually do something with my worthless life. I feel so much envy from people who get $50,000 from grandpa
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self.depression
|
Monday I will be leaving. I have been wanting to for months now. I am finally at peace with my decision. I am glad to have met the people I've met. I'm glad that I got to experience what I did in this life. My time is up now and could not be happier.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Every moment of my life is embarrassing I absolutely hate existing. I can't go a single day without fucking something up.
I have no idea how I was labelled gifted as a child. I'm a bumbling, fucking clumsy idiot who doesn't know shit and can't think for himself or problem solve. Honestly I feel more like I'm mentally retarded than intelligent. I used to feel smart, but then university made me realize how stupid I truly am. Also smoking pot for almost a decade probably destroyed my brain as well. Sometimes I wonder if I've only made it as far as I have because there's a secret everyone knows about me that I don't, like I actually am mentally retarded or something.
I'm sick of existing. I want to give up. I'm sick of screwing up every single day and having to be embarrassed because of it. I know everyone fucks up but I seriously mess up more often than anyone else I know. I'm sick of people asking me personal questions and prying into my life, because I know if I answer honestly they will think I'm nuts (i guess that's fair) or just a huge bummer.
I resent my parents for creating me. My moms side has had major depression run in the family. Why the hell did they decide to procreate if they knew I would hate life anyway? And then my parents expect me to reproduce, and I really don't want to. Why would I want to make a miserable excuse for a human that's probably going to loathe existence even more than I do?
I can't even tell my parents how I truly feel because it would be devastating to them. In the past I did tell them when I had suicidal thoughts I know it was disturbing for them to hear. I don't necessarily think I'll kill myself anymore, however I think my thoughts get even darker than suicide now.
I'm seriously dead inside. This world, my experiences, the standards I'm expected to meet and the pain I have endured have killed the happy boy I used to be. I'm not that person anymore. I'm tired of reoccurring rejection, failure, embarrassment and mistakes. I used to wish I was born a different person. Now I just wish I didn't exist at all.
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self.depression
|
I told my mom I wanted to die and she said "do it or shut up." [deleted]
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self.depression
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Self care Everyone keeps telling me I need to do the things that keep me grounded and bring me back to the basics but I need to get my life together. Idk how to do that let alone both.
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self.depression
|
I can’t do this anymore... I just can’t stand this anymore... struggling w/ depression for over 3 years now(never really diagnosed as I’ve never talked to any doctor or just anybody besides my closest friends about it) with times where I feel quite ok... not right now... I feel like there’s nothing to live for anymore... got diagnosed with cancer this August... just kinda broke up with a good friend... all those appointments with doctors and the resulting missed Time at school and the resulting total failure...
There might be 10 friends around me an I still fell alone...
I mean why am I still doing all this shit...
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self.depression
|
Just overwhelmed at the moment Hello everyone.
I'm a personal trainer, 30yrs of age, and im having doubts with my work performance and personal life. I already suffered from social anxieties prior to getting this job.
I always felt that people hated me, that I was too pretentious, and that I simply wasnt good enough. I avoid people in general. Always afraid to step on someone's toes. The reason I mention my profession is just to get out of the way that I do rigorous exercise and it doesn't ease my anxieties. Long walks or runs don't either.
Anytime a co-worker or member jokes around with me, I feel like they're out to get me. To make fun of me. I guess 15 years later and I haven't put being bullied in high school behind me. Probably doesnt help that I'm unsecured about my body and feel that everyone is judging me because I'm a personal trainer lol... *sigh* . i look fine, just not up to par with more serious gym dwellers.
And work performance? Well personal training is a sales gig. Im just not approaching people as much from when I first started. I've become jaded with the sales process. Sorry for my incoherent rant. Thanks for reading.
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self.Anxiety
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Quitting a new job due to anxiety? Has anyone ever done this?
Just started a new job two weeks ago and my mental health has greatly suffered since.
I find myself constantly thinking of ways to get out of it.
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self.Anxiety
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How do I help my friend? Ok reddit, help me out. So i got a close friend who has depression, and he cant feel joy. He doesnt get pleasure from anything, even things he once enjoyed. Saying this he has no motivation to do anything. He is getting therapy but he says it just stresses him out more, and the medication he takes needs a month to actually work. He says that his parents want him to do things, but he cant and says he isnt sure if he can make it through the month in the fear that he might want to kill himself. Is there anything I can do to help him,
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self.depression
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My Mind 11/22/17 7:41pm
He is a manipulator. Seriously. He is a condescending conniving little parasite. But of course, above all else he's a boy, so it's fine that he acts the way he does. It's fine that he talks the way he does. He is just a boy, and that's just how they are.....
If he hits you, let him and keep quiet, don't shout. That will make him mad, make things worse. After all, he is just a boy. If he is verbally abusive, don't talk back. Don't raise your voice, don't agitate him in any way. Accept it, even if you start believing all the terrible things he says, don't argue or fight back... accept it. He's just a boy... A boy whose younger than you. It doesn't matter that there's only a two year age difference, that can't and will not matter. Why? Because he's a boy and you're a girl. You're lesser than him. Don't forget that. Accept it.
It doesn't matter that you get bruises and scars from all the physical harm he does to you. You probably deserved it anyways. Suck it up, don't be such a crybaby. He didn't even punch you that hard, stop lying. Girls are meant to do all that stuff anyways, stop complaining. He is a boy and you're a girl, don't forget that. You'll never be on the same level. Don't you dare forget that.
Keep smiling and stay pretty. That's the only thing you're good for anyways. Lose some weight, you're too fat, no one would ever love you when you look like that. Wear make up, you need to hide that hideous face. Don't shout and speak softly, be vulnerable and never talk back. You're a girl, that's what you're suppose to do. It doesn't matter how much it hurts, how much the words he says - the words they say - keep replaying over and over again. It doesn't matter that every time you hear it, its like a knife jabbing in to you. Suck it up, stop complaining, don't be such a baby. Life's not fair, and this is how life is supposed to be for girls.
He's a boy, you're a girl. Accept it.
It'll be easier if you do.
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self.depression
|
How do you deal with losing interest in thing you usually enjoy? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone been ambush admitted? ************TRIGGER WARNING*****************
BP2, hospitalized about a year and a half ago for suicidal ideation, slowly been getting better. On 30mg Fluoxitine, 300mg oxcarbazipene at night and 10mg buspirone twice a day.
Last week had my usual med appointment and I felt great, I'd been more involved with my kids and starting to do things around the house! I headed out for work Saturday (truck driver), everything fine and dandy with an uneventful day, had supper, relaxed and went to bed. Slept horrible like I usually do, woke up and had breakfast then got going, everything fine.....for a few hours. So it's late morning and fuck if I'm just not worthless and never getting better, spiraling, then I decided cutting will help, so I do so, felt good, nothing deep. After a hour or so I begin to pull out of it but remain in a disturbed mood for the rest of the day wondering what the fuck happened.
This morning starts well, drive a little bit to unload, bs with the guys there and do some light physical work unloading. Finished and off I went for the next load. Around 10am the Oh Fuck Express comes flying down and crushes me. I'm worthless, never going to get well and by the way your wife hates you and is going to ditch you after we move closer to her parents, and it just got worse from there! Some texting then phone call later wife reassuring me I started to feel better but really was touch and go, after an hour or so talking I felt better and called the Dr for a refill and oh BTW suicidal ideation and cutting. The nurse spoke to my Dr who wants me to come in tomorrow, so I'll go because I don't know what the fuck is going on with me, but I'm scared that I'll get there and they'll have me arrested and involuntary admitted, which I probably need because when I get that down I feel hopeless and don't want to call the crisis line because I want the pain to stop. I've decided on how I want to do it, and I don't lie to the Dr and I know I can't commit to being safe because it just overwhelms me before I really appreciate what's going on. I don't want to go back!
to;Dr anyone have their Dr ask them to come in then surprise admit them?
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self.bipolar
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Change in meds... ...and I’m feeling really good. Gradually increasing seroquel and i hope my great mood sticks around. I just feel like me. I like this me. I’m afraid to trust this me the wknd at a tailgate and football game, but I’m going to do it anyway.
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self.bipolar
|
What jobs do you have? What kinds of jobs do you have that aren’t too stressful and that you can manage?
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self.depression
|
Friends getting into relationships and me dating is giving me panic attacks. I have a group of girl friends and four of us have been single, so we hang out a lot when others are doing couples things. One girl just got into the most perfect whirlwind romance-not knowing each other to serious relationship in two weeks, they're so happy. Another is starting to date one of our guy friends. I feel like a loser bc I'm 23 and don't have a BF. I've been trying online dating for a while but it's not going so well. This past weekend, though, I met someone from tinder who i really liked, but due to scheduling I wouldn't see him again until after NYE, and he might meet someone else or lose interest. I wake up every day with anxiety over my single status. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
4 mg lorazepam the day after? I've been using lorazepam for a while now but it's been ages since I've had to take that many. Yesterday I had agonising toothache so took 2mg to get to the emergency dentist. When I got back I saw they had better results than the pain killers I was talking so I took .5 with no effect and then another.5 an hour later with no results.
Finally I took 1mg at about 6/7 pm pain reduced and I'm out like a light.
It's now nearly 10 am and I still feel some effect any idea if this is normal and how long it will last?
I'm not worried just curious.
My plan is just eat and sleep until I can get to my dentist tomorrow.
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self.Anxiety
|
TAKE THE PAIN AWAY - NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME - DEPRESSED I have a disfiguration on my face thats extrememely noticeable and gives me high insecurity as a result.
its unremovable so I'm stuck with it
I hate myself. I get bullied at school, called names, picked on, sneers behind my back. I have to go the extra mile to cover it up but its STILL noticeable and it KILLS ME. as result my marks dropped, I studying for the SATs and really wanna excel but the constant reminder of this disfiguration makes me depressed and suicidal.
I used to be top student now I'm average and I just want it to end. I wish I could be homeschooled so I don't have to face them everyday - the eyes. the sneers. laughs. embarrassment.
I'm not vain, I don't wanna look like a fucking supermodel I just wanna be NORMALLLL.
I used to ask god why me why do I deserve this when I have such pure ambitions for life
PLEASE GOD DO ANYTHING WHYY then I realised he's not real and threw away faith
we've tried doctors but none of the ones around me (only in America) can fix this.
my family aren't supportive too. I just pleaded with my mom to help by buying something to help cover this up and she said no AND MADE A MOCKERY OF MY MF DEPRESSION despite telling me she cared about my grade for senior yr.
I went thru the whole of 2017 with this and I suffered as a result. I just wanna be good. do good for myself by acing this yr and enrolling for an American college. chances for that slim now and I just wanna die. its not worth it.
I have dreams of studying engineering and starting my own company. my potential future is the only thing keeping me from just doing it. its all I. have.
I just cried my eyes out before typing this idk what anyone could say but
someone help
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Decreasing Risk of Medication Weight Gain Hello! My dr. upped my Olanzapine, which is known for weight gain. I asked my dr. if weight gain is because of increased appetite and she said “mostly.”
I’m working out and started a diet. If you have been on this or related medication, how difficult was it to manage your weight? I want to do everything I can to keep weight off. I’m already obese so I’m scared.
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self.bipolar
|
I feel cursed and I don’t want to run from it anymore [deleted]
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self.depression
|
A true friend helps you move Im moving house this week and like everyone iv got a lot of stuff. I could move all of my stuff by myself but honestly i dont want to, i want my friends to help.
I have 2 good friends, they have both moved apartments in the past 2 years. I have always offered to help before they needed to ask, because we are friends. I have been dropping hints i need help moving but neither have offered. Do you know who has offered?! Random people i work with! Im going to invest my time into developing new friendships with my work mates.
Im not going to tell these girls how i feel because it would change anything but im going to vent here instead...
Im very sad and disappointed you wouldnt even offer to help me move. Im moving just a few blocks away from where you live so you could offer to unload my car and bring my few boxes up the elevator to my apartment. I helped both of you move, used all of my day off work to help. I understand you work a monday to Friday job but im moving on sunday. You cant even spare a couple of hours to help me out? You both have hurt me.
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self.offmychest
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Need some suggestions I've been doing really well up until lately, but ever since I had knee surgery in October and forced on long bedrest (still currently on it too), I've been having a lot of past issues come up and making days harder than they already are. At first I had plenty of stuff to occupy my mind and not think so negatively and get down, but as time went on I lacked the motivation to even do any of those simple tasks, and now I just find myself laying in bed for hours on end.
Also at first, I was easy on myself, I just had a rough surgery and knew I wasn't going to be able to do basically anything. Just going to the bathroom was a tough adventure. But now, I find myself getting extremely frustrated at my inability to do anything. I'm home 24/7 and I can't clean, do the wash or anything. And my husband has been do helpful but I feel bad that he has to take on all of our responsibilities on his own. I got to the point of where I'd randomly beg my husband to kill me at weird hours of the night and cry when he said no (obviously he wouldn't say yes).
I guess what I need (besides venting a bit) is some ideas of what helps others keep their minds off of things, and not sinking so low... I'm still on bed rest until February at the earliest unfortunately so I know that's going to still limit a lot of options.
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self.depression
|
Need help with body relaxing Hey guys thanks for the read
I have a super tense body that makes me tired by mid day.. I really need help with relaxation techniques for the muscle I take lexapro 20mg that helps me mentally but physically I'm ALWAYS clinching my mouth to the point I grind them during the day and my shoulders are up to my ears it's like I have a scared cat posture all day..
Some I get massages to try to relax and the person always says your shoulders are tense relax.. Or can you relax your shoulders... I wish I knew how any techniques or any thing you can recommend. I hate being physically exhausted by 4pm because I been flexing all my muscles all day please help
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self.Anxiety
|
No one really knows me (LONG POST, but I really just need to get this off my chest) My name is Gabriel and I'm 16.
It's been another week of not saying anything to anyone. I was planning to tell this to my school counselor but she leaves at 4:00pm. This 2nd semester, our dismissal in the schedule's been changed to 4:10pm from Monday to Thursday, and 3:10pm on Friday. I was planning to talk to her about what's been going on these past few weeks alone on Friday but when school was over I had to go home together with my brother and a friend.
I've been listening to many suicidal people (not from here but from another app called Project Toe) and supporting them. I also received help from some of those people. There was this one girl last last Friday (November 3rd) who was overdosing sleeping pills and I asked her why she wanted to do this and to talk. It was almost 4pm where I live but it was late at night in her time zone. She said she still wanted to die but I was doing my best to keep her awake and get her call for help. It was only after almost an hour later she changed her mind but she wasn't feeling well and found it hard to breathe and move. She told me to keep replying so she could hear the "ding" notification noise. She said she was getting cold. Her sister was from another room but she was listening to music. She was already outside her room but this time she could not move or speak loudly so I told her to make some noise. Her sister and her parents found her and I told her to give the phone to her sister. I told her what was happening and to keep her awake. But the thing with overdosing is, she has to get to the hospital with no delay at least 30 or 40 minutes after taking. It was past an hour by then and they said she was out and couldn't wake her up. Her parents were able to rush her to hospital. Her sister thanked me for being with her and also apologized I went through that, then I told her it's okay. After that, I left to go to a youth service at my church at 6pm. My friend whom I talked to about my suicidal thoughts and helped me last August was also there, (and I even received counseling from one of our pastors he referred me to that time also in August this year, which I'm grateful for) but I didn't tell him about this one because I do not want this to affect me.
Hours later that night (past midnight 12:43am) I got an update from her sister. Her sister told me she is okay but she is on life support. We talked about some stuff and the last time we spoke was Tuesday (November 7)
But this is not the main reason I've been feeling numb. I've been slipping back to my thoughts recently but I've been fighting them. I'm currently studying programming in Grade 11 and I'm an honors student. But I'm slowly regretting it as I have lost my creativity and motivation to write and I don't think I'd have a good future. I've been talking and being there for so many people that I distracted myself from my own problem.
During our sem break I saw a tweet from my school account that posts confessions and shoutouts from students that said "suicide is done by people who are sad and also because they are selfish" so I ended up messaging a personal note to the account telling them my experience in getting help and depression and I defended that suicide isn't made by selfish intetions but because they are hurt, empty & need support. They later deleted the post.
I encourage helping others, but to do that I need to mend myself first. The problem is, how? The counselor's inaccessible because of our schedules, I don't want to tell my friend from church because I already told him so much (he's also my schoolmate and we're in the same grade but he's in a different strand/major), people at school (and home) assume I'm doing fine but don't really know me and what I go through. I know people have it a lot worse but I don't think I can keep this contained inside me anymore.
If you're still reading this, thank you for your time. I'm still thinking of doing it but I'm afraid of what happens to my friends and family after I end it. I wasn't even supposed to get this far, but hey, there's still a large part of me that wants to keep going I guess.
What do you think I should do?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What can you do with such an intense feeling? (long post) Countless others would kill to have someone feel this way about them. Why, of all people in this world, did I have to feel this way about you? It's different. It's surreal. It scares me with how strong a hold it has on me. How this one person who helped me piece myself back together could easily break me apart.
How do you deal with feeling this way about someone? Always wanting to be around them. Never getting tired of their company. Not even for a single second even though the two of you just spend the entire day together. Feeling as excited about seeing them as if you haven't seen them in years even though you just spoke to them or saw them hours or days ago. Feeling so very calm just being around them, and being content no matter what's happening--just enjoying each other's company whether you're talking nonstop with each other or saying very little and sitting together in silence. Where hours seem to pass by like seconds and it's like the world stops and it's just you two and nothing else matters. Doing nice things for each other for the sake of it, even if it means doing something or going somewhere that one person doesn't particularly care for. Doing that thing you don't like and not minding it because their company matters more, because making them happy matters more. Instantly feeling sad the moment you have to say goodbye and wanting to drag it out longer so you don't have to part.
Wishing you could tell them how much you care and how important they are to you. To confess every little thought. Knowing that you would move the stars for them and that you would give your life for them. Wanting to be in their life for as long as possible, until we're both old and gray. Wanting to be there for them for every moment of their life, good or bad. Knowing that you love them in a million different ways that transcends romance. That it's one person loving someone else as purely and selflessly as possible.
How do you grapple with the hackneyed concept of soulmates? Knowing that such a concept is irrational because no, there is never only one person out there for you. And yet the hopeless romantic within understands how profound the feeling is. To meet someone for the first time and instantly know how special they are. Like a lightning bolt between the two and you think, "Oh, it's *you.*" And this instinct kicks in where you know that you cannot let this person just be a passing stranger in your life, and you fight to intensify that connection. You fight to coil that red thread taut around you both. How it's not just two pieces of a puzzle fitting together. It's so much more. It's a dance or a piece of music--of one personality playing off the other's so amazingly well that it's surreal and you get lost in the art of it all.
But I knew it from the beginning, I followed that instinct. I threw caution to the wind and made the effort to strengthen our friendship, all despite my anxiety and trust issues and my heart that had been broken to pieces by a former lover already. When I met them two years ago I first thought of "soulmates." I had convinced myself that it was infatuation, a honeymoon phase, rose colored glasses. I let two years pass, and I think that has been enough time to truly know what this really is. I dare not say that word aloud. It's not my place, I don't have the right. "*Soulmates.*"
What could break me? Different ways of saying the same heartbreaking thing. "*No, that's not how I feel about you*." "*No, that's not what this is.*" "*No, this is entirely one-sided.*"
A doomed hopeless romantic. That's all I am, aren't I?
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self.offmychest
|
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