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The future seems bright again and my plan is finally in full motion Just feeling happy over a long time.
I got dumped by my ex girlfriend in the summer after a 5 and half year relationship. I planned to spend rest of my life with her. I had to move out of our home and started drinking a lot, crashed with a motorcycle while drunk and got injured, got busted with weed, spent a lot of time with Tinder dates - just trying to fill a void in myself.
Now I finally feel like I am legit getting better. I met with my ex few weeks back and told her that I'm not going to contact her anymore. It was very hard but I knew I had to do it. Before we had some material things that we needed to sort out and she was constantly on my mind. I started going to gym, I have gained 4kg of mass to my skinny body. I feel much more confident and healthier. I have drank alcohol only for like 2 times in the past two months and smoked weed 1 time. I used to be such a pot head before and now I don't grave it anymore. Tinder hasn't been my main app anymore as well.
I have a one-way ticket to Thailand in December and a working holiday visa for Australia. I have saved a lot of money these past months. I talked with my boss today and told him I am leaving soon. He understood my decision. He said that this company has a place for me if I get back from my travels and that's so good to know. Talked to my parents as well about leaving for a while and they were very positive which I didn't expect. I guess they saw me when I was sad and they want the best for me. I have been a good person all my life and after months of feeling like nothing's going right I finally feel that maybe karma is a real thing after all. Also I feel like I have done just fine with my life again. I have graduated college and have 2 years of job experience in my field - none of my friends can't say that about themselves.
I can't wait for my journey to begin. I'm leaving on my birthday when I'm turning 24 in six weeks. Planning to do 1-2 years of travelling and then come back to "real-life". I don't have a exact plan and I guess I just have to go with the flow. I'm finally back to my positive self and can't wait to see what the future holds for me. I want to live my life to the fullest. I still think about my ex sometimes and miss her but I don't get sad anymore. I know I will find love again. I know I'm good looking and have a great personality. I'm a catch to any girl.
For everyone going through some problems - I know how hard it is to be alone and have constant sad thoughts on your mind but things always get better when you pick yourself up. I'm not where I want to be yet but at least now I know it isn't so far away anymore. Life is beautiful and a great adventure! Make sure you live it like the best you can. | self.offmychest |
Been nearly a year since we broke up... So I know this isn't /r/relationships, but it pertains to my depression as well. My ex-gf broke up with me nearly a year ago, and I'm still a bit upset about it especially given the time of year.
She broke up with me due to me never being good enough in general, mostly because of my depression. I would get so quiet and reserved, and she would get upset with me. At first, she tried to help, but eventually got really annoyed and would berate me for never supporting her emotionally. I can't really disagree with her, but I was dealing with shit and just couldn't find it in myself to help her. I saw a therapist for a bit, and my ex trusted that I "got better." But she eventually got tired of me and my constant plummet to sadness and never being able to hold a good standard in her eyes.
She manipulated me a few times by making me feel that all the problems in the relationship were my fault and telling me that I was the one that had to change. Many mutual friends have told me it wasn't my fault (my ex even cut out all those friends, as she moves on to new friends frequently within a couple years). My depression caused some issues I have to admit, but I just felt so angry after a few months when I realized what she did and how I followed it so blindly. Even months after it ended, I asked for a general apology from her for how things ended, and she couldn't even manage to say so. She still kept the idea that I abused her emotionally and that I caused the downfall of it.
I'm not trying to paint her in a bad picture, as I'm certainly not perfect. I've been a huge asshole and caused some issues I wish I could take back. Since we ended things, I've been on a few dates, but nothing clicked. I just felt more frustrated and depressed. She found her "one" love (which she told me in person) while I'm still lonely and sad, more than ever.
I know I shouldn't compare my life to hers, but it's hard when you just can't find the love you previously had. I think I see her around town a few times and my heart just stops everytime. It hurts so fucking much and I should move on, but I just stay down.
Now I'm stuck thinking I'm not good enough for anyone and that I'll be constantly holding myself back when finding love. All my relationships failed and there's only one thing in common with it: me. Fuck this man. I hate it. Guess I'll go back listening to depressing sad music.
Rant over. | self.depression |
I need some advice.. Heya
This is a throaway-account because i dont want to recognized(work/college). So I am a fulltime college student currently 23 years old, and this is my last year. I have a parttime job where i work 5-6h shifts two evenings per week.
I started the work after summer, and I feel like it has totally drained me. It is a retail-releated job, where talking to customers and sometimes having to stay overttime or even the thought of it drains me totally. The exams are closing in and I do not know what to do, I feel so drained. I want to quit the job, but I need the money. I do not know what to do.
Do anyone here have some advice? | self.Anxiety |
Want to go home but don't know where home is I had a friend who felt like this who found the book "the three waves of volunteers and the new earth" by Dolores Cannon. They want to go home, even since they were young.... but don't know where home is. Some people will think this book is nuts, but there are thousands upon thousands of people that have resonated very well with it. Worth checking out, there's a pdf version online too with a simple google search! | self.depression |
I'm not good enough to get a job related to the major I spent 4 years studying for. I'm graduating from mechanical engineering in a few months and the idea that I should be looking for a job terrifies me. I don't want to do it but I know I need to because I need to support my family.
I don't feel that I'm qualified for any job related to mechanical engineering. I feel like I'm only qualified to work in something that pays minimum wage like a call centre agent or in retail. Everyone else has at least 2 co-op jobs they can go back to if they can't find a job while the rest are already employed and just waiting for the program to finish.
Not me. I went to the same company for my co-op terms and I'm not even sure why they hired me to begin with because I literally did nothing there. Just sat there and stared at a wall for 8 months. Sometimes checked documents and wrote a couple automation scripts. I was basically a glorified secretary with coding experience.
My resume is just sitting on my hard drive, collecting dust, because I don't know what skills to add to it. My friends tried to help but they didn't put anything I knew how to do; they just put things in that *they* could do, looked me straight in the eye, and said "Lie." No, I'm not fucking lying. Even if I managed to scrape past the interview and somehow managed to get the job, they're going to definitely ask me to do something that I have no idea how to do *because I can't do the shit that everyone else can do.* I'm a human disaster - why are you making me apply to jobs where I would have to be a functioning adult who doesn't get hurt every five minutes?
They complain that I'm qualified for *all the jobs* because I can code. So fucking what? I'm barely better than the average person and that's only because I've been doing it for a little longer than most people in my class. I don't even think it should be on my resume because it's such a stupid, small thing that it's not even noteworthy.
I don't want to do this anymore. The last day to withdraw from the program is on Friday and I'm really tempted to do it. I want to GTFO of here and find a job that I can actually do. Like a call centre agent. I made a pretty good call centre agent. Sure, it gave me migraines and I hated it but at least I was actually capable of doing the job without crying more than 2-3 times a day. | self.offmychest |
I want to settle down (dating) Ive always been quite a shy person in terms of intiatining in person so I've been using Tinder for the past 3 years on and off, previously I'd struggle obtaining matches and dates and have since worked on my profile and message conversations. Last year I went on 10+ dates with different girls most went fine and a half that went on past a couple dates.
The last girl I dated I felt we connected well, great rapport, started opening up with one another while doing a tree climbing activity which we were both really enjoying. That was our third date and a couple of days later of texting she hadn't replied back to me, That was over a week ago and I haven't heard back from her despite having other mediums avaliable to get in touch.
When I think about it she probably didn't want to go through the awkward process of confronting me about how she really felt about things, so she left it at that..
Rejection through silence, it hurts.
I feel Internet dating is making me feel worn out, having to constantly be the interesting one, initiating dates, moves, spending $$$ on dates and the rejection after rejection even after a couple of messages, now I see why there are guys out there just spamming direct messages of 'are you dtf' Internet dating, It has its ups and downs that's for sure.
I met with a good friend of mine who shared his similar experiences and said exactly how I was feeling 'I want to settle down' | self.offmychest |
I finally spoke to someone For the better part of 2 years now, I have felt my life get increasingly bleak and worthless. Nothing has value, unless we give it value; and I have increasingly felt like everything that I have ever attached value to is either not going to be realized or is going to be evacuated of this value. I am in no doubt that if the people in my life - and I mean every single one - were to make a fully informed decision about me, I would have no one left. And it's just at that stage in where every single conversation i have is one where I wish I could turn to whoever im talking to and just ask: How can you possibly not see!?
Therapy or counsulling have never been serious options for me until now. I come from a place where merely being who I am is a crime. I didn't ask to be this way, I promise. I have now moved out, I know it's only temporary but it has been both the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. One the one hand I get to learn new things about topics I actually find incredibly facsinating day in and day out. On the other hand, I have felt even lonlier than before. I still yearn deeply for the faces who those very people who would so readily drop me out of their lives.
It's January; I have midterms in a week, and my anxiety has been growing; every day that passes is more draining than the previous one. I have kept it in for too long and i really really REALLY cannot go on life this. I feel like I needed an excuse more than anything to finally gather up the courage to speak to a counseler now that I have the chance to. Yesterday I finally did and it felt good to get it out. He asked me to come out to him and for the first time in my life I did. For a little bit, Iit really felt like a lumbering weight has been lifted and I was able to go on with the rest of my day like nothing ever happend. I haven't felt optimistic in a long time, yesterday I was, hopefully i feel the same tommorw too.
I know that this post is muddled and that I've been rambling disorganized thoughts but I really just want to tell someone that I did. | self.depression |
i'm losing my mind... i've suffered from GAD since I was in high school. the doctors put me on 40 mg of Flueoxtine and 10 mg of Buspirone. from what i could tell, these drugs worked very well for me. In addition to the medication, i was also smoking a lot of weed. (2 grams daily) I just quit smoking almost a month ago, (i am 21 now.) It randomly started giving me massive panic attacks where I thought i was having a heart attack. I went to the ER three times.. Now just the smell of weed makes me anxious. I'm still on my medication, same as always, but my anxiety has been debilitating the last two months. it seems like I'm constantly on the verge of panic and its interfering with my daily life. i consume around 150 mg of caffiene daily and I also vape. I used to smoke cigarettes but i quit. What are the steps i can take to reduce my anxiety. i have been exercising, trying to get a good nights rest, and meditating, but i seek more improvement. any advice would be appreciated. | self.Anxiety |
Lost all of the people who I thought were my friends. [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm sick of being called strong I've been "strong" through a lot, if by strong you mean survived. Abusive parents, abusive peers when i was in school, molestation, and this year alone I've had 2 miscarriages, all the while battling depression. And through all of this I've had friend's and family and therapists tell me that I'm so strong for getting through it all, my boyfriend even tells me that he fell in love with my strength. But I'm so sick of being called strong, every time i hear it I'm reminded of how much i want and need to break down but i cant, i need to keep fighting, but I'm afraid if i do I'll disappoint them, and if i disappoint them I'll feel even worse. I just need somebody to tell me it's ok to break down for a while. | self.depression |
Can't Approach Under Anxiety Help! I can't move under anxiety. When I want to approach someone new, I just stand there like a brain dead idiot. I constantly think to myself: "Is this a good time?", "What if I screw up?", and "What if they say no?". In particular, there's this person that I want to meet. They seem cool, but I can't move my legs to go over there and talk to him. I've tried breathing and counting to 3, but that doesn't work either. What should I do or what did you do? | self.Anxiety |
Abandoned My best friend whom I loved more than anything in this world stopped talking to me months ago. I miss her too much and it doesn't seem worth it to go on anymore. | self.SuicideWatch |
Deciding Not to Have Kids I've decided not to have kids because 1. I'd have to go off my meds while pregnant & getting/staying stable is rough and 2. I don't want to chance passing bp on. There is a significant history of mental illness in my family.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has come to a similar conclusion & if so, has it impacted your ability to find a partner?
EDIT: Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. | self.bipolar |
Do you have a hobby to help you stay grounded? What hobbies do you guys do in order to relax and ground yourself? I build mini giant robots, otherwise known as Gunpla (Plastic model kits from the Gundam anime). It’s a super fun hobby and it can be super creative.
So, what do you guys do? | self.bipolar |
What does it feel like if your heart stops? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Stop telling depressed teens that “it only gets worse” I’ve heard this statement so many times as a teen from any adult I spent time around, and it was incredibly damaging.
The amount of self destruction I would partake in as a teen was well documented, but not altogether known by the adults in my life. They knew I was self harming for 8 years, and they knew I wanted to die, and I was in inpatient for that which was absolute shit (a whole other rant). They didn’t know I would get high on opiates occasionally, or tried to kill myself, or had an elaborate plan to do so, or that I was in a few abusive relationships (including my home life, amazing) or how if I ever got my hands on alcohol I would drown myself in it. This isn’t even everything, but you get the point.
How could it get any worse than that? I felt so suffocated by my own mental health that I couldn’t even function. I used to get tunnel vision from panic attacks by just walking through the halls at school because there was too many people near me. How the fuck does it get worse than not being able to function? Not having a sense of family? Not having not only no happiness, but the absolute opposite of happiness. Every day.
The fucking worst was when I was in an abusive relationship in my senior year of high school and I was so stressed out that I was unintentionally vomiting from stress every day, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, I was failing my senior year so I was stressed, my home life is shit so that didn’t help, and I felt like I was losing everything, and I wanted to kill myself.
I went to the guidance counselor of my school, crying my eyes out. Figured I shouldn’t sit in class if I’m going to make an idiot of myself crying. The first thing she says when I get up there, is “well, it only gets worse when you’re an adult”. I told her to take me to the school psych instead after crying even harder.
You don’t say that shit to any teen, even if they’re only going through breakups or school stress or what have you. You’re a fucking dick if you want to one up a kid who is going through the hardest time in their lives so far.
Does my life still suck? Yeah, it does. But I’m not at that bad of a place mentally anymore where I’ll do anything to destroy myself. Adult life does not mean life will get worse, it means you’ll get more responsibilities and the ability to choose how you want your life to be.
Stop telling kids that it’s going to be worse, inevitably. Can’t tell you the magnitude of emotional turmoil that shit put me through every time I heard it, and how much I thought it was true, and how many times I decided I wanted to kill myself before I became an adult if it was going to be any worse than how I felt then. | self.offmychest |
Can someone talk with me for a bit tonight? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Cleaned up for the first time in a month. Yeah. That's it. I managed to somehow gather together the motivation to tidy my house up. I know it sounds pathetic when I put it like that haha.
It just feels like a bit of a victory for me, even though I know it shouldn't.
Edit- Thank you to everyone that replied. I'm actually overwhelmed by the support. | self.depression |
I am romantically defective, a failure in life and a huge disappointment to myself and everyone I know. [NAW] [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I submit my Me Too. Hi.
I have been observing as well as anyone the Me Too Movement. And I have been in awe of so many strong people coming forward to help raise awareness about sexual misconduct.
I have been pondering back and forth about whether or not my Me Too would mean anything. I have thought about all the women and men of this world who cannot voice theirs, for whatever reason. And what’s my reason for not? Fear.
Fear seems to be a common factor.
Fear of it happening eventually.
Fear during the moment(s)/event(s)
Fear of acknowledging it
Fear of acceptance and support
Fear of it happening, again.
Well, as so many of you have been strong to face your fear; so shall I.
Me Too. when I was 9 or 10. (It’s hard to remember)
Me Too when I was 16.
Me Too when I was 19.
Me Too when I was 26.
Those are what stick out, the most violated I have ever felt. I can’t imagine I’m alone. I wish it was only once we each went through this, hell, I WISH it was never. But the fact remains it’s me too, me three, me four, me five, me six and counting...
Please, let’s change that. | self.offmychest |
Anxiety and relationship My first post. New to reddit.
I was just curious as to how others deal with the mix of anxiety and having a significant other.
I have GAD and for the most part my boyfriend is very supportive and helpful, but at times he doesn’t understand and I feel like my anxiety over things like him going out with his friends for drinks or us going to social events such as concerts together causes conflict at times. | self.Anxiety |
Have not slept much, took a nap and woke up and I felt weird! I have not slept much today, and so I took a nap just now and when I woke up it was like I felt "not totally in control"--- i KNOW i wanted to say to my wife, "Can we have eggs?" but I said instead, "Can we have OATMEAL?" Oatmeal is normally my breakfast food and it is NO longer breakfast time. I just felt weird as if my thoughts are all off.
My wife assured me tho and I am calmer now. I remember times when my wife was half asleep and she answers me with seemingly random words haha.. So is what happened to me something similar that my brain was still adjusting to being awake and due to anxiety I was just too scared that I lost control? How do I know it was not a stroke or something?? Am i going crazy? | self.Anxiety |
I just went to the university clinic for a medical note today and got basically shut down by the doctor who isn't my regular one. I never chose any of this, I just wanted to do four years of school and graduate, why is it my fault? She said she was super frustrated and that I should have just gotten the note when I was in the other day for a prescription refill. I don't choose when to get flare ups, I don't decide that on a certain night it's going to keep me up or that at certain times I want to smash myself against something because there's so much tension.
Why is it so hard to understand? | self.Anxiety |
Have anyone went days in seclusion? More so physically than mentally. I mean, I'm still kinda there with friends and I still talk to them on a daily basis (unlike before), but it's not like I see them everyday. We communicate through voice chats and stuff. But I noticed, since I lost my job and currently in a state of "I don't wanna do anything" (fuck Winter time lol), I'm just being here living in my house laying on my own bed. Don't get me wrong, I don't really dread it. In fact, me feeling all sorts of tired and falling asleep in the evening is making it hard for me to even have the energy to go out.
I've saved up quite a bit and currently investing my money, and even though I'm not paying the rent here I have enough to get by on my own. I guess I told myself I'll find a job within a few months, but I wonder how that'll be.
Before, when I isolated myself from my friends, one thing that kept me social was talking to my coworkers and customers at my job. Now, it's my friends because I'm not really interacting with many other people -- but I don't dread going out and trying to be social. I might suck at it for a bit again but maybe I'll learn, who knows. And this is what bothers me about trying to find a new job. I'm somewhat nervous about having to be formal and shit and going through the interview process.
So yeah, I don't know where I'm going with this. I think this time around I'll be better at maintaining the social part of it all but I really haven't been out and I'm wondering how long will it take before one may start to feel the need to talk?
The reason why is because I'm afraid I'll become a hermit again and just not know how to talk to people. Use it or lose it. Honestly, if it wasn't for my job and that desire for a constant income I would have probably isolated myself from everything for who knows how long. It was because I had the thought that if I was able to interact with my coworkers and hang out with 'em, why not my close friends?
Just hope I can push past these days, perhaps find a job. These dark days suck. Health issues that prevent me from exercising sucks. Coincidence that it's when I stopped working out that I started to feel more shitty? Possibly. I feel like I just gotta do something or I'll just get so bored and sluggish. Then it'll just spiral downwards into me being unmotivated to do shit.
So maybe when I could finally lift again things could get better. I'm looking forward to it, honestly. If there's nothing else I can really do, might as well find something and stick with it. Prove to myself I can, make it like it's a job that I love, whatever. | self.depression |
My better days only equate to that of a non-depressed person's normal day I've never had a truly "productive" day.
My "normal" days usually span out like this: wake up, spend 30 minutes to 3 hours staring at my phone, and back out into my dark room. Realize it's around 3\-5 pm or it's near class time. Contemplate if I *really* need to shower or if I can go another day without it. If I have no class, throw all my shit into my bag and trudge to class, if I don't spend the next 3 hours ignoring my responsibilities while still in bed and then calculating how long I can put off doing my homework until the last minute. Spending several more hours doing nothing on the computer until around 5 am and finally sleeping. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On a "better" day: Wake up, do the same thing as a normal day, reach 3\-5 pm and realize "Oh I guess I could do some work." Still feel like I have to drag myself out of bed and finally get to work. Go autopilot for a few hours and make normal but decent progress on my work. Finally burn out and go to bed.
I realized if I replaced the several hours before my work time where I just sit in bed and scroll through my phone mindlessly with normal people activities like going to a club meeting or meeting with a friend for lunch or going to a short event would make that a normal day for people.
Wonder what it feels like to go about every day using at least 75% of your waking time to do something productive or fun. I use 25% of my waking time to work on *good* days. | self.depression |
I'm mad at you for not being responsible for your dog. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Just need Some Encouragement I had a huge event happen last week, I was totally fine before then for the next 4 days I was worrying about what happened and that I had done something horrible. Logically I know I haven't but I'm still in this flight or fight mentality. My psychiatrist said it's because my brain is just having a hard time shutting that response off and so they gave me some meds. They're helping some I still feel slightly anxious like "What if the pills won't work, what if I become dependent?" I have been getting better I think
Sunday - Could barely talk just sat at the computer that day doing nothing
Monday - About the same but talked with a lot of people who all said I did nothing wrong.
Tuesday - Went back to therapy was better part of the day
Wednesday - Worse and had a breakdown
Thursday - Better
Friday - Got some new meds, did better that day can hold convos
Today (So far) - I was doing better but decided to take a pill to really help out.
This is my first time taking a pill like this so I'm anxious about that and worried it's not working or something and I'll feel like this forever. | self.Anxiety |
Nothing makes me happy anymore. I really don't understand it. I don't have any interests anymore, I have socially isolated myself, and all I really care about is distracting myself from my current mental status. If I'm not doing some type of schoolwork, I feel like I'm wasting my time. I try to do things that I thought I enjoyed, but none of it actually does anything, and I get bored extremely easily. I obsess over my grades and my loneliness, those are the only two things that are ever on my mind.
I also never feel good enough. I work so hard in school (my school is extremely competitive, in all areas not just academically), but none of it ever feels enough. I have a 4.6 GPA, I've won awards for the sport I play, and I use the rest of my time for community service. I should be proud of myself for these, right? Yet, I still always feel like I'm not studying hard enough, playing hard enough, or working hard enough. I feel so stupid/unintelligent. It always seems like there is someone who is doing everything that I am, except better. I look around, and everyone is just a better version of myself. My friends don't care about me, and my parents don't bother to listen to me when I try to tell them about what I do. I feel like I'm pushing myself to my limits, but at the same time everyone else is doing twice as much as me. How is that possible?? I'm so average, even when I'm working myself as much as I can handle. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
I'm currently on the verge of having an anxiety attack because of all this stress. On top of this, I'm supposed to go to a holiday gathering with my friends and I'm freaking out because I haven't had social interaction like that in weeks. The last time my friends and I got together I had to leave early without saying anything because I couldn't take feeling so lonely and left out.
I just want to not be average anymore. There is nothing "special" about me. There is no reason for anyone to care about me.
(Sorry this was kind of all over the place. I had to take a break from studying to write this and I can't really think straight) | self.depression |
Can anybody share me your experience how you became independent after living so long with parents? I feel like im stuck, im 21 and living with parents.I need to find a job and i have possibility to live together with my gf if i would earn some money
But its hard, i have never even work, seriously.Only at my mum office.. I could have job interview to amazon(warehouse job) but i didnt go.I think that they still looking for people anyway so i can contact them.Im worried that i will be useless and i wont know what to do
Im pissed on myself, its hard for me to break my mental barrier :( Anxiety, stupid thoughts, but i have to if i want to change my life.My parents are toxic and i feel like they keep me on leash..
My girlfriend is independent since like 3 years, she is working all the time.She said to me that im like 16yo and i agree.. People are living together at this age.They're studying and also working.. She also said that i dont have any gols in my life.She is right about everything
Its hard for me, independence is the key to better life as she said.I hope so | self.depression |
I'm anxious about things and I don't know why. It feels like it's out of my control [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Hey again. I have a window of time to do it, so I have a window of time where no one is gonna see me for a few days so I'm thinking of doing it. I just need to work up the energy and pick an easy method.
I'm just done. Maybe I won't do it, but now is better than ever. | self.SuicideWatch |
11 months Today, it's been eleven months since you left me. I have been a mess since that day. I don't sleep, I barely eat, I am not even alive anymore.
Today is also the day I accidentally found out you are having a child with another woman. I do not know how to process that information, so I will just keep doing what I'm doing now: cry until I fall asleep, until I forget why I am crying, until nothing exists.
Selfishly, I hope your child will not be named like we planned to name ours (and it looks like I cannot even speak English properly...)
Sorry to everyone who reads this, my mind is very messy at the moment...
| self.offmychest |
I need help, I can't take life anymore. When I was young my dad abused me verbally and physically and then my parents divorced. A bit before they divorced I began getting bullied at school (they divorced when I was 10). It didn't stop til I switched schools for middle school and thats the school I remain in to this day (I'm 16). I have no friends there and just sit alone. My brother and his friends always make fun of how I dress and my interests and say I'm useless. My mom tries to deal with the situation but her boyfriend (my only true father figure) and my dog both have cancer, she has enough on her plate. My dad keeps trying to pressure me to get himself back into my life. I'm bisexual and only my mother knows because if I told others I'd never hear the end of it. I've never been happy in my 16 years of living. I tried suicide at ages 13 and 14. I still want to end my miserable excuse of a life. People tell me it will get better and it is a lie I hear time and time again. I hate life, I don't want to live. I have no reason for existing, I don't contribute to society. I'm a burden to all who know me. I have never gone to a party, never have I been invited to spend time with others my age, I just surf the web for hours. My life is useless, disgusting, dark, and awful. I hate it, I hate myself, I hate my personality, everything. There is absolutely no way to make me better, once a glass breaks there is no way to put it back together: I am that glass. I want it over, I just don't know how to do it.
| self.depression |
Just kinda realizing im never gonna get out of this mess | self.SuicideWatch |
Idk this is stupid but I'm just tired of not being enough. This shit gets exhausting. You probably already know where this is going but I'm 19 and a kissless virgin. I've never even had a real date. Lately I thought that would change and a girl was actually into me but she just wants to be friends. Which is fine of course but just a little disappointing because I was hoping to be more than friends.
I just feel like I did something wrong or I'm just ugly, inadequate and incapable of having a girl feel that way about me. It kinda feels like I'll never know what it feels like to be loved and it weighs on me every day. I don't want to die without feeling that feeling. I know this is stupid but I don't have any other avenues to express this and I'm damn sure not about to text this girl this in hopes of sympathy lol I'm not that pathetic. Just needed to write my thoughts out somewhere. | self.offmychest |
Wondering if anyone else has had these unusual symptoms on lithium? Hello! First off I want to say I was just diagnosed with bipolar today. Reading through this Reddit I started crying because all of the crazy things that I've always done that no one can relate to are on this page and I feel as if my mental state is validated. I have a group of people that think similarly to me.
Second, I am superrrrr sensitive to medication so I was put on the lowest dose of lithium I could take. I took it and about 30 mins after I began getting muscle spasms, a headache, restlessness, nausea, hand cramps and dizziness. I peed four times in three hours and I ran into a wall walking back to bed. On top of all this, I was told lithium helps with sleep, and it is currently 3 am and I feel like I could run a marathon.
This all makes me nervous to waste my time and money on a bunch of meds that are just going to make me feel horrible..... I haven't found anyone else online saying they have had this reaction and I was just wondering if someone else has had a similar experience. | self.bipolar |
I don't know what to do with my life now I recently came out as bisexual to my best friend, my only real friend. He is also queer, and was very supportive of me. I thought telling him would bring me up some, but all it has done is make me realize that one thing I shared with him was the most important thing in my life, and everything else I do isn't worth anything. Nobody else I tell will care, unless it is to talk shit to me.
I don't know where the joy is anymore. I just, I thought this would help. It didn't.
| self.depression |
Can someone tell me if I will be okay, please? I forgot my password to my other account but that doesn't matter.
So I'm 16, 136 pounds, and 5foot'9 in height. I took around 14-17 pills of 500Mg Acetaminophen within 5 hours.
I fell asleep for quite awhile but my stomach is in so much pain when I woke holy shit. I thought I could handle it. Pretty dizzy too. I was confident in my choice until the past hour or so. I'm getting scared. I just want it to be Friday so I can chill and watch Steven Universe with my sis. | self.SuicideWatch |
One more. I want to die. The thought occupies my headspace any time my thoughts wander or I have a quiet moment.
I daydream of putting a pistol to my head and then I feel both grateful I don’t have access to a gun and gutted that my ideation isn’t realistic in the moment.
The sucking hole in my chest is coming back and it is pulling me in. I feel like I’m drowning and I want it to be over. Any stress sends me over the edge. I do not love my husband when I feel like this. My children are my world and why I can’t do it. But I want to more than anything.
I want it to be over. Everyone says it gets better and it does but I always come back to this. I dread the sufferings that will come with remaining alive. Losing my parents, stresses of everyday life, my marriage.
I want out but I don’t have the courage. | self.SuicideWatch |
I just turned 20 today It's my birthday.
I just keep on wasting my youth and I already feel old at 20.
Honestly I wanted to really kill myself at 18 - 19 but I'm still here.
I'm not going to get any birthday messages because I don't have any friends. 4 years with no friends and I honestly don't even care anymore. At least I have my parents. It's hard but they are the only reason I try to stay alive, because I realize how much they've done to give me a better life than theirs even if I keep ruining all the opportunities they gave me. | self.SuicideWatch |
I doubt you're watching. You fucking asshole, who started all of this. I know you used to lurk here. You made me realize that my darkest thoughts were relevant; legitimate.
You made me realize that my desires were real, and that every horrid demon in my head was real, and that has haunted me every day for two years.
This account name was dedicated to a song you made me listen to. I remember playing it on repeat on the way home. The night I tried to kill myself 2 years ago. The night the man in my bed right now broke into my apartment to save my from a suicide attempt.
Well, you won. He doesn't love me, I'm a few months away from two degrees, and no matter how much passion I have for my career, I'm still drunk, disoriented, and fucking dispise myself. Your evil won. Every night this winter I've gotten drunk enough to stare around at my surroundings and contemplate suicide, so this pain can finally end.
I'm not sad, I'm angry, and I'll go out in a blaze of glory just to make sure everyone knows I'm not coming back.
I know you're competitive, you played sports, and now you won the best game of them all. | self.SuicideWatch |
I have nothing left to live for. I want to stop existing, but don't have the courage to throw myself in front of a speeding car on the highway right now. I've tried writing a book, but gave up today and deleted the manuscript because somebody else told me it was a shitty idea. I can't get a real job because i'm of no use to anyone, can't sell myself and am bad at interviews. even my family has given up on me and i;m now a burden to them. it's my 25th birthday next week and i don't want to experience it because i know that a third of my life has passed and i haven't accomplished anything.
i'm exhausted. i'm tired of living like this and never getting anywhere. i want to die in my sleep peacefully and never look back | self.SuicideWatch |
DAE feel really fragile and depressed so they can't really be around friends, but super lonely? It's like a forever stuck in isolation vicious cycle. I'm too weak and exhausted to go out and do anything and meet people and be fun to be around... but...... so loneeelly it's making me super depressed, anxious and probably awkward. How do I get out of this?
Solutions? | self.depression |
Need help and opinions/advice I don's really know where to post this, but I have about 25 pages of reflections on life from the past few months. I want to share it with people, but not until I see the reactions of people I don't know. Most of it is pretty depressing, and I don't really know what is wrong with me. I want opinions about my mental condition and what to do. I have recently had thoughts of suicide, but I am somewhat stable right now. Would I get helpful feedback on this sub, or should I post to some place else? | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm not sure what my spouse (F) wants anymore and her depression is overwhelming. Complex Relationship. [deleted] | self.depression |
Current obsession: bookbinding I can't remember what started it, but I figured out how to bind a book. Then I needed all the right tools (including crazy stuff you can only find on the internet).
I've spent hours and hours over the last few days bookbinding, becoming better, needing more things, trying it different ways and finally convincing myself that bookbinding was my calling.
I've bound 4 books, start to finish, binding with thread, as in making perfectly alligned holes in stacks of four papers until I have about 12 of those and then doing this crazy interweaving that takes forever to make the pages. Then I make the cover. This is a rant now.
Anyway, I've realized that bookbinding is not my life's calling but is still a cool thing to do. Probably not for 9 or so hours of the day. I'm trying to get more "normal" I guess with it. But still when I'm not working, I constantly think about gosh darned bookbinding!!!
Other somewhat but gone (kind of) obsessions of late:
Teller, of Penn and Teller
Sia
Lana Del Rey
Fountain pens
Pocket knives and doing a crappy job restoring them
Paper: types, where they come from, the company that makes them, their name and buying lots of paper.
Ink
I write letters every single night so the pens, paper and ink get good use.
What's your current obsession? | self.bipolar |
Need some cheering up or words of wisdom. I got fired today because I got too many customer complaints. My bosses were sad because I excelled in all other areas I just got too "sassy" with people when certain situations arose. The situations we're unfair and my side was barely heard. The decision had been made before I could defend myself. I'm doing the best I can to stay positive and to be a "normal adult", but I just want to sit somewhere and cry. Somewhere alone, but safe. | self.bipolar |
Just been focusing on my classes while trying to be normal and make friends. [deleted] | self.depression |
A success Story. Why I dont frequent r/anxiety anymore. I wanted to provide a positive story of how I got my life back, because these types of stories helped keep the hope alive when I was down and out and feeling like we all know how we do when we are suffering from anxiety.
I got my life back! I did it.... and it's amazing. I am happy and so thankful for everything that I have and can say that over the past three years, I am a better person because of my struggle with accepting anxiety.
It all started with a lot of life changes and a self perception of perfectionism. My wife and I had our first child. Work was going really good. Life was easy mode. Until it wasn't. Until I had unrealistic expectations of how I SHOULD (evil evil word) be perceived and how I SHOULD be doing in the game of life. I SHOULD be able to handle being a dad better than I am. I SHOULD be able to make excellent dinners for my wife who is now busy with baby. I SHOULD be getting paid better because of what I bring to work. I SHOULD ... I SHOULD... I SHOULD.... until I couldn't. Until I was beating myself up for not being better at work...... For overcooking the meat.... for not knowing an answer at work... for having a baby that would cry no matter what. I was not able to live up to my standards and I cracked.
I had a panic attack December 29th that would forever change me. I wasn't living up to these self-perceived expectations of what i SHOULD be, and I thought I was going to die. I was scared to die and I was APOLOGIZING to my wife for dying... in the middle of what I thought was a stroke. I'm sorry! I forgot to set up life insurance! I'm so sorry. I love you. I love the baby. Please forgive me. I think I'm having a stroke.... I need help.
Luckily my wife was wise and logical and realized this was likely stress induced. I lived through my panic attack, only to expect my heart to give out at any moment. I got lucky, and death was impending any time now. I had physical chest pains, and I went to Urgent Care to get checked out 24 hours later because I couldn't get my mind off of impending doom. EKG and bloodwork.... I'm healthy! Might want to talk to someone about your mental condition though (Yes Dr.! This is scary stuff).
I had to get over the hurdle that I needed help. I needed help..... I don't need help, I got this..... no.. i need help.... i got to find the RIGHT person.
After self debate trying to help myself and it not working (in 30 days i will be anxiety free! 30 days later... still as bad as day 1). I called for help.
And worked through it with a counselor.
And realized that my thoughts are not what I am feeling. (am i gay? Do i love my wife? Nuclear War any day now.... I should quit my career... Do i love my child? My anxiety attacked everything dear to me.... and because i placed so much emphasis on those thoughts... i was letting my anxiety control me). This was my anxiety talking.
I chose to stop caring. To stop "listening" to these abnormal thoughts, and to just continue my day. No longer would I spend 9 hours a day on forums and researching anxiety. By placing so much concern on my state of anxiety, i was empowering it.
So I would just dismiss it as "Anxiety is something I will live with, and this is my moment to realize this is just a thought". "This too shall pass". And I forced myself to believe it. And.... slowly...... i stopped focusing on anxiety. I started to just live. No longer worrying for the sake of worrying. Is my anxiety gone yet? Is it? How bout now? Nope... shit, what about now? Those types of thought chains were slowly disappearing.
I lived in the moment. And it helped.
I went from contemplating SERIOUS life changing alterations (divorce... quit my job... i need less in life right now, this was the anxiety talking) to striving.
I dunno how long it's been since I've been to r/anxiety.... and today, while a bit more stressed out than usual, I had a moment where I realized.... this is all in my head. And defeated the stress.
Guys..... I want to thank this subreddit for all the personal stories... for sharing your fears and successes....
If this helps one person think even the tiniest little bit more confident in their ability to manage their anxiety.... i will smile the biggest smile. We got this! We're gonna be okay! | self.Anxiety |
I feel like I know how to get over this, yet I choose not to Do you guys ever feel like you already know the way out of this, but your just not willing to try because of laziness, fear, or etc... Maybe it's just the pressure on me to get better, but I feel like I know the path to get out of here, but I'm still not trying or can't try.. I don't know | self.depression |
Help! I’m so desperate. I fear going to bed. I’ve never had anxiety so badly in my life, and I can’t sleep. I’ve gone into a sick cycle of taking Benadryl, which use to always be fail proof for getting super sleep all night. Now, it’s 50/50. I either take it and feel great, or take it and then don’t fall asleep which means I’m awful the next day. A zombie. Useless.
I have tried every thought technique in the book and learned exactly what makes me comfortable. My checklist? It’s exhausting.
- journal to get all my thoughts out
- sleep mask is a must
- earplugs!
- a fan, or at least feeling cool
- white noise app
- tea, and water beside my bed
- no technology (though sometimes I watch mindless videos to make me sleepy!)
- still not working? “Sleep with me” podcast, but I normally wake up when it ends...
- mind games. Counting, math problems, going through the alphabet with names (Andrew, Bradley, Corey, etc....)
- imagery, like picturing my old childhood home and touching everything in each room. Peaceful!
- deep breathing, like Andrew Weil style or Calm app
Most nights I now dread going to sleep because I know I won’t fall asleep. No matter what I try, my mind won’t stop. I now wake up crying sometimes. I have lucid dreams that I’m so sleepy I’m shaking (because I am) and knock things over or break things, or can speak to people because I’m deliriously sleep deprived.
It’s affecting my mood, my health, my work. When I do get a good night of sleep, I’m so productive. I eat healthy, lift at the gym, go run! Do yoga! Enjoy life! The other half the time, I’m another person entirely. Complaining, eating pizza and chocolate, Diet Coke and trying to stick to one cup of caffeine beverage a day so I don’t repeat the cycle... but when I’m this tired, the only enjoyment I can get out of my day is through yummy shit foods. So I let it happen, if that’s what gets me through.
But I’m so sick of this. I’ve spoken to a therapist to hopefully begin treatment, but am traveling for 6 weeks and likely won’t be able to get real help for two months when I return to London.
Help! Does anyone have any tricks? Some advice? I’m desperate and hate fearing bedtime... I’m 30 years old, single, childless, and should have no problem just zonking! Why can’t I sleep, and why aren’t OTC drugs seeming to remotely help? Ughhhhhh. | self.Anxiety |
I'm depressed and it's my own fault and I don't deserve to be happy. I know what I need to do to get out of this depression but I'm so lazy I know I'll never do it. I know there are people that would be very hurt if I disappeared, which is nearly the only reason I haven't yet. | self.offmychest |
I’m confused about myself... Primarily, I don’t mean to mislead you all with the clickbait-esque title. I didn’t know how else to phrase it. This post probably doesn’t 100 percent belong here on sw, but it is. Anyways, on to what I made this post for. While I don’t have the constant urge to kill myself, it does appear in my mind a lot. Every so often per week the urge will (for a short period of time) come up again. In those moments I find myself lying on my stomach on my bed, my hands either stiffly folded behind my back, so that I can’t do anything to myself, or out in front of me gripping the edge of the bed, so that I can not in any way get up from my bed to harm myself. I find this tactic works, but I wish I didn’t have to use it. You see, there’s are times that I really, really want to—no I need to cry, but no tears come out. It’s awful. I’m not dehydrated, so my body can afford to cry, but it just doesn’t. Instead I end up fighting to suppress tears at the most inconvenient moments. I feel so over-dramatic for making this post, because others who make these types of posts have such better reason behind theirs, and I feel as if my "reason", which is stated in the first few sentences, seems pathetic. Ugh, not this really sounds like some sort of woe-is-me pity party. Please forgive me. I guess I don’t know how I feel. | self.SuicideWatch |
I get angry and sad seeing a group of friends | self.depression |
After 2 years of not dating, I finally found someone that made me happy and she just left me for her shitty ex. Suicidal thoughts are racing. [deleted] | self.depression |
My last relationship sucked hard, and I had no idea. Back around New Years, I started to feel like it was time for my first serious relationship. I was almost 20, and although I have had boyfriends in the past, nothing ever lasted more than 9 months. Around February, I started chatting someone up in the study lounge. We texted for a bit, he invited me out with some friends to avoid going stag at a party, and a little over a week later we made it Facebook official.
I don't think there was ever a ton of chemistry between us. I was just so used to people who were only interested in hooking up that I assumed he was wonderful for not immediately trying to get in my pants. Going out on dates with someone was fun, as was meeting his friends- but only about a month in I noticed, we never seemed to have anything to talk about when it was just us two. I often felt like he didn't listen to me when I talked and took little interest in what was important to me.
He constantly put me down for my "hippie-ish" opinions, my politics, my religion, my vegetarianism, my socio-economic status, so on. I thought it was just banter, but he couldn't take a hit back and he always seemed like he genuinely wanted to change me. He expected me to start eating meat for him, to convert to his religion, move to his hometown, etc.
And the sex was bad. Like, incredibly bad. I think I may have came once in nine months. He refused to go down on me but always expected oral/handjobs etc. He knew I was dissatisfied but didn't care at all and was not willing to listen to what I wanted at all.
My family loved him since he was rich, and so they told me that this was normal, men just don't like to talk, etc. I had very few role models for healthy relationships so I assumed everyone was unsatisfied too. I also figured I was selfish for not always wanting to do what he wanted to do, and expecting him to see my side of things from time to time.
As time went on, I realized more and more just how unhappy I was. Other couples around me seemed to genuinely enjoy talking with each other. They found each other fascinating, funny, intelligent, etc. It finally dawned on me that this wasn't normal and the relationship was dead.
He called me horrible and selfish for dumping him and my family made fun of me for being alone, but a month later, it became clear to me just how fucked our relationship was. I shouldn't have to feel like I couldn't tell my partner what I was thinking. I shouldn't feel like he doesn't care about my needs. I had trouble re-adjusting to single life, but I knew I made the right choice.
Recently I met someone who finds me interesting and attractive just how I am, and I feel the same way about him. We don't want to change each other, but we are willing to help each other become the best versions of ourselves. We have enough in common to always have something to do and enough we disagree on to keep things interesting. He goes out of his way to make me feel special and I do my best to make him feel the same. Oh, and the sex is fantastic.
Even if this new relationship doesn't last long it's good to know that I'll never let someone treat me like my ex did again to know good relationships feel like. | self.offmychest |
I can't accept help because part of me just wants to give up and hope that the negativity will just end up with me taking my life. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm convinced I'm gonna take my own life soon. [deleted] | self.depression |
I never planned to live this long - any advice? Like many here, I never intended to make it to adulthood. But here I am, 2 years in and I still have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm at a point where I know I want to live now, but...I'm doing so mindlessly. I don't have goals or ambitions, and whenever I think of something I'd like to work towards, I work at it for a while before my depression sets back in and I end up a husk once more.
But, I want to get better, because if I'm gonna keep living I may as well enjoy it! So, does anyone have any advice on learning how to get myself together enough to achieve something without giving up/halting progress despite depression? I still don't know how to be an adult, my parents have been very kind and let me live with them until I can function without someone else reminding me to look after myself lmao but I'm getting there; it's the goal setting and achieving I'm struggling with.
Any advice is appreciated, no matter how redundant you may feel it is! | self.depression |
I was fine for about a month, but it came back It wants to show that I'm not in control.. I hate it.. I want my depression to go away again | self.depression |
does anyone else just scream at themselves inside their heads because they’re upset
i also mimick what i say in a provoking tone, because who doesn’t want to get bullied by themselves :)))) | self.bipolar |
I'm sad, i try to be happy but nothing works. [deleted] | self.depression |
Been taking lithium for 5 years and need advice So lithium is one of the first meds I've taken for my Bipolar I. I was originally prescribed oxcarbazepine but it vastly decreased my mental capacity.
The only thing is my doc says my lithium level is okay but it thyroid levels are slightly off. She's wanting to wean me off lithium and give me another mood stabilizer or antipsychotic combined with lithium and eventually take me off.
I'm just worried because I'm doing well in my second to last year of college (after having taken years off to readjust) and I don't want to switch meds and possibly undo all the progress ice worked for so far.
Any tips on maintaining a good thyroid level? I realize this post might be in vain.. Thanks for any input. | self.bipolar |
Im tired of it Im so fucked. I have anxiety to the point i feel i have paranoia and it leads to depression. And i just wanna be normal for once. I wanna actually live. Instead of constantly think about the bad about myself and how horrible i am. What can help me? Therapy? Meds? Can you guys help me out? | self.depression |
I can’t get out of bed anymore. I’m in too much pain. I don’t know what to do anymore [deleted] | self.depression |
How do you maintain consistency in projects between and during depressions? I'm bi-polar type 2 so I really don't get manic. And I depression so much that I only get like 1/4 of the month in good days. How do you motivate yourself to continue work at it or start back up once the good days roll back around? | self.depression |
Terrified to meet friend’s psychologist parents The title pretty much tells it all I’m going down to visit one of my friends I made in college over break and both of his parents are psychologists which terrifies me. I’m sure they’re lovely people but I associate their profession with confronting problems within myself I haven’t confronted yet and I don’t know how to get over this. I’m afraid I’m just going to act incredibly anxious the whole time and won’t know how to be normal around them. I’m also afraid they’re gonna psychoanalyze everything I say too. I’m sure it’s all just my anxiety and will turn out fine but I can’t stop freaking out about it and I’m flying down there tomorrow | self.Anxiety |
Flying anxiety Every year when I go on holiday I get the worst anxiety leading up to the day we fly out, I become irritable , and keep to myself. Anyone else get this? If so I would love to hear some tips that may help! Thank you.
* things that help me
• good music!
• games
• books | self.Anxiety |
Out on the edge. Not sure how to start this.
Been dating a girl for 4.5 years. Things were good. I was happy, and a year after we started dating I got hit with a medical illness. Random pains in my body. I went from loving Disney songs to dreading the next day. My anxiety and depression got worse. Feeling your body fall apart everyday is a shitty Feeling. Through out our relationship I contemplated suicide as a amazing option. I wrapped a belt around my neck, to amazing relief. It's hard to explain this feeling. Just amazing. It wasn't an attempt I was wondering were my state of mind was. Look in the mirror and it's a genuine smile. Comfort smile. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I kept getting worse medically and wanted to run away. I choose to drink the pain away and forget it. Through out that. My depression was numb and my gf stuck by me. On multiple occasions I felt so bad. Id say the wrong things when I drink. So if break up with her so I could suffer alone. She always came back. Me, I'm the kind of guy that Doesn't like to deny people who want to be around me. In 2016 I tried to kill myself. Took 2 2mg Xanax bars, drove down to rite aid bought 2 pints of whiskey. Started drinking at as ideas driving home. This is it for me. I'm done crushed up 4 or 5 more bars put them with rum and coke. Rook.2 10mg valium pills. Decided to play my favorite game till i fade away. Spark up a joint listen to music and proceed to piss everyone off because I suck at the game. I remember getting lethargic and needing to throw up. I don't and just go.lay on the bed to watch tv. I fall asleep after downing more then a pint of whiskey. I stay asleep for 2 days. Woken up by my girlfriend, parents were gone. Came to the realization she could have found me dead. 2 weeks later, I decid that breaking up with her was the best thing to do. I'll be happy knowing I'm not being selfish keeping her around. So I do. I keep it a secret why I was breaking up with her. I don't like pity. She comes back a week later telling me she misses me. Wants to be there for me. Not even a day I found a fentynal dealer. Tested it will a kit it was the real deal. I decided I'D try something different. Started anti deprsssents. And those reacted badly. I'd say things I regret.every now and then. I tried to leave a couple times during this. Anti deprsssents numbed me. I started drinking with it. So I decided to move with my parents to go cold turkey off them, stop drinking. Force myself out. Force myself to bring my mind and body back. I was done feeling like this.
When I go cold turkey I knew I would have a badd day because on detox in off 30 mg off lexapro. I quit drinking I just need a month or 2 to bring myself back.
I have a badd day and she leaves. Saying that she was thinking about this for years even though a year before I tried to break up with her and she came back promising me that she wanted to be there for me. I'm crushed. I tried to leave her because of how depressed I was an anxious only to have her say nasty things to me in the end and throw me away when i trusted her.
I'm at that point where I want to kill myself again.
I honestly after 4 months am over the relationship. But the words she said sting. Why after me trying to let her go and her coming back And the and do I have to feel like I was abandoned feel like I did the right thing trying to let her go what I felt so bad. And she leaves after me trying to feel good but just needed to detox off everything.
After that a friend got upset. Hacked my things And posted naked pictures of her on her social media. All because I told him I'd give him back his items but I just was too depressed to log on.
Now hes threatening to post these pictures to all of her friends and he lives in another country and there's nothing I can do and he wants me to give him all of my items are he does it.
I really just want to go home right now. Find a place to jump or find a place to take the fentynal I have
And have all the pain stop food I don't know what to do and I don't know how to feel | self.SuicideWatch |
It’s New Years, worst time of the year Yay now I get to watch other people parade their fake lives on Snapchat while I stay home, get drunk and hopefully die, I have friends but recently I’ve been feeling so so depressed for no apparent reason,
Haven’t left the house in like a week, I don’t know what to do to cheer myself up that doesn’t involve drugs. | self.SuicideWatch |
Arrogance and fear I'm sick of people. When they abuse power that they have, get caught, and then act indignant about it. They are truly adult children. What's the point anymore? I've been spied on by everyone.
Sorry for acting "weird," couldn't possibly explain why I feel so anxious being watched. | self.depression |
What do you do when your personality and confidence has been crushed? At work am fine because am used to it but any other task/interaction outside that circle i either literally choke or words barely come out of my mouth that the person am talking to don't even know how to respond to me.
Edit: sometimes the feels are too much when am alone that my chest can't take it so i start spasming for a few seconds. Worst feeling ever. | self.depression |
Intense sweating and physical symptoms. I don't exercise but I feel that I'm sweating too much nowadays even when I'm sitting. And its winter(-10 to -15).Is it related to anxiety. | self.Anxiety |
I can’t remember the past few days I don’t know if it’s depression that’s causing this, but looking back at the past four days, I don’t really recall anything other than crying a few times, going to Starbucks to work on a broadcast project, seeing a coat for some reason, and almost throwing up (but I don’t remember why). I have bits and pieces, but it’s mostly like a haze. I don’t know or remember what could have triggered it, and I don’t even know how I’m feeling. I seem to be switching on and off between feelings in a matter of seconds. I’m crying, then I feel nothing, then I’m confused, then I feel like singing, but then it all blends into each other. I’m avoiding my friends, and I don’t know why. I’m laying in my bed, and I could sink into it until there’s nothing left of me. I don’t know if this is all gibberish, but I don’t want to read through it, I’m sorry. | self.depression |
Home from hospital after suicide attempt... ...and somehow it's worse and more depressing than actually being in hospital. What is wrong with me?? | self.SuicideWatch |
does anyone else feel like this? empty, empty, empty, empty, you just have an uncomfortable feeling off emptyness | self.depression |
I’m really a Sissy There’s something I’ve been needing to tell everyone for a long time, I’m a closet sissy. I love to be degraded and humiliated. It turns me on so much to be used and made less of a man. I’ve recently took up wearing my wife’s panties without her knowing. I’m glad to let the world know how much I need to be a little sissy kik me at Maximusdm3315 if you wanna chat about it | self.offmychest |
Anyone else struggle with confidence I always retreat to weed, sitting in bed and unemployment | self.depression |
Anyone else experience this? There's so much on my mind, but every thought leads to suicide. I want help, but I'm too apathetic to explain my mess of a life and mind again. It doesn't lead to anything, and my nihilistic perspective means it doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to die one day, it might as well be soon. I can no longer think of any reason to stay and I feel... calm. It feels like instead of depression driving my suicidal tendencies as it used to, it's acceptance. i can't gather the will to fight against it anymore. i just want to tidy myself up a bit and write a few christmas cards. I'm just holding myself back day to day, solemnly wondering if I'd change my mind but it doesn't feel like it. I've lost track of time but I think I've been like this for? a few weeks? between 2-5 weeks. Maybe I'm just a little bit afraid of the pain. But I'm really looking forward to not existing. I'm so exhausted. I'm so damn exhausted of living. It feels pretty much the right time to die now.
"but you have so much to live for!" - but I feel like I've lived through enough. I'm happy with what I've experienced. I don't need anymore, especially with how everything is tainted.
"it will hurt the people around you" - people are hurt by all sorts of things. I hope my parents hurt. I havent got any close friends. Maybe yes people will feel my absence for a few months, maybe a year, but its not like I would care at that point, and thats such a small time and then they'll get on with their lives. I'm not that important.
I just can't see a reason to stay alive?
Anyway, my question has more to do with how many become suicidal from apathy specifically. before now its always been suicidal from hatred of myself, and a want to cause myself more pain and hurt and that I was terribly alone. But now? I'm calm and rational, sometimes less depressed than usual, yet death is CONSTANTLY on my mind, and I've accepted everything. | self.depression |
I'm crushing on this boy so hard that I feel like I'm going to die. This is long but I have to get this out.
I'm an 18 year old girl in high school, and I think I have a problem. I've had passive crushes in the past, which I just kind of had because I wanted someone to crush on. But BOY I have this huge crush on this guy in my grade, let's call him... George.
Last week I was given reason to believe that he liked me back, but this week I'm realizing that he couldn't care less about me. Every time he walks into a room I can't help but look at him, but he doesn't even glance at me. I sound so stupid, I know, but this is making me genuinely depressed.
I made a post about this yesterday explaining a little more, but I seriously feel the need to have a boyfriend NOW, before it's too late, and more specifically I need it to be this guy. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea and all that, but I really relate to George on an emotional level and I can't stop picturing him and I talking for hours about how we really feel, because I can just TELL that he thinks about things in the same way I do. I know I'm crazy.
I'm scared for what my mental state will be in for the next few months until I graduate. At first it was lighthearted. Every time he talked to me I would get crazy butterflies and couldn't stop smiling. But now I get this heavy, fuzzy, sinking feeling that weighs me down every time he is around, because he isn't talking to me or looking at me or thinking about me like I'm thinking about him.
I'm trying to get over him but I can't and I've never experienced this before and I'm scared. I already have mental health issues and I don't need this right now. What will happen after I do graduate, and I can't get over him, but we go to different schools so I can't see him anymore? I'm not pretty or outgoing or fun so no one will ever like me, so it's not like I'll meet someone new and forget. I can't imagine myself forgetting about him regardless, because he is the person that I want. So badly I could cry right now.
To describe the way I feel, I'll say this. Every time he is around me, it's like he is holding a vacuum and sucking all of the joy, energy and light out of me as he indicates quite clearly that she doesn't give a shit about me. And then I feel heavy, and the ground is pulling me towards it, and the corners of my mouth are heavy and I can't smile or feel happiness. But when I think about him and us together, I can't help but smile because that's all I want. But then I remember that he doesn't care and it hurts again.
I just read this over and I am very aware that I sound like a psycho-boy crazy middle school girl and I'm embarrassed. But this is genuinely how I feel and it really, really, really, really, sucks. Thanks for reading. | self.offmychest |
suicide is the true path -> born
-> go to school
-> accepted by a uni.
-> find a job
-> get married
its just wrong. maybe our life is full of shit but this shitty life gave us the true path. Suicide | self.SuicideWatch |
Can anyone talk to me please. 24 female California. Full of regret and anxiety. | self.Anxiety |
I think it's time to leave... I'm pathetic. Really, 29 years old, overweight, never had anyone who truly loves me. Not even someone who can prettend to love me more than a friend. I have two amazing friends and couple more, they are the only reason I came this far.
Let's start...
29. Still a student on some lame college I never wanted to go. I don't think I'm smart enough actually and I don't have motivation to finish what I started. And that college and the "future job" is something I truly hate. But it's to late to go on another college. I'm too old and btw... there is nothing I'm good at. Nothing. I can make people smile while making a fool out of myself, but that is just the way I try to cover all my sadness.
I'm depressed for a long time now. Never had something in my life I could hold on to. And I always felt like I want ment to do nothing. Maybe kill myself like a coward.
My life is a mess. And i don't even know how to start... Dissapointed from the day one. Sexually abused as a child. Living with a mother who insults me, who was beating me for years, having to listen to her threats every single day. She loves men, and they were always more important than me. Never came to any of my games, she doesn't know anything about me.
I'm broke. Not in a way that I don't have some big savings but in a 60 cents in my pocket way. I was working but all that money went on my useless college and a big minus my mom made on my credit card. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. So there is no way I can start my life somewhere else or get my own firm or anything, like buying a jacket. I don't have any skills. Any.
I'm writing this mostly because I still hope that someone had a similar situation and knows what to do. Because I really don't. And the more I think, the solution is quite simple. My sleeping pills are here next to me and I'm just trying to fight myself not to drink them for 2 hours now. But to be honest... I already gave up. There is no way that kind of life can get any better.
Sorry for my bad english, guess I'll never learn it. | self.depression |
Does anyone else go way out of their way for others, because no one goes out of their way for you? [deleted] | self.depression |
How do you know? How do you know when your brain is wrong?
People say that depression, isn't you. So, what is me?
Why do I suffer constantly?
Why do I not remember a day where I didn't want to die?
Most importantly.... When do you know you need to get help?
Why do you get help?... | self.SuicideWatch |
I often find myself terrified that my past will destroy my life. I am a man who just turned 30.
I was sexually assaulted when I was three years old by two older girls. My mother was emotionally abusive and neglectful. I grew up not really ever understanding healthy interactions.
Due to this all going unchecked and the depression and anxiety I developed, i developed a very very bad behavior pattern with relationships. I gave 100% of my emotions all the time. This meant that I showed compassion at obscene levels, bending over backwards to help people. But I also showed my complete anxiety, anger and pain.
I pressured a lot of women into sex and other sexual behaviors (nude photos, phone sex, etc.). I was emotionally abusive when things didn’t go my way; and because of how screwed up my understanding of relationships was, they rarely did. I chronically lied to my partners. I cheated on them. I manipulated them.
I stalked women who left me. I created fake profiles to lie to them. I faked suicide attempts to try to get them to talk to me.
I used the anonymity of the internet to effectively prey on damaged women. I catfished women for nudes. I got involved with girls who lied about being over 18. I tricked one woman who had rejected me into thinking I was her ex boyfriend online who she still had feelings for. I knew enough that I was able to make it believable before using the online persona of him to tear into her and make her cry.
A little over a year ago, I finally came to realize how screwed up I was. I made the decision to cut myself off from all women. And I gave myself an ultimatum - either I become a person who betters the world or I kill myself so that I can no longer hurt people. I wasn’t intentionally a bad person. I just honestly did not know how not to be the person who I was.
I started therapy shortly after that ultimatum. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my past, and how to properly modulate my feelings. I’ve learned to express myself in a truly healthy manner, to be open and to let go of things that used to consume my thoughts. I’ve learned to be caring but not obsessive. I have learned to be normal and feel normal. I have worked tirelessly to better myself.
I now volunteer at a women’s shelter, hoping that somehow I can help those who have been hurt by others like me. I figure that while I cannot atone directly for my transgressions against all these women I have hurt, I can at least attempt to make a small contribution towards bettering the lives of those who have been hurt by monsters like me. Maybe with enough effort, my life will one day be a positive on our society.
Despite all my growth over the last year and change, I’m genuinely afraid that something I did in the past will come up and ruin my life. Maybe I’ll find out I harassed a 16 year old. Or maybe someone goes to the police for the stalking I did. Or maybe any number of things happen that will effectively ruin my live. If it does happen, I know I deserve whatever comes my way for being the monster I once was. I’m just genuinely scared that it will. | self.offmychest |
My new apartment complex just screwed me over. I'm supposed to move in to a new apartment complex next Friday, the 10th. My current lease ends on the 12th. The new complex just called me and told me that the current resident in that unit extended their lease at the last minute by a month, keeping me from moving in until their next unit is available on the 1st of December. They said they have another move in tomorrow that hasn't confirmed anything yet, and that they might cancel their move in so that I can get their apartment. But I can't bank on that possibility.
Are they allowed to do this? I haven't signed a lease so I'm assuming that they are.
What the hell am I supposed to do? | self.offmychest |
Life I'm a 20 year old guy and I find life is pointless.
I have no friends, no ambitions, no interests and no relationships.
The idea of a career depresses me and the thought that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life depresses me more.
I hate my mind and the way it works.
I wish I wasn't predisposed to crave human interaction because all it does is make me hate myself and everyone else.
I find life is so fucking hard and I have such a privileged life which makes me hate myself more.
Anything good about myself is out shadowed by the hatred I have for myself.
Fuck life. | self.depression |
I don't know what to do anymore I'm so tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every single night. I miss my family so much. Just really tired of living, I feel like everyone would be so much better off without me, but I honestly don't even know if anyone would notice I was gone. | self.depression |
You said you loved me, but it was all just a lie. We were in love. We promised to be there for each other. You cheated on me, but I forgave you. You cheated on me again, but I honestly but stupidly believed that things could work for us. Then you finally left me, and shattered all the hope and warmth deep in my heart.
People who are stupid as me shouldn't be living. I should go. | self.SuicideWatch |
I tried to commit suicide in november, now i want to do it again. As dumb as a reason as it seems, since the age of 11 I was lonely, asocial and could hardly talk to anyone, for years after i was bullied and became depressed, i tried to commit suicide at 14 by slitting my wrists but the cuts werent deep, im 17 now and i tried to commit suicide in november by overdose, i almost vommited at 10 paracetomol so i had to stop so i didnt vommit them out, but still lived the next day.
From all this trauma through the years, i created this imaginary place in my head, friends that dont exist, a world just for me and those friends with excitement and fun. But I stayed there for years, i created it when i was 12 and I go to it everyday for 3 or 2 hours, and have fun, just thinking, everytime now (since I go college and finally have friends), when i'm with my friends , i have a panic attacks, or act weird and i just cant fit in, i feel so different, so foreign, I listen to music when im with them or at college in general to stay in the world in my head, to feel normal, now i can see people in my world, in real life (psychosis) and i wanna die, for years i wanted this, and i wanna die again. What do i do, my psychologist thinks im autistic and very intelligent but I cant figure out shit, i need help but i've searched for so long and tried to solve it for so long by myself, it feels useless.
I want someone that knows me, that had a world like i do in my head, love rather than sadness and anger, someone to care about, someone to relate too, but i think that's too much to ask for.
What do i do? | self.SuicideWatch |
Tell me how to kill myself fast and fuck off with all you "We can talk about this bro calm down." Not gonna kill myself immediately. I just need some ways to remember for when times get hard. (aka every time my fucking father comes home) | self.depression |
I'm already dead.... I died 3 years ago and I was dying for 6 before that. When I was alive I was awesome! I was smart, funny, dependable, and generally fun to be around. I never understood what it meant to be a shell of a person until I was one. I deserve a freaking Academy Award for pretending to be alive all this time. I don't want to go home for Thanksgiving because I'm scared they might find out I've died. I'm starting to rot. | self.depression |
i just need a bit of help i don’t know how to explain my problem but i figured this was the sub for it. it’s like i can’t be alone. i can’t seem to keep myself entertained when i’m in my room alone at home and i’m always wishing for people to hit up my phone or whatever. i realized that i really need someone to cling to. to love or whatever. i don’t like being that way cuz i seem whiny and desperate. sorry about the rant. i just need some advice. any would be appreciated. | self.depression |
Need Help got recruited into a religious cult they got all my info I'm fucked right? Essencially my only options are to shave my head bold chop off my eyebrows change my number and travel to a ugandian village to start my life over did I get that part right?
| self.bipolar |
I'm Young and Single and Really Anxious About That So I'm using a throwaway because I don't want this attached to my main. Anyways, for a while being single never quite bothered me, I was just kinda hoping I'd get in a relationship eventually. I'm a junior in high school now and for one reason or another it got into my head that if I'm single in high school for the entire duration of it, I'll never find anybody and then I'll be single forever. I really wanna find somebody to love and maybe even have a kid in the future but rn for some reason I've been super anxious over being single forever. Can anybody try calming me over this? And I'm sure I'll find someone one day but lately I've been feeling very lonely and very nervous about being alone... | self.Anxiety |
I just want it to go away.. What is wrong with me ? let me name off some of my problems :
I feel like nothing is real.
I Dont have any emotions
I have horrible short-term memory (cant remember anything)
I Feel numb
Nothing looks real to me everything looks distorted and fake like a movie
constant neck stiffness
constantly feeling anxious for no reason
I have an adrenaline feeling all the time (heart palpitations)
I cant focus on anything no matter how hard I try
I dont recognize myself
obsessive thoughts
24/7 feeling of zoned out
All of my interest/ hobbies vanished
Waking up exhausted after sleeping 10+ hours a day
constantly having nightmares
isolating myself in my room for weeks at a time
panic horribly when I have to answer the phone or open the door
walk dog in the back yard to avoid socializing with the neighbors
cant drive/leave the house unless someone comes with me
run inside as soon as i hear a car coming down the street
when guest come over i stay in the bathroom until they leave
when guest come over i will wait hours to come out of my room to get food or something to drink.
The derealization feeling is horrible when i have to drive.(it gives me extreme confusion/anxiety and i feel so zoned out that it feels like i am going to pass out.
I have no sense of time.
I get horrible anxiety even thinking about going in public alone.
| self.Anxiety |
Was this a compliment or insult? "You look a lot better and nicer than the last time I saw you. Except you look like you've been crying." | self.depression |
Ran Out Of Lithium So as the title points out, I ran out of my Lithium supply on Friday, while I was in another state. My pharmacy is closed on Weekends so I couldn’t get it refilled, but I’m going in for a appointment (pharmacy’s connected to doctor office) on Wednesday and I was wondering if it’s safe to wait until then, or if I should go in on Monday. It’s about a $22 uber ride there and back so I’d prefer not to waste the money if I’ll be fine. | self.bipolar |
I feel so insignificant Much as the title says, I just feel like such a small dot in the world. Obviously that is somewhat true, yet I just feel so alone because of it. All my friends are starting to work and going out with friends, yet here I am sitting at home, looking at their feed through Instagram. Kinda wished I was part of something bigger. And being the introvert I am, that is a really huge task, seeing I can’t last 2 seconds not being awkward. I do try to do things to try to get closer to people, but they usually go unnoticed and those who are more extroverted just take up my place. I feel so alone in this world even though I know that I’m not. | self.offmychest |
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