text stringlengths 39 36.7k | label stringclasses 5 values |
|---|---|
This past month has been the worst of my life, ai genuinely wish I could just die at this point | self.depression |
My life is fucked I could tell my full life story but i would probably kill my self on the spot because i literally couldn’t handle processing all the shit i could have done to stop this hell of a reality from happening so ill just give a quick summery, it is very possible that my dad has dementia at age 54 and i could have some sort of cancer and its all because i am a selfish cunt that had all the chances in the world to change his life but chose to just sit in his room and do absolutely nothing when his dad is doing everything in his power to do whats best for him while at the same time trying to run a fucking company.
I have stressed my dad out that much that he snapped and got dementia, i mean theres no other way he’s only fucking 54 for fuck sake and the cancer thing, i could have went to the doctors any day i liked for about 4 years and i didn’t, now i feel like theres no hope, i went to the doctors and they gave me the all clear but it was only a blood test they done and now i can feel something in my lung.
Oh and did i mention that my mums and alcoholic?
there is no one in my family to talk to because if i did then it would make it a reality, i don’t know what to do and i know no one could possibly say something that would make it any better but if someone could say something i would at least like some insight.
Ps. I’m also addicted to phenibut, its a drug to help with anxiety, and I’m sorry if you couldn’t understand some of this I’m dyslexic | self.depression |
I'm back Summer's over, winter's here, which inevitably means the beginning of the hardest part of the year for me.
So, after 9 months, I'm back. Back on reddit, back to cutting, back to suicidal thoughts, back to Drugs. Hooray.
(This is a new account, cause quite a few RL people followed my other account.) | self.depression |
Anyone who's had 'The Rash' with Lamictal? I've been on Lamictal about 4 months. I titrated (by 25mg every 14 days) up to 200mg but my pdoc suggested going down to 150mg, and I did that this week. I've developed some flat, red-purple blotches just under my ankle, and some prickly, slightly red patches on my cheeks. Can anyone who's had The Rash describe what it looked like when it first emerged? Google is giving me lots of pictures of really severe cases, which is helping my anxiety *so* much, but not much guidance on what it looks like in the early stages. (Update: I also have headache and tiredness.) | self.bipolar |
Going for a bike ride triggered dR? So I just went on a bike ride at night, something I don't usually do. I went on a street I've never been on before, and had a pretty good time listening to music and enjoying the nice weather. Only thing is, as I approached my apartment coming back it felt...different. Like all of a sudden everything took on a different tone. It felt like I was seeing it all for the first time, even though I've lived here for months.
I'm pretty sure it was triggered by the bike ride. Whenever I mix up my routine like that I get this same feeling. I don't hate it, but don't particularly enjoy it either. Last time it was this intense was finals week 2015, so maybe the stress contributed?
Anyone else get this, or something similar? | self.Anxiety |
It feels like the last week of my life, we're just waiting now. Will I get back control or is this the end. | self.SuicideWatch |
How my 2 dead fish taught me everything I'm doing wrong in my life [deleted] | self.depression |
Alternative treatments? My parents and doctor are not against me trying a more natural treatment. My doctor just doesn't want me to self medicate and see a psychiatrist and get their opinion. I don't want to go on some of the pills used specifically for bipolar. A lot of diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases are in my family. My primary physician told me that a lot of those medicines could screw with my liver, thyroid, pancreas, and make me gain weight. No thank you.
Now, I know that these medications actually do help some people and they don't get the side effects, but I only want to go to lab made medications as a last resort. There's nothing wrong with people who take them and feel okay. Right now I just use Wellbutrin XL 150 and Valium 10, and medical cannabis.[both the AD and benzo are generic]. And while I am more stable, I still feel like garbage and I have tried other SSRIs and they made me gain weight. The Wellbutrin was good for weight loss and I felt okay at the beginning, but now I am eating a lot again.
So are there any psychiatrists or doctors in the Chicago area that agree with alternative medicine? I also want to ask some questions for those that have tried some of the natural supplements.
I have heard great things about St. John's Wort, schizandra, ashwagandha, L-theanine, valerian, chamomile, lavender, and saffron. The rest I am iffy about. I even looked on the psychiatry and mental health subreddits and read up on .gov and .edu websites. It does say that they can be effective or ineffective just like the traditional medicines, but often have less side effects like weight gain, drowsiness, being not as focused.. etc.
I'm just wondering if anybody here has tried some alternative treatments or if it's recommended. I am most interested in trying St. John's Wort and/or schizandra. [I am unsure if they can be mixed, but I believe I read somewhere that some people do use them together.] Ashwagandha or a mixture of the calming herbs like chamo, lavender, valerian, and lemon balm might be good to try and keep be from being anxious. I know like with any treatment it will be trial and error, but I at least want some actual advice, science, or anecdotes.
Sorry for the long post. I appreciate any kind of help. | self.bipolar |
How to deal with/overcome Dissociation? I feel like everything is so weird and dreamy. I KNOW it IS real, right? It’s just weird. | self.Anxiety |
Why do people think it’s ok to immediately ask about sex? [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I need a pretty good reason to go on. Everything is going downhill. At age 28 I'm stuck in a stupid part time job despite having a degree. Which means I'll probably be stuck in poverty forever. I'm trapped in my childhood home with my neurotic disabled mother. I'm $2000 in debt with a low income and my mother won't let me handle it on my own. I'm too poor to move out. Rents are just too high. I don't even have enough money to move to another place. And why would I when I can't get a job? I can't get a job that pays well enough and there's just no other way to increase my income to above the poverty level. I'll probably end up homeless some time in the future.
I can't do another year of this. I won't go back to the hospital just to plunge deeper into debt. Besides people are better off without me. My kill date is set for first week of January. | self.SuicideWatch |
I've been feeling like absolute crap--physically and mentally--and I just want it to stop [deleted] | self.depression |
I am very lonely but don't think I can have satisfying friendships. [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
I abuse sleep because I don’t want to be awake anymore. [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm so sick of everyone saying it gets better [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I don't want to see a therapist Tried a couple of them, and I'll be honest with you: I absolutely dreaded them both. I don't want to get deep into it, but one of my therapists took time during our session just to talk with someone personal on their cellphone. (Hard to believe, I know.)
I've heard from a few people who have taken therapy say that you have to find the right therapist for you. But hearing that argument convinces me that I'm essentially paying people to listen to me until I find someone that says the right thing to comfort/"save" me. Maybe it's just my brain telling me that, but it just rationalizes my personal stigma towards seeking professional help for myself. | self.depression |
My brother's wife is having their first baby tomorrow and I can't bring myself to give a shit For the last couple weeks, I managed to feel something close to positive, but today my mom came to visit and now I feel awful. We went out for breakfast and things were going okay, but towards the end of course she can't stop herself from asking me a million questions about what kind of job I might want to switch to. It's Saturday morning and I'm trying to fucking eat. I have a job already, just because I said I was thinking about changing doesn't mean I want to be interrogated about it - she's a retired lawyer so I guess it's more like being cross-examined. Even after I tell her I don't have the energy to talk about job stuff, she starts asking me whether I saw the postings she sent me on Thursday. Unbelievable.
So now I'm sitting here thinking about how fucked up it is that when my niece grows up and asks me where I was when she was born, I'm going to either have to lie or say, "At home by myself feeling like absolute garbage because your grandmother doesn't understand her son at all and - far from helping with his problems - actively makes them worse at every turn."
Like I know no one's life is really as idyllic as it seems from the outside, but I also know that millions of people are happy for their siblings when they have kids. I want to do that so badly. | self.depression |
I frequently imagine my own death I don't know how suicidal I am, I have never attempted it to be honest. But I have these periods of highs and lows all the time. Controlling my emotions can get difficult at times. For some reason I just want to burst our crying because of one small thing. However, at times I feel like I can conquer the world.
I think I have a loving group of friends and family but after my dad a little over 3 years ago things haven't felt right in my head. I nearly teared up writing that but had to take a huge breath because I am at work and can't just start sobbing.
I just want to quit everything and do whatever the fuck I want but I am fucking overwhelmed and scared of all the bad things that can happen if I just quit my job.
I don't know if it my job that is making me depressed (I am not the biggest fan of it but meh) or its something else. Clearly I am not very fulfilled in life.
Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to take my mind of things and vent for a second. | self.depression |
I told a kid I hate my life He just looked at me, said "oh" and walked away. Everyone who knows me at my high school knows that I make self deprecating jokes all the time, but all of them have meaning behind them. I hate myself, I hate everything about me. The only thing that stopped me from jumping in front of a car today was the fact that I would fuck somebody up and make them think that they're responsible for killing a kid. I just want to die. | self.depression |
There are ways out I'm freaking close to beating my depression. And I'm not giving up | self.depression |
The Ups and Downs I work 12 hour night shifts in the oilfield. My job is not labor intensive (I've done that in the past) and it focuses more on data. I've been in the field for about six months. I'm a capable night hand and I've learned a lot of what this job requires. In fact, while my boss was on vacation this past month I took over days. We had a couple of hiccups along the way but we made it work. Upon returning he told me I did a good job. Positive recognition is a wonderful thing. The past hour he grilled me about the computer side and trouble shooting while putting me down the entire time. He told me I'm lazy, made fun of how positive I try to be around the office, and made it clear that there is such a thing as a stupid question. It sucked. The same guy who's told me that you learn this job as you go and the person who's been responsible for training me criticizing my progress was a blow. I deal with a lot inside my head and this won't phase me after I sleep tomorrow but it was just a bummer. I'm grateful to have this job and I'm doing my best but I can't satisfy everyone everyday. I'm just feeling down after the lecture and wanted to put it out there. I'd like to think I'll be a constructive teacher who leads by example without intimidation tactics. No one is perfect though and I'll just keep trying to improve. I hope everyone has something they believe/have faith in on the days/nights the people around you don't have any in you. Keep your heads up my friends. | self.bipolar |
I told myself that if just one person remembered my birthday today then maybe I'd try to live another year. Nobody did. Firstly, I want to say that this isn't a post about me wanting a bunch of people to wish me a happy birthday online. In fact, I don't want anyone to so please don't. There isn't anything happy about it.
It's been a terrible year. I lost all my friends and my family have given up on me (and I've given up on them). I didn't expect much. But it still hurts. It really hurts. Even just a message or anything would have been something. It would have meant that someone thought of me, even just for a moment. But there was nothing. I got one notification on Facebook and it turned out to just be some automated message reminding me that I don't have a profile picture. Like I needed to be reminded that I'm too ashamed to show my face to anyone. I've been thinking of and planning my suicide for well over a year now, almost 2 years in fact. But I gave myself an ultimatum. I'd give myself another 6 months. Maybe things would get better like people always say it will. And I tried to make them better. I tried to get back on track and do what I needed to do to live the life I wanted, even though I didn't want life at all for so long. But it seems like there is nothing for me in this life. No matter what I do it seems like I'm destined to a life of failure and solitude. And I would rather die than live like that. I'm not posting this for attention, I just feel like I need to get this out so I won't have regrets when I do it. Thank you for reading, if you bothered. | self.SuicideWatch |
I actually felt happy This may seem dumb but I actually felt happy today. I got high from weed, and it makes me happy. I'm always told that its bad but it made me happy for once | self.depression |
No point/emptiness I’m warning you this is going to be a long rant and I’ll be pleasantly surprised if there’s someone out there who’s going to sit through all of this let alone read the whole thing. PLEASE don’t just say, “oh you should talk to someone, join a club/community, etc.” you have no idea how fed up I am with hearing that sort of generic advice.
Basically I’m completely useless as a human being and no one wants to have anything to do with me. I was brought up in a very restrictive and abusive household with just my (a lot older) parents that never allowed me to do anything and as a result I became too shy, developed severe social anxiety to go out and have friends. I’m 18 and never really had any, I rarely go out, and have never had a boyfriend of any kind. I am completely alone. I don’t feel comfortable going outside and socializing because I’m always negatively judged it seems and avoided by other people. It feels as though I can disappear and no one would care or ask about me.
As a freshman in college, ( in high school I was very much unpopular and had no friends) I made some friends but they all left me and stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. I keep screwing up. I also don’t have much of a family as there was a lot of inner conflict and I was also restricted from speaking to many family members. I hate myself and also suffer from very low self esteem: I have pretty bad skin too so that could be the reason I want to hide all the time. I cry a lot of the time and during the crying I cry even more when I realize there is no one there to hold me and make me feel special, important, and loved. While other people I see do have that person that holds them tightly and makes them feel better, I have never had that kind of person around me.
People see me as this awkward person I guess and think it’s okay to bring me down. I wish I had someone who loved me unconditionally then maybe I wouldn’t feel so miserable. I hve no motivation to try at school I sit there bored and just fantasize about how wonderful my life could be with a nice boyfriend and a group of friends but of course that’s exactly the sort of life I don’t have. Meanwhile everyone else it seems does. It’s so unfair and yes I realize I sound like a little baby complaining away but I’m really fucking fed up and I have tried to change things. For example, I tried to fake my confidence and go after the things I wanted but nothing came out of it. I don’t know what to do it seems my only lifeline now is that fantasy world I made up in my head that allows me to somehow cope with my painful reality.
So I guess that’s the summary of it all. | self.depression |
Anxiety is making my life a living hell. So i’ve been dealing with anxiety issues ever since I was 16. I’m 18 now and my anxiety is worse than it’s ever been. It’s hard for me to live my life since my anxiety prevents me from doing a lot of things. My main issue is that I feel like everyone’s eyes are on me when I go outside and constantly judging me at the same time which is making me paranoid. I hate being the center of attention so whenever I catch people staring it makes me uncomfortable and very anxious.
Due to this issue I don’t like going outside, but when I do go outside I make sure to do it at night so that no one can see me. I don’t understand why I am like this but my home is like my safe space and other enviroments are huge trigger for me. I feel like I truly never can be calm unless I am home. I’m afraid of going outside I guess. I’m afraid of people’s judgements and i’m afraid of crowded areas. I just feel like I can’t function properly. Heck I can’t even breath properly, make eye contact because of fucking anxiety.
How can I cure this horrible illness? I eat a very healthy diet, I make sure to get atleast 8-9 hours of sleep everyday, I exercise and I sometimes meditate. I make sure to take my vitamins and all that shit. I have tried to change my thoughts but it doesn’t work at all. Anxiety makes me feel awful and I just want to be a normal functioning person. I sometimes lose hope to be honest. | self.Anxiety |
the lesser-known sliver of hope during a depressive episode [deleted] | self.bipolar |
From hopeful and healthy to hopeless and hung over. Sick of letting people down. [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm currently going to therapy and going through CBT. I have to do a survey, theres two questions. If you wouldnt mind answering them? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
I’m so happy, cuz today I found my friends, they’re in my head [deleted] | self.bipolar |
Tired of anxiety and paranoia fucking with me. So I've had paranoia for awhile, and it sucks, but I got a girlfriend a bit ago, and she makes me so happy when we are together, but when I'm alone my anxiety and paranoia start fucking with me. It's things like what if she finds someone better than me, what if she gets bored of me, what if she's cheating on me, or what if she doesn't really like me. I love her and don't want to lose her, but I've been cheated on before, and that really fucked me up. I'm honestly thinking of shooting myself now. Not because of her, but because I don't wanna live my life controlled by anxiety, and it seems like an easier solution to just die than worry that I'm gonna lose her, or some other bad shit. | self.SuicideWatch |
Some word vomit about sexual abuse - feat. self-deprecation [x-post from r/rapecounseling] [deleted] | self.depression |
first aid? Help? Im not feeling okay. The resources on this page are useless and unintuitive and I cant think straight.
Can someone send me a link to some kind of mental health first aid thing? I need help | self.SuicideWatch |
Third in a yesr I tried stabbing, overdosing, and now I wish I have a pistol but I don’t.
| self.SuicideWatch |
Nurse practitioner just prescribed me Vyvanse for OCD, anxiety, and depression. Turns out it's a stimulant. WTF? I've been planning to go on medication for depression, anxiety, and OCD-like symptoms for a month now, and finally saw a nurse practitioner today.
I told her my symptoms and she suggested that given that I had been on wellbutrin and lexapro many years ago and it did nothing for me, that we try something else. I said "sure," and she then told me she wanted to start with vyvanse. I'd heard the name before, but didn't know anything about it, and assumed it was an antidepressant, so I said "let's do it" only to come home and do a bit of research and find out it's an ADHD med. What the hell? Why prescribe a stimulant to a person whose chief issue is obsessive thought patterns and anxiety?
I don't really know how to proceed. This woman seemed like she was barely paying attention to me and then prescribed something like this without even talking about the fact that it was a stimulant. My insurance is terrible and I can't really see anyone else until I switch providers in January.
Here's my question: I've done some research and I've found only a few people who actually report that they were prescribed vyvanse for depression, and none for OCD. Am I crazy for thinking that I shouldn't take this medication? I plan on contacting her tomorrow to ask the same question, but I was hoping some of you may have experience with this drug and can give me a sense of whether this is reasonable in any way. | self.depression |
23m, super insecure about my lack of relationships. Lost virginity to a girl who doesn't give a shit. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Stuck in an existential hole of negativity in my mind right now First off, if your anxiety is about the existential nature of the human condition or something like that, consider not reading this and instead reading the replies that I hope people smarter than me will provide :)
My perspective on reality right now is very pessimistic. I am suffering with anxiety, and thus I see life as compulsory suffering and get really scared of being a part of the universe and possibly existing forever in some way, in a reality where "compulsory suffering" is a thing.
But I have this awareness: that the chemistry in my brain can completely change my perception - my perspective right now might very well be because I'm controlling my chemistry and making it prone to anxiety and to negative thinking.
I assume it would be just as simple to control this chemistry and make my perspective on everything positive so I would feel better. So I should just get to it, right?
The thing is just thinking that it is on my own hands to work towards making my brain move that way makes my perspective on reality get even more negative.
I feel like it is unfair that I have to physically force my way into thinking more positively and changing my perspective.
It feels very scary to be this fragile meat being, exist without controlling my consciousness and suffering at the hands of it. Thinking about this only makes me more anxious and suffer more, which makes me more anxious and the loop goes on.
I don't talk a lot with people who have positive outlooks on reality and thus I'm a little isolated without much external output on my thoughts.
I feel like I could go on and on about my pessimism and fear of reality, but I'll try to keep this short. I've thought of everything, from the linearity of time being something we only experience right now, to the possibility of mean aliens recreating my consciousness in the distant future and bringing me back to existence just to make me suffer for fun. Feel free to ask for any details in the comments.
Thank you guys for any help or advice you may be so kind as to offer! | self.Anxiety |
Is it common to ignore one person because of depression but not someone else? [deleted] | self.depression |
I don't even feel human anymore I feel like a walking mold of flesh that has been programmed to be human. Unfortunately, the robot I have become is now malfunctioning. I don't think like other people, nor do I act like other people. There is no escape from my thoughts. | self.depression |
How to get out of this runt? I'm in community college, and I'm trying to graduate very badly.
I dropped out once, because I tend to run away and avoid everything, bullies, oestracising, fake people, overly difficult assignments etc.
I WANT everything to stop and to be honest everything is just piling up and I feel like I want to end my own life because I see no way out of this!
This has been going on, a terrible cycle and nothing has worked so far!
Any tips on what I should do now? | self.depression |
i'm still going to be here i'm going to keep fighting. i want to feel the sun on my skin. even if the world keeps pushing my head back underwater i swear to god im still going to be here fighting for my breath
there might be times where im suffocating but i cant give up as much as i want to | self.SuicideWatch |
Isolated by family My family completely stopped talking to me when I turned 16 in 2007. They know about my anxiety and introvert behavior when I was younger so I assume they'll continue supporting me as a young adult. Sadly, they don't. In fact they stopped calling and talking to me! The only way for me to communicate with them is through my mother, whom they also ignored on some occasion. I mean I know they have my phone number yet they refuse to check on me, the young adult with severe mental illness! God, I hate them so much! The only two people that actually care about me are my mother and grandmother. The rest of them don't give a flying crap about me! They favor my older cousins and sisters than me and that's mess up.
Screw my so-called family! They can all suck it! | self.offmychest |
I can't living on my own and I suck at my job. Everyday I'm encountering problems and life is too hard. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Recovering from a Mixed episode that led into Hypomania. I recently just experienced a mixed episode the led into a hypomanic episode and I’m just figuring out how to deal with the come down of it all. About 2-3 weeks ago I went into a very severe depressive episode or so I thought until I realized it was more of a mixed episode. I was barely able to sleep then sometimes sleeping excessively feeling tired during the day but my brain still going and going mostly filled with thoughts or rage, suicide, self harm. I’m not the self harm type a person there’s only been a handful of times in all my 10 years of dealing with bipolar that I resorted to cutting myself it’s just never been how I dealt with my problems even though i have bought about it and I’ve been in places that I have no idea how I survived without harming myself but this time I ended up laying on the bathroom floor cutting my leg. I layed in the floor for about an hour crying and thinking of killing myself and breaking something. I was very depressed for the next couple days and this episode had been building up for sometime. I then got so angry about something I was already so angry inside it just took one little tiny thing to break me and I had a rage blackout. I completely lost control of myself and in less than a minute I broke our tv, threw an end table, threw a mason jar at the wall, and punch a wall. I then layed down for a while. After that I consistently felt irritable, barely able to sleep, obsessing over stupid things, lots of thoughts for the next week or so. Then one night for about half an hour I started singing the Scooby-Doo theme song and the little Einstein theme song in front of my partner, calling myself the rocket man and saying I’m going to fly out the window, throwing stuff around the room; and then after that little outburst I went back to feeling irritable not being able to sleep. I stared honking it was starting to go away but the irritability and difficulty sleeping was still there. About a week ago I went to bed at 1 and woke up at about 3-4 ready to something. Lied awake in bed for a couple hours trying to get my partner up dying silly things, feeling positive and motivated. I got up at about 5 or 6 and started compulsively cleaning for 2 hours or so which I never clean so it was just very out of the ordinary for me. I was chipper and singing and had so much energy. Throughout the day I consistently felt good about myself and confident and excited about nothing just happy to be alive, there were times of the day when it would be lesser and there were higher points of it but for the most part is was elevated all day. I then would get obsessive about things and then try to do everything at once. I was dancing for hours without feeling tired and I wanted to just keep going and going. I started rambling about how great I am, how positive I feel. That I found peace and nirvana and a ton of random things like cucumbers and Baby aliens and all random stuff. My partner told me to take my emergency medicine (klonopine) I only had a small amount only 0.25mg I layed down and my eyes were closed my mind was still going and going so many stacks of thoughts piling ontop of one another I had what I called the next day an tracendent experience I felt my body and my mind becoming a higher being my mind was gravely through waterfalls and galaxies and it was amazing I can’t even begin to describe. The whole time through my high that last the next couple days I felt this calmness in myself like I had found peace and like I was high on drugs even though I wasn’t. My mind was still going and then the irritability would pop up here and there. It’s been a few days since i finally don’t feel the consistent irritability or the high and I’m just trying figure out how to deal. I’m worried about going on medications again and I’m worried about what to do next time, it’s been a long time since I’ve been like that and I just really am trying to figure out a game plan since I have a baby and I couldn’t even take care of him when I was like this because I couldn’t really function luckily my partner was there to do it because I really don’t know what to do | self.bipolar |
I don't know who else to talk to I've posted here a lot, about my other issues. Y'all have helped me so much. I just need to talk to someone. I have friends and family but... how the fuck do i tell them i was sexually assaulted a week ago.
Even here I'm not gonna go into details, but I'll say that if there hadn't been other people in the room I'm pretty sure I'd have been full out raped. They had to pull him off me.
I just don't know what to do. On top of that, ever since that night I've been... slutty. I think its my way of getting control back? I just don't know.
I just want to talk to someone but I don't know how. | self.depression |
The thoughts of suicide are always on my mind. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Instead of being happy that my best friend is getting the experience of a lifetime abroad, deep down I am worried that him leaving me is literally going to make me drown in isolation & lonliness. 💔 | self.depression |
How about when I am actually in danger? When I feel guilty or sad for no reason I rationally know that it is because of my mental state and I am not guilty of anything. But when I feel anxious about being in danger I rationally know I am actually in danger because of where I live and the people I live with. I don't have the option of seeking professional help. I am trying to get out of these bad conditions but it's not going to happen immediately. What would you recommend for me to calm down when the feeling of danger is unbearable? And are there any good books on calming down? I am planning to buy Feeling Good by David Burns but it looks like it's not exactly what I need. Because the most serious parts of my anxiety stems from real dangers and not just my perceptions of things. | self.Anxiety |
Seriously doubting myself So last night I was sent a picture of my ex girlfriend celebrating not being with me and gloating about sending pictures to me with hickeys and I didn’t notice. She was saying that she didn’t know why she stayed with me for so long and that her life’s so much better now. I tried so hard to make things good for her and to be the best person I can be and to hear that she’s relieved to be away from me is just killing me inside. Is it me? Am I just the kind of person that people don’t want to be around? I don’t know where this came from because I tried so hard to be who she wanted me to be. Just lost all self confidence in myself to be honest. Never thought of myself as a burden on someone but I guess I was wrong. Fuck. | self.offmychest |
I can't live like this. I'm too messed up I've had depression before but it's gotten so bad since entering a bad relationship a few months ago. I started having really bad mood swings in August and they've gotten worse. Every day feels like it drags on and I can't wait for it to end. I feel like i haven't been happy in a long time. I go from being happy to shaking and crying. Even before this i was dealing with constant anxiety attacks.
I have no support from my parents I can't tell them I'm this depressed. My sister did and they yelled at her and they isolated her. She got help by being hospitalized for an eating disorder. I don't want to have to put myself into a mental hospital to get some help because im too worried about my career and too scared of my parents
I'm 21 and I feel stuck in this life. I'm afraid that i will never amount to anything. I'm afraid nobody will ever love me in a way that i need. I don't know why I'm even thinking about love. I don't have a job and i feel like I can't get one when all i can think about is how much i want to die.
I don't want to live anymore. I feel undeserving of anything positive and I don't even have the energy to really talk to my few friends. I feel bad for not being able to keep up conversations. I mean they all understand but i still feel bad. I want someone to hug me but i also feel disgust at the thought of someone hugging me and i dont know why
I can't eat unless I'm high, and even then I barely eat. I can't sleep without taking multiple sleeping pills. I'm so anxious and worried about the future.
I force myself to shower, to eat, to get out of bed, but I can't stop thinking about hanging myself. "happy with friends? nope you should just hang yourself right now" is how it goes. It's always in the back of my head. I started self harming again for the first time in years because the thought telling me i NEED to doesnt go away until i do.
the worst thing is despite all the shit i went through in my relationship i miss him bc i went to him when i felt like shit
I need some acknowledgment of my life | self.SuicideWatch |
Why can't one person hang out with me? All I want is for someone to hang out with me. How hard could it be for them to invite me when they do things and to accept my invites? | self.SuicideWatch |
How do you healthily confront someone who is a BP2 in the closet? I care about him but Fuck him. Hes an entitled spoiled brat and racist af. Had to cut him off.
He needs help but Idk how to confront him. He blames everyone but himself for his mistakes.
I know I'm not a Dr but I am a smart man. I knew he is BP cause he admitted he saw a psych for years as a kid. Then you know he said fuck meds and picked up shit friends and weed and coke and Xanax and etc.
Oh he also blew $15,_____ inheritance from his bigot Baptist grandparents and promptly blew it all in 1 month.
What do I do?? I care but not enough to keep him in my life 😞 | self.bipolar |
I am sick of people telling me to hang on because they want me to deal with this all my life. Goodbye! [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
failing all my classes. im not even trying anymore. i'm 15. i don't have any friends. i don't have any motivation. i'm failing all my classes. like straight Fs failing. i'll never go to college. i'll never do anything. i'll repeat 10th grade. i'm a fucking failure who just watches twitch streams and youtube videos. all i do is play fucking nintendo games. how pathetic can you get. i keep saying 'i'll clean my room. i'll do my homework. i'll do my classwork.' and i never do. i just cry. i'm pathetic. | self.depression |
Isn't dying once better than living whole life as a loser? | self.SuicideWatch |
do i have anxiety? somethings wrong and i don't know what.. [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Spoiled Jackass Venting My life really isn't that bad.
I've been married for almost three years. Have a baby girl on the way in a few months. I have a bachelors in History that I've never used other than to say I have a BA. I live in a pretty nice house that we've built together and my lovely wife supported me while I was going back to school to try to be something other than a swim coach.
That said, I've been granted the license to allow me to work in another field and I'm honestly just fucking miserable. I'm making about the same amount of money that I was before going back to school. I constantly feel like an idiot and am occasionally berated as such (work as a surg tech in a large OR). Everyone tells me it takes at least a year to feel like I know what I'm doing in this position but FFS it's such a shitty position right now.
What feels worse is hearing/reading about people saying they love what they do or they want their child to be proud of what mom/dad does. I literally don't give a flying fuck about what I do. I'm a fairly important team member in the OR for any given surgery but I'm paid poorly and because of where we live when I'm on call I have to hang out at the hospital for the entirety of my call shifts.
I already hate doing this. And when I have a child at home I'm fairly certain I'm going to hate it that much more. We moved to a different area of the country because my wife wanted a change and I obliged. But if I bring up any of these concerns to her I feel like I'm being unreasonable and difficult, in no small part because she's pregnant.
But lord almighty do I hate my job now. She loves hers and I loved what I have done as a swim coach.
Part of me wants to tough it out and wait another two years to qualify to advance to a First Assist and make the amount of money I made before as a good coach. Part of me wonders why I've agreed to move away from both our families without putting up more of a fight. And part of me sees this current career path gradually eating away at my soul resulting in a spiteful relationship with the person I love and a shit situation for any kids in the picture.
A bit of background here; I was diagnosed as ADHD at 23 and prescribed adderall XR which actually did help tremendously. In the past year my docs been trying to move to something with less gov't scrutiny so I've started Focalin which kinda helps but I really do feel like has coincided with being depressed again. The change happened right around the time I finished school for surg tech and I can't really say if it's the fact that I'm doing something I don't like (but sacrificed years to do) or a change in meds that brought back this fucking shroud of sadness back into my life.
For anyone that made it through this rant I thank you and hope that your doing better than most that have reason to browse this particular subreddit.
| self.depression |
My college friend is ultra religious and I don't like it [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I have little reason to feel this way, but I do. I got laid off about 6 weeks ago now. I was supporting both my husband and I. This job was a reach for my skillset education-wise, but I gave it my all. In the end I got laid-off because they lost a bunch of contracts and there wasn't enough work.
My husband was great about this- he left his decently paying job to follow me (not even the first time he's done that). We bought a house, I was fucking committed.
I feel like such a shit person right now. I'm on unemployment, behind on the bills, and I just don't know what else I can do. We have no insurance. We're fairly stuck here now- I love our home and I don't want to leave. We also couldn't afford to sell it even if we had to. Replacing our furnace because it was condemned last week ate up our last savings. It was fucking cold in here. I don't think it's worth it to drag him anywhere else again either.
I know in my head it will be ok, but it feels super shit now because what if I'm just not good enough to cover all this?
I'm also sad because we were just trying to start for a family and what if I fucked this up too? We're older, so there's not much time.
We're both looking for jobs, obviously. It just really fucking sucks not knowing we have our shit covered and feeling like it's 100% my fault.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to put this verge of tears all day feeling into words. Thanks for reading. | self.offmychest |
Roses are red, violets are blue, Here I sit,
Feeling suicidal too.
I don't want to live this life anymore. | self.SuicideWatch |
Finally feeling real emotions! So, a little background; I recently was diagnosed bipolar after years of being diagnosed with depression. I'm now on a couple mood stabilizers, and I do feel more stable.
I think the last time I felt this stable was after I was hospitalized the last time and because my dad was diagnosed with a Gliobastma. He died like 10 weeks after I was put on a plethora of medications, but I could definitely feel the right feelings then, because that was sadness.
Anyway, yesterday two of my best friends got married and I was soooooo happy I almost cried. I was excited before the wedding. I couldn't wait to see yhe whole thing. My boyfriend was in the wedding and I was impressed to see him dressed all dapper.
And its not just my friends getting married, like I feel proper emotions to just about everything.
I know this is only the beginning because I just started medications. I hope that I continue on this upward climb.
I guess I'm rambling, but is this normal, or am I only on a pink cloud? | self.bipolar |
How do I forgive myself? Well, to make a long short short, I have beef carrying the guilt that stems from my childhood action with me for 20+ years. My therapist asked me if I have forgotten myself. I was dumbfounded. I have never even thought about self-forgivness let alone actually done it.
Any ideas on how to work on letting go of the shitty person I have been? | self.depression |
associated with the humans from hell. Continuing a subject from last month, I had ended up losing my job.
People I thought had my back to no end betrayed me. I have no one anymore. I can’t trust one god damn human.
Lies! Lies! Lies! Accusations!
That’s everything they all pinned to me.
I honestly have no words for every single one of you, except fuck you.
I can’t think of your existence without becoming full of rage.
You’re going to get it, trust me! You’re all going to get what’s coming to you.
The sweet sweet karma is the only thing that helps me sleep at night.
Tick...tock.
Tick...tock.
Tick...tock.
Your misery makes me fucking grin.
Tick tock
Tick
Tock
T..ick..T..ock....... | self.SuicideWatch |
Anyone else likes the thought of being up all night, because its the only time there's no judgement. The second day I intentionally stayed in bed for a whole day, with some foods and drinks. Its better then going outside, get hurt. I sleep a lot, and watch some Youtube video's. Its not the life, its better. Expecially midnight till morning, the world sleeps, no judgement or things you need to do. | self.depression |
Nosebleeds during hypo/manic periods I've tried googling this but results seem linked more to meds than episodes. I get frequent nose bleeds from small bumps to the nose and sometimes from nothing. I've tracked that it almost only happens during hypomanic/manic episodes. This has happened when I am both on or off Lamotrigine. Anyone else experience this or is it just coincidence? | self.bipolar |
I was made for sunny days And I was made for you
I never wanted to say goodbye, don’t know why you had to. | self.offmychest |
Full-circle The issue when it comes to dealing with mental health is that it is subjective, this is why its so difficult to treat. My experience with anxiety, and ultimately depression, was absolutely horrifying. There is no real way to explain it, no words that can do the feelings justice.
I came off medication not so much due to my desire to do so. Even after going through 7 different medications and it all leaving me feeling like, what i can only describe as, well, feeling like a zombie. Absolutely without emotion. When it all started, the pain was excruciating. Towards the end, I was desperate to feel anything. Even if it was painful, it would have been something. I could not , I believe due to the medication, express how it made me feel, to my therapist or psychiatrist.The latter of course, in case anyone is confused, is who prescribes medications. Whereas the therapists is there to help you find the tools to manage whatever troubles you. I digress, tho. I came off my medication due to losing insurance. After losing my business, I could not afford insurance. I had to rely on state-funded therapy. Basically, the insurance needed to be "updated", I failed to do so because I was s out of it. I did not have anyone to help me when it came to all that. I simply existed in the background, with a family that denies depression, and believe its all "mind over matter", despite the evidence to the contrary.
Even tho these days, many do take mental health serious, the vast majority, I feel, do not.
My current situation is not so good. I was left, after all that I experienced with the anxiety and depression, broken. There is not much for work in my area right now. I am having to depend on an old friend. Blah blah, same ole story which will not have a happy ending.
Here I am, spilling my life to Reddit. I'm sure it could be worse, but right now that's difficult to imagine.
I can see there are quite a few people here in this section, most of who are just browsing. Possibly looking for something they can relate to. Perhaps something that will spark some inspiration. I first came here in hopes of possibly trying to help others. I have been posting here for several months, under different names. Man, its becoming more and more difficult to adjust. Time is said to heal wounds, usually it does. But in order for that to happen, there must be superhero-like effort. I have, in the past, just sat there expecting things to just return to normal ("normal" being , for me, prior to being such a disaster). What I miss most is my confidence. Some say it takes confidence to admit such things. But lets be honest, we're all basically incognito. Its easier to speak your mind when you do not have to look others in the eye.
/nonsensical rant | self.depression |
NOT THINK I am brave. Or so I though so. I’ve been to war, I’ve gotten shit and gave shit back, military woman that walked the walk and talked the talk. Recently, I feel like I have lost more than I won. I feel like I lost my way. I feel like maybe those whom I love and love me back can’t keep
up with my sadness and stillness, I sure don’t want them to. I want them to fucking live.
Never before have I seriously thought about taking my own life until now. I’m in my late 30s. My laugh is gone, and I get lost in my sleep, in my thoughts. I feel like taking a nap and waking up when I am no longer an asshole and I can be who I was before. Why do I cry. Why do I fucking cry when I sit. When I walk. When I drive. I went to the VA about a month ago with my therapist, he said towards the end - I have to see this next guy, he always cries - fuck, I though, I think a couple of tears came out. I just hate to leave my house, I just want to hug my kids. I want to stare at them and smell them.
The other day I took a 9 and felt the steel against my cheek, but then thought of the mess, the expense and how undignified death is when self imposed. It wouldn’t look neat, What if I shit myself. I still think of it, everyday maybe my dad will be there. He left early too.
| self.SuicideWatch |
The world's problems make me want to kill myself. [deleted] | self.depression |
Does anyone else feel like they need a lot of downtime to destress and unwind due to the physical toll anxiety takes on your body? | self.Anxiety |
How to sleep less? Hello,
I'm not sure if anyone else can relate to this but I get sleepy a lot and if I have to sacrifice sleep to do some work then I'll get terribly anxious, can't focus etc. Figuring out a regular sleeping pattern is almost impossible at the moment so I was wondering if anyone might have any advice about feeling less tired or sleepy or getting through the budding panic that comes with it.
Thank you! | self.Anxiety |
i just want someone to share things with loneliness is probably the #1 contributor to my depression and im just really feeling it tonight
i havent had a genuine friend since i was probably 6 or 8 years old. in primary school i had this one friend, i dont remember how we met, i just remember knowing him, it feels like my life started with him in it. i loved him so much and its like we were meant for each other, platonically. (even tho everyone did make fun of us saying we were dating or whatever). we did everything together, he wanted to do everything together, he didnt find me annoying, he didnt make excuses, he never got sick of me. then one year he suddenly moved to a new school. i never saw him again.
every person ive gotten close to since then has been some kind of manipulator or abuser or bully or some variation of an asshole.
every person ive gotten close to since then has been someone who finds enjoyment in hurting me, either physically or emotionally.
it was so painful when he moved. i felt like we were being punished, as if the grown ups didnt want us being friends anymore so they separated us. im so desperate for a friendship like that again. i know im never gonna see *him* again but i just want that connection with *someone*. everyone i meet just wants to use me for some gross selfish benefit and none of them have noticed what its done to me. no one on this stupid planet really knows anything about me, because no one stays long enough. im sick of cycling through people, *nearly* finding relief in knowing someone, just to get separated from them and never hear from them again.
im just getting so tired of this isolation. i *try* to get close to people but in the end it never really gets me anywhere because life always takes them somewhere else and its easy for them to leave me behind because i was filling a space that was never empty to start with. im like a surplus friend.
im very well used to feeling like this by now but that doesnt make it easier to handle and if i still have any will left, im losing it. im gonna try and go back to uni next year, and im gonna try and make friends and connect with people, but if i still cant make one friend then idk where that leaves me and idk what im gonna do if it turns out that i have to spend another year of my life alone. | self.depression |
I am in so much fucking pain right now and I don't know what to do. | self.SuicideWatch |
Sudden Marijuana Anxiety. I've been smoking for 9 years now, since I was about 12. The usage levels have varied from occasional, up to heavily (i.e. lots every day) and I would says I was pretty experienced. Most of this time has been heavy usage and I've done a lot - silly smoking games, bongs, buckets. etc. etc. and NOTHING has every freaked me out. Never had a panic attack, never pulled a 'whitey', never anything other than really enjoying it.
However, recently, I've started having these so-called anxiety attacks. a feeling of lightheadedness followed by realising my heart was racing, which passed relatively quickly and didn't really bother me any more than "huh, that was weird". But then it started to happen more regularly and as it did, I became more bothered about it and started to actually have feeling of anxiety and panic when it occured. I went to my doc, to get my heart checked out, just to reassure myself. Explained the situation honestly to her and she gave me an ECG and some blood tests and everything came back clean, so I know there is nothing physically wrong with me. I thought this would stop me worrying about it and they would improve but they don't seem to get any better. It seems now as soon as I get over a certain level of stoned, my heart starts racing, I get butterflies in my stomach, and that's it. Ruins my evening pretty much because now they tend to last a while, rather than passing after a few minutes.
I've all but stopped smoking now, apart from the occasional couple of tokes here and there, a couple of times recently I've felt fine and decided to properly share a joint with my girlfriend or whatever, and boom, back again. I know about set and setting but this has been happening at my own place, with close friends, good music, lovely relaxed setting where I feel safe. Seems to make no difference.
I would just like some advice or insight because smoking really made me happy and id love to do that again. | self.Anxiety |
Met a New Girl We went on a date. Our second date to be exact. I took her to the top of this hill that I like to watch the sunset on. Usually I get fast food and a drink from the gas station and head on up. While I was in the gas station I thought that maybe she'd want a chocolate bar, she mentioned that she likes chocolate. So I grabbed it and paid for it and when I came back to the car she thought it was super cute that I had thought of her. Then it happened...
"this has nuts"
Fuck. She hates nuts. I knew she hated nuts. I wasn't paying attention because I was trying to rush back to the car. I could go back in and buy her another one without nuts. I should probably do that. I'm dumb and an idiot for not paying attention. Then it happened...
"Aw it's ok, I can just eat around them"
And this wave of relief washed over me. Not only was she grateful. She didn't even yell at me or belittle me. It was the most wonderful feeling I've ever felt. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I finally realized that I was in an abusive relationship before this and I'm glad I had the strength to get out. I could never admit that I was in an abusive relationship because I'm a guy, but fuck that. I know better now. | self.offmychest |
I feel like a complete loser I'm 17 years old, never had a girlfriend (barely ever talked to girls), have 2-3 friends, socially awkward.
I don't have a driving license, i failed my first driving test and i don't like I'm gonna pass my second.
I don't have a job, i worked during the summer in relatively easy jobs socially wise (not a lot of social interaction when you paint walls at at school). I worked 2 days at Burger King and than quit. I still feel like a complete failure because of it.
I'm going to the army in half a year (mandatory service where i live) and i really doubt I'm going to get along with the people and lifestyle.
I'm 17 yet somehow I'm kinda addicted to smoking, luckily its really small amounts (1-2 cigarettes everyday or two) and each time i try to quit i fail, I'm slowly getting more and more addicted and i feel like I'm trapped in an inescapable trap.
I feel like I'm a loser, complete loser. I get stressed or anxious over every little thing. I've accepted the fact I'm a loser yet i still feel bad with myself.
I know this isn't really related to any type of anxiety condition but i just wanted to let some steam off and i think personally i might have some mild anxiety issue (I am in therapy with a social worker doing CBT)
| self.Anxiety |
My story with depression. Hi. I'm a girl from Finland. And I would finally like to tell someone my story.
It all started when I was 6 years old. i was in kindergarten. It was the year this boy started to bully me. They started by just calling me names and these kind of things like Fat, Ugly, Stupid, Weird and Wimp. When it was winter they started to sharpen the ice sticks and push them to my neck while trying to catch me. I wasn't fit. I was pretty fat to be honest. They always caught me and just tried to kill me (that's what ppl who i've told told me). The boy who bullied me had a really big group of friends and he was 'the king'. I just cried because of the boy.
Then we started elementary school. And of course the same boy had to come to the same class for another 6 years. I have always been a happy girl and I loved studying. They tore it down. My passion. I wanted to become a doctor and a mother but I guess I really can't. So 2nd grade I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, but thankfully it was the kind that could be cured. But still I tried to keep it a secret but teachers didn't really care and it got out. I was bullied for having an illness I couldn't control?! I had doctors appointments like every 3 months. And I had to start medication and it just got up and up. Then in 4th grade I realized I liked my bully. And now I regret that. It got out and hey! Another reason to bully that girl!! The bullying never stopped.
5th grade it got worse. I would go home crying almost every time. I felt like I was falling apart. My parents asked me if I have depression. I didn't know what that even was and I screamed NO!! and started crying. I just continued living and without realizing started developing the symptoms of depression. If I only have realized that then it wouldn't have gotten worse.
In 6th grade I just started to make new friends from this summer camp I was at. This one boy who was my age was just perfect (at least I thought so). I liked him and he liked me back. We started dating in September. We broke up in November of the same year because he didn't like me anymore and ignored me and never replied. So we broke it off. He called me a whore and told me he never even liked me. That was it. I was broken. I told my friend and she suggested cutting. I tried. It wasn't bad. i got so used to it and so addicted I couldn't stop even if I tried. So i continued. Looked up good cutting tools. It was the first time I realized I really wanted to die. And that was about the time when I first attempted to kill myself. It didn't work of course. I cried and cried. i haven't been truly happy since then. This one suicide attempt got really bad and they hospitalized me. I had this friend who I trusted and told everything to. i shouldn't have. He told everyone else. And that's when I was being called "Cutter", "Attention Seeker", "Worthless" and told to "Just kill yourself no one wants you here". I was torn in pieces.
Then there was 7th grade next. In the summer this boy sexually assaulted me and touched my private parts without permission and stuff. But not anymore of that. I'm glad I screamed when he tried to take my clothes off. And this other dude just grabbed my butt out of nowhere idk why but it happened
I have tried to kill myself so many times I stopped counting already. I have been hospitalized 3 times and 2 were last year. Last year a month before christmas I was hospitalized because they thought I was gonna kill myself. And the second time was when I was at school and tried to slit my throat but this popular girl came in and told the teacher. And I was sent to the hospital only to wait for 4 hours to get hospitalized AGAIN.
Current mood: I am still suicidal af and I guess I forgot to tell you but I have a psychiatrist who I talk to every week. And I'm at the risk of getting hospitalized again. I tried to kill myself last night but I lost the blade. I did some damage to my throat but not enough. Then I couldn't get out of bed today and just skipped school. And yeah. This is a short version of my life
Thank you who ever read this,
~S~ | self.depression |
Wasting Mania right now i can feel myself entering a hypomanic episode (i usually get them for 3-4 days before going back down to depression) and i have all this energy and fast thought and hope/idealism and yet i don't do anything with it. i just sit and dream in my head instead of actually doing stuff
does anyone else do this and feel like they're wasting their mania? | self.bipolar |
The TIPP skills are a godsend for my anxiety TIPP stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive relaxation. They're four different ways to calm intense emotions, they're all great but the one I like the most is Temperature.
What you do is get a big bowl of cold water (or if not available, ice packs, cold soda cans or frozen water bottles held over your eyes and cheeks work too) and you stick your face in it and hold your breath for <=30 seconds. It sounds silly, but it activates your body's dive response and slows your heart rate. It stops my anxiety attacks in their tracks. I carry a frozen water bottle with me so I can use it whenever I need to. You can read more about TIPP here if you're interested: https://borderlinebabble.com/2015/10/05/dbt-skills-group-distress-tolerance-week-2-tipp-and-accepts/
I learned about TIPP in my DBT skills group, I've been in DBT (individual and group) for a little over a year now and it's been amazing. I went from working at McDonalds, hating my life and pretty sure I was going to die miserable, alone and soon to working pretty much my dream job and actually starting to look forward to the future. If you're thinking about starting therapy, or if you've tried CBT and it hasn't worked for you, I HIGHLY recommend looking for a DBT therapist. | self.Anxiety |
Can't believe my friends actually like me? Like seriously. I know I have some great friends. But I feel (like in my own head kind of feel) that all I do is annoy them and they're only being my friend to be nice.
Now I know thats crap. But I can't convince myself that they actually like me and that they're not just pretending to be nice. | self.depression |
Stay in London uni accommodation or move home and commute I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done for years. I've also battled an eating disorder but am currently struggling with life. My motivation is so low and for a creative person with so many ideas and projects I've started but can't seem to continue at the moment. It's frustrating. I hate being so static.
I'm in isolation mode. I need to work to afford to live here but can't work, I've really tried.
I'm at that teary point when I wake up and cry and write lists for the day but linger in my dark room.
I'm still doing uni though, but not as well as I was when I started.
I know that when I'm living with friends in a flat/house share next year it will be better, cheaper and feel more homely. But I think the best option for me now is to move back home and commute. I'm only in a day and a half a week. It would take away the stress of money and I'd have a good support network around me to get through this dark patch. Yes it would mean I wouldn't be as involved but I've got another two years to catch up on that. I feel like I need to think what's best for my mental health, not keep pushing myself; I'd hate to reach a point when I'd need to drop out of university completely.
It would cost me just over half of my current rent a week to commute (2hour 30minute train journey) but I wouldn't need to worry about topping up my oyster each week (£33) or food.
Of course moving to accommodation with my friends is an option and I'd probably feel a bit better there but I'd suppress it. This lingering hopelessness would still be here, I'd need to work also and try keep up with socialising. It's not like these new friends know me very well so I couldn't exactly say "my depression is really bad at the moment so I won't be myself".
If anyone has been in similar situations or just an outsiders perspective with understanding of the illness and it's heavy affect, please comment. I need to know that what I'm thinking of doing is not giving up and running away but putting my mental health first | self.depression |
Goodbye and thank you for your support! Got my son’s test results back today from the NeuroPsych....turns out he’s not Autistic nor is he Bipolar. What they did find was that he has Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD) and apparently it cancels out a few other disorders he was diagnosed with as well (OCD, ODD).
This has been quite the journey so far, and I know it’s just the tip of the iceberg, but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who answered my many questions throughout my son’s hospitalization and after care. You all really are an amazing bunch of human beings who really care about the well being of others who are also struggling with mental illness...we are not alone! Much love to you all 💚❌⭕️💚 | self.bipolar |
my cat keeps me sane I had always loved animals as a kid but could never get one. Last year in September, I started volunteering at the local cat shelter partly because cats are cute and partly because I needed volunteer hours. I always thought cats were beautiful but their personalities were tough because I love giving affection and receiving it.
Mostly my experience with the cats at the shelter had been average. The kittens were cute and the adults were average. Some were really moody and a few were downright mean. But overall, cleaning their poop and petting them (when they let me) was calming.
Then I met this one cat. This orange goofball who sat on my lap and let me pet him and played with my keys and let me rub his belly. It was late April, and I was in my dorm until May which was strictly no pets. You would think that I could just wait, but two days after my last final, I was going to study abroad for a month in China. So on a whim I asked my friends to please house him for a month, and they said YES! I scooped this boy into his crate and he didn't scratch (but he did cry in the car) A volunteer told me he was found in a feral colony and when they tried to trap him to neuter, he didn't even need to be trapped he just walked right up to them. He had a horrible wound and probably would have been euthanized but this was a no kill shelter and they had dressed his wound for two months until he was healthy
At the time Basil was just a cat (although very cute and sweet). I had a great time in China and had plenty of stray cats and non stray dogs to love on. When I came back home, my friend dove me to my friends' house and I picked him up. He meowed a lot in the car and I got nervous. At my parents' house where we were staying for the summer, he immediately ran under the couch.
But in one week, my parents were converted to cat lovers and he has made my days brighter since. I was scared to go off anxiety meds but I think he helped. I took him to my new apartment, he sleeps with me most nights, he loves his belly rubs and occasional Doritos, and he is sweet to every guest we have over. When I drive home he loves to watch the scenes from the windows. And at home he plops right on my mom's wheelchair or dad's desk.
He has asthma which is kind of pricy but I would do anything for this kitty! He's so spoiled but I love him so much and am so thankful for all his cuddles and tounge bleps and his heavy breathing when he has a mini asthma attack from jumping on the walls too mcuh | self.offmychest |
Anyone else's chest/stomach hurt and have a dry mouth due to depression? [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm a lil drunk. Just some stuff I gotta get there. Out of me. It's eating me up. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Explaining things done while manic I just recently was diagnosed as bi-polar. At first I thought this had to be wrong but the more I have talked about it and more I have thought it really does make sense.
I am in a kind of weird setting because I am work in academic research. I have somehow made it through school being bi-polar. I am starting to learn or suspect though during some of my manic moments that I have done some thing wrong.
Is this something others have noticed that during their manic moments that actually didn't get anything done and just were making mistakes?
My major problem now is that I never thought I could be making mistakes so when I wasn't manic I figure I just kept poor records or it makes sense somehow...
I am getting ready to try and explain this to former colleagues and just have no clue what or how to tell them this. I have told them that I am bi-polar but haven't started talking about this new problem yet. | self.bipolar |
Obsessing over the loss of loved ones Hi everyone, first let me say if this is in the wrong place or possibly triggering, mods please let me know and possibly direct me to the right place? I dont want to hurt anyone
Tl;dr: the thoughts of dying and my loved ones dying stops me from enjoying things
Ever since i can remember ive been obsessed with the idea of my loved ones dying and death itself. Not in like an intrigued way but an anxious way. It throws me into a depression and I feel paralyzed. I remember being a kid and thinking that I wanted to die first so I wouldnt have to experience anyone else's death, because it was so scary (which is selfish I know).
This and existential dread gets me every day. At least once a day I have this panicky feeling like I feel like I should just hide in my house all day and never come out, so i dont die. I wake up wondering if this will be the day.
Everything reminds me of ways I'm going to die, example: today it was cold and I was at the car wash and the mist of the water hose sprayed on me and I had image of getting murdered and feeling cold and wet and getting ready to about to die.
When Im out having fun with friends, this little voice in my head is reminding.me that this is a sweet moment and I better savor it because one day I will die, my friends will die, which only makes me feel depressed. Drugs make it 10x worse. It also makes me feel lonely around people cos its what im thinking about.
The worst is thinking about my bf dying. Sometimes i think of it when I'm with him and get really sad. I know i should enjoy the moment but these fucking thoughts.
I grew up with a suicidal mother. She is better now, thankfully, but the threat of coming home to her dead was always there. I came home to her OD'd, barely in time. She told me time and time again she wanted to kill herself, she was trying to die.
On the other hand, my dad says existential dread is normal. :/ :( i would hope it wasnt normal and there was hope.for me to feel better.
| self.Anxiety |
My Husband is depressed and I don’t know how to help. Sorry if this is a repetitive post. My husband is extremely depressed lately. I will be upfront he has type 2 diabetes which I am well aware of the implications this can have on depression. He was given a list of therapists he can see but every time I bring it up and shrugs it off. How do I get him help?
Unfortunately it is starting to impact our relationship at this point. He never wants to leave the house. He also hates me giving any affection. Please help. Any advise would be greatly appreciate. | self.depression |
Panic attacks are exhausting I'm writing this as my latest in a series of increasingly bad panic attacks is subsiding.
I used to have these once in a while (a couple times a year), but as I've gotten older, they've become more frequent and more intense.
It got so bad that last week, I saw my doctor about switching my blood pressure meds to a beta blocker. It made my anxiety *worse*. Now I'm coming off of the beta blockers and having even worse panic attacks.
This last one was bad. I felt like I couldn't walk more than a few steps without stopping. I felt like I couldn't breathe. This happened at the grocery store. So I was trying hard not to act weird, as well as hoping that if I fainted, someone would help me (my big fear seems to be of being alone when something bad happens). It subsided a bit when I talked to the pharmacist and the check-out person, but as soon as I got out the door I was alone and afraid again.
Unlike a lot of people, my anxiety isn't about other people--I positively feel great when I talk to other people. But when I'm able to talk to people I feel secure and safe.
After this panic attack subsided, it made me realize just how fatiguing these can be. It's almost like when you're a little kid and you have a tantrum and then tire yourself out. I still feel light-headed, but emotionally I don't have the energy to panic any more (for now). | self.Anxiety |
I just want this to stop. I want to stop being sad
I want to stop being a problem
I want to quit school
I want to stop talking to people
I want to stop trying to fit in
I want to stop being a doormat
I want to stop feeling hopeless
I want stop feeling everything so deeply
I want to stop being myself
I want to stop hating myself
I want to stop trying to survive
I want to stop trying so desperatly to keep my head above the water
I want to drown, and to stop existing forever. | self.depression |
I think I'm at my breaking point. No more. [deleted] | self.depression |
Afraid to ask my boss I work as a detailer at a body shop which I applied to be a painters helper but they needed a detailer instead. Im still a detailer as of now and I really want to learn how to paint cars. Unfortunately anxiety is stopping me from asking because the owner is very harsh sometimes so im kinda afraid to ask him. Also if they do say no, im afraid that im going to have a hard time finding a shop that will want to teach me since im not even that experienced being a painters helper. Any advice? | self.Anxiety |
No control Trying to figure out who's gonna take care of the pets when we go to see relatives. I offered. Mom looks at me with a dead exoression and says "not you." Because she's trying to force me to drive her and go. She claims she's unable to. I don't care if that's true. Which I don't think it is. I think I'm going to pack my shit and drive somewhere. I'll just be homeless for a while. I don't care. I just need to get out. But I need tips. Should I post this in r/homeless? I just need info on how to survive. Hopefully I can get directions on where to go in the south. I just need to get out. To abandon this cunt and never talk to her again. | self.depression |
Any Mood tracking app recs? Does anyone have any recommendations for mood tracking apps?
I want to keep some objectivity in how I think a days has gone, or how I'm feeling over time. It's easy to get pulled into a hole and feel like everything has been terrible, when there have been some positive days.
Any recs are helpful. | self.depression |
I feel like such a dumbass more times than not [deleted] | self.depression |
Please Help Me I am literally sobbing right now. Reddit, to those of you who will, please listen to what I have to say.
I have lurked on this site with only occasional profiles for the past 5+ years. This place feels like my own family, especially given how poor many of my relationships are in life. As a symptom of these poor relationships, I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a very long time. I have never been brave enough to see a therapist or communicate my feelings because I felt I would be criticized for them because it was my fault that the relationships tanked. So I tried to cope instead.
I tried to cope by becoming a teacher so as to serve others, create meaningful relationships, and gain gratification from that. My job is now one of the primary reasons I am going to do it. I can't quit either, because I would be on the hook for serious debt. I have lived paycheck-to-paycheck all through my young career. The bankruptcy process takes too long and I would be even further gone by then. There is simply no end in sight.
I tried to cope by adopting a puppy. And currently, she is the only thing keeping me alive. My sister just told me she would take care of her if anything happened to me which is truly the only comfort I needed in the end.
I am over $20,000 in debt on my credit cards.
I am over $30,000 in debt on college loans.
My parents are over $20,000 in debt on my college loans.
I live paycheck-to-paycheck each and every month, and actually spend more than I make. I am so far down the hole it is not realistic to ever make it back out.
I want to quit. I want to run away. I want to stay alive. But my financial burdens and unescapable life have made it impossible for me to achieve anything other than mediocrity. And it's all my fault. A little boy with big dreams who took a chance and it all failed. You never hear about that story. Because we all want to be the one who took a chance and made it big.
I have flirted with this for a really long time. Since high school. Nothing has changed, and so every time someone tells me it will get better, it feels as though they haven't been through it themselves. It doesn't get better. It won't.
I am unfixable. I have ruined family relationships, close and personal friendships, built up a tremendous amount of debt, made so many stupid decisions, and truthfully, the world would be better off without me.
My parents would be out of debt from me. My own debt would disappear. And my puppy would be in more capable hands than my own. I would finally get what I deserve for all the pain I have caused some of my closest (ex) friends, and to each of them I am so so sorry.
To all of you who have made me laugh, cry, and be just a bit more happy, even if just for a moment, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am deeply sorry to anyone I have ever caused harm. I don't ask for forgiveness, but if you're reading this, and this reminds you of me, chances are it is me. I am sorry.
May each person in this world just have the chance to be the person they want to be. Nothing more, nothing less. And may you all find love and happiness in your lives. It's been a wild ride. Thanks for the memories. | self.SuicideWatch |
Get yourself a Christmas gift to show yourself support! [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Am I Bipolar or is it just me? Throwaway account - my first reddit post, sorry for the horrible formatting
&nbsp;
It's going to be a long one: My comprehensive psych history
At age 22 my Family Practice PCP diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and prescribed me Lexapro 5mg and Wellbutrin 150mg XL and I've been taking them ever since.
&nbsp;
I recently consulted with a new psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder II within the first appointment. We agreed to start Lamictal and I'm currently on 100mg, to eventually titrate to 150mg. I'm starting to have doubts and want to stop.
&nbsp;
I started logging my symptoms out of skepticism because I never paid attention to my emotions or my reactions in interpersonal relationships.
&nbsp;
Currently I think I'm in a "depressive mode." I haven't left the house in three days even though it's beautiful outside. I just can't bring myself to put on clothes and go out (I feel incredibly lazy). My husband runs all the errands for me: does the laundry, cleans, cooks, grocery shopping, etc.
&nbsp;
My personal hygiene is horrible. I can't bring myself to clip my toenails and fingernails (I know it's gross). And I haven't showered in two days (I usually shower everyday). Other times, I would brush and floss morning and night for weeks and then eventually brush once in the morning.
&nbsp;
I would go through obsessions(?) or are they hobbies? For instance, I'm really into yoga and during my "hypomanic" phase, I would practice every day at a studio, plus more at home. Is this normal behavior for an "athlete" or is it hypomanic?
&nbsp;
Other bipolar symptoms
I can't keep a tidy house; it's so difficult for me to put things away or clean up after myself. Before marriage, I kept a spotless home and now my place is a mess. For instance I would grab a carton of milk from the fridge and pour myself a glass, only to leave the milk out. This is just one of many many examples and it's all the time. Am I just messy?
&nbsp;
I'm an insomniac and stay awake for 24-36 hours of no sleep (I didn't sleep last night as I spent the time online in a click-hole.) My occupation only exacerbates the problem. I'm a night shift nurse so I would work my 36 hours (meaning three 12 hour shifts in three days in a row, with no break in between) and then on my third and last shift, I would come home at 8am and stay up all day until I go to sleep that night (is this bipolar or the nature of my job?).
&nbsp;
Feeling an intense need to spend money. Like I would drop $300 on yoga clothes and outdoors stuff. Is this a typical spending habit?
&nbsp;
Interested in something and research the topic thoroughly; I need to know everything about it right now. Then as quickly as I gained interested, I would lose interest and give up. For instance, I bought a motorcycle, took the safety class, rode in the parking lot every week for 2-3 weeks, and now I can't bring myself to go to the DMV to receive my motorcycle license, nor do I have any interest in riding again in the near future.
Another example - last week I researched skin care for my face and bought around $150-$200 (I honestly don't know; I'm terrible at budgeting) of products. I washed my face every day and now this week I haven't touched my products.
&nbsp;
I have zero sex drive, even in my "hypomanic" phase.
&nbsp;
I'm addicted to my phone and the Internet. I've been this way ever since the introduction of DSL. I have to look at my phone every 2 minutes, even when I'm lying in bed, which only exacerbates the insomnia.
&nbsp;
This is the most concerning symptom and may be a factor in deteriorating my marriage: I say really mean, horrible things in the heat of an argument - it's so intense, I feel 100% angry and/or frustrated, but I don't mean any of it (for instance threatening divorce). I try to get outside of my head and calm down, but it's almost near impossible. After the heat of the argument and I've had some time to think about it, I act like nothing has happened. Is this normal behavior?
&nbsp;
tldr; I'm not sure if my symptoms classify as bipolar, or if it's my personality | self.bipolar |
Appointment went really well! Currently I’m on 300 mg of lithium and 20 mg of Latuda. That changed from 40 mg of Latuda to 20 just today!
Today I went to my appointment with my psychiatrist, and I went hoping for that-hoping to come down on my Latuda. Really I want to work towards only being on Lithium, and Stacy (my psychiatrist/nurse practitioner) was on board! 😃
The reason I want to come off of Latuda is because for starters, it’s so friggen expensive (like $1700). Secondly, it has made me gain weight. (As well as lessening my sex drive.) And lastly, but most importantly, I think I could be fine without it. I’ve been doing really well, so the dosage reduction will be the first test of the waters. If it turns out badly, I can just go back on my other dosage no big deal.
Really, it’s a hassle as it is relying on my doctors office for samples. And while they’ve been super accommodating, what if I move? Will I be able to receive help like I have here for such a pricey drug? I don’t know... I would rather just be on Lithium- a sodium compound that costs a whopping $4 at Wally-world. Also I would rather be taking something more natural rather then some unnatural chemical compound.
Anywho, I’m really happy to be able to take this first step. I think these next two months (in between appointments) on 20mg of Latuda rather than 40mg will go just fine. After that we can look into maybe going down to 10mg! But I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. I’ll never forget the advice I was given as I was coming out of being hospitalized for my last manic episode (I’ve only had one. That’s when I found out I was bipolar type 1). Anyway, the advice was to take it one day at a time. So that’s what I try to do. Tomorrow will have its worries, and I can wait until then to tackle that day.
All in all I am so stoked! Today is a good day. 🙂😊 | self.bipolar |
Why carry on? Hello,
for the most part of my life I have been a happy person who was focused on his future. I always wanted to be a teacher, so I went to the university and studied the subjects German Language and History. I did get good grades, but I also realized that my social life would probably never change. Neither did I find new friends nor a girlfriend. And every time I mustered up the courage to ask someone out I got rejected. But still, the thought of becoming a teacher kept me going. So I graduated the university with honours and started the last step in becoming a teacher: working at a school. This was the time were the failures began. Since I had to move away from the university town, I didnt know any people and since I have socially unacceptable hobbies (Video Games, Anime, Manga, Board Games) I couldnt make any new connections. Meanwhile my work was going poorly and my superiors already mentioned that I would fail the practical exam. And so I did, and the Re-Try also failed. Now I could never become a teacher and was unemployed for almost a year.
I am now in a new education for a job in the law system, which I found to be quite appealing. I think in America it would be called a Citizen Representative. Its not what I wanted, but still acceptable. But my old social problems are still with me. Since I moved to a new town I tried to make friends and become more likeable, but it all failed. Nobody asks me if we want to do something together and should I ask, people „dont have time“ or „maybe another time“. Should I write a text message I usually dont get a response at all. Same thing with women, they either already have a boyfriend and are happy and if they dont have one they arent interested in me either. Even a girl that shared my hobbies doesnt care about me.
In summary, I am now 28 years old, failed at my dream job, have no friends, never had a girlfriend, never had sex.
So, why should I go on?
| self.SuicideWatch |
I struggle to empathize with anyone The title says it all.
I have to consiously go through a logical process in my head to figure out why people are acting a certain way or saying certain things.
It happens a lot with my boyfriend. I've never trusted or loved anybody as much as I love him. But for example, when he's tired all the time, I have to consiously figure out and then constantly remind myself that he's on medication and doesn't get much sleep anyway or else I get confused and frustrated by his exhaustion. I feel like I should just understand what he's going through instead of accepting it on the surface.
Maybe it's connected with the mental health stuff I'm going through, I'm depressed, anxious and have anger problems and maybe this is something that's a result of that trifecta.
More than anything, I want the people I love to be happy and part of that, is being able to empathize with and support them and it's tough for me to do that. | self.offmychest |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.