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I got back with my ex but idk if I should be happy about it. I had this on-and-off fling with this guy I met over a year ago. Now we're back together after we broke up 4 months ago but I'm not surr whether to be happy about it or not.
Honestly, he is just the greatest person that came into my life; but we suddenly break up because I get a panic attack and I become distant afterwards.
I got drunk on NYE and it was only till the next day did I know that I texted him an "ily". It then lead to a very long and serious conversation and before y'all know it... we're back together lol.
I really am toxic and I just don't want to hurt him again. Please, did I do the right thing? Should I cut him off again? Please help guys. | self.Anxiety |
My appetite has been extremely suppressed, anyone have any suggestions? [removed] | self.depression |
Got cancelled on again The person I was going to hang out with cancelled on me. She's a really cool person, incredibly cute, and really seemed to like me. I had a pretty big crush on her too. We'd been flirting a ton, and were going to watch movies all night next week. Seriously, our plan was to "pass out watching studio Ghibli".
I went to bed at 11, and woke up at 4 to the message that she has to cancel. She didn't say why. So now I have to wait until whenever normal people wake up on Sundays to know what's going on, and I'm so fucking miserable. I can't think of anything except her. Maybe I should stick to men. Or just give up on this. I hate this so much. I fucking can't stand it. I just wish she'd given me an explanation. | self.depression |
I recently got diagnosed w depression coupled w PTSD & anxiety and I've been put on Mirtazapine. Any experiences w dis drug, side-effects, withdrawals? I just feel like it gives me a mellow weed high, actually enjoying it. Hope it treats my depression | self.depression |
Falling in love with someone I shouldn't fall in love with He's been my friend for awhile and we're pretty close as friends. He once told me via text he's attracted to me, but in real life, no signs whatsoever. Except one hookup, which I think was of pity cause he didn't want to reject me. He travels all the time and he's always having crazy adventures and I just stay in one place. I care for him a lot but I don't think he sees that. I'm a boring person and I'm not enough for him. Having feelings is awful. | self.offmychest |
Tired of my parents' decisions For some reason most of the choices that they make I'm against it, but I keep it to myself. Of course the choices they make aren't all bad but ther are pretty bad ones. On occasion I try to convince them otherwise, I'll say 92% of the time my ideas I get rejected. (They may say Ok but in the end purposely forget about it) As if I'm insignificant. Their decisions affect me too so I should have no reason not worrying. In fact, on most days I wake up and their choices are one of the few things that puts me in a bad mood. I'll give you a scenario to better understand: they wanna move into a new house where 4 people share a toilet and 2-3 people into a room. Of course in my opinion it isn't a good idea, my parents are decently paid too so I see no reason for the change. How do I get my ideas into their heads such that it will actually taken into consideration? | self.offmychest |
Why am I the way I am? Why is it that I can do all the favors that people ask from me but when I need a favor, they say no? Why is it that the first time I say no to somebody, they act like I never did anything for them? Why can I do a million good things and and one bad thing and I'm everything I did good just gets thrown out the window? Why can people be a dick to be and I react to it, I become the only person that's "being a bitch." I hate myself. | self.depression |
I need to get this off my chest. I don't have anywhere else to post this without me thinking that I'm screaming for attention.
I do and do not want that attention, I don't want to bother/worry my family or friends but I need to get this out of my head.
I have returned to my old habits of self harm, drinking and ignoring the world. I'm tired of feeling this way when I should be getting better, it's been nearly 3 years since I've started anti depressants and while they help stabilize the amount of low days I get, the low days I do get are so much more intense.
My suicidal thoughts have got worse, the self harm isn't sating the hole of numbness I have. I feel like I'm being selfish thinking about all of this and the only reason I resist is because of my mum. She called me down and asked if I was okay and started crying her eyes out because I got too drunk and let out all of my feelings to my cousin and said I planned on killing my self within two weeks.
I had to play it off as the alcohol messing with the pills but it's how I've felt for a while but a drunk mind just spoke how I truly feel. All I want to do is just break down and cry but I cant, like there is a physical wall stopping me from doing it and there's a voice just screaming at me in my head telling me to just soldier on and deal with it.
I've forced my self to get into a 'normal' sleeping routine so that i always have someone to speak to and I'm never alone with my own thoughts. If I don't have any one I just put music on to drown out the voice.
I just don't know how much longer this can last. | self.depression |
slowly losing everything this is terrible. even with medication, it doesnt get better for me. my girlfriend left me, my family treats me weird, im about to lose my phd funding, and im losing my will to live. how do you even fix anything? why do i even want to put the effort into it? i dont know who is going to be able to be around me anymore its like everyone hates me now. i relapsed into drinking more than a fifth a day on top of stopping my benzo taper and im thinking about opiates again a lot. nothing is helping me at all. help me out i feel like im hitting the end of my rope | self.bipolar |
Questions about medications. So 29, non traditional student. I’ve had depression, or what I assume it is, for as long as I can remember. I’m finally getting health insurance in January thanks to the help of my family. I was on medication as a child for ADD through out most of my elementary school-junior year of high school then stopped. I’ve had a huge aversion to medication since then. Now I know I need help, I’m trying to be healthier, and trying to be better, but I feel like medication is the best option as therapy doesn’t do much for me. Are there any suggestions, advice for what I should be looking for? I know there isn’t a magic bullet that will make me a successful, joyous, happy, pain free individual. I just want to have motivation, I just want to have joy that I don’t regret afterwards. Yeah that’s all. | self.depression |
Xanax I just took a Xanax that was prescribed for my cat, and I feel better! What are some natural cures for anxiety, in case I can’t get an Rx? | self.bipolar |
I fell in love with shipping my product... A little background - 2017 has been a transformational year for me. My dad had a major operation and I took four months off from my work to take care of him. Emotionally I was going through a very tough period and was miserable.
Last month, I went back to work, completed my website and launched it. Received my first order on 19th Nov. It came at midnight and I was giggling and crying at the same time.
It was the first time I smiled after a long time. I woke my parents up early that morning to tell them the news. Since then I shipped a few orders. Each time I received a new order were the only moments that changed my state of mind to a happy one. I fell in love with this happy feeling.
All I want now - My dad to regain his health back and that I start building my next product uninterrupted. Hoping for a better 2018!
| self.offmychest |
What the fuck am i supposed to write I've reached another painful point in my "plan", the waiting part.
I "know" where, i can guess how, but i have no idea when. I know its not gonna happen this year as i got stuff to do. Maybe in 2018 when i can control myself, maybe in 2019 when im left alone. Maybe in 2020 when i fully realize i wasted my life and will achieve nothing major.
My guess is on 2019 but i should not leave 2018 out.
Its been another year. Another year of nothing but disappointment to my inability to do it and getting closer to being fully left alone by everyone.
I miss everyone who talked to me, helped me until i thought i didn't need them. IT WAS A MISTAKE... Only one who left me themselves was the Lithuanian...
The person who directed me to therapy tries her best to avoid me and lock me out of the activities of the group we both are in. I know why she would do that, but its hard to use my free-time alone.
Half the day with people and half without anyone i dont fear.
What the fuck am i writing?
Goodnight.
Oh wow its edgy, sorry. | self.depression |
How do I make myself want a future? Hi Internet,
Full disclosure, I am very high right now. But while I still have all of the normal depressing thoughts I do when sober, I'm also having some positive ones.
I'm thinking of what a good idea it would be to get in shape, meet new people, start dating and all sorts of other things that seem completely impossible when sober. Things that I know would help me deal with my depression in a meaningful and healthy way, but are things the depression itself prevents or at least restricts me from doing.
But right now, in my current state of mind, they seem completely within my reach.
I still feel like a waste of a person, but I'm lacking the absolute defeatism to fix it. Like I could actually accomplish some of these things, and maybe the idea of living out a full life might not be that bad.
Now obviously, I can't be high all the time. But how do I keep just that part of it that's let's me think, maybe my life could be worth something.
Because right now, I would like to get better. I would like to be happy. But tomorrow morning, I will tell myself that this is impossible.
P.S. If anyone wants to drop some science on me about why I only feel this way when under the influence, I would be interested to know. | self.depression |
I got a prescription for Lexapro. Hey guys, I have been struggling with panic disorder/emetophobia/agoraphobia for as long as I can remember. I've tried almost everything except meds. I've spoken to my doctor about this and he prescribed me Lexapro. I'm absolutely terrified of taking it because I've heard about terrible side effects, and I was supposed to start this morning but had a huge panic attack and didn't do it.
Has anyone else had any experiences with Lexapro? I'd love to hear your journey. | self.Anxiety |
I secretly hate guys who have or have had girlfriends [deleted] | self.depression |
Got a rope. Tied the noose. Just waiting til dark [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm probably not getting anything for Christmas this year. I guess this is what adulting is like, lol. (I'm a 20 year old guy, if you're wondering)
Nothing else to really add. Just kinda sucks. I guess this post was a bit useless lol. | self.offmychest |
Things are looking up But I don't feel like they are.
I got a job, car, and I've been steadily finding more and more people who I can just talk to.
And not a thing has changed in my mind. I ran into one of my old buddies from school. He said to me something I'll probably not forget for a long time.
"I just want you to know, as far as you've come, I'm proud of you. Like, what you've gone through, a lot of us didn't think we'd see you here."
I didn't know what to think about that. I still don't know where it came from, why he said it, what provoked that.
It made me feel so great hearing it. As I went home though, it started digging at me a little more. Have my friends spent all this time pitying me? Has all the silence from them been a quiet realization that I don't want to live anymore? Like they're just preparing for me to end it?
That it was surprising to him that I'd made it where I had... | self.depression |
It just hit me that I spend around 2 months in bed every year (not including regular sleep time) because of depression It's very rare for me to have a week where I don't spend at least one day lying in bed doing nothing, or just sleeping all day. It's not because I want to. It's not because I'm having a fun "lazy day." I just can't get up.
And it's easy to think that's not a big deal. But it adds up. There are 52 weeks in a year.
Which means I'm losing a *minimum* of 52 days to my depression every year. Almost two fucking months. That's ridiculous.
I mean imagine if it all happened at once. Imagine being so sick that you can't get out of bed for two months. People would take it seriously.
But when it's stretched out it's easy to brush it off and say it's nothing. It's "just one day" a week.
I hate how much of my life is being wasted by this stupid disorder. | self.depression |
It’s just insane how I want to start a conversation but my mind is just empty in every way. [deleted] | self.depression |
Whenever I see a good looking girl, I don't think about how good talking to her would be, but how much of a piece of sh!t I am. [deleted] | self.depression |
I don't want to live without her Ex gf of 2.5 years and I broke up 2 months ago. People keep saying time heals all wounds but it just feels like it's getting harder and harder. I think about killing myself everyday and the only reason I haven't yet is my mom. I know it's incredibly selfish but I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this. I know it sounds dumb since everyone is saying it's just a girl but I honestly think she's my soul mate. We were so happy and we had the best times together but now life just feels pointless. I gave up everything to be with her and now I'm just left with my family who I was really excited to move away from to be with her. It's all my fault we broke up and I feel so guilty, ashamed and just broken and hopeless. If anyone can help or feels similar please help me out here. I don't really want to do it but some days the urge is so strong and I'm scared it might become too much to bear in the future.. | self.SuicideWatch |
Please just stop hurting!! I'm trying my hardest to keep my head above water. I've got a history of self harm, but now everything bad is rushing back and I just want it to stop. I've got the means but I'm too scared. I know that the people I want to care just don't. They may have once, but certainly not anymore. I've already lost a sibling and I don't want my parents to go through that again but I can't go through the constant pain of knowing I've screwed up everything, lost all but 2 friends and have almost certainly ruined my future. | self.SuicideWatch |
today my mom told me she wishes that i were never born [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I’m obsessed with sex I’m a 21 year old male who is boss with sex. I’m a virgin, but not by choice and sex is all I think about. I have a pornography addiction, sometimes masturbating 3 times a day. However I’m mostly to blame because I’m too afraid of putting myself out there. I don’t have self confidence, I’m extremely skinny, and I look like I’m 14. It’s just something I want to get over with. I’m the only person in my group of friends who is still a virgin. I don’t know why it’s been bugging me so much, I feel weird and like less of a man. | self.depression |
Asking for help isn’t worth the risk for me I got molested when I was 8. This lead me down the wrong path sexually, I’m 15 with many regrets. From these regrets stem a lot of remorse, guilt and general self hatred.
I asked my mom for help once trying not to disclose any information that was too deep. She didn’t take me seriously. She just told me to be more religious and crap. I don’t want to tell her I was molested because she was molested when she was 7 and had recurring nightmares about it. I don’t want her to know that I went through her situation. It’d stress her out more than she already is stressed.
I really am frustrated with myself. I feel worthless and inferior to those who I socialize with. I isolate myself from them. I’m so much less of a person compared to them.
I started self harming. My thighs are pretty fucked up now. I don’t wanna tell my mom that stuff either because she’s gonna tell me I’m possessed or something. She’s really religious and I’m afraid of that.
I don’t want to take the risk in asking my mom for mental help.
| self.depression |
I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy So I've been extremely depressed for the last two or three months and every time I try to fix the overwhelming sadness I feel, I just find something else that reaffirms my sadness.
I just feel like society won't ever allow me to me happy and I'm not sure what to do. I just want to have fun and enjoy life but I can't because I feel guilty about everything I enjoy in life. Everything that takes my attention away from the sadness.
How do I deal with that? How do I deal with the idea that I'm never allowed to get better? | self.depression |
I feel disconnected from the world, social anxiety, having serious trouble creating and maintaining relationships This may become a post that reads like a stream of consciousness because it very well may be, but I really need to put it into words.
Ever the since the beginning of college it's felt like there's some secret trick to socialization and maintaining relationships everyone but me knows. I haven't been able to create and maintain a romantic relationship since high school. I have friends, but all still from high school. I'm friendly with my roommates and we get along just fine but I feel myself struggling to take those "next steps" in friendships and relationships. In the friend groups I'm part of, it often feels like I'm a fringe member or I'm just tolerated. I have to coach myself through the simplest social interactions and even when I'm just sitting amongst a group it feels as if everyone's eyes are on me judging me in the hierarchy of the group, it is incredibly stressful because no one else seems to have these issues and social situations are something to look forward to rather than something to prepare for and then try to succeed in.
I feel incredibly alone, and often feel there's nothing out there for me. I have messed up every possible romantic situation I've been in because i over think it and come off as needy or just push the person away. The last romantic relationship I was a part of ending with my then girlfriend leaving me and winding up with "the guy you don't have to worry about". Since then I endlessly compare myself to other guys around me and start reminding myself about how I don't stack up.
There are so many things I want to do but when I think about them the social situations absolutely terrify me. Meeting someone else's parents, figuring out whose family or friends to hang out with in a relationship on a holiday, I don;t know how I'd possibly get through that situation without making all parties involved extremely uncomfortable.
Trust me, I'm actively trying to solve these problems. At the beginning of this past semester I was riding pretty high; I felt better, I was eating better, lost some weight. Lots of what I say here are the worst days and examples but it feels like the bad days are outnumbering the the good ones more and more. As always the high came crashing back down and I went into another shame spiral. On an especially bad night I was eating alone in the dining hall as I usually do and had an extremely awkward interaction at the pizza (yeah, the pizza) with a girl I knew and had a crush on and I felt my emotions suddenly boil over more thanI could handle and left after she turned away. I got up to my room as quickly as possible and slammed the door before sitting down. I instantly began crying and never have felt so alone. I ruin conversations and push the people I love away. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm 21. I'm still a virgin. The logistics and social interactions of sex terrify me, what if it's awkward? What if they're experienced and I'm not and it's a disaster? I often just want to stop living. Just disappear. Sometimes I think about taking my own life, but often I just want to stop existing. I'm so alone and I don't know how to stop being alone. My parents and grandparents have begun asking me the "are you dating" questions. I feel like a disappointment. I don't know how to express this feeling of living inside a bubble to anyone, so I'm here. | self.offmychest |
Trapped in the hell of university Ok so i dropped out of school at a pretty young age, i've never liked doing work. I somehow managed to get my ged and got accepted in this insanely hard computer course that i have no interest in. Look i make music and art, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT about this technical computer stuff.
I feel like an idiot around all there pretentious nurds and it doesn't help that i look like a fucking crazy person, my parents already paid all this money to get me registered and now im stuck with all this work that i have to do really fast and have LITERALLY no idea .
I just feel really trapped and idk wtf to do, I'm quite a depressive person but this is special.. | self.depression |
So i was playing games and watching (listening) streams and few days after i felt pretty bad, like i could not enjoy the things i always did. Is this something like "Overstimulation"? | self.Anxiety |
I absolutely hate my father. To me, the biggest compliment I can give him is that he at least works to pay for the roof over our heads.
Things I dislike:
Hit his children, wife, and my dog and denied it happened
On multiple occasions physically made us throw away any gifts we had gotten him. All because he "doesn't believe in that"
Probably cheated on my mother
Takes credit for anything we've accomplished. I'm the first person in our family to graduate and all he did is let me know that it's only possible because he helped.
Is a complete fucking bigot
A few months back when I mentioned that we never talk, he just laughs in my face and says he doesn't do that.
Gambled to the point he had to declare bankruptcy once.
As a kid he told me we were going to a theme park for my birthday. We end up going to a casino with me and my mother bored out of our skulls while he gambles.
Can't accept being wrong.
Just what popped into my mind. I'm counting down the time until I finish my teaching credential so I can find a job to move out. Maybe he's mellowing with age since he at least says hi to my kid sister, but to me he's hardly anything. I've honestly thought about changing my last name from his to my mothers. | self.offmychest |
The Valentine’s Day Thread: Celebrating Joy, Sorrow & Everything in Between. Gather 'round and [throw it in the fire](https://imgur.com/a/8ImiJ) for your cathartic pleasure.
Your go-to spot for walls of text, rants about Hallmark holidays, misgivings, successes...*you* name it regarding this brutal day. <3 | self.bipolar |
Why I was looking around the internet and was a little angry. Why can't people who want to be open about their struggles get treated or get fired just because they have something that they can't control. | self.bipolar |
Social anxiety man.. Today during lecture we could all get extra points for being there if we stood up in front of the class and told everyone what we're thankful for. I think everyone out of like 150 people did it and except 1 other person I noticed. No way in fuck I can go up there without a shaky voice and insanely rapid heart beat and even complete a sentence. I HATe this.. It's been so hard to public speak during projects and answer/ask questions in school (I never do anymore) but wow is it impossible. These are moments where I'm just like yeah fuck my life, why can't I be anybody else, ANYBODY, I'm 22 years old, why the fuck does this have to affect me still? Everyone got up there no problem and even cracked a joke! Helllll no I can't do that, mine would be soooooooo awkward, so I saved my self the embarrasing moment and stayed in my seat. I hate my appearance to the fucking core so presenting it to a huge crowd is the last thing I ever want to do, I like being in the back not being called out. Does ANYONE, can ANYONE relate? My god does it feel like I'm a fucking ghost in all of this. But YES I am still a fucking human, I'm phsyical, im there!! Good lord did that make me want to die for the first half of my day, and I still do just not as bad. That shit escalates it to another level though. | self.depression |
How do I kill myself instantly besides a gun? I plan to do it, but painless as possible and quickly as possible. I don’t have access to a gun.
All my friends and family don’t care about me, I don’t have anyone. I’m alone and tired, living just to live.
I’m stressed out constantly and I’m not living like this. So please help me one time here.
| self.SuicideWatch |
10 years later and still resent my parents for sending police after me during substance induced mania Hello,
When I was 19 I tried to ride a bicycle on a 2 day trip through rural Texas on my way to Austin. I had taken LSD when I came up with the idea and was flying pretty high for the week prior to the the trip. I was in great shape and had plenty of supplies and camping gear to complete the trip.
Unfortunately my parents were freaked out and sent the cops to stop me. I had about 1 gram of pot on me at the time, and handed it over to the cops when they questioned if I had anything illegal (stupid) in hopes that they would let me off since it was such a small amount and I was being honest.
Well, they quickly arrested me. I ended up in full restraints until the point of complete exhaustion (over 14 hours) for "talking smart" while in county jail. That was super traumatic, and then I was sent directly to a psych hospital for 4 weeks where I was heavily drugged and diagnosed bipolar. I was on really heavy tranquillisers and bipolar meds for that month, and then on and off a whole variety of bipolar meds for the next 4 years.
This was during a really critical stage of my life and education. It really damaged me socially and psychologically and negatively affected my college experience. I struggled in school and also began to struggle with marijuana and alcohol abuse.
Eventually, years later, I had a psychiatrist say I wasn't truly bipolar and just had "substance induced mania" at the time of my diagnosis. This event at 19 and diagnosis/medications really fucked me up and I believe it kind of ruined my life. I still struggle with resentment against my parents for sending the cops after me and having me committed. My life is still a mess today, and this life event really threw me off course. Before I was a fairly normal college sophomore with a lot going for him. Now I am 29 and don't have much going for me. After being diagnosed I felt stigmatized and experienced other negative social consequences. I haven't taken bipolar meds for years, but do still take an antidepressent.
How do I get over the resentment I feel towards my parents? I know they loved me and were just concerned-- but what I was doing wasn't *that* crazy. Had they been more open minded people, maybe they would have let me fulfil my weird desire to ride a bicycle and camp for a few nights on the way to Austin. I hear about people doing crazy bicycle journeys all the time. It wasn't that crazy. Unfortunately, the repercussions of that decision are still being felt today.
Any advice? Thanks | self.bipolar |
My crush I don't even know where to start this.
It's about the crush I have since many years. We were together In school and on our last school trip I crushed on her even more. The thing is she also had a crush on me but I was too socially retarded to notice, nonetheless it was on of the best weeks of my life. She also gave me hints that she likes me but I was too dumb to notice.
After graduation our ways parted. I was busy with school and didn't think of her that much any more. One or 2 years later after graduation at new year's eve I had a complete breakdown while I celebrated with my friends. I was crying and cursing myself why I broke up contact with her. In the following years I completely isolated myself in my room playing WoW all day. I was always a shy kid but in these years I developed a social anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed only 2 months ago. I finally decided to seek for help. She moved into another city and began traveling the world experiencing new things being happy. Meanwhile I was sitting in my room playing all day at first with my friends then they eventually got girlfriends themselves and played less often.
I also gained a lot of weight and my mental health got worse with time. 3 years ago I decided to do something against my situation and started to work out. You often hear people saying working out and exercising helps a lot with mental health issues and I get that in some cases this might not be the case. But looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever had. I got fitter, started to eat better and to play less on my PC. Back to the topic. In summer 3 years ago there was this annual fair. I went there with some friends and got pretty drunk. I knew she might be there and was pretty anxious about that. Because I wouldn't have known how to react. My friend poked my and then she stood there in front of me.
I felt nearly paralysed but she walked up to me and hugged me. It felt great. We talked a bit but them she walked away. Because I'm very anxious and after all these years of isolation I couldn't even keep up normal conversations. I walked away from my group of friends and tried to call her but she didn't answer. Then I texted her and she wrote where she was but I couldn't found her. I finally wanted to confess my feelings for her but she was gone. I felt really bad and cried the next day. I also wrote her the day after but it was awkward and we stopped texting each other fast. This was the last time I saw her. Last year I got mono and in my case unfortunately a very hard and intense mono which lasted for about a year.
Now not only my mental but my physical health were bad I was afraid of dying. I started university at that time but lost 1 year due to my sickness. So like I said ealier I got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I started to take Venlafaxine(Effexor) against my condition. I really have to say I was doubtful but I can say now that it really helps me. I even decided to celebrate my birthday with my friends the first time in years and it was the right decision. Like every year I was also waiting for her to text me for my birthday.
But this year she didn't and I was sad.I always think of her. I started to write down my dreams in a dream diary about a year ago and in this 1 year she appeared 35 times on my dreams... That's how much she is consuming my mind.
I even confessed my feelings to one of my best friends who also had a rough breakup behind him.
Let's be honest it is really pathetic that I didn't have the guts yet to confess my feelings to her. I mean at this point I can't hold them in any longer. So I played with the thought of sending her a long message and tell her everything. But my friend said that would be a bad idea and I should ask her out to go drink something.
At this point I don't even care that much anymore if she still likes me or anything(of course it would be better if she did) but I can't live on like this without her knowing, without her knowing how much I still care about her, but she probably lost her feelings for me anyway.
If anyone got an idea or advice how I should approach her and if I should just confess everything or ask her out or something like this, I would be very thankful
Sorry for this mess I wrote, but I needed to get this off my chest. And thanks to everyone who took his time to read this little pathetic boy's story.
**TL;DR:**
haven't confessed to the girl I have a crush on for so many years. Lost contact, I'm not sure how to approach her | self.Anxiety |
Was just rear-ended for the 3rd time this year. I'm in a lot of agony right now, and I feel like there is no other place for this.
At this point, I feel pretty dead inside from the massive panic attack I had. My breath has never been more erratic. My limbs have never shaked more uncontrollably. I'm still shaking. I don't think I have wailed with suck lack of discern in all my life. And now, I'm just so empty.
Last November, I was rear-ended on my way to work. It was a fairly serious 3-car incident, though no one was injured. My car was at the front, hit last, suffered the most damage, but was incredibly intact. I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had.
One driver insisted it was my fault, even though they were the one to first hit the car that slammed into me. The other driver defended me to the police officer, which I was thankful for because I was extremely unnerved and intimidated. Previous traumatic instances in my life makes it very difficult to defend myself against aggressors, handle intimidation, and speak with police, but eventually I was able to drive my car home.
I thought I could just get my car fixed and move on with my life. I spent weeks on the phone trying to get it figured out. I was found not at fault, but I was unable to get my car fixed. Their insurance was a joke, and they treated me like complete garbage. In the end, they offered me a monetary settlement that would have left me still in debt to the bank and without a car or any resources to continue to get to my job. The whole situation became too much, and after a terrible conversation with the insurance agent where I tried to assert myself, I decided to give the fight up. Weeks had turned to months and I was tired. Too many tears. Too much anger. Too much anxiety. I would get it fixed my own way.
But not before getting struck again less than a month later. I was rear-ended on a snowy day. The damage to my car was slightly worse, but once again, no one was hurt and my car was drivable. The other driver had barely a paint scratch. With the extensive damage to my car already, there was nothing to do about it.
I could not drive myself home this time. At the moment I was struck, I screamed terribly loud until my lungs were empty.
I had to commute most days of the week, so I fought through my discomfort and got behind the wheel the next day. Things got better, but then over the course of this year, it all got much, much worse.
Slowly it has just been chipping away at me. First, I was more fearful when traffic would slow and cause me to slow; the circumstances surrounding the last accidents. I eventually stopped agreeing to do any extra driving whatsoever. Now, I only drive myself to work, and every day it is pure hell.
I leave unreasonably early for work to avoid high traffic, but the entire time, I am at the edge of my seat, grinding my fists against the steering wheel until my palms burn. I drive a little slower every day, becoming the kind of driver I foolishly used to criticise. Nothing feels normal or safe. On my way home, I hit rush hour traffic, and I have frequent, sometimes constant panic attacks. My anxiety slowly rises throughout the day as I get closer to leaving, and it climaxes in a commute of sheer misery. It is very painful.
A few weeks ago, I hit a squirrel. I almost posted here that day because of how much it broke me. I love small animals so much, especially delightful forest critters. Everyone tells me that it is sad, but it just happens sometimes. I know they are right, but I am still broken. As safe and careful as I try to be, I feel absolutely powerless on the road.
Just last night, my SO was trying to help me get to the roots of my fear, as it is very clearly disrupting a huge portion of my life. I cried, revealing that I feel like I am in constant danger. This morning, I realized it is because I see the whole driving process as utterly unpredictable and so fragile. I feel like the universe I am in and the universe where I get in a terrible wreck are divided only by a thin fabric that could tear at any moment. I put a bracelet my friend made me around the mirror, hoping it would keep me safe.
Tonight, the fabric tore. Again. My partner was driving, and we stopped as we needed to make a left turn onto the main road. As we were waiting for an opportunity, a car I did not see struck us from behind.
That impact. The car rocks forward. The sound of metal slamming into metal. It shook me to the core. I was out of breath before I even realized what had happened.
My SO pulled in across the street as I fell to pieces. I wailed for longer than I know. I was lost in time, lost to my terror, my biggest fears, for what felt like an eternity. The other driver took off, leaving me in the dark parking lot, screaming in my partners arms. I begged the universe to take it away. My SO could say almost nothing at first, knowing I was on the brink every day I got in the virtually impossible act of me getting hit again had just happened.
I could barely breathe when we finally decided to head home. Miraculously, my car seems fine. Once again, I get away safe, but no justice, promise of future security, or soul. I sat there and cried more.
My partner said to me, 'Do you remember in V for Vendetta when Evey finds out it was V who was holding her captive? She was at her absolute lowest, beaten down to nothing, but she had to choose to face it. "Listen to me, Evey. This could be the most important moment of your life. Commit to it." You have to walk away from this. I can't watch you get knocked down another peg.'
I feel pretty broken up right now. For months I have been trying to soothe myself with promises that I am safe and I can handle it, and that was ripped away from me. It is fortunate that no one has been hurt, but I suffer a great deal from all this. I am tired of being so painstakingly afraid every day of my life.
If you read all of this, thank you so much. I really needed to get this out of me. I am in far less agony than when I started. Just tired from the worst panic attack I've ever had, and all this flipping terrible driving. Thank you.
| self.Anxiety |
I hate my boss Dude I hate her so hard. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak. | self.offmychest |
And I have feelings for him but I'm loyal to my bf! [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I come home shaking after working Knowing that I have to spend the majority of each day from morning to early evening working is ruining me.
While I'm working my legs are in excruciating pain from standing all day, I barely have time to eat, drink or use the bathroom while working.
I come home exhausted every day and I will be trembling as i lie back down into bed.
I've got no time to feed myself a proper diet, nor to focus on hobbies or learning. Having a job literally stops you from being able to enjoy having a life and/or freedom.
I can't think of anything that is worth the few hundred dollars I earn per week from living this life. Which is fine because it goes straight to paying rent, power, internet and food.
I really think I will be happier living at home and running a small online business combined with crypto investments to earn money.
Idk how to escape the current situation I'm in. | self.Anxiety |
I'm so stupid I should honestly just kill myself I have never had friends because nobody really likes me. | self.SuicideWatch |
Unfulfilled Hey guys, so I'm not gonna go on a super sad story here, but I've been a bit down, mostly because I dont have many life experiences.
I'm making good money at my job, I've been going to therapy sessions, overcame a brief stint with alcoholism, have a fiance who I love and a house at 24 years of age... yet I still feel like I didn't get all that craziness out when I was younger and now I feel it's too late.
This probably sounds really stupid and selfish, and hell maybe I am, but these feelings keep coming back, and they bring on feelings of suicide and being tired all the time or not caring.
What the he'll is wrong with me? | self.depression |
Some days are harder than others. I apologize if this is triggering to anyone. I haven't cut myself in almost a year. Lately the urge is coming on stronger than ever. Today was absolutely shit and I have chronic pain. There's so much going on in my head and I just want it to stop. I'm so tempted to cut again. It feels like it's the only thing that will ease the pain for a while. At my job,there's a pack of razors that I'm so tempted to take and end it all. | self.depression |
I can't handle working this job - need advice I'm a graduate, I pretty much made myself depressed as a confused teenager by forcing myself to do a degree I didn't enjoy.
Something about me stops me from applying to jobs, I don't know if it's fear of rejection or just feeling like I'm not worthy of a good job. I ended up working a min wage retail job over the christmas period that is extremely demanding.
Not only was I away from home over the nicest time of the year, but I had just moved into a new place that is incredibly uncomfortable and stress levels are high even if i dont realize that.
After just over a couple weeks I'm getting sick and I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. The prospect of working for another month, a week or even tomorrow makes me feel dizzy. I have enough that I could get by the next month and just focus on getting a good job. If not I could move home then.
I just want some advice. I feel trapped in this new job and I just want to stay home and focus on my mental and physical health as well as getting a proper job. | self.Anxiety |
Along with my depression i have been noticing some newer symptoms like short term memory loss and trouble with motor skills I have chronic depression and generalized anxiety and am being treated for both, but even though I’m feeling somewhat better I’ve noticed these symptoms have manifested kind of late and I’m not sure if they are connected or what.
Lately I have been noticing I’m more and more forgetful and it has gotten to the point where I get mad that I can’t remember what I was going to do. I got angry today because I went for a glass of water and stood there for a couple of minutes confused beyond belief until my girlfriend helped me retrace my steps.
I have also noticed a change in my motor skills. Sometimes it feels like I’m thrown off balance and then I feel really weird and anxious about it after because I don’t know who saw/judged me.
Has anyone else experienced problems like these or have anything that helped get through these symptoms? | self.depression |
Irrational guilt, help? So, lately, I've started having irrational guilt trips again, breaking down In tears over the most ridiculous things.
So to start, I for some reason was feeling extremely guilty about something I mentioned to my girlfriend months ago when talking about guys vs girls and cheating. I stated that when guys cheat, it's because they lust, and when girls cheat, it's out of wrath or envy. This was obviously a stupid statement to make, and I felt the need to apologize about it today.
So, we talked and I apologized and she didn't even remember me saying anything like that but she accepted my apology and told me not to worry about it.
Later in the day, after overthinking and obsessing, I felt the need to talk to her again. I was feeling guilty for flirting with another girl before we even went on our first date. Again, we hadn't even been on the date yet, and for some reason, my mind was convinced I was guilty. Had a panic attack, called her again, she called me down, and soothed my feelings.
My anxiety started to rise because I didn't want her to think I was actually guilty of anything serious. I wanted her to understand that I just get this way sometimes, especially in the winter.
Now, it seems like my mind is just obsessing and overthinking and trying to think of ways to make me upset or feel guilty. Does anyone have experience with this, if so, please help. | self.Anxiety |
My habit I do while anxious is making me more anxious [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Almost took my life tonight. Also, how does it make you feel when you ask for support and people just say "why aren't you on medication?" My life has been spinning out of control and it's a long story but for the past year my life hasn't been the same. Lost family and friends and today I was really sick and almost brought myself to killing myself today.
I posted on social media that I need all the love and support and prayers I can get. Nothing wrong with that right? Well one of my friends simply rebuttled with how prayers are not a genie and why am I not on medication.
How does it make you feel when someone flat out just says that to you? Does it make you feel like less of a person because it sure does to me. | self.depression |
I’ve never felt more alone I’ve never felt more lonely in my life than I have the last couple weeks.
Told my husband over a month ago I wanted a divorce. Things are legally in motion now. We get along for the most part. Still living under the same roof until after the holidays for our son’s sake. There was a euphoria after we got this going. I was so happy.
Now though? I’m depressed every day, just like I was before asking for the divorce. No surprise there, really. It’s different now though. I’ve never in my life felt so alone in every way possible. The people I can actually talk to about this are very toxic about all this, so I don’t like talking to them anymore. Today I wonder if I’ve made a mistake. I was unhappy before, but it was tolerable. This right now isn’t. I’m very alone and I’m scared. I miss my marriage from 4 years ago and I’m grieving like hell for it right now. | self.depression |
Bad Day So I was working, driving a for a ride sharing taxi app, this morning, and I got an email on my phone saying the job I had been hoping for? I didn't get it. Which was a big disappointment and I was hoping for some sympathy and comfort from my mom and my boyfriend. Well, I saw my boyfriend today and he was very nice. It was going really well when suddenly I made a mistake. I said something wrong I guess and he just blew up. I think he was hungry, but it was a huge meltdown. Then he continued texting me as he drove home I guess and he was saying how he wants to sell the home we own together and break up. He has these meltdowns somewhat frequently so I don't know if I should take him seriously but if this is how he feels, maybe I should just go with it instead of trying to convince him to stay with me. My mom hates him and according to her nobody on her side of the family likes him. My dad barely talks to me.
UPDATE: he texted me, says he wants me to come over to the house, seems like things have blown over... I'm not sure how to feel. | self.bipolar |
Non-alcoholic Post-Mania Hangover Hi r/bipolar! First post here, really glad to find this subreddit. I have a question. After hypomania, does anyone feel hungover even though they haven't drank? Headache, nausea, feeling shaky with or without caffeine. I don't drink much more but I used to so I'm acquainted with the feeling. I feel like this didn't start happening till I started taking Limictal in September. (First time on medication.) I don't think Limictal's causing it per se, as it does only occur at the beginning of depression, but I'd still like some insight if you have any. Thanks! | self.bipolar |
How can i get taken more seriously at the doctor? No one takes me seriously because of my anxiety/OCD. It’s so hard to communicate when I’m dealing with anxiety. All they can see is how anxious I am. So they just don’t take my true issues seriously. | self.Anxiety |
I'm so unhappy but I don't want to die [deleted] | self.depression |
Hospital? I've been feeling very stressed lately over money and relationship stress and I am thinking about checking into the hospital for awhile. Should i? | self.bipolar |
I'll just crash my car tonight At work right now, it's utter hell, can't focus and the depressive and irrational thoughts just keep coming
Going out with friends tonight, won't drink anything, I'll just drive home afterwards and drive as fast on a lonely road and crash it, hoping I'll die instantly. | self.SuicideWatch |
I feel lonely and empty From the beginning of summer break to now I’ve been feeling a gradual void widening in me because everything I do just feels empty now and I just dissatisfied with how I’m living my life because I don’t really have anyone that I do things with or really even have friends for the matter and to not completely lose myself I have to force myself to smile and be happy but recently Ive been feeling more lonely than ever before | self.depression |
Why does therapy feel like it's making it worse? I broke down and called a therapist. I don't know why - what is wrong with me - that makes people think I'm lying to them. Especially my kid.
Therapist wants me to use "Radical Acceptance". I hurt so much. I cant just "accept" that my kid is never going to let me talk to her again - that she's never going to let me have a relationship with her and her daughters. "Accepting" this is giving up any hope of reconciliation - and I'm crying here at work and wanting to just crawl into a closet and die. All I want is my family. That is the ONLY thing I want. If I "accept" that she and the children will never be part of my life again - it is as if they are dead. I don't want to live like this. I hurt so much, it is physical pain. I can't change if I don't know what is wrong with me, but therapist says "no blame" - just "accept".
Goddess, I hurt... | self.depression |
I wrote a letter trying to explain it to my mom, but I know I can never send it. Momma
If I could find a way to take my Brain from my skull and throw it away
Leaving the shell of my body for you to kiss everyday
I would
If I could find away to leave
But leave a clone in my place
For you, I would.
I stay for my family
For the ones who miss me
I stay for the heartache I can't bear to bring
I don't want to be here momma
Please let me leave
Please. | self.depression |
Young adult still living at home with parents who don’t understand my anxiety I’m 23 and I still live at home. I am in a long distance relationship with a lovely guy who lives about 5 hours away by car. Both of my siblings are moved out which leaves me alone with my parents.. I recently got accepted into a graduate program that starts in the fall (yayy) but I have to hang around here and save up money until that starts. I’ve been struggling with GAD for a couple of years now which is normally made worse by communication issues in my LDR. Luckily, my boyfriend has been more sensitive to my anxiety and at least tries to understand what I’m going through. My parents, on the other hand, do not.
I’ve been having a hard time living at home. My mom and I have been getting into dumb arguments about things like politics and religion and my dad gets mad at me when I upset my mom. It’s making our relationships suffer. This is anxiety-provoking because I used to be very close to both of my parents and now it seems as if everything is falling apart. Tonight, my mom expressed to me how she felt about our relationship and how she doesn’t understand why I don’t look up to them the way I used to and on and on and on.. I lost it completely. I ended up having a panic attack and cried uncontrollably. My mom just stared at me with a disappointed look on her face and my dad (who has never said anything mean to me in his entire life) came out and screamed at me, cornered me into my room, called me a stupid idiot, and slammed my door.
Part of me understands why they reacted this way. I’ve been having panic attacks over seemingly silly things for a while and know they are fed up with me. I can’t help but feel disappointed and remorseful for letting it happen again. I already feel horrible about myself every time it happens. This was just a bit of a vent.. I don’t know if anyone’s been through a similar situation/can offer advice but just thought sharing might make me feel better. | self.Anxiety |
I have chickedned out so many times, it's time to finally go through with it. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I keep having this fantasy I wake up one day, grab a shotgun, go to work, walk in and just blow my fucking head off in front of everyone. I don't want to kill anyone, just myself. And I want them all to see it. To see what was behind the mask the whole time. I'm not fucking happy dammit I'm falling apart and it takes everything I have to hold it together at work sometimes.
Realistically there's little to no chance that it would ever happen, I'd probably just kill myself in solitude. Still fun to think about sometimes. | self.SuicideWatch |
Can't stop feeling like im sick or dying I've been thinking lately (or everytime I feel off) that I am dying.
I have pressure in my head and my neck always hurts, I get these pains on the back of my head and temples that come and go everyday.
And I need to know its gunna be okay. People keep saying im over reacting when I tell them it might be brain cancer.
- I have poor posture
- I work at a call center where Im constantly staring at a screen
- When I play video games or guitar I always scrunch my back, and I always look up at the tv on our mantelpiece.
- I sleep on my side
- I don't get good sleep
Someone tell me that these symptoms are just a result of all of those things I do :( | self.Anxiety |
Seriously, why do I even bother? Every time I turn around I've got someone mad at me. I always say or do the wrong thing and just make everything worse. Why should I even continue to try? Its completely pointless. I dont know what I expected either. Monsters don't get happy endings, after all. I'm just so tired of everything. I want it to be over. | self.SuicideWatch |
So.... Life went to hell Okay I [29F] was dating my high school sweetheart. And it was bliss he spent the majority of his 20's trying to get back to me....
BF picked me up from rock bottom 3 years ago and I was busting ass trying to build a better life for us.... I was trying to make up for all the money I pissed away on drugs and at the casinos. I was trying to catch up to others my age and I thought we were in an agreement... That yes it sucked now, but we would have a house by next year and I would switch jobs and have my degree finished...
So when he had a work girlfriend.... My world was upside down - - I always thought that it was gonna be me who fucked it up.... I was completely blindsided and turns out that with me working a job and a half and going to school full-time - - he thought I was on my way out as well.
I work 12-hour overnights by myself. I sleep during the day by myself.... Being even just okay is difficult. I lost all of my friends between 3 deployments in 6 years and multiple rounds of meth addiction.
We reconciled... It was a rough week. I had just switched my antidepressant meds the day before and had a midterm the day I discovered their texts. I had my first panic attack since I was 13 and I broke a door....
It was a rough week... I bawled in his arms for hours and helped consoled me, gave me access to all of his accounts - - to help me trust him again, he swore his love to me, said that I was supposed to be the mother of his children.
Meanwhile, I try to fight though this.... Less than a person feeling that has overcome me, I miss another test and an essay, I am pretty behind, especially considering my inability to concentrate on literally anything. (I had a 90% or better in all 3 of my classes and got 100%s on both of my botany tests...) but, I still feel like I can get caught up.
Plus, BF and I are trekking along, not great but I haven't cried in days.
Literally everything I do is a task, I miss more classes but, I'm not down yet.... Because we were getting better....
This morning, literally a week from our Last revelation he waits until I am home and in bed and stoned after my 13.5 hour overnight of depressed hell..... And he tells me that he's not happy and it's over.... Despite the fact that I asked him if he was happy a million times after the first episode.... I gave him so many chances to get out... But he waited until I was steady and sure I was going to be okay to rip the floor out from under me.
BF is my only sober friend.. And I can't lean on him. I'm done.... I never ever want even imaged losing him ever, let alone twice.... He was my end game. I need help and have no where to run. I don't want to make a scene with him or punish him with guilt... And I can't go back to my dad's ill be back in the meth game again, I have no reason to say no.....
Actually sounds nice.... But I worked so hard to get here and I'm not going to throw it away because of him, I don't trust myself to get caught up in school... And I really do need help I was going to go to the ER for suicidal intentions.... The thought has crossed my mind.... I know it's dumb... And right now I am fine... But, it gets dark.... It's been dark, and he's turned off all the lights.
And he's getting the dogs, he brought them into my life.... And losing him is hard, losing his family is hard (they've been my family since I was 15)... But I do not think I can make it without the dogs.... Which is ridiculous... I know.
I will be fucked if I end up owing the school money.. And it will probably be the reason out if I could pause for two more weeks.... But, the last day to withdraw without assessment.. The 11th.
Basically, what will happen to all my FASFA, and student aid if I have documented mental health history, and when I finally reach out for help... I'm not going to make it without help, I'm already running around with the same old druggie crowd trying to run from my problems, that's what I'm good at...
I just need a pause.
. | self.SuicideWatch |
DAE feel like leaving everything behind and starting over I don’t necessarily have problems with the people around me, but when I feel most depressed I just want to leave everything behind and start over somewhere else. Really at the heart of it I want to be alone and use that solitude to figure myself out. I feel like I’m tied down here by obligations to people here. But I never do because either,I feel guilt for letting the people in my life down or I feel that despite my desperate need to start over, that same solitude I want will end up making me kill myself. Essentially I feel pretty trapped and I crave a sort of freedom that I don’t think are in the cards for me. | self.depression |
Crush on medical staff while in treatment Im currently in a psychiatric clinic because of a phase of severe depression resulting from years of social anxiety.
A lot of the staff here is young and around my age. I unfortunately now have a crush on a lot of the nurses and especially on my assigned psychiatrist. She's probably just out of medical school and sooo cute.
Is this something I should be open about and tell her? I worry that my attraction to her may distract me from focusing on working on my mental problems with her.
I don't know if telling her this would make it too awkward for both of us though. Any advice? | self.depression |
I have nobody. I just argued with my best friend, because she's back with her manipulative ex-boyfriend and he made her chose between me and him, and this time she conceded.
Not even taking into account how betrayed, angry, depressed, and terrified I feel... I realised I have nobody. I need someone to vent to, a shoulder to cry upon, and I'm alone. I only had her.
Fuck. | self.Anxiety |
Not being able to count money makes me anxious Okay, so.
I've never been all that mathematically inclined. I am absolutely terrible at maths and at counting money. If you asked me to give you change of a certain amount of money I'd literally take forever to do it.
I'm 18 and I left school nearly a year ago. I remember at one point when I was at school I was manning a stall at the Christmas Fayre. I had to take peoples money when they were buying things as well as give them the correct change. It was a horrible experience because I literally struggle with counting money. I had to at one point during the Christmas Fayre ask the person I was serving how much change I needed to give him. I admittedly felt a bit flustered and became really anxious.
I attend College (slightly different where I live, it isn't like college in the United States). Anyway, I have never held a part-time job before whilst most people I know have. This is mainly because most jobs nowadays for people my age are retail work and the thought of having to work at a cash register or a checkout makes me really anxious. I worry about my future because of it. Being able to handle and manage money is a big part of one's life and I can't even give people the correct change.
Can anyone relate? | self.Anxiety |
My feelings were not valid apparently All my "depression" has been just a poor justification for being broke lazy ass with no ambitions, no hobby, shitty job, no friends, being sarcastic asshole whom everyone despises and mock openly. That's what I got from my shrink - not the exact words, but "You don't have depression. You just want to habe this label. You've got only symptoms". in addition, he labeled me as benzodiazepines dependant (guess WHO prescribed me this shit in the first place?)
I should just get up and leave. Or show him my scars from latest self-harm. Or show him my trashbin I called my room, that I dont even clean, because I have no friends to invite in. Or maybe I should record for him my crying in the shower, knowing I'll never be enough and I wasted my best years and now there's nothing good in store anymore. Maybe he should see me at 2 am at the stairwell smoking and swaying back and forth. Maybe I should show him my internet history consisting mainly of suicide forums, methods of suicide or how to get a gun in a country that doesnt allow any.
Symptoms of depression, my ass. Fuck this incompetent piece of shit. | self.SuicideWatch |
A venting app that helps me ground myself. Hope others can benefit too! It's called Wremedy, you can listen and look at different 'nature' scenes as you type and vent away your thoughts
https://wremedy.ml
(works better on a laptop) | self.Anxiety |
Marriage Counselling for the First Time & Psychiatrist Appointment Tonight. It's Starting to Feel Better. TL,DR: Update re: last personal post, we did counselling, tapering off topamax and we feel good. Thanks for everyone who sent nice words my way last time :)
On March 18th, I shared a post about a huge fight I'd had with my husband following months of difficulty with out of character anger outbursts on my part. The fear of losing him really shook me and helped me to notice that things were not going well. So, I started changing them. Yesterday, my husband and I went for marriage counselling for the first time.
Today, we went to see my psychiatrist. He came and went for work late so that he could attest that it was more than a normal amount of anger. Going to taper off topamax as it seems to have actually made me really angry instead of helping with the irritability and flashbacks caused by PTSD. Since the fight, we've been practicing non-violent communication (a counselling tool that I've ironically been neglecting) to help us communicate and help him to navigate what's real and what's just pure anger that makes no sense.
Feels like us again. I feel like myself more every day and I can sort my thoughts more every day. I feel worth it again.
| self.bipolar |
My sleeping pattern drastically changed I used to sleep so early but now I can't. I can't sleep when my mind is troubling me with all these depressing thoughts. | self.depression |
Learning to drive in my late 20s So I have my learner’s permit from years ago, but I’ve put off actually learning to drive and getting my license. I REALLY want to overcome my anxiety about causing an accident/wrecking the car/hurting myself/hurting others but it’s so hard. But I need to be able to drive. It would improve mine and my family’s life greatly. I have a vision problem where I don’t have peripheral vision in my right eye but I thought that people with just one eye can drive, so I can too, right?
My problem is I get so nervous when driving sometimes that I feel like I’m about to start crying or hyperventilate. And if I get confused or really nervous I freeze and almost get tunnel vision and make dumb mistakes. This happened the last attempt at learning and I almost drove into a ditch while my mom screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??”
Freezing when on the road around other cars scares me because one small mistake can take someone’s life :( Does anyone have any tips or success stories about learning how to drive with really bad anxiety? | self.Anxiety |
Nervous breakdown. Keeps going further. I had a breakdown at work today. I gave my keys to my assistant managers and walked out. Que a guilt trip from everyone and their mother about it.
Yes, it wasn't the best decision but going to that place day after day leaves me wanting to kill myself. Sure, I have a family to take care of but once I hit that line? If I am dead what good am I to them?
I just wanted someone to say hey man it's okay. You will make it through this. Nope, I am just a selfish fool that only thinks about himself. Well if I may be self indulgent for once maybe I should do the most selfish of actions. Take the cowards retreat. I can't sleep. Nothing is enjoyable and I just want to close my eyes forever.
I don't know what to do anymore
| self.SuicideWatch |
Frustrated and confused and bitter. I’m frustrated with my life. I have very few friends, and as a 20 year old college student about to turn 21 it’s driving me crazy to realize that I can’t celebrate it with anyone. My closest friends are all younger than me, and 2 of the closest are 16 (don’t worry, I met them through my job, I’m not a pedophile), so I feel pathetic for being unable to make friends my own age. It’s just plain creepy. Only thing that keeps people from calling me out is that I look only a year older than them.
I’m gay, in a hyper conservative family, so I can’t please anyone in it. I live at home, so my life is restricted a lot (due to paying college expenses). My parents frequently remind me of my lack of friends and constantly question if I’m trying to sleep with every male I talk to, and particularly question my friendship with anyone younger than me. They think that because I’m gay, I’m a pedophile.
The few friends I had my own age ditched me because they think me being gay is disgusting. I try approaching the LGBT groups on campus but I feel like they’ll ostracize me for other reasons.
I feel like I was cheated my teenage years by my restrictive parents, now I’m lonely and angry at everyone around me for having what I couldn’t. My siblings are successful, and I feel like the dissappointment and failure of the family.
I have much more anger but these are the ones that keep popping up today, and I just wanted to vent about it somewhere. | self.depression |
failure I cut a little deeper than I thought tonight. But it didn’t let out the relief like a cut normally does. So I kept going.
Fuck I hate this.
Why do I keep doing this to myself. | self.SuicideWatch |
I have no friends. Im too different from everyone [deleted] | self.offmychest |
School speaking test tomorow I have a spanish speaking test tomorow which entails speaking for 6 minutes in spanish in front of the teacher and silent classroom. When I'm put under pressure my eyes feel like they are tearing up and eveeyone is looking, causing it to get worse. Fuck me social anxiety is shite | self.Anxiety |
Problem with therapy and meds These two factors are essential to managing Depression, but there is another that is probably the most important: life style change.
Every therapist I've seen tells me to do things I enjoy, to go out more often, exercise, etc.
The thing is, some of these things are unaccesible to me. Let's go my points
1) I would love to travel and know the world, but guess what? No money
2) I love theather and would like to take lessons so I can audition for shows and stuff. Guess what? That costs money
3) I love singing and have always wanted lessons to sing regularly. No money, again. And sadly, my country has no such thing as choirs and glee clubs. Only in church and I am an atheist so yeah
4) Go out more? Sure, but going out implies I have money and friends. I have like 5 friends and the lack of money renders me unable to go anywhere. In my country most people do one of these things: clubing, going to the movies, eating at restaurants, going to the mall.
5) Videogames? I have access to that, but I don't find enjoyment in them anymore and they are pretty isolating
See what I mean? Meds and therapy help, but if life stays empty, uneventful and monotonous, the effects are barely registered and then the therapist gets disappointed because you are not helping yourself, but you don't have the resources to help yourself
And please, don't suggest getting a job. I already applied for 15 and none called back. I am too caught up in my own misery to get a job, anyways. Can't wait to get back to university so everyone can ask me how my vacations were and I can say "I looked at reddit all day, everyday" | self.depression |
feeling guilty and looking for some guidance Hi all! I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about 8 months ago and it was pretty rough. I've been having massive mood swings and dealing with bouts of depression since I was 13 or 14, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 25. My mom always felt like something was wrong, but no one was able to provide us an answer until my diagnosis. My doctor prescribed me Lithium and Wellbutrin (Bupropion).
I've struggled with anxiety and that's also contributed to problems in the workplace. I haven't been able to keep a job for longer than 6 months. Recently I quit a job after a day. I went to the job site and worked for a few hours and when I came home I was feeling good about the next day, but I woke up the next day in a cold sweat and told my mom that I didn't think I could handle the job and I felt suicidal, so I quit.
My mom told me she thought that since I have a hard time maintaining a job, maybe I should try to get disability. I want to work but I obviously have a hard time staying with it. I have recently been approved and given food stamps and a medical card, and my mom is trying to help get me into an income-based apartment building. But I can't help but to feel extremely guilty for receiving all this help.
When I feel good I feel like I don't need or deserve help at all, like I can handle everything and work like a regular human being. When I'm not feeling so good, I wonder if it's not better to just end it. I don't want to die, but I don't really want to live either during these down times. | self.bipolar |
I don't have depression. I couldn't find any other subreddits that can come close to how I think, or at least how I think I think. Fuck. The rundown, is that I hate myself. I have for a while. I'm not sad or anything all the time, but my mind always comes back to this. I hate myself because I am the only person who can really get inside my own mind and see me for who I am. And just see how the world is. In my mind everything is pointless and in life we are just meant to enjoy what we can when we have the things that make us happy. I hardly know what to write, I have no idea what kind of point i'm trying to make. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I don't understand and I want and need to. It drives me crazy, not being able to understand life or my own mind.
I just needed to vent this. Maybe someone will understand what I mean. I have no one to talk to about this stuff. | self.depression |
A year ago (+ 1 week) I made this reddit account and posted here because I was in the deepest depression I’ve ever experienced and I didn’t know what to do. I’m here to say that I got out the other side. Hello everyone!
Last year around this time, I was depressed. I was unemployed, empty, and very lonely. After I lost my job but before this, I was in a weird place where I was weirdly productive. I’d clean everything. I would go out of my way to rearrange the furniture and decorate.
Then everything stopped. I stopped getting out of bed. I stopped eating. I stopped talking. I stopped bathing. Honestly, I stopped living. My partner later told me that he slowly saw me slipping away.
I had some dark thoughts. You know exactly the thoughts I’m talking about.
I just want you to know that I survived. I barely kept myself alive, but I made it through. Now, a year later, I have hobbies and new friends, I’m eating healthy (or doing my best haha), I’m more in love with my partner than ever. Though I still have moments of anxiety, and I don’t go exercise as often as I should (who really does?), I’m infinitely happier.
The last year was hell. I wish everyone struggling could know that you just have to keep going. I believe in you, and I believe that if I can make it, so can you. I’m routing for you. | self.offmychest |
I can't speak I tried to ask my wife for help. It didn't go well. I wasn't very articulate. I was working too hard at holding myself together and so terrified by my own feelings. My throat was like a vice and I could hardly breathe let alone speak. I tried to make her understand how desperate I was for her to just hold me, crush me tight, call back my soul so I wouldn't feel so empty and hopeless anymore. But I don't know what to say. I don't know how to say it. It doesn't come out right and she doesn't get it. But I don't understand how she could see me struggling to say something so life-shaking (for me anyway) and not see something was deeply, terribly wrong. I don't understand how she could see it and not want to just squeeze me and tell me I didn't need to fight anymore, she'd fight for me for a while. But I do know. I've hidden it so long. It's second nature now. And even when the cracks are showing she can't see them anymore. I can see everything I've done to Fuck this up and close off every avenue to help.
I look at the words I write and I can see how easy it is to just fucking say it. But the words won't come out when I try to speak. I'm so terribly broken inside and the emotional connection between this pain and my lips is too strong. But even when I try to write it down for her it won't come out right. It seems so cold and distant, or like I'm blaming her for not being there. But how could she be when I would never say I needed her?
So now I'm left broken and wondering whether making them endure me as I scrape from day to day dead inside is better than taking advantage of my preparations and leaving them with what's left of the good memories.
And meanwhile, my last ditch effort at getting professional help is hanging over me. No answer from the psych at all re an appointment request. Fing crisis lines here are useless or worse (last one actively shamed me for thinking of suicide)
I'm already dead. I guess I just wonder whether it might be better for everyone else if I made it official. | self.SuicideWatch |
I wish my kid and I could spend more time at my mom's house [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I'm skipping lunch at school. Hey. I'm 14 years old ^(turning 15 in January) and a freshman in high school. Before you go down and comment that the transition is rough and I'll get over it, this post isn't really about that.
I don't have many good friends. I can think of about 2 maybe 3 good friends, and then along with that like 10 or whatever friends that I know and have good relations with, but I don't consider someone I would hang out with.
A little backstory. I take ADHD medication; Ritalin, to be precise. Anyone who takes it as well knows that it ruins your appetite (at least it does for me and my older brother). So I'm not hungry come lunch time during the school day. I usually don't eat, but use the time as a way to chat with my friends or just a break in between classes. At my school, the lunch is divided into 3 time periods (3 different lunch times) meaning that I don't have lunch with the same people each day. My school is also on a "7 day" cycle meaning that on Day 1s I have a, b, c, d, and e classes, and on Day 2 I have b, d, e, h, i, classes etc. It's a way to shuffle up the time you spend each week with certain classes. It's often that I don't have lunch with any of the 2 good friends I mentioned.
I'm a pretty good student. The worst grade on my report card right now is a B and the highest is an A. All but on of my core classes are in the B and B+ range. Not to sound like a perfectionist, but I want my grades to be higher than that and closer to the A range, but this year is the first year where I'm taking 4 honors classes whereas last year I took only one. I also have pretty bad acne. Not really bad, but it bothers me a lot sometimes. Anyone who has ever had acne knows that getting a pimple on your nose is the most goddamn painful thing ever (it seems like at the time). Not only is it painful as fuck, it also pops out like a Christmas tree lights on Christmas night. This prompts people I know to relate my blood ridden nose with rudolph the reindeer! Again, if you've ever had acne, you know that having someone point it out is the worst goddamn feeling. Anyway, onto the real reason I'm posting: I'm not sitting in for lunch or eating during the school days.
As I stated, I don't have an appetite during the school days nor do I have the most friendly or comforting friends. This has led to me not eating with them, and including not eating at all. I spend my time now in the library or benches in the hallway doing whatever I feel like doing. I usually end up getting a head start on the homework that was assigned earlier that day or sketching. I'm a very introverted person, so listening to music while doing this kind of thing is really great for me. If I ever come back and to get a bite to eat during the school day, everyone draws attention to it by saying something like "whoa nick is actually eating today" *everybody laughs* and now all of their attention is on me. It's a joke at my expense and drawing attention to me doing something normal: eating. The two things I hate most. I've stopped having lunch with them mainly because it just makes sense to use the extra time to get a head start on homework, but also because I really hate the way they all act. They're childish. They make jokes about sex and porn *HAHAHAAHAHHAHA PORN HE SAID THE FUNNY SEX WORD* and autism *HAHAHHAH REEEE NORMIE AUTISTIC DOWNIE HAHAAHAHA* and things I just can't stand. I don't like the way they act, and I'm therefore spending my lunchtime alone and doing what I want to be doing.
I don't necessarily know what I'm looking for by posting this, but advice is welcome. If you have something to say that might help me at all, please say it. As the subreddit name implies; I just want to get this off my chest. | self.offmychest |
Going to the gym to suppress depression. Does it work? Some friends said going to the gym would help me fight my depression because exercises help being happy, but i tried a couple of times and only made me sadder about myself.
| self.depression |
I'm not good at anything. I have no skills, no hobby I do, no game I play, nothing I practice, research again and again; over and over.
Somethings, I just suck at. Period, nothing I can do to make what ever it is seen passable, like why did I even try.
Others I get to a certain point where I just can't get better and it's no where near good.
Sure there are things where my friends are worse than I am, but then the average Joe just blows it out of the part compared to me.
I can't feel pride in anything I am moderately good at, I can't feel good for being able to do anything, cause it's just a fluke, I go and try to redo it, nothing even close to that quality comes.
Everyone has their thing, and are good a bunch more, and are kinda decent at the rest.
I'm not good at anything, not talking, walking through the room, catching, throwing, hitting a ball with a bat, drawing, any game I've ever played... I'm the handicap. The one that no one wanted to be on their side.
I'm blind, can't see simple and obvious shit, can't hear anything I need to, or just can understand what I needed to soon enough, I can't explain anything in my head like directions, instructions, concepts....
I can't think of one thing I'm good at, where I'm not the handicapped.
Everywhere I go, every group in a part of, work, friends, or otherwise; I'm the weird one. The one that's off, the kind where people think and ask why do you do the things you do. I've look inward and outward for what the fuck in doing wrong, how to change it, j work hard to fix it year after year, but I can't.
I'm me, and I hate it. | self.depression |
False hope... ...is the killer of ambition.
I don’t know who said that but it’s definitely true.
Why are people in relationships the most flirty?
A male coworker who’s been w/ his 7-year, live-in, high school sweetheart of a girlfriend is always very suggestive and full of innuendo.
What’s worse is I like his attention and I flirt back. Then feel really shitty about it afterward because his gf doesn’t deserve that.
Then I feel even worse because I fear I’ll be put in the same situation she’s in (dating someone who constantly flirts w/other women).
I’m tired of being presented w/ false hope | self.depression |
Anybody notice that they have acid reflux / digestion / food intolerance issues when depressed but they go away when manic? Ugh, it blows my mind how much the body physically changes during these states...
Did you notice any bipolar med or antidepressant that ended up helping your stomach issues too? | self.bipolar |
Sorry I feel so selfish posting here. I try replying to some heartfelt posts on here sometimes. Idk. I'm sorry, I don't exactly know why I'm posting this, I guess it just makes me feel like I'm still alive you know? I just feel so empty and worthless all the time. Being scared of connecting with people doesn't help. Many months go by without me speaking to a soul. I love people and the good they do, I love this planet, but I'm starting to lose the will and desire to go on. Everything seems so pointless. There's this someone who I've been neglecting and she's the only real reason why I'm still holding on. I'm so tired. I can't think straight. Thanks for reading. Wish you all the best.
| self.SuicideWatch |
Never felt so anxious in my life before. I need help stopping it. So I'm a third year vet student and I just finished my finals today. I started out with straight As in my first semester but with each passing semester my grades have been dropping consistently to the point where I got 3Cs and a B last semester.
Obviously I don't want to do bad, but I can't get the thought of my head that I'm destined to do worse this semester because of the trend. I even joked about it to my friends and told them I'm getting all Cs or I'm going to fail this semester. The worst part is I'm subconsciously fulfilling this future I don't want by procrastinating and being lazy. I just felt like the pressure got to me so hard that I gave up trying and I told myself I'll get whatever I get. But when my grades come back shitty, I think to myself why am I not as smart as the guy next to me, why do I keep putting so little effort, why do I not even care that I would rather get bad grades than get stressed out about it?
Now this mindset coming back to bite me. I'm doing really bad right now and I'm failing one of the toughest classes yet. If I don't do well on my finals I might have to repeat this semester and it sucks to feel behind my friends and peers. It sucks that my parents have to fork out more money for me to continue my education because I'm a lazy ass.
Two days ago on my first finals paper I was studying before the exam but I wanted to cry, my heart was pounding and my head was throbbing. I had to leave the study room to take a breather outside, away from my friends. I have been sleeping overnight in campus cramming everything, but I pretty much think I'm going to flunk all my classes based on how bad it went and I'm going to have to repeat this semester.
I don't know, I can't shake this feeling off until I get back my results this Friday and it's killing me. I don't know who to turn to. | self.Anxiety |
3.5 years of constant severe face pain, headaches, earaches, blocked ears, deafness and misery. My mental health is suffering so bad. I'm so broken | self.depression |
Quetiapine: Is effectiveness reduced every time you start \ stop? Hi all. First time poster here.
Firstly, apologies if this has been asked before; I've Googled this question to death and all I get back are answers pertaining to "how to come off quetiapine" or withdrawal side effects.
I have had issues for years, and used to be on SSRI's. After a few years I would wean myself off them (with my Doctor's say-so) but inevitably end up back on the meds. I heard (from someone) that every time you stop \ start SSRI's that the effectiveness is reduced, and sometimes can stop working the same way completely.
My question is (1) is that accurate about SSRI's, or were they passing on bad info... and more importantly (2) is this true of quetiapine? I've discovered that, for me, this medicine helps greatly and I have no plans to quit it- but in case I do decide to try come off them some day I was curious as to whether I would "kill" my chances of utilizing this medicine after a while?
Please don't think I would take this as gospel- of course I would discuss coming off head-meds with my psych. It's just that our next appointment is 6mths away and I'm genuinely curious for the answer.
Thanks for reading. Good health and well wishes to all. | self.bipolar |
Wondering where to go now 27 years old. Back in January I enlisted with the National Guard. My recruiter told me not to disclose my history of being treated for depression and anxiety. I had been on meds for a year and felt I was in a much better place and capable of handling the military. Fast forward 8 months, I've been at Fort Benning, Georgia for 8 weeks doing basic. At first I was doing alright, but after the 6th week things started going down hill for me. My anxiety was through the roof. I was having a really diffecult time handling it. So I wrote home to my father about it. My father, concerned, contacted my chain of command, who in turn notified my senior drill sergeant.
My senior drill sergeant pulls me aside and had a man to man with me, completely taken aback because, according to him, I'm a model recruit and I don't cause any trouble. I decide to be honest and I tell him I'm having a rough time. He and my other drill sergeant are understanding and set me up with an apointment to see a medical officer at the community mental health services. There, I talk with the to-the-point medical officer and tell him I don't think that the military is for me and it's best that I get out. After coming back and then calling my father, who confirms and provides additional information to the officer, telling him I've always been tightly wound, I don't let things go, and I internalize my stress. The officer starts my paperwork and tells me it's important that I get help as soon as I'm home because I'll "have everyone fooled up until the moment I kill myself". There was more to the conversation, but that was the main point I walked away with.
4 weeks later I'm back home. I was chaptered out with a 5-11 and given and uncharactarized discharge. I'm waiting on my rsp sergeant to email me my documents and finish up the out-processing. I got my job back, and I plan on going to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I also plan on going back to school.
But, mentally, I feel very lost. I feel really guilty for giving up on myself and the army. I let myself down and, although they're all really supportive, I feel like I've let everyone around me down as well. My father and my fiancée, especially.
Any advice on this or anyone with an experience similar? I'm sure any current or prior military consider me a shitbag for this, and they may be right. | self.depression |
Need someone to talk to Recently things in my life have got out of hand and tbh I really wanna just end it all, but I know I can't theres gotta be something anyone can say to help me but in really debating using an exit bag quick and painless and it's not so hard to do, I normally wouldn't go to these much lengths to contemplate suicide but I've done tons of research in not exactly the most worth while person so it really shouldn't be much of a problem but im just to afraid to leave though it feels like the only thing I can do I've always kicked off with people for even saying it but now im at a point where it just seems necessary my father doesn't speak to me my family hardly ever see me I've been kicked out and live with a friend but her mother in law gets a thrill from making me feel worthless I've got nothing left but these horrible thoughts in my head I just need a friend before it's too late... | self.SuicideWatch |
What do you do to try and relax when you are feeling anxious at home? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
im so fucking frustrated at myself, and so lonely. i just want someone to talk to. i feel like such a piece of shit. i'm addicted to league of legends and i get mad at the game and break shit, and im generally just a depressed person. im never going to get a girlfriend, im never going to have anyone consider me their best friend, which means way more to me than they should. i want someone to talk to. DMs are open, i want to reply, but if i dont assume that im too anxious and awkward. thats why i cant call the suicide hotline. | self.SuicideWatch |
I honestly wish I could wear a t shirt [deleted] | self.depression |
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