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My past still haunts me, but i almost over it In the past I bit trolled people (Never said anything bad or harsh). Last trolling happned around 2 years and half ago.Now I've been helping people out myself and it makes myself feel so good! Probably few more months and i'm over it. This past me dosen't exist anymore! :)
| self.offmychest |
My friend. I’ve finally decided, after talking to some people and just really thinking and accepting it, if my friend doesn’t start treating me better, I just have to leave. If I’m the only one putting actual effort into the friendship, what’s the point? Plus, he knows I like him and never gives me a straight, real answer. Unrequited love type stuff is just not my scene. I’d rather be alone than hurt. | self.depression |
I feel like it's getting worse again For the past two weeks I've been battling some pretty gnarly hypomania. I've been ticking off all the boxes, plus people have been telling me that I look like I'm on drugs. I was hospitalized last week and just got out yesterday morning. I saw my therapist and she seemed very concerned and said I was still worryingly hypomanic. Pdoc floated the idea of starting injectable APs. I can't sleep. I took 100mg of trazodone as prescribed and I can barely feel it. I tried to sleep, I just can't. My mind is racing. I can't talk as fast as I can think. This is agonizing. I just want it to stop. I can't believe I was doubting this diagnosis. I didn't think this could happen to me but it did.
THE MEDS AREN'T WORKING. Insurance wouldn't let me stay at the hospital longer. I think I needed it. I do.
I'm not sure what to do next. Do I just ride this out? I've tried just about everything so far, and I don't want to go back to that hospital if I can help it. | self.bipolar |
Help My mom is taking control of my life. I can't dictate what I do anymore, she is pressuring me so hard that its pushing me deeper and deeper into symptoms of anxiety and major depression. I only have my sister around and she doesnt help much i dont know what to do or to think anymore. Im a complete wreck | self.SuicideWatch |
I did it! After being diagnosed with severe depression it took me forever to actually admit to myself that it was true. Today I am proud to announce that what seems to be ages one month ago I finally started taking medication for my issue of depression and it wasn’t til a week or two ago I actually began to feel the Side effects of the new medication. One thing is for sure, I have so many new aspersions, I’m actually for what almost seems the first time ever happy, and I actually don’t just want it all to end. Not to mention I actually want to be social and not just in my house all the time. It’s crazy to think how depressed I was to be honest. For once I see a bright future and for once I feel like I can be like every one else. Also I have scoliosis, but I also got medicated for that. Let me tell you something though. Scoliosis is a real pain in the back! | self.depression |
[Helpful Tips] A realization about anxiety, and depression that I came to. A lot of the time, I feel like I practically live inside my head. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, it feels like i'm having a full conversations with my inner thoughts; talking back and forth between me and them. This is what anxiety and depression does, it causes you to think too much, about everything, spending more time with your thoughts than focusing outward. Anxiety and depression are simply a series of negative thought patterns.
Your brain is a tool. It evolved to work FOR you, not against you. People who don’t master their mind, don’t believe it’s possible. I see anxiety and depression part of a weaker mindset, and if you train your mind, it can become stronger, just like any other muscle. 99% of your thoughts serve no practical use; they do nothing, they just exist. The 1% of your thoughts that actually serve a practical use are the ability to understand knowledge, and problem solving. Anxious and negative thinking (for example: i hate my life, I hate myself, what if??, who, what, when, why how...) are part of the 99% of useless thoughts. They serve NO MEANING. They just are what they are.
To the untrained mind (anxiety and depression), we don't know how to control our thoughts. We obsess, reminisce, and interact with these negative thoughts, and interacting with these negative thoughts too much bring out negative emotions such as depression, anger, guilt, shame, etc. I can support this first handedly, because my depression rose from my anxiety, from me thinking too much about the way I act, and beating myself down. YOU ARE IN CONTROL, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DECIDE WHAT YOU THINK. The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
How can you start training your mind? 2 simple things. Meditation and awareness. Anxiety causes you to focus inwards towards your thoughts, practicing these 2 things bring your attention outwards towards the world instead of your thoughts.
Meditation is important because it teaches you to become an observer of your thoughts. Practice makes perfect. Doing meditation once a day, for 5-15 minutes can help train your mind to stop interacting with your negative thoughts. With practice, you learn to just observe your thoughts and let them be. Don't interact, don't agree, don't disagree, just acknowledging that the negative thought exists, and just let it go. It becomes muscle memory. Remember, these thoughts serve no practical meaning, but how we choose to interact with these thoughts, can make a difference. Practicing meditation is simple. Lay down in whatever position is comfortable, take deep breaths, feel the air going through your body, feel the weight of your body, and become relaxed. Whenever you notice your mind wandering off, bring your attention back. Don't interact with them. Imagine you're sitting on the side of the road on a freeway, your thoughts are the cars. Don't go running into the road trying to stop the cars, slow them down, or catch them, just watch. And keep doing this, when you notice when your mind wanders, bring your attention back to your breathing. There's many resources online all about how to meditate, how to breathe deeply, it's benefits, etc...
Awareness is all about bringing your attention outwards towards the world. When you're going through anxiety, you get too lost in your thoughts, to the point of being unaware of your surroundings. This brings your attention back. Pay close attention to all your senses. Can you feel your eyes reading the letters across the screen? Do you feel the weight of your body wherever you're sitting/standing/laying? Spending time outdoors like hiking, going to beaches has helped me feel better, cause it forces me to be aware. How do my footsteps sound? How do they sound different from each other? I can hear the wind through the trees, I can feel the wind going through my finger tips, I can feel the air going through my lungs and body. It's all about stopping, and bringing your attention to all your senses. What do you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell? Awareness is also useful from preventing anxiety attacks. It's pretty much the same thing, but it's called grounding; bringing your attention out of your thoughts and get back in touch with reality. We spend so much time getting lost and interacting with our thoughts that we lose touch of our reality.
Anxiety and depression is a bitch because it creates illusions. Not believing you can do it, not feeling like you're good enough, etc. That's what they do, it causes you to interact and agree with every little negative thought. Break free of these thought patterns. Learn to let go of these thoughts that serve no practical use. It's your brain, it works for you, with you, not against you, you have the choice on how you think and interact with your thoughts. | self.Anxiety |
PLEASE I just want to know painless ways to kill myself. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Every time I am at work I become obsessed with killing myself I don't know how else to say it. I'm 24 and recently became aware that my current job is dead end. Beyond making me feel hopeless career wise, it makes me feel weak as an individual, because in my heart I know I am a writer yet I am on this fucking lame ass, inauthentic bullshit path of being a Marketer.
I often fantasize about getting fired, disappearing into the woods for a month by myself and with no cell phone, and trying to figure out what makes me happy.
At my current job, I am treated very well by my boss who is an extremely nice person. I don't even have a lot of work, barely any in fact. Last thing I am is overworked.
But here I am with such simple tasks before me and I'm unable to do them because I'm like what's the point, can I just kill myself, does it look like the rafters would hold my weight.
I know I am being dramatic plenty of people would kill to be in my position and I hate myself for being entitled and weak but I cannot even do minimum work in this job anymore, I just become obsessed with killing myself and I am not sure what to do | self.depression |
Help: how do you focus and study with lamictal brain fog+constant suicidal ideation? I have obsessive suicidal ideation. And lamictal has significantly impacted by cognitive capacity.
I am struggling with motivation and concentration with studying for school.
Can anything make it better? | self.bipolar |
My girlfriend raped me on her birthday. It was my girlfriend’s birthday two weeks ago. She asked me to wait in her room because she wanted to show me something. I waited patiently and she came out of the bathroom naked.
I was uncomfortable from the beginning, but it was her birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it for her. We started kissing and she tried initiating sex. I told her I didn’t want to do it yet because I wasn’t ready. She started crying and asked me why I wouldn't make love to her on her birthday. She was confused why I didn't want to lose my virginity to her.
I felt guilty. I hated seeing my girlfriend cry, especially on her birthday. I let her get on top of me. It was painful. She saw that I was crying. She kissed me and tried telling me everything would be okay. She only got off after I orgasmed.
I hid myself in her bathroom and started crying. I could hear her sobbing. She apologized profusely. She said "I'm sorry for hurting you." and that we'd never have sex again without my full consent. She reassured me it would never happen again.
I broke up with her over it, and it's been fucking with my mental health for the last two weeks.
I thought she loved me, why would she hurt me like this? | self.offmychest |
I'm glad that my friend's mom died and is dead. * My friend's mother passed away recently. I put up with her at first, until he told me she would hit him when he was younger. After that I resented her.
* See, that wasn't the only thing she did that was fucking stupid and asshole-ish. She would constantly call just to tell him shit he already knew. It didn't matter if he was asleep for work (there were several long periods where he worked third shift, and she was one of those asshole parents that refused to understand why someone would be asleep past a certain time if it didn't align with what she thought was normal), and there were times it disrupted my sleep, as well. Other times I was the one who answered the phone (if she couldn't get a hold of *him* because he actually put his phone on silent for once, she would call our house phone upstairs) and she was a pain in the ass to tell "no", and it always pissed me off that she was trying to wake him up. She would insist something was important when she literally was only calling to pester him and remind him of something he already had an alarm set for or something. She *had* to have her way.
* Another thing she would do was, when her and my friend would help clean their building for gatherings of people of their faith, for awhile she would demand that he show up at the same time as her, for no real reason except that that was what she wanted, even if he had been up a really long time and needed to get some sleep. She didn't give a fuck.
* Also, before he moved out of living with her and in with my family and I, she would take his money when he got paid and only give him crumbs. Now, she *did* use it to buy groceries and pay bills, but 1) she bought frivolous, expensive food items as well, and 2) I'll be damned if she wasn't also probably using it to go buy fucking clothes or something. I don't know, I never got too many details on what she spent it on, but it was still infuriating. He couldn't save money, he couldn't even afford to buy things he **needed** for his vehicle, and she didn't fucking **care**.
* A year or so ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. I think I was probably happy she might die and be *forced* to fuck off and stop mistreating him and inconveniencing me. But it was clearly upsetting to my friend, and I *wasn't* happy about that. I was pulled in two directions. Eventually, a month or three ago, she lost her fight with the disease and passed away. At the funeral, my friend was visibly very upset, and I just personally couldn't empathize. Like, I was sorry he was sad, but I just couldn't empathize, because I felt *so satisfied* that she would no longer be permitted to abuse or mistreat him or anyone else. It was that feeling you get when a problem is finally gone and in a satisfying way, too. I feel like these feelings are incorrect, but I also feel like they make sense and are okay, and the emotional struggle and inability to say anything to anyone for fear of... I don't even know what to call it, is stifling. It's *good* that she's dead, because now she can't get away with being an asshole anymore. Edit: but also bad for my friend, because he clearly still loved her. I hate feeling conflicted.
I don't want people to get mad at me for this... | self.offmychest |
New Year Anxiety? Hello all,
Does anyone else get this anxiety from the year changing from 2017-2018? Lately, I've been getting these sickening anxious and low feelings of uncertainty that 2018 will be the year where everything goes wrong in the world and I don't know how to cope with it. I'm thinking it may be due to changes in the weather (potentially a form of SAD), but I'm not sure and in the meantime it is just making me completely anxious. To me, it feels like 2017 is just this bubble where I know what could and could not happen, but there is just so much uncertainty for what could happen in 2018 that it just makes me really sick. | self.Anxiety |
Need advice and help please Someone I love a lot and is really close to me, suffers from major depression and suicidal thoughts. How do I help this person. I’ve been in the same position a long time ago and I got thru it. But this person has been going thru it a lot and idk how to help. Any advice on how I can help? I really need this help. | self.SuicideWatch |
Finally did it! Totally scary I finally applied to immigrate to Canada. It was a 8 month process and I'm so scared, but I did it. | self.offmychest |
I wrote this about the state of my relationship. [deleted] | self.depression |
Had lunch with a friend today at the coffee shop near my home [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
My girlfriend has bipolar and she told me this a week ago, when she was hospitalized for it. Please help me. As I'm sitting here and typing this, I'm devastated and heartbroken. I have so many questions about what is happening and what's to come. I don't know what to do nor what to think of what's happening too her, and I'm afraid she'll never recover despite being told otherwise by the nurses.
Her story dates back 5 years ago where she was hospitalized for her very first time against her own will. From what I understand, she didn't want to believe that she was sick and the whole incident lasted more or less a month on the psychiatric hospital where she was strapped down occasionally to prevent her from harming herself and others.
She became normal relatively fast by taking Lithium, but was semi-depressed for half a year after the incident.
I've known her for a year and a half and I'm absolutely in love with her. She's the best person I've ever witnessed and I praise myself lucky to be the one she loves - despite all this.
She never told me she was diagnosed with mania and she never told me that she had taken medications for it for 5 years.
Looking back on it, I've never seen any signs of this either which is what baffles me the most.
I don't know how to put it into words, but a person like her, who's done so much for the world and lived such a normal life after her first incident and is now hospitalized with heavy psychosis is so bizarre to me.
As far as this story goes, she was taken off Lithium half a year ago by the recommendations of her doctor. This didn't change her behavior.
However, her and I recently moved into an apartment and she started studying to be a nurse. A few weeks ago her mother broke her foot, which meant that she needed to help her mother with various tasks.
This stressed her the fuck out - to the point where she one day started to hyperventilate and broke down. From that point on, it all went downhill.
She went into a minor depressive state and 5 days later, she was unable to sleep and felt so depressed that she eventually broke down and told me the truth. We drove to the psychiatric hospital right after that.
From this point on it's been progressing downwards. I thought it was bad when she was depressed and unable to do anything. A simple thing such as what cloth to put on completely melts her brain. At this point I was at least able to understand what she was saying.
The following is what she was being given then:
5 mg. of Zyprexa, Lithium, 15 mg. of Oxapax and a sleeping pill.
The next few days she was unable to speak properly. Words with an "S" in it was difficult for her to pronounce. This was apparently a side-effect by using Oxapax we were told. They decided to change the Oxapax and prescribe her Revotril instead - but the issue persisted.
She was then transferred to an open facility and she was given her own room. Her mother and I had been staying by her side more or less for entire days except during the night where she had been sleeping by herself.
During the day her mother and I had brought her home (by her own request) just to relax and to make her feel a bit more safe. This hadn't been an issue so far, but I had noticed a few outbursts from her that was very odd to me.
I remember after we landed on the open facility that she started talking about how the reality seemed off to her. She mistrusted the personnel and she couldn't fathom how she had her own room with her own toilet.
The worst episode I had with her was a few days ago when we brought her home for a few hours. While we were laying down on the couch, she suddenly lost completely grasp of reality. She once again lost the ability to speak - everything she said was gibberish - and when she was to go down some stairs that she's been able to for over 15 years, she panicked.
I told her to sit down on her butt and push her way down. She eventually did so, but she was so afraid and had lost more or less all of her motorical skills.
The walk from her mothers house to the parking lot was a nightmare. I had to make sure the side doors of our car was unable to be opened from the inside - as I was afraid what she might do while we were driving.
When we reached the hospital her outburst had ended.
It's like these reality outburst came once every hour or two and lasted for about 15-20 minutes.
Yesterday when I entered the hospital I could see that her outbursts was taking a hold on her. I remember that we were laying down in her bed and all of sudden, she went from barely able to speak to speak fluently without falling over any words at all. She thought she was healthy and that we should just leave. When I told her we shouldn't and that she should come lay down, she panicked. She started shaking and for whatever reason, she called me on my phone, even though she knew I was right next to her.
I broke down after the personnel came in and I left the room. She's so sick and I don't know what to do.
She has been given so much medicine that it would make an elephant go to sleep, but her body and mind is resisting it so hard.
A few hours ago she was transferred to the neurological department and she is under close observation. She will be given electroshock every monday, wednesday (tomorrow) and friday.
Please help me. I don't know what to think anymore and I don't know if she will ever be alright again. | self.bipolar |
I'm depressed for such a stupid reason I'm just so fucking insecure. Please read this, and let me talk with someone here about this, no one ever really seems to respond to my posts.
But yes, I'm insecure. I am 15 years old (yeah I know, it's young, but that doesn't discredit my pain) and am currently a sophomore in high school. I just feel like I'm simply too ugly to ever get with someone on a romantic level.
When it comes to my face, I honestly do sometimes feel that it isn't that ugly, but usually it just reverts back to me feeling worthless. The worst part though, is that I'm short. And not just normal, kind of short, but very short. I'm 5'2 and I hate it. I hate the heightism that is present in our world that no one seems to care about, I hate how shorter men are seen as less attractive by most women, I hate being seen as less of a man because of something I cannot control. I'm not mad at women for preferring taller guys - we can't control who we are attracted to. I'm just pissed that these are the genetics I got.
I've never seen a couple at my school where the guy is shorter. That's not too bad, but then I hear from time to time, women saying that they wouldn't date a short guy because it's weird because of all the shit society/media pressures us to do and believe.
Height isn't my only issue, it's just the biggest one. I'm also very skinny (I have the bmi of the average anorexic person even though I have no eating disorders), I am very pale to the point where I look grey, I have bad overbite which doesn't look too bad from some angles, but if your looking at me from a side view, it looks hideous. I don't like smiling because it stretches my face weirdly, and my teeth look awful. They're still kind of yellow from when I didn't give a shit about my teeth and are really thin and have a small gap between them. I have no jawline whatsoever, and I can't get my hair into a stylish style because it's extremely curly and next to impossible to control.
Sorry, I just had to let this out. I know it's stupid, but I had to vent. I feel a bit better now, but I'd still like someone to talk to - that's always helped more in the past.
tl;dr: I'm short, look anorexic, and ugly. And I hate it and what I've become because of that hate. I just want someone to talk to. | self.depression |
Other people are pain I don't usually feel love from others. My family doesn't do loving gestures. They only know how to hurt each other.
Every sound a person makes feels like being pushed into a corner and screamed at. I keep thinking about suicide.
I started reading about an exit bag and it was the first time I felt a real sense of relief in while. Im full of so much anger and pain and I can't express it or I'll just keep getting stepped on. I have to suck it up and work harder.
I'm never going to fall in love again. I don't have a friend in the world that truly needs me or cares. I keep getting infections and I can't afford to live. I feel disgusting and ugly and I'm falling deeper into a hole.
I can't enjoy anything like this. My basic human requirements can not and will not be met. It's my place in life right now
I hate my brother, I hate my mother. My dad is okay. An exit bag doesn't cost too much. I only have to visit the two stores across the street and all the pain will finally be gone.
| self.SuicideWatch |
i don't plan on dying anytime soon but it wouldn't matter if i died nsfw(triggerwarning) [deleted] | self.depression |
And then one day, i couldn't stand caffeine. I used to be able to drink so much coffee with only the occasional jitters and now I can't even drink green tea without butterflies and the looming fear that nothing is real (I have had issues with derealization and depersonalization for a long time). I don't know what changed in my body besides a shift from Welbutrin to Lexapro back in early 2016, but I remember being able to enjoy cup after cup of Jasmine tea after that change. Has this or something like this ever spontaneously occurred to someone? | self.Anxiety |
Joked with my parents about dropping out of college and going to a trade school instead I currently attend a 4-year university across the state from my hometown, and this past semester has kicked my ass. My mental health has deteriorated, my physical health has deteriorated, I'm not doing well in my classes and I'm behind on my degree. I've been considering dropping out and switching to a local community college to get an associates in electrical construction, but I was too worried about how my parents would react to tell them flat-out how unhappy I was, something along the lines of "you wasted so much money at X university" or they that would make move back home and leave my SO/friends that I have out there.
Yesterday, while figuring out all the wiring for our outdoor Christmas decorations I jokingly mentioned dropping out of my university and becoming an electrician. Their reaction was the opposite of what I had expected, and even though I was "joking" with them they told me they think it's a great idea and that I would make a much better electrician than a lawyer anyway. So today I applied and was accepted into the program, and should be set to start in the Winter semester of the upcoming year. It's crazy how the one conversation that started with a joke has lifted an immense weight off of my shoulders. For the first time in months I woke up without crippling anxiety, was able to sit and enjoy my breakfast without worrying how I was going to make it through the rest of my degree, not to mention being accepted into a law school. I just wanted to share with someone how much better I feel right now after feeling nothing but anxiety for months. | self.offmychest |
Do you think we'll ever have a objective way to diagnose mental illness? [deleted] | self.depression |
I give up on life and I'm seeking support before i run that knife down my throat [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Nothing ever changes, the only way to stop this never ending loop is to kill myself [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Sorry Sorry if I don't reply or whatever I realize that I'm not really a help..I'm pretty sure the last person I helped gas killed themselves
And a person thinks I'm a "SHITPOSTER" or whatever
The best I can do is read the stories :)
(I hope someone kills me soon)
Yeah.. | self.SuicideWatch |
How do you keep your mood elevated consistently? I feel like whenever my mood is elevated I get more done and are just better in every way. Is there any way I can keep it like this permanently? (Or at least consistently) | self.bipolar |
Literally cant get out of bed Hey all, don't know if this was the right place to put this, but I just need somewhere where I can get this out. I can't find the courage to tell my friends because they'll either think I'm joking or get way too worried, but this has just been gnawing at me for weeks now
I don't know why my depression is hitting me this hard as of late. I've struggled with it for a long time, was hospitalized when I was 15, and have had it on and off for a while now. These past two weeks however have been really difficult for me
I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to get out of bed. For the first week it was fine, I had to skip a few classes because I just didn't have it in me, but for a week(and of fucking course it had to be the weeks before finals) I genuinely can't leave my room or my bed. I had to today to eat something, but besides that I can't find a single thing to do and just laying in bed is the only thing I can manage to do
A lot of shit has been going through my head, and recently breaking up with my girlfriend didn't help. We ended on good terms, and really it was for the best, but something just clicked inside me today and I can't get the image of her having sex with my friend who lives across the hall. She's over at my hall every day hanging out in his room, and I have to keep my door closed because even though I don't feel anything for her anymore, it's physically painful to her sitting with him
Today was the hardest hit of all. I couldn't leave my room, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, all I could do was just lay there staring at the wall. Nothing I find enjoyable appeals to me anymore, and I'm really worried that if this goes on long enough I'll fail my finals.
I don't really know what kind of response or feed back to get, but thanks for reading I guess. | self.depression |
Latuda calories Does anyone experience immediate withdrawl effects from latuda if the 350 calorie could take is not met? I have been having insomnia and realised Iam not counting my calories as consists tly as I used to. For example if I atell dinner and do not feel like eating again, but must do so 1 hour before I take it I will drink 2 cups of milk. 125 calories being in one measuring cup. Because of this I would drink 3 cups, or 375 calories and everything seemed consists t then. Could it be this simple solution to fix my sleep? I will also phone my pharmacy to ask. Thank you. | self.bipolar |
i don’t know what to do anymore. i feel miserable and tired everyday and i have to hide it, the only things that distract me are music and sleep, i feel really anxious all day, but this week has been different, it has been making it so hard to breathe that i can barley type this, i don’t know what to do anymore, i feel like i can’t help myself, i’ve been feeling really depressed and i can’t focus on things for very long, i get a good amount of sleep, i just don’t know.
[edit] i feel scared in my own home, i live in kind of a bad neighborhood in chicago, the people on the second floor walk really loud, each step scares me more and more, i can’t take it
[edit] i’ve noticed symptoms of anxiety over 2 years, it has never been this bad, i feel like i can’t tell anyone | self.Anxiety |
I've been depressed for too long and am deciding to make a change. But I need some advice. [deleted] | self.depression |
Constant fear of heart attack Hi, I've been struggling with anxiety for roughly 4/5 years now. I'm only 22 but every time I get the slightest chest aches, hand pains, and have trouble breathing I immediately think I'm about to have a heart attack. I know the symptoms of panic and heart attack are extremely similar, and I had panic attacks before.
Any of you having the same problems? Or do you have any advice? It's starting to drive me crazy, any help, or encouraging words are extremely welcome | self.Anxiety |
Lexapro, what should i do? Hey everyone. So this is sort of my story with lexapro and I'm looking for advice on what to do moving forward. I started lexapro on november 8th for anxiety that was keeping me from being productive in school. I would just sit in my dorm and if I was alone I wouldn't be able to work because i constantly felt a pit in my stomach like something was wrong even if I was worrying about nothing at the time. Relationships were difficult, I kept stressing about dangers that could happen in the relationship or to my friends/girlfriend. I got put on Lexapro 10mg.
I took the lexapro, ate lunch, and went to my dorm for a nap. Upon waking up, I was incredibly sick feeling. I threw up twice and felt off for the rest of the day. I was worried and thought about not taking it anymore, but i persevered.
About a week and a half in, symptoms, along with anxiety, started disappearing. The only issues I had were occasionally, I'd feel a completely random sense of doom, and I would begin freaking out. This never lasted more than a minute or two, and I was able to walk it off most of the time.
The rest of the semester went well. I wasn't feeling anxious, I was happy, and doing well.
Then, about two weeks ago, I started feeling anxious again, slowly. Now I am at the point where I am constantly anxious, just like how i was before I was taking the lexapro. I constantly have a headache behind my eyes almost like a migraine and feel nauseous often. Now I'm back to square one and I'm wondering where to move forward.
My options, as I see them, are these:
1. Get bumped up to 20mg lexapro. This seems to help a lot of people with similar issues from what I'm seeing online.
2. Take wellbutrin alongside lexapro. I'm not sure if this would help but I've read that it helps with lexapro.
3. Start on a different medication completely.
No matter what ideas are given here, I'm seeing my physician soon to see what I should do.
EDIT: Being bumped up to 20mg, thank you all for your help and support! | self.Anxiety |
Is this anxiety? Not sure where to turn to... [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Does depression make you forgetful? I don’t know what to do. My depression is so bad lately because of everything going on and having 0 downtime, that I’m beginning to forget things....and I’m afraid my boss has noticed. Depression does this, right? Or is it more of a medication thing? | self.depression |
He's all I've known for the last 5 years, and now I don't know what to do with myself. Just recently got out of a serious relationship of 5 years and I am feeling very overwhelmed with the sudden loneliness. I have been struggling with depression and I already felt extremely lonely... but I just was not prepared for this complete and utter loneliness that I am experiencing now.
My whole life has grown to revolve almost completely around him. We both tend to be very needy in relationships, so we did everything together. Everything from taking naps, grocery shopping, random trips down the street to the bank or gas station, to even activities like showering and using the restroom together (that's weird, I know). When I say everything, I really mean EVERYTHING. We even work at the same place and have the same schedule, so we would go to work and back together as well. Needless to say, our dependency on each other was unhealthy. Issues began to surface, we started fighting a lot more, resentment was building up, but there was no healing. All of this ultimately resulted in a very painful and messy breakup for both parties. My heart literally feels like it is dropping into my stomach each time I remember that we are not together anymore.
It has only been three days since we broke up, but I feel like my life has been turned completely upside down. It is unrecognizable. It doesn't feel like my life anymore. I became so used to always having somebody there that I just don't know how to be alone anymore. It's always the little, unexpected things that we end up missing the most. Having a warm body next to me at night, or just being able to vent to somebody and know that they are always on your side. I even miss the things that used to drive me crazy, like the way he would try to boss me around and tell me what to do. Now that I don't have anybody telling me what to do, I literally don't know what to do.
People say that it's better to have loved and then lost than to have never loved at all, but that's just bullshit to me. I now know the true meaning of the word "waste". All of the time, money and energy put into this relationship, it was all for nothing. All the planning for our future life together and all the sacrifices we made for each others' happiness. Even the Christmas gifts we already bought each other. Waste. Waste. Waste. Sure it's nice to be able to experience love, but not if it ends like this.
I honestly wish I never met him. I don't even want to think about him, but I can't stop. My life was completely full of him, and now there is only emptiness in the space he used to occupy in my heart. Nothing even matters anymore. All I want to do is hide in the darkness and not have to think or feel ever again. | self.depression |
Just another sob story Just need to post this somewhere. I know I’m nothing special and my story doesn’t even matter. This is on r/suicidewatch as well. I guess I just need people to talk to.
best friend was this girl I knew for a year “A” asked her out and got turned down. Went on to date another girl for over a year, eventually broke up with her because I felt like I was toxic to her. She made all my friends hate me soon after. However, the girl from years ago, “A”, was there for me. We hooked up when I got back from vacation, and eventually started dating. She spent 5 straight months telling me she loved me, but wanted me to open up more. So when 2018 came around I made it my resolution to open up to her. So I did. Thursday night I told her all about my anxiety issues and how I’ve been fighting depression ever since all my friends turned on me and how I’ve barely been hanging on to life itself. Friday night I get a “we need to talk text” and I go to her house, and she says that I’m “too much” and we don’t “see eye to eye on all of my issues.”
I’m too much. Even for the one person who stuck with me through what was at the time the worst part of my life. I open up to the one who I thought loved me as much as I did her, and end up getting left in the dirt for it. I’m done. I’m too much for her. I’m too much for anyone.
| self.depression |
You don't even care And it stings because you're very happy and very pleased with our relationship and the quality of it while I'm unhappy despite still being fully in love with you.
I love you, and we've been through so much together. I don't know why you've stopped sharing things with me, stopped making plans and so forth. I get the feeling you're afraid of confrontation, but that doesn't make it any better. It's worse because I was the one who always dreaded approaching you with issues because you had a habit of screaming and throwing fits. But even at least then, we sorted the situations out whenever they popped up and we moved on. Now it feels as if you simply don't care anymore.
I still love you, and I'm still trying, it just hurts so much to continue on though. | self.offmychest |
Things are getting so bad. I don't know what to do. | self.depression |
I need to end this. I just can't take life anymore. I'm sick of constantly thinking about blowing my brains out, hanging myself, slicing my wrists, etc. I'm 25 years old today, and I really hope this is my last birthday, because I'm tired of feeling this way year after year. I've had clinical depression for as long as I can remember and it's made my life a living hell. I've never fit in well with others, I don't have any friends to call on for support, and since my ex broke up with me back in August, I've been feeling hollow as ever. The only reason I haven't ended it yet is because I know it would destroy my parents, especially now that my grandmother recently passed and my father hasn't been quite the same since. I seriously wish I'd get hit by a car, or shot, or just killed one way or another without having to commit suicide. I don't care if it's painful or agonizing, as long as the end result is my body going cold.
I've been trying to put myself out there and a while back I did meet a girl and I fell in love with her, but of course she didn't feel the same way. We had everything in common but for some reason she just didn't share the same feelings and suggested we just stay friends. I couldnt say no, so now she snapchats me on a regular basis, always looking happy, always with friends, while I'm constantly alone and just wishing against all logic that she'll give me a chance at some point, even though she won't. What annoys me most though is this isn't even her fault. It's mine. I'm so fucking desperate to have someone in my life that I fall for girls after talking to them for a day or two and it always ends this way. But I can't help it. I always think the end result will be a good one, but it never is.
I just hate this constant feeling of sorrow. I've tried to be happy, ive tried to treat my depression through distracting myself with art, exercise, puzzles, games, all kinds of dumb shit, but it never works for long, if at all. so here I am now, seriously considering taking my life. I bought my first handgun when I was 21 just for this very reason. I thought for sure I was gonna end it right after I bought it. I can't believe Im still here 4 years later. I don't want to do this, but I feel that I need to. Life's not gonna get any easier, it's not gonna get better. I feel horrible for what this is gonna do to my parents, but their time will come, theyll grow old and die, and then none of this will matter anyway. I fucking hate myself. I really genuinely fucking hate myself. Millions of others have struggles far worse than mine and they fight on regardless of how they feel. I wasn't meant for this world, but then again, I never really asked to be here. If anyone can help me, if anyone has the slightest idea of a way to fix my mind, please help. I don't know if I deserve it, but I'll graciously accept it. | self.SuicideWatch |
Life makes absolutely no sense. Life makes no sense, especially if you soon will end up homeless. Or atleast very poor. So i would soon die too. Im unable to work i think. Because of my chronical illness and autism too. I dropped out several times out of school. So i have no education too. Now i live by my parents, but they won't tolerate me forever of course. So even if i could work, the best thing i would get is unskilled labor. Which is'nt a career. And the pay is of course low. maybe even to low to survive off. So without welfare i would in the future just become homeless and then starve or freeze. That the reason i have tried several times to kill myself. Unfortunately i failed every time too. Yes i fail in everything, its sad. So whats the Point of living when my life in the future will be miserable and short? No it doesn't makes sense. Is there any reason i should live when i will be in the future certainly homeless? The main reason is, as i said because of my autism. | self.SuicideWatch |
My older sister just turned 18 and I'm trying not to cry [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Depression due to bullying All my life I have had the displeasure of meeting a plethora of monstrous people. I had been bullied to the point of depression and thoughts of suicide, depression that I still deal with today.
I have many examples.
1) When I was 12 I was friends with two girls named Trina and Ashley. I never did anything to her but Trina had secretly been planning on fighting me for a week. She tried to start a fight with me one day after school, and when I tried to walk away, she followed me and beat me up. She kept saying it was because I was messing with her cousin but the cousin admitted she knew nothing about this and hadn't seen me in years. All I know is that it was pre-meditated, she had planned to attack me for weeks and she made up a fake excuse as a pretext to beat me up. She had no actual reason. I was afraid to ride the bus afterwards. I even took another bus home then walked the rest of the way home so I wouldn't ride the bus with them. I was afraid of going outside of my house. Why would somebody make a pre-meditated plan to attack another person when they have done nothing to you?
2) Although Trina stopped, her friend Ashley proceeded to harass me for years, all through high school. Yelling loudly "I see a hoe" when she would see me. She'd pass by the bus saying "Hi bitch hi bitch hi bitch." She'd follow me to the restroom, would purposely pass by so her presence would intimate me. This continued for 5 years until she graduated high school.
3) It wasn't just those two female rats. There was one male rat named Gerald who was a guy in my classes who literally wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. One day he took a backpack and threw it at me. He'd call me "titty pills" and "grandma drawers." Teachers tried to tell him to stop and he basically said he didn't care to stop.
Didn't see him much in high school, but when I did see him in 11th grade, he pushed another kid so that the kid would land on me. Then in 12th grade, I tried to tell him and the group he was with to go inside and I was losing my voice so it was hard to hear me and he said angrily "Then what are you talking for?!!"
4) Another was Elie, who was one of Gerald's goons. He proceeded to harass me and wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. Thought he changed in high school? Nope. Senior year, we were 18, I was auditioning for a dance. With every one hearing, he proceeded to say, " I understand why all the other dancers are here, but what is she doing here?" Then when I told him to stop, he proceeded to take his had push it in my face. My contact lens fell out.
5) I had my first job at 16 where I worked under the President's assistant. She was 25 year old woman with 3 kids. The assistant seemed very uncomfortable from the beginning. She never gave me work and I would have to ask her for work multiple times a day. That didn't stop her from telling the President that "I didn't want to work." She would try to make me look bad, by saying "you left for lunch, we had to find somebody to cover for you" when I was the one who had asked that person to cover for me in advance. I remember I said "Good morning" to her once and she didn't reply. She told me that the (male) President told her "he doesn't like the way I dress" and tried to recommend new clothes for me. She got what she wanted and the President told her she could fire me. She gave me an angry look to when she saw me that morning. She then had me sign the papers then walked up and away.
6)This is not even mentioning my half-sister who hated me and my mom, lied and said my mom was poisoning her, then spread a false rumor when I was 11 that I was pregnant and told my friend's mother not to let her play with me because I was having sex with boys and was a bad influence.
7) I also had some bullying teachers. Most were just straight up rude, but not really bullying. Just ONE who was really rude. My school gave out badges to kids who got all As, A&B. I was asking a whole other administrator when badges were coming out and she randomly was passing by and heard and said: "You're not getting a badge." One day I went to class to tell her I wouldn't be coming to class that day and I came to tell her in advance, she embarrassed me and yelled me in front of our entire class watching: "Oh you came to make an announcement" then yelled at me in front of the class. When ever I would get a high score on a test, she'd be like " Oh that's a shocker" or "here's another shocker."
I never did anything to these people. These people were terrible people. It made me so depressed growing up. It still affects me now. Sometimes I can't help but hate my life. My question is why me? Why did those people do those things to me? No other kids were picked on like I was. None were treated the way I was. Why me?
Anyone here? Opinions? Suggestions? Help. :'( | self.depression |
Too Manic to Deal (CW: Drug Use/Hospitals/Mania Trigger) This weekend has been insane and it took my best friend ending up in the hospital over some dumb decisions we made together for me to realize I've been balls deep in a nightmare of a manic episode. This also is pretty painful to admit, just because of how ridiculous I feel right now. Drug use isn't usually much of a problem for my hypomanic/depressed self as I usually try to keep myself safe, but for whatever reason I randomly decided Friday night was a great time to get lit with my best friend and we stupidly decided to buy molly on the street. I am a firm believer in drug education and harm reduction but my impulses beat my logic.
First problem was that we picked it up without even letting my partner who I tell everything to (out of trust AND keeping me safe for this exact reason) know that we were planning on rolling. Second problem was that I bought it from this shitty street dealer who sold me and my best friend fake acid the time I did almost this exact same thing maybe 4 months ago. Long story short, we tripped way longer than we should have and by the end, it was lowkey painful instead of peaceful. There's no way I should have trusted her molly, but she told us to be safe and have fun so my manic brain figured it was fine. Third problem is I spent maybe $30 I don't have taking a Lyft all across my giant city to get the pills and back home. Four, the pills were in a clear gelatin shell. Pretty obvious indicator it won't be legit. Five, I LITERALLY HAVE TESTING KITS FOR DRUGS BUT DIDN'T USE THEM. GOD. My boyfriend literally bought them for when I feel the impulse to do drugs but to stay safe and not accidentally end up doing coke or anything else potentially addictive & harmful. He also insists I never buy anything off the street because it's too risky, and I usually comply. No clue what was going through my head besides wanting to "have fun" and "feel good".
For context, my best friend is also extremely mentally ill and has a problem with assuming all people are inherently good as a result of their trauma, so the thought that we shouldn't trust some random person just because they're nice to us never crossed their mind.
We popped the pills and didn't start feeling much until about an hour in which is when I knew that this definitely wasn't going to be MDMA. I've rolled before but this was nothing like the euphoria or warm feelings I felt. I honest to god felt sober just with less racing thoughts. It felt similar to how I react to Adderall. My best friend, on the other hand, began shaking uncontrollably and flailing their limbs and speaking in tongues! I have no clue why we had such radically adverse reactions, but my "high" ended within the 10 minutes of when it started so I was able to assume responsibility and be there for them. I explained everything to my boyfriend who was extremely pissed but ended up coming home to help us anyway. We couldn't get them dressed and they kept throwing up and couldn't move, so we ended up having to call an ambulance. I have trauma related to having to interact with the police, so dealing with cops and medical officials in my apartment ended up being a huge PTSD trigger. They managed to haul my best friend to the hospital, and my boyfriend and I drove to meet them.
We waited in the ER waiting room for about 2 hours before they let us back, and they told us that they gave them sleeping medicine and just needed to watch for a few hours. We ended up spending all night there, which essentially led to me having to be late to work. Manic me is so stupid like doing random street drugs before your 8:30AM shift at a cafe? Good life choices, apparently. I explained my friend had a seizure at my place and I was just waiting to take them home when they were discharged, but my supervisor was getting progressively annoyed so I had to leave them and my boyfriend behind to clock in. My boyfriend and best friend left the hospital around 10:30 that morning.
While all of us are on good terms now, my best friend still feels pretty guilty it all happened but I truly feel responsible for the whole ordeal. Honestly, coping with the stress of it all, the triggers, the shame & guilt, and my supervisor's impression of me has been extremely difficult. It's 3:25AM right now and I haven't started any of my homework and I have class in the morning. My sleep schedule is awful and my anxiety is higher than it's been in a long time. I've been without the medication I need for about 2 weeks now (probably why this mania even started in addition to my abuser stalking me again about 2.5 weeks ago...) but I'll be getting more tomorrow and will hopefully be more stable and productive. I just feel incredibly awful about this and have no clue what to really do with myself at the moment. I have therapy tomorrow afternoon and want to bring this up, but have no idea what to say or how to get over the fear of letting her know. I kind of just needed to vent, but if anyone has any kind words or advice for how to get through the painful aspects of mania, that would be immensely helpful right now.Y'all are all awesome and such a helpful, compassionate community. | self.bipolar |
I wish nobody liked me. I honestly wish that the few people who actually like/care about me would stop. I would feel so much less guilty if I commit suicide and nobody would hazard a glance.
I took a tour of the company I would like to work for in the future and while I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, I know I would never be adequate enough to work there. My relatives all believe in me but I know deep down I’ll never be able to put effort into any work, so why even try? My grades are shit, my hobbies are shit, my medications are shit, my mood swings are shit, but I know my life isn’t and I really wish it was.
If people could just forget about me and lives their lives without me dragging them down everything would be so much better. | self.SuicideWatch |
Am I overreacting? Can’t see past the anxiety? Hi. I have panic disorder. We just moved in to a new house and i have been struggling to feel comfortable being ground level. (Been living in apartments the last few years) made lots of progress the past two weeks. Then today I’m home alone and a big guy walks across my front deck (right in front of my entrance/living room window) and then circles my house fully. He hangs in the backyard for a bit and leaves out the back gate. I go into full anxiety mode and text my boyfriend to ask if he could stay home tonight because what happened has me scared, panicking and I need to wake up for work at 6am and would be way more at ease with someone here. He says no because he is going out with his friends and that I’m being selfish and overreacting. He says I’m being childish. Stops by the house checks out the backyard and leaves. I try to explain I didn’t need him to check the house for anything. I needed him home tonight to help me feel safe and get some rest for work. Now he isn’t replying to me. My phones outgoing calls are cut off (forgot to pay the bill) and I’m anxious, alone and can’t tell if I’m being a terrible person and was asking way too much. He works hard and we have a good relationship usually. But I’m so hurt he would rather go drinking than help me feel safe. He knows how this would mess with me.
I’m so tired of having to figure out if what I’m feeling is valid or anxiety based? I wish I could trust myself.
TLDR; weird man circles my house, triggers anxiety, ask boyfriend to come home for night, he wants to go out with friends, feel upset and not sure if I’m being ridiculous | self.Anxiety |
Back again Was told to post here.
So the funeral happened and i got drunk that night because family were down.
So today at college we broke up (my girlfriend and i) to my stupidity the night before and now i feel like i can't go on with life as everyone around me is saying if she doesn't come back she isn't the one or shes just angry at the moment give her some time to think.
But i'm here grieving and dealing with a break up among other things, i can't go on without her and i can't be with her,
Today in college she was sat with my friends and now me being the overthinking fuck i am thinks shes gonna get with some one else.
Now i don't know whether or not to leave the city to go live with family somewhere else and try to find love or wait until we can talk things out.
She said we would be forever
Yanno soppy shit like always and forever.
Please help i am really struggling waking up in the morning. | self.depression |
Man, I hate having this illness!!!!😩😩 Was diagnosed bipolar at 17, didn't get medicated until 25, now I'm 27 and I'm really really sick of dealing with this illness every single day of my life!!! It just scares me and makes me anxious!! I never know what kind of day I will have until I wake up, every morning it's like a gamble and I'm hoping to hit the jackpot and be in a good mood versus a horrible one! It's like I can never go to bed and be sure that the next day will even be ok.
I feel like I try to predict when bad things are going to happen so I can respond to the appropriately but that just adds more anxiety. That or I'm constantly in fear of something going wrong which usually causes me to fly into a rage or major panic attack! I hate when I'm enraged! I hate how it makes me feel, I hate how it makes others around me feel, it's like I just black out for 30 minutes and I'm slamming things, screaming, breaking things it's just horrible 😫! It doesn't happen too often like it's not an everyday thing but I live in constant fear of these days and when they do happen I feel awful!!
I just hate that I can't feel normal or ok without taking pills every morning and pills to sleep every night. It makes me feel like I'm less of a person or that I'm a person that can't function on their own I need pills to make me normal. Such a horrible feeling . I often think about how bipolar never goes away, I'm only 27 and I feel I have so many years to be stuck with this illness it makes me want to cry just thinking about it! | self.bipolar |
Dad passed away and ex-gf is seeing someone new Wow this year destroyed me so hard, I'm currently in my early 20's . My dad passed away recently from cancer and I feel numb. Today, I witness my ex (4 months has passed) holding hands with someone new. I know that I'm over her but having two consecutive blow to the heart hurts a lot. And not only that I've been applying to entry-level jobs lately and so far its all been rejection. My dad's funeral is in a couple of days too so I'm hoping I can get through this.
My heart feels ridiculously heavy right now and I feel like the world is just out to get me.
Luckily I have a strong support system, but its just hard cause nobody can relate to what I'm going through right now from having your father die and seeing your ex move on physically.
Thank you for letting me vent, I feel a bit better now. | self.offmychest |
I think I'm in love with my bestfriend. My bestfriend and I don't have the most traditional friendship. We become friends by drunkenly messing around at a party. I had a thing for her then, and it turns out she had one for me. We became friends after, and eventually bestfriends. My feelings towards her never stopped, just kinda faded to friendship.
Forward three years, and we are close friends, even though I live hundreds of miles away for university. We share everything. I've literally never been as close with another person before. I've had crushes, and (failed) relationships since we met, so has she. She's currently in a whatever-you-label-it with a guy, but I think I have feelings for her.
Screw this. I would literally rather die than lose my friendship with her; it's the best thing I've ever had in my life. I don't want to risk it by telling her how I think I feel.
| self.offmychest |
I think I’m depressed and slowly losing the ability to read So bacically I’ve been having a really hard time recently and it’s been making me get really upset, it seems the more I get upset the harder I’m finding it to do bacic things like read. I can read fine if I take time but it’s taking a few minutes to read tiny sentences because all of the words are getting mixed up. I’m not the best at reading or writing any way but when I’m sad it just goes to a whole new level and I’m afraid it’s starting to happen more often.
I’ve been getting a lot of ‘negative emotions’ especially reacently, I have for about the past year and a bit, and in the past mont or so singe about August I’ve been having really depressing thoughts as well. I can’t really talk to any one about it because one of my friends have always got to be in the spotlight so she always says she has all these things wrong with her and I don’t want to look like her. I know she fakes it she bacically admitted it to me without realising it.
I can’t talk to my parents because they just would say stuff like grow up and stop messing around, and most the teachers in my schoool are really bad, they don’t listen to us even when we have problems and we have no councler. I was wondering if any one knows anything I can do. My closest doctors knows my family so I can’t privatly get tested, if that’s a thing, without my parents finding out so I’m kinda stuck. I’m really considering running away or something. Please give me an idea. | self.depression |
have a crush on someone from the Internet Not only are we not really compatible in terms of life plans, I am married and he is seeing someone. And I do love my SO and feel like a monster that this has even come up - like I should be able to stop myself pre-emptively from finding other people attractive as people.
My SO is still attractive, funny, worthy of my respect. Not that being lax in one's relationship is deserving of emotional (or physical) cheating, but he hasn't even done that.
I'm going to back off our shared community to try and make it fizzle out.
I respect my partner, I respect that the other guy deserves more than the "other person" status, I respect that he wants different things from the world and that one of his dealbreakers isn't resolvable with me in particular (because of my life circumstance).
I do not plan to ever tell him I ever felt this way. I already don't confide in him in meaningful ways. I am afraid that would cross a line eventually, so I may as well not do any of that now. It might be innocent now, but that's how it always starts.
But it's painful, I feel like an awful human being, and I have no way to tell anyone that I am struggling with it. | self.offmychest |
Trying to better yourself while fighting depression feels like waxing your car while somebody beats the mirrors off with a tire iron I've been trying to work on myself. I lost weight (80 lbs), I quit drinking, I quit smoking. I've always wanted to write a novel, so I started NaNoWriMo this month (and am on track to win!).
But, with all of this, I honestly feel like I'm just masturbating. I've got no friends and no family, nobody to share successes with, no future in mind to work towards. Depression isn't as constant now that I'm sober, but when it hits, it hits harder and reminds me that I'm objectively worthless: a single dude in his 30s with no retirement savings, no career, no transferable skills, no friends, and nothing to offer to justify his existence to society.
I want to keep improving, but I also want to feel like I'm improving *for* something. Otherwise, what's the point? | self.depression |
losing a friend is the hardest thing i've ever gone through I could be broken up with by 1000 different people and none of it would be hitting as hard as this. A couple months ago I told him i couldn't go on with our friendship, my anxiety and depression was getting so bad and i thought he was to blame, instead of talking it through with him I just called off years of our friendship like that. After seeing him at a party recently, well everything has been fucked since. I can't sleep or think normally and my heart feels like it's going to explode any fucking second. I spent my whole life with this person, we went through puberty and every other milestone together, we know every detail of eachothers lives and every small detail and every like, dislike and pet peeve. And now I have nobody. | self.depression |
People used to like me more when I was married [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Extreme anxiety after waking up Unnaturally If I am woken up by anything other than my body deciding it's time to (eg. an alarm, someone calling my name or dogs barking) I get a huge peak in my anxiety to the point where it makes me feel psychically sick. When this happens my anxiety will get to around an 8/10 (10 being an anxiety attack) whereas I usually sit around a 4 or 5. Does this happen to anyone else, and if so how do you deal with it? | self.Anxiety |
Any tips for sleeping while (hypo)manic? Going through another cycle and unfortunately I also coincidentally am pretty sick. Whats the best thing for getting over bronchitis? Oh yeah, 2 hours of sleep a night. Does anyone have any tricks besides just getting my doctor to represcribe Ambien? Melatonin has seemingly no effect and neither do most other sleep aids, but I have previously had issues self medicating with ambien and thus would try to stick away from it if I can. I don't know if anyone has any personal tricks or remedies, but I'd really appreciate to hear what you've got to say! | self.bipolar |
Does anybody else worry about how theyre going to make it in life with thier anxiety? I consider myself a strong intelligent and confident woman at 26. But I also go thru phases of really bad anxiety and mild to moderate depression. When this happens I worry about how I going to make it in life when I have more bills, get married, etc. I cant handle stress too well at times and it scares the hell out of me. | self.Anxiety |
I have ten days to get a job interview, if I can't I am considering ending things properly | self.SuicideWatch |
What do y'all take for anxiety? I've been prescribed Librium, but it doesn't do anything for me. My Dr. suggested it after I told him I was worried I'd abuse anything too "fun." My depression is well under control with Lamictal and Geodon keeps me quite stable, but this anxiety comes close to undoing all of that. | self.bipolar |
Fear of driving gotten worse after accident Hello, I hope this will be ok to post here, this is going to be quite long but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. I'm 23 years old and I've always had a fear of driving for as long as I can remember. I got my permit at 16, and that was fine cause I never wanted to drive alone anyways. I didn't get my license until I was 20 and passed just fine.
I've always been a careful driver and I've had no accidents or close calls before. However, I mostly only drove in small towns without a lot of traffic, and when I moved to a somewhat larger city, I quit driving all together. I'm in college and work as a freelance artist so I don't really have a job at the moment where I need to commute to work. I catch rides with my mother or grandmother whom I live with.
Two weeks ago I went with my grandmother to the grocery store, and I always try to help her watch traffic even though she does just fine. She pulled into the turning lane at the same time an SUV did, which the SUV blocked our view. I tried to watch and see if any cars were coming as did she, and we both did not see this other car and it hit us as soon as she pulled out.
She got cut up a little bit but was ok, and I had no injuries at all. But now it's kinda hard to ride in a car with anyone without almost losing my breath when I see a car about to pull out into traffic. She's a bit skittish about driving again too, and that just breaks my heart for her cause she's always been so independent.
She's 74 years old and has never had an accident in her life. The place where she had the crash has about 1-2 car wrecks a day because it is a bad place. Anyways, about my fear of driving, I told myself I can't live my life this way forever, and I just feel like crying because I feel so helpless. Everyone else can drive, why can't I? Why do I have to be this way? It's not that I'm unsure of myself, I'm terrified of someone hitting me head on and I have no where to go to get out of the way.
I can't afford therapy or I would have done it already, and the closest driving school is 80 miles away from me, and also costs quite a bit. The city I live in doesn't have any public transportation either. I do think I'm going to try to drive around the block to build my confidence again when I feel a little more comfortable. But yeah. I guess I just wanted to share and maybe get some advice. I don't like driving but I feel like I don't have any freedom. I'm just so miserable. | self.Anxiety |
Every time someone says that I won’t succeed at something I end up failing [deleted] | self.depression |
help like this is useless for me how the fuck is talking w/ random folx who ill never meet or know supposed to help?
i wanna die bc im unlovable untouchable a monster etc in practice
having some asshole tell me not to kill myself bc they have an abstract belief people shouldn't commit suicide isnt helpful
how the fuck is that supposed to make me want to live?
my desires will always be unfulfilled in this nightmare society
if you want to stop suicide make life livable
random ass anon help is bullshit for many of us
death to the cistem queer trans liberation now | self.SuicideWatch |
My life is an utter mess I don’t know how to compose this post so I’m just gonna spill my thoughts for you all to read through if you so choose. Brief background on myself, I’m 17, male, and in my senior year of high school.
I was pretty extroverted up until 8th grade, but the summer leading to the beginning of that school year, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She had been having side pains for a while and went to the doctor. That’s when they discovered it was cancer. To make that school year even worse, I got REALLY bad acne around my chin and mouth. I felt hideous. I also discovered internet pornography and became addicted. Needless to say my confidence was shattered. And as a 12/13 year old starting to discover his sexuality and really take an interest in girls, this didn’t help. My extroversion disappeared and I became extremely introverted. I basically could not function in social situations. My mind would go blank around people, (especially girls) and all I could focus on was my insecurity.
Anyway, as time went on my acne slowly got better and I started working out as well as improving my fashion. My confidence went up a TON, but for some reason I still had a lot of anxiety in social situations. My addiction to porn also got worse, but more on that later. My sophomore year, my mom died. I was sitting in Spanish class and I got a note from the office to leave early. I knew right off the bat that it was because my mom wasn’t doing well. My uncle picked me up from school and drove me home. I broke down in tears when my dad told me my moms body was shutting down. The next day, I felt no sadness. My dad wanted to grieve and mourn, but I just wanted to move on. I thought “so what? She’s dead let’s just get on with our lives”. I loved my mom a lot and I don’t know why I wasn’t more upset. Maybe I was in denial. So with my mom gone, it was just me and my dad. I was home alone a lot now, which meant I had more time to jack off and watch porn.
Eventually porn wasn’t enough and I started to act out. And here’s where some really nasty, graphic stuff comes in so please don’t continue reading if disturbing sexual topics makes you uncomfortable. I basically did some really nasty shit to myself. I peed on myself for sexual gratification multiple times. I think I even masturbated with my own shit once. The way I discovered masturbation was by using my mattress or a pillow, and so now my mattress and pillows are all fucked up, and I feel disgusting knowing this is how I sleep every night. Hold on, because the worst is yet to come. I would also catfish people online into sending me nudes. I would go on sites like Whisper or Kik and pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I did this more than I’d like to admit. Then, I discovered these stupid erotic stories about adults and kids (usually incestuous in nature). Fucked up and disgusting I know, but I read these for a while as well. This past summer is where my porn addiction really peaked. I masturbated to pics of young girls. Really young. Like 6-8. It WAS NOT child porn, just pics on google. I’ve never been attracted to kids but now I’m questioning everything.
I’ve since stopped reading these stories, and am seeing a counselor both for my porn addiction and as well as to help sort through my grief of losing my mom. My counselor also leads a recovery group for people who are addicted to porn, which I have been regularly attending weekly. I am determined to quit porn as I now see how much it’s messed my life up. I don’t know how I’m just now feeling all this guilt and shame, because in the past none of this has bothered me. I also really hope I’m not a pedo. If I am, I will kill myself without a second thought. I’ve always been attracted to girls my age and older, and so I attribute the erotic stories to desensitization to regular porn, and so I resorted to something more extreme. Anyway, I constantly fear I am a pedo. I get really anxious whenever I see a kid in public, and check to see if I am attracted or not. I’ve always dealt with intrusive thoughts of some sort, (the earliest I can remember is 1st or 2nd grade I had thoughts of wanting to hurt my parents or kill my dog) and I’ve wondered if I have OCD. Either way it doesn’t excuse what I’ve done.
Recently the shame of everything has caught up with me, and my mind dug up a million other things I’ve done in the past, giving me a million more reasons to feel guilty. I won’t list them all here, but I feel constantly overwhelmed with terror and shame. I’m very quiet now, even more so than when I had my bad acne. My counselor thinks I’ve bottled my emotions too much in the past and so now everything is ready to burst. I think this is true. I just feel like a monster. Deviant. Freak. I’ve contemplated suicide. I’ve cut myself to cope. Even before the shame of my porn started, I cut myself. I just can’t handle my thoughts, my mind. Sometimes I sleep for hours just so I’m not alone with myself. Sometimes I feel really happy for no reason, or even proud of my struggle. But most of the time I feel hopeless and alone. The pedophile fear is really what’s making this worse. It’s terrifying. I’ve always been attracted to girls my age or older, but still. I have such doubt now. I should mention that the thought of pedophilia disgusts me, and I firmly believe all offending pedophiles should die. I don’t favor the death penalty except for pedos.
Anyway, this is my story so far. Make of me what you will. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Peace be with you. | self.offmychest |
Is there any reason to keep going? I've been struggling with this thought as I've become the social outcast and a disappointment to my parents. I'm clearly just getting in everybody's way and I see no reason to live. Am I incorrect? | self.SuicideWatch |
I just need to let this out... Before I explode I have major depressive disorder and was diagnosed back in 2010. I was doing quite well, until lately.
I'm 22. Dropped out of college twice. First time was because I had to move back to the UK for family issues. Second, I attended an American college online but struggled with the course work (was studying something that wasn't right for me). Next year I'll be 23. And never had a job and this dam well depresses me. I cry myself to sleep at night because of this.
Actually I almost had a job. About a month ago. I was offered an apprenticeship at a care home. They made me do a shadow shift then wrote to me (by text message) almost a week later saying "the person you were replacing is returning. We can't go forward with your application" which was a lie, because they still have an application for the apprenticeship. It plays on my mind why they didn't tell me the truth. Did I do something wrong? But how could I? I was shadowing. Did everything they told me to. This whole situation plays on my mind and depresses me into a stage I want to lay in bed and cry all the time.
Then to add onto that. My mum got diagnosed with breast cancer back in October. She's on chemo now and seeing it effect her, really depresses me. This is also another reason why I can't just get a job, because I'm looking after her at the moment. She needs me.
The job department, I'm getting so many set backs. It's horribly depressing.
The only positive in my life is my boyfriend of 1 year. He's amazing and has been there for me through these situations. But I feel like if I'm remaining depressed... He's going to leave me for someone who isn't depressed all the time.
What do I do all day? When I'm not upset in bed. I'm gaming, mostly because this distracts me. But this isn't going to get me anywhere! It doesn't earn me money. It doesn't help providing experience for jobs. And I don't want just any ol job. I want a career path. A good one. The best path I can find that I am comfortable with regarding my learning disabilities.
Maybe I'm just a loser :|
| self.offmychest |
Is a heroin OD really not painful? How many mg/kilos do one have to assume in order to get a proper OD without return? Must be intravenous right?
I would like to hear from people who have direct experience with this.
Thank you. | self.SuicideWatch |
Why am I such a loser? Hi, this is my first post so I’m sorry if this is in the wrong category and if this is a bit long. I’m from Sydney Australia, I don’t think that is really needed but it may help. It feels like I’ve gone through a lot in my life and I feel like I’m nothing but a loser.
Before I was even born my father walked out on my mother and I, he even stressed out my mother so much that it nearly killed me in the womb (honestly sometimes I think that it would have been best for everyone if that did happen). So my mother raised me by herself, since she was by herself and needed to look after me she was on the parents pension and we live in a housing commission house, which is essentially a ghetto.
Throughout primary and high school I was nearly constantly bullied and was made to feel worthless, that much so that during my final year of high school my depression got so bad that I went from being one of the top students in the school to one of the lowest.
After high school I got a job and I was actually happy... for a little while until where I worked pretty much sucked the passion for my job and my work right out of me.
When I was 19 one of my bosses took me to my first strip club, where I fell in love with a beautiful caring woman, when I first saw her, even before I knew that she was a dancer I had this feeling about her that there was something different compared to if I were to just see another beautiful woman. I knew I didn’t have any sort of chance with her so I didn’t do anything about it, after that night I got to thinking, I’m 19 years old and I’ve never had a girlfriend, what’s wrong with me, so that thinking as well as work got me spiraling down into depression again.
Fast forward a few years and I’m now at another workplace doing the same job and I was starting to be happy again. I was only there for a few months before my bosses put me on indefinite leave until an injury in my back heals properly.
That was over 2 years ago, now I’m nearly 24 with no job, no money, live in a ghetto with my mother, am in physical pain most of the time, have never had a girlfriend and I’m nothing but a fat, ugly loser.
I just don’t know what to do anymore, I see my friends getting decent paying jobs, getting into relationships, getting married, buying their own houses or moving out of home, getting brand new cars, buying or doing whatever they want and I’m just sitting here, alone, no better off than what I was or maybe even worse than what I was in high school. I want to be happy for them but it’s hard when I’m in so much pain myself (physically, mentally and emotionally). The past few days or weeks sometimes out of nowhere I just feel like bursting into tears, it hurts so much that not one woman in my whole life wants anything to do with me on a romantic level, it also hurts that no woman would ever want anything to do with a fat ugly loser like me.
I’m sorry to have bothered you with my little rant I just thought that this might help, who knows it might even make me feel worse I’m not 100% sure yet, anyway thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and I hope that you have a good day. | self.depression |
Mother strangled me but not hard enough to kill me. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm ready to end it My name is M and I've recently turned 19 last month. I'm posting this here on a new account because I'm paranoid that someone I know would see this on my main.
But yeah. Life has been very rough on me. I'm suffering from multiple mental illnesses and its making my life a living hell. I don't have that many friends. I recently got out of an abusive relationship and the person I am currently dating says that they're going to off themself next week and there's nothing I can do to stop them.
At this point, I'm just tired. I'm tired of waking up in the morning and having to spend hours in bed trying to convince myself that it's worth getting up and going through the day. I'm tired of trying to go to people and talk to them, only to get the "it'll be okay" response considering it hsn't been "okay" for YEARS. I'm tired of having to force myself to be happy because whenever I'm suicidal, no one wants to be around me.
I spend most of my time trying my hardest to be there for people. I'm not the best comforter in the world, but I do try my hardest. But whenever I fall on hard times, I find myself either alone or with very limited help.
I don't do good deeds just to get something back, but sometimes i wish people would return the favor. But i dont blame them for it, nor am I angry. I'm just tired.
I've been planning my death since I was in middle school. My assistant principal saw me writing my suicide letter and told my parents. Got in trouble for it. Since then, I've been thinking about several different ways to do it.
I let myself be talked down from it so many times. I xhickened out a lot too. But it feels like every single time I find a reason to live, ill also find 10 reasons to just end it.
I'm at my wits end. I dont know if i actually want help, but i needed to put this here since i dont really have anyone to talk to atm
Im just so so tired, reddit. Living os too exhausting | self.SuicideWatch |
I have nothing going for me at all, and have bad grades, no job, no girlfriend and am still a virgin. [deleted] | self.depression |
I came down from a hypomanic episode in front of my girlfriend She knows I'm bipolar type 1 and two days ago I came down. My arm started to shake which caused her to freak out. Part of me is constantly saying it's my fault she is scared now and part of me is trying so hard to fix it when go be fair there's nothing to fix. I wish i could keep a stable relationship without my brain sabotaging it when it gets into its stride. | self.bipolar |
2018 New Year’s Resolution: Make it through 2018... hopefully... [deleted] | self.depression |
I think my C.Diff infection is coming back and I'm sick of it For the past two months I've been having spells of diarrhea and stomach pain that's made me want to die at some points and I had to take off almost the ENTIRE month of October because it got so bad. I was finally diagnosed with C.Diff after I went to the emergency room twice in three days and they finally got the idea to take a stool sample.
It was absolute hell last month, I couldn't sleep without a heating pad and I ended up not being able to eat for four days straight due to vomiting. Since this has started I've lost 20 pounds in two months.
In the past two days my symptoms have started up again and I can't do this anymore. I live at home and my mother's been helping me through it, but lately my maternal grandmother got diagnosed with a very rare bone cancer and my mother's had to help her with things as well.
I can't deal with the pain of this shit(heh) as well as adding to the stress my mother's going through. My poor mother has to do everything important because the rest of my family rely on both her and my grandma for a lot of things, and since my grandma's sick the tasks have been put onto her. Bonus, my mother's disabled and has so many health issues normally that I'm honestly surprised that SHE'S alive.
I don't regret my life and I don't support eugenics at all, but some days I think it would have been easier if I hadn't been born. | self.offmychest |
I'm running out of options. help, please I'm running out of options, everything's been in a spiral of suffering, both physically and psychologically, since quite a while ago and it's going to get worse. I have been thinking this for years, sometimes yearning it, sometimes planning it, sometimes just looking at it like a far thing; I've been living through the last 3~4 years just so my family and friends don't have to deal with my death and it has been a nightmare. Psychiatrist to psychiatrist looking for answers and (more importantly) ways to solve my "depression", trying different pills and treatments just to end up forwarding me to a "better" specialist (or telling me that the only choice is to do an Electroconvulsive Therapy, which, worth mentioning, I did not do and will not do) until I reached the top, the expert among experts, the man who studied his whole life to treat the most fucked up depressions.
All that once gave me life and hope turned into nightmares, a year-long relationship with a girl I dreamt for years and changed my entire life ended up being a borderline disorder and I had to cut it off after being asked by both psychiatrist and family. It was devastating for both and there's no turning back ever again to that.
I never hated myself until that point.
But as you may have guessed, after 2 years of trying any and every pill in the market (which were expensive as hell in this godforsaken land) the psychiatrist ran out of ideas and asked me to stick to the "anti-suicide" treatment to wait until something comes up (again) and changes my life.
After realizing that the pills' side effects were destroying my teeth, skin, and bone while doing little to no change in my mental state, I decided to stop all treatment and wait for the best.
Now I feel that there's no way out, the future awaits mostly pain, I have to go to the dentist regularly to fix what the pills did to my teeth (which is a very painful treatment), my skin burns like hell every 3~4 days for reasons unknown and the last person I tried to form a relationship with, asked me plainly to stop.
I see the past and is painful, I see the future and it holds mostly suffering, and the present is hell on earth.
As far as I know there's no hotline or anything in my piece of shit, undeveloped country (Chile).
| self.SuicideWatch |
My favorite poem about mental illness. Dream Song 29
There sat down, once, a thing on Henry’s heart
só heavy, if he had a hundred years
& more, & weeping, sleepless, in all them time
Henry could not make good.
Starts again always in Henry’s ears
the little cough somewhere, an odour, a chime.
And there is another thing he has in mind
like a grave Sienese face a thousand years
would fail to blur the still profiled reproach of. Ghastly,
with open eyes, he attends, blind.
All the bells say: too late. This is not for tears;
thinking.
But never did Henry, as he thought he did,
end anyone and hacks her body up
and hide the pieces, where they may be found.
He knows: he went over everyone, & nobody’s missing.
Often he reckons, in the dawn, them up.
Nobody is ever missing.
-John Berryman
| self.bipolar |
Emotional Dump I’m so fucking pissed with you right now. You have been fucking up left and right lately. You fucked off school, you fucked off your responsibility for the house, and you fucked off our relationship. I have been trying to help you ever since I had my accident. I have tried so hard to get y’all to a better place. I’m fucking exhausted and empty. I was upfront about everything with my issues. I told you that I was emotionally unavailable. I told you that I have PTSD. I told you sometimes I have to be alone. I made sure that I gave y’all everything that I could. I did everything I could to help y’all.
I’m not coming back. We have tried enough. I don’t believe that you will ever change for the better. I don’t have anymore support or advice to give you. I can’t help you feel better. I can’t touch you or talk to you. I don’t want to see you. I can’t deal with it. I’m empty and the only way I can get better without damaging us more is to leave. I don’t want to talk anymore. I hope one day I can forgive you. I hope that this helps you spur the changes you need to make. I’m scared of y’all. The things that you said crushed me more than I will ever let you know. I lost my trust and respect for you. It will be a long time before I reach out to you.
I’m done and there’s nothing y’all can do to save these relationships. I’m sorry that I’m the only person you are attracted to. I’m sorry that you still want me in your life. I’m sorry that I can’t give you what y’all need. Yes I was not perfect and I have taken every chance to make it right. I don’t think you understand that I was done after the beach thing. I fucked up by letting you think I was going to stay. I fucked up by trying to stay and make things work. We are both sick people. I’m going to try again to rebuild my life and get as close as I can to pre accident me. I don’t see y’all making the trip. I don’t want you there when I get there. I have no idea how to tell you this without watching you spiral out of control. I’m trapped with y’all and it’s crushing my soul. I’m crushed that I was forced into this relationship. I hope that one day I will have the courage to stand up for myself and leave y’all behind for good.
| self.offmychest |
Apologies if I ramble, new to this whole depression thing Its been a rough couple of weeks. I've been struggling with my own mental health for years now, but its never been anything more than mild, and I've always been able to manage it somehow. But, just before Christmas I learned I was being dismissed from my university due to poor academic performance. and *thats when it hit me*, I had finally fucked up everything I could.
I hadn't had a job because I lacked time for it due to school (very demanding program of study), so while I try and figure out what to do to be not homeless in the future, I've had little else to do but sit at home, and occasionally ill head out to hangout with a few friends; despite being with people I love and in a typically fun situation, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I am unable to do anything correctly, and that I'm a disappointment to my family and friends because I just never live up to my potential.
For the past week, I've been unable to sleep at night because I just can't stop thinking about it all, and it scares me. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling in the dark, thinking about how lonely I am and what a horrible position I've put myself in.
I know its not all true. Im a kind, funny, and talented individual, but I just can't shake the feeling. This is my first real experience with depression and how truly paralyzing it can be at times, but I know ill make it out the other side.
In the meantime, it'll be rough. Like, super rough. It feels like I've lost my identity without school, because for now, I can't practice my craft, my passion. If any of you guys out there can offer any good ways to cope better, I'm open to hearing them. | self.depression |
I told myself, "No one would notice if I disappeared." And I was right. so i have a groupchat with all my friends (online friends, we've never met irl). there's one member who leaves once in a while, when their depression is worse than usual. everyone notices. their boyfriend DMs them and gets them to come back.
then, 3 days ago, i added an alt account to the groupchat and left.
i check the chat a few times a day with said alt; no one has noticed. at all. these are the closest friends i've ever had. i started to trust them, to believe them when they said they cared about everyone there. i should have known they never meant me. | self.depression |
i'm ready to go on christmas. Like another post i have made, i tried to do it on the begnning of the month... and set 25 as the date if nothing changes nothing happening it will br te ende...
and nothing happedned, to makes things good only worse...
the only person left that had not turned his back at me... turned today... so... there is nothing more..
the pain, the empytnes, the loneliness, its too much for me now...
i'm post it here, because i alredy posted before, in july if i record well, or june...
and till them nothing has changed only getts worse
for you people who can figth this i salute you, im weak and cant fitgt anymore... | self.SuicideWatch |
Not sure how I can help my friend I wanted to know why my friend at work was being so cold and distant with me as of late, and so I started to question her. I accidentally bought up her miscarriage that happened earlier this year, and now she's really upset and says she doesn't want to be my friend any more. She says she just wants to remain "professional" with me. I have apologized profusely, and said that she can bash me for anything she wants. How do I make this right again? She's gonna be leaving in May of next year so I don't know what to do.
Thank you in advance! | self.offmychest |
Not sure if this is how to xpost. Just haven't really heard anything on the other sub. https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/7fquo6/how_to_stop_the_downward_spiral/?st=JAHHRKTZ&sh=e35ffdb7 | self.depression |
Over the summer I told myself I'd end it tomorrow. I won't. Not that much has changed. I've started working out regularly and the holidays are finally over, which means that employers will finally have time for an uninterrupted multi week search process for the first time since Thanksgiving. I lost my job in March.
Six years ago I was diagnosed. I take medication but the pills can't change how much I hate my life. When I was laid off from my first job, I had been living on my own for eight months. I thought a new chapter had started for me, but I was dragged right back into the misery. I had to move back to my childhood bedroom, where I've been for the past nine months. That destroyed me and I've been a wreck ever since.
2017 was the worst year of my life. I've had breakdowns where I screamed so much that my parents left with the dog because he was barking. I cry a few times per week if not every day. Today was especially bad. But I won't kill myself. Despite having known nothing but instability and unhappiness for many years.
I haven't had a girlfriend since before I was diagnosed in college. I have two friends, both poor communicators with more friends than me too so I am all alone tonight. Like I am in life. I just want it all to end. But the only way forward is the torture of more and more job applications. The horrific numbers game.
I don't know if I'll make it through 2018. Killing myself still appeals if I don't find a job. I hope my life doesn't end this way, but it has been such a sad story so far, and my youth is almost over. | self.SuicideWatch |
Anyone here manage or overcome anxiety/CPTSD So I've worked a lot on depression, BPD (traits), bipolar (2). I know a lot of coping skills, I've been in crisis, I know I can survive and I can manage a lot of it There are times when I still want to die because it's so horrible, but I get through it. There's a definite improvement since my 20s. I understand it more and I'm constantly learning new things.
However anxiety and CPTSD seem sort of like the final fronteir. My anxiety was never addressed, even though it was the source of much of my situational depression (not having friends as a kid, etc). I would get severely depressed because of the things I was unable to do. As my body has aged and I'm no longer a catch I don't feel so in the spotlight and am often not noticed, there is no competition from others because I am irrelevant so that has lowered a lot of my anxiety to levels where I can do some things that I couldn't do before. I tried karaoke a few years ago. I tried "public speaking" in front of a meetup group of socially anxious people, most of whom I knew.
I couldn't do these things before. When my anxiety was lowered just to the point where I could push through the fear it still wasn't easy, it was extremely stressful, I was shaking from head to toe. The karaoke wasn't fun because people left the room till I was done, so I didn't do it again. The "public speaking" was a rush, I was so happy I did it at last! Bucketlist. I'm in my early 40s it really sucks that I missed out, you don't get it back, you don't get the same connection you would when you're younger. It's a consolation prize to do things when you're older and a bit of a disappointment or letdown. It's just at least not pressing on you anymore. You missed out already, too late.
Basically all the things that make people a little nervous or self conscious left me paralyzed with fear. As a result most of my life was wasted hiding out or lying in bed sleeping it away to get away from the pain. The while Just Do It now is often OK, before it was too severe and traumatizing. I don't think people realized how bad it was.
CPTSD is something I don't understand at all. I'm afraid of it. I was raised to produce factual defendable evidence, and CPTSD basically can't count because it isn't even in the DSM (at least wasn't in IV, not sure about 5). So it's kinda like a "fake" illness, much like chronic fatigue. The people who have it know something is happening, there are people who clearly see something is going on, but there's no scientific fact I can point out. PTSD is very clear and accepted, CPTSD is not. So I've ignored it.
The therapy for CPTSD seems even worse. It's like new agey stuff, like be gentle to yourself. That's not going to fly in a world that says suck it up, life is hard, you're being too oversensitive. With BPD I can see parallels and realistic connections, because linehan herself is very logical, she united intuitive murky things with logic which makes it easier for me to accept. I have evidence, I have a strong argument against naysayers, they have to listen to me and respect what is happening even if it is unfamiliar or unknown. If they don't, well that's their closeminded ignorance. People who don't want to hear this are closed to many things, not just me. So it's not about me. And that makes me feel better.
However I'm realizing that this fear/anxiety is still controlling my life and even exacerbating or triggering all my other symptoms and I realize if I want to get better I have to address it.
I don't know if that all makes sense, it's kinda rambly. But I'm having a hard time accepting these aspects of me, CPTSD and anxiety, I want to heal them so I can make my life better and more liveable, even to be able to have fun would be cool. I don't often get to have fun, I feel like I'm always avoiding or grinding through. Fun isn't permissible till I have accomplished enough..
What has helped you manage or overcome CPTSD? How do you do it? How has your life changed for the better? I feel kinda hopeless about this... | self.bipolar |
Feel like most people hate me How do you get over that feeling? Sometimes I dwell on it and it gives me panic attacks. Even if I haven't done anything to truly offend anyone, I feel like my socially awkward behaviour turns people off of me. It's a combination of: anxiety leading to awkwardness leading to more anxiety. How do you even exit that cycle? | self.Anxiety |
Selling childhood home/ parents moving out of state is harder than expected [deleted] | self.offmychest |
A call for help was found on r/AskRedditTeenagers Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskRedditTeenagers/comments/7xmasc/really_need_somone_to_talk_to_before_i_do/
I'm afraid that this person might actually do something that could harm themselves/others, and since that subreddit is a fairly obscure one, not many people have seen it. Please send this person support or contact information for resources available to them. | self.SuicideWatch |
I've always considered myself an optimist and idealist, but i'm currently in a serious rut. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is depression, exactly, but I would say my actions (skipping classes, oversleeping, ignoring homework) are similar to the symptoms of it. I'm in my sophomore year at school, pursuing a degree in my dream field, but I feel trapped in my current situation. I should start by saying, I have discerned at this point that University work isn't really for me. I adore the classes that cover my particular field of study, and am excited to do the work, but I can't bring myself to care enough about "gen-ed" classes that are required to get any degree. I feel like the immense amount of work that they require get in the way of my own personal development in my field, which requires quite a bit of independent study outside of the coursework to be competitive.
Part of me wants to just take the courses that will develop my skills, but that would mean not earning a degree, which I would feel embarrassed for doing. I know I shouldn't be, there are many other paths to take that make you no less of a person, but I held myself to this standard for so long of "Oh I'm going to get a degree, I NEED a degree" that I would be ashamed if I didn't get one, let alone drop out half way through. It wouldn't be that bad if I knew I could make myself successful in my field, but I also have the self doubt that I will never be good enough to compete.
I'm not sure what I am looking to hear from posting this, but maybe getting some perspective from people in similar situations would help me out. I have just slowly been grinding into a rut, feeling like I'm going to amount to nothing. Thanks for reading, at least. | self.depression |
I thought I had "cured" my depression. 6 months later I realize I had only breached past the surface level and things are getting bad again...Please read. Vent/rant. Exactly as the title says.
Things were really bad the last 3 or 4 years on a number of fronts. Very long story short this led to my social anxiety escalating into full-blown panic-attack-episode depression last year. It lasted about 18 months. I would have something "trigger" me and I would become manic depressive to the worst degree.
After extensive medication and therapy It all came to an end this past spring and some things in my life started going good for a change.
Long story short again, I havent' had a single "episode" since March 2017 but in the last month things that were looking good have flip flopped and now it's like I'm realizing I really am still depressed and that was just one level of it or something.
I realize that I didn't address a lot of the core issues affecting me before - just the SURFACE ones.
What I mean by that Is I addressed and worked on my social anxiety, sadness, etc but I still was too terrified to begin to tackle the lifelong problems I've had - obesity since childhood, porn addiction since teenage, etc.
So tonight I begin /r/pornfree as a start. Things keep getting worse and the worse they get the worse my porn addiction becomes.
Also, because I'm broke and living paycheck to paycheck it's impossible to eat healthily (well, I don't know how to eat cheap and good) so I'm pushing 300 pounds.
I have so many problems and these have affected me literally for over a decade at this point (I'm 22).
I've never had a girlfriend or been on a date. I've never had confidence. I was bullied and fat and made fun of my entire childhood. Family and work problems have ground my life to a halt the last few years and I'm at my wits end.
I'm not "actively" (sobbing, 'depressed', etc) but I also don't seem to have the willpower to fucking change anything still. I've just accepted this is me.
But I don't want it to be - but I also don't know how to change it. It's so fucking exhausting just THINKING about myself and my problems and how to hide them every day.
Shit, I even became bisexual JUST so I could get some intimacy once in a blue moon because I've been rejected by every girl I've ever asked out.
I'm not trying to whine. I'm just frustrated and pissed off and I feel extremely defeated.
Nothing in my life has gone right for a long time and it never seems to fucking change. I'm fucking sick and tired at this point.
I'm pissed at myself that I can't bring myself to change myself. I could eat healthier. I could exercise. But I know I'm gonna be lazy and give up so why bother in the first place?
FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK | self.depression |
I hate christmas I just needed to put it out there... life is very hard at the moment.
| self.offmychest |
Best moment to have anxiety It's 3:30am, I'm tired, want to get up early, and guess what ? My brain decided this : Instead of sleeping, why don't you become half crazy, thinking about your future (should I say the "lack" of future ?). Here, have some cravings for cigarettes, my pleasure, and of course i know you don't have cigarettes, do you think I'm stupid ? The middle of the night is the best moment for thinking of smoking when you can't smoke.
Think of your loneliness.
Think of you inexistant social life.
You are 25 and you have no job.
You are living with your boring mother, with whom you literally quarel with every day.
She probably think you are a piece of shit.
You never had any girlfriend, and you probably won't. Almost 26, don't count on me to congratulate you...
Your only sunbeam will be at New year's Eve, when you will travel to see your best friends. But guess what, since you have no money at all, you probably will have to work to sell fu***ng pastries, and because of that you won't be able to see your friends.
Then you'll continue to argue with your mother.
Living on the couch.
Selling pastries.
In entire loneliness.
God only knows how long.
The funny thing (say my brain) is this : "you are a loser, you lived and worked on your own not so long ago. But you are a child, you have the power to do what you want, where you want. You're 25, for God's sake, so why don't you move your ass ?"
Leave me alone brain, I already know all that. I would be a king if I could. But I won't. Funny how despair can suck the marrow of your life, how even when you are ready to fall in the deepest pit, you have absolutely no will to catch the rope.
TL ; DR : FML.
Have a good day/night everyone !
| self.depression |
Can't go on, need to go I can't go on like this anymore. Living has become so painful I just can't bear it any longer. I have to die. I'm probably going to tie a belt round my neck and see what happens or if not try and hang myself with it. | self.SuicideWatch |
What do you do when you get a gut feeling that something bad is going to happen? | self.Anxiety |
I feel so lost My life is just stagnant beyond belief.
Why can’t I make art.
Why can’t I finish commissions.
Why do I sleep from 9am to 9pm.
Why do I miss the sun.
Why can’t I just be normal.
Why don’t I have friends.
It hurts so much. I just want to feel alive again.
I don’t know if someone can relate but I hope someone here can... | self.depression |
Should I tell my family I'm suicidal? Diagnosed with depression about fourteen years ago, struggling ever since.
I made what I guess you'd call a suicide plan a few months ago, then shortly after decided that I would never really commit the act, but now I realize I have actually been following the plan. I don't believe I'm working towards the end; I have valid reasons for ticking off those boxes, but the realization was a bit surprising.
They say you shouldn't keep these feelings to yourself, but telling my family would hurt and worry them and I don't see much benefit. Then again, I'm here asking the question, so I guess I want to be be talked into it? I don't know. Maybe it'll be helpful just to have said this to someone. | self.SuicideWatch |
Dream proposal A bunch of people on my social media accounts are doing the whole “I’m engaged” thing. And taking a bunch of photos of them doing regular stuff, like holding a cup, making sure the ring is seen. That’s cool I guess.
I’m kinda hoping when my boyfriend proposes it’s like how he asked to go steady:
While we were walking in the store, he asked me “Hey, you just want to be my girlfriend?”
Maybe we could go walking in a store and he goes: “Hey, you just want to be my wife?”
Honestly, I don’t want a fancy ring. Unless he really wants to give me one. Simple bands from Pandora would be cool. Maybe even on that same day, we can run to the courthouse. I have this pretty white dress in my closet I can wear. I’d ask my pastor and his wife to be our witnesses.
Maybe we could do this on a Friday. And spend the weekend in Charleston. And when asked “How was your weekend?” Just shrug and say “Fun. Oh by the way, we got married but it’s no big deal.” | self.offmychest |
I have a terrible secret and I don't know how to tell my friends and family In late August of 2016 I was prescribed Lamictal after I had a 4 month manic episode for the whole summer, and I finally walked to the campus counseling center for a diagnoses (type I). I took it for about 2 weeks then I ended up having an allergic reaction, which really amped up my paranoia and convinced me I was being poisoned by the government (???) so I quit cold turkey and stopped my treatment.
That's the pretense to what happened in December of that year, when I dropped out of school using a medical withdrawal then a few days later I walked home with a package from work while whispering to myself about how I was constantly being watched. Well I got a misdemeanor for petty theft around 3 days later, obviously lost my job, and I was living alone in an apartment unmedicated until the end of December. My court date was in February of last year and through the entire month of January I spent most of my time locked in my apartment trying to find a job. All while no one I'm close to knew about what I'd done.
From February 18th to 20th I spent 38 hours and 5 minutes in a county jail. No one knows this except a counselor, my previous lawyer, the judge, and one woman I met when I interviewed for a job this summer. And now the internet I guess. How do I even go about telling this to someone? It bothers me every day but I have no idea how to talk about it in person.
Thanks for reading my long post. | self.bipolar |
My best friend broke up with me and all I can think about is suicide | self.SuicideWatch |
Anyone else's medicine take away fear? I'm on Lexapro (20mg) and recently I've noticed that I don't feel fear anymore. It like the meds took away that tingly scared feeling. Does this mean the fear I've felt in the past was anxiety driven? I can still be started, and I still don't like spiders but that might just be disgust, or hatred. Any words of wisdom? | self.Anxiety |
1 month and 1 week of having a job. So I'm coming up on having a job for 1 month and a week. Guys. I don't think I've ever been this happy about something. All of my other jobs have lasted about 3 weeks and I usually gave up because I'd have a huge fit of anxiety during them. Well, my huge fit of anxiety came at 3 weeks like clockwork. But I worked through it. And now 2 weeks later I'm happy to say I still have my job, and my anxiety is getting better and better everyday. I've even set up an appointment with my new therapist.
I didn't think it was possible to even get to this point, but it is. I can feel life getting easier. I'm so excited for the future. | self.Anxiety |
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