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Bipolar 1 side effects Went to the doctor for tendonitis and brought up to the second doctor of the day about me being Bipolar 1 and he was the first doctor in over 6 years to bring up: Hyper Sexuality as a side effect. 😂 I am
well aware of that and that's partly why I ended up moving away from Branson, MO area and deleted dating apps after meeting my serious bf. I said I didn't want to end up pregnant and he was worrying about me getting diseases. I was like oh yeah that's important too to avoid those lol 😂 it cracked me up but it was awesome that he knew to bring that up without me bringing it up. He sounded very aware of the impulsiveness and crazy boosts of energy I experience. I also got asked when my last mania episode was, "right now" is not a good answer but the truth. I'm trying to suppress the urge to go spend all my money, and I can't go run because of the tendonitis in my left foot. I've been hyper for days but I'm trying to be okay. Been off meds since October and I've been great up until this month. Manic Depression is weird but I'm a pro at it. Have a Happy Friday! ❤️ | self.bipolar |
Is it possible to "Reach Out" and not feel like I'm taking advantage? I've been depressed off and on for a while, and I've contemplated suicide multiple times. For the past few months though, I've been much worse, to the point of actively planning suicide (*very*, thoroughly), about two weeks ago. Last week I almost gave up on it all, but thankfully a redditor on [/r/SuicideWatch](https://reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch) talked me out of it by chance. After the crisis passed, I was happy/optimistic for a few days, but I can feel myself falling back into the dark again.
I know I am depressed, but I also know that I could go on and keep hiding my depression until I either die of old age, or kill myself.
*For the time being*, I've managed to convince myself that getting help might *actually* be a *good* idea, rather than just being the "healthy" choice. The problem that's holding me back is that once I *do* that, my friends and family will know how depressed I've been and want to help, or feel guilty for not noticing. I don't want to be the suicide-risk teenager who warps everyone else's lives out of alignment. There's almost as much grief counselling and therapy for friends and family of suicidal people as there is for the 'sad ones' themselves.
*I don't want to hurt those close to me*, and even if they don't feel guilty, they'll probably want to help, and look out for me as a suicide-risk, or ask me often if 'I'm feeling alright'. It's not that I don't want those things - in fact *I'd be grateful if they did do those things*. The problem is I don't want to be a burden on them - I know they'll help if I ask, but people have enough problems of their own without me adding mine on top.
*(metaphor: Do I sit here, trapped and alone in this burning building and silently consign myself to die? Or do I call for help, knowing full well that the building could collapse at any second, and that I* might *still die, but this time with one or two firemen who couldn't make it out trying to rescue me?)*
Sorry for this wall of text, but I ramble when I'm tired and get metaphorical when depressed :-/
I could just use some advice or someone to listen.
^(I couldn't decide whether to post here or SW, but I figured I'd post here 'cause I'm not sitting with the actual pill bottle in my hands at the moment.) | self.depression |
I don't think I'm depressed but life's incredibly boring I always struggled making friends, even as a very young child. I have no idea how to relate to other people. I used to stalk other people's friend groups on Facebook as a teen, trying to imagine what it would feel like to be part of one. At that time I wanted to get better so I attempted to get over social anxiety and make friends. I did manage to make a few friends in college eventually. I figured out what responses people expected when they talked to me, I mimicked others a lot and laughed at people's jokes even though I rarely find them funny. I made my attempts to fit in. Eventually, I realized that although I did have friends I did not relate to them at all. I have no idea how to interact one on one because I rely on others to make conversation and I don't know how to be interesting. I always feel the awkwardness of the other party trying to make conversation with me. I don't enjoy going out clubbing or partying. (or anywhere else, really) Eventually, everyone drifted away when they realized how boring I am.
So here I am, out of college and friendless again. I don't do anything other than play video games, browse Reddit and occasionally go to the gym. (It's still boring but it's the most effective way to pass time) I spent a LOT of time in my teens and early 20s trying to figure out what's wrong with me by googling my experiences because I felt so abnormal. For example, I went through a phase were I convinced myself that I'm on the autistic spectrum because that would give me an excuse for who I am. I know that I'm probably not nowadays and I don't really care anymore anyway.
I have nothing to look forward to. I have no interest in relationships. (I barely have an interest in the opposite gender in the traditional way but that's another story) I know that there's no point to typing all of this but I felt particularly lonely tonight and felt like venting somewhere, even if no one reads it. (Feeling lonely while not enjoying human interaction is just ironic) | self.depression |
My loneliness is starting to affect me physically This morning, I woke up, and I felt the need to throw up, even though all I ate yesterday was breakfast. I have zero appetite and I'm probably going to end up starving myself today because I don't feel like I deserve to eat.
I'm so tired of being lonely, and feeling completely invisible towards anyone. I started going to community college last year, but I have yet to make any friends, or actually connect with anyone. I'm constantly torn over the fact that I don't have anyone in person to talk to about my troubles, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have anyone to comfort me, to give me any kind of physical affection. I feel so empty and lacking, and I don't know what to do about it. There's just too much wrong with me mentally to ever be loved back. | self.depression |
Anyone relate? ---> Adderall helps me focus but many days, it also makes my anxiety worse. | self.Anxiety |
Anyone wanna talk Idk i just thought if anyone might feel alone and want to talk and exchange our troubles | self.depression |
You know what? We are fucking strong. Some of the strongest there are. Possible triggers.. but not the point of post. I reflect on my anxiety journey that began when I was 15 (I'm now 28) and I realise that we are super badass us anxiety sufferers. People have no idea what we go through. Daily. The ups and downs. The promising good days then the crushing bad days. The fight to be like everyone else. I made a mental list of all the struggles that I've endured and carried on despite of then thought, why don't I post them here so people can relate and know they aren't alone. Here goes...
- wanting to make plans but being too scared to as you don't know how you'll feel on the day
- carrying on at a task at work trying desperately not to show your panic and escaping
- the morning feeling of thinking how am I going to get through this day
- dealing with anxiety that comes completely out of the blue that you are so not prepared for and wonder for days why is it back????
- looking at other people and wanting to function normally like them
- getting to this time of year and feeling more anxious than excited to celebrate with family/friends
- having a good day then thinking oh man this is going well only to somehow jinx it just coz you thought of it
- getting home and crying just to get some relief
- watching as your parents try desperately to help you and coming to a loss - their words just become tears too
- staying home while you know something you would kill to be at is happening and "if you could just stop thinking inwardly" you'd be there too
- being tricked by your mind at every new anxiety symptom - somehow anxiety makes every new feeling/sensation brand new and NOTHING you've had before or that could possibly just be caused by anxiety
- looking at your SO and wondering how your life would be different if this curse didn't afflict you
- wondering if you should have kids as you don't want to pass it on or have episodes in front of them
- feeling so alone in your feelings and thoughts - a lot of the time
- wanting to exercise but being too scared to incase you faint, throw up, get blurry vision etc etc and then thinking how different you'd feel if you could work out as much as you want to and what your body would be like
- just generally never knowing how you are going to feel on a certain day/time but having to deal with the fact that it may terrify you... or it may not. But there's no way of knowing...
Man these are only a few and sorry to be what sounds like a negative Nelly but what I mean by this is HOLY SHIT if we can all go through this daily for a number of years and still manage to live relatively normal lives and put others first, we are pretty epic in my opinion. I feel so burdened some days and think this is so unfair. But I now realise how strong I am. And you should feel strong too. Because you've kept going despite a mountain of obstacles. So go you, you legend. | self.Anxiety |
I wish my suicide attempts worked. I tried to kill myself because I felt alienated from the world. Now that I've failed everyone treats me differently because of it making my problem worse. I'm not good at anything, I can't even kill myself right. I hate myself. I'm a worthless piece of waste. Narcissistic stoner. Alone because I'm so fucking awful. Why can't I die. | self.offmychest |
I need a friend. I will be happy if you text me back. I'm 18. I live in Turkey. I'm isolated and depressed most of the time. I want to be an artist. Writer or musician as a preferance. I like reading books and literature. I like basketball. I can make a really good friend. Believe me. | self.depression |
I'm trying to help my friend, but it's just making me feel worse about myself [deleted] | self.depression |
Is anyone else constantly depressed about money? I’ve made an annual 11,000 dollars for the past four years until I quit my job. I dont really regret it because it was shitty retail slavery but holy shit I just want to be rich. I dont have a car, I can maybe barely finance one but its just so exhausting. I’m gonna be stuck in retail hell until I kill myself. | self.depression |
Visions of self yelling I’m currently really stable, like laughing, smiling, and working. But I’m crazy stressed out. Im moving at the end of the month, and still need to pack. Plus the company I work for may go under.
I know if it wasn’t for the Lithium I’d have already broken down. But I keep getting visions, almost like a daydream of me screaming.
I’m assuming that this means I’m close to my breaking point, and I need to get rid of some stress. What I’m wondering is do any of you get the same thing? These weird visions of yourself in 3rd person? | self.bipolar |
Addicted To Self Harm I've hurt myself in so many ways over the many years I've lived that I'm now addicted to it. I find myself laughing when I cause pain to myself. I beat my head senseless and the more I do it the better it feels. I think I might need help lol | self.depression |
ive been unintentionally and unknowingly hurting everyone somewhat close to me for so long my best friend blocked me on everything, number twitter snapchat etc, about a week ago and then came out today on her private twitter about how i was manipulative and used her and its all fucking true and i just wanted validation but i was selfish i didnt know how to show my love in any way besides affection and now im looking and analyzing every relationship or friendship and i use fucking everyone every interaction is toxic and ive been using everyone and ive been thinking about grabbing my brothers pistol and just stopping everyones pain but i dont want to take away from their pain or somehow invalidate their pain because i care so much about them i just dont know how to show it in a healthy way i just keep hurting people i dont know how to stop i want to make it stop i want to stop it for everyone else i just tihnk i should kill myself to stop it | self.SuicideWatch |
Those taking meds that require to be taken with food, what do you do in a rush? I get super nauseated if I don't eat before/after taking lithium. But I'm often in situations where I have to wake up and leave. What quick breakfasts do you guys take in those situations? | self.bipolar |
Hypomanic and Getting New Meds I woke up last night at 2am and never fell back asleep. Saw my pdoc this morning and we agreed that I'm hypomanic. Which is pretty unfortunate. I was planning on discussing a med change anyway since I've been so sedated by my current meds -- Cymbalta and Saphris. So anyways, today I'm starting Depakote, Cymbalta is going down from 60 to 30, I'm staying on the Saphris until Depakote kicks in, and I was given Ativan for sleep, which I don't want to take because I hate benzos, but I will take it if I find I can't sleep tonight.
I know I asked about lamictal last night, but does anybody have anything to say about depakote, now that I'm going on that one?
| self.bipolar |
I've never seriously considered dying until now I'm in college, graduating in a year and a half from now. Things aren't looking so good. I thought that by switching my major, I could set myself up for a happier and more successful career than anticipated. Not so much. No matter where I go, everyone is more talented and successful than I ever was or will be. There's no way I'm getting a decent job outside of school. I'll be stuck living with a family that doesn't give a shit about my mental health for years to come, even more so because I'm not some mega-successful doctor or a student at an Ivy League.
And it's not like I can work up the motivation to work anyway. I'm so tired and alone all the time, my thoughts just feel like a blurry jumble of noise. There's no one to talk to. I put so much energy into helping out other people who are struggling and putting my own feelings aside and now nothing is left.
I thought I was "over" being depressed back when I changed my major, hoping that I could finally have a chance at a new way of looking at my useless life. Things are getting more and more hopeless by the day. I don't know who to talk to. Not that anyone will care. Maybe that's why people believe in God. At least they can imagine that someone cares about their struggles.
I used to think that dying wouldn't be worth it because I'm living in an inherently more privileged position than billions of other people on the planet, with the opportunity to go to school and all. That matters less now. A waste of flesh somewhere is a waste of flesh everywhere. | self.SuicideWatch |
I spilt tea all over my professor's desk and ran [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Anyone familiar with buspar? My anxiety for the past year has been non stop every day of me over thinking / over analyzing and I️ am pretty much stressed 90% of my day. I️ just started seeing a therapist/ psychiatrist. I’m not really looking to necessarily go on benzos , at least not for daily use. Psychiatrist puts me on buspar, since I️ want something mild... seems to help a little bit during the day at work but I️ am sooooo restless at night and I️ have had the craziest dreams.. and I️ literally never dream usually , or have problems sleeping.
Basically I’m just curious if anyone has taken this and their experience with it , and also if anyone takes anything else daily that helps , but doesn’t make you zombie -like?
| self.Anxiety |
Mid-thirties, intelligent, talented, loving partner, great social network, no right to complain and still ready to quit. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Spirals of Fake Friends and Fake Cheese How do you know when you actually trust someone? Like how do you know that someone actually is a friend?
Cause my friendships have fluctuated over the last 12 months, with loads, to loads of back stabbing, to more new friends, to being uncertain of all of them.
Do you have definitive things friends do to categorise them as such?
I feel betrayed about fake cheeses, let alone fake friends. Should I just ebb along with the Fakeness that is life? | self.Anxiety |
Petty Christmas vent So having read some of the stories on here, mine is probably going to come off as petty and insignificant but here goes....
I'm 18, and have been hinting/asking for months for driving lessons for Christmas. At the same time, my sister (13), who is becoming increasingly addicted to any type of screen- ipad, tv, computer etc- asked for an ipod.
Neither of these are unreasonable I think, but what annoys me, and hurts to be honest, is that my parents bought her the ipod she wanted, with a whole load of accessories, and got me.... books. While I run the risk of sounding spoilt and ungrateful, driving lessons would have helped me so much, whereas books relating to a subject on which I have so many already? It just makes me feel like they don't listen to me. | self.offmychest |
I've ruined everything. UPDATE:https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/85w2gl/update_ive_ruined_everything/?utm_source=reddit-android
About ten months ago, I was going through the dating scene. Just dating. I had no intentions on starting up a relationship, because I would always end up becoming toxic, constantly hurt my partners, and would just spiral into a depression.
Then I met Rick (obligatory not his name). Rick was different. He pursued me. We met at a bar where I was hosting a movie night. He moved closer just to talk to the "cute girl" that had intro'd the film.
I'd run into Rick multiple times over the next couple of weeks, until he asked me out. I later found out a few of these instances weren't just coincidence. I initially went out with him to make another guy jealous. But after just our second date, I knew. I knew I wanted to be with him for as long as I possibly could. After that, we were inseparable.
Things were amazing for the first month and a half. Then I had a bipolar relapse. A bad one. I ended up relapsing on alcohol during this episode and drank until I was almost comatose. I lost my job. He stayed by my side, with love and patience, not berating me. He took care of me.
After that, things were great again for a long while. I ended up getting a new job. We had problems with his roommate, so we left and he started staying at my house for a few months. Then my car broke down.
That's when the problems really began.
The job eventually went south due to the machinations of a co-worker I had come to trust. I was stressed about not having a car, not having money to take care of myself, having to rely on him, having to "lose" my independence in doing so, the fall-out from the job, the weather patterns - literally everything took a toll and I began to fall into my old habits. I would nag him, hurt him emotionally, make him feel down on himself. He began to feel homesick and wanted to start staying at his place more. The constant back-and-forth took a heavy toll.
I wasn't happy. He always stayed by me, though.
We began to drift apart around January, after another alcoholic relapse. Finally, in February, I swore off the stuff; but I'm still moody while I recover.
Before my periods were always a nightmare. I would put him down. All the things I said I would never do again in a relationship, I started doing. He was miserable.
I thought things were getting better. I had to do some work for someone recently and had access to a car for a little over two weeks. We were able to stay at another house, just the two of us, no roommates, while I did this job. Things were good. It was like how we'd always planned our lives would be once we were able to move in together this coming August.
After the gig was over, things went back to the way they were. Me being moody, pissy, bringing him down. We had an argument over a miscommunication. I'd told him a number of times that if I get like that, to just let me be silent and to leave me alone. He never would, though. He always wanted to work things out ASAP.
He drove me home, and I told him to let me be. It finally got to the point that I told him to "JUST LEAVE." I got over it several hours later.
But he didn't.
The next day, I found out that an old friend had died. We had been out of contact for some time due to a falling out, but I was still close friends with their spouse. I called him crying and he came over.
He still wasn't happy. That night, we had a long conversation. He wanted to break up. I mean, he didn't *want* to, but he felt it was for the best. I broke down. He said we were just too different and that we weren't compatible anymore. I asked if we could work things out. He eventually gave in and said we could.
I didn't hear from him much the next day due to work. Then I didn't hear from him much yesterday. I overreacted. I sent him text after text talking about how sad I was. How I knew this would be it. He tried to talk sensibly to me, but it didn't work. It devolved into me crying over the phone to him.
We broke up. I think. It's still all just so murky in my brain. He told me I treat him like shit. That I was guilt tripping him. That we bring out the worst in each other.
What he doesn't understand is that I bring out the worst in myself.
He was done with my shitty, manipulative bullshit. Once again, I went overboard, told him to come get his things. I packed it all up, left it by the door, including all the gifts he ever gave me.
Now, a day later, I'm doing okay, but I'm still having a hard time processing things. He says he's still crazy about me. That he still loves me. Wants us to be friends. I don't know how to handle that. How do you just be friends with someone who you love beyond all compare? I called tonight, but he was at work. I left a message. I just want to see him. I don't care if it's as friends or not. Maybe if I calm down, just let things lie for a while, see him sporadically, while sorting out my life and figuring things out, things will work out again? And what if they do, but we're just back at square one and it ends all over again? I can't calm my brain down. Not enough studying and keeping myself occupied is making this go away. One minute I'm okay, the next I'm a rambling, incoherent, blubbering mess.
I called my former therapist today. I'm hoping she answers. I want to get to the root of the problem. I want to fix this. I want to fix myself. But I'm seriously concerned that I'm beyond all repair. | self.bipolar |
Not caring enough about things that need to be cared about [deleted] | self.offmychest |
My closest friend suddenly thinks it’s ok to belittle my achievements because of my skin colour and stereotypes and I’m actually furious, but also worried for her [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Recently overwhelmed with anxiety Hey guys, so on January 2nd I experienced my first panic attack. I was sitting downstairs in my living room with my boyfriend watching tv and I got this horrible feeling. I felt dizzy, my heart started to race, my arms and legs felt heavy and like jello.
My boyfriend got very annoyed with me because I couldn’t really describe my feelings and what I was going through. We ultimately decided to go to a doctor though, and as soon as I described my symptoms they sent me away. (Thank god they gave me a refund on my copay)
Since that day I’ve had on and off days filled with anxiety. Including today and yesterday, I’ve just felt like I have a lump in my throat, like it’s hard to breathe and heart racing. I even felt another panic attack come on while watching tv in the living room again. I try to keep myself occupied by cleaning or walking, but the feelings ultimately come back and never quit. I’ve been having trouble sleeping as well. Sometimes I’ll stay up until 5 am just rolling around in bed consumed with my thoughts.
Because these feelings have stuck around, I’m thinking about going to a psychiatrist because honestly I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m even starting to push my boyfriend away because the thought of experiencing my anxiety symptoms around him drives me crazy. I can tell he’s getting frustrated with me because I haven’t done much with him. I basically keep to myself during my anxiety ridden days and I know it’s hurting him.
What do you guys think? Should I stick it out or head to a doctor? I’m worried about prescription drugs just because of the stigma and possibility of addiction. Any advice would be appreciated. | self.Anxiety |
I’m sick of feeling sick I honestly don’t know if I even have anxiety, every morning for no you know what not every morning more like every day mostly mornings but I feel nauseous and it’s been like this since 4th grade I’m a junior now I’m high school. I get nauseous and this triggers a cycle that gets me nervous and makes me feel even more sick, this causes me to miss a lot of school my parents don’t know I skip school because of this reason they know I skip school but they think I do drugs and shit but they don’t know it’s because I feel sick and I’m scared of throwing up I absolutely hate it I mean I’ll do it but it’s scares me and I don’t know why but every single day I’m scared to throw up this causes me not to eat so I’m very skinny and I’m self conscious about that. I don’t know I guess I’m just tired of feeling like this everyday I can’t tell my friends because then they’ll think I’m weird or actually I don’t know what they’ll think and this scares me even more. The reason I’m writing this post because today I skipped school because I felt like the world was falling on me and I was on the verge of vomiting this terrified me and well now thank god that feeling is over for now but I know I can’t get rid of it but I know people learn to love with this I just don’t know what to do.. should I tell my parents? Or let my friends know what I’m feeling? Can somebody just help me I’m tired of this | self.Anxiety |
How young were you when you first attempted? I was probably about about 10 or 11 when I first thought about how I was gonna kill myself. When did you first try? | self.SuicideWatch |
Has anyone here finished a long term project? How did you approach managing bipolar symptoms while staying on task? I've been learning how to produce music over the last 3 years and want to put out an EP or mixtape by the end of the year. I've put in enough time gaining knowledge and skills that it would be unfair to me not seeing a project like that through. Keep in mind that I have a full-time job. | self.bipolar |
Cocktail: Zoloft, Risperdal, Klonopin, Lithium? I was diagnosed with BPD in 2014. It was the worst year of my life trying to find the right meds. I landed on Zoloft, Risperdal, and Klonopin. I still had issues with mood swings, especially at work. My doctor suggests I go on Lithium or Depakote next.
I hate being on meds. I hate needing them. I am ashamed I can't do this on my own. Whenever my doctor talks about changing my meds I sob.
Tonight I just had a really bad episode. I think I'm FINALLY coming around to the fact that I need meds to survive. I realize now the mood stabilizer is long overdue.
Is anyone on or close to the same cocktail? Any thoughts? | self.bipolar |
Should I see my college therapist? So I am on the search for a new therapist, because mine changed her workdays to the days I am not available. It was a university cpunselor who first diagnosed me woth bipolar, and I'd easily go back to him if he still worked there. I'm hesitant about using one of the university therapists now though, because one of my problems is recovering from a drug addiction. I really don't want that information going anywhere school-related. Since they are obligated to report crimes (i think?), does that include drug use?
I guess I should just thoroughly read the confidentiality document. But any input at all is welcome | self.bipolar |
I can't stop thinking about killing myself I'm gonna do it eventually, but I'm just scared of failing. | self.SuicideWatch |
Akathisia, so discouraged :( Prescribed Latuda and then switched to Rexulti...today I read the manufacturer's website side effects and both had akathisia as the "most common side effect". Why is my doctor prescribing this? He also said that akathisia is "rare"/ Oh my. This is pure hell on wheels. I have printed out the information but am afraid he will take it as a professional insult. I just want my sanity back! :( Thanks all for letting me rant. I'm quite new to reddit. It is so lonely in my space right now. | self.bipolar |
I hate my med manger! I'm in a bad mood now-the weather went from sunny and 70s to 40s and cloudy I am starting to notice my moods shifting from mania to depression. I did have an appointment with my med manager tomorrow. Well she's got an excuse she won't be in tomorrow so I'm getting bounced to December and it's too freakin early for my appointment time they have me. I'm probably going to try to push for a sooner appointment in the big town 30 minutes away. All I'm on is an antipsychotic and a general sedative for my anxiety. Both are not working. My moods are shifting sometimes within hours-I was diagnosed with type 1 rapid cycle. We live in a rural area the group I'm with covers this area but because I live in this little small town they only see me here unless it's serious. My therapist is here too. But seriously my rage is coming back and I am pissed off lately. Over everything. My husband constantly has to tell me to back off. I'm sucking at being a mom. I'm coming off a manic high so I'm sleeping again but I'm finding no energy to do laundry and dishes make the bed etc. I feel like I'm putting it off on my mom in law who lives with us. I'm trying to understand why but I can't understand I haven't seen her in 5 months I'm getting bad. I can't go inpatient I have a family that depends on me. It's not that bed yet I'm not suicidal I'm just angry. I hate being so mad and judgemental toward everything and everybody. Just please send good thoughts my way. I'm probably calling tomorrow or Friday (if I can get over the anxiety) to make a sooner appointment. I have family that can possibly drive me there if we don't have the gas money. Thanks y'all! | self.bipolar |
I’m a little bitch I didn’t know what to put as the title. I have anxiety and adhd I think and some other shit. I’m quiet in school, never talk, get shittyish grades (a couple of d’s some time f’s some c’s 1 or 2 b’s and none or one a). I’m a little bitch and I have tons of acne, I’m fat as shit and yet know what to do but don’t do anything. I’m a teenager and I don’t have any activities because I’m ass and I have anxiety. Also no friends. Some acquaintances who used to be friends that I’ve never talked to since elementary. What should I do to help that isn’t big like exercise or eating healthy or “just get a friend”. I also want people to feel sympathy for me because like I said I’m a little bitch. Also if any of you know a good way to learn about stock trading and investing help me out because I can’t find a good way to learn about it. | self.Anxiety |
I don't know what's wrong with me. Greif? Stress? Addiction? [deleted] | self.depression |
I can't sleep unless I cry, I can't feel sad. So I'm writing this on my phone in bed. [deleted] | self.depression |
All my problems are basically me just not putting effort in and being sad when that doesn't work I expect something from nothing. Like everything I hate bout myself could be change and I just don't | self.depression |
There's nothing better than having a sexual intercourse with a hooker while listening to black metal while on hypomania. | self.bipolar |
Coping methods? I’ve been diagnosed with chronic depression for 4 years now. I have tried going to therapy and to the regular doctor and nothing has helped. I do use cannabis daily but it only helps so much. My suicidal thoughts have become obsessive. I’ve been at my wits end for months and NOW I live alone and now I have no job. My life feels meaningless I just want something that will actually help me. | self.depression |
Why???? I am SO MAD right now! My pdoc who handles my medication and diagnoses including my bipolar disorder and severe anxiety has yet again decided to go out of town. My appointment next Friday has been moved to January! January 5th to be exact!
I am so fed up, I'm starting to notice when I'm manic or hypo I tend to have OCD symptoms but I can't tell her that she keeps coming up with excuses to not be in my local office. I haven't had a depressive episode in literally weeks I'm kinda suspended in this hypo/mania state and I'm not coming down. All I'm on is seroquel and hydroxizine. I feel totally out of control I have word vomit and I constantly have to be moving or doing something!
We are in a rural area I've tried to get in with the only other option but they're completely booked and they are not taking any new patients-plus I don't want to leave I have an amazing therapist who I've been seeing for 3 years. I just wish they would fire her and get someone new that takes my insurance or tell her to stop cancelling appointments. Looking through my phone calendar the last time I saw her was mid July. I need to see her. I'm good on meds and luckily I'm not having psychosis right now. Sorry to rant but I am beyond fed up! | self.bipolar |
Losing athleticism on meds? Diagnosed back in April, I've been on lamotrigine, depakote, and naltrexone since then. I've been a strength athlete for a long time, but I feel like I'm losing so much of my drive and motivation to do anything physical. When I wasn't depressed, I used to wake up ready to eat iron, and when I was cycling up I would feel like I could lift the world (usually resulting in a fun injury that I would ignore until I came down). Now I just have lazy arguments with the barbell.
I'm bringing this up with my pdoc next month but I was curious if anyone else has had this happen. | self.bipolar |
Please help. I'm not sure if this is is depression (i hope not) but I have just been feeling really bored and empty lately. Every day is the same thing. School, homework, music, sleep. | self.depression |
Remeron (Mirtazapine) Anyone have luck with this Medicine for anxiety? i have depression too but want to see if it helps with anxiety!
Also i don’t care about weight gain, i desperately need it! | self.Anxiety |
How did you get on disability? I have been looking into applying for disability and I'm curious about other people's experiences.
I just lost my medicaid because I make barely too much money, so I'm in a predicament, and I'm sorting my options. I barely got my prescription for this month while paying my bills (that I could already barely pay before I lost my insurance).
I'm nervous about applying, even though my disorder has prevented me from doing a lot of things and I know I SHOULD technically qualify. However, my diagnosis came in the middle of last year and I don't have an extensive medical record. I stopped doing outpatient a while ago and I certainly can't afford it now.
I don't know what the hell to do.
What did YOU do?
Edit: I'm in the US, but I'm still curious about the mental health systems in other countries for educational purposes. | self.bipolar |
What is this state? I generally feel depressed, but I get these bursts of energy and motivation. They last for only a moment but I get SUPER motivated to do something like clean and if I act on it, I’ll do it fully. If I choose not to act on it, it’ll go away. I get bursts of confidence and then it goes away. What is this? It happens a couple times a day. It’s like micro mania in a second. | self.bipolar |
Anyone ever had just sooo much energy to a point of working out at 3 AM after a night out with friends? ...thought I'd ask :/
| self.bipolar |
it bothers me that you can't retaliate to people who steal from you Don't get me wrong - I understand the reasons why.
But it is still upsetting. People have been stealing a ton of packages off of porches in my neighborhood recently.
It's annoying that I can't just sit outside with a juicy-looking bait package and beat the shit out of whoever takes it.
If someone comes up to my porch and steals my package and I run after them and tackle them into the cement and they bust their head open I could be in much more trouble than they are. I think that's ridiculous.
I understand the logic of "don't shoot an intruder - it could be a drunk person wandering in!" But god-damn, if someone is stealing a package off my porch, they deserve their ass beat.
| self.offmychest |
My mental health. I'm post on here because Facebook doesn't seem like the right medium to express how I feel. Growing up as a victim of sexual abuse isn't fun. I was molested by my dad and older cousin. Aside from that, I was always exposed to porn and other things like that at such a young age. I lost my virginity when I was 12 to an 18 year old. I hear the excuse it happened to me when I was younger so that's why I did it. And that excuse traumatized me for the longest fucking time.
Because my dad was molested, he in turn molested me. So for the longest time I felt super scared to have a child because I thought I'd end up like him. Gonna add real quick that him having the same name as me fucked me over. He used my SSN to open various accounts all over the US.
When I came home one night when I was 17 I found his corpse on our couch. He had overdosed on the pills he was addicted to. Calling my family to alert them about what had happened. The image will always be embedded in my head. I still shake just talking about it. The last time I had seen him before he overdosed was an argument between us about his pill addiction. It made me wonder if it was my fault that he did it.
But fast forward to being a 20 year old trying to get a car loan but can't get approved because their dad use their SSN to shoot their credit into the grave. I was hunted by debt collectors for over $40,000 worth of debt that my dad had acquired using my identity. I ended up resolving all that though. Just needed to add more context to the situation.
Fast forward to 22. I just now realized how much my parents cheating on each other and all the sexual trauma I had been through was starting to get in the way of my relationships. I wasn't raised around monogamy. Always over sexualize everything. I never thought that it would affect me that bad. Like that stuff never manifests itself in ways you would think.
After a night where I contemplated suicide, thinking that I would end up like my dad, a cheater and child molester, I decided to start seeking therapy. And let me just tell you that was the greatest idea I could've ever have done. After a year of therapy and only one other suicide contemplation, I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy. I lost my best friend and so many other friendships because I wasn't ready and was very unstable. I still have a long way to go. Yo but I have good credit, a new car, a new phone, and so many other things that I never thought I'd ever be able to have. Who I was a year ago vs who I am now is a completely different person. I know I will never end up like that monster. I even picked up magic the gathering.
The point I'm trying to get across is that don't let your childhood define who you are. Seek help if you need it. Seek help if you want it. It helps. You're not alone. There's such a stigma for males when it comes to talking about molestation. Break the stigma. It's easier said than done. But the journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. My therapist was also a victim of rape a molestation when he was a kid and his advice to me was "it never gets any better, you just learn to handle it well". End of rant. Just feeling healthy enough to talk about it. | self.offmychest |
Does anyone else just get really fucked up (drunk/ high) to deal with it? [deleted] | self.depression |
I want to do it, but can’t bring myself to From the start, I’ve generally been a logical thinker. I logic my way through everything and even try to plan every possible outcome of a situation. However, if something that happens either isn’t in that set of solutions or isn’t acceptable to me based on my solutions, I become very suicidal.
Well, that happened to me yesterday. Instead this time, I see no possible outcomes that are acceptable to me. all either too stressful or too painful. Out of desperation, I feel like I need to commit suicide. I just can’t get myself to. I have plenty of meds, I have a high place, I’m walking distance to a relatively busy highway. I could make a lot happen. But I don’t. And I don’t know why.
Someone coax me please. I need it to end | self.SuicideWatch |
Why is suicide seen in such a bad way? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm broken and I'm frustrated A letter to people who hurt me.
To you, G, I'm sorry you got bored with me, but you didn't need to lie and say that you still loved me. You didn't need to attempt to cheat on me or reveal private things I told you to other people. I'm sorry that I was pushy about sexual stuff, I didn't know you were asexual. When we met, you told me you weren't and for fucks sake we were friends with benefits before we started dating and you were also the one who initiated sexual things back then. I'm sorry, but if you had told me you were asexual, I would have left it alone, I just thought you wanted to do stuff as much as me, I'm sorry I kept asking for it.
To you, D, I can't believe what you did. After the Cult, after everyone left me and kicked me out, you knew how broken I was and did nothing. You said that we were best friends. You promised me that you'd always be there for me, that you'd always have my back. You lied. When I needed you, you ran. You ran and never looked back and it took me months to get over you. After I finally did, you suddenly decided to message me asking for forgiveness, asking to be friends again. I should have ended it there. I should have left you behind and never spoken to you again but I gave you another chance, I let you back into my life and then you did it all again. You broke me a second time, you abandoned me again and stabbed me in the back. Now? Your life is perfect, and I was the prblem from the beginning. At least, that's your side of the story.
To you, S, as a higher up member, I expected you to be impartial even after the cult dissolved. I thought you'd at least hear out my side of the story, at least take into consideration my reasonings, but no. All you wanted was D's story, and you disregarded mine. Didn't even want to hear it. Then fine.
To you, L, I don't know what I did wrong. You and I were still good friends after everything went fuckup, but you suddenly cut all communication with me, blocked me everywhere and forgot I existed. Okay then. Whatever I did wrong, I truly am sorry.
A, I'll never understand you. Our lives are too different. I'm sorry if I ever did anything wrong, I genuinely am.
T? You're a dick. I warned you about them and yet you sucked up to them and joined their group. They outwardly said that they hated me, yet you went there anyway. What do you expect me to interpret that as?
Ta, you had no right to do what you did. Yeah, you were technically the leader, but only because you founded it. You had no right to say those things and ruin everyone else's fun. I hope you understand, Ta. I still respect you, but you need to think about what you did. Mass panic didn't help anyone.
J, R, P, L, De, B, thank you for sticking with me when the most popular thing to do was betray and backstab me. I'm grateful everyday for what you all did for me. Thank you.
M's, you were just biding your time to get rid of me. You made exceptions to the rules just to exclude me. You let G help, but said I couldn't since I was too young, disregarding me every time I mentioned that G was the same age as I am. You all hated me from the beginning, like S. Fine, I never trusted any of you to begin with regardless.
To everyone else, I'm sorry if I ever did anything wrong. I really am. Please, forgive me.
EDIT: typos and grammar | self.offmychest |
Fade out again I think I'm in love again but I'm probably just really happy.
I know I heard those cans fall throughout the night, because I came home early. I put new lipstick on to sing to the mirrors.
It's all educational when you think there's man in the moon. And you want to continue?
This time is the charm. Thank you. This time we really mean it.
Can I see you again soon? | self.offmychest |
What are the odds? The statistics are stacked against me…
I am a US Navy veteran. I am gay. I have severe social anxiety. Depression. My former stepfather emotionally, physically, and sexually abused my sister and me for years while my mother did nothing to protect us. I often stood in front of my sister so she wouldn’t get hurt. We always had holes in our walls, and broken door jams. Even after he tried to kill us, she stayed with him. I had nowhere to go. No family to talk to. No friends. Our father abandoned us when I was about 10 years old so he could be with his boyfriend. I have been bullied, through out my life for various reasons, but the worst always came from my fellow service members. People I had to trust with my own life. Because of my service, I am disabled. My insurance doesn’t provide the care I need to get better and the VA is… well we all know how shitty the care at the VA is. I don’t sleep much or often, but when I do I have nightmares.
But my past is not what plagues me today. In reality, if those were my only problems, I honestly think I’d be okay but my issues run deeper than that.
A couple years ago, when I was making a similar post, I was made aware of a couple phenomena’s. The first being the “call to the void”, the second “intrusive thoughts”. Neither of which I have any control over. When I go out into the world, I always see the worst-case scenario. Often times, I even wish it would happen. For example, when I’m sitting in traffic I think about a semi completely smashing my car, killing me. When I go for a hike, I imagine tripping and falling down the cliff and on to the rocks below. During school, I stare at the doors thinking a shooter would come in. When I walk down the street, I think about someone coming around the corner to rob me, kill me, rape me, or some combination of those. If I walk near the river or over a bridge, I think about drowning. When I lie in bed, I think about my apartment burning up in some freak accident or an earthquake collapsing our old building. I have not found a single place on this earth where these things do not come to mind. When my stepbrother died in a motorcycle accident, I wished it were me. Whenever I see a story on the news about the death and destruction of this world, I wish I could take their place. I have thought about ways I could kill myself that limit damage so that whatever is left of me could be donated to others. I often wish I had the balls to just run away, leave what little family I have in a state of confusion as opposed to explicit loss. Sometimes I believe I should just be sent to live at a hospital to limit the burden of myself to others close to me.
Because in the world all I see are the issues humans have made for us. Our streets and buildings have scarred our land with pollution and disease. Citizens are violent and cruel to each other. We create our own problems and never seek solutions. What’s worse is that I can’t find anyone else that cares. The only reason I’m currently enrolled in school is because I hope I can change the world, one animal, one person, one environment, one something at a time. But why is a 4-year degree a prerequisite to make a difference? Why do I struggle so hard, to earn less-than-average grades just so someone else can tell me I’m not even qualified to contribute to the greater good? I volunteer, but it’s never enough and there is so much more to be done. I have bills to pay but if I didn’t my life would be centered on providing care for those who need it most. Homeless individuals. Injured wildlife. Endangered species. Polluted parks.
Because I’m tired of seeing everything around me suffer. I know what that feels like all too well. I carry this pain with me, every day and with each day, I feel it become heavier. Each day I witness a new pain. I have never felt this weight lift off my shoulders.
I have a partner, and he is positive and supportive. He tries to help me, but I’ve never told him the full extent of my mental state. I haven’t told him because I don’t think it would matter. I don’t want him to share this weight. He knows about my past, and the anxiety and depression, and he helps me get out of bed some days. Mostly because we have a dog and she needs to be walked first thing in the morning. I think if it weren’t for him and my dog, I would’ve been a goner long ago. I honestly don’t remember a period of time where I was actually happy or content but he has brought me the closest to feeling those things. I feel selfish for staying with him because he deserves someone who is much more vibrant and outgoing.
I don’t think I’ll kill myself tomorrow, or the day after. But I know that with the way things are going, at some point, I’m just not going to be able to keep on. At some point, I’m not going to be able to handle anymore.
Until then, I’ll try to continue convincing myself that it is all worth it. That at some point, I’ll be in a position where I can achieve my dreams and help others achieve their dreams. Help the natural world around us heal and get better so we all can have a brighter future.
| self.SuicideWatch |
What can I do against anxiety-induced need to drink? EDIT: Need to drink... ***water***. I guess I should have specified that.
I'm undiagnosed. I get what I think is anxiety and I feel it more for its physical effects, among which a lot of thirst—I need to drink again and again. | self.Anxiety |
The thought of having to wait so long for help is overwhelming... I've struggled with anxiety issues my whole life, but in these past couple of weeks and in particular the last two days, the fear has been almost unbearable.
I decided to see a therapist a few months ago to see if it would help and ended up not going back (long story). The demand for mental health services in my area is so enormous that getting in to see a new therapist is going to take at least a month. With my heart feeling like it's in a vice and trying to ram its way out of my chest, my breathing so shallow, and my brains so scrambled, I am having a difficult time imagining that I will be "stranded" without help for so long.
I know the breathing exercises, I know the grounding and the mantras and the coloring books and the yoga - I've been trying to help myself and it's not working. I have been hanging on the hope that Tuesday is coming, and on Tuesday I can call the office.
I am sorry to sound so hopeless, but this has been a special kind of hell. | self.Anxiety |
A short letter that's too little, too late. Dear W.F.,
When I first locked eyes on you, it felt like being snapped out of a daydream - that short moment when all of your senses suddenly sharpen from the blurry haze they’d been while you were wandering around in your own head. The moment of disoriented alarm when you realise someone or something is awaiting your attention.
I question myself about that moment all of the time. I mostly question myself about you.
Is it weird to be carrying a flame for you after two years? When we had barely scratched the surface of ‘friends’? When I haven’t seen or talked to you in over a year?
All I can say is that in that moment, I knew it was you. I just knew.
Maybe things would have played out differently if I had been single - or even if I was single now. And maybe that wouldn’t have changed a thing at all.
Did you ever feel the same way?
I’ve long-embraced the idea that this intuitive connection I feel with you is wrong. I should move on. If nothing else, I should respect your new relationship and leave the whole thing be. But I can’t. And I don’t know why.
I can promise you I’ve tried though. I deleted you off of everything. I try not to think of you, and sometimes I’m successful. And just when I think I’m over it, I have these vivid dreams about you that seem so real, I can feel the weight of your breath on my skin in the middle of the night.
Should I have said something sooner? Would it have done us any good? Would you even want to know?
Who knows.
I hope when you think of me, you feel fondly. If you ever find yourself lost or alone in the world, I hope the universe steers you into the arms of kindness, wherever that may be. Good luck friend.
Best Wishes,
An Old Soul
| self.offmychest |
I just want antidepressants so that I can have the option to overdose if I need to. I’d just like the reassurance that I could just take them all and die peacefully if it all got too much. I don’t like the idea of slitting my throat or hanging myself because it’d be really painful, I just want to take some pills, go to sleep and not wake up. Either that or I’ll just have to join the military to end it, just getting shot/shooting myself in some other country doesn’t sound too bad. | self.SuicideWatch |
How do you guys sleep??? I have had horrible insomnia at both ends of the mood episode spectrum and nothing I’ve tried has been quite what I need. Can anyone tell me what has worked for you?
So far what I have tried either isnt effective enough (relaxation, white noise, music, Benadryl, melatonin, aromatherapy, zaleplon), is too effective (seroquel, trazodone, some kind of benzo whose name I don’t remember), or has side effects I can’t deal with (ambien). What has your experience been? | self.bipolar |
Nothing is enjoyable. I already don’t enjoy my job and I’ve had it for two weeks. School makes everyday the same, rinse and repeat. The kids there make me hate it even more. Art and drawing isn’t interesting to me anymore. I’ve lost the will to care about myself and take care of myself. I keep telling myself everything’s fine but it’s not. I can’t find the motivation to kill myself yet, but I can’t help but feel like a dead corpse that walks around. | self.depression |
Fuck this. I'd just like to preemptively apologise for the rambling.
My life had been pretty easy going up until this year - I hung out with others, found deep enjoyment in trivial things and didn't *ever* think about the idea that I needed a reason to stay alive.
Flash forward to the present day. A couple of months ago, I spent a week in a psychiatric ward after my third failed suicide attempt. After being diagnosed with clinical depression, my life has changed completely. I've been transformed from an outgoing, eccentric but confident, sociable, extroverted individual to a broken, introverted, emotional wreck of my former self.
All I've got to say is fuck this. Fuck depression. Fuck everything. Why am I the one who has to feel like this? If I still had the same mentality as my former self, I would be appalled. I've outgrown and left behind all the friends that I once held so dear to me, I can't stand spending time with people one on one for more than a couple hours and I can barely hang out with groups for more than 5 minutes without feeling trapped and miserable. My nights of carefree sleep vanished into hours of sobbing at my own worthlessness and waste of space. I yearn for meaning connections and relationships, yet I push everyone away from me because I feel like they don't mean anything to me - they're too tiring to be around.
Fuck this. What a shitty life I live - failed suicide attempts and days wasted on doing fuck all but loathe my own existence. | self.depression |
Anyone use ambien??? Hello, just wondering what's the best medication for a 3 hour flight? I wish I could be asleep for the full flight. Would ambien be okay to take??? Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you! | self.Anxiety |
I don't know if I can go on anymore [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
What do you guys think of this article in science sub? Here is [LINK to article](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/aug/23/therapist-self-help-therapy)
Here is [LINK to science sub post](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/6vibfk/be_your_own_therapist_a_metaanalysis_of_15/?ref=share&ref_source=link) | self.bipolar |
How I feel I feel dead inside. 4.5 years its been. June 2013 is when it all started. I’ll never forget reading that medical report from the radiologist. “Possible spondylolysis of L5.” When asked why I missed so many classes at the end of the term, I told the class “spondy-LOL-isis.” They all laughed at me because I spelled it out and they heard, “LOL.” They thought I was being my usual funny self. I laughed along too. If I had ever known how much pain and suffering was to come, I would’ve killed myself then.
Now here I am, on Christmas Day at 1am, putting into words for the first time how I feel. Why I’m writing this I don’t know. Maybe it’s a subconscious suicide letter. Mom has just gone upstairs. She had been trying to console me for the past half hour. The last thing she said was, “remember, we love you.” The funny thing is I never doubted that. The love my family has for me is undeniably great. Without them I would’ve killed myself a long time ago, which may make them seem like my saviours, but right now, it feels like im battling a foe armed with a double-edged blade. On one edge, my family’s love protects me from financial and logistical troubles. On the other side, their support is like a barbed medical syringe with the temporary medicine to keep me going. They help me stay alive, but the more effort they put in, puts even more pressure on me. How can I kill myself knowing what it would do to them? Often, I just wish I had deadbeat parents who didn’t give a shit about me. That way I could end my suffering knowing that it wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
Imagine, if I killed myself. I personally wouldn’t give a shit, but that’s because I’d be dead. How would my baby sister feel? The person I love more than anyone else in the world. I can already see what I’ve done to her. She has had to go through puberty seeing her once role-model brother mutate into an unimpressive, cowering heap of missed potential. But throughout it all, she has handled it amazingly. I couldn’t be more proud of who she’s become. The loss of happiness I have endured has only seemed to galvanize her. She is what keeps our family glued together. No matter what happens to me, I can rest easy knowing that she’ll become an amazing woman. I love her so much, and this love twists the dagger even more. Do I continue to barely scrape by in life, hating every minute of it? The only reason I would do this would just be to delay the inevitable. To give more time for her to mature, so that when my flame is extinguished, she’ll be better prepared to deal with the sorrow.
I don’t know why I’m typing this right now. Maybe its because I’ve tried everything else. Therapists, medication,surgery, yoga, physiotherapy, weed, alcohol. Ironically, the weed has halped me more than anything bar the surgery itself. Oh, and lets not talk about the surgery. I’m currently studying to be part of a profession I have lost faith in. Doctors and the Canadian medical system have let me down. Ever since I could comprehend medicine, I knew that doctors would always make it better. I know better now. Ive come to peace with the unfairness I’ve had to endure.
No one ever believed me. No one knows what I feel. Recently, I’ve come to accept that. Even I am often confused as to what I’m feeling. I’ll find myself pumping myself up while listening to Linkin Park, only to start crying because I know its hopeless. Hopeless. You know those bullshit teamwork-building exercises schools made you do? “If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be?” I guess the one good outcome of all this is that I can confidently answer that question truthfully. Hopeless. That word describes me. It describes my entire being.
I used to want to fight. Fight through these problems. Watch some inspirational youtube video which would get me going. Over the past month or so, all that fight has drained out of me. I’ve tried drumming it up, but I’m banging on an empty drum. The thought of suicide enters my head far too often. You know that stupid misconception that men think about sex every 6 seconds? I think about killing myself every 6 minutes.
And yet, I think I’m brave. I’ve made it this far. I’d like to think I’ve handled this much better than most people. I’ve seen girls crying after they failed a quiz, and I’d be thinking, “They don’t know what real pai is.” Real pain is…indescribable. I cannot put into words what it feels like. But this pain, this suffering, has made me a better person. I don’t judge anymore. How can I judge others, when anyone on the outside looking at me would see a failure? They don’t know me. Many others would crumble under the pressure, but fuck that man. I couldn’t care less about what others think of me. I just care about what my family thinks of me, and most importantly, what I think of me.
So here I am, sitting in a two-million-dollar house, drinking special edition Macallan (SIDE NOTE: this is delicious) in expensive clothes, on a custom-made sofa, which is on a Turkish rug, and I doesn’t make me feel anything. Whisky snobs would turn in their graves if they saw how I poured my glass. Ideally, Id love to use one of our many lovely rocks glasses sitting in the bar, but I don’t want my family to think I’m drinking. They think that I might turn into an alcoholic and drug addict. So, I use the regular IKEA water tumblers. I didn’t pour myself a single or a double. I filled the glass halfway. The only thing that would make it even more cringe worthy would be if I added some coke to it.
I do think that me hiding my drinking habits from my parents is symbolic of the rest of my life. I’ve hid so much from them. Not because I’m doing bad things. I’ve never abused alcohol or drugs in my life. The only recreational drugs I’ve ever touched was weed. I’ve stayed away from everything else. I’m a responsible drinker. Never drinking too much; always staying safe. But my parents to this day don’t believe me. And Im not sure if I blame them or not. I’ve always lied to get out of trouble, but the trouble Id be trying to get out of has always been juvenile and harmless.
I know this rambling vent is hardly coherent or organized, but that’s how I feel. Nothing works properly. Its like my body and mind is a jigsaw puzzle comprised only of mismatched pieces. I do the best I can, fitting square pieces through round pegs, but the results are predictably dismal. To be honest, I don’t know what the fuck I;m going to do.
On October 27th, 2017, I got a girlfriend. Shagun. She’s amazing, and I have immense feelings for her, but I’m keeping myself apart from her. She truly cares for me, and I for her, which is why I want to keep her away from all this turbulence. Why would I want to bring her into these stormy waters after I’ve seen whats its done to my family? She’s messaging me right now, wishing me a merry Christmas. I’m ignoring them for now.
I’ve never written so much so quickly. I wish I was this motivated in school, Id get all those bullshit essays done in no time.
Im done writing for one night. Every Christmas, my sister wakes me up and I go down with her to the family room, where the tree is. We spend some quality time as a family opening presents. For the first time in my life, I will not be joining them. Christmas is a time of pure joy. It feels almost sacrilegious to attend when there is nothing but darkness in my heart. I do not want to corrupt their experience.
| self.SuicideWatch |
Fellow ladies- what helps you when your period heightens your anxiety? I recently got started on a low dose of Buspirone and it’s been working great so far... but this is my first period on the medication and I feel my anxiety coming back. I can’t live like this every month!
I am also on low estrogen birth control pills.
Any advice or personal antidotes would be helpful | self.Anxiety |
I feel really bad I have no one to talk to right now.. I feel like I will call mom if this continues for 10 more minutes, and she doesn't get me at all and yells at me a lot.
I should study, I have two exams tomorrow, and the only thing I have been doing for this past week is just mindlessly browse on the internet. I can't concentrate, I feel like shit, and I don't know what else to do
I think I will fail the year. | self.depression |
I have completely lost respect for myself because of my self destructive decisions Last year, my self confidence and academic performance went through the roof and I had everything going in a great direction. I felt genuinely admired by people I interacted with and relationships with those close to me were healthy. Since then I’ve made all these stupid fucking decisions and now Ive become this drunk piece of trash dry heaving blood into a sink. I can’t find any good reason to respect myself anymore and I’ve begun to relinquish control over myself out of emotional fatigue and hopelessness. I lost the person that always picked me back up and now the closest semblance to stability I feel is with substance and alcohol use. I’ve lost trust in the idea of things becoming better and the more I try to have faith in things working out the more beaten down I feel. The last few days I’ve been fantasizing about letting go of whatever self control is left and just finish living for good.
I know I won’t be doing it anytime soon, but everything that has happened that made me into this shameful piece of shit hasn’t gone away or gotten better and more bad shit is going to come and just pile up. | self.offmychest |
Hello, is anyone there to talk? I just need someone to talk to. I don’t really care when just soon. I’m so tired of being my only cheerleader. I’m so tired of keeping myself alive.
I’m just so tired of everything.
Thanks. | self.SuicideWatch |
One, off, new year Away from family, friends and home. Only company is booze and video games. It's not that bad but I'd rather be somewhere else than be constrained by draconian blanket rules and regulations... | self.offmychest |
Help with my college choice Hi.
I'm 18 and I think I'm in a particulary strange situation. Since about one year and a half I have a kind of 'depressive moments' whose intensity and duration changes. I dont know if it's a real depression this moments can last a few days, sometime it's just a little feeling of emptyness while other times I think I wanna kill myself. For exame two days ago I've been to a party and I felt sad without reason. It has been really hurting. The party was just beginning but I got already sad. Furthermore next year i'm going to university but even if i think to something I might like i struggle with the idea that my while life will be working all day just to go on another day. It may sound childish, but all i'd like to do is staying at home alone worrying about nothing. I really dont know how to deal with this. Now i think that life is just a meaningless struggle until death. Anyone feels the same? | self.depression |
Has anyone else lost their ability to enjoy an activity they used to love after psychosis? 4 years ago I underwent my first hospitalization, 2 months in psych ward, out of my mind. After I got out, I was not able to sit down and play any video game, and that's what I used to spend all day doing! Still, 4 years later, besides maybe a few times, I have not been able to enjoy any video game. I used to love skyrim, but everyone I open the game I get this feeling of dissatisfaction and I just quit. I'll try several other games and the same thing every time. Has anyone else experienced this? Did I just get thrown into growing out of them? Now I just sit around bored out of my mind, browsing my phone. It would be better to get sucked into a game then just browse facebook or Reddit all day. | self.bipolar |
A list of the things I am anxious about [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
So yeah As I was driving to my aunts house for a Christmas dinner I got the overwhelming urge to just end it all or at the very least do a lot of damage by cutting. I texted my boyfriend and he’s been nothing but supportive and comforting and just all around great. But I’m still super depressed and want nothing more than to just go home to lay in my bed and cry hysterically.
I don’t really have any reason for posting this other than to just vent so feel free to ignore me. | self.bipolar |
Most of what I do these days are just a means to an end. I can't remember how far back into the last month I had been sucked into the downward spiral of doing things with zero motivation. I keep up with classes and my performance has been great, though I do not feel rewarded/invigorated by the new things I learn and pick up through the day.
I've even been turning away my usual circle of trust whenever they'd want for us to meet as I feel like I need to sit and stew alone in my thoughts for the time being. I've been doing a lot of reading, writing, gaming, and daydreaming about the pretty European hitman I have yet to encounter in this life. I mean, it's cool that I'm doing things every day, but it's just very monotonous and I have difficulties identifying the root cause of the problem and how I can fix it.
Been diagnosed for a while and taking Zoloft once a day, by the way. If I were to plot my progress in a line graph for this year, I'd say I was doing better -- actually recovering from a low point -- and as of September, it's just been stagnant and the dullness of it all saddened me even more. I'd just really like some words of affirmation/encouragement. It's what this 19-year-old girl needs. | self.depression |
Does healthy living really have a big impact on anxiety? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Bipolar? Borderline personality disorder? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about three months ago. Recently my doctor had to change (teaching hospital). The new doctor brought about the idea of borderline personality disorder. He's saying this due to mood swings throughout the day and fear of abandonment.
As far as I knew the fear of abandonment was more connected to trauma and the mood swings were just part of bipolar.
This whole thing threw me for a loop. Does anyone else have experience dealing with a similar situation? Are moos fluctuating days not part of bipolar? I thought that was rapid cycling. | self.bipolar |
Ugh I feel as if I have no need in this world. I’m just another 13 year old boy that gets picked on by the guys and is laughed at by the girls. Everyday I feel as if I’m getting uglier and uglier. I’ve never been in a friendship with a woman and I’m simply done. All of the women in my school complain that all boys care about is looks but then proceed to turn around and dismiss me as “just another ugly boy.” That’s only 1/2 the issue, for all of the boys expect nothing but “not being a pussy.” So I get picked on all day for enjoying things such as physics, music theory, and geography.
I know this is desperate but I’m just looked for a bit of advice. Thank you. | self.SuicideWatch |
It's Christmas, and I'm alone, broke, no car, losing my life inch by fucking inch.
I feel robbed. Like what am I struggling for anymore? | self.offmychest |
Fake clarity So interesting how clear everything seems to be while manic. I know the answers to problems that have been plaguing me. I feel like everything falls into place. I am finally cured of all my anxieties and feel silly for worrying about them in the first place. I spent money on hobbies I've given up on because I know I'll suddenly get good at it *this* time. Oh and no I don't need to see my therapist again or take my meds because I'm *cured* finally!
But of course this lasts for maybe a week until I hit reality hard and everything takes over. But it won't happen *this* time. No of course not.
Fml. | self.bipolar |
Knocked a girl up and feel like killing myself I got a girl pregnant and for her an abortion is out of the question. We were dating for around 6 months and broke up just before Thanksgiving. Once I found out about the kid I tried to push for an abortion. Neither of us are ready for a child and I feel like my future has been snuffed out. Ive been thinking about killing myself nonstop since I found out and it's the only thing that's helped my calm down even remotely. I already feel pent up resentment and I know how fucked up it all is but it's how I feel.
I had a whole future planned that strongly and specifically didn't involve kids for a long time but now I'm going to have one before my 25th birthday. I hate every waking minute of my life and feel like it's a hopeless situation. I don't want this and I don't think I ever will. I've never felt this way before and suicide is something I've never remotely considered but now it consumes my thoughts. We're both poor, straddled with debt and I don't love her and I don't want a child but now my life has been determined for me. I've always hated children and I'm not a very emotionally capable person and I'm so fucking sad and scared that I just want to end my life for the first time ever. | self.SuicideWatch |
I honestly just miss being close to someone Just that feeling where a friendship develops, and your close. Not just on a surface level but you can tell them everything on an emotional level. The feeling where two days without them is too much, wanting to spend all your time with them. I miss it, I miss being someone’s go to instead of just a good friend. I miss being in love and loved. The idea that it might come back one day keeps me going at least. | self.depression |
does anyone joke about methods of suicide to people so that then it's impossible to do that method otherwise they will feel really guilty for not worrying? ex., "man if the final has a red black tree problem I might actually go jump off the golden gate bridge" | self.depression |
Has anyone changed sexual orientation after being medicated??! I’ve always considered myself bisexual or pansexual I guess. I recently added a large dose of depakote to my med regimen and I’m completely stable now or at least I have been for the last few months and since then i noticed I am no longer attracted to men, and very much more attracted to women than I was. My partner is non binary but they were assigned male at birth and I’m still very much romantically attracted to them and at first I thought my new realization wouldn’t effect my sexual attraction to them but I realized that it really does when it comes down to it. I’m sort of having a crisis because we’re very committed to each other. Has anyone changed sexual orientation when they became stable or from taking a certain medication? | self.bipolar |
This is a throwaway, my real account is known by husband and a few friends. UPDATE!!!! I really hope that I can update here, MY HUSBAND WOKE ME UP TO ADMIT TO THE ONE NIGHT STAND.
After 4:00am he said he could not sleep and admitted to the one night stand.
I'm heartbroken.
Today is the first of January, I had our families over for dinner last night because I have a toddler and we much prefer to stay in and enjoy her and the event instead of in a busy restaurant.
Everything last night was nice, everyone seems to be in good spirits.
My brother in law and his wife was not here. They are party animals and preferred to be with friends.
Around 2am I looked at my phone screen and seen 2 pictures and a voice message in the family chat on whatsapp from my brother in law, I thought it was him wishing everyone a HNY and pictures of them having a blast so I thought to just open them today.
Well around 5am I got up to use the bathroom and seen that he had sent another 2 voice messages so I opened my whatsapp while on the toilet, he was drunk telling us (his Dad, Mom, my husband and I) that we are losers and he feels sorry for us and that his Dad is a failure, his Mother is mentally handicapped, that my husband is an asshole and that I use his family for money.
Keep in mind that they all work together in their own family ran business!!!!
Well to be honest his opinion doesn't count for me, he has been using drugs and I know that he and his wife fight a lot so I thought well HNY to you too.
A last message came, he was saying, oh yes, I forgot to tell you (me) that my brother fucked your friend in your daughters bed... this last message hit me like a block of ice, my friend was here to a party like 7 years ago and got drunk and I didn't want her to drive home.
Today my heart is broken, I feel so mad and unhappy, first day of the year and it's sad as hell in my house.
I don't know what to think or what to do, I trusted my husband, never thought he would cheat or that he could do it with a friend
I just wanted to get this off my chest with who ever reads!!! | self.offmychest |
When/how to tell a date about mental health struggles? Female 21. I’m at a good part of my life. Meds are working very well and I’m feeling more mentally strong than ever before.
I’ve been talking to a guy online (yes I know all the dangers of it..don’t lecture me.) And we are meeting up next week. He’s very sweet and kind. And not too bad looking either ;)
But the one thing on my mind is...how do I tell him about my issues?
When do I tell him? Third date? Fourth date?
I can’t imagine anyone accepting all the baggage I have. So of course I’m not getting my hopes up too high. | self.bipolar |
What do you think? (TW: suicide, self injury) [](https://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2018/01/04/artificial-intelligence-to-listen-for-suicidal-thoughts-on-social-media/)
Apparently, it's being tested in Canada for artificial intelligence to catch behavior related to self-harm and suicide on social media. As a community in which these behaviors are discussed frequently, I'm wondering what you all think of this.
Part of me thinks it's a good idea. If we can prevent these behaviors, isn't that a good thing? However, part of me is taken aback. Would I be willing to discuss my suicidal thoughts or talk about self injury online if I knew that information might be used to single me out? Not sure.
Your thoughts?
EDIT: The '1' superscript above the post should take you to the article. | self.bipolar |
The Notes Of A Everyday Mind We tell ourselves that the impossible is possible cause we see the few that either make it through luck or sheer determination. Is it possible in 1 year to change everything and live without the shackles of a 9-5 society. This is my question ?
We keep this notation that waking up at 6:30am in the morning to a regime where we hate the first five minutes of our day , wash our faces , brush our teeth and throw on our mental suits to face yet another gruelling day of what we claim and have persuaded ourselves is the way of life.
We tap in and out of our transport cages , bunched up underground just to get to a destination where we mentally dread, hiding behind the routine of work screaming at that inner child each day cause you should of been that footballer or doctor, you should of been that dancer or painter , you could , you should , and it became to late .
We tale in common friends and watch the TV thinking that the person we watching has had it easy , fell into the path of success, rose to fame by sheer luck. We dream another night away wondering if tomorrow , might be the day we scratch or pick that line of sequential numbers or we might meet that person who will give up their selfish ways and focus not on their own life gains but put you down the road of success instead of them.
Now don't take me wrong there are people that love what they do , wake up in the morning and sing Sinatra - “You make me feel so good” is playing through their head, side note ' if you don't no the song I suggest you play it, great song '. These people are what we call the few that have found without any reassurance that they are happy, they wake up ready to fight another day, for you this information will not only show you have taken the right route but build on this pleasure you call a life and fill a few missing pieces with things you have not thought of, now if you wake up and what I have explained to you at the beginning of this chapter is you like me when writing this, let's create you into a superstar a better person someone who loves waking up everyday and sleeping every night...... keep your eyes open as there will be more.
Welcome to “My Mind”
Chapter 1 - What do I want ? | self.offmychest |
Anyone else suffering from anxiety and depression ever heard 'voices'? I've recently been diagnosed (Aug 2017) with severe anxiety, depression, and BPD (borderline personality disorder). Lately, I've been hearing voices inside of my head. As far as I know, they aren't talking to me as much as just having random conversations or saying random things. I have told my therapist about it and she said that it's common among people with severe anxiety to have that. She said not to worry unless it's starting to tell me to do things. That's when to report it immediately. I was just wondering if anyone else have had these voices in their head and how do you deal with it? | self.Anxiety |
I took the leap After struggling for nearly a year and self medicating with cannabis and alcohol and breaking things, I finally saw my doctor today and talked about what's been going on with me. I got a prescription for prozac (tbh a little scared to take it) and have an appointment with a therapist in two weeks. I've just subscribed to this sub and hope I can get better soon. | self.depression |
I don't even know what to call this... but I need to get this out. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've been a lone wolf for most of my life. It was only about six years ago that I was finally able to make any real connections to people. But damn, I've made SO many friends since, more than I ever thought I would have.
And it's so foreign to me that I still sometimes don't know how to deal with it.
About a month ago, something a friend of mine said bothered me. So I picked a fight with her... over nothing. I told her I was pissed and not to talk to me for a long time. She acted like "whatever" at first, but it didn't take long to realize she was deeply hurt by it.
Then a few weeks ago, she had a breakdown (she's also bipolar) and I knew what I had to do. I had to help her. And all of a sudden SHE started apologizing to me because she felt like she was causing problems. Fuck, this was my fault. I'm working hard to fix things with her and hope to see her soon.
There's another friend. Long story short, it appeared he had done something to hurt me, and I flat out accused him. Later on, I found out it was someone else entirely. I was relieved to find that out... he wasn't even involved. But obviously, he's upset that I couldn't just trust him. Yet he still takes way more responsibility than he needs to. It's so strange to see this deep regret in other people, and wondering why I didn't seem to experience this on my own.
*Well, Reaper, why are you such a fucking dick?*
Because I'm not used to people caring about me. Like, to the point where they will *reach out* to me. My own family hasn't even done that. I thought I could just shelter myself. So if someone reaches out, because I'm paranoid and can't trust people, I just assume they have other motives.
And that's when I blow the fuck up.
Part of it is a class/cultural thing (come from an Irish immigrant family, screaming drunken violence was the norm) and partly because I never really learned (or bothered to learn?) impulse control. The way I grew up was so removed from the real world. It really DID seem like everyone was out to get me. And all these maladaptive behaviors I've adopted are just destroying everything.
If you consider me a friend, regardless of how well we know each other... just know I value you. If I have hurt you in some way, just know I am sorry with all my heart. If you have asked me for help and feel like I've blown you off, just know I'll do the best I can to get back to you. If I can't, just know that you are on my mind.
Whether we just "clicked" as soon as we met, or we took a few months to connect, or we are just getting to know each other now, or if we were once close but for whatever reason no longer are... just know you occupy space in my broken brain, and my healing heart.
Because that's the beauty of human connection. Companionship. Caring. Love. It's fucking unreal. Just wish I had learned this basic part of the human experience was before I was 22...
As Bob Marley (and Bono) both said... One Love... | self.bipolar |
Can't cope My brother has stage 4 cancer and it's spreading. He's so young (20s) and the battle is taking a toll on him. It's also taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally and has been for the past 2+ years. It's extremely difficult to see him suffer and to hold it together around him. He's always been my best friend, we have an amazing bond, it's like we're the same person.
I have never imagined a life without him and it's getting increasingly hard to cope. I'm constantly crying, can't focus at work, can't connect with others, can't sleep. I used to see a therapist for some anxiety issues about 7 years ago. I know I should see her again to help me with this now but there is also a large part of me that just doesn't want to get help. What's the point of it? To mask my pain until I die? I really don't see a point of living without him in my life... I mean, how would I be able to enjoy anything ever again? He's the best, kindest, funniest person I know.
Lately I've been fantasizing about ways to kill myself and they are becoming more and more frequent and tempting. They're usually about overdosing on something. The only thing keeping me here is just trying to support him while he goes through this. | self.SuicideWatch |
Is there such thing has having a manic/hypomanic “moment” or am I in store for another episode? I have been dealing with high and lows since I was a kid and I cycled very quickly like most children with the illness do. I am now 20 about a month ago had a mixed episode that led into a manic episode that then went into a psychotic depressive episode. This was late December beginning of January to the middle of January that this went on. Over the past week or two I’ve been mostly recovering from it and today I woke up really early being goofy, racing thoughts,ready to things, lots ideas, extremely optimistic, way more than normal And that lasted about a little more then an hour. I had times like this before where I’ll have manic/hypomanic “moments” and then sometimes it turns into an episode but sometimes it didn’t. I don’t know if this is an actual thing I was just wondering if people ever experienced similar things happen to them | self.bipolar |
Nightmare! So last night I was having mild-ish flashbacks to the point I decided to take my prn xanax which is...0.5 mg. I eventually fell asleep, fine. I woke up an hour ago from this horrible dream: basically I was in an old house that I personally have never been in and this old man came into the house. Then the next thing I know I'm in the kitchen area with said man screaming for help (idk why) to get away from him. Next my mom (not mom IRL) and I are in kitchen and I kept saying I had a creepy feeling and kept asking if all the doors were locked. Creepy man is nowhere to be found. Lastly I notice the basement door is ajar and I tell this mother figure "I bet HE is down there!" In which I take a butcher knife from the kitchen and approach down the steps. I tell mother figure to also take a knife but she's not having it so I grab another. At this point I am trying to wake myself up and thankfully do so before that dream progressed.
It sounds silly now I think about it however I am somewhat petrified to try to go back to sleep even though I need more sleep to function today. I've never had dreams like this on my xanax so I was taken aback. Anyway thank you for letting me vent & I hope you're all sleeping better than me 🙃 | self.Anxiety |
Depressed and suicidal because of my appearance I am very insecure about my appearance to the point where I self-harm and have attempted suicide. I know this must seem vain, but I barely even feel human when I look in the mirror. I hate my face so much that I avoid going out, or wear hats and sunglasses in public to cover it up. I spend hours in front of mirrors and looking at pictures of me to sort of judge my appearance and try to fix myself I guess. My big problem areas are my nose and face shape. I feel so out of place in this world. I just feel so worthless when I see pictures of beautiful people, and I can’t help but feel a sharp pang of jealously. I haven’t been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder if anyone is wondering, although I never talk to anyone about how I feel on this topic, besides my significant other. I’m sorry for the rant and giant paragraph (I’m on mobile), I’m just not sure what to do anymore; I’m just sitting in my bathroom wondering if having scars on my face will be worth it. (Also, please do not pm me asking for pictures of me. Thank you) | self.SuicideWatch |
Trileptal - niiiiice! I just started taking oxcarbaxepine (trileptal) on Thursday, so today is day 6. This stuff is great! I'm still hypomanic, but it's taken off or lessened all the unpleasant parts. I'm still energetic and productive and a little talkative, but I'm not anxious or angry or feeling rushed. I sleep a full 8 hours. Plus, my judgement seems a little more conservative and I'm not wanting to buy everything in sight. I still have a sex drive (yay), and I want to look good. I feel like I have all the time in the world and everything that usually would take me all day is just a few minutes of pleasant work. It's kind of like a nice morphine buzz. I know it can make people sleepy, but it seems to just bring me down to a nice, mellow, but still capable place. I actually look forward to taking it. I am studying today and actually feel like it might be imprinting in my brain, in contrast to the last few months of wasted time staring at notes that I don't understand. The only downside so far is that it totally SCREWS my driving. I called in today because I didn't want to make the hour commute. I'm hoping by Monday (my next shift) that the poor driving improves. I can't put people at risk with my failure to maintain a lane and poor speed control. Maybe I can take it once I get to work and right after I get home, so that it's at its lowest concentration when I'm on the road. Luckily, my spouse is a cop, so I can have him field test me before I go do something stupid. Basically, I just wanted to say that if your doctor has recommended this one, don't discount it just because it makes some people have bad side effects. I think this is the best thing since sliced bread! I usually spend my hypomanic times enraged and stressed to the detriment of my kids and husband. More than anyone, my awesome 3-year-old doesn't deserve that, so a literal "chill pill" is invaluable. Hooray! | self.bipolar |
Does anyone else feel like you'll always be alone? Because I haven't had a friend in my entire life, no joke. Always been by myself, no matter how hard I try to connect, people just shut me out. Hell, I don't even have a family. | self.depression |
Should I tell someone I want to kill myself? I have attempted suicide before, and afterwards people tell me they want to tell them if I feel like doing that again. Here's the thing, right now, I am in university, and I'm about to go into finals. If I get institutionalized, then I won't be able to pass my classes.
Also I don't think people would understand that I feel like I am about to do it again. I think they'll blow me off and not care, which contradicts what I just said. I want to get help, maybe even institutionalized, but I also can't do that because I would have so many problems as a result. I'm at a loss, and I feel like I might try hanging myself, making an exit bag, or jump off a bridge. | self.SuicideWatch |
Keeping Feeling Swollen Lymph Nodes, Doctors Say I'm Fine I feel like im going crazy. Since last spring, on and off (like, it happens for a few days to a week every couple of months) ive been feeling like my neck lymph nodes are hella swollen. It happened again starting last night when i took a sleep aid for jet lag, i thought it was just a bad reaction but its still here today despite the sleep aid being out of my system. I've had blood work done like 3x this year and everyone tells me everything is fine, not just fine but perfect. No thyroid issues, no cancer, no nothing, every number in perfect range, etc. But right now im SO uncomfortable because my lymph nodes feel so big and heavy. I feel like im going crazy, like maybe its all in my head. And i cant stop worrying about it. I have read stress (which i have a lot of with my freelancing career right now) and anxiety can actually cause lymph nodes to swell, but i just can't get past it being something worse. I don't know how to stop worrying, it's like ruining my day to day. I stopped bringing it up to my husband because he's convinced its all in my head. | self.Anxiety |
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