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Anxiety meds uk What long term meds are people prescribed for crippling Anxiety? | self.Anxiety |
i could kill myself right now, and no one would notice [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
went to urgent care today i went to urgent care today, been having anxiety and panic attacks evreyday he told me evreything was fine and normal. he refered me to a physician. i feel a little better but u guys no any tricks to get thos anxious feeling out of my chest and stomach i cant get rid of it and the anxious feeling causes me to panic! | self.Anxiety |
I think I am bipolar and was misdiagnosed with borderline... now what? (UK) Hello.
To cut a very long story short, I believe I am bipolar, but have been misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My GP says this is likely, and that my treatment so far has been inappropriate because the crisis team are dismissive of people with personality disorders. So, she has referred me to see the entry-level people who gauge whether I can see a psychiatrist, with a view to be re-diagnosed.
After that, I am worried about what will happen. I desperately want some treatment that will work for me, but I've found that BPD is a very "sticky" label and professionals often treat me like I am playing the system to try and get sympathy and as if what I say is unreliable. I am afraid of the psychiatrist thinking I am just shopping for a new diagnosis. Also I have run into a lot of problems in my health care from being diagnosed BPD, does anyone know if I can have that diagnosis removed if it's found to be incorrect?
Anyone been through this?
It's my first time here, so apologies if this post is not allowed, I don't think I saw anything in the rules that it violates, but I may have misread.
Many thanks to anyone who comments. | self.bipolar |
My cousin said he’s going to walk around until he dies [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Excessive Rumination/Feeling paralyzed I'm stuck in a vicious depressive cycle. I had a manic episode in the spring and summer and basically insulted everything and anything in my path, for no good reason. I would drink 10 standard drinks and feel calm. I hate myself now because of this, I'll never be able to go back and stop myself from saying all those words, I dont even believe them to be true after the fact. I would go on long rants insulting people. I'm deeply ruminating about stupid facebook status's I made calling out "our generation" and decrying the lack of generosity of people or how much people we're on their phones its like I took on this angry guy persona for no reason. The facebook status's make me cringe because it's now like all 345 fb friends saw how miserable I was at that point in time. I have no friends, no talents or interests and im paralyzed. I dont know if this makes sense but I have no idea what I should be doing at any moment in time, and it's like a cloud is following me around where I'm hyper aware of the fact of that I have no friends, talents or interests and I feel like a complete loser, I dont know how to make any decisions. I have no idea how to shape my reality, I dont know how to be a person basically. You know how people naturally go about their days, doing things? I have no idea what I should be doing at any moment. Even when I'm watching a movie its like my whole being is consumed by how fucked I am and how cringe worthy my entire existence is. Does any of this make sense? I grew up with an older sister with aspergers who would act out a lot--incuding beating me up and being aggressive-- and and my therpist has told me he thinks my dad might have it too. I'm 21 and withdrew from school today because I couldn't read a paragraph. A lot me thinks I deserve this. I dont even know what I want and I dont have any goals or plans.
| self.bipolar |
Thinking about killing myself soon I haven't posted in a while, but that's not because I've gotten better. I'm thinking that I might kill myself if nothing gets better by next weekend. I can't continue living this miserable fucking life, especially after I've been forced to endure this shit for the past 25 years. | self.SuicideWatch |
Done I want to die so fucking bad i am so done with this shitty fucking life im not strong enough | self.SuicideWatch |
Dr. Said to stop vitamin d for MAG RBC test?! Long time reader, first time poster here.
I’m from Miami and moved to GEORGIA (a lot more cloudier days in my area. Less sun) and got hit with a panic attack due to work related stress a year and half in in Georgia. However, after reading countless of inspiring vitamin d success stories that help with anxiety and depression and SAD (winter blues) I did a 25(oh) test and I’m at level 19. So maybe this could of been a contribution to my anxiety?? Anyways level 19 is low. My DR said they don’t want to give me the typical megadose of 50,000iu and told me to just take 2000-4000iu a day and retest in 2 months. I started with the 2000iu a week ago (d3). This week I’m doing 4000iu. I feel good (got a cold and full of boogies but whatever) but I think it’s working just like it has for many people. I also got my SAD lamp today from amazon!
I’ve also read to take magnesium every night with vitamin D in the daytime cause vitamin D uses magnesium as “fuel” so in return, it depletes your magnetism therefore we should supplement magnesium.
So anyways. I was reading how I should also do a magnesium RBC test (not the serum, because the serum isn’t accurate). In fact my serum mag levels are one point higher than the higher reference range. So I’m high on magnesium according to the serum test.
So, after my clinic being reluctant on scheduling me for an RBC test, they finally said “ok we’ll do it, we have to send it out to another facility but you can draw your blood here. Oh, and stop taking your vitamins or any other supplement”
What?!
This is specifically why I created my account and made this post.
What’s the reason for this? Why do I have to stop taking my vitamins?
It my head I say to my self “well vitamin D uses my magnesium in my body so if my levels come back low, then that means this is a good thing; vitamin d is doing it’s thing and I just have to supplement more mag.”
Any thoughts? I kinda wanna just keep taking my vitamin d (cause I’m deficient and want to hopefully cure/help my anxiety like so many on here have) and just go take the test as is.
What are your thoughts?
P.S.- I asked the lady on the phone “whybdo I have to stop taking my vitamins that I need that you guys told me take?”
And she said “..idk... I’m not surrreeee...”
| self.Anxiety |
Currently reading “The Agoraphobia Workbook” and about to start the exposure plan. Any experience with this? [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Music Hi guys. A short bio on me. I was diagnosed with Bi Polar, Anxiety Panic Disorder, Chronic Depression, and some other crap. What gets me up everyday is music. Specificity my music. My poetry. At my lowest point I tried the unspeakable and was broken. My music allowed me to excape Let me know if it helps. I know the feeling. They wouldn't let me put a link so search Jay Matthews on Spotify, YouTube, wherever you listen... | self.depression |
My body and mind are broken. I have crooked teeth, I’m hairy, I have rhotacism (can’t say R), my voice has become low due to being embarrassed to speak, my butt sticks out and my spine is screwed. I have sunken depressed eyes and I hate myself when I look into the mirror.
I have depression, diagnosed ADHD, anxiety and procrastinate chronically.
I don’t feel anything anymore, my sense of time is getting warped and I don’t care what happens. Nihilism has gripped me and I’m okay with that.
But I still try. I cook everyday, I do my assignments and carried my team in college towards high grades and try to exercise to fix my back. I socialise and am well liked by people but I keep pushing them away. My main problem is that I self sabotage and whenever I get an open spot where I’ve ‘handled’ life I immediately sabotage it and kill any momentum I had generated and fall into depression again. I keep having delusions of grandeur that I can will myself out of this and finally be the person I imagine I can be.
It’s a pendulum between a dark abyss and shining redemption and I’m tearing myself apart oscillating between them. All I want is to have stability. Sigh.
Right now after helping my team with college I’ve ghosted them since 3 days and have missed calls and messages on my phone. I look at it and am trying not to open whatsapp lest they see that I’ve ‘seen’ the messages. It’s a dread soup. | self.offmychest |
This morning, like many mornings in the last few weeks, I’ve woken up with nothing but an intense desire to not exist. To just stop. Inundated with thoughts of hopelessness, worthlessness and deep, gut wrenching dread for the day ahead (I have work in two hours), I messaged my boyfriend. [deleted] | self.depression |
Random Anxiety Hello. I have severe anxiety and depression and I have not taken any medication for it. Recently I have been feeling very worried and nervous even though I have nothing to be worried about. It is winter break for me and I don’t have anything to be worried about but I feel very nervous. When it occurs the back of my neck feels very sore and tight and I feel panicked. Why is this happening to me. Please help | self.Anxiety |
Becoming increasingly ill. My physical and mental health are on the decline. Can't get any answers from the doctors except to "keep waiting". I don't know if I can keep waiting. I'm having terrifying visible and painful symptoms of being ill, but none of it is helping a doctor to diagnose me, if anything it just confuses them further. I've lost my job, bills are piling up, I'm going hungry a lot, I don't have weather appropriate clothes, my phone just quit working once and for all, I can't pay my bills, I can't afford to go to my follow up, I'm passing out almost every day and I think I hit my head yesterday and now my whole scalp and part of my neck is numb. | self.SuicideWatch |
Point of living I have no talent whatsoever, severe social anxiety and on top of that i'm depressed most of the time. When i think about the future, i don't see anything to look forward to. 9/5 repetitive job, day in day out... basically a wage slave untill i drop dead, it really makes me question myself, why not end it before going through that hell.
| self.SuicideWatch |
I need advice to help online friend struggling with depression I made a friend online, and since I've known her, she revealed she may be struggling with depression. I've been wanting to help them with what they are going through but I can't help but feel powerless or unprepared to comfort them. In times of despair when they feel alone and futile, I'm not sure what to say to make them feel better or be comforted. I would say it would be much easier to do it when I'm right in front of her so I can also hug them when they need one, but all I can give is words. I may be doing it wrong, but I would like to ask just to be better at it, what can I say to her to support her and cheer her up? And also any other ways I can help?
| self.depression |
Life is worthless Fuck life. I'm so fucking tired of everything. I was born involuntarily, forced to go to school which made me develop depression and anxiety. Now I'm in 10th grade. And fuck all of this. The only thing I'm a little bit good at is music. I make my own music, but no one gives a fuck about it. I'm a perfectionist, so I always turn in essays in school after the deadline, because I change every little thing since it's never good enough. Everything is worthless. I don't want to live anymore, | self.depression |
HERE FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS SOMEONE TO TALK TO [removed] | self.SuicideWatch |
I have been very torn with this, but I feel this very strongly: your life is your right. I believe suicide should be a fundamental right for people of all ages. 'Feelings' are something that should taken account off, yes, but it is your body, your life, and it is up to you if you want to live or not. There are countries starting to change their behavior towards suicide rights - Australia recently passed laws for the rights of suicide. Before anyone asks, no I am not thinking about suicide. But, it is my right if I want to commit it. No one, no feelings, have any say to this. If you tell me that I can go to jail for trying to kill myself, dont be surprised if people start to buy guns on a bigger scale and start taking matters on their hands. Dumb policies like this will only make things worse, which is what is happening with young people committing suicides on a higher rate. Look up the statistics if you don't believe it. There are kids in freshman year committing suicide, check news reports.
I think very logically, and if a person thinks logically that suicide is the best option for him, let that person have it, as long as no one is hurt physically.
I wanted this off my chest, I feel this issue very strongly, and I will fight congress to pass this right for all Americans. I hope in the very very near future, Congress or America gives this right for all Americans. Depressed or not, I understand people's pains. I see posts here and on reddit that people feel depressed, girl cheated, hopeless with girls, rejection, loneliness, depression, etc. Then you have young people get called beta if they think suicide is an option, while saying alphas think the opposite. And then the feeling crowd rushes in convincing the person that 'things will get better, improve this, following these 500 steps to improve your life, etc.' Things may get better yes, but, if you want to take your life, you should have that right. I will fight to the death so that it is your right (again, granted no one is hurt or anyone involved). I believe the sooner this gets passed, the better.
Believe it or not, there are a lot of things that can kill you very easily. Us humans are very soft, and a lot of things hurt us (and can outright kill). I don't understand what is the justification on policies that jail people if they try to kill themselves when no one else is hurt. But, things take time, and I hope it changes soon.
Not to go towards politics, but I believe another reason laws push against suicide is because a country needs people. But, if the person is not getting the help or the person decides dying is the best route in their situation (because of breakup, jobs, loneliness, love, family, etc.), at what point do you not understand that it is pointless to keep trying and making things difficult for no reason? | self.offmychest |
I'm less depressed than I have been in months...and I still want to die just as much (maybe even more) I'm sorry this will be rambly, but my mind is going crazy and I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I'm sitting in a library, surrounded by other students who are better than me in every way. I can't stop thinking about what a complete piece of shit I am. I've never really connected to another person, because I don't know how. I have some people who "care" about me...my bosses, my co-workers, some students in a club I'm in, but they don't actually know me - they just see the facade I put on. They don't know how shitty my grades are, or how fucking lonely I am when I'm not at work or doing club things, etc. I'm a junior in college, so I don't feel like I can leave school (and forever regret wasting money without even getting a degree), and when I do graduate, it'll be with a shitty GPA with no direction in life whatsoever. From Nov-Feb, I was in possibly the worst depressive episode I've had, and I thought I finally was finally free in March, but even though I feel so much more functional and active these days, I still see no fucking point for living another day. Not when I've already screwed up at so many things. One of the "friends" I know from a club was talking about graduation earlier, and I remembered once again that I am technically a year behind in college, because I took a year off for mental health shit. She started college a year after me...and she's graduating at least a year before me. And it's not just her - everywhere I look, people are just so much better than me. I know I don't know the full story for anyone's life, and that everyone is going through their own struggles, but that makes it even worse...even with how shitty life can be sometimes, people are still achieving and advancing in their lives, and I'm here, a complete waste, sucking up oxygen and resources and an education...none of which I deserve
I know I can't kill myself now. Even the biggest piece of shit human being would make some people sad by committing suicide, and I don't want to cause anyone pain. but I think the only thing I can look forward to in life now is the day I finally decide that I'm allowed to die. | self.SuicideWatch |
Why am I so incapable of fixing things for myself [deleted] | self.depression |
I can't stop crying and I am so needy. I declined a dinner invitation with a friend tonight because I can't stop crying. I told her I was feeling down and that we could catch up when I am not such a drain. I wanted her to ask me questions or do anything to show she was invested in my well-being and wanting to make sure I was okay but she didn't and now I feel even more isolated. So probably she doesn't care. But I need her so much. More than anything I just want to go to her house and have her hug me and tell me she loves me and that everything will be okay.
I missed the first month of class for no reason whatsoever and got rejected from an internship after 3 interviews when I thought it was totally going to work out.
I have been crying off and on for the last 3 days and there's no sign of it stopping. I went to a counselling appointment and literally cried all the way through it for no reason. The counsellor even looked like she was going to cry too and she had to leave to get me water because I couldn't pull myself together. I can't eat anymore either.
I just feel totally disconnected from everyone around me and like there's nothing left for me. I'm unlovable and I will be alone in my life forever. I am no use to anyone around me. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. I just make everything worse and let everyone down.
Now I have to face work tomorrow and pray that I don't start crying randomly again. This is so embarrassing. | self.SuicideWatch |
[M20] Need Advice and motivation to ask out super cute girl in college [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Looking for advice. Been struggling with depression / bipolar / anxiety etc.. thoughts are getting deeper and worse. I’ve always thought about suicide but I’m at the point where I’m ready to act upon it. I already know how I would do it and I feel it’s time. Comments.. thoughts? | self.bipolar |
Is this emotional lability? I am slowly crawling out of a depressive episode thanks to lithium and Latuda. I am finally laughing and cracking jokes again, and I can even study, instead of soaking my life away in the bathtub.
But the last four or five days, I've noticed that I've overly sentimental. I wonder if it's common during the switch out of depression or even a sign of hypomania. Anyone else experience this and have an idea of whether it relates to the timing of your episodes?
Example: I watched Annie with my daughter last night (1982 version) and I teared up about three times in the first few scenes! I totally cried at the last two scenes.
Another example: I spent 15 minutes showing my boyfriend the family tree research I'd done and what I'd learned about this particular region at this time in history... And while explaining it all, I had to pause a few times to try not to cry because I feel proud of/sympathetic for these dead people I've never met.
It's just a bit weird. A few weeks ago, I was emotionally dead; now I'm leaking all over the place! | self.bipolar |
Great. Here comes these feelings again... Things I keep thinking about: I feel so useless, why can't I stay at a job for more than a few months, I don't belong here, why can't I stay focused on my schoolwork, I hope this pill doesn't make me gain weight, they think I'm faking my diagnosis, me being bipolar is more because I don't have a strong relationship with God, no one understands, I'm worthless, I don't want to do anything I just want to stay in bed I just want to cry all the time, why did I just spend a bunch of money on useless shit, my boyfriend's gonna start getting annoyed with me, great my medicine stopped working time to try yet another one, what happens when there's nothing left......... | self.bipolar |
Help me someone please Fuck I don't even want to explain what's happened but I've been hurt by her too much idk if she does it intentionally. She is my friend who friendzoned me 3 years ago. We've been friends for too long. We talk like we are a couple but still she hides some stuffs from me like meeting up with boys and talking with them and when I ask her why she didn't tell me she tells me she didn't want to make my mood off.
So today she went out with some girls to the church and when I asked her with whom she is with, she said just some of her classfriends. And then later when I came to know that there were two boys too with them, at the same time she told me that she forgot to tell that there were two boys with them too. And when asked she tells me the same crap about how she didn't want to make my mood off.
I'm so done with this lying and stuff but I love her so much. I really do.
I'm just asking from all of you is a way to not get attach to her. Please help. It's killing me.
PS : I trust people easily. How do I not do that ? And how to not get too into her talks | self.offmychest |
Venting thoughts Life is so unnapealing.. I feel like ive done this to myself from a young age. Its one of the reasons why i hate myself and dont feel like im worthy of any kind of treatment or empathy.
With unnappealing i mean.. ive thought about things too much. Ive thought about many aspects of religion and life and love and loss. Good vibes and bad vibes. Its all lost its meaning to me.
I have tried to kill myself once, recently almost twice even. I dont know why i keep moving on. natural instincts are a bitch to overcome, plus family i guess.
The future excites me more as a spectator than a participant. Id love to see what kind of future were heading towards as a species. But living to that point is much less exciting. I dont want to have to think anymore at all. I want to turn my brain off so badly. Or take a vacation from myself/life for a year or so. Not like travel to spain or some shit like that.. but travel away from who i am.
As i mentioned i thought about a lot of things too much. Death probably being one of them. At this point is such a dear friend to me. The concept soothes me more than most things in life can.
Whatever its eternal nothingness, sweet rest at last. I like being not conscious.
An afterlife with gods judgement? Sure i have a lot to say to him/her anyway
Heaven sounds sweet, hell i cannot accept because its honestly one of the stupidest concepts ive ever fucking heard of.
Endless reincarnation actually sounds like hell to me, so i hope its not that. But at least i get a reroll on life, whatever 'i' even means anymore in this context hah.
There are more im sure i just cant think of them right now. Im writing this as im going to sleep so dont expect any replies soon. I feel like im almost at the end of my road though. One way or the other
Im supposed to finish my exams and go to work and be a responsible adult. Be someone who contributes to society. Yet i feel like i am incompatible with said society. Maybe i was born too early/late or maybe just in the wrong place or family.
Heres this post though, to one of the groups of people i have the most empathy for. Maybe somehow these thoughts can guide even just one person.
I dont want to sound like a drama queen now but, depression is so fucking painful. No amount of words can do it justice. Being torn apart mentally by yourself is simply put, devastating.
Im writing this just before i go to bed, so i probably wont reply any time soon.
But maybe i can spark a discussion or something
So imagine your life in time spent conscious. Now at what % of this time should one feel 'happy' for life to be considered "worth living".
Or what % of time spent suffering is too much? Theres also intensity associated with these but that makes the answer a bit too complicated i think.. id say my sad to happy ratio is like 90+%. The rest being neutral/indifferent or other emotions that are more akin to distractions. I wonder how accurate that % is if at all. It certainly feels accurate from my point of view.. idk what im talking about at this point so im just gonna end it here.
I feel so stupid for writing all this ill probably end up deleting it soon
| self.SuicideWatch |
I just ruined the cake. I have been fine for the past few weeks. Just normal. But just 5 minutes ago my mom asked me to put icing on the cake. And I fucked up. When I was transferring it to the cake platter it completely fell apart. I can't do anything in my life right. Anyone Normal would shrug this off but for me it triggers something. I feel extremely embarrassed, I feel manipulative, I feel whiney, I feel like a dumbass. I fucking hate myself. I don't even want to kill myself but I feel like life is full of embarrassment and disappointment. Now I wanna go smoke. But do I actually want to go smoke because of what happened or is it just an excuse. I want to stop smoking but it feels so good to not give a shit about anything. And even without weed I'm lazy anyways. I have all of this homework to do but why do it. Because I don't want to be homeless or stuck in Compton for the rest of my life. My dad is homeless and I act just like him so I beat myself up for being like him but he does the same thing so while I'm trying not to be like him I still am. I don't have any fucking friends, I never go out the house. Everybody thinks I'm a fucking weirdo. I'm a fucking weirdo. Or am I. Or am I just saying all of this for attention. Because maybe everyone feels like this but they just deal with it. I just wish my brain would shut the fuck up. | self.bipolar |
What do you want to say to your mental illness? Hi, I'm you're mental illness. What would you like to say to me?
(this is one of my coping mechanisms, i hope this helps yall !!!:)) )
(be as cruel as you want, there is no boundaries, let out all of your anger) | self.SuicideWatch |
Sick of my life and what I've become. Long story short, for the longest time I have fled from my issues and problems and never managed to cope with them. Instead of facing them head on I would spend 12 hours a day grinding out my World of Warcraft character....... It has taken me a long time to realise you cant outrun your shadow. My attempt to do so have only resulted in more problems. I've become socially awkward as fuck, I have no friends, the insane amount of instant gratification from video games has led me to become super lazy, I'm extremely depressed, I dont take care of my body or image. On top of all this my family is struggling financially and the majority of student loan I get goes to them.
You would think I'd learn from my mistakes and try and do something about the shitty situation I'm caught in but nope. All I do all day is wake up, play MOBA games, watch youtube, watch movies and fap myself to sleep at nights......
The only positive thing I have going for me right now is I'm in a pretty good university studying to become an Architect but even there I'm failing. I cant give presentations without shaking and mumbling nonsense, the projects I do there suck and I'm barely able to pass the courses. People in class avoid me and I avoid them back, I have nothing to offer to anyone. I'm a 24 year old pathethic loser with no money, no friends and no future. Maybe this is evolutions way of letting me I dont have what it takes to thrive. That I should just end it and be done with it.
The dreams and goals I've wanted to achieve get further and further away from me for every day that goes. My biggest fear right now is that even if I were to know how to fix this situation I wouldnt have the willpower to do so. That everyday will be me waking up, wasting my time distracting myself from reality. Even if I know all of this I know for certain that tomorow I'll wake up and waste my time. I dont know how much longer I can endure this. | self.depression |
Food is the only thing that makes me happy But I need to go on a diet | self.depression |
I’ve been in bed for over 24 hours now [deleted] | self.depression |
You know when you're depressed for a year and you feel like you'll never recover from it? What happens when you've been like that for five years? I don't want to spend my whole life like this. 21 now, was probably younger than 16 when I started being depressed. I've seen therapists probably somewhere in the double digits during that time. Tried to go to college, tried to move out of my parents' house a year later, ended up stuck back here like an idiot and re-enrolling in that same school I can't afford or will feel comfortable at, just for the sake of leaving. No friends. No interests. No real goals. I live in a sea of suburbs. I'm too old to be here and my parents are too old to be supporting me. Tried to break a gaming addiction, didn't feel any better. Two older brothers who are excelling at everything they do.
I must have experienced all that I can out of life. I don't want to keep living this way, there's no getting better for me. I fantasize every single night about stabbing my chest or slamming my car into a building. I'm sorry if anyone reads this. It's fucked up that anyone should be allowed to feel this way. It's not right, I hate every second of it. | self.SuicideWatch |
too much drama at work and I can't stand it. I am probably spoiled because usually work is stable, I come in, people are pleasant, we all do our work and go home...the work itself is stressful, but the people I work with are amazing, for the most part.
We're losing an employee who has been a problem in the past (constant screw ups, pretty much, but otherwise a pleasant person, up until now). I manage this person, and I've gone to bat for him to keep his job more than once, but then he does something else which lands him in hot water. This person is fairly new, but thought of himself as integral to way the business is run and apparently thought he was doing "all the work" (he wasn't). So he sent me his resignation letter with an ultimatum that we double his pay or he was leaving. So I promptly forwarded it to HR and asked them to open up the position because there's no way the company would do that.
Now the employee is regretting this and trying to get it rescinded (he can't, HR was delighted to have the excuse). And I am getting bombarded with emails and texts. He's still employed here for two more weeks. It's making me crazy. | self.offmychest |
The High End of Low The title is a Marilyn Manson album & how I feel today.My 30th birthday on Dec 9th was uneventful.Alone.This whole year I couldnt find an attorney for a civil suit so now I must file it myself to avoid running past statute of limitations.Alone.On Dec 25 (as an atheist I dont celebrate XMAS) I will be alone.If only Michael Fassbender would leave Alicia Vickander (I know it wont happen) & come to me...lift me up into his arms & tell me everything will be alright.I have never had anyone in my life like that.My parents were mentally & physically disabled.I was raised in deep poverty.I never learned the meaning of the word work.I doubt I will ever be someone's mother due to loving my independence & refusing to acknowledge my age.My entire life up to this point has been a failure.I have hearing loss in one ear & tinnitus that will never be cured.Donald Trump wants to end Obamacare,Meals On Wheels & the National Endowment of the Arts.Sesame Street flocked to HBO once their funding was threatened.Now parents who want wholesome tv for kids will either have to pay for extra cable packages or go without.
FUCK THIS PATHETIC WORLD.
What kind of world wants to defund Big Bird?A world I dont want any part of.I cant bear to see 2018 as a single woman,broke,& no future.I enrolled in college for the first time ever.I had a social worker tell me a film or theater degree is worthless.I couldnt go to college in 2007 when I lived with my parents because their very existence is a distraction.I'm living off financial aid because I have no job.I'm living in a Housing First program for the formerly homeless that pays my rent in a single room occupancy hotel.I live in a closet sized room & have to squish 10 cockroaches a day.I applied for some disability benefits while I get on my feet in life but due to my age they said.....not for you.
Everything I've done....everything I try to do......ends in failure.I wont work for Wal-Mart for the rest of my life like my mother.I would rather kill myself..I cant bear to see January 1st....overweight,poor,not a penny to my name.My Medicaid benefits will get slashed thanks to Trump axing the Obamacare mandate.California accepted Medicaid expansion money to insure single adults with no kids.Donald Trump just threw me & millions out onto the street with no doctor & no psychologist.I bought a replica knife of the one in "Sweeney Todd:The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)" just to look at.I don't have the courage to take the pain.I don't have the courage to end the pain.I'm lonely so I just talk to myself about daily events,how I'm feeling.However I'm not schizophrenic,just depressed & anxious.I'm worthless.Cant find a decent man like Michael Fassbender but 20 homeless men a day tell me I'm a "pretty lady".
"Suicide is always on the table"-Frank King-TEDx-A Matter of Laugh or Death.
Truest words spoken.
| self.SuicideWatch |
I can’t do this forever It always comes back. A good day or even a good week does not outweigh the absolute hell on earth that always comes creeping back. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. | self.depression |
How do i overcome my depression about school and girls?PLEASE HELP Hey everyone, I'm Jake and I'm 23 years old. I'm already started to give on my life now since September and i don't care about my life because its shitty, i have 2 speech impediments, no girls talk go me in school or anywhere, etc. I have so much anxiety and depression that Im losing my mind lately, plus I'm not eating enough and sleeping enough too because i don't feel like eating alot because i feel so upset at just everything in my life. I'm never happy anymore at all and i don't feel like living at times now too because of my problems while other peoples have fun in college, have friends and get married in a few years and have kids ,etc. My cousin just got engaged and most of my cousins are in relationships. I have a Speech Impediment called Verbal Apraxia with Stuttering which i had my whole life since i was born . i only had one relationship for almost 3 years in the past. I have been very depressed lately because i don't have a girlfriend like my twin brother and some cousins and friends that i have. i have good social skills because my nick name is the mayor Jake everywhere i go because i know and talk to everyone but i never talk to girls due to problems listed in this post.
I have some social anxiety too which makes me super scared to talk to girls because of my Verbal Apraxia with the stutter and it makes me very depressed. As i type this I'm having alot of anxiety and I'm about have a panic/anxiety attack too, when i have anxiety i have irrational thoughts like people are out to get me and other things like that . i feel like no girls will like me or give me a chance because of it if i approach them in real life because i can't even say my name correctly. when i talk, it sounds like a moderate deaf person and i hate it so much all of my life. Also i used tinder which my twin brother met his girlfriend on and have no luck even after many dates with different girls, now i am getting more depressed to the point of crying and not going out of the house too at times. My family is not the greatest at times too.I live with my mom and grandmother who makes everyone crazy which includes me. Every girl i talk to on tinder stop talking to me within a few replies too so i don't have idea what to do now too like what am i doing wrong? but my friend said i suck talking to girls too which is true so im trying to improve that right now. I think i will never have kids or a wife/ girlfriend because of my speech impediments because i sound like a deaf person.
Lately I'm thinking I'm ugly too which i kinda believe that i am ugly because no girls like me while my family and other people says I'm not ugly. also I'm in community college so I'm missing the college experience of staying on campus making friends and meeting girls like everyone else is at my age because of my grades and possibly future degree in funeral directing. I am at home doing the online program for funeral directing while All my cousins and my brother and everyone at my age went away to college and im home missing out on everything when you stay at college like meeting girls and parties Also i live at home too that doesn't help me in meeting girls unlike everyone at college campuses. Im too scared to approach any girls because of my speech problems because I'm afraid of them not understanding me. i just can't do it due to anxiety because of my speech impediments and afraid of getting rejected. Also some of my anxiety is from school too because I'm very behind in my classes as of today because I have no motivation to do it because of how i feel sick almost all the time from all of my anxiety and depression too. Also due to all of this, i just got a new gym membership to go with my guy friends and i used it a couple times then i stopped going with them because i feel like my speech impediments make me awkward around girls and people . all my life i felt like people say things to pretend so i think they understand me sometimes. I only have 3-10 male friends while every other guy have female friends and stuff at my age. I don't know where to start or what to do at this point in time because i tried Tinder and that didn't worked for me. Plus when i message girls on tinder, they almost never respond back. i can talk to guys easily and other people easily but not attractive girls at all , let alone approaching girl to get their numbers.i can see myself being forever alone because of my speech impediments.Also i have been in speech therapy too for a long time when i was little and I'm not in it now. So i need help and advice right now from my fellow Redditors Thanks for your help and advice everyone !
tl;dr:i have Verbal Apraxia with stuttering which are speech impediments and i can't talk to girls due to the fear of not being understood and rejected of my speech impediments. Im scared of being forever alone while my friends and everyone is married and have kids in a few years while I'm not. To be honest, I'm almost 100% sure most girls will not date me because of my speech impediments and have a family. What should i do at this point in time? Also should i try to approach and talk to girls that i like ? Because i want to over come this fear of talking to girls because i think they will not like me of my speech impediment.
Edit- I’m getting regular therapy weekly now, also I’m seeing the same therapist that I saw years ago when I was younger too and im going to the gym too now. I made a tinder account too this week but almost every girl that i talk to stops talking to me or never respond to my first message. Im not in speech class right now i had it when i was little tho also im not working now too so im at home doing the online funeral program. | self.SuicideWatch |
You know that feeling, when you get truly tired of a vediogame? When life hands you lemons give yourself concussions until you're anosmiac and can't taste them. | self.SuicideWatch |
I think I'm bipolar? Please help. I have anger fits daily and crying fits daily. If I'm not having either I don't feel anything in general. Am I bipolar? | self.bipolar |
Why am i like this? Do i have a disorder or sonething? Seriously like the only time I feel happy is when I'm with a guy or when I'm having sex or getting physical contact. Like other than I always feel down or angry. People treat me like trash on a daily basis or never listen to my side of the story. Seriously I'm just sick of my life in general. I hate everyone and everything.
Why am I like this? | self.Anxiety |
Does overeating give anyone else moderate to severe anxiety? It seems that whenever I eat too much at once, my anxiety and agitation goes through the roof. Along with that, I wind up getting gas that leads to me needing to burp frequently, which exacerbates my panic.
Perhaps it's what I've been eating, but even then, I always wind up on edge and overwhelmed if I eat too much food at once. Anyone else like this? | self.Anxiety |
To my two friends To my crush. I hope you’re happy. That’s all I wanted, that’s all I’ll ever want. But to my best friend who built up my confidence for asking her out. Fuck you for going out with her, you built me up and then a few weeks later you tear me down. Never telling me a thing. Not to mention that you didn’t want to tell me you two were dating, so basically. Make her happy, if she comes to me one more time telling me she’s upset because you haven’t spent enough time with her. You are not a boyfriend. | self.offmychest |
I was never planned, I was never wanted. I didn't ask to be born, I never wanted to be born to begin with. | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm a mess (venting) Let me stress that I am not suicidal, nor will I ever be, as I've helped friends get over their suicidal thoughts in the past and, I am no hypocrite.
That being said, I just want shit to end. Be it either the stress, or just a change in my life that allows me to be happy again.
I've struggled to be happy for years and thought it was due to a lack of a relationship, so I tried that and it's just made everything worse for me.
I quit a decent job earlier than I had wanted, because she convinced me to go back to college. Said college fucked up my paperwork, resulting in me being declined for student aid and, their loans department never charging me till after they dropped me from the course.
To make things meet, I offered to sell a car that belongs to some elderly family friends of hers. Said car catches fire (I had to repair some minor damage and an electrical short happened) and I was liable for said damages, not to mention lawyer fee's.
I struggled to find a stable job after that, but eventually found a job working for a company(in a career I'm not fond of) that said they would try to keep me local... well I'm now 2,000 miles away from home in a state I'm not very fond of, in a city filled with too many people, with no real option to get back home for Christmas.
On top of that, my health is deteriorating, partially because of the stress, and partially because a company dumped chemical laced scraps of material less than a mile from my home that I've been in for 11 years... but it's okay the sites they tested are perfectly fine, so my liver damage must be from all the tea that I drink... oh right that has water in it.
But yeah, my girlfriend had my back, except she bitched about it after a year and often makes fun of me, whenever she can.
I also have joint issues, sinus issues and in general I'm pretty miserable from joint pain, even though I'm not quite 30 yet. I have a neck injury because my mother is a moron, and get severe migraines if I sleep in certain positions.
Not only that, but fuck people in general. Last week I witnessed an accident, the driver and passenger were ejected after the truck flipped end over end. I stopped and helped stabilize the passenger and kept her conscious and talking about herself, all while watching her boyfriend/husband be declared dead shortly after CPR... the driver that caused the accident was likely high, drunk or exhausted, rear ended them and RAN... The motherfucker killed a dude and RAN. (Funny note though, the Chihuahua they had was shaken, but was fine)
While I know that not all humans are assholes, the ones that are make me hate humanity as a whole because they are the ones that get the attention first.
The people here that read other peoples posts and try to help are in my opinion pretty awesome, so thank you stranger for reading this.
Anyways I'm going to bed...
| self.depression |
Welcome Newcomers & QOTW - 2018-04-09 Greetings & Salutations Everyone!
Use this post to introduce yourself if you're new. Or maybe you're not so new, but haven't gotten around to introducing yourself yet in one of these posts. That's ok too! Either way, we'd love to offer you a warm welcome to our community. In fact, if you've introduced yourself before, why not take some time to say hi to the new people commenting here? What do you have going on this week that's giving you anxiety? Talk to us, we can do this together - **you're not alone in this**.
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###Question this week:
What are your thoughts on CBD and CBD related products such as oil and capsules?
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**Come chat with us!**
That's right /r/Anxiety is on both [IRC](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/#anxiety) and [Discord](https://discordapp.gg/anxiety) were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello!
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [Community Map](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/3oux2l/add_yourself_to_ranxietys_google_map/)
| self.Anxiety |
I'm feeling hopeless and i dont know what is wrong with me. I've had social anxiety for ages and it is the worst when I am going out to eat at a restaurant but I also get it from simple things like hanging out with friends or doing something. It gets so severe that I will actually vomit and this is not uncommon at all. One example I was going to work a new job for a guy that I have known my whole life but I was so anxious I threw up in my car on the way there. Even more often I will get this gagging convulsions like I am about to puke. I don't have a real job right now my friendships are almost non existent the only time I can socialize is when I am drinking which caused me to crash my car into a wall last month. I don't want to drink anymore I don't even know if this is anxiety or some sort of panic disorder. I don't know what to do. | self.Anxiety |
Emotional support dog on college campus??? Sorry it’s long...
Both my psychiatrist and my therapist agree that I benefit from a support dog in my daily life. I have bipolar 2, and my dog has been pretty much the only thing keeping me going. I just hit rock bottom a few weeks ago, which got me dropped from my classes at my local community college. I was having a horribly depressed time and could barely get myself out of the house, and when I did, my dog (Lucas) always came with me, which meant I could run basic errands but not go to class. Now, my psychiatrist has written a letter to the College disability department as both a medical reason to have missed class for a whole month (part of the College’s paperwork so the failure gets excused), and a statement that I use a support animal for my illness.
Besides his “tasks”, I feel safer having him with me everywhere I go. I don’t feel alone and paranoid. I feel even a little bit confident that I can do whatever task I’m out doing. He helps me feel like I really can start to take care of myself and be independent. So when it came to dragging myself to class where I couldn’t take him with me, I felt zero confidence that I could sit there quietly and not freak out, much less get any work done.
I had talked to the disability department about this and their basic answer was “no support animals, law only lets you bring a service animal”. But, my therapist says that that isn’t true, and that I have a right to using my support animal on campus and the college isn’t giving me reasonable accommodations for my disability.
What do I do? Who is right?
Btw Lucas is a shih tzu, which do not shed and are recognized as being hypoallergenic.
Edit- removed unnecessary stuff. | self.bipolar |
I'm booking my first therapy appointment this week, honestly terrified. i could use some support. For those of you that have gone through therapy, what is it like? What do I tell them? I'm excited but also scared at how much work I'm going to have to do to deal with my problems.
Edit: thank you all so much for the support. I appreciate it so much. It will make going to therapy for the first time a lot easier for me. ❤️ | self.Anxiety |
Constant fear of losing everything Sorry about all the context but it's basically required for the point, and i feel like i want to vent about this after such a long wait.
>I've always had anxiety but never to any serious degree until around December last year... my grandfather passed away in July 2015 but as a still-developing teenager I guess my empathy hadn't properly started developing yet (I was 13) and although I love all my family very much it didn't hit me emotionally at all. But in November 2016 (15 then) it all hit me like a brick wall... it might have been school stress piling up because most classes dropped coursework to move onto working up to our exams and getting involved all that crap which definitely didn't help stress level wise, but the straw that broke the camels back was finding a small lump on the back of my neck which basically turned me into a hyperchondriac (to this day) thinking it was cancer or something, in the middle of first period of the school day basically sending me into a panic attack (thankfully nobody noticed or at the very least bothered me about it). Second period it was definitely getting noticeable and people were paying attention to my sporadic breathing to the point where I think I actually got sent out for being too distracting without giving a reason for acting so strangely (I can't remember why exactly).
>Ironically I've been assessed by doctors before and my family have always had a history of not being unhealthy (no cancer or genetic diseases or anything) so even thinking about letting something as stupid as this make such a big impact on my life seems selfish.
>So after I find this I basically beg my mom to take me to see a doctor, we see one and she basically tells us it's probably a swollen lymph node and if it doesn't go back down in the next few months to go back because it means something is probably wrong with me, basically sending me completely on edge for months. I went home and googled lymph nodes (to the minority of people who ever think of doing this if you're ever in this situation, DON'T it causes so much unnecessary panic) and get completely panicked over thinking I have lymphoma and mistaking '5-year-survival-rate' for actually only living 5 years after being diagnosed with it. Thankfully though we saw another doctor about a month later because I geuninely could not handle waiting any longer, seemed like a much nicer guy and told me that it was literally just a small lump of cartilage, and I accepted that but for some reason I wasn't satisfied and kept doubting myself over and over still convinced there was something wrong with me. I disappeared into a spiral of self-doubt, becoming a complete hypochondriac and avoiding anything that I thought had any chance of harming me, and basically cocooned myself away from everyone.
>The rest of the year was just a complete blur with the only significant day other than Christmas being either the day before or after... our family drove an hour down the road where my dad's side of the family live (cousins, uncle+aunt and grandmother) to see them, but my cousins had moved out the house they'd lived in for all their lives (and that I had become familiar with) which made me feel so strangely lost, and given the fact we hardly see them as much as we used to (we adopted a dog meaning if we wanted to do literally anything anywhere overnight we had to arrange a lot of shit) they looked so much older and it was like a piece of my childhood has just vanished... this with my grandfather dying basically sent me feeling completely depressed for the rest of that day, and looking back I feel so bad but after going out for a meal with my grandmother (cousins visited their mom's side of their family that afternoon) I was secretly begging my parents for us just to leave and head back home. I spent the rest of the day crying and regretting not appreciating everything before so much change happened, and that Christmas was just the worst Christmas, I sat in my room wishing I could just go back.
Apologies again for just this fucking wall of text but I just want everything to make sense and why this feels so hard-hitting to me. This is my first time speaking out about anything like this on reddit and I know I can ramble for ages but hopefully its fine. The whole point of this is that this whole ordeal just led me down a completely anxiety and depression ridden path that I can only describe as hell, because every fucking day since then all I've obssessed over is thinking about the afterlife, death, anything surrounding it, and this has caused me to obssessively document every mundane thing i do by recording it or however else out of sheer fear of losing anything ever again. I have no idea how i'm ever going to stop feeling so fucking terrified over such a dumb concept, because nobody would normally do this, right? usually i'd push this kind of thing to the side but my grades are severely suffering due to how awful i feel day in day out, it's affecting my personal life, the people around me and i genuinely can't just ignore this feeling anymore.
Rambling again at this point (it's getting late and it's taken me a while to write all this out, haha) but to anyone who can help with this situation even in the slightest i'm incredibly thankful :), and again i want to apologise if it seems like i'm making this out to be a much bigger deal than it actually is or too mundane or whatever, if it is then please let me know. Before anyone suggests, I've seen multiple therapists and nothing has changed. | self.Anxiety |
Silence grows fears and information grows confidence Few days ago I asked local community whether to tell my crush about my bipolar disorder or not. I had recently really bad depression and haven’t seen her for 6 weeks and I was really scared I’d lose her because of that. I thought she might be thinking I’m ignoring her because I don’t like her so I decided to come clean and tell her.
I have to say that it was one of the most difficult things I have done in a long time. I was scared how is she gonna accept it, but she was very understanding. She said she’d never guess, because I look so happy. She said her mother suffers from depression since she was a kid so she has quite a lot of experience.
I just wanted to thank everyone in this sub who gave me the confidence to tell her about it. I think it only made our relationship stronger and it just proved me that being honest is most of the times the best option.
Many thanks, sending energy to all of you.
<3 | self.bipolar |
Don't you worry about it Hi, I'm just here to write some thoughts to blow off into the aether.. this is just for me but I don't mind interaction if you so feel it. It's 31 December and I'm alone in my room, in my house, with nobody to share it with. 1.30am and the last of the cannibinoids are doing whatever they do to my brain. I'm thinking about my brother and my family. I never think about them, but I dream about them every single night. Well I have nightmares about them. But I think I am finally learning to accept that all the things they I want from a family will never happen. I'll never be able to run around and play innocently like children again, there's no place for things like that where I am now. I'll never be able to feel like every painful chore of life will be taken care of if I ever fall ill. I'll never get to feel the timeless wonder of running around playing fun and games. Maybe that's what I miss most. I can't say that I miss my family. But I miss what they provided me. When I ran away I didn't know what I was really running from. All I knew is I couldn't continue living crippled in claustrophobic cages, a prisoner and slave. But there are the perks I miss from my old jail cell. I didn't realise the only pleasures I had received from life were also being torn from me. The leaving was a trauma in and of itself, the most unacknowledged of them all, for it is buried in a backdrop of something akin to wartime.
And my brother.. I remember you. I never could get you to approve of me, I was always too weird and you got the position of favourite, for my mum to start again. You understood how to control them quickly with your neurotypical wits, while I blunderously somehow managed only to invite violence and spit upon everything I am. And you saw me the same way. The more neurotic I became with the abuse, the more my vulnerabilities spilled themselves from me in times of deep and extreme dissociation. You go to see it all and only rise taller with your leverage of greater and greater dignity over me. And that relationship exists every day in the people I meet and the things I do. I can never be myself without the feeling of eyes slicing up every aspect of my being and denigrating me completely. I never noticed that.. I knew I saw you in them all since, but it took me til today to see. Your disgusted misogynistic glares when I wore a dress one day, and yet a few years later when I saw the porn in your laptop I still decided to click away to allow you the dignity. I've always maintained your childhood granted you exemption from the role you played.. but the funny thing is I never had that mercy.
Anyway I think I understand better now.. I get it.
I can't wait until the new years crap is over but until then I think I'll bathe in the solitude and knowing I'm safe.
Thanks for the space. | self.offmychest |
Do you ever miss someone so much you don't know what to do? [deleted] | self.depression |
a recurring thought. a familiar mindset I don’t think this can be cured. I don’t know anymore. I keep grasping for other topics to think of so I can finally stop thinking of killing myself. It never ends. I just want to give up one day and give in to it. | self.SuicideWatch |
Please Can I end it already? I can't take this anymore, at this point death is the least of my concerns, in fact I wish it upon myself regularly it, fuck this feeling and fuck me | self.depression |
I'm an awful person :( I really upset this girl and I feel so fucking bad :( I just need someone to talk to | self.depression |
Depression and being single I'm a 22 year old guy and I came out of a serious relationship about 2 years ago- I'm worried that im too ugly to find love again and I'm not very confident with how I look.
It's 5.30 am and I've had these feelings weighing me down for a long time now, I'm honestly considering having surgery to change the size/shape of my nose. Ive tried online dating but I've had no luck at all, I feel more sad because I'm tired of being alone, my friend did my hair tonight before we went out which was nice of him.
What advice could you give me?
[Pics of me if you were wondering](https://imgur.com/a/U584D) | self.depression |
I shouldn't have let you follow me on social media I respect you and like you but also you intimidate me a little and I really would rather not perform in your presence. I mean, I like to fly under the radar and scream into the void. Invisibility is my thing.
The attention you bring given your profile is just...Idk.
Ugh, when you decide to compartmentalize your life, stick to it. | self.offmychest |
I don't eat because I don't want to eat alone I live at a school where the only place to eat is a cafeteria. I stopped going because I'm always by myself. I already payed for the food and I don't have money to eat outside the caf so I just don't eat. God I feel like shit. | self.depression |
Mania and sleep When you get manic do you WANT to sleep but can't do do other things or do you want to avoid sleep? | self.bipolar |
Bipolar or anger? Hello guys I am aware that this should be a question for my mental health provider but I’m sharing with you all. Save the smart a$$ comments please. So I was diagnosed with bipolar and no offense to any of you but I just don’t wanna accept the shit. I’m thinking maybe I just have a sever anger problem. Usually it is triggered but I take it too far. I am able to come back from it within the matter of a few hours. My adrenaline is up and my head hurts usually when I am in these moods. I read that mania last for a lot longer. I feel depressed SOMETIMES but everybody does from time to time. I would much rather deal with an anger issue that to take these awful meds for the rest of my life. I’m thinking about just quitting the whole mental health thing, flushing these pills and dealing with it on my own. I’m currently taking lamictal 100mg and 50 mg of seroquel | self.bipolar |
My ex’s CC info was still on my Xbox live account... | self.offmychest |
It is amazing what an all-clear from a doctor can do for your peace of mind.. Long story as short as I can make it, I blacked out a couple weeks ago while laughing VERY heavily. I was sitting on the sofa and my wife was with me, and I came to within 5-7 seconds. It was scary stuff, but I felt relatively normal afterwards. I made an appointment with my GP and she freaked out started talking about heart issues and neurological issues and every absolute worst case scenario.. And immediately, as someone with a panic disorder, I began to feel terrible. I've had panic attacks when I've gone without them for months, BP spikes, headaches, shaking hands.. All because of worry. I've literally worried myself sick for the last week because a GP overreacted.
I went to a cardiologist today, who was fantastic, and he said I had a "vasovagal syncope".. I laughed myself into a blackout because my brain needed oxygen. It can happen with coughing or straining and may never happen again - but if it does, at least I know what it is. He ran an EKG and it came back 100% fine. And I'm 100% fine. And that feels great. Just having a doctor calmly tell me that I was A-OK rather than listing off all the things that COULD be wrong with me - it was like a massive dark cloud cleared and I could see the sun again. | self.Anxiety |
Does anybody feel like their life is going by like a big blur? For context, I am referring to where your days just blur together and you just realize that six months have gone by without noticing?
That is how I feel most of the time and I do not know how to deal with it without external substances (aka drugs, alcohol, weed, etc.).
I listen to music at work and in my off time (it is one of my coping mechanisms), but, I still think that something is missing, but, I do not know how to deal with it.
Anybody have similar experiences and advice? | self.depression |
I apologize in advance for my incoherent rambling I'm not even sure where to start. I've never truly been depressed before. I usually experience deoression second-hand as my wife srruggles with it a lot but until recently I've never known what it's like to feel so...hopeless. Most of my life I've had a very "go with the flow" attitude and nothing really got under my skin, and then the 2016 presidential election happened. I never used to pay any attention to politics but now it seems to seep into every facet of my life. I notice all these things in my day to day that I used to be ignorant to and it all ties back into how corrupt the system is. My wife and I both work 2 jobs and with those 4 incomes combined we don't make $75,000 a year which I guess means we're the working poor according to this new tax bill. We barely make enough money to rent out a duplex with 2 other people and pay our share of the utilities while also choosing which bills we get to be a month behind on (we have accrued a lot of medical debt due to my wife's aforementioned ongoing battle with depression.) Our company (we both work at the same place for our main jobs) is moving over to a high-deductable insurance plan the first of the year and I don't know how we're going to be able to afford my wife's medication. A surprising and alarming amount of my friends and family are a lot more racist than I thought because the current political climate seems to embolden that kind of behavior. I can't talk to my family about our financial struggles because they're all very much of the "by your bootstraps" mentality, and that mentality just doesn't hold true anymore. One income doesn't buy a house anymore. We can't afford for one of us to be a stay-at-home spouse like our grandparents could. All of this has been slowly suffocating me for months. My life has devolved into working and sleeping in between jobs. What little free time I do have is spent catching up on current events which just fules my feeling of hopelessness even more. They say distraction is key but I rarely have time to do the things and the things I use to enjoy no longer make me happy. It feels like I'm just going through the motions of life until I get to die, and this isn't any way to live. But I can't step away to focus on me because doing so would mean even further financial collapse. I'm drowning and I don't know what to do.
Sorry if that was hard to follow, I know I just kind of word-vomited everywhere. It's just hard to figure out where to start and where to end when it's all connected. | self.depression |
Public Transport So I'm pretty much making this post because if I don't find a way to distract myself I'll probably have a panic attack, distraction is my best way of coping.
I only recently managed to get over my issue with buses. I used to fall apart when I got on a bus, but over the past few months when school was off I managed to totally get rid of it. I could happily get on a bus and even rode a train on my own.
My issue today is that I never used the bus on the weekend in that month. This thing is almost at capacity, on weekdays you'd get three quarters full maximum. I've had a stranger sit next to me before, it's just worse this time because I got on so awkwardly and really lost my confidence when I couldn't see any seats available, let alone any seats with someone who didn't look at me like I was some kind of freak.
Another thing that's throwing me off is seeing how adults interact on buses, because I only really saw teens, stay at home mums with their children, and pensioners on at lunchtime on a weekday. I thought people would be more polite, but people put their bags where there should be space for another person, gave me disapproving looks if I tried to sit next to them, etc. Some of the adults wouldn't even move their bags for an elderly couple who just got on, only two did. And it was begrudgingly.
I'm sat next to a teen trying to give him as much space as possible, but it's interesting that he moved over to the window to let me in and all the older people who you'd expect to be more mature probably wouldn't give me the time of day if I asked.
Anyway, I suck at crowds, my previous bus fears are resurfacing, and hopefully the train I need to transfer to will be more forgiving. | self.Anxiety |
I had a gun in my hand and I couldn't do it. Why am I such a failure? I couldn't keep my family together, I can't keep my life together, and now I cant even kill myself. I just want to die. | self.SuicideWatch |
I feel like im about pass out or die. [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Found a better way to describe my Depression I was in therapy today, trying to find the right way to describe what my brain has been doing to make me feel worse, and I think I found something that worked. I just needed to put it down somewhere, and I thought it might help someone else if they are having the same kind of problem.
Here it goes: My mind is constantly buzzing with words, music, quotes, etc. I have often have trouble trying to quiet my thoughts and maintain focus. It's like a word-association based explosion of thoughts. If something is remotely connected, I can jump to that new topic. I can go from Sports, to baking, to video games, to music, and back in a matter of seconds. One thing that's almost constant is music, I don't play my own theme music in my head or make a playlist for my life, but I'm almost always thinking of a song at any given time.
Imagine, if you will, that your emotions are like different instruments. As you make memories, you create songs tied to them. When you remember something good, it's like your favorite song on a warm sunny day; and bad memories are like the saddest piece of classical music on a dark day, it might just bring you to tears. Something I've done all my life, is put my a playlist of songs on shuffle, only none of them are happy, and I never remove a song from the list. I have no control over it, the explosion of thoughts that are chained by association just keeps going. It's become constant background noise, playing every time I've ever felt sad, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, and more. I will "listen" to songs from as early as the age of 8. I don't always remember *what* happened, or in this case, the lyrics of the song; but I remember how I felt. In the back of my head I'm reliving the worst times of my life, and anything that can block out the "music" is only a temporary fix. I've memorized a specific bit of text that I can repeat like a mantra, blasted real music, and distracted myself with hobbies. All of them help in the short-term, but within a few minutes of stopping those things, I've resumed the playlist.
TL;DR - Memories are like songs, and my brain has put all of my worst tracks on shuffle and hit play.
If you made it to the bottom, thank you for taking the time to read my rant, and I hope we'll find a way through this. | self.depression |
Can a Bi-Polar be romantically loveable? I feel so unlovable as someone with Bipolar. I have lots of acquittances and a handful of close friends. But romantically, how will I not scare someone who is getting thaaat close? How is someone supposed to love me, when I can’t stand myself some days? And I don’t want to be reliant on their feelings for me to feel better. I’m currently in a relationship and I’ve let myself love him, but fear he may never love me back.
Please share your bipolar love success stories to give me hope. | self.bipolar |
Anxiety about afterlife This is what actually started my anxiety long long ago. At 11 years old my anxiety started due to the nature of life and death. It's just so bizarre. I'll skip all the middle and stuff and just get to the point...
I have HUGE anxiety about dying and afterlife. What if my anxiety persists after I die and I live in an everlasting hell realm of anxiety? What else could there be other than heaven hell or reincarnation? I do not come from a religious family yet I was terrified of hell. In fact I used to think panic attacks was a taste of what was to come.
Just had a panic attack after a bit of insomnia, kept having intrusive thoughts of if I somehow have an illness that gives me permanent anxiety or a brain aneurysm and I was going to die holy cow it was so scary. I'm so scared of the lonilness and unknown of dying... | self.Anxiety |
Am I fucked? I've
* been on and off a dozen different meds,
* done different therapy programs,
* done ECT,
* spent a month on a psych ward,
* attempted suicide twice,
all unsuccessful.
Sometimes I enjoy food and masturbating, but most of the time I am too anhedonic to enjoy anything.
For the sake of my family I don't want to kill myself. But if I'm going to be alive, **I need something to do to pass the time.** Due to my depression, it's been over a decade since I've been able to hold down a job (I'm 31).
Given that I've spent the last decade trying to get better, and only getting worse, I am feeling quite hopeless. | self.depression |
Question for everyone I had been diagnosed after I had finished school (still having problems when I was at school). I have had both types of episodes with psychotic features and have been on multiple medications since the diagnosis to help treat it. BUT my biggest problem even being medicated is my ability to concentrate and stay on task. Throughout primary and high school I have never had the ability to focus on my work.
My questions are:
Does anyone else have this problem as well?
Does this mean the concentration problem could be because from a young age I was having episodes? (I wouldn’t know if I was in an episode because I was too young to understand the problem) | self.bipolar |
Waves of Weakness? Sometimes I will burst in pure anger (not sure if its because of my anxiety or not, but I've decided to ask here) and afterwards, I'll get this wave of weakness.
It feels different from being weak as in worn out though, because ,first off, it never happens directly after I'm mad, but rather about a minute later, when I feel like I've resolved whatever issue in my mind, or to put it off later because I have other stuff to do, that is when I'll feel this feeling that I can't hold myself up or stand. Then, after about 10 seconds, it passes me by.
I don't know if this has to do with me trying to get the issue out of my head. and that if ,when I decide to put off the problem for me to cry about at night, my body is reacting to it subconsciously. All I know is that it's not a sigh of relief, because when it happens I feel like I want to crawl into a little ball and die.
Basically I'm confused af and I want to know why this happens to me, and if it has to do with anxiety or not. | self.Anxiety |
Not a good week Cut myself earlier this week and I really want to do it again. Not even a reality check but it feels like a nice second choice. Not condoning anyone else do it but that’s how I feel | self.depression |
What do you do if you're only loved "condionally"? [deleted] | self.bipolar |
Anyone here depressed because something horrible or long lasting happened to them? I'm depressed because I fucked up my brain with drugs and can't live a normal life anymore, this has directly caused my depression, and it is BRUTAL. The mornings are the worst, it's like I'm still not used to this new me, so I feel normal for a second, and then realise "oohhhh yeah, my life is never going to be the same again in a bad way"
The only reason I keep surviving is for the sake of my parents, and the very slim chance I can live a life where I feel good *enough* | self.depression |
Would getting into a relationship with someone help my anxiety or make it worse? Please share your experiences, my mind always has negative thoughts on a day to day basis. Even positive things turn to negative most of the time... | self.Anxiety |
A relapse of self-hatred Everything is going well this year but I feel like shit and started to feel old self hatred as the year closes. I made strides with my goals but I feel like I'm missing out on relationship especially as a young person. I had few bad experiences dating due to misunderstandings and things related to my disability (deaf).
Everyone seems to be happy with their partners and I feel alone.
In the past I contemplated sucide due to a mental breakdown that I wouldn't be taken seriously in terms of employment and worries about the future in my last year of high school.
I'm a 2nd university student which I recently showcased a project in my university's exhibition which I'm very proud of but I feel like that I'm missing out in life.
I know my family is always here but I want someone to share my goals, hope, and all that silly stuff seen in movies. I want to hold that person's hand and go on picnics and all that stuff. God, I hate myself for feeling like this. | self.offmychest |
My brain is telling me im a burden on others I have really bad social anxiety that stems from my parents and a long set of ex boyfriend who would constantly make me feel bad about being social. Telling me that I talk to much, that I'm to loud, no one wants to hear what I have to say.
So, now I'm struggling with the fact that I needed to get into contact with my boss to find out insurance information (we switched to a new insurance company that just processed us 2 Fridays ago) because my husband had to go to the doctor in a bit of an emergency situation. I called and he didn't answer so I texted him asking about said information. I received text a couple hours later about him getting me the information tomorrow.
I know text messages have no tone but my brain says that there is and that I'm a burden to my boss and coworkers. I'm struggling to come to a good place without slipping into a depressive state. I'm trying to tell myself that my brain lies and that I am infact not a burden to anyone I work with, that I'm an asset. It doesnt seem to be working.
It also doesn't help that a staff member in administration has nothing better to do then gossip about me behind my back to my coworkers. Stating that I talk to much to the office and that I need to be seen and not heard. | self.Anxiety |
TL;DR I'm not happy and I've always wanted to just skip to the part where I die. Hi,
This year was not enjoyable for me. Got a job, t'was easy but then I quit for another, but then that job was pretty downright toxic so I gave notice and left.
Currently have another job which I'm not really cut out for to be honest. The pressure with unemployment pushed to go through with the job, it's not that bad except the role itself was just not made for me and I'm going 3 weeks in.
I am very sad, unhappy, dissatisfied. Everyday I just contemplate on just killing myself and ending it all. As a child, I was pushed by my parents to do hobbies/things that seemed productive but to me were the biggest hassles in my life and that influenced me to be the indecisive, cluster fuck that doesn't know what to do next unless pushed by some external force.
I deserve to be unhappy, I guess. I'm not a fucking saint at all, but I'm no demon. At the end of the day, I'm lost, I don't know what to do, I find solace in doing things I'm good at , but those things don't bring in money, just plain emotional satisfaction.
I want to kill myself lmao and I mean it. Everyday is just such a fucking burden. There is no point to all of this, playing, studying, getting a job, eating, sleeping, breathing. I don't want to bother anymore.
I do not have close family ties, I prefer it that way. I've been raised in a cold environment, better than an abusive home/environment, but that's just me providing insight. I've got nobody nor do I feel the need to socialize.
I guess that's it for now. | self.SuicideWatch |
blah. I don't wanna go out. I don't give two shits about that star wars movie (sorry folks if you're actually fans; just not my thing), and it's freezing and i wanna just crash alone.
i will do it for you, but I'd rather just hang home and play WoW skirmishes or work on my comic strip or read. i'd rather have myself an ice cream and surf the net, but you are so damn excited and i'll go out in the cold and crowds for you tonight.
been in a shit mood all afternoon, and i'm sorry if it rubs off on you. work stress life stress sexual frustration stress proper vacation soon that i'll still probably work on stress....stress stress stress. you are such a good and patient guy, though. so we'll see that goddamn movie for you. might be a good distraction from contemplating my mentally ill existence, but most of all because it makes you almost as happy as you make me. | self.offmychest |
I can't do anything right and am just a failure all the time and make my SO so unhappy [deleted] | self.depression |
I feel dead inside. I feel like I have been on autopilot the last few years (I am 30).
I get up, I go to work, come home, browse the internet and to to bed.
On the weekends I tend to stay indoors - because frankly people drain me (coworkers) and I need "me-time".
I have one good friend in my entire life, I am not an outgoing person - I am a loner/introvert.
I could care less about celebrities, culture, or whats going on in the world where I have no control over the events or if they don't affect me.
I have tried finding a hobby: reading, exercising, playing video games, playing around in linux; they all go the same route: "Well.....that's not fun anymore"
I have tried connecting with coworkers - but lets face it they are never your friends to begin with - sure they might ask what you did over the weekend, but in reality: If you no longer show up to work either because of a firing, quitting and finding a new job, or winning the lottery and not showing up: whatever the case my be - They will not try to keep in contact with you, and will probably never see them again (happened in multiple jobs in the past) - they are "Friend" by circumstance.
I can't even imagine talking to a stranger - I am so socially awkward, I can't get past "Hi"
My current "hobby" is losing weight: I am surprised I lasted 3 months on the keto diet - I suppose the only reason I am still sticking with it is because I am losing weight and 30 lbs away from my goal - will I stick with it when my goal is reached? Time will tell.
I feel numb to life - I don't want to die, but I feel I have nothing to live for.
I tried therapy - but all that did was being asked "...and how...does that make you feel, how do you think you can fix it?"
"Well...I am paying you 60 bucks an hour I was hoping you could tell me how I am supposed to feel!!! and how to resolve this!"
Anyone else feel this way? Can anyone relate?
Advice? | self.depression |
someone, please help fast I don't know what to do I might end up doing something i had my geometry box taken away by a friend because i was using it to cut myself and now i found a compass and a blade which i can use to cut myself and i dont know what to do | self.depression |
Brain-eating amoeba Hi folks.
Yesterday when I was cleaning, I stirred up a lot of dust and breathed some in, enough to almost sneeze but not quite. Ever since, I've been panicking about Naegleria fowleri, the 'brain-eating amoeba', which can live in indoor dust but most often in warm, stagnant fresh water. I was afraid to use a neti pot so I just blew my nose a lot.
I've been thinking about the likelihood, monitoring myself for headaches, etc.
I'm starting a new job and moving soon, and I'm afraid I'll be dead before I even get to start. :( | self.Anxiety |
Suicide is the only way to get rid of sadness [removed] | self.SuicideWatch |
All my friends are gone and it's my fault [deleted] | self.depression |
I don’t have a sleep schedule anymore I now take for granted the days I fall asleep before the sun comes up. Part of me wants to stay up because I’m dreading the next day, and part of me is unable to fall asleep even if I tried. Last year it was 5am, this year I’ve been lucky to sleep at 8am. Half of my week consists of going to class with little or no sleep and passing out at random times throughout the day. It’s seriously affecting my courses and participation and the past couple months have felt almost like an ongoing dream-state that I can’t escape. Each passing year my problems culminate and I can feel myself slowly degrading as a result. | self.depression |
I barely made any decisions in my life and i fucked up all of them I did absolutely nothing during middle and high school, no homework, no chores, no hobby, no responsibilities.
I was kinda ok in english. So i went to only uni in my city with english-related degrees, i would get bachelor and become english/french teacher.
First two years were absolute boredom, i still had no hobbies etc, french was very hard for me. I barely made it thru 5th semester.
Most of classes or whatever they are called were either useless for me or very easy or i would pass them because teacher didnt give a fuck.
I felt worthless, i did nothing but played games all day, i started skipping classes, even if i did show up lectures were basically useless and regular classes were boring as fuck, i dont think i learned anything new, last time i was in class teacher told us to find epithets in text, same shit as middle school just in other language.
So i failed 6th sem because i skipped every class, i just played games. I tried to go "pro" but i was either too bad or unlucky.
7th semester comes, there is almost no way for me to recover, im deducted.
I love my parents, they love me too, but i dont think they believe in me, they know im a disappointment. For the last year im just leaving home at random times and they think i still go to uni.
I talked to them last month, i told them that i want to drop uni that i hate my life and want to end it all. They said i shouldnt, they hate their lives too but i should carry on, but its too late. They still dont know. I need a "reference" from my uni that says im still at uni to get a extra bit of money. Today i got a mail that says i should go to army, you only get it if you're not in uni. I told my mom that they fucked up something, i still havent talk to my father. I lost my parents 1000$ playing games instead of studying.im waste of human life. i dont think i have guts to end myself, im ashamed of myself. I can recover at uni but whole thing might happen again. If i do they will know and despise me, same thing happened to my brother 10 years ago and my mom still didnt recover. im completely unambitious, i dont want anything, i dont deserve anything. i hate myself and im afraid. i will go to uni in 30 mins to see if i can recover and get that reference, sem is almost over so i might have a chance. my mom really wants me to get bachelor and i dont want let her down. i would tell them everything this evening if i knew they wouldnt get mad or sad that im such a disappontment, even if i recover i dont know if i can keep up but i will try.
Im sorry if this post doesnt belong there, im an idiot and barely deserve any pity, but my parents are good people and i really REALLY hate myself for being such a disappointment. uni is easily worst thing in my life and thats the only thing they care about im also fat and unattractive i wish i didnt exist
| self.SuicideWatch |
It's hard to have a life when you're poor. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
I’m sorry I screwed up. I should’ve stayed away from you for both our sakes. But we’ll be okay. You have so much to live for, so much to do with your life. You’re so smart and so talented.
But I miss you. Oh, how I miss you every single day. | self.offmychest |
I really need someone to tell me It'll be okay [deleted] | self.depression |
I'm glad I'm evolving. I can see I'm better today than yesterday. just noticed I'm evolving in some ways: a colleague just asked me if I'm okay. I'm not, but some time ago i'd just tell her everything about my life, and we're not that close.
even now that's being a terribly bad year for me and I'm passing through one of the most difficult times of my life, this sight of self improvement and mind development felt good for a while. | self.offmychest |
Anybody else struggling with irrational thoughts and intense guilt about things you know aren’t your fault? I just wondered if anybody else struggles with this as I would love if I could have some advice on how to deal with it, it’s been really affecting my daily life recently and making me super on edge and miserable all the time. I feel guilt about the stupidest things like if there is a traffic jam I will take responsibility for it and believe its my fault or something else completely stupid, for example, I’ll believe if I don’t tap my foot on the floor 32 times bad things will happen to me and the ones I love, I just hate this constant war in my brain and I desperately want this to stop. If something as simple as me spilling some water happens brain will sometimes just scream at me that I’m a terrible person and it just won’t stop, reducing me to tears and leaving me on edge for a while afterwards. I know this sounds completely stupid, I know my brain is being irrational and bad things won’t happen but I can’t take the risk of them happening so I conform to what my brain tells me to do. As silly as this sounds, surely somebody knows where I’m coming from? and if you do, advice would be much appreciated, I just want to know I’m not alone in this really ): (I think this counts as anxiety so I hope it’s okay for me to post this here)
Edit: Like I have no idea how I’m going to be able to cope with going to college struggling with thoughts like this, going to school is hard enough without the added pressures and responsibility there will be when I start college next year. I have struggled with anxiety since I was about 8 (it was quite mild at that point but apparently according to my parents that’s when they believe it began) and I’m 16 now and nothing has really improved in that time span (8 years) unfortunately and I have tried so many ways of dealing with it with little to no success, things were getting better this summer and everything was looking up but these past few months since these thoughts have been increasing I’ve hit a whole new low, I’m terrified to live my life and spend most of my time either at school or at home, rarely anywhere else because new places trigger my anxiety so much and I just can’t handle it so I stay at home mainly or only go to places I am used to. I know this isn’t a life and it certainly isn’t one I want to live, I want to be out there living my best life, making the most of the teenaged years I have left, so please just any advice or anything I can do to try and manage my anxiety and irrational thoughts, I would appreciate it so much, thank you for anybody who has taken their time to read this, very long, rambly post. | self.Anxiety |
I’m reminding myself to forgive myself for being manic for the second time this month by writing poetry. The gods of sleep have forsaken me. If I close my eyes I see a large crowded room.
Full of people and colour
And so many topics
Of so much interest, I can only assume.
Where does each conversation lead?
Where does each concept come from?
Who are these people?
Where did their ideas form.
They speak of philosophies and art.
They speak of politics.
They speak of science
Other times they mention matters of the heart.
They move about and dance around.
It’s impossible to say
Which arm belongs to which body
What with
Distracting music in the background
When I close my eyes and look into my head
It’s through such a kaleidoscope I see.
A frustrating blend of thought so beautiful
It fills me with dread.
The music screams over the sound of my mind
That speaks to me in a million voices.
It rings an alarm in attempt to remind me
That my sanity has declined.
I have to remember my brain is like that hall.
A thousand thoughts dance and chatter.
A picture so vibrant Picasso could have painted it.
But even Einstein couldn’t make sense of it all.
| self.bipolar |
Cant sleep because of anxiety Another sleepless night. Whats up reddit | self.depression |
my heart is burning A few months ago I wrote about a woman who ghosted me and left me. i loved her so much and I still do, I'd do anything to make her happy. She recently got back to me and told me she missed me as well and that her life hasn't been the same without me and that she's wondering if we could give it another chance. I agreed. I never felt more alive. I thought that she had forgotten about me completely when in reality she felt the same way I did. I was so fucking happy I can't even begin to explain it. I felt alive. Now I feel like absolute shit. Its been a week and she barely puts any effort in making time for me or simply texting me properly. It feels like she regrets her decision deeply and frankly, it's making me feel absolutely worthless. I don't think she loves me anymore, she realized that she doesn't need me at all whatsoever. The problem is, I haven't done anything wrong. And as cliché and corny as it sounds, I actually treat her like a queen and put in so much effort to make her happy. Yet she disregards it all completely and talks to me like someone's forcing her to. I am losing my mind It is so mentally draining and it makes me feel like absolute shit. Anyone have any advice? Should I confront her? How should I confront her? What should I say and how should I say it? God I love this girl so much I can't even describe it. Someone please help me. | self.depression |
How do i act when the people come to my apartment to remove the waterheater? | self.Anxiety |
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