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A Rant About Medication For Depression/Anxiety Feel free to comment your experiences or frustrations with any depression/anxiety medication.
So, I've never been medicated before for my mental issues before last month. I've recently have been prescribed to Wellbutrin (bupropion) and I've been taking it for 2-3 weeks.
I know it takes time for the medicine to work, but I feel frustrated because I'm getting a lot of the negative side effects and yet none of the helpful effects.
I had nausea and lack of appetite my first few days so they put me on Remeron (which made me sleep for 17 hours so I stopped taking it). A few weeks later (this week) they doubled my dose from 150mg to now 300 mg and I'm back to nausea and lack of appetite.
I'm still very depressed and anxious. Anyone else experience something similar?
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self.depression
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I'm regressing and my demons have become my only comfort. Quick backstory: I come from an extremely abusive background (mental and physical) from both sides of my family and unfortunately have experienced all the big "oh no"s. It's left me with severe PTSD, depression, anxiety and my mental illness doesn't help any of it. I left my mother on the street after an argument we'd had one time too many, my father wanted to abort me and I no longer have any emotions towards either of them.
Things started going great when they were out of my life! I moved states, got a fiancee and a relatively good job. Two years later, my fiancee is severely depressed because she doesn't know the meaning of life, so much so that she doesn't think it's worth living because there's no end goal. Meanwhile, my doctor believes I've got either stomach or colon cancer and I'm just as depressed but am expected to be positive, happy, the one who's the rock!
I've been the rock my whole life and I haven't needed one in two years but now I do. And lord knows I might as well need a winning lottery ticket; make a wish.
I've started to do what the old me did; disconnect, disassociate, not care and become extremely bitter with borderline exploding rage on the inside. Of course, on the outside I know how to say what they want and give the answers they're looking for but it hurts to be this person after I had healed. It hurts so bad but at the same time, I remember my demons used to be my only comfort and it's becoming like that.
I hate to regress into the hateful person I once was because I was okay for awhile. But at the same time, it's like seeing an old friend and there's a familiarity that burns. The pain it brings is pleasant because it's gotten me to feel again for the first time in almost a year and I've stopped pushing it away. It's easier to be this person and it hurts me less, leading to a bag of mixed emotions.
Before it's asked or if it's asked ; Yes I've been to therapy, it helped but I don't have the money for it now. I have no medications I can take to numb it and I've quit weed for approx two weeks or so to get clean for a drug test (work purposes only, don't worry). The withdrawal doesn't help and it doesn't even feel chemical; it's just having to be alone with my thoughts again.
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self.offmychest
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Tips, tricks, home remedies to dealing with anxiety? Lately I’ve been having more panic attacks than normal. I think I’m becoming a hypochondriac because every little thing I feel, I correlate it to a disease. I obsess over my resting heart rate and my general heart rate on my fitbit, I tend to get dizzy when I drive worrying about something happening to me physically and then I lose control of the car. I also realized that anxiety attacks for me happened more frequently if I drank the night before (especially red wine) so I’m working on cutting out alcohol completely. My go-to anxiety help is to drink water [so much water] and eventually I feel better, but I’m curious if anyone else has suggestions that helps calm themselves down. Thank you and I appreciate your feedback.
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self.Anxiety
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Surgery tomorrow I’m having a day surgery tomorrow. It isn’t huge deal. What’s worrying me is that they’re putting me under and I’ve had a problem with emergence delirium in one form or another with all of my previous surgeries. It ranges from crying to flailing and trying to tear out my IV.
I know that I should tell the PACU team that it has happened before... I just don’t want to. I’m terrified of waking up in restraints for obvious reasons. I figure I’m more likely to lose it if I wake up confused and then realize I’m strapped in. Chemical restraints aren’t easing my anxiety either.
So, of course I’m trying to put it out of my mind. That said, my anxiety is so bad that my skin is tingling and I’m nauseous. I’ll decide what I want to do tomorrow. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with it. What would ya’ll do? Warn someone ahead of time and risk the restraints or roll the dice and see if the ED stays at a minimum?
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self.bipolar
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I want to end my life so bad I see all my friends and family constantly advancing and progressing towards new goals and I’m still stuck in a pathetic hole. I’ve dropped out of college after one semester because I was too depressed to continue going on, I’ve failed to realize my potential after my depression caused me to miss many days of high school. I’m so lonely and I can’t confide none of my thoughts to anyone because they wouldn’t get it or they’d tell me I just need to get over it, i don’t blame them for not understanding . I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for around 5 years ever since she cheated on me and I don’t blame her whatsoever it was my fault since I wasn’t good enough
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self.SuicideWatch
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My boyfriend just blocked me and stopped talking to me out of nowhere. We spent all day together, laying around and napping. Then he left. He was texting me but very short messages. I started texting him about a job opportunity and then he didn't reply for hours later. So I called, rang once then voicemail, called again and rang the full time but then went straight to voicemail. I kept texting him and texting him, just because my anxiety doesn't let me stop. I become so impulsive where I HAVE to text him and call him, and I know that's incredibly annoying but I can't help it. I have attachment issues from my mom just leaving me out of nowhere when I was 7, so my biggest fear is someone just disappearing from my life, which is what is happening right now. Someone I love...
I have no Xanax left and my anxiety and nervousness is ruining me right now.
What should I do?? Do you guys have any advice or something to ease my mind?? Please help.
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self.Anxiety
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Eating feels like a chore I am on 300 mg seroquel at night and 900 mg lithium daily. Ive been getting nauseous a lot recently and my appetite is barely there to nonexistent most of the time except for when I'm getting sleepy after taking the seroquel at night.
My depression has been pretty bad but I'm really more concerned about my appetite. I don't even enjoy eating right now and I've just been having soups or bread and butter so my side effects don't get worse on an empty stomach.
Has anyone else dealt with this?
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self.bipolar
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I want help so bad, but i have no idea where to go Ever since highschool i have been dealing with a number of mental problems. Anxiety, Depression, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts and impulses, and a few others. For the past 2 years it has his me particularly hard, I constantly feel like i'm falling apart, i don't like being around people because i'm scared that i'll hurt them, i'm only a freshman at a community college and I'm failing all of my classes horribly. I hate everything, i just want it all to stop. Why does it hurt so much? What did i even do deserve this? Why won't it just stop? I don't want to be here, or anywhere, i just want to be myself again, i'm tired of going to bed every night awaiting the usual nightmare and waking up to disappoint everyone again. I'm tired of me being scared of giving into all these awful things i imagine in my had. I wish that i was exaggerating but i think that i'm just so tired of worrying about it that i'm just ready to stop caring. I want help but honestly i have no idea where to start, my parents aren't helping too much a the moment, they think that i'm just making excuses to not do anything. I just want to be better already. I just want to know where to go
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self.offmychest
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Today I said goodbye to my dad I just feel the need to post this somewhere, there’s so much more to the story but I just need to get it off my chest.
A few details: my mother and I moved 2 states away from my hometown 7 years ago because of my dad’s alcoholism. She always hoped he would give up the alcohol for us, even though she knew that’s not how the disease works.. and ultimately it took his life instead.
Three weeks ago, I received a call that my dad was in the hospital, unconscious and attached to a ventilator. He had not contacted me back in over 6 months, which was abnormal and I was worried because of that alone. We immediately dropped our lives and came to the hospital, 7 hours from where we live. We were there for 2 weeks, enduring the biggest rollercoaster of my life concerning his health. In the end, on December 23rd, he was able to pass away peacefully surrounded by us, his close family, and his other daughter.
Today, we said our final goodbyes at the funeral home before he was cremated. It was not a true visitation as he never wanted such a thing; just a small family viewing for those who needed to see him one last time.
He was 61; I am 22. I know people my age and younger have lost a parent, but I don’t know how they got over it. He and I were not terribly close, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I know I am not alone, but right now I feel like I am. I know my family is going through this as much as I am, but I feel like my age and lack of life experience makes it much harder for me to overcome. I also struggle with depression and anxiety to begin with, so this is far more than I ever dreamed I could handle..
Apologies for a long post. I will end it by saying this: you can never be too careful with alcohol or any other addictive substance. I know now I must stay on top of this for the rest of my life, as I inherited the addictive personality. I can never enjoy alcohol without worrying about it taking over my life the way it did to my dad. And I would never wish what I went through these past 3 weeks on anyone.
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self.offmychest
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Am I too happy to post here? It's like I can't get anyone to listen unless I say I'm totally suicidal. I fear typing my heart out here because no one will listen. What the fuck.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else wonder how different their life would be if they didn't grow up with anxiety and depression? I can't help but think of all the opportunities I have missed or passed on because of my anxiety. I know I would have a much better job. I've been offered promotions but passed them up because thinking of the responsibilities put me into a panic attack. I've also missed out on so many travel opportunities because of my anxiety. I know I probably shouldn't think about what could have been but sometimes I can't help think about it.
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self.Anxiety
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Can't find the motivation to continue Will probably be homeless again tomorrow (well today because it's 1:44 in the morning), don't wanna work, can't find any reason to think life will get better.
Might have hung myself with a belt yesterday if I didn't think it would cause permanent damage had I lived.
Need a tall bridge or building or mountain.
Need to stop worrying about how people will think about me being dead or the thought of my mangled body being found, since it wouldn't matter after.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I told you I feel worthless and you just fell asleep [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I've missed 3 events this week due to low energy. Maybe I should just cancel everything and sleep forever. I am just a mess.
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self.depression
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Going to bed is my favorite part of the day [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone else have obsessive and intrusive thoughts about death? Over the past couple of years I've been getting increasingly afraid of road trips. I've been terrified of dying in car accidents. I don't know entirely knowing where this fear is coming from. I was in a super minor fender bender as a teenager but that was it. In college, I lived in a city with insane traffic and regular accidents but I never experienced an accident myself. I do think this is where I formed this fear though.
My problem is that I have been obsessing over the death of me, my SO, friends, family, anyone really. If I know someone traveling, I will feel on edge until I know they got to their destination safely. I also get really scared and have awful thoughts of myself dying in an accident. Like, I can picture is happening while I'm driving. I hate it. My SO and I have been on road trips before and while I've obviously survived, it still makes me incredibly nervous. He's talking about wanting to move across the country. While it's completely impossible at the moment, I'm frozen at the thought of driving that long. It's hard to describe the feeling I have, but I guess it's just paranoia.
Anyone else deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
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How to Deal with Anxiety in College? College is where my anxiety was conceived and born into a horrible crippling thing. It causes me to procrastinate or panic when it comes to school related stuff, especially graded stuff. I'm not stupid but my grades would suggest otherwise. I haven't been able to perform well since high school, used to be an A/B student now I'm a solid C/D student. I'm going to therapy, I'm not on medication although I'm considering it, am considering ADHD testing and I have a tutor. College has provided a positively toxic environment for me. I feel like trash if my grades aren't good enough. I feel like trash when my peers talk down on those struggling in class. I feel like absolute garbage when my friends make fun of struggling students. I put on a fake face with them and that stresses me out. I know I'm not working as hard as those successful students, I know they're doing things "right", I know they deserve their good grades and internships and research opportunities. Maybe I'm "lazy". I feel like I just haven't cracked the code of beating this yet. It's so horrifying. Your mind is sick, how are you gonna perform as well as everyone else? My standards and goals went from A's and to passing-C's. But I still want to do everything I see the successful people doing! I want to be a good noodle. It's honestly so exhausting it's no wonder I spend all day in bed.
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self.Anxiety
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Who am I? I am an intovert who plays well with others.
I am a father who cares deeply for his child.
I am sensitive and care too much about how others perceive me.
I am depressed.
I am happy.
I am analytical.
I rush to judgement.
I am impatient.
I would rather listen than talk.
I want to be heard.
I am lazy.
I am ambitious but stagnant.
I lack sticktoitiveness.
I make others feel comfortable around me.
I am a loner.
I want to love and be loved.
I cannot trust.
I like being single.
I miss companionship.
I am confused.
I feel lost.
I love Spring, Summer, and Fall but hate Winter.
I am always cold.
I am tired.
I have energy.
I have lost most of my friends.
I don't keep in touch.
I dislike talking on the phone.
I cook but not well.
I like to learn.
I find it hard to concentrate.
I carry around pain.
I love cats because they are self-sufficient and quirky.
I am quirky.
I enjoy car rides on warm summer nights, windows down and music blaring.
I enjoy solitude.
I second-guess myself.
I often use Google for the meaning of words. Sometimes, simple words.
I am forgetful.
I am thoughtful.
I don't remember names.
I have never changed a tire.
I want to learn how to play guitar.
I learn slowly.
I don't apply myself.
I push myself.
I am always horny.
I hate that relationships revolve around physicality.
I believe sex is important.
I sleep well.
I do not feel well rested.
I like technology.
I hate social media.
I love Twitter.
I love clean sheets.
I hate to do laundry.
I want a house with my own washer and dryer.
I ghost.
I have been ghosted.
I hate dating.
I am a spark-chaser.
I don't believe in monogamy.
I just want a single partner for the rest of my life.
I like trying new things.
I tend to stay in my comfort zone.
I don't like to lie.
I tell people what they want to hear.
I am a smooth talker.
I have social anxiety.
I hate labels.
I waste time.
I am an early riser.
I love sports.
I can't remember the last time I watched a sporting event in its entirety.
I am compulsive.
I like to drink socially.
I have poor judgement.
I give good advice.
I look younger than my age.
I am charming and have a nice smile.
I am vain.
I am insecure.
I love to make others laugh.
I love to laugh.
I can't remember the last time I cried.
I have shed many tears.
I am still alive.
I don't know where I'm going.
I know where I've been.
I have above average grammar.
I often re-read emails I've sent out because they sound good.
I know this feeling is temporary.
I feel responsible for my current situation.
I try to learn from past mistakes.
I believe exercise and a healthy diet are instrumental for happiness.
I can only make myself happy.
I like to people watch.
I like the gym. I feel inspired.
I like Starbucks.
I think women are shallow.
I think men are assholes.
I dislike anything extreme.
I can't whistle.
I wish I knew magic.
I want to disappear sometimes.
I am a planner.
I am spontaneous.
I am all of these things.
Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Dreading the inevitable news I will receive in a couple of days Hello fellow redditors, I hope you guys are having a great day! My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago and it shattered my world. I was extremely devastated because she was the first person I ever really opened up to. I grew up with distant parents and I never got close to any of my friends. I connected with her in a way that I had never connected with anyone, it was a thing of beauty.
Fast forward to 12 days ago, that’s when I screwed up my life. I felt empty and alone, and that led me reach a new low and seek a hook up. I wore a condom, but in the heat of the moment I got carried away and performed oral on her for a brief moment. I got a rapid hiv test on Monday and came out negative. These past few days I’ve been feeling sick, light headed, throat discomfort, and upset stomach. I started doing more research on hiv and found out those are symptoms of your body trying to fight off hiv.
Tomorrow I’m going to take an hiv rna test, which can detect hiv 9-11 days after contact. I’ve had two days to soak in the idea that I have hiv, and at this point I’m 90% sure I do.
I feel hopeless and scared because I can’t help but think I threw my life away. I’m a recent college grad paying of my loans. I don’t have insurance so I’m going to have to pay out of pocket for medication. What hurts the most is knowing that I could’ve avoided this if I hadn’t made a dumb decision. It’s going to be tough knowing that I’m different than other people. Thank you for taking time out of your day to listen
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self.offmychest
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I’ve reached a low point After dealing with a breakup for the last two months, I’ve officially hit a low point. I feel absolutely hopeless. I’m overwhelmed with grief and sadness. I’ve been reaching out to friends all weekend to try and cheer myself up but their either too busy or don’t take me seriously. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts all weekend but I’m too afraid to tell anyone. I spoke to the crisis hotline yesterday because I honestly wanted to kill myself. I’m too scared to actually do anything to harm myself. But I have no idea how I’m going to pull myself out of this.
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self.depression
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Diagnosed with “maybe” bipolar disorder, possible drug side effects have me nervous and other ramblings So I went to the psychiatrist yesterday. She said she thinks I could have bipolar, but it could be depression. She’s iffy because my therapist said I can put on a good mask (that is true) and my mood swings could be due to that. I feel she’s more right on the bipolar diagnosis, so she got me on lamotrigine and Wellbutrin - she didn’t want me to go manic if she was wrong to consider it depression. I start the Wellbutrin in a week.
I read the warnings for lamo, and it has me freaked out. How can I decide normal body stuff from basically dying? I don’t think I’ll have any major issues as my sibling takes it with no issues, but it can cause meningitis? It doesn’t even mention probabilities on the prescription papers (google says it’s rare).
Then the Wellbutrin is a huge if. I’m scared of hitting another low so I can’t wait to start taking that. I was thinking about stuff and I realized I have zero coping mechanisms. I stopped using negative coping mechanisms abruptly three years ago. I feel like that makes me experience emotions stronger than I should. I have some, I just often forget to fall back on them. While I’m not normally anxious, when I am I get **super** anxious, so Wellbutrin could just hate me for that. The side effects don’t really bother me and I’ve heard lots of good things about it, so I’m hopeful it works out and doesn’t make me an anxious mess.
I have to tell my family since I’d rather tell them than them find out on their own, I’m anxious about that. They’ve never taken too kindly that I was depressed (before the mood swings hit, I had a lot of reasons not to swing up). Now they get to hear I’ve been pretending to be happy for 7 years. I’ll probably be compared to my siblings, invalidated, questioned constantly. I’m just hoping it’ll be taken better since I have an actual diagnosis and they’re not just seeing it on their own. I don’t want to do it alone, so I’ve been waiting for someone to hang out with me while I make the call.
And the eval went ok. Easy at first. Mood swings, low self esteem, abuse (I left out some of the abuse for discomfort reasons). Easy stuff. Then it was, do you self harm, are you suicidal, have you ever attempted suicide? Lots of kind of maybes. Anorexia is in my family, so she asked if I ever starved myself. I did (a **long** time ago for a fairly short period of time). I don’t know why, I just didn’t feel hungry. Thinking about it, I think the depression just shot my appetite and my mom was always on me for being “too skinny” (just below/within a healthy weight which was completely stable). The psychiatrist had a reaction that felt similar to my middle school counselor (counselor didn’t seem to be genuinely worried about my mental health). It was from a place of concern though, so after the initial shock it didn’t bother me. She moved on pretty quickly. I can’t not think about that. I’m worried about her worrying about me. I don’t want to be worried about. I quickly recovered my weight then and now I’m a healthy weight (maybe a teensy bit above that), and while I hate it I didn’t like being so severely underweight either. I don’t want to starve myself and I never made that clear I don’t think. But besides that, everything else went smoothly. We went over family stuff and some other questions. I think she spent fifteen minutes just trying to figure out what to put me on, and I absolutely loved that. She was very careful with everything and how it would effect my feelings, blood pressure, and other medication. She made sure to tell me how certain drugs could hit my mood and if I was ok with the possibilities (ie Wellbutrin causing anxiety).
She was very happy I came in after struggling for such a long time. I absolutely loved her.
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self.bipolar
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I dont know what to do anymore I never thought i would ever post here in my life, ive always been pretty sad and only have a few people in my life i would call close friends. The past few month it feels like everything in my life that can go wrong is going wrong for me and it just seems like a never ending downward spiral. I have planned out a suicide before and right now i honestly dont know if i have any options or a way out left...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like somethings wrong with me that I’m still not over my ex [deleted]
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self.depression
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Just need to vent...Black friday/Christmas Hello,
Im lost. I dont know which way to go. Im 25 with a two year old. I work full time but only make 11.00 an hour. My bills are piling up to where i cancelled my cable and internet because I cant afford it.
Christmas is around the corner and I want to help my wife with getting our son more gifts. We already got him a little basketball hoop. I wanna get him one more thing.
I have credit card debt of almost 700.00 and I cant even pay that off.
I just want to get past this hurdle and make christmas non stressful.
I know ill make it through.
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self.Anxiety
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Xanax/Alcohol question Took 0.25 of xanax at 6pm and I plan on going out around 10:15, am I good to drink?
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self.Anxiety
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Guys, how do you deal with hypomania? I think I’ve been hypomanic for almost two weeks now. I’ve spent almost 3k on things, opened up an Etsy shop with one lone art print, redecorated one wall of my room with IG pics, booked a flight to the west coast (I live in the east) and a million other things. I’ve packed my bags for the trip that’s 3 weeks away, I’ve enrolled in a gym, been shopping nonstop, been cooking breakfast at 1am... the list goes on and on. How do you guys handle this?
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self.bipolar
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My only hope...my only dream, only reason for staying alive...has been crushed. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wow! After five months at my job, I finally made a friend! [deleted]
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self.depression
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Do you use fidget toys? Honestly, I've never used fidget toys until today when my therapist gave me one cause she could see I was upset, and I actually really liked it and I don't know why I don't have any. Do you guys use any, and what are your favorite ones?
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self.Anxiety
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Suicide might be and option Hello there, I hope some can help me out with the current struggles, I have ,concerning my sexuality, and depression , I just wanted everything to end , I don't even know who o what I am I'm a 23 year old recent graduate men , and I’m extremely tired of of not truly living , and missing out a great part of my life all because I cannot know for certain my sexuality, I think I might be gay or not, I’ve never been in a relationship , or in love , with it’s extremely sad , a little background about me , I’m from Mexico , and I have a conservative, mind close family, when I was a little boy , I use to have a lot of girl-friends rather than boy - friends, but that was so wrong for my family specially my grandfather, who got the idea, that I should stop having girl friends, and start doing some sports activities , which I didn’t, but I started to hang out a lot more with boys that was when I was at elementary school.
When I was at middle school, all my friends started to have girlfriends and talk about girls, going out on dates, and that stuff, but I didn’t feel attracted to anyone , until I new guy entered school which seems a lot cute to me , he then later become one of my friends , for a couple of years, then on my final year of middle school I discovered what the word gay means, I was so shocked , then I started to switch from straight porn to gay porn , and watch both , I also remember starting to have kind of erotic dreams about a couple of my best friends “all male” I used to have this fantasy about having sex with them , which of course I didn’t tell anyone, because being gay was seeing as wrong and horrible , so I move on and I started high school , and everyone started to date someone , and all my classmates and the guy I used to hang out , started asking questions about having a girlfriend or who I like , so I invented a crush o this girl from my class , that I liked as a friend but only as that , so things calm down a little bit in our first highschool party when all get drunk and I kiss this girl , also playing truth or dare in class I ended up having my first French kiss with another girl and it feelt extremely good , but nothing else happened , later on all my friends started to made out with girls and having their first time , and I didn't even got to a date with anyone , so I discovered social apps and I remembered using badoo to meet up with a guy , which I didn't even feel that attracted to but ended up having my first sexual relationship with him, just a hook up , I guess I ended up doing that because he was the only till that time that felt attracted to me , and that feel good "being wanted by someone" at sex I didn't feel anything besides my orgasm, no connection or anything which it was expected, since I wasn't really attracted by him , I just was curious about kissing making out, and having sex ,after he leave my house I regret having sex with him and I felt disgusted with my self , the rest of my high school year I spent pretending to have made out with a couple of girls and having sex with one girl, which of course was a lie , that I told my friends so they stopped asking me questions that made me feel uncomfortable and a looser , same goes to my parents and family I created a fake girlfriend for a couple of months, and they believed, I felt so alone , for the rest of my high school years , then I started college , I said I would start fresh so I went to a different school that anyone that I knew, I stupidly separate from the few friends that I used to have in Highschool,( which I regret every single day) and see what happens in college but again I didn't find my self attracted or interesting in anyone , and I was constantly feeling lonely and depressed , I wanted to feel needed , I wanted to love and kiss and have sex like a normal college guy, so I got the terrible idea of downloading badoo again. And meeting with guy( I set the my profile to meet women only but I got no response in weeks so I changed to both men and women , and I quickly got some response from guys , I've never considered my self a good looking guy, plus I'm so introverted so it's really hard for me to meet people) so I meet this guy's who ended up being my neighbor, just 3 meses older than me , and we hookup a few times like 3 maybe 4 but every time after the sex I felt so bad with my self , i hated my self and felt disgusted by the fact I just have sex with him , because that wasn't supposed to be ok I'm supposed to like women some part in my mind tells me that ,so after this couple of years of college I ended up hooking with another guys via Grindr and felt the same as before , I don't know if I tell my mind that sits because it's easier to find men than women , also no girls has ever shown interest in me , sometimes I tried to analyse my situation and I tell my self that I find some guys kind of hot and even in some cases sexualy attached to , but that I don't see my self growing old with a male partner , I think that I would felt in love with a women , that it's the right thing to do. I done know if this whole thing is a lie that I created , and I don't want to faced for the fear of rejection from my family , because I also have to mention that both my parents everytime they see a gay couple or personal. They felt disgusted and make expressions of being uncomfortable, and mock them. Every time they used to ask me about me not having a girlfriend I said that its because girls are expensive and I can't afford having one , that latter I would have one , and it seems that they believed me maybe they think that is because I'm so introverted. All these year I've been trying to avoid this subject I just think that it's something that eventually will fade away , bug I think It won't, so know I'm almost 24 years old , I've never been on a date , or have a relationship, I feel so alone a depressed every time I think of this subject I cried so I try to avoid it as much as possible, but I won't go away. Then just like every other day for me I put this kind of mental armour to pretend that I don't care to being so lonley and without friends that everything it's ok and everything goes ok until the thought of being lonely cross my mind . I think this has affected me so much that I don't really have any friends , I guess it's because I never fit it anywhere, my guess it's because I don't who I truly am . I'm so sad and lonely :(
Hope anyone can help me
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just got broken up with I just got broken up over hangouts. I'm in Virginia hes in Hawaii. How stupid would it be to buy a ticket and just go see him.
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self.offmychest
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My mom hates her way of living and I don't know what to do [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Heard a friend say something I wasn't supposed to hear I've been pretty secluded recently. Been avoiding phone calls, my computer fucking died and I'm currently unemployed. I haven't been out for the past 6 months. I got a phone call today from a friend I've known for years and she told me how much she "loved me and missed me". When the call "ended", she forgot to hang up. I heard her in an exacerbated tone tell her husband "OH GOD she wants to come over Sunday!!" she must've then realized what happened and the call ended. I'm very shaken by this and feel even more worthless than I did before she called.
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self.depression
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I spend christmas at the ER because of anxiety Nothing to add lol
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self.Anxiety
|
Jan 1st is probably the day I'll go I'm sorry guys.. I don't see my life as something inherently "good". Its a pain. I think that this world truthfully is unsustainable. Our society is embedded and relies upon minerals like lithium that is deplatable. Furthermore, we're destroying our eco-system with neo classical economics. Which basically means that enviromental damage doesnt have a price in cold hard cash. Our society seems schizophrenic, or at least the media, depicting bitcoins as valuable and report Climate change as the next item.
These aren't just words. They're words backed up by climate science that's as old as the 18th century. Politicians like Carter did foresee a change in our welfare habits necessary, but voters didn't like it. Moreover, it seems like our education actually interferes with actual education. Nobody sees the inertia. For more than sixty years.
Even when we see the failure of our political system so clearly in the newly appointed president, we point the blame to the president, not the system.
This is just an observation I wanted to share with any reader I would hold dearly. For a long time I've thought about preparing for imminent war or disaster, but it seems pointless. These things don't happen overnight though they seem to the last few years. Interpersonally I'm pretty much socially isolated, FYI. I've been raised with the notation "it's OK to be gay" which I think quite frankly made me fall in love with one of my friends. This caused interpersonal destruction. Maybe it's a gift since I don't think I would have observed the world in a neutral way if I didn't have nothing to lose.
Anyway, I'm dieing soon. I'm just going to do it and be done with.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So close to ending it all Life is so extremely difficult...I have a few friends that I hang with but only one I feel close to. He’s joining the army and soon will forget I ever existed. My other friends constantly ignore me and don’t care about me at all. Im always supportive and when they are struggling I try my best to help but whenever I try to talk to them about my struggles they either dismiss me or tell me they are too busy. It makes me feel so worthless and unimportant. I’m in college and I’ve tried to make new friends but I’m too shy and awkward. Plus I’m sure no one wants to be around me anyways.
My family hates me, my dad wanted me gone so bad that he payed me to leave as soon as I was 18. I see a therapist twice a week and i usually leave her office feeling a bit better but then I come back to the rest of my life where I have no support and I feel terrible again. I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I’m hoping to save up for a shotgun so I can stop all the negative thoughts and the pain.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I guess I'll just be lonely forever I feel like something is missing. I'm not unhappy, but I'd like a couple new friends and, to be honest, I'd kind of like to experience the whole relationship thing, too. I have some good friends, but lately I feel like I could go out every day of the week. I want to talk and have fun and play board games or something. But people are busy and I don't want to be pushy so a bigger pool of options would be nice.
Unfortnuately, it's so hard to make new connections with people. I mean, you can talk, you can make jokes for an hour together and have the best time, and a day later it's like you never met before. I'm probably doing something wrong. I just wish I knew what that is.
I wish I knew how other people do it so easily. They just... invite people to things, I guess? I wanted to go to a comedy show that was yesterday so I asked a few people on Wednesday, that I know for 1.5 months now from an improv class, and they're all so cool but none had time (or at least they said so). I kind of really hoped that one guy I find cute wanted to go with me but he said he'd probably be busy finishing a report that day (I can see this as no chance for good friendship or even more, can I?). Well, I did however ask a classmate on Friday (which I also only know for 1.5 months, we sat next to each other) and he said yes. We had a good time there. But I guess I'll have to invite him to other things before I can call him a friend? And probably get invited, too. Not that I wouldn't like it, the whole "when is it a friendship" thing is tough.
I wonder why I'm so bad at this stuff. Others just meet people and do things with them. They don't overthink it.
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self.offmychest
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Been separated since November I haven’t been happier or more at peace with myself. I get a lil lonely but that was expected. I should have left ages ago
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self.Anxiety
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I go through motions of liking things then hating them... [deleted]
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self.depression
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Do you ever wish you could just start over [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know what to do anymore [21/M/AU]
Growing up I had nothing no parents no nothing.
mum was a Heroin addict and Dad was in prison for selling Heroin The worst part about it is my Uncle (Mum's Brother) is the one who gave them the drugs in the first place and ended up snitching on my dad for a lighter sentence so I went from having nothing to having even less.
My Mum was just she wasn't my mum she was different I remember watching her as a kid when I was 4/5 she'd just sit there screaming and crying, blaming me, blaming everyone causing a rift between my family especially with my Uncle (Mums Brother) being the one to put my Grandparents son in Prison.
I had this vision in my head growing up that when I finally met Dad he'd be the worlds greatest you know? That we'd play catch and go play sport, hang out and all that good stuff in a nice fancy house.
It was stupid of me to have such high hopes of a drug addict and I realized it as soon as I saw him for the first time.
I feel so fucking dumb why did I think things would be normal? like every time I was upset or wanted to give up I had hope, I'd go sit and lay down on the grass and just smile and be excited thinking you know what one day things will get better, when my dad's here everything will be ok.
When I was 10 he came out of prison and I was so fucking excited to see him so so excited.
Mum took me there and the first thing he did was abuse the fuck out of her and I, in his eyes he wouldn't have had to do those things and sell drugs if he didn't have too support me and me being only 10 I really believed that, I really thought it was my fault like if I wasn't there then it wouldn't have happened the way it did.
Dad hit me that day while Mum was there and they got into an argument, My grandparents were there trying to calm him down but he's just as hot headed as I am so eventually mum and I left after she had a couple drinks.
That night we drove home and I fell asleep in the car with no Seat belt but for some reason I woke up and put it on and 5 minutes later all I can remember is the car spinning and everything being a blur.
I woke up and looked next to me and all I could see was blood everywhere, I started screaming, trying to get out but the car landed nose down and pushed the front end of the car onto my right femur so I couldn't move my legs at all I was pinned.
Mum's arm was wrapped in the steering wheel and she'd snapped/broken her entire arm/wrist, Her face was covered in blood and she wouldn't wake up I didn't know what to do thankfully someone came and called all the emergency lines (Police/Fire Brigade/Ambulance) I eventually was able to wake mum up turns out she was chewing/or bit halfway through her tongue while unconscious and almost ended up dying from it.
I got taken to the hospital and Dad was there and once again it was my fault. I started the fight, I put us all in this position that was how he saw it.
The first thing he did was yell at me because I pissed myself during the crash, saying I was dirty and it was disgusting etc.
Mum and I eventually got out of hospital and things didn't get much better this is the first time I tried to kill myself I was around 12 and ended up trying to hang (idk if that's the right word) myself at school after I recovered.
Mum found herself a new boyfriend (I won't mention his name as he's a dangerous person known for hurting people and I'd hate to put my Mum in that spot again just incase.)
He'd been to prison for shooting his Ex-Girlfriend in the face with a Shotgun she surprisingly survived and he served his sentence eventually meeting my Mum.
He used to beat her, like really beat her she was to scared to leave so we were stuck. I eventually ran away when I was 15 and got caught up in a bad group of people doing stupid things like Assault, Car Theft, Armed Robbery (I'm in no way proud of this) I didn't wanna do these things but my hope from when I was younger turned into just hatred and anger I started just hurting people mindlessly.
I had a hatred for authority and authority hated me since they knew my parents and uncles last names I'd cop an extremely rough time compared to others on occasions I'd even get the shit kicked out of me by the Local PD.
People were scared of me but people actually respected me (Or it seemed so) it felt good to be on the giving end in terms of being a piece of shit who bullies people. I had no where to stay so I used to Busk or get money in other ways so I could sleep in the internet cafe for the night after paying the $10 for the All nighter deal (meaning I could stay there from 9pm to 8am) If I couldn't afford it I'd sleep in the fire escape at the local mall.
I eventually got taken in by people who made me really feel like family, they'd do dumb stuff and get in trouble but they had a house and it was better than metal stairs in a mall.
I experimented with drugs because idk I just gave up and gave in everyone else in my family had done it or was doing it so fuck it I will too (By this I mean Marijuana and Meth) it didn't go well I lost sight of myself and things just got worse and worse.
I straightened myself out and went home and was there staying with mums friends as she'd left to stay in a refuge in Perth. I idk I was prescribed pills (Anti-Deps, Anti-Psychotics) I refused to take the Anti-Psychotics I refused and just figured I'd be okay.
Things worked out I straightened myself out and now I have a house with my partner but recently things have been really bad, I constantly feel like idk like maybe I'm just not supposed to be happy, I give this girl my all I have for 4 years and it's not enough you know? like the things she says just hurt "You're too childish" (Because I play Video games as my escape ) "I want a man that comes to sleep with me" (I have sleeping problems the doctors have told her that and I have tried pills which did not work) "You're never here for me" (I always try to be it just goes unnoticed.) I've explained to her and the doctors have that I have severe depression and anxiety I literally lock myself in my room (study) for 18 hours and don't eat, don't talk just listen to music and draw it's getting worse as I can't control my emotions or temper anymore I recently tried OD'ing on the pills I was prescribed and in all honesty I was so fucking happy when I tried it was like relief it was like I did it I hope this works etc.
It didn't obviously.
and now I'm struggling I have debts for bills to pay because of financial struggles, I can't even leave my fucking house because I feel so out of fucking place, I'm constantly fighting with my partner and in all honesty it's like there's 2 of me a mellow version and an emotional side which I can't control I feel like I'm constantly watching myself from 3rd person and unable to control myself when I get to angry/emotional.
I feel like I can't hold on anymore. I feel so disposable no one sticks around me. I have no friends, no family I just feel so alone.
I feel like nothing but something people come too when it's convenient or beneficial for them I feel disposable and honestly I tried to look back and find positive thoughts and memories but I have none.
I'm starting to think I'm just not meant to be happy. Like I'm worthless.
I'm trying to fight the urge to try and hurt/kill myself again but every single day it gets worse it's like my mental state is just getting weaker and it's honestly consuming me I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with what I've said or if it seems like I think I have it worse than everyone else because I really don't it's just I have no where else to go but to this subreddit..
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self.depression
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For this morning we have rest lessness with a side of panic attacks and fatigue in the menu Please enjoy
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone just want to die? Does anyone feel like they're having an existential crisis everyday? There's too much stress on your shoulders? Anxiety is a pain every day? Coz it's how I feel everyday now. I just want it all to end.
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self.depression
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Consoling suicidal people Hello. I do not struggle with these issues although I can empathize because I too bad bouts of this stuff years back. Anyway, there is someone close to me who is dealing with these things and I want to know how you all think I should go about consoling them. I am not new to listening to peoples issues or getting into these things but I really just don't know how to go about this. My problem here is we don't have much familiarity with each other. We've never really hung out or done much together which makes this particularly difficult for me. If you have anything to say be as long(or short) as you want. Ill be reading each reply no matter the length. If you think it will benefit me and this person I'd like to hear it. If you could upvote for more exposure that'd be helpful
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self.SuicideWatch
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Intrusive thoughts about being doomed to death!! Hey,
after July, in which I experienced low anxiety and depression episodes because my mind was and still is conditioned by Derealisation and Depersonalisation, from which I recovered, apart from the thought problems. After DR I always had thoughts like: Is this really my hometown as I knew it?
Basically, during DR, the world is completely alien to sufferers, you dont have these emotions and feelings to specific places anymore.
However, towards the end of July, something bad happened. It all happened within one week. It was the week after Chester Bennington commited suicide which could have triggered those thoughts. It was after a fun weekend, where suddenly I thought about the future and the question popped up: "How long will you be able to cope with these alienation thoughts? Isnt life pointless? Why not commit suicide? What if I will commit suicide? What if I have already commited suicide by then (When someone talked about future)? I had a terrible, desperate anxiety.
I remembered one night, the 1st of August, I was in bed, overthinking, suddenly I realized a chemical change in my brain, like a switch, which caused a wave of impending doom rushing through my body. I was terrified. Next days/weeks followed with strange "coincidences/signs" regarding suicide + terrifying fear of future. Since the 1st of August I've felt like something died in me and I havent been able to picture myself in the future anymore (another trigger for the destiny thought). I have been in a complete thought-clouded, dark reality, I constantly felt trapped, stuck in life.
Now my mind tells me I should have killed myself, that I was supposed to commit suicide or that it is my destiny/inevitable! It questions how I even made it through these past painful months, that there was actually no other way... It is like I lost the rational thinking part of my brain/mind. Then when I look at the date, which is the biggest trigger for the thoughts, my mind questions: werent you supposed to commit suicide? This makes me so sick, it actually feels like I shouldnt be here anymore. I think I am one of terrible cases of Pure O.
Guilty about not having acted like the thoughts said? How sick is this?
Now it seems like my mind hit a threshold and slowly calms down by itself...And that's what I am worried about. Why did I suffer, there was actually no rational way to get out of it. I am constantly pondering about how it all happened, what I felt like, what was the hopelessness feeling like and how the hell I managed to calm it. I always had this rumination part in me, its kind of OCD I guess, that I have to rethink everything, like a bad compulsion. Was it anxiety? Depression? OCD? Wwaahh these questions HAVE to be answered, I feel so compelled to answer them. Maybe I was really meant to die? There was NO way out of it. God, I am confused.
Btw: I dont have any plans or so (not suicidal, or I dont really know )! But I am utterly hopeless.
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self.Anxiety
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I feel like a shit person A year ago, my uncle killed himself. He hung himself at my other uncles house. Those two used to be best friends. He was a drug addict and I never really got to talk to him, never got to really see him. And personally, I am blatantly unaffected by this. I’m just disappointed he was never really a uncle, and he never will be. I’d like to believe he’s in heaven. And maybe their I’ll get to talk to him. But I don’t have any proof heaven exists. So I won’t get my hopes up.
I was going to post this to r/offmychest (fuck you guys over there. I didn’t do anything and you ban me. Professional mod work right there)
Anyways, am I a fucked up human for not really caring he is dead? It was expected, I wasn’t shocked. And since I never really got to interact with him, I just didn’t care
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self.depression
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feel like I'm at the end of my rope All year I've been watching the situation of my abusive ex's - who I loved and who I still love - life improve while mine hasn't. Though I'm now in school and my grades are good, my physical and mental health is not. I'm terribly lonely, increasingly having to numb myself with alcohol, either soul-crushingly depressed or manic with racing thoughts that make me feel like I'm losing it and constantly feeling the need to do dumb shit, and due to my current situation I cannot get the kind of help I need.
Today I found out that she has a girlfriend now and is very happy. She is doing better than ever mentally/emotionally at least and her life is on the upswing.
I was already tottering on the edge but I feel like this kicked off. I feel hopeless, alone, worthless, like I can never be happy, both depressed and also restless like a trapped animal. I need alcohol, but I'm at my parents house for Christmas and of course I can't get my hands on any! It's probably better that I'm here basically locked inside and not on campus, because I can't do much here. I wonder why she gets to hurt me for so long and come out the winner, if I'm really that worthless. I feel like nothing matters - at least when it comes to me. I could do pretty much anything to myself now and it wouldn't matter. This has to be a mixed-state.
I just don't know what to do. I don't see what the end would be to any of it, anyway.
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self.bipolar
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Confidence is repulsive I'm not a huge drag in rl, I swear, but I am suspicious of the gregarious extroverts shut ins on the internet have elevated as the model of social desirability. Social capital, like any currency, has to come from somewhere, and like other forms of currency it tends to come at someone else's expense. Power, even in trivial forms, is a confiscation (usually). I don't think being "that guy" is any more a choice than being me, and more importantly, it seems to preempt everything that makes a person actually worthwhile. Being very very funny, or very very insightful, or very very creative depends on a vast reservoir of resentment and disaffection.
I'd never choose to feel the way I do about my life, but at least I haven't valorized averageness and affability as the use value of a person.
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self.depression
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feels like no one will ever love me im 17, turning 18 in 5 months and ive never had a first kiss or anything. i talked to one guy last year but after saying he'd go out with me, he ignored me for 2 weeks and got a new girlfriend. i was talking to another guy this year and he was gonna take me to homecoming but stood me up, and never went to see me in the school play ( my first lead role).
i just genuinely feel like. unloveable idk. my friends and family tell me its because im "too pretty, and make guys nervous" but thats what theyre just supposed to say to make me feel better. its ridiculous and i dont believe them.
im kinda pretty i guess. but my teeth are ugly and im chubby and weird
also prom is coming up next semester (im a senior) and my only friend is a junior so she cant go and i KNOW no one will ask me so im coping with going to prom alone.
i know all of this is just dumb typical teenage girl stuff that i really have no rational reason to be upset over and my problems dont even really matter but does anyone know how i can feel less.......worthleas and undateable
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self.depression
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I realised something recently... A close family member was in a severe accident recently and is recovering in hospital. Thankfully they are doing well. They have had so many visitors, friends, family, donations, gifts and support and it made me realise (I'm probably selfish for even realising this) that if it were me in that hospital bed, I'd have none of that. A handul of visitors - my brother, father and partner with my kids. When I was in hospital after giving birth to my youngest the only visitor I got aside from my partner/kids was my dad. That's the reality of living with a severe mental illness and coming from a broken dysfunctional family. I have no friends and very little support. I can't make friends and the few friends I did have started avoiding me probably because of my unstable moods. But this isn't just about friends. I have 3 family members left, the rest I cut contact with for the sake of my sanity. I havent been able to work so I have no colleagues. I have no social network aside from a couple of uni acquaintances who only contact me when they want help with an assignment. As much as I enjoy being alone I also feel incredibly lonely but I'm too unreliable, anxious, moody and socially awkward to ever be comfortable around people or vice versa.
If I died tomorrow I could count on one hand how many people would truly miss me.
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self.bipolar
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I want to tell everyone on Snapchat that I want to kill myself. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like shit... I recently got yelled at by my landlord and I can‘t forget it. He treated me like a child.. i hate him, I want him to be vanished, like, to have never existed (or other things to happen to him, I wont mention it cause people will think I am psycho lol).
I don‘t want to see him, but I would like to punch him, or (insert-psycho-shit-here).
I still have to wait until April so I can finally move out.
I feel sick, and I want to vomit... but I can‘t.
I can‘t forget his ugly face, I would love to see his face (psycho-shit-here).
Most of the time I don‘t feel like I want to end my life, but more like, I want to destroy the lives of the people who hurt me.
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self.depression
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I'm just not happy I don't seem to be able to find a balance between making other people happy and making myself happy. I love my SO and have a great time with him, but he still acts like a teenager and thinks someone else is going to take care of everything around him. He won't clean or do anything without being told (not even asked - he thinks that makes it optional). We live with his very conservative Dad, who still lives by "my house my rules". I have grown up very independent and I *hate* asking for permission to do things, especially as I really think through things before I do them at all...this feels like regression to me. On top of that, I do not get along with his sister at all - we're polar opposites. She hardly talks to me beyond 1-2 word responses, which makes for living in the same house awkward af. I have been asking my SO to consider moving out, but he is not fond of change or confrontation and doesn't show any real interest in it. I feel so constricted in this house where nothing really feels like it's mine and no one really compromises. I'm just expected to do things the way they always have. It's just an overall very frustrating situation and I don't know who to make happy. I don't want to be the bad guy who took my SO away from his family, but I also think we would be much happier if we could build our own life. I don't know. I've just never been so unhappy in my life and I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks for listening. /rant
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self.offmychest
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how do psychiatrists remember all the drugs, their side effects, the symptoms, the DSM-V and million other things? Maybe, I'm comparing my Bipolar brain to their normal brains but the fact that they can remember so many things to the details baffle me. Do they have a trick to memorize? I would like to know.
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self.bipolar
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afraid of fights and wrong judgement I keep having anxiety about people coming for me, wanting to fight me. like if I get in an argument with them or if I say no to them, or if I say my honest opinions about certain things I feel some sort of irrational fear that causes my mind to lock and I cant shake it off, even if the situation didn't occur yet.
I feel like because im a big guy people think I can take it and that the initial impression they get of me is that im hostile and rude (I am not white, and have a beard which I can imagine can cause discomfort to some people, especially women). it makes me try very hard to not hurt them by anyway and make the interaction as neutral or satisfactory to them as possible. If they get mad at me at even the stupidest reasons I have to stay calm and collected and never get angry myself. after that I avoid those kind of situations while thinking about them for a while.
its the weirdest shit, I thought about taking fighting classes (adult karate or boxing) to just be ready and get some relief that if I get into heated situations I can handle them.
plus it might also help me be honest to people and even honest to myself and not be afraid to voice my opinions.
what do I do ?
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self.Anxiety
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Supplements seem to help me with antidepressant discontinuation syndrome (SSRI withdrawal) **Disclaimer:** It's probably best to consult with a doctor about taking supplements. Mixing some supplements with an SSRI can put you at risk of serotonin syndrome. I just wanted to share my experience if it helps anybody.
----
I have been taking citalopram for a little over a year. I did not notice any dramatic improvements. I think it may have enjoyed being around people a bit more, but the difference was fairly subtle.
I didn't think the meds had much effect until I ran out of them. It's not fun. I got those "brain shocks" you know about, and I started for feel very tense / anxious and completely unable to concentrate, to the point I can't read or watch TV and get anything from it. I feel like I could have been better informed by my doctor that I was going to be chemically dependent on these meds.
A few days ago I went to get the prescription refilled not knowing that I didn't have any refills left and I wouldn't be able to get an appointment with my doctor for days. I knew it was going to be rough and I was desperate to find anything for relief. I read the L-tryptophan / 5-HTP are necessary precursors needed by your body to synthesize serotonin. I'm skeptical of taking supplements (especially herbal ones), but there seems to be a decent scientific explanation for these.
Your body converts Tryptophan into 5-HTP, which is converted to Serotonin, and eventually Melatonin. I don't know which is more effective to take, but 5-HTP is closer to serotonin and it was significantly cheaper.
----
**The results:** dramatically reduced symptoms. The brain shocks are gone. I can concentrate again. Similar to the SSRIs, I notice when I haven't taken them - the brain shocks and anxiety come back. But those symptoms go away after taking 5-HTP and Tryptophan.
I'm going to try just taking these supplements for a while. I don't like being chemically dependent on a drug, and the SSRIs did not seem to help a lot. They certainly haven't made my life better.
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self.depression
|
Ain't it funny how it happens? A little over a year ago, things were going fairly well. I was in a relationship with someone I really loved and was fairly okay with where I was at in life. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and general anxiety disorder since I was 12 (now 22). Things weren't all roses and sunshine: my relationship wasn't perfect, college was difficult, and my mental health issues were manageable but still present. Despite this, I felt alright. Secure. Content. Ain't it funny how that can change?
Over the last year, I have lost the only woman I have ever truly loved, lost the man whom I look up to, and have come close to losing my place at college.
Since February of 2017, it has been a constant downward spiral into self-loathing, anger, shame, regret, obsession, and fatigue. This year, I have been to the psych ward, changed medications multiple times, been off and on with self medication, self harmed, had short, unhealthy relationships, and struggled to maintain my school and work.
A large part of the way I feel is due to my ex. This is further compounded by my OCD. I think I can truthfully say that a waking hour hasn't passed without thinking of her. I check every car that passes me on the road to see if it is hers. I examine the parking lot of every building I visit to see if she is there. Any woman I see that even *vaguely* looks her requires a triple check to see if it is her.
I want to clarify that my obsession isn't "creepy" for lack of a better term. I don't want to see her. We broke up in March and the last time I spoke to her was the first week in April. I go out of my way to avoid her. I avoid going out in public in general because I really don't want to see her. Obviously, she dumped me after almost 2 years in a really shitty way. While I am very, very hurt, I don't wish her anything bad. Seeing her just brings up so many painful memories and I compulisvly avoid any situation where I have even the slightest chance of seeing her.
This has taken a toll on me. I know obsessing over this person is silly. I am aware that no good can come from it. I cannot shake it. My OCD coupled with my depression and anxiety makes every day agony. Like I said before, med changes and treatment isn't working. The constant rhumentating thoughts about this girl makes me feel extremely depressed about myself and I get so anxious about what I could have done differently in our relationship and when I might see her next. I get debilitating anxiety attacks. Days where I see her make me retreat to my apartment where I binge drink, shake from the anxiety, and cry uncontrollably.
I can tie a slipknot out of a HDMI cord with my eyes closed. I know the perfect 12 gauge load to use for maximum effect. I know how many milligrams of my medication it would take to stop my breathing. Suicidal thoughts are seemingly constant. I haven't attempted, but I have been very close to attempting more than 3 times in the last year.
I don't think I can go through another med change. I am so tired. The only thing that has prevented me from ending is my family. I love them a lot and I don't want to hurt them. I feel ashamed of why I feel the way I do. I feel weak. I want to rest. These feelings have been constant for almost a year now. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wrote a short poem. Anxiety, my inner mistress
Looming, seething, closest distance
Blight of mind, a venom's haze
Infection, cancer, blight of days
I see you there, subconscious mind
Hunting, preying, emotions bind
A prison here of mine own making
Constant fear, sanity taking
Some days I feel I'll never win
Fighting worry, brain toxin
Relationships becoming corrupt
Doubt my soul, my mind disrupt
I want my life back, I want it bad
Hope and happiness, no longer sad
Release me now, cast thee away
I'll live to fight another day
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self.Anxiety
|
Crippling anxiety before i'm able to get out of bed [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Why is being depressed so much worse than when I was suicidal? I've been suicidal for almost the past decade, and for like the past 14 days I haven't been anymore.. But after not being suicidal I noticed how extremely depressed I am, atleast when I was suicidal I knew I had the option of an escape from life even if I would do my best to not take it. Now I don't have that and life just feels so much worse... I thought things would be better when I got over wanting to die but it's only gotten worse. Why is this?
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self.depression
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Two years ago I was hospitalized for the first time But not the last
My life was ruined.
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self.depression
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Share Your Victories Large & Small! - Saturday, 12/02/2017 As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.
This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.
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**Come chat with us!**
That's right /r/Anxiety is on both [IRC](https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/anxiety) and [Discord](https://discordapp.com/anxiety$
*********
[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) | [Community Map](https://redd.it/5ff4bn)
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self.Anxiety
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I went to the Houston museum of natural science yesterday, and I didn't FREAK OUT because of the amount of people! I didnt have to sit down to breathe, and my grounding technique helped me out with my breathing! This is so huge for me and a huge positive to end 2017! I have been out on a medical leave from my doctor due to my anxiety and depression, and my work tried to give me shit for going on the leave in the first place. But after this and journaling every day, I'm over the moon because if this accomplishment!
Happy New year everyone!
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self.Anxiety
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I constantly do this to myself Falling back into old habits I hurt myself today. I havent bruised in a long time but I just did it again. Not as bad as I usually used to do it but the hopelessness is getting to me. I lose a little hope in myself every day. I dont think I'm worth it anymore. I want to kill myself but the only thing thats stopping me is how it will make my parents and friends feel. It scares me because if I have a bad enough break down I might stop caring about that. I'm just so tired of fucking my own life up and bringing down everyone with me. I dont want to be a burden anymore. I have convinced myself that if I died in some tragic way, I would help everyone realize they need to live their lives. I feel like my death could be good for everyone. I just want to stop hurting so bad....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting and staying active I know that exercise is a _huge_ part of helping me control my anxiety, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Even when I have the resources, or there’s a yoga class I love that morning, I just can’t get myself to go out. Even once I’ve started, I can’t seem to keep it going. I don’t want to go out (the fact that it’s winter and so dark doesn’t help), and I don’t ever feel like I have the time.
I feel like if I got a prescription, I’d feel more inclined and accountable, but nothing seems to motivate me.
Anybody else struggle with this, or have success with staying active?
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self.Anxiety
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trashed libido even while manic? note: at the time i was completely unmedicated too, so that couldn't have affected it at all.
i was definitely extremely manic, but had basically no sex drive at all and couldn't get hard even with a naked girl on top of me because i kept thinking of ideas for projects and mechanical designs and electrical stuff and mathematics and couldnt even focus on or think about sex.
does this happen to anyone else? it seems so atypical and it causes a different set of problems than hypersexuality, like my partner feeling unloved and ugly and like i didnt like her etc. she understands now more but god damn, i feel like i need a script for some dick hardening pills just so i can function as a dildo or something to keep my relationship intact
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self.bipolar
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Who am I ? Hello everyone, first time posting here and it’s a new account for things like this, to people not recognise me by my name. At first I’m sorry because English is not my native langage and I’ll be doing mistakes and plus it will be a total mess in this post because I don’t know where to start and I have so much inside...
I’m a young women, have all to be happy, I just moved with my boyfriend, I have « school » during the day and then I come home and everything should be ok, I feel like I’m so fucking selfish to think, even just a bit, I’m depressed...
But all my life I’ve felt like I’m watching an other person’s life, like it’s not me, I feel so dead inside... sometimes I can laugh out loud and the minute after I’ll be almost crying for no reason...
I don’t like thinking it’s a depression because I tell myself « how can you be so selfish to think YOU have a depression? You don’t even know what is it, a lot of people all around the world have a worst life and going through very hard stuff ».
But what I feel inside is... so dark...
I’m like a jar of water always almost full, and every water drop (?) can makes me cry like hell, like I could die of crying, feeling my heart and my head are shaking and completely broken...
I told I have a boyfriend, it’s true, but he says that I’m overreacting really too much, so I try to contain myself and it just gets worse and worse... when he sees me crying he ignores me, like if he doesn’t look me in the eyes it doens’t exist...
As far as I remember, every day of my life I’m asking myself « and what if I die today? I could die when I drive my car, when I cross the street (sometimes I almost don’t look when crossing because I don’t matter about dying... but it scares me to do it, I’m probably to weak..) »
Thank you if someone read this, thank you so much.
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self.depression
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When was the last time I showered? I’m at the point where I don’t know when I last showered, it’s been weeks. I eat and eat and eat until I feel sick even though I’m not hungry, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, I haven’t looked in a mirror for weeks. I try to sleep as much as I can so I don’t have to be awake, but there’s been a lot of nightmares lately. I don’t have any friends on top of this.
I’m disgusted in myself, I hate who I am inside and outside, I’m so poor I can barely afford living but have intense anxiety/panic attacks when I work in hospitality or retail, so I haven’t had a job for a year now. I’ve had depression since I was 13, I’m 21 now and it just keeps getting worse and worse month by month, but I can’t muster up the courage ( or funds ) to end it all.
Anyone in the same boat?
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self.SuicideWatch
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These thoughts keep coming back to haunt me, please help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Please help. I don't understand whats wrong with me. I don't know why I freak out sometimes. Like right now I'm just laying in bed nothing is happening but I can't keep the tears running from down my face. It's stupid. I'm honestly fine nothing is wrong. Why on earth am I like this?
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self.Anxiety
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My schizophrenic brother will be locked away at a mental institution for the next 3 months and I’ve never been happier [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I finally had a date and lost my virginity [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I am a 17 year old girl. I’m contemplating suicide [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My experience with EDNOS. (TRIGGER WARNING!!)
My experience with EDNOS.
I went on my first diet when I was in kindergarten. Yep. I was already acutely aware that I wasn’t like everyone else. Other kids could run faster and longer. I started counting calories.
By third grade I was dabbling in bulimia.
By middle school I was skinny.
By high school I was fat. Then skinny. Then fat. Then addicted to cigarettes because “maybe they’ll help me lose weight” (spoiler alert, they don’t.)
After high school I was fat and then really skinny and then fat and then kind of skinny and then fat again. Now here we are!
What no one wants to tell you is that crash diets work. If you stop eating, you will lose weight. You will not go into “starvation mode”. You will lose weight and get skinny and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. That’s science. That’s how the body works. Energy cannot be created or destroyed.
Because no one wants to admit that crash dieting will absolutely work, they therefore cannot warn you about what happens during, and after.
During, you will feel like absolute shit. Your energy levels might be okay, because you’re streamlining coffee into your veins (don’t do this) or swallowing a weight loss pill cocktail (or if you’re me, develop a nasty addiction to amphetamines). In the morning, it will take you 15 minutes to get out of bed. Not because of exhaustion, because you’re used to pushing your body beyond its limits now. But because when you sit up the whole room spins and your head feels like it’ll explode and there’s this strange fuzzy “sound” or maybe a feeling tickling the top of your spinal cord that’s impossible to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it before.
I’d like to interrupt myself at this point to note that it’s possible you will not experience any of that inconvenience when you wake up because starvation causes insomnia, so you might not sleep at all.
Anyway, as I was saying. You’ll weigh yourself first thing in the morning because if you don’t how will you know what kind of day to have and how you did yesterday? You know you didn’t eat more than 600 calories because you meticulously weighed and recorded every single thing you even brought close to your lips the day before, but for whatever reason you’re up .4 pounds from yesterday and nothing could be worse and you better not fuck up today and make it worse. Or maybe you’re down .4 pounds and you’re over the moon and you better not fuck up today and ruin it. Make sure you triple check your weight no matter what, and bounce up and down on the scale a little to make sure it didn’t just get in the habit of showing you a certain weight. Just to be sure.
Anyway, you totally don’t have an eating disorder even though you lost 4.8 pounds this week and you’re just doing this for a little while to reach your goals and then you’ll stop when you get there and maintain your weight!!! Amazing!!! Get on the treadmill until you burn 150 calories to start your day off right. But then you get to 150 and been 13 minutes so you might as well keep going to 15 because you’re almost there. Then you get to 15 minutes and it’s 163 calories which is almost 175 so you should probably keep going until you get there because 163 isn’t a satisfying number at all. Then before you know it you’ve burned 500 calories and that’s awesome and you’re so proud of yourself but what if the machine and your app that you use to double check everything aren’t accurate and it’s not REALLY 500 calories? Better just delete that from your weight loss tracker because it’ll increase your daily calorie limit and you can’t be totally sure that it’s correct.
Make yourself some breakfast, you earned it. One slice of low calorie toast (45) and one fried egg made on a pan you haven’t washed in a week because why would you rinse off the grease and butter? Then you’ll have to add more and that’s nearly impossible to track so just count the egg as 70 calories to be on the safe side.
Pack your lunch. One cup of fat free cottage cheese (160) leveled off with a knife just in case, exactly 203 grams of carrots (86) and five tablespoons of mustard (75) to dip.
Head to work and stop for coffee at 7-11. It’s crowded and someone might see you sneak a measuring cup out of your purse to make sure you put exactly 1/3 cup of fat free milk (28) in your coffee. That’s embarrassing, and you don’t really NEED milk so just put in 2 packets of Splenda (14).
Get to work and spend the day thinking about dinner. You could have ramen (280) and that would be easy and precise. You’ve had ramen for dinner every day this week but it’s safe and tasty and and you’re broke anyway. Add up your calories for the day (730, with the ramen). Feel good because your weight loss tracking app says you can eat 1164 calories a day and stay on track. Spend all day recalculating your calories and weight loss goals and BMI and planing future meals in your free time.
Eat your lunch. It’ll probably take a full hour, if not longer. Make sure every carrot has an equal amount of mustard. Use a baby spoon for your cottage cheese.
Get home from work and get a text from someone inviting you to hang out. Panic. Will they try to feed me? What if they want to go out to dinner? You’re not trying to hide what you’re doing to yourself because you’ve done nothing wrong and it’s your body but you don’t want them to ask questions. “I’m too broke to go out to eat and I already had dinner but I’ll come hang out for a while! :)” Make and eat your ramen, so you won’t be tempted.
Hang out with your friend and feel normal. Watch them eat 2 pieces of pizza (272 each, maybe. How can you know? Someone else made it. You can’t know for sure exactly how many calories it has.) and wash it down with a Diet Coke(0). Feel superior. “I’m not hungry, thanks though!”
Get home. Resist the urge to weigh yourself. You know the scale will be ugly. You’re full of food and water. Take your multivitamins (15), biotin, and birth control. Try to go to bed but you can’t sleep. Spend all night filling notebook pages with calculations and “inspirational quotes”. You can’t be controlled by cookies. Food is fuel and nothing more. Make a choice between what you want now and what you want most.
Finally fall asleep a few hours before it’s time to wake up. The next morning, you can feel a binge coming on. When you do this to your body often, you can feel when your willpower is waning. You get used to it. Make plans for that night immediately because you know if you’re home you’ll stuff your face and then throw everything up after and hate yourself. Tell your boyfriend you’re sleeping over. Fool proof.
The rest of the day will go exactly the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.
Eventually you will see your goal weight on the scale. One of two things will happen to you now.
You will either keep going, because it’s not good enough, until you hit your new goal weight.
Or, you will feel relieved and happy. You did it. You lost all the weight and you feel amazing. All your dreams have come true. In celebration you’ll allow yourself to have that bowl of cereal you’ve been craving for four months. Then a second. Third. Ice cream. Make pasta, eat that. Eggs, pancakes, cake. Keep eating until it hurts. Go in the bathroom. Throw up. Continue to eat.
The next few days you’ll go back to restricting, because the scale shot up 7 pounds. You’ll tell yourself that you’re going to gradually increase your calories to maintenance. Three days pass. Binge again. Two days. Binge again. Start binging every day. Become too lazy and depressed to purge. You’re back to your start weight. Now you’re 10 pounds more than your start weight and you hate yourself.
Be disappointed in yourself for ruining all the work you did. Contemplate suicide. Decide to start over, because it “worked” the first time. Repeat this cycle for the rest of your life. You have EDNOS.
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self.offmychest
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What counts as attempting suicide? If you went to a train station but didn't go on the tracks, does that count? If you take a bunch of pills but then induce your own vomiting, does that count? If you put a noose on but don't kick away the chair, does that count? At what point can you say you tried to kill yourself?
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self.SuicideWatch
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It seems so easy I’m drunk. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m tired of being sad. It was so easy to cut open my shoulder while I was trying to satisfy myself. Wouldn’t it be just as easy to slice my wrists open and bleed out without anyone ever knowing?
People keep telling me it’d be selfish if I killed myself and it would cause them pain, but it’s not selfish for them to want me to stick around and feel pain just for them?
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self.SuicideWatch
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In the hospital for pains. God I hate life. I don't need this shit. I swear, if I need surgery I'm gonna scream. Who needs intestines anyway.
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self.Anxiety
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Do you get really excited when you have a great day in case you're getting hypomanic, and then get really disappointed when you wake up the next day and you're tired like normal? I know it's ultimately destructive, every time I end up doing things that are dangerous or stupid or against my moral code, and I wind up super regretting it. Every time.
BUT
it feels so good and I can't help but crave the high
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self.bipolar
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Clouds Fog and Fall October again
So what then
Why does it matter?
I’m too broken to shatter
Sitting amongst The Gloom
Gun in the other room
Calling me; to my doom
I can’t
Leave
Leaf, a spoon, shroom, a can;
A bottle—liquid, pills
Pain kills
The whispers are loud; so shrill
Noise is silence, a great echo
Getting lost, it’s yesterday still
Or maybe yesteryear; but no
Still today, still now
Living, but how
Amongst the pain, paralyzed
It’s beyond hurt, I’m sterilized
Numb
Caution! I’m caustic, be careful
It’s okay, get a stare full
Learn from me, from this
I have, I missed
There is no cure, only diligence
I’ve learned since
Words on a page
Recognizing signs
Help the rage; help my my mind
I’m here. I’m st;ll here
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self.depression
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Calling in sick for work with nausea, when the nausea is actually caused by extreme fatigue which is caused by my clinical depression. 😞 I mean, I’m technically not lying, the nausea did bring back my antidepressant I swallowed which was disgusting. 😩
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self.depression
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My friend (Ex girlfriend) Just blocked me on everything [deleted]
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self.depression
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I've been talking to myself in the mirror a lot lately Imagining scenarios and conversations that will never happen or just in general talking to myself (never positive things either). Its gotten to the point where I might do it for half an hour to an hour each day. I'm not sure if its healthy, I feel like I'm losing my sanity almost. I think I'm just lonely...
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self.depression
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first of all, fuck u So i’ve been hanging out w this guy, he’s cool. we fucked, he mediocre. But, I️ have a plethora of fuck buddies who are above mediocre so that’s not what I’m looking for in him. We hangout every time I’m home which is Friday-Sunday. FT, call, text everyday, all that jazz. He says that he likes me he just wants to take this slow with us straight with me, because I’m not a fan of labels till it’s absolutely serious.
Well, I️ seriously feel like he is constantly spitting in my face! (metaphorically speaking). He is always posting for people to add him on this or that. Telling me girls add him on Snap, Insta, etc. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I’m trying not to trip because we aren’t together, but I️ feel like people who talk/hangout as much as we do are exclusive. I️ don’t know. I’m just really fucking angry and I️ don’t know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety is robbing my life of joy in total. Please help. I have tried several medications for my anxiety. None of them made a difference, and I got almost all of the negative side effects (dizzyness, headache, nausea, libido totally shot). The only thing that seems to work is talk therapy. But it feels like a bandaid. I feel really good getting everything out to my therapist, and she had absolutely made a positive change, in fact she is the best therapist I have ever had.
I have made great strides handling depression (hardly feel it all anymore) and lonliness. But I have crippling anxiety that seems to center around the sense of not being able to control future events and prevent bad things from happening to me. I have a big problem with obsessive thinking. If I start to worry about something I can not let it go and it consumes me for months. Once I feel I have gotten to the point where I have "processed" that worry, a new worry comes along.
It started when I was little. I grew up very religious and I was terrified of hell. For YEARS the fear of hell consumed me. I didn't understand why my parents would give birth to any children if there was a risk they could go to hell. I eventually stopped being religious and those fears subsided. Then it was fear of chilbirth and having children. I realized I am child free (not just because of the fear) and so that subsided. Then it was paying off my student loans. I owe 6 figures. This one actually still is always in the back of my mind. Now its centered around health issues and being caught in a terrorist attack/mass shooting. The idea that I could die at 30 from cancer is devastating to me. I was afraid I had heart problems, got all the tests, nope just anxiety/heartburn. I was afraid I had MS becuase my face and hands and feet would go numb. Just anxiety. I have a family history of skin cancer and other cancers and I used to drink a lot which increases the risk of breast cancer so I am afraid of that. I am afraid to go into major cities becuase I could be attacked by terrorists. I get afraid in movie theatures sometimes after the Aurora shooting. Sometimes I read stories about women who were kidnapped and kept in a single room for years/decades or women who were kidnapped and sold into sex slavery and I have nightmares that could happen to me one day.
I am tense all the time. I don't really enjoy anything, the only thing that gives me a sense of "control" is worrying about things. I worry that if I take a break from worrying, adn read a book or something, I could be caught off gaurd. I am always on gaurd.
I am doing everything I can right. Tried the medication. See the therapist. But I still suffer from this. It feels good to write all of this, but I know that is a temporary feeling. Can someone please please give me some hope? Have you been in this situation and made progress? What helped?
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self.Anxiety
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How do I keep going, knowing I'll never be happy?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Some of us were talking about cleaning and how hard it is to get life together! So I thought I'd share this embroidery I done a while back which expresses my pain with this :) [embroidery ](https://flic.kr/p/aoC12Z)
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self.depression
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Mood trackers What are your favorite and why? I've tried a few but end up not giving a shit after a few days and stop tracking. How is this information useful for you?
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self.bipolar
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Had a stressful couple of weeks at work which spiraled into depression and then mania and me doing things that could hurt my marriage I had a big project at work that I was put in charge of several months ago. The person who had it before me was an intern who's been in that position for 5 years. I have a good 10+ years experience on this guy but he thinks he knows it all (mix of Dunning Krueger and youth) but this guy just would t recognize the fact that he had thoroughly mucked things up with this project and that's why I was brought in. I gave him a simple task to do which he failed at and so I had to take over at that too and work 50 hours in 3 days and over the weekend. He had to confront me about it so I had to give him tough love which he didn't appreciate but I think he's come around now. But the whole stress of work and dealing with him sent me down a spiral of darkness and despair. After we completed the project on the day of the deadline I met with a female friend and we got too close considering I have a wife that wouldn't appreciate just how close we got. We didn't have sex but we did cuddle and I have previously set boundaries with her that I crossed the line on and hopefully didn't confuse her. We both really want each other but we're both in long term committed relationships and have kids so it's complex. But now I've taken things to a place where my wife would be hurt and I feel like shit. I'm also afraid that I'll be manic in the future and take things further. I'm not on meds and I'm afraid to be on them since I saw my dad turn into a zombie on them when I was a teenager. However, if they keep me from fucking up my marriage I'm willing to consider.
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self.bipolar
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Can't stop crying Recently me and a girl who were dating stopped, the decision to stop was made by her but ever since I haven't stopped thinking about it, I asked what the issue was and all she said was that I was viewed more as a friend to her, literally got friend zoned - It confuses me though that a day before she told me how much she liked me and it only got me more depressed when she told me to break it off afterwards.
How do I get over this? It was a couple of days ago and I'm still crying, everytime I hear or see anything related to her it makes me upset, I'm unable to sleep, study or even eat because I keep getting sick feelings in my stomach - clearly me and her can't date again but I need a way to get rid of how I feel, something to replace it. I'm coming home everyday and crying for hours straight and it just makes me feel stupid. I really liked this girl and I actually feel so depressed of what happened.
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self.depression
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It's been a month since i stepped out of my house I don't really have close friends to hang out with...but sometimes if a friend calls me but I can't bring myself to say yes to any plans they might have. I can't even go out to a nearby grocery store to buy everyday stuff. Also, I amLooking for a job right now but as soon as I apply for a job, I keep wishing that I wouldn't be called for the interview! I get really anxious thinking about how I'd have to go out everyday to work if I end up getting the job. At the same time, I do need a job! I don't know what to do. Is this agoraphobia?
Sometimes, I am able to get out...maybe to go shopping or meet a good friend....when I mentally prepare myself....like once or twice a month only...but it takes a LOT of energy to prepare myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Unmedicated, pregnant, and losing it Unplanned pregnancy but we are very happy about our little orange seed. His family is, for reasons I can’t understand, treating us very poorly and I’ve reached my limit. We live with them and things were fine until we told them we’re pregnant. I cannot take the harassment anymore (rude comments, everything we do is wrong somehow.) This morning, his grandmother put her hands on me so as to move me out of the way out of anger and I lost it. I cursed at her and stormed out. If his sister mocks me about being depressed with her sarcastic attitude one more time, I will punch her. I need to get out TODAY, because I do not want to do something I will regret.
We don’t know what to do. We are young and don’t have much money. We’ve been so stressed we can’t even think straight anymore. Does anyone have any advice? Please?
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self.bipolar
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I know I am going to kill myself for what I have done [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How delusional do I have to be to be delusional Hi bipolar reddit!
I've ghosted here for a while and I was wondering if you guys could help me with something. I've been having lots of weird thoughts/experiences lately. I've been on the way up in a manic episode and have been having paranoia such as people following me in the dark/movements in my peripheral vision that turn out to be nothing/I've been researching a lot about simulation theory and on monday I was very worried that the people who run our simulation were going to poison me because I realized their game and I thought my boyfriend was in on it/I keep looking at things people put up on the internet and thinking they're interconnected and that everyone's "in on it"/I've been feeling very infantile and disconnected from the world, sort of like a child. I have been unsure whether or not to speak up about them/whether they're severe or not because I'm still somewhat aware they're in my head. So I guess my question is just when do delusions become delusions?
I know this is such an unclear question but it comes from an unclear mind.
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self.bipolar
|
It's not me, it's my depression I tend to be someone who keeps things pretty close to my chest so I don't talk much about my inner life anyway, but sometimes I really want to tell people about my MDD. I wish I could tell my friends why I'm "sick" so often, I wish I could share with my boss why I'm late everyday for weeks at a time, I wish I could tell my beloved English teacher why all my assignments are a week late.
My mom, who's also suffered from depression her whole life (thanks for those great genes, ma) always warns me not to tell people that I take meds or that I often go through spells of inactivity. She's afraid people will discriminate and I guess I am too. Plus it feels so personal. Telling someone about this thing that's haunted me my whole life feels like giving them a piece of my soul.
I really wish it was as simple as telling someone about a chronic physical illness that sometimes gets in the way of me being my best self (not that that's easy either, but less stigmatized at least). These are people who love and respect me, who think I'm funny or beautiful or brilliant, and I hate to think how they must feel when I suddenly shut myself away. Please forgive me; it's not me, it's my depression.
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self.depression
|
Fantasizing self-injury, hospitalization and suicide morning 'til evening I noticed that I'm having these disturbing thoughts in my nightmares, day dreams, even in cartoon shows and movies (which is all about death, psychological and mental illness). Is this a sign?
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self.depression
|
I hate having no social skills But I'd rather kill myself than try to aquire them. I am nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Serotia 300mg (Quetiapine) 4 months now. I am one of those people that the 12 hours sedative effect of the meds didn’t go away. If I sleep at 12mn, I wake up at around 12nn. If I sleep at 9pm, I wake up around 9am. If I try really hard (make 10+ alarms on my phone) I wake up 1 or 2 hours earlier and that’s not all, I have to make sure I am really sleepy when the meds start to kick in, because if not, I have a hard time breathing/ stuffed nose.
This disorder that we all have sometimes make me think that we’re one of the unlucky ones in this world. Our whole life is affected by it, there are alot of times wherein we can’t function as a 100% human being unlike everyone else. And yes that 12 hours sleep, when you add it up feels like I’m always robbed alot of time in my life
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self.bipolar
|
Is pedophilia more common than one would think or has the news of late made it seem so? I’m really troubled by the allegations and have been rethinking every vaguely suggestive or sexual encounter I’ve had with men since my teenage years.
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self.offmychest
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I wish I killed myself years ago College was a mistake. Especially just so I could dorm with my ex and not for my own goals or aspirations. Now that ive graduated I have loans waiting to rape my bank account. No great high paying job to show for it either. I hate my job and I dont want to go anymore. Simple. I'd stop going in a heartbeat but I spoke to my mom and basically its not an option. The thought of working pisses me off but I wasnt going to tell her that. Maybe I'm just lazy and entitled. I dont want this responsibility anymore. I should've killed myself around the time my ex broke up with me. Then I wouldn't be here. I have no girlfriend and no motivation. Nothing. Im losing my patience doing this shit everyday. I want to be dead.
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self.depression
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does anyone else feel this way? Have you ever stopped and realized that if you dont talk to your friends etc... first they just dont talk to you? im not closee with my family for reasons of physical and psychological abuse i have about 4 or 5 close friends id say and they all know i struggle with depression and are always willing to help etc when i reach out but .... all i really want is to wake up or look at my phone and have a message without me having to message them first even just a smiley face anything to tell me thhey are thinking of me it just feels so bothersome(to them like im harassing them) when i have to message them first all the time i dunno maybe its just me
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self.depression
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