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Social Media is the worst I have social media. It's a necessity in high school where everything club related such as Council, Sports, etc all have their updates on social media. As such, I have Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, the whole package. But social media is a double edged blade.
I look at my friends' lives, as they do things in the world. I see how they are eating, what they are doing and who they are doing it with. It makes me happy to know they lead happy lives. But then the wave of sadness hits. The sudden understanding that you're not apart of it. The sadness of knowing that they could have invited you, but they didn't. You know that for them, being invited to do something is a daily occurrence, but for you, happens once every so often.
I thought that joining clubs and making social media would be a good way to make friends. You're involved with people, and you think for just a moment, they might want to be involved with you. I've learned now that is false. No matter how many clubs you're in, as long as you're not good at talking or being social, you'll be alone.
Social media, something so necessary today, is a constant reminder of my own incompetence and loneliness. A reminder that can't make myself get rid of in hopes that one day, someone will remember, someone will allow me to post that I'm not alone, even for that one, solitary, moment. | self.depression |
How do I stop feeling like everyone I meet hates me? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Is it normal to prefer suicide to getting a job? I've finished school and had depression since about 13, now I'm 20 and having to get a job. I had one for 3 years in high school but I said to myself I would commit suicide if I didn't quit by 25. Now I just don't really enjoy anything. | self.depression |
I feel scared and disappointed when someone genuinely compliments my beauty. I don't know why, because I also try to look good, in fact I won't leave the house unless I look good enough (maybe those here on anxiety understand all too well...) but, when I go on dates or am seeing anyone seriously, there comes the point where they begin to compliment my beauty- and I hate it! I begin to feel sad, or scared that they like me for the wrong reasons. If I was a teenager, then yeah- you could tell me it's just teens being horny. But this is the adult world, and adults I'm dating. I have to rationally tell myself "they genuinely mean it, and it by no means is all they like about you, and it's healthy to accept romantic affection..." but I get almost disgusted.
I don't know. Maybe someone here understand or can explain or sympathize? | self.Anxiety |
I was blamed for something I didn't do & lost all of my new friends [deleted] | self.depression |
Losing everything and rebuilding from scratch So when I got diagnosed, 3 weeks ago, I became self aware and realized that some of my problems and feelings were being caused by my life choices at the moment so I decided to do something. I left my job that was making me wildly unhappy, I started seeing a therapist, I started taking meds, I was atoning for my past sins...all that. My girlfriend of 3 years just left me because of my past behaviors and now I'm going back to my hometown to sort myself out. How do I go about moving on? How do I get myself back together, not think about losing my potential soulmate and love of my life? Sorry to vent...I'm falling apart and need help | self.bipolar |
Buspar I hope this is ok to post. I’m new here. I was severely beaten 2 days ago in a domestic violence situation. My PCP today told me to stop my Lexapro and started me on Buspar. I also take Klonopin. Since the attack I have been an absolute anxious mess, not sleeping, hyper vigilant and basically not functioning. I have been on Lexapro for a decade and I am scared of switching to Buspar. Any thoughts or feedback? | self.Anxiety |
Concerned about weight gain on Lithium? I saw another post on here about obesity. I have a feeling my psychiatrist will put me on Lithium tonight since Lamictal isn't working anymore. The problem? I've already gained 40 pounds on Lamictal. I just recently started dieting and exercising again since I fell off that wagon, but the lamictal made it very easy for me to gain weight. Has anyone had weight issues due to lithium? I'm getting married next year and really don't want to gain anymore weight :\ | self.bipolar |
I told myself when I moved out I would never have to live with this again. I grew up in an abusive, terrifying home. My parents were drunk addicts who spent every night intoxicated with music blasting until they would inevitably begin to fight, beat each other, scream and break things. As young as I can remember I’d lie in bed and cry, feel anxious and pray for the day I could move away and never live with that anxiety and fear again.
I’m 26 now and currently lying in bed anxious and crying because my roommate is intoxicated with music blasting and a ton of loud friends over. This is a regular occurrence and I am entirely stuck in this situation I promised my younger self I’d be free from. I could be stuck in this situation with no way out for a year or more, and that thought has me legitimately contemplating suicide. Right now I’m not 26, I’m 8 back in my room, terrified and by myself. I want it to be over. | self.offmychest |
First post, I have some questions. So my psychiatrist recently diagnosed me with bipolar 2 disorder, adhd, and anxiety. It was thought I had depression and bpd originally. But i have some questions about mood swings.
Do any of you guys go through multiple mood swings through the day? I'll be exhausted and not motivated in the morning, extremely angry early afternoon, extremely elevated and energetic mid day, to depressed and crashed by the end of the day. But some times I'll feel consistently sad for a couple of days anywhere from two to five days, and dissociate. Or the opposite be extremely happy, energetic, or confident, inattentive for two to five days. Sometimes being triggered by outside factors make it worse, but most of the time they come out of nowhere. Please any help, I feel out of control. | self.bipolar |
I wish I had no friends or family, or anyone else who cares about me so I don't have to feel guilty about killing myself [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I posted the question here almost 10 hours ago but no one replied. :( I was hoping to get an advice from this subreddit. It would be really awesome if someone take a peak on my post and post a reply. Thanks.
the post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7bbiaz/out_of_the_depression_but_still_confused_about/?st=j9pvzvr7&sh=58f90378 | self.depression |
I miss the stars... It's been so long since I've been somewhere tall just to the the night sky.... just the thought that I can for at least a minute forger about everything and just look at the beauty while others sleep is just memorizing.... I wish I had this sensation back....
But I'm to exhausted to even do that.... | self.depression |
Depressed/Suicidal??? So.... I might be totally alone in this. But is there ANYONE out there who is constantly heavily suicidal.... But does absolutely nothing to hide it? Ive found that being like that causes a lot of people to think I'm faking it or attention seeking...
But thats not the case.
I just dont give a fuck who knows about it? I feel like thats a really rare thing, anyone else? | self.depression |
I don’t know what to do I’m tired of fighting I guess. I just want it to be over but I don’t because last time I attempted i regretted it immediately but it doesn’t make me hate being me less | self.SuicideWatch |
Why I want to kill myself I dont want to start hrt because I will be forfiting having a life where I can feel and be loved by my family. Id be giving up on comfort and have to spend all my savings on paying for my own medication and to remove my beard. | self.SuicideWatch |
Can't get you off of my mind. Every time I see you, I love every thing about you even more. | self.offmychest |
Every time I have a good day I have a horrible night. I spent the day with two of my best friends. We went to the town where my alma mater is because there's an awesome bar and grill that had a special burger I wanted to try. It was amazing. In fact the day was perfect aside from getting a speeding ticket because I kinda zoned out on the interstate, but that didn't bother me the cop was really nice. The day was basically perfect. We walked around the downtown visiting my old haunts. The weather was perfect; which is a rarity here. It was wonderful sitting in the park playing eye spy. My friends talked about how nice the town was and they see why I like it so much. Just a really great day. I work nights. 8pm - 2am so I got to work just over an hour and a half ago. I got to work early and sat in my car for 20 min before coming in and just cried. There's no reason to it. Now, I'm sitting here spiraling into negative thoughts and ideations at the desk. I, honestly, don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.
EDIT (UPDATE):
It is now 10:32pm and I have continued to spiral. My current thought is how I want to go to sleep and that be it. I don't want to wake up. I just poked my roommate via text message. I didn't want to bother her because she's one of the friends I was talking about and she has a rough time of it as well. I often fantasize about dying with her; honestly, that's probably what's going to happen eventually. Also, I wrote a poem because that's how I cope or at least try to:
Two figures
in a dark place
huddled about glowing embers…
Two figures
in final embrace
holding onto one another…
Two figures
in a puddle;
drowned in their tears…
Two figures
who have struggled
for too many years…
Two figures
who should not
exist in this state…
Two figures
who set the record straight;
corrected the universe's mistake.
EDIT (UPDATE 11/28/2017):
After 2 days I can't be more thankful for my roommate. IDK I was reaching out here because I didn't want to bother her, but I watched the post for 2 days now and I guess I'm hard to connect with and understand. Because of her I'm going to hold on a little longer.
| self.depression |
I just walked out of class in front of everyone to avoid having a fucking panic attack. [deleted] | self.depression |
Getting closer to the end I'm finally getting closer and closer to actually doing it. I've finally solidified how I'll do it. All that's left is to get the materials I need and write my notes for people. I feel so relieved that soon the constant gnawing emptiness inside of me will be gone. | self.SuicideWatch |
What do you do when lithium starts working really good and you get really stable but at the same time get fat as fuck Fuckkkkk I'm visibly gaining weight and lithium is the only explanation.
But I also have a ED that makes me body dysmorphic and delusional af about diet and weight.
I look at myself in the mirror and feel absolutely disgusted
| self.bipolar |
I hate life. That's it.
I just cannot believe people are okay with the way things are. Everyday I get about 1 hour to do anything that I actually want to do. The rest of my day is complete shit wall to wall. Wake up earlier than I want to go to a place I hate to do things I don't want to do to earn money I need to keep this fucking cycle up. It's awful. Every single day I think it's just not worth it anymore. But there's nothing else. It's literally this fucked up mess where like 5 fucking guys get all the money and we all slave away for them or death. Ive talked to therapists I've taken the drugs, hell I've even made posts exactly like this on Reddit but the fact is this is just the way it is. Life just is shit. If it weren't this job it would be another one. Even if I ran my own business and didn't have a boss then I'm just even more busy with shit I don't want to deal with. People say to find a job you love but there is no job I have ever heard of or seen that I wouldn't just despise. It's me spending my valuable and limited time on some shit I don't care about for someone else's gain.
I cannot comprehend how people are at all happy. Yes happiness is a fleeting feeling that you should hold onto when it arrives and not worry about when it leaves. No I do not expect to be happy all the time or even once a day but I just simply am never happy, every good moment is overshadowed by the other 99% of my life. And there is nothing I can do to change it. I thought it was the jobs I was working. Then the money I was making. Then my habits around food and exercise but the more time I spend trying to figure it out the more I'm convinced I was right at the start.
Life is just shit. And I think the most depressing thing is how amazing life really could be if i even had a life I could consider my own.
Yeah I know my grammar is bad don't bother with the comments. | self.offmychest |
Probably gonna end up dead or in prison Although things have gotten a lot better lately I still can't seem to shake my depression or drug/alcoholic addiction. Dealt with mental illness most of my life including good ol, adhd, clinical depression, ocd and aspergers. I just wanted to write this because even though I've seen so many counsellors and psychologists I still can't seem to shake off the feelings off whats happened in the past. Growing up was a mixed bag, my dad was there for me most of the time but my mum hated my mental health issues and tried to get me drugged all the time on meds, causing my dad to disagree. As my childhood went on shit just kept getting worse between them with my mum being borderline and molested as a child and just being around abuse and fighting throughout a large part of my upbringing just seemed to have changed something in me that feels a bit sociopathic, just have these moments where I feel intense rage and no emotion. Ended up hanging myself when I found out my parents were divorcing since with me being an aspie I didn't exactly have friends and my parents were such as big support for me even with my mum frequently abusing us, doing drugs and drinking. Even overdosed while pregnant with me probably explaining a few things about me. She ended up finding me passing out on the rope and I couldn't get it off and I just remember her screaming and crying carrying me inside only for my dad to hit me for "doing something so stupid". As time went on ended up living part of the time at my dads and the other at my mums. My dad's place being pretty good but at my mums there were constantly fights over her hitting me and her saying that she was going to get rid of me and ended up snapping one day and punched through the glass door and kicked down the wooden door only for the cops to roll up and slam me on my arse before I tried to grab a knife. Keep in mind I was only 10 when this happened. She was a pretty good person when she was stable but when ever something pissed her off she would just take it out on me and my brother and just drink or do drugs leading to another fight and the police coming round again. Got sick of it and eventually she gave full custody of me and my brother to my dad and she fucked off to who no where. Life was a lot more stable there but something just changed in me and with me being bullied and beaten up so many times throughout my childhood I just didn't have any respect for the law or others. Lead me to setting fires at school, making explosives, getting into fights both with fists and weapons and just turned into a little shit. Always been pretty smart and interested in school but I just didn't know how to deal with what happened with me, ended up going to see a counsellor at that point but didn't really help. Kept on doing the same ol shit usually but then got into drugs and alcohol at 13/14. Already been smoking pot but my dad almost died when I was 14 and with my mum already walking on out us I felt pretty fucked up. Walked in on my dad seizuring with spit all over his face and his mouth going blue. Called the ambo and turns out he almost died of a staph infection in his heart valve. Was in hospital for quite some time while looking after me and my brother with help from my grandad. Already been going down a bit of a self destructive path and ended up doing, meth, opiates and a shit tonne of hash/pot at 14 to cope with it. One thing lead to another and avoided quite a few times almost getting arrested going to juvie over drug and violence related things but I made it through and my dad eventually recovered. It was alright for a bit but what happened with him just seemed to trigger something in me and kept on drinking heavily and doing drugs from 14 onwards and throughout all of highschool. Got into more fights and just kept on drinking and doing more which eventually my dad caught onto leading to a shit tonne of problems between me and him. Wasn't able to stop though, just relied on it too much to be able to cope normally, felt suicidal frequently but never really talked about it, over this time I was there when one of my friends got raped even though we didnt know till it was too late, few of my friends almost died to suicide which I also witnessed and another mate died in a car crash with a few others of my mates going into deep addiction or gangs. Spent a bit of time with my bikie mates and got offered a patch but it didn't really appeal to me but turns out it was for the better since my older mates went down for murder. Shit hit the fan this year though. My depression kept getting worse and worse and felt suicidal everyday but still kept it to myself pilling on more drugs and piss to supress it. Eventually I lost my job, failing at school, gf broke up with me and realised I had a pretty severe addictio problem. On the 4th of febreuary I decided I was going to hang myself as it all pilled up. I was at school and it was my girlfriend breaking up with me that what was finally did it. She didn't want to be around me anymore with my depression and drug problem and to be honest its more the fact she bailed on me because she didn't want to go through the hard yards with me rather than because we weren't compatiable. I ran home while it was pissing down with rain and tied the noose and was going for it till I found out one of my friends called the cops and ended up saving my life. Spent the rest of this year going through treatment for my depression and other mental health issues and went into a rehabilitation program. Was pretty tough but got there in the end, at the start I was dealing with depression but didn't realise the extent of my addiction till I went into rehab, mostly an alcoholic drinking in the mornings and throughout the day and to go to sleep, did oxy, pot, meth, mdma, speed, mesculine and really just anything to numb myself. I'm writing all of this really because I'm still trying to make sense of it all and theres still so much more I haven't been able to type because theres so much of it. Mostly just the troubled childhood, dead mates from suicide and car crashes, drug and alcohol addiction and my previous suicide attempts. My old suicidal feeling have been coming back but I guess I've been coping with them better but few things that happened recently brought back old feelings. Found out my old scout master got into a shootout with the cops and raped two of my friends and another bunch of people I know go into another shootout with a gang and just got too fucked up. Don't worry I'm not planning anything, just wanted to tell someone apart from a counsellor or a another mate who already knows most of this. | self.SuicideWatch |
Thinking about ending it. Don't see many other ways I'll turn out happy in this life I recently had a mental break down and a panic attack and now I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I told my school counselor that I was depressed and instead of helping me all he did was tell my dad about how I'm doing bad in my classes. My dad gave his long winded speech about how I need a positive attitude and saying how the world doesn't give a shit about me. He's fucking delusional. Every single year of my life I've had to deal with his bullshit. His undermining and verbal abuse, neglect and alcoholism all that shit makes me want to just fucking end it. I'd rather die than have to spend another 5 years with him. School fucking sucks I'm doing awful in all my classes and my teachers hate me. I don't disrespect them. I'm not mean to them. Why do they hate me so much? My dad took my money away from Christmas and ever since my mental breakdown I can't control my emotions. Even when I wasn't depressed I can't do good in school. I never did homework. I'm sick of this life. Even if I'm not depressed anymore I still have to live with my dad and still go to school just to be at some fucking college that I don't want to be at to get a stupid fucking degree I don't want and get a job where I'll probably miserable. My mom is bipolar and in poverty, can't turn to her, my grandparents died when I was 8 and 10 and I'm fucking suicidal. What else should I do? What can I do? I'm sick of this life and want to die already. | self.SuicideWatch |
Every time I see an attractive woman, I want to kill myself. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Starting to struggle again Basically, I guess I attempted suicide about 5 years ago and all the self harm that goes along with depression, was really struggling a lot but I never really talked about it with anyone because I don’t think I’ve ever fully made sense of what I was feeling at that point myself- have been doing better the last few years and feeling great for the most part- the last 5 months or so though I’ve just noticed my interest, energy, enjoyment of things has rapidly begun to fade. I feel like I either have a crazy amount of energy and it makes me stressed when I can’t use it or I just feel dead tired and can barely wake up in the mornings- logically I know I’m lucky, I have a privileged life for sure and a lot of good people in it- but I don’t know what to do/ how to handle feeling like this again- feeling like everything’s just shutting down for me atm | self.depression |
Any side effects of meds? Idk what specifically my doctor prescribed but I just took my first dose of antidepressants and the doctor recommended a small dose of sleeping pills for good measure too. Before anyone asks, the doctor put my mom in change or my doses and won't allow me near them. I feel quite groggy and my head feels heavy, is this normal? I don't feel as lethargic as before but I can't control my movements much and I basically act like a drunk. | self.depression |
My opinion on depression I think depression is permanent. And even when you don't feel any sad mood you will get upset sometimes and it depends. If you are upset for a long time your situation could get worse and you will be more depressed. Imo I think you can't cure from depression or any mental disorders. Ok,maybe anxiety but idk. This is my opinion. No hate pls I'm from another country and I don't know English very well. | self.depression |
I don't know what to do I am 13 years old, ive been depressed for over 2 years, cutting, cant get ot of bed, hatig life, hating myself. I have scuicide thoughts everyday and I'm gonna do it.
| self.SuicideWatch |
It would have been a good decision to kill myself Any of the times I thought about it, it would have been an objectively good choice. I'm 25, and 13 years ago was the first time I almost did it. Things have never gotten better. I've never found answers. I've never found purpose. And I've spread it out: getting education in a science and in law. Nothing feasible is ever going to fulfill me and my depression will never go away.
So thank you everyone who perpetuates the lie that suicide is always bad. You helped keep me alive and stuck in depression for 13 years, and now my youth is gone, and I'm so dead inside that I probably won't build up the strength needed to finally end it. | self.depression |
What is happening I'm flipping so quickly between life is good and "nothing matters at all". I mean, I'm starving, but since nothing matters, I won't eat because eating is just a pretend thing we do.
I feel like everything i touch is fake, like my own tears and body are fake.
I'm miserable and so is my husband. What is happening? | self.bipolar |
I think I may have been anally raped please help!!!? I was at the club the other night and for some reason I left by myself, leaving all my friends (something I don't usually do) After that is a complete blackout (insure my drink was spiked) until I came round about an hour later walking the street topless (This could have been because it was raining heavy and I was wearing a tight stretch top and I took it off before it was making me so much colder gripped to my skin) miles away in a place I have never seen before (I was so confused I couldn't even find my bearings). I managed to get home from the club 3 hours later even though the club was 4 minutes away from my apartment. My anus is not sore at all but I do have a a few marks and scratches on my body (These can be put down to falling) Is it possible I was anally raped and not know it? like at all? Even if lube was used? I am a male please help I'm going crazy | self.offmychest |
I dont post here much anymore but I feel so alone right now and I need someone to just talk to me Currently my job has shut for 4 weeks until the 7th of February so I'm not really leaving the house
I'm going pub on Saturday but that will be my one outing
I feel so lost right now
Ive been getting extremely drunk
I have not shaved and only showered once
I went to the shop and bought blades and cut for the first time in like 3 months
Like without the need to leave the house I am crumbling and of course I get 0 messages from the people I work with
I have been playing my PS4 and when I post into the PS4 sub reddit I get put down and down voted
It's all getting to much right now
I have a million thoughts in my head and the pressure is building
My mind is a fog
I just need someone to talk to me and tell me about there day or something | self.depression |
Does anybody else occasionally respond out loud to conversations they have in their head? Applies to actual past conversations as well as imagined ones. Sometimes when I have an interaction that stresses me out, but it goes well, I accidentally replay the conversation in my mind and I repeat, out loud, a thing that I said, usually the thing that was the "coolest". So like if I ordered some food at McDonalds and the cashier was cute, and I said something that made her laugh, I'd play back the conversation and repeat out loud, maybe more than once, the thing that made her laugh. It has a soothing effect but I don't do it on purpose.
As for future conversations, usually this involves imagining an interaction with someone I know who I dislike or who stresses me out, and I'm arguing with them in my head, and during the argument I imagine what they'd say and I respond to it out loud. Usually it's something I wouldn't have the courage to say to their face.
Does anyone relate to these experiences? Both of these only happen when I'm alone. Personally I consider them a couple steps shy of full blown talking out loud to people who don't even exist, and it scares me. | self.Anxiety |
My brother (21 years) attempted suicide last week. Now the doctors are forcing him to have ECT against his will. He has Bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features. At the moment the doctors have said he is having a psychotic depressive episode. I wish I could take his pain away. Bipolar is awful. [deleted] | self.bipolar |
It's 11pm and I'm tired. This might seem like nothing but it marks the beginning of the end of my latest phase of insomnia. It feels good, I've been awake all day, I've even done some housework and been productive. I think I'm going to sleep tonight! :) | self.depression |
OCD or coincidences making me think I could predict the future? I’ll keep it short.
I worry about bad things like dying, my life being ruined, or something bad happening to my family. I have obsessions with numbers like 43 and 23. I keep seeing the clock at times like 4:43, 6:23, 7:43, 10:23, 5:43, or 2:23. It is starting to freak me out. I’m worried that something bad will happen when I turn 23 or 43 (God forbid). It is bothering me (to a mild extent). I see these numbers on clocks, the number my cell phone is charging at, the license plates of cars, and different occasions.
I’ve seen these coincidences so many times and now it’s hard for me to tell the difference. It’s hard for me to figure out if it’s supernatural or OCD.
I’m worried if these are signs of something supernatural. Maybe it could just be my OCD. I’m itching for an answer.
Is this a supernatural thing for me to keep noticing these signs, coincidences, or things?
Is this just my OCD messing with my mind?
Is there anyone else who has this problem?
Any other input?
| self.Anxiety |
I fantasize about getting an apartment so I can do drugs and slowly fade away unnoticed But I have absolutely no ability to save money so I just waste it all on drugs and alcohol and now my family and friends constantly think I want kill myself. I mean, I do but I don't want to deal with them knowing. | self.depression |
Thinking of suicide even though I am not depressed So I was arrested for DUI back on labor day, the DA has yet to press charges, but if they do, I will probably get convicted. Anyway, the police officer had no probable cause, but she lied on her report and said all the magic words needed to expand the scope of the stop and establish probable cause. I don't want to bore you, but I know enough about the law to determine how screwed I am. I cannot fathom the thought of a conviction. My pride is huge, and I want to protect it, even if it means death. I am actually contemplating committing suicide, this way, the charges will be dismissed and I will win. I know this is extreme, but I just cannot come to terms with getting a conviction when it is obvious she is lying. I know for sure I am not depressed, I just want to protect my pride. Have any of you felt this way? Is it normal? | self.SuicideWatch |
everyone i know would be better off if i never existed im the biggest fucking burden and inconvenience to everyone in my life. i dont know if i necessarily want to kill myself because that just makes me a whole different kind of burden. but so many fucking people would be so much better off if they never had to deal with my fucked up self. | self.SuicideWatch |
This guy broke my heart and we weren't even dating [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Why I still have some hope? My best friend avoids me because he thinks that he always hurt my feelings when he's around. He never appoaches me anymore since that day.
My parents doesn't consider my feelings when I am at distress and always ends with neglection, saying that I am so dramatic. They always compare me with another person or a thing and said that I am the worst or a burden.
School is very fucking stressful that one more mistake then I will fail this semester.
I don't know what is holding me back when I am at the place where I can suicide. Life is pointless now if I think things throughly. I couldn't rely on anyone anymore. I want to die. | self.SuicideWatch |
I’ve never experienced a 3D movie, and never will be able to [deleted] | self.offmychest |
My GF and I are separated and I wouldn't care if she had sex with someone else. So long as. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
My life only continues to shit on me. I’m over it. I am currently in a closet and just tried to cut myself. I feel like if there’s not one thing it’s another. What makes life living for you so that maybe I can’t find some light in an otherwise dark world. | self.SuicideWatch |
How to move on and forgive myself? Can someone give me some perspective I'm at a very low point on my life right now and really need some perspective on how to improve it and if it will get better.
Right now I've come to realize the things I want in my life / the values I have and the voids they are causing. I really need purpose and want to eventually create a family with a loving and caring girl.
I'm 25 yo and have done well financially and career-wise to this point and know I have a lot to be thankful for. My parents are extremely loving and helping me through this anxiety / breakdown I'm having.
My biggest regret is that I had a perfect girl in college that was crazy about me but I was not ready / emotionally mature enough for it to work out. I keep beating myself up about it because I'm not sure I can ever find someone like her again. It was partially geography after graduation / partly myself retreating into my own world that caused me to let her go and now she's found a new guy.
I don't have a ton of friends in my life and really am nervous that because I don't have a vibrant social life that I will not find a way to meet a new girl. I keep replaying the life I could have had had I made different choices in the past to the point that it's causing me enormous anxiety. I realize that I need to make changes in my life to get to where I want to be. But the uncertainy of it all really scares me. I'm already 25 yo and feels like time is running out to be able to find the right kind of person and there's no guarantee that I will be able to find purpose / happiness. I'm nervous that I will end up continuing to spiral downard into anxiety and depression and lose my job and have to move back home with my parents.
Does anyone have any tips to get over the uncertainty / non-guarantees of life? How can I reshape my perspective so that I'm happy with just myself and stop comparing myself to every other person that seems to be in a relationship? I've tried to get out of my own head but nothing seems to be working. I'm never going to be able to make new friends / find a new girl with this cloud of anxiety hanging over me. It's sort of a catch-22 because the anxiety is being caused by my current life and that anxiety will prevent me from improving my life. | self.Anxiety |
PMS and bipolar Yep- it’s a great mix. I’m currently on a day off, incredibly anxious about money, trying not to cry after reading a sad story and furious at a post on Facebook where someone returned a cat to a shelter ‘because it was annoying’. I know my period is due so I’m trying to calm down but I’m really struggling right now. Does anyone else find that pms really amplifies anxiety and low mood? I feel like utter shit and I can’t even afford my Valium right now. | self.bipolar |
I’m a bad person People love me and I don’t love them back. People give me their trust and I manipulate them for my own, selfish and disgusting gain. I don’t want to keep going. | self.depression |
Getting over my death anxiety help Im 18 and I'm so so so so scared of death. To the point where I can't do anything anymore. I can't sleep. I cat eat. I can't focus on tv, video games, school work or anything. It's like i constantly feel like everything is pointless. That one day everything I do will be meaningless. Every thing I create, everything I've seen or watched or said or done will disappear forever. I almost feel like I'd be better if dying now because for some reason dying in 50 years seems scarier than dying right now. I don't know what happened. I used to be so happy and carefree and could spend hours a day on my 3ds or PS4 and then watch YouTube for 2 hours before I sleep and now I'm just constantly sat on the couch with my parents just to have some sort of relaxing comfort.
I just can't comprehend the idea that I will never have another thought again. That all the happy memories I have I'll never be able to see again.
There just has to be something. It doesn't make sense at all. It's like there's just a big timer over my head.
I look back and I see the last 5 years of my life and it's gone by so quickly and now I'm a quarter of the way through my life and if I can live a quarter of my life then I can live half, then three quarters and the next thing you know I'm dead and everything is gone.
It can't end. But it has to... | self.Anxiety |
Do I have depression? I'm sure you guys get this a lot.
I'm 15, and the change began when I was 11 and started high school (UK). I'm certain I had depression after starting but it's a long story, so either now this is the way I'm supposed to feel or I'm depressed, because things aren't as bad as they used to be.
Before I started high school I was really social and I loved spending time with people, it was addictive even. Now I don't get any pleasure from it and I'm a total loner. I don't have any friends, but I'm wise enough to know how to make them- I just feel like I can take it or leave it. That worries me, because it makes me feel like I don't feel love for people.
I feel numb, I think. I think I pretend I'm happy. I can't tell anymore what it feels like to be normal, I've known for a long time now that something's off. It's an empty feeling, and I pretend I'm happy and what not because it's scary to think I'm not. Like this is just the way I am.
I'm not interested in things. People don't interest me, in fact they exhaust me. The closest thing to interest I have is when music sounds faintly good, or I'm browsing reddit.
I stopped drawing. Everybody knows me as the artist or whatever, but it doesn't bring me enjoyment like it used to.
I get periods where I wonder the point of life. I think about if there actually isn't anything wrong with me and I can't change myself, and if this is what the future is destined to be like. The thought makes me vaguely want to die.
I've self harmed myself in the past, but it's been a while.
I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm faking.
It's hard to say what I think is wrong, because I can't tell what's wrong. But I still feel fleeting moments of joy and laughing. But I'm constantly criticising myself, being calculating and trying to be happy. If this is what life is then I never want to leave my bed. I don't derive enjoyment from anything. I just feel mute.
Thanks for reading. | self.depression |
Drugdealer won´t give me enough for suicide There is a group of people.They are really nice.I met one of them because we are sit next to each other in a class.idk why but i trust him.I told him about me and the shit in my head,my thoughts about suicide...He said that if i take drugs(weed for now) and they make me a part of their `gang`then i will change.He said i shouldn`t kill myself.He didn´t really say that much but still.One day i gave him 450Euro(536,8725Dollar) and i told him to buy me enough drugs to die.He can keep the rest.I don´t have any expirience with drugs but i think that you cann kill at least 5 people with that much money.
He rejected.
The next day someone talked to me.
He wanted to know why i want to kill myself.
He was shocked.
Apparently the guy i asked told him.
I don´t have a problem with that but i feel kind of uncomfortable about this dude.
we both have a crush on a girl.
Anyways
Any ideas how i can get my drugs?
I only have these few people and they won´t give me drugs or tell me where they get drugs from.
Maybe i won´t commit suicide
I just want to leave the option open to do so. | self.SuicideWatch |
Inappropriate for a job interview?! Hi all, I just got back from an interview. Well it was working with dogs but the lady asked why I wanted to work there besides dogs so I said "Try to socialize more would be good too" and she asked if that was hard for me, I said "Sometimes I get anxious but I can talk to people"
Anyway... she asked me alot of things I felt super weird about asking and I wonder if it was inappropriate of her....I felt so violated and "forced" to answer out of fear of not being hired
Here is what she proceed to ask me
--do you take medications?
--are you seeking professional help?
--how long are you planning to see a therapist?
--how long have you seen a therapist?
--is there other issues that would effect your job here?
--does your therapist know you came here?
--is therapy why you are saying you can not work on tuesdays? do you plan to go any other times?
Idk, I needed to ask because I feel so weird after this.... thoughts? | self.Anxiety |
The girl I like adores someone else and is starting to distance herself from me. This girl I’ve liked for a solid three years now is basically infatuated with another guy (who I am friends with). She doesn’t even know that I like her and we’ve been friends for three years. We were gonna do some Christmas related stuff Sunday but she cancelled it for no reason. I haven’t seen her in forever and I think she is trying to distance herself from me. Fuck man. | self.offmychest |
How to fight anxious and depressive thoughts that seem to come instinctually? Hello everyone, I'll keep this brief.
Basically, when I am in the middle of an action or looking or saying something the first thing that seems to come to my mind is a snapshot of how I would look to the other person or how they would think I look weird or are strange and this fucks me up and prevents me from doing a lot of the things I want in life.
I know it is all bullshit and to not care about what others think but this seems like all my mind can do and I hate thinking I can get inside the mind of others and know what their thinking because that only makes me more anxious so I try to block out these thoughts but that seems to be what always instinctually pops up and I just don't know who I am anymore or what I value.
Please help someone or provide some insight. | self.depression |
Nobody knows what to do with me and I don't know how to communicate my needs. In all honesty, I just want someone to take care of me. [removed] | self.depression |
My ex, whom I want to reunite with, is talking marriage with me, but is still very resentful towards me We were together for about a year before I moved across the country. It was a very good relationship, a 9/10. So we decided to remain long distance until she could move to be with me, which would have been about a year. Several months after moving, I started feeling bored with our relationship. I started perusing dating sites, something she caught me doing and forgave me for. It is something I'm very remorseful for. A few months later, I broke up with her.
The breakup really destroyed her and her self-esteem. She has since told me that she nearly committed suicide.
I realized pretty quickly that she was really someone special and that I was bored with my life, not her. I was new to the area and lonely. I spent all day working on a computer and then came home and fucked around on the internet until it was time to go to bed. Of course I was bored. By the time I started talking to her again and told her that breaking up was a mistake, she was already seeing someone else. We talked a lot about getting back together. After a few weeks, she was talking about getting back together and then getting married in a couple of years, a plan I was wholeheartedly on board with.
But she won't leave the other guy. She doesn't even want to see me until I come see my family in Christmas. She says they're just friends, and it isn't anything serious, but that she just needs more time to think about if this is what she really wants. She also says she's basically with someone who is very different from me and it really makes her think a lot about what she likes and what she wants. That sounds like self-justification to me. Either she liked me, we were compatible, and she was happy... or she wasn't. I don't think she needs to sample other people to figure that out.
I really understand her reluctance to get back together. I was selfish and I really hurt her. But this is immensely confusing and hurtful to me. I don't understand how she can talk about baby names and taking my name while screwing someone else. I don't know what I'm expecting to find here, I guess I mostly wanted to vent. It seems my options are to either tough it out and wait to see what happens at Christmas, or move on. | self.offmychest |
My mental health gets bad really fast and it scares met I make awful decisions. I don't care for myself anymore. I push people who care in any way about me away and I don't know how to apologise except saying that at the moments I do awful things, I'm really convinced they are right or it is because it gives me short term emotional comfort. I cut myself so I finally can cry and crying is a relieve.
I go to a psychologist but I honestly don't have hope anymore that it gets better. There this sort of voice in my head that I can't turn off that says awful shit about me, about others, but I really think that voice is me.
With each day I just try to think of my mom and how sad she would be if I killed myself, but even that I overscream with IT'S NOT GETTING BETTER ANYWAY. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say anymore. I just want all this to go away. :( | self.offmychest |
Anyone else find naps the best part of their day? I swear I nap like 3 hours after school to just avoid everything. But when I wake up, I realize I'm back and I can't sleep anymore cause there's things to do. It honestly sucks. | self.depression |
In the UK? Need a listener? Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org
Text 07725 909090
Samaritans offer a nonjudgmental and confidential ear.
Talking about how you’re feeling can sometimes help.
If you’re on the edge, and need a friendly voice, call Samaritans.
Save that number in your phone book.
And of course, international users can email and get the same advice and an ear. | self.SuicideWatch |
It feels like I'm mourning something I haven't lost yet… [deleted] | self.depression |
Creating a crisis plan, disability benefits in Canada Since I'm in college and living with my boyfriend, I thought I should make some sort of guide for what to do if Depression/hypomania.... "take the wheel". So I've been on Pinterest, Google etc looking for tips and things to add. I came across a few things saying how I could qualify for these benefits with a diagnosis and if it was rendering me incapable of functioning normally/negatively impacting my life on a large scale. Has anyone heard of this before ??
Also any tips on a crisis plan for loved ones is appreciated . | self.bipolar |
I'm trying
I've been fighting the urge to kill myself. I'm scared because death is so permanent but I just have no real reason to keep going. My depression saps literally all my energy and focus so my only hobby has become a chore for me. I have a boyfriend who doesn't really get it and a friend who herself struggles with suicidal thoughts so i feel like i have to be strong...
Anyone ever feel like that? You want to die but you're clinging to the hope life becomes better and you can't bring yourself to end it? I'm fighting these thoughts. I don't want to think about dying but it feels like that voice got louder and is screaming now. Things that weren't a problem like looking people in the eye and smiling at customers suddenly become the most difficult things to do. It's just getting worse and I don't know what to think or feel. I feel like a pathetic moper.
I'm just scared to die
| self.SuicideWatch |
My program in college is filled with a bunch of cheaters, and that infuriates me [deleted] | self.offmychest |
UPDATE: I've ruined everything. ORIGINAL: https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/85ptqs/ive_ruined_everything/?utm_source=reddit-android
UPDATE: Rick came by last night after work to pick up his things. I showed him the original post, which he seemed to appreciate, because it gave him a better understanding of what my underlying issues are.
We ended up staying up most of the night talking through a lot of our issues with one another. He is not without his faults and he didn't react very well to some of the things I said, while I didn't either, but they were things that absolutely needed to be said on both sides.
We've essentially decided that, for now, we're still together and while not necessarily on a "break," we do need breathing room to see if we want to continue our relationship. We're going to take a few steps back and try just dating and seeing each other casually for a while and go from there.
Even if we decide not to continue our relationship, we also agreed to go forward as best friends who really love each other, but who may just not be built to be in a relationship with one another (not as FWB's, either). If something were to spring from that later, that's fine, but we're both being pretty logical about it.
He talked about wanting more independence, which I also felt I needed and outlined above. I'm finally buying a car this weekend, so that will make things easier. There were a lot of things that he said that he never made clear before, which helps with our boundary issues. Some of these things I agreed with, others I didn't, but it's a two way street: if we want to work on things, we'll have to come to some compromises. A lot of harsh truths came out, but, once again, they were things that needed to both be said and heard with clear hearts and clear minds.
We also found out that we had a lot of things in common in regards to our feelings about relationships (not just in our own, but in general). I think things are going to end up okay, whether apart or together. For now, we're trying to go about things using different tactics and mindsets, and seeing how and where things go from here.
I still intend to start therapy ASAP and he even opened up to the idea of going himself, but he's not exactly sure how that would work out for him because he's unsure if he'd be honest and upfront or how to respond with a therapist.
Yes, he did end up staying the night. I made us some breakfast and we talked a little more. I'm feeling a lot better about the situation and our "first" date is tomorrow afternoon. It's going to be hard not to give into our romantic feelings for each other for a while, but I think it's for the best if we're going to transition either way.
Thank you to everyone who responded. There is a lot of food for thought in that post and I'll be keeping it and this one open on my phone in order to mull over some of the suggestions within. Until I can go back to therapy, I think it's a good place to be to help ground myself, and anyone else who wants to join the conversation, I'm all ears. It's going to be hard to get back into a healthy mindset (which I was in about two years ago), but even if things don't work out, I both want and need to better myself, take some space and time for myself, and reassess everything. | self.bipolar |
i keep depriving myself of sleep and procrastinating even though i know it just makes everything worse why do i do this to myself? | self.depression |
I just started taking clonazepam and I feel more like myself than ever. Weirdly enough I feel like there’s a hole in me. Not like depression. I’ve had that, and continually have to manage it. It’s just a emotional hole if anybody can relate? | self.Anxiety |
Your ex-girlfriend She’s so beautiful, she has such a small face, beautiful thick wavy hair, slim and tall build, flawless skin with a really beautiful smile. She’s the type that will make your male friends and anyone else stop and turn their heads, and won’t stop talking about how gorgeous this lady is. Sociable, sweet, can sing well, just never-ending praises.
Yet I am only 158cm short, with oddly large forehead & head & face (yeah, each of them are huge in their way, can you imagine putting em all together?), balding at the age of 21 (female pattern hair loss?), and just so chubby with the worst self esteem (hence explaining my lack of social skills) and zero talents.
You are the best boyfriend ever, and I have broken down several times because of my own issues and insecurities.. and you will always be there to assure me each time. She has a long-time boyfriend, and you have since moved on with me. If only I can let this go, let myself out of this toxic-comparing-myself-with-every-beautiful-girl-out-there mentality... I was trapped in this self deprecating mind before I met you, and after knowing you, it became worse especially after knowing how your ex girlfriend looks like...
Fuck this mind of mine. I wish I can free myself and live on without giving any fucks. | self.offmychest |
Every time I'm in a car, I really wish another car would run into my side. Suicide is banned in my religion and I just wanna end it. I wanna die indirectly. I wanna step onto a road and get slammed with a truck. I couldn't care less. | self.depression |
Why is it so hard to get out of bed? Realize I'm wishing for hypomania, instead of just normal... Recently re-diagnosed as BP2 after 20+ years as MDD...Started on lamictal recently and starting to make progress...but not the last 24 hrs...can barely move...can't bare to go outside...I realize days where I feel somewhat normal or productive don't count...I'm waiting for that epic rise of energy and flow that carries me to the next creative project or big move in life effortlessly...AKA hypomania... | self.bipolar |
This cat won’t get lost. My roommate moved her GF in and bought a cat with them. The cat has peed on all their stuff and shits in the kitchen.
They let the cat freely roam the streets but it always comes back. Always. I want it to not come back.
The one time I tried to be nice and let the cat stay in my room, they share the living room, he pisses on my bed. It’s cat litter in my room! He had used it before. The only reason I let it stay in my room is because the GF adopted a dog and it attack their cat and mine. Now, I have to lock my cat into my room all day. | self.offmychest |
Apathy vs. depression - out of bed after noon As my meds (lamictal and prozac) get more stable, there are some days where i just don't feel...motivated to do anything. Not out of sadness, but out of apathy, like who cares.
It's probably not helpful that I don't have much work going on at the moment but...i don't even have anxiety about not getting anything done. I don't love it, but sleep feels so good. | self.bipolar |
My history teacher keeps pressing his political views on me I get it.
You love socialism, you love all the social mantras, you love to scream at me while I wait patiently to talk, you love to brag about all the degrees you have, even you barely know grammar rules for your first language.
You know that when you do this, it makes all liberals look bad?
I lean conservative, you’re a hardcore liberal.
I get it.
But at least keep it professional in the school environment. All the other teachers at our high school do. | self.offmychest |
(Maybe) single forever. How can I stop it from bothering me? Need discussion. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I'm scared of being in love. I wish there was like a "platonic relationship" thing. I'm genuinely terrified of being in love. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. The butterflies, the "I love you," the emotional rawness of it just scares the shit out of me. Being in love sort of requires you to be emotionally candid and open and that just scares the shit out of me.
I genuinely wish I could be in a relationship without the expectation of falling in love. I get attracted to guys-sexually, platonically, whatever-But I get scared off whenever I start actually falling for him. I don't know what to do about it.
I wish I could be in a sort of FWB relationship type thing, where we hold hands and kiss and cuddle and go places together and act like boyfriend and girlfriend stuff but never fall in love. We just act like best friends, but closer. I can't see myself ever getting comfortable with the idea of being in love. I don't know what's wrong with me. It makes me feel deformed somehow, like there's just something that isn't right with me. | self.offmychest |
I hate myself Not my physical attributes or anything like that, I just simply hate who I am as a person. My personality, my actions, my behavior, everything that really makes me me. And I'm not sure what to do.
Sorry if this isn't the right subreddit for this kind of stuff | self.depression |
I wish I had a gun. I don't care if it's messy. I don't care that it might hurt. I don't care that I might end up in a coma instead of dead.
I just wish I had a gun. | self.SuicideWatch |
Depression at work I am about 4 months into a divorce with my Wife and I have had alot of anxiety and depression. For the most part I can distract myself well enough at home but at work its a much different story. I work as tech support in a call center for a company I really like, the only problem is I have a ton of down time at work which gives me nothing but time to think about how my life is falling apart. I was wondering if anybody has any good tips of things I can do at work to try and pass the time. Any good books, art projects, Im willing to do anything to take my mind off things. Work is basically my prison right now. | self.depression |
lonley and i feel worthless fuck This sub. I’m not killing myself but if you’re on here saying you want to kill yourself but don’t want help, just do it. Why even waste our time trying to help you just do it. You’ll save me time. | self.SuicideWatch |
I want to talk to someone Can a nice person talk with me on the phone? | self.SuicideWatch |
Who needs an alarm clock when you have anxiety? Woke up out of a deep sleep just because I was anxious, at least I didn’t sleep in | self.Anxiety |
Money and society I have struggled with being told what to do for as long as I can remember. But money and society didn’t bother me until I was in college back in 2015. When I was in highschool (graduated in 2015) I smoked weed and had a huge basis of friends I mean anyone in the school knew who I was and I was very friendly and outgoing. I participated in sports and all sorts of shit. I was driven and wanted to be a mechanical engineer major. Once I got to college it was like living the high life. Not cause this was the first time I was living on my own but I just had access to so much when it came to party’s or something. But in October of 2015 I got into a car accident and I was hit by a car on my bicycle ride home. I didn’t have a helmet and I went straight over the hood to the pavement. This accident ended my sports career in college even though I was only a freshmen. I needed up not able to go to class and in turn spent a majority of my time getting high and selling drugs. I never got any settlement from that accident. But because I couldn’t go to class and I was binging so hard on coke, x, lean, acid, molly, mushrooms, I ended up numbing myself from the upsetting reality and some intense experiences and encounter with friends, cops and well at one point an expirence talking to Satan. After withdrawing from school I was able to clean my self up and I no longer struggle with substances even though I’m the beginning of 2017 I did have a relapse for 3 months and I’m now 10 months clean from present day. So now you understand my drug history.
Once I was home from school I worked a couple jobs and life proceeded to throw me around. I had a friend and family member die, got into another car accident (not my fault in my car not my bike) got kicked out of my house and had terrible withdrawals and stomach issues for about 5-6 months. I moved across the state and took a new job living with a good friend of mine growing pot and working on high rises. My time there was only filled with endless working, a relationship that fucked me up pretty bad involving her three little kids all right around Christmas New Years time.
On January 1 2017 I literally ran out of her house. Packing my things and got the fuck out of there cause I didn’t wanna be somewhere I wasn’t wanted. I went to the one place I knew I could crash for a bit and it also happened to be the same town I could find just about anything I wanted to make me feel better. So I drove 200 miles in a snow storm in my beater ass Honda Accord.
It was during this drive I realized some things. I knew I hated money cause it stressed me out but I realized we are all slaves and then I broke down what we do for money and the dynamic of the human race is slavery. Society is a disease and money is the plague we pass around valuing it with our lives because if we don’t have money we won’t live right? It’s that shit that gets my cortisol going. Am I the only one that has totally withdrawn from society? I don’t want a job I don’t want kids for fuck sake, I don’t want money, I would rather just bargain with someone to get what I need and go live in the woods and enjoy Mother Earth the way god intended. This dielema I’ve been living with is only getting stronger and it’s taken hospital visits and suicide attempts, soul searching, overdoses, being cheated and beaten just to understand that man kind is killing humanity and our sense of happiness. Okay I think I’ve ranted enough now. | self.depression |
Slowly getting sucked into the void Ok. Let me introduce myself. I'm a 15 year old boy in 9th grade struggling with depression and anxiety in the most part. My depression started very early. Around the age of 6-7. I never had any friends until highschool and my parents never showed me any affection. They are like ,,you got a roof over your head and food. The rest is up to you". They don't care about me, or my mental state. So now I'm going to tell the story that got me in a terrible and terrifying state of mind. Keep in mind I didn't receive any form of affection and never held hands with someone in my life, let alone kiss someone. Ok so like 3 weeks ago me and my class went on a 2 day trip. I had a crush who knew I was struggling with depression and she saw me cut myself and really cared about me. I confessed to her on this trip and she said the feelings are mutual. For the first time in so many years, I felt happiness. Then we eventually got to the point of holding hands. We had a little game in a forest and it was very dark outside because it's winter. Me and my crush (I'll name her L) were alone. Then some fishy guy came up to us and tried mugging us. I always carry a knife with me even though it's illegal. And well...I stabbed him 3 times and we ran back to our group without saying anything. On the ride home, she fell asleep on my shoulder while we were holding hands. I was so happy. After the trip she broke up with me and she begged me to not cut myself or do anything stupid because she still cares about me. I...well cried and cut myself. But that doesn't matter. There was a guy in my class that all the girls are after and I hate him a lot. So as you probably guessed, she ended up being with him. Kissing and even dry humping right in front of me. She clearly knows what she was doing. I was more broken than ever. What I forgot to mention was that I had severe insomnia for the past 4-5 years. But now, I can't sleep at all. My mind is filled with suicidal thoughts, the moment of L falling asleep on my shoulder, and the agonizing screams and blood from the guy that I probably killed. I can't sleep at night whatever I do. And it haunts me. I can't end these thoughts no matter what I try to do. And it really fucks me up. It is now 2:39 and I still can't sleep. For the past 2 weeks I only slept 2-3 hours in the afternoon. That's all. I'm thinking hard about suicide. Please someone release me from this hell. PLEASE | self.SuicideWatch |
I had the most intense therapy session of my life. Found out I am like my Dad. I’d rather be dead than put my family through what he did. But I know suicide is painful too. But he hurt us so much. I think it is better to die, if I can grow the balls. | self.SuicideWatch |
I love to travel. It is my greatest joy, I absolutely love doing it. I want to visit Madagascar and Japan next. My dream is to eventually charter a bareboat and cruise around the Caribbean. I will not let this illness stop me from doing so. | self.bipolar |
I have to keep telling myself self harm isn’t an option If I went through with it I can’t imagine the disappointment my parents would have for me if they found out. | self.depression |
I can't keep this going anymore I can't do this anymore it's getting hard to breath I'm to focused on it and it's been several months since I have this labored breathing, everyday, every hour, every minute I think about my breathing and if I breath right, not to mention I started to feel my upper body when i take air in. It's like my upper body below the chest gets filled with air and it feels really weird. My head feels weird, I tried to take rest, took a day off, sleep, nothing fixed it, as soon as i woke up I started to feel my breathing again. I'm so fixated... | self.Anxiety |
Does anyone here have driving anxiety and if so how do you manage? I got my permit when I was 15 (currently 22), and I only just got my license at the beginning of this year because driving terrified me. I thought I would never get my license haha but somehow I managed to get through my driving lessons and I have the little piece of plastic now. Its not as bad as before but I only feel comfortable driving short distances and to places I have driven to before. This might sound weird but my fear isnt so much based on dying or hitting someone (a part of it) but its socially based. I worry that I will mess up, or people will think im a bad driver, or if god forbid I do almost hit somebody or if I get into a car accident I would be extremely embarrassed on top of feeling awful about potentially harming somebody.
Anyways, just wanted to see if those of you who have driving anxiety push yourselves and if you have any tips for lessening the anxiety.
I want to drive to panera to get lunch and study later but Im nervous. Its not even far from my house but im worried the parking lot will be cramped or Ill take a wrong turn or something. Kinda makes me want to stay home but I also want to go, and push myself. | self.Anxiety |
Would there Ever be A Benefit to Disclosing Your Disability Status to A New Employer? I was offered a position and start at my new job on Monday. I'm going through the new hire paperwork in order to get that all squared away, and of course there's the EEOC form asking, "Do you identify as an individual with a disability?" Interestingly, they never asked me this on any of the forms during the application or interview process.
I know I've already been hired and have signed a contract, but I wanted to know if any one here knows if it would benefit me in anyway to tell the truth. My last job definitely knew I had Bipolar Disorder and I used quite a bit of FMLA and short-term disability because of it.
Still, my gut tells me to keep it to myself unless it becomes relevant to disclose, and even then, highly discreetly. I feel like my last job saw me as an employee who wasn't going anywhere, so despite my success, I never received recognition or opportunities for advancement like my peers who had the same (or lower) metrics as me.
What do you think, Reddit? Should I tell the truth or decline the form? Or am I reading too much into all of this? | self.bipolar |
I don't know what is wrong with me So, first of all i am not a native english talker so i might have a lot of grammar mistakes.
I don't know what is wrong with me but i must change this really quick. Most of the time i don't have an emotion like i am happy or sad or whatever, i just exist and thats all, after that i remember some things my gf told me about her last and few relations with her exes, and i get really fucking jealous even if i know that is a domain of the past and have nothing to do with me. Those things make me really... Sad and also some sort of angry and my mood changes in a split of a second. I love her, she did nothing wrong but when i am in those bad moods and she makes me a compliment i feel even more angry because the same compliment could be said to her exes. I don't have ragequits or whatever im angry on the inside. Once again i love her and she did nothing wrong, she wants me to feel better but i dont know why i think about these things in the first place, i dont want to think about them but i cant control my mind. I have a very bad self esteem, i hate myself for everything, i dont have any special talent, i dont know to do anything, all i want to do and all i do is lay in bed all day long and go to university. And she got all, she got talent,she got beauty, all i wanted from a girl i find at her. She keep telling me i make her really happy and does want to keep me forever and i feel the same but fuck i am so missunderstood even by myself and i hate that. I dont know why i am like this, i have a decent life but i cant stop thinking about negative things. I even considered suicide. I don't wanna get close to anyone and in the same time i do want.
In the past i was really emotional hurted by some girls and i lost all my trust. I hate me, i love her and i can't trust her, even if i want to trust. I dont have money for a psiholog, i am the only person Who knows that about me, i keep telling her i got lots of bad moods outta nowhere, and thats the truth.
Please help me clear my mind, even when i am outside with my pals laugghing with tears i can't not think about it sometimes and.. Yea. I dont know what to say more
| self.depression |
Losing my grip - maybe hospitalisation? I want to apologize in advance for sounding ridiculous.
I've been in the midst of the longest and deepest panic attack I've ever experienced in my life.
Four nights ago, I suffered a panic attack that triggered my arrhythmia. My heart rate jumped to 195 bpm and I had to go to the hospital for an electrocardiogram. Everything was fine.
When I came home, I felt reassured but there's always been this nagging suspicion (maybe just anxiety or a negative thought pattern?) that perhaps my arrhythmia is more serious than the doctors know. Of course, I'm aware this is probably just part of a poor cognitive process because I've had between 6 and 10 electrocardiograms since September and each one comes back good. On top of that, my cardiologist took the extra step to have an echocardiogram performed--my heart came back healthy. "Super healthy" in his words. Despite this, my resting heart rate is usually between 80 and 100 bpm. Why do I doubt multiple tests and several doctors?
I've tried using every tool I have in my anti-anxiety toolkit. I've attempted different breathing exercises, a long walk in nature, meditation and visualization, distraction through making myself busy and many other little things. I have ativan on-hand should I need it and have only taken it once in the past year. Unfortunately, I had to take one on Tuesday.
The worst part about this has to be that my psychiatrist is on maternity leave and I'm waiting for an appointment with my next psychiatrist.
I can't seem to get an appointment with a psychologist or social worker to help me get through this so I've found myself calling a crisis hotline for panic often the last few days.
I'm terrified that I'm going to drop dead from an undiagnosed cardiac event and I'll never see my kids grow up.
| self.Anxiety |
Bad friend. I cut off communication with my best friend of almost 2 decades after realizing that I've been nothing more than a door mat to her throughout our entire friendship. This all happened after she sent me a random, unwarranted text message (after blocking me on social media for no reason at all) about how I'm the worst friend ever, even though I've always been the one to go out of my way for her and it's literally never been the other way around. Over the years that kind of text would show up in my inbox ever so often, we'd eventually make up, and the cycle would start over. This time though, I got unhealthily angry and decided enough is enough. Its hard to get used to not talking to her, as toxic as she was, but I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that she was never a good friend to me, even when we were kids. I feel heartbroken, pissed off, and incredibly stupid all at once. Like the entire friendship was just a joke that I mistakenly took seriously. | self.offmychest |
Right Along Seems my boots are too tore up for this town
I patch em up but they still run down
My soles start itching fore they hit the ground
So I keep it moving right along
Seems my strings are just too old for this tune
I pluck em major but they come out blue
Seems lately I only get bad news
So I keep it grooving right along
Seems my tires are just too bald for this road
I hit the brakes but they go go go
My life's too short to take it slow
So I keep it cruising right along
Seems my soul is just too light for this town
They load it up but don't weigh me down
My spirit's floating like a cloud
So I keep it drifting right along | self.bipolar |
What is anxiety Like what is it? Do I have it like for real? I mean I feel anxious about things most of the time and I'm always overthinking the worst of things I feel depressed a lot of the time and I worry a lot yet also I get angry sad like I feel nothing and it makes me angry or I feel too much and it makes me angry or I just feel completely exhausted emotionally I get jealous and no matter what train of thought brings me to this low place in my head I always ask the same question of, is it real? I mean why am I feeling so empty and yeah I know what an anxious feeling is and I get that a lot in my stomach and I've talked to my mum and she says she will talk to the doctor and well what will they do I mean is what I feel enough for any concern or help. Is there help? Can this be fixed I mean I don't think it can it feels hopeless trying to be happy or fix what ever it is that makes me feel depressed or is it even serious enough I mean sure I think about suicide and all that but I don't want to die I'm scared of death so there's no issue of self harm so what's the point on talking to a doctor, there are people out there who fell worse than me and actually have a reason to and that makes me feel guilty and selfish that I feel this shit yet I don't have a reason I mean everyone feels this way from time to time right?
I don't even know what this post even is anymore guess it's just a vent but still a question? Are these kinda posts aloud here? I mean I just typed up r/anxiety and decided to post and see if anyone will reply with like a diagnosis of what I feel and why and some sort of magic Medicine I can take to make it all go away and let me feel normal with no anxious feelings or overthinking or jealousy | self.Anxiety |
Wife is depressed. Not sure what triggered this, but it's tearing me apart. Looking for advice. My wife is the love of my life. We've been together for over 13 years (since our early 20's), have two children and, until very recently, a rather enviable relationship.
Recently, though, we realized together that she was off. She admitted to me that life stresses had put her in a dark place. She HAS had the thought that it would be easier if she wasn't around. She also said that she would NEVER go through with something like that. More that she could empathize with people who have said this kind of thing.
This was very scary for me, obviously.
She has a history of anxiety and was previously on Lexapro (before I met her and for a few years into our relationship). Through diet, exercise and her having children and her hormones being very different, she was better. It's been four years since childbearing.
This depressive episode that she's dealing with now is one of numbness. She describes it as difficult to feel anything about much of anything. Only deep, emotional conversations between us and our children in certain situations seem to really invoke any emotion. If at all.
I pestered her to speak to an ACN and run hormone and blood tests. Her tests came back with low progesterone and vitamin D and high cortisol. I've researched the bejesus out of these things and feel pretty confident about the implications. She is also two weeks into speaking with a psychologist about her history. Also by my prompting, as she tends to push stuff down and avoid when she's feeling unlike herself. She did have a childhood trauma (molestation) that hindered her libido I'm guessing. Sort of always been a thing in our relationship.
The problem is that I'm included in the "feel nothing" department, which is the antithesis of our relationship for the last 13 years. We share everything. Sex is quite obviously off the table. Understandable. I don't try. But she won't touch, won't reciprocate the love I try to show her in support during this time. No affection whatsoever. I guess I just need to know that this is normal; that it's possible she'll be back to the same person when the fog clears. I'm absolutely petrified that when we stabilize her hormones that she won't feel the same for me anymore.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can do for her? For me? This has been a waking nightmare. | self.depression |
Just started new job, boss asked me to travel someplace far and am anxious about it Sooo I started a new job recently and I'm generally ok with it but there's quite a bit of travelling to rural areas involved from time to time (due to the big project we're working on) which tends to stress me out and make me anxious as unfamiliar places just generally make me anxious and I underestimated how much travelling is involved (I think throughout the year it's more of an occasional thing but because they're doing a roadshow thing at the moment there's people travelling in our department every week for the next month).
I'm expected to travel in early Dec with a male colleague to a rural area and we're overnighting at the nearby town and I've never been there so I'm anxious about it and the fact that it's just the two of us makes me more anxious and uncomfortable (not because he's done anything, just the idea makes me anxious). I feel like I'm being kinda irrational about it but I can't help how I feel and I shared my reservations with my boss but obviously she told me I still have to go and it's part of the job and I can't expect people to have to make accommodations for me all the time (I asked if we could go in a bigger group).
I know this is a really jumbled post but I can't tell if I'm just being a big baby about this and this shouldn't be a big deal, I don't know how to manage the fact that I have to travel quite a bit for my job but it makes me really anxious. Some advice would be much appreciated. | self.Anxiety |
Going from the worst to the best and it's a difficult change. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Anxiety & Physical Issues for Days? Having serious anxiety lately. So, i was sick about a week ago. Got married (woo!) felt great that weekend, but run down after. Chest heaviness, thought the cold moved there. Doctor says nope, lungs are clear, heart is good, but my chest feels heavy, constantly, for 4 days. This has spiraled me into health anxiety. That finally goes away but now 3 more days ive had swollen lymph nodes and a numb face...something ive had for 2 weeks in the summer. They told me then it was nothing...or possibly acid reflux (which i just discovered then i had from an ENT dr). So this is the same feeling. throat lymph nodes swollen, face feels sorta numb around jaw.
Today, full panic attack. Heart racing, blood pressure up, felt like i was gonna faint until i calmed down. and now my heart is just...excitable? I feel like i go from normal to racing so easily (around 95 bpm but its uncomfortable). Has anyone had prolonged issues like this? doctors keep saying im fine but i feel like im going crazy. I want to go for a full physical this week but worrying about it being something else is well...making it worse. | self.Anxiety |
Question about wellbutrin So I very recently started taking Wellbutrin. I'm not super sure what to think about it since I am still getting used to it, but I have some concerns.
I used to take Vyvanse for reasons essentially unrelated to my anxiety, and it started to become a problem with my then girlfriend (now wife), because it made me quite unemotional and overall cold towards her. I have been feeling a bit similar lately. This could be for other reasons like stress and the fact that I'm transitioning medications, but I'm worried that it's because of the Wellbutrin. Is there anyone who has experience with Wellbutrin that could comment on this?
Thank you! | self.Anxiety |
Finally have a psychiatrist appointment... but not for depression It's for my ADHD and anxiety - both diagnosed and treated by my PCP. They have been pushing me to make a psyc appointment and it's finally coming up. I've never acknowledged my depression to anyone and always try to downplay it. I'm not sure how to bring it up. I feel silly, like I'm self diagnosing myself with made up things. Will they be able to just... tell? Based off of my demeanor or something? Will they give me a test? I've never been to any doc other than a PCP and they just straight up asked me what my issues were. I could never seem to tell them "depression" though. What do I do? How do I bring this up without seeming stupid? Maybe it's my anxiety talking, but I don't want to talk about it. I have no issues telling them about my anxiety or ADHD, but this one is just.. different. | self.depression |
I attempted suicide on christmas eve At 17 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. You've either never heard of it, or you hold the stigma against me, or so it usually is. My diagnosis is heavily stigmatised. We're known as crazy, violent, broken beyond repair and drama queens. Even mental health professionals see BPD as incurable and not worthy of help. I've faced the stigma, and currently charities refuse to give me therapy and the NHS won't give me therapy despite pleading. I'm simply broken in their eyes.
I can't have friends because I get obsessed and get angry and upset when we don't talk every day. I can't date because at the beginning they see me as sweet, laid back, cute I guess. Then after a month they see the BPD symptoms I struggle to contain. They see the marks on my body, the vomiting when I overdose, the obsession with making out, the need to be wanted and craved. In an effort to contain it all and not turn into an abusive partner I start hallucinating from stress.
So I took sleeping tablets and prescription painkillers. I took 20 each. I sat down and ate pizza and as I was eating I started to fall asleep. Originally I could rouse myself. After 10 minutes my mother could wake me up by shouting my name. I went to bed and passed out in the fetal position
My mother came to check on me and I guess tried to wake me. She says she shook me and shouted and I just wouldn't wake up.
So you probably guessed she called an ambulance right? Your self destructive daughter is unresponsive and you know she's overdosed because she'd done it before. Instead she left me there. Watched tv for a bit then went to sleep. I slept for 10 hours and woke up hallucinating. Every time I closed my eyes I'd hallucinate, and then waking them caused even worse hallucinations. After about 4 hours I was mostly back to normal.
People see me as poison because of my disorder. Maybe I am. I know everything I touch, everyone I get close to... I destroy it because of my penchant for self destruction.
| self.SuicideWatch |
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