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Nice man I guess I'll have to go to hell when I succeed escaping this one right here
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hypersexual thoughts I cannot believe how attracted I am/want attention from most of the males around me. I work with the public and today has been very interesting. I am not being OVERLY flirtatious, but I am definitely craving attention and am thinking I am hot shit right now.
My manic phases have never started this way, but should I be prepared and think of this as a warning sign?
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self.bipolar
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Depression has totally killed off any and all of my attraction to people, whether romantically, sexually, or even platonically. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My hamster died three days ago Pepper was mine, Pumpkin was my brother's. I loved that little guy, loved him and fed him and nurtured him and played with him for almost two years now. He's no dog or cat, but I still loved him. I mean, I liked Pumpkin too and my brother liked Pepper, but we had our own pets and responsibilities.
Pumpkin died near the end of May. His eyes were swollen shut. An insect or something must have bit him. Suffered for almost the entire month, around the same time I was at the lowest point of my life. My brother was naturally devastated. I mean, it was his pet after all, but I took care of Pumpkin too. So, even I should have been sad too, right?
But I was like, "Oh, he's dead? Okay. At least he's not suffering anymore tho. Hey, what's for breakfast?"
And then my hamster Pepper died a few days ago. Some infected wound on his belly that grew and grew until it was eating him alive. Suffered for almost a month, too. Around the same time I was at the 4th or 5th lowest point of my life.
Again, When I woke up last Monday and my dad told me, I was like, "Oh, so that's why the living room doesnt smell like rotting hamster flesh anymore. Hey, what's for breakfast?"
And the day before Pepper died, I cleaned his wound that morning, stroked his furry head, cooed at him, gave him spinach, and told him that the people of Reddit loves him too and prays for him to live longer. At least, until Christmas.
He didn't make it. He made it through my birthday, but not Christmas.
I have grieved harder and longer for my other pets, from my dogs and parrots, to my other hamsters and guinea pigs and rabbits, and gold fishes and arowanas and flower horns, regardless of how long they lived, but why, for the animal that helped me get through the shittiest points of my life, one of the few reasons why I haven't killed myself yet, why do I feel...weird? Not sad, not pain, but weird.
Like, a mixture of relief—because my FluffButt isn't suffering anymore and is probably in an all-you-can eat vegetable buffet in hamster heaven—and jealousy. Because he got out before I did. We were both suffering, while I have been suffering longer than he did, he just got out sooner.
Everyone can see (and smell) that he was dying but nobody wants to help the little guy because "that's how the world works". Everyone can see (and smell, I suppose. I really let myself go these past few months) that I am dying, but nobody wants to help me because "that's how the world works".
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self.depression
|
Ok, what now? Hi, I'm a 21 years old guy. Mine is more of a though period than a depression, but it's not easy at all.
And I'm really terrified.
I've never had many good friends in my life, but I was lucky enough to find a great gf. Last week, after 3 years, we broke up (nothing wrong with it, we both felt it was the right thing to do and we are still in touch). I always knew I didn't have much outside of her, and that always scared me.
Now that things happened, I need to create a new life, but I'm feeling lonely and scared. I'm scared because there's too much unknown ahead of me. On a way it's kind of thrilling, but on the other is terrifying.
I know I'm not lonely, many people know me and I have a couple of friends I can rely on. But it's kinda hard because I can barely see them, like, once a week if I'm lucky. And I know I need something more, but I don't know how. I'd hang out alone but I'm shy and I need support from someone close to me.
Thank you in advance for your understanding, I' m sure you will help a lot.
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self.depression
|
What age did you start medication? Whether your first appointment(s) with a psychiatrist ended with a diagnosis of bipolar or perhaps a misdiagnosis before the fact, how young were you went you first went on meds? Regardless of whether you switched or stopped meds since then, I’m just curious.
I was thought to have unipolar depression and anxiety for almost a decade until the diagnosis of bipolar came up. My mom had me see a psychiatrist in sixth grade when I started to sleep through the school days. My memory from that time is very foggy and I don’t remember what they started me on, but I was probably 11 or 12. I was pretty inconsistent and would stop one medication before being put on another, sometimes not taking them for months (seasonal depression? Sure). It’s wonder they gave me sleeping pills after I complained of being too alert at night while taking antidepressants, but I guess it makes sense to not consider a bipolar diagnosis for an angsty middle schooler. Sometimes I wonder how things would’ve turned out if I hadn’t been medicated so young. (And if I hadn’t started experimenting with other stuff so young, but that’s a topic for another time)
What are your experiences?
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self.bipolar
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Gaming helps my immediate depression, but also subconsciously feeds it. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I hate my relationship anxiety I always ruin relationships. Once I get attached I am flooded with paranoia and doubt. It's due to my abandonment issues and overall anxiety. It's such a vicious cycle of having a women really like me and then within weeks of me becoming neurotic they end up completely losing feelings and ignoring me, probably out of fear.
This recently just happened to me again with someone who was truly good to me and I can't stop beating myself up over it and thinking about how 2 weeks ago she was so into me to now not even speaking or accepting a friend request on social media.
I hate myself for this and have been trying for years to overcome it but I keep falling back into the same habits. I feel so doomed because all I want is an emotional connection.
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self.offmychest
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Stay Dead Last year I had a stroke and I flatlined for about 15 minutes. Physically I'm fine now but psychologically I'm a fudging mess. I wish I hadn't woke up from that stroke cause life is hard, even when you're just 25. I'm not going to work tomorrow, instead, I'm thinking of flatlining myself and be rid of everything. Turns out that millions of cash can't give you happiness. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I'm done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The virtual Equivalent of a fidgit cube. I'm at work feeling Hyped AF. Feels like my whole body has restless leg syndrome. Need to sit down shit up at work.
Someone help, ideas of things to do who to be how the get the fuck through this.
God damn i need this job so much, its the best I've ever had/.
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self.bipolar
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What keeps me going is the memory of when I was such a happy kid. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel a profound sense of loss even though I barely know him. Why does it hurt and how do you make it stop? [removed]
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self.depression
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My car was broken into and a few of my favorite things were stolen. I’m not looking for pity, I’m know you shouldn’t leave valuables in your car. I’m really embarrassed and just feel like I need to tell people.
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self.offmychest
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Just talked to doctor and now I feel I exaggerated .
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self.Anxiety
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I want to do this, but my kids? The only thing stopping me is my kids. My eldest is 9 and has anxiety issues, and one of her biggest fears is death. I don't think I can do that to her, or my other two kids, but I want to so fucking bad.
Edit: I'm still here. I weathered that storm, and I'm feeling a bit more positive right now. Thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Humans are stupid We have been taught to get jobs and live happily so that we can be used by those in higher power to "improve" our world. The people with power have the ability to end world hunger by working together but what do they do? Yep, that's right they build nukes to use against each other.
We get judged in schools like lab rats and when we finish school we have to be a slave to someone until we retire. They have only tricked us into thinking that we are not slaves by giving us "freedom". We work to earn money which is needed to survive. And what did the slaves do in the past? They worked to survive while their master profited off it. I don't see much difference in now compared to when the Africans where enslaved. The only big difference is the living conditions.
I don't know if I'll be able to go on with my life at some point in my twenties. The thought of barely being able to pay bills and having to work everyday to be able to survive is stupid. I didn't ask to be born but I am expected to work to make the rich more money.
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self.depression
|
Currently crying about how things just suck First time posting here. I just have so many negative feelings in me and figured that I should ramble it out somewhere.
Before I started college, whenever I felt overwhelmed, depressed, and/or sad, crying used to help. I guess letting all of that raw emotion out brought me relief. But now when I cry, it just makes me feel shittier and emphasizes my flaws and problems.
I feel so alone. I transferred to a new university this fall because of a traumatizing event that happened between my ex and I last year. I lost the one person who gave my life meaning and it fucking stinks how I still love this person even though they don’t love me anymore. I should logically just forget about my ex since it’s over and there’s nothing else I can do, but I am so in love that I continue to live life hoping that my darling will come back and apologize for everything. I knew this person for 8 years and I really don’t want to let my amazing ex go.
I have no true friends. So many acquaintances, but no real connection. I haven’t felt an ounce of genuine happiness in a year and my depression is progressively getting worse to the point where I don’t even want to go to school anymore. My passions and aspirations are nowhere to be found. I am studying art, but everything I have made so far is horseshit. It’s hard to find the aesthetic beauty and inspiration in things when all I want to do is sleep and dream about how perfect things are when I’m not in reality.
I just want all of my desires to be fulfilled, but for some reason my mind is stuck in the same pattern of depressed thoughts. Thinking that I’ll never be smart, successful, or attractive enough... so there’s no point in trying.
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self.depression
|
Should I just give this up I tried reaching out to this girl a couple of weeks ago. Like every fucking girl I talk to, I develop some sort of attraction to them. I try to talk to her over text but she just replies 3 hours later with a sentence. I asked her to hang out because fuck it, better to get ripped to shreds now than later. But she said sure, which makes it worse. I am an incompetent human being, can't drive, no idea on what to do that fucking day because I haven't hung out with a person in 1 year, and a girl since first grade. And I know I'm going to get ghosted or canceled on last second. Fuck this I'm thinking about making an excuse so I won't get hurt. But is someone turning away someone else over fear of rejection normal or hell even a good idea in any sense?
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self.depression
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Ever feel like the world is all fake and fabricated and you’re the center of it while other beings are studying your every decision? I did until i realized the world wasn’t centered around me and my anxiety went away.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm such a dumb fuck up, I failed one of the easiest classes at my university. I'm a failure and I'll amount to nothing. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Co-intern got the job over me. Now I'm the last one who hasn't landed a full time position. I feel like garbage. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can anyone see under this mask of mine? This mask is consuming me, to the point that I can't always take it off when I want to. And that scares me. Because this mask I present to the world is one of happiness, of strength, of being at peace with myself. And it's all a lie. I want to take it off, and show everybody how weak I am. How utterly without hope I am. And I've tried to, so many times. But every time I try to let somebody in, I just can't. I'm too scared. Every time I let somebody in in the past, they abandoned me. Maybe not intentionally, but they did. And I can't deal with that again. My friends are my world. When my family turned their back on me, my friends took me in and made themselves my family. And it's not that I don't trust them, because I do. But if you can't trust your blood to have your back, how are you supposed to trust anyone else?
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self.depression
|
Could doubling my dosage of Cipralex make me feel less in love with my partner? A few months ago, January to be exact, I began doubling my dosage of Cipralex from 10 mg to 20 mg. I had began to have a lot of anxiety from external work-related factors and it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
It’s now been ~4 months. I went through the initial transition phase of being extremely sleepy for the first couple of months, and I think my dreams got very peculiar. I’m not noticing really anything unusual now, my anxiety has definitely decreased, I’m in a good mood and feel fine which probably means it’s working.
Around March, I started feeling more and more indifferent about my partner. I had less of an opinion whether he was away or not and how often I saw him. We got along fine, laughed and talked, generally a healthy dynamic. I just didn’t feel particularly excited by anything about him. I chalked it up to just relationship evolution stuff (we’ve been together for 4 years) being busy, stressful jobs... etc.
But I still feel this way and I am wondering if the Cipralex might be causing this? Of course my relationship may also have run its course, that happens too. I just want to consider all options.
Some history: Over the past year even on 10 mg my social anxiety turned me into a homebody. I hated social outings. Now with 20 mg, social anxiety is more dulled and I’m way more excited about seeing my friends and going to parties. I never thought I would feel this way again. I’ve noticed I really need the stimulation.
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self.Anxiety
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Never been lonelier I'm 22, and in college. Ever since I turned 22 this semester I have never felt lonelier in my life. I had some friends and people I knew when I started college and I ended up rooming with some of them, but now I'm pretty much at 1-2 friends. Everything has dwindled. The guy I thought I was really good friends we moved into an apartment with his other good friend and all they do is hang and they never hit me up. I found that they have 4 out of 5 classes together and litearlly do everything from morning to midnight with eachother. Yeah so that feels like shit. I've lost trust in so many people and I only keep in touch with 2 of my old roommates from last year who I consider good friends. I try to hit up this girl every once in a while, but Im constantly hit with oh i'm busy and we'll hangout later this week. She never.. And I mean has never hit me back each time I text and its the same ol bullshit so I kinda got the message she doesn't wanna hang. And everyone else I know well I mean..they're graduating, moving, going to grad school, moving on FAST in life, and here I am just fucking struggling with school and having a dying social life. I would like to have more good friends but my anxiety is killing me, I can barely get into a good conversation without boring myself, and I really think I am starting to go downhill, I can just feel it. It sucks.. whats wrong with me? Why did this happen? What can I do... I'm so lonely as I write this, I may talk to my mom on the phone for an hour since my family is tiny and I don't really have a strong connection with any others. help :(
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self.depression
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Flat. Empty. Pointless. I'm 29. I've got no education. No job any more. No accomplishments. Nothing.
I've been "away" from life these last 10 years. It's like I'm not connected to myself any more and I find it very hard to be present. I talk to people and realise it's been months or even a year and to me it's like yesterday, still days are long as hell. I feel mentally behind, like I've turned into one of those that you talk to and everyone is making faces and reacting to their behaviour behind their backs and they have no idea. I can barely remember most of my life.
I don't want anything. Nothing gives me joy or excitement. I've been offered trips abroad, days out, items. I've lost money, chances and things just because of inaction and I don't even give a shit. Not even the thought of a nice bath or nice meal or things usually mentioned by others give me even a spark. I have zero friends since I can't be present and most of the time I can't handle to interact with people any way. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to about just random things or play games with but I tend to drop people because I'm an idiot that can't keep up any more.
I don't even know how to describe the feeling of being so *flat* 24/7 365. Often my mood dips and I'm closer to killing myself than I have ever been. It's not even when I'm tired or stressed any more, just randomly at any time. I have a strong need for control when it comes to how and where I die, but recently I've thought of just jumping in front of a truck driving past my house or stabbing myself on a whim. It scares me a bit.
It's like my chest is holding in this insane sadness. The only thing I feel that is not sadness or nothing is a kind of longing for wanting to want something again. I can remember what it felt like.
Yea so that's it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I found a different therapist to see while mine is in the hospital and I'm worried about her and scared to see the new guy. My therapist is in the hospital with pneumonia and I'm extremely worried about her, but it's been two months since I've had therapy and I'm starting to decline really bad. I found a new guy to see but I'm really nervous about seeing someone new. He seemed very kind on the phone, even talked me through my emotions about my therapist being so sick, but I still feel like I'm cheating on my therapist. My appointment is on Friday and I'm very nervous.
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self.bipolar
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Need A Reminder I'm not alone. anxiety/depression rearing their heads Short story (that is actually pretty long). Teacher who was going to go to Europe with other teacher best friend and some kiddos. Had to pull out of the trip due to severe anxiety and depression issues. I'm feeling absolutely devastated and like a terrible friend and person. Please only helpful posts and reminders that I'm not alone.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anybody else's biggest fear developing psychosis or delirium? My biggest worry with my anxiety is probably that one day I will snap and completely lose my grip on reality and become schizophrenic just hallucinating and hearing voices. I've been dealing with anxiety for over 15 years and never actually experienced hallucinations but when I'm at the height of a panic attack I still feel like I'm right on the verge of hearing or seeing something that isn't real. I get really jumpy, flinching at any movement I see in the shadows or ambiguous sound I hear on the distance just waiting to finally snap. As if my sanity was an fragile egg shell on a racetrack waiting to be run over. Anybody else feel this way?
P.S. I used to have decent healthcare with Kaiser Permanente but lost it several years ago. I recently qualified for MediCal but I've never really used it to get help for anxiety and to be honest I don't have a lot of faith in the quality of care I'd receive anyway. Does anybody here use MediCal and can vouch for their mental health services?
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self.Anxiety
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I want to die so bad somebody please answer [deleted]
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self.depression
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Am I done with therapy? Hi everyone! I've been dealing with increasing anxiety for several years, and last fall my wife convinced me to start talking to a therapist. I've been seeing my therapist once a week since then, and between those visits, meditation, exercise, and a low dose of Lexapro, my anxiety is now MUCH better. It's not gone (it's never gone, right?) but it's manageable, and it's now been months since I had an episode of being unreasonably anxious, depressed, or angry. Yay!
I'm wondering if it's now time for me to stop therapy. I used to show up every week with my mind in a haze of anxiety, but now it feels like an excuse to cut out of work and chit chat for an hour. For the most part, I don't have any pressing issues to work out, and I find myself trying to come up with problems so we have something to discuss. At the same time, I'm worried that if I quit my therapist and my anxiety comes back, I'll be alone with no one to help me work through it.
When's the right time to end therapy? How do you know when you're done?
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self.Anxiety
|
I want to get out of bed Im in bed and everytime i try to get out of bed overwhelming desires to harm myself flood my brain, my partner is in the flat i dont want to hurt myself, but part of me is demanding that i do it. So im still in bed, afraid to leave, too sad to face the fact im not strong enough today. Still never enough courage to tell anyone in real life because i dont like admitting things to people. Especially when theres a chance they could either help or walk away the fear theyll decide not to help / care is too much to dare ask.
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self.depression
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Failing to self destruct hurts but not having to hurt anymore doesn’t. I don’t really want to be here anymore. I’m a narcissist, I’m a thief, I’m a liar. I was a good person at one time. I’ve thrown it all away. I chose to do so. I knew my actions would catch up with me. But when they finally did the person that loves me the most wont let me go. I’m lucky but it hurts. I want to be gone. I’m sick of hurting and hurting others
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do you ever roast yourself? Like in a moment of clarity just go tf OFF on yourself and start listing all of your character flaws and moral failings as a person and how they contributed to EVERY negative thing that has ever happened to you, causing you to go into a spiral of shame and self-loathing and then realize you're an extremely selfish person bc you spend SO MUCH time obsessing on your own problems and feelings to the point you ignore others and come off as distant and cold?
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self.bipolar
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I’m just a burden to them I’ve given up on everything, it’s almost been a year since I’ve first tried to kill my self and nothing’s changed. I’ve gained back the people I lost and I’m gonna lose them again. I’m nothing. I will always be nothing. I don’t want to cause anymore pain and I don’t want to lose anymore people. I’m done
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self.depression
|
It's like today Fate told me: "You're going to be alone. Don't even bother." With severe anxiety and body dysmorphia it's extremely hard for me to connect socially, though being more social is something I wanted to do this year. Well, today my only prospect for being more social completely dissolved. A new friend of mine asked me some 10 days ago if I would like to attend dancing courses with her, and I thought that would be a great way to be more social. Then today she wrote me that she won't attend the dancing courses with me out of consideration for her boyfriend.
Yes, be considerate of your boyfriend, who cares about ugly useless me. It's like Fate telling me: "Don't even bother trying. You're too ugly to be with anyone else. You think a new year changes anything? You're going to be alone forever, get used to it!"
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self.depression
|
Mentally drained from " life " I'm the type of person who loves everything & everyone. Who want to help people and make them feel better yet i am so broken. I can give advice but I never receive any from anyone I talk to. There responses are like " oh damn that sucks. " It just feels like a lil crack in my heart each time I try to get some kind of support and then get disappointed. I just feel so tier right now. I just want it to end. Why can't they see that I'm hurting..
It isn't fair for what I have to go through to be happy. So much unnecessary things I have to do. Yes, I'm Transgender & I hate it. I hate that I have to work toward a image that famales already were already born with. I don't even wanna try anymore. It just not gonna look good. I'll never be beautiful, no guys would wanna get to know me. I have so much love I wanna give but no one there to want to receive it.
I wanna help me people but I can't do it. I wanna love but how can I do that if I don't love me. I feel guilty cause I see all these posts on here and I wanna reply to everyone as much as I can but I just have no energy nor motivation. I'm sorry.
I learned to be alone now but sometimes I just break down. I just hope I can stay strong alone. If not then I don't know what will happen. Hopefully one day we can all just be happy. Whether it's here or whereever we go once our time done here. I wish all of you who took the time to read this good luck on life & I hope nothing but the best for you. Needed to express myself in this small rant. x
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self.depression
|
No health insurance I haven't been on medication and I impulsively moved across the country to Chicago to escape the feelings I had for my ex fiancee. However in doing so I've left all of my friends behind and have no support left. What should I do? What can I do to get back on meds without having to pay an arm and a leg?
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self.bipolar
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I felt like ranting, since I have no one talk to [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
37 year old tired of "fresh starts" More shit, moving in less than two weeks, can barely see the light at the end - keyboard sucks fuck it all can't even write this post. FUck everything. Gun store will be only errand today
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I need someone to talk so i wont think about suicide [deleted]
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self.depression
|
He’s Going to Marry Me I’ve met the love of my life.
We met in a college music class and bonded through our mutual love of jazz and Broadway. He helped me through an emotionally turbulent relationship, and he didn’t even make a move on me at the time. I thought we were just good friends, and that he would never have any kind of romantic feelings for me. But one night we were sitting in my car and he held my hand. And we have been attached to each other ever since.
We spent the next few months together, and for the first time in my life I was supported and understood. One day, upon reflection, I realized our once separate and intangible futures had quietly woven themselves together.
The other day we were standing in his kitchen, hugging and talking. All of a sudden he turned around and starting rummaging through his cabinet, only to pull out a ring sizer. He calmly took my ring size, thanked me, and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened. My heart hasn’t stopped singing since that moment.
He’s going to propose. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but he is going to marry me. This man, my best friend, my partner, my soulmate, wants to keep me forever.
I know this is not an exceptional story, but it’s mine. I never saw my future until he showed it to me. And I will be grateful for the rest of my life.
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self.offmychest
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Zoloft - Delayed withdrawal? I was on Zoloft for about a year and stopped it cold turkey last month for several reasons (was having acid reflux and am now to conceive). The past month was fine, although I did feel more anxious, but this week I've been experiencing the symptoms of SSRI withdrawal. I've had the shakes, been lightheaded, and have been feeling very, very irritable.
Has anyone experienced delayed symptoms of withdrawal when stopping an SSRI? Are my symptoms a 'normal' part of withdrawal, or should I head to the doctor to look for other causes?
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self.Anxiety
|
My parents treat me like a child (I'm in college). I am a college freshman and my parents hate it when I hang out with friends doing no drugs nor alcohol. They hate it if i go out past 6 and they make a big deal if i come home later than 8 or so.
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self.offmychest
|
Suicidal gender dysphoric teenager whines for a few minutes Long time lurker, first time poster.
My parents don’t take my suicidal thoughts seriously, or at least I think so anyway. For example, tonight my dad thought he broke his leg at an accident at work, so he had to go to the A&E. I texted my mum saying that I was freaking out, and she replied that she’s coming home in a few minutes.
Long story short, my dad basically told me to cry alone in my room, then both of them proceed to joke about it in their room.
I’m really scared and I think that I am going to kill myself, my girlfriend already knows but she can’t really do anything to help at all.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, it’s almost midnight here and I have to go to school tomorrow, so I might not see any replies (if at all) until later on tomorrow.
Sorry for wasting your time.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does depression effect your ability to focus? I've noticed that I have a hard time focusing on work at school. It's gotten to the point where I didn't even finish 1 problem on my last algebra test. It also affects me while playing video games or watching anime.
On really bad days I find myself preforming worse than my usual skill level on games, and when watching anime I find myself pausing the video to go do something else, but I always just unpause it right back and basically force myself to focus even if I pause and unpause every 15sec.
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self.depression
|
Co-worker "accidentally" showed me nudes Okay so little background to go along as well. She doesn't like hugs/being touched but shell give me a hug or let me touch her (not in a sexual way at all) . I'll ask her some I guess you can say personal questions . Like I had asked a her if I buy a girl Victoria secret stuff, do I pick the items or get her a gift card instead. She's asked me some questions like that but make oriented. She has everyone else at worked blocked on snap but me as well. The other day she was oh I got a picture I want to show you. She came up to me and put her phone between us and was scrolling. She found the photo and showed me. Then she was showing me more and then she backed away "sorry I don't remember what's next' . When she came back she had another and said to just swipe right for three. I did and she was like oh one more. And Bam. Nude. She seemed only mildly embarrassed but I said she looked good and she smiled and giggled sorta. Then she borrowed my hoodie the next day since our AC at work won't turn off sometimes. She took it home by accident . Legit accident because we were in a rush when leaving. She snapped me later with her still wearing saying woops she forgot and then mentioned it "smelled like me which is nice'.
I cook and bake and I tend to work with her most along with this dude who is out on disability for a while ATM. Anyways, when I make and I'll bring either extra or share with her. She loves food and always seems to like what I make. She says dude stop bring me food you are going to make me fat.
I like her but ... Dunno. C:
or maybe I'm just reading too much into it and it was actually an accident. I know that I say some stuff to hear like after that you are going to make me fat comment, I'll usually something along the lines of "I can't have anyone stealing you from me'
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self.offmychest
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In love with a girl and she doesn’t love me back [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don't know if I'm feeling better or just feeling empty. I don't know what feeling better feels like. I can smile but seconds later just I'm just 'meh'. Does that count?
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self.depression
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Scared to cry and not addressing feelings I have two grandmothers that are still alive, and I feel like I have a dam of emotions about to burst one day.
I don't talk about my feelings with my family. Many times when I was anxious or not doing well, I never communicated that to them. I'm working on it, but I'm still pushing my emotions aside and even if all I want is to run to them in tears, I'd stay quiet in my room.
When my grandfather passed away, I tried to numb myself from it by keeping my feelings undescribed and ununacknowledged. Basically, I swept everything under the rug. I thought it made sense, because this was all new to me and I had no idea how to deal with it.
I live abroad and saw him less and less, and the older I got, the more shy I got. I didn't want to get too close, because I knew I'd leave and I was scared that I would cry.
I think that's the big one here: every time I think about sharing my feelings with my family, think about their past and our memories, and realizing just how little time we have, I shove it aside so that I don't break down in front of them.
I have trouble living in the moment. Sometimes I don't do things I love because I'm scared of that time being over. So at the end, I don't do it at all and waste my time because I'm scared of how precious time is.
I just want to somehow feel more at ease, and be able to enjoy our time without regretting it and thinking what I did wasn't enough for my grandmothers (and my parents as well). I still want to cry every time I think about my grandfather but a part of me is okay. I feel like a little kid again, to be honest.
Thanks for stopping by. I was thinking of seeing a counselor (counsellor? And I think they are similar to a therapist where I am) but I also feel like I'd cry there.
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self.Anxiety
|
Psychosis triggerd by bodytherapy Hi Guys,
I have had a psychotic episode 2x. In between my recovering fases I noticed that massage therapy was a trigger for me too sliding back and loosing it. After I noticed it the second time I called up some masseuse therapists and came to find out: They have a contra-indication for massages. Meaning they dont do massage therapy on people who have psychiatric problems. The reason being that massaging the body does something to the mind. It can release emotions that are "stuck" in your body and these emotions can trigger you.
That was really a bummer for me because whenever I was stressed and needed relaxation I would take a massage.
I have been looking into things like: Meditation, Reiki, Breath therapy and Bio energetica. But often their is a contra -indication.
I wanted to know if any of you also feel their is a body mind connection? And that things that happen to your body can be a trigger. Would love to hear experiences. I would do anything to stay stable & healthy. But I need to find a way how to cope with stress and how to relax my body in a way it wont be triggered.
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self.bipolar
|
Why is it that when someone tries to kill themselves, everyone's first reaction is to try to stop them, talk them out of it, presume that they're wrong? I feel like a prisoner in this world
|
self.depression
|
I can't keep lying I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and addiction for years. I sought "help" a couple years ago but I wasn't really looking. I didn't go to therapy, I just took the Zoloft for a couple months before deciding it was shit. I never visited that Psychiatrist again. Went back to school and told myself because I had some sort of goal that I wasn't depressed anymore, I was "happy." I had a purpose.
I knew it was a lie. I still did drugs regularly. I still do now but mostly stay away from the hard shit these days.
This semester is ruining me. The stress of 14 units + working on the side just keeps making it worse. I was a near straight A student. I have one of my professors convinced I'll transfer into a top uni next fall. I wrote one of my applications essays about my personal problems. The only truth in it were the problems. I lied my ass off about conquering my problems, they're still here. Writing that essay has been a double edged sword. On one hand it helps pad my application. On the other, writing it was one long look in the mirror. I don't like what I see.
I'm missing deadlines. I tell myself "I'll start at this time and get it all done" but then I sit there and can't find the energy or will to act. I'm drowning. I have a shot and I'm wasting it. I worked so hard the last 2 years and now squandering it.
This dark cloud will never leave. I hate myself. I hate life. I just want to sleep for eternity.
This is bullshit. Why can't I just be happy?
|
self.depression
|
It's never gotten 'better', but looking back now, I coped somehow. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Having a really bad day [trigger warning] Nightmares all night and my life feels like it's crumbling. I've been pathetically crying all day and now it's slipping into feeling like self harming or worse. I'm sick of living. It's too much work and not enough gain. Fuck this. I wish I had friends, but I don't because I'm a bitch who can't get her shit together. Sorry about the negativity. I didn't know what else to do.
|
self.bipolar
|
(17/M) I think I'm getting close to the end There's no point. Or actually, there is. Each day I'm getting closer and closer to my tipping point. I have a way to kill myself (access to my building rooftop) and the bad things in my life just keep piling up.
I feel frustrated, irritated and hopeless with everything. And there's nothing I can do. I feel bad all the time about my body and myself. I'm 5'8", I think that I started balding and my sexual organ is below average (If you wanna laugh at me, just do it. I don't care).
I just don't care anymore. I just feel hurt all the time. I've stopped going to school entirely. I've stopped studying to my university admission exams (A thing we have in Brazil. It's kinda like the SAT but bigger). I don't talk to anyone anymore. Not that I could anyway.
I have no friends (people respect me, but I don't have really close friends), no girlfriend (never got close to a girl, even though people tell me that I'm decently attractive) and I think I may have bigger mental issues.
I have this intense feeling of inferiority, all the time. I'm always, in everything, inadequate. I'm always not measuring up. I'm always the lesser person. I'm always a degenerate with poor genes. I will never be able to change my situation simply because it's unchangeable. My physical and mental problems—problems that I can't change—are dragging me down all the time. And they will always keep dragging me down, forever.
I don't know what to say anymore. This whole thing is already convoluted. I'm just tired of feeling like this. Tired of feeling inadequate and worthless. I tried to tell those things to my psychologist and my parents but they never understand, and I'm not good at explaining. I spoke to my parents about my suicidal thoughts but they just keep throwing the fault at me, saying that I'm crazy and that I'm trying to hurt them.
I never asked to live. Why do I have to live feeling inadequate and humiliated all the time? I have got nothing going for me, except my intelligence (I'm gifted). Sorry if this is arrogant, but let me brag about something once in my life.
There's no way out. I'm just trapped, cursed to live this life of misery forever. I will never be able to work again without thinking that it is compensation. I will never be able to find a beautiful and cute girl that I love and that she loves me back. I will never a good circle of friends that I like and supports me. I will never be able to create a family like I always wanted to. I will probably die miserable, alone and smacked on the ground of my building. Probably soon.
If anything, I think that I've been reading to much of that damned sub about virgins (you know which one, starts with an "i"). I don't agree with their attitude and philosophy, but my mental state is similar. I just want a cyanide pill right now, to end all this nightmare.
Just felt that I should at least write something, before I do it. I don't know if I will, but the chances are getting higher each day. Also, what I wrote is not even close to everything. I wouldn't know how to express it.
Whatever the outcome, see ya on the other side.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
UPDATE - "Looks like it's finally time" Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/7b7lvl/looks_like_its_finally_time/
I went through with the attempt as planned. Ended up in the hospital ICU, spent a night there, moved to another ward, spent another night there. I was told death was a very likely possibility given the dose. Same for a liver transplant. Tests today came back good - no liver damage. Which is honestly wtf-worthy considering the dose.
Right now I'm in a psychiatric hospital and will likely remain here for a while. I'm not actively trying to kill myself again(I love plans, everything here could only be done on impulse which I personally won't do to myself) but suicidal thoughts remain since they've been a constant part of my life for a decade and I don't actually remember a time without them.
Overall, I think the main stress factors will be dealt with one way or another and I should be able to exercise proper self-control again by the time I get out.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Past manipulative relationship led me into a downward spiral of depression and kept me isolated, and now I don't have a single friend in the world. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
There is no mental health IOP program in my state I live in Kentucky, and there are zero providers of mental health IOP treatment here. There is one in Indiana (I live right on the border), but they don't accept Kentucky Medicaid, and each three-hour session is $250.
I'm so desperate that I called a hospital in Nashville where I used to get IOP when I lived there. I think they also wouldn't accept Medicaid and payments would be $250 per session.
I'm really depressed and I'm trying to avoid going to the hospital, but the options are really slim. I have lost motivation to exercise. I have been eating very shitty food like Zaxby's, Five Guys, and Chick Fil A. I started smoking again even though my bupropion is supposed to be an anti-smoking medication marketed under the brands Zyban and Wellbutrin. I've been having trouble sleeping at night - it takes Seroquel, hydroxyzine, trazodone, and bourbon to finally sedate me enough, but I also wake up during the night.
I see my therapist next Monday and my psych nurse next Thursday. Just hope I can hang on until then.
|
self.bipolar
|
I regretted meeting a guy I met online. It's a bit long, so thanks for reading this in advance.
I downloaded Tinder when I was in a foreign country. I simply wanted to talk to someone/talk to the local people. I didn't plan to meet anyone I met there. I didn't put any picture, and my age and name were all fake. Anyway, I didn't take anything seriously. Until I met a guy who seemed to be as secretive as me. I matched with him 2 weeks before I left that country. And I told him that I was thinking whether I should try meeting people I met online, like, stepping out of my comfort zone a bit. So we decided to meet each other.
So during the "date", we talked a lot. That day went really well, we had dinner together, and he suggested us watching a movie together afterwards, and he walked me home after the movie. I tried to treat him like a normal friend during the whole "date" by asking how his experience on Tinder and by sharing my own experience, without even trying to hide anything. I put my guard up because it was my first time meeting someone I knew online. I didn't share a lot about myself even when he asked me. Then he asked me to have a second "date" but I didn't say anything, I just smiled back because I never wanted to keep any relationship with anyone I met online.
He's actually a really nice, intelligent and charming guy. My reserved personality fucked me up. I have returned to my country now and we stopped talking anymore, and I noticed that he put some new pictures on his Tinder profile these days. I regretted meeting him because I can't help thinking about him everyday now.
UHHH I miss him but I don't want to disturb him now, because I was the one who pushed him away. And I guess he has moved on already.
I wonder if I was too reserved. Anyone had similar experience?
|
self.offmychest
|
Why Am I Up So Late I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I need to put it somewhere.
Warning : I'm Dyslexic
I've been out of college for my winter break for about 2 weeks now. At the start of break, I was productive and often really social. I was going to bed at a reasonable time (1am) and waking up around one too (9am). This was working out for me for some time. I don't know when things started to change, but they definitely did.
I started staying up later and later (4:30am while I write this) not wanting to go to sleep, which is unlike me. At a certain point I usually just want to fall asleep. Right now, I don't have any will to fall asleep.
Let me give you a theory on why I think this is happening to me.
Personally, I need to be productive and kept busy or else I get bored very easily. I knew going into break that I needed to make up projects for myself to allow myself to remain productive throughout the break. I really like music and have been trying to become a composer, so I set the goal of writing one song while on break. I've sat down at the piano and have made a few ideas, but nothing has stuck for some reason. At the start of the break I spent more time doing this, then I am doing now.
I'm usually a highly motivated person (did DCI and planning on doing it again) but for some reason I am not feeling it. Even practicing for DCI has gotten labored and I haven't been doing a lot of it, which is extremely unlike me.
I've made a few other projects, like writing about music, which I enjoy doing, but for some reason I don't seem to be wanting to do them during the day. I also just got a new music book that I've been wanting to read. As soon as night comes and everyone goes to sleep, I'm wanting to do all of these things. That's actually where some of these projects have started.
My theory is I am staying up late with the realization that I have not been productive and staying up later will allow me to get things done.
The downfall with this is I often don't do productive things at night. I play videos games a lot which takes away from my productivity and often makes me stay up late anyways. As of right now, I've unplug my computer in hopes that I will use my time better, which will hopefully get me in a better mood. I still have a work laptop that I use for school and writing music.
I don't know if this is where I should end it, but I guess I should be trying to get some sleep. If you have any questions just ask, I might or might not get around to it quickly since this account is a throw away.
-----
I wanted to end this saying I understand that I live a very good life and I am in no way shape or form saying that I don't like it. I like the life that I live, just right now, my brain is working against me.
TL:DR; In a slump of demotivation, which is irregular and is causing me to staying up way too late.
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self.offmychest
|
I've never been this close to suicide before and I don't know what to do Things were OK today when it suddenly hit me. My life is complete garbage and not worth living. With my one and only life, why am I the person who has to live with a physical disability that leaves me unable to do the things I once loved to do? A girl isn't going to find this attractive, and that's basically the whole reason I am still alive. That's probably going to end soon though. I had the most intense urge to just jump in front of a car while walking back from work today. When I hear people talking about the fun stuff they're able to do (like drive a fucking car for one) it makes me feel like shit. Why am I the one who is cursed with this bitch of a disease? I want to bash my head against a concrete wall until there is nothing left. Throw me in the trash for all I care. I never asked for this godamn life. My life as a normal person is over. Since I graduated high school, I have had no one. I have been going about my days completely alone, with only my family to keep me company (not now though while I am in college). Why couldn't the person who was an ass to me for years have this? I am so helpless and I want to die. This is a fucked up video game where the player decreases the quality of a character's life
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want to go I don't want to go
I want to be
Be where you all go
To live what you see
But All I feel is pain
I just want it to end
I know then I won't gain
Tho the misery will end
Some will cry
And a few will weep
So I want to say goodbye
I am in a peaceful sleep
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self.depression
|
Bipolar ll having trouble with impulse control. Hi everyone. Coming out of a two year bipolar hole, I was recently prescribed Latuda to bring me up some. I only go up so far, but when I’m up I can’t stop talking or what I call powering forward. Example: I’m on the board of a non-profit. I’m usually pretty good at communicating and consensus building, but I’m starting to send emails trying to push a couple of points they’ve been slow on, (Ugh! the emails!), and talking WAY too much!(Ugh!THE TALKING!). I’ve not done any CBT training yet. Any suggestions?
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self.bipolar
|
I should have taken it so much slower with you and I completely under stand why you left me.. I really rushed everything. Our first kiss, our first time doing stuff, and even sex. I completely rushed it. I stopped going with your daddy kink and even stopped making out because I was annoyed that I didn't know how to do it. What the Fuck? Why couldn't I have wanted to learn??
Fucking asked you out after two weeks.. I know we had a lot of built up lust and passion but ugghhh. Things wouod have been perfect if I let everything happen naturally.. my friend even tried to tell me that and I just didn't listen and went on my own path..
You've forgiven me now and I'm happy about that. We even hung out the other night, which made me happy. But you've moved on. I didn't let us truly fall in love and develop normally and you'll never want to be with me again. I want you back more than anything.. but I guess I have to let you go.
A part of me really wants to think that maybe in the future. Maybe I can be the man that you want and need. I miss you so much. Our cuddles, your laugh and your rosy cheeks.. so many similar interests and just ugh. I wish I didn't force thinfs to burn out so fast with us and that I could have waited for fucking sex. That's such a piece of shit thing of me. Rushing taking your virginity of all things. I'm sorry.. you've said it's all okay, and I believe you.. I just hope that it's okay to me too someday
Just god dammit, why did I have to do everything so fast. I knew I liked you but you didn't know, I needed to take it slower and be the chill one. I shoul dve wantes to get my shit together before dating you. Stop smoking and start driving so I wasn't a piece of shit. I just hate the lessons I learned with you and the lessons you learned from me. I treated you like a hookupl even though I knew we both wanted so much more. God fucking dammit..
Just ugh I should have known to wait longer and make it last. You had a huge image of me built up in your mind and I completely failed to fulfill that. I just feel like I lost out on something that could have been so good. You were just too fucking beautiful and too into me and just ugh.
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self.offmychest
|
Fucking fuck this shit fuck fuck why am I like this [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel like death is the only option - Hello - I'm Emily and I'm 24 years old.
Unfortunately, right now things in life aren't brilliant. I live with my boyfriend, 5 hours away from family. I've known for 6 months now that he is cheating on me however just haven't bothered questioning him about it. Though, this is not the reason I want to die. I feel empty and numb. Almost as though life is hopeless, I have nothing left to gain or give.
I guess I have no one else to tell. But this will be goodbye for now.
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self.offmychest
|
Cytoscopy anxiety Hello, I’m scheduled for a cytoscopy on Monday and I’m kinda scared, my research on the internet says that it’s not that bad but I’m just scared of the pain, plus I’ve been having other weird symptoms like back pain and some dry mouth. I’m looking for someone to reassure me, as a man this is going to be quite painful. Can someone whose been through this before talk me through it to make me less scared?
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self.Anxiety
|
can't seem to progress, struggling greetings,
i'm resorting to this because i feel i can't come out and say this to others or my therapist. i hope you all can read and listen.
some background - i've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder along with avoidant personality disorder. i've struggled with anxiety for most of my life. i had a troubling childhood filled with a lot of uncertainty, lies, and worry. fast forward to the beginning of adulthood, and i underwent domestic abuse filled with severe mental abuse, sexual abuse, and slight physical abuse. i have been used and cheated on. i have been betrayed by people close to me, plenty of lies. all of this has really broken down my perception of others and my reality. my anxiety feels uncontrollable at times, and i have been sent to the ER due to this. i have tried one medication which i feel helps me, but i ended up slightly abusing it (ativan). i stopped taking it as last time i took my more than usual dose, i had shortness of breathe and choked. the doctor also limited my dosage as i believe he assumed there was something going on when he looked at my dosage history. i honestly felt the medicine did what i needed it to do- not think of much. i felt robotic but functional.
what i'm suffering from right now is my inability to control my unwanted thoughts. it becomes so heavy at times, and i try to cover it up by pretending everything is alright. however, in actuality i feel like setting myself on fire and killing myself. there are times where i can't control my eating- i won't eat because my stomach feels too sick. i vomit when i'm extremely anxious. other times i have to chew something, i go through a pack of gum in almost two days or less. i end up eating too much. now, i've been in therapy for about 7-8 years and i can't seem to be upfront with my therapist about how much i want to die due to these unwanted thoughts (NOTE** however, i am not in the state where i am attempting- i just think of death). i have nightmares of my SO physically hurting me, and even doing dumb things I fear and have gone through- like lying to me about everything i've ever known. i attempt to talk to him about this but it really does not seem he understands or cares truthfully. additionally, i have had nightmares of my mother slitting my throat and bleeding to death, plenty of haunting dreams. i hate what the world (can be), it's lustful. these thoughts don't go away. i am overwhelmed with the idea of people and their agendas. i can't seem to feel comfortable in my own skin without thinking of the potential gain people are seeking. i feel like therapy has helped me realize who i am as a person, but i can't seem to escape or leave the thoughts/physical reactions of my anxiety. i wake up almost every morning feeling sick to my stomach. at this point i feel hopeless and don't know what to do about it, it really is eating me up and i don't feel like i have anywhere to go with this. i am fearful of telling my therapist how much i think of killing myself. i know if i told people close to me about this, i'm just another person they'd avoid. guys, i'm just really suffering and feel like i've improved only so much with therapy. am i going to need more time? is my therapist going to send me off because of these comments? idk. i'm sick and tired of living this way, it's eating me alive. i go through this daily. i end up distancing myself from others when i'm going through these episodes.
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self.Anxiety
|
Lamictal, skin crawling/on fire/itchy Been on Lamictal for a month and just tonight my skin is crawling and is itchy. Feels like I have been bitten but when I scratch there is nothing there and no relief. There is no rash which I was told to look out for. Taking a antihistamine to see if I can get some relief and sleep.
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self.bipolar
|
Does saying "I have bipolar" seem odd to anyone else? Ok so sorry but this is really stupid and petty. I don't mean having to admit you have bipolar.. But saying "I have bipolar" seems odd to me. Like it should be "I have bipolar syndrome" "I have bipolar disorder" "I am bipolar" (and yea I know the discomfort people have with this) it just seems like it rolls of the tongue better or something. I really dumb I know, but every freaking time it comes up it bothers the hell out of me! Again excuse this stupid ass post but I was just curious if I was alone in this I guess.
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self.bipolar
|
Just a thought... Has the thought; "if losing who I am now is the cost of being fixed... I'd rather stay depressed" ever crossed the mind of anyone here?
|
self.depression
|
Today's my birthday. Today my girlfriend left me for another guy [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Today was a long day... Today I worried and felt guilty about many things at work and at home...
I’m so tired...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I believe that if I were attractive, I'd be pretty shallow. I've always been pretty proud of my intelligence, even though it took me quite a few years to understand that I'm not as smart as I think I am. I value very highly the ability to analyze, adapt, and reason. I also value kindness and consideration, as well as humor, and a healthy positive attitude. (Not like a Pollyanna; realistic, but not defeatist.) Of course I think some people are more physically attractive than others. It's much more of a turnoff for me if someone has an ugly personality than if they have an ugly face, though. Rude, self-serving, condescending, too rigid in their thinking or unwilling to admit other viewpoints, incapable of critical thinking. I've found that so many people who are beautiful have a tendency to value beauty very highly--sometimes above all else. When physical beauty is present, the personality traits I admire are often given much less consideration. Things that I don't appreciate as much--money, status, power, material possessions, and above all physical beauty--seem to be much more highly regarded. Obviously they would be, by people who have them, but the desire to perpetuate and increase those things often takes precedence over spiritual and intellectual growth. Indeed, I even show disdain toward people who are so materialistic, which is an ugly trait in me.
But . . .
If I were beautiful, I think I'd be the same way. I think I'd have disdain for people who were naturally less attractive, or showed no interest in beauty or material gain. I think I'd wonder if they had no pride or ambition. And I'm certain that I'd spend less effort on self-examination, improvement, learning, even bettering my soul and trying to treat people with respect and kindness. If I were born with the genetic gift of beauty, I'd likely think of myself as better than those who were not, just as if I were born with the genetic gift of intelligence.
Does it make me a bad person that I, to some extent, dismiss others as "shallow" when they don't share my value system? Does it make me a bad person that I would in all likelihood be just as shallow if I'd been born into their situation instead?
The answer to both questions is yes.
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self.offmychest
|
Immediate help with friend in need I apologize for my brevity and likely my typos. Have a friend that just called good wife and talked deeply of suicide due to financial distress. I'm at his house now and everything seems fine. I know he needs to talk about it so I am considering an impromptu road trip to an arcade about2 hours away. We can talk in the car, get his mind off of his problems for a minute then talk strategy on the way back on how he can get in touch with a councillor.
Am I way off base, is this going to help or hurt. I know you don't all have the answers but any advice is better than what I got.
Update: hung out last night with him and group of friends and discussed his drinking alone and got him some resources to see a councillor. He agreed that it was time. Explained to him that any financial issues can be sorted and that his support group would rather he ask for money then let it get that far. We warned that it could be invasive but offered to assist him with his budget and offer guidance to get back on track.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sleep Medications I wanted to know if there are any good medications out there for sleep. I can’t sleep on my own. I currently take 300mg of Trazadone but I fear it’s loosing its effectiveness. What are some other options that, I hope, don’t cause weight gain? Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
Increased anxiety with medication change (Abilify, Lexapro). Advice and help appreciated. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My friend's having an anxiety attack How can I help? I've been telling them to imagine being quietly alone with their girlfriend with no noise or worries but nothing's happening. We're online so I can't really hug her or anything; I've hugged her during attacks previously and she said they helped.
|
self.Anxiety
|
In the words of Bojack Horseman: "I'm tired of running in circles." [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Enjoying Depression?? It's most likely just my depression talking, but I often find myself enjoying being depressed? It feels as if this is just how life is and the thought of recovery doesn't sound pleasant. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?
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self.depression
|
Damn, I fucked up... got the cops called on me Lmao holy shit, they just left. I'm drunk af and I resin hit my pipe, so I'm kind of fucked up and these cops, 3 deep, pull up on me. I was freaking the fuck out, I didn't want them to wake up my parents because they'd be pissed off at me for doing this dumb shit. I called the suicide hotline and I guess I said some incriminating shit. I just needed someone to talk to... I don't know how they tracked me down this time, but fucking cops pulled up on me!! I thought I was getting Baker Acted for sure, but my dumbass talked myself out of it lmfaoooooo 😂😂😂😂
Wow. Smh.
Idc yeah, I look dumb af but I took a fucking W for not getting Baker Acted ayyy 😎
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self.bipolar
|
I took a walk today. It's not much but it's something.
I'm lucky I live right next to a grocery store. Eventually hunger overpowers apathy (though sometimes it does take awhile). This time when I needed to get food, I decided fuck it, I've lived in this apartment a couple months now and I don't even know the area other than spots I drive to. Might as well go a bit extra since I feel so shitty.
So, I threw in some headphones and took a walk for a few minutes before circling to the grocery store to grab some food. It wasn't far. It wasn't really all that much to look at. But it's a start and it made me feel a bit better.
It's not some magic cure or something that even really means much but maybe someone will give this a shot too and it'll be a bit of a boost. Sometimes any sort of physical exertion you choose to do and fresh air can make a difference even if it's not much.
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self.depression
|
To the little shit that just pulled the fire alarm in the middle of Star Wars..... You are an assholeeeeeeeee
|
self.offmychest
|
I have zero control over my life It's 1:00 AM right now. I have a 3 page history research paper due in class tomorrow (today) that I haven't started yet. I had all day to write it but I just can't make myself do it. My college prospects depend on doing well in this class and I cannot make myself care for the life of me. I already got an extension on another paper this year and I don't want my teacher to start asking questions but I don't know what else to do. I would be panicking right now but I'm so tired that I don't have the energy to panic... I was up late most nights last week because I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to kill myself. I'm too tired to think right now and am so delirious. Sorry for wasting your time.
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self.depression
|
How many strangers did you speak to today? Perhaps oddly I can find myself being quite outgoing with complete strangers; I'm more likely to be shyer with people I've met before. Anyway I was out and about today and it occurred to me that I'd spoken to quite a few complete strangers and I felt I wanted to post about it so here I go, in order:
Chemist girl - asked about a product, talked about ordering, declined.
Coffee girl - ordered coffee, changed mind a bit, chatted about the shop.
Woman and girl waiting in a queue - asked how long they had taken to get to that point.
Herbal supplements lady - chatted about symptoms and supplements.
Purchased two things after advice.
Lady with bags - asked where the shop was that she got the bags from and got directions.
Chemist girl - asked if they stocked something. Made purchase.
Guitar shop man - asked if they had picks and bought one.
Crafty lady - pointed out things in my city as we went past them.
Shoe shop man - asked about socks as I wanted a certain kind. Bought socks.
Pizza girl - ordered pizza from her, picked it back up from her.
I make that eleven strangers. Only issue was with the pizza girl who couldn't quite hear me properly, but it was a bit busy so I'm not going to think any more about it.
A good day for me. Who did you speak to today?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sometimes I feel perplexed that I'm still alive. Cause so far this life ain't worth living...
|
self.depression
|
Frightened of what people might think Do a lot of people recognize this? Somehow, although I know it's not true, all the time there is this part of my brain really trying to convince me people hate me, makes me almost obsessively relive embarrassing situations etc. It's always revolves around social situations and makes me dread leaving the house because, you know, suppose it's true that people hate me. I have a history of getting bullied a lot and my father was an aggressive alcoholic so a lot of my depression stems from people behaving badly and I still perceive them as threats. It doesn't help that I'm a schizoid. I'm at this stage that I'm not ready to kill myself but would like to just got to sleep and not wake up. I'm 40, things should really start to look better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Are major depressive episodes necessarily exclusive to Depression or can they be a form of dissociation? i experienced my 3rd one last week and i want advice. i have GAD, OCD. before i was put on meds last year i had a Major depressive episode for about 14 days and a 2nd one for 5 days which was extremely distressing! i lost all my conscience pretty much, my head felt scrambled and i felt like a parodic fake version of myself stuck in a brain fog/hell like state and i also had suicidal thoughts with apathy. last week i had another episode for 2 days. i am wondering do you feel this if you have depression? my doctor says its a sign that my meds are working if my depressive episodes last much lesser than they did before, truthfully i would take 1 day over 14 days in bed and apathy, but still that 1-2 days can be extremely damaging, i just fear it will reoccur, this is my GAD talking now, what if it returns and what if i get trapped in it?
|
self.depression
|
Only 19 but I feel like my life is officially over I am 19 female.
I feel like I have ruined my life and have no faith in it anymore.
I have failing grades, nearing getting kicked out of school, which I admit was because neglecting my studies and being complacent and arrogant about my abilities. My parents are practically giving up on me. I see no bright future waiting for me.
I am bullied by a bunch of guys in class who spread sexual rumours about me because I am fairly promiscous / sexually liberated and they found out about it. They won't leave the issue alone and I keep getting verbally abused in class.
I have many aquaintances and superficial 'friendships' but no close friends I can confide in with my issues. After that incident of the above paragraph I am very afraid to open up to anyone about myself, I don't want to risk getting rumours spreaded about me again.
One issue that is bothering me the most emotionally: The guy I have feelings is just using me for sex, and isn't even afraid to tell me it and calls me a 'sl*t' on various occasions. He doesn't treat me like a human being at all. He is known to be a very caring person and volunteers to help the poor and unfortunate. So the fact that he treats me like subhuman makes me feel that there is really something inherently wrong with me. At first I thought I could make friends with him but he doesn't even give me the basic respect that a normal person deserve. I am extremely hurt by this. Its been 2 months since I cut off contact from him but the heartbreak still hurts. I am mainly depressed by this issue and feel that I can no longer trust anyone anymore. I feel like my faith in humanity has been destroyed and have passing thoughts of revenge sometimes.
Overall, I have not been eating and sleeping well, my performance in school is affected drastically, I cannot focus in class and have no motivation to stay in school anymore. I just see no point in continuing anything.
The worse thing is...I know all these is my fault. If I had actually put in the effort into school and not be an arrogant prick, if I was more careful on who I have sex with, or who I open up to, all these will not have been a problem.
I just want to get better...
|
self.offmychest
|
Suicidal Thoughts Today Maybe it’s buproprion making it’s worse, but I’m in a crying fit today and I’m feeling awful and having thoughts I’d be better off not here.
My best friend just ditched me, I admitted I had feelings for her back in May after we kissed on a team night out. She is married, but not happy, and then she told me how much she loved my eyes and voice, could listen to me all day, how much I made her happy. Then she stopped it and we went on as friends.
I Left work, she got me a card saying “Thank you sooo much for your friendship, for listening to me crying, for laughter, for understanding me like no other” I told her I loved her, and then a few weeks later she was angry because I told someone else I had feelings for her. Then she stopped replying, I begged and pleaded to just have the friendship back, she blocked me in everything and haven’t heard from her since.
I got her through a tough time this year, and she just left, same as my ex who dumped me one month after I got her through an emotional breakdown abroad. These people tell me how wonderful I am at the start, heap praise on me, but nobody sticks around for even a year.
I must be a total fuck up to ruin anything, nobody is really interested in me and I’ve got nothing to offer and think I’ll be alone forever. I miss my best friend, she’ll not be in touch, I know she won’t. Ive got nobody anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do I keep my emotions suppressed? If there's any lesson I've learned from reaching out for help it's basically that you should suffer in silence or else you'll be blamed for everything and called lazy and lose all of your friends. So how do I maintain a fake happy facade?
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety and Chiropractic Care ? So I began receiving chiropractic work in late July for TMJ and upper neck related issues.
Ever since this time period, my anxiety has started to go through the roof. I, as well as my chiropractor, surmise it is from increased blood flow to my brain.
What is crazy is that I feel like a little girl again, afraid of everything - ready to go into a panic or anxiety attack at the drop of a hat. Alcohol effects me differently, I can’t smoke weed anymore- I’m just so sensitive!
I suppose on a spiritual level too, I believe my injury was sustained around the time I was a child and experiencing a great deal of anxiety. It’s like, through aligning my neck- I’m 8 years old again.
Has anyone ever experienced increased sensitivity/anxiety with chiropractic?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Need some inspiration Hello! I recently found this sub and I feel like this is exactly what I’ve been needing. I’ve been diagnosed with BD for almost 2 years and I feel like I’ve finally come to terms and accepted the diagnosis fully. I recently went back to college full time and it’s actually going pretty well! Graduating college still feels like a dream but I’m hoping it’ll happen, no matter how long it takes. Anyways, I don’t have anyone else in my life that I know who’s diagnosed with BD. I don’t have any role models who live with BD and have happy, successful lives. I know it’s possible, or that’s what I keep telling myself. So I guess I would love to hear your success stories! Please reassure me that living with BD is possible.
|
self.bipolar
|
Work in dog rescue is killing me, and I have no way out. I work at a dog rescue and adoption center. I am passionate about animal welfare and love dogs, and my work has allowed me to make amazing connections with some dogs and find many of them loving homes
but
the shelter is stressful. it is not a good layout... noisy, no privacy, outdated. the dogs are stressed. some are happy; they connect with people and find homes quickly. but some are miserable. and they are not adopted. i can't help them - the shelter environment is too stimulating, too noisy, or too scary. i can walk with them, cuddle them, but as soon as i leave they are just as anxious and stressed as before. there are millions of unwanted dogs and other shelters cannot relieve the burden of another.
the stress can be intolerable. the sense of helplessness can be overwhelming. i feel like i make no real change. if i find one dog a home, there are thousands who are still waiting to be rescued, and thousands to come in the future who will be mistreated and unwanted. its a vicious cycle that we cannot keep up with.
this system isn't working. i don't want to be involved anymore. but i cannot just leave. i can't leave those dogs behind. i can't focus on myself and pursue a different career, knowing that it comes at the cost of abandoning the dogs i could be saving. i feel stuck. i am financially prohibited from going back to school, although I have a bachelors in neuroscience from 2013.
if i could wish away the species of dog, i really think i would. we cant provide what they deserve.
|
self.offmychest
|
We're looking for a new moderator. Interested? Hello all! We're looking for a new moderator for this sub.
**Main responsibilities:**
* check the report queue daily,
* respond to modmail in a timely fashion (at least daily),
* look through new threads and high traffic threads,
* settle disputes between members,
* delete posts and comments that violate our guidelines,
* ban members who are repeat or egregious offenders.
**Pluses:**
* extensive post history in this sub,
* extensive personal experience with bipolar disorder and/or related mental illnesses.
The new moderator would have a 30-day trial period. Pay is competitive compared to other moderator jobs :)
Thanks for your interest!!!
|
self.bipolar
|
Well I’m an idiot I take Lamictal (100mg) in the morning and at night and I take Wellbutrin in the morning. All day today I was wondering why I was so damn tired. Went to take my Lamictal tonight. I took them both this morning. Guess I need an AM/PM pill case.
-_-
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self.bipolar
|
I should've part ways with you immediately after you rejected me. I had a P.O.S friend named Anna who , after I told her that I had feelings for her, told me to stay friends with her even though she rejected me. I even expressed concerns about I was uncomfortable staying her friend but naive me decided to cave into her pleas in hope that maybe she'd develop feelings for me over time. Well, ofc things went worse. I got more emotional the more I hung around her and the whole situation blew out of control where I end up looking like a fucking creep who only wanted to apologize to her and acted so humiliatingly and pathetically and she acts like I was completely in the wrong. Fucking manipulative jerk. I know now that I NEED to just say "ok ur not interested in me. We're not friends anymore. Sorry, I can't deal with this." My situation could've ended alot better if I had just not caved into her selfish demands and left it on a neutral note. It was simply me who had feelings for my friend and my other friend suggested that I should confess to her which I did.
|
self.offmychest
|
Suddenly I don't want to live I have a bout of pervasive sadness going on.. now, my self esteem is always poor, but I don't remember the last time I felt like I don't really want to continue.
I think there is nothing good for me down the road. It feels better for everyone (especially for myself) if I die.
This is indeed a strange feeling.
|
self.depression
|
Music is worthless? I'm a musician and I used to love music. I used to feel it in my body as it was in my blood and I would sweat, I would feel dizzy, I would feel a strange energy when I listen to music. But I can't feel anything anymore. Music is just like a loud noise. I love singing and playing but the magic has gone. Does it have anything to do with depression? I am clinically diagnosed with depression yeah but even at my highest and lowest I would feel music's support. Now I feel nothing. A complete nothing. What should I do? It makes me extremely sad to be dull to music. It is my life.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else take Amblify? My Doctor prescribed amblify but I haven’t started taking it yet because I freaked myself out googling side effects. I’d like to hear people’s experience with it.
My main bipolar issues are repetitive racing thoughts. Mostly hypomania but hypomania does lead to mild depression.
Should I give it a try?
|
self.bipolar
|
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