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road test giving me anxiety Hi everyone, I'm a 25 year old finally getting her driving license. My anxiety and other misc. issues stopped me from getting my license for years. I've been driving for a long time now, I consider myself a good driver and I understand the rules of the road... yet my anxiety is killing me. I failed my first road test last month because I was so anxious I just froze up in an intersection like an idiot. I have another test Friday. I drive normally when I'm just practicing (my dad lets me practice by driving his car to work everyday, or he just takes me all around local main roads, etc.)... but on the test or in the car with someone I'm not used to, I just kind of freak out. Any tips for remaining calm before/on the day of my test? Any tips for not having a complete breakdown/tearing myself down emotionally if I do fail again? I'm sorry, I don't know, it's just stressful. I feel like I'm too old to be doing this now and I'm afraid everyone will laugh at me if I fail again.
TL;DR 25 year old is basically Spongebob Squarepants forever in boating school and is overly anxious about it
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm so lonely. I have a good group of friends that i'm comfortable with, but i'm just not super close with any of them. Furthermore my group of friends has broken up into 3 niche groups, and i feel like the odd one out no matter where i go. Any one else experience this?
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self.depression
|
Watching Shows Without Me My roommate and I started watching The 100 the other day. Yesterday he asked if he could watch it while I was at work or if he should wait until I got off. I told him to wait and he agreed. I come to the apartment on my lunch break and he’s watching it. He tells me he’s sorry and that he’ll rewatch it with me later (but that’s not the same ya know? You don’t get to experience it together since he’s already seen it). I say it’s fine and that I’ll still watch it with him.
Fast forward to today and I come back just now for my lunch break and he’s doing the exact same thing! He’s throwing out “sorry” left and right. At this point his apology doesn’t mean anything. It’s not really about the tv show. It’s more so about what this says about his character. That his word doesn’t mean anything to him. It’s sort of heartbreaking that I consider him one of my best friends and I can’t trust him. (For clarification this isn’t the only time he’s proved to be not trust worthy. It just gets frustrating after a while.)
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self.offmychest
|
On the weekends I feel stuck, like I'm in quicksand. I end up spending the whole weekend on the couch, and I judge myself so hard for it. Does anyone else struggle with this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else think they're too stupid to live? Too stupid for a job. Too stupid to handle social problems. Too stupid to do anything worthwhile with their life. Ugh. It's a damn miracle I've survived this long. I need to be comically squashed by a safe lol
|
self.depression
|
Hey all I just left the doctor's office and I'm scared because he says I need a 48 hour heart monitor.
I'll be getting that tomorrow morning. I've been dealing with anxiety for the last month or so, I've had multiple ekgs, my doctor also did a bunch of blood work and checked my thyroid etc. I'm very concerned that I'm having heart failure or something is very seriously wrong with me, he however thinks its nothing major. Help ease my mind, is it major?
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self.Anxiety
|
I hope you live long enough To realize all the cliche's, anecdotes, and popular idioms about life were actually right and we were too depressed/Scar ridden with anxiety to realize it. One day you will realize that those idiots were right. THOSE STUPID SIMPLETONS AND THEIR HAPPINESS. they were right. If you need to hear something good today, I hope this helps. slow down, the idiots aren't all wrong i guess
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self.depression
|
Just alienated another good friend by not knowing how to talk about my emotions Every time I try to open up to someone about how I'm feeling, I end up saying something stupid or becoming so dependent on them for support that it ruins our relationship. How do I stop being such a needy little bitch?
|
self.depression
|
Fuck Everything Honestly, today has completely sucked. After not having anyone to kiss on New Years, and just fail at talking to anyone I thought was cute/worth talking to at the party, I'm just slowly getting to the edge. My car wouldn't start, my bathtub is overflowing, it's cold as fuck right now, and I've quit cigarettes, so I can't blow steam off that way. It's been a year since my ex and I broke up, and yet she's still on my mind, but I mean nothing to her. I'm a lonely fuck and I just hate having to live in this life and although I have people who care about me, how can they help if I just hate myself too much. Fuck everything
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self.depression
|
methods you use to calm yourself during attacks at work? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I am an outcast What the fuck is wrong with me. How the hell do you talk people. I just want hide away.
|
self.depression
|
Ugly as sin, only one job before 25, wish I could end it [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can tell how bad my depression is in relation to the amount of junk food I eat It’s been 6 days since I’ve had a really meal and not some form of chips and a diet soda for every meal. Even breakfast. The people who run my 7-11 are starting to recognize me.
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self.depression
|
I feel so lost About 8 months ago, I lost my job. About 6 months ago, my ex boyfriend got us evicted from our apartment. I sent him to rehab and broke up with him. After that I had nowhere to go. I have no family and the two people whom I thought were my friends told me that I couldn't stay with them to get back on my feet. I was effectively homeless. An ex coworker of mine told me that I could stay with him and his roommate, on the condition that I keep the house clean and give them all my food stamps ($192). Which was fair for me. Anyway, I ended up getting a job now and the stipulations have changed. I have to still pay all my food stamps, but I also have to give 250 a month which is fair, and part of the agreement was changed that I wouldn't have to do all the chores around the house anymore. It has been a month since I started paying rent, not only am I giving up all my food stamps, paying rent and still doing all the household chores, but they are now making me steal things from places like Walmart and Target for them. I also am not allowed in the house when they have guests over, can't receive mail here or have a key. I went to pick up the other roommate key at work and was told by both of them no. Instead I received a list of chores to do and I ended up having to wait outside in my car for 5 hours with a dead phone for one of them to arrive to let me in after waking up early to do all the dishes, vacuum and clean both restrooms and then working an 8 hour shift. I don't have any family, or friends right now, and the people that I'm living with I feel are taking advantage of me. I've considered simply packing up what few things I have and sleeping in my car for a while. It's ridiculous. I feel lost, I feel trapped, I feel hopeless.
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self.offmychest
|
Are there medications for anxiety/depression that can be taken as needed depending on how you feel that day? I'm trying to stick to my antidepressant medication which I'm taking primarily for anxiety. You have to take it every day for several weeks before you see the effects.
The issue is being on medication for anything gives me anxiety because i worry about the side effects (very bad body image issues).
I'll ask a doctor next week, but for now I'm asking you guys.
Tldr: are there medications for anxiety you can take on the fly if you are feeling bad one day, or all they all like antidepressants where you need to commit to several weeks to benefit?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Panic Attack? I was diagnosed with anxiety... yesterday. I have since started my meds (buspiron) and while they do make me super chill and a little sleepy, I am not sure if they are working? I had a severe panic attack Saturday night (which led me to the therapist for my diagnoses and subsequent meds) and right before the attack I woke up with the thought “you only have eight days left.” It was like four in the morning and I sweat through my pillow and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I’m not sure if it was a nightmare gone wrong or what, but since then I have been convinced that I am dying on Monday, and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop it. I’m sure that this is just a symptom of my anxiety, and that probably my meds have not had enough time to really soak into my brain. Has anyone else on here experienced this? Made it through alive? I’m doing my breathing exercises and trying to talk myself through it, but it isn’t working as much as I would like it to. Help?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I almost but didn’t .... We met each other on the end of a night out. I was with my best mate and we headed home to the block of flats we were living in. We went downstairs to my mates apartment and I saw you. You were beautiful. Charismatic and wonderful. I fell for you instantly.
We laughed and drank and playfully hit on each other. You were just out of a relationship and mine was sinking fast.
You said you didn’t have a date for your sisters wedding so I said I would go with you. I asked if there was gonna be free booze and food. You said “yeah” so I was in and ready to party.
I didn’t know how to feel and was confused. I had a 9 year relationship that I was struggling to hold on to.
We exchanged numbers and Facebook. We had lots of Chats on the lead up that lead to our lives getting closer together. I said a lot of things and I meant them but I didn’t wanna let you know this.
We slept with each other before we even got to the wedding.
At the wedding we had an amazing night. We had a room booked we danced and I had fun with all your family.
On our way back to the apartment we laid down on the middle of a path and just stared at the stars. Just me and you. We laid there together holding hands and I fell in love with you. We slept together again that night.
We went home and I was so confused. I had hurt so deeply the foundations of who I am. I did not care. We were so wonderful and magic. I would give anything in the world to lay underneath those stars with you again.
I still wouldn’t tell you how I felt.
We went around in circles with each other. Texting and hiding emotions. Designing situations where it would be perfect. Scared still of all the backlash that would follow or the trust we would need to build.
It was your birthday and I went over. My friend knew what was going on. There were many of your friends around. I tried to be cool. Like nobody knew. They all knew.
They all left.
It was just me and you again. We slept together. You looked at me and said “look at me!” As I stared into your eyes while we made love.
I will never forget that look.
We continued in this vein and it all fell apart. I made bad decision after decision and the fairy tale ending never happened.
Years went by and I saw you.
You didn’t see me but I saw you and I knew I loved you. I never said it.
I was single then. I asked you out for coffee and you told me about your boyfriend. I was happy for you.
I wanted to tell you I loved you. That all I’ve ever wanted was you. How I am so stupid and life is a harsh lesson and that I can’t stop thinking about that look you gave me.
But I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. So I said nothing. I came to your leaving party. I watched you go.
I should have never let you go. I should have told you that I loved you and that we should be together.
Another moment I regret added to the list.
I love you and always will. Your happy again and you deserve to be.
I should never have let you go.
Your are amazing. I am so so sorry.
I love you x
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self.offmychest
|
There just isn't enough money. I'm falling apart. Rent is too high and my clueless, overbearing roommate thinks she's the only one with problems. My husband's car keeps breaking. He wants to fix the car; she's demanding we pay rent. She doesn't care or realize that without the car he'll have no job which means we'll have no rent.
I just found a job after being unemployed 6 months. Haven't even gotten paid once yet but the miniscule check from the minimum wage retail job is already spent.
We have no food. My SNAP benefits have been cut off because my roommate didn't give me my mail. She has the only key (refuses to make a copy) and says "oh I found this mixed in with my stuff. Hope it's not important!"
I just want to run away. I feel helpless and hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else have trouble with self care? I barely can get out of bed an dhavent showered in almost 2 weeks. I have no job and having a hard time taking care of myself. Anyone else have trouble?
|
self.bipolar
|
I went into the gym and was there for 25 minutes! I’ve wanted to go the gym for months now, but after many times pulling into the lot and 1 minute later going back home because I was so scared, I’ve finally done it! Even tho it’s 25 minutes it’s good progress.
|
self.Anxiety
|
how to breathe normally how do i breathe involuntarily again? idk what happened and suddenly i cant breathe unconciously. i tried breathing stuff but im not sure if it works. any help please?
|
self.Anxiety
|
it will be over soon and i can sleep i honestly think i am going to hang myself soon
i wish it weren't such a big deal to kill youself. i want to say goodbye to people properly
i don't want it to be a big surprise and they all say 'i wish i could have stopped them' or 'i wish i could have told her what i wanted to say'
i want to hug my mum for the last time and for us to both know it's the last time and be happy that i am going to a better place
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
3rd Child Syndrome Not really sure how to say everything that's running through my mind right now but I feel like if I hold it in .. it'll bug me.. but I don't necessarily have anyone IRL who'd understand.. I mean.. I tried talking to my mom but i don't think she understood... and my best friend has just experienced a huge loss of her own, so for me to bring my trivial in comparison turmoil and demand attention just seems incredibly ... selfish...
So i guess I'm sorry .. you lot have been incredibly supportive and helpful in the past... that I'm just reaching out... just the fact that someone can "hear" me out I guess.. is already a big deal... Lol that's an incredibly long intro right? I'm sorry :( i guess on to the "meaty" part ..
I'm not a physically clingy person... but i do get emotionally attached ... fairly quickly .. I've always just attributed it to being a Scorpio.. but maybe it has more to do with being the youngest of 3.. growing up in a loving household where the value of sibling relationships have always held a certain weight in our upbringing.. it hurts when it suddenly all changes.. My brother is 8 years older than I am ... he left home when I was only 10 to go to university in another country but there were always emails.. text messages... phone calls and Skype calls that kept is connected every day.. the older I got, the closer our relationship grew... My sister and I were inseparable... I was 5 years younger... she thought I was her doll .. and sure we had our spats growing up... kicking .. screaming .. pulling each other's hair .. but we were best friends .. and we did everything together .. in the 18 years that we were under the same roof.. we hadn't spent more than 3 nights away from each other .. but see all that has changed .. My sister got married in 2008 .. left home and moved to another country ... My brother has also been married .. for just a little over a year now .. and all i can say is nothing is the same anymore ..
They've moved on... their lives seemingly now revolve around their spouses .. and in the case of my sister her 2 gorgeous sons whom I adore... but even when they visit it's almost as if I don't exist... just the kid (i'm 26) sister who is just.. there...
There's no time for Goofing around or spending time with each other ... because they're always just .. attached to their spouses... I'm not unhappy that they have found their better halves .. I'm actually very proud and i like them both .. but I'm not afraid to admit that I guess im a little jealous .. that suddenly I'm unimportant...
At the end of the day, the jokes have changed, the things we used to do, our "same city" traditions are now just memories... and at the end of the day... My involvement or anything of that kind in their conversations ... have become an afterthought inclusion to not hurt feelings ... atleast that's what it feels like ..
I don't know if this all makes sense.. and frankly now that I've put it all out there .. it seems EVEN MORE trivial and pointless than before ... but these are my true feelings .. and i just ... idk .. needed a space to speak my mind .. if you've stuck through all of this .. thank you.. and I'm sorry ... this did get a little too rambley..
I'm on the way to the airport to drop my brother and sister in law off .. they were visiting for a week .. I cleared my entire schedule to spend time with them ... I spent exactly 4 hours with them ... and now I'm just trying to play it off like I'm unaffected..
Guess I should title this.. the 3rd child syndrome ...
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self.offmychest
|
I realized I've become a massive introvert, anyone else? It's not depression, either, I'm stable. I loathe talking to people. I hate going outside. I used to be so bubbly and outgoing and now I just want to be alone. Anyone else?
|
self.bipolar
|
Things I hate about depression besides the depression I hate that you have no defense when someone disagrees with you. "It's your depression talking." No, shithead, maybe you're treating me like crap and I have a legitimate reason to be unhappy about that. Except you have to defend that because the immediate assumption is you being negative - and you're not even sure yourself. You practically help them gaslight you.
I hate that the only people who talk to you are miserable failures like yourself, talking about being miserable failures. What you need is a way out of hell, not more company there. And most functional people either don't know what the hell is like, or having left, can't go near it for fear of being dragged back. I know I wouldn't want to.
I hate that it fills you with so much energy and takes away any ability to release it.
I hate that your choices with most new people are to be a non-entity, or a drain on their energy because they have to deal with you.
I hate that for most of the medications I've tried anyway, it doesn't take away the sad, it merely allows you to function through it. Even if it does, it ultimately isn't enough if you don't have at least a bit of genuine happiness to hold on to.
I hate that you start to despise the coping mechanisms that you develop. You're in a world of swimmers and you aren't even treading water; you're drownproofing.
End of diatribe.
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self.depression
|
i am so tired of my friends telling me that i need to have more self-confidence my lack of love for myself never becomes a problem until it starts to inconvenience them
when i make a self-deprecating joke, it's fine, it's funny. everyone always ever just *laughs* when i find some new clever, entertaining way to call myself fat or ugly in polite company. it's just funny.
but when it gets real and when i have a bad day, they give me nothing. when i slip up and try to talk to someone about how i feel, try to talk to someone about how hurt i actually am, all i get is a look, a "you really need more self-confidence", and that's it. they don't even try to help.
i'm not denying that i have a self-confidence problem. i always have and, to be honest, i probably always will. but it drives me crazy that they laugh when i find some funny way to call myself fat or ugly or stupid but when that self-depreciation stops being funny, all they do is sneer at me and tell me to get over it.
thanks for pointing out a problem that i already know i have. how about you actually help me get over it? how about you listen to me when i need to talk about it? how about you shut me down when i start using self-depreciation? i am trying to get better but it would be so much easier if i could just talk to someone about this, if there was someone around to shut me down or hear me out when i need it.
and i'm so stressed out about this because these aren't casual friends i'm talking about. these are very, very, very close friends. friends whose hands i have held through the worst situations, friends who i have repeatedly been there for, and i don't understand why they just can't return the favor.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel like I can't change. Like this is just who I am. It sucks. I feel so powerless.
|
self.depression
|
No Emergency But I'm Worried Hey All,
Long time lurker, first time poster. Over the years I've commented on a few posts, shared a few of my own strategies and generally helped when I felt I could. This however is my first time on the podium.
I'm 25 and I've been suicidal on and off for like 11 years. I know all the tricks and have even gotten myself to the point where I can feel an episode coming and prepare properly.
Anyway, in a month I loose a seasonal job and, with some other break up and lack of success stuff, I can feel some real dark periods are like 2 weeks away. This time something weird is happening. I'm not scared.
Normally the idea I might finally off myself fills me with dread as my brain completes the checklist of consequences. The anxiety bubbles and I just freak out.
Recently though? It feels great. I will be in an anxious situation and thinking about leaving is like breathing out after holding it for hours. It's like I'm finally getting permission to relax where I couldn't before. I'm not burdened ideas of hurting my family, friends and peers; my brain just accepts it and moves on. These days the thought of suicide is the most Zen thing in the world.
I'm not in any immediate danger. This won't happen next week, but I've fought this thing a bunch of times and I think I'm starting to make peace with the fact my last fight might be coming.
Is this a weird thing? Like has anyone else been in a similiar place before? Let me know.
P.S. This community is awesome. During my darkest episodes it was amazing just to see that other people were thinking in the same way as me. Let's keep this shit up.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Really terrible spot I️ cannot sleep. I️ don’t know what I️ have, whether it be anxiety, ocd, both, neither, or something worse. All I️ know is that I️ can’t sleep. I️ got maybe 2 hours yesterday, and was convinced I’d get a good night’s worth tonight, but after about 2 hours of sleep (not very good sleep), I️ woke up, and thus far, couldn’t fall asleep again. My mind is just bustling with weird thoughts about random things like characters from tv shows or any random thing. I️’ll feel confused and not myself.
The biggest reason I️ think I️ have ocd is that I️ obsess over schizophrenia. I️ know that I️ probably don’t have, but I️ can’t help but think that every little abnormal symptom or sensation somehow links back to schizophrenia. So when I️ wake up and my thoughts are all over the place, it just scares me more and more into thinking I’m schizophrenic, which leads to a panic attack.
I️ just don’t know what to do. I’m tired but I️ can’t sleep. I️ have no delusions or anything but I️ do have really strange thoughts that I️ know aren’t true. Has anybody else here been though this or something similar, and if so, how do you cope, because I️ desperately need to know. I’ve been to a therapist but only one appointment and my next one is soon.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm too "adorable" Every time I go out somewhere, and maybe people are talking about something nsfw or kinda taboo, the person asking always says "you don't have to answer it because you're adorable" "you're so shy" "you look so fragile" when I offer to help with something, the response is "awww, I don't wanna make you do it you're so..." even if I insist. I wish I was kidding. I want to be a strong beautiful woman who can do things for herself. I want people to think I'm beautiful, hot, sexy. Not cute, adorable, sweet angel.
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self.offmychest
|
is it that weird to willingly want to spend christmas by yourself? So I've decided not to go down and celebrate Christmas with my family (which they are completely cool with), and also advised my partner I'm not to three different Christmas gatherings with him, due to the reasons stated below. He seems to be iffy about it, which I'm finding incredibly annoying.
I'm not depressed, I just have a bunch of stuff I want to focus on and I don't have much time off over Christmas, so I'd rather use my time effectively. I'm also in a profession where I have to deal with stressful people related situations, and while I enjoy being around friends and family, I just want to switch off for the next few days and wear my pyjamas all day. It's not a matter of me intentionally dissing my partner and his family, I'm just a firm believer in doing what I want if it's within reason.
Anyway! Anyone else spending Christmas by themselves? Willingly? The only potential downside I can see is my lunch, as I have nothing planned...maybe I'll get McDonald's
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel so helpless I’m a sophomore in college and I have no friends. I suffer from social anxiety and depression and most likely seasonal affective disorder. I’m so lonely and empty all the time. I’ve reached out for help so much. I try to go to therapy and I told my last therapist I felt suicidal and she said I probably wouldn’t so we don’t have to talk about it. That took a lot of courage for me to say and i stopped going to her. I’m still waiting for someone to get back to me here but I don’t know if I should wait. I feel trapped. My family is more of a burden than a family. Nobody will talk to me. I feel like I’m screaming for help but since I seem okay or look good on paper gradeswise it’s like nobody cares unless I ruin myself to the point of no return when it’s too late. I don’t see a future for myself. I don’t think it’s going to get any better. If this therapist doesn’t call me, I’m going to kill myself. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know why I’m writing this here but that’s all I wanted to say.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have no idea what else to do besides post anonymously online I don’t feelcokay. nothing feels okay and I can’t even type cause i’m cry ign so hard. I have been shoving all my emotions into a hole in my head and burying them and they’re all out now. i’ve broken down so much in the past few days and I just hurt myself again and I don’t know what to do. i’m supposed to be happy. I am finally leaving my abusive house I put down a security deposit on an apartment today and it was good and my therapist and I are getting along again and my medicine was helping but I am so stressed and can’t feel anything besides numb void and pain. ii want to kill myself so badly and I can’t because then my fiancé would be out the lease we’re signing and i’m selfish but all I want is to kill myself and I can’t and it’s not fair I can’t handle the consistent voice telling me to do it over and over loudly when I can’t. I can’t feel anything. i’ve been laying in the same spot for 8 hours and I got up to try and eat and I ended up cutting myself and I don’t know what i’m supposed to do. I should be okay and i’m not and I can’t tell anyone i’m not okay because I don’t want to go back to the hospital I don’t know what I am supposed to do
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Holidays alone are going to suck. Ex-wife and kids are with her family, my daughter is 3,000 miles away with her family, I have nobody, not even friends. It's going to suck.
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self.offmychest
|
My favorite lyrics Loving them is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving them is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all
Losing them was blue like I'd never known
Missing them was dark grey all alone
Forgetting them was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving them was red
Loving them was red
Touching them was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing them was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with them was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting them was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong
Losing them was blue like I'd never known
Missing them was dark grey all alone
Forgetting them was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving them was red
Loving them was red
Oh, red
Burning red
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self.depression
|
Does your Depression lead you into Self-Destructive behavior? I'm wondering if anyone else's depression lead them into self-destructive behavior? My depression leads to anger, then back to depression. During these episodes I will often make extremely poor choices.
Anyone else do this too?
|
self.depression
|
To the person who thinks sexual assault is a form of flattery/a joke/not a big deal It is assault if it was not wanted and not welcomed. One may feel flattered by a sudden kiss on the cheek for example. It may not have been them wanting a kiss on the cheek, but welcomed (gladly accepted) it if they didn’t feel any discomfort afterwards. It is also rude to ask a victim (whether it’s a young girl or a grown ass man) if they felt pleasure from sexual assault. Especially after they put themselves in a state of vulnerability, clearly stating their experience in sexual assault. It should be obvious enough that one did not enjoy it (mentally or physically).
Your way of wording and how you decide to react to a victim’s story can be powerful. I was raped by my ex-boyfriend, but he convinced me for a year that it was not rape because he called it a drunken mistake. He locked us in the bathroom to “talk about our breakup” during a party, then proceeded to kiss/touch me. He forced himself on me on the tile floor, ignoring my crying face as I repeat “it hurts” during the rape. I passed out afterwards, he continued to party with other girls. I didn’t call the incident “rape” to anyone or even myself, because of how he reacted so calmly to it. It fucked me up for a long time.
Sorry for the rant.
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self.offmychest
|
So, I was speaking to my brother, and I said “They’ve added a Hippy!”, and smiled, with a little “Haha!”, like the “That’s awesome! Haha”, and I’m worried I’ve done something wrong!, have I?, and is Hippy offensive?
|
self.Anxiety
|
“Just when we think we have all the answers, all the questions change.” - Mario Benedetti Often I find myself like this. Thinking I have it all figured out and then things change or my expectations change, and I realise I’m lost again.
Just when I think I’m starting to do really well, something comes up and destabilises me. Sometimes even something good...
Anyone?
|
self.bipolar
|
im losing my 20s to depression and i hate it. where did the time go? i'll be older before i know it and thats the scariest thing
|
self.depression
|
Depression meds? I...need help.
My depression and suicidal ideations are ruining the one piece of my life that keeps me alive. I can't have that.
What meds have worked best for you? Any to stay away from? Adverse side effects?
Thanks guys.
|
self.depression
|
living is exhausting I thought I was getting better but I'm just hurting in a new way. I go to therapy now and I made friends but I feel so much worse. I feel so much more worthless and empty. like every breath is just a waste. I wake up just to waste another day. I wish I could sleep forever. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not like suicidal I'm just tired of living. I'm so tired of it. it's just draining. why must I keep going? why do I even keep going?
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self.depression
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Going to kill myself by the end of this week. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Probably gonna fail my public speaking class. This is here because I don't really feel comfortable telling everyone else. Yes i'm probably going to fail public speaking. I'm sitting at a 78 at the moment because the last speech I gave which was worth 20% of the grade I pretty much bombed(63%). I don't think I gave a bad speech. I don't know if the professor has any bias against me or what the deal is, but he's being really tough me. He's not approving of any of my speech topics and has pretty much said that I won't pass the class. I emailed him saying that I was just going to do one of the topics I gave him anyway (because him approving the topic is not part of the assignment) and that regardless if I fail I'm going to go down fighting. I feel really shitty about it though. I can pass Calculus 3 but I can't pass public speaking. What a fucking loser.
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self.offmychest
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suicide looks like the only way hey my name is aryan and i live in india and also i am a bisexual and had several relationship with men and i was in a very serious relationship with a guy it all came crashing down when i was 12 yrs old something happened i found out when i first time masturbated i thought it was one of the best things ever but after that i started suffering fron severe coginitive dynsfunction and it left me mentally and physically crippled for days like 8-9days but now they don't go away for 2 months and i also have something coital cephalgia its called sex headaches where i feel intense pain in back of my head at first i thought it was normal and after that i thought it was because i was doing excessive masturbation and then i finally found out that i suffer from post orgasmic illness syndrome it is a very rare syndrome which a person if orgasms can leave him mentally and physically crippled nobody knows what it is they think it happens because i am allergic to my own semen which kind of sucks because its coming out of my own body there are worse things than deathand having pois is one of them it destroyed my relationship with a guy that i loved and cared abd limited my sexual encounters and also i was unable to even read and write i lost all myfriends and i was even mocked by my teacher and friends too i lost all my frienda.
looks like my life is nightmare because i am cursed i tried everything to stop masturbating cuttingmyself and religion stuff nothing worked even went to pyschiatrist and now that i think about my life just plainly is ruined there are somethings worse than death and being me is one of them i can't experience anything i can't feel pleasure i hate myself that does not affect me much people have begun to hate me and yell at me things kind of just sucks i have also suffered from extreme memory loss this zombie like state that i am in kind of sucks anybody out there other than me suffers should know it cannot be cured there is no cure so far i hate myslelf i just want to die and i feel like a crazy insane person fuck fuck fuck what have i done i am stuck in constant state of pain
2017 was the shittiest year of my life it was a nightmare but now i think 2018 would be hell well we will see i am suffering from.
post orgasmic illness syndrome i somehow managed to pass 9th grade and 10 and 11 the grade i was in so much pain and i could not tell anyone i seriously think i might have damaged my brain because i am having is that i don't know anything and i have lost the memories so may be good bye the only way right now i am trying to make a streak of 90 days which is impossible and i think i am never gonna get there
THIS IS ACTUALLY MY 5TH YEAR
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm new here... [intro] [vent] [question] I'm new here (24, F). I've always crept on reddit for good reads about various things. It was this subreddit that got me to finally make an account. Like many, I identified as an anxious person for as long as I can remember. I was in a four year relationship up until this past August in which I was depressed more often than not, or at least on the verge of depression. There were many days I couldn't leave my bed and had no motivation to do anything. My ex boyfriend struggled with alcoholism and the denial of it, he was an angry drinker and damaged my self-concept pretty profoundly. When I finally was strong enough to get out of the situation, I was sleeping in my car till I found a new place to live in September, then I had no money because I poured it all into the move, I couldn't buy food some days as all my dollars went into my gas tank to get to work and school. In September I also started a new job in addition to my other one, I started my clinical psychology doctoral program, and an internship. I was reunited with friends from middle/highschool after my breakup who many I hadn't seen since before my undergrad career and my crappy relationship. I found myself going out every single night but still maintaining everything else in my life because I seemed to not need sleep like my peers. I engaged in risky behavior much more than ever before (excessive drinking, though I handle my liquor well, as well as unsafe sex, reckless driving, impulsive spending (particularly on travel and basically anything I wanted), etc.) I have the hardest time going home alone and often don't. After only being with two people before this breakup, I've now been with 6 more, men and woman, and its only been almost 6 months. When I have sex it's usually multiple times at night and then in the morning with the person. I still meet with more than one of these people to do so. Between sex and alcohol and no sleep, I was starting to surprise myself with who I was becoming. As a student in the field of psychology and with experience working with others, I naturally started looking at my new behaviors and the almost "high" or "stimulated" feelings I'd have for days at a time. I seemed to have a newfound confidence and could appear to some as downright arrogant I feel, which is strange because I normally feel insecure and pretty self loathing after my bad relationships. It was almost like I was overcompensating to the highest degree, and I felt like I could accomplish anything, and it seemed these episodes helped me do so. I began researching bipolar but realized it wasn't that severe, and then I was looking into cyclothymia. Seeing as I do study at a school that is full of actual psychologists, I contacted my adviser about my thoughts and went to meet with him to get to the bottom of my behaviors and if it was something to be concerned about. He confirmed that I had hypomanic episodes followed by periods of, not depression, but low periods that seemed much more intense after coming down from them. This resonated with me, and he also identified my feelings of insecurity and emptiness that I'd get frequently after an episode. I did not get a diagnosis because it was apparent that instead of hindering my everyday functioning, it seems to benefit me to not need sleep and I won't deny it, I love the hypomanic episodes (not so much coming down from them though). I have missed days of work/class because of these times, but not enough to cause concern I'd think. I just needed to get my story off my chest because there's not many people I can open up to about it, one person I did already stopped talking to me because I used to seem so much more "positive" and "driven" and he doesn't approve of my impulsive behaviors. This was upsetting, but I feel like he was overreacting. What are your negative repercussions like in your relationships? Do you care? Do you think they interpret your behaviors inaccurately or is it us that does so? Will this condition get worse as I continue to welcome the episodes (i.e. by not getting sleep, engaging in impulsive behavior willingly, enjoying it, even)? How did you come to realize your hypomania/mania? What would you consider to be the point at which it is effecting my life negatively enough to seek an actual diagnosis? Are these dumb questions? If you actually made it to this point, you deserve a medal.
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self.bipolar
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Guys, I'm sorry but I have to unsubscribe. All these depressing posts are flooding my front page. I know that's what the depression subreddit is but there are sooo many posts that just make me even more sad. Sorry guys. See ya.
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self.depression
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Anybody else get intense anxiety when they try to be creative? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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My brain doesn't know what it wants. Am i the only one? This has been going on for years, but it wasn't till today that I noticed it was happening. I get this sence of relief when I reach out towards people to hang out, but they tell me they can't.
It happened to me today, I was home alone and craving human contact. I called my friend to see if he wanted to hang out, but he tells me that he couldn't cause he was working. I then get a sense of relief, and I'm happy for all of two seconds cause I get to stay home, but the happiness fades, and I'm back to being depressed cause I can't hang out.
The opposite also happens. When my friend tells me that he can hang out, I get this feeling of dread, and I have to force myself to not cancel my plans. After we hang out, I ended up exhausted and tired, but a little bit less depressed.
Am I the only one that is a mess of contradictions?
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self.depression
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Why do i do this? I walk around at night feeling lonely and depressed I go to the park and just sit there and stare at everything wondering what is the point. Does anyone else do this?
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self.depression
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Please Help Me. I've never been this close to actually killing myself. I've never been this close to it. It seems like my life is going absolutely nowhere. I don't want to kill myself, I just want the pain to end. I want to stop feeling so helpless all the time. I just want someone to help me and talk me through this. I want someone to make sure I'm going to be okay, because I have no one. This Isn't a cry for attention or sympathy. This is me asking someone to help me not kill myself. I'm pasting this in a few subreddits in hopes that I can find someone to talk to. If this isn't allowed, or it's a burden, I'm sorry. Happy new year everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What are the resources for Malaysia? Any? I have a friend there contemplating it, they have no friends or family, hence the issues. How Can I get them help?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m ending it. Im 16 yrs old and I’m 10 months post partum. I have a beautiful and wonderful little girl, she’s so so beautiful and funny and full of laughter and I don’t know how something so beautiful and so gorgeous came from me.. something so worthless.
But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel the whole living thing. I scream for help, for someone to listen. For someone to understand. I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I could possibly remember. I don’t actually remember a time where I was happy. The only time I was remotely happy was meeting her father, but I fucked that up too with my insecurities and self hate. He’s my best friend. We go at it sometimes but he will forever and always be my first and real love. And I lost that because of my own self loathing. He held me when I had to watch my mother get the shit beat out of her, he’s protected me against my brother who’s now in prison, he stood ground for me when I went into shock in the hospital. And I messed it up. Through the post partum, through the emotions he stuck through with me for 2 years, but no one is able to do it forever. We broke up early November because I wasn’t treating him the way I should have. I lost my job. I cry everyday. And now I feel like I’m rambling.
I’ve never been diagnosed, I was supposed to do a follow up mental health check up two years ago but never went through out of fear of being diagnosed. I don’t know how to put it. I have these episodes. They usually last days to weeks. Episodes where getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do. I won’t talk to anyone, I won’t eat, and if I could I probably wouldn’t take care of my daughter.. I do take care of her, simply because I HAVE to get up and change that diaper or make that bottle. I don’t hold her or hug her like mommy should. I feel worthless, not because of having a baby, but because I feel like I’m not doing my best. I should have known better than to think someone as worthless as me could really do this job. She’d be much better without me.
Of course I’ve said something but I feel like people blow it out of proportion. I want to die? So what? I cut myself ? So what. Ya know? I’ve become so accustomed to it that it just doesn’t seem that big of a deal anymore. I don’t mean to freak people out or stress anyone, it’s just how I feel.
Anyways enough of my blubbering, to whoever actually stayed to hear what I had to say, my point of this all is, I stole my moms prescription weeks back, and every night like clockwork, I stare at the bottle. For hours. Every single night. I think tonight is the night I’ll do it. Her daddy is coming over for the night so she’ll have someone watching her. I’m going to take them before he gets here, and later go to the bathroom (he knows I take exceptionally long showers) and hopefully by time he realizes something is wrong it’ll be too late. This is my chance. I know she will have someone here to take care of her. I cannot pass this chance up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm turning 20 and I'm unable to deal with it, I don't want to do this anymore I feel like I never got to be a child, you know?? Growing up we had little, sometimes we'd barely scrape by some coins to buy bread. When I got in middle school, I was terribly bullied, for being too skinny, wearing glasses, stuttering etc. Then I gained a lot of weight, got in high school, broke my hip, gained even more weight. Then I lost it all by becoming severely anorexic. I can never forgive myself for spending what are supposed the years I'm most attractive treating my body so poorly. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar and depression. I barely had friends. Now I do and I want to get better, I've started to eat healthy, not underweight anymore and started working out but what's the point? Everyone's moved on. Found a job, got into a stable relationship, had many fun memories. What do I have?? Staying on my computer and reading all day, crying myself to sleep and spending my days in hospitals. Also, I'm closer and closer to peak look age for women/25. Soon I'm going to hit the wall and have nothing to show for it. To top it all off, I just had a biopsy today and I might have thyroid cancer so I got that going for me, right??
I just want a redo. I want to move to a different country, get away from all my abusers/toxic people and re-do ages 18-20.
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self.offmychest
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Tell me something positive about yourself please. I’m going through severe anxiety and stress and I need help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like everyone has been given the script except me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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If I just disappeared. Nobody would care. Nobody would message me, nobody would call me, nobody would text me and ask me what's wrong. Nobody would feel sad, nobody would care.
The times I self-harm are the only times people pretend to care.
I have long wanted good friends that last for years and years but I just don't understand how people make those sorts of friends. I have never had a friendship like that and it hurts. Fucking god it hurts. It's very depressing and very shitty to realize that nobody fucking cares about me like that, and I'm angry at myself for being like this way. I seriously just want to go to sleep and never wake up, ever. That way, my pain could finally stop and my misery would end.
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self.depression
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Watched my nephew die earlier this year and everything has been off since [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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what do i do?????? I cant go on anymore... everything is going horrible.. literally everyone will be better if im gone.
My parents hate me for a reason. i used to think its just them being narcissits and bad parents but now i know everything is actually my fault. no wonder they want me dead.
on top of that my bird died, my grandmother and grandfather are sick and probably wont live much longer, my parents are paying for my college and i'm just costing them money which they don't have, my dog seems to have heart issues, im doing terrible in college so my parents are just wasting money on me, my therapist doesnt respond to me anymore, the hotline probably thinks im trolling when i call them cause i can never actually talk to them....and i ruined the only meaningful and helpful relationship i had
i can't think of a single person that wont benefit from my death. I have to kill myself before its too late for everyone... /r/suicidewatch and its mods are all i have right now. but even people here would be better of without me bringing other peoples moods down
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self.SuicideWatch
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Who should I see? I've been concerned about my mental state for the past year, and I need opinions on what sort of professional I should talk to. Last september, I quit marching band, something I did for 4 years. I thought it was the best activity ever. Now, my interest has shifted completely, and I hardly think about it anymore. Flash forward to January of this year, I switched out of my college program to another one. Again, i just wasnt interested anymore. I've been having these really big swings in motivation, I'll go a week without studying or doing anything productive. I've also been with my girlfriend for 4 years and there have even been times where I dont feel the same pleasure I used to feel when i see her, even though things havent really changed in any way.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I should just talk to my doctor about this, or if I should seek out a certain psychologist, if so, who?
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self.depression
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Ive been depressed and suicidal my whole life. I can't take it anymore, I just want to die so it can be over. I think I am finally ready to just give up and kick the bucket. I don't even know what i'm trying to get out of this post. I've never been happy and I have finally come to terms with the fact I never will be. I guess I just needed someone to hear me before I go. I honestly wish I was never born, I just want to this constant pain and misery to end.
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self.depression
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Passive Suicidal Ideation I didn’t know there was a technical term for what I have been feeling for my entire life. I’ve always known I had anxiety. But I didn’t know there was a term for what it made me feel. To want to disappear off the face of the earth. To be taken away. Not by my own hand, I have never had thoughts of killing myself. But a car accident that maimed me for life. Getting terminally ill or falling in a coma. Anytime I was faced with an extreme anxiety inducing situation that’s what I would hope for instead of having to deal with it.
After some therapy I found myself doing better. But recent situations have brought it back ten fold. Whenever I drive my car I hope someone crazy is coming in the other lane and kills me on impact. I wish a store I was in gets held up so I can pretend to be a hero and get killed in the process.
I know I need help. I don’t want to die. But a part of me finds the idea of fading away from everyone I have ever known appealing. Starting somewhere totally new with a new identity and blank page.
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self.offmychest
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fear of squiggly things and intestinal worms sometimes I just want to die because of the sheer amount of things in the world that I have to worry about
this vent is going to cover a few things:
- intestinal worms and why I fear them
- having panic attacks over snails
I mean, today I found out that intestinal worms are pretty common and let me tell you I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight
-even if you can easily get rid of the worms, you'd still have to SHIT THEM OUT. if they're some big boys, you'd have to feel them slide right out your asshole
-just imagining having long, white, wriggling bodies inside of me is so revolting I think I would rather die than someday find out that I have intestinal worms
- apparently they sometimes TAKE A LITTLE PEEK OUT OF YOUR ASSHOLE
thanks to my anxiety, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm terrified and anxious about potentially having intestinal worms. I eat a LOT even though I'm a skinny 5'9 girl (approx. 120 lbs) and i just don't gain weight even though I don't really exercise and now I can't stop thinking about the fact that intestinal worms are apparently not uncommon
worms and other slimy squiggly things are honestly the worst for me. I have an irrational fear of snails due to a really stupid childhood "trauma" (basically my father, instead of crushing them or throwing them away, kept any snails he found in a see-through plastic bag in a pile to starve and rot where everyone can see them) and I honestly have to swallow down vomit every time I see a worm spasming on the sidewalk. even typing this makes me nauseous.
i mean , one of my friends once showed me a "cute snail" up close and instead of being grossed out, I proceed to start sobbing uncontrollably and then start hyperventilating.
this obsession (?) with squiggly things makes me so sososososo anxious and I'm literally ready to despair and make myself miserable while thinking about intestinal worms
damn intrusive thoughts
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self.Anxiety
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I’m never going to find anybody that will stick around I’m so sick of this fucking illness.
The one person that i’ve actually told about my problems is pretty much gone, she’s acting like she doesn’t care about me at all. I’ve never told any of my friends about it because i know that they would have the exact same reaction.
I know that some of the things that i do or some of the ways that i think can seem crazy sometimes but it’s not my fault. I’m not choosing to be like this. I’m so sick of everybody, i can’t trust anyone.
I can’t keep doing this, something’s gotta change.
Sorry for the rant
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self.Anxiety
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Death is closer than you think 16 year old male here, just thought about the fact that assuming I live to be 80(which is an average~ish lifespan), I’ve already lived one fifth of my life and that I can only live this period of time for 4 more times before I’m dead. And 4 more times isn’t very many times. Cherish your lives people
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self.offmychest
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Zoloft - weight gain experiences? Hi, I'm on the lowest dose (25 mg) which probably means that nothing will happen. But even though you might be taking higher doses I'd like to hear if you've gained weight and if you think it's because of any diet changes or strictly just because of Zoloft? I'm on Sertraline
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self.Anxiety
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I have fallen for a girl I don't even know [deleted]
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self.depression
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HELP I live in Malaysia , i am 21 years old and my gf is 20, my gf is local malaysian, I couldn't love her.
we have been together for 1 year, I don't love her , but she love me alot.. but i cant let her go because i need her to help me in my studies because am the only international student in class..
i have a feeling for her but i just cnt love her, she loves me so much and i am sure of that; i am feeling that i am stuck with her.. and i really dnt want to hurt her..
then one month ago.. i found this new girl.. who i fall in love with her.. i start talking to her, but i couldnt make a move because i dnt want my gf to know.. i am really stuck here because i couldnt find a way to move on in a life which i will be happy with:
TL;Dr: i have a gf that i dnt love but i still need her because a very important reason and i dnt want to use her, also have a girl which i have crush on and i cnt talk to her, because of my current gf.
plz help.. what should i do?
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self.offmychest
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Are There Any Medications Like Xanax That Are Not Addictive? [removed]
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self.Anxiety
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I don't think I care about anyone but myself. First off, I know that my reasons don't even come close to compare about everyone elses on here. I am not sure why I am even saying any of this, but here I am. I have thought about ending it for a bit now. And the reasons are because I am a horrible person. And not just that, but I think I might lack feelings for anyone but myself. I say "think" because I am not fully sure. Lately though it has become more apparent, just reading these posts I was not sure what I was thinking. I don't think i care about anyone, but I don't want it to be that way. I can not live with myself if that is how it is. I think at some point when I was a kid, I must have decided to start faking these feelings that other people clearly had. And I must have faked them so well that I believed them until recently. Along with me not having feelings for others, I am also just an awful person. I am selfish, I am manipulative without even fulling being aware of it, among other things. So I think what I might do is get a life insurance policy, wait a few years till it covers suicide, and end it. This might be seen as me caring, but I think it is just a sense of duty and some leftover from the fake me that had been acting all these years. I guess that is all I have to say. Sorry for taking your time. (I mean I say that, but am I really sorry? I can't even tell that)
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self.SuicideWatch
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I called the suicide hotline and they were not helpful I’ve really hit rock bottom with my depression and I’m scared for myself. I thought calling them would be a good step but the lady was rude. She also told me things I should do to distract myself that I already know of. There is a reason I’m calling. She didn’t talk me through any of my problems. She made me feel like a piece of shit and I want to die even more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Boyfriend's gone offline, not responding calls He hasn't responded to my texts in over 24 hours and has been offline on facebook and snapchat since yesterday. When I tried to call him, his phone went straight to voicemail.
It's very unusual for him, since he'll usually message me as soon as he wakes up and is very good about responding quickly. We didn't have any fight, nothing went wrong between us. He just seemed to drop off the face of the earth.
He lives in a different city so I can't physically check on him, and im way too anxious to check in with his parents or friends.
I'm worried that he might've overdosed on something since he isn't done experimenting with drugs, but I always thought he'd be careful.
Please help.. even if it's just something to put my mind to rest
Update: day there; he finally gets back in contact with me. Lost his charger
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self.Anxiety
|
Do you ever feel like it would be better to just feel constantly sad instead of yo-yoing between moods? If you are one of those people who yo-yos between different moods that is. I'm not bipolar, and I don't feel manic, but I still go through a range of emotions that just makes things difficult, because by comparison, the really deep moments of depression feel like hell. Anyone else feel the same way?
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self.depression
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Nearly one in four children live with a parent with alcohol problem. These children in later life are at high risk for persistent depression. https://www.cdc.gov/pcd/issues/2017/17_0100.htm
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self.depression
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i'm extremely suicidal, i have no one in real life to talk to, so i came to suicidewatch if you wanna help me out, my discord name is Allen Simmons#6859
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self.SuicideWatch
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Seeing a physical therapist has helped with my anxiety.
Originally I started going for tendonitis but while I was there I discovered how much tension I was holding in myself, particularly in my neck.
If you feel physically tense from anxiety, I HIGHLY recommend going to see a PT, particularly one that will do deep tissue massage.
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self.Anxiety
|
Im done I lost my best friends... The ones i truly care about i lost all except one but she seems like she doesnt care.. I plan on drinking this bottle and smoking my last cig then im gone
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know how to not think this way anymore [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can’t live like this anymore. For the past year or more, I have struggled with keeping a job. I use the excuse that I’m looking for something I actually like, something that fits me, blah blah blah, but in reality, I struggle so much getting out of bed and just going. I have so much anxiety about working and what people think of me. I worked as a server for a few months and did really well until one day I couldn’t get out of bed and I just stopped showing up because of the anxiety. :(
I know I’m just rambling but I just want to know if anyone has any tips on how to get passed this because everyone around me is tired af of me not having a job and frankly it makes me feel worthless not having one and making money and that I’m burdening them with my presence. :(
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self.depression
|
It's been 5 months and I'm still saddened About 5 months ago, the girl I was with had a manic episode while she was away, became emotionally attached someone else, and cheated on me. Her memories of us became distorted, and I couldn't repair both of us at the same time, so I ended it. Six years.
I don't know that I necessarily wish it didn't happen because deep down inside I know it's probably the best thing to have happen, seeing as I can now follow my dreams without guilt. But still I feel alone.
Since then I've been working out 6 days a week, in pretty great shape, I just went and bought a few new shirts for work, and I'm getting a long overdue haircut tomorrow. Work is going really well and I have a road map of the next three years of my life. But I'm still sad. There are days that aren't so bad, and occasionally good days but right now it sucks.
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self.depression
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I can't go through with it I've made the decision 4 times, yet every time I seem to back out last minute. I was so sure I would go through with it this time, too. I quit my job, broke up with boyfriend, deleted most of my social media accounts, I was ready to just end it all. Yet for some reason I still can't work up the courage. Currently parked off the road next to a bridge because I'm scared and don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If only I had parents who cared. If my parents cared, I'd be a different and better person, I know it. Though it's easy to blame others, I could have used that guidance and advice in life. Why did you bring me in this world, if you ended up not caring anyways?
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self.depression
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Hypochondria and a Fear of schiz and how to accept the doctor's verdict? So i really wanna keep this short
I have a biological father who had been diagnosed with an F20 schizophrenia at the age of 36 or something like that. I didn't even know that until he told me couple months ago and i lived with him every summer for a few years.
He does seem more or less operational, he sorta works with sales stuff, (i was concerned why isn't he working with his degree field, but it makes sense now. the degree became useless in the 90s) and he has friends, he was in the relationship since my parents divorced and he generally seems normal, which makes him and my therapist with whom i shared this doubt the diagnosis. He also says that he doesn't take any medicine as he doesn't experience much symptoms and pills only make him feel worse. He does claim to have had telepathic experiences though and he had heard voices. He also has troubles with an alcohol and he had for at least like 5 years before the diagnosis (thats what i can clearly recall to, and my mom said he had been drinking since 98 and was diagnosed in 2007)
Now onto me, i have always been sort of an OCD type, when i was a kid i was checking door knobs for if the doors are locked and etc. Around the age of 16-17 (summer 2014) i have had HOCD (fear of being gay). I've had hypochondriac fears before, but they usually never lasted that long, 2 days the very max, i would find my answer and calm down
And when my mom was diagnosed with cancer in the late 2016 i have had my first major hypochondriac fear obsession. I was never convinced that i do, but i was scared that i am going bald (mpb) which made me look up a lot of info and visit at least one doctor. After my mother's death feb 2017 i have had my fears jump up to a gigantic degree. Since then i have been scared of: ALS, Cancer, Multiple sclerosis, HIV, whatever else etc. I again am never sure that i do have something, but the risk and not knowing kills me, so i would end up going to a doctor and check it. Check up would usually do the trick, but i would end up worrying about something else new
Ever since this late august i've been afraid of schiz, it started with me thinking that my fears are maybe delusions and at that time it was the only concern of mine. Long weeks of freaking out and i was able to talk to a doctor online and figure out that what i've had were definitely not delusions as i've had a critique, insight and was able to abandon them without any anti-psychs. As soon as i figured the delusions out, the next day the fear of voices had stared. I have been hearing things in an environment that i thought were maybe voices, but i couldn't really tell and there was always another half-assed explanation for whats happening
Sometime slightly before i learned that i wasn't delusional and first fear of voices started, i learned that my father was diagnosed and it started the second wave of my anxiety. I was convinced by the people online that what i've had was just fine whatever, but when i learned about the risk it all started again.
Ever since then i've been super hung up on the fear of schizophrenia and since i do have a genetic risk, i feel like it's gonna be haunting me forever.
Every unusual though i get i take as a symptom of schizophrenia, every sound in my environment i suspect for a hallucination.
I am seeing an anxiety therapist who says that i am fine, but since she doesn't specialize in schiz i wanted to get a second opinion. Or i thought that even if i am not schizophrenic at the moment, i am maybe in the transition stage. So i went to an early psychosis clinic in UCSF where they listened to me and said that i am fine and i am not in the UHR (ultra high risk) group and there is not even a need to watch me, but as i said since there is no definite answer it just keeps haunting me and there is always a feel that something new had came up, that they didn't listen to me or didn't understand or that i have failed to explain something
That visit to UCSF was on the last friday the 9th and ever since then i've had so many new things or things i want to elaborate on
So what do i do with those things? I don't want to run over to the doctor whenever something new came up and i don't wanna doubt the doctors. How do i deal with the risk and how do i address it? How to accept the verdict of the doctors?
Sorry for the muddled structure, i tried to tell you the whole thing without too much and too little detail, this is my best attempt
I could also elaborate on anything you want me to
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self.Anxiety
|
My Girlfriend is Pregnant I started dating my girlfriend in mid July and we started sleeping together at the start of August. At the end of August, I had to leave the province for school while she had to stay for her's. She is 21 and at the start of a 2 year program, while I am 22 and going into my last year of a Commerce degree.
Last week she told me that she took two pregnancy tests and both were positive. She is about 12 weeks along and struggling with either aborting or keeping the baby. I know it will be a tough decision either way and we have talked about both options. Ultimately, the decision is up to her.
If she keeps the baby, I'm unsure of how long it would take me to start making a reasonable income and how we would manage while I finish my degree. We haven't been in a relationship for very long and have been long distance for 2 months. I'm not sure what's going to happen and the uncertainty scares me.
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self.offmychest
|
Feeling like people at work don't like me or think I'm some kind of weirdo. Hey everyone, had a bit of a rough day today. I went into work and it turns out that a shift that had originally been planned for today had been moved but I didn't get the memo because I hadn't paid close enough attention to the schedule. My boss seemed perturbed that I was bothering him with asking. I'm a photographer for this company as well and have been trying to get photos from a recent shoot to my other manager for over a week, and for some reason none of the technology behind doing that was working. I tried giving her the files in person but then the hard drive didn't work and I ended up feeling like I wasted a ton of her time. I was getting so anxious with how everything was just going so inconveniently and started getting really jumbled thoughts. Finally I just told her I would try and bring them tomorrow on a different flash drive or SD card. I left feeling sweaty and completely unconfident. Now I'm not so much anxious as I am depressed because of how bad my anxiety made my day-- and really nothing even happened!
The truth of the whole situation is this: the people at work like me just fine. I was even assigned more photo shoots today as I was leaving. Everything is fine there. But it never feels that way. My anxiety makes everything hard to do. It makes me feel like nobody likes me or like everyone sees me as an odd man out when that's just not the way it is. I hardly even believe myself when I say this. I always think thank god I'm at least somewhat of a rational person at heart because otherwise I wouldn't be able to handle going to work at all. Fuck anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Jaded & defeated; don't know how to live anymore [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I'm gonna be 17 soon and I'm not fucking ready for it. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Dr. prescribed for me(a suicidal) pills commonly used in suicide... I dont think Im doing this right. Its a type of sleeping piil for anxiety now I just stare at the bottle wondering what to do with them.....
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The world is messing with me today I started a new med about a week ago. I’m getting back to normal after bouncing around the country for 3 years on and off meds. My last gf is in the medical field and thinks this is all made up. I tried the holistic route and read so many books like “Anatomy of an Epidemic” by Robert Whittaker. I still have a hard time believing this illness and thinking this is it. It’s so difficult and confusing ever since being diagnosed 7 years ago. My mind and body is exhausted. An elderly man stopped me in the store out of nowhere and asked, “When are going to grow up?” Then laughed hysterically. I was running errands for my mother. Then the world throws me the screwball pictured. I just want to be normal. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. https://i.imgur.com/APaqLjK.jpg
|
self.bipolar
|
My chance at getting ahead just died. I was unemployed for 8 months, burning through savings in order to keep a roof over my family's head. There was a thought that we could refinance the house I bought when I was employed in order to reduce debt and make living just a little bit easier. After being told that everything was golden, I got the notification today that, because I started my new job about two months ago, they won't give me the loan.
This means Christmas is going to be a struggle. This means that feeding ourselves will be a struggle. This means that keeping our head above water will be a struggle. My debt is things like repairing the septic tank, and getting a hot water heater, and it's just going to keep mounting because I can't pay it off.
It's a sad day when you have to think about life insurance payouts in the hopes that your family will be okay.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm done I have extremely controlling parents and they just threatened to smash my head against the wall because I'm not listening to them when it comes to buying a car.
I'm 25.
|
self.offmychest
|
DAE have problems swallowing pills? Just curious. I have an OCD-ish thing I do that can help me swallow some of them, but most of them I have to crush up and mix with orange juice to take.
I’ve had on-and-off issues with this my whole life due to anxiety. It’s fucking annoying.
|
self.bipolar
|
help my personality/reality i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know what to say other then that. i don't know how to express my emotions because nobody in society even does it anymore! i only see robots and i feel like school has fucked up my life. i want to be me again and have emotions other then grief. i want to sit at a campfire with people who i love and who love me back so we can talk about WHATEVER. i don't know how to get my life back on track. i've been in and out of depression for 6 years and i think it has effected me to much. i'm 18 so my depression has messed up puberty which is the most important time of your brains development etc. i don't think i'll ever be able to be myself again if i don't get anyone in my life. i have never experienced love... my parents we're abusive and the people i love died. i had a girl that i used to talk to about my feelings and we grew a bit but then she killed herself and i've never loved any girl ever since. please can i find love again? even that feeling you used to get when you looked at someone beautiful with that cute personality. i've not experienced that since childhood. nowadays girls aren't cute at all and to me feel like they're all "hood rats" no personality or even remotely cute. besides a relationship i just want SOMEONE to love, not even a relationship of any kind. a person that cares would be nice... it would help me be HUMAN again!
|
self.depression
|
Too depressed to stop being depressed I feel like if I was my non-depressed self, I would be able to get myself out of the situation that's making me depressed.
|
self.depression
|
I quit smoking 40 days ago, but I can't celebrate with anyone I allegedly quit smoking two and a half years ago. That lasted about 1 week. From then until 40 days ago, I smoked in secret. I hid it from literally EVERYONE. I'd only pay cash so my husband wouldn't know, I'd keep gum, perfume, and hand sanitizer/lotion in my purse. I only smoked away from home and never while at work. It was like hiding a drug habit.
I quit for 2 weeks back in October after a surgery that kept me bed ridden for 2 weeks. But as soon as I got back to life, I bought some.
Then my husband and I went to South Carolina for thanksgiving. We left November 18th. My last cigarette was the day before. We were there 10 days. Before we Ieft I spent all my cash and I threw away my lighter, gum, perfume, and hand sanitizer. I think that made all the difference. I had no means to hide it so caving woulf have been more complicated.
I feel so free now. Not only from the vice of smoking but from my secret. I don't even miss it. When my brain tries to trick me and I have a craving I think about the taste and smell and I wanna be sick.
I'm so proud of myself and I can't share it with anyone. It's my own falut though since I lied to everyone for 2 years.
Thanks for listening!
Edit: typos
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self.offmychest
|
Other disorders that incorporate severe social anxiety? I'm an intelligent teenage male trying to understand what I've been going through for all these years so I can at least attempt to overcome it.
Without going into too much detail, I've had stress, controlling thoughts (paranoia to an extent), depression and poor communication skills (e.g. while other people easily contribute to a conversation, I always feel I have nothing to say).
I've furiously spent years searching for something that may not even exist, examining disorders and wondering whether I might have it. If anyone has anything that could bring closure then I'd appreciate it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What even is the point What am i here for? what is the point of my existence? All my life i’ve felt lost & that i don’t belong. I attempted to kill myself when i was 15 but when it went horribly wrong I thought to myself that i should give life a second chance but now it’s been 8 years & nothing has changed. I still feel depressed, i still feel alone. So what is the point in keeping on
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My feelings Let me preface my comments in by saying I am expressing myself and I am not looking for advice, I'm just venting.
Well my life is all about avoiding, isolation, trips to the park, working, anxiety, depression, rage, confusion, melancholy, insanity, manic behavior, porn, and irrational mental journeys.
I often feel waves of engulfed fear in my system. For some reason fear is my kryptonite. I feel powerless and I noticed in 2017 something happened to me where I got engrossed into fear. It was like something catastrophic happened in my brain and fear latched itself on me. At night my fears run rampant.
My irrational mind is just naturally irrational. Most of my thoughts arent of the norm. I researched hundreds of homicides, suicides, murder suicides, etc. I developed feelings for the deceased and often think I am one of their friends. I always have this irrational fear that something catastrophic will occur in my life and I will be totally obliterated as a result.
I experience melancholy and have been for over a decade. Its severe and I usually swim in it. I live inside my thoughts so melancholy is like my adventure. Some people go to the gym and do things while I sit and travel inside my mind and thoughts.
I go through dangerous feelings of rage from a past incident. Its been two years but still I have a dangerous ideation.
I can be depressed all day if I really want to. I think I have a depression that is best described as a long novel. Its full of ma y meanings and doesn't appear to have a cut off limit.
I feel like I am not cut out for this world. People need to face their fears, deal with the blows of life, manage through adversity, be mature, change, grow, accept new challenges and difficulty. I cannot. I tried with a relationship and failed miserably. Then I ended it but ran back because of the fear, then acted a certain way so now I'm hated by my actions. I still dream about her. People tell me I need to move on which is right but I can't erase her from my memory. As long as I don't contact the person then I am fine. After the relationship is when I became suicidal. I made three attempts and too afraid to try for a fourth time. My body and heart was strong. I think my second attempt should had killed me or at least damaged something. I told God that if I'm still a live then I'll just drift my way to the grave. I tried holding on various ways by listening to peaceful Indian music, listening to mystics like sadhguru, krishnamurti, osho, and listening to a few buddhist monk speeches. I even had some spiritual moments in which I felt at peace but my mind snaps back to the default.
I don't spend time with friends. I deserted all them years ago. I don't spend time with family. I only talk to my mom and dad. I sometimes write my brother that is in prison. I feel like I just can't give myself to them. If I couldn't give myself to a beautiful Mexican woman then I sure as he can't do with family. I don't wanna get close to anyone.
My life feels hopeless because I don't want to complete this 60 to 80 year stretch that we all call life. I don't wanna be miserable or facing the loop thoughts of what I did in the past. I don't wanna stress anymore. I dont want to keep experiencing this rat race. I don't want to keep experiencing rage and irrational feelings. I don't wanna manage these issues. I don't wanna manage my behavior. I don't wanna manage my feelings. I don't wanna manage any problems from the past. I feel like if my memory was knocked out then I'd feel good. To not remember screwing up things or feeling homicidal would be great. All my mind will do is harbor in these experiences and replay them in my head everyday. It is the most consistent thing about me that I do not feel proud of. I see why Laura Vanessa Nunes took her life. I'm sorry for the rant but I miss some of the old figments of me. I miss when I was a kid and lived in fantasy. I dont like this adult life. I dont wanna change every fiber in my being. I dont want to grow up and grow balls. I rather grow the other thing. I dont wanna face my fears. I dont want to put myself out there. I don't want to get a better job. I don't want friends. I don't want a better life. All I want is peace.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Separate sub for bipolar art and memes? Hey, in some of the threads about the recent heated debate about selfies I've seen some shade for memes and art. Ive noticed a lot of art on the controversial page and assume that's why. Personally that's why i like this sub. There's already another bipolar sub for discussion that doesn't allow image posts, and I guess I don't see the problem with this one being more pics. I think the memes and art generate just as much discussion as the text posts, even if it's just "hey I feel that too, I didn't know it was bipolar." And I communicate better through art and probably won't post many text threads but value this as a place i can talk about my struggles. What do you all think ? Yay or nay for art and memes. If nay, maybe r/bipolarcreative needs to be a thing? Someone just made a bipolar selfie sub so that's dope. I don't know how to make a sub but I could figure it out.
|
self.bipolar
|
Guess who is killing herself this week? That's right, me I've had enough of living, I can't stand another minute of this shitty life.
I haven't decided on the day, but I do have a method.
The world will be a better place without jess.
I'll be forgotten soon.
I can easily off myself right this second if i wanted i can always slice my neck open with a knife i've got on my desk for that purpose etc.
I deleted most of my accounts that have any real ties to me, as far as I'm aware nobody knows about this reddit account.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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