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Hypomania heading toward crazy town I've posted before..I was pretty manic for about a week (I'm very rapid cycling and am inclined to mixed episodes). I am now leveling off into hypomania. But I'm starting to see an upward trend back to mania. I haven't had a full on depressive episode for over a month I've just been cycling back and forth from hypomania back to mania. I'm thinking it's my antipsychotic I'm taking (seraquel XR 100mg) I'm just feeling all over the place.
My agitation is at an all time high. My daughter is 3 and doesn't understand why I'm so snippy or go off and hide for a while to calm down. I cannot stand anything off schedule this past weekend we've had family in my routine has been screwed up so I feel lost. I'm starting to have ocd tendencies where I cannot stand anyone but me do the dishes because no one can get them as clean as me. I must have a clean house I'm obsessed with it. I need to see my psych doctor but she's completely booked up and I had to rearrange my therapy appointment.
I feel absolutely crazy. My meds help control my sleep so at least I'm getting a few good hours before it starts again. Just please send good thoughts my anxiety is through the roof I take my meds when I need it but I need to see someone soon! I just hope I can! | self.bipolar |
Tell me not to do it even though I can't live without this girl | self.SuicideWatch |
That feeling of wanting to get up and fix your life, only to lose hope in a split second when you remember everything you've ruined. [deleted] | self.depression |
The worst thing a person could be It's hard to say it out loud, much less type it. I don't know where else to go with this, as there is noone I can talk to that I trust. I'm only 21 years old, I'm female. I'm pretty sure I'm a pedophile.
I've had intrusive thoughts all my life, mostly violence toward family and friends or myself. But over the past few months thoughts of hurting children in the worst way possible has surfaced. It's not so much the actual images flashing in my mind are consuming me, but the fact that i have these thoughts consumes me. The only reason I don't attribute this to OCD is that I get......aroused by these images. I've sought out animations. And yes, I've looked for the real thing, three times now. I know this is exploitive, so i've gone back to animations. It's like just the knowledge that it's wrong makes the urge stronger. Lately I'm not even aroused, it's just something my brain tells me I MUST do, like regular OCD, and after viewing an animation, my mind quiets down. I've gone months, even years without thinking about it, but the urge always comes back. I've never hurt a child or anyone.
I know I'm not capable of that. I don't envision myself "doing" anything. I just get urges to watch it happen. But I don't want that urge, it makes me physically sick and I don't eat for days. I can't sleep. I want to just lay here and never get up. Noone knows I have such a dark secret, and that it's ruining me. And there really is noone I can tell. My friends all think I'm a good person but if only they knew. Does anyone know how to help me? How I can help myself? I can't live this way much longer. | self.SuicideWatch |
Anxiety about money I'm so scared to lend out money that I get into a near panic attack. As result I cut up my debit card several times after the past two years. I don't know what to do anymore. | self.Anxiety |
possible nonsense straight outta my mind to the world i am a typical 17 year old girl still torn up over something that happened almost a year ago. i am frustrated because i know nobody will see me differently, like i see myself. i know my pain isn’t stupid but it looks stupid to those around me. i can’t remember the last time i cried about you, but you’re still stuck in my head all the time. i found a boy i thought was cute and i focused on him just enough to give my mind a rest from you, but you came back like some fucking extraterrestrial force keeps pulling you into my head.
it’s thanksgiving and i turned on the television and watched QVC to torture myself, cause we used to make fun of the hosts while we watched from the tiny bed in the cabin. it’s those memories that sting the most.
sometimes i have tiny relapses, like i look through very old photos of our screenshot conversations on my old phone, or i read things i wrote about you years ago, or just a couple months ago how i dug out your sweatshirt that was left in my closet. i smelled it for a long time, and then i shut it in a drawer in a different room. i tell myself it’s still progress— baby steps, but deep down i know i don’t get rid of it completely because part of me still thinks you’ll come back someday. not anytime soon. maybe when the timing is better, when we’re done with college and have both grown a bit.
i feel like we were soulmates. that sounds so dramatic it makes me doubt my own words but you were different and i was different, and you made me see that i was different. you really fucked me up though. you really fucked me up. in a way it helped me, i think. i am an angry cynical asshole and a hardcore pessimist. it’s hard to disappoint me because i’m already disappointed. you activated all my defense mechanisms and they stayed up. i can’t love anybody or let anybody in, as much as i want to. i crave affection but i won’t let it near me. it’s a strange way to live but it’s the only way i can because when i hurt, i hurt so much that it consumes me entirely.
if i ever see you again i want to be older and wiser, i want to have loved someone else and been broken by someone else, and i want to have put myself back together. i want to have traveled alone and learned the ways of my own mind. i want to know myself because right now it’s like i’m living the life of a stranger.
i don’t see why or where we would ever cross paths again but i have a feeling we will. that feeling might be real or it might wear off into nothing. only time will tell. | self.offmychest |
Crazy memories. When I was a teenager, my mom started taking pills. She was going through a rough time. Her mom had Alzheimer’s, my dad was ignoring her and so on. She would act loopy. I could tell her to fuck off and she’d still be so loopy-happy. It was pretty terrible. I had no mom during those times. She was absent. Just, blank. I couldn’t get any advice, emotional support and I had to parent her. I had to keep an eye on her and basically annoy my dad until he told her to get off. Then, when I’d actually confront her about her habit, she’d go nuts and absolutely destroy my self-esteem. I just wanted my mom to come back again. She was weird as hell on the sleeping pills. She’d make food in the middle of the night and just eat it half asleep. She would just be a zombie around our family and embarrass me in front of everyone for doing strange shit. She also would also kiss me way too much and would be all over everyone. (Not saying she was doing it in appropriately. She was just way too affectionate.) | self.Anxiety |
Hypnosis/meds I know the best way to handle anxiety and depression is through environment and healthy lifestyle. I know a lot of us are probably on medications.
However I find it difficult to find a balance with meds. They work for 2 weeks then I have to switch up my routine. Been on Xanax that I take once to twice a day as needed. Then for health issues I switch to Valium for a few weeks for muscle spasm and stop Xanax sometimes for weeks, a month or until I feel I need it.
I talked to my therapist yesterday and I'm trying something drastically different. I'm pretty much going to stay with the low diazepam amounts as needed for my health issue, but for anxiety start hypnosis seasons, along with yoga and deep breathing exercises to accompany my therapy, instead of Xanax. I started a "light" meditation session yesterday and I felt like I was occupying a different space for hours after I did the therapy. I could hear and see things my mind blocks out or doesn't listen to. The room was different from when I entered earlier.
I never realized how anxiety can make you so oblivious to your surroundings, perceptions with people and also ability to listen to have meaningful conversations with people. I feel like meds just kind of patch this to cope. My goal really is just, I want results and a clam mannered lifestyle.
Has anyone tried alternative medicine things like hypnosis sessions with a professional? I'm wondering if it's just far fetched or actually helpful. I'm suppose to start a full on hypnosis session in 2 weeks.
Thoughts? | self.Anxiety |
Failed my first subject in 14 years of education. Struggling to cope. [deleted] | self.depression |
Alone for christmas every year, well.... I am with family, but I feel alone Like every typical family, every year we get together and celebrate christmas. But I sit there, with a fake smile, pretending to laugh at everyones jokes, knowing that the next day and the day after and the day after that and the day after that... I'll be alone again sitting in my racing mind. | self.depression |
Please help I feel like my world is crumbling around me. I can't stop crying, just need some one to reassure me things will be ok. It's just getting harder everyday. | self.depression |
I've reached my lowest point. I have never been closer to ending it. I've been wanting to kill myself everyday for the past two years, but I have a very strong feeling today is the day. I tried reaching out to online "friends" one last time last night and pretty much got either ignored or told to just deal with it. The people that said they'd always be there and that I was never alone. It was all just words. I have no one and I can't do it anymore. | self.offmychest |
Always think I’m dying It’s really destroying my life. Do any agrapobes/hypochondriacs have any tips for helping it?
Trying to avoid meds as much as possible.
Hope you all are well.
Look forward to your comments. | self.Anxiety |
I wish I had interests I wish I cared about the world around me like others do. I'm not intrigued by history or historical figures. I don't care to learn about all the great guitarists in the world, music theory, or how to maintain a guitar DIY style. No literature interests me. I can't get myself to follow sports. I'm not interested in what's on TV. I don't have any intellectual curiosity at all to be honest. I don'f want to know the whys and the hows. It sucks bevause I feel like to be successful you actual have to care about SOMETHING enough to pursue knowledge about it. That's how you develope useful skills, but nothing interests me. There isn't a skill I want to learn and use in my life daily. I'm not sayinh I'm above it all. I just don't care, and every argument for why I *should* care...just doesn't hit home. Life has no color anymore. | self.depression |
What are the right questions? Maybe this has been asked before but I cant seem to find it and I'm just looking for some answers. I dont know what I'm dealing with and perhaps its just someone looking in from the outside on this issue but when dealing with someone who's depressed what are the best questions to ask that wont make them feel alienated or like an issue rather than just a person to their friends? | self.depression |
A week ago, I was hit by a car. Today, my vet told me my cat will be dead in a few days. I am so lost. I wish I got killed by the car hit.
I don't want to live without her. I've had her for fourteen years. She's been my only and best friend, she helped me in my childhood and teenager years in which I have been abused so much. She was always there for me. It was like she sensed me feeling bad, and when she sensed it, she never left my side. Hours, days, sometimes even weeks. She was always there for me.
Now she's dying. Soon I will wake up next to the corpse to her.
I will join her when her time is over. I cannot live life without her. | self.SuicideWatch |
Shitty birthday Hi everyone, somehow I managed to have a worst birthday than last year. This year even my closest friends forgot about it.
I tried not to care all day cause why ruin my day but shit man, not even your closest friends remembering is awful.
I'm currently eating taco bell, but damn in the way I was feeling so bad that I came in to taco bell and broke down in the bathroom.
So yeah, have a nice day everyone! Sorry for my shitty story x.x | self.depression |
I can't feel anything It's almost like I'm not even alive. My brain cant focus on anything. I can't really feel anything significant anymore. I feel so numb & upset that I can no longer hold any intellectual conversations like I did.
I don't know who I am or what I'm doing my mind is just so blank & woozy. When i look in the mirror i ask myself "who is that" its like im living in a dream. Anybody else feel like this? | self.Anxiety |
I just want to feel better - Anyone have advice? Would be greatly appreciated. So here's my story. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression on and off for pretty much my whole life. What made it really awful was last summer, I used a drug called Phenibut. I used this too much without any breaks and when I came off of it I had extreme anxiety and this sent me into a depersonalized/derealized state. After this, I was extremely afraid of this state and had it on and off and basically shut everyone out of my life because I was so anxious.
But now, I am trying to feel better. I have started eating better, doing some light exercise, meditating at least 20 minutes daily, I've quit porn and I'm taking supplements. I have been doing this for a little while (2-3 weeks?) and I'm now not sure if I'm feeling any better after today. I was feeling pretty happy up until today when my mood just crashed hard and I felt super anxious, sad and depersonalized and started having suicidal thoughts. I have still been avoiding people and I basically have no social life right now as it just makes me too anxious to think about going out, but I was feeling happier and a little less anxious up until now.
Basically, anyone have any advice on reducing anxiety? I really believe my DP/DR stems from my anxiety as the two are always tied together. And experience with meditation/exercise for reducing anxiety? Does quitting porn after daily use do anything in your experience? Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. | self.Anxiety |
I need advice on online dating with matchmaking services [removed] | self.offmychest |
I'll always miss being your bee.. Things were so magical and amazing when we first got together... then my stupid ass has to make it official instantly so that there's no doubt we would have sex. But I was taking your virginity.. why didn't I have two seconds of thought about it.
It's like I took advantage of you. Instead of sex being natural and passionate it was just from desire. I stopped being daddy, stopped learning to make out, stopped choking you. I...i just can't believe how much of a pig I was. We had the perfect formula. For as badly as we wanted to be together, waiting a few months for you to graduate would have been perfect. I don't know why I couldnt realize..
I just stagnated the whole damn summer.. if we had waited, I would have wanted to better myself for you. I could have wanted to learn to drive so I could go to your parents as a man, not as a boy. I was 22, and I'm going off to law school, I should have fucking acted like it. You wanted to be with an older guy because they have their shit together and their good at sex, not because they'll be insecure and ask you out quick to secure and rush sex, and not because they're dummies who still smoke weed every day and can't drive.
Sure it's good that you forgive me. We hang out lately and its great. But I miss you so much. I want to ask you why we can't just cuddle. It doesn't have to be sexual, I know why I fucked that up, but why can't I just put my arms around you like we used to 😔 I miss you so fucking much.. I love you and I wish we did things right. I want you in my life so fucking bad...
Looking back, it was just so stupid to ask you out so soon... sure I knew a lot about you but you were still getting to know me and had this big idealized version of me in your head. It would have been better sexually and for the relationship if I let everything go slower. Holy duck do I hate myaelf... It really wouldn't have been hard. Idk why I had to listen to the part of me that didn't want to wait for sex.. | self.offmychest |
I have to take mefenamic acid because of my emetophobia... but one of the main side effects is puking?! [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Stuck with this ugly face forever i hate my face so much...
it's ugly. it's too androgynous... (i'm female)
my nose is too long.
my eyes are too buggy.
my lips are too thin.
everything is asymmetrical...
i hate it | self.SuicideWatch |
Medicines haven't been working, asked my doctor to change them this morning I've been on Celexa and Buspar since August and have noticed no differences. The Buspar was also supposed to help me sleep, but if anything it made my sleeping pattern worse. So at my appointment this morning she decided to prescribe Zoloft for the anxiety/depression and tramadol for sleep. Does anyone have experience or thoughts on these two? My dad has been on Zoloft for years for his depression and he seems to be holding up well.
Edit: I may have misheard the doctor and she possibly prescribed Trazadone for sleep. I'll find out for sure when I go to the pharmacy later. | self.Anxiety |
My friend had an Argument and got someone suspended from School, help Please!? My friend is autistic and a strong Brexit (Britain leaving the European Union) supporter. He is involved with youth UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) politics he is not normally someone who gets in a lot of trouble so please bear that in mind as you read this? We are both in Sixth Form and will be going off to university next year.
So, he posts on social media the other day about how he supports Brexit. A girl at the Sixth Form apparently sends him a message asking if he wants explain his views further as she is worried as a Muslim about the negative impacts of Brexit. My friend looks at her profile see's that she wants to become a police officer, is worried that she is trying to accuse him of targeting Muslims (he is very worried about being arrested at some point) and reports her to the Sixth Form for harassment.
The girl in question has now been suspended from the Sixth Form and the suspension apparently will go on her permanent education record and might affect her university experience.
My friend was a bit premature. He was worried that he was going to be accused of some sort of hate speech against Muslims and basically took action first, otherwise he might be the one suspended.
Whereas I think she was wrong for trying to bring ethnicity into it. My friend never mentioned Muslims or Islam and like myself he has no problem with either Islam or Muslims. Also he has Asperger's Syndrome on his profile and I think if she had understood that, she might have realised that he could misinterpret innocent messages and gestures.
Either way, my friend feels very bad about the situation, please could you advise as to what would be the appropriate action to take in the best interests of all involved?
Edit: I should clarify the username 'TheLastCrusades' is because I love medieval history and also medieval based video games such as Dante's Inferno and some of the Assassins Creed franchise. It has nothing to do with political views, whatsoever. In fact, I am highly left wing and I support Remaining in the European Union. | self.Anxiety |
People pretend to understand but they don't give enough of a shit. I hate being so alone. [deleted] | self.depression |
Heart break Hey reddit... Im conflicted and need some hearty advice.. Recently i broke up with my bf out of anger and decided that instent that that's not what i wanted... I regret it non the lesss... The problem is he felt that what i did was the right decision for us to break up since he feels that he is very codependent.. We,ve me on and off this will be about the 2nd to 3rd ish time that we do this.. I love him so much and he says he loves me too which is why it has to end and which is why i can't understand why we can't just work this out... I really want him back and am willing to try anything... It'll mean alot if advise was left.. | self.depression |
Real reasons I hope to die. This has literally hurting me trying to compose the real reasons why I must die; relieve the world I've corrupted so far before I can do anymore damage. (I is an extreme cutter whose gone numb to pain now, I'll admit).
Here goes the details no one gives a fuck about, but yeah it'll give you a nice "lol" won't it? Why the hell not:
Been unemployed for an entire year now.
I've always been alone; never had one person in life, never one to call a friend, absolute (to the very end) been by myself.
Don't like other people; due to prevention of I, showing my hideous face to everyone and scaring them away; and no real connection to any other person.
I'm gay; which is wrong in itself; and the absolutely feeling of looking and feeling like the damn right dork of the day; my then scars turned into inner beauty; I draw nearer to getting what I want; death.
Once had a goal; to be a game designer, yet it's only a dream, as my face, my dyslexic, bipolar brain isn't allowed to do such a thing. Then, worst of all, I try everyday, all day, to "learn it myself" (even stupider action); and 'believe' I've gotten far by doing a little somethin, but it ain't shit in the end, cause no one gives a fuck about it or me. It's a dream trapped in an abstract that is not real. Sorry ass, I am.
Last thing I tried to "think" I'm potentially good at, is writing, yet I google ANYTHING related to writing, look back at my 338 page story I've been writing for 8+ and know; I'm not shit and never will be. More like 338 pages of pure nonsense.
I mean, who the fuck in this world is really gonna want me with my hideous face, fucked up (everything) and the more like. NONE. NONE. The 'family' told me thought and still does. Sure it's easy for a random bitch to claim: "oh, I be disagreein'", blah. NO, trick, trust me, as soon as see this fuckin face, you'd turned around quickly to prevent a bleed within the eye cornea. And I KNOW this is true as the deep blue; as just yesterday, my dumb ass walked into the mall for a look around, and got called out by at least 7 different niggas (people, whatever!) just had to be tellin' me how hideous I look. I always reply with the same answer to side of the breath: you right. You right. Then of course, my DUMBASS walks into the grocery store afterwards with a bag over my head: literally with the words: Ugly Ass written across the forehand. Talk about 'Silence of the Land'. "Shhh" so quiet; niggas are looking.
I literally shattered ALL the mirrors; and I have a nasty hand injury because of that; but it was worth it, as those reflected things are a nuisance! Nuisance!
All the more reasons I have to go. Death, screeching inevitable.
Just literally spend the last two hours beforehand looking at (fucked up~yes fucked up) videos about the Gaming industry and what it takes to get into it. My ass already knew from the gecko I couldn't do the shit! Just (not) look at me. I ought to be google's definition of the word lamentable.
Should I finally do it; I'd live stream it, just to make it clear to everyone I'm serious about it. | self.depression |
Sister is in the hospital, parents and I are stressed out Yesterday my mom drove down to my sister's apartment (an hour away) to help her commit herself. This isn't the first time my sister has had problems. We all knew she was going downhill but she refused to talk about it or get help.
My sister is an alcoholic. She's only 22 and will very rarely admit that she has a drinking problem. She claims it's normal to drink in college. Two weeks ago she admitted to me that she can't stand being sober and drinks almost every day.
She also has continued to lose weight and I think she's probably anorexic. Two weeks ago she probably weighed 100 pounds at 5'4". My mom said she lost a lot more weight and is probably 90 pounds now.
Not only am I afraid that she won't get better or accept the help she needs, I fear she is going to die (either by alcohol, low weight complications, or suicide). I don't know if I could handle her dying.
Watching my parents try to deal with this has made feel extremely guilty for all the stress and anxiety I have put on them due to my own mental illnesses. I feel terrible that this hurts them. And I want to do anything I can to help them. But I don't know how and I'm dealing with my own bipolar depression, anxiety, and eating disorder.
I don't really know why I posted this. I guess I just needed to tell someone. | self.bipolar |
this is for everyone who is struggling with Depression 5 years ago it all started with about 6 six people in my class who bullied me(I’m F16 btw). I had no friends and I was too afraid to talk about it with my parents. After 2 years of getting bullied I started to cut my wrist, I got triggered by a girl i knew who did it herself. It wasn’t deep and the scars vanished after a few days so it wasn’t a big deal. The Bullying continued and after a while they also began to beat me, punch me, whatever. I couldn’t handle it anymore and and had like zero self confidence and I told my parents everything. (Meanwhile my self harm was getting worse and worse) Surprisingly my parents helped me and were really understanding so I started getting better after I changed school. I had really bad Depression but i thought i was getting out of it. I met a girl and we became really good friends (my first “real” friend) and i started gaining a bit more confidence. a few months later i found out that she was talking shit all the time behind my back calling really bad things. I had such a breakdown and fell back into my Depressions and started harming myself again but this time it was really bad. I told myself to never let anybody near to me again so i build something like a wall. I was struggling with myself, my body, my eyes, my hair, clearly everything. I never went out, I always stayed at home and cried myself to sleep every night. i couldn’t handle my life anymore. I told myself that no one would ever love me. After a year I met new people from my current class, they turned out to be really nice and I now have good friends, so I had no reason for not being happy, but I still was. I tried to forget the past but it was too hard for me and i cried so much and told myself i was not enough so i decided to end it all and kill myself. My attempt failed (i still regret it that i tried to kill myself) and since then I was in therapy for a few months. I pretended that i’m happy so it would end faster. I still got Depressions and Anxiety but I got used to it.
6 Months ago I met a boy (he is my first boyfriend and my first love) and as i saw him i got so attached to him. 2 months later we came together and this 6 months are the happiest i’ve ever had. I feel like i’m finally happy. i feel appreciated and loved. i love him with all my heart and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m so happy I met him and I couldn’t live without him.
My Depression is sometimes still here (really seldom, once a month i have some flashbacks and don’t feel good but that’s all), I don’t really talk about it but I can’t completely get though it even though i’m so happy rn . But I have to say that i don’t harm myself anymore, i gained self confidence, i got mentally stable and my depression is nearly gone.
And everything because of my boyfriend. I’m so thankful he showed me that life is worth living by loving me and i’m so glad that he helped me trough my depression and bad times. He’s everything I ever wanted and wished for and always there for me.
I just wanted to tell my story for everyone who is struggling with depression right now and fearing of never getting thought this. Life can really get better, stay strong.
| self.offmychest |
I think I've come to my end. Possible Trigger Warning. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I want a boyfriend so bad it's eating me from the inside out [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
My pdoc told me she doesn’t think I have bipolar? Has this happened to anyone else? Today I saw my pdoc for the first time in a couple of weeks. Last time I was there I was pretty depressed, and I’ve been hypo for a couple of days now. We were talking about dreams I’ve been having and some trauma stuff (she specializes in PTSD), and she kind of just...said it. She said that she doesn’t think my chemical imbalance is “that bad” and that I need to be less resistant to talking about my trauma because that will help me more than my medications (she prescribed my meds).
It felt really...weird? It was something she said in my initial screening with her, but then she diagnosed me with type II and put me on Lamictal, which has helped me TREMENDOUSLY (along with antidepressants). I don’t know how to take it or if I even should take it as anything, it just felt so out of nowhere and it didn’t make sense. Has this happened to any of you guys? Should I discuss this with her the next time I see her? It felt kind of dismissive and pushy as far as getting me to talk about things more. I have a hard time keeping track of things I should be bringing up with her, and I was thinking of bringing my journal the next time I see her to hopefully help with that. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or what, but it was just so strange. | self.bipolar |
Second attempt I have tried to kill myself before but it didn’t work out, mainly because I was using an iPhone cable and my ceiling light as a makeshift noose to end it.
The thin cable snapped, not before seriously fucking up my neck to the point where it’s hard to have it support itself for long periods of time and resort to painkillers because the constant pain is unbearable. Not to mention I can crack it with the slightest movement now, which creeps some people the fuck out.
Anyways my point is, despite my brief moment of clarity when I hit the ground on my ass before fainting, my life has only gotten worse and the only thing stopping me from trying again is the fear of another failure and more medical complications which may leave me paralysed and unable to try again.
I need an effective way, I don’t want to fuck up again, I don’t want to discuss what’s wrong with me, I just want to die.
Somebody please help me out | self.SuicideWatch |
I dont have an option to live a happy life anymore suicide is what i want and need We've been drinking with my friends this weekend and i have said such a nasty thing that i cant think about meeting friends anymore. I after i said this we had long talk and im so sad that i said that even tho i never meant to sat this but even saying words like that, i cant live with them, this was worst day of my life and it will haunt me forever if i dont do something. | self.SuicideWatch |
Stuck between suicide and hope I'm pretty tired of always going through these ups and downs. Some days I feel like I may actually be happy one day. Then I get low like today and wonder if it's worth it? Is it really worth living going through these super depressed, angry, anxious phases just to get out of it temporarily? I procrastinate like crazy because I just don't care enough anymore. Plus I struggle to make friends, never had a gf and I'm 26. Tbh I don't even know if I want to have a gf anymore. I don't even know what I want in life anymore. I've wasted so much time with my porn addiction. I'm studying something that doesn't interest me much.
Now I'm not here for sympathy, I know lots of my pain was caused by me. You can argue that I had a shitty childhood, but I'm an adult now and could've made better decisions. I am where I am because of my decisions. So only I can change my situation. But yeah, I'm planning on ending it all 31 December if I don't see any improvements. My plan is to journal, meditate, take cold showers, exercise, eat good, no porn and minimizing internet time. This gives me 42 days of a pure lifestyle. If life still sucks after the 42 days I'm done. Peace | self.SuicideWatch |
It's not the anxiety it's how I react to it [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
i dont want to get better ive gone to the hospital, therapy, group therapy, talked to my 2 friends and sister, reached out to one person in my environment for the first time in years, done self care methods, taken my meds, been avoiding my abuser, and i still want to die. hell, its gotten worse, or better if i really think about it. nothing is convincing me that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live. the mere fact that im "trying" makes me angry that im getting out of my toxic mindset. ive been in it for so long i call it home. and it is my home. all these people care about me and i just dont want to have them do so. i do not want more consequences if i survive anything. i cant risk another hospital visit because my selfharming is going to be found out and i love it too much to want to stop it, and everyone is going to do their very best to restrict me for the freedom ive been so depraved of. i dont want to live to go through another hospital visit. i dont care that people love and care about me, ive hurt them so much for being like this in the first place, everything is my fault. its not a matter of i "think", i "am". ive been studying the methods and i have a plan that i need to touch up on. ive already gotten past fearing death and permanent damage, all i strive for is to make it lethal. im buying rope soon. i just dont care if i matter anymore, because i dont. everyone should know and accept this. the worst part? i cant talk about it, or all i fear would happen is going to kill me instead. why help someone who doesnt want to be helped? who doesnt try enough and therefore hurts and disappoints everyone? i look at people who dont always get help but still want it and im alone. i get "help" but i dont want it. its stopping me from killing myself and it makes me more upset. living is not worth it. even writing this isnt significant or helping at all, but i felt like getting my thoughts out because it really doesnt matter in the end. might as well be an even worse person by whining. i dont know if anyone else doesnt want help even if theyre getting it. im a bad person. im a bad person. | self.SuicideWatch |
Friday is my last day alive What more is there to say, after I come off stage for the final time, after I have said goodbye to everyone in the room and anyone watching the stream or the video, I am going to end my life, not in front of everyone as a spectacle, but quietly somewhere private and meaningless, so that if my note is found quickly, at least I will have time to die.
Goodbye Reddit | self.SuicideWatch |
I don't know how to stand up to boss. Please help me. I was hired to do Graphic Design and Website maintenance. But I am constantly being scheduled to do check-ins at events, take care of children, set up for events, work at a reception desk. I do my Graphic Design and website work Mon-Friday for 8 hours a day, and then sometimes am told to work later that day (with little or no notice) So sometimes I will have to work from 09 am - 9 pm with only a 30-minute break. I am full time and 20, with bad anxiety disorder and Depression. Then on Saturday and Sunday My boss will spring it on me that I am "scheduled" to work those days to do some random task. When there is never a written schedule for me, and I wasn't hired to do those tasks. So then Saturday and Sunday I will be working all day.
The fact of the matter is that I NEED to see a therapist at least once a week. But I don't know how to stand up to my boss when she has been so nice to me all the time (other than scheduling me like this). If I can't have at least 1 day off a week I will cut my wrists because I am so stressed out all the time.
I desperately need some advice. I never get to see my family, work out, or do anything. I have an extreme anxiety of driving at night and it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to work on the weekends so sporadically. I have slept in my car too many nights to count because I am so scared of driving at night.
I signed the thing at the beginning of my hire that says I have a disability but I guess no one at my work cares if I live or if I die. I can't get any time to see a therapist so I may as well just kill myself. | self.Anxiety |
Going Through a Breakup Today my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me. I know that's not very long for some, but he was my first boyfriend ever (we are both 25, for reference). Things started to head in that direction when I fell into a horrible suicidal depressive episode from December 2017 - January 2018. I've finally started to come out on the other side. I wanted to try to fix things...I think he felt like he couldn't be "good" for me and gave up.
I didn't know a heart could be so broken. I don't know why I'm really posting this here...I guess I feel like my illness drove him away. I wish I didn't have BP2. | self.bipolar |
Just miss her you know? I've been with this girl for a year.
She was abusive towards me emotinally and phisically.
Eventually she cheated on me and split with me, and i was just broken, faded, and alone.
It's been months and although i am getting better, everynow and then i just think about it and wanna jump out the 6th floor window.
The CONSTANT migrains and coming out as bisexual to my friends and family sure dosen't help and i just wanna know how to get over her.
I can't get in touch with anyone because i'm so scared of being burnt like that again. Just can't go thorugh with it. | self.SuicideWatch |
19/M - Worried about my health I've posted here a couple of times this week, and I'm still feeling very anxious. A couple of days ago I woke up with a slight numbness and muscle weakness in my body after a few days of non stop worrying about cancer. I've also felt a lot more muscle twitches in my body (though I've always had those). The cancer worry has passed, but the numbness and weakness have really started to make me anxious. I just finished my sophomore Fall semester finals and I got home and wanted this break to be nice and therapeutic so that I would stop worrying about my health. However, my mind is set on the possibility of diabetes or MS as an explanation for my symptoms. My depersonalization has come back strong and I've felt very tired recently and I don't know what is symptoms are causing/caused by other ones. I've been anxious this whole semester to a high degree but I've never felt symptoms like these before. Someone help?
EDIT: For reference, I'm 5'9", 173 lbs | self.Anxiety |
I just realized that living with ongoing depression is like a company operating in the red The problems that drain resources never seem to go away.
You have to beg, borrow and steal for every positive you can because you can't afford not to. Every avenue must be explored and you have to cut things out of the budget wherever possible.
Seeming windfalls are just that- they're temporary and you know that consistency is the key to turning things around.
You can be bailed out, but for how long? Eventually it comes down to your own self-reliance, which is part of the problem.
Other companies that could help tend to prefer those that offer synergy, not pull them down with liabilities.
Most companies operate in the black and insist they've hit hard times and turned things around. So it should be no problem for you, right? | self.depression |
4 years 4 years of being single. After watching my soul mate be destroyed by her own mind, having her leave me. Hearing of her rape and subsequent suicide.
I try to move on. I do. this year i've been rejected 43 times in a row. I haven't been laid in years. I've started getting hammered nearly nightly.
I'm so done. I don't honestly know where my life goes from here.
Everybody i try to date says " Oh but your such a good friend I dont want to ruin it"
I don't care how good a friend I am. I have enough fucking friends. I need a lover. Someone to be intimate with. someone to hold when I'm sleeping. someone to tell me its alright when i have a shitty day. Someone to live for, because i'm not worth it on my own
Right now the only thing keeping me tethered to this earthly plane is my dog, once shes gone i wont have anyone who truley loves me and I honestly don't see a point in continuing on.
I'm alone, angry, and sad.
There is literally only one thing I live for and I'm scared to death of what I might do once shes gone.
I stay positive when other people are around, I act like everything is awesome.
But its not. it's 100% awful and lonely and... | self.offmychest |
Live and take trips with someone before you marry him [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Does anyone else feel constantly exhausted? I have severe anxiety and will get upset over the smallest things. I’m literally *always* exhausted to the point where I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I was planning on going to a furniture shop with my mom today but I told her I just don’t have the energy to get ready, much less get out of the house.
I’ve always thought I’m mostly housebound because of the anxiety itself, but I’m beginning to think it’s due to the sheer exhaustion anxiety is causing me. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t miserably tired and yes, I do get enough sleep.
I really don’t know what to do at this point.
Does anyone have any tips on what could help to fix this? Is it possible this is somewhat psychosomatic?
Any input would be much appreciated. | self.Anxiety |
I started talking to somebody I really love again We stopped talking a few years ago after 8th grade when we went to different high schools, only talking a bit through messenger here and there about twice a year. I really loved this person, I mean, they were one of the few people my age since 1st grade that treated me like a respectable human being; almost everybody else I either just didn't fit in with or didn't get along with. Hopefully this leads to more talk and we start to hang out more (▰˘◡˘▰)
(also this is a secret I have never told my feelings about them to anyone before, they told me that they had a crush on someone else so I didn't think it was worth it) | self.offmychest |
God damn it. God damn it. I held the fucking blade at my wrist for almost 20 minutes trying to get myself to end it all but I just couldn't. I don't know why. I hate myself for it. All I want is to die, yet i fucking pussy out when I have a chance. Why am I like this? I'm so fucking stupid. Fuck. Maybe next time I can find the courage. | self.SuicideWatch |
It's been almost 7 years.. 7 years.. Holy shit.. It'll be 7 years in May..
It still feels like yesterday when I got that call from your dad, telling me what happened. And I remember dropping everything I was doing at work, and rushing to the hospital.
Slowly walking into the room, with your family gathered around you, that's when it hit me, and I broke down.. I lost it.. Couldn't control myself, and I couldn't stop crying.
When I had to say goodbye, it broke my fucking heart.. Losing my best friend, my fiancé, was the hardest day of my life.
But every year after, the pain slowly faded away, and it didn't haunt me anymore.
But last week, when your dad called me and said that he'd be in town for work, and wanted to get together, it made my day. Hadn't seen/heard from him in about 6 months. But last night, when your sister called, and told me that your dad passed away in his sleep from a heart attack, it was like the whole world had stopped spinning again..
Fuck, it's been a long weekend. And damnit, it's gonna be a long week..
P.S. Mr Rhodes, give Elaina a hug for me, and tell her I miss her, and that I'm doing alright. I'll see you both again one day. | self.depression |
I got a bad review So, I work at chuck e cheese... and let me just say, sometimes its great, and sometimes its not. Dealing with a bunch of loose kids, and rude parents can’t be fun. I’m a party host, and i got a bad review at work. The mom claimed that i was rude, and that the party wasn’t set up when they got there. I dont remember considering i had probably 4 other parties since then, but i’m just tired. I had a whole other party going on while they got there and someone else set it up, not me. I also had a rude party yesterday where i tried being so nice and they had attitiudes, demanding things. I’ve been here 3 weeks now. With the amount of tips i’ve gotten and people i’ve gotten along with, i wouldnt say i’m bad. I’m just tired. It made me upset i got a BAD review. I dont wanna get fired or anything. And people dont get how stressful the job can sometimes be, especially for someone in highschool. has anyone else gotten a bad review? | self.offmychest |
Relationship ended. Of course. without going into too much grueling detail, my relationship that i valued very highly has ended. i was already having constant suicidal ideations, a condition exacerbated by my father's actual suicide a few months back. i even made a post here before about my desire to hang myself being thwarted by my attic not having horizontal rafters. i, like so many others here, feel totally worthless. i'm almost 30 and have accomplished nothing in life except becoming more and more bitter at the world. i finally found someone who loved me despite this and now they're gone. the suicidal ideations are now at what can only be described as a fever pitch. i'm burning through my friends' patience at a blistering rate by constantly leaning on them. i don't feel like i have the strength to do what needs to be done to have a better life. i don't have the strength to seek help or get a better job or become educated. life is empty and pointless and i can't remember a time where i wanted to live it. it's just an endless nightmare of misery and i want to wake up. i can't imagine living through another 40-50 years of this. the good does not outweigh the bad. god. i'm just, so tired. i don't even want help anymore. i just want to be done. | self.SuicideWatch |
anxiety and flirting. So basically you’re fkd. Right? (Any advice is helpful) Good evening my lovely fellow anxiety sufferers and or conquers. I have a quandary and I didn’t know where else to go so naturally I’m asking strangers on the internet their opinions. I suffer from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) but it seems to skyrocket when it’s in the context of “flirting”. I know this is fairly normal but let me explain the extent of which the rocket soars and inevitably crashes and burns. Also, side note, when I say flirting it’s not a purposeful attempt at winning affection it’s more taking to someone I have a larger than life crush on and want to make a solid impression. You know like I’m not a giant dumpster fire of anxiety and emotions...
I digress, so there is this guy that I work with, we’ll call him peaches, that I have a HUGE thang for. Yes, THANG. He makes my 23 year old ice queen heart just a little less frozen. But without spending this whole post listing the million reasons why I’m so infatuated I’ll save you the details and just say he seems to be everything I’m looking for. Now we have only really known each other for about 6 months, so keep that in mind. We talk all day while at work and play video games together at night and chat while doing so as well. (I know, just a couple nerds.) but he doesn’t know me well enough to understand my anxiety and how my brain works..or doesn’t work. And when I feel like I’ve botched a conversation or made something awkward instead of just letting it go I dig myself a deeper hole. For instance at work we have a chat program like Facebook messenger essentially and he and I will be talking and having a good time when all the sudden I feel like I’ve said something wrong or my point was skewed and there’s no going back. So I just continue to send him messages acting like everything is fine when in reality I’ve kind of blacked out and when I come too I’ve sent him 7 messages to his original 2. It’s ALWAYS overkill. I’ve been told by a close friend I also work with that I just need to remind myself that he’s not ignoring me, he’s working...but idk, it just never happens like that.
What I’m asking is, does anyone have any experiences with trying to get to know someone on a deeper level while also handling the anxiety of it all with grace and poise? Or at least without it all coming down in a ball of fire and explosions. I like this guy and I really want, at least, to keep his friendship but I’m so afraid my anxiety is going to push him away.
THANK YOU ALL LOVELY PEOPLE. 💕
| self.Anxiety |
Social Anxiety? I’ve been reading on this forum for the past few days now because I’ve been under the assumption that I have anxiety, but reading about others social anxiety and realizing their thoughts mirror mine have made me wonder if I have social anxiety.
I don’t like asking people for things because I don’t want to come off as a nuisance, I don’t like explaining how I feel sometimes because I just feel like I’m not important enough, like there are people out there with worse situations and I don’t want to seem selfish and I don’t want everything to be about me and people doing nice things for me and caring scares me sometimes because I just feel worthless that way. Is that a part of having social anxiety? I’ve been like this since 7th grade and I’m in college now, I’ve had a lot of problems in my past with people because I was incapable of standing up or speaking out for myself. | self.Anxiety |
Every few months I end up back here reddit. I am going for so much therapy but nothing is changing. I take one step forward and my family says something that pushes me 100 steps back. Their words are like poison. And yet I am not dying. I just can’t live anymore. Please kill me. Please. Edit - Thank you so much to anyone who replied! It meant a lot! I felt like someone cared and that meant the most! Hope you are doing well! | self.SuicideWatch |
Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with depression and it fucking sucks [deleted] | self.depression |
When you're feeling anxious, I dare you... ...to say, "let's see what happens." | self.Anxiety |
How is there any free-will, if while being self-aware you can't do the things you love? [deleted] | self.depression |
It's a lonely world Little sob story here but shit I have nowhere else to turn.
I've had quite a life. I know it's not as bad as some have had it but it still eats at me. I started off in a happy home: loving parents, reasonably ok financially, and for the most part a good moral "religious" upbringing. Soon enough it started to go down hill. Parents split, which I thought was bad at the time, but that was only the beginning. Dad turned to alcohol and violence, Mom turned inwards. Both suffered from depression and I caught both in the act of trying to take their own lives. I say their own lightly because the Dad wasn't pointing the gun to just himself. After that the folks turned to this legal battle which left both bankrupt to the point of not knowing where my next meal was coming from. We lost the house and I was uprooted from my only lifeline. My closest friend. We kept in touch but he was having troubles of his own and I almost lost him to suicide as well. I was a world away and could be no help. It destroyed me. I'm fortunate that he's still with me today. I lost my religion. I've made peace with it now but I was angry at the time. Angry that the one thing that was supposed to bring guarenteed justice to the world let me down. I was in a void that lead to ideations myself. But I tried to keep hope that it would get better. It had to. I saw opportunities that would get me out of my situation so I left home as soon as I could and joined the military.
I've found my demons have followed me. For the longest time I saw the military as an escape, but it was just a distraction. It helped and I was able to start building a better life for myself, but I've found myself alone. I've been betrayed by my closest friends when I tried to help them in a time of need. I've been betrayed by potential lovers as soon as I let my guard down. And I've been wrung dry in my professional life with nothing to show for it. I've tried to have genuine relationships but it always bites me in the ass. I've been told I show symptoms of being what they call an "Adult Child of Alcoholics" and I've looked into it. It all makes sense logically. But that's all life has ever been, logical. All it's brought me is loneliness. I honestly don't know what to do.
The one thing I can say is that my ideations are gone. I genuinely think life's worth living or it can be. I'm just lost now trying to build a life out of nothing. And lost on how to have a healthy relationship of any kind when I don't even know what it looks like. | self.depression |
Have you noticed a connection between aDHD and anxiety and depression So for the past few days, I haven't had my headphones meaning I haven't been able to listen to music. For a while now, I've felt like I have anxiety or depression or even both (I haven't been diagnosed with either). Over the past few days, I've noticed a very high anxiety level and depression symptoms kick in more than normal for me. I see a psychotherapist once a week but I'm uncomfortable talking to her about possible anxiety or depression. I've considered cutting and have had suicidal thoughts before. I get overwhelmed easily, even with medication which builds up into anxiety and then depression, at least for me. I guess what I'm asking is has anyone else with ADHD developed Anxiety or Depression or the other way around? Thanks <3
(This is my first ever Reddit post so I'm sorry if it's bad. | self.Anxiety |
Soooo some side effects popped up Hello friends. I’m posting a lot here recently, and I think it’s just because of my newness to the illness.
Just for the record: I’m taking lithium and lamictal too. 900mg and 175 over the span of my day.
So I started taking Latuda 20mg recently. It’s been 4 days. The first day I was okay. The second night I thought I was dying. I felt a strange breathlessness and empty headedness that I have only felt in one other circumstance. When I’ve had too much to drink. Know the spins? And the breathing? And the nausea? Like that. But no alcohol.
Another thing that’s been happening constantly since I started the new medicine is that I have these waves wash over me where my ears get super heavy, and I sort of get tunnel vision or like a darkening of my sight. Like the air around me has gained weight or some thing. Clammy hands and feet, SUPER restlessness.
Now I understand they say you can get akathisia with Latuda but like... what the fuck kinda akathisia is this lol?
I’d really appreciate any feedback if any of you had a similar experience. I’m so sick of a bad high revisiting me every couple of hours. | self.bipolar |
I'm going to do that It is already decided, my last will is being prepared, I will set an automatic message to the police to be sent in a few days. My death will be much quicker, but I want to have the certitude. Already learned to make the simple noose, just looking for the perfect place in my apartment.
This is a message for the future. Yet an other transgender woman will stop her suffering like this. I wish I was never born, or I wish I was born with the right body. I will not read your comments, but I want you to promise, that you will do everything you can to help any people for whom there is still hope. | self.SuicideWatch |
Depression attack’s I don’t know what else to call them. I’m usually a normal guy but every now and then I just get sad, usually I just start thinking I’m worthless and garbage, sometimes I start crying and rarely I borderline start writing my suicide note. There’s almost never a clear reason for these “ attack’s “. I just had one that envolved me sitting on my bathroom floor for 5 minutes straight crying. I don’t know what to do, or if this even belongs on this sub. but I felt like I needed to share. Thanks for reading. | self.depression |
New plan So still trying to end my life. I think today I'm going to buy some sort of syrup that has pseudoephedrine and tylenol both in it. Take ondansetron first to help control the nausea, then down 2 bottles. | self.SuicideWatch |
Fire Grows Who'd have thought that I could
Break a heart like that
I know I don't regret it as much as I should as I could
But I think that I can live with it
Cause when I try too hard
It always falls apart
So I'm left picking up the pieces of what could've been should've been
Before it has the chance to start
Oh so the story goes
They love you till they don't
They curse you then the won't
Who'd have though that I could
Fall apart like that
I swear I tried my best
I have it all that I could like I should
But I guess it wasn't meant to last
Of so the fire grows
They love you when it glows
Then curse you when it grows
Watch it go there it goes | self.bipolar |
Does anybody else have horrible hygiene when they are very depressed ? [deleted] | self.depression |
I can't see it or feel it but it's killing me So I have IBS and a major cause of it is stress and anxiety, but the problem is I feel sick and terrible even when I don't feel anxiety. It's like it's subconscious, and I don't know how to deal with it. | self.Anxiety |
Looking for opinions on what prescription helped your depression I am currently on 900mg of lithium and have been for almost two years. It does work great but recently my lows have been lower and for longer periods.
I was curious what kinds of prescriptions work for your depression? I see my pdoc in two weeks so I was looking for options as to what's out there before my appointment.
My manic episode was brought on by being on Zoloft so I know I should avoid an SSRI but other than that, is there any medications you would recommend for depression and what are some side effects I should expect? | self.bipolar |
I feel like giving up I don't see myself lasting much Longer. I'm trying, trying so hard. But I've already found myself enough of something to take me out. I have noone to help no one to talk to. I just want to be happy it's so hard feeling so alone | self.SuicideWatch |
We should create a whatsapp group for people who want to talk [deleted] | self.depression |
I think lower of people who have cable tv on in the background. This is the norm for the family I've been staying with and it drives me crazy. Especially because it's always a mix of either Fox News or an annoying kid's show. | self.offmychest |
Why now OCD? Why now? Hey everybody, this may be a little long, so I apologize, but I’ll include a tl;dr. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12 and it has caused me so much pain in the 10 years since. I have experienced Pure-O OCD, which is basically mental torture. I have experience POCD (ask me in comments, don’t really wanna describe it here).
I have been on and off of medication, in and out of therapy, and severely shelter for much of my life thanks to this disorder. My OCD tortured my mind, made personal relationships hell, destroyed my understand of religion (which I greatly rely on, kinda complicated) and much more.
Despite all of this, I just graduated from college with a computer science degree, got my first full time job, moved into a house with friends, and most recently, started a relationship with a wonderful girl. For once in my life, this are good. I’m happy, I’m independent (mostly), and I’m finally beginning to free myself from the mental oppression.
I think getting a girl friend and beginning to get intimate with her (remember religious background) is what began to trigger my OCD. I am starting to have obsessive thoughts again, and I can even feel some compulsions trying to get back into my brain.
I am so angry and frustrated, almost to the point of tears. I have worked so hard to get where I am, and I feel like it is about to come crashing down.
Anyway, wanted to rant. I appreciate your support.
tl;dr: torture by OCD most of my life, finally doing better, got my first girlfriend, OCD coming back. | self.offmychest |
FUCK MY LIFE, I'M A FUCKING DISGRACE! LIFE HAS KICKED ME IN THE FACE FOR TOO LONG AND I WANT FUCKING DIE! I'm done with life, just when I thought I was getting better with my anti-depressants 200mg and CBT, life has decided to kick me in the face once again and beat me up while I'm down!
I'm fucking done with life, I want to hang myself in my bedroom and say fuck the world and wait for someone to see my body rot as it hangs from the coat hanger in my room. I don't want anyone to remember me or even think of me in the future because I'm a worthless piece of shit who does not deserve love from anyone!
I'm an ugly piece of shit with no future! I'm ready to take my life today!
Here is my last words before I go....
Mum, Dad, and my sweet little brother, I'm sorry that you have to see my body hanging in my room, lifeless and worthless, I'm sorry that our trips to Walt Disney World will feel like magical because I won't be there and it will feel more sober. I hope that the magic of Disney on your next trip can help you through the fact that I'm gone.
To my friends at university, I'm sorry that you'll have to carry with the project without me, I hope you do well because you would have failed with me in the group.
To my friends that I have met at the Download Festival since 2013, I'm sorry that I won't there next year to see Guns N Roses headline the main stage, nor will I get to see A7X and Ozzy headline. I'm sorry, but I hope you have a cold Jack Daniels for me next year when you go to Donington Park.
Again, I'm done with life, goodbye! | self.SuicideWatch |
"We want you to have your time to get better, but get better faster with this depression so you can go get a job." [removed] | self.depression |
Experiences coming off Quetiapine/Seroquel Hi all,
So I posted recently about my experiences coming off Quetiapine (Seroquel). When I started my titration I was on 250mg and now I'm at 50mg, about to drop to 25mg then zero. I decided to come off Seroquel due to massive weight gain (4 stone in a year, almost 30kg) as well as high blood pressure and pre-diabetic like symptoms. I've started taking Latuda (Lurasidone) as a replacement and I've tolerated it really well, in fact it's been far better for me as a mood stabiliser than Seroquel ever was.
I wanted to ask you guys, have any of you experienced coming off this drug, or any other antipsychotics, like Olanzipine or Risperdal? When I came off Olanzapine almost 3 years ago I dropped the weight pretty quickly, but I'm also concerned about not being able to sleep, as Seroquel really helps me get to bed at night. Does anyone here have any experiences? | self.bipolar |
Im done with this life Found a good sub to share my burden,
Until recently im living a good life, im 30yo, moved to bali island since august,
Work as chinese mandarin tourguide, with unstable income,but i felt so good, for the first time in my life i feel i can manage my own life,no need to live under anybody.
Nigthmare begin since nov, bali's mount agung eruption,
No more chinese tourist comes to.bali, since then until now i hav no job, no income,
More and more desperate when im running out money to living, i wake up on my dream life.
In my lowest point of my life, for the first time i dont.have anything to eat, my rent is coming, my phone bill,
I realize in this world im all alone, some of fellow tourguide is back to their home,
Im shivering, i dont have home to go back,
Im.all alone, to survive, i sold my watch, tv to pay rent
Now more desperate really run out anything, maybe will sold my phone, me n my dog already 3 days not eat well,
I cant see the future ,maybe will kill my dog then i hang myself,
I felt so tired,,,,with everything, with my life, so many unhappy, abused childhood, not well educated, arggghhhhh!!!
... | self.SuicideWatch |
Lexapro Can someone tell me how much lexapro would kill you?
Also would prothiden (which is a muscle relaxant and sleep aid) help kill you?
Thanks | self.SuicideWatch |
My dad committed suicide. My dad died on November 14, 2014. He killed himself by overdose, and some poor guy found him in the canyon and he was life flighted to the hospital. He was in a coma for a few days before we took him off life support and watched him die.
The reason he did this, is because he was addicted to pornography. He'd been addicted for years and years, and had made a program to search for porn and download it. He downloaded child porn that had been placed by the FBI, and on Nov. 14 2013 they came to my house at 10 pm with a search warrant. I was the one who answered the door to them. After hours of them searching our house, they took every single electronic device and bagged it. We lost thousands of family pictures and videos because of it. He was taken to jail that night, and we bailed him out in the morning. The following year was filled with therapy and court and sentencing, with the verdict being if he signed a paper registering him as a sex offender then he would get less prison time. In reality, he would've spent anywhere from 20 to life in prison. In that following year, we went to Disneyland and did all the things we'd been putting off. He was going to therapy, and working on becoming a better person. It was the best year I remember having with him. It was also the last.
As Nov. 14 was coming around again, he did his best to show us he loved us. The last time I saw him was when he drove me to early morning drivers ed. He said "I love you, have a good day darling." I said "Ok. Bye." I was not ready to forgive him. With all of my being I wish I had though. I wish I told him I loved him too; with all of my heart.
Instead I closed the car door and walked away.
The next time I saw him was in the hospital, hooked up to machines to control his breathing. He was a vegetable from not getting enough oxygen to his brain for hours on end. He died on that same day the FBI showed up. November 14.
I was 15 at the time.
The years following his death were full of behavioral hospitals and counseling. I self harmed any way I could, cutting, burning, starving, hitting myself to get bruises. Even now, when I've been clean for about 9 months, the urge is still there.
I had a boyfriend who had told me anyone who kills themselves goes to hell. I broke up with him.
We had to bury him on my moms birthday. Being raised Mormon, when we told a few select friends about his pornography problem they were disgusted and cut themselves out of our life. It's just me and my mom now; I'm her only child. I've gotten help and gone to therapy for a few years now, but she hasn't. She's still hurting so much, and I don't know how to help her.
She's the only person I have left.
| self.offmychest |
My New Years' Resolution 1. 8% body fat.
2. Get good grades (did really bad last semester since depression was just too bad).
3. Don't kill myself. | self.depression |
PLEASE HELP ME ANYONE I BEG YOU DON'T IGNORE ME PLEASE [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
What do I do? So, throwaway account because I don't know who knows my username and who doesn't. Maybe that's a bit paranoid but whatever.
I spent the last month or more manic. With no insight, very uncharacteristic episode for me. I might still be manic, I don't know. A lot of hypersexuality, a lot of impulsive decisions, a lot of very loud, very obnoxious, very inappropriate behavior and conversation.
I'm married. Quite happily for the past 10 or so years. Nary so much as a fight or argument that wasn't quickly settled with polite and direct dialogue. We are like one of those couples that have it together that nuzzle our noses and disgust everyone else with our affection. And yet, during this episode, I cheated. I cheated three times, with three different people. I can't look him in the eye now. I can't be in the same room as him, I feel so guilty. I'd rather be dead than deal with this guilt, or worse be left alone. I've cheated before too, not while we were married though....
I'm going insane with this. I'm pulling my hair out, I'm at my wits end! I don't even know if this is the end of the episode. My doctor keeps upping and upping my doses, and it feels like it stops it for a week or so but then it's back. My brain won't stop, but now I'm burning with this guilt, consumed by it. I can physically hear and feel the guilt, like the walls themselves are turning on me. Like at any moment he'll know, he'll leave me, I'll be dragged by the guilt to the river and I'll sink away.
I feel crazy, I want this to stop! Why doesn't anything work? | self.bipolar |
My boss deleted me off facebook. Happy Christmas I guess?
He's kept everyone else.
I always have thought he's a wonderful manager... but i guess this really cements my convinced mind that no one at work likes me.
:( | self.depression |
Sad feeling doesn't go away I think there is something wrong with me... I have this thing with me that always let me sad from times to times..
I had a nice life in Brazil, but I always felt like I didn't fit there. I had a nice job, flat, car, friends, family and bf.. life was not perfect but I had enough to be considered happy.. but I was always feeling sad and questioning what was life about..
Then I moved to Netherlands, and it has been two years since I've been living here.. I have been through a lot.. (mentally speaking)
at some point I realized my family and friends in Brazil didn't seem to care about myself anymore and I realized that we are all alone in this world.. I hate been that sensitive, you know..
Now I have a nice life for Dutch standards, have a nice job, but I'm still not happy..
i have been going to parties, having sex with different dates, taking a bunch of drugs, but nothing seems give me joy anymore.. at some point i think I just don't care..
wish I could switch some button on me and I could turn greatful for everything I have reached and be happy for it but it's difficult..
Im also very needy person.. don't know how to change it..
I try to keep busy as much as possible (I go to gym very often, work full time and started a part time master) but I this sad feeling doesn't leave me..
I started taking 5-HTP to see if something changes.. don't know..
Im a just confused and sad guy I guess.. it seems so easy to everyone else.. wish I could be normal..
im shy and introvert most of the times.. don't have many friends here..
Does anyone have any advice ? | self.SuicideWatch |
29 [M4F] anxious seeking Anxious **WHO AM I**
My name is Andrew and I am a 29 years old attorney living in New York. Im awkward, have social anxiety, make stupid jokes and then question them hours later and I definitely am a nerd.
At the same time, Im a great listener and reader of people. After just a short period of time I feel Im able to connect to people and understand things about them that they never knew themselves or could never put into words.
My interests include movies, sports, reading, writing and exploring new places and travelling!
**WHAT IM LOOKING FOR**
Im looking for someone interested in a long term friendship and someone to talk with on a daily basis. We can talk about our lives and you can express things to someone who is ready, willing and able to truly listen.
I want to find someone to have a genuine human connection with, someone to not only discuss our daily lives but what drives us, what scares us, what brings us joy and what brings of sadness.
Im looking for someone to have my back and know that I have yours. Someone who I can trust and share a sense of loyalty and mutual respect with.
**WHERE TO GO NEXT**
Shoot me a message in a nice little orange envelope and introduce yourself! You dont need your life story but Id like to know more about you!
What drew you to my post? What do we have in common? What are some of your favorite hobbies? What do you do for a living? What is something youre looking forward to? Anything to break the ice and get us talking!
Looking forward to hearing from you! | self.Anxiety |
Those who don't have jobs, how do you make a living? [deleted] | self.depression |
When a depressed guy loves Its so hard when a depressed guy loves
I always want her
Every single time
Until the day I die. I want her
But i feel unwanted
I'm being stupid but I must fight.
This is my first post here on reddit
I just don't have anyone to talk with | self.depression |
Rapid Cycling sucks Its been a hard few weeks. Then I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, energized and motivated. I spent two weeks with bronchitis and feeling miserable and then.. the feeling I get when the productive (thankfully) kind of hypomania hits. I cleaned up all of the dishes, and whatever else seemed laying around. I was going to get a shower after I cleaned my fish tank only to realize the filter wasn't doing it's job well and the gunk wasn't being cleaned like it should have been. Then things seemed a lot more difficult then before. I lost motivation and I was feeling overwhelmed. Suddenly everything was to much. I have a panic attack , my boyfriend comes out to help me...and after it ends I relax. Then I lost that good feeling I had and now I'm just tired. I don't have the energy to get off my couch to use the bathroom or move to the room for a nap. I guess medication has its limits, right? | self.bipolar |
I got evicted I turned on the wrong burner and that melted a piece of plastic that started a fire. My place is also a mess. Between those two things I got evicted. I'm not fighting it so please don't tell me that. I'm so stressed. I have two weeks to move. I don't know how I'll do it. I'm not stable as it is. | self.bipolar |
sex after 2.5 weeks its been 2.5 weeks. I was starting to give up. I was sure you weren't attracted any more and it was eating me up. but last night you initiated and it lifted the weight off my shoulders. its hard being the girl with the hl and dating a boy with a ll. | self.offmychest |
Help for my dad I’ve recently been made aware of how low my dad has become mentally. He’s overworked, depressed and in his own words ‘just waiting to have a stroke and die’. He doesn’t feel like he can talk to anyone, to which I suggested seeking professional help but I doubt he’d seek this for himself.
How do I approach this? Where do I even begin to find my dad help without making him feel like he’s being forced into it? I am really concerned that he could potentially hurt himself if these feelings oh his are left to brew. | self.depression |
Called out due to weather and now I feel horrible So it snowed pretty hard around me yesterday. It has been below freezing for about a day and a half. My street is pretty frozen and I also go to work around 6:30 am.
So I called out. Shouldn’t have done that. Now my anxiety is exploding.
My job has stressed that it is our (employees) right to call out. If we need to we can. But of course my anxiety won’t let me think anything other than me getting fired. I’m technically still under probation but I have called out before (dog got hit by a car). I didn’t call out at my last job ever for this very reason.
Why do I have to be this way. I HATE anxiety. | self.Anxiety |
My girlfriend is beating her sickness, this is the best day of my life. My girlfriend suffers from severe anemia (less than half the average amount of red blood cells) asthma, and she has a cyst in her uterus, it's making her life hell, her body is very weak and no matter what she does she can't get better.
Last month she finally went to the doctor after she collapsed in her university because of an asthma attack, she gave her many medicines and even contraceptive pills, and gave her an appointment for today.
Back then things were stable between us, but ever since last week we had a lot of arguments, and things were extremely bad between us, I even considered break up, she is going through a very painful and hard period and few days ago she said that she stopped taking her medicine for no reason, I didn't give up on trying to help her during all that and I never will give up on her.
Today was the date of her appointment with the doctor, she didn't sleep last night, she has a fearful nature and is very insecure because of her sickness, she thinks that because there is a chance she might not get pregnant because of her weak body I'll leave her, or that she is a burden... None of this is true, anyway, as I said she didn't sleep last night and was very scared, she went there, and her results came out, I asked her about it and she didn't give a clear answer, but asked me what do I think the results were, I said it's probably still there because you weren't taking your medicine correctly, she didn't deny it and she sounded cold, 20 minutes later, she called me, and said that she has to say something, what she said literally made me cry, she said that she beat it... My sweetheart got rid of that cyst, it's gone ! She will finally move forward, her health will finally get better, less asthma attacks, less anemia, I'm so happy... And I have no one to share this happiness with so I'm sharing it with you fellow redditers, no one of you has an idea of how happy I am right now, may god bless you my sweet Aria I love you... I know I've said too much over a simple thing but no words can express the extent of my happiness. | self.offmychest |
Absolutely no motivation or passion anymore, failing classes and losing friends. [deleted] | self.depression |
Kill me please! Shortest dude altime among people I met (5'1 M/21) [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Help!!!! I have no one in this world all I want to do is dye and my mentally help illness does not help cuz they all think I'm allways happy | self.SuicideWatch |
Hi I’m loosing my mind I’m a little buzzed at the moment so bare with me on this. I drink to calm my anxiety and the racing thoughts in my head. Frikkin sue me. I keep having dreams about my ex who I experienced lots of sexual trauma with. I probably miss him. But we were toxic together. Sexual and emotional. I guess I miss that kind of lifestyle.. drugs and alcohol. But I only drink when I have off. It gives me a sense of relaxation that I haven’t found anywhere else yet. I’m 24 and a half I work at McDonald’s and I’m extremely shy and full of anxiety running through my body. I’ve been this way all my life. I used men to get that attention I never got as a teen from my dad. I’m edgy and I do love god. I cuss and I drink. But I still pray at the end of the night. Oh and I live in a small two ⭐️ star town. And I’m seeking to leave and explore but I don’t get paid that much. I miss having someone to lay next to me. Nothing sexual but just to lay next to me and be present with me. I believe in spiritual connections and friendship before anything. I hate that I drink in order to feel somewhat relaxed. It’s not a good habit to catch up on but it’s all I can think of. I have major trust issues and I’m scared of the world. I don’t know much besides this small town I’ve lived in for 24 years. I love my cat jaspurr. He’s probably my only friend. Everyone else I had to cut out due to bad lifestyles and partying. I wanted more than that I got exhausted from it. But I still kind of have that edgy ness too me. I believe in mistakes and learning. I’ve learned a lot so far in my life. And I’ll probably feel more. I do miss having someone to share my chaotic life with. But I’m really good at pushing people away and always loose myself in them. I’ve been single now since august 2016 and it’s been a battle because I like to seek attention mainly when I’m alone or late at night because I’m a night owl. It’s a bad habit that doesn’t get me anywhere but shame. So I’m trying to break that cycle of behavior. I deserve more and I know that now. But it’s hard to find someone who can deal with me. Mentally and emotionally. All the anxiety attacks and reassurance and fears of the world. I hope one day it’ll come in the most beautiful precious way. I shall be waiting. I still have hope but it’s just so hard to be patient. I’ve been through a lot physically and I just want to be taken care of in a sensitive passionate way. I still have things to work on mentally. Trust and to see the clear picture. But for now I will stand on my feet and walk and run and do things for myself until it comes. I feel like I’m whining like a small child. I just want so much more and yet I’m still haunted by my horrible past... | self.depression |
I finally came out to my close friends that I have depression, and now I'm being alienated because I'm "not mentally stable" Probably a rant, but what the fuck.
This last college semester was horrible on me, and I came out of it with depression and depression meds. I'm 19M in college right now. I thought it was pretty obvious, but I wanted to tell my friends about why I've been talking less and have been hermitting myself out a little. So the next time we're all together, I tell them that I have depression and that's why I'm taking meds and that's why I've gotten so quiet, ect. And... Barely any response. Basically just some "oh, ok..." Like really? But it get's better.
So the night after I tell them, I get a message from one of my "friends", whom I was going to room with next year. The message said, and I can quote, that they "don't feel safe around a mentally dark person" in their house. Ok, what? Even better, the convo goes on and says that my group of friends were talking... And they don't want to, in quotes again, "Associate with a mentally dark person" as a friend. Like what the fuck? It's been a week and they've lived up to it. Suddenly I'm not getting invited anywhere or anything. If I'm with my friends (I still try to hang out), I'll get heavily ignored. Like what the fuck, my depression has now gotten so much worse.
I want to ditch every single one of them, but I honestly don't have any other close friends outside of this group. I'm trying my best to find new friends, and if that happens, I 'll happily leave these people who consider depression sufferers "dark and unstable and unsafe". Just needed to rant
Edit: Also thank you for all the hug PMs they really do help ;-;
Edit 2: Wow this blew up, in my point of view anyways. I'm going to talk to them, and cut out whoever is still toxic about it. I'm going to try hard to make new friends. **I WILL MAKE A PART 2 TO THIS IN MAYBE A WEEK OR TWO, JUST TO UPDATE WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE GONE/ARE GOING THROUGH THIS AND I WANT TO HELP THEM IF I CAN WITH MY CURRENT STUGGLE**
Edit 3: REALLY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HUG COMMENTS AND PMs ;-; | self.depression |
I got Dumped. Girlfriend broke up with me. And i just wanna die. she was really the only thing holding me together. And now i feel like I'm just going to crumble. | self.SuicideWatch |
I think I'm going to see a doctor I don't think I can do this on my own anymore, I can't feel anything and when I do it's overwhelming dispare, I hate who I am, i hate who I've always been and I hate who I'll be, who ever that is. I just can't do it anymore, every day is getting worse and worse and I just can't. I can't do it. I thought I could, I thought I could deal with whatever this is by my self but I can't. I didn't want to see a doctor because I don't know what id say or if they'd even believe me. But if I don't do something then I don't know what I'd do. | self.depression |
it's gotten bad. i don't even know what the fuck to do. like I had finally conquered it and was fine for a year, and then in the past month depression has been slowly trickling back in. but only in the past few days has it really hit me like a truck. i realized how lonely I really am, ik that's cringe but honestly idek what to do anymore. why am I even here lmfao | self.depression |
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