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getting better I posted last week "personal update". Since then things are still getting better little by little. This past week I got actually got excited to do something with my boyfriend. I even went to a information session for a PTA program I thought about applying to. Though during the session I did feel some anxiety because of the thought of going back to school brought back some memories that I am not fond of. Once I got home that night I reminded myself that I was not going to go through this alone. I talked to my boyfriend and he helped put my mind at ease.
On another note, I am still working on my eating habits and they are getting better, and I am getting better at talking about something when I feel like I am getting anxious about it.
Things are still not quite where I want them to be but I am working on it and it seems to be going good so far. | self.Anxiety |
Almost got fired, today I screwed my job a ton! [deleted] | self.depression |
How do you stop lying in bed thinking about why your life sucks. | self.Anxiety |
I can't decide about school... The second semester just started and idk what to do... I haven't been to school since before Christmas and right now my goals are to take a shower every week and get through the day. I was gone for some time last semester as well and will probably not get a grade in a few classes. This week I met with my school counselor, main teacher and my "psychologist" about school. I'm currently being evaluated for bipolar but it seems pretty clear that I'm going to be put on some medication at least, which is kind of terrifying. Though it will be some time until then.
So, my options are to either take the rest of the school year off and start this autumn redoing my school year, or take 3 classes now and the rest next year. Everyone excepts me to have an answer, but I don't. I can't even answer simple questions like "What do you want to eat?". I wish somebody would just tell me even though I know I have to decide myself. I just can't seem to care. I could barely speak and focus throughout the meeting and my mom ended up speaking mostly. The psychologist brought up shortly how I was last time we talked and I felt shameful for how I had acted. I talked with my brother about how things have been lately and he could kind of relate to my "ups", only it's from his experiences with drugs. I didn't think it was that bad and it seems he thought he was experiencing a milder version of what I was experiencing. That hit me.
Right now it's like I'm taking a look into myself looking at things that seem new to me and all of this is overwhelming and having to evaluate myself is freaky. Idk if school thrown into the mix will help, and now my whole class knows I struggle mentally (in Norway we have a main class that take certain subjects together). I've also been oversharing with some people and I feel like everyone is looking at me differently. I feel like a disease and a pushover. I'm making everything worse and being distant to everyone but I can't help it. Mom deserves better than me. Though it would maybe be better to take 3 classes now instead of everything next year. The thing is that I haven't been able to concentrate at all. Up or down. When I was up there was just too much noise in my head and I had too many other plans. I couldn't even concentrate on what I wanted to do and kept jumping between a lot of things. Still I was 100% sure I could catch up to everything in a couple days which didn't happen. I ended up not sleeping making a workout schedule that was ridiculous, especially for someone who doesn't excercise, drinking a lot of Bailey's to calm down (didn't work) even though I rarely drink, then jogging and working out. Then turning really suicidal and lashing out for 2-3 days before becoming numb. I hate that I want to live yet die so badly at the same time. But. This wasn't what I was going to talk about. I was talking about school.
This turned out more like a rant than I would like but it feels better to let it out I guess. Took an hour to write this. Time moves so differently. | self.bipolar |
Help controlling school- caused anxiety and depression Hi guys it seems that ever since freshman year(am currently a sophomore) I've been having trouble not constantly thinking about my grades and getting extremely frustrated over them, to the point where I can barely sit down and enjoy myself while not at school. My grades are all pretty decent except Spanish but there is only 23 points in that class so I shldnt be so worried about it, but I can't help constantly bringing myself down thinking that I can do better. Any tips on how to stop my anxiety and subsequent depression? | self.depression |
thinking about taking anxiety medication. (warning long post) So I'm 18 and I've been semi-secretly struggling with anxiety and depression since I was a kid. (At 4 or 5 is the youngest I remember having it.) it's caused me hell ever since. i struggle from social anxiety which is something I've had all my life I remember times as a kid where if we were around people I didn't know I would go hours without speaking until we left and the only thing I could do as a response was to nod my head, it was so bad that I would even do it over the phone sometimes, this is something I still do whereas instead of head nods I just stutter while speaking too low. I also have problems doing stuff on my own in public to the point where recently I was so anxious while cashing my first check that I earned during summer a job (that I could only handle doing for 2 weeks before quitting btw) that I was literally shaking uncontrollably while handing the woman the check to cash it. the social anxiety is the exact reason why the fact that I eventually have to find another job is terrifying. the anxiety also affects me in other ways such as any time that I have attempted a new task I'm not used to I freak out and sometimes quickly black out when panicked. an example is my brother tried to show me how to drive out of nowhere (which caused the anxiety.) and against my own judgment and the pressure of not having a license at 18 I said yes and crashed the car leaving it nearly totaled due to me freezing and panicking from him yelling during a turn. which then caused me to become depressed again and sadly my depression has no middle it's either manageable and I forget about it or I'm having suicidal thoughts. (which is what the crash caused due to me not being able to stop thinking about it) my depression is also something that's been around forever. like I said before it makes me suicidal which is something I was struggling with even as a kid. I would even go the bathroom and bang my head on the wall till I had a migraine. and luckily despite having a high pain tolerance before the depression came I developed a fear of cuts, blood and any thing gory so I was never brave enough to wound my self but I do fantasize about it sometimes and because of that I try to avoid anything sharp just because I sometimes gain the sensation and temptation to cut myself such as touching the tip of knife with my finger. sometimes I would have to cut a sheet of paper or something with it and then I hurt myself with something else just enough to hurt but not bleed to satisfy the thought of cutting and it scares me that I have to do that. so far the only thing that's stopped the idea of suicide is my fear of blood/gore, (which makes me fear to die slowly/painfully.) how my family would feel and my religious background (y'know the whole suicide = Hell thing...) so I usually fantasize about dying from a third party source out of my control. (accidents) now with all of that long explanation being said while the depression and suicidal thoughts are bad their controllable enough to function, but my anxiety sadly isn't so I'm thinking about taking medication, but I'm afraid of asking my mom about it due to her being in denial of how bad I am (which is partly my fault due to me being good at hiding my problems which is where the "semi-secret" part comes in.) and the fact that she's kinda against taking meds for these kinds of things because of her history with it (granted her anxiety isnt as bad as mine and she has heart disease which limits her options on medication but still...) my question is what should I do and how did medication affect you guys? ( also sorry for the inconsistent grammar I gave up because of the length of this post lol.) | self.Anxiety |
Physically depressed, feel like I fucked up majorly in life. I have good faith now that I am going in an upwards direction with my life and my ambitions, but financially I'm kinda fucked at the moment. Financial shit is what got me out of the cheapest university that I could go into, and it's what's keeping me from even going to community at the moment. I feel like I was doing everything right, and that I've been wronged, but I don't feel like a snowflake. I feel the exact opposite. I am going in tomorrow to work at mcdonalds while I try to get a job over at the niche mom and pop restaurant near my house. I have job experience and I'm not unemployed, thank god for that, but I'm just feeling depressed and reminiscing about my past and what I could've changed about it, although, there was little room for it. Sometimes it makes me feel liberated feeling like I regret nothing for having dealt with and going to deal with rough shit, but the feeling remains that nobody will ever take me seriously and I fucked up. I just need to vent all of this in a healthy way. If any of you are fans of cowboy bebop, was listening to [this song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WKnVaDwUg5s) earlier while I reminisced. | self.depression |
Goddbye or something. First, don't worry, I have written a long text for my family and mother. I thought about everything and make them a little angry at me at the end, so they don't have as much emotion for griefing.
I downed about one bottle (700cm³ in sane countries) of 37,5% ethanol. Right as I am writing this, I am taking a few of my Promethazine tabs to get even more sleepy (I'm alcoholic so the ethanol doesn't affect me as much) and when I'm sleepy enough I am gonna swallow about 2500mg of Promethazin and go to sleep.
It was a fun ride at times, but fucking hell, germans think they have it good? They may have it better than most africans for the majority of time but god help us, this country and most of the other first world countries are fucked beyond repair.
I wish you all good luck and hope you all get better, look at me, look what I did wrong, make it better, for yourself, for your loved ones, for the world. | self.depression |
Anxiety increasing at different times of the day? Recently I’ve had a lot of stuff going on in my life, a fair bit of stuff that I’m really dreading (such as flight mentioned in other post) and once again it seems like my anxiety just skyrockets about 5pm, when it starts getting dark out. I’ve never understood why this is, but I can wake up in the morning as happy as can be but do a complete 180 in the afternoon. Maybe it’s because that’s when I have more time to think about stuff in my life, or perhaps problems just seem that little bit less confronting in the light of day.
Do any of you seem to have specific times that your anxiety seems to crank it up a notch? | self.Anxiety |
Getting the courage to start finding a job when I have disabilities? I am quite anxious and annoyed that jobs even exist but here goes.
I am 19 and I dread having to get a job in the future. I will be starting Uni in 2 weeks and though it would be kinda nice for some financial independence my anxiety overrides all of this. I have 2 disabilities (Major hearing loss and damaged vocal cords) which funnily enough, happen to be for communication. Great. I am also a big introvert. Amazing. /s
I’m really worried about the initial interview process in that they’ll just judge me on both of those things and not look any further. I’ve applied a few times for basic fast food but always rejected and its hard to not take it personally in what weaknesses I have got.
Also the current financial market here in Australia is also pretty shit and not many young people can even buy houses or good stuff if they are working part-time for 6 years or something.
I was talking to one of my friends and he hates his part time job where he gets just below minimum wage :/ and when I met him you could tell that his mood had gotten a bit sour as he has worked almost every day this year (cause he doesn’t want to, he asked but he HAS to work)
Also my parents aren’t too fussy about giving me money which is part of it but ofc I still feel really bad asking for major things.
One positive is that I currently volunteer as an assistant at my martial arts club and I just help kids correct their moves while the instructor leads the class. That has given me some confidence.
I like it but I also sometimes get a fear that they will look down on me cause ‘I dont have a job yet’ and also get this fear for everyone else around me, that they’re gonna think alot less of me for not having a job cause “I’m capable”
I’m just scared of taking that step and doing it cause my life is pretty comfortable right now and hearing other peoples negative attitude towards work is just making me put it off even more, even though I will inevitably need it in the future.
Any ways to approach this or to change my mindset about this? Thank you in advance!
Also I would love to talk if u guys have similar issues 👋 I hope I’m not alone in this train of thought... | self.Anxiety |
So..I guess I always kind of consider suicide as an option, as a way out. Things are fine for me, I think, I’m nearly done my vocational school, one of the top potentials in my class, mothers supportive of what I do, I guess my father wasn’t a really good person n now with my ex I don’t know anymore | self.SuicideWatch |
I don't think I can come back from this I'm 30 years old, female, and I have allowed my depression and anxiety to completely take over my life. I have dug myself so far down that I don't think I can go on. I have suffered from severe depression and crippling anxiety for YEARS. I suffered from child abuse from my step father (who has since commit suicide) from when I was 3 to 14. I was first diagnosed when I was 10, (the doctors knowing I was being abused but thought I was making it up) and put on antidepressant. I was rediagnosed at 22 with PTSD with medications adjusted. And rediagnosed again at 28 with Complex PTSD with more medication adjustments. As I said, I'm now 30, still heavily medicated, still extremely damaged, and still being dicked around by the lack of Mental Health care. I live in Canada and am grateful for the health care that we do have, but the support for mental health is absolutely lacking. Referrals take months, doctors are more interested in which pharmaceuticals they can prescribe you next rather than listening to you, and the lack of communication between specialists and family doctors and yourself is unbelievable. If you want to be seen right away you have to go to the emergency room threatening suicide. I am nearing that point. As I said, I have allowed this diseases to take over my life. I had to take time off work because it was so bad, but by doing so I started to fall behind in my bills and payments. By the time I was able to get back to work and start making enough money, I was already so far behind that I couldn't catch up. I live alone, no family lives close, and I am going to lose my home. I wasn't able to make my mortgage payments and the bank has been granted to take my house. I terrified. I am scared out of my mind. I am having panic attack after panic attack. I'm on another sick leave from work. I need to find a new apartment before I get kicked out and I honestly don't feel like I'm smart enough to do it. This depression and anxiety really makes me feel like I can't think straight, that I'm stupid, and I'm worthless. I've been disassociating a lot the past few weeks because of this, almost like a coping mechanism that this isn't happening, that this is a dream. I really don't know what to do... Thank you for reading.. | self.depression |
Im not sure what im doing anymore I've had anxiety and depression to the point of being locked in my room doing nothing all day for four years. I break down at least once a week, and I can't handle any real situations. I don't feel real. Nothing feels real. I don't enjoy anything and I haven't been happy in years. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to have so many friends, I was in a good relationship. Everything just got shitty I guess. I don't know how to take control of my life again. Everything terrifies me. I can't work, I can't do schooling. I can't live normally anymore. I won't end my life because I don't think I care about it enough to attempt it. I don't care about anything. I feel completely alone, cold and I can't see myself when I look at my hands. I'm only 19. I don't know what I'm supposed to expect in life, as this is all I remember. All I know in all sincerity is the painful loneliness that is sitting at a desk all day, reading and playing games. If there was a word for anxiety and depression so deep, so brutal that it makes life painful then write it on my forehead. I have no intention to die, yet none to live. I don't think I'll ever feel normal. I don't think I'll ever be happy. | self.SuicideWatch |
I begged my sister for sex The sexual frustration is literally killing me. Literally cannot think of anything but sex. I have zero prospects right now and am too poor/afraid to try a hooker. After a lot of deliberation I begged my younger sister to have sex with me. I said I just wanted to use the hole, in and out, nothing intimate about it at all. No kissing, dirty talk, nothing. I told her this was only out of desperation and was purely clinical. She said no and that I should get therapy (Wtf.) She clearly doesn't understand what this feels like. I feel dirty as fuck about this but I don't really feel like I was in the wrong for doing so. Throughout my life I helped her with a bunch of shit, bailed her out of bad situations countless times, stayed up late helping her with assignments and she can't do this one little thing for me. | self.depression |
I’m having a really hard time coping right now. Everything looks good from the outside but I am freaking out. Since I have stopped drinking I am WAY more unhappy than when I was saucing my pain away. Everything feels so much heavier and I am struggling.
Have any of you kind folks ever gotten the serious blues after quitting drinking? What do? | self.depression |
I want to help this guy, but he's just so Fucking Depressing. I work the graveyard shift in an all night convenience store (a minimum wage job) and I have one customer who comes in nearly every morning at about 4 am and insists on telling me how depressed he is, how he's ruined his life, how he hates the world, how it's all unfair, how it's not his fault etc.
Now, the guy's not poor. He's got a part-time job, I'm guessing his parents help out because he's not homeless, he lives in a pretty expensive part of the city, he always has money to buy coffee and his clothes are well-kept and good brands.
I try to be supportive, but he just goes on about himself. I've got lots of work to do, other customers to serve, I'm an empathic person, I want to help. But he insists on making every encounter a fucking nightmare.
Any advice? | self.depression |
How do you deal with panic attacks? I am 22 year old female and i was dignosed with anxiety as a child. After being on medication for many many years last year i decided with my doctor that i wanted to come off the meds. I was getting married and i was very stable and happy with my life. I went off with doctor supervision and i was fine. Fast forward to about a little over a month ago and the panic attacks came so heavy that i once had to call an ambulance. So i went back to the doctor and got put on zoloft 50mg. Immediately i felt a difference, i felt really good. After 4 weeks on the medication i had another major panic attack and this one was nothing like i ever had before. I was stuck in constant panic for 6 days. My doctor decided to up my meds to 100mg within two days i was back to myself again. Now it has been a week on the increased dosage and this morning on my drive to work i had another terrifying attack. I felt paralysed. I know panic attacks are all in your head so i want to know how others deal with this horrible feeling and what they do to come back to reality? Thanks in advance! | self.Anxiety |
Dizziness and Depersonalization Hello everyone! I'm making this post to look for support I guess. I've been suffering from generalized anxiety disorder for about 5 years now, and I'm able to control the symptoms whenever I feel anxious.
However, since a yesterday I started having this feeling of "dizziness" and depersonalization, I have felt this before obviously since it's a common symptom of anxiety, but I was wondering if anyone out there has tips to make it go away. I realize the more you think about it, the more you feel it, and I'm trying to chill and calm down, but since I hadn't felt that in years, I'm kind of panicking thinking I'm going insane or something (even though I know it's a common anxiety symptom) but anyway, any tips? | self.Anxiety |
I should never have gone to college I'm a senior in university right now and I don't think I'll be graduating on time. I struggle with depression and anxiety and a whole list of other mental health issues and it really affected school. I had to drop an entire semester sophomore year because I had just gotten out of a psych ward and wasn't ready to put the effort into school. I have been scraping by since the beginning and I just havent been able to get my shit together. I just recently almost failed one class and am most likely going to fail another because I didn't get a big assignment in and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to try and get it extended by pulling the whole "my email didn't send" thing. Like why would I do that? One assignment isnt going to make me pass. Ive been stupid and idiotic and I deserve to not pass and I'm really considering dropping out. I just can't handle this. I'm so tired. | self.offmychest |
The only way to lose is to give up. You are not losers. You are fighters. I know you are strong, because you are here. Do not give up. Do not give in. You are better than that. If you think about it, (title) is true. If you never stopped trying, it's because you never lost.
Thanks for the vague inspiration OP, you may be thinking. And it is. It is because I know you're all at different points of recovery. Some of you may be feeling just a little down. Some may feel terrible. Some people are getting help but it's just not clicking. That's what I wanted to inspire you about. Your next move to beat this awful monster that is depression. Tell your family. Tell a therapist. Tell the truth. Take your meds. Go to your counseling. Whatever it is that will help you win! | self.depression |
worried about my future I've just been to see my psychiatrist and after butting heads all session he tells me he and his team are going to have to look at my 10 year long diagnosis of bipolar and o.c.d. to see if the doctors before got it right. my worry is that I am in the UK and if they decide I have bipolar or worse yet any illness then my benefits are specifically given to me for my bipolar, so if they deicide I dont have it then I dont get my benefits I cant pay rent to my parents then I am out on the streets. I hate that they can play God like this. what do I do if they do change my diagnoses? do I contest it? | self.bipolar |
Today just sucks I've been sitting at my desk at work for the past hour and a half crying on and off. Not really sure why. I feel physically sick and I just want to go home, crawl into bed, and sleep for a few days. I'm supposed to teach a class tonight, but I'm really not sure I can function around people. I know I should just cancel it, but I feel guilty doing that, and I have no idea why. It makes no sense since I can't seem to bring myself to care about anything else right now- like the fact that I've gotten almost nothing done at work today and probably won't in the remaining 3 hours. I just don't know what to do anymore. | self.depression |
I don't know anything and i feel empty I spoke with a guidance counselor about my feelings of emptiness today, and she had to call my mom to arrange a meeting to talk about me. At the time, as with most things nowadays, I didn't care, but now, after I spoke to my mother, all I feel is guilt because I completely forgot that my mom was having a job interview on the same day as the meeting, and she was pissed about it, which is fine. She also believes this whole situation was caused by my lack of studying, which i don't know, maybe it is? But then again this was something that I felt on and off again for years, so I don't know. She told me that I don't know how it is to feel bad and that i have no problems whilst not really taking any of what I said completely seriously, and it felt like that because I haven't been in as shitty of a situation as she was. I don't feel sad, I just feel nothing, life is a blur and the future means nothing to me. It feels like I don't have a future, I don't even know if I would ever see my graduation. I wish I didn't speak to the guidance counselor about how I felt and just kept quiet about it so I could just avoid this situation altogether. | self.depression |
Sad, bewildered, lost. 20+yr marriage is ending How the hell do I move forward from here?
3 weeks ago, my husband and best friend (48m) of 20+ years informed me (47f) after returning from one of several business-ish trips, that he wants to start anew.
He has it all worked out in his head that he will find a room to live in somewhere close by to make sure that me and our 3 boys 13,10 & 5 can continue living in this rental, keep the family stable and in these great public schools with all their/my friends, etc. That he will be an even better friend and helper than ever -- we’ll be one of those co-parenting couples who still do everything together with love and friendship. That I’ll be so much happier and better off, and get ‘snapped-up in a heartbeat.’
He wishes to leave to open up pursuit of his spiritual quests in the company of a more like-minded spiritual searching soul. That he has been dying a little every day because he doesn’t have enough of this -- even though he has communicated this basic driving need multiple times. That we haven’t been ‘inspiring’ each other. We both need a change to ‘flourish’ and show-up better for our kids. Over the years I have requested marriage counseling for us for all the usual reasons most people need help. He had declined, saying our communication was actually quite good, we know what our problems are, therapy is often a waste of time, especially if it is the conventional sort, and we don’t have money for that anyway. Now he has initiated a short string of appointments not so much to fix anything but more to ease the transition, giving the caveat to the effect of ‘miracles sometimes do happen.’
My impressions: He is in a hurry and he‘s done his research. He informs me how no-fault divorce works whether I want it or not -- at the same time he promises he will always honor his commitment to care for me even if my health goes down (I am the healthiest appearing chick with health-shit in the world) that he will always step in to help me if needed. I don’t know what to expect from his plans for a no-fault amicable separation with all these kindly promises.
I have always been the primary support of us and our family--even now that my health has pushed me largely out of the workforce. I can’t make it on my own anymore and I don’t think that he legally owes me much assistance after being in school/graduate school/un or under employed all these many years. He does say he could never go for anyone who wouldn’t also respect and support his commitment to his family, including me. He doesn’t want 50/50 custody. He wants involvement sure, but more a continuance of my single-mom-with-a-husband-role, except without the husband part.
What I believe I am hearing is more that he wants, expects and will get his freedom.
Nope, this hasn't come out of nowhere. I have hoped that with a little more time, support and attention from him toward our family I could open up some space in my life & tired/worried-mommy-brain to do all those ‘interesting’ things he keeps asking why I am not doing. He asks, what happened to art? dance? graduate degrees? Your own self-motivated spiritual pursuits? DH has a loving relationship with us all but still quite absent. He really focuses almost exclusively on his own interests. His man-cave is floor to ceiling with books. More and more, the door is locked. It has been a lonely road in many ways, and a financially precarious one that has been hard on the whole family. Stupidly, maybe, I always feel like a douche though when I bring up anything as mundane as money worries.
Truth is, I am scared. I am hurt and in a daze, which is better than the panic and tears I have been in this Christmas holiday. (Well, panic and tears are still here.) I would love some hysterical bonding if he would allow it and have had no shame about trying to get close to him but his answer has been no. I hope writing this will help me clear my thoughts to start focusing on my future along with mourning the loss of our/my history/identity/dreams & hopes.
I am devastated emotionally. I am also smart enough to know I am in a very vulnerable position -- the future I have invested so much in and waited so long for Isn’t going to include me. I am no spring chicken. I am not perfect. We have 3 kids that are my heart and soul and as imperfect as our union has been, it has been wonderful in many ways and it shows in these great, interesting, thoughtful kids. I love him so damn much. This really sucks.
**TL;DR: Hubs wants out. Fast. Painlessly. While he promises to do the right things, I don't have much say and am worried for myself and our kids future. Neither of us are perfect. Have always loved him beyond all reason. This sucks. 3 weeks in it's still surreal and i hardly believe it's happening.**
| self.offmychest |
Whats the craziest thing you have ever experienced? I have just read a thread where someone said he has hallucinations and he can read other people’s mind. This reminded me how I once haven’t slept for 7 days and then I could predict the future.
I know it’s irrational, but I know what I experienced and I really knew what was going to happen.
As much as I know it’s just a hallucination, I also believe that our brain is capable much much more than we think it is. Its proven that we use only part of our brain, so what’s your crazy story? Maybe it’s not hallucination, we just activated the part of brain we never used before? | self.bipolar |
Sick of wasting air. I'm out of ideas, much less reasons to live, so I guess I'd have ended up here sooner or later. My childhood is literally the only thing I look back on to relive the good times in my life, and even then, that's only up to the point I was raped in my sleep by a woman I loved and looked up to like a big sister. I never recovered from it. My failure to do so cost me every single romantic relationship I've ever attempted. I've done everything I could to see the good in people since, to convince myself that love really does exist in humanity, and to be inspired to spread it any way I could, just like so many people I idolized and told myself I'd grow up to be just like. I'm now 28. A man, rather a facade of one. No accolades, no achievements, and anything I wanted to accomplish, I've given up on, or was convinced to keep away from. I've wasted my existence getting lost in books and videogames, just looking for a way to escape reality. But it always keeps coming back. Like I'm skydiving, exhilarated, just to realize I jumped without a parachute and I'm about to hit the ground. And as I do, as I come back, I see the world's still turning. Friends and family going off, getting married, achieving their dreams, or something at least vaguely resembling them. All while I'm just... there. Cheering them on, feeling happy for them, glad they did something while feeling empty that I couldn't do what they did. And I'm sick of it. And I don't know what else to do.
With the way the world's gone to hell, we could all be wiped off the face of the planet at a moment's notice. As much of a waste of my life as it's been till now, I see no problem with beating the nukes to the punch. I guess I only wanted to come here to look for guidance. If it doesn't work, well, I guess you wouldn't know, but don't feel bad. | self.SuicideWatch |
Favorite pornstar just committed suicide. I know that this shouldn't seem like such a big deal but it is actually quite sad. August Ames committed suicide and I watch her so much. It's just sad to know she's dead now. | self.offmychest |
I think i need help. I've hitted my limits last night, and went on full suicidal plans and thoughts, reached out to my buddy and fiance, but i'm still suicidal. I was sitting by the window, ready to jump anytime, but i looked at the text my love sent me, pleading me not to jump, i felt even worse, he dun deserve any of this, and the biggest part that contributes to these is my family, i'm always being put down by them, and no matter how much i do, it's nvr enough for my parents while my elder brother is the baby whom doesn't know a single thing while i have to do it for him, the only thing my parents will always fight with me about is money, the food they buy and put in the fridge, they expect me to do the same when i'm just turning 23 this year, now and then telling me about how i never gave them money when i did my best, gave them during father's day/mother's day, their birthdays and thought i could give them something better last year which was gold pendants, helped to pay bills and yet all my father asked was did i even help to contribute to household usages, while my elder brother did nothing at all, given that he's 27 and still in school, while i have to scrimp and save when i dun even nid to, sometimes i just feel like having an accident or disaster fall over me so it wont looked like i committed suicide. I've been pushing my own limits over and over but this time i dont see any meaning in pushing it further, at the same time, i have a fiance here and i cant bear to let him go through all that pain with the way he reacted last night, i'm realising that maybe i dont even have a family to begin with, any1 felt like this before? | self.SuicideWatch |
Replacing depression... A psychologist asked me this question a few years ago: "What would you want to replace your depression with, if you got rid of it?"
I couldn't really answer then, and I have for pondered on this question for years, off and on... I think I actually found the answer to it a couple of weeks ago, and the more I think about it, the more correct it seems... Why should I have to replace it? I don't have to replace it with anything, I just need to get rid of it! I have enough other, more productive things to occupy my brain and my time with, without needing to directly replace depression with something else...
What an incredibly stupid and demotivating question, when I now think about it... | self.depression |
Panic attack (PMDD). Need advice. Hey all, I've been suspecting that I have PMDD for a while now (not been diagnosed), I've been talking to my counselor about it some. I have told him that the smallest things make my hands shake and I get super dizzy and anxious (like even before a fight with my boyfriend begins over text / before an exam), the week before my period. The anxiety had been pretty chronic over the past two months, and got a lot worse the week before my period, and then would get loads better after the first day of my period. Just like that. Also over the past few years, I've had a lot of trouble controlling my rage and my tears, and tended to irrationally explode a lot, but managed to improve that over many months with meditation and exercise.
I assumed it would help my anxiety as well, so I restarted meditation and cut down on caffeine, and my mood did improve a lot. Most of last week went well. Until it didn't. The smallest incident made me really upset two nights ago, but I don't even think it was the emotion as much as the bodily change, where my heart rate suddenly shot through the roof, and my whole body began shaking violently. No amount of deep breaths could stop it. This had only happened to me twice before, before exams (I'm in medical school). But this time it was way worse. It lasted around 30 minutes, after which I was just exhausted and confused and mad at myself for losing it (I was on the phone with my boyfriend and started crying hysterically even though he hadn't done anything wrong). In the past my emotions has caused us to argue because no matter how much I meditate or take deep breaths I just can't control it. All this time I thought it was in my head but after that crazy panic attack, I'm not sure any amount of lifestyle change can fix this.
The birth control that my school clinic suggested, Yaz, had extremely terrible reviews on reddit (deep vein thromboses, breathlessness etc), and I admit I am a bit unsure of starting on an SSRI. Should I go to Planned Parenthood to ask about more options? I'm not sure what to do at this point. I would be grateful for any advice right now! | self.Anxiety |
Does anyone know how to deal with health anxiety? Tips or tricks/advice? I’ve had anxiety since I could remember. And it comes and goes. But the last 3 months have been hell. I was diagnosed with something called a collide cyst in my brain and doctors swear it’s not causing any trouble. Since then I’ve been a mess. Constantly thinking this thing is going to kill me, but not it’s focused all over. I get weird chest pains, the tips of my fingers and toes get weird shooting pains in them. My head constantly hurts and I feel ill. My biggest problem is I believe I’m now coming down with the cold or flu, well I haven’t been sick with a virus in years so I can’t remember what it feels like but right now everything sucks and I’m convincing myself it’s from cancer like Leukemia or stomach cancer. I just can’t handle this anymore, I have no life because I’m too worried I’m going to die at any moment. Does anyone else have anything like this? Or have any advice of how you got over your anxieties?
Thanks in advance | self.Anxiety |
Serious - How can I communicate about my MDD /GAD with new boss without it sounding like I'm making excuses? I'm good at my job. Teaching is my life's calling and I'm starting my dream job soon.
I have MDD/GAD that's being treated with Rx. I know my skills but also my limits. Like, if I'm doing too much and need to take a step back.
How can I articulate this to my boss without it sounding like I'm making excuses or not taking this job seriously? I need to be pragmatic and professional. I don't want to lead with a list of diagnosis but I don't want to drop it when I'm hitting a wall. (Won't be in today. By the way, are you familiar with major depression?)
Perhaps people who've dealt with this is their career can share insight? | self.depression |
Holidays are meant to be enjoyed - don't let anyone take them away from you. My family is abusive. I usually hate the holidays because I become jealous of those with families that love them and sometimes I feel like, with all of the decorations and hype, that their happy status is "shoved in my face." I really only feel this way, however, when I feel like I'm alone. It's really easy to feel this way.
This holiday season, know you're not alone, and this whole subreddit and my post is proof of that. Sometimes it's difficult to not feel alone, because not only am I depressed, but I'm depressed because I'm being abused. (although I'm not the only one, I just see more adults who are away from their abusive family - or maybe they didn't even have one - talk about their depression. My depression is environmental).
It's easy to compare yourself to others in two ways: (1) see how disadvantaged you are by looking at how happy your peers and other folks are with their family (2) trying to minimize your situation by looking at how unfortunate others are compared to you, and trying to normalize or feel grateful for what you do have (like feeling thankful for having an abusive parent, because at least you have a parent or because at least sometimes they're nice, or etc.)
Although you should definitely observe cues from other peoples' lives and realize that what is happening to you is wrong (so you don't grow up thinking you deserve what happens or normalize it), know it's all very adaptable: know, that you don't have to minimize your situation or minimize the holiday season to get through it. Enjoy it, because this is your life and no one can take it away from you. And remember, when you're older, you can have a family of your own and have the best fucking holidays ever.
Another thing to note (kinda a vent of a personal fear of mine) is sometimes my family forces the holiday season, don't participate if you don't feel comfortable. It's hard but I've realized every time I go along with it, it predictably turns into a scene, and/or I just enable my abusers and minimize the shit they've done to me. It's okay to not want to be around the people that hurt you, even if you want to give them another chance, even if you want to try, you can wait till you're older and have more control over the situation.
That's all. My heart and love and prayers go out to everyone struggling this holiday season, no matter what the issue. Have the best holiday you can possibly have because fuck depression and fuck abusive family - you deserve the best. | self.depression |
Why do people leave me? Am a I bad person? Should I delete social media and stay away from internet people? | self.depression |
I am starting to hate my bestfriend Firstly, I want to say that we have a 15 or more years relationship and we lived together through collage.But,as times go, I am noticing a lot of stuff that I do not like about my friend that I usually would not tolerate at other people.Things like, she don't know how to be wrong for anything, she always want to profit money even for small things, she only writes when she has an interest. | self.offmychest |
Im gonna feel this way every night for the rest of my life im tired of feeling like this. im tired of hating myself. im tired of being so damn pessimistic, heh. im tired so fucking tired. i just dont know how. i dont have a gun or something. i just have to sit here with it. fucking let it fester and just think about terrible the world is and will be and itll only get worse with me in it. i feel so alone. then i feel selfish for feeling alone. then i feel like i deserve to die for being so selfish ijust..fuck i dont know i dont know anymore | self.SuicideWatch |
Proud of him My bf has been struggling to look for steady employment since July of this year and he's finally landed a sweet job in a field he's damn knowledgeable in. Two weeks in and he's already been awarded a raise and they're talking to him about managerial positions in the near future. I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished, he's such a good man and life hasn't exactly been kind to us as of recent. Not having steady income to support us while I was going through my treatments really emasculated him and now that he's making more than enough to support us and pay for my treatments completely, he's back to his old, sweet self again. These past few months have been rough but I'm so proud he's pushed through it. | self.offmychest |
When was your first depressive episode? When was your first manic episode? How old were you?
Which one came first? | self.bipolar |
Life is a horror movie I’m laying in bed in a dim room and the walls are white and there’s so much pain. I feel I’ll be left here forever. Looks straight out of a horror movie. | self.depression |
I'm beyond words of affirmation. I'm beyond help. I'm beyond hope. Figured I'd post this somewhere and maybe somebody will find it when they look through my phone for answers. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Depression always creeps back into my life. This year and even most of last year was great, but I wasn’t able to completely shut out my depression. I’m okay for several months, then suddenly my depression decides to come back. I’m hoping I can avoid it completely in 2018, but I know that won’t happen. | self.depression |
Wish I would live in USA So I could just buy a gun to end it All. | self.SuicideWatch |
My life by all means should be going great but I'm so sad all the time. In college doing fine. Grew up well off. Have food and a place to live. Have a job with school making decent money. Have a girlfriend who is going through her own stuff but supports me through everything. But through all that I'm just depressed. I don't know why, I want to fix it because it makes me a toxic person. Last night I got really drunk (something I've never done alone like that) blacked out and I don't know. I have so much I just don't like about myself. And I don't know how to change it. | self.depression |
How can I break my pattern of feeling suicidal? I have been feeling suicidal during depressive episodes (and in between episodes) for the last 4 1/2 years. The episodes started a few months into my PhD and I just assumed I'd stop feeling suicidal after I completed my degree, because I'd finally have my life back, but the thoughts are still there.
Does anyone have any recommendations? Thank you! | self.SuicideWatch |
I am so happy right now. This isn't my first relationship, not even close. I've been through a lot in the last 10 years but the feelings of content and happiness right now are amazing. We're currently enjoying some beers and bowls in the living room, he's playing Super Mario Odyssey and I'm playing Diablo III. We occasionally pause our respective games and watch/ comment on the other game or gameplay, while listening to stand up on YouTube and laughing and chatting together. The sex is still amazing (its been a year and a half and I'm still horny for him all day every day) , the chemistry is great. Haven't ever been with anyone I feel this comfortable with.
Just happy. :) | self.offmychest |
What thoughts do you guys have? What things are you guys always thinking/telling yourselves?
For me it's
Life is fucking terrible
I need a vacation
I wish I was dead
I hurt all over
I have tried using DBT skills like reframing and ACT skills like the bus driver, but it is hard to believe things will be better when things have rarely ever been better. Things get better for brief moments then go back to shitting. I also know that repeating over and over that life sucks or I wish I was dead doesnt help my mental health ... but I havent been able to stop | self.depression |
I just took a bunch of meds. Prozac, to keep my depression in check.
Birth control, to make sure I don’t bring another unfortunate soul into this word.
Allegra, because I am allergic to life.
Prescription vitamins, because my eating disorder is eating away at my life.
Ambien, because I can’t sleep. I’m afraid of the unknown that my brain creates.
Klonopin, to make sure I’m tolerating all of these emotions that are running through my head. The emotions that don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. The emotions that make me want to rip my heart out and throw it into the fire. But at the same time, the emotions that keep me so empty.
My concoction, every night. Just to stay alive. | self.depression |
It’s over You’ve never been a true predator until you’ve allowed them to succumb to your fate while they allowed themselves to capitulate into your evil entirely. I never meant to go so far, and I can’t even begin to explain the true pain it’s brought me. I’m left with nothing. My future even if I continue on this trajectory holds within it a distinct and cold breeze, a fleeting moment once met will not bring with it much pleasure. I’ve failed you both. One who I knew and he trusted me, one who I promised the world. I lied, I lied so hard and you both believed everything I never said, because I didn’t have to. I just had this look in my eye, because I was insecure, and I still am. I’m not sure where I’m running to, it feels like I’m running in place, and I’m so sad for what I’ve done to you both. Neither of you will ever forgive me, it kills me, absolutely kills me that nobody will find peace. I don’t even know why I did it. I was so stuck, and alone. Alone in a place I couldn’t really call a home. I loved you both, I’m so sorry. Neither one of you deserves my anguish or my misery. I couldn’t bring either of you to a place you deserved. I can’t give you what you need, I have to fix myself first. You’ll never meet, but if you did, you’d both hate me, and I wouldn’t blame you. Please be kind to the world in a way I never was, don’t take after me. The damage I’ve done is irreparable. I have no more words. | self.offmychest |
The reason I am depressed told me to kill myself.. It’s always because of a relationship isn’t it. After not seeing her for a year, she told me to kill myself mutiple times yesterday. She knows about my mental health issues, should I give her the satisfaction of it happening? I know i’d be letting people down, but I would dead, it wouldn’t bother me? I took myself to A&E but there wasn’t much they can do. There never is. “It takes time” but in this time it’s getting worse | self.SuicideWatch |
My grades are going downhill Title says it all. They aren't terrible (as of yet), but I was expecting much more from the past two exams I took. First one was a 6/10, which is ridiculous since we were free to look up stuff on books and the internet; the other, a 5,5/10 where I expected at least a 7. Got points deducted multiple times for not using the exact teerminology for the right concept.
Once again. They're not that bad. What got to me the most was the fact that, besides not being used to grades as low as those, I was confident they were going to be higher. Now my confidence is shattered, there are more grades to come and I'm starting to think I'm gonna have to devote the rest of the school year to trying to get myself out of this situation.
Even worse, these grades were revealed while I was starting to plan my first overseas trip. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve it, and I dont want my excitement to me ruined because of my grades.
Thank you for reading. | self.offmychest |
overcoming anxiety by not thinking too much? I noticed that whenever I get anxious and feel the symptoms, the more I analyse what I should do to calm down, the more it attacks me-- but the more I try not to care, then after a while I feel that I am back to "normal". Then I try to analyse and anxiety gets back!
This leads me to think--- anxiety is a weird friend.. some attention seeker who annoys us the more we give it thought, and leaves the more we DO NOT acknowledge it.
Does anyone have the same experience?
I realize anxiety is a BODY FUNCTION similar to peeing, pooping, sleeping, and maybe we should just let it be and not pay too much attention to it and it will not bother us? This is of course after having a physical medical checkup to eliminate any illnesses obviously :) | self.Anxiety |
Does anyone else give themselves excuses as to why you can't commit suicide? [deleted] | self.depression |
Failed online order, now have to solve it. I ordered something online and it failed but still took my money.
I now have to talk to someone to fix it, which is what I was trying to avoid in the first place.
Anyone else feel like if something can go wrong, it will? | self.Anxiety |
I don’t want a job what’s wrong with me? I (18F) have been living on my own for a few months now, and I have had jobs here and there but my anxiety got me fired or forced me to quit the job every single time.... I have worked in childcare, retail, restaurants, and even doing office work. It gave me so much anxiety that I was having panic attacks during work and had to be sent home. It seems like I’m hopeless, and that my anxiety will cripple me in whatever I pursue. I have a job interview at a hospital next week, and I’m absolutely terrified! Idk how to handle my own self without harming myself let alone keep watch of patients! I am on the max dose of Prozac but it’s not doing a thing, and I have online therapy but all it says on there is the same bull crap they have told me thousands of times! It never works! I talk to myself positively all the time, I try to replace my negative thoughts with neutral or positive ones, and I even do the damn exercises but NOTHING HELPS! Talking about my anxiety just puts me into more of a panic, so when I’m talking to a therapist I end up unable to speak anymore because my throat is closed and I can’t breathe because I’m thinking about my anxiety.... I honestly think that I couldn’t even handle a job at a library because I breakdown at criticism and it even hinders relationships I have with people, I can’t even get on the public bus because people terrify me so much.... if someone is or was in the same position as I am, please tell me there’s hope.... I’m seriously considering ending it all since if I get this job and bail no one would understand and I can’t even imagine all the criticism that would be... I’d rather die than receive all of that.......
TDLR; afraid of working because anxiety cripples me in most situations and makes me think slow or even unable to. Meds and therapy is not working, thinking of ending it all... not even library job is suitable for me
Edit:TDLR | self.Anxiety |
Is something wrong with me? I really know this sounds generic, but i feel like everyone in my life leaves me. I feel like I am absolutely so hard to love. I’ve been talking to this boy for a few months and at first he was great (I know that’s how it always goes) but now he acts like talking to me is a chore and when I try to talk to him about it he says I’m over reacting or “being a girl”(I am a girl). Honestly, I think I let him run me over. He doesn’t have a job and has nothing to do all day, but play games and he still somedays doesn’t text me. He says he just doesn’t feel like talking something and I get that, but it only takes 5 seconds to let someone know how you’re feeling that day over text. Idonno.
I also have a best friend who has been my best friend for 8 years. she recently got engaged to a boy I encouraged her to date. She has 5 bridesmaids and didn’t ask me to be one, which really hurt my feelings because we have always talked about getting married, planning things, all that good stuff. I really just don’t know why she wouldn’t ask me?
I know this is all minuscule compared to some of the problems others are facing, but it just seems to be an on going pattern and I really don’t know what to do now. I guess Im just talking to get it off my chest. | self.offmychest |
I want to die, but I don't want to hurt the ones I love I'm a 20 year-old female. I've been having depression for the last 5 years, with a peak in my 15-16. I used to cut myself, but then my parents found out about it and, seeing their horrified expression and how they handled it, I promised not to do it again. They helped me out though. I finished college and got into university, but still I was pretty depressed and had a few guys in my romantic life. Last year I met this wonderful guy who is my actual boyfriend. He's loving, caring, sweet and very in love with me. I couldn't really ask for more: i have a family, I'm pretty good at uni, have a boyfriend and everything. But still, my demons keep haunting me. I know it sounds horrible to say, but I really wish I was dead. I don't know, I see the bad in everything: i hate myself, i don't like my body even though many boys told me i'm beautiful, i wanna cut again, i hate how i am, my voice, my hands, my legs, my hair, my shyness, my behaviuor, my life. But I can't take it away, since this many people love me.. And I feel bad just by imagining how harsh it'd be for them to know about my death.
I can't cope with these thoughts that seem only to get stronger lately, I feel it even more when I'm stressed and the minimum stupid bad thing that happens or that is said to me makes me suicidal. Like really, I'd really want to jump off somewhere really high.
I can't go to a psychiatrist, since I hate being a burden to anyone. My parents, at the time, suggested me to go to a psychologist, but i didn't want to, because I feel like a burden (economically too) and my mum would have taken every chance to face it to me (like: wow, here talks the crazy girl). So yeah. I seriously don't know what to do, talking about it to someone isn't a good idea to me since my boyfriend thinks I'm out of this, my best friend is now seeing a girl and likes her and i don't wanna ruin it, and then I don't have any other friends. i think I wouldn't wanna talk to anyone in any case actually. So here I am. I wrote this even in the hope to see if someone is in the same situation I am in, not necessarily to get help. Thank you for reading. | self.depression |
I was first depressed at 12. Now nearly 28, and it still hits me like a truck. Does this end? [removed] | self.depression |
Does anyone feel guilt for watching porn or not? I'm going to be brutally honest here. I've been into porn from a young age (back when the internet would go down if someone was using the phone in the house) At 26 my hormone levels still get a bit crazy each day and I need my fix. The most I have ever fapped in one day is twice which isn't that bad. I have a PornHub account and I know a lot of pornstars (male and female by name) I also follow a lot of them on my Instagram (I don't even care what people think lol) and have a seperate Twitter account I use when I'm horny (unlike other social media sites Twitter is pretty open to 18+ content, I don't use my RL profile picture on that account obviously I follow tons of performers on there and it's nice to see the other side of them sometimes) I paid for Pornhub Premium by accident once (free trial gone wrong)
I don't know if I'm addicted and I don't know if it helps deal with depression or makes it worse. Personally don't feel guilty most of the time. I know it's just a fantasy but when I have to fap I can't resist it. Obviously having a girlfriend would be better but even then I think I would still fap. It's just sex isn't it? Should men feel shame for loving porn?
I'm also into hentai but I'll admit that's a little fucked up at times. I can't watch incest, rape or tentacle shit. | self.depression |
I cant stand it anymore My mind refuses to work anymore. Things just happen in front of me and I dont have any motivation to respond to anything. I am tired.
I think it's some kind of protective mechanism to save me from further negative thoughts.
I am so fucking useless | self.depression |
My friend tried to kill himself last night, and I assume he'll try again Who do I tell? I don't know who to talk to. He's three and a half hours away at college. | self.SuicideWatch |
First Real Identification of a Manic Episode Since Diagnosis So all last week, I was sitting in a depression. Hard to motivate myself to do anything, I luckily have developed a good enough work ethic, along with a healthy fear of failure, to force myself to do my school work and go to my doctors appointments. It was brutal though, I didn't want to do anything but stare off into space and die. I was talking to my AA sponsor and telling him what I'm going through, and as always he's really supportive and helped me get through it.
THEN, I wake up on Friday, and I feel fantastic. Like, REALLY fantastic. I was zippitydoodah getting all of my Linear Algebra work done, setting up appointments, knocking out things on my to-do list, didn't feel the need to eat, and wouldn't have gone to sleep either had I not know that that would probably be a bad idea, so I downed my 50mg of seroquel, a natural sleep aid, and went to sleep.
THEN, yesterday, comes the downside of my episodes. I have dated a girl on/off for a year and a half, and we've been talking again recently and it's all been really loving and caring, we are deeply in love with each other.. I mean deeply, we are madly in love, can't keep away from each other without it being painful. Eventually along with my hypomanic episodes comes an overwhelming anger, a paranoia that people are patronizing me, an irritibility that makes me snap at the slightest perceived transgression, and I'm generally just nuts. I spent the entire day texting my AA sponsor my thoughts on my ex-gf, and none of it pretty. "F her and her fing xxx, she can f off and die and I don't wanna be with her anymore, she's fing sick and she can f off" etc. etc. etc. I did this compulsively, all day long, getting very little work done (I have a paper due tonight) and by the end of the day, when I started to calm down a bit from medication, I looked at the texts and how I had acted and I was terrified. How could I feel this way about the people I love? This is what I do when I get hypo, I push everyone away and ruin relationships in a fit of hypo anger. I was terrified at what I'd been like. My sponsor had instructed me not to have any contact with her for 30 days, thankfully, or I would have really hurt her feelings, hurt myself, and ruined everything outright.
I was recently diagnosed BP2, started on Lamictal a little over two weeks ago (just went up to 50mg), and take 50mg of seroquel at night for sleep and I guess to calm me down or help with depression. Looking back on my life since the diagnosis I can see how these episodes have been there all along, though they've gotten worse in the past year, thus my finally seeking treatment.
I just wanted to post this and get it off my chest, looking at how this went down on paper gives me a better understanding of how I am when I'm off the deep end. Hope you all have a lovely Sunday :)
Quick question too...does anyone use medication when having episodes like this, a benzo or something? Something to calm them down? Or does your maintenance medication prevent days like this from happening in the first place? I go to see my Pdoc in 1.5 weeks, and want to make sure I have all of my bases covered so I can function. | self.bipolar |
Should I tell my girlfriend about my depression. I thought I could hide it from her, I wanted to and for the last two months I’ve been hiding it fine, but I was just with her and I got a massive depressive mood swing and like suicidal thoughts flying through my mind even though when I’m with her I normally can’t stop being happy, and she asked me what was wrong and I had no answer. I don’t know.
EDIT:
I just told her. | self.depression |
I have wasted my life for someone for a long time who has just hurt my feelings [deleted] | self.depression |
Death wasn't option Hello, I am 20 yo male from small city. In September i started going to the college, i was happy that I found something thats for me. After few weeks of studying my friend (who was also from the same city as me) left the school. I was thinking about doing the same but I didn't.
So There I was. Alone studying and after a while I started talking to one girl from my class, she was awesome, we had almost identical view on the world. But she had a boyfriend so I wasnt trying to be more than friends.
We started drinkin together, going out and so on...
One night I went out with guys and her. We had some fun. We were drinking and smoking. After that we went back to college to drink and smoke some more. I was super drunk. Suddenly I saw her on balcony with one of my friend. Kissing, talking. So I went for another bottle. After i finished the bottle i decided that I will just go to sleep, but I saw her going to the elevator, so I went after her. I met her infront of the building, on the stairs, crying. So I talked to her. She said that she hates herself for hurting other people. I said that it be ok with her boyfriend. She said that she doesn't mean her boyfriend, but me. We both knew that we feel something to each other. Fast foward to a week, she broke up with her bf and we started spending more time together. It was great. During that i decided to leave the school. I didnt want to study 10-16 hours a day just to be able to finnish the school. I told her that I will leave.Suddenly she stopped writing me, didn't want to go out and so on. I was thinking that there might be someone else. After some drinks and messeges I found out I was right. So I started drinking more. Smoking. I wasnt able to go to sleep sober. Till yesterday that was all I was doing. Yesterday she wrote me that she wants to see me. So I took a bus and went to visit her. I got bit wasted before we met in the pub.
We were drinking beer and talking about everything. Even about her boyfriend. But the main thing we were talking about was that she is finally happy. It was great to hear that cuz when she was younger she was taking xanax, was depressed, just not happy. She didn't have anyone. I was the only one she could talk too about anything. But now, after yesterday I think it's gone.
I might be just dumb for caring and thinking about her so much.
I got so more to tell you but I just don't have energy to continue
| self.SuicideWatch |
Can't sleep again I'm beginning to wonder if I will truly never become a functional member of society again. I can't even get sleep right. I'm comfortable, warm, and exhausted. My partner is here with me. I took my sleep meds hours ago. It's near 5am and I'm wide awake with racing thoughts and the itching need to get up and do things despite my gross lack of energy. I'm not even in my own apartment tonight, I'm at a friend's house so there's nothing even for me to do.
I feel like I'm slowly getting worse. Loss of sleep is typically one of my red flags so I'm scared of what this might mean for my near future. | self.depression |
I never considered i might have anxiety until this year. [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Yesterday I stopped a robbery I've been avoiding cleaning my car for a while but desperately needed to. I go to my car wash place that is also a gas station with a convenience store. While I'm waiting for my car to get cleaned I go along the side of the building to wait. His guy shuffles past me, he has major shifty eyes which made me uncomfortable although everything makes me uncomfortable lol. 10 minutes later I hear the store clerk yelling "stop him". I impulsively turn around stick out my legs and trip the thief! He fell onto the curb hard and busted up his face, arm and knees. He dropped the bag full of stolen items. The clerk bolted out and grabbed him and one of the car wash attendants assisted him in dragging the thief back inside. The clerk thanked me and informed me that the thief has been stealing from them for a while now and has been too fast to chase after. He was so excited that he finally caught him. He also gave me two free car wash tickets!
I felt so awesome and heroic. I followed through with my errand yesterday and I got rewarded. It seriously pays off to do the tasks that you need to do. I feel great about having a clean car and for being a helpful person in my community. Fuck yeah!
TL;DR I stopped a thief by not procrastinating and I feel fucking incredible. | self.bipolar |
Jumping up and down during mania I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. During my manic episodes, when I get excited I start jumping up and down (and I usually put my headphones on to intensify my mania). I've been doing this since I can remember and it's taking its toll on my knees. I'm currently taking meds for my disorder, but they're not stopping my jumping up and down. Does anyone have a similar issue? How do/did you stop/control it? | self.bipolar |
How many of you are fairly free telling people you are Bipolar? I have adopted an attitude that its okay for people to know I am Bipolar. I am fairly stable so I am a pretty good example that not all people with a mental illness are what the media likes to show on the 5 oclock news.
Are you free, reserved or secret about your condition? | self.bipolar |
fuck im relapsing so bad with self-harm and suicide and anorexia and all this shit and i just want to steal a load of pills and a scalpel and end it all please help | self.SuicideWatch |
Bad Thanksgiving, and generally fuck going home for the holidays My wife and I both suffer from managed depression. We recently had a son. He's not a fan of flying: the variations in air pressure seem to bother his ears more than other babies. Nevertheless we decided to spend a week in our hometown to let our parents visit with him.
My wife's parents are fat, slothenly, and lazy. Very trivial things require enormous effort, eg sitting down at a restaurant. While we were in our hometown they made excuses for three days to avoid seeing us and the baby. A visit wouldve been a two hour drive for them---about half of our flight time to get there.
My dad is not in the picture. My mom? She took off on an unannounced trip to Mexico midway through our trip. She has her own issues---poor planning and unthought, random actions being a mere drop in the bucket.
My wife and I both have siblings in the area. All were too busy working to spend much time with us, because the 2 months notice we gave about our visit wasn't enough to get time off from work. /s
Fuck going home for the holidays. What a waste of time, money, and effort that trip was.
| self.depression |
i've never been so ready to die im thinking by new years.. | self.depression |
Hi, I'm terrified of death?... Hey, this is my first post on reddit. I really hope I'm not doing anything wrong by posting this.
Is anybody else absolutely terrified of dying but wants to die? I just kind of wanna get it over with, does anyone understand?
I've seen things online saying that people with anxiety or lots of stress can die early, and that really scares me. Because the thought of this happening to me, the idea that I could die early just because I'm stressed, it gives me even more anxiety, makes me even more stressed. So every time I think about it, I'm basically digging myself into a deep hole.
Does anybody else overthink things like this? I wish I could just turn my mind off.
I'm stressed, depressed, and anxiety obsessed... | self.Anxiety |
If I was abused does that mean I suffer trauma? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Life after death I used to believe in Heaven and life after. I then turned 20, took college courses, read and watched studies, and have concluded that when we die, its all black. im not saying this is bad or that i am scared of it, because i wont even be conscious to realize its all black. it'll be like going back to the time before my birth. BUT, the scary part is when a loved one dies. I want to believe they are out there watching me and looking out for me, but my new belief system makes that impossible. I don't know what to do now that i have two beliefs that literally conflict. Anyone else in this situation? | self.offmychest |
I'm balding and Cut My hair off with a scissor, now I look like an idiot and have an exam later. What do I do? So, I am balding/thinning which is wearing me down like you can't imagine. It's ruining my life. I have depression, social anxiety, panic, paranoia, ... because of just that. And I actually believe, my mental state makes it worse, which makes me feel worse, which...
Yesterday I had an exam, which went really well and put me in a great mood. However, when I came home, looking at Mr. Balding in the mirror almost immediately wore me down again. So I decided in a rashly impulsive act to just cut the remains off, so I wont have to see him anymore.
With a scissor. Myself. It's uneven and there are furrows all around. Today I have another exam in about 10 hours. That is time I also need to study/repeat some things. (This was so fucking stupid.)
I need to get to a hairdresser asap, right? What do I say there? I was going to go with the truth and a smile, like going in wearing a cap and be like "Hi, my hair is getting thin and I decided to cut it off yesterday myself. Would you please fix it?" I'm hoping they might understand the suffering of a balding man.
I am so anxious they think I am a lunatic. "Like, wtf is wrong with you?" If it was a kid it'd be cute you know (except for the balding bit maybe...), but a grown man with uneven, low density hair and furrows in it after an act of desperation? I don't think so.
Edit: I want to thank you all so much helping out somebody who is extremely insecure and in self doubt about how he is perceived. | self.Anxiety |
16 year old kid here who really needs some help. I’ve struggled with anxiety in the past and seen someone about it, and the resources to see someone are readily available to me but before I take that action I just want other opinions.
I think I’m developing schizophrenia basically. And I’m scared shitless honestly. I worry every day because everyday something reminds me of a condition that could slowly just render me mad. In the past few months I have noticed this weird thing where I will think about something or a specific word, then seconds or minutes later I hear that uncommon thing or word I’ve thought of. Same with my phone, whenever I think about my girlfriend and how she hasn’t texted back and I go to check my phone and get a message as soon as I check my phone. Also just as I was about to fall asleep the other night (I was high, I smoke every night for sleep, yes I tried 4 different sleeping meds and none helped, also tried mediation, melatonin, heavy exercise which I still do, and a plethora of other sleep aids. Marijuana has worked for me and I use a vaporizer to reduce negative respiratory affects), and I swear to god right before I felt like I was goin to fall asleep I heard someone say “our mind” but in my head. I wanted to throw up that it scared me so bad. Lately in the past few months when I am laying in bed I feel like a 2 year old again where I’m scared of the dark or feel like there’s something in my room. I’m really just struggling right now. I used to be level headed but lately idk why I’ve been loving reading about conspiracies and some of actually are somewhat plausible, I don’t flat out believe them but it scares me that my mind entertains the thought of these “crazy conspiracies”. I do not believe in “god” or anything supernatural. | self.Anxiety |
I feel like shit no matter what I do. Wish it were that easy, to just get motivated and make the right decisions in life. I'm ruled by my emotions (or lack thereof). I have anhedonia, and no matter what I do, whether it's go out grocery shopping, just about anything.....I feel like shit. | self.depression |
What are... ...some of the long-term side effects of psychotropic drugs? | self.bipolar |
Father just had surgery, and might have cancer, but I hate sitting at the hospital just waiting, don't know how to move forward... So like the title says, my dad had surgery on Monday to remove a mass from his colon, which might end up being colon cancer. To preface, he is a extremely resilient kind of guy, who never let's anything get him down. He is very optimistic about any outcome, and will take whatever diagnosis he gets in stride, regardless.
My issue is, I can't handle sitting in the hospital waiting to hear what the test results are. I want to be there for my dad, and be there with him. But the waiting is killing me. I find any excuse to leave. I am the oldest of two, and my brother doesn't really have an opinion one way or the other. He's younger, so he goes off of what I do.
I love my dad no matter what. And will support him in any decision he chooses, no matter the outcome. But I can't stand sitting around and waiting. Has anyone else ever been here before? How did you handle it? Just looking for some outside support. It's amazing how you can have so many people closer to you say "let me know if you need anything," and not be able to ask them the real questions. Thanks... | self.offmychest |
I Really Need Some Breathing Techniques or Something Right Now I'm not gonna bore Anyone here with details, unless someone is actually interested, but to skip to right now, I feel like my Depression and Paranoia is kicking into full gear. I feel like I can't trust anybody and that everything is a lie, but I know at least part of it is just in my head, I just don't know how to stop it | self.depression |
Miss you mum and dad I don't care about anything else this christmas but just you mum and dad, I miss you both, wish you you can be here or i can be there for you both
I couldn't have asked for such a strong and beautiful mum
Dad, I loved how our relationship grew stronger every year, thank you for effort and still doing it, Thank you for the phone call.
Love you both, Merry Xmas and Happy new year xx
| self.offmychest |
Friend says to "think of your brain like a muscle, just train it not to worry" Oh right on man. I'm cured! I has no idea I could just will away the intrusive thoughts with practice. I have never tried anything like that before. /sarcasm.
They know I've struggled with anxiety for a decade with different therapists/meds the whole time. But they seem to think I can just think my way out of this, I must just not be trying hard enough.
I was trying to open up, but I feel completely shut down. Like nothing I feel matters. I'll just go back to telling no one in my life anything again. Here's to hopeing the doctor finds a med that does more then drain my bank account soon. | self.Anxiety |
My crush knows i like him and now he's avoiding me now i don't know why i even try with love, or life for that matter. I want to confront him but i'm scared, all day today I've felt like dying. Maybe i should die. I'll delete this later probably. | self.depression |
Is it normal for a doctor to not tell you your test results? [deleted] | self.bipolar |
It is difficult to make new friends/connections inside and outside College [deleted] | self.depression |
I don't know what should I do with me Hi guys,I'm 19 and I'm new to reddit and I'm not a native english speaker so maybe I'll make a lot of mistakes.
Let's start,
My private life has always been a mess, my social skills sucks so hard, I don't even know what to be in love means and my family sucks, because of them I've never had a real vacation because during the vacation time I had to help them with their work.
Try to Imagine a person who don't know what to rest means, who only knows that when the school year ends he has to work.
My childhood was like that, and as you can imagine I didn't live like an ordinary guy.
Now I'm at University and I think that I can take my life in my own hands.
I didn't say a thing, when I was younger I thought at commiting suicide so many times.
Nowadays when I've got some free time that thought rise again, I keep wondering what life really means and why I should work so hard to improve it.
I should leave my family, follow my dreams and having a social Life, you know I've never been in a relationship or loved someone.
My self-confidence is below 0 and I feel so behind in this stuff.
I admit that I don't commit suicide only because when I think at it I start crying and I can't do anything.
At the end, my Life sucks I'm not so far to the step that will improve it, but I'm so tired of what I lived and what I'm still living. It's like I beared all of that for so much time.
My entire life.
It has Always been a marathon , where I ran while I was passing through all my problems, but now I still have to run for 3-4 or even more years. It could be too much for me.
Thanks for your attention | self.depression |
Paranoid About Being Beaten or Killed Months ago I slept with a married woman from work. I felt guilt and shame after and was the one who put an end to it. she implied to do it again multiple times but I evaded it. Her husband doesn't know and he has supposedly cheated prior to this but that doesn't excuse our actions. The fact that he doesn't know still makes me paranoid because I'm almost waiting for him to find out to see what he does. He's a big guy, has mental health issues and has been in a lot of fights due to being a bouncer. I'm really skinny and havent fought since I was a kid which were tuffles. I don't want to lose my job either although I do have images sent from her that show it wasn't me that was the instigator. One being "next time it'll be in a bed" as we did it in a car. The only things I can think of to relieve myself from this paranoia is to take up boxing or another martial art, lift and get a new job asap. | self.depression |
Stomach issues So sick of every time I eat my stomach feels like it’s vibrating or shaking/twitching and puts me off wanting to eat, it will then rumble and make noises and feel like I’ve got trapped gas and need to break wind but can’t for the next few hours and will get best pain or burning feelings in my chest or pain on my left or right side of my abdomben. I also get it sometimes throughout the day when not eating but it’s always worse when eating I also get bad acid reflux throughout the day as well. Anti acids don’t help as they give me diarrhoea and stomach pains for the next couple of days. Think this is my worse anxiety issue at the minute as I can deal with the muscle twitches that I have in my legs,arms and bum but my stomach just makes me feel more anxious as I worry I have a stomach issue but since it only started with anxiety I hardly doubt I have a stomach problem such as cancer etc. | self.Anxiety |
Dying in your sleep is too good to be true. Never going to happen unless I live to be over half a century. By then, I suspect that certain chronic problems would've arised making my life even more miserable. Looks like the ways out — guns, inert gas, hanging, jumping, overdosing, cutting, and whatnot — aren't really easy are they? Nevermind, where there's a will there's a way. | self.depression |
I am a terrible person and I don't feel bad. I've always been missing the ability to feel guilt about manipulating men. I'm stringing along four different people, and I don't feel bad about it. One of them loves me, and I can't tell him all the shit I've been doing behind his back. We're not together, but I should be better than this. I consider myself to be an honest person, except when it comes to romantic relationships, it all goes out the damn window. The problem is I never feel anything really. I never feel that bad, or that good, I'm just passing the time. There have been a few people who have wanted to get serious with me, and I'm tired of being this unfeeling asshole. I want to feel something for someone, I at least want to feel some sort of remorse for the bad things I've done but I don't, I just don't. | self.offmychest |
What does it mean when a girl you normally didnt talk too starts talking to you and then randomly stops. I need closure because i cant stop staring at my phone. This girl started texting me, wanting to know how am i and shit and now i feel used. Did she just talk to me out of pity, does she like me, what does it all mean. Why do girls do this guys, especially people dealing with crippling depression ? I was fine living in depression and now i have been given a glimmer of hope only to be tossed back into darkness. | self.depression |
Does psychical pain have a purpose? Usual pain like burning etc. has a purpose: to let you know that you harm your body or something isn't okay. But does psychical pain have a (or the same) purposes? | self.depression |
Depressed? Or Just in a Bad Rut? (Long Post) [deleted] | self.depression |
I need help with recovering Long story short, I'm having a very difficult time coping with a serious breakup. The main thing I'm looking for is advice on how to ground myself and calm down when I feel an overwhelming amount of emotion come on. I haven't slept in my bedroom for days because all I can think about is being there with her. There's still drinks by the bedside. Even some of her clothes and jewelry she left. How do I deal with this? | self.depression |
Telling you because I can't tell anyone I know. I don't really know how to say this but I kind of want to just disappear. I guess I'm depressed or something, I don't really eat properly I've lost about 15 pounds in the last 3 or so months my BMI is down to 16.7 I know that's not really low but I've not been this light since high school. I tell everyone I eat a ton but I don't. And if I eat a lot while with someone I will skip an extra meal the next day. I know it's wrong but I still want to lose more weight 5 more pounds always just 5 more pounds. I know it's dumb I know it's not healthy but I'll do it anyways.
I can't kill myself because my family would blame themselves and I would hate my sister to have to explain it to my nephews... I just don't really want to be here anymore. I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle so I can whoops off a cliff or something, not give my family guilt... They would still be torn up about it but they would get over it.
Anyways sorry for rambling and thanks for reading.
| self.offmychest |
Undiagnosed and Untreated Due to Stigma My parents were born in the 50's and never really grew out of the idea that people with mental illnesses were away in padded rooms. They basically don't believe it could ever be something close to home. I've gone without proper care my whole life because of this. I've been pursuing therapy on my own, but I can't afford it. Are there any tips or free resources you guys have? | self.Anxiety |
I just read something and now I'm freaking out. I just read about the Madagascar disease and now I'm terrified (I live in the UK)
Please help. | self.Anxiety |
Starting to wonder if I'd benefit from taking medication... I've had some mental health issues in the past... was diagnosed as bipolar. Long story short I stopped taking meds after 6 months because I gained 30 pounds and didn't really think they were helping me
Now I have a way more stressful job and I've been having a lot of anxiety. Anxiety has always been something I've dealt with, but felt I could overcome on my own, or at least manage it well enough. Doesn't seem to be the case now. I get anxious around other people all the time. When I was in college I was worried about grades constantly and could never sleep. It's really hurting my job performance too because if I felt more comfortable around my co workers I could focus more on the work. I just hate feeling tense all the time.
Do you think I can benefit? Are the side effects really bad for some of you?
| self.Anxiety |
Does anyone else keep a family member out of their life in order to lessen anxiety? My dad has been an alcoholic since he was 16, long before I was thought of. It continued throughout my childhood. He was never abusive. I would go to his house on the weekends and it was normal for the most part.. minus the fact that every single day after lunch he would start drinking. I remember looking in the kitchen trash can and counting at least 13 beer cans. He got sad when he was drunk. Again, no abuse whatsoever, but it still wasn’t a good environment for a child to be around. I would also wake up to the sound of him vomiting in the bathroom.
I remember going to a couple of AA meetings with him. He had gone to several rehabs before. He was in an intensive rehab facility (2 year program) when my mom had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was 12. As my legal guardian, my dad had to come out of the program to care for me. The first night home, he gave in and drank. Since that moment on, I’ve abandoned hope for him. He decided to give into alcohol in my time of need.
I get that addiction is harder then I could ever really understand - but the idea of being around my dad or talking to my dad gives me so much anxiety. Ever since I turned 18, I haven’t spoken to him. He will send me cards but I have never responded.
I feel guilt for avoiding him but I feel so much anxiety when I think about speaking to him or seeing him. I feel like I will be happy with my life with not ever seeing him again. And it sounds so harsh because he’s never really DONE anything to me - compared to some stories I hear - but it just gives me so much unnecessary stress.
Does anyone else have anything similar? Am I in the wrong for avoiding him for the rest of my life? | self.Anxiety |
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