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I just want someone to talk to freely Sure I have people to talk to, but realistically what the fuck can I even tell them without them treating me like I'm a crazy person or calling the police to "save" me from suicide. I can't talk to my therapist, he'll commit me to a psychiatric facility the minute I divulge anything I've been thinking about. I can't talk to the suicide hotline, they just would send the police to my house instead of helping. I sure as hell can't tell my family or else they'll call me selfish and ungrateful.
I don't even want to die, I just want the pain to end. And it won't, it's not going away. Nothing's changing for the better, it's only getting worse no matter what I do and I just want out.
Please God if you're out there, fucking kill me now. Just get it over with, end my life.
Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop Just make it stop
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self.depression
|
Applying to Graduate School and I Feel like i'm going to lose it I got two degrees in four years with a great GPA, solid relationships with professors, and a senior thesis. But just simply uploading my resume and statement of purpose (which has been reviewed multiple times by different people) has become daunting. I am completely shutting off to the point where I cannot think straight and overly emotional. Taking medication and following the advice of my counselor, I don't know what to do at this point.
If anyone has gone through this, either schooling or job applications, please let me know.
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self.bipolar
|
I wish dying of my hiv was faster.... I ve been hiv pos for years...and i m on meds only because when the hiv turns into full blown aids you can see it (lesions, weightloss etc...). If dying of aids wasnt so visible and prolonged (could be 10 years) i d stop taking my meds. I want to die...but dont want to kill myself. I pray/wish i die soon and fast. Peacefully....
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self.depression
|
It's seems like everything is just some kind of noise Everything just seems to be noises when someone talks. It's the same phrases all over again, every single day, I feel like I can't find meaning in anything anymore. I don't know what's happened, I've been depressed for a long time now but I don't know if it ever felt like this, or maybe it's even something different, I'm just not sure.
I feel like I'm in autopilot right now, I just respond, and what I say is just noises as well. Of course I understand the words but they just feel like blanks. This is hell, I just want something meaningful again, anything.
It's all just blank words. Sometimes I just want to scream to fill the blanks, or while chatting I just want to press my head against the keyboard and answer with whatever comes out, because I feel like there would be no difference.
I hope you're having a great week
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self.depression
|
what am I ? it's been bugging me, trying my hardest to figure out what am I from a multitude of points, so i can know where my place is, because i've been like an outsider for a long time now. i'm lazy, cynical, hateful and unstable.
i sometimes feel like nobody knows i exist most of the time, getting reminded that i exist just because i'm around. this is something that's been bothering me for years on end. yes, i'm the guy sitting at a table with 10+ people, saying nothing whilst everyone else is talking amongst themselves, and then blurting out "so anon, what's up with you" when they look around and notice that i'm actually there as well. yes, people almost forget i'm around them!
i don't get constant texts or messages on social media asking me what's up or sending me something for me to laugh at. it happens, i can't say it doesn't, but it's very rare.
no girl has ever came up to me in the streets or in the park to talk to me just because i seemed interesting to her.(it happened like once or twice on facebook but somehow i fucked it up, so i'm not blaming anyone but myself)
i'm 21 years old, i haven't had a girlfriend since like 2014, but i never got laid when i had a girlfriend because i also fucked the relationship up myself)
here's an example:
my dorm neighbours are three girls, one's birthday is today. they made a chatgroup on messenger to organize her birthday, and before i got added i had read what they wrote there, one of which was as follows
" yeah, by the way didn't we forget two persons? [the other was one girl's bf];
yeah but who?"
three hours had passed before someone asked "anon?" and i got added to the group.
and i'm sat here wondering, like, what's the point ? what's the point of me trying to take care of my looks, to give up smoking and to eat better and trying to act like a decent person? because who's going to be there to fucking notice? why should i keep trying when the effort is going to be completely useless?
i get the feeling more and more that i'm going to die alone, no friends or significant other by my side.
and why wait, when i can end it and save myself the rest of this lonesome life
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self.depression
|
My depression is effecting my life choices and it's very frustrating. Me: *Sees a chocolate bar* Hmm. I'm hungry. I think I ought have lunch. Something healthy since I want to lose some weight and improve my diet.
My depression: we are all racing towards the inevitable entropy, this is all meaningless. We as a species are a mere blink doomed to flash and then never again. If the concept of hell is real, we are already in it. We punish ourselves for pleasures though we are fated to die and be forgotten. The end is ever closer. Our existence, consciousness, is finite. We limit our joy and experiences by torturing ourselves with the delusion that we can somehow delay the inevitable in a significant way.
Me: *grabs 11 chocolate bars, a stack of sushi rolls, 6 sodas, and a bag of chips* WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE AND DIETS ARE POINTLESS.
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self.depression
|
I am tired to be kind and social to people and being ignored like a fool. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Silent I think im going crazy.
Like i think about things that i would never think before
Like is life worth it.
And I’m becoming more aware of my own issues and I’m starting to blame myself for some things.
But then again i care less about a lot of things like i don’t care what others think about what i do or i don’t care to say good morning anymore as much. Every time someone compliments me i just think... are they for real or is it just good manners.. I started to be more angry as well, i would say things that later I wouldn’t regret no I wouldn’t which scares me. I don’t speak to my family anymore.
I just sit behind closed door in my room do my own thing which is nothing because i don’t have the energy to do anything. I sleep but its not enough. I eat but when I’m done i feel so dirty like that was too much but was it? I feel so alone, like there is no one real or no one to hear me out.. well there is but do they care? They listen but only because they are ‘friends’ only because their title says they should. And i hear the same thing “don’t worry it will get better I’m here for you” but are they? Because sometimes i think that if i left i wouldn’t leave anything behind i wouldn’t miss anyone.
My family .. bunch of people who will no matter what point out your every flaw and every mistake you make no matter how big it is. So theres me.. theres me and no one else, everyone is about them selfs nowadays. You help someone and you expect to get help back but do you? No its same old. Im all alone lost in my own thoughts and no one understands. Its like different language. I have friends i love my friends but they are not permanent. You say one thing they don’t agree ur done .. rest of the group either don’t get involved or agree with them because they have free house where they can chill and eat food for free but you don’t because you have hell waiting for you once you close ur door behind you.
And your alone there in your room. Thinking about how others life is better, ask why cant yours be.. and here comes the thought of death and how to escape how many pills would it take to leave? How many cuts to fully bleed? But then theres pain .. i have enough pain already do i want more? If i die i wont have my life .. why should i let them take my life away from me? Why should i let them take my freedom? But its okay..
Im the happy girl with all the good jokes, the one who is always in the good mood and with huge smile on her face .. no one knows How much pain she is in. And that’s why they dig in as deep as they can with no shame of what they do they don’t care how much pain I take they don’t know what happens behind a closed door. But that’s okay because I won’t say anything
I will stay silent.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I heard that burning charcoal in a sealed tiny space is the most painless way to do it! Anyone can tell me if this is true? i am really contemplating of doing it! I am so desperate. HELP please! [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Frustrated at University As I'm sure, some of you can relate having GAD constantly causes me also to be very stressed. When you're stressed enough, it can affect your immune system. Between stress headaches and emotional breakdowns sometimes I physically can't handle leaving the safety of my house or I'm so drained from having a panic attack and then racing thoughts at night that I occasionally oversleep in the morning.
Now all of this is documented at my university, and every professor I have gets a letter at the beginning of the term. However, my university doesn't acknowledge mental illness as a real problem. If a student misses class for any reason, teachers expect an excused note, which is fair, but they don't acknowledge any from your mental health provider even though the school's policy states for psychological issues you need a note from your mental health provider. That's no problem you would think I can just go over my teachers head and talk to the chair of the department or administrative and they'll fix it. You'd be wrong instead you receive a lecture and are told that you should just drop out. Forget the fact that you're mostly caught up with your work, you're pulling pretty decent grades, and you don't miss class often you should still leave because you've missed more than one day of classes.
Now you're more stressed out and anxious because you're doing everything right and it's still not good enough for them. Your teachers are pissed at you for missing class and are threatening you fail you because you schools administration won't acknowledge any chronic illness that's not physical.
Cut to today, on Wednesday of last week I found out that I had had Mono. Now there's nothing anyone can give you for Mono except fluids and rest, and I'm pissed that I suffered through the worse of it and continued to go to school because I was too afraid that my symptoms, extreme fatigue, weren't good enough. Today I came to class half an hour early, because I feel exhausted still and very nauseous, with the plan of taking a quiz in my 830 class early so I could go back home.
NOPE, still not good enough. My university's health center doesn't give notes for teachers for upperclassmen only freshman receive not. For Any other year, the Health center expects teachers to call or email them for confirmation about students visits. Since I'm in my last year, i don't have a physical note, and because of that, my teacher tells me he doesn't believe that have mono and gives me the third degree. When I tell him he has to call or email the health center he again says that I should have a physical note and that he's not going to call them. He guilt trips me into waiting until class starts to take the quiz and to stay for the entirety of the class.
So because I have GAD even having Mono isn't a good enough excuse for my university. I'm ready to be done here.
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self.Anxiety
|
question about medication I'm on Citalopram 10mg and it's really helped me in just the few days I've been taking it, I'm so much less anxious and despite the slight dissociation it's going pretty well I'd say. I've been told by my psychologist that I need to use medication as a stepping stone to getting better and not just expect it to solve all my problems with social situations, but I have no idea how to start doing that because I feel like it's been so long since I've properly been social and it's like I don't have any social skills whatsoever :3 any advice would be amazing and I promise I'll stop asking medication questions because this is my third one haha sorry 😐
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self.Anxiety
|
Having this recurring thought It’s like a vivid day dream, where I’m hunched over in a dark room with this intense desire to rip my skin off, my arms are crossed and my hands meet at my middle back on the spine and I dig my fingers in and start removing my skin- like its a piece of clothing. Just one big lump of thick skin and I’m left muscles and tendons all the while I’m screaming.
Its been a recurring thought for about two weeks, mainly when I’m in bed.
Does anyone ever think or feel the need to remove their skin? I don’t know if I feel trapped or disgusted by what I see my self as.
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self.depression
|
So I've accidentally been taking Tylenol instead of lamictal in the mix Pulled out a smaller bottle that said lamotrigine for a trip than the 60 count bottle next to my bed. No big deal. Got moody on the trip, also adding depakote, attributed it to that. Yeah the pills looked different but the other bottle of Lamictal was from a different doctor and a different pharmacy. My wellbutrin looks totally different than it used to so why not have different looking Lamictal?
I don't think it's been a full week. Jumping back in on 150 Lamictal which is especially stupid since from what I read depakote doubles its concentration
Leaving for another trip with my boyfriend in the morning. I'm a lot more than a little worried it's going to go bad because of the meds
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self.bipolar
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Depression since childhood has ruined my life I have been depressed since age 12 and am now 22. My depression came back full force in college (I had thought I was doing better at the time) and caused me to fail two semesters in a row. Now I have no degree, over 20k in debt, no way to get my hands on my transcripts because I still owe the school room and board (a year of credits wasted). The 6k I owe them just went to the attorney general so now I probably won't even get a tax return. All I do is get underpaid as a programmer ($9 an hour, live in the actual fucking middle of nowhere so there's nothing better around and I don't make enough to move anyways).
I have been actively fucking trying to get better. I have been on countless meds, none of them work. I go to group therapy most days during the week. The coping skills they teach don't make my fucking debt go away. They don't cure me being chronically single and rejected since I've been old enough to date. I don't have the energy or motivation to look for a better job. I don't have any self confidence left to try and get dates anymore (I can't even manage to get one date, I've been on one date in my whole life and it's now been over a year since then.)
I just don't have any will left to keep doing this. I need a fucking miracle at this point. I shouldn't have to pay this debt, I was pressured into going to school by my guidance counselor. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I don't want to deal with this anymore. When I look online and see how other people dealt with it they all have kids or girlfriends or wives or someone that they loved enough to keep living for. I don't fucking have any of that, there's no point in living this fucking disappointing life anymore.
I can't deal with this anymore. I'm taking a shit ton of old meds I have lying around. Enough that I won't wake up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wife is wearing my clothes now and it's sexy. You see it in the movies all the time: women wearing their man's shirt after sleeping over. Well, thats never happened to me until recently, and i thought it was hot. My wife and i have very different body types. I'm 6 ft 180lb and she used to be 5'4" and 300+, she would never have fit into my clothes. Over the last year she's lost nearly 100lbs, and she came out of the house recently wearing one of my old sweatshirts. Immediately I was turned on. She's worked so hard to shed the weight, and the benefits come in unexpected forms!
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self.offmychest
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Does your anxiety cause you to self sabotage? How does this make your life hard?What do you do to get by? Looking back at my life my anxiety and resulting depression has caused me to self destruct so many times in terms of career and relationships. I'd just like to hear your stories and maybe talk about it a little.
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self.Anxiety
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Dont know where else to turn, maybe somewhere here can help. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Day to Day Struggles Venting here.
I have bipolar 2 and Borderline Personality Disorder. Most of what affects me day to day is my BPD, but I'm also moderately depressed at the moment, so that's a thing too. I am on meds and have had a lot of specialised therapy. (MBT and STEPPS.)
Struggling with self-care, mostly being unable to shower at home most days. (I can shower at the gym.)
Struggling with housework especially tidying.
Struggling with managing medical admin. Needing to have tests done that I have the paperwork for, needing to organise medication reviews that I am responsible for scheduling. (Super important.)
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self.bipolar
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They cared and I pushed them away again I haven't been talking to anyone for the past couple of weeks. My friends cared enough to call me and send me messages. I finally picked up and told everyone I was fine. My friend is, understandably, mad, because I made her worry for no apparent reason, and I am all alone again and wasted yet another chance to tell someone how I've really been doing. (This post has no reason, I just wanted to speak my mind because keeping it all in clearly hasn't been any good.)
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self.depression
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Inpatient and therapy didn’t work I feeling suicidal and turned myself in to the hospital to be safe. Ended up taking FMLA and a month off work. Was in a month of intensive outpatient therapy and feel okay, no suicidal thoughts. But now after an argument with my boyfriend if 4 years (huge support system) I was to kill myself. I’m exhausted and sad and just feel like I’d be better off dead.
I don’t know if I have the guts to do it. I know I never could do it to my family but if I could just die I would.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Missed myself again last night. I left my closet because I was in pain. I went upstairs to hug my little sister, seeing her usually gives me a reason to stay and guilt over what I want to do.
This time, I felt nothing even while holding the child. I think I'm disconnecting.
Not sure how much longer I'll stay, guys. I used to tell myself to graduate university first so I accomplish one visible thing at least in my life... but now I don't know.
I just feel physically and mentally numb.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I still can’t cry I feel like the majority of my posts involve me complaining about not being able to cry. I want to cry. I want to feel all the things crying makes one feel. I want the tears pouring down and the snot dripping and that feeling of release. The pit in my stomach to just dissipate after a good cry. I know this is incredibly weird but when it feels like I’m experiencing fake emotions every day of my life I just want to feel something real for a change.
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self.depression
|
anybody else have difficulty being able to explain what they are experiencing? I really need helpe [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I can't take this shit anymore 25 year old man, have been battling chronic depression for all my life. I've been looking through solution literally hundreds on times online and tried them all out. For 1~3 days I feel a little better, back to being depressed suicidal, one again for 1~3 days I feel a little better, back to being depressed suicidal....
I'm tried of this going back and forth feeling, this is killing me and just pissing me off like someone's playing with me. At this point I'm just forcing myself everyday to feel happy and I'm acting like not wanting to admit that fact. I can't take it anymore, I want to just end my life right now...
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self.depression
|
What non-prescription medicines/vitamins have produced positive results for you? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to move on. My ordeal is finally over and I have time off uni to get over it. But I just can't seem to get my life back together. I haven't gotten out of bed until 1pm today. The days when I have something to go to are better but I just don't have any motivational autonomy anymore. I've been just surviving for so long that I don't know how to live and move on. Some days I feel like I can but other times I just can't.
People keep asking me if I am going to come off my medication now that everything is over. But I fear the meds are the only thing holding me together right now. The mental illness doesn't just go away because the major cause has.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sometimes i wonder if i should date non-op transgender women or ladyboys due to the fact i have a small penis & I'm a 30 year old virgin man To explain my part of this rant i admit that I'm attracted to non-op transgender women,ladyboys & Tgirls if i offended you beautiful non-op transgender women & beautiful ladyboys i apologize like i said sometimes i wonder if i should bother dating a non-op transgender woman or a ladyboy.
Since I'm cursed that i have a small penis & no no i don't have a micro penis i still considered myself small & I'm a 30 year old virgin man don't get me wrong i do love both her & her penis & i don't care if she has a bigger penis then mine sometimes i might get a bit nervous around her.
Especially when i find her sexy attractive & I'm nothing special no no I'm not ashamed & don't worry this is not a angry rant just want to talk a bit about my curse & share something about my nervousness around her & yes I'm still single for those who are wondering.
I'll leave it here or at least for now if i choose to added anything else to this i will don't worry
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self.offmychest
|
Suicide prevention hotline questions So I was wondering a couple things about these. First thing is, do they help at all? Like... if you have no one to talk to?
Second is, if I were to call one at some point, could my parents find out? I’m on their phone plan and I’m not sure if there’s a way they’d be able to see what numbers I’ve called, if it were to ever come down to that I would much rather my mom not know.
Third question is related sort of, but not actually a question about hotlines. Does anyone have any advice on what to do when you need to talk to someone but you have no friends and you can’t talk with your family?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just had a bad night. My parents and I fought again yesterday. Dad found me sleeping and got irritated, so that in turn made me mad at him and it spiraled from there. I told him to fuck off and I was really angry at him. He wants me to be an adult but to be honest I'm not sure how to do that. Not only that, I think I'm scared to do it. Even the thought of going to college scares me because I'm afraid I won't succeed.
Anyway, afterward I felt this strong feeling of self loathing and hatred, so bad that I actually considered taking my own life. I mean, what's the point? He doesn't trust me with anything, nor will he ever. I feel like I'm a horrible person for saying all of the things that I said to him and my mom. I'm having those same feelings of self loathing still but I know that it will go away and the cycle of arguing will repeat itself. I hate myself for being this way.
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self.depression
|
It's all gone I no longer enjoy music
It has been reduced to background noise, it could as well be static
The only thing I hear is my own suffering
I no longer enjoy seeing what I loved to see
Pictures of nature are just blurry bits of green
The sun is no longer bright
People are no longer beautiful
It's just colours and shapes might as well have been static
I no longer feel anything
I forgot how it feels to be touched
By other people, by the sun, by events
Only sadness, loneliness and emptiness can touch me, strangle me, stab me, crush me
I no longer taste anything
My favourites no longer taste good
Candy is no longer sweet, chocolate no longer bitter
There is only this numb feeling on my tongue and some saliva to make sure I can digest and have enough energy to keep suffering trough the days
I no longer smell anything
Flowers don't smell nice anymore
Food doesn't make hungry
There is only the stench of my unwashed laundry and the rest of the mess in my room
I only recently noticed but that shouldn't be a surprise
The numbness prevented me from doing so
Every time I think all has been taken from me, I find that something I didn't even notice has been taken from me. Sometimes I get thrown a bone, so that I can enjoy that and feel the pain of losing that too. It's better to not get attached to anything, everything dies off anyway
I'm wrapping this up, it's time to put up a fake smile again...no I guess I'd rather isolate myself. Being with people only hurts, especially with...
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self.depression
|
What’s the most ridiculous thing you have done because of anxiety? When I first started dealing with anxiety about 7 years ago, I didn’t know what was happening to me. It came on pretty suddenly in the form of panic attacks and obsession over my health. I was convinced there was something wrong with me. I had recently began renting a small house in an old neighborhood and it didn’t take long for me to begin blaming the house itself. First I thought it may have been haunted, never believed in that stuff before but had no idea why I was feeling the was I did. The House was pretty old, old neighborhood, large cemetery across the street; that’s the stuff of ghost stories, right? Surely there wasn’t anything wrong with me! It must have been some sort of supernatural malfeasance. I started burning candles, going to new age shops to get odds and ends that supposedly helped that sort of thing. Of course there was no difference.
Then, one day, I was taking a shower and noticed some mold. I had a light bulb moment and figured it must have been *everywhere*. In the walls, in the attic. I figured I had been breathing mold spores that were somehow causing me to become unraveled.
I called up my landlord and gave her an earful and demanded my deposit and the rent for the remainder of the month to be returned. I was moving out and going to live with family several states away. When she told me that isn’t how it works I called the property owner and gave him an earful too. I’m usually a very reserved and respectful person, but at that point it wasn’t really even ‘me’ in control. The thought of spending another night in that house terrified me, so I posted a ‘free stuff’ ad on craigslist stating that everything on the patio was up for grabs. I then dumped all of my belongings on the patio, with the exception of some clothes and a few sentimental items and left town.
The whole rest of the summer had me obsessed with cleansing mycotoxins from my system, whatever that meant. I followed a paleo diet, drank this disgusting tea made from the bark of a tree that supposedly had antifungal properties. I lost a lot of weight after already being pretty thin, stopped sleeping, and eventually went to see a doctor.
After lots of doctor hopping and years of trial and error, I finally found a medication that works well. I still have my moments, more now that I’ve stopped the medication. But I can see how absurd my behavior was when all this first started.
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self.Anxiety
|
Got a really interesting insight about a past relationship I went on another date with this wonderful guy. It was spectacular. I really like him.
I came home and received a call from an ex of mine. We are on friendly terms so it's whatever to hear from him.
He just called to brag about how he got out of a DUI even though he is really intoxicated. He said, "I am such a great liar!"
I feel like life rarely gives you the chance to so starkly see two paths of your life. It was really amazing to have this awesome date with a kind, funny, considerate person contrasted with a guy who brags about lying.
I'm happy with were I'm at.
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self.offmychest
|
I used to be so much more functional I've always had anxiety issues and always been the quiet one. A lot of it had to do with being a chubby kid, but in my last 2 years of high school i took initiative and lost 15kg. Felt great. Got to college and my first year was an absolute blast. I was friendly and confident, had a ton of friends and no issues speaking to people when necessary.
Im now ending my fourth year and I know people think I'm some kind of strange outcast (I've overhead a bunch of shit) because i can't even spark conversations with classmates or greet them properly. Not sure how this started but it's gotten progressively worse (not helped by me by smoking weed 24/7 and using xanax). Anyway, idk what to do. Psychologists have betrayed my trust and generally made things worse in the past. I detest SSRI's (was on sertraline in high school) but I'm starting to think non - benzo pharms might be necessary, I'm just so ridiculously crippled in my daily life. I know this is vague and broad but I'm just feeling really closed in and isolated at the moment, any advice would be great.
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self.Anxiety
|
my ex, the first person i felt something for has a new bf its been over 6 years and i still miss her every day. 6 years she had no new bf, but now she has one and i found it out today... is there any way to ignore the fear of pain in death? because it cant hurt more than what i feel right now, yet im scared to end this torture
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self.SuicideWatch
|
tired of my own suicide s u i c i d e
Its so annoying waking up with those razors in your hand with that bottle of vodka by the side of your bed and those pills beside your bed
its so annoying knowing you didn't die
i can't say i want a better life
cuz some time i get really sketchy like if i suicide i will go to hell or im going to be a ghost and will suffer for the rest of my life.
But i don't believe in god neither i believe in science
i don't believe in anything
i think i believe in what i need to believe to survive at the moment
I've been thinking like I've tried to suicide 2 times this week
and i wake up
its so fucking stressing
sometimes i think i don't die cuz maybe im in hell and i can't die
i don't know what im paying in this life
they say you come to life to pay or learn
But im just a 19 year old girl thats been cutting herself since 9
i have more than 100 scars on my arm i can't even count them
oh but theres something more annoying than waking up alive
Those stupid people that come near your like uhhhh what happened to your arm is so stupid like you can see all the cuts in my arm
long time ago i lied but now im just like i tried to kill myself and im so sincere they don't believe me
what are they expecting me to say like a fucking tiger played with me or something?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Idk I don’t know if I have depression my parents don’t believe in it because there from Mexico and I guess that shit doesn’t exist over there but it runs In the family it all started a year ago now I find myself angry, over thinking, frustrated and while all that’s happening I’m to distracted to see what’s going on especially in class I’ll think about something to myself for 5 min and I start hating on myself. I also feel like depression is for the weak but the sad part is I’m never happy.
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self.depression
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I'm really tired of anxiety, how do you find peace? I'm dying inside, my body somatizes a lot, lost almost all my tooth at 22, chronic pain due to muscle tension messing up my inbalance. I'm lonely, I invested my time in reading philosophy and religious texts for years to find a bit a bit peace and just live but I still feel trapped in my own body who is trapped in an universe with laws no one have any control over.
I know how to do it, I just have to stop fighting what I can't fight and accept my human condition, life is just easy going.
But I just can't, I want more, I want more cause back in the early stages of civilization women choosed to reproduce with strong men wishing novelty in a perfectly balanced sedentary way of life. Apes don't feel the need for novelty, Apes don't feel bored, but Apes don't loose the evidence of time and living.
It's just the way I am, I will never find peace, I can try whatever drugs, religions, philosophy, working hard to exhaustion, love... I will always feel traped, it's like I want to scream every minute of my life but the sound just stay locked in my chest and burn my body instead of burning everything around me.
I barely can't talk to strangers anymore cause I'm too scared to destroy their mental wealth and dive them into darkness with me. People just feel it and are scared. No one's compassion is deep enough to endure myself.
Darkness is filling me and soon I'll only remain a principle of death, something I can live with, but sometimes I'm just exhausted.
Please someone may find the words to keep me going.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm a Pro at Self Destruction So, today marks day three of hardly eating anything. Just the thought of actually eating a meal makes me want to vomit. My body hurts and my thigh itches because the temptation of self harming is so high. Sleeping is getting bad, too.
And I'm starting to find myself not really interacting with people. I hardly step foot out of my room. I've lost interest in writing and painting. The only reason I have the tv on is so that I'm not totally alone with my thoughts.
And this dream I'm having almost every night always leave me crying when I wake up. Everything I want is in my dreams and never can be attained outside of it.
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self.depression
|
Been considering for some time... I'm getting to my late teens, and ever since I was a young boy, I've shown signs of depression and psychosis, and as I've grown up it's only really got worse off for me, I feel that if I share everything here, maybe it will justify what I want to do...
I lead a triple life:
#1 Fake Michael, this is the one you can see in Youtube videos I make, and day-to-day life, where I interact with people / freinds / family, a Michael that is amplified to seem and look much better than the real one, almost a simulation you could say of how I want to be like, as if I'm living a dream of how I wish I could escape how I truly feel, but know I cannot.
#2 Tired Michael, despite the very childish name, this could be one of the worst, I go into long cycles of rest, where I am not really tired, I just hide under the covers to avoid dealing with everything that I just can't handle or don't want to try to handle, it's very similar to how a child runs from a monster... they hide under the blanket, however my monster can't just go away with a little light.
#3 The real Michael, the one I have to deal with and handle every day, the one who cuts, and burns himself, stabs his body, ruptures lungs (Pnemathorax) amongst other stuff, constant bad emotions, and feelings of just dread, darkness and hate, I have to live with this Michael every time I wake up and every time I go to sleep, although I avoid sleep as much as I can to avoid the nightmares, it's never really to much use, after self harming you naturally have little energy and sort of just slip into a deep sleep.
I'm tired of living a facade, a triple life, a falsification of who I really am, I don't want to come forwards and be "clean" with everyone, I don't have that kind of connection with people, or anyone, family wise I guess that they would hate it for me to go, but just like any death, you'll eventually get over it, the feelings of negativity are too much for me, as a kind of older teenager should be able to handle, it's come to more then my attention I'm simply not ready for life, Nor will I ever be.
I've recently been thinking of ways I can end my life, I don't care if the method I chose is fast / long, painful / painless I just want to go, every time I cross the street I feel myself praying that the car will just loose control and hit me, or that I'll get stabbed in a mugging, anything just to get me out of this cycle of hate.
It started as a young boy, I would constantly feel down, or wonder why the other kids were having so much fun, and I was just kind of there... not enjoying anything, if a teacher said "we are gonna watch a film instead!" the class would laugh and scream at the joy, I however had no reaction, I wasn't happy / sad, or relived, or anything, I felt like something changed and I simply went "Meh" and just trudge through the rest of the class, this has been a thing I've noticed more and more as I've grown up, from simple things like that, to extreme self-harm, that ranges from cutting, to biting chunks of flesh off, although it's been morphed by my teenage mind to more of a "Fuck it, whatever happens... Happens." Sort of deal, the idea behind it is the same, I'm just a rive going with the flow, I'm not objecting or consenting, asking questions, or wondering, just doing it. I've simply grown devoid of all emotional response. (Of course if I'm "The First Michael" then I tend to be more faked and allow myself to make small laughs simply to not look weird, or out of place, but the same principle applies.
From growing up I've had friends, Money, Family, but nothing seems to please me in a sense of living, I used to be such an energetic boy, filled with love for life, and a drive for everything, but now I just can't be bothered with the constant sh*t that life through our way, we all have ups and downs... just some people can't see the ups, i'm one of those people.
I've always been to an extent been a target for people, being anorexic and covered in "Barcodes" as I've heard them called (Cutting scars) sort of makes me stick out a lot from the other people in the area I live in, where issues such as mine (Schizophrenia, Depression, Anorexia Nervosa, and a few other lovelies) are not really known or even heard of, people don't understand I didn't choose to hear voices in my head, and think things are real when they are not, people don't understand I don't cut because it's a habit, I cut because the voices and the emotions make me, I can't control myself, people judge me on the way I look due to not eating a great deal, most clothing looks quite baggy on me, which in my area gets classed as "trampy" however it's just the fact I can't bring myself to go shopping for cloths made for way younger ages then me... People will never understand the true depths of how deep and how far down this sort of stuff goes, but from the very core there is nothing wrong with me, just everything around it. I still act like you normal people! Yes, I might have the occasional moment where I start hearing things, and running away thinking something bad will happen, yes sometimes I will not meet you when I said I would, Yes, I will have a lot of cuts on my body when we get changed, or go out somewhere. But I'm still the same, I still want the same as you, simply to be accepted, to "fit in" to be "normal" and to not have these issues, trust me if I had the choice, I'd love to throw away all the issues I have had, and am going to have, I would do anything, but it's clear to not only me, but everyone else, I can't reassemble the way my brain functions, but I can just end it all.
I just wanted to be accepted. I just wanted to be Loved.
I wanted to come clean here, and hopefully when / if my family or anyone who knows me ever sees this, then maybe they can learn more about why I made the choices I've made, and why I feel this is the only escape for me.
Thanks for reading. -Michael.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I insulted my mother in front of people and didn't even mean to. I invited my mother to come visit for Thanksgiving, and we were having dinner at my best friend's house. So it's me, my husband, my mother, my bestie, her husband, and her mother who is a delightful woman and nicer to me than my mother ever was so ever since I met her I've called her mom. My husband just asked me last night if I meant to insult my mother at dinner, or if it was just a Freudian slip when I called my bestie's mom "mom" in front of my own mother. I cannot even remember doing it. He said the look on my mother's face was priceless.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else feel "homesick" for no reason I get butterflies in my stomach, feel out of place and the world seems cold even if I'm literally in my shower. It's been happening since I was a kid and I think that was the first hint of depression I've had ever.
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self.depression
|
I think I'm going to buy a gun within a few months and then put a bullet in my head I'd prefer to go out peacefully, surrounded by family. But no, society wants me to suffer and won't let me go in peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm struggling to keep myself alive each day and I'm about to give up I can't take it anymore, I wake up and I feel cold inside, I don't have motivation or desire to work towards a future goal of being an artist. I just want to be alone, I wake up and I can't wait to get back to sleep at night. A year ago I wasn't like this, and if this is going to last any longer, I'm going to end it, I can't take constantly feeling like I just don't know or even care about anything.
I'm starting to slip away a bit faster each day, I thought I had made a breakthrough over the summer, I was starting to feel good, I was happy, I was enjoying life, I had a romantic interest, we got together, fast forward two months later. I'm jobless, I can feel the cold numbness settling more and more each day, my relationship has broken apart, its about to be non existent, my best friend won't talk to me. I don't want any of this to happen, but I just don't even care at this point. I slap a smile on and try to be there for my family.
I want to tell people, but I just can't bring it to myself to explain it.
I'm desperately seeking an escape from this prison
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self.depression
|
Trying Not To Run Currently sitting at the psychiatry clinic trying not to run out the door. I fucking hate the doctor’s office and it makes it worse bc it’s at a family clinic and there are a ton of people here but it’s the only one that takes my insurance *hashtag America*
I’m so nervous and I haven’t eaten breakfast so I know that’s not doing me any favors. Please send good vibes. I’ve got to get through this so that I can get the help I need.
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't want to live in this competitive country I'm 18. I study in Grade 12 in Singapore. Sorry if my English is not good enough to understand. I have a lot of pressure when I'm in school. People care so much about GPA and academic result. When I come back home I have to read a lot of books because if I got bad score, my teachers and my parents would get upset and angry. I once failed a math exam, my friends looked at me and asked me what's wrong? Everyone in class need to be perfect. After finish school we have to go to extra class until 7 p.m. So I feel like I don't want to do that anymore but I can't escape it either! Sometimes I feel tired but I can't rest. My parents have a high expectation and I think they will be mad at me if I tell them I don't want to study hard like other friends. I envy people in other countries that they don't have to study hard and be perfect in everything like us. When I tell people here that I want to write a novel, singing or drawing, they immedietly think that I'm stupid and crazy. I'm so tired! I feel like I have no choice. Do you believe in reincarnation? I just want to escape from here..
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self.SuicideWatch
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Had an amazing job interview, but now I'm more anxious than ever. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Inpatient pdoc rediagnosed me with mood disorder NOS; not sure what to think about this I've already been diagnosed BP 1 three or four times before this, I'm not sure why the change now.
Is this a common thing to happen? Getting 'undiagnosed' so to speak?
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self.bipolar
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How to know when to go to the hospital? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Here are the reasons why I want to kill myself! I'm a piece of shit!
I'm an inferior person
I'm not talented
I'm not intelligent
I have no worth
I'm not attractive
I have no value in life
No one loves me
No one cares about me
I'm a piece of fucking garbage
People look at me like I'm a creep
I'm a creep
Everyone looks at me like I'm a rapist
Everyone sees me like a fucking ugly neckbeard
No one wants to talk to me
I have no social life
I'm an awkward piece of shit
No one wants to go out with me
No one is attracted to me
No woman or man wants to be my friend or go out with me
I'm not talented and I'm inferior to everyone around me and finally...I'm just another waste of life!
I'm simply not interested in anything anymore!
All my life is worth is one single belt and I'm going to use it to hang myself!
This world will go on without me so it's not a problem if I kill myself!
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self.SuicideWatch
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They can say what they want. It won’t matter anymore There’s no point in staying here, surrounded by people who don’t love me. I deserve to die. Thank you to everyone for your help over the past few weeks.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why I Won't Talk to You (A poem) Here’s the thing…
I don't need advice.
There is not *one thing* wrong,
I am just me.
Consistently fucked up.
It is my life.
There is nothing
Anyone
Can do for me.
It's just
my thoughts
Spinning and swirling around in my head
Repetitive, reiterated, redundant,
All of… the... fucking… time
It’s just me.
So there is nothing to *talk* about.
I won’t come to you
10 times a day
To tell you the different ways
I'm thinking of killing myself,
Cause I couldn't tell you why,
or how to help.
You would be hurt
Turn annoyed
I’d make you sad
Then, I’m not invited out this time
You won’t call
I’d become a chore
Something to be tick off a list
Not to worry!
I’ve reached out.
I went to the doc…
I took the steps.
That is all I can do.
So now, I wait,
And survive.
If I survive today, that is success.
It's got to be enough for now.
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self.bipolar
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I can't become totally comfortable around anyone therapy isn't going to work for me. it just isnt.
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self.offmychest
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I can't stop thinking about how much I want to die I've got husband snoring next to me, kid asleep in the next room, but all I want is for my shitty fucking life to be over
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fuck each end of the political spectrum Liberals are more dangerous, Conservatives are more violent and uncertain. Liberals will create a society that suppresses free speech, conservatives will create a segregated society. Liberals want things they can't comprehend or put into a functional, practical, ethical, and financially stable plan. Conservatives want things that actively go against their best interest and the best interest of nearly everyone around them. Liberals don't think conservatives deserve to vote, conservatives don't think liberals deserve to vote. Each side is filled purely with hate, regardless of their intentions. Both sides focus on ways to divide us, both sides show signs of violence in their protests. Both sides use childish name calling to win arguments, both sides refuse to take any considerable intellectual action because they are either incapable of finding a solution or keeping coming up with a solution that clearly only benefits themselves. And then both sides unite to tell a person like me that "saying both sides are evil gets us nowhere". But you're wrong, it does get us somewhere because we shouldn't be funneled into two extremist echo chambers like some kind of de facto civil war. It shows that both sides are only out for themselves and really don't have peace and equality in mind. Fuck both sides for trying to impose their agenda on every last one of us. No wonder nobody votes anymore, I'd be ashamed to even call myself an American if this is how we behave.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety/ panic attacks Has anyone been prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety? Did it help at all?
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self.Anxiety
|
Lets try finding a cure Yes, I know, pessimistic thoughts, they are real. Man don't even read my story, just think about what changed from when you were happier and mentally stronger to now, not the external events but your routine. Did the same and it gave me hope that maybe by doing those things I could become like that again.
Just woke up after crying till I fell asleep. Today was really the peek of my depression...Lately I started skipping piano lessons, don't go to the gym anymore, fuck I don't even play videogames, and I would feel shame by going back to piano and gym afraid of them judging me, I just gave up for some reason, but I wasn't like this 6 months ago, I was very strong back then so now that I just woke up and cleared my mind I wanted to think about what could have gone wrong, and by finding what has gone wrong that could be the solution for others...
((I'm not saying I am depressed because I just started skipping lessons and shit, I can already see ppl saying "well you are just lazy" but the thing is I don't stay home to play videogames, I don't want to to that either, I just think about my life stare into nothing(even when im with other ppl) and feel the urge to end it as soon as possible, I didn't even want to talk about it on the internet because depression has become a meme or a trend but I couldnt care fucking less about attention I just want help to find a rational cure because I don't like this.))
----------------------------------------------
So let's talk about what could be a "cure", by looking into what changed and trying to do the opposite...
------------
Right now I just found 3 things that I think led me to depression:
Listening to the same music, eating the same food and quit exercising(even when I didn't go to the gym, I used to do 100 jumping jacks daily wich takes like 50 seconds but I feel like that helped to let out some energy wich now turns into violence towards myself).
I've been eating the same things for a while, but yesterday I bought new things at the grocery and for some reason I felt like back then, it gave me hope, but really instead of meat I got fish and different vegetables and fruit ,and that cheered me up alot...
I also remember that I found a band called Death Grips and I fell in love, listened to all their mixtapes over and over, would fill me with energy and convinced me to go to the gym and I was so active, I did things that I can't imagine doing now... I even fucking learnt to dance on my own and I got kinda good at it, now when I listen to songs I just walk in circles or lay down, the rythm doesen't get me up anymore, I think I need new music(if you got some pm please).
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self.depression
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My parents are driving me crazy and I don't know what to do So I'm a 20 year old college student. I have a full scholarship to a university near my house, and I commute. My parents have ALWAYS been unreasonable. I had to fight with them to let me go to a party with boys there when I was a sophomore in high school. I've had to argue and fight for EVERYTHING, and it is driving me crazy. I lived in a dorm my freshman year, and they guilted me into coming home almost every weekend. I made some bad choices , I'll admit. I wasn't used to the freedom that being away from home offered, and I got into a habit of smoking weed. My grades were still good though, I didn't ruin my scholarship or anything. My parents found out and forced me to move home. For the past year, I've had literally no friends and I've pretty much been at either home or school, nowhere else. I don't have any money at the moment. I'm depressed, and I've been self-harming to cope. My life sucks. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I've never felt worse in my life and I have no idea what to do. Am I being unreasonable? I apologize if I sound whiny or if I'm blowing it out of proportion. I talked to my parents once and they said "there are refugees out there running from their homes and dying. Your life is amazing." Are they right?
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self.offmychest
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I’m so sick of this! I’m so sick of living paycheck to paycheck!!! I’m 46 years old, still paying off college loans. I didn’t even graduate! I’ve had to consolidate, defer, defaulted on them and now my wages are being garnished. I just want to get to a point where we can have some savings, not have to decide what we can buy for food to make it until next payday!
I want to be able to afford a meal out or hell, even just a cup of coffee once in a while! We’re not living beyond our means—we just moved to a less expensive place—but I’m tired of renting, tired of the strict budgeting, tired of being worried about an emergency.
I have all these ideas if things I can sell on Etsy, but they all require me to purchase something in order to create them and list them. Ugh!!!
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self.offmychest
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suicide without depression? i have had very severe psychosomatic depression before. i was suicidal but never attempted, only self harm. i was depressed for three and a half years. i got better, as in i wasnt severely depressed anymore. this was 5 years ago. for the past year i have had serious suicidal thoughts. i feel lost. like everything in my life has been set up for me to be shit, and things will only get worse. i just want to die. but i do not consider myself depressed. i have had depression. this does not feel like my depression. i just want to die. i feel melancholy and suicidal. not all the time, but often enough for me to notice. i have spoken to a doctor. they tell me i cannot be suicidal without being depressed as they are the same box. i disagree. im so sick and tired of everyone and everything, all my experiences, i dont want to deal with it, i try and i try and i keep getting shat on. can anyone relate to this feeling of wanting to die/kill yourself without feeling like its depression, or is my doctor right?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Finally Giving In I was diagnosed at age 24, but I've stayed unmedicated since then. Some SSRIs I took in high school really soured the idea of medication for me, so I've just been dealing. I called the doctor yesterday and set up an appointment. I need help. I can't sleep, I can't keep doing this. I'm not even functioning anymore. I'm terrified of going on meds because they can be so wrong and cause so much more harm than good... but I need to do *something*.
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self.bipolar
|
So I made a post I made a post in another subreddit and it was subsequently deleted because it came across too venty and that I should reword it.
And I sat there, and started coming apart because I don't know how to think any other way, to word anything that isn't influenced by my depression and anxiety.
I know where I'll probably not be posting ever again because I can't think along their post guidelines to welcome others into conversations when I don't have any friends and I don't know how to talk to people because it feels like all I do is piss everyone off because I'm annoying.
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self.depression
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Gotta keep it going!!! Been really low for almost two weeks , just wanted to see if there anyone else battling this monster with me?
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety? A little back story:
I have always had some degree of anxiety, a few major life events that made it worse but have slowly been getting better. Just recently my anxiety has become paralysing. I feel like I cant take action, I have no energy, my sex drive is dead, and my thoughts are anxious as ever.
Typically, I would excercise, and that would help my anxiety. However, as of late, no amount of running, weight lifting, or even meditation has seemed to help.
It feels like one out of every 4 or so weeks are just awful. Its affecting my life.
How do you deal with the overwhelming tiredness, the paralyzed feeling, and the thoughts that dont seem to stop, or even seem to race more when thinkng about all the good coping skills you tried that didnt work?
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self.Anxiety
|
how to come off Paroxetine? i've been taking 25mg paroxetine CR daily for the past 3 months for my PTSD and anxiety but i want to stop taking it. what is the best way to do that in order not to face withdrawal symptoms?
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self.depression
|
Seroquel & Laughing? I'm recently diagnosed as Bipolar Type I. I started Seroquel earlier this week, taking 50mg doses at night before my psychiatrist has me ramp up. Every night, about 45 minutes after I take it, I have a crazy laughing fit... Like there is literally nothing to laugh about and I'll laugh hysterically for a solid five minutes. Has anyone else had this experience?? I'm pretty sure it's the Seroquel as nothing else has changed.
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self.bipolar
|
Went in the wrong direction TLDR: I thought I was about to be hypomanic because of some odd behaviors but turns out I’m just back to being depressed after 2 months of normal moods.
Last week I thought I was about to go hypomanic which for me isn’t really a bad thing (I’m bipolar-II so my hypomania doesn’t go full mania). In fact I was almost a little excited for it because it would be a break from my normal depressing/bland moods. All the signs were there, I was sleeping only 3 hours and feeling refreshed, I was more lively and talking more fluently, I actually had a backbone and a bit of a temper (my depression normally makes me very passive), and I was feeling good about myself. I don’t think I was full blown hypo because I lacked the ridiculous confidence levels and pressured speech I’ve experienced in the past but I was sure that’s where I was headed.
But nope turns out I went in the opposite direction. After 2 months of successful therapy and normal moods I’m back to sleeping 15 hours a day and not wanting to even get out of bed when I’m awake. I don’t want to do anything now and I feel like I’m ruining all my progress. I was getting better. I was going to the gym twice a week and eating properly. Now I’ve been to the gym once in the past two weeks. I also haven’t eaten a full meal in 4 days (which is bad for me because I’m trying to gain weight).
I think it’s because I got use to my new medication and need to up my dosages. But I’m between psychiatrist and I don’t have the energy to find a new one. I don’t even want to leave my house right now to pick up my refills for this month. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to eat and I don’t want to be awake.
I don’t know why I’m posting this because I already know what I have to do (make a psychiatrist appointment) but I just don’t have energy to do that or really anything.
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self.bipolar
|
I wouldn't kill myself but if a car hit me I would be kinda happy Anyone else feel this way? Like if you were to die by your own hands it leaves a trail of
more hurt in your wake because everyone will be like " what did I do wrong" or "she seemed so happy this is so unexpected"
I'm suffering from a condition called hyperthyroidism(it can cause heart failire and my sister has beended bugging me and asking me why I'm not eating my medication but truth is I want to die and this would be a great opportunity and she's asked me "do you want your heart to fail and die?" It feels fucked up that the answer is yes.
But I also wouldnt want to die of heart failire because my parents would have to spend more money for hospital fees I just want to die suddenly without hope of recovery but at the same time if I were to get hit by a car it would leave the driver scarred for life so that's a really shitty thing to do to someone. I wouldn't want to die of cancer because it prolongs the suffering of my family.
It just seems like everyone in my life is taking steps to improve themselves (university, working to improve skills, volunteering work) like they're scared of where life will take them but they're actually doing something about it. I feel like I constantly live in fear and worry I worry so much that I don't do anything about anything and I'm just so fucking sick and tired of myself because if I want something I should just do it but I'm just so scared. I used to be a social butterfly but I just get tired of everyone nowadays because of the anxiety from hyperthyroidism it's making me so irritable. I have a one friend who's stuck around and I feel like a POS because every time I take a tiny step to improve myself (I recently found potential work) she'll say she's proud of me. I feel like a baby, I need to be congratulatedone in every single tiny fucking step I'm really pissed at myself like why can't I just be more normal. I used to cut myself and I really feel like going back to it. I used to be so caring and I used to check up on people but I don't do that anymore. Nowadays my conversations with my friend just revolve around me and I know she doesn't mind but I can't help but feel so fucking bad. I always ask her why she's still friends with me I'm so high maintenance and she told me it's because she loves me and she told me that thought is probably always at the back of my mind and it is I just feel like she'd be a lot better without me. When I'm with friends I realise my smiles get faker and my concern is so staged.
Sorry for sidetracking so much. I want to die but I know I still have hope left in my heart but I'm just really angry at myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Best jobs/majors for those with bipolar? Im so lost as to what I want career wise.
Edit: right now I'm a Environmental Control major (HVAC). It's okay but I seem to overthink and zone out a lot in class so I'm in fear of not passing.
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self.bipolar
|
Sleepy Today (and other days)in class, after the professor ended explaing, i layed my face down, closed my eyes and began fantasising. As i was about the sleep, he puts something in my ear and allarms me for a moment (you suffer this kinda things way too much when you're about to sleep). He was playing obviously, i smile (i always smile when talking for no reason) and say "sorry im just too tired" and he says he noticed and said "sleep or whatever if you want". Then the other hour, i woke up from sleeping, turn around and the professor asks me if someone punched me in the front (im too white and laying down had left a mark), i somewhat jokingly play it of saying it was my classmate who did this...
I don't appreciate this kind of episodes happening to me, but i can't do anything, i literally can't keep my eyes open and head up, it weights too much. I drink Coffee too, but it doesn't change the result.
Does this happen to anyone else, and Does anyone know how to deal with this?
|
self.depression
|
So... I've had my ups and downs, and a long spell of self-preservation. I thought I was totally cured of suicide ideation until it came, unbidden today, as my situation cornered me into this void. If I fast enough days, you think I'd just grow weak and die of exhaustion? I'm not really rushing, but I want to die in my sleep... or at a point when I'm just so weak that accepting it is my only option. I'm curious as to how much time it would take for me to just wither and die. I've dealt with Tuberculosis before, and when I had it I felt wanting everything to just stop, than feeling my ghastly lungs try to suck in air. I was cured of it already, but I do remember when I had it... And right now, it's not a bad way to go.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to deal with suicidal thoughts and the urge to self-harm? Hi everyone.
I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder in early 2015 and finally got my ADHD diagnosis six months ago. During these years I've had my ups and have hit rock bottom more than once, but even then I've never had a serious suicidal thought cross my mind. However in these last two months these thoughts have invaded my mind. It feels like they are not coming from my mind, but like someone has planted them in me to grow. Every time I cook food I catch myself thinking how it would feel to cut my wrists or slit my throat. Every time I take my daily meds I catch myself thinking how I could just take all of those pills and be free of this existence. It's a really weird and scary feeling to have what feels like another mind invade me with the sole reason of making me hurt myself, despite feeling better and having a better state of mind than in years. I have no intention to act out these things, but I'm scared they will take over some day. I haven't told my fiance or my therapist about these things yet because I don't want them to be overly worried about me. How have you people dealt with these kind of thoughts and is this how they appeared to you in the first place? Sorry for the long and badly formatted post, just wanted to get this off my chest.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've never been cool. I've just never. I didn't have friends till 16, then had a raging social life, and now at 25 everything is pretty ho-hum. I'm in a committed long term relationship and I'm feeling happy there, but I can't help feel crappy because I feel as though even when I made friends with cool people, I was always on the outside looking in.
I'm really quirky and I try so so so hard to reign in that side of me that it makes me boring. I'm not sure what to do.
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self.offmychest
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Planning future suicide makes me feel better? Been depressed for a long time. Like 3 years or so. Failed/failing out of college, life is generally spent just being depressed, and kind of been thinking of offing myself for a while.
Even if I don’t the idea of killing myself in 2 years makes me feel so much better? Like I can focus on myself right now because nothing is really gonna matter if I’m dead in a few years.
Anyone else ever done this? I’m probably worrying every reader out there but I can’t feel it in me to not think this.
Thanks guys
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self.depression
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Medication change - worst timing possible I hope I’m not posting something I’m not supposed to, and if so, please let me know!
I’ve been switching medications for the last week (I have depression with anxiety), and it feels like my anxiety is stronger. I realize that it is normal, as my body needs to adapt.
But today is really hard, waking up in the morning hurt, it’s our office Christmas party tonight, and I’m making all possible scenarios to avoid going. I’m being hard to live with for my partner (he does not complain and is supportive, but I can see I hurt him). On top of that, I just feel like crying, alone.
Tell me this will pass... do you have any trick, mantras or whatever to help you cope with your bad days (I’ve been doing some breathing, but doesn’t seem to help.)?
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self.Anxiety
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Severe Anxiety About Getting Poison Ivy I have a very close person to me that is suffering. She can barely be outdoors without an anxiety attack about poison ivy. She always tries to avoid walking on anything "green" and is constantly bent over looking to make sure the areas she stepped aren't poison ivy. When she gets home, she'll Clorox wipe her shoes to make sure no oil is on them. She avoids social situations that are outside and is generally miserable when she is outside.
This person is otherwise very normal. Professional job, good mother, smart, and no indication of any other anxiety or mental illness. There is also no history of a bad case of poison ivy for her.
I've tried to talk with her about this a hundred times, but nothing has changed. She always thinks that the "worst case" will happen and that someone will step on poison ivy, drag it into her house, and the oils will be on the carpet and furniture forever.
Can anyone lend some advice on what I can do to help her, or what steps I can suggest she follows to overcome this? Thank You...
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self.Anxiety
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What do you do to manage anxiety before a big presentation? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so uncertain I found myself Googling suicide chat rooms the past couple of days. This entire week I've woken up and felt like nothing mattered and everything was hopeless and I didn't want to get out of bed and well felt like I was outside of myself. Even now as I'm driving in the car and talking to text this I just feel like there's nothing that I have to live for even though that there is. I have plenty to live for I just don't feel like going on anymore. Has a lot to do with things that I love like playing music in a band ending and adult things that I thought I would be more ready for at the age of 29 like starting to talk about starting a family with my wife of two years. I have so much to look forward to but I just don't want to be here for it. I don't know why I'm here like on this planet here I want to be free from negativity but I can't get away from it. Sorry for the bad grammar and terrible punctuation. Honestly just need some words of advice and I hope something sticks.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Did you know that ear plugs lowers your anxiety by 90%? I'm a witness to this amazing discover, I notice that noise increases my anxiety and unnecessary rambling. With the ear plugs I just tune it out. Hope this helps Discovery^
Be careful, you could damage your ear drum if not put in properly or with excessive use.
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self.Anxiety
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stuck in apathy most of the time I'm just tired of living. other people have passion and motivation, aspirations and goals. a healthy mind, body and soul.
I just don't feel anything most days. all i can do is sleep 12-15 hours and drag myself out of bed for work. I wake up at 5 but snooze endlessly until ~10. I meander in late and try to get something done. but my brain just doesn't work. everything feels hard. the smallest roadblocks become mountains, and it's so damn hard to summon the willpower to deal with them, that i just don't.
everyone around me hates me now. hard to like someone who (apparently) makes no effort in friendships, relationships, work, etc. can't blame them. can blame myself but mostly that only pushes me deeper into a shame spiral. horrible way to live. I'm wasting my life this way. seeing others enjoying their lives is a reminder of what I'm missing. I need to embrace that pain because it's telling me things need to change. but it's feels like the same pain that cripples me
sometimes I get little glimpses of hope, emotion, motivation, inspiration. can't really even put the right words to it now, any emotion other than blank apathy is welcome. but kind of scary too. so foreign I'm not sure where it will take me
just brain dumping. don't really care if this gets buried. it's just for me, like everything else
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self.depression
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I got my heart broken this morning. Looking back on it now I don't think my best friends ever liked me at all. They would say they loved me but one of them once said the same thing to a guy who she'd just finished telling me she didn't like hanging out with. Why was I friends with them as long as I was? What's wrong with me?
My best friends are twins and have been since we were four. We grew apart after a few years ago when I was going through a tough time and didn't want anything to do with me because they said I was bringing them down. That was the first time I'd ever needed my friends and when they weren't there it rocked my whole world. Since then I'd only been invited to baby showers, only for the free stuff I now realize, and neither talked to me the entire time.
This morning I see pictures from a wedding I wasn't invited to. Their entire family is there, the people my mom and I used to spend every holiday with. I can be mad and talk about how I'm better off and wish them all the worst but no, I got dissed by an entire family and it really sucks. I unfriended them because I know having one less friend on Facebook will bother them more than not being my actual friends.
If anything, I'm really disappointed in myself for being so bummed about losing the worst friends ever.
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self.offmychest
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Is it better to leave a message for someone? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Panic attack at the gym I was at the Gym today, and I was going through my routine and I suddenly felt cold flushes going over my body and this nausiating feeling just building up. I then felt really weak and just had to get out of there. When I got home I felt ok, so this is typical panic attack symptoms. Does anyone else get anxiety/panic at the gym? I felt comfortable there, so I don't know why it even happened, but for some reason I just had to get out of there.
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self.Anxiety
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Just Thinking About Life To think that I am okay is not something I should joke about but, rather, consider seriously. Still, for me, it is a joke.
It's funny to think that I perceive myself as too naïve in the adult world. I'm not wrong, and I hope to keep some innocence for however long I have left in this world. Still, it's pathetic to consider the adult world an easy one to live in. I wish it were easy, but maybe I'm complaining too much again.
I wonder how people can do it. Some just push through it, even if they are severely depressed or just incapable of doing so. Living is hard, I believe we have to train ourselves to take care of ourselves. This does not strictly mean the simple chore or preparation of a meal for either ourselves or our cared ones. More so, it's the idea of taking care of ourselves in the society in which we participate with on a daily basis. Keeping up proper etiquette within the environment we congregate in, for example, or acting accordingly to the people who either lead and command or follow us in a consistent manner. More specifically, people will react uniquely to your situation. It doesn't matter if you try your best and upset many people. It doesn't matter if you do your best and, even with a positive result, you feel like you are incapable of doing your part at all. I'm still a failure, and this is fine.
It's pathetic to know that this world is still torn apart on many things. I enjoy the fact that people have different opinions. I do not agree with the representation of these disagreements, however. Arguments, altercations, brawls, battles, war, and, eventually, obliteration... these are some representations of this cursed world.
People start their life differently. Some have an "advantage" of having many things that others do not have to "succeed" or live. It's a comparison many can and will make, citing "At least we have [food, water, and other sources that are essential or pleasant for living]", to prompt others to stop taking their life for granted. Yet, it may or may not be known that those who struggle in some people's eyes may be happy, sad, or some other state of feeling that is not expected by the common person. Life works in strange ways.
This reality is tiring. Maybe I'm just a kid who doesn't want to grow up. Maybe I'm just a highly immature person who cannot mature properly. I have plenty of education, but does this make me smart? I have some achievements under my belt, but does this make me capable of great things? What does this even mean to have things but perceive the world as a waste of my time and space? I don't know, and, frankly, I don't demand an answer to this question. It works for people, so I guess I shouldn't waste my time thinking about it. Why am I typing it out, then? Silly me...
What does the future bring me or us? There seems to be a general gap between various groups depending on what groups, such as age, ethnicity, or gender, for example, you focus towards. It's weird that the structure of these groups isn't too excessive to dissipate a functioning society, although there have been instances where a functioning society was threatened to collapse due to disagreements and tensions.
It is a dream of mine to leave this reality when it is possible for me to do so. I've come to the conclusion that this reality was not meant for me, even with my attempts to enter this society. To think that I am fine with living in a "normal" society is not a joke that I would like to laugh at anymore. The only way I see myself leaving reality on my own accord is by committing suicide. I have occasional suicidal ideation, especially with my attempts to integrate into society. I have even tried to see what it would be like to attempt suicide (not attempting, but getting the feeling of what it would be like if I wanted to). It should not be shocking to state that it physically hurts on a grand scale, so attempting suicide with an actual motive to follow through with death would be something I could not do at this moment.
There's a lot going on in life, and it becomes more difficult (or easier per experience) to live on. I wish I didn't have to be stuck in a reality that I cannot accept in good terms, but leaving reality would not be easy for me to do. Even if there are small reliefs here and there, I am overall stuck here to suffer. Thank you.
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self.depression
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The girl I have loved for the last 6 years has moved on. I’m 21. I love this girl. Have ever since we first dated sophomore year of high school. Some shit happened and we had to break up but then the summer after we graduated we started hanging out and got back together. That was three and a half years ago. Her parents didn’t like me very much. I did my best to be respectful. But they made us “break up” after New Years 2015. We went behind their backs and stayed together. Late July of this year they found her car at my house and made her choose between them and me. She chose them. They pay for everything. Her school, her car, her very expensive harp. Now two months after she ends it she has a new boyfriend. She loves him. I love her. I asked her to marry me last year. She said she wants me to have someone whose parents like me. I don’t care about that. But it doesn’t matter anymore because she’s moved on. And I’m all alone. I just want her back.
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self.depression
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For some reason One of the best compliments I could give a person to tell how much they mean to me is: "You calm me down."
But I realize that some people might not realize the significance of that statement.
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self.Anxiety
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Humanity is inherently selfish, we dont help otjers for the sakw of helping others, we help otjer for the sake of fwelong good about helping others in order to increase oir chances of survival Ive been sexually abused multiple times as a child. Didnt speak up becauae i was/am ashamed. Im now being accused of a rape i didnt commit. All ive ever wanted was to help other people because i knew that that was the key to ultimate hapiness, ( i follow buddhism) but now that doesnt seem like a probable possiblilty. Im a good person and wont survive in prison. I dont want my family to think im a monster for a crime i didnt commit. Nor my friends. I feel as though suicide is the ultimate release from this suffering, but cannot bring myself to garner the courage to do so. I would like to talk to someone for emotional support. Thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
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There's no way I can live another 10 years [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have to write I have to write to myself at least 1000 times that alcohol is depressant. I was so happy until I have finished drinking. And now I am sitting on train back home and I feel bit misplaced. Recently I feel like I don't want be at home at all :(
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self.Anxiety
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I hate my job and I don't know what to do [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I have everything going for me but am still depressed [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm all kinds of not okay right now... Sorry if this is long, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to ask people in my life for help - they've all helped so much and given me so much time and aid, and I'm grateful. I don't want to overstay my welcome or seem ungrateful or needy or something.
And please let me know if this isn't the place to post this. It's similar but not an exact x-post to [my post on /r/MomForAMinute](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/7eaxj4/i_dont_know_what_to_do_mom_im_just_not_okay/)
My roommates turned abusive on me. Really bad. Not physical, but one of them started doing very hard drugs (we think heroin) and started throwing things around our kitchen. Roommate 2 told us to stay in our rooms and not to come out for anything.
The next day, Roommate 2 started blaming me for it, saying I triggered Roomate 1, that it was all my fault, that if I had done one thing differently, everything could have been prevented.
I knew right then and there that I wasn't getting any help from anyone and that if/when we sat down to discuss the recent happenings, I would have been thrown entirely under the bus.
So I left.
I packed up a few days' worth of clothes, my phone, and my tablet into a backpack and I took off in the dead of night.
This was two weeks ago. Since then, I've moved all my things from the apartment and into a storage unit and I'm staying with a cousin who lives in the same city. I filed a police report for Harassment.
I even found a new place I liked! But now my old housing management is dragging their feet about giving me my deposit back - I did break lease after all. Then I got a phone call this morning.
The broker of the new place I was eager to move into - the day after tomorrow - said he "got the pricing wrong" and that the price has gone up.
I don't know what to do. I don't have the money to move, and the price jump is small-ish ($25 extra a month) but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. My cousin is getting on my case - understandably - about getting off her couch and subtly insinuating that I'm not doing enough.
Meanwhile, I'm doing so much at work, I worked 13 hours yesterday, and their schedule doesn't give me a chance to have a chance to relax and sort my life out. I called out from work today I was just so stressed.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to make ends meet. I don't know where to go from here or how to ask for help when I've already gotten so much already (my parents helped me move/bought me a storage unit, I stayed at my aunt's for a night before etc...)
I'm just so lost and confused and I try my best to stay positive and cheery and find the bright side in all of this, but it's getting harder every day. It feels so fake and so forced.
My birthday is this Wednesday. I don't want to be homeless on my birthday.
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self.depression
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Some days I wish I was dead. Keeping mental health a secret at work is hard, bosses think I'm stupid because I overanalyze and overcomplicate work. They think I'm uncommunicative because I'm quiet (speak quiet tone.) [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sleep is a fucking trigger This trigger developed months ago, which adds to the frustration because before then I never fucking had this problem in my life. But the sensations of falling asleep and losing control of my body have started to fucking trigger me. These sensations feel a lot like panic attacks, so that might be it. The haziness of falling asleep feels like depersonalization (which I get after panic attacks and which is very unsettling). And also I am fucking afraid I'm dying constantly--also a new symptom of anxiety--so I am afraid I'm fucking dying when really I'm just falling asleep.
I am so sad and I just wanna go to sleep :( I just want to not have this problem, like life before a few months ago. And the more sleep I lose, the worse all the symptoms get, the shittier my mood gets daily, the less able I am to deal with things. I just want to be rested. :(
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self.Anxiety
|
i'm thinking of hanging myself.i feel blank. my mind is bogged down.i can't think clearly.i don't think i'll make it to tomorrow.i want to cry.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fighting with both hands and my heart When I was followed by the darkest of clouds, I fought to bring myself back to wanting to enjoy my life. I found my enjoyment of making things... things that make me feel good and that hopefully will one day bring some joy to someone else. Here's a few things I have created so far (see etsy page below). Depression:9 Me:10. I am starting to beat it's ass!
I'd love to hear from anyone, for any reason. I am here for you all as you all have been for me.
I'm not doing this to advertise my shop or to make money off of any of you. I just wanted to share.
Http://www.etsy.com/shop/homewithheartdesigns
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self.depression
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I hate going home for the holidays I don’t mind seeing my nuclear family, but I hate having to visit with my extended family. I hate the 9 hour drive every year. I hate the awkward exchange of pleasantries. I hate the drama that crops up every year revolving around the same people.
I see these people once a year and feel no closer to them than I do to a stranger on the street.
The only reason we go is because my dad likes to see his family.
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self.offmychest
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Why do i always get comments like ‘i want too much’ or ‘what more do you want?’ Should i just die or what?
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self.SuicideWatch
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My best friend is currently being sent to a mental hospital because of suicidal reasons. She was close to taking her life yesterday and could use some positive words. I will send this thread to her later.
She has been depressed since just before her teenage years. She is currently 20 years old. Her depression started when her parents had problems as a couple and they seperated for multiple years. Her dad cheated on her mom aswell.
Yesterday things got very bad, and luckily I was on the phone with her. She wanted and tried to end the call, in order to go through with it, but I kept her on the phone, while calling 911. Eventually the police came and took her to the hospital.
She is now told by the psychiatrist that she'll be transferred to a mental hospital, as she is a danger to herself.
She's scared to be in a mental hospital, she doesn't know for how long, and is very stressed out (to say the least) about this whole thing.
Could you please give her some good words, insights and perspective to how this could actually be positive for her?
I'm lucky enough to not have depression so its sometimes hard for me to relate. Maybe some of you can.
TL;DR: close friend is about to be sent to mental hospital. Is depressed and was close to taking her life. Please help me help her. I'll send this to her later.
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self.SuicideWatch
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another post on r/depression because that's all i can bring myself to do nowadays! i literally just use this subreddit as a blog, sorry lmao.
i'm so fucking done, guys. like, i'm not gonna kill myself. i like things too much for that. i just want to be okay. i want to be happy or at least content for longer than a week. i want these manic and depressive phases to die along with all the trauma inside of me. i want to be believed. i want to be cared about. i want to be a good person. i want to make people happy. i want to make other people feel cared about and validated and okay.
i know that, despite all of the shit that's happened to me, i can live a better life and be the best version of myself possible. thing is, it's a lot easier to be sad all the time.
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self.depression
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Lithium's effect on kidney I was on Lithium for 9 years before my blood work came back that my GRF number was below the safe level. The lady that manages my meds immediately started tapering off & transitioning to Trileptal. I've been in a severe mixed episode for a month now & she raised the Trileptal as has high as she could go without me getting dizzy & tried to raise my Geodon, but it triggered my Tardive Dyskinesia so she lowered even lower than my regular dose. All of that with a sleeping pill thrown in & I was still miserable.
She finally had to bring out the "emergency" med: Lithium. I've been on it for two weeks & am finally starting to feel better. Only problem is, she wants to keep me on it through winter! Did that first GRF number do permanent damage? She said it would take years to get to that again. Should I be concerned about being on it again for that long? We did my blood work & everything looks good right now. I know I should talk to her about it, but I have Social Anxiety Disorder & get nervous every time I go there even though it's been 10 years. I realize I will probably have to anyway, but was hoping someone here knew something about it.
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self.bipolar
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