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How do I pass my days without talking to people? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
i dont know how to be good enough for anybody else [deleted] | self.offmychest |
How you stop feeling like a failure and muster the courage to do something? I'm at a low point, almost 30 no job, dropped out of college to pursuit a number of IT projects that failed. I don't consider myself a good engineer and because of a 3-4 year employment gap I have due to my severe generalized anxiety+depression I think recruiters would consider me unemployable. My therapist and psychiatrist think otherwise but they don't know how the tech sector works. There's an old joke that when engineers turn 50 they are taken to the back of the barn and shot. Now it looks they might cut that number to 40.
I'm trying to rebuild but it's hard because my mental state cost me my career, my contacts and friends. I went into this sector because I didn't want to do networking since I suck at social occasions. But as it turns out this job has tons of that despite that you'll spend most of the time in front of a screen talking to nobody.
Whatever I do I have to do *something*, I can't simply lay around doing nothing anymore. My crippling anxiety is still there and medication+therapy is doing little to counter it, partly because no matter how many pills I take or how many hours I spend talking with a professional I'm still as screwed up life-wise as I am now, nothing changes.
I need advice since I don't know anyone IRL who has gone through the same situation I did so not only they can't relate to my problems but they can't offer me any useful advice of how to dig my way out of this.
I'm deadly afraid of doing something only to fail again because I don't know if I'll even land on my feet this time. I'm legit scared of ending up on the streets because of yet another of my fuckups. | self.Anxiety |
Making art relieves my depression and anxiety BUT I'm too depressed and anxious to make art 🙃 I've had such bad issues with self esteem lately that I'm petrified to put myself out there. I wish I could turn my illustrations and pottery into money, I'm just so scared of rejection. Plus the trouble making anything right now... | self.bipolar |
I didn't know it was possible to feel this alone I've been dealing anxiety and depression for a while and last week I finally went to see a psychiatrist about it. She prescribed an anti-depressant and I've been taking it as prescribed. But it doesn't seem to be helping. More and more I just think about how I'll never be able to find someone to spend my life with (as a result of never going out due to anxiety) and how if I do find someone, there's no way that person would love me if they new ever detail about me. Seriously, I'm a neurotic mess and I wouldn't want to be with someone like me.
Last week, I had hope for the future. It was the reason I actually went to the psychiatrist. But, now... I just feel like I'll be alone forever, and I should just give up. More and more the idea of suicide sounds like the best option for me.
The only thing stopping me from eating a bullet is knowing that my dad would be heart broken. | self.offmychest |
I don't know if I actually want to kill myself. I have had suicidal ideation since I was 12, when I found out what suicide was. I'm 22 now. I think have thought about suicide almost every day since then, and have made multiple half-assed attempts. I have anemia, and used to get dizzy sometimes. When I almost fainted once (saw static, couldn't stand) I was terrified. I just needed to vent. | self.SuicideWatch |
Mental illness is a hell of a thing. It’s Christmas and I let my family down. I didn’t go due to my anxieties. My dad said I ruined Christmas just like his alcoholic mom did. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. I pass my hurt on to others. I’m a complete failure. Mental illness is selfish and loveless. It happens to anyone no matter where you came from. I had (and still have) it all. Any opportunity was mine but somewhere in the circuitry of my brain, the sparks caught fire and burned the most good things about me. Somewhere between the charred matter a snippet of emotion and memory of my innocence and true self exists. It’s almost cruel as it serves as bait to remember what it was like before all this happened. They say pain is only temporary, but I’m not so sure that’s true anymore. Good luck everybody. | self.Anxiety |
Small Victory Saturday 12.2.17 What did you accomplish this week? Let's celebrate our victories together!
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Four more posts this year. I've been getting downvoted here lately and tempted to give these posts up because they don't do much for me and I feel bad at them, but some people tell me they appreciate them so for now I'll keep it up for them. On the 30th (or 29th depending on how my plans for a party look) I'll do one for the year. | self.bipolar |
every time i see an approaching bus while crossing the road i wonder if it's close enough to hit me before i reach the path [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Small Victory Saturday 9.2.17 (early but I'll be away tomorrow) Whether you got yourself out of bed or got to the top of Mt. Everest, you put effort into something this week. You might've even seen results. What did you put effort into and what victories did you achieve this week? Let's be proud of each other together. | self.bipolar |
When I think I don’t matter, nothing will matter any more. [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm trans. I'm tired, and all I want to get off my chest is that I'm trans (ftm). It's the one year anniversary of me accepting that I'm trans. I've lived in an unsupportive house, and I felt I was never allowed to know about the LGBT+ community. I've heard every insult under the sun, and it hurts, but I'm proud that I can stand on my own two feet. I have plans for my future and coming out once I'm financially independent. I've never even told my friends, who I know would be very supporting, but coming from an unsupportive house makes me expect the worst.
I just want to get this off my chest, thank you for reading. | self.offmychest |
Do you struggle to get up everyday and live? [removed] | self.depression |
Gender dysphoria. It's like a pain train that never stops coming, only stopping when it needs gas (aka sleep). i just wish i could stop it right now, to stop these bad thoughts, its a constant cycle, wake up, hang out with the family, play some games, sleep. and most of the time during all of that i have suicidal thoughts. I just needed to get my thoughts out, sorry | self.SuicideWatch |
Here is to those alone this Christmas like me. Forgotten by family in a city with no friends. I hope you are stronger then I am. I’ve been trying to sleep through it but it’s not working. Man I really do hate my life. | self.depression |
I wish I didn't feel this way Today I finally reached that point that I have been struggling towards. I can finally say that I've done it; I've graduated. And although today should have been a day of celebration I find that I'm not as happy as others expect me to be. I am proud of my achievement, but I'm ever more aware of my sacrifices to get here. This night should be spent drinking with someone I love; I instead feel an intense amount of loneliness. Can't I be normal for one moment? | self.offmychest |
Where do I start helping myself? 21M UK, I'm not sure if I have depression or whether how I feel is just part of my personality or just something everyone goes through and I'm just weak
I'd love to go see a doctor and get assessed in someway but I'm terrified of just being told something to the effect of "no you're fine, you're just a lil bitch"
Are these assessments done by your GP or at any hospital/clinic? I don't really want the "lil bitch" outcome with my village GP who I'll have to continue seeing | self.depression |
A jumbled mess of me, my words, my world. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Thinking about suicide to avoid an extremly painful and complicated surgery. [deleted] | self.depression |
rambling I was diagnosed with bipolar unspecified when I was 13 and didn't find out until a year ago. My parents had decided it was okay and totally not illegal to conceal this fact from me. Now that I'm an adult I don't know how to go about actually coping. It's just really weird suddenly being allowed to be open about my mental illness and not be told my mental illness doesn't exist... especially when it comes to my really intense hypersexuality. I don't really know what response I want, need, or expect to this, but validation would be nice? I don't know. Just trying to get my feet wet. | self.bipolar |
Lets Play a Game Help me pass the time as I count down the hours until I end my life. And maybe if you can, convince me not to, if you’re interested. 😜 | self.SuicideWatch |
I still love him and it hurts to do the right thing! [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Whats the most thing that give you guys reason to wake up Even in bad days, when you remember it, it give a hope and passion and get you going | self.bipolar |
Today I am thankful for being sick Ive been feeling like I'm on a up-swing, and it's really putting a damper on things. So yeah, that's ok I guess. | self.bipolar |
Am I a horrible person? My depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts are what set my apart from everyone else. Made me feel like my own person. Now that all of those feeling are gone I kind of... want them to come back. Before you say "oh you just want attention!" That's not it at all. I could care less if people knew. It became a part of me, and I feel sort of empty without it. | self.depression |
My annoying friend This friend would always talk about her parents abusing her but the abuse was just lecturing for being manipulative and lying and would complain and everyone in the chat sympathies with the friend and the friend is loved. my one friend, lets call dragon, knows about that the friend is doing this for attention. he tried for talking to the friend about it and the friend ignored dragon for about 2 years. it gets really annoying and makes real people of abuse look like shit | self.offmychest |
There's something wrong with me. It's like I want to catch a cold. Ok, hear me out. I hate being sick and I feel miserable when I'm sick. However, I'm also a bit of a workaholic and the only time I don't feel guilty taking a break, staying in bed, watching movies, etc is when I'm sick. I'm recovering from a pretty bad depressive episode and I feel as though I'm mostly better. However, it's that time of the semester when I'm just super tired and I almost want to catch the cold my students keep bringing to class so that I can have an excuse to cancel lectures for one day and do nothing. Even on weekends, I can't completely divorce myself from my work without feeling super anxious. I love my work but I love it so much I don't know how to relax and take breaks.
I think there is something deeply wrong with me for feeling this way. I tried googling "I want to catch a cold" to see if other people have experienced the same thing but couldn't find anything so now I'm almost convinced I'm mentally disturbed. I just want an excuse to cuddle up under 5 layers of blankets and eat popsicles all day without feeling bad about it. | self.Anxiety |
Struggling with adulthood. Throwaway account.
Things that are contributing to my depression:
- I'm a 19 year old female studying full-time at my local community college, due to my inability to work because of my busy school schedule, my boyfriend (21) had to pick up a 50/hr a week job with a one hour commute in order to support us, So he's gone now for 14/15 hours a day 4 days a week, 16/17 hours if there is really bad traffic. I barely see him now. He contributes to a lot of my happiness.
- I'm going for a doctorate so I won't even be done with school until I'm 27, and then I'll have to deal with several thousands dollars in student loan debt. I feel such an immense amount of pressure to have a showy career and make an overwhelming amount of money because I grew up incredibly poor with a broken family, in which my dinners either consisted of a handful of otter pops or a $1 Mr.P's pizza split between my two siblings and I.
- My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now and were considering eloping next year or the year after, and now I'm scared that i'll get cut off from fafsa If we do so, because it'll change my status to an independent.
- I have no "girl-friends", I have tried everything, friendsmatch, girlfriendsocial, not4dating, strictly platonic forum on craigslist, local subreddits. Nothing has worked.
- I have no health insurance, constantly fearful that i'm sick or dying and have no idea.
- Sometimes the only ways to get me out of suicidal thoughts is to place myself in a daydream where I have endless money and nothing to worry about, I find myself living in these fantasies more and more lately.
- Constantly struggling with anxiety and body dysmorphia, I'm thin now, but can't stop seeing the zit riddled fat kid in the mirror.
- I'm growing increasing terrified of where I live, Someone has been stealing my mail for the last month, a man was murdered on my street a few weeks ago, and a hole was shot in my window with a BB gun, my only form of security is my German Shepherd.
- The ever growing thought that all of this can go away if I just kill myself, or attempt to go off-grid. I'm terrified of dying, yet feel sometimes like it's the best option to avoid pain and disappointment. | self.depression |
Severe agitation and hiw to deal with it Hi all. Bipolar 1 here suffering auite badly from agitation, sometimes so much that I have to walk around just to get rest. Taking a downer (usually Lorazepam if my doc prescribes, Etizolam when I self-prescribe)
Meds:
1200mg Lithium carbonate
150mg Moclobemide (tapering off from 450 since 6 weeks]
10mg Olanzapine
Of course a nice dose of brain fog and anxiety get mixed in too. I walk at least an hour a day, more if it’s particularly bad. I don’t drink alcohol but used to have a coke habit (12w clean with 1 relapse).
Am I right in pointing the finger at Moclobemide-taper? What other options do you see?
TIA | self.bipolar |
In a medication realted slump So today is my third week on lexapro. Up until Saturday I was feeling pretty good on it. But on Saturday I went out to the movies and had a MASSIVE panic attack, the worst one I’ve had in 2 years. Now, I feel like I can’t even go out on the medicine. My anxiety has gotten worse and I’m super depressed because I feel like I have regressed. I’m going to stick it out at least a month but I’m a wreck right now. Starting to think SSRIs aren’t for me. | self.Anxiety |
19.Virgin.Suicidal.Hopeless for more than 6 years. This week will be the week. You can check previous posts if you want. Doesn't matter no one cares the world will be the same the same people who mourn will die eventually too so it is what it is at this point. | self.SuicideWatch |
Extremely Personal: Possibly NSFW. So, I've been diagnosed with Pure O, OCD. I've been having an intense problem lately.
When I'm masturbating, sometimes a horribly disgusting thought will pop into my head. Something horribly wrong. I'll just do my best to force the thought out of my head and keep masturbating.
But. Since the thought is still lingering when I reach climax, I feel guilty. I keep thinking "What if that particular thought is the reason I climaxed. What if I really want that."
I know these aren't true thoughts, but I still feel extremely guilty about them. Anyone have a similar experience? Are these just intrusive thoughts? | self.Anxiety |
I'm causing my boyfriend anxiety, and it causes me terrible anxiety as well. My boyfriend and I had a fight, and his problem is that I talk too much, and it stresses him out. I constantly have to message him, and he's an introvert so it overwhelms him. He said I'm the biggest amount of stress in his life.
This causes me a lot of anxiety and stress. I haven't ate or drank anything today. I've been in the bathroom constantly. I only showered because I smelled gross.
I took my benzo last night, but it didn't help. i wanna take it today, but I probably shouldn't take it.
I don't know how to relax, and franky I just kinda wanna die. I don't get how people tell me I'm a good person, or that I'm a wonderful person. I'm not.
Why don't people just believe me? | self.Anxiety |
Having a really hard time getting over you Self admittedly, you were a coward in how you ended things. A text saying you needed a “break” , and that was it. No more contact, no further explanation, nothing.
While I️ know that saying you wanted a “break” meant that things were over, it fucking sucks because it feels like you weren’t being honest to spare my feelings - but that shit made it worse. It led me to believe that there was something I️ could change, and it provided me with false hope.
I️ think you knew early on what I️ was to you - a rebound. Though that wasn’t the case for me, I imagine you felt guilty that I️ was so into you, and in turn you let this develop into something that you weren’t looking for.
I️ don’t blame you. I️ just wish I️ could get some closure. Yell at me, tell me you hate me and never want to see me again - anything, just so that I️ can finally have a reason to stop thinking about you.
| self.offmychest |
How the hell do you get anything done? Can someone please shed some light on how you compartmentalise different tasks when you’re manic. I can’t concentrate on a single thing. Even as I type this I’m wanting to text ten different people. I’m really struggling with this, it’s like I have a billion ideas in my head and no way of coherently releasing them into fruition. Does anyone have a coping mechanism for this that makes them feel even an element of control? | self.bipolar |
I officially accept that I am not meant to be happy, and cannot have so much as one good day Had a good day yesterday, today has proved that for every halfway decent day I have I will have such awful luck the following day that it is not worth it, my $200 PC monitor got knocked over, barely even a bump, it fucking SHATTERED. Im done, fuck it all, this fucking life is garbage
Edit: should add, I am a graphic design student and an HD monitor is needed to do good work, and I am set to graduate in 2 weeks, but this is probably going to prevent that | self.SuicideWatch |
Everyone hates liars, including myself, I can't live like this. I don't remember the first time I lied, but I do remember the first time I was caught. I was playing basketball in my cul-de-sac with a friend. I had lied about my rec team swim practice; I told my father that the coach said I didn't need to go until Summer practices. When dad verified this info with the coach, he found it wasn't true, and this caused my whole web of lies come undone. It wrecked my family for a long while, and nobody trusted my word for years to follow.
I wish I had learned some lesson then, one that would have stopped me from becoming who I am now, but I didn't.
I'm nearly 30 years old now, and I tell tales daily. Strangers, friends, family, it doesn't matter, the lies come out. The lies exit my mouth before I even know it's happening, and they're usually variations of the same stories. My typical lies consist of augmented childhood, work, and, educational history. It's crazy because I have a reasonably interesting history full of honest successes and plenty of truthful stories. I rarely tell those. I lie instead.
None of the lies are too big or grandiose, and most are rooted in some versions of the truth, but plenty of them are not.
Recently, I fell in love. She is the most significant woman I've ever met when I was around her; my whole world felt brighter. The lies though, they kept coming. So many false narratives, I could barely keep them straight.
If she ever spoke with my family, it would become clear quickly, that I was a liar. The more I fell for her, the more I knew I had to end it. I didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes when she found out I was full of shit. I didn't want her to be wary of trusting other people after me.
I've tried to stop, trust me. Every time I enter a new social circle, relationship, or a new job, or an environment, I tell myself: "This is it. You can start over; you can be yourself this time! Be the real you!" And sometimes I can, for a week or two, but then something happens in my mind, and the lies pour out.
The only person who I talk to about my lies is my sister, and she's tried to help. She recently pointed out that a friend of hers has anger management issues, and was able to overcome it with talk therapy and programs.
Liars don't have that luxury. A Google search will turn up everything you need to know. Liars are a social pariah that should be avoided at all costs.
I can't maintain relationships because my brain won't let me be honest. Also, my lies are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my failures as a human being. Whether it's narcissism, psychopathy, or borderline personality disorder, there's not much hope for me in the way of treatment or recovery.
When it comes down to it, I know I'm a shit person, and I just don't to be me anymore.
There's something wrong in my head, and that's that. Since the break up two weeks ago, I've walked this earth with pressure behind my eyes, ready to cry at any moment, because I've created a personal hell where I isolate and sabotage myself every time I have a conversation.
I can't live like this anymore. I think I'm going to hang myself from a bridge. I know the spot where I'm going to do it. I'm going to try very hard to make it through the holidays, because, I don't want to ruin the holiday for my parents.
At the funeral, if anyone shows up, and if they compare stories they heard from me, I think it will become obvious to all what a shitbag I was.
| self.SuicideWatch |
One thing I learned at my last psych appointment Don't try to self-diagnose.
The doctors we see are (hopefully) highly skilled, highly trained, and highly caring.
Don't go in looking to be diagnosed with something and only talk about the symptoms that match what you think you have.
Be honest, even about things you don't want to be honest about.
Feels good to have myself accurately and fully diagnosed for the first time. | self.bipolar |
I hate when the reddit community is blinded by racism Especially when it comes to the undocumented community. From the posts regarding the undocumented community, there seems to be lots of hate. Europe countries and the USA are places that build their prosperity off third world countries. American companies leech off cheap labor in other countries and hate it when people immigrate. It doesn’t make sense. I support a clean immigration reform for all undocumented people. I just want undocumented students and young adults not to lose hope in a better future. | self.offmychest |
I think i am losing my mind. I get this cringe in my head, never felt this suicidal before. not gonna do it though. i failed everything. im broke, dumb, numb, lazy, ugly, unlucky, mad, awkward, getting fat. i do nothing, i let down my mother. she is the only reason i suffer. she is the only reason keeping me away from suicide. my brain aches of these thoughts. i am getting more mentally addicted to marijuana everyday. my brain disfunctions. these antidepressants dont work anymore. | self.depression |
PTSD/Anxiety induced by external forced factors This isn't a new topic, regarding smoking weed and getting anxiety. Read it many times here, but important for me to share my personal experience last night. Talking about this helps.
Got some new vape equipment for wax... took a couple hits, probably no more than 10 seconds worth of vapor (yes, this is a lot for a concentrate, but I have had more in the past. I'm generally a VERY cautious person. Read read read.).
Started at 11:30PM. The worse came around 12:30AM... Lasted till about 1AM till I fell asleep. Time range seems to fall in line with the effects of cannabis.
Had one of my first semi-panic attacks ever.
Thought of calling 911... but remembered all the experiences I've read here. People in the hospital, everything turns out okay. (So no, that wasn't the solution! If I didn't know better, if I wasn't as prepared... I'm not sure what would have happened! So I thank the knowledge I've acquired through reddit that made me a bit more mentally prepared for last night. ;) )
Said some odd stuff to my friend.. maybe this helped me cope through the moment.
And deleted my reddit account last night. I didn't want to be involved with anything bad anymore.
Well, as you can see, I'm back... I can't escape reddit... I like to read and now, contribute.
I'd say it was mild in comparison to others, like that guy's experience I read here who smoked too much when he was 14. .... 15 years later, he still suffers from what he experienced that night.
Moral of the story, I guess being forced out of your comfort zone (with whatever it may be.... kidnapping, rape, abuse, ... weed, such as here) will surely leave someone mentally scarred. In a way, it's inevitable with some things. With anything that will force discomfort, you don't know it's coming for you, till it gets you!!
Again, I'm pretty alright. It was borderline for me. As a general guideline of thoughts I've had, I think the theory here discovered is that that pushing personal comfort boundaries helps people overcome their fears... being forced beyond that, makes it worse. And that must mean, not pushing comfort zones doesn't help you recover from your fears.
Glad I was able to fall asleep... I woke up with subtle regret. Felt more comfortable around my coworkers during the day... it was as if I beat some social anxiety by pushing my comfort zone last night. That's all for now. Being open helps. Stay safe! | self.Anxiety |
About to be 1 year married but in-laws don’t know yet. How do we break the news? My wife was afraid of telling them before since there is history of domestic abuse to someone suffering with schizophrenia and a bitter divorce with one of her sisters and his continued “bipolar” behavior (that’s another topic for another day but perhaps this will change that). He has not been diagnosed; she just uses the term loosely to describe his behavior.
Anyways, how do you guys think we should go about telling my in-laws? I’m prepared to answer all questions and break any stigma. Assure them that nothing will change and a switch won’t all of a sudden be flipped etc.
I guess the main concern comes from my wife. She’s concerned they’re going to be mad we didn’t tell them sooner or that they’ll look at me different. But sometimes we overthink things and they’ll continue to love me (and us) the same as before.
Thanks in advance for the advice. I enjoy being part of this community. | self.bipolar |
need help im pretty sure i have a lower level of bipolar, i have not been diagnosed and going to psychiatrists and mental health professionals scares the shit out of me..I feel really apathetic and lethargic, my moods swing up and down and I have no motivation for life, I feel hopeless and I dont ever feel like doing anything. I have a fear of psychiatric meds and everytime ive seen a family doctor they prescribed SSRI's Ive never taken them. Does anyone have any advice or can guide me? I can somehow deal with the low moods , but I cant deal with this apathy and lethargy and lack of motivation. I also overthink , feel guilty, and have anxiety and a little bit of OCD like symptoms. | self.bipolar |
I’m lost and have no fucking clue what to do I honestly feel like dying. Just leave all this shit behind and end it. Yet i can’t cus i still have a couple of friends who mean the world to me but even though im super close to them it still feels like im a ‘lone wolf’ of sorts. I know that if i kill myself i’ll just add more problems onto them and i know i can’t do that. So now i’m just torn between that unbearable feeling of wanting to die and not being able to. I just dont know what to do anymore | self.depression |
I hate when people blame me for my depression [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Severe depression Hey all. Has anyone complained to their parents how bad their depression was? I have every day for the past 7-9 months. | self.depression |
I'm in the middle of a pretty shitty depressive episode and I'm done trying :) Felt the need to get some stuff off my chest so I'm sorry if this is scattered.
I don't even know where to start. I'm so fucking sad and nothing helps. Sometimes I'll get this tiny glimmer of hope and I'll want to keep going but it never lasts. I'm so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. I'm hyper self-aware which makes it tough when I feel like I'm not communicating the right image to people. I'm terrified of being disgusting and unwanted so I just don't even try. At all. The only way I'm able to function is when I completely disassociate.
The worst part is that I have absolutely no social life, all because I push people away. I've lost almost all of my friends in the past few years. I'm actually turning 18 in a couple of weeks and I'm absolutely dreading it because what the fuck can I do without friends?
I know how fucking dramatic this sounds but the fact that I probably have never gotten closer than 5 feet from a guy makes me want to die. So needless to say, I'm very much a kissless virgin. I mean, I get that it's different for girls but when all of my friends (I mean, the ones I don't have anymore) are doing shit with guys it makes me feel like I'm missing out on life, ya know? I just feel pathetic. Also I can't bring myself to do anything anymore. All I want to do now is sleep. I will never be able to hold down a job, keep friends, find a relationship etc. because with all of my issues, it's pretty much impossible.
So yeah, I'm going on my 4th year of therapy. I've been on 3 SSRI's and none of them have done shit except make me suicidal. I used to run but I stopped because it wasn't making me happy anymore. For the past two years or so, the only thing that really made me happy was music but not even that helps anymore. I'm just so fucking done.
Also, I'm so sorry for how dramatic this is. It's probably hard to take me seriously (because of that and my username haha). I'm just feeling hopeless and desperate and I needed an outlet.
| self.depression |
My depression is getting worse and i'm scared that i might kill myself [deleted] | self.depression |
France suicide watch needs backup So. Here’s the thing. I’m an American and I’ve lived abroad in France for 2 years. I’ve got some issues I wouldn’t qualify as major, given the fact that I’ve read reddit threads for several years and know that my life has been a cake walk compared to some. That being said, I just walked home from a perfectly lovely dinner/game night with friends and plotted my worst self harm yet. The only thing that stopped me from using our chopping knife was that I don’t currently own any bandages. But that got me thinking to maybe if I don’t have bandages it’s not the end of the world, at least not everyone else’s, only mine, and i seriously considered it for a while. It took me a decent amount of time to realize I was contemplating whether or not a potential suicide was that big of a deal. Because where I live, I’m not near family and while they’d probably be devastated for a bit, I’ve lived across the ocean for 2 years so they’d adjust. And I haven’t found anyone where I live who seems to think I’m worth their time either, so here we are. But so to get to the real problem. It’s almost 1am here in France. I’ve called about 5 différent suicide hotlines and I’ve been hung up on by machines because it is « after hours » . France needs to get their shit together. 5 suicide hotlines made me feel so sad and I sobbed and felt alone, but I had enough to keep me going. Others might not. This is a problem.
TL/DR: called 5 suicide hotlines in France and I got hung up on by an automatic
message because it was after hours. Fix it please. | self.SuicideWatch |
Body jolts? Just a few days ago I started experiencing the weirdest sensation of a very sudden shock feeling anywhere from my stomach to my head. I've experienced just about every other damn symptom of anxiety but this is a new one. Several times a day it feels like my stomach is dropping (like being on a roller coaster). Do any of you get these sudden jolts as well? | self.Anxiety |
DAE feel like they get neglected by their friends Recently I felt my friends were having a go at me for the craziest of reasons and since then I just can’t do anything. They’re very judgemental people. Since then, I’m stuck in this place where I just don’t talk, sometimes days on end, because I fear that someone might judge me. My friends have stopped talking to me whenever I go to social events and stuff with them and I just feel lonely. I feel rejected. I feel emotionally unwell. I feel worthless. They make me feel like a waste of Human Resources because of their constant nagging about my imperfections. Unfortunately I have nowhere else to go as I don’t feel comfortable talking with new people and everything and I don’t want to be known as that guy who sits by himself praying that he doesn’t get noticed all recess or anything.
To be honest I don’t even know if I’m in the right subreddit or anything but I feel this social anxiety whenever I’m talking to anyone. It’s like I feel people would permanently judge me based off of what I say, despite myself knowing that it is most likely untrue. Basically I feel like dying every time I look back on my previous conversation I had with someone because how I may have messed up something and that I’d be judged for it.
To top it all off I have this social camp on Friday alongside 250 other people my age I’ve never met before. There is absolutely no way for me to avoid this and I feel pain within me just thinking about it. I can’t talk to anyone and the supervisors will force me to do those stupid team-building activities. I feel really uncomfortable being around a space with no one to go to and forced to socialise with people I’ve never met. I know it’d probably be fine, but there’s this supernatural feeling that just haunts within me.
Anyway, I don’t know if this is the right subreddit or I’ve wasted some of you guys’ time or anything but I just needed to let it all out. I brought up a lot of courage to try and spit out what has been left in me for months. I feel uncomfortable talking about it to any people in my life, including my family and my close friends. Hope you can help. Thank you in advance :) | self.Anxiety |
Stress, Grief, and a Big Mess My best friend's brother died suddenly on Friday. He was only 40 years old. Because I have no biological family, my best friend's family took me in 17 years ago. I feel like my own brother died.
What has this got to do with bipolar disorder? My mood is effectively a mess. I feel like crying all the time, but the fact that I'm not *actually* family makes me feel like I have no right to that, so I just sit on things and keep feeling worse. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and my job has gone by the wayside. Everything is wrong with the world, and there is no chance at routine. It's chaos. I know things will improve, but this has hit me hard. That takes time.
My therapist, being an amazing person, is seeing me during her lunch break next week. I'm hoping that we can work some of this out together.
Thanks for listening and letting me vent, folks. I really haven't got a lot of outlets right now. | self.bipolar |
Panic attacks becoming daily Later 2016 I had my first panic and anxiety attacks ever. Went away for awhile but lately they've returned much more severely. Had 4 in one day at its worst a few days ago but it "calmed down" to one attack a day lasting 15-45 minutes followed by hours of a headache and/or being drained.
What can I do? 😢 I already take klonopin, 1mg 2-3x a day for general severe anxiety but I've also had attacks where klonopin didn't help either. I'm fucking terrified this is my new normal. | self.Anxiety |
Drastically cutting carbs helped with my depression I just wanted to share it with you. I'm no doctor but it really worked for me. | self.depression |
I know firsthand how much it hurts to lose someone to suicide. But somehow, that doesn’t deter me anymore from thinking of doing it, even if I know I’ll hurt people. I just can’t care enough, and life isn’t worth it enough, for me to stick around for anyone else’s sake. Besides that, sometimes I’ll see someone writing to or about a loved one that died by suicide, talking about how much they loved the person and the nice things they remember… and it sounds really nice, even if I’d be dead and unable to hear it. Suicide has just become oddly comforting to me. | self.depression |
I want to recommend you guys a book, that immediately helps to change your daily life in a positive way. Manoj Krishna's "Understanding Me, Understanding You: An enquiry into being human" - an amazing book that makes you go through your own journey of realizing yourself ! It has helped me evaluate my own life . Must read. It is helping me in my life, to be more aware of my thoughts, actions and reactions in a positive way ! ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/0995683301 ) | self.Anxiety |
What is a support system? I hear a good support system can make your life a lot liveable. | self.SuicideWatch |
Just waiting for cat to die Really at this point in my life I’m just waiting for my cat to die of natural causes so I can “rob” a bank and commit suicide by having a cop shot me dead. Kill two birds with one stone- I die and I get to traumatize a cop for life. | self.offmychest |
Since the bad breakup I had in August I’ve finally found someone I’m really interested in but it’s driving my anxiety. I have both anxiety and depression. I dated a girl for 6 months and it ended via phone call in August and I didn’t see it coming and was devastated. She said she just didn’t love me anymore. Since then I’ve been extremely depressed but had a few dates here and there, but nothing ever really worked out or materialized. I finally found someone that I really like and have been on a few dates with, and I’m really hoping it ends up being serious/exclusive and she seems like she wants that too, but even though my depression is starting to fade away, my anxiety is starting to rise quite a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather be happy and anxious than sad and depressed, but I’d rather just be happy, and I constantly worry or think that maybe it won’t work or what if she is seeing someone else and so on and so on. Im on both anxiety and depression meds but they aren’t that effective and I’m trying to find a proper way to cope with this anxiety and don’t know how. Any advice is much appreciated. | self.Anxiety |
15, depressed, and lonely. Posting here because I don't know what else to do. [deleted] | self.depression |
I have gone days without talking to anyone I just got out of a bad relationship recently. But I have a issue with dependancy. I let him dictate my entire life. I let him into my head to the point I feel brainwashed. I hate everyone. I don't trust anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone because I know he will get mad and be jealous. He is the closest and only person I have in my life and even though we broke up he wants us to remain best friends. We dated for 2 years and it was Rocky the entire time. But I let him get his hooks into me and I can't get out. I am terrified to not have him in my life because then I will be truly alone. I don't talk to anyone else. I am 26 years old and I have 0 friends other then him. I am terrified of being alone. But he is seeing someone else now. She is 100 times better then me in every way. She is super model gorgeous and everything that me and him shared she has as well. I feel replaced. But I don't want to not be his friend and not have him in my life. I'm terrified to lose him. I cling to the hope one day he will want me again. I haven't talked to another person in over a week. and if he is busy with her I don't talk to anyone at all. I just lay on my couch staring at the wall and having a constant never ending panic attack. I have sever depression and severe anxiety that I take medicine for both. But they only make the feelings bearable and don't take them away completely. I don't sleep. I just want to throw myself at every fuck boy on dating apps just to have some kind of physical attention even if it is only sex. Even if I am not attracted to them. I don't care. I just want someone to love me. I want someone to hold me and make me feel not alone. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've been kicked in the chest. It hurts to breathe. I made a noose and stood on a stool with it around my neck for over a hour the other night crying. But I couldn't do it. I don't know how to go on living. | self.depression |
Am i the only one? My mom is really the only thing keeping me here. I woke up in a really bad place and found a card with my name on it. My mom had got me roses for absolutely no reason other than her love for me. Instead of making me happy, it made me really sad. I love her more than anything in this world. I don't deserve this. She doesn’t understand what’s going on in my head, I told her about my depression and how i have been growing more tired of life every single day but she wouldn’t listen, she didn’t take me seriously, eventually she just walked away and started doing the dishes. It hurt at first, but i don’t blame her, she’s just scared. Even if she doesn’t understand me or my life her pressence still calms me like nothing else, just the sounds of her cooking in the evening, or how she asks about my day every time i come home, she loves me and never judges me for my mistakes. I just know my death would destroy her, i know she would see it as her fault and she will never be the same again. I love her, and i will fight on for her, i have no doubts as much as it hurts, she is more important than me. | self.SuicideWatch |
Every time I go to my aunt's house, I become really "out of it". [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
dude is trying to start a fight with me and it's stressing me out [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Have to study. Can't study. Panic attack kicks in. I know I NEED to study for college but I just can't. FUCK. I feel like I am this child that only does what he wants but lately I feel so down that I want joy. Just joy. Today I played videogames instead of studying and it was bringing me joy until the moment I remembered of my studies and just entered a panic attack and now I wish I just died. How can I be such a failure. HOW CAN I NOT CONTROL MYSELF? Why do I cry for every thing that goes wrong. Besides I also have the equivalent of 40 dollars to spend until the end of the month. I just want to die. I can't deal with this world. end the endless cycle of pain | self.depression |
Experience with Kava Kava? I was officially diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) when I started having chest pains after I drank, had starchy meals, or smoked too much reefer. After my diagnosis I made several lifestyle changes (paleo-ish diet, consistently going to the gym, taking ashwagandah, meditating, etc.). But the problems with alcohol and pot persist. As a young 20-something, I still want to cut loose without worrying if I am going to have an attack or feel suddenly uncomfortable.
I’m wondering if anyone on this sub has had experience drinking Kava Kava (note in supplement/pill form). Did it work? How did it make you feel? Would you recommend it?
| self.Anxiety |
i wanna die die die dieeeeee idk
previously, if i was feeling like this, i would at least try to message my friends and have a little bit of positivity coming my way, but recently i realised that i don't really have *any friends*. at all. i just have the illusion of friends. you know, it was mostly just those people that say 'if you need anything, hit me up!!', but when you really follow that up, theyre instantly done with the situation because they've got better things to do.
at least that was kinda nice. now i have nobody to even pretend they wanna be there for me and it sucks.
idk what my point.
maybe im asking for advice?? i honestly dont know | self.SuicideWatch |
My 11 year old brother who acts like he is 3. My little shit, "tattletale" brother. is 10 years old, but he acts like he is still in kindergarten. i have a few problems with him. 1: no sense of cleanliness at all. He leaves used suckersticks everywhere, he eats like a pig, when he uses the bathroom he pisses everywhere and blames it on me, his room reeks of semen, and he doesn't shower for weeks on end. When we confront these problems, he immediately turns into the victim and starts bawling and acting like we just beat him or something, and when i confront my parents about it, they 100% take his side, and get me in trouble for lies told by him about random bullshit. 2nd "tattletale". ok im going to give a senario. I walk into the kitchen to get an ice cream sandwich. :Shithead brother walks in. Him:"MOM!!! _____ IS GETTING AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH!!!" and then he tries to get me in trouble for anything he can. 3rd. inabilty to listen. Senario. Me: dont go in my room and take my stuff" Him: Your not my DAD. sprints down to my room to take my stuff. Senario 2: Parents: Get off your IPad. Him: Nooo. Parents: get off or your grounded. Him: runs downstairs crying with IPad to go play more roblox for 19Hrs. I dont need to list anymore senarios. I think you get the point. But whenever i personally confront him he starts crying and says i hit him and gets me in trouble. And when i confront my parents He:plugs ears in front of them and their talking to him and starts making noise. Or: Parents don't talk to him at all.
I know what your thinking. :he is only 11 he'll stop eventually. But our middle school starts early and he cant act mature yet, and im trying to save him from getting endlessly bullied and hated. Help Please!!!!!! | self.offmychest |
I feel like I always have to compete and fight like hell to get somebody's love. [deleted] | self.depression |
Getting real fucking fed up With work!
Nothing I ever do is good enough. God forbid I ask a question or I request something (which is commonly requested by others) and all I get is pushback. You rather not coop me up in a hotel overnight instead drive for 10+ hours in a two day span, be mentally and physically exhausted and not have the drive to work?
You do it for everyone else for fucks sake
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but my superiors are fucking awful. Such micromanagement!!!
Barely 5 months here. Left my old job for similar reasons, ate away at my self esteem and well being.
Maybe I just need to accept this is going to happen everywhere I go, I will never be smart or good enough for anyone.
Maybe you wouldn’t have these issues with me if you didn’t lie about the job location during my excessive month and a half interview process into the first week training at corporate.
Fuck you.
| self.offmychest |
Departure I hope that I wont wake up the next morning .
I hope that I'll leave everyone and everything by tonight .
Goodnight world. | self.depression |
Life is moving too quickly On mobile, sorry for errors and formating.
Anyways, I feel like life is moving too quickly. I am 25, work at a major grocery chain and am attending a local community college for networking/sys admin education.
Just yesterday it seems I was 16, spending my days playing battlefield 2 with some buds all day every day.
Then I was 21 with little direction in life and trying to muster the courage to go to school.
Two years later, I begin attending college. I do ok, but it is difficult balancing full time work and full time classes.
I am taking a low dose of sertraline daily as of a few months ago. It has helped but I think that I have always been a bit suicidal. I think about the future and applying for jobs in my career field. I think about having a home and a large income... I think about positive things and yet they seem like daunting exhausting tasks.
TLDR
Life is overwhelming and I often think it would be simpler to just end it all now despite having no real hardships. | self.SuicideWatch |
Gotta love when you're late to work because you remember you didn't take your meds and have to turn around Got halfway to work today and suddenly was struck with, "oh fuck, forgot my meds!" And with a 9-hour shift, no way I wouldn't feel like shit by the end if I just skipped them. Usually my husband reminds me, but when I have to wake up before him it's so easy to forget grr. | self.bipolar |
im crying i hate this pain and these feelings that make me depressed and cant even smile anymore and i feel like i will go crazy and get mental illeness. i want someone tp help me and talk to me. please | self.offmychest |
Is anxiety an illness of habit or a physical defect in the brain? I've just been wondering since anxiety makes me feel like I have brain damage sometimes. Is the way I think during the day the cause of my anxiety or is it that my brain is "damaged"?
I know drugs can damage your brain, but I've only smoked weed like 10 times in my life and I've had anxiety since I was 5. My brother has it too. | self.Anxiety |
TMS Therapy? I have tried meds for almost a year now, nothing works.
Basically all I’m asking is TMS Therapy a scam, or does it actually work? | self.depression |
Nighttime hallucinations/delusional symptoms. So, I just got back from a trip. It kicked me into a mood episode, full on hyperenergy, irritability, amazing euphoria...and nighttime psychosis.
A few nights ago I laid down, amazing geometric shapes going through my head, and I heard three voices very distinctly in the back of my head, commenting on what I should or shouldn't do. Two male one female. My brain came up with images of what the people speaking looked like, as well. I was falling asleep at this point so I didn't pay any attention, but holy hell were the voices crisp as anything.
I need to stress this was not AUDITORY. I did not HEAR them. But I EXPERIENCED them. It felt like they were coming from the back of my head, like I said.
Previously (read: a few months ago) I had a brief delusional moment where I believed I was a 26 year old woman named Jessica that was being held by aliens in stasis...ALSO when going to sleep.
I don't have psychotic or delusional symptoms during my normal day to day.
Does this happen to anyone else? Does anyone have any information about why this happens? | self.bipolar |
I feel like giving up on my friend with depression, but I feel horrible actually doing it. [deleted] | self.depression |
I don't know what to do anymore. I've been dealing with abuse pretty much my whole life. Every single time I feel like I'm well enough to break away from it all something happens and I'm forced back into this same stupid, shitty situation.
Things this year have been worse than ever. I got into therapy, got on meds, started getting my shit together just a little bit and it's like the abuse was turned up to an 11. It's like the harder I fight to get better the harder I'm dragged back down.
I was offered a place to stay with a friend but she lives too far away for me to get to her. I have no money, no way of getting any, and I feel completely lost and helpless.
I don't have anyone I can ask for help and the last time I asked someone for help, my parents found out and had a damn field day. A whole lot of fuck me for being me and for trying to get away.
I'm 32 and I feel like this is how it's always going to be. I'm sick of hearing shit like "Good things come with time" and "Something will happen that will get you out." No. I've been putting up with this for 20 years and there's no getting out anymore.
Sorry for the rant. I feel fucking hopeless and I don't know how much longer I can take living here. | self.bipolar |
I'm not sure if it's the meds, or the acceptance that I have anxiety... But something worked today. And I'm so fucking happy [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
When to tell people about my diagnosis? I'm starting college again in a week and am going to meet a lot of new people and hopefully make some close friends. I attended this college last year, but didn't really make any friends or function at all because I spent the first semester in a horrible mixed episode. I ended up getting a medical withdrawal, and took online classes in the spring. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain the situation to people I meet - I'm not a transfer student, I'm not a freshman, but this is the first semester I'm going to really be there for.
I guess I'll just say that I took last spring off? Maybe mention depression if I'm a little closer to someone? I guess my big concern is when to drop the word bipolar. I'd like to have at least a couple friends who are aware of it and know when to point out bizzare behavior, but I also don't want to over share or tell people too early.
Last fall, the approach I took was to not tell anybody anything until I got hypomanic or drunk and then tell them way too much - blow by blow of past incidents. I really want to decrease stigma, but I don't want to scare people by telling them too much. I'd like close friends to know, but I don't want my diagnosis to negatively impact people's views of me.
How/when do you share your diagnosis? | self.bipolar |
Unless you stop putting other people's lives ahead of your own, you will always be depressed. Dont you hate it ? | self.depression |
Returning to University as a dropout. I don't even know where to begin, I guess at the start is appropriate. I don't expect to garner any sympathy by writing this out. It's just I have sat with this elephant on my chest for 7 years now, and It isn't going away. Maybe this will help, even just a little. This post is meant to be cathartic, for me to release this anxiety, this bizarre feeling I have as an adult returning to college.
All my middle/high school life, I knew that I would go to college, maybe grad school and then enter the world. My dad did it, his dad did it, and my mom did as well. My best friends, 99% of my graduating class, all went to college/university and moved on. I am a born and partially raised US citizen that went to an elite private high school overseas in Asia. Life seem laid out in front of me.
I went from a metropolitan area to a small liberal arts college in cold as fuck northern Wisconsin. On my own for the first time, and a stranger in what should have been my homeland. The culture was familiar, but foreign. By virtue of living overseas for my formative years, I missed all of the milestones of US high school. Driving, homecoming games, massive high school classes, dating (the culture at my school was mostly prudish and academic focused). I was experiencing culture shock and couldn't relate to my peers.
But freshman year isn't that bad. Everyone is new and awkward, and I was on a varsity team sport, so I made friends on the team. No big deal. Hell, I even joined a fraternity.
But being truly on my own for the first time, literally on the other side of the world from my parents, with only my aunt and uncle on the other end of the state as nearby family, was dangerous for me. Maybe I didn't necessarily need adults breathing down my back, as many freshman do just fine, but I wasn't ready. The seasons changed. Northern Wisconsin makes daylights savings ridiculous, its pitch black by 3pm. I stopped going to class, I got in trouble for plagiarism, my grades dropped. I had no self control, I played video games in lieu of working, I ate out of control. I finished my first year with a <2.0 GPA, and got suspended from the team.
I understand that I lead a privileged life with many once in a lifetime opportunities, and that even being able to go to college is a dream that many people never experience.
The worst feeling in my life was seeing my parents that summer, with the knowledge that they had seen my grades. Through plagiarism and laziness, the blame was on me, and me alone. My father was kind enough to give me two options. I could return to school and figure my shit out, or get a job and go from there.
So, I dropped out. I still felt the black brand of my failures at college on my shoulders. I never told my friends in school and back home why I left. I essentially ghosted everyone. To be a college dropout with my background was unthinkable. I fled every source of school I could think of. My confidence in myself was shattered. I was a shell of the person I had been.
So, I ran. Into the open arms of Uncle Sam. I joined the armed forces. It was a culture shock, and I had trouble adjusting, but it was the easiest time of my life. Promotions came easy, I lucked into a good position, was awarded many times, and always ended up at the top of the pack. But 5 years flew by quickly, and it was time to make a decision. Stay in and enjoy what probably would have been a highly successful career, or get out and return to school.
While I was in, I avoided school at all costs. I was finally convinced to take some online correspondence courses almost 3.5 years in. One class here, two classes there, it was uneasy to say the best. My shame still weighed heavily on my shoulders. By year 4.5 I took night class at a local community college. It was the first time I had set foot into a classroom in almost 6 years. It was terrifying, but I realized that I wasn't the only person trying to seek redemption or improve themselves.
At this point, I had decided that after my contract was up, I would get out and return to school. I didn't know where, but I knew that a career in the armed forces would grind on for 20 years with little return at the back end. My confidence was creeping back.
I took the ACT at a local high school at age 24, easily the oldest person taking it among a sea of 16/17/18 year olds.
Then a miracle happened. I had no right to the luck that I have had, when others out there are less fortunate, and it is still doubtful if I deserve any of it.
I scored well enough to get accepted into an Ivy league school.
Me, the plagiarist, the privileged kid. I got a second chance when so many others didn't. I wont deny that I put in the effort to get good scores and return, but I feel empty. "Imposter syndrome" some call it, they say you get over it. I'm a 25 year old freshman, surrounded by 18 year olds. They make movies about dudes having great times returning to college to party and bang college chicks, but this feels off. Its like my first year at the last school. I'm again a stranger in what should be a familiar land. I'm an adult who has worked for years, with more social awkwardness than an 18 year old freshman.
Why have I been given this second chance when there are plenty more deserving? Why am I hung up on my own insecurities when I should be beaming with pride? Why can't I shake my demons of 6 years ago? These questions keep me awake at night. I'm not sure. Maybe I should see a therapist.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Instead of preparing for a midterm tomorrow, I'm writing this. Maybe through the magic of the internet, someone who knows me will read this. I'm sorry if my selfish actions have impacted you in any way. I just need to release this fraction of what I have pent up. | self.offmychest |
I died a thousand times Sometimes I feel very strange sundely... My heart skip beats and beats very fast... My vision get darker... It's hard to breath... Sometimes some part of my body gets dormant... Loud high sound in my ears... And constantly thinking "I'll die...". After a lot of exams and doctor's visits i realized that is anxiety. Now I'm more calm, but sometimes I catch myself with that feelings/thoughts again (with less intensity).
Have you guys felt that before? | self.Anxiety |
Strangers In Our Only Small Town Bar But we aren't really strangers. It's been two years since I did that terrible thing. And you were willing to forgive me, but I ran. I didn't believe you could love me more than I hated myself, so I ran.
And now two years have passed and I see you playing pool in our only small town bar, while I sit at the bar top and pound back $2 pints on a Tuesday. And it hits me like a punch in the gut every time I see you. It's probably best that I never go out alone.
We haven't spoken since May, when I got drunk off my ass and told you I still love you. And it was probably for the best. We both had other people.
But last night you texted me first. "It still fucks me up every time I see you, no matter how over you I think I am" and then you apologized for sending it. And my heart broke all over again. Because same. Every single time. | self.offmychest |
My Moms Christmas gift Dear Mom,
I got you three little charms. 2 little girls and 1 little boy with all of our birthstones. One for January, one for September, and one for October! I knew you were going to love it, but I lost it. I lost it and I couldn't find it and I cried because it was $200 and I don't have a job anymore. So I took my last $100 and I bought you a sweater, a necklace, a purse, and a bracelet from Express. And then you told me that it was the ugliest sweater you had ever seen. You told me that I didn't know you and that it made you look so fat and ugly. You ranted for 20 minutes in the car and then 20 minutes with my dad. And when I went and I told you to stop because it was a gift and i was sorry and i had tried my dad got mad and wanted to hit me. I started crying and you told me to shut up because even a sweater from the dollar store would've been better than the one I got you. You keep rubbing in the fact that I don't have a job anymore and that Im useless and stupid. I'm sorry I really did try and Im sorry I failed again.
I'm sorry I'm crying again, M. | self.offmychest |
I don't like A Link to the Past. OMC here so I don't hurt feelings. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I NEED EASY AND FAST HOME SUICIDE METHODS FAST. PLEASE PM. [deleted] | self.depression |
Elephant sitting on my chest I’m writing here because I don’t have a shoulder to *lay?* on it, and I don’t deserve one…
It’s just this heavy feeling as always, but it have become worse…
I know I’m just depressed sad ugly guy l, I have always felt a pain in my chest for many reasons, but since last week the pain become more painful but I just ignored it, until yesterday.
Before I sleep laying at my bed, my whole chest was in pain including my heart, it felt like if it was someone stabbing me, my left hand also, I was just punching my chest so hard for some reason, I’ve been like this for several minutes before I faint.
I wished if that was the end of my life but sadly It’s just another day and another unsuccessful day for me, the pain has gotten less but I still feel it, didn’t want to talk with my parents about since we’ve been fighting for two days, and I’m just so scared to go to a doctor, or even drive to the hospital…
I just wish that I didn’t wake up today, it would be better for everyone…
Sorry for wasting your time. | self.depression |
I hate the holidays This year especially. I joined a D&D group this year trying to make friends but they all don't like me or idk because none of them want to be friends. Anyways, they've been texting each other in our group chat (which we have when we need to ask questions like find out if everyone is good to play on our set days) for the past few days about having a New Years party. Everyone but one person said they'd be up for it (the one person was busy)...but they never asked me. They asked everyone else. Never mentioned me, asked how I was, if I could make it, if I wanted to come...nothing.
Party is tonight. Early this morning (like 1-2 am), I get a text from the DM asking about my back (I threw it out a while ago and have been in constant pain), I was thinking "oh ok this is where he asks if I'm coming."...yeah no. Just asked about my back, I said it was slightly better since I've been resting and he said something like "Oh that's good."...that's it.
And still no one asking about me in the main chat.
It hurts being excluded like that. I can only assume they did it because I don't drive, thus I can't really get to said party or get back home without someone else driving me...but they could at least offer or ask why I've been quiet or anything! It's the thought that counts...just them thinking about me would have made it easier.
This is just cruel. I'm not looking forward to our next game when I have to be around them... | self.depression |
I’ve won contests twice this week! So at work I received an email stating I won an iPhone X yesterday. I actually already upgraded as the cost was mostly covered through my job so I’m thinking the prize phone can be a gift for someone for Xmas in my family (most likely my husband). Then tonight I was tagged as a winner on Facebook for my stepdaughter to help light the Christmas tree at the kick-off ceremony for an event we are surprising her with.
I’m so excited to share and my husband only knows about the tree and wasn’t nearly as excited so thought I’d share here. Just super excited with winning two awesome things in one week - one tangible and one intangible and both equally exciting (to me at least)!
Tldr; I won iPhone X yesterday at work and today won my stepdaughter the memory of helping to light a Christmas tree at an event tomorrow. | self.offmychest |
Can someone tell me what the fuck to do? A little background. I'm a mid-30s white guy currently solo-traveling in Mexico; tonight is my last night here and I'm a little (a lot) drunk.
I came down to Mexico City and Oaxaca last Friday, October 27 for Dia de Muertos. In total, it's been an amazing time; great culture, great eating, great drinking, and great people. But, there's one major issue that I can't just keep ignoring and that's the homeless/beggar problem here.
Now, I need to point out that I've lived in or just outside NYC all my life so I'm not unused to these people. But, in my experience (and obviously my experiences aren't necessarily the norm but they're all I know) the homeless and beggars of the USA are all generally able-bodied (if not able-minded) and of a reasonable age to be working. But the homeless or beggars in Mexico have almost all been very elderly women or young children, mostly girls, and I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.
I've read that you shouldn't give these people money; that doing so just provides an incentive to have them go out and beg instead of doing something else. But, I've never seen any studies on this and my thinking is that isn't it just as likely that giving these children money means they won't end up being forced to turn to prostitution?
And, I just can't stop thinking about these kids. Tonight, there were two young girls approach me back to back. One was going around selling potato chips (there have been a lot of street vendors selling "homemade" potato chips) that couldn't have been much more than 8 and another right after her (maybe 6 or 7) going around with one of those plastic pumpkins kids use for trick or treating. I gave them both money but at least they looked like they were being taken care of (generally healthy size, clean clothes, etc). The other day though, I was walking around and saw a girl that couldn't have been older than 5 or 6. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting thre in what looked like a small pile of garbage looking pathetic.
I gave her some money but anywhwere nearly enough to make any sort of difference in her life. And I just keep on coming back to her and the other children and I just don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. It's not like I can just grab one and raise them as my own. So, other than giving them money what the fuck am i supposed to do? I just don't know what the fuck to do to help these children and I need someone to ttell me what to do?!?!? | self.offmychest |
It feels like my brain is being torn apart and my heart is being ripped from my chest. [deleted] | self.depression |
Thank you tsa Denver I had a connecting flight that was delayed and I thought the tsa line was going to be 1+ hours like last time due to Thanksgiving .
The line zoomed through and I didn’t need to take anything off. Made my stressful day worlds better.
Thanks
🦃🦃🦃 | self.offmychest |
I don't know if I'll ever feel the same again [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Another normal day I don't think my story is quite as horrible and that my pain is not that severe. But I just feel a silent calm in losing my will to live or to love.
I believe we are all destined to die and all our lives are pointless in the end, that's why should live everyday like it's our last but I also thinks there is a time and place to end that.
The biggest thing that's keeping me from giving in is the pain it'll cause my parents.
Sorry for posting before I even do the deed but I just needed to share this today, don't really know why.
| self.SuicideWatch |
How do you deal with a (somewhat minor) disability? 22M here if that makes a difference. I have severely bad eyesight. I am noticeably cross-eyed and this has had a major effect on my ability/willingness to make eye contact with people, which hampers my ability to form relationships with people, which fuels my self-esteem issues. I was bullied in school over this, including a former friend saying I had "down syndrome eyes" which I found very offensive and I find myself thinking back in regularly (I try to stay mindful though). I'm just so afraid to open up to people because I've been bullied so often about this issue, it's easier just to avoid social situations than potentially getting hurt again.
I also wear very thick glasses which led to a stranger asking me if I was blind and why my lenses were "as thick as logs" (*who the fuck asks someone something like that? Are you really that fucking unaware of how rude/hurtful that is to someone with a visual impairment????*). As you can imagine this has made me very self conscious and has seriously impacted on my self esteem.
If I were to boil down my mental state to a paragraph:
I feel so much anger towards my physical body for doing this to me. In my mind was a perfectly capable, great person, that I feel has been damaged beyond repair by my physical appearance and the attention it has drawn to me from some ignorant fools I have come across in my life. I have self harmed in the past and contemplate suicide on a daily basis (if I'm honest I think about it hourly). I've tried loving myself but that ends shortly after I finish therapy sessions.
Has anyone any advice on how to cope with something like this?
| self.depression |
New to an open relationship... anxiety vs Depression... Any advice? Hey guys, so I suffer from anxiety and depression, like most of us on here. I began dating a guy who is all around perfect in my eyes, someone who actually makes me happy and made me feel like my depression was going away. Coincidentally, the same time we started dating, I started taking Prozac.
We dated for a few months, and I was SO happy. So so happy, as if nothing in the world could be wrong... then, out of nowhere, he wanted to break up with me because he "wasn't ready to be in a relationship" and it isn't "fitting with [his] lifestyle of going out".
It completely shattered me. As pitiful as this sounds, I begged him to be with me. So we decided to be in an open relationship so that he could have his fun and I could still be with him and be "happy".
As much as one could disagree, I basically NEED to be with him. Its as if he is my anti-depressant and the Prozac is just the augment/ add-on medication.
I need him to not be depressed but my anxiety is ruining it all.
Today, I found out he had slept with a girl two days ago. I should have expected it. You know?
What would you do? If you're in an open relationship, how do you cope with jealousy?
He says the girl is just sex, and I make him happy and he wants to be with me. | self.Anxiety |
[NAW] Hello Sunshine Are you serious? Could you get any grosser? Trashier? I hope you catch something. Your dad would be proud. Have fun being a worthless drunk gutterslut. | self.offmychest |
Didn't realize today was Christmas. When I found out, I just thought "today would be a bad day to end it" but it's been on my mind all day. I feel so alone. Why can't I just end it? I want it over. I want it to be over. I'm tired, I'm tired of all of it. Why do I still have to be here? I want it over... | self.SuicideWatch |
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