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Goal Setting Sunday 10.1.17 Let's work towards goals together this week. What do you want to put effort into and try to achieve this week? | self.bipolar |
I feel obligated to attend something I'm uncomfortable going to. I try too hard to please people. Before I get into it, I want to say I get anxious being in big crowds of people, especially strangers. Like I don't like being in the city or being in a packed large crowd.
I have two weddings I was invited to in the Spring and I feel obligated to go because I feel like I will insult them if I don't attend.
Wedding A I am anxious about attending because I don't know of anyone else going, and I will be alone the whole time in a large crowd of people.
Wedding B I am anxious to go to because someone else is attending who I really don't get along with. Also, I rarely see the couple. I haven't since last spring. I asked to see them and they said just wait til the wedding because they are busy. I'm anxious to begin with because of that person and then they don't want to see me until the wedding.
Also something to note, I am not doing well financially. Renting a tux twice and two wedding gifts will kill my wallet. I get very anxious regarding my financial stability.
I feel like in both cases I would offend them if I RSVP no and I don't know what excuse I would give. | self.Anxiety |
I'm the one they didn't want and i want to die [deleted] | self.depression |
Anyone else just in an endless hell of "I want to die" but "What will they say"? No real reason to live, no concrete reason not to die, but terrified by the consequences of suicide on my Relations. It's a cycle of hoarding pills, and hiding bleach, but never actually going through with it.
I want to end it. But at the same time, I can just imagine what would people say about me and my family once I'm gone. I wish I could just disappear from the face of the earth, from everyone's memories, so no one deals with the fallout.
| self.depression |
Today's a struggle You know when you wake up & you can just tell this day is going to be difficult? Today, is one of those days... I spent this weekend at a cabin in the north woods of Minnesota & by Sunday I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't alone, I was with friends & we drank a lot because that's what you do when it's cold & you're up in the north woods. Then I got back & went to a concert with other people that night. Once the concert was over, I could just feel my depression consume me - to the point where one of my friends asked me if I was okay. I obviously, said "yes, I'm okay" because it wasn't the time or place to disclose this. So I put that 'happy me" mask back on...
I woke up this morning & just didn't want to function, I want to just veg out watching rooster teeth videos. Alas, I have to go to work & do my job because we have deadlines. Yet, I'm still on reddit trying to not deal with the questions I don't want to answer. There is nothing anyone can do except me, I have to just do it instead of being on here. I will get to it, I just need to smile & high five myself. Deep down I know this, it's just been difficult today... | self.depression |
Seroquel taper, feeling sick. I made a post about tapering off Seroquel awhile ago. I discussed it with my pdoc again and she gave me a tapering schedule which I’ve been following.
I was on 100mg, so for the first week I dropped to 75mg, 2nd week 50mg, etc.
It’s been going well, besides some stomach trouble and headaches. Don’t know if that’s related.
I’ve been down to 25mg for nearly a week now. 2 days in to that dosage and I started feeling nauseous, extremely fatigued and I’m having increasing periods of feeling very off - best way to describe it is I just feel slimy and uneasy.
I am due to drop down to 0mg in a few days, but I’m not sure if I should go back to 50mg and stay there for longer than a week. Take it a little slower?
Or should I just ride it out? I’m assuming it’s the tapering that’s making me feel yucky, and I expect some side effects coming off the medication. But I’m happy to take things slower if that makes it less unpleasant, only problem is I don’t know anyone whose tapered off seroquel to really judge how long it takes? | self.bipolar |
tryign to overdose help me today i took an hiv test as a routine and the anxiety is killing me right now, I'd managed to control it because today morining i took 4 mg of clonazepam and i just took 4 more and 5 mg of clotiazepam. I'm depressed, I'm scared, I chased it with booze. i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic.
edit: i have 4,5 more clonazepam and i don't want to take them but also i really do want to get knocked the fucked out.
I want to end it all, I wanna take more and more and more and just disappear. I'm nothing. I felt so good today morning, and probably will feel good later if I don't pass out from this. FUCK EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEE
i'm in fucking tears crying and screaming hitting the walls i lost control i don't know what happened fuck deprssion nfjnkldsm
edit: took 2.5mg more clonazepam help me i've taken so mcuh i know this won't kill me maybe i don't know what to do im fucking lost in this world | self.SuicideWatch |
Lost someone who was important to me and started felling depressive I am curious to know why someone would help me here, but let's go, I used to be a very happy and pleasant person, at some point I became a negative person and a little depressive, I believe that due to the death of my grandmother (she always took care of me and I only realized how important she was when I lost her), because of this I think I felt guilty and started to see things more negatively, after that everything started to get worse in my life, even When I feel I'm happy, it's for a brief moment. I do not know if it is part of growing up and getting older or if I have some kind of problem, so I wanted some help, even if it was words or situations where someone also lost an important person and somehow managed to continue to live | self.depression |
I need to know abt self harm Where can i cut but without endangering my life, and where ppl won't notice it ??
Also I'd love to have some ideas abt how to cut to cause more pain ?
And how will i hide the scars after? | self.offmychest |
I don't talk about the things on my mind to others in person. I sometimes speak about it online but never in much detail. I feel I deserve pain and letting it all stay inside and eat me up is a good start. I don't physically self harm myself but I do it mentally, I purposely make myself feel worse. I like it, I deserve it. | self.depression |
Textbook loser Honestly feeling that my life won't amount to anything in the long run, and that I'm never ever going to be able to accomplish a single thing because I can't ever do things right in life.
I have a girlfriend, who I love so very dearly, but it doesn't help that I can't be there for her entirely because my anxiety gets in our way all the time. It's sad because she's always there for me to comfort me, but when it's I that has to comfort her, usually due to things of my fault, I can't seem to connect properly and give her the care she needs due to my anxiety. Especially when we fight, I begin to clam up and start blaming myself for everything, never really solving the issue at hand. In the end, it's always her that has to comfort me because of all the bullshit I put her through in that.
Honestly wouldn't be surprised if she leaves me soon. It will probably be good for her.
I'm also a medical student who has constantly failed so many exams, no matter how hard I try. Yes, I am in danger of getting kicked out of medical school because of this. What sucks is that if I don't finish and become a doctor, I'll have no choice but to take care of my family's business, which I really do not want to do. It's not as easy as telling my folks, "hey I dont want to go into the family business" either, because this will lead to arguments which will lead to a full blown anxiety attack. The constant failures are totally chopping away at my self-esteem, reducing it to an all time low. Makes me feel that when I do become a doctor, I'll just end up having patients die on me.
I've never really accomplished anything in my life that could possibly build up my self-esteem. It's just been going downhill ever since I was a child. I was always bullied back then, making me very confused as to how I should act around people. My parents would always reprimand me for trying to defend myself in arguments with them. I decided to force a bravado around me when I got to high school which blinded me from things I should have learned about myself if I were more humble, open, and mature about the experiences I had. College was a difficult time for me to relate with other people as well since I didn't really know how to build friendships really well and couldn't understand the way people relate to me (are you trying to fuck with me or are you just messing around), so I ended up just sticking with a small group of friends from high school along with a small amount of people that I met along the way in college. Now that I'm in medical school, it also became difficult for me to relate with my classmates too because I end up feeling so small because I really have a low ranking in my class, along with a constant anxious feeling of being unwanted by people.
I feel like I'm the epitome of the textbook loser. Not all those who have experienced so much hardship in their life will always be able to climb out of rock bottom. Some end up staying in rock bottom for a long time, if not forever, no matter how hard they try. Michael Jordan may have kept on trying and trying again to become a pro basketball player, but not everyone is a Michael Jordan. I've fallen down a hundred times, and I can't help but see that I will fall down a hundred more.
(I know all this calls for professional help, but I don't want my family dragged into this. Consultations are pretty expensive, especially for a student.) | self.depression |
Help: Yawning like 999 times but still unable to sleep, have anyone experience this before? I feel very tiring, but nervous system just wake me up when i fall asleep, afterwards i have difficult time to sleep again. | self.Anxiety |
I think my online friend just committed suicide..? Im not sure where to post this sort of thing so I figured maybe here would be okay.
My friend has been really quiet lately (I haven't actually really spoken to him since around mid October) - I know his closest friend IRL was really sick and I think she passed away.
He finally messaged me last night (after about a month of being totally unresponsive out of the blue) with just a "Bye $helpfriendcs, good luck with everything" and went offline on all of his social media apps (facebook, steam, battle.net). I don't have his number anymore so I can't contact him to see if hes okay but im really worried for him. I live in another state (He lives in Melbourne, I'm in Sydney) and cannot easily go see him (he's moved twice since i last visited and dont have his address anymore).
He did this once a few years ago after his girlfriend died and about a year later we found out that he did try to commit suicide but someone found him after & got him to a hospital, and this is alarmingly similar (he deleted his apps/said bye to everyone then too). He doesn't really have any family or anything it was pretty much just his friend who I think just passed that I had contact with too.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this i just dont know what to do. ive known him for 10 years or so (we used to play WoW together) and we were really close, it's unusual that hes just gone and I think he would only really do that if he had a plan.
I know he used to post here sometimes after his girlfriend died so I thought maybe he had found his way here again. If you're out there Vel please just let me know you're okay. :(
| self.SuicideWatch |
Fischer Wallace device Has anyone used this product with any success or is it a total sham? I am in a very bad place and very desperate. Ketamine treatment is $4050 and I can't afford that. | self.bipolar |
anxiety about kidney stones. hello, I'm new in this forum so here it goes.
I'm simply anxious about kidney stones, I heard horror stories about them, I'm afraid of getting one, what can I do?
I have been to see a medical doctor and was checked out and they said how I am healthy and not really at risk for them. | self.Anxiety |
I'm graduating from Law School! It only took me seven years (I took a three year mental health break in the middle). It's been a huge mountain to climb, but I made it! | self.bipolar |
Is depression permanent? Whatsup...
I'm 22. I haven't been *depressed* For my entire life... I can think of times when I have been extremely happily (mainly middle school), and very functional despite having mild depression, such as in highschool (prior state ranked athlete), but I was wondering if people with major depression (such as myself) or bipolar disorder, or even other mental illnesses are living in a constant genetic predisposition to depression, in which (when they're off medication), their mind/thoughts/senses are always in a strings length of a depressive episode.
For instance, picture an Instagram filter than is dark and bleak. I have always been a dark/unlively person and I learned to find bliss and stress reduction in my seemingly cloudy lifestyle/outlook. My "happy" emotions are mainly nostalgia and excitement. Like i said, i have been happy at certain points in my life, but i still always have that "filter"... And sometimes I take solace in it.
But, is it safe to say that people without a genetic predisposition to depression's brains function (from birth) as a depressed person would function while on medication? | self.depression |
Cleansing Currently, I am doing my best to make healthy and positive life changes. No weed, no alcohol, no porn, no masturbating, no television and now no negative content including a podcast I really enjoy. The reason for the latter is, however hilarious the podcast is, it definitely is about reading people and talking shit about trivial pop culture. I realize after listening to it if there are things I’m still healing from, i.e., being mistreated at a former job, then it brings up anger in me and I act out reading n talking shit to people that were unkind. I know this is a waste of my time & energy. Instead, I really want to forgive and move on. I don’t want to hold onto anger or any negativity. So now I’m going to sign up for the Libby app with my library card and play audio books when I need noise while cooking, cleaning, etc. Normally, music is my go to but I literally listen to music all day and want to switch it up.
Can anyone relate? To being super sensitive and having to restrict the content they ingest because it deeply effects them? To currently or previously removing any of the things I mentioned above? To wanting to be more positive and all the steps one must take?
<3 | self.depression |
Anxiety has changed me It's been a year now since I first had a panic/anxiety attack. Back then, I was clueless of what was happening. I suddenly couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding, my BP went up, and was trembling uncontrollably. A series of random episodes of panic/anxiety attacks followed soon after the first one and it hasn't stopped until now and it took me a while to understand really what was happening. I was jumping one medication after the other and frankly, none of those I've tried was the magic pill.
I used to be carefree. I was confident. I can say I was a happy kid. Loved socializing and was very active. But now, my illness had me downward spiraling. The happy kid that I was became this depressed, anti\-social, and very anxious individual. My anxiety has negatively changed the quality of life I have. It has deprived me from achieving the goals I've set for myself.
As a graduate student, the work load I have to deal with everyday is exhausting. But honestly, it is nothing compared to the exhaustion I feel playing pretend the entire day. I pretend to look fine in front of people and I'm getting pretty good at it \-\-\- honestly I think I mastered the art of smiling while having a panic/anxiety attack in public. Playing pretend doesn't help my resolve though. When I get home, it is when all hell breaks loose. It is when all the anxiety I managed to contain the entire day gets the better of me. It's a cycle. A vicious cycle really.
Sometimes I ask myself how I ended up like this and why I continue to feel this relentless suffering.
I feel for others who suffer like I do. I feel for those people whose crying for help but never will be heard.
I hope this is just a phase in my life.
I am damaged but not beyond repair. That, at least, I know. | self.Anxiety |
$217 spent on fast food This month my husband and I have spent $217 on restaurants or fast food. I feel terrible and disgusted. I can see the numbers on the scale going up, not that either of us are morbidly obese, but this is how you become so big. Part of it is depression leading me to not cook after I get home from work. After seeing the actual dollar amounts I'm hoping it's enough of a kick in the ass to get myself up and cooking again. I don't plan on telling him, just making better choices. | self.offmychest |
Death Insurance at the age of 26 So I just applied for my death insurance today cos I know I’m gonna die before my parents. I just want to live something for them. | self.depression |
I thought I had weird empathy before... I’m a RN, ICU the past 1.5 years, nursing homes before that. I have always taken on the saddest aspects of my work in a healthy way but now that I work in L&D, different story.
I chose to write in this subreddit because I just openly cried to “Cleopatra” by Lumineers music video x3. Putting my self in the shoes of the main character; and I’ve started to spot after a year of nothing with an IUD.
I have always been 50/50 on whether i am even able to have kids. I went into this speciality for women, but I am afraid I’ll get so subliminally taken over that I’ll just bleed and cry forever.
Any experience or suggestions??? | self.Anxiety |
This year has been fantastic. I have had one of the best years of my life this year.
I went back to school at the start of the year to try and get my high school equivalency. Then after about 8 months of doing that i moved to a new town. In less than 3 weeks of being in the new town I got my first ever job in a field that I'm interested in but I had to drop out of schooling to get it ( worth it )
Right now I'm sitting in the back of a troopie (4x4 car that can carry 10 people including the driver) heading out to a worksite and honestly I'm happy. It's the end of the work week for me and the people I work with are all good people and come from all different walks of life.
Apologies for formatting on my phone. | self.offmychest |
Being pretty has made it easy for me to get by in life without ever really learning a good work ethic.. And now that I’ve landed a real career, I️ need to learn how to work hard and it’s nervewracking. How do you learn how to be a productive and professional adult in an office setting? My biggest fear is getting fired for acting unprofessional or fucking some paperwork up. I️ wish more emphasis was put on being smart, rather than being pretty. Sorry if this came off as a humble brag, honestly would rather have a solid set of skills than have a pretty face. | self.offmychest |
Super clingy friend About a month ago, I rekindled a friendship with an old coworker of mine. He's very nice but he texts me NONSTOP. Usually, I hang out with friends 1-2 times a week and I really only text someone if we have plans. This kid texts me EVERYDAY and expects have a 30-60 minute conversation with me. Even when I respond to his texts saying that I'm studying or doing work for school, he still tries converse with me. I could avoid responding for 6+ hours but as soon as I text him back, he'll respond within a minute or two. My friends tell me that he is most likely interested in me, but I constantly drop this guy hints that I don't want to date him. I love being friends with him and we have nice conversations but I'm not attracted to him by any means.
Is there even a polite way to tell someone to stop texting so much or that you're not interested? I'm worried if I do this, we'll stop being friends. I just hate how he always feels the need to communicate!
| self.offmychest |
It ends this year I will commit suicide one way or another. If Dignitas doesn't grant me anything, then I will do something to die this year. | self.SuicideWatch |
I though I suffered from imposter syndrome, but in reality I'm just an imposter. Hey all,
My worst fears came to fruition today at work. Since the day I started working at this laboratory, I worried my ass off about being fired for being incompetent, having a poor work ethic, or just being a fuckup failure in general. I suffered from anxiety attacks in thinking that I would be canned any day, but eventually came to the conclusion that I was just suffering from imposter syndrome and, in reality, was producing great work.
Well, until today. My boss basically just confirmed all of my worst fears and told me that he would have fired me on Christmas "if he wasn't feeling so generous". So he told me I have a month to get my shit together or else I'm fired for good.
I feel like I've let my family, my girlfriend, and anyone who ever supported me down. I feel like a failure. All of the voices in my head telling me that I'm a shitty human being were right all along. That I'm worthless. Talentless. A fraud.
I don't deserve anything good in my life.
Edit: Just realized I misspelled the title of this. God damn it. | self.depression |
How long did it take for you to be diagnosed (uk) I am starting to write a mood diary before I go to my GP and beg to be looked at.
I have throughout my life had what I think is bipolar. I'll have wonderful drive for a month or two and then over a day (sometimws) I'll go into a deep depression for months. It just happens and then I'll go back to feeling like I can take on the world etc. Rinse and repeat.
During my highs I have enrolled on courses (which I've paid for £1k+) and I'll do them and then I'll get into my depressive episode and that's the end of the course. I am hard to live with during my lows and fun (but irritable) when I am high.
I should add though I do have some reprieve sometimes I just feel "fine but that's few and far between. | self.bipolar |
It's really depressing to realize the only reason you're still alive is for your family [deleted] | self.depression |
Time of the year? I've always struggled more during this time of the year. For some reason, it feels harder this year than previous ones. Probably due to having to deal with frequent migraines, all the stress of trying to find something that will help with *those* as well as with the anxiety/depression. The therapist I saw a while back was supposed to refer me to a group therapy program, but the person that was supposed to contact me never has. I've not bothered calling the therapist up to figure out wtf happened because with the migraines happening so much, and the location of the group-therapy place being a good 20-30 minute drive away it wouldn't do much good anyway.
I don't think I've ever cared so little about Christmas as I do this year. I've managed to get a few things for a few people, but the fact that I need to get my ass in gear and finish getting the rest of the presents - as well as wrap/bag them - has me feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. When I feel so disillusioned with everyone around me it's hard to muster up the care for it. Instead of wanting to find things that will make those I need to get gifts for I feel obligated, and thus even somewhat *resentful* about having to do it. It's like "Here, I got you a 20 dollar giftcard to so and so!" *Opens gift* 'Oh, you got *me* a 20 dollar giftcard to such and other place. Thanks!"...While I'm thinking in my head *hey I managed to break even on this gift exchange moneywise! Although, I'd rather spend money at a different store than what this giftcard is for. Oh well*. I guess that just makes me sound like a selfish bastard, but it's hard to find the energy or effort to care anymore. One sibling, through compounded actions in the past, has effectively burned the bridge between us. The one I was closest with growing up with as a kid has more-or-less drifted out of our family and into his wife's family and they're not coming down at. all. this year. The other sibling came for Thanksgiving but won't be up for Christmas. This leaves me with my parents (whom I feel I'm drifting apart from these past few months) and my shit-stick-relationship-sister and her family. Sure, her husband's amazing (don't see what he sees in her) and her two kids aren't so bad, but...Eh, I dunno.
A part of me was contemplating just giving everyone a cheap-ass Christmas card and tell them I wasn't planning on Christmas this year, but apparently things have already been sent from one sibling. Now I just feel obligated to get everyone something. Just...Fuck this time of year. It's no goddamned wonder so many more people seem to off themselves this time of year. Between the weather to exacerbate already an already shitty mental illness and having to deal with all the added stress holidays bring...It makes perfect sense.
Just having to take each day at a time. I look back and see not foodsteps in the snow but long furrows from where instead of stepping I've been instead dragging my feet. I look forward, to an unmarked snow field and all the obstacles - hidden rocks, built up snow drifts, yellow snow spots - that I have to deal with...and just take another damned dragging snow step towards a tumultuous future wondering if there will ever be a step where I'll find green grass, no pain, and perhaps actual hope for what lies on ahead.
Meh, there goes the end of my rant. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this, or even explain right at the moment and just needed to get this out to somewhere and someone. | self.depression |
How do I stop self-sabotaging behaviors? Or help them at least?? Ill try to keep this short, but
basically I got myself a decent job in December of 2016, was doing well, making decent money and getting along with everyone. I'm not sure why but last month I stopped going in.
I got another job making a little bit more per hour, and as of last week I have not gone in. I'm not trying to duck responsibility for this because I know its my fault, but its almost like I can't bring myself to just go into work. I want to, and I regret not going in, I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions, or any insight anyone has to offer on this would be appreciated. Thanks | self.depression |
I have never had this feeling before This will be a long text, and I am not forcing anybody to read it. I am using writing as a way to express my feelings.
I keep saying to myself it will go over. Suicide has never seriously crossed my mind until now. But I just realised that I don't see the meaning in life. I don't enjoy anything at the moment. I used to love music, friends and family. But now everything is different. The only thing that has changed is me.
I get rejected over and over by my life. I feel like I am not meant to be born in this world. My point of view is entirely different to anybody else. I have lots of friends but nobody I have a connection with. Nobody I can share my life with. It feels like I have tried everything before giving up. I used to be a very introvert person with very few friends. But the past year or so I have changed. I made a lot of friends, and I met a lot of girls. I am not blaming the girls for rejecting me. I blame myself for having such a unique perspective on life. Let me be honest here.
I am pretty sure the girls are just rejecting me because we have nothing in common.
It is not like I go around and share my suicide thoughts with them. I have only been trying to meet a lot of girls to see if I possibly could have something in common with somebody.
The only thing that's keeping me alive is my family. I know they will miss me when I am gone. Of course, my friends will be sad but let's be real here. I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them. I only talk to them at school and small gatherings. So it wouldn't be a big deal if I were gone.
I am sure that all this would end if I could just finally find someone with the same interests as me. But it seems impossible for me because I only meet people I study with.
All the girls I have talked to have been girls at my school. All my friends are either in my class or at the school.
People don't consider me as this type of guy. People refer to me as the chill type of guy. People see me as happy all the time. The fact is: I'm not. I always have a facade on.
But now everything has changed. This time I want to take my life. I have read some posts on the subreddit that has inspired me to research my method of use. I already know how my life will end.
I will share a bit more background information with you guys because at this point I don't care
I am currently almost done with my education. I have never been a fan of education, but I have always pushed myself to take it and just get over with it.
Besides education, I don't do anything. I enjoy being with my friends but everybody is busy with their own lives, and again we have nothing in common. The past ten years or something I have just been sitting on my ass doing nothing after school. Meaning that after I am done with school, I would just go home and play video games. I don't even like playing video games, but I have always used it to escape my problems. Problems that I cannot do anything about.
After writing this text, I am no longer crying, but I also don't feel any emotions. I still want to take my life just to end my suffering. I feel like people would start caring about me when I am gone. People have stopped asking about my life. Not even my family asks me anymore. My family is a mess anyways. After their divorce, I have been devastated. I cried myself to sleep more than I can count to.
I also have nobody to celebrate New Years evening with. I had been talking to this girl for a while, and we were going to celebrate it together, but then she dumped me today. I am not blaming her for anything. I am glad she did because I am a fucking mess.
I know I should stop writing, but I can't stop. I have so much to share but nobody to share it with. Not only do I want true friends but I also want a girlfriend. I don't have any problems talking with them, but I just have trouble finding common interests.
I know that the very few people that have read my post will start suggesting all sort of things. But let's be real here again. When you first find out that life has no purpose you begin to wonder. I know that I will always be me no matter if I am gone in a week or if I first die when I grow old. I will never change the way I am. I have made my decisions in life and I think it is time to end the suffering.
I will be doing a week of research before I am gone.
For the people reading just some of it. Thank you. I know you can't help me but still thank you for taking a bit of your time to read it.
You are more than welcome to comment. I do not promise that I can help with anything though.
Thank you
| self.SuicideWatch |
I'm fucking horrible at everything I do Work, video games, you name it. I'm retarded in every sense of the word. I hate myself and I hate my fucking life. I just want it all to end. I humiliate myself every day by simply being the way that I am. I want to die every day. | self.depression |
WHAT DO I DO IN THE NEXT FOUR HOURS please help me. i need help just tonight until 0730
i rang the team who usually come out to visit me when i need help, but they can't make it for hours yet.
that was my lifeline. i can't escalate it further than that. i'm just going to burn myself over and over until someone can come and MAKE me safe
what do i do | self.SuicideWatch |
How can one lose weight on zyprexa??? I guess I must be really lucky for not gaining weight on this shit. But I'm feeling chubby, and I really wish I was fit. I'm currently 144 pounds, which doesn't bother me much as I'm 5'10 (I'm male, 26). But the skin fat I have all over my body really bothers me, so I think I should lose some weight, going to somewhere around 135 pounds would be great. I've tried to diet, going to the gym 5x a week, but I can't lose it, my weight just varies between 140~146 pounds. Cause every time I try to lose weight (and therefore body fat) then it cones zyprexa and makes me binge eat. I also have a hard time gaining muscle. Fuck. Has anyone managed to get fit on zyprexa/any other antipsychotic? I'm also on abilify btw, that's my combo... I wish I could get rid of zyprexa. | self.bipolar |
If I owned a gun, I wouldn't be alive right row. Not looking for comfort, just wanted to get that out there. Hanging, pills, drugs, car crash nothing appeals to me as far as forms of death go. I honestly didn't think I'd make it past 28 but here I am at 29. Surprised, and somewhat on top of my shit, not quite letting it control my life. But deep down I know and I still think it every single day, if I had a gun that could gauruntee instant death, I would have done it by now. | self.depression |
Just the normal family problems on Christmas Hey there Reddit.
I am studying far away from my family but every Christmas I come to my parents place to celebrate Christmas with them and it is the worst time of the whole year.
Every year I swear myself, that I won´t come next year, but I don’t want to let down my family, especially my little brother which is 10.
But here is the story. My mum and my other brother (20) don’t get along with each other and me neither but since I am studying far away it Is okay.
I don’t hate my mum but I don’t like her very much. You could say it is a love-hate relationship.
On Christmas every little anger and self-doubt my mum has comes to the surface and explodes over me and my two brothers. It is the same every fucking Christmas. My dad tries the best to prevent this but it escalates every time.
So this Christmas my smallest brother ran crying away and I caught him and brought him back, where I am know.
This was because my mum yelled at my other brother for nothing and screamed that we could celebrate alone, because nobody in this family loves her, which isn’t right.
I know my mum don’t do it on purpose, but she is an emotional wreck. And she don’t let anybody help her. I also know she tries her best to be a good mother.
I don’t know what to do, because the thing I want the most is to break off contact with her. But I can’t do that, because I know that this would break her completely.
This isn’t everything about my family, but I can’t explain it better (Thanks to my bad English and writing skills).
I hadn’t the best childhood and I had much depressive times (because of my mum), but I want to let it behind me and start to work on this in 2018.
I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening/reading and sorry for my bad English.
And of course merry Christmas Reddit. | self.offmychest |
Less sleep = Less Anxiety. This goes against everything anyone has told me but I've been battling anxiety for years now and have recently noticed if I get more than 8 hours of sleep, my anxiety is considerably higher. Could this be from TOO much serotonin?
Anyone ever experience this and if so, do you know why? I know its been asked in this sub before but I never found actual concrete explanations for it. Just curious. Thanks!
| self.Anxiety |
My stress levels and anxiety are affecting my dogs Both have constant upset stomachs on weeks where I am stressed and anxious, and you can tell their mood takes a hit, even though I try to leave the stress at the door (hard as I am a student).
I feel so guilty. | self.Anxiety |
Can someone explain manic and the opposite to me please? Id like to hear everyones interpretations of these phases. Haven't been clinically diagnosed as bipolar quite yet (GAD & MDD) but I'm leaning more towards bipolar. I'm on 50mg pristiq and 300 mg lithium. Any help is appreciated! | self.bipolar |
I have been complicit with my ex-husband's lies, and it's killing me. (NAW) [deleted] | self.offmychest |
herpes i have herpes and im depressed as shit about it. | self.offmychest |
It's not our fault Things are fucked. Don't be too hard on yourself for being sad, the world we live in doesn't really leave us with any other option.
| self.depression |
Every new moment is unprecedented. It has never happened since big bang. It is a entire new moment.
| self.depression |
I've given up and soon people will notice I was underweight just a little. I got down to 95 pounds at 5'2. I had a plan. Eat all the shit I wanted to be eating constantly on thanksgiving. For months before that was all I cared about. All I could think of was my one day planned binge. Only it didn't just last one day. Now I've had more binge days then regular days since then. I just haven't cared about anything but food for a long time and now that I don't have a streak to keep going it's hard to get back on track. I guess my thinking is that I wasn't happy when I was skinny and I am happy when I'm eating. If I'm a unhappy fat person who cares? Anyways it's just been 2 weeks. I think I can stop tomorrow and I'll just laugh about these days a few years from now. Thanks for listening to my rant fellow depressed people. | self.depression |
Gaming and my GAD I'm not sure how many people can agree, but gaming is one of the biggest coping methods I utilize for GAD. No matter how severe my anxiety gets or when depression flares up, gaming is my escape method (Counter-Strike or PUBG for those curious). I'm currently 18 but have been gaming since I was 8. I suffer from very-strong social anxiety so gaming has given me some of my greatest friends; albeit, these friends are online friends. Most of my deep-talks and life-altering conversations have come with those whom I met in the gaming world. | self.Anxiety |
How do you help when your feeling extremely down? I’m 14 [deleted] | self.depression |
Up and now down. I was on prestiq and it was helping.
However I can no longer afford it.
The depression is coming back and with force.
The thoughts of suicide are fairly constant, however I kinda doubt I would act on it. I had 2 half brothers that committed suicide. Every once in a while I ask myself if what they did was maybe the right thing.
I fucking hate this pain and never ending sadness.
Since I was about 10 I have had issues with depression. My biological mom died when I was 6 of breast cancer. It happened to be in January so every January this horrid depression sets in.
I am losing my desire for the things I loved and that scares me.
I don't know where this river is taking me, but I can't seem to claw out... | self.SuicideWatch |
Need life help It’s been awhile since I made a post on here but I think I need help. I’m a person who’s had depression all my life as well as suicidal thoughts. I used to post a lot in r/suicide watch to get help for it and I’ve taken the steps to help myself and have been happy and content with life for about a year. I’m a college student and I’ve recently been falling back into depression. I’m in pre-med and have been questioning ever aspect of my life with a major one being do I really want to be a doctor. If anyone has advice on alternative paths that I can go on or advice to help me stay on the path I’m on please let me know. I’m in a really bad place rn. | self.depression |
White Shores I take my rest
A troubled test
To find some comfort and relief
To quiet torment and this grief
To free me from the bonds bound tight
My heart it leaps out with delight
A chance to be someone anew
I know I can, i’ll make it true
To show this world my happy grin
Rather than something chagrin
Something behind to stand tall
And in the comfort of it all
Find a peace to which delight
And take some solace in the flight
That which night takes into fold
And in our dreams do we take hold
All which we have ever done
And thrilling things known to none
To cherish in the wondrous awe
A life anew, a spring, a thaw | self.depression |
Does anyone have advice on how to overcome or at least tolerate social anxiety? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Low self esteem is leading me to believe every compliment is a lie I'll start this off by saying that I'm not really depressed at the moment, I've got enough going on in my life to keep me too busy to be depressed at the moment. But this is an issue that has been bothering me in and out of the waves of depression.
I used to not have horrible self esteem problems, I can't really pinpoint the exact point where they started manifesting, but it was somewhere within the past 5 years. Now whenever I get a compliment, I feel like it's a lie to make me feel better. I know that the chances that my friends are lying is very slim to none, but the thought just doesn't escape my head and it bothers me for the rest of the day or week making me think what their alterior motive is behind the offhanded compliment.
I know I should see a therapist but I don't have the time or money to pay for it, so I came here instead.
Any advice? Anyone else have a similar issue? | self.depression |
I'm getting weighed in a day and a half And I KNOW I've gained weight. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I only get weighed once a month now. I'm in therapy for anorexia and comorbidities but I've been a healthy weight for over a year now. I gained a little bit last month, and a little the month before. 0.1kg each time but I reckon it will be a fair amount more this time thanks to Halloween sweets and massively overeating/drinking alcohol (I don't normally drink) as a result of the festivities.
I'm so scared of having to admit my shame and having my therapist see it even 2 years into therapy. I feel like absolute shit. | self.offmychest |
Just had a really terrible moment I went on to my comp and the last thing I was looking up was how easy it was to get what I need to kill myself. I'm not in as bad of a mood now but it was tough thing to see when I forgot I had even looked it up. I just wanted to share this I am ok right now and I don't believe I even have the guts to ever go through with it. | self.depression |
Why am i like this? I harbor all of these bad emotions so noone can see me being weak and vulnerable. I stop myself from feeling so people don't get scared of me. Still I'm an outcast and noone likes me. There isn't anything won't with my appearance, the way I speak or my personality. | self.depression |
Luckily no one will miss me Some day Im going away and the thought of it makes me happy. | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm scared of 2018 I'm on my way to the last year of high school this coming year. I'm not sure about the degree I'll take up for college, and my plans after college.
Well, I've narrowed my choices to two options (creative writing or graphic design), but I'm not sure if my parents would be fine with my choice.
Also, I am scared that I won't be doing well in the two degrees I've picked. I'm not really the most creative writer (but my grammar and overall writing skills seem to be ok based on my grades in English (we were asked to make some poem, a reflection paper, and a flash fiction story, and I got an A+ on all, surprisingly, but I know that isn't enough).
My illustration and coding skills are also poor so I'm not sure if I'm cut for the graphic design industry. Fortunately, our summer would be extended for a month and a half (due to renovations in our building), but I'm not sure if I'd be able to be proficient in such skills in only a matter of 4 months.
Thank you for reading the thoughts which have been bothering me for the past half decade probably. May your new year be better and be filled with less dilemmas than mine. | self.offmychest |
Why do people enjoy insulting other people so much? [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I hate my hometown I'm halfway through undergrad, President of one of my student organizations, probably graduating with highest honors, and moving onto graduate school once I'm done. I'm at my peak.
But everyone is too shielded by regret and jealousy to even offer an ounce of happiness for me. See someone I graduated with at the grocery? They quickly put their head down and walk the other way. If I don't have a child or aren't in the middle of some scandal, I'm not worth talking to. I was one of the quietest people in high school, literally voted "talks the least, but says the most" for senior superlatives. Plenty of people appreciated and looked up to you all when you peaked during high school, where is my appreciation now?
It's a trap, living here. When I come home on breaks, I find myself almost *wishing* that I get pregnant and settle down so that I'll at least have something in common with everyone who lives here.
I am getting out. Less than 2 years of undergrad left and I am going to grad school SOMEWHERE ELSE, ANYWHERE ELSE. I love my family and I hate to leave them, but this town is suffocating me. | self.offmychest |
I don't know what to do... I used to think my family was close but then I realized recently that I'm the only one making an effort. I am always the one reaching out to them to have lunch or hang out or whatever. So I stopped asking a month ago to see if this was actually happening.
Yup. They hang out with each other but none of them reaches out to me. Despite my apartment being central to all of them, no one wants to visit me. I always have to go visit them. I guess I should have realized before because they often ignore my phone calls or messages. Leaving me on read on facebook.
This realization has been the biggest blow because I don't have any good friends either. I thought at least I had family because my "friends" often ignore me.
So this is on top of everything else that has me feeling awful working full time while going to school full time to dramatically change careers, being overweight and insecure, my car needs repairs, my job is cutting my hours so I need a new job.
Just everything.
The only good thing in my life is my boyfriend and I can't weigh him down with all these problems all the time. Plus we have our relationship problems-which we're pretty good at solving, seriously, he's amazing and I adore him.
I do see a therapist once a month but that doesn't help with the crushing disconnection I feel. So disconnected from everyone except my wonderful boyfriend.
I spend most of my time alone and even if I'm doing something I enjoy, I'll have those sudden, invading thoughts. "Oh, right. I don't matter to anyone. My life has no meaning. I should just kill myself."
I know my boyfriend is always there for me, logically I know that even in those intruding thoughts. But it really does seem to be everyone else in my life who...I don't know...tolerates me for the minimum amount necessary?
| self.depression |
I feel like I'll never be the same I'll never be normal again. I'll never find joy in the world. I'll just become a cautionary tale for kids to learn what not to do in life. It's too late for me. I'm paranoid. My grasp on pretty much every subject I've learned is tenuous at best. I'll never feel a legitimate, close connection to anyone or anything ever again. It's all my fault and I have no fight left. I feel like everything I do no matter what it is is a waste of time. I feel a blanket anxiety. I don't know who or what to put my faith in. I feel like an unintelligent person. I can't remember things or think clearly. My working memory feels like it doesn't exist. I'm stuck in the same habits every day. Everything just makes me want to cry for one reason or another. I lack a fundamental understanding of everything. I feel crazy. I feel like a disappointment. A failure. I can't interact with others like normal. I don't know what to do. Somebody just fucking tell me I won't be like this forever. I feel like death is always around the corner. I can't take my mind off it. I just don't know what to do. I'm always just waiting for something bad to happen to me; for me to get mine. | self.depression |
Wondering what contributes to your anxiety Personally I find that where I live and who o know contributes to half my anxiety and the other half to my extremely paranoid mum | self.Anxiety |
I lost my 8 week old nephew unexpectedly 2 months ago and I have not let myself burden people I know with my sadness. I want to tell my story. ** Warning: Details of infant loss below for anyone who may be triggered**
My 2 month old nephew died unexpectedly about 8 weeks ago. I feel compelled to write about my grief and thoughts, but do not want to burden anyone I know with more of my sadness, so I thought I would leave my thoughts here. You don't have to read them, but I need to get them out.
My sister is young (18 at the time she got pregnant) and the pregnancy was definitely not planned. I was the first person, other than her boyfriend, who knew about the baby. I was confused, angry, and sad. This was not the path I had envisioned for her future. She was a freshman in college and had her whole life ahead of her. The first thing I said to my sister when she told me was that I would pay for her to have an abortion. She wasn't completely against the idea, but overwhelmed by emotions and big decisions, she wasn't ready to make a decision. My sister and I are pretty close and rarely hold anything back with each other, so I advocated strongly for abortion every time we would discuss her situation. Eventually, she decided to keep the baby. I was so scared for her - she is young, has no money, no job, and I knew my parents wouldnt support her financially once she broke the news.
Eventually she told my mom, who was disappointed but I know she was secretly wanting a grandchild.. maybe from one of the 2 older kids though. A few more weeks pass and they break the news to my dad who does not take it well. After the initial shock and disappointment, my reasonable father acknowledged that my sisters poor decisions were not the babies fault, and although he would not support her financially, he would be there to support her emotionally and as his daughter.
Fast forward a few more months and ultrasounds later, and I was starting to come around. A lot of my close friends are aunts and they always say it is the best thing in the world, so why wasn't this any different? Secretly and slowly, I started to get excited for his arrival, although the fear I felt for their future never truly subsided.
The month before he was born, my sister asked if i wanted to be in the delivery room with her for his arrival. Not wanting to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to witness a childbirth that was not my own, I desperately tried to keep my work calendar clear of any mandatory or important meetings so I could leave for his birth on a moments notice. It is hard to plan for the arrival of a child, especially when you live 7 hours away!
2 weeks early and the doctors tell her she is going to be induced. I manage to finish my work day and pack my bags quickly. I hit the road, driving through the night, listening to some 90's music playlist I found called "Songs to Sing in the Shower" and I sang my heart out the whole way down. It's strange to think about exactly how much joy and excitement I felt in those moments. I had come such a long way from when my sister told me she was pregnant 7 months earlier.
I make it to the hospital, veins full of coffee ready to support my sister through labor. Turns out labor happens much slower than I thought, and doctors said it would be a few hours before things really got moving, so I tried (and failed) to get some shuteye at my moms house a few miles away from the hospital.
Early the next morning, I headed back to the hospital. Within minutes of my arrival, doctors told her it was time to push. Since this was my first time experiencing labor, I asked the doctor how long people usually push before the baby arrives. Her response was "usually 2 hours, although first time mothers normally take even more." My sister delivered my nephew 24 minutes later.
He was big for being a little early, 8lbs 10oz, and had a head FULL of hair. The moment I saw him enter this world was a sensation I have never felt before. As I sit here and write this, I try to remember exactly how I felt and I can't quite put it into words or recall exactly what it felt like, but it was profound. My big, healthy, beautiful nephew. My first nephew. MY nephew.
After several hours in the hospital spending time with them, I decided I needed to get some rest. I remember feeling so tired and out of it but I had never felt happier. I remember driving to my mom's from the hospital and stopping because I saw a baby clothing store. I felt compelled to buy something for my new nephew. I picked out the cutest outfit I could find in the newborn section and bought it for him as a "coming home" outfit since I knew my sister forgot to get a special one.
I spent the next few days in and out of the hospital stopping to visit my sister and her boyfriend (my nephew had jaundice which is common, so they kept him a few extra days). My entire family called me a "baby hog" because I always wanted to hold him when I was in the hospital room. I didn't care, I told them I was allowed to since I was the only one who didnt live in the area and I would have to leave to go back to my town soon. I gave my sister the outfit I bought as a gift, but it turns out I was too loopy when I bought it because it was a 3-6 month outfit.... oh well, plenty of time to wear it later on!
But he would never wear the outfit I bought him. He didn't get that big.
The last place I held him was at the hospital just before I left to drive back to my home in Ohio. Labor day weekend, the next time I would be home, felt like it was an eternity away. I desperately wanted to take to my new aunt role and spoil my nephew, but for now it would have to wait.
8 weeks later I am in a meeting with my team at work. We have a few minutes to spare, so we decide to share one thing positive in our lives either professionally or personally. Most were accomplishments at work or future vacations, but I proudly said with the biggest smile on my face that I get to see my nephew next weekend (labor day weekend).
But I wouldn't get to see him. My nephew stopped breathing that very next morning. He had been perfectly fine the day before and for all we, and doctors, could tell he was a normal, healthy baby. My sister's boyfriend laid him down for the last time around 6:30 am after he had been fussing. My sister noticed he had stopped breathing around 6:45, and they called 911 and started CPR. First responders were there in 6 minutes.
A frantic phone call from my sister, sirens in the background, she couldn't articulate what was happening so she screamed "CALL MOM." A call to my mom who was following the ambulance to the hospital and didn't know exactly what was wrong. A plane ticket I bought immediately - why did I buy a return ticket for 3 days later? Did I not know the severity of the situation? Then why was I screaming and pounding my fists into the carpet? A frantic car ride to the airport with my boyfriend driving. Then, a phone call from my dad. I ask if my sweet nephew is ok. He's not, he didn't make it. All emotions stop. I don't cry, I don't talk. I go to the airport and get on the plane and feel absolute nothingness for 2 hours while we fly through the sky. I land and catch uber straight to the hospital. The uber driver doesnt make small talk. Thank God. I get to the hospital and see my devastated family. They take me back to the emergency room where my sister has been holding her child's cold body for 5 hours. They tell her she can leave when shes ready. She's not ready. I go in the room and sit down. My mom takes my nephew, wrapped in his blue blanket, gently from my sisters arms and places him into my arms. I can't turn my head to look at his face, I look at the ceiling instead, my lungs gasp for breath. I don't have to see him to feel how big he has gotten since I saw him last. I look down at him. He looks so different, so much older than when he was born. His lips are blue but he looks peaceful. I place my pointer finger in his hand. He squeezes it, but not like I remember. It is only because his hands are stiff. I don't remember how long I held him or what I said to him. All I could think about what how I never got to hold him outside of that same hospital.
I never got to spoil him, teach him, play with him. I never got to see him wear the outfit I bought him because he would never outgrow his newborn clothes. He didn't actually know me because I wasn't there for long. I didn't know him either, but I loved him profoundly.
This grief feels confusing because I am not missing his presence, I am missing memories that we never got to make. I long for more memories, to see him get older in pictures, to buy him presents for christmas. I so desperately want to know how his facial features would change with age. He was supposed to be 4 months old this week. How much would he weigh? What would his first words be? What would he dress up as for his first halloween? Would he give me a nickname? What sports would he play in school? What would he study in college? What would he be when he grew up?
The reality is that I will never know the answer to any of these questions and no matter how many more pictures I wish I had of him, I only have the ones until he was 8 weeks old. My grief is confusing because my day to day is the same, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. My head races with thoughts trying to distract myself from my grief. I tire easily because it never stops. I quit my job at a great company last week. It doesnt feel important anymore. What feels the most important is to take some time to feel grief and to heal. To be with with my sister who I know needs me too. I am going to stay with my family until I can see through this fog.
I will not proofread this for edits right now. The process of writing this has already helped tremendously but I am not ready to read my own thoughts and feelings quite yet. I still need to process. Thank you for reading. | self.offmychest |
“Triggered” Tonight, after a decade of managing major depressive disorder, I experienced my mental illness being triggered by a phrase. It was totally unexpected and threw me into an emotional tailspin for hours. I’ve had substance problems in the past, and being around drugs has triggered my desire to use, but I’ve never been so mentally and emotionally triggered by a simple phrase. Does this happen to others? How do you deal with it when it happens? | self.depression |
Anyone tried L-theanine for anxiety? Someone suggested this to me today and was wondering if anyone has had success? | self.Anxiety |
10 Days and my anxiety is gone I have been struggling with pesky, irritating, draining anxiety for the better part of 10 years. I had tried everything. I have spent so much time trying to biohack and supplement through the horrible symptoms....and I think I have the answer.
10 days ago I cut out all wheat, dairy, alcohol and processed foods. The first five days, nothing was different. Then slowly I noticed the anxiety I would wake up with just wasn't there. I would go through my days, get a little spike here and there, but overall, it had decreased. Over the next five days it simply disappeared. Today I woke up and I can say in my 36 years on this planet, I do not think I have ever felt this good.
Now I do not want this to sound like an advertisement for the Whole 30 diet (the one I am following), but wanted to share my experience, see if anyone have also had these results, and maybe shed a little light with my anecdotal evidence.
| self.Anxiety |
Christmas just ended, and I feel more depressed than ever. I'm 16, and I've been going through a bit of an identity crisis for a while. That's something that could practically be its own post, and probably will be soon, so I won't get into it. Suffice it to say that I feel like I've been forced into the role of an adult too early, and far too quickly. I'm working 2 jobs, which plays a big part. But I digress.
Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays. But this year felt different. I didn't feel the same joy and excitement I'd felt every year for the previous 15. The magic just wasn't there. It just felt... dull. That was bad enough. But then the actual Christmas day came today, and it was nice. Everywhere was closed, so I wasn't at work, I was just at home. It was nice. I got presents, we had a nice meal, and we watched some holiday movies. For one brief, shining day, I actually felt back like I used to, I felt like I could be young again.
But then it had to end. The clock just kept ticking down, the movie ends, the day winds to a stop. And it just felt like the depressing realities of life slammed full force back into me. Having to go back to work, do the same routine for the next however long, be the same old man trapped in a young boy's body, it hurts. It's one reason I don't like the holidays-the knowledge that as soon as it's over, the same mundane reality reignites. It's always been that way, but this year just felt so much worse.
I'm sorry, I realize it's foolish. This is just a side effect of a lot of stuff built up over the past few months. I don't mean to sound like another whiny teenager, it just hurts a lot. I don't even know if it makes a lot of sense,but I needed some outlet before I broke down. Thank you. | self.offmychest |
Coworker is suicidal and I don't know what to do I don't know what to do. She's confessed to me that at least twice she's come close to killing herself so far this semester, and then this weekend, her boyfriend broke up with her and she failed a test. She texted me earlier that she was taking a nap afterwards, and I'm concerned at this point.
I've been through this before with a buddy from high school, but all my friends from high school were in on helping him out, and it took a team effort to take care of him, and luckily he is still alive today and much healthier.
But with this girl, I just don't really know what to do. She's an incredible person and I'm scared that she may harm herself, but I have no idea what to do. If anyone has an advice on how to help, I'd really appreciate it
And if you happen to read this, you know who wrote this and I will do everything in my power to help you, but don't do it. | self.offmychest |
How does MDMA affect you in the days and weeks after usage? | self.bipolar |
I opened my phone and saw a bunch of messages from my friends, and that's when I realised I was still asleep Even my subconscious knows that it was too good to be true | self.depression |
I honestly hope my inevitable suicide attempt will fail and I get caught [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Living alone at uni for the first time and everything's overwhelming; I think I need help. [deleted] | self.depression |
Crying, don't know why, not sad, just crying? I've been handling this shit pretty well for the last few months, but then after lunch today, everything just sorta got flushed out nearly instantaneously. All of a sudden, I went from "Hey, life's not too bad, maybe I'm getting over this whole depression thing!" to "everything is terrible and I feel nothing" and started crying. The crying caught me off guard, I've never really cried about literally nothing before. My university's psychological counseling services are super overbooked, and I've been trying to get a therapist since October, but what can I do in the meantime? How do you handle your shitty days? | self.depression |
i'm done. I've had enough. I'm never good enough for anyone, I can never live up to expectations. I'm a failure. i'm ugly, my parents hate me, I hate myself, I can't even live with myself for one day without wanting to hurt myself. I have so many health issues that it's almost the point where I'm so limited I might as well just be dead. Why am I staying around wasting everyone's time, space, money, when I can just die and give the world one less useless piece of shit. Maybe tonight will finally be the night where I have the balls to finally do something right and let go of the world. | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm going to die alone... Because well no woman would want me I'm annyiong , stupid,inscure, embarrassing and just a loser...I had a GF I broke up with her because she was toxic and she deserves better than me I wasn't good enough and I never will be good enough for anyone so yeah I'm going to die alone and no one would care when I do(I'm not going to kill myself...not yet anyway)sorry for annyiong anyone who was bored enough to read this post.and thanks for reading. | self.offmychest |
Why do afternoons depress me? Something about when it's 3:00pm to about 6:00pm everything feels super dreary and hopeless. Weirdly when it gets to be nighttime that feeling kind of dissipates a little bit. What could be causing this? Am I alone here? | self.depression |
Marijuana exacerbating hypomania Anyone else feel like they go absolutely manic when high? I know pot worsens my mania but I can't help it because I love the way it makes me feel. Then the following day (today) I feel like utter shit. | self.bipolar |
My grandfather died and I don't know how. Here's all I know.
He definitely died before my brother, who is eleven years older than me, turned 6. My family burn a candle on the anniversary of his death, but not every year from what I can recall. They don't talk about him, not to me. I know what he did for a living, but I'd prefer not to share since certain family members use reddit. My dad, my grandfather's son-in-law, has implied (in a conversation I accidentally overheard) that my grandfather was depressed / killed himself, but that's just the conclusion I drew based on what I heard. When my family talk about him, they refer to his death as "you know what happened". I believe they all know what happened to him except me, and I'm scared of finding out the truth. I want to know how he died, but I don't want to ask a question I don't want the answer to. I don't know what to do. Fuck everything. If he did kill himself, it would answer so many questions I've had for a long time about depression running in my family. I want to know, more than anything, but at the same time I don't know if it's something i'd be better off not knowing. There's no obituaries for him on the internet, as I half expected. There's no trace of him at all. All I've seen and know about is a picture of him that my mum showed me once and the little things that my family told me about. | self.offmychest |
I just wanted a little bit of encouragement I've had a bad year and have been trying to make it better by starting new habits like taking up reading as a hobby and deleting Instagram and being less active on Facebook to lessen the negativity in my life. Recently bought a planner online and I just got it last night.
I mentioned it to my mom, all excited about making sure 2018 will be an organized and productive year for me. Instead of being supportive, my mom mocked me and said I'm gonna leave it unfinished, like I always do with everything else.
I felt hurt by what she said. Been trying to forget it but I can't. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you if you're reading this. | self.offmychest |
Help me. Hey guys,
Sorry this is long. If you don't care to read it, I don't mind. My life's not that interesting anyways.
I've been diagnosed with depression since high school. 3 years later and I think it's gotten worse. I'm 19 and a second year in college.
My dad, the main income of my family, is in his final stages of lung cancer. He has around a month to live. Our family can't financially support ourselves so we get money from outside sources (family and friends). Because of this, I have a job as a cashier and I send that money to my parents.
My mom has been pressuring me to do well in my college classes, but I just can't find myself to be motivated. I'm failing my classes and I have no motivation to raise my grades. I met many great people in college, but I don't feel happy. I don't even know what I want to do; I don't have a dream. I want to disappear. My friends have a set goal that they want, whether it's getting all As or jobs. This sounds a like a "me" problem but I've had this problem for a long time. I considered dropping out of college multiple times, but whenever I asked my parents or friends about it, they passed it off as a "stage." I can't answer them when they ask me what I want to do if I drop out. I have nothing to live for and nothing to offer. So much burden is in my parent's hands and if I just disappeared, it would help my parents financially. They wouldn't need to worry about paying for my college tuition, food, or anything. I've always been a disappointment.
I'm also antisocial with social anxiety from being bullied in middle school so, I have very few friends and hang out with them very little due to their busyness.
During the summer, I relied on weed and alcohol to ease my pains, but they actually deepened my depression. At school, I keep a facade in order to make me seem sociable. But honestly, it's tiring me out. I don't want to talk to anyone anymore.
I've been considering killing myself multiple times, though unsuccessful. I've been going to my school's counseling and psychological services but it hasn't helped at all. I called the national suicide prevention line but I hung up on them because I felt like they would say the same thing like anyone else. Yesterday, I tried to OD on sleeping pills and drink. Didn't work, so I'm here, unfortunately. You might think this is selfish of me, and I agree that it is. But I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if it came across my mind. I feel like I don't deserve to eat either. I don't have the money and appetite to eat. I lost close to 40lbs in 2 weeks, and counting.
I really want to disappear and and although you guys are strangers, I want to use this source as my last attempt at life. What should I do?
I plan to stay at school after finals, when everyone leaves, and OD again.
& sorry if the transitions are bad, I just put whatever my mind said.
**also posted in /r/suicidewatch | self.depression |
I'm not worthless just because I'm older I'm usually not a ranting person. I like to keep everything bottled up until I explode and let it out on the closest person. My mother took my younger cousin in a year ago because his mother has a few mental problems that won't allow her to be there for someone else. I was quite happy because I finally had someone else to talk to. But my Mum is giving up everything to be able to pay rent, food and school costs for my him and me. Because of a few problems with depression and suicidal thoughts my therapist thought it would help me to stay in a hospital for at least a month or two. I stayed there for four months. I thought everything would go back to normal, but it didn't. My cousin had gotten used to getting everything he wanted and asked for. Of course he didn't want me to come back. It went pretty good the first few weeks, but then he kept on doing random things that were just awful. Pouring his drinks over my work, throwing my stuff away, taking my candy. I lost my job during the time I was in the hospital, so my Mum had to work more, to be able to afford the things we needed. I helped her by taking up a few online jobs until I would feel better and good enough to start looking for a new job. But my cousin kept getting worse. Every time he does something bad, my Mum says young, I shouldn't get too angry. Or her typical "He's going through a lot, you have to understand him." I do understand that he craves attention and love, but I don't get why he's trying to make me angry. The worst thing happened a few days ago though. My Mum and I went to the shop to buy food for my grandmother and us, while my cousin wanted to stay at home. I let him play one of his video games on my old laptop. It was working quite good before that, and I didn't really have that many problems. When we came back, he was sitting in the living room, acting really weird. Only a few hours later, when I tried to switch my laptop on to finish something I had started writing for someone, I noticed that something about my laptop had changed. I asked him what he did, but he said he only played a game, nothing more. It kept randomly shutting down and made noises that sounded like a loud, broken car. I saved a few of my old files to USB sticks, so I could try to reinstall everything. Now it won't turn on again. He was the only person close to my laptop on that day, so he was the only person who could have broken it. I shouted at him, threatened to break his stuff. And my Mum came over to me and said I have to apologize for shouting at him! He broke something I needed to enjoy my life and to earn money for our family, but I'm the bad person for shouting at him. She keeps saying he's too young to get punished. He's 14 years old. He's nearly as tall as me. He took my last chance at trying to lead a normal life again keeps ruining everything. And when I try to punish him for messing up everything, I get punished. The money I have saved won't even be enough to buy a laptop case, and he's allowed to keep his money because apparently, it's not my right to get him to buy me something he broke. I'm not even allowed to complain about it, because my Mum gets too stressed about it and says I'm not acting like I should act or like she acted when she was my age.
| self.offmychest |
I'm Agoraphobic and have a lot of anxiety riding in cars atm. Today I got out of my city and rode to the next town over (15 mn drive) and I was okay! :-D | self.Anxiety |
The haze of depression makes OCD even worse I can't think straight with all this depression and anxiety my brain is dead and full of holes from all this codiene. I have OCD tendencies and I worry about things like if I am leaving if the taps are off and because my brain is so screwed I never trust my eyes because I can't think its like a circus of monkeys. | self.depression |
Advice for current situation. In October, I went to a critical stabilization unit (first time for everything) for a week because I was severely depressed and going through some delusional thinking as well. I’d gotten suicidal urges so strong and often that I had multiple detailed plans. Anyway, the doctor at that facility changed my diagnosis from severe depression/anxiety to bipolar (unsure what kind). He changed my medicine and I did whole inpatient song and dance, felt tremendously better and was discharged.
That inpatient facility saved my life. However, I just couldn’t cope with life once discharged it all caught up with me again. The thoughts were easier to will away, and I continued with outpatient therapy. I did everything in my power to use healthy coping mechanisms but I’m fairly certain my new medicine was not interacting well for me. I had anxiety so bad after taking it I had to lie down and do nothing for six hours or more. I had no doctor to go to in order to change it and was getting increasingly worried.
Ended up moving home with my parents (again) after what seemed like a super short (72 hours) manic episode and drove across the country with all my belongings. I’ve only been home for about a week and was able to get my medicine changed. It’s a bit better being home with my family, who are supportive, but I’m not sure if I can handle life right now.
I don’t know what to do, I’m just sitting in a place where I don’t have a therapist, I’ve just now found a new psychiatrist, I’m on a new medicine, and I’m still struggling with everything I was before inpatient. I’m not sure what this means, or if I should consider inpatient again. I know where I live doesn’t have walk in mental health clinics, so I may have to go through the ER if I did that. I don’t know any of the psych hospitals (or if there are any) here, I may just end up in the psych ward in the hospital. How do I find hospitals to go to? Should I just go to an ER if I reach that point again? | self.bipolar |
Diagnosed High Anxiety & Moderate Depression - Your View On Medicating With Xanax? I saw LCSW today and was diagnosed with High Anxiety and Moderate Depression. While we were talking she brought up the possibility of seeing a Psychiatrist and being possibly being prescribed Xanax if i wanted to go that route.
I have a hard time going to job interviews and even when I get a job a hard time adapting and keeping it. I actually interviewed once and they wanted to bring me in again to interview with the higher ups. As time came closer my anxiety grew and I ended up calling and canceling saying I found a better Job. I have gotten a job went to new hire Orientation and quit the next day due to constantly thinking and overwhelming myself.
What are your experiences on seeing A psychiatrist and medicating?
I just want to get a job and get out of this financial hole I put my self in. Has it helped you or made it worse? I plan on doing CBT but I do not know how long that will take and if being medicated will assist me making that leap and keeping a job. | self.Anxiety |
It has finally come to this. This is the end. The thoughts and obsessions have become too strong. They're ruining what little happiness I had left. My mind is broken.
I have a good job. Plenty of money. I was even dating my crush. But a few days ago the anxiety and obsessions got so bad that I missed an important opportunity with her. She gave me all the signals and I ignored them because I was so focused on the obsessions and anxiety in my mind.
I'm done with this. I'm done with living a life I have no control over. It shouldn't have to be like this. I'm done with staying in bed all day.
Planning to step in my car in a few minutes, head for the highway, drive as fast as I can and just crash myself into whatever I can find. I won't even feel it. | self.SuicideWatch |
22[F] My mom is fed up with me, says I'm a failure, and told me if all her kids were like me she'd be dead. I'm a total screw up. I'm addicted to weed, flunked out of school, no job, I'm just home all day. I have bad hygiene, I don't take care of myself, i emotionally abuse people. Even lost a great friend a year ago because of my stupid, selfish, and emotionally abusive behavior.
I've been trying so hard to change and I have grown a lot but I'm still very dysfunctional overall.
My mom said that if all her kids were like me she would be dead, I'm assuming she means from the stress. because I'm not in school, have no job, and I am addicted to weed. Weed makes me lazy with no ambition, something I already struggle with because of my bipolar.
I feel horrible and suicidal now. I'm bipolar and it's crippling me. I have no motivation.
My mom said she's gonna kick me out. She wants me to stop smoking weed and kick the addiction. I'm trying, I smoke A LOT less now. She said she can't take it anymore basically and her patience is running low. She was like, "what kind of stupid addiction is this? And then I have to deal with your bipolar, I had to go do research to deal with this and pet you. If all of my kids were like this I would be dead."
That really hurt. I just went to my room and cried.
I just feel like I cause more harm than good and I'm ruining other ppls lives. | self.bipolar |
I can't get a job because of my anxiety... I can't do anything because of my anxiety... people don't even understand that me showing up to an interview is an monumental achievement, let alone actually going through with it all the way..
Recently I had applied for this job.. got an interview and talked to someone.. but was turned down for being too nervous.. I was just told I'd "be called back" and low and behold, no call back...
I'm just sick of this, and everything man.. I don't want to be on disability :( I want to work, I'm only 19 years old! I refuse to be on it.
But I just don't know what to do. | self.Anxiety |
This Friday, I'm going to be flying thousands of kilometres to visit my family, but I don't want to. Not because my family is horrible. In fact, we're pretty tight-knit and loving except they don't know about my depression. I don't know, but I suspect they think depression is something that can be snapped out of with walks and fresh air or positive thinking.
They don't know I rather be at home in my safe zone, not having to go out and face and interact with people. I've put on so much weight that I'm ashamed to be seen by anyone.
I think it's killing me a bit inside to know that I have to spend the next few months putting on a cheery mask because God knows in my phone calls home I've been putting on a happy voice, saying how I can't wait to see them. Which I really do, I miss them so much and I haven't seen them since the New Year.
I just don't want them to see me like I am now, a fake cheerful version of myself. I want to visit them when I'm truly happy. Right now, I feel like ugliness and sadness combined under a "positive" shell that might crack. I hope it doesn't.
I don't know why I'm crying now, but it felt a bit better to get that off my chest. | self.depression |
I’m finally over you and I’m done blaming myself [deleted] | self.offmychest |
How many smiles does it take to realize it’s all fake? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
I finished watching Aohana: The Flower We Saw That Day And boy it was a tearjerker. I ended up crying at the last episode due to the fact that the show hits close to home.
I lost a sibling a few years ago and watching the series brought back a flood of memories, such as playing together when we were kids. I also wish I could go back and tell him how great of a brother he was and apologize.
Anyways, I highly recommend the series. I do understand if it might not be anyone's cup of tea. | self.depression |
Is it wrong of me to defend and still care for my family even though they are largely the reason for my anxiety? I grew up in an extremely religious family who was also far right wing and obsessed about the end of the world. There was a lot emphasis on how women should behave how they should look that a woman's goal in life to yet married and have kids. Meanwhile they were always talking about the end of the world.
20ish years later Im a left wing progressive, a feminist, and a member of the Left Wing Christian movement. In other words Im an odd duck in my family. But thing is I am not constantly afraid of death and the end of the world, scared about other peoples opinions of me and how I appear to others, feel I still have to fulfill a "woman role" feel pressure from in me that I have to get married and have kids, obsessed with losing weight, and all of this is due to anxiety from my childhood. But...
I still love my family very much. As adults they all vary in their degrees of belief now but they are mostly republican with my mom being probably the most understanding to my views and anxieties. My sister is incredibly kind and caring but conservative religion controls her beliefs. My brother is controlled by anger and I feel he worships guns more than he claims to worship God. But he still would give you the shirt on his back and he would go far out of his way for family. My other brother in on the Autism spectrum and has trouble shifting through reliable and fake media and he basically regurgitates everything he has heard. When he speaks his own mind and not stuff has heard he talks like a progressive but still calls himself republican. My dad is 7 years gone and I think that affected a lot of our family s views and attitudes but the last year of his life even his views were changing as he was rushed back and forth between hospitals.
I still defend them. While I complain and berate their views if anyone says all republicans are terrible I will defend and say that's not true they're just uneducated and they believes falsities so easily. Its almost like all they can see is things in black and white. I still love them I still care for them and theyre better than they were. But is it wrong for me to still remain close to them even though they are the reason for my anxieties? | self.Anxiety |
Need someone to talk to, feeling emotionally weak, want to cry, need a hug. [deleted] | self.depression |
i'm scared, is this normal? it feels like im whining all the time but ill just say it anyway. Is it normal to always obess over good moments that happened in the past? I always look back at times during 2015 when I was so much happier and at peace and not miserable like I am now. I always try to reread the same books, watch the same tv shows and do the same things just to get back that feeling of peace. And I fail everytime. This is stressing me out along with other issues I have. I | self.depression |
I act quiet and collected, but mentally break down when someone is upset at me I was talking to some friends earlier this morning at around 2:40AM and my roommate comes into the room and says "you need to find a way to talk quietly because this is just not working for me." This seems petty as fuck, but it absolutely destroyed me. I can't sleep, I'm getting PTSD flashbacks, its just like every bad thing that's happened to me is flooding back into the forefront of my mind. I feel like an awful person for being loud especially since it's the week before finals, and I've probably been bothering him for a while now. Recently just got out of a depressed rut, but now I am back in, neck deep. I try to think of myself as a decent person, but this just threw that off completely. I have no idea what to do other than apologize to him. | self.offmychest |
do therapists really help people or is it pointless
will they help me figure out why im so fucked up
Or maybe help me figure out how i can change and be better
I dont wanna be like
this anymore
i was about to text my mom and tell her I was sorry but i really want to die but i didnt wanna scare her i dont wanna scare anyone i dont even deserve to be worried about everythig is pointless | self.SuicideWatch |
Sometimes, I stand in front of the mirror and think "why would anyone ever love you?" [deleted] | self.depression |
Anyone else have intrusive thoughts? ...like, not intrusive psychotic ones but just irritating worries and thoughts that just won't go away? I was at work yesterday and today (on my day off, joy...) I've spent the entire day obsessing over a few things I said to colleagues, worrying they'll judge me for it. These thoughts keep coming back and I can't find any way of distracting myself from them. Does anyone else get this? Any tips on how to beat them? | self.bipolar |
If we lose this battle, I don't know what I'll do. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
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